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Tree Hugger and Guard Anon - Not finished

By X-Roads
Created: 2021-04-28 02:17:55
Expiry: Never
anontree huggeranon in equestriablooddrugs

  1. “Finally...”
  2. >Opening the door to your office, you sluggishly scuffle inside and throw your heavy winter jacket onto a nearby chair before you listlessly approach your desk.
  3. >Today was exhausting to say the least and it is far from over.
  4. >Your gaze falls on the somewhat huge stack of unfinished paperwork, blank reports and unsorted documents.
  5. >Paper warfare... Your favourite.
  6. >With a quiet groan you sit down and give the papery pile a quick look-over.
  7. “Hmm...”
  8. >It seems that it mostly consists of simple reports you just have to fill out and then sort. So you should be done relatively quickly.
  9. >Luckily.
  10. >Yawning, you consult the clock on your wall and have to assess that it is already a quarter past five.
  11. >If you don't hurry up and begin immediately, it will be well after sunset before you are able to leave this damned office.
  12. >So you grab your favourite pen and the topmost sheet of paper and get down to work.
  13. “Lets see...”
  14. >You are Anon.
  15. “Case number two thousand and thirty eight. Culprit's name... Carrot Top...”
  16. >Human, amateur chef, part time alcoholic and proud member of Ponyville's guard unit.
  17. “Age... twenty four. Colour of coat... Light yellow. Colour of mane and tail... Bright Orange. Cutie mark... Three carrots.”
  18. >And you love your job.
  19. “Name of offence... Unarmed assault. Okay... Detailed description of events... Fuck this shit.”
  20. >Usually.
  21. “Towards four o'clock in the afternoon we received several reports that two mares were in a verbal conflict at the market place over the last...”, you groan, “Bushel of apples.”
  22. >You love doing all the actual guard stuff, like patrolling, standing sentinel over whatever event happens to take place in town and warding off the occasional bandit raid or timberwolf attack.
  23. “Which quickly escalated after the culprit began to insult the victim.”
  24. >But this... You despise this.
  25. >Even if the next part is kinda funny... Should you include this?
  26. “Hmm...”
  27. >It's not really appropriate for a report though...
  28. >Eh, why not.
  29. >It's not like that anyone will ever read this again.
  30. >At least not any time soon.
  31. “She whipped the bushel out of the victim's hooves, paid the sales pony and then proceeded to walk away. Thereupon the victim accused the culprit of only buying the apples so that she can shove them into her coltfriendless cun-... Vagina.”
  32. >Heh. Sometimes paperwork can be fun.
  33. >But sadly this is just an exception to the boring rule.
  34. >Sighing deeply, you stretch yourself and check your cup's contents.
  35. >Some cold coffee from this morning is still left in it... You normally aren't down on it, but the coffee here is warm already shit and could be classified as literal poison when cold.
  36. >Better get a fresh cup and then continue with your work.
  37. >...
  38. >One hour has passed and you managed to get roughly a third of the stack done.
  39. >You should at least do half of it before you go home or you risk your free weekend.
  40. >And you have a few things planned on it... Mostly sleeping in and getting pleasantly drunk with one of your friends.
  41. >Well... Friends. You honestly only have two real ones.
  42. >But not because you are a human, oh no.
  43. >There is another one living here and the ponies like him well enough.
  44. >He goes by the name of Mous and lives for quite a bit longer than you here in this lovely town.
  45. >Coincidentally he and his marefriend Rainbow Dash, part of the elements of harmony and self-proclaimed most awesomest pegasus alive, are the aforementioned friends of yours.
  46. >It's not like you didn't try to make some more, but...
  47. >Most ponies are not too keen on your rugged looks, gallows humour and tendency to solve problems with force.
  48. >Relics of your past here in Equestria...
  49. >Unlike your friend who got integrated into the pony society the nice way, due to the fact that he appeared right in the outskirts of Ponyville, you, on the other hand, had the immense luck to materialise in the jerkwater town of Tirek's Crossing somewhere in the eastern swamps.
  50. >What happened there is a story you like to keep to yourself and would love to forget sometimes, but it also made you the man you are today.
  51. >The details don't... really matter. At least not any more. What matters is that you ended up in some mercenary corps after quite some trouble and then spent the next three years of your life as a blade for hire.
  52. >A path which led you to Ponyville where you met Mous and promptly abandoned your mess mates after he proposed you to stay with him here.
  53. >For some time you lived with him and Rainbow until you got hired as a guard, thanks to your combat experience, and bought yourself your own abode from your first pay.
  54. >And the rest is history.
  55. >Good times... At least most of them.
  56. >A sudden knock on your door rips you out of your thoughts.
  57. “Yes?”
  58.  
  59. >With a quiet creak the door opens and from behind it emerges a well known face.
  60. >It's Soaring Thunder. A colleague and somewhat good acquaintance of yours.
  61. >You wouldn't call him a friend, but you share a few ciders after work with him from to time at the local watering hole and talk about the important things in life like mares, weapons and money.
  62. >Well... You talk about mares that is. He is already married and very happily at that too.
  63. >But that doesn't stop him from throwing his oars in when you talk about the lass that currently occupies your mind.
  64. >The middle aged, dove grey pegasus enters your office and greets you with a tip of his faded red cap and a chipped smile.
  65. >Something he owes to a diamond dog bandit's mace, back when they used to regularly raid Sweet Apple Acres for supplies.
  66. >You... Your unit was able to drive them back most of the times and when they had to retreat for the fifth time in a row without any loot to carry home they hastily left and probably looked for an easier target.
  67. >At least that is what you hope... There are rumours and reports of shadowy figures stalking the town and its outskirts in the dead of the night.
  68. >Preferably you would have pursued them right after they showed signs of leaving, but that decision was not in your range of authority.
  69. >That's a job for the Royal Guard apparently.
  70. >Sadly...
  71. >Anyway.
  72. “Hey Soaring.”, you return his smile and beckon him to come closer, “What can I do for you?”
  73. >”Greetings, Anon. How are you doing? Still working I see?”
  74. >He closes the door behind him and trots to your desk with his signature limp.
  75. >The last gift of a timberwolf to him before it found its end on the blade of Thunder's spear.
  76. >You chuckle and kick a chair out for him.
  77. “Yep. Work never ends, yunno? Especially paperwork.”
  78. >Soaring pushes it back in and shakes his head.
  79. “Huh? You're in a hurry or what?”
  80. >”Kinda... Sorry mate. I just wanted to ask you a favour.”
  81. >A favour?
  82. >That's a rarity.
  83. “Uh... Of course. What is it?”
  84. >The stallion fishes a thin, brown folder out of his saddlebags and throws it on your desk.
  85. >”Could you take over a case for me?”
  86. >In an instant the smile on your face vanishes and a muffled groan escapes your lips as you cross your arms.
  87. “Eh... I don't know. I have a shitload to do myself as you can surely see.”
  88. >”I know, I know! But my wife practically begged me to come home on time for a change. Her dragon of a mother is visiting us and she wants to dine out...”
  89. >He sighs.
  90. >”By Celestia... That mare is a fury I tell you!”
  91. >Snickering, you take a sip of your now lukewarm coffee.
  92. >Meh... Even lukewarm it is unfit for consumption.
  93. >That's why you usually get your caffeine fix from Sugarcube Corner... But today you didn't really have the time since you overslept.
  94. “I feel you, Thunder. Want me to arrest her? I'm sure I can find a reason to warrant that.”
  95. >Thunder bellows a hearty laughter and waves you off.
  96. >”Oh how I would like that! But I fear that would cost me my wife and I have grown quite fond of her over all those years.”
  97. >Aww, how sweet.
  98. “Okay. Just hit me up if you change your mind. But still...”
  99. >He snorts and inspects the pile of paperwork on your desk.
  100. >”Yeah, yeah. I gotcha kid. What do you have here?”
  101. “Uhm... Mostly unfinished reports and some other shit that I still have to pigeon hole.”
  102. >”Are the reports from this month?”
  103. >You nod and pull the reports in question out of the stack.
  104. “Yep. The bulk is from that smuggler ring we busted last week and the rest is some minor stuff like theft. “
  105. >With an unbelievable speed he snatches the sheets out of your hand and stashes them away in his saddlebags.
  106. “Hey!”
  107. >”I will tell ya what, kid. If you take over this case for me, I will fill out all these reports for you. I was involved in them anyway so it doesn't matter who fills them out.”
  108. >Closing his bags, he beams you a smile.
  109. >”So whatcha saying? Do we have a deal?”
  110. “I guess... You kinda decided that on your own just now though.”
  111. >”Eh.”, he blows you a raspberry, “Don't be like that. Actually you should be thankful that I freed you from all this boring red tape.”
  112. >Heh. Where he's right, he's right.
  113. >Chuckling, you hold your hand out and he puts his hoof in it to seal the deal.
  114. “We have a deal. Thanks then.”
  115. >”You're welcome and thanks too. You really saved my ass here... My wife would tear me limb from limb if I'm tardy tonight.”
  116. >You retrieve your arm and kill your coffee off before it turns into cold poison.
  117. “What or who is this case about anyhow?”
  118. >”The name's on the folder mate. So use your eyes. But I think you know her already. She's kinda a regular here.”
  119. “A regular, huh?”, you say and take the file into your hands.
  120. >Tree Hugger... Yep, that name rings a bell.
  121. >”Eyyup. Anyway, I'm sure you can handle her. Gotta go now. Thanks again mate.”
  122. “No problem. Greet your bandage clip from me.”
  123. >He chuckles and shoots you a wave before he heads for the door.
  124. >”Will do. Should I send her in on my way out?”
  125. “Who? Your mother-in-law? If she is only half as bad as you told me, better not.”
  126. >”Nah. Tree Hugger, ya dolt.”
  127. “I know, I know Thunder. Please do.”
  128. >”Okay mate. Have a nice evening for me.”
  129. “See ya.”
  130. >”So long, kid.”
  131.  
  132. >The door closes behind your colleague with the same high pitched creak as before and you decide to have a quick flip through Tree Hugger's file to get an idea why she is even here.
  133. >Something yo u probably should have asked Thunder before he left, but... Eh...
  134. >Mistakes were made.
  135. >So... Lets see.
  136. “Hmm.”
  137. >Her records reveal nothing too interesting... She is twenty two years old, works in some wildlife preservation organization and lives, judging by the attached picture, a very alternative lifestyle.
  138. >You would say that most ponies do that, but maybe that is just you and your history on earth.
  139. >She seems to have a bit of a drug problem though.
  140. “Possession of Crownroot... Cultivation of Crownroot ... Possession of Burning Desire?”
  141. >Huh? As far as you know the latter is not really an offence.
  142. >Burning Desire is basically just a hardcore aphrodisiac and can be bought in virtually every pharmacy.
  143. >If you have the money of course... That stuff is expensive as hell.
  144. >Not that you ever bought some or can speak from experience... But Mous feels the immense need to keep you updated on his sex life whenever he is drunk.
  145. >Including on how he spices it up.
  146. >It's a bit annoying but also makes you kinda jealous.
  147. >How long has it been? Two years? That one gryphon with the kink for blood?
  148. >By god... She loved to sink her talons deeply into your back while she rode you like there was no tomorrow.
  149. >Her screams are something you will never forget... As well as the way she licked your blood of her claws after the two of you were finished.
  150. >What was her name? Swift Claw? Yeah... That sounds familiar.
  151. >It wasn't her real one though, just the alias she chose for her existence as a mercenary.
  152. >Yours was Sundowner. Not exactly imaginative but your customers loved it.
  153. >Made you sound... Strong and deadly.
  154. >Didn't she fall victim to some warlock's spell? Or did she just retire?
  155. >You can't seem too remember.
  156. >Why though?
  157. >...
  158. >Anyway... Those are bygone times. Back to the here and now.
  159. >Maybe she sold it? That's prosecutable when you don't have a license.
  160. >At least you think so.
  161. >Yeah... You are not really as up to date as you should be on the law. You are more the physical problem solver type of guy.
  162. >Okay. So it is safe to assume that...
  163. “Yep.”
  164. >She's here for another drug offence.
  165. >For the possession of Crownroot again. Looks like this mare never learns.
  166. >Meh... Soaring Thunder could really done this himself. Just fine her, thrust the pamphlet about the dangers of drugs into her hooves and then send the mare on her merry way.
  167. >Equestria's laws on drugs are not exactly strict as long as you don't decide to sell them or have a habit of consuming the more dangerous ones like cockatrice bile or Idru grass.
  168. >The former is just highly addicting but the latter has the nasty tendency to turn the ponies who overdose on it into frenzied berserkers who cannot distinguish the ones they love from the nightmares they hallucinate and try to defend themselves from.
  169. >An aftermath of such a trip is not what you or anyone would call a pretty sight... Especially when the addict was an unicorn.
  170. >Magic is both a fascinating and terrifying thing.
  171. >Your old scars begin to hurt...
  172. “Damn.”
  173. >How much did she carry with her anyway?
  174. “Just half a gram... Eh...”
  175. >That's almost nothing. You wouldn't even arrest a pony for that quantity.
  176. >You take a smell at the enclosed paper bag.
  177. >Smells... Savoury, not unlike thyme and rosemary but with a bit more sweetness and a hint of citrus fruits to it.
  178. >Not bad... You wouldn't mind a scented candle that smells like this for your bathroom.
  179. >Putting the bag away again, you take a look at the clock that hangs over your office's door.
  180. >Half past six... Roughly thirty minutes of sunlight left.
  181. >Even with Thunder taking the bulk of your paper warfare out of your hands, you still have quite a bit to sort and file.
  182. >Speaking of time... Where is she?
  183. >She wouldn't dare to ju-
  184. >* knock *
  185. >Phew... There she is.
  186. >For a moment you feared you had to add a pursuit to your to do list.
  187. “Come in!”
  188.  
  189. >And for the third time on this busy evening your door opens, strangely enough without its signature and annoying creak this time, and a green earth pony mare comes walking through it.
  190. >”Greetings.”
  191. >On a more or less straight course much to your astonishment.
  192. “Miss Hugger, I assume?”
  193. >Most drug convicts don't have the decency to do that and stumble wildly through your office, knocking your poor furniture over and sometimes utterly destroying it.
  194. >”You would be right on that assumption.”, she says and quietly closes the door behind her.
  195. >Not even a slight drawl or stutter. You're impressed.
  196. “Wonderful.”, you beckon her to sit down with a wave of your hand, “I'm guard Anon. Take a seat please.”
  197. >”Gotcha.”
  198. >Tree Hugger takes a moment to admire your office and then begins to sluggishly approach the chair you've pushed out for her.
  199. >Each step of hers is planned and calculated several moments in advance. Probably with the intention of giving you the illusion that she's sober.
  200. >Which she clearly isn't... If her tread didn't give her away already, her red eyes or wildly flickering ears would have done that soon enough.
  201. >Typical signs of a pony who recently consumed quite high amounts of Crownroot.
  202. >But she seems rather confident in her act, so you don't say anything and let her have her fun.
  203. >The harlequin green mare finally reaches the wooden sitting device and awkwardly climbs onto it. That goofy smile she sported all this time never leaving her lips.
  204. >Kinda cute to be honest.
  205. >One of her hooves slip off the smooth, polished surface and she barely saves herself from harshly meeting your office's cold stone floor.
  206. >”Whoa!”
  207. >You sigh and open her file, pretending to read in it so you don't have to witness this tragedy.
  208. >At last she overcomes the perilous climb that is your twelve bit Neighkea chair and lets out a satisfied sigh.
  209. >”Wehew.”, she chortles and wipes a bead of sweat from her forehead.
  210. >Lets keep this short and sweet. There is still some red tape just screaming at you to finish it.
  211. “Okay, now that you finally have arrived...”
  212. >A slight blush appears on her cheeks.
  213. “I suppose you know why you're here.”
  214. >She shifts around until she gets into a comfortable sitting position, giggles and then shoots you a wonky nod, causing some of her dreadlocks to fall into her face.
  215. >”Oops.”
  216. >Snickering like a mad mare, she brushes the matted strands of hair out of her field of view.
  217. >”Better... And yeah. I got, like, caught doing something I wasn't supposed to do.”
  218. “Yes... One could put it like this.”, you take the bag of Crownroot from the small pocket in the file's folder and throw it onto the desk.
  219. >It lands right before her and you can see her eyes go wide.
  220. “To be exact we caught you smoking the contents of this bag. And according to our records this isn't the first time we caught you doing this either.”
  221. >Tree Hugger snorts.
  222. >”Well, what can I say... Either I seem to attract you guys like flies or I just suck at hiding.”
  223. >A joker, eh?
  224. >Seriously though... You assume that it could be her smell that betrayed her.
  225. >Not that she reeks or anything like that, but she is devoid of any artificial fragrances and thus preserved her natural, somewhat horsey, scent.
  226. >Which lets her kinda stick out here in Ponyville...
  227. >Unlike most other ponies who tend to shower or bathe themselves with overly flowery or fruity shampoos, she appears to just use water instead.
  228. >Honestly... You quite like it.
  229. >Reminds you of your times with the corps... No one had the zest nor the money to wash themselves with anything else than water either.
  230. >Almost all of your pay was almost instantly spend on repairs, food that the supply unit didn't provide for free and alcohol, preferably of the hard variety.
  231. >And sometimes on the occasional easy mare found on some town's more dimly lit streets.
  232. >But that's not the current topic.
  233. >A stifled chuckle escapes your lips and you close her record, shoving it a bit to the side.
  234. “Well, you wouldn't need to hide if you just would quit your habits. But...”, you lean back and cross your arms behind your head, “I think you heard that sermon several times by now, so I will spare you it and just cut straight to the point.”
  235. >She titters and cocks her head.
  236. >”Righteous~ How much?”
  237. “Given that you only carried about half a gram with you and your past offences are of a similar nature and by far nothing I would call “Threatening to the Equestrian society”...”, you put your last words in air quotes, eliciting a giggle from the mare, “Either... Lets say... Twenty bits and you are free to go.”
  238. >That's pretty much just a symbolic gesture so you have something to write into your report and looks like you have properly done your job.
  239. >Ponies like her are harmless. They just want to be left alone and enjoy their chosen way of relaxation in peace.
  240. >Unlike others, often of a much higher social status than her, who you encountered in your life as a mercenary here in Equestria.
  241. >And as long as they don't do the dangerous and unpredictable stuff or wreck your possessions you are fine with whatever they want to do with their lives.
  242. >You have done far worse, so who are you to judge?
  243. >Also she has a job and doesn't sit on her rump all day and gets high off her aforementioned and, to be frank, very well formed posterior.
  244. >So why unnecessarily bother her?
  245. >”Whoa! Really, dude?”
  246. >She claps her hooves together, marvelling at the sound they made for a moment and then beams you the widest smile you have seen in quite some time.
  247. >”That's like the least amount of dosh anypony has ever fined me for smoking the Crown!”
  248. >Snickering like a filly who just has discovered that Hearth's Warming Eve comes with presents, she opens a small pouch that hangs from her neck and fishes one golden and two silver coins out of it.
  249. >”Here ya go!”
  250. “Thank you.”
  251. >You take the money out of her hooves, open a small wooden box on your desk and throw it into it.
  252. >The moment the coins make contact with the rest of the box's monetary contents, it snaps shut and a bright red number flashes up on it.
  253. >It reads: Four hundred and thirty two.
  254. >That's the current amount of bits that it holds. When it exceeds five hundred you have to submit it to Mayor Mare so she can add the money to Ponyville's funds and finance another stupid project of hers.
  255. >Like the renovation of the town hall that was so desperately needed or the relocation of all blacksmiths and shops that sell materials for the more combat oriented schools of magic into the outskirts of Ponyville so the town is more appealing to tourists.
  256. >To your mind that mare is crazy and just flings away money left and right instead of thinking for a moment what the town really needs.
  257. >But ponies somehow voted for her so there is not much that you can do.
  258. >Also she kinda signs your pay check... So you refrain from being all too vocal about her.
  259. >”Heh!”
  260. >Tree Hugger though is visibly impressed by this simple enchantment and shows this by whistling loudly and somewhat out of tune.
  261. >”Never gets old!”
  262. >You laugh quietly at her silly comment and put the box away in one of your desk's many drawers.
  263. “When you see it every day it kinda does. You can take my word for it.”
  264.  
  265. >”Gotcha. So...”
  266. “Yes?”
  267. >”That's it? I can, like, go home now?”
  268. >”Yes, that's basically it. Usually I would give you the pamphlet about the dangers of drugs now...”, you say and reach down to the carton where you keep the small informative fliers.
  269. >”Nah dude! Keep 'em!”, she cuts you off, “I have so many of these things I could repaper my whole house with them. Also...”
  270. >Her formerly so happy expression hardens a bit and a quiet, sad sounding, sigh escapes her.
  271. >”Each and every one of them was a tree at some point of its life. So...”, the corners of her mouths go up a bit, forming a small smile, “Keep 'em for somepony who really needs one.”
  272. >Chuckling, you retrieve your hand again and shoot her an understanding nod.
  273. “Gotcha.”
  274. >”Righteous.”
  275. >The verdant mare returns your gesture and hops off your chair, landing more or less elegantly on her four hooves.
  276. >A bit astounded that she managed that sheer impossible feat without face planting it, she lets out a silent, happy squee before holding a hoof out to you.
  277. >Leaning forward, you take it into your hand and shake it.
  278. >”I will take my leave then. Have a nice evening.”
  279. “Good bye. Have a safe trip home, Miss Hugger.”
  280. >”Thank you.”
  281. >She turns around and begins to trot off, but the quiet sound of you putting the bag containing her drugs into her file and closing it stops the mare in her tracks and makes her look over her withers at you.
  282. >”Uhm...”
  283. >Oh my... You know where this is going.
  284. “Yes? Do you need something else?”
  285. >”That may sound, like, silly, but... That bag kinda was my evening entertainment. Since you are such a cool guy and all... Well... I don't suppose I could get it back?”
  286. >You chuckle and raise your eyebrow.
  287. >So many other ponies asked the same of you and you refused each and every one of them their wish.
  288. >But you are considering to break this trend for her.
  289. >Why?
  290. >You don't know.
  291. >Something about her just clicks with you..
  292. “I will tell you what, Miss Hugger.”
  293. >Maybe it's her friendly and realistic nature or it's the fact that she didn't trash any of your furniture as yet.
  294. >Probably the latter. You like it when ponies do that. Earns them instant plus points.
  295. >Also...
  296. >Considering most ponies of her kind usually breath fire and brimstone at you, she on the other hand displayed some really good manners.
  297. >No insults, no hissy fits and no condemning the law and system.
  298. >She chose the life she wanted to live and takes the consequences that came with that choice, despite the fact that she will always be bothered by the likes of you.
  299. >At least it seems like that.
  300. >Commendable. You can respect that.
  301. >Tree Hugger giggles and paws the ground.
  302. >”Oh please drop the Miss. Just Tree Hugger or do as my friends do and call me Treezies.”
  303. >Treezies... Sounds somewhat stupid but you refrain from sneering.
  304. >”But I interrupted you. Please continue.”
  305. “Okay... Treezies.”, an amused titter leaves her lips, “I will take a look out of my window here for a moment or two to... You know... To check if any crimes are happening in my general vicinity right now.”
  306. >With every word leaving your mouth, her smile grows wider and wider.
  307. >”Ah... I understand. Important guard stuff!”
  308. “Exactly. And if anything goes missing while I am doing this, I suppose I will just have to accept it and replace whatever went missing from the evidence room.”
  309. >It's just half a gram anyhow... So no one will ever have to know.
  310. >Given your conscience doesn't get the better of you and makes you confess your misdeed to your superiors.
  311. >...
  312. >Nah, very unlikely to happen.
  313. >Your conscience didn't give a single fuck back in Hoofington either, when you...
  314. “Hnngh...”
  315. >The pendant hanging from your neck, an old memento, starts to suddenly emit an immense heat, threatening to burn a hole in your chest.
  316. >You brush it away through your shirt and rub the spot it seemingly seared.
  317. >No, fuck that memory.
  318. >Anyway...
  319. >So why should it act up now?
  320. >Tree Hugger shoots you an inquisitive and unsure look.
  321. >”Like really, dude?”
  322. “Of course. And I will do this about...”, you turn your chair around, “Now.”
  323. >For a moment there is only silence, like she is pondering if you are tricking her or not.
  324. “What a nice view... I especially like how no crimes are committed in it.”
  325. >It really is. Celestia's sun is setting, dousing the ponies on the street in a lovely orange light and slowly making way for Luna's pale moon.
  326. >Then, suddenly, you hear a hurried rustle on your desk followed by the distinct sound of hooves galloping on stone floor.
  327. >”Thanks!”
  328. “For what?”
  329. >She laughs heartily and you hear her opening your door.
  330. >”For being the coolest guard around!”
  331. >You snort and shake your head.
  332. “All in a day's work.”
  333. >And with that said, your door closes and you wait a second before turning yourself around again.
  334. >For whatever reason, a small smile appears on your lips when you see that the bag is gone.
  335. “Well...”
  336. >Time to go to the evidence room and grab about half a gram of Crownroot.
  337. >After that you will probably call it a day.
  338. >No use in destroying that current sense of content that so rarely resides in your head by doing boring red tape.
  339. >That can wait until after the weekend.
  340.  
  341. >Stretching your tired arms, you get up from your comfy fake-leather chair and throw Tree Hugger's file on your now much smaller to-do stack before you leave your office and head to the evidence room.
  342. >The guardhouse is usually delightfully empty at this time of the day and today is no exception...
  343. >Only out of a few other offices you can hear the sounds of your colleagues working and still going about their business.
  344. >Of course the reception is still occupied too, in case some distressed citizen needs to report a crime or the directions to the nearest public convenience.
  345. >A lovely, watchet front desk filly called Dew Drop holds the fort there and tries her hardest to look busy while she reads her fashion magazines.
  346. >She's kinda the guardhouse's mascot and for a good while you had a crush on her, but... That didn't work out so well.
  347. >You never asked her out or something else in that matter, but she made it pretty clear that she has no interest in you with her body language alone.
  348. >So you stopped caring and moved on.
  349. >Still you can't resist to cast a glance at her once in a while and wonder what it would be like to be her boy- or coltfriend.
  350. >Especially when she puts her mane in a ponytail and wears that sweet, flowery perfume you love so much.
  351. >A real shame that she despises you and everything you stand for. Particularly your past as a blade for hire.
  352. >You don't really know why though... Maybe she had bad experiences with mercenaries in the past or she hates the sole idea of them existing.
  353. >It is true that some bands or corps are nothing more than robber barons or federalize with bandits to attain riches and other worldly goods, but yours was the total opposite of them.
  354. >Helping out villages with no own guard unit or assisting Equestria's military in smaller operations and expeditions.
  355. >Well... Most of the time. But those who broke ranks were punished accordingly.
  356. >Anyhow...
  357. >You pass the tea kitchen and scrunch up your nose when the smell of the acid that the stallion that works there calls coffee invades it.
  358. >Oh god... Smells acrid and like... Death.
  359. >He tries... He really does. Coming up with a new recipe and mixture nearly every day.
  360. >But despite his constant and strenuous efforts he just doesn't seem to get any better at brewing coffee.
  361. >At least he is a damn fine shoot with a bow... The best in Ponyville as a matter of fact.
  362. >Last summer he managed to bring down nosediving roc with a single arrow through its eye and pinned its head to the clocktower's minute hand.
  363. >Well... Technically it's called minute hoof here in Equestria, but who cares.
  364. >It was a bloody mess and spectacular to boot.
  365. >Straight Arrow, the stallion's name, greets you with a wave and a smile and then proceeds to compound more poison in his unholy cauldron.
  366. >He must be preparing tomorrow's batch...
  367. >Quickly returning his gestures, you increase your pace and leave the stirrer's laboratory behind you.
  368. “Phew...”
  369. >Finally... Somewhat fresh air again.
  370. >An AC would really do that place good.
  371. >”Hey Anon!”, a feminine voice hollers from behind you.
  372. >Huh?
  373. >You stop in your tracks and look over your shoulder.
  374. “Oh... Hi Honey Dawn. You still here?”
  375. >The amber unicorn mare snorts and shoots you a hefty nod, ruffling her blood red, shoulder long mane.
  376. >She's the unit's head medic and thus is responsible for patching everyone's sorry ass back together when something goes terribly wrong.
  377. >What she can do with her magic is just astonishing... From a shallow cut to a gaping gash, there is nothing that she can't heal or at least temporarily fix.
  378. >Also she's quite proficient in pyromancy: The art of manipulating and conjuring fire.
  379. >A very old and nowadays by the Crystal Inquisition forbidden school of combat magic. So the fact that she uses it in battle is a well hidden secret among Ponyville's guards.
  380. >Why?
  381. >Probably because this school has the annoying tendency to turn the caster and all misfortunate souls around him or her into burning pony confetti when a miscast happens.
  382. >Dangerous as hell but an absolute blast to witness. Especially when she summons searing elemental guardians to aid her in the thick of the battle or decides to let molten earth rain from the sky to unleash tartarus on her enemies.
  383. >Just like in a certain online roleplaying game you used to play religiously back on earth.
  384. >Tcha... The memories.
  385. >”Yeah... Still have a fuckton of paperwork and other shit to do. I guess the same goes for you?”
  386. >You do a “so-so” gesture and sigh,
  387. “Kinda. There's still some stuff left on my desk, but I will do that after the weekend. Actually I'm on my way to... Check something in the evidence room and then I will call it a day.”
  388. >”Aww... Lucky you. I will probably be here till dawn.”
  389. “That bad?”
  390. >”Yah. The pencil pushers at the Royal Guard want their quarterly report on how much I have spent on medical supplies and similar shit. And I still have to find a way to justify all those soul stones I purchased.”
  391. >Oh, soul stones. That's the stuff she needs to breathe life into her elementals. As far as you know one costs a small fortune.
  392. “Eh, that sucks. Why not tell them you experiment with those?”
  393. >She groans and shakes her head.
  394. >”Didn't work last time, so I doubt it will now. Perhaps I'm just gonna file them under abnormal expenses and pray to Celestia's glorious flanks they will overlook them. If they don't, then... Well...”
  395. >Honey Dawn chortles.
  396. >”I will have to kiss my holiday this year good bye and pay them myself. Then they at least stop to ask pesky questions why I needed them.”
  397. “That would suck even more.”
  398. >”Yeah, but what can I do? Admit I'm a firebug and risk to be thrown into some damp dungeon to rot until they decide I served my time? Nah, mate. Not gonna happen.”
  399. “Understandable. I heard that Canterlot's cells aren't exactly comfy.”
  400. >”No, they really aren't... Ours at least have paddings on their benches. But enough of that...”
  401. “Hmm?”
  402. >”What I wanted to ask you... How's your shoulder? Any better or is it still keeping you up at night?”
  403. >Oh that.
  404. >A few weeks ago a stray bolt of magic hit you during an exercise and dislocated your shoulder somewhat fierce, rupturing a few tendrils and ligaments in the process.
  405. “No, it hurt for a few days but it's fine now. Thanks for fixing it.”
  406. >A slight blush creeps on her cheeks and she waves you off.
  407. >”Ah... Don't mention it. Just doing what I'm paid for... But I'm glad that it isn't bothering you any more.”
  408. “Don't be humble, Honey.”, you roll your formerly injured shoulder and wiggle the hand that is attached to it in front of her face, “You did a damn fine job here and if it wasn't for you I would have lost the sole thing that is interested in touching me.”
  409. >Just like with Soaring Thunder, you are quite well acquainted with her. Still nothing you would call a real friendship, but acquainted enough so that jokes like that aren't over the line.
  410. >Her blush grows fiercer and she suddenly avoids your gaze.
  411. >”T-That's n-n-not true...”, she whispers.
  412. “Huh? What did you say?”
  413. >”N-Nothing! Anyway! Gotta go now and fill out my reports and stuff!”, she blurts out.
  414. “Okay... Don't overdo it.”
  415. >Honey Dawn lets out a stammered laugh and playfully swats a hoof at you.
  416. >”I won't... Don't worry. Have a nice night, Anon. Hit me up sometime if you wanna go out for a drink or ten after work.”
  417. >You titter and give her a thumbs up.
  418. “Will do, Honey. Have a nice night too.”
  419. >”T-Thanks. See ya around, Anon.”
  420. ”Bye!”
  421. >She does a somewhat awkward little bow, shoots you a wave and then quickly vanishes into her office again, mumbling some words you cannot understand.
  422. >A drink or ten... Huh... Sounds nice. You will surely take her up on that offer.
  423. >Honey is always a bit quiet at first when you two go out, but then quickly warms up and then doesn't stop babbling all night.
  424. >When do you have a free night though... Hmm...
  425. >Wednesday perhaps? You will have to consult your duty roster for that.
  426.  
  427. >Well, you can look that up later. There are more important things at hand first.
  428. >Turning around, you hear what you believe sounded liked a mare calling herself stupid and continue you on your way to the evidence room.
  429. >Happens sometimes. Particularly around Honey Dawn's office.
  430. >But that can't possibly be her... What reason would she have to call her stupid?
  431. >She's a very intelligent pony and very well read not only in medicine but in many other scientific topics as well.
  432. >The last time you two went out she talked over an hour about... What was his name? Oak Berry? Yeah, you think that's it... Oak Berry's theorem of the clashing magic winds.
  433. >It was very interesting indeed, but you only understood very little of what she told you.
  434. >Something about some winds detesting certain other winds when you combined them to weave a spell and thus increasing the chance of it miscasting.
  435. >What can you say... As a non-magical being you just can't grasp how magic works or at least nothing about it that exceeds its very basics.
  436. >Some mare, Twilight Spergle you think, tested back when you "moved" to Ponyville if you are any different to Mous and possibly could manipulate the magic winds.
  437. >Turned out that you weren't and that those tests nearly drove you insane.
  438. >Man... The horrors and eldritch abominations you saw while she channelled raw magic energy into you... They still haunt your dreams in some nights.
  439. >Maybe that's where Lovecraft got his ideas from?
  440. >Unlikely and doesn't really matter since you are finally at your destination.
  441. >The evidence room. In all its secured and honestly quite run-down glory.
  442. "Someone should really give the door a new coat of paint some time.", you say and put your hand on the purple glowing, arcane orb that is floating in front of its door.
  443. >That sphere is pretty much the only safety measure for it. Outside of the room itself that is.
  444. >The inside is far more secured... And you have grown quite fond of that what makes it so secure.
  445. >With a loud, almost otherworldly squeak, the heavy and rusted iron door opens and reveals the property room itself, engulfing you with dusty and stale air in the process.
  446. >Coughing, you brush the dust off and stride through the now open gateway.
  447. >And like so many times before, the moment you take your first step into the room an ethereal being made out of pure energy manifests itself right in front of your eyes.
  448. >Within a single second the guardian of the evidence room stands, or floats to be exact, before you, pointing its massive, crackling claw at your face.
  449. >The heat it emits is fierce and some stray sparks bounce off your face, lightly searing the spots they graze.
  450. >"Halt! Who goes there?", the elemental barks.
  451. >You chuckle and brush its claw to the side.
  452. "Chill, Sparky. It's me, Anon."
  453. >One of its four eyes lights up for a brief moment and douses you in a violet light, sending an ice cold but still somehow burning hot shiver through your body.
  454. >Hngh... You will never get used to this. Fucking magic.
  455. >"Soul spectrum recognised. Greetings, guard Anon. How can I be of help to you?"
  456. "Just looking for something."
  457. >"Something specific?"
  458. "Kinda... Where do we keep the Crownroot?", you say and walk past Sparky, scanning the large, dark room for that what you seek.
  459. >The elemental guardian quickly seals the entrance off with an arcane barrier and then begins to follow you.
  460. >"Crownroot is classified as a minor addictive drug. For what do you need it for?"
  461. >By god... When was the last time someone tidied up in here? Stacks of boxes and crates are randomly scattered all over the place and the conditions of the few racks and shelves that still stand somewhat upright is nothing you would call prime or even remotely decent.
  462. >Even the confiscated weapons are just thrown into some corner and begun to get rusty.
  463. >If Mayor Mare would see this in on of her unannounced inspections... All kinds of hell and budget cuts would break loose.
  464. "Mhm... I'm not exactly satisfied with my pay, so I thought I could sell some to better it up a bit. New ice boxes don't grow on trees, yunno?"
  465. >A sudden, bright flash from behind you and the distinct sound of sizzling air stops you in your tracks and makes you shake your head.
  466. >He will never learn, eh?
  467. >"Guard Anon, I must inform you that the act you are about to do is a felony and that I will stop you if you don't cease from it."
  468. >You turn yourself around and shoot the guardian that is currently conjuring a pair of magical and rather painful looking shackles in its claws a smirk.
  469. "Sparky. Did you forgot already?"
  470. >"Forgot what? Specify."
  471. "Humour? Sarcasm? The stuff I told you about the last time I was here?"
  472. >It seems to think for a bit and then suddenly banishes the occult energy it gathered back into the ether.
  473. >"Oh. Yes. In that case: Ha ha ha. Very funny, guard Anon.", it replies in a monotone voice and holds what you assume is its stomach in fake laughter.
  474. "Tzk... Anyway. So where do we keep the Crownroot?", you point in a random direction, "There?"
  475. >"I still need a reason why you need it, guard Anon. Otherwise I can't let you leave, even if you find it on your own."
  476. >Seems like Sparky won't let you have it the easy way and sticks to the law.
  477. >Why can't he be cool and just provide you with the drugs you need, despite its "programming".
  478. "Uhm... I need it for..."
  479. >Think Anon, think. You used to be so good at lying. Especially on the internet.
  480. >"Yes?"
  481. >Somewhat desperate for a solution for you predicament, you let your eyes wander through the cubbyhole.
  482. >Manticore hides, nah... Moonshine, not very helpful even if it was quite good and buzzed like hell... Several volumes of some cult's teachings that Honey busted a few months ago...
  483. >Huh, wait.
  484. >Teachings... Teacher... School... Yeah, that could work!
  485. "A lecture at the school. To teach the fillies and colts there about its dangers and to show them what it looks like, so they stay away from it."
  486. >Hah!
  487. >Sparky looks... Interrogatively? Or is it doubtingly? Hard to tell with its unmoving, crystalline eyes... At you.
  488. >In theory the elemental has the ability to detect lies and falsehoods, but it always had trouble with reading your alien countenance and speech patterns.
  489. >It and the unicorn who summoned and bound the arcane being to this plane are just familiar with species indigenous to Equestria after all.
  490. >So if you just keep a straight face, the chances are high that...
  491. >"Request granted. Please follow me, guard Anon."
  492. >Perfect~
  493.  
  494. "Thanks, Sparky. You are the best.", you say and do as it told you.
  495. >"Don't mention it, guard Anon. I am just doing what I was made for: Help the guards do their job."
  496. "Oh, don't be so humble Sparkster. Wouldn't it be for you, we would have to hire someone who would want actual money for his payment and not just a soul stone every few months."
  497. >"Also he would require sleep and nourishment. Which I don't."
  498. >You laugh and pat its back, sending a rather pleasant electric sensation through your hand.
  499. >Why ponies never taught of using elementals like Sparky to power devices is beyond you. But they surely have their reasons for doing so.
  500. >Maybe they just don't want to exploit them by locking them into cages to harvest their power.
  501. >Even if your unit is technically doing just that...
  502. "That is why we all love ya so much, Sparkster. Keeping our precious confiscated goods safe without ever asking for something in return!"
  503. >"My pleasure, guard Anon."
  504. >That makes you wonder... Do elementals even have some kind of consciousness or are they just mindless automatons for equally as mindless tasks?
  505. >Honey Dawn once told you about a strange place: The elemental plane. An entirely different reality separate from this one where elementals like Sparky dwell.
  506. >"They have to be summoned from somewhere, don't they?", she replied to you when you cast doubt on that honestly quite ludicrous notion.
  507. >No pony was ever able to actually go to this enigmatic plane of existence or even just caught the tiniest glimpse of it, but it was proven to exist by some maddeningly complicated calculations and spells.
  508. >Perhaps they are sapient there and lose all of their sapience when they are rooted out from their home and bound to this reality?
  509. >Who knows... Would be pretty cruel though if this turns out to be the truth.
  510. >Your gaze falls on your sizzling guide.
  511. "Sparky?"
  512. >"Yes, guard Anon?"
  513. "Do you remember where you came from?"
  514. >"No, I don't. My memory only reaches back to the day I was summoned."
  515. "Okay."
  516. >"Why are you asking?"
  517. "Oh, no particular reason. I guess I was just curious."
  518. >"Understood. I'm sorry I couldn't be of help."
  519. "Don't sweat it."
  520. >"I am not able to sweat."
  521. "That's not what I meant... Wait a minute!", you snap your fingers, "Was that a joke, Sparkster?"
  522. >The elemental's head performs a volte-face.
  523. >Uhu... Creepy.
  524. >"Indeed. Was it good?"
  525. "The best you ever told me! You're getting better, mate!"
  526. >"Thank you, guard Anon. We also reached our destination.", Sparky drones out and points at a wooden crate, "Please take what you need."
  527. >It glides out of your way and evokes a miniature, purple sun in between its two claws, imbuing the dark room with a soft amethyst light.
  528. "Thank you."
  529. >You walk over to the wooden box and carefully jemmy it open with an old spearhead you found on a nearby rack.
  530. >Its shape is very familiar to you... The now dull and rusty blade once belonged to some brigand who haunted the Whitetail Forests some time ago.
  531. >What was his name again? Thorn Chaser?
  532. >Yeah, that rings a bell.
  533. >He had the sound mind to surrender when you confronted him together with Honey Dawn and not fight for his life and freedom like the fools he called his brothers.
  534. >That didn't end well for them...
  535. "Hngh..."
  536. >God... The poison on their jagged weapons subsided long ago but you can still feel it burning in your veins from time to time.
  537. >If it wasn't for Honey and her constant cleansing spells you wouldn't have survived a single minute back then.
  538. >You really should thank her properly some time...
  539. >"Everything alright, guard Anon? Do you need a medic? I can sense your vital signs diverging from the norm."
  540. "Nah it's fine, Sparky. Thanks for asking."
  541. >"I will monitor them just in case."
  542. "Do that. Thank you."
  543. >As far as you know he now serves his sentence in one of Canterlot's many dungeons and should be free again in two years or so.
  544. >Hopefully he has learned his lesson by then... But ponies like him rarely do.
  545. >The thrill of the hunt... The acquisitive frenzy... The feeling of power... It is all just too alluring and can be achieved so, so very easily.
  546. >Anyway... Enough of that.
  547. >With a satisfying crack the box opens and the sweet, savoury smell of roughly twenty pounds of Crownroot engulfs you.
  548. >Approximately seventeen thousand bits street value. Enough to buy one a nice house and ensure a rather comfy life style for a year or more.
  549. >Sparky moves its conjured star closer to the now open crate, illuminating the hundreds of pale green and blue blossoms.
  550. >Like in marijuana, the majority of the plant's active agents that provides its consumers with the high they seek, are stored in the blooms.
  551. >But unlike marijuana it does actually grow edible fruits on its roots and those fruits are roughly shaped like small crowns, hence the name: Crownroot.
  552. >The fruit itself doesn't taste all that bad, you used to eat it a lot back in your mercenary days. Mostly in stews, soups and other dishes that were cooked for hours.
  553. >And that had a good reason...
  554. >Croonroot crowns, the fruits name, are comparable to the potatoes you know from earth, but they are considerable more spicier and harder and also had the tendency to give someone horrible stomach cramps if they weren't boiled thoroughly.
  555. >Also they are rather cheap so the supply unit always bought tons of it. Much to the regret of the whole corps.
  556. >You can't buy them here in Ponyville though since the cultivation of Crownroot is forbidden in all towns that have a Royal Guard presence in them.
  557. >Thank god for that... You don't miss them at all. Too many nights were spent just kneeling in a bush and praying that your sphincter doesn't burst into flames.
  558. >"Guard Anon?"
  559. >Sparky's monotone words rip you out of your world of thoughts.
  560. >"It looks like you are having trouble in determining the right amount. Should I assist you with this task?"
  561. >Oh... Were you in thought for that long?
  562. "Uhm... Kinda.", you lie.
  563. >"How much do you need, guard Anon?"
  564. "About half a gram."
  565. >"It shall be done."
  566. >Sparky lets the tiny sun roll into one of its claws and channels magic into the other to levitate ten of the small blossoms out of the crate, floating them over to you.
  567. >"Here you go."
  568. >You take them out of its magical grip and carefully shove them into your pocket since you lack a bag to put them into.
  569. >Tree Hugger took hers when she left... But there should be a few in one of your desk's drawers.
  570. "That looked like far more than half a gram."
  571. >The elemental crushes the star it created in its claw, destroying the only light source other than its own glowing body, and closes the crate with a quick magical push.
  572. >"It was an approximation. My skill set isn't based on housekeeping skills like weighing but my memories tell me that the average weight for a dried blossom is zero, zero six grams. So you should now posses the right amount."
  573. "Oh, okay then. Thanks."
  574. >"You are welcome, guard Anon. Do you need anything else?"
  575. "No, that's it."
  576. >"Then please follow me to the exit."
  577. "Of course. Thanks for your help."
  578. >You put the spearhead back on its place on the shelf and brush yourself off a bit before you get up again to follow the elemental.
  579. >"It was my pleasure, guard Anon. Can I ask you a favour though?"
  580. >A favour? How peculiar.
  581. "Anything for you, Sparkster. What do you want? Should Honey summon a pretty lady elemental for you?"
  582. >Sparky lets out a droning noise that almost sounded like a laugh and shakes its head.
  583. >"There is no such thing as a female elemental. Shall I tell you how my kin reproduces, guard Anon?"
  584. "Not really, thank you. Just tell me what favour you want."
  585. >"As you will. Please greet the foals from me."
  586. >Oh my... How incredibly sweet.
  587. >Looks like it remembers its last visit at Ponyville Elementary when Honey brought him along for a lecture.
  588. >Every filly and colt just adored the elemental to bits and gaped at its magical prowess.
  589. >Especially when Sparky conjured that adorable, miniature army of crystalline ponies and let it run around the classroom, conquering one desk after another, they all cheered at it.
  590. >Now you feel bad that you lied to it... No foal will ever receive its regards.
  591. >Some day you will surely have to give a lecture again and then you will just take Sparky with you.
  592. >That sounds like a plan.
  593. "Will do, Sparky. Will do."
  594. >"Thank you, guard Anon."
  595.  
  596. >With a wave of one of its sparking claws, Sparky bids good bye and magically seals the ironclad door again, entombing itself in the confines of the room it calls its home.
  597. >Or was told to call its home...
  598. >Like always you knock once on the door as your farewell and wait for the elemental to reply in the same manner before you actually begin to head back to your office.
  599. >In some strange way there is a connection between the two of you... Torn away from your respective home worlds to Equestria by some force that wasn't in your control.
  600. >You at least have still a free will... But Sparky?
  601. >It's doomed to spend its life guarding items that have and never will have any worth to it until the day some pony decides to replace him.
  602. >And only god knows what will happen to it then.
  603. "Ergh..."
  604. >But those are thoughts for the future.
  605. >Turning off into the corridor that leads to the guards at arms offices, you take one of the fragrant blossoms out of your pocket and roll it around in your palm.
  606. >If you wouldn't know it is a drug you would never accuse it of being one. The beautiful bloom reminds you a lot of a small lily, just with a few more petals and a longer pistil.
  607. >Kinda weird that this pretty thing holds one of the more potent relaxants in Equestria and has become its most popular drug thanks to that.
  608. >You never actually smoked it, but for you every joint you declined your former mess mates smoked two more and seemed to quite enjoy the effects of this wondrous plant whenever they had the chance to do so..
  609. >Swift Claw always was particularly horny when she sought you out for a roll in the hay after smoking some... Much to the delight of your dick and the dismay of your back.
  610. >A quiet chuckle escapes your lips.
  611. >Man... You lost more blood thanks to this depraved gryphon than to any enemy you ever faced on the battlefield.
  612. >But every scar you owe to her was worth it, making many nights less lonely and cold.
  613. >Once her ecstasy induced blood-frenzy subsided she became a real cuddle bug and never broke her soft embrace once during your shared nights until the next morning dawned.
  614. >Waking up with her peacefully purring on your chest while her tail idly brushed over your legs was pure bliss and always the highlight of your days.
  615. >And hopefully hers too... But she never was too clear on how she truly felt about your relationship and seemed to avoid questions relating to this matter.
  616. >Not that you were especially interested in becoming her permanent boyfriend but your heart certainly nourished some feelings for her that your brain couldn't deny.
  617. "God."
  618. >At first the sheer thought of sleeping or doing even remotely intimate things with her filled every fibre in your body with disgust.
  619. >But as time progressed you simply accepted the fact that you would never be sleeping with another human being again and slowly opened up to her and her not so subtle advances.
  620. >Luckily she was kinda gentle initially and mostly oppressed her kink for blood, only scratching you lightly and licking your life essence off her talons when she thought you wouldn't notice.
  621. >By and by though you learned to love Swift Claw's wilder side and just let her rip your back open to indulge in the blood that she drew from you and loved so dearly.
  622. >"So sweet... So RICH!", an old memory echoes in your head.
  623. >A cold and pleasant shudder runs down your spine.
  624. >In return she did the things you liked and were unfamiliar for her, mostly giving and receiving oral.
  625. >She never swallowed since she disliked the taste of your seed but always tried her best to make you feel good and even let you finish in her beak.
  626. >And more often than not the sensation of her wickedly sharp talons running over the vulnerable skin of your cock while her long tongue wrapped around and rhythmically squeezed it was more than enough to send you sooner over the edge than you might have wanted.
  627. >One could say it was some kind of cultural exchange. And a rather lewd one at that.
  628. >Anyhow... That is sadly in the past now. The present looks far more sexless and a bit like the door to your office.
  629. >Maybe due to the fact that this is what you are looking at in this very moment.
  630. "Here we are."
  631. >Time to finish things up in there and then go home. It starts to become awfully dark already.
  632.  
  633. >Walking into your room, you don't bother to close the door again and just straight head to your desk to get this over with.
  634. >There is a very special treat waiting for you in your ice box... Genuine minotauren beer. And you can't wait to finally toss it back your throat.
  635. >Appreciatively of course. Anything else would be heresy.
  636. >And every single drop is solely for you~
  637. >Not that you wouldn't share it, but most ponies aren't exactly keen on drinking beer. They mostly stick to their cider.
  638. >Of which they can make a real mean batch and the wine they grow on one of their many sunny hillsides isn't bad either. But for whatever reason they can't seem to brew a beer that is worth a damn.
  639. >A few try but the fruits of their labour are either too watery, have more in common with tea, plainly taste like shit or are several of the aforementioned at the same time.
  640. >If you want an ale that doesn't insult your taste buds, you have to consult one of the few traders that hail from the frosty eastern steppes that every so often visit Ponyville.
  641. >They sell one small barrel for a ludicrous price but it is worth every single bit you pay for one and you seldom miss out on doing so.
  642. >It helps you to keep a somewhat healthy level of sanity by preserving your old and precious memories from earth.
  643. >But enough of that... Lets see...
  644. >Sitting down on your worn out chair, you open a random drawer and begin to rummage through its contents.
  645. "Mhmm..."
  646. >Nah. Just old hand-... Hoofbills about some stupid laws Mayor Mare introduced last year and about a dozen of empty matchboxes.
  647. >Why did you hold onto them?
  648. >Ah... They have mares in suggestive poses and rather alluring lingerie on them. That's why.
  649. >Sexy, but they don't really help you along though, so... Next one.
  650. >Nothing exactly helpful either. Just a few rubber bands and other stuff one would suspect to be in a desk, like pencils, erasers and several wonky bobblehead dolls displaying ponies in goofy poses.
  651. >If you aren't mistaken you acquired those dolls from a quite malnourished looking filly in Stalliongrad when your corps stopped there to resupply.
  652. >She looked so awful in these rags she called her clothing that you couldn't refrain yourself from buying a few.
  653. >Most of your remaining pay kicked the bucket on that cold day but the look on the filly's face was easily worth the month spent without alcohol and whores.
  654. >With some luck she was able to live with a full stomach and somewhat carefree for a short while.
  655. >Taking one of the dolls out of the drawer, you look at the crude depiction of a pegasus for a moment or two before putting it onto your desk.
  656. >That's better.
  657. >They aren't all too pretty but it would be plain rude to just let them rot in the dark purgatory of your desk's drawer.
  658. >Stalliongrad was just a miserable place... Most of its inhabitants were homeless or lived in some other form of dreadful poverty.
  659. >All of that is thanks to one of the many wars the city-state fought with the neighbouring gryphon tribes in an attempt to gain control of their fertile farmlands.
  660. >It never really recovered from those conflicts and only barely managed to escape its destruction with the help of the Royal Guard.
  661. >Now the once proud city is nothing more than a fiefdom to Equestria and receives regular relief supplies in exchange for money and treasures of the soil.
  662. >At least the situation of the ponies living there is slowly getting better again, according to some newspaper you read recently.
  663. >Anyway...
  664. >You open the next drawer and finally find what you have been looking for: A small, brown paper bag. And roughly in the same size as Tree Hugger's was too.
  665. >Not that this little detail will matter all too much since no one will probably be able to tell the difference between the two, but it is always better to play it safe than to be sorry afterwards.
  666. >So the ten blossoms quickly find their way into the bag which is then shoved into the mare's record.
  667. "Finally."
  668. >Perfect~ Now no one can accuse you of not being orderly and law-abiding
  669. >Closing her file again, you throw it once more on your paperwork pile and lean back to properly enjoy the blissful feeling of a workday fully completed.
  670. >Ah... There is just nothing that can compare to this sensation.
  671. >Well, sex maybe and probably meat. But those things play in a whole different league.
  672. >Man... You miss meat.
  673. >Ponyville just hasn't enough gryphon residents to justify a butcher shop or even a tiny meat shop.
  674. >The few that live here mostly get their protein fix from small game they hunt in the Everfree or fish.
  675. >And you can't stand fish... The only protein source you could easily purchase in this vegetarian paradise and you hate it.
  676. "Bah!"
  677. >Jumping up from your chair, you stretch your appendages one by one and then begin to gather your personal stuff like the key to your house and the flask Mous got you for your last birthday.
  678. >You don't exactly look forward to the long way home since it has gotten rather cold in the last weeks despite the current season being early autumn, but you won't let that become a problem.
  679. >Maybe you will even take the long and scenic route to your house just to defy whatever gods decided to let winter start early.
  680. >It is such a nice evening after all.
  681.  
  682. >With its distinctive creak and a fairly loud bang the door slams shut and you leave it behind, strolling towards the exit while whistling a quiet melody.
  683. >Most of your colleagues from the day shift already have gone home by now, doing whatever activity they have planned to do on this fine evening.
  684. >Leaving the guardhouse for the cleaning staff and of course tonight's manning of the night watch.
  685. >Both groups you can hear happily talking away in the nearby mess hall, waiting for the sun to finally vanish behind the horizon so they can begin with their respective work.
  686. >And in just an hour or two the latter will be patrolling the nocturnal streets of Ponyville, ensuring the quiet sleep of its inhabitants.
  687. >The vigil consists of a hardened cadre of ponies that were specially trained to fight and operate in the dead of the night. Most of them even received special enchantments that enhance their night vision and sense of hearing.
  688. >You wish you could be part of them but sadly most enchantments simply don't work or have a severely lessened life time on you.
  689. >It's not that you are immune to magic, it just has trouble manipulating your alien organism.
  690. >More direct spells like fireballs, telekinesis, magic missiles or thunderbolts work just fine on you as you had to asses many times before in your life.
  691. >But like with many other things in life your virtual immunity to beneficial enchantments also has its good sides.
  692. >Most curses don't work on you either and you heard that they can have quite some nasty effects.
  693. >Like making your skin as cracked and thin as dry leaves or turning your blood into boiling bile.
  694. >So that's something too.
  695. >Passing the armoury, your steps come to a halt as your gaze falls on its ironclad and magically reinforced door.
  696. "Hmm..."
  697. >Should you or should you not... That's the question.
  698. >Spending the whole weekend drinking probably isn't all too healthy, so why not use some of your free time to practise with your weapon?
  699. >There hasn't been an opportunity for you to do this in quite some time, so it certainly wouldn't be amiss.
  700. >Usually you would have to ask one of your superiors for permission if you want to take your weapon home with you.
  701. >But none of them is currently here any more and the vigil captain cannot give you this permission.
  702. >What to do... What to do...
  703. >You could get in serious trouble for this but...
  704. "Fuck it. My hedges need trimming.", you say and walk up to the floating cyan orb and put your hand on it.
  705. >Its virtually the same like the one in front of the evidence room except for one small detail...
  706. >Everyone who isn't allowed in the arsenal and foolishly tries to gain access to it by touching the drifting device, gets... Well... Electrocuted pretty much instantly.
  707. >The shock isn't necessarily deadly if you are somewhat healthy, but certainly strong enough to ensure a several week long stay in the local hospital.
  708. >Followed by a much longer sojourn in one of the local dungeon cells. With every convenience that comes with this privilege.
  709. >Like the dishwater the cooks call soup and loafs of bread that are suitably hard enough to build houses with them.
  710. >But like Honey Dawn said before: At least your benches have paddings. So sleep is found rather easily on them.
  711. >Oh lookie there. The door is finally open.
  712. >Took its damn time to recognise you.
  713. >Stepping inside the cold room, you wait a moment for the lights to go on and then start to look around.
  714. >Your weapon should be somewhere around there... Yeah... Should is the right word because it fucking isn't.
  715. "God dammit."
  716. >Looks like someone had to much free time on their hooves and reorganized the shelves in here.
  717. >Man, you hate when this happens. Now you have to look through every rack.
  718. >At least yours is rather distinctive so finding it shouldn't pose too much of a hassle.
  719. >Okay, lets see...
  720. >Spear... Spear... Bow... More spears... Huh? A celestial wheel?
  721. >That's new, you don't recall ever seeing it and certainly can't think of some one in your unit who has an interest in using such an obscure weapon.
  722. >It is basically a round blade in the form of a radiant sun with no handles that are intended for unicorns to wield with their magic.
  723. >There are versions that depicts a crescent moon as well but they are far rarer and mostly used by members of the Church of the Night.
  724. >A cult that worships Nightmare Moon and has faded more or less into obscurity after the elements of harmony expelled her out of Princess Luna.
  725. >Nevertheless there are still reports about this cult's activities coming in every now and again. Mostly about small scale attacks on celestial churches and other places that hold some religious significance and aren't guarded all too well.
  726. >Anyhow...
  727. >More spears... Another bow... Oh! Two crossbows. That's a rarity.
  728. >Looks like the guard had a few gryphons in its ranks at one time since ponies aren't really able to handle such a firearm without doing some very painful contortions.
  729. >Even unicorns have their problems with them.
  730. >Well... Minotaurs could use crossbows too, but they prefer to get up close and personal with their enemies and clobber them to death with their signature heavy axes or giant maces.
  731. >Their weapons are crude and far away from something you would call elegant but hell do they pack a punch.
  732. >Arkos the Screamer was the only minotaur in your corps and pretty much its secret weapon, only being deployed when the situation was dire enough to justify unleashing such a beast on your foes or called for some serious muscle.
  733. >You once saw him beating the living shit out of a fully grown manticore with nothing more than his own fists and the knuckledusters he carved out of dragon bone.
  734. >Nothing much remained from that poor beast's upper body... Just a bloody mush with four twitching legs and a limp tail attached to it.
  735. >At least the parts that didn't get disintegrated by the minotaur's fury were kinda tasty, although a bit chewy and with that distinct after taste of metal that manticore meat has thanks to the poison that flows through its veins.
  736. >The villagers were thankful though despite the massacre they had to witness... A small filly even gave Arkos a floral wreath as a token of her gratitude.
  737. >He was so delighted by this simple gift that he immediately ran off to Lucky Lucy, the corps's enchantress, and got it enchanted by her to stop it from withering.
  738. >And from that point on he turned his foes into a colourful pulp with a pretty and equally as colourful wreath upon his head.
  739. >Yeah... He wasn't the smartest but he had a heart of gold.
  740. >But lets move along... There is alcohol waiting for you.
  741. >Spear... Spear... Even more sticks with pointy bits of metal on them... Ah! There we are.
  742. >Your trusty companion... Neither subtle, nor pretty, nor fancy, but you wouldn't change anything about her.
  743. "Come 'ere, sweetheart."
  744. >Taking the roughly three foot long axe out of the rack, you let a finger run over her edge and note with delight that she's still as sharp as ever.
  745. >You named her Gratia, the latin word for grace, and she's what gryphons call a "Seeker's Hatchet" or colloquially "Bane of Beasts".
  746. >An axe which is commonly used among gryphon big-game hunters, called Seekers, that features a slightly curved handle with a large and serrated axe blade on top of it.
  747. >The wounds it tears aren't clean or precise but each strike that connects draws a lot of blood from the unfortunate target, which is exactly the effect those hunters seek since it allows them to quickly weaken their prey.
  748. >Gratia has just the right size and weight that you can use her rather comfortably with both hands and move around without too much hindrance.
  749. >She's pretty effective against lightly armoured targets but has some trouble biting trough anything heavier than a chain mail.
  750. >Luckily bandits, beasts and brigands don't tend to wear such types of armour all too often so you seldom had to deal with this problem.
  751. >Now you just have to... Oh... Nah, you actually can't do that.
  752. >Since you had no reason to walk around with Gratia today, you didn't gird a belt on which you could have strapped her.
  753. >Well, looks like it is a shouldering kind of day today.
  754. >The ponies on the streets won't like that one bit, but you could avoid most of them by taking a few detours through Ponyville's alleys and side streets.
  755. >Better do that than cause much of a commotion. Mayor Mare hates it when you do that.
  756. >And you don't really want to step up before her again... Her endless sermons about how valuable tourism is for Ponyville and how you might deter those important tourists begin to bore you.
  757. >Then it's settled... The long way it is.
  758.  
  759. >Shouldering Gratia, you exit the arsenal's stale confines and wait for its heavy door to magically reseal itself before you continue on your merry way home.
  760. >Feels good to finally feel her weight on you again... Almost like an integral part of you was missing all this time.
  761. >You tighten your grip on her and take a left into the hallway that leads to the waiting room and thus the main entrance of the guardhouse.
  762. >Technically there are two other side entrances you could also use but those have probably been locked up already by the vigil.
  763. >That's usually the first thing they do when they managed to drag their caffeine filled asses through them.
  764. >Strictly speaking they are supposed to wait with this until night has fallen. But since doing that would cut down on their time to chat and further replace their blood with coffee they chose to just ignore this tiny detail of their job description.
  765. >But who here isn't trying to make their job easier by skipping or antedating some unimportant crap?
  766. >Pretty much anyone, even your superiors. So you can't blame them.
  767. >Finally the administrative office comes into sight after a rather boring walk and you slow down to check it for the only pony who still could possibly thwart your weekend plans.
  768. >Lets see...
  769. >Eyyup, there she sits. Reading one of her beloved fashion magazines and snacking on a few flowers.
  770. >Dew Drop...
  771. >Looks like her chosen snack for today are daisies... But you always had trouble telling those pretty yet very delicate things apart so you can't really tell.
  772. >Why hasn't she gone home already? Usually she leaves when the night watch arrives to indulge herself in the spa's happy hours.
  773. >Not that you ever stalked her or something like that... But you know that the spa sisters offer quite high discounts on a few of their services after the sun has set.
  774. >And almost double the price tag on some of their other, inherently more physical ones...
  775. >Anyhow... What to do now though?
  776. >...
  777. >Seems like she is pretty engrossed in her magazine, so...
  778. >Maybe, just maybe, if you casually walk past her and not breathe a single word, she won't notice and start bothering you.
  779. >As if that ever worked... She pounces at every single opportunity to get on your nerves and basically lives just for these moments.
  780. >Worth a try though. Wonders still happen from time to time, don't they?
  781. "Here goes nothing.", you whisper to yourself and hold Gratia close to your right side in an attempt to conceal her a bit.
  782. >Slowly but steadily you first approach her adorably decorated desk, then pass it as quietly as you can, not acknowledging the reading pony at all, and then nearly make it to the door before a sudden voice from behind you brings you to a halt.
  783. >"Got a permission for that, Anon?"
  784. >Fuck... So close. You were so damn close to freedom.
  785. >Chuckling, you swing yourself around and shoot the pesky mare a quick nod, shouldering your weapon again.
  786. >Now you have to find a way to wiggle your sorry ass out of this situation.
  787. >And it be better believable too... She might not be the sharpest knife in the cutlery box but she isn't gullible either.
  788. "Of course I got one. Good evening by the way."
  789. >An annoyed grunt escapes her and she rolls her eyes, closing her magazine and resting her head on one of her hooves.
  790. >Man... Even angry she's cute as a button. Its a real pity she hates your guts and probably wouldn't mind seeing them spilled on the floor.
  791. >"Good Evening. So where is it? Show me."
  792. "Uhm... Arctic Star didn't have time to fill one out for me, but he gave me oral permission to take Grat-... My weapon out of the armoury.", you say and draw closer to her.
  793. >Dew Drop raises an eyebrow and looks up to you, her bright green eyes brimming over with doubt and disgust.
  794. >"Oh, really now? Mythic Haze had one though... And signed by Arctic at that too! Why shouldn't he had time for you then?"
  795. >Beaming you a sly smile, she stashes the bag of flowers away in her desk.
  796. "Ehrm... You see..."
  797. >"I'm listening~"
  798. >Shit... Where are your imageboard acquired lying skills when you need them?
  799. >She giggles and adds her other hoof to the one that already props her cute head, her smile growing wider and wider with each passing second.
  800. >"Anon... I can understand why you would lie to me. That axe is probably the only tool in your possession you could call long and..."
  801. >Ah, yes! How could you forget that?!
  802. "Because of the wedding.", you interrupt the insolent mare.
  803. >"W-What?"
  804. "Did you already forget? Arctic went to his brother's wedding in Fillydelphia today. So he was in a hurry."
  805. >Dew Drop stares in disbelief at you for a second or two but then shakes her head.
  806. >"Nah. Sounds still like a lie to me. Take your lover back where she belongs or I will call the vigil, Anon."
  807. >Thinking of a response, you groan and let Gratia slide off your still slightly hurting shoulder.
  808. >"No!", Dew Drop yelps and flinches away from you.
  809. >Huh? What now?
  810. >"Please..."
  811. >Did she just assume you were going to threaten or even hurt her?
  812. >"Please... No..."
  813. >Yeah... She did.
  814. >You take a step back and hide the weapon behind your back, causing her to visibly relax.
  815. >By god. You know that she despises you but you never would have thought that she thinks that low of you.
  816. >She's even shaking a bit...
  817. "Calm down, Dew. My shoulder just began to hurt. And yeah, it's all true. Just ask Soaring when he comes back on monday. He's going to affirm what I told you."
  818. >No need to comfort her... She will recover herself soon enough.
  819. >Also you should really inform Thunder of your more or less crafty lie. Not that he unintentionally gets you in a jam and possibly a cell.
  820. >First thing you will do tomorrow morning. Given you aren't still drunk by then.
  821. >With a shudder she regains her composure and points a hoof at you.
  822. >"Firstly: It's Dew Drop for you!"
  823. >From a shivering puddle of pony back to her usual self in only ten seconds flat. Impressive.
  824. "Yeah, yeah. I forgot. Sorry, Dew Drop."
  825. >"And secondly: Don't worry, I'm going to ask him if what you told me is true or not. And may Celestia have mercy on your soul if it isn't..."
  826. >Sighing, you take your weapon into a comfortable grasp and show the disgruntled front desk filly with a nod that you understood.
  827. >"Good... Now get out of my sight and take this...", she looks at Gratia, "Gruesome thing with you, before..."
  828. >Dew stops in midsentence as her gaze falls on the axe's serrated edge, sending another, even fiercer shiver through her body.
  829. >So you let its head hang lower so Dew can't see the teeth any more that fill her mind with such an incredible sense of fear.
  830. >Ponies in general aren't too fond of them... For reasons that are unknown to you.
  831. >But you assume that Gratia's sawteeth trigger some kind of ancient prey instinct in them that they still seem to possess despite their apparent civility
  832. >Funny how some things work.
  833. "Before?"
  834. >She tears her eyes away from Gratia and growls at you. Or whatever the pony equivalent of growling is.
  835. >It sounded fairly cute though.
  836. >"N-Nothing! Just leave!", she barks.
  837. "Geez! Already on my way. Have a nice weekend, Dew Drop.", you say and turn around to do as she told you.
  838. >The mare doesn't answer you but you can feel her looking daggers at you as you approach the door.
  839. >And as you are halfway through it, you can her mumble something that sounded an awful lot like "Monster".
  840. >Heh... That's a new one.
  841. >Quietly tittering, you slam the door shut and leave your former crush behind by herself.
  842. >Shall she think what she wants to. You don't care. Ponies called you much worse things for doing far less than accidentally scaring them.
  843. >You take a deep breath of the crisp vespertine air and enjoy the sun's last few rays on your face before you begin to walk down the road that will eventually take you home.
  844. >It's a real nice evening... If you just didn't forget your jacket back in your office...
  845. "Well... Fuck."
  846. >But it's either freezing a little or confronting Dew Drop again and you don't want to particularly do the latter.
  847. >Not until next monday that is.
  848. >She should have cooled down a bit by then.
  849.  
  850. >Turning off into the first alleyway that comes along and still will somewhat direct you to your home, you gently place Gratia's heavy head down on your shoulder and start to whistle the melody to a random song that just came to your mind.
  851. >You can't remember the name of this particular song any more, but you used to listen to it non-stop back on earth.
  852. >If you concentrate just hard enough you can even recall some of its lyrics... Nowhere near enough to actually sing this old favourite of yours though.
  853. >For this, that what comes to your mind is just too fragmentary and arbitrary. Not that you particularly want to break into song now, but it's still a pity.
  854. >Can't change what you can't change though... Still you wish you were given the chance to take some of your old worldly possessions with you when you were ripped out from earth and brought to Equestria.
  855. >Just something with the ability to play the music you loved so much but foolishly took for granted.
  856. >Seems like you only realize how valuable some things really are when you lose them...
  857. "Tcha."
  858. >Sadly Mous wasn't able to help you along in this matter either since he basically arrived stark naked here with only his boxershorts and an old gameboy that is now being displayed in the National Museum of Canterlot as some kind of human artefact.
  859. >With a copy of Tetris in its cartridge slot as you had to assess on your first and only visit there.
  860. >Exiting your comfy and lonesome alley, you turn into the small road it led you to and begin to follow it.
  861. >It's quite the detour from your usual way home but you should be still be able to get there before the sun has fully set behind the horizon.
  862. >And luckily the path you have chosen seems to be just as unpopulated as you hoped it to be. Not a singly pony in sight.
  863. >Very nice~
  864. >"Have you heard about Obsidia?"
  865. >Huh?
  866. >"No I haven't, but do tell! What has she done this time?"
  867. >Where's that coming fro... Oh, two pegasi mares. Flying a few metres above you and fortunately minding their own business.
  868. >Still you take Gratia off your shoulder and let her hang from your side lest they see her and begin to scream zeter and mordio.
  869. >"You're not going to believe this... She managed to get sacked again!", the light blue one excitedly chirps.
  870. >"No way! Really?", her violet friend responds.
  871. >You think the name of that one is Flitter... She had to sleep her intoxication off in the drunk tank last week after she trashed some snack stall for not giving her a discount.
  872. >Also if you remember correctly, she made quite the mess out of the cell and gave it several, mostly brownish, colours.
  873. >Apparently horses do have the ability to vomit. Or at least the small and colourful representatives of their species.
  874. >Who knew?
  875. >"Yeah!"
  876. >Flitter titters and gently bumps into her friend.
  877. >"By Celestia... How long did she have that job? A week?"
  878. >Meh... Just boring gossip about someone you don't even know.
  879. >Though...
  880. >You have quite a nice view from down here. Especially Flitter's glutes are particularly eye-catching and alluring.
  881. >Let alone of that what sits between them...
  882. >"Not even! Just four days!"
  883. >But before you are able to satisfy your voyeuristic cravings, she takes a turn to the right and flies away, taking her dark purple and rather juicy looking pony goods with her.
  884. >Pity... You wouldn't have minded to gaze at them for a while longer.
  885. >But that mental image of them will suffice for a fantasy or...
  886. "Fuck!", you blurt out and slap yourself.
  887. >God... You really need to get laid somewhat soon before you turn into a full-blown pervert.
  888. >Easier said than done though... Most mares just don't seem to be all that interested in you and your strange alien physique.
  889. >Even if you somehow manage to get the attention of one by telling her stories of your former adventures, they all get rather repellent once you start to get flirty.
  890. >One even threw her drink in your face after you just lightly brushed her withers and called you a sicko.
  891. >Mous just got lucky with Rainbow Dash it seems.
  892. >She is a bit skinny for your liking but she got some nice toned flanks and legs for days.
  893. >You wonder what she would look like in socks or stockings.
  894. >Just like that whore in Baltimare...
  895. "God..."
  896. >If your mother could hear this... She would be so fucking proud.
  897. >Not to speak of your father.
  898. >Fuck that thought. You were beyond help after that fateful summer night with Swift Claw. So why care about morals and values that don't concern you any more?
  899. >Back on earth what you have done and now crave might have been seen as a sin or even a crime, but earth doesn't matter any longer.
  900. >The inhabitants of this world are as far away to animals as humans are to apes, despite their appearance and sometimes behaviour.
  901. >Good job... Now you have made your yourself upset about absolutely nothing.
  902. >One more reason to get drunk tonight.
  903. >Groaning, you grasp Gratia at the base of her blade and swipe at the air in front of you a few times in an attempt to get the thoughts and emotions that bother you out of your system.
  904. >And it works... The stallion that just watered his plants might have gotten the shock of his life when he saw you, but you feel better now.
  905. >Maybe you really should just accept Honey Dawn's advice and see a shrink... She only means well and was perhaps right about her assumption that the mercenary life has left more marks on you than you might like to admit.
  906. >Things weren't always particularly easy and good for your sanity back then. Especially the beginnings.
  907. >Learning to fight... To defend yourself... To kill... All were things you never had to do before back on earth.
  908. >Yeah, there was the occasional fight with some punk in a bar or an idiot in school... But that was all in more or less good fun compared to what you experienced here in Equestria.
  909. >Your first victi-... Casualty... You will never forget: Some random brigand who stole from your constituent and allegedly tried to rape his daughter.
  910. >An injustice you can't stand at all... So you were hell bent on catching him.
  911. >And you did so after a night of pursuing the malefactor through the woods and finally confronting him at a moonlit clearing.
  912. >The fight itself was short, one-sided and exciting. To this day every single moment of it is etched into your mind.
  913. >Including the not so nice ones you would love to forget but can't...
  914. >The look in his eyes when you delivered the killing blow and brought Gratia down on him... His scream when she ripped through his neck... How his body was drained of all its life-giving blood in mere seconds...
  915. >You hoped he would dodge the blow or at least try to parry it with his spear, but he didn't. Either you were too fast or he just accepted his fate.
  916. "Why didn't you run away... Was it worth it?", you mumble to yourself.
  917. >A cold shudder runs down your spine and your steps slow down.
  918. "Sixty bits...?"
  919. >He fought so desperately for that measly sum. Like his life or maybe even more depended on it.
  920. "Was it worth it?"
  921. >That stallion probably had a family and was certainly someone's son... And you tore him away from them with a single strike.
  922. >"Mortality clarified in a single strike!", an ancient memory resounds from the darkest corners of your brain.
  923. "Heh..."
  924. >How fitting yet so morbidly unfitting.
  925. >Perhaps Dew Drop is right? Maybe you really are a monster?
  926. >You doubtlessly aren't the same person you used to be a long time ago any more.
  927. >...
  928. "No!"
  929. >Before any more dark thoughts can manifest in your mind, you let out an almost feral scream and break into a run.
  930.  
  931. >After a short yet very strenuous sprint, you finally manage to escape those haunting memories and your steps gradually slow down until they come to a full halt.
  932. >Staggering towards the nearest wall, you lean against it and try to catch your breath again.
  933. >God damn it... It has been a while since you last had to run with Gratia in tow.
  934. >She seems small for a two-handed weapon but she's almost entirely made out of metal... Making her heavier than she might appear
  935. >You slump down to the dusty soil and wipe the thick beads of sweat off your face before you take it into your two hands to regain your composure and senses.
  936. "Fuck..."
  937. >Sometimes, this... This just happens.
  938. >Parts of your darker past, memories you thought you have forgotten, experiences you believed to have drowned in alcohol.... One of those things randomly just catches up with you and the chances are high that it then totally overwhelms you.
  939. >For what reasons? You don't know... And that sometimes keeps you up at night.
  940. >Another reason to actually see that shrink Honey talked about... Maybe talking with someone about it might help.
  941. >Even if you aren't too fond of them and their outrageous salary expectations.
  942. >A silent chuckle escapes your lips and you rest your head against the wall, looking at the gradually darkening sky and the building you currently use to recuperate.
  943. >You recognise it... It's the old western watchtower. Silently holding a vigil over the river that separates Ponyville's mid town from its western outskirts.
  944. >And of course over the two bridges there too.
  945. >Pity that it's going to knocked down next month. You enjoyed all those evenings spent getting horribly drunk with Mous in its spire and watching the sun slowly rise while enjoying your respective last bottle of cider.
  946. >Well... Can't do much about that, can you?
  947. >At least it will keep your wallet a bit more filled once it's gone... Fancy Star was getting really greedy lately when you asked him for the keys to it.
  948. >Thirty five bits is sheer robbery. Especially when he uses the money to feed his strange care cosmetic habits.
  949. >The amount of hydrating cream he slathers onto his face every day before, after and during work is worrying...
  950. "Fag..."
  951. >Enjoying the coolness of the stone bricks for a moment more, you sigh and get on your two legs again.
  952. >No use in wasting time on the cold ground when there is even colder beer waiting for you at home.
  953. >Also you don't exactly need another cystitis... The last one was rather painful and took ages until it finally went away.
  954. >You would have asked Honey Dawn for help but she got way too eager to examine you when you told her that you got a problem down there...
  955. >"Of course! Of course! Just take a seat, pull down your pants and let Doctor Dawn see if she can't kiss this booboo better!"
  956. >So you aborted that endeavour before it got too weird and just bought some medicine from the pharmacy.
  957. >She can be fairly strange sometimes. Endearing, yes. But mostly strange.
  958. >Funnily enough, Honey only acts that way when you two are alone... She's totally normal otherwise.
  959. "Hmm..."
  960. >Anyway.
  961. >Main thing is that you are feeling better again, so there is no reason to dilly-dally.
  962. >Grabbing Gratia from her grassy bed that you apparently threw her into, you dust yourself off real quick and then get going again.
  963. >Once you crossed the river it isn't too far any more. Maybe another ten minutes or so if you don't take additional detours.
  964. >Which you might have to do... If you remember correctly there isn't a single piece of food in your ice box left.
  965. >Well... At least nothing you would deem edible or fit for human consumption.
  966. >Those carrots probably already have founded their own civilization in there... Right next to the Republic of Molbania.
  967. >That's what you call the mouldy banana you wanted to throw away weeks ago but somehow always forgot about.
  968. >Maybe tonight will be the night...
  969. "Nah."
  970. >Future Anon can do that. He's cool and will surely understand why you couldn't have been asked to do that today.
  971. >Yeah... That sounds good.
  972. >But that doesn't solve your food problem... And drinking beer without something fatty to snack on just isn't the same.
  973. >It isn't the same without surfing the internet either, but... Eh. Equestria sadly doesn't have a ponynet yet so your light novels and the few tapes for that projector you own will have to suffice.
  974. >What to eat though...
  975. >Setting foot on the other side of the river, you reach for the small leather pouch that hangs from your belt and check its contents.
  976. "Meh... Thought so."
  977. >What you see doesn't infuse with you optimism though... Two gold, six silver and around twelve bronze coins.
  978. >All in all roughly sixty two bits.
  979. >Given that you need to buy regular groceries and other stuff for your household too this week, that isn't all that much.
  980. >So your options are limited to the less fancy food stalls like that fried hay booth down your street.
  981. >Hay isn't exactly your favourite, but dipped in rich batter and then fried to auburn perfection it isn't all that bad. Especially with a spicy dip or some garlic oil.
  982. >Also its quite cheap. Only five bits for a twelve piece box of hay-nuggets and a small portion of hay-fries.
  983. >Small is not enough for your superior human appetite though... So for one bit more you will take a medium one.
  984. >There should still some hot sauce packets left in one of your cupboards from last time, so that's dealt with already.
  985. >Well, lookie there... A full even if unhealthy meal and you can buy toilet paper too? Amazing.
  986. >That's almost like chri-
  987. >"Hey... Can't you guys, like, stop that? I just wanna go home.", a feminine voice quietly pleads.
  988. >Huh?
  989. >"Stop? STOP! Are you bucking kidding me? Why don't you stop?!",
  990. >"Yah! We don't want you here! Do you get me? Or did you smoke your brain away already?"
  991. >Sounds like two stallions harassing some poor mare... And judging by the volume of the noisiness they are just around the corner.
  992. >"What did I do to you? Just leave me... Ow!", the mare yelps.
  993. >Her cry of pain is followed by sardonic laughter and the distinct sound of hard hooves pummeling soft flesh.
  994. >Now they have done it... Looks like you will meet two new friends today.
  995. >"Urgh! Arh!"
  996. >"Shut your cakehole and just piss off, junkie!"
  997. >"Yeah! Before we make you! And you better take your carpet munching whorse of a housemate with you!"
  998. >A sudden surge of anger and hatred washes over you and you take Gratia into that oh so familiar two-handed grip you learned to perfect and love over all those years.
  999. >By god... It feels good to hold her like that again.
  1000. >Time to do what you are being paid for.
  1001. >And hope that those two dickheads will give you a reason to justify some more... Direct and exhilarating measures.
  1002.  
  1003. >Tearing towards the house on which other side you suspect them to be, you lean against its wall and peek around its corner.
  1004. >Too many scars on your body already tell the tale of an unwary human... No reason to add a few more to them.
  1005. >So lets see what your new buddies look like...
  1006. >A fawn pegasus and a lilac unicorn... Both look quite young and are completely unknown to you.
  1007. >So you take a moment to memorize their exact appearance and more importantly their cutie marks.
  1008. >An eagle's head on the pegasus's flank and three suns on the unicorn's... That piece of information will come in handy if they manage to get away.
  1009. >Which very well could be a real possibility... Alone, the chances of you arresting them are quite slim to be honest.
  1010. >But that's a thought for later...
  1011. >Much to your dismay you can't make out the mare since those punks block your view on her, but her voice sounded awfully familiar.
  1012. >So how to tackle this... Just rush in and confront them?
  1013. >Yeah...
  1014. >Should be easy enough... If they really decide to chance it and take you on, you will deal with the unicorn first and then with his feathered cuddle buddy.
  1015. >A quiet titter leaves your lips and you slowly leave your cover.
  1016. >"Look at her, Sundance! She is whimpering like a puppy!", the pegasus mockingly states.
  1017. >Unarmed and just with his bare hooves he can't do much against you, quite contrary to his unicorn friend who possibly could know a few spells to defend himself.
  1018. >"Worthless bitch.", the unicorn replies and spits on the mare.
  1019. >Fucker...
  1020. >But you doubt that either of those two have any noteworthy combat experience other than kicking a helpless pony, so you decide not to worry too much and continue your slow approach.
  1021. >Just a few metres more and they will see in what they let themselves in for.
  1022. >You take Gratia into your right hand again and let her heavy head hang low from your side so that her serrated edge almost trails along the pebbly road.
  1023. >This is by far no fighting stance, but you are under an obligation to engage any suspect as unprovocatively as possible by order of your captain Arctic Star.
  1024. >And this includes that your other hand is visibly free.
  1025. >"You see, Anon... Ponies tend to act rather foolishly and without thought when you approach them in your... Usual "in-your-face" way. So please do me the favour and do as I say.", his voice echoes in your head.
  1026. >"Argh! Please stop!", the mare cries out.
  1027. >The unicorn kicks the cowering mare another time and you take this as your cue to announce your presence.
  1028. "Hey!", you bark, "What the fuck you think you are doing there, mates?"
  1029. >Instantaneously they yank their heads around and the eyes in them go wide when they see what stands just a stone's throw away from them.
  1030. "Step away from the mare before I make you! Got that?!"
  1031. >With a mighty beat of his wings the pegasus propels himself a few feet into the air and menacingly points a hoof at you.
  1032. >"That's none of your business, monkey boy! Beat it you freak!"
  1033. >Now you can see who the mare they harassed actually is..:
  1034. >It's Tree Hugger. And she doesn't exactly look in high feather.
  1035. >A small trickle of blood runs out of her muzzle, forming a crimson pool right below it, and quite a few bruises and cuts now grace her former blemish-free body.
  1036. >God... Why did they do this to her?
  1037. >At least she seems to be conscious.
  1038. >The sight of her beaten form sends another wave of loathing through your own and you roll your neck, the audible crack causing the two stallions to recoil.
  1039. >"We just do this town a favour! So fuck off!", his purple friend chimes in.
  1040. >You take a step towards the duo and slowly raise Gratia up to your chest, pointing her dull black blade at them.
  1041. "Wanna see how fast I can make this my business? Or... As a matter of fact... The guard's business?"
  1042. >"T-The guards?", Sundance stammers and steps back.
  1043. "Exactly.", you chuckle, "Guard Anon at your service."
  1044. >Hearing this he flinches another time.
  1045. >Nonetheless he starts to prepare some spell, his slightly green glowing horn giving him away.
  1046. "Stop channeling at once or I will consider this as an act of aggression against a member of the guard!", you say, focusing Gratia's sharp gaze on the unicorn.
  1047. >In the meantime Tree Hugger availed herself of the fact that her attackers are distracted and crawled to a nearby shop entrance to take cover.
  1048. >She's safe... Very good.
  1049. >"You're fucking with us! No way they would allow a freak like you in the guards!", the pegasus barks at you.
  1050. >"Yeah! So get lost already before Bouncer and I teach you a lesson!", his unicorn friend sneers, shooting you a cocky grin.
  1051. >Both of them take up a fighting stance... Or something what they believe a fighting stance should look like.
  1052. >The pegasus lets his head hang foolishly low and the unicorn doesn't even seem to be interested in increasing the distance between you and him.
  1053. >Oh my... How endearing. They really think they have a chance at making a stand against you.
  1054. >But as much as you are yearning for a fight right now, you can't let this situation escalate.
  1055. >For one thing this fight isn't even remotely evenly matched or fair and you might just accidentally kill those two fools in the process of it and for another thing...
  1056. >You really want to keep your job and abode here in Ponyville... Mayor Mare has it in for you.
  1057. >So you have to remain calm and play your cards right.
  1058. "Believe me or not, but if you don't cease from your actions by the time I counted to three, I will have to resort to force."
  1059. >You take single step forwards and reposition your grip on Gratia further to the base of her head.
  1060. >Shortens your reach by a good bit but allows for quick and powerful swipes. Perfect for a constricted face-to-face situation like this.
  1061. "One."
  1062. >The two stallions back off a bit, sharing a worried look with each other.
  1063. >Another step and you raise your weapon, slightly tilting it away from you.
  1064. "Two."
  1065. >Just a short dash separates you from them now.
  1066. "Come on... Don't be stupid now. Just surrender and come with me... If you are lucky you can spend your sentence here in Ponyville and not in Canterlot. Assault isn't that serious of a matter."
  1067. >It is... But they don't have to know that.
  1068. >You decide to stand still and delay your third and last step to see if they perhaps change their mind.
  1069. >And for a moment it looks like they might consider that option. You can almost hear the gears in their heads grinding.
  1070. >"You wish!", Bouncer suddenly yells and bolts forward..
  1071. >In an instant you react and lunge out, aiming Gratia's blunt top at the charging pegasus's chest.
  1072. >That hopefully won't kill him... A few broken bones and the months he will spend drinking his food through a straw you can easily justify.
  1073. >Outright death though... Not so much.
  1074. >Your muscles tense up and you brace yourself for the imminent impact and the horrifying yet so satisfying sound of forged steel meeting brittle bones.
  1075. >The moment you can hear his bones cracking... Hear his desperate screams of pain... See the look in his eyes when he realizes that he made a terrible mistake...
  1076. >Man... You can't wait for that.
  1077. "How far will I send him flying?", you wonder, your lips forming a thin grin at the sheer thought of this.
  1078. >But before your hit can connect and possibly make Bouncer's life a bit more interesting for some time, Sundance's horn brightly flashes up and the two hoodlums abruptly disappear into thin air.
  1079. >The momentum of your swing yanks you around, but with some quick footwork you are able to pose yourself ere your face harshly meets the unforgiving ground.
  1080. >Shouldering Gratia again, you groan and stare into the faintly green mist that the unicorn's spell left behind.
  1081. "Damn...", you angrily state.
  1082. >A teleportation spell... Thank god.
  1083. >At least one of those idiots had some common sense left. Luckily...
  1084. >Even if that kinda ruined your fun... You looked kinda forward to a little bit of blood... Nah... It's better this way.
  1085. >"Are... Are they, like, gone?", a voice from besides you whimpers.
  1086. >Huh?
  1087.  
  1088. >Oh fuck, Tree Hugger! You nearly forgot about her over your rage and adrenaline fueled craze.
  1089. >You rush over to the injured mare and kneel down in front of her, leaning Gratia against the hand-... Eh, hoofrail.
  1090. >Why the fuck do ponies even have or need those?
  1091. "Are you alright?", you say and begin to help her up on her four hooves.
  1092. >"I'm like... Surprisingly okay. Thanks for getting me out of this jam, dude.", she lets out a silent titter and spits out some blood, "Blergh... Not my favourite flavour."
  1093. >With your help she manages to get on a more or less stable footing and beams you swollen smile.
  1094. "You're welcome, Tree Hugger... Why did those assholes attack you though? Do you know them?"
  1095. >Tree Hugger shrugs, brushes a few dreadlocks out of her face and tucks them behind her ears.
  1096. >"Kinda, dude. Sundance and Bouncer bothered me for a while now... Always harping on the same tune that I corrupted their sisters or some shit like that. But that's the first time they got physical... And I sorta wish they didn't."
  1097. "I bet. But say..."
  1098. >"Yeah?"
  1099. "Can you walk?"
  1100. >"I guess... I'm a bit tenderized but I don't think they broke something."
  1101. >She carefully puts weight on each of her legs. Her face contorts lightly while she does so but she seems to be satisfied with the results of her test.
  1102. >"Yeah... Works like it's supposed to. Hurts a bit though."
  1103. >That it hurts was to be expected... Pony hooves may look tender and soft, and some parts of them really are, but they are able to inflict serious damage and can break bones rather easily.
  1104. >All in all she doesn't look too bad. With some tender loving care and a few healing herbs she will be as good as new in a couple of weeks.
  1105. >That bloodied bruise on her chest though... That one worries you a bit.
  1106. "Okay. Now take a deep breath. A real deep one."
  1107. >The harlequin green mare shoots you a questioning look.
  1108. >"Why? I can breathe just fine."
  1109. "Just do it."
  1110. >She snickers and shakes her head but eventually does she has been told and takes a deep breath, fully filling her lungs with the cool evening air and then slowly breathing it out again.
  1111. >You prick your ears and listen carefully if you can make out any suspicious sounds like wheezing or whistling, but thankfully you can't.
  1112. >Very good.
  1113. "Did it hurt?", you ask and poke her.
  1114. >"Nah, dude. It didn't.", she says and swipes your finger away with a giggle, "But that did a little."
  1115. >You chuckle and get into an upright position again.
  1116. >God... Sitting at your barely appropriately sized desk all the live-long day is pure poison for your back.
  1117. "Sorry, Tree Hugger. Wasn't my intention."
  1118. >"Don't sweat it, pal. For what was that breathing thing good tho'? Wanted to check if I'm a zombie now or what?"
  1119. "Heh, no. That wasn't the thing I wanted to check."
  1120. >"Then what?"
  1121. "If your ribs are broken or not. And luckily it seems like they aren't."
  1122. >A surprised sound leaves Tree Hugger and her eyes go wide.
  1123. >"You can tell that just like that?"
  1124. "Yeah... More or less. To give you the gist, it basically hurts like hell to breathe with a broken rib."
  1125. >She laughs and immediately regrets her decision to do so as a jolt of pain ripples through her body.
  1126. >Typical rookie mistake... Looks like she never had to deal with a rib injury before.
  1127. "Take it easy.", you say and pat her on her whithers, "It isn't broken but it might be cracked."
  1128. >She flinches hearing this and her expression changes from happy to worried, looking with pleading eyes at you.
  1129. >"Cracked? Is that, like, dangerous?"
  1130. "Don't worry too much, Tree Hugger. Just avoid heavy physical labour and get it checked as soon as possible."
  1131. >The look on her face softens again and she sighs in relief.
  1132. >"Thank Celestia..."
  1133. "Also you might want to sleep on your back or your uninjured side for a while... I'm speaking from experience.", you say with a smile and take Gratia into your hand again.
  1134. >"From experience, huh?"
  1135. "Yeah, but that's a long story... Or part of several... Anyway"
  1136. >"Yeah, dude?"
  1137. "I'm assuming you want to press charges against Sundance and Bouncer?"
  1138. >"I do... Now?"
  1139. "Of course. When else?"
  1140. >The thought of going back to the guardhouse and possibly confronting Dew Drop again leaves a sour taste in your mouth, but its sadly something you have to do.
  1141. >"Can't I, like...", she paws the ground, "Like do that on monday? I just wanna go home now to be honest..."
  1142. >You sigh and shake your head.
  1143. "Sorry Tree Hugger, that would be rather unwise. The sooner you press charges against them, the better is the chance that we can catch them."
  1144. >It is unlikely that they will go on a lam, but it's always better not to take any risks with such things.
  1145. >She groans and grits her teeth.
  1146. >"But didn't I, like, already do that? You're a guard, aren'tcha?"
  1147. "I am... Yeah. But this fact won't save you or us from going back to... Oh! Wait a moment!"
  1148. >"O-Okay?"
  1149. >She has a point there... You are indeed a guard... But also off-duty.
  1150. >That little detail could in fact save both of your lazy asses from setting forth on this annoying journey once more and let you enjoy the comfy confides of your respective homes much sooner.
  1151. >It might be a bit expensive... But it's not like you have to pay for what you are going to do.
  1152. >Reaching to the back of your belt, you detach two roughly golf ball sized crystals from it and show them to her.
  1153. >Tree Hugger looks quizzically at them and shrugs.
  1154. >"What are those?"
  1155. "It's exactly what you want."
  1156. >"It is?", she asks, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow.
  1157. >Oh my... That's cute. You always loved it when ponies do that.
  1158. "Just wait and see."
  1159. >With that said, you distance yourself a bit from the mare and begin to strike the two red gems against each other until you can feel them emitting a faint heat.
  1160. "That should have done the job.", you say and throw them to the ground.
  1161. >The moment they make contact with hard soil, they break open and two incandescent flames shoot out of them, rapidly ascending into the darkening sky.
  1162. >Tree Hugger watches in awe and with mouth agape as they do this and you can't help but to laugh at the silly expression she makes.
  1163. "You're going to love this. Watch closely."
  1164. >Ever so slowly they dance closer to one another as they soar higher and higher, finally uniting for one short moment before reaching the apex of their flight where they find their end in a quiet yet spectacular fulmination.
  1165. >A garish white flash ignites the evening sky briefly ere it returns to its former darkness and the only thing that now remains from the once so bright flames is a blazing sigil in it.
  1166. >It shows the guard's seal: Two crossed spears in front of a shield.
  1167. >A few ponies open their windows to witness this rare spectacle and some even applaud, likely believing this is some kind of fireworks display.
  1168. >Interesting... You could have sworn that this neighbourhood is uninhabited. So they did hear this but not Bouncer and Sundance beating up poor Tree Hugger here?
  1169. >Those ponies sometimes... You just could...
  1170. "Hmpf."
  1171. >Looks like you will have some interrogating to do next week since denial of assistance is a culpable offence too.
  1172. >You will be looking forward to this.
  1173. >"Whoa!", Tree Hugger exclaims and stamps her hooves in applause.
  1174. "See? Told ya, you would like it."
  1175. >"Totally! I wish I were high for this!"
  1176. "Say again?", you playfully ask the mare, shooting her a wide grin.
  1177. >A slight blush creeps on her cheeks and she sticks her tongue out at you.
  1178. >"Didn't say anything, guard Anon! Not a single word!"
  1179. "I must have misheard that then."
  1180. >"Probably... But say..."
  1181. "Yes?"
  1182. >Tree Hugger steps next to you and points at the still burning sign, its brilliant orange flames bathing her beaten form in a soft light.
  1183. >"What did you, like, just do?"

Twilight Sparkle is addicted to Anon's cum

by X-Roads

Deep Rest Story for /emo/ - Not finished

by X-Roads

Anonfilly Cuddle Prostitution

by X-Roads

Anonfilly and Trixie Thing - Not finished

by X-Roads

Tree Hugger and Guard Anon - Not finished

by X-Roads