GREEN   357   1
   1215   6.56 KB   132

Izzy Dorkbow (By Anon)

By afterpaste
Created: 1st January 2022 03:21:55 AM
17th January 2022 06:22:11 AM

  1.  
  2. "That's your problem right there, anon. You keep clicking on Pipp ups and it keeps crashing the mainframe. Move over, I'm gonna hack in. It's a Unilinux system, after all."
  3. >Izzy adjusts her "hacker glasses" and slams her hooves into your laptop keyboard for a few minutes
  4. >Keys go flying
  5. "They're trying to slice me, anon! Better stand back! This could get ugly!"
  6. >She continues to slam her hooves into your keyboard like a retard until half the keys have been sent flying
  7. >You hear repeated windows error messages
  8. >You watch in horror as your laptop blue screens
  9. "Ahhh horse apples! I got sliced! Sorry, anon. Those black hackers meant business!"
  10. >You stare at her in a state of shock and anger
  11. "How did you get in my FUCKING HOUSE, IZZY!?"
  12. "Oh, your door was unlocked! I heard you in here grunting and groaning and you sounded like you were in distress! Then I looked in your room and saw you furiously typing away at the keyboard, and KNEW you must've been hacked."
  13. >You groan and facepalm
  14.  
  15. "Well, now that you've HELPED ME, Izzy, I think it's time for you to go."
  16. >She looks dejected and slumps her withers
  17. "Oh..."
  18. >You start picking up your keys that went flying across the room
  19. "Look, I was kind of in the middle of something personal when you busted in."
  20. >She looks up at you and tilts her head
  21. "You mean you weren't being hacked? It sounded like you were really getting frustrated! All that groaning and-"
  22. "I WASN'T. I was, uh... Trying to install Gentoo."
  23. >She quirks an eyebrow
  24. "Anon, I'd rather you just tell me you were jerking off than make up an excuse like that."
  25. >She hops off your computer chair and trots across the room to the door
  26. >You stand there, dumbfounded
  27. "Hey, wait a sec!"
  28. >She stops
  29. "Yeeeees?"~
  30. "... If you knew what I was doing, why'd you come in here and try to 'fix' my computer?"
  31. >She puts a hoof to her chin
  32. "Well, Sunny showed me this movie once where a mare needed her computer fixed and a stallion came over and pretended to fix it, but they ended up having sex."
  33. >You blink slowly
  34. "That was a porno, Izzy."
  35. >She squints her eyes
  36. "So we're not about to have sex then?"
  37. >You are at a loss for words, and thoughts
  38. "I mean... Uh..."
  39. >She perks up
  40. "Alright, then. I'll just think of another way to get you to finally quit being such a mare and breed me! See ya later Anon! Bada da dee dut dow!"
  41. >She exits
  42. >You stand there, cock and balls dangling in the wind
  43. "What the fuck is my life?"
  44. >You bend down and pick up the 'Q' key
  45.  
  46. >The next day you're out walking through the streets of Maretime Bay
  47. >It ain't much but it's home since you've been foisted into this weird world of tennis ball textured technicolor equines
  48. >You walk over to the general store to grab some snacks
  49. >Inside you see Izzy standing across way, eagerly searching through different kinds of cheap gas station magazines
  50. >You see her grab one with a mare sprawled out on the front of it in a provocative pose
  51. "She's not... reading that in the middle of the store, is she?"
  52. >You watch her flip through a few pages and then produce a pad and pencil and begin scribbling notes
  53. "Oh no."
  54. >You turn to walk back out and you hear her call out to you
  55. "Oh! Anooon!~"
  56. >You quicken your pace
  57. "Anon wait!"
  58. >You move into a power walk
  59. >You hear the clip clop of her hooves quickly closing the distance
  60. >You slow down, accepting your fate
  61. >You can't outrun a horse
  62. >You've tried
  63. "Anon! There you are."
  64. >She trots around to the front of you with the pornographic magazine still suspended in her magical aura
  65. "Anon, I need to ask you something."
  66. >You wince and brace yourself
  67. "What is it, Izzy?"
  68. >She flips the pages open to the centerfold
  69. >It shows a unicorn mare spread eagle, fully on display
  70. "Do you like what you see?"
  71. >You try to avert your eyes, but you have to admit it does look pretty nice
  72. "Uh yeah, she looks great."
  73. >She closes the magazine
  74. "Ah hah! So you DO like unicorns."
  75. >You blink a few times
  76. "Izzy did you pay for tha-"
  77. "Thanks, anon! I'll talk to you later!"
  78. >She trots back toward the general store
  79.  
  80. >The next morning you wake up to a strange sound
  81. >You wipe your eyes and blink them open, adjusting to the dim morning light
  82. >You look around the room
  83. >The window is open
  84. "Must've been someone outside..."
  85. >You roll back over in bed and close your eyes
  86. >Just as you're drifting off you hear the noise again
  87. >One of your eyes snaps open
  88. "Is that my leaf blower?"
  89. >You sit up in bed and quickly walk over to your window
  90. "What the fuck?"
  91. >Izzy is outside in your back yard, your leaf blower being held in her magical aura
  92. >She's blowing the leaves from the little plot of land you call your yard
  93. >You try to yell over the leaf blower
  94. "IZZY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
  95. >She looks at you, waves, and just continues humming loudly to herself and blowing the leaves around
  96. "What the hell is she up to...?"
  97. >You hurriedly get dressed to see why you're getting free yard work from a unicorn
  98. >You walk out the back door and you approach cautiously
  99. >She turns and smiles and cuts the leaf blower off
  100. "Hey anon! What's up?"
  101. >You scratch your head
  102. "Hey, Izzy. I was uh... wondering if you could tell me. I didn't ask you to-"
  103. >Suddenly she turns the leaf blower on its highest setting and blasts it right at your crotch
  104. "Wha!"
  105. >You retract and turn your hips, covering your crotch
  106. "Izzy, what the hell?!"
  107. >She turns with you and keeps trying to blast your crotch with the leaf blower
  108. "IZZY! Iz- Izzy knock it- KNOCK IT OFF!"
  109. >You get caught in a strange dance of trying to dodge the blast of air
  110. >Finally she shuts it off
  111. >You're standing there on one leg covering your crotch with your hip turned
  112. "THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, IZZY?"
  113. >She tilts her head
  114. "This isn't working for you?"
  115. >You blink your eyes slowly
  116. "What do you mean?"
  117. >You cautiously go back to a normal stance
  118. "Huh, that's weird..."
  119. >She drops the leaf blower and rubs her chin with a hoof
  120. "All the girls told me stallions love being blown.."
  121. >You sit in stunned silence for a moment, then pinch the ridge of your nose
  122. "Izzy, that's not-"
  123. "The magazine even said they liked 'blow jobs'."
  124. >You look over at the leaf blower, and then back at Izzy
  125. "Izzy, I think you might have misunderstood what a 'blowjob' is..."
  126. >She looks at the yard and gestures with a hoof
  127. "But I blew it so hard! You should be cumming right now! Unless I did it wrong, somehow..."
  128. >She trots out of your back yard slowly and toward the street, lost in thought
  129. "Izzy?"
  130. >She seems to be in her own little world as she hits the sidewalk and trots back toward town
  131. "This is getting ridiculous."

Captain Bootleg (By Anon)

by afterpaste

The Worst Possible Customer (By Anon)

by afterpaste

Flower Izzy (By Anon)

by afterpaste

Izzy Dorkbow (By Anon)

by afterpaste

Broken Anon (By BrokenWriter)

by afterpaste