Writefags' Ball - RGREQG shitpost


                                            >Be Aria Blaze.

                                            >You're watching Adagio's stupid plan fall to pieces at the height of her little "Battle of the Bands," and you're loving it

                                            >Who knew a bubbly, airheaded bitch like Pinkie Pie had a crazed berserker for a sister?

                                            >Given the expression of shock and nausea on Pinkie's face, she didn't know it either.

                                            >You'd been shocked when this "Limestone Pie" shook off your magic and climbed onto the stage to pick a fight.

                                            >Adagio had gone to poke her in the chest, and promptly got punched in the face.

                                            >Things went downhill from there.


                                            >Adagio spins and kicks out with her right hoof, aiming for Limestone's groin.

                                            >Limestone turns and takes the kick on her thigh with a grunt, then delivers a kick of her own that catches Dagi in the left kneecap.

                                            >Bone crunches under the impact of Limestone's hoof, and Dagi drops, screaming on a high enough note that glass cracks all across the auditorium.

                                            >Sonata, who's been dithering on the sidelines, finally stops dithering and makes a move.

                                            >A bad one. She wades in and throws a haymaker that the blind fish of the abysses could have seen coming.

                                            >Dammit, are you the only one in this little school that knows how to fight, even in these wretched semi-equine bodies?!

                                            >Limestone dodges, grabs Sonata by one oversized tit and one thunder thigh, hoists her overhead with a primal roar, and hurls her out into the audience.

                                            >Adagio's trying to crawl away while Limestone's distracted.

                                            >It doesn't work.

                                            >"I'm not done with you yet, cunt!"

                                            >Limestone takes a running leap and does an elbow drop. Her elbow gets Dagi right in the stomach stomach.

                                            >Dagi gags and wheezes, but can't even manage to throw up.

                                            >Limestone grabs Adagio's muzzle, then delivers a brutal headbutt. Dagi's snout breaks with a wet crunch and starts gushing blood.

                                            >"I'm going to scalp you, cunt! I'm going to scalp you WITH MY BARE HANDS AND TEETH!"

                                            >Yeah, you like to fight, but you're not taking that on. No way, no how.

                                            >You start backing away, and then freeze in shock as you back into someone substantially taller than you.

                                            >A wave of masculine musk hits your nostrils, even as hot breath rolls across the back of your neck. You feel a shocking amount of hardness pressing against your ass.

                                            >A long, wiry arm wraps around your arms and chest from behind. Another arm hooks around your legs, keeping you from kicking with any force. With a slight grunt, the person behind you lifts you off the ground.

                                            >"PRETTY FISH. I CAN SMELL THE MAGIC ON YOU. AND THE BLOODLUST. AND THE AGE THAT DEFIES YOUR APPEARANCE. YOU ARE MINE. OH HOW I WISH/OH HOW I WISH/TO DO LEWD THINGS TO YOU/PRETTY FISH."

                                            >The bass singing voice is impressive, but the lyrics could be better...


                                            >Be Bon-Bon. Trained infiltrator. Agent of SMILE. Bisexual.

                                            >Due to some good luck in the genetic lottery, you look like you're about fifteen, even though you're actually twenty-seven.

                                            >You've been spying on this high school ever since rumors arose that several students had turned into some kind of minor demons and then been blasted with unknown arcane power.

                                            >You might have taken advantage of this to get yourself some fresh minty unicorn jailbait pussy.

                                            >What? You're only equine, after all, and you always wanted to corrupt somepony.

                                            >A gust of hot air hits your muzzle, and your nostrils flare.

                                            >You smell beer yeast, old blood, and an overwhelming amount of MALE.

                                            >An enormous pale shape looms out of the backstage darkness and wraps Aria up in an embrace

                                            >She squawks and struggles, but the thing holding her doesn't let go.

                                            >As the pallid monstrosity lumbers into the stagelights, your blood turns to ice.

                                            >The disproportionately long arms, the short legs, the tiny eyes, the stunted mane, the muzzle-less, simian face, and the gargantuan bulge only barely contained in a loincloth...

                                            >It's one of the mysterious cryptids known as Bigdick!

                                            >AKA the Assquatch, the Swole Ape, the Yeeti, the Ozark Baller, the Woodwose, or the Plowie.

                                            >Nobody's quite sure whether they're a natural beast, an alien, or one of the Fae.

                                            >One thing is for sure, though. They have an insatiable lust for mortal mares.

                                            >They'd be the subject of every mare's fantasies if they didn't take their captives back to...wherever it is they come from.

                                            >The last sighting was five years ago, in Las Pegasus. An Ozark Baller showed up on the city's outskirts and fucked a local junkyard owner so hard that her ex-husband spontaneously turned into a Swede.

                                            >The Assquatch then absquatulated into thin air, carrying off its drooling, semi-conscious pegasus victim in the process.

                                            >You'd ask yourself "What's a Bigdick doing here?", but judging by the way it's squeezing the last siren's ass rhythmically with one hand, you think you know the answer already.


                                            >Limestone stands up from her unconscious victim, holding a bloody mass of orange flesh and hair in one hand, and mopping her crimson muzzle with the other.  "Hey! You can't --"

                                            >She stops, spits out a scrap of bloody orange hair, and continues.

                                            ">-- you can't just kidnap mares like that!"

                                            >"I MOST CERTAINLY CAN. BESIDES, WHY DO YOU CARE? YOU WERE MAULING HER FRIEND NOT THIRTY SECONDS AGO."

                                            >The Bigdick shambles forward, slinging Aria over its right shoulder, and looks down at Limestone. Despite her muscles, she's still two feet shorter than the hulking brute.

                                            >"TELL ME, DO YOU HAVE A WORKING BRAIN TO GO WITH YOUR PRETTY FACE AND BERSERKER STREAK?"

                                            >"You think I'm pretty?"

                                            >"INDEED. MOST SURPASSINGLY BEAUTIFUL." Its free hand lifts slowly, in a gentle gesture that nobody could mistake for aggression. The huge fingers stroke Limestone's muzzle, and she actually blushes.

                                            >"I mean, I'm not the next Atom Splitter or anything, but I'm in college for geology and accounting. I get straight A's!"

                                            >"EXCELLENT. WE'LL SEE IF THERE'S A PERSONALITY TO GO WITH ALL THAT."

                                            >The Bigdick grabs Limestone, tucks her under its free arm, and starts shambling back into the darkness from whence it came.

                                            >"Wait! Take me! Take me instead!"

                                            >It's your cousin Moondancer, pushing her way through the mob towards the beast.

                                            >You are, sadly, not surprised.

                                            >The Plowie looks her up and down, then sniffs her. Her tail flags when it does.

                                            >The beast's nose wrinkles.

                                            >"TOO YOUNG. I'LL BE BACK FOR YOU IN A FEW YEARS."

                                            >Light shines around it, like sunlight on water, and it vanishes.

                                            >Moondancer apparently can't decide between screaming in despair or glee, and just faints.


                                            >All right, you just need to slip away and call for backup. This can still be contained. Nobody's going to come looking for the siren, and some mind-altering drugs should take care of the other girl's family.

                                            >BAM BAM BAM BAM -- CRUNCH!

                                            >The auditorium's locked doors give way. Another pale cryptid lumbers in, casting aside the barbell it had used as a battering ram. This Bigdick is much shorter than the first one, but it still towers over most girls in the room. It is most definitely a Swole Ape - its muscles bulge tremendously beneath its shaven skin. Eyes bright as blue stars stare around the room. An old-style sack-like duffel bag is slung over one shoulder.

                                            >An even shorter Bigdick follows it in. This one is brown and hairy, with a face dominated by a huge black walrus mustache.

                                            >Are they the first ape's children? Horrible mutant hybrids born of obscene unions between mare and beast?

                                            >Or is the first one just an outlier?

                                            >Then you notice something that sends a chill down your spine. Four massive revolvers are tucked into the second Plowie's loincloth. Two are stainless, and the other two are old-fashioned blued steel.

                                            >Oh, Faust, they know how to use guns.

                                            >You start slowly backing up through the crowd of hypnotized students.


                                            >The two newcomers make for the two tallest mares in the room. The pale Bigdick shoves Principal Celestia into it's duffel bag. Her head pops out for a second, with a pair of sweat-soaked underwear over her face. The Plowie grunts and shoves her head back into the bag, then chinches the drawstring tight again.

                                            >The swarthy ape slings Luna over one shoulder with a cry of "BUENO! EXCELENTE!" and sprints off like he just saw a priest of Tezcatliponeca measuring him for a sacrificial altar.

                                            >Huh. You guess that's why they call it a Yeeti.


                                            >Little Miss Ex-Quadruped Demon finally snaps out of the stunned stupor that she and her bandmates have been in for the last few minutes, and storms over to confront the remaining Bigdick.

                                            >"You can't just kidnap Principal Celestia like this! What are you going to do with her?"

                                            >"SEX. LOTS OF IT. WARGAMING. WEIGHTLIFTING. READING. MORE SEX. BABIES, BABIES, BABIES."

                                            >Principal Celestia's voice comes clearly through the sack. "I'm okay with this, Sunset."

                                            >"Celestia, you're confused. You don't know what you're saying!"

                                            >"No, seriously, I'm fine. Juuuust fiiiine."

                                            >"You've been dazed by this beast's --" Sunset takes a deep breath through her nose. "-- overwhelming -- " She inhales again. "-- stallionly -- *SNIFF* -- musk! It's clouding your senses -- " *SNIFF* "-- and making you prey --" *SNIFF* "-- to its masculine wiles!" *SNIFF* "I alone can resist this beast's vile temptations! *SNIFF* Now release Celestia and take me in her stead!"

                                            >The Assquatch looks Sunset up and down, then grunts and nods.

                                            >"Good! Now, just open the sack -- yeah, just like that -- and let her -- HEY!"

                                            >The Swole Ape grabs Sunset, shoves her headfirst into the open duffel bag, and pulls it closed again.

                                            >Grunting and nodding to itself, the ape swings the sack back over its shoulder and makes for the door.

                                            >Normally, you wouldn't try to read a cryptid's facial expression, but you're pretty sure that's a smug grin.


                                            >Speaking of cryptids, where's the one that was the one that was carrying Vice-Principal Luna?

                                            >It was here a minute ago...

                                            >A howl of ecstasy answers that question.

                                            >"Mas mas mas, por favor! Mas mas mas, si si senor! Chingame! Embarazame!"

                                            >Huh. You did not know Luna spoke Spaneigsh.

                                            >Apparently patience isn't this Bigdick's cardinal virtue, since Luna's passionate cries came from inside the nearby women's bathroom.

                                            >All right, you might still be able to keep the incident contained. You might even be able to catch the one that's plowing Luna.

                                            >"SI! TOMALO! TOMALO TODO! AYYYYYYYY, CHIHUAHUA!"

                                            >"SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! DAME CABALLITOS!"

                                            >Depends on if it decides to go for a second round before disappearing...


                                            >A skylight shatters, and a knotted rope dangles down through the gap. Seconds later, a Bigdick swarms down it, hand over meaty, hairy hand.

                                            >Dear Faust, how many of them are there?! This many Bigdicks haven't been seen in one place since the fall of Croatroan!

                                            >A moment later, to your horror, you realize that this Bigdick is heavily armed. You see a rifle slung over its back, a massive pistol on one hip, and a smaller pistol in an ankle holster. It's wearing a plate carrier, too.

                                            >It looks stern, tough, and world-weary beyond the ken of mortal woman. Its gimlet gaze falls on Rainbow Dash.

                                            >You've never seen a facial expression change that quickly in your life. First to the biggest smile you've ever seen -- and then to utter disappointment when it realizes she's about fifteen.

                                            >"TOO YOUNG. DAMN."

                                            >It searches the room. Its gaze falls on Granny Smith.

                                            >"TOO OLD, AND WAY TOO FAT. EW."

                                            >It continues scanning the room, then springs on Nurse Redheart with a cry of joy.

                                            >"JUST RIGHT!"

                                            >With the nurse -- who isn't struggling AT ALL -- slung over one shoulder, the cryptid scales the rope and disappears through the skylight again.

                                            >You hear an agonized howl of despair.

                                            >It takes you a moment to place it. It's Cheerilee.

                                            >"JUST RIGHT? WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER?!"

                                            >Another Bigdick seems to fade out of nowhere right behind her. Sonata is already slung over one of the ape's shoulders. Her's skirt hiked up, and her panties are torn aside. Her eyes are glazed, and her tongue's hanging out of her mouth. The ape's right hand glistens suspiciously.

                                            >"NO. NOT RIGHT FOR HIM. JUST ABOOT RIGHT FOR ME."

                                            >The Assquatch slings Cheerilee over its free shoulder and staggers away. It's not as muscular as the others, and seems to be having trouble, but it keeps on with dogged determination...and a stream of apologies as it pushes through the crowd of hypnotized students.

                                            >"EXCUSE ME. SOORY. PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME. SOORY."

                                            >You think you could probably take that one in a fight, if you wanted to capture one for the agency...

                                            >Another whiff of masculine musk hits your nostrils a second before hairy, inhumanly strong arms wrap around you.

                                            >No! Curse your tendency to monologue! Your trainers at the academy warned you about this! Why didn't you listen to them?!

                                            >"SWEET, GENTLE, CANDY-MARE."

                                            >It nuzzles your neck and nibbles gently.

                                            >"SO SWEET. COME WITH ME."

                                            >Welp. Guess this is your life from now on. Love-slave to a savage alien ape-thing, your insides split regularly by its monstrous cock, your womb devoted to bearing its mutant spawn.

                                            >It is a far, far better thing you do than you have ever done...