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LD Chapter 1: Gimme Shelter

By AchingScaphoid
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-04-28 14:36:38
Expiry: Never

  1. Part 1
  2.  
  3. >You are Spike, and you have no idea what is going on
  4. >One moment you’re getting chewed out in front of the last mare you want to see you getting humiliated by the last mare you want to have yelling at you
  5. >And now you are face down in the snow
  6.  
  7. >Why is it so cold here?
  8. >Winter Wrap Up was at least a month ago
  9. >Is it raining? It’s too cold for rain to be scheduled, even if it’s just a drizzle.
  10. >And why would Twilight just drop you like that?
  11. >Was she really that mad at you?
  12. >It didn’t seem like that big of a deal
  13. >Something is wrong here.
  14.  
  15. >You pick yourself up
  16. >The first thing you notice is that Twilight is on the ground and not moving
  17.  
  18. >Oh please, no
  19. >Something is very wrong here. You need to check on her NOW.
  20.  
  21. “Twilight?”
  22. >No answer
  23.  
  24. >Check on her, not talk to her! Something really bad just happened!
  25. >You go over to her as fast as you can
  26. >Snow and stubby legs are not a good combination, even if it’s only up to your shins
  27. >Is she still breathing? Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, please say yes-
  28. >Yes
  29. >Thank you! Now do something!
  30.  
  31. “Twilight?”
  32. >Nothing happens
  33.  
  34. >You already tried that, do something else!
  35. >You jostle her around a little bit while calling her name
  36. >No response
  37. >You’re not sure what to do
  38. >Don’t look at me, I just tell you what to do. You’re the one who’s supposed to figure out how to do it!
  39. >She’s out cold
  40. >Wait
  41. >Cold
  42. >That seems like it might work
  43.  
  44.  
  45. >I don’t understand.
  46. >Just watch, I have an idea
  47.  
  48. >You pick up a clawful of snow and pack it into a ball
  49. >And you jam it into her forehead
  50. >You hold it there for a moment
  51. >She’s stirring
  52. >This is the reason I’m glad we’re together.
  53. >I just realized that this is also sort of like revenge for her yelling at me in front of Rarity
  54. >Slow down. I think we’ve gone through enough emotional whiplash for today.
  55.  
  56.  
  57.  
  58. Part 2
  59.  
  60. >Day 0, minute unknown, somewhere
  61. >You are
  62. >Ugh…
  63. >You are Twilight Sparkle, and there’s something cold and wet just below your horn
  64. >You open your eyes
  65. >The world takes longer than usual to come into focus
  66. >Spike is just in front of you, holding something against your brow
  67. >“Twilight, are you okay?”
  68. “Oogh… Maybe.”
  69. >He pulls whatever he was holding away from you and discards it
  70. >Your head still feels terrible
  71. >You can hear the blood rushing through the veins around your skull
  72. >You raise your head to look at Spike
  73. “Send a letter to the Princess. Tell her a spell went wrong and we don’t know where we are.”
  74. >He rummages through your bags and gets a paper and quill ready
  75. >He scribbles it out as fast as he can
  76. >*Fwoosh*
  77.  
  78.  
  79. >You try to get up
  80. >It’s shaky, but you manage to stand
  81. >You don’t have the energy to stay standing, and shift back into a sitting position
  82. >The whooshing noise you thought was your blood isn’t going away, and now it seems to be coming from a distinct direction that changes as you move
  83. >*Belch*
  84. >Spike grabs the letter and reads it aloud
  85. >“Received. Await next letter.”
  86. >He just finishes rolling up the scroll when the second one comes
  87. >*BuUrp*
  88. “Let me see it.”
  89.  
  90.  
  91. Twilight,
  92.  
  93. Please describe your surroundings. Do you recognize anything? Are you hurt?
  94. Please send messages as frequently as is convenient until you believe you are safe.
  95.  
  96. Celestia
  97.  
  98.  
  99. >You weakly wipe the dirt from your face and look around
  100. >There’s snow on the ground
  101. >Wasn’t Winter Wrap Up over a month ago?
  102. >It looks like it’s melting, and you’re on a patch where it’s completely melted
  103. >No, it looks like it didn’t melt
  104. >The patch is long and narrow, and the edges are neat
  105. >Somepony must have moved the snow
  106. >It looks like a path that goes between a pair of bushes and ends at a small rock a short distance in front of you
  107. >There is also your order from Sugarcube Corner, but most of the contents seem to have fallen out of the box and into the dirt
  108. >Looking to your right, there’s a rusty chicken-wire fence that’s about your height surrounding a rectangle of snow-covered land
  109. >On your left, there is a single, bare tree and a row of bushes that meets a row of trees at a right angle
  110. >There’s definitely somepony else here somewhere
  111.  
  112.  
  113. >Looking back towards Spike, you notice that the rock you saw was actually some sort of doorstep that is below a white door
  114. >Your groggy mind must not have registered the house in front of you because of the similar colors
  115. >The house itself is light green and appears to be at least one story tall
  116. >It’s hard to tell how many stories it has, because it looks more like one and a half stories
  117. >Looking around again, you can see other houses of similar shape and size around it
  118. >You don’t know if you have the strength to walk to any except the one in front of you
  119. “Take another letter.”
  120.  
  121. Princess Celestia,
  122. I do not believe I am hurt, although I feel exhausted and may not be able to travel. Spike is unharmed.
  123. I am in front of what appears to be a house that is surrounded by other houses. The closest has some
  124. sort of angular piece of metal on its chimney. The weather is cold, but above freezing. I can see trees
  125. around me, but none of them have leaves. There is a small coating of snow on the ground, and there
  126. seems to be an overcast drizzle. I believe that wherever I have teleported to does not have adequate
  127. weather control. What should I do next?
  128.  
  129. Twilight Sparkle
  130.  
  131. “Send it.”
  132. >*Fwoosh*
  133.  
  134.  
  135. >You take this time to pack up the baked goods again
  136. >You might need them, dirty or not
  137. >You pick up a cupcake with your magic
  138. >Rather, you try and fail to pick up the cupcake as your magic sputters and fades
  139. >You’re too tired even for a basic spell
  140. >You have Spike pack them up instead
  141. >How far could you possibly have teleported?
  142. >*Burp*
  143. “What does it say?”
  144. >“She thinks we should go to the house.”
  145.  
  146.  
  147.  
  148. Part 3
  149.  
  150. >Year 21, day ‘somewhere around 350, I think’ on Earth
  151. >You are Jake Addams, the laziest and least socially active person you know
  152. >This is thanks in part due to investing about ten thousand dollars in videogames and videogame accessories ever since you caved in to the Pokemon craze
  153. >No regrets
  154. >At least it gave you some common ground with a few really good friends
  155. >There are only a few of them, but you know them well enough to tell them about that one time you found a bunch of gay porn sites in the internet history of the last relative you expected to be a pervert
  156. >You’re still not sure whether it was because they didn’t have antivirus or because they were masturbating furiously in their free time, and frankly you don't ever want to find out
  157. >Videogames have probably also been your only constant interest
  158. >You’d tried karate, the Boy Scouts, playing piano, snowboarding, and learning Spanish, in no particular order, and ended up losing interest or flat out quitting all of them
  159.  
  160.  
  161. >Your father, Jon, has always loved you, but he’s been frustrated by your lack of common ground over the last several years
  162. >You’d been a lot closer with him when you were younger, but as you grew more attached to videogames the more distant you got from his outdoorsy interests
  163. >Foremost among those being bicycle commuting
  164. >He’s always bragging to you about how fit he is for someone his age, and he’s sort of nutty
  165. >You suppose he’s earned the right to that since he’s almost thrice your age, he’s allergic to every ingredient in a cheese pizza, he’s an MIT alumnus (and a chronic nerd), and he’s made a career out of advising lawyers in trials about bicycle accidents that can be as disturbing as someone being crushed by a semi-truck
  166. >In addition, he’s multilingual in about four languages
  167. >Which language he’s thinking in at any given moment is a toss-up, so his mind can be a little… uh…
  168. >What’s a good word to describe it?
  169. >Let's go with fragmented
  170. >Thanks to him, you’re the only person you know who does not look absolutely clueless while paddling a canoe or riding a bike in traffic, so even if you didn’t love him, you’d at least owe him for that
  171.  
  172.  
  173. >On the other hand, you’ve never been too close or too distant from your mother, Eliza
  174. >She’s kind, she’s understanding, she likes to talk, she’s your main source of income when you’re buying things you actually need and is de facto head of the household because she’s the most organized
  175. >And she’s a ranking member of a high school math department, so you can never go out in public with her without a former student saying “hello, Mrs. Gottschalk!”
  176. >Oh yeah, and she’s a vegetarian who decided to keep her maiden name
  177. >Sort of inconvenient because it limits family meals to vegan recipes and it takes forever to teach people how to spell her last name
  178. >She also does the financial stuff for the neighborhood association and occasionally has you deliver their newsletter
  179. >But you love her, and she at least fakes a passing interest in the obsession with talking candy horses you picked up a couple of years ago when you were browsing 4chan
  180. >You didn’t get her calculus-level aptitude for math genetically, though, which is sort of a bummer
  181. >Speaking of school, you were in and out of the principal’s office during most of your elementary school years until the doctors finally got your medication right
  182. >Now you’re in community college and doing quite well for someone who can’t be assed to do anything more than what is explicitly assigned
  183.  
  184.  
  185. >So all things considered, you have a pretty good life
  186. >And yesterday was a federal holiday, so thank you, George Washington, for pushing the essay deadline back to Wednesday
  187. >You decided to spend this patriotic occasion spreading liberty in Planetside for the glory of Space America
  188. >Fighting commies and cultists is hungry work, so you go to get a snack from the fridge
  189. >You eat some ice cream in winter because chocolate
  190. >Eliza is working on her laptop on the kitchen table, Jon’s not anywhere else, which probably means he’s in his office next to the kitchen
  191. >*Knock knock*
  192. >That’s not coming from the kitchen door
  193. >Goddamn street design must have confused another deliveryman
  194. >Whose idea was it to have a dead end street split so it goes behind the houses instead of in front of them, and then give both of those streets the same name?
  195. >Seriously, that’s just stupid
  196. “Hey dad, were you expecting any deliveries for the cases you’re working on?”
  197. >“Hmm?”
  198. >He must not have heard the knock
  199. >To be fair, he’s on the opposite side of the house from that door and he’s getting grey hairs
  200. “Someone is knocking at the front door. Are you expecting a delivery?”
  201. >“No.”
  202. >Eliza muses aloud
  203. >“It might be someone from the neighborhood association.”
  204. “I’ll go check.”
  205. >What happens next leaves you wondering whether your stoner friend somehow put diphydra-whatever-he-called-it in your triple chocolate cookie fudge swirl
  206.  
  207.  
  208.  
  209. Part 4
  210. >You are Twilight Sparkle
  211. >You hope that whatever is living here is hospitable, because this sure isn’t Equestria and this architecture isn’t anything you recognize
  212. >You motion for Spike to hide behind the bushes
  213. >With nothing to lose, you knock
  214. >Some muffled voices are coming from the other side of the house
  215. >After a moment, the door opens and you’re face to face with a…
  216. >…something
  217. >Face to abdomen is probably more accurate
  218. >That would explain the house’s size
  219. >And gives you an excuse for having reared back when you first saw it
  220. >You don’t recognize it from anything you’ve read
  221. >Potential new species discovered: mentally record EVERYTHING in preparation for note taking
  222. >After you lie down for a while
  223.  
  224.  
  225. >Bipedal mammal, roughly six feet tall, feet are black, legs are brown and torso is red out to the joint of the pair of upper limbs
  226. >No wait, those are clothes
  227. >If it’s always this cold here, you can’t blame them
  228. >Visible skin is similar in color to a light shade of pine wood and appears to be covered in a fine layer of hair unsuited for insulation
  229. >Top of head has relatively thick brown hair; hair on brows immediately above eyes is thin but dense
  230. >Torso appears to be uniform in width; unlikely that subject is pregnant
  231. >Upper limbs end in grasping appendages
  232. >Nasolabial structure does not protrude into a snout, nostrils facing downwards slightly above mouth
  233. >Ears are roughly oval-shaped and hug close to the sides of the head
  234. >Its jaw dropped open shortly after seeing you, giving a decent view of its teeth
  235. >Incisors, molars, and a pair of canines on upper and lower jaws: presumed carnivorous, use caution
  236. >Binocular forward facing vision also suggests possible predatory lifestyle, estimated field of view is between 120 and 200 degrees
  237. >It’s been staring at you for about fifteen seconds
  238. >You’re still visibly weak
  239. >If it was going to eat you, it should have attacked already
  240. >Okay, enunciate and speak slowly
  241. >This thing might not know your language or even communicate vocally
  242. “I do not know where I am. Would you please help me? I need to rest.”
  243.  
  244.  
  245. >“Uhh…”
  246. >Communicates vocally, syntax and vocabulary not yet determined
  247. >“I need to go check something quickly. Please wait there.”
  248. >It’s speaking fluent Equestrian!
  249. >Species may be adept at learning and imitating languages, this warrants further study
  250. “Okay.”
  251. >It backs away and turns a corner
  252. >You can hear it speaking again, but you can’t catch all of it
  253. >“…something on the doorstep…have a look at…just yes or no, nothing else…say anything else.”
  254. >Equestrian may be the native language; definitely follow up on this
  255. >It returns with a similar creature
  256. >This one is slightly shorter and has longer hair on the top of its head that is tied back into a tail, as well as slightly different skeletal proportions
  257. >It reacts almost the same way
  258. >The first one notices this reaction and then turns back to you
  259. >“You can come in.”
  260. >You look over your shoulder and tell Spike you think it’s safe
  261. >The second one’s expression doubles in magnitude as Spike follows you inside and sends the “they let us inside, more details later” letter you had him prepare
  262. >He’s nervously wringing the “something has gone horribly wrong” letter you also had him prepare
  263. >They lead the two of you to a small and cluttered room with a bed and close the door behind you
  264. >You don’t bother taking in any more details than the bed as you climb onto it and collapse
  265.  
  266.  
  267.  
  268. Part 5
  269. >You are Jake Addams, and you just met Twilight fucking Sparkle and Spike the fucking dragon
  270. >And now they’re in your bedroom
  271. >Jesus Christ tap-dancing in an Olympic swimming pool sized wicker basket that he built by himself and humming “Putting On the Ritz” while god and the saints politely applaud, what the fuck
  272.  
  273.  
  274. >Your mother has no idea what just happened
  275. >“Were… were those from your-”
  276. >Without a doubt
  277. >They look exactly like they do in the show, just more… real
  278. “I think so. We need to tell Jon.”
  279. >Yes, those were characters from your silly pony cartoon
  280. >But they can’t find out about that
  281. >The last thing you want is to stress out someone who could tear you apart with their mind by giving them an existential crisis
  282. “Dad? We…”
  283. >How to word it?
  284. “…We just took in some guests.”
  285.  
  286.  
  287. >“What? Did a squirrel get into the house?”
  288. “I’m not kidding. I mean actual houseguests.”
  289. >“What? Who are we taking in? Why didn’t anyone tell me this was going to happen?”
  290. >Eliza answers before you can
  291. >“We just found them on the doorstep just now. They’re from-“
  292. “Wait. I think I have a better idea what’s happening.”
  293. >She’s too shocked to be indignant, or she agrees with you
  294. “We just took in a baby dragon and a pegasus-unicorn hybrid.”
  295. >He steps out of his office and adjusts his pair of thick gold-rimmed bifocals
  296. >“Yeah right.”
  297. >“Jon, Jake and I both saw them. This isn’t a joke.”
  298. “They’re in my room right now. Take a look, but whatever you do, don’t say anything to them.”
  299. >He plods off down the hallway
  300. >“If you want to give me a surprise gift, you could just hand it to me, you know.”
  301. >He gets to your door and opens it
  302. >He leans through and suddenly stands up straight
  303. >He quietly closes the door and returns to the kitchen, stroking his short, gray beard
  304. “She said she was lost and she looked like she would fall over at any second. I couldn’t say no.”
  305.  
  306.  
  307. >He opens his mouth a few times as if he’s going to say something, and eventually finds his words
  308. >“So now what do we do?”
  309. >“We can’t just throw them out. They’d die if nobody took them in.”
  310. “Or worse. I don’t see an alternative to keeping them inside. One other thing.”
  311. >You step in close to them
  312. “I think they’re from the My Little Pony show I’ve been watching. Do not let them know about this. If that unicorn-pegasus is the character I think she is, she is going to be under a lot of stress. If they find out they’re not supposed to be real, it could be a catastrophe. I won’t tell you anything about them so it seems more natural, and I’ll play dumb. You can let them know that there are myths and legends about things that are like them, but don’t mention the show, and for goodness sake don’t let them use the internet while I’m not supervising them."
  313. >You’ve changed your mind
  314. >The last thing you want is to stress out someone who could tear you apart with their mind by giving them an existential crisis and a self-image crisis at the same time
  315.  
  316.  
  317.  
  318. Part 6
  319. >Day 0(?) hour ‘that time of day when light comes in through a window and gets in your eyes’
  320. >Exact time to be determined
  321. >You are a well-rested Twilight Sparkle for once
  322. >Wait, where are you?
  323. >This doesn’t feel like your blanket
  324. >It’s all itchy and woolen
  325. >There’s a faint but distinct ‘someone else’s house’ smell
  326. >Now it’s coming back to you
  327. >You don’t know where you are, but you can say with certainty that you’re in something else’s bed
  328. >Exactly where that bed is and what that bed belongs to is still something you don’t know
  329. >Oh right, the notes
  330. >You didn’t even take off your saddlebags to sleep
  331. >You would chide yourself for being so disorganized if you actually wanted to get up
  332. >It’s not like anything you had scheduled matters now
  333.  
  334.  
  335. >Note to self: make sure friends know why you’re gone
  336. >Especially Dash, who’s going to be offended if you don’t give a good excuse for skipping her routine
  337. >Hopefully she thinks accidental teleportation to an unknown civilization is good enough
  338. >It’s also going to have to be good enough to explain why you disappeared with Spike for a while
  339. >You still feel magically minimal this from that massive misfire this morning
  340. >You use your hooves to get your quill and paper
  341. >As you look back to see what you’re doing, you notice Spike leaning against you
  342. >He’s asleep
  343. >It looks like he left a message for you
  344.  
  345. Twi,
  346. Going to stay up as long as I can and send updates every hour. The clock is on the ceiling. One of the
  347. things came in to get some of its stuff from the room. It seems like there are three of them.
  348.  
  349. Spike
  350.  
  351. >A clock on the ceiling?
  352. >Seems legit
  353.  
  354.  
  355. >Looking up, you see some blocky red numbers made of separate lines on the ceiling above the bed
  356.  
  357. 7:48
  358.  
  359. >Oh okay
  360. >You were expecting a mechanical clock
  361. >Is it written up there, or something?
  362. >Maybe it’s a perpetual transmutation enchantment
  363. >It would have to be rather complicated to change that precisely as time passes
  364. >Still, it’s 7:48 and the sun shouldn’t be that low at this time of the year
  365. >Did you really sleep that long?
  366. >Maybe you’re in a different time zone
  367. >At least they had the foresight to put the time somewhere you can see while lying in b-
  368.  
  369. 7:49
  370.  
  371. >Ohhh, so that’s what the gaps between for the lines are for!
  372.  
  373.  
  374. >Pretty clever, that must make the enchantment much easier to cast
  375. >It looks more like it’s a projection now that you’ve been looking at it for a moment
  376. >That makes even more sense
  377. >You should study the magical ability of this species later
  378. >Notes, right
  379. >You’re going to need a writing surface
  380. >There’s a desk, but there’s some black bumpy thing with letters on it and some clutter in the way
  381. >The wooden floor might work if you can’t find anything better
  382. >Those shelves are out of reach even if you were standing on your hind legs
  383. >All that’s on them is a few trophies of those things doing various activities and some clutter
  384. >There are some drawers and a rack of small boxes crowding the bed
  385. >You never thought about how much easier it is for bipeds to turn around until now
  386. >The boxes are too small to write on
  387. >There’s a piano, or at least part of one
  388. >It doesn’t look like it has any room for the strings
  389. >There’s a simple musical score on top of it, assuming this species uses the standard musical scale
  390.  
  391.  
  392. >There’s a tall bookshelf near the bed
  393. >You can’t reach it without getting out from under Spike
  394. >There are titles like ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends,’ ‘Rise and Fall of the Third Reich,’ ‘Abridged, Illustrated Bible,’ ‘Halo: Fall of Reach,’ and ‘The (new) Way Things Work,’ in no particular order
  395. >And you do mean no particular order, because you can’t tell how it’s sorted, if at all
  396. >You don’t recognize any of the titles anyway
  397. >The lower shelves are a total mess, but they seem to be simpler, thinner books with illustrations on the covers
  398. >That bookshelf could definitely keep you busy for a while
  399. >There are a couple of books close at hoof on top of a large silver box
  400. >You grab one
  401. >‘Understanding Social Problems, Seventh Edition’
  402. >It’s a paperback, but that’s good enough
  403. >Your hoofwriting has done nothing but degrade since you mastered telekinesis
  404. >You write slowly and carefully
  405. >Bipedal mammal…six feet tall… wears clothes… very little fur… knows Equestrian language…
  406. >Diet may be meat-based
  407. >Huh
  408.  
  409.  
  410. >Well now they’ve had every opportunity to eat you
  411. >Maybe they only eat certain meats, like the Griffons do
  412. >You’d be fine with that as long as you don’t have to watch them eating it or killing anything
  413. >But it looks like that chair Spike put the box of baked goods on is made of leather
  414. >And so do those belts on the dresser by the door
  415. >Why are those colorful belts made of cloth on that rack on the wall?
  416. >There are more of those, so maybe they don’t use leather often
  417. >How long has it been since you last ate?
  418. >Longer than you’d like
  419. >It looks like Spike ate the cupcakes that had dirt on them while you were asleep
  420. >That was considerate of him, seeing how his draconic physiology could actually handle that
  421. >Both of the scones have dirt in their frosting
  422. >The jar of jam is cracked
  423. >You ought to fix that once you feel up for it
  424. >The bread is clean enough, but you don’t feel like having a jam sandwich for breakfast if you have the choice
  425. >And you don’t have anything to spread the jam with
  426. >You gently slip out from under Spike and turn yourself around on the bed
  427. >You drop your bags and you
  428. >How the hay are you supposed to use this doorknob?
  429. >Come on
  430. >No, you can't grip it like that
  431. >Oh for pony's sake
  432. >Nnnngh
  433.  
  434.  
  435.  
  436. Part 7
  437. >You are Jake Addams
  438. >You were sleeping in the living room
  439. >Now you are awake thirty minutes before the alarm on your watch goes off because something in your room is trying much harder than it should to use your door
  440. >Your spine wants you to get off of this couch anyway
  441. >Wow it hurts to sleep while sitting
  442. >You would’ve set up the folding bed if there wasn’t a ton of stuff in the way
  443. >You also would’ve slept lying down on the couch if it wasn’t for the same reason you didn’t use the folding bed
  444. >Maybe horse-thing is up
  445. >Keep thinking like that until she tells you the things you already knew, and you’re on your way to the Oscars for your method-acting skills
  446. >And your spine, oy meshuggina hummus mazel tov!
  447. >...that’s why you never had a Mitzvah, not that you actually wanted one
  448. >Mom’s side of the family isn’t nearly Jewish enough to care that you didn’t go to synagogue, but you still got to celebrate both major winter holidays, gifts and all
  449. >Fuck yeah, melting pot of culture
  450. >AND you don’t have to go to church
  451. >More of a ‘multi-religous study and worship group,’ but whatever
  452. >That’s despite your mother being on the board of that group too
  453. >Sometimes, you wonder if there’s any group she’s not involved in
  454. >You go to your room to let horse-thing out
  455.  
  456.  
  457. >You were right, it is horse-thing
  458. >“Thank you.”
  459. “You’re welcome.”
  460. >“I don’t want to be a bother”
  461. >Too late for that, horse-thing
  462. >“but do you have anything I could eat?”
  463. “It depends. What do you eat?”
  464. >“Grains, vegetables, fruits, some sweets, but no meat. I don’t want to eat another animal.”
  465. “Well you’re in luck, because my mother is a vegetarian. We don’t keep meat around the house often.”
  466. >You could almost hear her hopes shatter at the last word of the sentence
  467. “It’s not like we’d eat you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re not human, but I’m pretty sure it’s unethical to kill you for food.”
  468. >“Human?”
  469. “I’m a human. My name is Jake Addams.”
  470. >“I’m Twilight Sparkle. Pleased to meet you. Are the others living here human as well?”
  471. “They’re my parents, so yeah. I can explain over breakfast. Do you want toast, cereal, or oatmeal?”
  472. >“Oatmeal, please.”
  473. “The kitchen is over this way. There’s a bathroom on the left if you need it.”
  474. >“Thank you.”
  475. >You walk ahead of her through the narrow because why do we have all these boxes of stuff hallway
  476. >You can hear her hoofsteps following you
  477. >They stop suddenly, but you continue into the kitchen
  478.  
  479.  
  480. >Mom is on February break and Dad isn’t up yet, so you have the room to yourself
  481. >You hear a door close as you’re getting the bowls
  482. >There’s a plastic-on-porcelain collision
  483. >Come on
  484. >Come onnnnn
  485. >Faust’s twitter no longer confirmed for canon
  486. >Silent fist pump for things making sense as you set the table
  487. >You retrieve your store-brand Cheerios knockoff and a container of oatmeal
  488. >You haven’t had to make this in a while
  489. >Is it two parts oat to one part water, or three parts oat to one part water?
  490. >Meh, you’ll ask her when she comes out
  491. >The door is rattling, but not opening
  492. >…
  493. >If you’re going to have to do this EVERY time
  494.  
  495.  
  496.  
  497. Part 8
  498. >You are still Jake Addams
  499. >And Twilight is absolutely mesmerized by the microwave, for whatever reason
  500. >She was staring at the digital clock on the oven and your watch earlier, but not this intently
  501. >*Beep, beep, beeeeep*
  502. >Breakfast is served
  503. >You bring the oatmeal over to the table for her and pour milk on your ‘Tasteeos’
  504. >She gets into the chair at her place beside you
  505. >She gets over the fact that her meal is warm, then fumbles with her spoon as she tries to remember how to use it without magic
  506. >She hasn’t told you about magic yet
  507. >Don’t say anything
  508. >She figures out how to hold it in the joint between her hoof and fore-foreleg
  509.  
  510.  
  511. >“How does that thing heat food?”
  512. >Use simple terms, she might assume it’s literally made of magic
  513. “The microwave? It uses waves of energy that agitate water molecules. It’s very convenient, but don’t use it on anything made of metal.”
  514. >She seems satisfied with that explanation
  515. “Anyway, humans are a type of primate that evolved to walk on two legs when our ancestors started living in grasslands instead of forests. There are about seven billion of us.”
  516. >“Seven billion?”
  517. “As in seven thousand millions.”
  518. >”That’s… a lot. I don’t know why I haven’t heard of humans if there are so many.”
  519. “Well I’ve never heard of whatever you’re supposed to be. Are you some kind of horse?”
  520. >“Don’t call me a horse.”
  521. “Sorry. What should I call you?”
  522. >“I’m a pony.”
  523. “You look more like a mythological mashup to me. All the ponies I’ve ever heard of can’t talk and don’t have wings or horns.”
  524. >She almost does a spit-take, swallows her mouthful of oatmeal, then asks “WHAT?” so loud that your parents must be awake by now
  525. >You’re a fantastic conversationalist
  526.  
  527.  
  528. >“What do you mean ‘can’t talk?!’ What kind of ponies are those? What did you do to them?”
  529. “Calm down, calm down, we didn’t do anything to them! I can explain!”
  530. >“I- Okay. Deep breaths, deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.”
  531. “Are you alright?”
  532. >“I’m fine. Everything is just fine.”
  533. “Are you sure?”
  534. >“No. Yes. No. Where am I?”
  535. “You’re in the United States, in the state of Massachusetts.”
  536. >“The only state I’m in right now is panic! Where am I, relative to Equestria?”
  537. “What is Equestria?”
  538. >“My home! Get me a map; I need to know where I am!”
  539. >You slide the geography placemat you’ve had since middle school over to her
  540. “Okay, you see this city, Boston? We’re in a suburban area of that city.”
  541. >“Eritrea, Ethiopia, England… It’s not here. What is this a map of?
  542. >You realize your hand was on top of the scale and title of the map
  543. >You remove it to show her
  544. >‘The World’
  545. >She bolts into your room and slams the door shut
  546. >You follow after her and try to open the door
  547. >She blocked it with something
  548. >You knock on the door
  549. “Twilight Sparkle?”
  550. >“Leave me alone!”
  551. >That’s one bandaid you had to peel off
  552. >She was going to figure out she’s not even close to home regardless of what you did
  553. >You didn’t even get a scratch, so she seems to be taking it well
  554. >You probably could have done that more gracefully, but you didn’t exactly plan for the conversation to go in that direction
  555.  
  556.  
  557. >Dad’s up now
  558. >“Jake, what was that about?”
  559. >You explain
  560. >“Did this have to happen at 8am on a day that I was planning to sleep in?”
  561. “Sorry, dad.”
  562. >“Why did you say ‘twilight sparkle?’”
  563. “She said that’s her name.”
  564. >You check your watch
  565. “I need to get to class. Please try to give her some quiet.”
  566. >“You try to give everyone some quiet.”
  567. >Fair enough
  568. >He goes back to bed, talking to himself about the sheer absurdity of the situation
  569. >You grab your backpack, pour some OJ and take your morning meds, get in the spare car, and drive the short distance to the on-ramp
  570.  
  571.  
  572.  
  573. Part 9
  574. >You are Twilight Sparkle
  575. >You’re on a stranger’s bed trying to comprehend what you’ve done
  576. >This is a much worse situation than you thought
  577. >You might never see your friends and family again
  578. >You don’t even know how you could get yourself here
  579. >“What’s wrong?”
  580. >Spike was sitting on the edge of the bed, toasting some bread with his flames when you came in
  581. “We might not be able to get home.”
  582. >“What? Why?”
  583. “I just saw a map. We’re not on the same planet as Equestria.”
  584. >“How is that even possible?”
  585. “I don’t know.”
  586. >“So, we’re stuck here.”
  587. “Possibly forever.”
  588. >He glares at the toast in his claw, then throws it away in disgust
  589. >“I’m not hungry anymore.”
  590. >He flops backward onto the bed and wraps the blanket around himself
  591. >He mutters something as he rolls onto his side, away from you
  592. >“This is your fault.”
  593.  
  594.  
  595. “Excuse me?”
  596. >He sits back up and looks you in the eye
  597. >“I said ‘this is your fault.’”
  598. “You don’t mean that.”
  599. >“Yes I do. If you’d just walked like anypony else that has a horn, we wouldn’t be here.”
  600. “Well I didn’t run off without even letting you know I was leaving.”
  601. >“I did too say I was leaving!”
  602. “I recall no such thing!”
  603. >“Well of course you don’t! You were totally zoned out pretending to listen to Pinkie.”
  604. “And what should I have done, told her to stop? You know she could take that personally!”
  605. >“Yeah, you should have. After all, staying on schedule is just SO IMPORTANT to you. Didn’t you learn anything from the ‘want it, need-’”
  606. >There’s a sudden slam and a rumble outside
  607. >You both go to the window and peek past the windowshade, the argument forgotten
  608. >There are some sort of metal carriages outside
  609. >One of them is moving on its own
  610. >It rolls away down a paved path
  611. >No, wait, that rumble was a motor
  612. >“What the heck was that?”
  613. “I think it was some sort of cart. One of the humans was inside it.”
  614. >“The whats?”
  615. “The things we’re staying with.”
  616. >“This place is weird.”
  617. “Are you going to blame me for that, too?”
  618. >“I don’t even care anymore.”
  619. >He lays back again
  620. >He’s staring a hole into the ceiling
  621. >“If this is a different planet, we must be freaks to them. You saw how they reacted to us.”
  622. “Spike…”
  623.  
  624. >He raises his arms toward the ceiling as if he’s presenting his argument as a physical object
  625. >“What’s the point? What can we do here? We probably can’t even go outside without starting a panic.”
  626. “Spike, we aren’t going to give up.”
  627. >“Then what are we going to do?”
  628. >You point towards the bookshelf
  629. >“So your plan is to be an egghead?”
  630. “There are two things I’m good at: magic, and being an egghead. Right now, I’m all out of magic and stranded in a civilization that’s just begging to be documented. Even if we can’t get back, this might be an opportunity that nopony else will ever get.”
  631. >“I want to go home.”
  632. “We’d be doing the same thing there.”
  633. >“I still want to go home.”
  634. “Take a letter to Celestia. If anypony has the power and resources to get us back, it’s her. Tell her we’re outside of a city called Boston, and make sure you include these notes on… hold on.”
  635. >You get your quill and the notes you were making before breakfast
  636. >Refer to themselves as humans
  637. >Claim to have a population of ~7.0^9
  638. >Confirmed omnivorous, claim that they do not want to eat me for ethical reasons
  639. >May be knowledgeable in complex magic
  640.  
  641.  
  642.  
  643. Part 10
  644. >You are Twilight Sparkle
  645. >You’ve introduced yourself to Jon and Eliza, who helped you get the door open when you wanted to eat the rest of your breakfast
  646. >It was awkward
  647. >Their son seems to be a bit more comfortable around you for some reason
  648. >He’s younger, maybe that’s why he’s more open-minded
  649. >Hopefully your magic recovers quickly
  650. >Rattling doors around to get the humans’ attention is getting old, fast
  651. >Spike’s too short to open these doors for you
  652. >You’re going to have to tie strings around the doorknobs for him, or something
  653. >Right now he’s all moody and doesn’t want to help you study
  654. >He dug some old toys out of the closet in the bedroom and left to entertain himself in the living room
  655. >So far you’ve found references to manticores, Minotaurs, hydras, Cerberus, and griffons while skimming this book during the last few hours
  656. >The preface said that this is all fiction from an ancient human culture
  657. >The descriptions are all dead-on to what you’ve seen firsthoof
  658. >This is bizarre
  659. >Why would these descriptions be so accurate if they aren’t about real things?
  660. >Pegasi
  661. >That’s another
  662. >They’re described as winged horses, not winged ponies
  663. >…
  664. >If they’re going to keep saying “horse,” you might as well know why
  665.  
  666.  
  667. >Nothing about horses in the biology section of the one-volume encyclopedia you found
  668. >And this encyclopedia keeps saying it’s ‘web enabled’ and has ‘links to more content’
  669. >Whatever that’s supposed to mean
  670. >The encyclopedia probably explains that, but let’s keep it organized
  671. >Understand one subject before moving on to another
  672. >Except now, because this shouldn’t take long and you feel both curious and insulted
  673. >There’s a small dictionary
  674. >Good enough
  675. >Equine…
  676. >Lives in herds…
  677. >Not intelligent…
  678. >Ridden by humans as a means of transportation…
  679. >Well, if they were intelligent they wouldn’t be letting humans take advantage of them
  680.  
  681.  
  682. >There’s an illustration
  683. >That’s what they evolved into here?
  684. >Not even a mother could love that thing
  685. >Spike is right, this place is weird
  686. >See also: Donkey, jockey, knight, mule, Pegasus, unicorn
  687. >Knights were a type of warrior-for-hire that are held in high esteem and are the subject of many stories of adventure and conquest
  688. >See also: Dragon, horse, unicorn
  689. >Dragons considered fictional, myth developed separately by two cultures, may be serpentine or lizardlike in appearance
  690. >Sea dragons blamed for poor sailing conditions, land dragons believed to kidnap maidens and hoard treasure
  691. >Sounds about right
  692. >Unicorns are also not considered to be real, though the origin of the myth is not as clear
  693. >Seems to have started as a rumor among the same culture that had myths about a pegasus
  694. >That culture also apparently worshiped things called ‘gods,’ immortal beings of great magical power
  695. >Celestia and Luna sort of fit the bill for gods, but they’re not worshiped
  696. >It’s more that they command so much respect and are just generally liked by their subjects
  697. >And they don’t tie ponies to rocks for birds to eat them
  698. >Or reproduce through their foreheads
  699. >Or start wars over apples
  700. >That whole ‘Trojan Horse’ story rubbed you the wrong way
  701.  
  702.  
  703. >You stopped skimming just to read it thoroughly
  704. >Not because it was about a war, or even because it kept saying “horse”
  705. >Equestria has fought wars when it needed to, but the last one ended years before your grandparents were born
  706. >It was how the characters were portrayed
  707. >One of them chased another and killed him, then dragged his corpse around behind a chariot
  708. >And that character was described as a respected hero
  709. >This better be something that only ancient humans do
  710. >Especially since you saw at least two ‘World Wars’ and a bunch of other wars in the table of contents of that encyclopedia
  711. >And because that was far from being the only protagonist in those stories that was a war hero
  712. >You also heard some humans talking about a couple of current wars in the kitchen earlier
  713. >It didn’t sound like Jon or Eliza, but you didn’t hear any guests arrive
  714. >Hopefully there won’t be a war here
  715. >There’s a rumbling outside
  716.  
  717.  
  718. >It’s that motor carriage again
  719. >Jake was out all day, maybe that was him inside it earlier?
  720. >As you look outside, it seems like it’s going backwards
  721. >It stops, and Jake gets out of it carrying a bag over his withers
  722. >That doesn’t seem like the correct term
  723. >You decide to break your ‘understand a subject before moving on’ rule just one more time
  724. >What does the encyclopedia say?
  725. >Human anatomy…skeleton…
  726. >Shoulders
  727. >And those things on the end of their arms are called hands and fingers
  728. >Back to work
  729. >You hear Jake take a seat in the living room
  730. >He starts talking wilth Spike after a moment
  731.  
  732. >“…was what I thought. It’s nice to know someone sees it my way. It’s too bad, though. That ice cream parlor sounds great.”
  733. >It’s nothing that’s important to you
  734. >“There’s some ice cream in the fridge if you want it.”
  735. >“What’s the fridge?”
  736. >“It’s the really big white box in the kitchen that keeps stuff cold. You can't miss it. The ice cream is in the lower drawer. You can eat the same stuff as Twilight, right?”
  737. >“Yeah, but I also eat gems.”
  738. >“As in precious stones? Rubies and diamonds and stuff?”
  739. >“Yeah.”
  740. >“Those aren’t cheap around here. Can you live without them?”
  741. >“If I gotta, ye-*URRRP*”
  742. >There's a long pause, which Jake eventually breaks
  743. >“Do you normally vomit paper?”
  744. >“Only when she gets mail.”
  745. >That is something that’s important to you
  746. >“How does that even work?”
  747. >“I have no clue.”
  748.  
  749.  
  750. >You walk out through the door that you made a point of leaving open
  751. >Jake is on the couch with something that looks like a pair of rectangles joined by a hinge
  752. >Spike was coming to meet you
  753. >He gives you the scroll and tells you he’s headed to the kitchen for some ice cream
  754. >Odd, previously unknown culture has similar delicacies
  755. >And this is a completely different biosphere: shouldn’t the food have made you sick?
  756. >You open the scroll
  757.  
  758.  
  759. My faithful student,
  760. The Canterlot Court Unicorns and faculty from the School for Gifted Unicorns are currently
  761. collaborating to determine the safest and most expeditious way to return you and your assistant to
  762. Equestria. I have sent letters requesting the presence of other notable magic experts and letters
  763. informing your friends and family of your situation. My advisors tell me that the species you have
  764. described appears to be an obscure but previously known animal that was believed to have gone extinct
  765. over 20,000 years ago. Its population is estimated to have numbered only several thousand at
  766. its peak. Fossils and written records are scarce at best. Finding even one living example of such an
  767. obscure extinct species is a breakthrough: having discovered that they may still be alive, thriving, and
  768. have constructed an entire civilization is entirely unprecedented. As long as you are there, you are to
  769. study every aspect of their civilization.
  770.  
  771. We won’t stop until we find a way for you to come home.
  772. Princess Celestia
  773.  
  774.  
  775.  
  776. Part 11
  777. >You are Twilight Sparkle
  778. >You have a purpose again
  779. >And you have hope
  780. >“You look like you got some good news.”
  781. >You almost forgot there was anyone else in the room
  782. “Great news. I might not be stuck here.”
  783. >That is good news. How long before you can leave?”
  784. “I don’t know yet, but there is a chance that I can go home someday. That’s all I needed to hear.”
  785. >“If you don’t mind me asking, who sent you that letter?”
  786. “Celestia”
  787. >“Who is that?”
  788. “She’s my teacher and the princess of Equestria.”
  789. >“Oh! If I’d known you were with royalty I would have made my bed for you.”
  790. “I’m sleeping in your room?”
  791. >“Yeah. You can stay there until we figure out something more permanent.”
  792. “Are all of those books yours?”
  793. >“Yes, but most of them are actually Eliza’s. I assume you’ve met by now?”
  794. “Yes, we have. I’m studying from some of those books.”
  795. >“What are you studying about?”
  796. “I’m trying to get an idea of what this world is like. Would you mind if I send the ones I finish to Equestria?”
  797. >“Uh, probably not. I’d like to see which ones you’re sending before you actually send them. I want to be sure that you don’t send away any textbooks I need for my classes.”
  798. “You’re a student too?”
  799. >“At a small college, yes. I’m not sure what I want to major in yet.”
  800. “Well, good luck with your studies!”
  801. >“You too.”
  802.  
  803.  
  804. >That’s going to be useful
  805. >Even if you couldn’t get back, those books are going to be priceless knowledge
  806. >And to think that he could just go out and buy them like they’re nothing special
  807. >This place does have a market economy, right?
  808. >And a similar education system?
  809. >And similar musical instruments?
  810. >This place is uncannily familiar for a culture that had been completely separate from yours
  811. >Those are things to investigate after you’re done with the mythology
  812. >You’re going to have your hooves full if you keep finding topics you want to study
  813. >You wouldn’t have it any other way
  814. >You head for the kitchen and hear Spike asking for a spoon, then clarifying that he only wants a spoon
  815. >Eliza is there too and has a similar pair of rectangles on the table
  816.  
  817.  
  818. >“You’re not going to eat straight from the tub of ice cream.”
  819. >“But it’s easier this way.”
  820. >“It’s also unhygienic. What if Jake or I want some later?”
  821. >“And you’re not going to leave any for Jon?”
  822. >“He’s allergic to dairy.”
  823. >“Oh. Well, it’s still easier this way.”
  824. >“And it’s still unhygienic. The bowls and spoons are right next to each other. I’m not giving you either until you promise not to eat from the tub.”
  825. “She’s right, Spike. Besides, we’re guests. You shouldn’t be arguing with her about something like this.”
  826. >Eliza is thanking you, Spike is grumbling
  827. “Are you still upset about the argument we had?”
  828. >He grumbles “Yes”
  829. “Read this. I think it will make you feel better.”
  830. >You give spike the scroll and turn to leave
  831. >Returning to Jake’s room, you hear Spike quietly laughing with relief
  832. >As you’re about to get back onto the bed, you hear something else
  833.  
  834. (Youtube video: the official instrumental version of “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones. I’m going to describe any multimedia links I put in this story in case those links somehow go dead as well as give any special instructions for the experience I’m intending to give the reader. Stop this video about halfway through.)
  835.  
  836.  
  837. >That’s coming from the living room
  838. >It’s a strange sound
  839. >In fact, it’s downright eerie
  840. >It sounded like a string instrument, then someone wailing inside a cave, and then some drums joined in
  841. >You go back out of the room
  842. >It’s coming from the thing Jake has with him
  843. >You peek over his shoulder to see what’s happening
  844. >He’s pressing parts that are labeled with letters and numbers on the lower rectangle and words like ‘Const DblSALES_TAX as Double’ and ‘Dim DblUserInput1 as Double’ are appearing on the top one
  845. >You don’t understand it
  846. >The phrases are nonsense, and the letters on the lower part aren’t in a discernible order
  847. >Maybe it’s some sort of instrument?
  848. “Are you making that music?”
  849. >He slides his fingers across a smaller black rectangle on the device’s surface
  850. >It switches from showing letters and numbers to a picture of five humans and the words “Gimme Shelter”
  851. >he slides a finger across the black rectangle again and then taps it
  852. >The music stops
  853. >“Huh? No, that was a recording. That song has been stuck in my head for months and I wanted to hear it again.”
  854. “Months?”
  855. >“I usually don’t get songs stuck in my head that long, but it’s a classic and it is way too catchy.”
  856. “It must be.”
  857. >Shared psychological phenomena; investigate later
  858. >Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up!
  859. >Let’s spread some holid-
  860. >Darn it all, you’d gone a week without that melody invading your mind
  861.  
  862.  
  863. >“That was actually the instrumental version. Do you want to hear the one with lyrics?”
  864. “Yes, do you have it?”
  865. >“Just a moment.”
  866. >he pushes some of the letters on the larger rectangle that doesn’t change
  867. >Now it’s showing a list of smaller pictures on the other large rectangle
  868. >And you thought the timekeeping enchantments were impressive
  869. >All of the pictures have the words “Gimme Shelter” or “Rolling Stones” next to them
  870. >“Here it is. Do you want to hear the version the original band played live in Amsterdam, the extended studio version, or a cover that I like?”
  871. “I wouldn’t know which is which.”
  872. >“Let’s go with the cover band, then. It doesn’t have the intro. That’s probably the best part of the song, but it will get to the lyrics sooner and I like the primary vocalists in this version more. The backup singer just steals the show in the ones by the original band.”
  873.  
  874. (Youtube video: A cover of “Gimme Shelter” by Playing for Change, with nearly twenty musicians from The Bahamas, Brazil, Jamaica, Japan, Mali, India, Italy, Senegal, Sierra Leone, and the United States. Play this one fullscreen.)
  875.  
  876.  
  877. >It seems like the device is showing a movie now
  878. >There are humans playing guitars (some of which don’t look acoustically feasible), drums, those strange semi-pianos, and singing into microphones
  879. >There are some exotic looking instruments that you don’t recognize, and even a washboard
  880. >Their skin colors vary from a pale shade of beige to dark brown
  881. >It lists where each musician is from
  882. >Thinking back to the map this morning, they’re all thousands of miles apart
  883. >How did they organize this?
  884.  
  885.  
  886. >“Oh, there’s a storm threatening/my very life today.”
  887. >“If I don’t get some shelter/ooh yes, I’m gonna fade away.”
  888. >There doesn’t seem to be good weather control here, so you suppose this makes sense
  889. >It’s obviously a metaphor, but for what?
  890. >“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”
  891. >“It’s just a shot away.”
  892. >Oh, a metaphor for war
  893. >And it seems like this is the chorus, so that’s the point of the song
  894. >“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”
  895. >’Hey kids, you could have a war! Do you want muskets, or bows and arrows? War is just a shot away!’
  896. >Ugh
  897. >They’re playing in these beautiful locations, and all they care about is war
  898. >They went to the effort of writing a song and getting all these musicians to play about how war is great
  899. >Right?
  900. >“Oh, see the fire is sweeping/our very streets today.”
  901. >“Burns like a red coal carpet./Mad bull’s lost its way.”
  902. >No, that can’t be right
  903. >That wouldn’t match the tone of the song at all
  904. >Don’t jump to conclusions
  905. >You must be missing some context
  906. >Storms, fire, a mad bull
  907. >Give me shelter
  908. >It’s a warning
  909. >“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”
  910.  
  911.  
  912. >They fear war
  913. >“It’s just a shot away.”
  914. >Then why have they had so many?
  915. >“It’s just a shot away.”
  916. >Is war something that just happens here, like their weather?
  917. >“It’s just a shot away.”
  918. >Why do they idolize warriors?
  919. >“It’s just a shot away.”
  920. >It doesn’t add up
  921. >“Give me love, my brother./It’s just a kiss away.”
  922. >Did they just change the chorus?
  923. >“It’s just a kiss away.”
  924. >They realize how horrible it is
  925. >“It’s just a kiss away.”
  926. >They want an end to war
  927. >“It’s just some love away.”
  928. >Is it that much of a threat to their existence?
  929. >“Let’s give some love away.”
  930. >What would it take to end all war?
  931. >“Let’s give some love away!”
  932.  
  933.  
  934. >“So what do you think?”
  935. >You’re not sure what to think
  936. >You had so many conflicting feelings during that song
  937. “I like it.”
  938. >You weren’t trying to say anything
  939. >It just came out
  940. >Did you mean that?
  941. >You’re horrible at lying
  942. >But he’s not calling you on it
  943. >Maybe you did mean it
  944. >There’s only one way to be sure
  945. >Once more, with a clear mind
  946. “Let me hear it again.”

The Aftershow part 1: Here Be Dragons

by AchingScaphoid

The Aftershow part 2: Carbohydrates, Capitalism, and Cute Couples

by AchingScaphoid

Long Distance: Prologue

by AchingScaphoid

LD Chapter 1: Gimme Shelter

by AchingScaphoid

LD Chapter 2: Making Connections

by AchingScaphoid