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Izzy Dorkbow (By Anon)

By afterpaste
Created: 2022-01-01 03:21:55
Updated: 2022-01-17 06:22:11
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
  2. 2.
     
  3. 3.
    "That's your problem right there, anon. You keep clicking on Pipp ups and it keeps crashing the mainframe. Move over, I'm gonna hack in. It's a Unilinux system, after all."
  4. 4.
    >Izzy adjusts her "hacker glasses" and slams her hooves into your laptop keyboard for a few minutes
  5. 5.
    >Keys go flying
  6. 6.
    "They're trying to slice me, anon! Better stand back! This could get ugly!"
  7. 7.
    >She continues to slam her hooves into your keyboard like a retard until half the keys have been sent flying
  8. 8.
    >You hear repeated windows error messages
  9. 9.
    >You watch in horror as your laptop blue screens
  10. 10.
    "Ahhh horse apples! I got sliced! Sorry, anon. Those black hackers meant business!"
  11. 11.
    >You stare at her in a state of shock and anger
  12. 12.
    "How did you get in my FUCKING HOUSE, IZZY!?"
  13. 13.
    "Oh, your door was unlocked! I heard you in here grunting and groaning and you sounded like you were in distress! Then I looked in your room and saw you furiously typing away at the keyboard, and KNEW you must've been hacked."
  14. 14.
    >You groan and facepalm
  15. 15.
     
  16. 16.
    "Well, now that you've HELPED ME, Izzy, I think it's time for you to go."
  17. 17.
    >She looks dejected and slumps her withers
  18. 18.
    "Oh..."
  19. 19.
    >You start picking up your keys that went flying across the room
  20. 20.
    "Look, I was kind of in the middle of something personal when you busted in."
  21. 21.
    >She looks up at you and tilts her head
  22. 22.
    "You mean you weren't being hacked? It sounded like you were really getting frustrated! All that groaning and-"
  23. 23.
    "I WASN'T. I was, uh... Trying to install Gentoo."
  24. 24.
    >She quirks an eyebrow
  25. 25.
    "Anon, I'd rather you just tell me you were jerking off than make up an excuse like that."
  26. 26.
    >She hops off your computer chair and trots across the room to the door
  27. 27.
    >You stand there, dumbfounded
  28. 28.
    "Hey, wait a sec!"
  29. 29.
    >She stops
  30. 30.
    "Yeeeees?"~
  31. 31.
    "... If you knew what I was doing, why'd you come in here and try to 'fix' my computer?"
  32. 32.
    >She puts a hoof to her chin
  33. 33.
    "Well, Sunny showed me this movie once where a mare needed her computer fixed and a stallion came over and pretended to fix it, but they ended up having sex."
  34. 34.
    >You blink slowly
  35. 35.
    "That was a porno, Izzy."
  36. 36.
    >She squints her eyes
  37. 37.
    "So we're not about to have sex then?"
  38. 38.
    >You are at a loss for words, and thoughts
  39. 39.
    "I mean... Uh..."
  40. 40.
    >She perks up
  41. 41.
    "Alright, then. I'll just think of another way to get you to finally quit being such a mare and breed me! See ya later Anon! Bada da dee dut dow!"
  42. 42.
    >She exits
  43. 43.
    >You stand there, cock and balls dangling in the wind
  44. 44.
    "What the fuck is my life?"
  45. 45.
    >You bend down and pick up the 'Q' key
  46. 46.
     
  47. 47.
    >The next day you're out walking through the streets of Maretime Bay
  48. 48.
    >It ain't much but it's home since you've been foisted into this weird world of tennis ball textured technicolor equines
  49. 49.
    >You walk over to the general store to grab some snacks
  50. 50.
    >Inside you see Izzy standing across way, eagerly searching through different kinds of cheap gas station magazines
  51. 51.
    >You see her grab one with a mare sprawled out on the front of it in a provocative pose
  52. 52.
    "She's not... reading that in the middle of the store, is she?"
  53. 53.
    >You watch her flip through a few pages and then produce a pad and pencil and begin scribbling notes
  54. 54.
    "Oh no."
  55. 55.
    >You turn to walk back out and you hear her call out to you
  56. 56.
    "Oh! Anooon!~"
  57. 57.
    >You quicken your pace
  58. 58.
    "Anon wait!"
  59. 59.
    >You move into a power walk
  60. 60.
    >You hear the clip clop of her hooves quickly closing the distance
  61. 61.
    >You slow down, accepting your fate
  62. 62.
    >You can't outrun a horse
  63. 63.
    >You've tried
  64. 64.
    "Anon! There you are."
  65. 65.
    >She trots around to the front of you with the pornographic magazine still suspended in her magical aura
  66. 66.
    "Anon, I need to ask you something."
  67. 67.
    >You wince and brace yourself
  68. 68.
    "What is it, Izzy?"
  69. 69.
    >She flips the pages open to the centerfold
  70. 70.
    >It shows a unicorn mare spread eagle, fully on display
  71. 71.
    "Do you like what you see?"
  72. 72.
    >You try to avert your eyes, but you have to admit it does look pretty nice
  73. 73.
    "Uh yeah, she looks great."
  74. 74.
    >She closes the magazine
  75. 75.
    "Ah hah! So you DO like unicorns."
  76. 76.
    >You blink a few times
  77. 77.
    "Izzy did you pay for tha-"
  78. 78.
    "Thanks, anon! I'll talk to you later!"
  79. 79.
    >She trots back toward the general store
  80. 80.
     
  81. 81.
    >The next morning you wake up to a strange sound
  82. 82.
    >You wipe your eyes and blink them open, adjusting to the dim morning light
  83. 83.
    >You look around the room
  84. 84.
    >The window is open
  85. 85.
    "Must've been someone outside..."
  86. 86.
    >You roll back over in bed and close your eyes
  87. 87.
    >Just as you're drifting off you hear the noise again
  88. 88.
    >One of your eyes snaps open
  89. 89.
    "Is that my leaf blower?"
  90. 90.
    >You sit up in bed and quickly walk over to your window
  91. 91.
    "What the fuck?"
  92. 92.
    >Izzy is outside in your back yard, your leaf blower being held in her magical aura
  93. 93.
    >She's blowing the leaves from the little plot of land you call your yard
  94. 94.
    >You try to yell over the leaf blower
  95. 95.
    "IZZY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
  96. 96.
    >She looks at you, waves, and just continues humming loudly to herself and blowing the leaves around
  97. 97.
    "What the hell is she up to...?"
  98. 98.
    >You hurriedly get dressed to see why you're getting free yard work from a unicorn
  99. 99.
    >You walk out the back door and you approach cautiously
  100. 100.
    >She turns and smiles and cuts the leaf blower off
  101. 101.
    "Hey anon! What's up?"
  102. 102.
    >You scratch your head
  103. 103.
    "Hey, Izzy. I was uh... wondering if you could tell me. I didn't ask you to-"
  104. 104.
    >Suddenly she turns the leaf blower on its highest setting and blasts it right at your crotch
  105. 105.
    "Wha!"
  106. 106.
    >You retract and turn your hips, covering your crotch
  107. 107.
    "Izzy, what the hell?!"
  108. 108.
    >She turns with you and keeps trying to blast your crotch with the leaf blower
  109. 109.
    "IZZY! Iz- Izzy knock it- KNOCK IT OFF!"
  110. 110.
    >You get caught in a strange dance of trying to dodge the blast of air
  111. 111.
    >Finally she shuts it off
  112. 112.
    >You're standing there on one leg covering your crotch with your hip turned
  113. 113.
    "THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, IZZY?"
  114. 114.
    >She tilts her head
  115. 115.
    "This isn't working for you?"
  116. 116.
    >You blink your eyes slowly
  117. 117.
    "What do you mean?"
  118. 118.
    >You cautiously go back to a normal stance
  119. 119.
    "Huh, that's weird..."
  120. 120.
    >She drops the leaf blower and rubs her chin with a hoof
  121. 121.
    "All the girls told me stallions love being blown.."
  122. 122.
    >You sit in stunned silence for a moment, then pinch the ridge of your nose
  123. 123.
    "Izzy, that's not-"
  124. 124.
    "The magazine even said they liked 'blow jobs'."
  125. 125.
    >You look over at the leaf blower, and then back at Izzy
  126. 126.
    "Izzy, I think you might have misunderstood what a 'blowjob' is..."
  127. 127.
    >She looks at the yard and gestures with a hoof
  128. 128.
    "But I blew it so hard! You should be cumming right now! Unless I did it wrong, somehow..."
  129. 129.
    >She trots out of your back yard slowly and toward the street, lost in thought
  130. 130.
    "Izzy?"
  131. 131.
    >She seems to be in her own little world as she hits the sidewalk and trots back toward town
  132. 132.
    "This is getting ridiculous."

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