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MLP:RtM 3 The Ticket Master

By Alaric
Created: 2021-12-12 02:53:06
Updated: 2023-10-09 23:59:55
Expiry: Never
anontwilight sparkleslice of lifesafe/aie/

  1. Source: https://pastebin.com/WeiZWECc
  2. Author: TMPony
  3. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4. >”Hoo whee,” Applejack whistles
  5. >”That’s some crazy story ya got there, Anon.”
  6. >You, the mane six, and Spike are all sitting around Golden Oaks Library
  7. >You’re on some comfy cushions on the floor by the window
  8. >”So let me get this straight,” Twilight says
  9. >”Your world has film reels... that show what’s going to happen to us in the future?”
  10. “More or less. But—“
  11. >”Is this going to replace my Pinkie sense?!” Pinkie Pie gasps
  12. “I don’t think so. There was never an Anon in that show—and just by me being here, already so many things have changed. I might have a general idea, but I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.”
  13. >”Still, can you tell me if I ever make it big in CANTERLOT?” Rarity asks breathlessly
  14. >”What about me?! Do I ever get to join the Wonderbolts?!” Dash screeches, flying up to you
  15. >You laugh and playfully shove Dash away
  16. ”I will tell you that all of you stay friends forever.”
  17. >Daww.jpg
  18. >Everyone looks happy to hear that
  19. >Except Dash
  20. >”Blech! Come ON! Is THAT all you’re gonna tell us, Anon?”
  21. “Sorry, these lips are zipped.”
  22. >”Come on Anon! Don’t you trust us?” Dash begs
  23. >”You ARE the Element of Trust, after all.”
  24. >You look around at all of your friends, staring at you
  25. “Of course I trust you. I trusted you enough to help you get the Elements of Harmony. Now I’m asking you to trust me.”
  26. >The ponies seem satisfied with this
  27. >But Twilight’s smile eventually fades
  28.  
  29. >”I’m sorry, Anon, I’m having a hard time believing any of this.”
  30. >Me too, Twilight
  31. >Me too
  32. >”Um, what if there was a way to prove it?” Fluttershy suggests
  33. >Rock on Fluttershy
  34. >”But the only way to do that would be to tell us something about the future...” Rarity muses
  35. “And just by me telling you, the outcome will change...”
  36. >Everyone sits quietly for a moment, thinking
  37. >”Ooh! Ooh!”
  38. >Pinkie’s hoof shoots into the air
  39. >”What if he wrote it down and put it in an envelope, and we didn’t read it until after the thing happens?”
  40. >Whoa, that never even occurred to you
  41. >Those brilliant flashes of Pinkspiration are even cooler in real life
  42. ”That’s a great idea, Pinkie Pie!” Spike exclaims
  43. >He shoots off and returns with some paper, an envelope, a quill, and ink
  44. >You dip the quill and put it to the paper
  45. >Wait
  46. “Your world doesn’t use the same written language as mine... If I wrote it down, then none of you could read it.”
  47. >”You could read it to us!” Fluttershy says
  48. “But I could lie. I’m not exactly Element of Honesty material, remember?”
  49. >”I could dictate!” Spike volunteers
  50. >”But then Anon would have to tell ya the future!” Applejack says
  51. >”Come on! I can keep a secret!” Spike says
  52. >Everyone laughs at him and pats him on the head
  53. >Soon the laughter dies and you’re all just sitting in silence again
  54.  
  55. ”Well, whatever. I’m going to write it down, in human language, and read it to you myself. And you can decide whether you trust me or not. Since I’m the Element of Trust and all that.”
  56. >You pick up the quill again
  57. >Uh
  58. >Hmm...
  59. “Umm... what should I write about?”
  60. >”Whether I get into the Wonderbolts!”
  61. >”Whether my spring line is going to be successful!”
  62. >”What I’m having for dinner tonight!”
  63. “Guys, guys, shut up!”
  64. >Twilight ponders for a moment
  65. >”How about what happens next?”
  66. >All eyes go to her
  67. >That’s right
  68. >What happens next
  69. >It’s been a few days since the end of Episode 2 but you’ve been so caught up in settling in with your new friends in Ponyville that you hadn’t even thought about it
  70. >A smile comes to your face as you press the quill to the paper
  71. >Episode 3: The Ticket Master
  72. >Rainbow Dash tries to sneak a peek at the paper but the others pull her away to give you some privacy
  73. >You start scribbling furiously
  74. >Man, using a quill is hard
  75. >Wish you had a ballpoint
  76. >The others watch you intently
  77.  
  78. >There
  79. >No sooner than writing the last word, Spike unleashes a gnarly belch
  80. >”A letter from Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaims
  81. >Spike unfurls the letter and reads
  82. >”Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh, yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle...”
  83. >Plus one guest, you think in your mind
  84. >”...And her friends, the Elements of Harmony, and Spike.”
  85. >what
  86. >WHAT
  87.  
  88. >Spike belches up seven golden tickets
  89. >The room goes crazy
  90. >Every one of the girls starts screeching and babbling on about the Gala
  91. >They all are so excited to be going together in a big group
  92. >Rarity wants to meet a noble prince
  93. >Rainbow Dash wants to see the Wonderbolts
  94. >Fluttershy wants to see the castle gardens
  95. >Pinkie Pie wants to party
  96. >Applejack wants to drum up business for Sweet Apple Acres
  97. >Meanwhile you just sit there staring in horror at the paper in your hand
  98. >The faithful transcript of Episode 3: The Ticket Master
  99. >An episode you always loved, that you remember vividly in your mind
  100. >Twilight only gets two tickets and must decide which of her friends she should bring with her
  101. >Now your script is just a useless list of predictions that can never happen
  102. >You sit there trembling, clutching the paper you just wrote in your hand
  103. >What in the actual fuck Celestia, you damn troll
  104. >Did me being there really change things this much?
  105. >Rarity looks over and notices you looking distraught
  106. >”Whatever is the matter, dear?”
  107. “Um. Nothing. You guys are just noisy, haha. I uh... I gotta go.”
  108. >You wedge the transcript into a fold, stand up, and hurry out the door
  109.  
  110. >You walk down the street, lost in thought
  111. >Trying to rationalize this change in the continuity
  112. >OK, so, maybe the extra heartwarming faggotry at the end of the last episode
  113. >Really inspired Celestia to be a bro and send Twilight seven tickets instead of two?
  114. >You shake your head
  115. >It seems ridiculous but it’s the only explanation to go off of
  116. >Hoofsteps behind you
  117. >”Anon! Wait!”
  118. >You turn around
  119. >It’s Twilight
  120. >Her eyes show
  121. >...Pity?
  122. >”Anon, I’m sorry! Look, Spike said he doesn’t even want to go to the Gala! You can have his ticket!”
  123. “Huh?”
  124. >”You want to go to the Gala, right? And you’re sad that Celestia didn’t send you a ticket--”
  125. >You burst into laughter and pat the adorable purple pone on the head
  126. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong, haha.”
  127. >She doesn’t seem convinced
  128. >You crouch down to eye level with her
  129. “You go with your friends to the Gala and have a nice time. I don’t need to do that kind of stuff.”
  130. >She frowns, but then closes her eyes and nods
  131. >”All right, Anon. If you say so.”
  132. >Anon!”
  133. >Spike is yelling as he comes running down the street toward you
  134. >He’s holding another letter
  135.  
  136. >”My Dear Anon,” Spike reads
  137. >”We have an important annual event in Canterlot called the Grand Galloping Gala where many nobles and other dignitaries from around Equestria gather for a formal social gathering. As an emissary of another world, I’d like for you to be my guest of honor there. I have no doubt that some of my guests will be very intrigued by the presence of a human. They will no doubt want to hear more about the history, technology, and society of your world, as do I. Afterward, I would like to privately speak with you more about your mysterious power and what implications it could have for Equestria. You can place your highest level of trust in me that I will be sworn to secrecy.
  138. >”I have arranged for private boxed seating in an exclusive section of the Canterlot Gardens, where you, plus one guest, will join myself, my distant nephew Prince Blueblood, and several dignitaries for the Wonderbolts demonstration. These will be the best seats in the house for their spectacular acrobatic flying show.
  139. >”I have included your formal invitation and two tickets within. If you choose an already attending guest to join you in the V.I.P. box, feel free to give the extra ticket to anypony else. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours truly,
  140. >”Princess Celestia.”
  141. >Your jaw is hanging off your face
  142. >So are the jaws of the mane six
  143. >The others came running up after Spike and heard the whole thing
  144. >They’re all staring at you
  145. >ffffffffffFFFFuck
  146.  
  147. >”Anon? Yeh ahlright? Ya look a might pale.”
  148. “No, I’m fine. Listen, do they sell weapons around here?”
  149. >”Heavens no, darling! What need would we have for those?”
  150. “Oh, you know, plotting high treason. Do they execute you for assassinating a Princess?”
  151. >You turn and start marching off determinedly
  152. >Rainbow flies after you, snatches you by the collar, and drags you back, kicking and fighting, to the group
  153. >”What’s the matter Anon? Tell us!”
  154. ”Well, I’m going to have to decide which of you I want to be my V.I.P. guest, aren’t I?”
  155. >Their eyes widen
  156. >”Let me make that decision easy for you, Anon!” Rainbow Dash suggests
  157. >”Bring me to the V.I.P. box so I can watch the Wonderbolts from the best seat in the house... and... I’ll let you bring me to the V.I.P. box so I can be your guest!”
  158. >Wow, brilliant, Dash
  159. >”Um,” Fluttershy speaks up
  160. >”It’s in a private part of the castle gardens, right?”
  161. >She gives you a shy look with one eye covered by her hair
  162. >HHHNNNNGGGHHHHH
  163. >”I wonder if there are any special animals or flowers there that aren’t in the rest of the garden.”
  164. >Rarity huffs
  165. >”Anon! I can’t believe you’d consider taking Fluttershy to the V.I.P. box instead of me! I’m DESTINED to go!”
  166. >Trust me, Rarity, I know destiny, and this ain’t it
  167. >”If you take me, we’ll have private seating with... HIM!!”
  168. >”Him!” Pinkie repeats
  169. >”Who?”
  170. >”HIM!”
  171. >Rarity starts going off about how wonderful the Princess’s nephew is
  172. >You start to slowly back away
  173. >”Rarity!” Pinkie Pie exclaims
  174. >”How dare you! You’re gonna be Anon’s date to the Gala just so you can meet ANOTHER guy?”
  175. >Pinkie Pie’s in her face
  176. >Rarity turns pink
  177. >”Whoever said anything about a... ‘date’? I’d just be his ‘guest’...”
  178. >”Still, she has a point, Rar,” Applejack says
  179. >”Why, do YOU want to be Anon’s date?” Rarity asks Pinkie Pie
  180. >Pinkie’s hair seems to explode in an even bigger tanglefuck than ever
  181. >”Umm well... yes! I mean... I... well...”
  182. >You’ve never seen Pinkie Pie this flustered
  183. >”Why else would you want to go? A quiet conversation with nobles? That’s not you, Pinkie Pie. You just want to go because you like—“
  184. >”AAHHHHHH!”
  185. >Pinkie Pie screams and gallops off
  186. >”Rarity!” Twilight scolds her
  187. >Rarity apologizes to Twi, then to you, and leaves to go chase after Pinkie Pie
  188. >Damn, you forgot that S1 Rarity is kind of mean
  189. >Pinkie kind of started it though
  190. >Twilight looks at you
  191. >”Why not just make me your V.I.P.? I think I can handle the Canterlot nobles well. And I’m already Princess Celestia’s student. And...”
  192. >She lowers her head and grumbles
  193. >”I’m the one who frickin’ summoned you so I should get to go.”
  194. >You sigh
  195. >That’d be nice, but it’s not necessarily a solution
  196. >You look at Applejack
  197. “Well?”
  198. >”Well what?”
  199. “Aren’t you going to argue your case as to why you should be my V.I.P. guest?”
  200. >She ponders for a moment
  201. >”Hmm... nah. Should be fine sellin’ apples to them normal gala folk.”
  202. >She trots off
  203. >APPLEJACK I LOVE YOU
  204.  
  205. >Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle are still looking at you, waiting for your decision
  206. >You’re just standing there, speechless
  207. >How did this happen
  208. >Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle all want your dick
  209. >You try to think back to The Ticket Master
  210. >Next, they’re all going to start doing you all kinds of crazy favors to try to win you over
  211. >And it’s going to make it even more impossible to decide
  212. >How does the episode end?
  213. >Oh, right
  214. >Twilight sends her two tickets back and says she can’t go
  215. >Fuck you can’t do that
  216. >You’re the guest of honor!
  217. >But wait then Celestia sends Twilight back enough tickets for all her friends
  218. >You feel relieved
  219. >Wait
  220. >Fuck this is an EXCLUSIVE private boxed seating
  221. >You can’t just fucking put five more chairs in that shit
  222. >It’s probably all fancy and planned out and shit
  223. >After standing there for a few moments, you haven’t come up with anything
  224. >The dichotomy between the TV show and what is actually happening right now is fucking with your brain still
  225. >Hindering your ‘problem-solving abilities’
  226. >You just need to cool off for a bit
  227. “Guys... I just need some time to myself to think this over. So, I’m going to head back to the library, go lie down for a bit, and think it over. OK?”
  228. >”OK.”
  229. >Twilight’s belly rumbles
  230. >”Hey, Spike, let’s go get something to eat. See you later, Anon.”
  231. >You bid her farewell
  232. >The group disperses and you walk back to the library
  233. >You let yourself in, set the tickets down on the desk, and plop down on the cushions again
  234. >You’re trying to think about what you should do
  235. >But your mind keeps coming back to Pinkie Pie
  236. >I wonder if she actually does have a crush on me
  237. >That is wrong on so many levels
  238. >But also right
  239. >You drift off to sleep
  240.  
  241. >You wake up to a strange feeling
  242. >Pressure on the soles of your feet and toes
  243. >Is that
  244. >A foot massage?
  245. >You look down
  246. >Shoes and socks are off
  247. >Fluttershy is giving you a foot massage
  248. >Praise Jesus Christ
  249. >Praise Buddha
  250. >Praise every god and goddess from every pantheon ever
  251. >It feels heavenly
  252. >She’s hitting all the right spots where the tension’s been building up
  253. >You hadn’t really thought about it, but living in a world without cars
  254. >In a suburban village where everything is spread out
  255. >Means lots and lots of walking
  256. >And until now you never realized how much your feet have been killing you
  257. >But she is tenderly yet firmly releasing all of that strain
  258. >Eat your FUCKING heart out, footfags
  259. >You never thought that a pony could possess such a high level of manual dexterity
  260. >Without even having hands
  261. >You knew it, hooves are magical
  262. >Further study is required
  263. >She notices you’re awake and just smiles
  264. >”Oh, Anon. Please relax...”
  265. >Oh fuck yes
  266. >You throw your head back in the pillows
  267. >Uh oh
  268. >Little Anon Jr. is stepping up to bat
  269. >You grab the nearest cushion and shove it into your crotch
  270. >She looks up at you, smiles, and just keeps going to town on your feet
  271. >Did she notice?
  272.  
  273. >Fluttershy sits back on her haunches to rest her hooves
  274. >Fucking wow
  275. “That was amazing, Fluttershy!”
  276. >She blushes
  277. >”T-Thanks, Anon...”
  278. >Suddenly the door opens
  279. >You bolt upright
  280. >Twilight walks in, followed by Spike
  281. >You just turn and stare at her
  282. >Busted
  283. >She looks at you
  284. >You look at her
  285. >She looks at you
  286. >”Don’t look so surprised, Anon. We live here too you know!”
  287. >Oh, right
  288. >You curl your legs into cross-legged position and rub your feet
  289. >Fluttershy stands up
  290. >”You’re welcome to ask for more massages... next time your feet hurt.”
  291. ”S-sure. Thank you.”
  292. >She leaves
  293. >You have a warm fuzzy feeling in your chest
  294. >Not to mention your feet feel like jello
  295. >You look over at Twilight, still smiling
  296. >She does not look amused
  297.  
  298. >”Foot massages may be nice in the short run but I think I can help you in a much more meaningful way, Anon.”
  299. >She hands you a gift-wrapped box
  300. >”We stopped at the market after lunch and got you these.”
  301. “Whoa, what’s the occasion?”
  302. >”You’ll see in a moment. Go on, open it now.”
  303. >You rip the paper off and open the box
  304. >Three big brightly colored... children’s books?
  305. >”They’re foal’s books. I thought they might help you learn the Equestrian written language. At least in the beginning.”
  306. >You open one of the books and flip through the pages
  307. >Thick, glossy cardboard pages and beautiful illustrations
  308. >No idea what the story is about but the pictures are pretty
  309. >You’ve always found this kid stuff to be charming
  310. >You watch My Little Pony, after all
  311. “Wow, Twilight! These are great!”
  312. >”I’m so happy to hear that you like them! We can start lessons tomorrow!”
  313. “What?”
  314. >”You’re not going to learn on your own, are you? Let me help you. Academics is kind of my forte...”
  315. >She stops when you hug her
  316. “Thanks, Twi. This means so much to me.”
  317. >She pats you on the back with her hoof
  318. >”I thought you’d say that! So anyway, about that V.I.P. pass...”
  319. >Suddenly you snap out of your post afternoon-nap haze
  320. >Suddenly you remember everything that happened earlier with the V.I.P. pass
  321. >And you realize that Fluttershy just gave you the best foot massage of your life because she’s trying to score the V.I.P. seat
  322. >Damn
  323. >Whatever
  324. >Doesn’tmatterhadsex.jpg
  325. >Foot sex, actually
  326. >But who’s counting
  327.  
  328. >No no don’t put us back in there
  329. >Not after we’ve seen the light of freedom
  330. >Sorry, feet
  331. >You reluctantly put your shoes back on
  332. >You step out of the library to get some fresh air
  333. >You're always a little dehydrated after a nap
  334. >Head to the well and draw up some water
  335. >Take a long drink
  336. >Wipe your face
  337. >Look around
  338. >Oh, hey, it’s Rarity
  339. >Running toward you
  340. >”ANONCOMEWITHME”
  341. >Where’s the fire ma’am
  342.  
  343. >At Carousel Boutique
  344. >I have a fantastic new ensemble I want you to try on, Anon!”
  345. >Rarity starts undressing you
  346. “Whoa whoa whoa, Rarity! Hold on!”
  347. >You push her off of you
  348. “I’m not a pony! I’m not letting you see me without clothes!”
  349. >”Oh! Forgive me, darling. Well, the ensemble is hanging up over there. Carry on.”
  350. >She leaves you behind the screen
  351. >You sigh and look at the clothes
  352. >They look kind of gay
  353. >You put them on, though
  354. >And you look in the mirror
  355. >Wow, Rarity actually did a pretty good job with human clothes
  356. >She probably modified some pony clothes, but she got the dimensions down and everything
  357. >It fits you pretty well
  358. >A button-up white and black pinstripe shirt
  359. >An obsidian-colored tie
  360. >Bluish-gray vest and slacks
  361. >You admire the outfit in the mirror
  362. >Damn Anon you look like something out of GQ
  363. >Kind of like a Prohibition-era Chicago mobster or a detective from a film noir
  364. >That retro style actually really works for you
  365. >And the outfit is really slimming
  366. >Not that you’re fat.
  367. >You’re not a twig, either
  368. >But it really looks quite good
  369. >”Anon?” Rarity calls over the wall
  370. >”How do you like it?”
  371. “It’s really nice, Rarity.”
  372. >You push the screen aside, and strike a pose for her
  373. >”Anon! You look positively smashing! You’ll be a big hit at the Grand Galloping Gala!”
  374. >The Grand Galloping what now
  375. “Rarity, are you just doing this to get into the V.I.P. box with me?”
  376. >She ignores you
  377. >”Your outfit just needs a finishing touch... A HAT!”
  378. >She runs off and comes back with a matching black hat
  379. >It’s a fedora
  380. >A fedora
  381. >FEDORA
  382.  
  383. >You start taking the vest off
  384. “Listen, Rar, so long as I know you’re trying to come with me to the V.I.P. box at the Gala, I really don’t feel comfortable accepting favors like this from you!”
  385. >She looks disappointed and hurt
  386. >”Even if you don’t pick me to go with you to the Gala, I still want you to wear it, Anon.”
  387. >Aww
  388. >You kind of feel bad
  389. “All right, I’ll think about it. But I’m going to leave it here with you.”
  390. >”Well, take the hat!”
  391. >She levitates it onto your head
  392. >You look at yourself in the mirror
  393. >Huh, not bad
  394. >It actually goes pretty well with this outfit
  395. >”It complements anything! Whatever you normally wear!”
  396. >Ugh
  397. >Literally the only other clothes you have in Equestria are a T-shirt and jeans
  398. >And you’ve seen enough “bronies” to know that fedoras look awful with casual wear
  399. >She gives you some privacy while you change back into your T-shirt and jeans
  400. >You walk out from behind the screen with the fedora tucked under your arm but as you head for the front door she levitates it onto your head again
  401. >You catch a sideways glimpse of yourself in a vanity mirror
  402. >Yep, awful
  403. >You try not to vomit
  404. >You look at Rarity
  405. “Listen, Rar. I think you have a legitimate reason to go to the Gala, just like everyone else. Don’t let Pinkie or anyone else tell you otherwise. It’s just that everyone has good reasons, so it’s a hard decision.”
  406. >Rarity frowns, but you can tell she understands what you’re going through
  407. >You say goodbye and head out the door
  408. >Maybe the other ponies won’t notice how strange the fedora looks with your street clothes
  409. >You’ve seen plenty of ponies wearing weird hats all the time anyway
  410. >Even so
  411. >You decide to take it off the moment she closes the door behind you
  412.  
  413. >Before you get the hat off you are assaulted by Pinkie
  414. >”Woo nice hat Anon!!”
  415. >She grabs you and pulls you into a circle of ponies lying in wait outside the boutique
  416. >They all throw you into the air
  417. >Music starts playing and Pinkie bursts into song
  418. >”Anon is my bestest friend
  419. >”Whoopie, whoopie!”
  420. “Pinkie...”
  421. >”He’s really cool and smart and eats
  422. >”Spaghetti, spaghetti!”
  423. ”Pinkie.”
  424. >I bet if I throw a super-duper fun party, party--”
  425. ”Pinkie!”
  426. >”He’ll take me with him to be his V. I. Peeeeeee!!!”
  427. ”PIIINKIIIEEE!!!!”
  428. >”Yes, Anon?”
  429. >She bats her eyelashes at you
  430. “You’re not one for subtlety are you?”
  431. >She ponders that for a moment, then turns and yells at the other ponies
  432. >”CODE RED! Do the other song!”
  433. >All the ponies grab you and throw you into the air again
  434. >Fuck
  435.  
  436. >In midair, a rainbow dashes by and sweeps you up
  437. >Whoa
  438. >You’re flying really really fast through the air
  439. >You look down at your feet dangling over the streets of Ponyville as you slowly gain altitude
  440. >You feel Rainbow Dash’s arms holding you under your arms
  441. >Is she strong enough to carry you while flying?
  442. “DASH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
  443. >”Pfft, calm down and stop squirming. I got you!”
  444. >She must be really strong to be able to carry you up this high
  445. >These fucking ponies, man
  446. >She slowly arcs back and soon the two of you are flying straight up into the clouds
  447. >For the love of God and all that is holy don’t look down Anon
  448. >”Look down, Anon!” Rainbow says
  449. >Your eyes are shut tight by now
  450. >But you slowly peek out of one, then the other
  451. >It’s the most breathtaking view you’ve ever seen
  452. >The sun is setting in the distance over the mountains
  453. >Quaint Ponyville is down below, with smoke rising from the chimneys and little ant-sized ponies walking around
  454. >A magnificent view of Canterlot in the distance, glowing in the evening light
  455. >Hell, even the Everfree Forest looks stunning
  456. “W-Wow... Dash...”
  457. >”Heh, you like it, huh?”
  458. “It’s a little scary, actually.”
  459. >You smile and close your eyes again
  460. >You feel Rainbow’s chest heaving, pressed against your back
  461. “Maybe it’s time to go back down before you get too tired.”
  462. >She pants
  463. >”Yeah, good idea!”
  464.  
  465. >”Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, Anon!”
  466. “It’s fine, I’m just happy to be back on the ground safely.”
  467. >”Was it awesome?”
  468. >Yeah it was pretty awesome
  469. >But you don’t want to encourage her
  470. “Yeah, awesome. All right, now get lost.”
  471. >”Huh?! Aren’t you going to say that you want to thank me by bringing me to the V.I.P. box at the Grand Galloping Gala?!”
  472. “No, I’m not going to say that. Because I haven’t made my decision yet! And all these nice things that you all are doing for me... they aren’t helping me decide any faster!”
  473. >Rainbow looks really sad
  474. >Gah you’re kind of pissed now
  475. >Maybe the adrenaline from the death-defying flight is kicking in late
  476. >And it’s making you rage
  477. >Whatever the reason, now you feel like you can’t even look Dash in the eye
  478. >”Anon... I’ve never taken another pony... or person... up that high before.”
  479. “Well don’t I feel special.”
  480. >Your biting sarcasm makes Rainbow wince
  481. >”All right, Anon, sorry I bugged you. Later.”
  482. >She starts to fly away
  483. >Your heart breaks
  484. >No
  485. >No...
  486.  
  487. “Wait! Dash!”
  488. >You yell as you run after her
  489. “I’m sorry! Listen! Come back!”
  490. >You jump and try to take a few swipes at her leg but she evades you
  491. “Rainbow Dash! Get your butt back down here!”
  492. >She’s flying really slowly so obviously she’s not trying to get away from you
  493. >Maybe she wants to hear what you have to say
  494. >But you can’t do what you want to do so long as she’s still in the air
  495. >You chase her for like five minutes before she finally gives in, rolls her eyes, and lands expertly on the ground
  496. >She just looks at you and scoffs while you stand there, hands on your knees, panting like a fat kid
  497. >You don’t even wait for your breath to come back to take her in your arms
  498. >And give her a tight hug
  499. >Her face is buried in your chest
  500. “Dash, I’m sorry. Forget what I said. It really was special. And awesome. I’ll never forget it.”
  501. >You let go, still holding her shoulders tightly, and look her in the eye
  502. >She gazes into your eyes
  503. ”But... I don’t deserve that kind of stuff. I’m not special. Maybe in your world I’m the only human and that seems special. But in my world I’m just a regular guy. A guy who makes mistakes and isn’t that smart. I definitely don’t feel like a V.I.P.”
  504.  
  505. >Rainbow breaks away from you and smiles
  506. >”Anon, you ARE special!”
  507. >She flies up and bumps you on the head
  508. >”You’re special because you’re my FRIEND!”
  509. >Damn it Dash
  510. >Even after I hurt your feelings you still turn right around and be a fucking sweetheart
  511. >You chuckle to yourself
  512. ”Well, stop treating me EXTRA special just because I scored awesome seats at the Gala for the Wonderbolts show.”
  513. >She laughs and shoves you
  514. >”Well you already got the special treatment out of all of my friends! So there’s nothing you can do about it now.”
  515. “Oh yeah?”
  516. >You laugh and shove her back
  517. “I think we should take all our friends on a pegasus carriage ride at sunset! Then they can all see it. And they don’t have to get armpit wedgies from you!”
  518. >”Shut up.”
  519. “I’m serious. I think a breathtaking view like that... why make it exclusive? They should all get to see it! Everyone should get to experience that!”
  520. >”Heh. If it means that much to you, Anon.”
  521. “It does.”
  522. >Wait
  523. >Everyone should get to experience that
  524. >Everyone
  525. >Everyone...?
  526.  
  527. >OF COURSE
  528. >It was right under your nose the whole time
  529. >You reach into your pocket and pull out the envelope
  530. >The one containing your transcript of Episode 3: The Ticket Master
  531. >That episode had a clear solution, but it’s one that won’t work in your situation
  532. >And so you’ve been wading through indecision, admiring how similar this situation is to that one
  533. >But you never looked at the differences
  534. >There are actually a lot
  535. >And YOUR solution lies in the differences, not in the similarities
  536. >Which is more special?
  537. >Going to the Gala that you never thought you’d get to go to?
  538. >Or getting nicer seats at the Gala that you’re already going to?
  539. >It’s all about perspective, man
  540. >You can’t make all of your friends V.I.P.s at the Gala
  541. >But that’s OK
  542. >Because you don’t need to
  543. ”Rainbow Dash!”
  544. >”Yeah?”
  545. “Gather everyone up and meet me back in the library in half an hour! I’ve made my decision.”
  546.  
  547. >Back in the library
  548. >Everyone is there
  549. >All eyes are on you
  550. “Rarity.”
  551. >”Yes, Anon?”
  552. ”You’ll still have a chance to meet Prince Blueblood before and after the Wonderbolts demonstration, won’t you?”
  553. >”I suppose...”
  554. “Fluttershy.”
  555. >”P-present!”
  556. “You’ve never been to the Canterlot Gardens during bloom, have you? Why worry about one little section of the gardens, when you’ve yet to experience the main thing?”
  557. >”Um, I guess that makes sense.”
  558. “Rainbow Dash!”
  559. >”What?!”
  560. “The Wonderbolts are going to be tiny little specks in the sky! If you sit in the main seating area, vs. in the private seating area, is it really going to be that much different?”
  561. >”Probably!”
  562. >Applejack hits her
  563. >”OK, probably not.”
  564. “Twilight Sparkle!”
  565. >”Anon.”
  566. “You said you ought to be in that V.I.P. box because you’re Celestia’s student, and because you’re the one who brought me to Equestria. But you communicate with Princess Celestia all the time via letter!”
  567. >”True.”
  568. “Plus, what’s the thing that makes your relationship with me special? Is it that you were the one who summoned me?!”
  569. >She thinks for a moment
  570. >”No. It’s that we’re friends.”
  571. ”Is that going to change whether we’re in the V.I.P. box together or not?”
  572. >”No... not really...”
  573. >Finally, your eyes settle on Ponka
  574. ”Pinkie Pie.”
  575. >She looks at you
  576. ”Why do you want to be my guest in the V.I.P. box?”
  577. >She seems embarrassed
  578. >But finally she perks up and says bravely
  579. >”Because I want to be there with you, Anon!”
  580. “...I see.”
  581. >You turn and face the others
  582. “The answer is clear to all of you now, isn’t it?”
  583. >”Yeah.”
  584. >”Uh-huh.”
  585. >”I see your point.”
  586. >”Makes sense to me.”
  587. >You look at Pinkie Pie one more time
  588. “You’re the only one who hopes to experience something truly special that you wouldn’t get to have at all otherwise... a date with me. So, I choose you, Pinkie Pie.”
  589. >She faints
  590.  
  591. >Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash carry Pinkie Pie off and drop her in Twilight's bed, then fly back
  592. >"Well, I guess that settles that, then..." Rarity mutters disappointedly
  593. >All the remaining ponies start to leave
  594. >"That's it, then?" Twilight complains
  595. "Twi, first friendship lesson. Sometimes your friends have to face tough choices. And they may not always make the decision you want them to. But it doesn't mean they don't respect you, or care any less about you. I certainly don't."
  596. >You kneel down next to her and pat her on the head, and give her a big smile
  597. >Applejack decides to back you up
  598. >”C’mon Twi, can y’all stay mad at a face like Anon’s just ‘cause Pinkie Pie beat ya?”
  599. >You’re just sitting there grinning at Twilight like a goofball
  600. >Twilight giggles
  601. >”No, of course not.”
  602. >Applejack turns to look at Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash
  603. >”How bout you gals?”
  604. >”No.”
  605. >All of the ponies forgive you, one by one
  606. >And comment on how happy Pinkie Pie is gonna be when she wakes up
  607. >They all start heading for the door
  608. “Whoa, where you going? I’m not done yet.”
  609. >”Huh? What more is there to say, Anon?” Fluttershy asks
  610. “Well, I could tell you about the letter to Princess Celestia I wrote with Spike before you got here.”
  611.  
  612. >Dear Princess Celestia,
  613. >It is a great honor to be selected as your guest at the Grand Galloping Gala. However, I am concerned that you want to keep my company, and my guest’s, all to yourself! If you’d like me to talk more about the human world, I’d like for EVERYONE at the gala to be able to hear it, not just the dignitaries in the V.I.P. box. Hearing about the human world may be special to you, but to me, it’s just normal conversation. There’s no need to grant me special treatment, like private access to certain gardens or better seats for the Wonderbolts demonstration. I’m just a humble human who would find much more joy in sharing his blessings with everyone. In fact, I’d even go so far as to suggest that you invite everyone in Equestria if I knew you could! But, since you probably can’t do that, at least do this for me: open up the private seating area to everyone at the Gala. That way, all of my friends can be there with me, even though they can’t all be V.I.P.s. Which is fine, since to me, they’re all still Very Important Ponies.
  614. >Your Majesty’s humble servant,
  615. >Anon
  616.  
  617. Epilogue.
  618. >Spike comes running up
  619. >"Hey, Twilight! I found the book you were looking for."
  620. >"Ah! Transformative Transliteration. Well done, Spike."
  621. >Twilight looks at you
  622. >"Okay, hand it over, Anon."
  623. "Hand what over?"
  624. >The paper with your prediction on it. You did predict all of this happening, right?"
  625. "Uh, not exactly--"
  626. >"This book should have a spell that will let me read your human written language-- Ah ha! Here it is! Now we can check and see if you really were telling the truth about seeing the film reels of us in the future."
  627. "Twilight, wait!"
  628. >She levitates the envelope out of your pocket and over to her, opening it up
  629. >She casts the spell
  630. >"Worlds apart, a distance great. In my mind, the words translate!"
  631. >Suddenly the paper begins to glow with a mysterious blue light
  632. >"Well, Twilight?" Rarity asks
  633. >"What does it say?"
  634. >Twilight looks the paper up and down
  635. >"Anon."
  636. "Yeah?"
  637. >"You're not very good at writing with a quill pen, are you?"
  638. "Not really, why?"
  639. >"This spell will only work if the passage is legible in the first place."
  640. >She turns the paper toward everyone and shows them your awful penmanship
  641. >It looks like Jackson Pollock swallowed a bunch of ink and then took a shit on your paper
  642. >Everyone falls on the floor laughing
  643. "Fuck you guys."

MLP:RtM 1-2 Friendship is Magic

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MLP:RtM 3 The Ticket Master

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MLP:RtM 4 Applebuck Season

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MLPRtM: 7 Dragonshy

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