>The rope was heavy in your hands.
>You were never really strong.
>Hell, you were never anything.
>You were never smart, you were never talented, you were never athletic.
>You were never popular, you were never liked, you were never loved.
>And your mother made sure you remembered that every night as she threw her empty bottles of alcohol at you.
>You miss dad.
>At least sometimes on the subway, people wouldn’t treat you like human refuse.
>You would go out of your way to open doors for some people, just to see them smile and thank you.
>The days went by fast after highschool.
>You had failed your finals.
>And immediately you were told to get a job or get the fuck out.
>Today had marked the last day of your life.
>You couldn’t stand your dull, grey life filled with misery and pain anymore.
>So tonight.
>Tonight it ends.
>You threw the rope across the roof beam and secured it.
>The rope slipped on easy, but your knees quaked.
>But they stopped when you realised that, with life offering you nothing, what is left to fear in death?
>You put one foot out, and kicked the chair from under you.
>Like holding your breath in the bath…
>You looked over to the table.
>No suicide note.
>There’s no one you want to tell.
>No one would read it anyway.
>The black claimed your vision.
>And soon, your life.
>Black.
>Black.
>Black.
>Something sparked in your mind.
>You became dimly aware that you were conscious.
>There was something brigh-
>Opening your eyes, you found yourself looking up into the morning sky.
>Sitting up, you saw that you were in an unknown land.
>Bright.
>For the first time, you feel something flutter in your heart, a little bit of happiness.
>There was a town too.
>You took no time in rushing over.
>It’s been three months in this land.
>Your meeting with you rushing blindly into town led to some mistakes being made.
>There were apologies, though mostly on your side.
>It didn’t matter now.
>You looked out the window into the streets of ponyville, it was late at night.
>You were doing some weaving.
>Closest thing to creation you’ve ever done.
>There was that one time in their winter wrap up a few weeks ago though.
>You tried to help the white unicorn, Rarity with making some new homes for animals.
>As you approached, you saw her apprehension and hesitation in you helping.
>It was your fault, really.
>You didn’t know anything about nest making.
>You shouldn’t have tried to do anything.
>When she eventually told you to just go, you were more than willing.
>But that’s in the past. It doesn’t matter.
>Like the time you were in the market, looking to buy food.
>And there was AppleJack.
>You tried to say ‘hi’ but she didn’t seem to hear you.
>Running after her you tried to greet her again, only for her to tell you that she was mighty busy and that you were just in her way.
>You didn’t see how that was, with you just walking alongside her.
>Oh well, it doesn’t matter now.
>Weaving is hard.
>You’ve done it before, scouts don’t fail you now!
>You remember that time you went to borrow some books from the local library.
>Twilight stopped you at the door.
>She had told you that she didn’t trust you not to damage the books.
>Even after you promised you’d be really careful with them.
>Not even a “sorry, anon”.
>“Just go, Anon. Leave” She responded, slamming the door.
>Maybe she was under pressure from the princess.
>People get stressed all the time.
>And you can be annoying sometimes… People told you that all the time.
>Your hands were shaking again.
>But it didn’t stop you from remembering school.
>”Why won’t you guys let me play?”
>”Because you’re annoying, anon.”
>That’s okay, you just got to read in the library.
>N-no big deal.
>A month ago, you had asked Rainbow Dash out.
>She laughed in your face.
>What you said was apparently so hysterical that she didn’t notice you walking away.
>You had never drunk before.
>Your mother had left a lasting scar on you and you had promised yourself to never get like that.
>But tonight you decided to treat yourself.
>With your trembling hands, you poured yourself another glass of amber fluid.
>The taste of the whiskey was terrible.
>But the dullness it offered was bliss.
>Bliss, you have never used it before…
>You try to pick up the glass you poured for yourself, but your shaking hands spill most of it.
“S-silly. S-s-silly. S-silly” You say to yourself, dropping the glass to the ground “N-n-no big deal! Not tonight!”
>It’s all over your work.
>But that’s okay.
>It still works.
>You stand, picking up your weaving.
>Holding it in your hands, you turned it over.
>You’ve made this before.
>Once.
>Three weeks ago, you were out in the town.
>You did not leave your house often, the confines of its walls offering safety from the judgement of the ponies kept you…. Alive.
>The pink pony, Pinkie Pie was handing out cards to everyone.
>She looked excited and was carrying around her little alligator.
>You overheard her talk about a party and invitations and about how everyone was invited.
>You know you shouldn’t of, but you felt like this was your chance to finally break out of this depressing life, to maybe make a… friend.
”Hey, Pinkie” You remember saying, approaching her “I heard you were having a party-“
>”Oh… Sorry Anon, it’s really only for my friends.”
“Yeah… Sorry”
>You turned around and left without getting the groceries you came for.
>It sounded like she tried to call after you but she stopped herself.
>You didn’t eat that night.
>Yesterday.
>Fluttershy seemed to be the nicest pony in this town, you’re going off what you had heard about her though.
>In fact, you’d never seen her talk.
>You never really saw her at all.
>If you didn’t know any better you’d probably say she was avoiding you…
>Maybe it was bad that you had mentioned that you were omnivorous.
>She liked animals, you had heard too.
>Well, today had been the day you were breaking out of this cocoon of self-pity and talked to her.
>You marched from your house, and eventually managed to find her cottage.
>Reaching forward, your hand stops momentarily, before you knock on the door.
>Fluttershy opened her door, true to her name.
>It opened slowly, and out peeked the pink maned mare.
>But upon seeing you, her soft features soured.
>Oh.
>She swung open her door.
>”And what are /you/ doing here?” She demanded, in a tone that seemed alien to her character.
“I-I…” You stutter, at a loss of words.
>”Well if you’re not here for anything, I don’t want a meat eating MONSTER here! You’re terrifying all my animals!”
>She folded her arms and looked at you expecting you to leave wordlessly as usual.
>Something wet rolled down your cheek.
>You had never cried since you had learnt to dodge mother’s bottles…
>Your cheeks burned red, bringing more tears to your eyes.
>Fluttershy’s stoic face cracked upon seeing this from you.
>Managing to blink them back, you turned and ran.
>You didn’t stop running until you had gotten to your home.
>The one mare you thought could do you no damage, the wound she tore in you honestly felt the deepest.
>A monster?
>You hadn’t eaten any meat since you had come here, there was a very distinct lack of available meat.
>Taking hold of the whiskey bottle, you drank the rest of it and then threw it through the window.
>It shattered against the cobblestone streets.
>But todays the day.
>The rope was heavy in your hands.
>You were never really that strong anyway.
>Your room was bare.
>You had nothing to say goodbye to.
>No achievements, no creations.
>Your thoughts will go unheard.
>And no one will remember you.
>Sure, maybe you’d make the paper, but give it a week.
>No, four days.
>You felt more tears run from your eyes.
>Honestly you’re doing the world a favour, one less drain on resources.
>One less small annoyance in pony’s day to day life.
>You only hope that there’s no other life waiting for you at the end of this rope too, because you just want it to end.
>You pulled the noose over your head, and fastened it.
>Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath which came back in stuttered sobs.
>And without further hesitation, you kicked out the coffee table.
>Letters were piled by your door, but as darkness ate at the sides of your vision one stood out.
>A neat, crisp scroll with a wax seal.
>Too late now.
>Your consciousness faded into black, never to return.
Epilogue.
>The golden chariot landed outside the small home, set in-between the two stores.
“It’s awfully small” The white mare said, concerned “Are you sure Anon doesn’t mind”
>”Of course, Princess Celestia, yeah yeah.” Twilight said half-heartedly, just wanting this to be over.
“And I trust you’ve been keeping him company? I wouldn’t want a visitor to Equestria to be lonely” Celestia asked, observing something “I… is… His window’s broken it looks like he threw a bottle through it”
>Twilight had nothing to say to this, but upon looking at the label attached to some of the shards, she learned that it was a whiskey bottle.
>It was this moment that she began to grow worried.
>The Princess knocked twice on the door.
“Anon? Are you in?”
>”Prooobably sleeping still, probably hit the bottle preeetty hard last night” Twilight joked, making the motion of drinking with her hoof.
>Her jokes were met with a disapproving glare from Celestia.
“Is there anywhere else he’d be?”
>”He… never leaves his house”
“Anon we’re coming in, okay?”
~fin~
