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(EQG) Kurt Cobainon Short

By PhysicsAnon
Created: 12th November 2020 11:07:14 PM

  1. Wrote this in response to someone wondering what would happen if Anon played in the Battle of the Bands at Canterlot High.
  2.  
  3. "Alright. Are we all ready?"
  4. >"Eyup."
  5. >"Yeah, dude. Let's take Flash down a peg!"
  6. "Hell yeah."
  7. >You are Anon, currently standing alongside your comrades in music as you get ready to step onstage at the Battle of the Bands.
  8. >You weren't usually inclined to participate in the shenanigans that occurred like clockwork at your school, but this was different.
  9. >Flash Sentry, the local pretty boy, had been talking a whole lot of game about this competition, and you were tired of his attitude.
  10. >Fucker can barely play and he's got chicks swooning over him.
  11. >Unsatisfied with the current state of affairs, you and two other like-minded students got together and did what any other reasonable high school boys would.
  12. >Hatched a plot to publicly one-up Flash Sentry and possibly get some female attention.
  13. >What could go wrong?
  14. >It had taken a bit of convincing, and weeks of practice in secret at your house, but you were ready.
  15. >Flash had already gone, and there had been some crazy showdown between the three chicks with the weird necklaces and Mac’s sister and her friends, but that was all over now.
  16. >It was time.
  17. >Time to show these philistines that it takes more than four chords and a chorus to make music.
  18. >And you had just the song to crash this obnoxiously peppy party with.
  19. >You tighten your grip on your guitar as you walk onstage, Principal Celestia announcing your group.
  20. >”And now, students, please welcome the members of ‘Enlightenment!' Anon, Norman, and Mac! Best of luck, boys!”
  21. >There’s a smattering of applause, but you barely hear it.
  22. >You get your axe plugged in and tuned while Norman does the same with his bass, and Mac adjusts the drum kit while the DJ girl checks all your mics.
  23. >Deep breaths, Anon.
  24. >Don’t fuck this up.
  25. >Your eyes flicker out to the crowd, and you see Flash, chatting it up with the girls from earlier.
  26. >Your eyes narrow.
  27. >Your day has ended, chick magnet.
  28. >Vinyl gives you the thumbs up, and you get ready nods from both of your bandmates.
  29. >You grip your mic.
  30. “H-Hey-“
  31. >Your voice cracks.
  32. >Fuck.
  33. >There’s laughter from the audience.
  34. >You grit your teeth.
  35. >Just you wait!
  36. >After a throat-clearing cough, you speak proudly into the microphone, letting your voice resound through the gym.
  37. “What’s up, Canterlot High?!”
  38. >That quiets them down.
  39. “I’ll keep this short and sweet. We’re Enlightenment, and we’ll be playing a modern classic for you rubes. Enjoy.”
  40. >You step away, giving your guitar an experimental strum.
  41. >The tone is clean, and there’s no static from the speakers.
  42. >Let there be rock.
  43. >The opening chords spark some recognition in the eyes of those with taste.
  44. >You channel Cobain and croon the lyrics as best you can, with Mac and Norman backing you.
  45. >Then the shredding begins.
  46. >People are up and dancing already.
  47. >Principle Celestia looks like she isn’t sure whether she approves, and Vice Principle Luna looks like she’s going to hunt you down after this.
  48. >But you don’t care.
  49. >It’s working.
  50. >They’re crowding the stage, heads banging.
  51. >You're doing it.
  52. >You're actually fucking doing it!
  53. >A smile splits your face, and you put your soul into the final verse and chorus.
  54. >Even Vinyl Scratch has her headphones off, rocking out to you from backstage.
  55. >Time to bring this sucker home for the win!
  56. >The final chant begins, and before you’re even halfway through the crowd has joined in.
  57. “A DENIAAAAL! A DENIAAAL!! A DENIAALLLLLLLL!!!”
  58. >As the last chord reverberates, you can’t contain your hype levels any longer.
  59. “UP YOURS, SENTRY!”
  60.  
  61. >…
  62. >You sit slumped on your desk the next day.
  63. >Disqualified for rowdiness.
  64. >You just couldn’t let it be, could ya Anon?
  65. >Goddammit. All that work for nothing.
  66. >Granted, the picture of you giving Flash the double bird on the cover of the school newspaper was pretty awesome, and a lot of other students were impressed.
  67. >But losing because of something like that still sucks balls.
  68. >You sigh as the last bell rings, packing your bag and heading out.
  69. >As you make your way through the parking lot to begin the walk home, though, a voice calls out.
  70. “Anon! Anon, wait!”
  71. >You turn to behold Sunset Shimmer running after you, carrying both her own backpack and a guitar case.
  72. “Uh, hey, Sunset. What’s up?”
  73. >Smooth, nigga.
  74. >She catches her breath, then responds.
  75. >”Yesterday was… I mean, I hate to parrot Rainbow, but… That was awesome. And, since you’re apparently into guitar and not into Flash…”
  76. >She fixes you with those teal eyes.
  77. >”…I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?"
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