GREEN
1502
4
4207 23.67 KB 418
4207 23.67 KB 418
-
>Be Anon, best babysitter in Equestria
-
>Be done babysitting the living tornado known as Flurry Heart
-
>Seriously how did she get a chainsaw to run rampant with?
-
>Ponies here couldn’t handle anything sharper than a spoon without freaking out
-
>Doesn’t matter because Princess Candy Ass sure does pay good
-
>20 bits an hour for 6 hours a day 4 days a week
-
>You were even able to afford an apartment in the Crystal Kingdom to make your commute shorter
-
>Time to get your pay for the day
-
>Walking with Flurry cradled in your arm you make your way to Cadence’s room
-
>You get a few odd stares as you walk down the halls, you always do
-
>Probably because these ponies know just how much havoc Flurry can wreak
-
>Ah well, doesn’t really matter
-
>Arriving at the door you’re about to knock when you hear the faintest noise inside
-
>Straining to hear you put your ear against the door, but to no avail
-
>The movies made this look much simpler
-
>Giving up you knock on the door
-
> A muffled “Just a minute” can be heard
-
>Cadence must have been shouting her ass off for you to hear that
-
>A couple seconds pass before the door sings open revealing Cadence looking a little disheveled
-
>”Ah Anonymous, is it that time already?”
-
“’Fraid so Princess, hate to part with the little tyke but she needs her mama too.”
-
>”As always Anonymous I am ever grateful you look after Flurry. Your pay as usual.”
-
>Cadence simultaneously levitates Flurry from your arm and deposits a purse of bits into your hand.
-
>You open up the bag to check the bits
-
>Well not really, Cadence was always good on her pay
-
>It just felt nice to see the fruits of your labor
-
“Yup, all there Princess. As always, it’s a pleasure.”
-
>You nod your head goodbye before being stopped by Princess Cadence
-
>”Anonymous, wait a moment if you would. There is something I would like to ask of you.”
-
>Cadence’s tone didn’t sound too happy; shit did she want to fire you?
-
>She didn’t find out about how much danger Flurry’s been in did she?
-
>Shit just deny, deny, deny
-
“Sure Princess what did you want to ask?”
-
>Okay going well, just don’t spill your spaghetti
-
>”It would be best if we talked about this in private.”
-
>SHIT
-
>She is SO gonna fire you
-
>without waiting for confirmation she turns around and walks into her room
-
>taking a deep breath you follow
-
>Looking inside her room Cadence had obviously hastily tried to tidy up
-
>It was in worse shape than she was
-
>Cadence was shuffling some paperwork on her desk and without turning spoke
-
>”Anonymous have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately?”
-
>Immediately your mind is flooded with incidents from just this week alone
-
>There was when Flurry got abducted by pirates
-
>Rampaging Flurry with a chainsaw
-
>Fluttershy getting kidnaped by a Chimaera at a picnic she, Flurry, and you were having
-
“No”
-
> Keep it simple, that’ll keep you together
-
>”Are you sure, nopony acting suspicious or anything?”
-
“Not that I’ve seen.”
-
>Cadence eyes you and you begin to sweat
-
>Finally after what feels like forever she speaks
-
>”If you say so Anonymous, I’m sorry to have kept you. Please Enjoy your weekend, I’ll see you back on Tuesday.”
-
>What?
-
>That actually worked?
-
>As if on auto-pilot you exit the room and head back to your apartment for the night
-
>Damn you’re good
-
-
>Be Princess Cadenza Mi Amore
-
>Be rocking Flurry’s crib while thinking about what Anonymous just said
-
>He hasn’t noticed his growing following?
-
>Has he not seen how his follower’s gather around his apartment every night and chant?
-
>Can one stallion be so thick skulled?
-
>You gaze wanders to a picture of your loving hubby Shining Armor
-
>You remember how long it took for him to notice your love for him
-
>but this is different
-
>The Princesses told you to keep an eye on Anonymous
-
>To see if he is ready to join the pantheon
-
>Even your niece Twilight was getting antsy
-
>In terms of shear mental capacity he rivals Celestia herself
-
>Power wise, he’s able to keep up with Flurry and not even you could do that
-
>There are just a couple of problems
-
>For one, he seems to either have no knowledge of his following or actively ignores it
-
>A Princess must treat their followers with the respect and loyalty their followers have for them
-
>Secondly is his following with the other races
-
>For the longest time, the other races of Equis remained silent on additions to the pantheon
-
>But every day you received more and more petitions to have Anonymous sent to his “rightful place” among whatever race the sender was
-
>Some of them were even written in pencil, meaning they came from the highest authorities in their respective nation
-
>If Equestria acknowledged Anonymous as belonging to the pantheon the other races might feel as if Anonymous was stolen from them
-
>You shuddered at the thought
-
>the name calling would be vicious
-
>It might even erupt into another pillow war
-
>You glance back down at the picture of Shinny
-
>You need to rest, it’s been a long day
-
-
>Be Anon, chilling in Casa de Anon
-
>It’s been a week so you’re treating yourself
-
>Apple Cider, cause it’s the closest shit to alcohol they got in this kiddy place
-
>You take a swig, its tart and has a slight aftertaste
-
>Not as good as the shit from Sweet Apple Acers, but you aren’t paying the inflated import tax on that.
-
>One thing you miss about home is the ways to distract yourself after a long day at work
-
>Maybe you should go for a walk
-
>Nah, Cadence was worrying about suspicious ponies so you should probably play it safe
-
>Then again the meanest thing you’ve encountered, outside your escapades with Flurry, was a mare who tried to cuddle you without asking
-
>Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your door
-
>Opening it you see one of your neighbors
-
>A crystal pony named Brilliant Gleam
-
>The naming conventions of this place were hard to get used to
-
“Hey Gleam, your faucet leaking again?’
-
>About a week after you moved here you became the go to handyman when you showed everyone you knew how to unclog a toilet
-
>She shakes her head
-
>”N-no not this time.”
-
>Is she blushing, it’s hard to tell with how translucent crystal ponies are
-
>There’s an awkward scilence for a couple of seconds
-
“So… what brings you to my doorstep then?’
-
>”Oh, right.”
-
>Okay now she is definitely blushing
-
>You swear one of these days you’ll die of a heart attack
-
>Brilliant Gleam pulls out what looks to be a letter
-
>”This came for you just now.”
-
>taking the letter away you look for the sender’s address
-
>Huh that’s strange, no sender
-
>you look up to try and ask Brilliant who the sender was, but by then she’s already gone
-
“Whelp little letter, looks like it’s just you and me.”
-
>Sighing, you head back inside to read the letter
-
>Opening it you’re not greeted by pony anthrax and instead a card
-
>A Father’s day card
-
>There aren’t any signatures on it so you can’t figure out who sent the card still
-
>Is it Father’s day today?
-
>You go check the calendar to check and sure enough the day is marked with a pre-highlighted holiday marker
-
>You aren’t actually a father but you might as well be considering how childish these ponies are
-
>seriously you said hell once and half of Ponyville gasped
-
>the other half fainted
-
>you pin the card to your fridge and decide to continue with your nighttime walk idea
-
-
>Be Brilliant Gleam, high priestess of the cult of Dadnonymous Crystal Empire branch
-
>You are over the moon
-
>The All Father accepted your offering of thanks
-
>You can only hope that it ends up on the sacred alter known only as “The Fridge”
-
>You must let the followers know
-
>The Ceremony will proceed with the All Fathers blessing
-
>The time is right
-
>You exit your apartment
-
-
>Be Anonymous about 2 hours later sitting in the park
-
>It may be night, but with how clear the sky is, the moon provides enough light to see
-
>With nothing but the crisp night air to distract you, you begin to think
-
>Why is everything here so kid friendly?
-
>No booze, no sharp corners, nothing
-
>Violence is extremely tame here and a scrape larger than your pinky nail is considered a life threatening injury
-
>Was it always like this?
-
>Do you even want to know?
-
>If anyone were to know it’d be one of the Princesses
-
>When you first arrived here and noticed the Kindergarten mindset you asked Celestia that same question
-
>She just looked at you like she was rebooting and then moved on
-
>Didn’t even acknowledge your question
-
>Something’s up here but you’re not quite sure what
-
>You’re interrupted from your inner monologue by the smell of something burning
-
>You panic for a second looking around before seeing some ponies sitting on logs roasting marshmallows
-
>you should probably head over there
-
>They’ll need adult supervision
-
>how’d they even start a fire?
-
>Getting closer you notice some familiar faces
-
>There are some of your neighbors, including Brilliant
-
>There’s the Baker across the street from the castle
-
>Are they singing Kumbayah? Or the pony equivalent at least
-
>this is gonna be interesting
-
-
>Be High Priestess Brilliant Gleam
-
>The ceremony is in full swing
-
>The sacred chants are reaching their peak
-
>The flames are roasting the sacrifices nicely
-
> When disaster strikes
-
>Brother Knead strayed too close to the sacred pyre and has his hoof engulfed in flame
-
>He wails in pain but none of the other followers intervene, lest they themselves be engulfed
-
>When suddenly, as if by miracle, All Father Anonymous himself descends on brother Knead and extinguishes the fire with one simple kiss
-
>You address the followers
-
>”Truly this day is blessed; the All Father himself has descended from his lair to save brother Knead from his own demise.”
-
>Cheers ring out from the followers as Anonymous gives a nod and sits
-
>He is here to moderate the ceremony obviously
-
>We must offer him a sacrifice
-
-
>Be Anonymous
-
>The Baker Knead Love had a little singe on his hoof from accidently sticking it in the campfire
-
>You kissed it to ease him and pet his back to calm his crying
-
>” *sniff* th-thank you Anon, it r-really hurt.”
-
>Ugh your one weakness, sad ponies
-
“Hey it’s alright Knead, just trying to help.”
-
>How could crystal even get singed?
-
>Petting Knead let you know the crystal they’re made of is really strong
-
>Before you can continue down this line of thinking Brilliant walks up to you and offers you a smore
-
“Aw thanks Brilliant that’s very kind of you”
-
>You take the smore from her and begin to munch down
-
>It’s loaded with sugar, like everything else here, but it’s good
-
>”You’re welcome Anon, anything for a friend.”
-
>Brilliant beams a smile at you
-
>You pass the rest of the night singing campfire songs with the Ponies before bidding them goodnight
-
>Taking a walk was your best decision yet
-
>Be Cadence waking up the next day
-
>Today you must report to Celestia on whether Anonymous is right to join the pantheon
-
>Celestia herself is arriving in order to hear you reasoning
-
>You’ve prepared as much as you could but it’s not enough
-
>You remember what happened when the last acolyte to ascend wasn’t ready
-
>Poor Sunset
-
>But Anonymous isn’t an acolyte, he’s…
-
>Frankly you aren’t sure what he is
-
>He seems to not follow any of the rules
-
>No matter how much harm comes to him, he never seems to notice
-
>He seems to be able to keep up with Celestia mentally, if not surpass her in some areas
-
>Areas such warfare, logic puzzles and many more
-
>Is he… something more?
-
>Before you can continue down this line of thought a knock shakes you back to reality
-
“C-come in”
-
>The door swings open to reveal
-
>CELESTIA?
-
“P-p-princess, how nice of you to drop by, I-I-I was just preparing…”
-
>”Silence”
-
>you immediately snap your mouth shut
-
>”Follow me”
-
>Without another word she turns and walks away
-
>You know better than to keep the princess waiting so you levitate only the most important documents and follow
-
>Harmony protect you
-
>Be Anon, waking up around midday
-
>Hey it’s your day off; you can wake up when you wanna
-
>Pour yourself a big bowl of frosted Luna-O’s
-
>You’re 99% certain its pure sugar but damn if it doesn’t taste good
-
>As you munch you begin to recall last night
-
>Man that was a fun campfire party
-
>You were surprised that many ponies could stay up that late
-
>Most were clocked out at 9pm exactly
-
>Some of the “late night” establishment such as taverns stayed open until about 10pm and even then pony’s eyes were drooping
-
>That bonfire party lasted until midnight at least
-
>You had more s’mores and cider that night than any other time in your life
-
>Still why didn’t Brilliant tell you about that party last night when she delivered your card?
-
>She didn’t even tell you she was going
-
>From your, admittedly limited, experience parties like that were a whole town kind of deal
-
>Maybe the crystal ponies were just warry of you
-
>After all they lived up here with a tyrant for centuries
-
>At least what this world considered a tyrant
-
>Still living in fear tends to make people distrust outsiders
-
>You finish your cereal and go to put your dishes away
-
>After that you go to check your mail
-
>Down in the lobby there isn’t a soul to be seen
-
>Not even the receptionist is behind her desk
-
>You check your mail to see a copy of the newspaper and some miscellaneous letters
-
>Unfurling the paper you see the front page headline
-
>”PRINCESSES CELESTIA AND LUNA TO VISIT CRYSTAL EMPIRE TODAY”
-
>Huh so the princesses are visiting, maybe you should go say hi
-
>After all, it’s been some time since you saw them in person
-
>Just because it’s your day off doesn’t mean you can’t visit the castle
-
>And with that you head out to the castle
-
-
>Be Brilliant Gleam, waking up with a splitting headache
-
>The fog of your mind begins to fade as the events of last night’s ritual begins to come back to you
-
>The chants, the sacrifices, brother Knead nearly dying, then…
-
>Then your lord came and saved him
-
>Truly he is the most benevolent of deities
-
>But the past is the past, and you must prepare for more ceremonies
-
>With the new chants passed down from your lord, the next gathering shall be even better
-
>But that can wait too, for you must resume your civilian life until next you meet
-
>For now you are no longer Brilliant Gleam the High Priestess
-
>No, now as you slip back into the hum drum of civility, you are Brilliant Gleam the Royal Guardsmare
-
>And on this shift, you are faced with both a blessing, and a curse
-
>For you and your squad are to look after Flurry Heart
-
>Anonymous give you the strength to look after his chosen disciple
-
>It’s going to be a long day
-
-
>Be Cadence
-
>Be currently sweating your cutie mark off
-
>Not only is Celestia here to judge your assessment, but her sister Luna is here too
-
>Should they be displeased with your findings you could very well face banishment… or worse
-
>Celestia and Luna were currently pouring over the folder of notes and letters you had compiled on Anonymous
-
>They hadn’t yet asked any questions of you but that made you all the more anxious
-
>Finally after what felt like ages the silence was broken
-
>”Hmm, quite remarkable don’t you think sister.”
-
>”INDEED ANONYMOUS SHOWS MUCH PROMISE”
-
>Oh thank Harmony
-
>”But…”
-
>oh no
-
>”… there is a problem with his… popularity… with the other races”
-
>”AN ASTUTE OBSERVATION SISTER DEAR, BUT HOWEVER SHALL WE REMEDY THIS SITUATION.”
-
>”Well why don’t we pose this conundrum to our gracious host”
-
>Both princesses turned their heads towards you with a look that can only be considered malevolent
-
“O-of course.”
-
>You swallow saliva nervously and continue
-
“P-perhaps we could… discus with the other races about how to handle his ascension?”
-
>you tried to phrase it like a statement but your voice betrayed you
-
>They both stare at you for a minute
-
>”An excellent idea, don’t you think Luna?”
-
>”I DO SISTER, TRULY REMARKABLE.”
-
>Wait what?
-
>”After all most of these races seem extremely serious about making their case, why don’t we hear them out.”
-
>Is… is this actually working? Are you actually not gonna get thrown into Tartarus?
-
>”And who better to put this plan into action than the mare who suggested it.”
-
>Oh sweet Harmony
-
>So that’s their plan
-
“Of course Celestia, I would be honored”
-
>You bow as it’s the only thing you can do
-
>Suddenly a knock at the door draws all of your attentions
-
>”You may enter”
-
>A guardpony pokes their head from behind the door
-
>”Sorry to interrupt your highnesses, but Anonymous is here to see you.”
-
>”Ah wonderful, please send him in.”
-
>Oh merciful Harmony this day just keeps getting better and better
-
-
-
>Be Anon
-
>Currently be waiting for the guard to come back
-
>You’re getting a bit impatient but a small explosion across the room draws your attention
-
>The doors are blown off their hinges when a familiar ball of energy comes barreling towards you
-
>Flurry slams into your gut knocking the wind out of your sails
-
“Oof … hey Flurry good to see you”
-
>You strain to regain your breath as Flurry just cutely chuckles in your arms
-
“Say shouldn’t there be someone watching you right now?”
-
>As the words leave your lips a squad of guardponies comes rushing in to the waiting room
-
>”Has anyone seen Flurry Heart?”
-
“Yeah… over here”
-
>You wave over the guards to come collect the little rugrat
-
>”Ah Anon, thanks for the help.”
-
>A guardsmare trots up to you, she seems strangely familiar
-
>as you start to hand of Flurry she grabs on to your sleeve and won’t let go
-
>How does she do that with just hooves?
-
“Now, now flurry it’s been fun but you’ve got to go with the guards”
-
>Flurry shakes her head rapidly
-
>”Un-uh, Non-non”
-
>You give the guardsmare an apologetic smile and turn your attention back to Flurry
-
“Come on Flurry, now is not the time. It really was nice but I’m here to see your momma.”
-
>Flurry just grips even tighter at your words
-
>”He’s right Flurry it’s your lunchtime, and then a nap. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
-
>Oh boy, lunchtime with Flurry was always a chore; it must be hell on these tiny ponies
-
>”NON-NON, NON-NON”
-
>Flurry is really starting to get on your nerves
-
>Time to break out the big guns
-
“Flurry, go eat lunch with the nice mare… now.”
-
>It always makes you feel bad to use your “dad voice” but it’s for the best
-
>As you’re speaking you see some of the ponies around you flinch, and Flurry stops screaming
-
>Flurry looks at you and
-
>Oh good god no… she’s gonna cry
-
>Her eyes well up and…
-
>”W-W-W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
-
>Oh god, oh fuck, this is bad. Like up shitscreek bad.
-
>Think Anon think
-
“Uh… uh…Hey Flurry after I’m done talking with you mom… uh we can go get some pasteries.”
-
>Really faggot that’s the best you can come up with
-
>Shut up brain it was you who came up with it
-
>While you’re having an internal monologue you begin to notice the crying suddenly fades into sniffling
-
>”P-pwoma?”
-
“Yeah Flurry I promise.”
-
>Flurry, still somewhat sad, releases her death grip on your sleeve and gets on the back of the Guardsmare
-
>”Thanks Anon we were having a lot of trouble handling her.”
-
“Sure, no problem.”
-
>As the guard carries Flurry on her back, Flurry turns and waves at you
-
>”Bye, Non-non”
-
>You give her a small wave as they exit the now destroyed doorway
-
>From the opposite door another guard enters
-
>”Anonymous, the princesses will see you now. Please follow me.”
-
>That’s your cue
-
>Time to go say hi
-
>And maybe tell Cadence about the door…
-
>Nah
-
-
>Be Guardsmare Brilliant Gleam
-
>Be feeding Flurry Heart
-
>You were not expecting to see your lord Dadnonymous today
-
>His chosen disciple Flurry must have sensed his arrival because of the bond they share
-
>You remember vividly his demeanor when he was scolding the chosen disciple
-
>You shudder at the thought as you remember how his voice pierced the veil of reality showing, if only for a moment, his wrath
-
>Even you, versed as you are in peering behind the veil, were shaken deep to your core
-
>The pressure he exerted nearly broke you, luckily your guard training helped you hold firm
-
>Then it disappeared as quickly as it came
-
>It let up so quickly you almost thought it was never there
-
>Flurry burps as she finishes up her meal of mashed carrots and hay
-
>Time to put Cadence’s spawn to bed
-
>As you make your way to Flurry’s room a thought crosses your mind
-
>Is Flurry truly the spawn of Cadence and Shining Armor?
-
>You have no doubt the love goddess is the mother to this child, but could a mortal stallion like Shining Armor really help in conceiving this child?
-
>Flurry has far too much power and energy
-
>Even when factoring in that Shining is one of the most powerful unicorns out there, the raw power and near limitless energy Flurry displays is far too much
-
>As you’re tucking in Flurry you notice some arcane symbols scrawled on parchment strewn about
-
>they’re crude but… familiar
-
>you’ve seen these symbols before…
-
>Anonymous
-
>Of course, it all makes sense
-
-
>Be Anon
-
>Be currently looking at what apparently is a top secret meeting of the princesses
-
>It’s honestly just a glorified tea party
-
>You notice a small folder with the words “SUPER SECRET DOCUMENTS’ written in crayon with little hearts and flowers drawn around it
-
“Afternoon Princess Celestia it’s a lovely day isn’t it”
-
>Celestia gives you a warm smile
-
>”Ah Anonymous what a pleasure it is to see you, it has been too long.”
-
“I agree princess but working with Flurry keeps me pretty tide up”
-
>Sometimes literally
-
>You let out a small chuckle and look over at Luna who seems to be pouting a little
-
“And Princess Luna, did you honestly think I forgot you?”
-
>”Thou couldst have made it a tad more obvious.”
-
>Luna huffs a little but seems to ease up a little
-
“Do you princesses mind if I sit down?”
-
>”Not at all Anonymous, and do help yourself to the refreshments.”
-
>You grab a seat opposite Celestia
-
>Since you arrived here the only creature that has a similar mindset to you has been Celestia
-
>It makes a bit of sense considering she’s just about the oldest living being on the planet
-
>Even then she still displayed some childlike mentality
-
>”So Anonymous what have you been doing with Flurry that keeps you so occupied
-
>Ah shit, quick think of something non conspicuous
-
“Oh you know, this and that”
-
>”Forgive our ignorance sir Anonymous, but we do not. After all tis why our sister posed the question.”
-
>Crap, Luna’s got you there
-
“Well, I have been teaching Flurry cursive. It’s slow going, but we’re making good progress.”
-
>Great save Anon
-
>At least it would have been, if the Princesses didn’t look at you like deer caught in your headlights
-
>”C-cursive”
-
>”But Anonymous, cursive is so challenging.”
-
>”Indeed, and for you to start her so young… truly it is too much for her.”
-
>You expected some surprise but not in this way
-
“Actually she’s really gotten the hang of it. She can even write her own name. I mean sure her penmanship is a little sloppy but she’s still young, she’ll improve with time.”
-
>The princesses turn to look at each other then back to you
-
>Princess Celestia speaks up
-
>”If you’re certain Anonymous, but please go easy on Flurry.”
-
“I assure you Princess; I’ll take the lessons slow.”
-
>You pass some time talking about various non-topics
-
“Well, it was great talking with you Princesses; we really should do this again sometime.”
-
>”Of course Anonymous it’s always lovely seeing you.”
-
>”Indeed, we shall miss thee.”
-
>You wave goodbye to them and start walking away
-
>You still have one more pony to see today
-
>Flurry Heart is gonna love Knead’s pastries
by Anonstigator
by Anonstigator
by Anonstigator
by Anonstigator