Definition of insanity


                                            You miss 100% of the shots you don't take

                                            >Just another day for Anon in ponyville

                                            >Everything is fine. After the first shock of being on Equestria everything kinda just got real

                                            >Not real like "ponies are mean" or "there is something serious going on with equestria"

                                            >Real like. Real, you know? after a year and a half living here, the romanticized version of equestria was replaced by another version, less like the cartoon and more like some place that actually exists.

                                            >Or maybe it's you who changed. Ponies living their lives, doing their chores, going about their bussiness without really anything wrong going on, just a normal place with normal people.

                                            >You wouldn't call it boring or tedious, on the contrary. At first it was cool seeing everything, always wondering how stuff worked, how ponies do what they do with a more firsthand experience. It was great.

                                            >But again. After some time, things became "Real". The awe, the amazement of being of your reality eventually worn off and your reality became just that, your reality.

                                            >It's not like you are depressed, you have friends.

                                            >You did your best to hide your powerlevel, you became good friends with most of the mane 6. you spend most of your time absorbing all their ways, learning what you didn't already from the show and more.

                                            >Eventually you settled for a modest house in ponyville. You became friends with the ponies, you liked your neighbours, you went to public gatherings, you hanged out with a couple of ponies that you became really good friends with. You even went to the Gala after twi invited you as a friend.

                                            >Friend.

                                            >After a while, living in ponyville was more or less like living on earth, minus the shitty people and pollution

                                            >Oh and all your 21 century crap you used to indulge most of your time

                                            >You didn't mind. What you really mind, and you are ashamed of admitting is something else.

                                            >You are single

                                            >Not like you actually tried to get some pony waifu, you didn't. But still, being single was the epitome, the biggest example of what has been happening since the first day

                                            >You were still you

                                            >Context could be different, but you aren't

                                            >Sure things are nicer and you got a little farther in your life than before (owning a house now for example).

                                            >But still. All your doubts, your insecurities, your fears, your dreams, everything you wanted to be are still just dreams and hopes.

                                            >How foolish of you was to think that all your problems would be fixed by just being in Equestria.

                                            >Maybe tomorrow you will start doing something about it

                                            >Yeah. Tomorrow...

                                            >You are currently having a nice stroll in the park. Now with more free time you like to "stop and smell the roses" from time to time.

                                            >It's nice really, it made you calmer, more relaxed and you feel more connected to your surroundings

                                            >After a while you decide to sit down on your usual bench, taking a break and to enjoy the fresh spring afternoon

                                            >Ponies are talking, doing their business as usual. You even spot some familiar faces too.

                                            >After a while of observing the population you notice somepony walking towards your direction, you immediately recognize her. Pink, horn, wings, and a smile that could warm even the coldest of hearts

                                            >You wouldn't consider yourself a friend, acquaintances maybe. You only interacted with her a handful of times when fate allowed.

                                            >Maybe she is here to visit her sister-in-law

                                            >You'll just wave at her from afar, she must be busy.

                                            >She is now definitely walking towards you.


                                            >"Hi, Anon! It's me, Cadence! How have you been?"

                                            >You suddenly feel the need of standing up

                                            "Oh hey, what a surprise seeing you around here. I've been aight, the usual. How about you? Is there any particular reason having you around here?"

                                            >"Oh I have been doing great! The ponies at the empire are happier than ever! Shinning just came back from his trip and yesterday i found out the pizzeria i used to go when i was little is still open! haha!"

                                            "That's great!, glad you are doing fine"

                                            >"Hmhm!. Anyways. The reason im here is right in front of me!"

                                            >You pause just a second

                                            "Me?"

                                            >"Yeah! you!

                                            "Did I do something?"

                                            >She hadn't stopped smiling since you saw her. Until now.

                                            >With a more serious tone she talks

                                            >"Look, Anon. We know you and I aren't the biggest of friends. Not like I don't want to be your friends anything, it's just how things are."

                                            >"That being said, im the princess of love, and it's my duty as a princess and a ruler to ensure the happiness of the ponies and human at the best of my capabilities. Im sure you know where im heading, right?"

                                            "no?" You lie

                                            >She changes again her face and tone, like before but not quite

                                            >"Well, Anon. You've been living here for a while, but I've never seen you with a marefriend"

                                            >"Do you need help getting one?"


                                            >You don't know what to say. What could you even say?

                                            "Well.. not really? I-i mean...I-i don't...Never-... hmmm."

                                            >She doesn't say anything, she just keeps looking at you with the same warm smile. No sign of malice or ill intent

                                            >"Hey, Anon. I still have quite some time left, I said I was on some "royal" mission. So why don't we hang out for a while? Never got the chance to get to know you more than what Twi tells me, which isn't much."

                                            >After that last fuckup you don't want anything more than to save face and get the fuck out of here. Still, there is something about her face that tells you that you fucked her view of you. Maybe

                                            "Sure, do you want to go eat something?"

                                            >"I do!. Also, Do you happen to know that place with the hayburgers Twi told me about? she made it sound like they were pretty good!"

                                            "Yeah, it's not too far away actually. I never had any but I think that if i was a horse that could eat hay I would find these to be pretty good. Or at least from what Twi tells me everytime we pass that place"

                                            >"Haha!, Well, then it's decided. Let's go!."

                                            >You two being to walk towards the diner. You already begin to feel less tense and your previous fuckup didn't looked too bad right now

                                            >"Hey, Anon. You said you couldn't eat hay? it is poisonous to you or something?"

                                            "Honestly i never tried it but I never saw other humans eat it or anything related to grass and such. I mean, we eat plants and vegetables and fruit and.. well, We do eat stuff related to grass but not anything.... I don't know how to put it but, we can't digest most plants. Some even makes us ill. Personally I never tried hay but im pretty sure it would be harmless to me. Still, if hay tastes like other things horses eat then I don't think i would like it very much"

                                            >You kept talking all the way to the diner about what you can eat and other related things about horses and food

                                            >You didn't realize, but Cadence was looking at you with all her attention, her purple eyes looking at you with genuine care and interest about you what you were saying.

                                            >After more rambling you two arrived at the diner. You feel completely relaxed and a little bit excited. About what?, you don't know but you are.


                                            "Well, here it is. The famous diner"

                                            >You two just walk in, and since you were in front you open the door for her and a couple of ponies that were right behind you two

                                            >Your mom didn't raised a cretin.

                                            >After finishing that you start to look for a table but to your surprise Cadence already found one so you just follow her

                                            >"So, Anon. Whatcha gonna get?"

                                            "Hm... Well, I always try the scrambled eggs and black coffee.. but since its evening I guess I'll get something for dinner, don't know yet. What about you? getting a hayburger?"

                                            >"Yep im starving!, maybe two, haha!"

                                            >You just smile at her and nod

                                            >After a little while the waitress comes over and takes the orders. She did order two hayburgers with extra lettuce. You just ordered onion rings and scrambled eggs with bacon. Turns out they do serve meat, tho it's kinda niche and most of it is for other species that sometimes come over to eat here. Still, some ponies did like to eat meat from time to time much to your surprise

                                            >While waiting for the food you started looking around the place, looking at the ponies, the decor, the staff, anything really. You didn't knew what to say to her

                                            >"Hey, Anon"

                                            >You hear Cadence talk and you immediately turn your hear to face her

                                            >"So... do you need help?"

                                            "Help?, with what?"

                                            >"Help getting a marefriend, of course! I could help you if you want, im really good at making ponies fall in love with each other. Not in a creepy way of course, haha! but more like I know how to nudge others to really see each other in a deeper way. So, do you want me to lend you a hoof?, a hand maybe?. Or perhap you don't like ponies? I don't know much about your species so maybe im just assuming you don't mind dating other species but maybe you do, sorry if im being rude"

                                            >You feel anxious again

                                            "No no, It's fine you aren't being rude"

                                            >She is staring at you with those big eyes of hers

                                            "I-it's just that I never gave it a thought yknow?"

                                            >You lie

                                            "My world didn't had any other intelligent species, or at least anything close to us, but i digress. I don't mind dating a pony, or anything different than me, I always said that for love, you don't see with your eye, you use your heart. I know it sounds corny as hell but yeah, haha."

                                            >She now has a grin from ear to ear, or it is from cheek to cheek?

                                            "But the real reason I don't have a... marefriend, it's because I'm not really looking for one atm. Im just doing my thing y'know? There is stuff that im working on and other things I always wanted to achieve since way before I came here, so right know I have been busy doing that and getting a marefriend wouldn't be the greatest choice right now"

                                            >You lie again

                                            >Her grin is gone, there is an apologetic smile in it's place

                                            >"Oh, yeah I get it, sometimes you aren't looking for love. Sometimes life doesn't lend itself to allow a healthy relationship. Better no relationship than a doomed one anyways, hehe..."

                                            >You feel guilty. Looking at her face you can't really make out what she is thinking but you definitely feel something snaped in your relationship with Cadence, you feel guilty for it

                                            "Yeah..."

                                            >Not long after the waitress arrived at the table with the orders

                                            >You two ate in relative silence, she made some chitchat that you gladly followed but nothing interesting came out of it

                                            >After finishing the food and paying for it, you two left the diner

                                            >Looking up at the sky you see the sun almost hidden behind the mountains


                                            >"Hey, Anon. I still have some time before leaving, do you want to go to the park?"

                                            "Sure, that would help me digest the food, heh"

                                            >She just nods and this time you follow her

                                            >You feel anxious, that feeling never left you after she asked you if you needed help getting a marefriend

                                            >You don't know if it's because of the nature of the question, if it's because you aren't used to hang around people too often or something completely different

                                            >Yout feel like you are screwing up by just being silent


                                            >After walking for a bit and more chit chat you two arrive at a clearing near the park

                                            >It's beautiful. The last rays of the sun making the sky look pink and the trees at the distance makes it for a very comfy and somewhat nostalgic scene.

                                            >You feel a little bit less tense, but not by much

                                            >"It's beautiful isn't it? The sunset is always my favorite part of the day, moreso when it's pink, that's my favorite color afterall haha"

                                            "Yeah... this is something else"

                                            >She turns around facing you, smiling. The last rays of light shinning behind her. She looks like an angel

                                            >"Look, Anon. I would like to apologize"

                                            >You snap out of your trance-like state from watching her beauty

                                            >Her smile is gone, replaced by a sad look

                                            "For what?"

                                            >"For making you so uncomfortable. Since I arrived I saw you, and you were tense almost for all the time we spend hanging out"

                                            >You just stay there, trying to find what to say

                                            >"Maybe It was because of me being too direct about finding a mare, maybe it was because im annoying, or maybe something completely different. I just want to apologize because I really saw you struggling some times back then."

                                            >You need to say something NOW

                                            >"That being said, I had a great time, Anon. I think you are a really nice guy and I hope we can hang out more often."

                                            >SAY SOMETHING

                                            >She looks at you, your face doing a very good impressiong of a deer in headlights. She just smiles

                                            >"Anyways, I think I should go now, Shinning must be at home already and he must be worried, I said I was gonna be back in a hour, haha. He got really protective after the whole wedding fiasco"

                                            >"Goobye, Anon"

                                            >She walks past you towards the stone walkway

                                            "Wait!"

                                            >She turns around you, looking expectantly

                                            "You aren't annoying and it's not because you were direct about wanting to get me a marefriend"

                                            >She walks towards you

                                            "It's just that.....well....i don't know"

                                            >You lie yet again

                                            "It's not like I didn't enjoyed the time we spend together, on the contrary, it was one of the better days I had here in Equestria, maybe ever"

                                            >You see a small grin creeping out her face

                                            "Im just....."

                                            >You don't know what to say [spoiler]yes you do[/spoiler]

                                            >You feel a mixture of fear, guilt, anxiety and a big emptiness in your stomach that you could only describe as a bad case of starvation

                                            >[spoiler]SAY IT[/spoiler]

                                            "Im just like that, don't take it personal"

                                            >[spoiler]coward[/spoiler]

                                            "Im not good at social interactions and with people. It's not that I don't like to hang out wih you, im just more of a in-home guy, y'know? hehe"

                                            >Cadence now has a deadpan face

                                            "I would like to hang out with you another time too, if you wanna of course"

                                            >You give her your best fake smile you can

                                            >You can't tell what she is thinking, her face doesnt let anything more than the fact that you fucked up

                                            >She suddenly smiles again

                                            >"Sure, Anon!, I'll like that too. Well i better go now, it's getting kinda late hehe. See you around!"

                                            "Yeah... see you"

                                            >With every step she makes you feel your anxiety getting worse and worse

                                            >She is almost out of your view now

                                            >For a moment. You think about calling her, telling her something, something that you don't quite know yet

                                            >Or maybe you do

                                            >You just know that this feeling isn't something you haven't felt before. In fact, you know this feeling quite well

                                            >Every time you failed, every time you heart broke, every time you lost a friend, every time you let others down, every time you let yourself down. It felt just like this.

                                            >But you always come around, or at least thats what you think

                                            >You hate this feeling

                                            "Maybe I should talk to h-"

                                            >She is gone

                                            >Maybe tomorrow you will come around and do something about this

                                            >Yeah, tomorrow...

                                            >You walk towards your house.

                                            The end.


                                            Alternate ending

                                            >You hate this feeling

                                            >The feeling of not doing anything to change yourself. The feeling of just shrugging, feeling unacomplished but also knowing that you aren't doing anything to change that fact

                                            >But why her? Why you want to tell her anything? What would even change, you are the problem. You know how to fix it, yet you are stuck in an endless rat race imposed by yourself

                                            >Cadence just wanted to help you get a marefriend, what she could do?

                                            >Why this hole inside feels bigger now? It is because she seems to care? maybe her smile? You don't know

                                            >But still

                                            >Every second that passes you feel as if the last chance of redemption will be gone after today

                                            >Maybe she won't care....

                                            >She is almost gone


                                            >You can't take this anymore

                                            >Whatever you will say, you can't just let this feeling eat you away, like so many times before

                                            >You dash towards the stone walkway

                                            >She was almost out of your view, but with the kenyan run you just made you arrived with her before she could take flight

                                            "WAIT, CADENCE, PLEASE"

                                            >She heard you

                                            >She doesn't say anything, just stares at you with nothing but a semi-surprise face

                                            "WAIT.... please.... im just...... hold on......"

                                            >You feel like you are going to faint, maybe for exhaustion or for all your bottled up feelings.

                                            "I just... want to tell you... something."

                                            >"I really gotta go anon..."

                                            "Please!, just a minute im begging you!"

                                            >Her face changes, now she does look surprised, like when you are expecting something bad to happen but it doesn't

                                            >"Well... I can spare a couple of minutes, im late anyways.."

                                            "Thank you.."

                                            >You two get out of the walkway towards a nearby bench

                                            "Look, Cadence I have to tell you something, I wasn't being honest. I wasn't being hones with you, and myself"

                                            >Cadence doesn't say anything, but you continue

                                            "The truth is that I hate it. I hate being like this. It's not because im an in-house guy or whatever that's supposed to mean."

                                            "Just let me say something before"

                                            "I was so happy when I arrived here, a fresh start, a new begining, a place to not screw up, a place where my faliures won't catch up to me. But the reality is that im my own failures"

                                            "At first everything was going well, for a second I thought that maybe, just maybe everything would be better. But reality hits hard even here"

                                            >She looks rather confused. whatever she was expecting you to say you weren't saying it

                                            "Don't get me wrong, you ponies are the best individuals that I had the pleasure to meet, it was everything that I hoped"

                                            "It started small. A tiny failure, a botched relationship, a rejection, many other things"

                                            "Then the memories began. My past, my plans, my own sabotage. It started eating me from inside"

                                            >She is still confused, but you don't care, you just need to tell someone

                                            "Do you know how it feels to acomplish nothing? the feeling of shame, the inferiority complex, the feeling of never being good enough, for anything, for anyone?"

                                            >She doesn't say anything

                                            "I do, every single day. Every day I wake up, feeling like crap, feeling like I should be doing something, something better with my life, but every single time I just bottle this pain, this itch that never goes away no matter what I do"

                                            >You pause for a moment

                                            >"I well.... A-anon"

                                            >You don't let her finish

                                            "And you know the worst part of all? the thing that makes me feel like a piece of crap everytime? It's the fact that I already know what to do. I know that I need to change myself, that I just need to put the effort, that no matter how many times I change of reality, these feeling won't go away."

                                            >Right now you don't know what she is thinking but she looks sorry, maybe sorry for you, maybe sorry for being here

                                            "Im my own saboteur, my neglection is my poison and it has been killing me for 2x years"

                                            "So yeah. thats why I stutter, thats why I looked uncomfortable today, you remided me how much of a failure I am, in love, in life"

                                            >Tears started forming in your eyes

                                            "I.... I just don't know what to do anymore, Cadence. Im sick of it, of everything, I just want to be happy, but maybe I hate myself too much to allow me that..."

                                            >You turn your back, trying to get a better view of the starry sky and to hide your tears

                                            "Maybe im depressed I don't know...."

                                            >The night sky is beautiful. The lack of pollution showing all the stars millions of light-years away. The moon reflecting the light like a lighthouse in a sea of stars.

                                            >You sigh

                                            "Look... Sorry for this. I don't even know why i told you any of this, you just wanted to help me get laid hehe..... And im just here selfdepricating like some attention-seeking ape. It's just that... I needed to say it to someone y'know? I already feel better, somewhat. You don't have to say anyt-"

                                            >As you turn around to look at her again you are surprise by a pair of legs and wings wraping around your torso

                                            >You froze, genuinely atonished for her reaction

                                            "Wh-wha-"

                                            >She doesn't say anything, she just grips you tighter. You can hear her trying to control a runny snout.

                                            >You reciprocate the hug.


                                            >You two stood there, hugging for who knows how long

                                            >It was you who broke the hug. You looked at her, her perfect mane ruined by your arms and torso. Her eyes puffy and red from silent tears, making her look no less beautiful under the moonlight

                                            >"I-I didn't know, Anon.... Im sorry for being to oblivious.... Im sorry"

                                            "Don't be sorry, Its ok, if anything im just being too emotional, we just really met today afterall."

                                            >She looks frustated now

                                            >"No, it's not ok. Don't even say that again"

                                            >She calms down a little bit now, she exhales before speaking again

                                            >"I may not know exactly how you may feel.... but....Maybe I do."

                                            "W-what do you mean?"

                                            >She looks like she want to say something. Something hard. Something personal

                                            >"Let me tell you something anon, but before, lets sit down over that tree. I don't want to stay in the middle of this field."

                                            >You two walk towards a nearby oak tree

                                            >"Anon, a couple of years ago, Before getting married, before the crystal empire, I was engaged to Shinning"

                                            >"He was everything i've ever and he still is, brave, handsome, kind, loyal, the whole package really, and I... well... I was not.

                                            >"Or at least thats why I felt for a long time"

                                            >You just stare, bewildered for what she is saying

                                            >"I wasn't like always like this, Anon. Before my ascension I was pegasus, a very sad one. But after I got my cutie mark, and after I became the princess of love stuff kind of got better, I was doing well for myself, Studying, trying to help with my new found abilities and overall trying to just do what I could to better this crazy world you now live in"

                                            >"But even after that, I was still having trouble with my past and even with the new sometimes overwhelming responsabilities I felt inadequate, not only for alicornhood but as a pegasus too"

                                            >You can't believe it. Your previously narrow view of the princess started to open up and now you feel like maybe there is more going on inside that head of hers

                                            "Cadence, I thin-"

                                            >"Then I met Shinning, and like I said, he was everything I and everyone could ask for, he's perfect"

                                            >Cadence chuckle

                                            >"It's not his fault really but, after we started being a couple, being the perfect pony that he is, he inadvertently dug out my own insecurities and doubts"

                                            >"Things just got worse over time. No matter how much love I spread, how many feats I did, I always felt lacking..."

                                            >You never were good with words, so you just sit there and listen

                                            >"The tipping point however was my wedding"

                                            >She closes her eyes, as if the simple memory of it could physically hurt her

                                            >How can something like her own wedding be so painful to remember?

                                            >"You see, Before my wedding I was kidnapped. I spend close to two weeks in a dark, damp, cold cave, doing nothing more than just trying to stay alive"

                                            >With a low had she just stares at the grass

                                            >"At first I was angry, angry at myself for get captured so easily and angry at chrysalis..."

                                            >"But then, after maybe a day or two my anger was replaced by desperation, for chrysalis told me before she left me there what was her plan and how I would rot in that Celestia-forsaken place, then I felt it again. After maybe 3 days I don't really know, I was scared, my biggests fears would become a reality. Being replaced so easily, nobody figuring out that The princess was an impostor. Was I really that replaceable?"

                                            >She looks at you now, with tears forming on her eyes

                                            >"I spend all that time, not alone but with my mind. Thinking over and over again those cruel thoughts, it was unbearable"

                                            >"I gave up, I really did. after I don't know how long I just stood there, embracing them. Thats when Twi came in"

                                            >"At first she was abrasive, thinking I was just another changeling, but after a whole she realized that in fact I was the real Cadence"

                                            >Still with tears on her eyes she smiles

                                            >"She didn't knew, but the fact that she came looking for me after so much time really helped me."

                                            >"Maybe it was the deshidratation, or the isolation, but seeing her there made me think that maybe I wasn't a failure, that maybe im not replacable... Sounds corny, I know haha"

                                            >She wipes her tears and looks at you

                                            >"We dealt with chrysalis after that, I won't go much into detail, there is no reason"