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AnonxCelestia - You're Not Going Anywhere

By PhysicsAnon
Created: 12th November 2020 11:02:32 PM

  1. Written for this prompt:
  2.  
  3. >"By the order of the Equestrian high council it has been decided against my wishes that you are to be taken back to your world. Please be aware I've done everything in my power to make your life just as it used to be. No one in your world will even know you went missing."
  4.  
  5. [spoiler]>"Hah! You should have seen your face sweetie. Don't worry I would never do that."[/spoiler]
  6. ...
  7. [spoiler]>"Anon...?"[/spoiler]
  8.  
  9.  
  10. >You are Anon
  11. >You are also a smug motherfucker at the moment
  12. >You and the Great White Horse had a little bit of a prank war going on
  13. >And you just got her /good/
  14. >With the basic of basics no less!
  15. >She should have seen the hot sauce in the cake coming
  16. >But nope
  17. >You offered her some cake to go with her tea, knowing she could never wait that long and would just devour it as soon as you left the room
  18. >She was halfway through a Ponebasco-injected cake before she knew what was happening
  19. >Her tears, seen through the keyhole, were delicious
  20. >As was this temporary victory
  21. >But you knew she'd come back hard after something like that
  22. >You had to be ready
  23. >Magic's haxy as fuck
  24. >And Sunbutt and her sister are the haxiest
  25. >They were nice, yeah
  26. >Celestia especially
  27. >But they took their pranks seriously
  28. >...
  29. >You're kind of wondering if this was a setup, now...
  30. >Maybe she'll use it as an excuse to get you chucked in the dungeons for a day?
  31. >That'd be a pretty good one, actually
  32. >If so, you played right into her hands!
  33. >Fuck
  34. >You book your shit out of the castle, planning to lay low in the city until a homie in the guard told you it was cool
  35. >Yeah, she could still easily find you
  36. >But she was careful to not show her prankster side in front of other ponies, or out of the castle in general
  37. >Gotta keep that motherly facade up
  38. >You're nearly back to your apartment
  39. >You'd lived in the castle when you first arrived, but moved out once you got enough bits and a job
  40. >It didn't feel right to keep depending on the sisters
  41. >Celestia seemed strangely sad to see you go, but she cheered up when you told her you'd still be in Canterlot
  42. >You honestly liked being around her when she wasn't enchanting your pants to pitch a tent every time you walked by a mare
  43. >The cheeky cunt
  44. >You never really lived that one down
  45. >Home at last!
  46. >Now you hunker down and wait for the fallout
  47. >Maybe she'll make a city-wide announcement calling for your apprehension
  48. >Wouldn't be the first time
  49.  
  50. >...you've been in your apartment for a while, but there's no commotion outside...
  51. >No guards banging on your door
  52. >No nothing
  53. >Huh
  54. >Maybe she's just waiting for you to come back to the castle?
  55. >Probably
  56. >You'll wait a while longer
  57. >She's gotta give up and admit you got her eventually
  58. >You stand up and walk into the kitchen to fix yourself a sandwich
  59. >You just put the finishing touches on it when you hear the sound of teleportation from your living room
  60. >There's only one pony who teleports into your living room
  61. >herewego.jpg
  62. >You swagger back into the room, and lo and behold
  63. >A stern-looking Sunny D has appeared!
  64. "Wow, giving up already Cel? I figured I'd have to wait a few days at least, but I guess you realized you can't come back after getting got by the oldest one in the book!"
  65. >You shoot her your best troll-grin as you take a seat and bite into your sandwich
  66. >"I'm afraid the fun is over, Anonymous."
  67. >That gives you pause
  68. >She hasn't addressed you by your full title in a long time
  69. >"You've gone too far this time."
  70. >Pfffft
  71. >Is /that/ what this is about?
  72. "Look, I get you're a cake-o-phile and what I did is probably a low blow to you, but honestly, you should've seen that shit coming. Not all of us hold cake as a religious object."
  73. >She stamps her hoof
  74. >/Anonymous/!"
  75. >...
  76. >She's...
  77. >She's not fucking around.
  78. >What's happening?
  79. "W...What? I'm sorry if it was too much, I just thought it would be funn-"
  80. >"'Too much' is an understatement, Anonymous. You tampered with the food of royalty. A high crime since centuries past."
  81. >...oh
  82. >Oh no
  83. >Come on!
  84. >This-
  85. >This can't-
  86. "Cel!? I'd never hurt you! You know that! It was just a joke!"
  87. >"Unfortunately, the nobility is not so confident in that regard. An emergency joint session was held when news of your "prank" broke."
  88. >Her face has never been so terrifying to you
  89. >"By the decision of the Equestrian high council, you are to be returned to Earth."
  90. >...
  91. >...wha...?
  92.  
  93. >"Please be aware I've done everything in my power to make your life just as it used to be. No one in your world will even know you went missing."
  94. >No
  95. >NO
  96. >This isn't what you want!
  97. >You don't want to go back!
  98. >They can't make you!
  99. >You won't!
  100. >Why the fuck should those stuffed shirts have a say in what happens to you?!
  101. >You're your own man!
  102. >A citizen by their own law!
  103. >AND YOU ARE NOT GOING BA-
  104. >"Snerk!"
  105. >A stifled laugh brings you out of your mental storm of terror and rage
  106. >Celestia's cheeks are bright pink, shoving a hoof in her mouth to suppress her laughter
  107. >"Heehee! Anon, I wish I could show you your face right now!"
  108. >...
  109. >...
  110. >...
  111. >Too far.
  112. >That...
  113. >That was low.
  114. >She knows...
  115. >She /knows/ you hated your life on Earth
  116. >You turn and walk towards your bedroom
  117. >"Anon...?"
  118. "Yeah. Good deal. You got me, Princess. 'Gratz. GG no RE."
  119. >You hear her hoof steps behind you
  120. >"Anon?!"
  121. >You run
  122. >You'd snap if you had to look at her
  123. >You can barely keep control as it is
  124. >You sprint into your room and slam the door into place, locking it
  125. >"Anon, please-!"
  126. "NO!"
  127. >Your shout cuts her off
  128. "You know that's taboo! You know I hate it there! That's bullshit, Celestia! You can't just fucking... pull that shit..."
  129. >Goddammit
  130. >You're crying
  131. >She fucking terrified you in that moment
  132. >And you run and hide like a bitch?
  133. >Better hand in your man card, son
  134. >"Anny..."
  135. >Great
  136. >That fucking nickname
  137. >She only called you that when you two were alone
  138. >It was fucking childish as fuck
  139. >So why did you like it?
  140. >And when she threatened you with your worst nightmare /for a prank/, why were you more concerned with controlling yourself and not hurting her feelings with your reaction than you were with letting her know just how fucking uncool that was?
  141. >It's official
  142. >You're a faggot
  143. >"Anny...?"
  144. >She's still there
  145. "...what?"
  146. >"Can I come in...?"
  147. >...
  148. >Well, you're already gay, so why don't we just get a big hugbox of friendship lessons and other faggotry going on?
  149. "...sure."
  150.  
  151. >She doesn't bother with the door
  152. >She appears in front of you in a flash
  153. >For a moment, you get a view of dat booty
  154. >It has be where all that cake goes
  155. >She turns and faces you
  156. >...she's tearing up too?
  157. >You're about to speak when you're suddenly enshrouded by a white pair of wings
  158. >A pair of hooves wrap around your torso, and her head comes to rest on your shoulder
  159. >"I'm so sorry... I thought... I didn't consider..."
  160. >She's so subdued...
  161. >...
  162. >You return the embrace
  163. >She takes some encouragement from that
  164. >"...Anny. You know I'd never send you back."
  165. "I...yeah, but... You were really convincing. Could the council actually do that...?"
  166. >She's silent for a moment
  167. >"...yes."
  168. >You tense up
  169. >She just grips you tighter
  170. >"But I would never, /ever/ allow it."
  171. >Holy shit
  172. >That was the hardest you've ever heard her voice
  173. >"Certainly, you've ruffled some feathers with your antics around the castle. I have, in fact, heard a petition to have you banned from the premises in Day Court. But I refused to approve it. I enjoy having you near me, Anny. I take great pleasure in our little games. Luna does as well. You're not going anywhere. The nobility shall get used to that."
  174. >She moves her head back to look you in the eye
  175. >"I acknowledge that this was too much. I apologize, from the depths of my heart."
  176. >Fuck
  177. >She can't just-
  178. >You should-
  179. >Those eyes-
  180. >Ugh
  181. "...you're off the hook."
  182. >She buries her face into your neck
  183. >"Thank goodness..."
  184. "BUT!"
  185. >She's back to looking you in the face
  186. "You have to tell me who made that petition against me."
  187. >The reply was instant
  188. >"Blueblood."
  189. "Is that real answer, or are you just saying that because you want to see what I do to him?"
  190. >She giggles
  191. >"Both."
  192. >She leans back into your shoulder
  193. >"You are worth far more to me than Blueblood's dignity."
  194. >You chuckle
  195. "And that's worth, what, next to nothing?"
  196. >"Anny, I'm being serious!"
  197. "So, how much am I worth exactly?"
  198. >She freezes
  199. >You already know
  200. >You're just gonna make her squirm a bit
  201.  
  202. >"You... You are..."
  203. >...
  204. >"..."
  205. >"A...lot...okay...?"
  206. >You deadpan so hard you're a little afraid your face will stick like that
  207. >She's red and stuttering now
  208. >"Y-y-you are very d-dear to me! Y-you know that!"
  209. "Everybody and their mom is "dear" to you, Cel. That's just how you are. I'm asking if I specifically hold any special place in that pantheon of precious individuals."
  210. >Nearly there
  211. >You've nearly got her
  212. >"I...you...erm...o-obviously...you are..."
  213. >Your floor is suddenly incredibly interesting
  214. "What's this? Mighty Celestia of the Sun, reduced to a quivering filly at the words of a weird space monkey?! Unthinkable!"
  215. >Her head shoots up, indignant
  216. >"You're not weird! And /certainly/ not a monkey! I find your body lovely!"
  217. >You let what she just said sink in
  218. >...wow, her entire head just turned red!
  219. "Oh, so you just want me for my body, eh?"
  220. >"N-n-n-n-no! Anny, I want all of you!"
  221. >Aaaaaaaaaaaand there it is
  222. >That heart-melting face
  223. >All you wanted
  224. >You let her stew in her embarrassment and trepidation a moment longer, if only because you fucking love that face
  225. "Cool. Because I want all of you, too."
  226. >She freezes
  227. >Her eyes slowly come up to meet yours
  228. >"...Anny..."
  229. >You smile
  230. "Be mine, Cel."
  231. >She's tearing up
  232. >Different reason now
  233. >"I already am."
  234. "Prove it."
  235. >Her eyes widen
  236. >Then narrow back down into a sultry little stare
  237. >"And how could I go about that~?"
  238. "You take a day off, we cuddle until you can't stand up, and then we prank Blublood until he cries for mercy."
  239. >She laughs happily
  240. >"You're perfect."
  241. >You pick her up, and flop onto your bed
  242. "In all seriousness, can they function without you? The government, I mean."
  243. >She snuggles in as tight as physically possible, closing her eyes
  244. >"They'll figure it out."
  245. "Good."
  246. >You pull a blanket over the two of you
  247. "Because you're not leaving anytime soon."
  248. >She gives a throaty giggle
  249. >"I've no intention of being anywhere else but next you."
  250. "For how long?"
  251. >"For always, Anny."
  252. "Sounds good to me, Cel."
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