(AiE) (Anon x Rainbow Dash) The Cider Horse Rules


                                            You are Anon.


                                            You scratch your feet against the dry dirt and look up.

                                            In front of you is a line of ponies that seems to stretch for miles.

                                            Behind you is the same.

                                            Why are you standing in such a long line?

                                            For some apple cider, of course!

                                            The Apple family, once a year, will sell a large supply of the most delicious apple cider you’ve ever tasted (or so you’ve been told).

                                            You arrived in Equestria only a week after last year’s batch, and from the stories you’ve heard, you don’t want to miss this year, either.

                                            “Celestia, can this line move any slower?!”

                                            Behind you stands your favorite blue pony, Rainbow Dash. She lets out an exasperated groan and leans her head out of the line to make a fuss.

                                            “Hurry this up! Some of us don’t have all day!”

                                            You turn around to face the blue pony.

                                            “Calm down Dash,” you start, eliciting a small huff from her. “I’m sure they’re going as fast as they can.”

                                            “It doesn’t matter if they’re just gonna close before I can get any!” she retorts. “There’s no way I’m gonna miss my chance again-”

                                            She licks her lips, perhaps unknowingly.

                                            “-for that sweet....sweet...cider…”

                                            She’s in a daze. You remedy this with several snaps in front of her head.

                                            Rainbow Dash is lucid again. “Thanks.”

                                            “Don’t mention it.”


                                            Nearly two hours have passed. The line has thankfully moved along; you can even see the front. Just a little longer…

                                            “They better not run out again…” your blue buddy chimes in, sounding more anxious than angry. She turns to you.

                                            “I’m gonna get like ten this year.”

                                            You turn around. “Ten? How are you possibly going to carry that many?”

                                            Dash laughs and her wings shoot up dramatically.

                                            “Ah, wings,” you say, holding up your pitiful ten digits. “Just gonna be two for me.”

                                            “Laaaaaame.”

                                            You smirk and turn back around.


                                            Here you are. Two more ponies to go.

                                            “Thank ya kindly,” goes Applejack.

                                            The blue pony with the striped hair smiles and grabs her three ciders.

                                            A drink in each hand and one between her teeth, she hobbles away happily.

                                            One more to go. It’s Derpy.

                                            Yes, that’s literally her name. Well, not technically - but everyone calls her Derpy.

                                            She grins wholeheartedly and walks up to the stand.

                                            Applejack smiles and points her hoof around to an assortment of apple confections. “What’ll it be?”

                                            “I’ll have a...uh...um…”

                                            She’s not dumb, but Derpy can come off a bit dazed sometimes.

                                            Behind you Rainbow Dash is tapping her hooves impatiently.

                                            “C’mon...c’mon…” she says.

                                            Derpy is still deep in thought. “Hm... maybe...no…”

                                            Applejack looks a bit irritated but otherwise keeps her cool.

                                            Rainbow’s hooves are tapping up a storm back there.

                                            Derpy smiles, probably having decided what she’s going to get.

                                            “I’ll have one cider, please!”

                                            Applejack smiles. “One cider, comin’ up!”

                                            She pivots to the cider barrel and fills up a mug with that cool, delicious nectar.

                                            Derpy places her bits on the counter and snatches the cider mug with her teeth.

                                            She walks off with a happy squee. “Enk euu!”

                                            Here you go. You’re up.

                                            You speed walk to the stand and place your bits down quickly. “Two ciders please.”

                                            Applejack seems relieved at how quickly you placed your order. She turns to the cider barrel and fills them up.

                                            That second one seemed to take a while.

                                            Oh well. She places your ciders on the table and you just as promptly snatch them up.

                                            “Thanks Applejack.”

                                            “No problem, sugarcube.”

                                            You pull away from the stand and are walking away when you become curious as to how Rainbow Dash is going to pick up all those ciders, wings or no wings.

                                            Holding your ciders, you watch Dash place her order.

                                            “Ten ciders, pronto!” she declares triumphantly.

                                            “Ten ciders, comin’ right up!”

                                            Applejack turns to the cider barrel and pushes on the release to fill the cup.

                                            Nothing comes out. The barrel makes a squelching noise to indicate that it is indeed empty.

                                            Rainbow looks mortified.

                                            “NoNoNoNoNo,” she starts.

                                            Applejack looks slightly embarrassed.

                                            “Sorry, Dash. That’s the last batch we got this year.”

                                            Rainbow Dash lets her anguish be known to the clouds. “NOOOOOOOO!!”

                                            Applejack shrinks a bit into her stand. “Sorry…”

                                            Instead of the expected fit, Rainbow Dash seems to give up.

                                            She slinks her head down and walks slowly away.

                                            Applejack appears surprised.

                                            “We’re still on for Pinkie’s party, right?”

                                            Rainbow Dash continues walking pitifully away. “I guess.”

                                            Behind her, Applejack rings an obnoxiously loud bell and yells out “THAT’S ALL WE GOT!”

                                            Rainbow Dash spots you as the line angrily disperses.

                                            She, like the crowd, looks pissed.

                                            “Come to rub it in?” she grumbles, head still low.

                                            You try to remember your friendship training with Twilight.

                                            Every Wednesday at around noon.

                                            Hmm…

                                            You hold out your second mug of cider.

                                            “Here ya go.”

                                            Dash’s head slowly rises from its stupor.

                                            “You...you...really...for me?”

                                            Her miserable frown slowly morphs into surprise and wonder.

                                            This must be some damn good cider for her to get this worked up.

                                            You nod your head and jostle her drink a bit.

                                            She hurriedly snatches it between her hooves and gulps down the cider like water in the desert.

                                            “Ahhhh…”

                                            Dash smiles at you, mood lifted.

                                            Her smile turns into a grin.

                                            “You’re okay, ya know that?” she says, and shoots into the air, presumably towards her house.

                                            Not even a thank you?

                                            Oh well.

                                            You peer down at your cider and lick your lips, ready to take a sip.


                                            About four hours later.

                                            You’re reading a book on pony physiology that Twilight recommended.

                                            It’s okay but ridiculously dry.

                                            A fervent knock on the door startles you.

                                            You walk to the front door, book in hand.

                                            Opening it reveals Rainbow Dash on your front porch.

                                            “Hey. Pinkie Pie wanted me to tell you that you’re invited to a party at Sugarcube Corner.”

                                            “What time?” you ask.

                                            “Seven. And if she -”

                                            Dash notices your physiology book and grins.

                                            “Oh - so you like books, do ya?”

                                            “Yeah?”

                                            She continues, slower. “Well, if you like books, then there’s a series you might wanna try…”

                                            Dash is obviously containing her excitement.

                                            “...I don’t suppose you’ve read-”

                                            She sticks a book up in your face.

                                            “-Daring Do!”

                                            The title reads ‘Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone.’

                                            Where she got the book, you don’t know.

                                            You furrow your brow. “No, I haven’t. Is it good?”

                                            Dash smugly closes her eyes and raises her head.

                                            “Is it good? Is it good, he asks!” she says to no one in particular.

                                            She looks back up at you and smirks.

                                            “It’s the best. How’s that?”

                                            You pretend to be in deep consideration of her book.

                                            Taking it from Dash, you give it a quick glance, front and back.

                                            “Hmm...I’ll see if they have this at the library.”

                                            “Nah it’s cool. You can just borrow mine.”

                                            You look at the blue pony quizzically.

                                            “But...aren’t you reading this?”

                                            She waves you off almost immediately. “I’ve read it like a thousand times.”

                                            “Hm. Well, thanks Dash.”

                                            She smiles and looks away.

                                            “So...I’ll see you at the party then?”

                                            “Yeah. Wouldn’t miss it.”

                                            Rainbow Dash squees (you’re still not quite sure how they do that) and flies off.

                                            “Coolseeyouthenbye!”

                                            If you had blinked, you would’ve missed her exit.

                                            You look down on your new book.

                                            Who knows? It could be good.

                                            Probably not as dry as the last one.


                                            You walk up to Sugarcube Corner, dressed to impress.

                                            ...which is to say, a t-shirt and some jeans.

                                            As you enter, you are greeted by the sounds of pastel ponies gettin’ down.

                                            Everyone seems to be having a good time tonight.

                                            Even Twilight is doing some weird dance, as awkward as it is.

                                            Actually it reminds you of that dance Elaine did on Seinfeld.

                                            “Hey Anon!”

                                            Rainbow Dash waves you over.

                                            She is sitting with her friends all gathered around the table.

                                            Smirking, you take a seat. From your left are seated Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity.

                                            Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack all greet you.

                                            “Hi Anon!”

                                            “Hello there, Anon.”

                                            “Howdy, Anon!”

                                            Fluttershy even lets out a squeak that sounds suspiciously like “Hi Anon.”

                                            She must still be a little nervous around you.

                                            Your smirk turns into a smile. “Hi guys.”

                                            After another fit of ‘dancing,’ Twilight spots you and sits down to your right.

                                            “Ah, Anon!” she exclaims. “Good to see you.”

                                            “Hey Twilight.”

                                            Twilight looks happy to see you. “Glad you could make it!”

                                            Pinkie Pie leans forward. “Yeah! I can’t believe it’s been a whole YEAR!”

                                            You forget how excitable Pinkie can get.

                                            “It’s been great havin’ ya here, sugarcube,” chimes in Applejack.

                                            “Yes, darling! And you’ve given me a whole new body type to make suits for! It’s simply fabulous!”

                                            You grin at their earnesty.

                                            “Thanks guys. Even if I can’t go back...I’m glad to have some friends here I can count on.”

                                            “Don’t mention it, darling.”

                                            “It’s all good, Anon.”

                                            “AWWW, A-non!”

                                            (*squee*)

                                            Pinkie Pie, the ball of energy that she is, vibrates hard in her chair and leans forward again.

                                            “We’re all glad you could make it to the party, Anon! Dashie here was practically begging to tell you about it!”

                                            Rainbow Dash blushes and jabs Pinkie.

                                            Pinkie realizes her mistake and laughs awkwardly.

                                            You give your best attempt to sidestep this awkwardness.

                                            “Oh - yeah. I read some of that book you gave me,” you say to Rainbow Dash.

                                            She lights up and the blush dissipates. “Oh yeah?”


                                            Everyone is at their various conversations.

                                            Pinkie and Applejack are talking about some family thing.

                                            Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight are going on about some sort of event that’s coming up.

                                            Meanwhile, you’ve just been chatting with Rainbow Dash about Daring Do and the part you’re currently at.

                                            The book is quite good, really. It reminds you of the Indiana Jones movies from back home.

                                            And the way Dash is recanting some of the parts you’ve read - her eyes sparkling, full of wonder...

                                            ...It’s actually pretty cute.

                                            She’s careful not to spoil anything that you haven’t read.

                                            Every time she’s about to spoil something, she covers her mouth up with her hooves and let’s out an “Eep!”

                                            ...Now that’s just adorable.

                                            Behind you, you are politely ribbed by ‘purple pony.’

                                            “Have you thought about who you’re going to take to the festival, Anon?”

                                            You blank out.

                                            Festival?

                                            You make no efforts to hide your confusion. “There’s a festival?”

                                            Twilight looks shocked you haven’t heard of it.

                                            “Yes Anon! The Spring Festival! Haven’t you heard?”

                                            Rarity leans into the table.

                                            “It’s going to be spectacular, darling. They’re doing fireworks this year!”

                                            “That does sound like fun,” you say.

                                            “And there’s going to be a petting zoo…” Fluttershy remarks.

                                            You imagine she’s real happy with that one.

                                            “Yes…” Rarity says. “And while we’re all going as friends, traditionally one is meant to go with a significant other - that special somepony, if you will.”

                                            “So, Anonymous…” Rarity continues.

                                            She flutters her eyelashes seductively and smiles. “Is there anyone you might want to ask?”

                                            Her eyes flit from you to Rainbow Dash several times.

                                            You’re confused.

                                            “Rarity, are you hitting on me?” you ask.

                                            Rarity, flustered, leans back in disbelief. “On you? No, nononono!” she asserts.

                                            “Not that you aren’t handsome, darling, but I could never do that to Rain-”

                                            She stops herself immediately, her eyes darting around the table for anyone to help her.

                                            Rarity gives up. “I’m going to get some more...punch! Punch, yes that’s it.”

                                            She leaves the table and you look at Rainbow Dash, still confused.

                                            No one is speaking.

                                            Rainbow Dash is a tomato right now. You’ve never seen her so nervous.

                                            Dash gets out of her chair. “I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”

                                            She zooms away at breakneck speed.

                                            You crane your neck to see her go.

                                            Shit - does Rainbow Dash?...

                                            Twilight attempts to re-steer the conversation.

                                            “So,” she says to you. “How’s the book on pony physiology?”

                                            It takes a few seconds for your mind to reset. “Ah - good. It’s good. It’s kinda…”

                                            Twilight appears genuinely interested.

                                            You hate to disappoint her, but you should probably just be honest.

                                            “It’s kinda...dry, actually.”

                                            To your surprise, her smile widens. Twilight laughs.

                                            “I know, right?”

                                            A quick sideways glance indicates that everyone is indeed back to their own conversations.

                                            Twilight leans in a bit, as if to let you in on a secret. “To tell you the truth, I find it a pretty dull read.”

                                            You’re confused. “Then why’d you lend it to me?”

                                            She smiles again. “Well, I just thought...oh...I don’t know...how do I put this…after living in Equestria long enough, with no humans around…”

                                            You’re still confused.

                                            Twilight blushes a little but continues.

                                            “You know…if you ever want to get to know another pony more...intimately…”

                                            Your eyes widen. “Ah.”

                                            Twilight leans back. “Yeah…”

                                            “I see.”

                                            “Yeah.”

                                            “Yeah…”


                                            You’re at home.

                                            The party ended a couple hours ago.

                                            It was great!

                                            Even if it was just sitting around talking.

                                            Rainbow Dash was...unusually quiet, though.

                                            You’re nestled in your bed, reading that book Dash got you.

                                            It’s been surprisingly easy giving up television - shockingly, even.

                                            Though being without your phone took a while getting used to.

                                            In fact, without a constant barrage of entertainment, you’d argue that you can sometimes feel a bit lonely.

                                            Especially at night.

                                            You imagine that this makes it easier for them to value friendship like they do.

                                            Letting out a yawn, you scratch the back of your head and set your book down.

                                            It really is quite good, but you should probably get some sleep.

                                            A knock at the door breaks the silence.

                                            You lazily jostle out of bed and put some pants on, attempting to find your shirt…

                                            ...Dammit.

                                            Where is it?

                                            *Knock Knock Knock*

                                            Whatever.

                                            You walk to the door. At least you have some pants on.

                                            *Knock--

                                            You yank open the door to see that Rainbow Dash is once again, on your porch.

                                            Upon seeing you, her face turns that cute cherry red.

                                            Her wings shoot up into the air.

                                            “Aren’t you...gonna...put on a shirt?” she squeaks.

                                            You lean against the door frame, eliciting another squeal.

                                            “Couldn’t find it. What’s up?”

                                            “I...um…” she starts.

                                            Dash looks around awkwardly.

                                            “...how’s your Daring Do book going?”

                                            You are once again confused.

                                            “It’s good…” you say.

                                            “Yeah? Good, good…”

                                            Her blush seems to only increase.

                                            “I was um...wondering, um-”

                                            She coughs loudly and unexpectedly.

                                            “Um…” she tries.

                                            “I was wondering if you weren’t busy later...maybe you wanted to...you know...I don’t know...hang out?”

                                            You should probably end this here.

                                            “Dash, do you have a crush on me?”

                                            Her blush is at critical levels. Abort! Abort!

                                            Rainbow Dash stumbles backward.

                                            She’s been acting...uncharacteristically nervous tonight.

                                            Dash seems to harden her resolve and steps in closer, unable to face you.

                                            “No more hiding,” she says. “I need to face this head-on…”

                                            Rainbow Dash looks you dead in the eyes.

                                            “...I do have a crush on you.”

                                            Holy shit. You were just teasing her!

                                            She steps in a bit closer.

                                            “I’m sick of acting like Fluttershy,” she says. “I don’t wanna be nervous - I just...really like you.”

                                            Now you’re blushing. “Really?”

                                            Dash steps in even closer. She flaps her wings and hovers up to your face.

                                            “Really.”

                                            “...ph-physically?”

                                            Dash smirks and nods her head.

                                            Rainbow Dash leans in a bit closer, obviously anxious.

                                            Her face is inches from yours.

                                            “D-Do you...like me too?” she asks.

                                            That’s a good question.

                                            After all this time, could you?...

                                            Maybe…

                                            Maybe you could give this a chance.

                                            You turn your head and lean into Rainbow Dash.

                                            Her half-lidded stare is admittedly intoxicating.

                                            You’re leaning in further now.

                                            You can feel her breath on yours.

                                            Is that?-

                                            She must’ve taken a million breath mints before she came here.

                                            You smile and lean in to kiss her.

                                            Her lips are softer than any human you’ve ever kissed.

                                            You brush her mane aside with your hand and gently cusp her cheek, cradling it against your fingers.

                                            After a few seconds, you slowly pull away.

                                            Dash’s eyes flutter open.

                                            “That was…” she starts, dazed.

                                            She pauses for a second, giddy.

                                            “AWESOME!”

                                            Her energy is infectious. Now this is the Rainbow Dash you know.

                                            She flops back down onto the ground and scratches her hoof on your porch, looking away from you. “So does this mean we’re...a thing?...”

                                            You smile at her. “I think so.”

                                            She looks straight at you and confidently grins right back.

                                            “Figures! I knew all I had to do was hit you with the ol’ Rainbow Dash charm and you were all mine!”

                                            “I was putty in your hands, wasn’t I?”

                                            “Putty in my hands! Well, hooves.”

                                            She quits her smug aside and glances innocently at you.

                                            “So...are we still doing something tomorrow, or?...”

                                            You pick her up and give her a big hug. “I wouldn’t miss it, Dash.”

                                            “Hey! Put me down!” she says, blushing heavily.

                                            You comply and place her back down on your porch.

                                            She laughs nervously and glances down again.

                                            Do you really make her like this?

                                            “Bye Anon!”

                                            Rainbow Dash zooms into the sky, away from your house at breakneck speed.

                                            She told you once that if she goes fast enough, she’ll create something called a ‘Sonic Rainboom.’

                                            Your face inadvertently breaks into a smile.


                                            You should probably stick around to find out.