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The Aftershow part 1: Here Be Dragons

By AchingScaphoid
Created: 2nd April 2021 10:14:52 PM
Modified: 3rd April 2021 01:37:43 PM

  1. Originally posted anonymously back in late 2019. Someone floated the concept of "Show's over, everybody go home" but the cartoon *was* the cast's home. I liked it and latched onto it until I succumbed to my ADHD. Felt humorous, might continue later.
  2. desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34278223/#q34487387
  3.  
  4. Oh, and Pastebin wouldn't let me upload this publicly despite being nothing close to inflammatory. I guess I have an account here now. I'll dump the rest of my work here later, but until now there's still this. Don't mind the cobwebs. I swear I'm going to continue Long Distance as soon as I work up the will to do it.
  5.  
  6. "This is Aaron Nornsberg, CBC, reporting live on the MLP Series Finale Displacement from the corner of West 37th and Kersland Drive in Vancouver, where a rather large scaly fella and some smaller scaly fellas have claimed Queen Elizabeth Park as their own."
  7. >The newscaster gestures over his shoulder at the ram-horned Godzilla knockoff who's lording over his multicolored underlings from the luxury of the repurposed tennis courts-turned-royal courts
  8. >In this case, "rather large" means that his draconic ass cheeks take up two adjacent tennis courts and he could play Hot Wheels with real cars
  9. "As you might suppose, this a bit of a bother for city residents, officials, and presumably Her Majesty herself - no official comments from her yet. Police have already been by to ask the big one, who goes by 'Torch' both according to himself and the show he's from, to relocate whenever he's got a moment to do that. He said he would, but then he laughed a whole bunch so we'll just have to wait and see."
  10. >The news-dude and cameraguy start crossing the street
  11. "In the interest of finding out how everyone's doing, we've found one of their guards who's willing to let us ask some questions."
  12. >Now on the other side of the street, the dynamic duo turn their attention to a red dragon who's only a smidge larger than a human
  13. "Hey there, Mr...?"
  14. >"Garble. My name is Garble."
  15. "Nice to meet you. So, how are ya today?"
  16. >The dragon crosses his arms and shrugs
  17. >"Meh. Could be better."
  18. >Newsguy recoils at this
  19. "Are you okay? Do you need a hug?"
  20. >"What? No. I just wish I was in Seattle."
  21. "Kinda hard to get across the border without papers in this day and age."
  22. >"Yeah. I don't think any of us filed for them. I always assumed they'd let us live on the set."
  23. "That's a shame. You sure you don't need a hu-"
  24. >"No thanks."
  25. "All right, if you say so. Now, why Seattle in particular?"
  26.  
  27.  
  28. >The young dragon leans back on his tail, taking some weight off of his feet
  29. >"So I can spend my time in coffee shops working on my poetr-"
  30. >Garble abruptly uncrosses his arms and stands up straight again
  31. >"- on my pickup lines! Yeah. At clubs, not coffee shops."
  32. >Another of the dragons' perimeter guards, this one being a short and hefty guy with brown scales cups his hands around his mouth and shouts down the line to Garble
  33. >"It's an open secret, you dummy! There was a whole episode about this!"
  34. >Somehow, Garble is blushing even redder than his scales already are
  35. >"Go choke on a geode!"
  36. >The newsman glances around nervously before settling his gaze on the camera
  37. "Uh, sorry you had to hear that, folks. Sorry."
  38. >"Jeez, you guys are worse than the ponies."
  39. "Sorry."
  40. >Just then, a human-size cyan dragon holding a long pointy purple thing flutters down out of the sky nearby
  41. >The obviously important and noticeably female dragon (dem hips tho) walks up to the derailed interview
  42. >"What's going on here?"
  43. "CBC television interview, miss."
  44. >"I meant what are these two fighting - hang on, are you live right now?"
  45. >Mr. Newsman, still reeling from the meanness of the two bickering dragons, nods dumbly at the blue newcomer
  46. >She grabs the microphone and stares into the camera
  47. >"I, Princess Ember, am the rightful leader of the dragons as of season 6 episode 5. My power tripping father back there-"
  48. >She gestures with the big staff thingy
  49. >"-personally appointed ME as his successor. I did not agree to him taking authority back from me."
  50. >A head the size of a small suburban home turns in the direction of the camera from about a hundred meters away
  51. >"Dear, you're the Dragon Lord."
  52. >"See? He even acknowledges it!"
  53. >Sensing the beginnings of a power struggle that he wants nothing to do with, Garble sidles away
  54.  
  55.  
  56. >Torch does that tight lipped, partly lidded stare that old men and black women pull off better than anyone else
  57. >"You're the rightful ruler of the Dragon Lands."
  58. >"Darn right I-"
  59. >Princess Ember's puffed out and deliciously flat chest deflates as she realizes how meaningful her father's wording was
  60. "Hey! You are NOT getting me on a technicality!"
  61. >He leans his incredible bulk towards her just a teeny tiny massive bit
  62. >"This is an emergency, little sapphire. Let me handle it. I'll give it back to you when I'm done."
  63. >Ember blushes a bright purple at having her baby name used in public
  64. >"This is not a good replacement for the Dragon Lands!"
  65. >"It has a very commanding overlook of the city, and it already has a quarry."
  66. >"The 'Quarry GARDENS' part of the park doesn't count."
  67. >The living monolith shrugs
  68. >"It's a fixer-upper. Let me do the fixing. I'll make this a proper Dragon Lands for you to lord over. We'll turn that aviary on top of the hill into a volcano and everything."
  69. >He turns away and makes a brushing motion with one of his hand-claw things, air audibly wooshing around his claws with each swing
  70. >"You're a celebrity here. Go enjoy being a fan-favorite. I'll shout for you when I'm done."
  71. >Princess scalybutt is literally fuming at her dad's suggestion, muttering just loud enough for her all but forgotten microphone to pick up
  72. >"...propositioned three times already to be some random dork's waifu..."
  73. >Feeling her fist clench around the microphone's body brings her back to the moment just enough to pass it back to the news guy and make a polite, dignified request of the rattled reporter
  74. >"Your phone. Give it to me. Now."
  75. >He fumbles it out of his pocket and into her waiting claws
  76. >Honesly, he's just happy that she didn't ask for his clothes (lewd!), his boots (they're his favorite pair), or his motorcycle (doesn't own one, and the closest thing he 'has' to one is the snowmobile he tried skimming across a pond last spring)
  77.  
  78.  
  79. >Just before she's about to call him a moron for not unlocking it first, she discovers that it has no password, lock, or anything else to prevent anybody from picking it up and using it
  80. >Our excessively Canadian protagonist didn't really see the point in that kind of thing
  81. >Ember taps on the screen a few times, then speaks slowly and clearly into the phone
  82. >"Hot springs near me."
  83. >Ping!
  84. >An automated voice - which she ignores completely - informs her that it's found a few nearby
  85. >She scrolls through the list with a steadily increasing frown
  86. >"Ugh. Across the border. That just figures."
  87. >She pokes the screen again in frustration
  88. >"Quarries near me."
  89. >Ping!
  90. >Ember almost immediately smiles
  91. >She lifts off the ground, accompanied by the sound of her beating wings and a Doppeler Effect-ed text to speech announcement
  92. >Like a bird through the air, she flies like... a bird through the air, but the bird has scales and can breathe fire
  93. >The cameraman zooms in on her as she settles into a hover in front of Torch's nose
  94. >His camera records her mouth moving, but doesn't pick up a word that she says
  95. >Daddy dragon, however, is perfectly audible at a reasonable speaking volume for some reason
  96. >Blame magic, or cartoon logic, or whatever
  97. >"What's this?"
  98. >Torn between getting a telephoto shot of Ember and a wide as fucc shot of both dragons where Ember is barely visible, the cameraman settles on the latter
  99. >Torch pulls out a pair of reading glasses which may as well be car windshields
  100. >Where did he get them from?
  101. >Who even makes eyeglasses that ludicrously huge?
  102.  
  103.  
  104. >Again, magic/cartoon logic/whatever
  105. >Don't bother asking questions
  106. >"Yeah, that's good. We'll take that one."
  107. >He puts his glasses away (don't ask how or where) and raises his voice to a shout
  108. >"Ember's found us a proper quarry to take. Be proud of her."
  109. >Most of the dragons spare him a glance
  110. >Some of them even stop what they're doing
  111. >Torch grimaces at the lack of response
  112. >"I said BE PROUD OF HER!"
  113. >Every dragon freezes in place and gives a mandatory round of applause
  114. >"Half of you, stay here. The rest of you, go with her!"
  115. >A flock of dragons begin to congregate around Ember
  116. >She says something else and points to the screen
  117. >Torch whips out his glasses again
  118. >"...Why not say 'okay' or do the claw gesture yourself? You wouldn't have to worry about the picture being upside down."
  119. >Ember throws herself at her dad's snout, hugging it tightly
  120. >He returns the hug with a single finger
  121. >"You'll always be my most precious. Now come on, you need to get there before the Diamond Dogs can!"
  122. >She flies off with her entourage in tow
  123. >The cameraman pans to follow them across the sky
  124. >Then some doofus gets in the way of his shot
  125. >Said doofus raises a microphone to -
  126. >Oh right, this is a newscast
  127. "Uhhhh... we'll keep you all posted on what's going on with that. This has been Aaron Nornberg, CBC. Cameraman, can you hold this for a moment?"
  128. >He passes the microphone off
  129. "Thank you. Back in a sec."
  130. >He strides not-so-confidently towards the Dragon In Chief
  131. "Excuse me, Mr. Torch, sir? Would you please ask your daughter if she can give my phone back when you get a chance? No rush. I kinda need it for stuff but I can get a new one if she's gotta keep it, eh?"
  132. >A groan heard 'round the city rings out from the big drake's throat
  133. >"I swear on Tiamat's hoard, it's like they're all Fluttershy."
Ponies in Earth comedy dragons Princess Ember Garble Torch Canada Humans ponies on earth

The Aftershow part 2: Carbohydrates, Capitalism, and Cute Couples

by AchingScaphoid

The Aftershow part 1: Here Be Dragons

by AchingScaphoid