Twilight is not attractive to Anon


                                            copied from https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/15644209/#q15645716

                                            original author is Anon

                                            ----


                                            >"I just don't get it."


                                            "Twi..."


                                            >"He spends all day running around in the fields playing with Dash-"


                                            "Twi please-"


                                            >"Then he goes off to see Applejack and eat with her family like a pig-"


                                            "It's not the food Twi-"


                                            >"He'll spend all night partying with Pinkie too like he doesn't even need to sleep-"


                                            "Twi it's getting late you should-"


                                            >"And he isn't even all brash and rough and tumble! He's sweet too! He plays with Fluttershy's pets and spends hours sketching human fashion designs for Rarity!"


                                            "Yeah he's a nice guy, so why don't you-"


                                            >"What, why don't l what Spike? Just ask him to read a book with me?"


                                            "Stop being like that Twi, you're a great mare. You're every bit as fun as Pinkie when you wanna be. Just ask him to come over or whatever all cool, l'll bake some cookies and we can just hang out and you can be yourself."


                                            >"Ok... Ok Spike. That sound like a plan, thank you. You're my #1 Assistant for a reason, you know."


                                            "Aww, just go get 'em Twi. Good luck!"


                                            ------


                                            >"Hey Anon, do you want to come over to my library for some fun?"


                                            "Pffft haha like reading a book is fun."


                                            ------


                                            >Purple magic dumps the cookies on Spike's head and tosses the sheet pan across the library before Twilight stomps up the stairs and buries her face in her pillow to suffocate the screams.


                                            ------


                                            The hoofball cuts through the air like a bullet, striking Dash in the chest and forcing her into a backwards loop. As she spirals out of it she releases the ball with the same energy toward Anon, the impact staggering him as he catches it mid stride.


                                            "Ha, nice catch no-wings!"


                                            He flips her the bird, Dash divines the meaning behind the strange gesture and returns an equally rude one of her own.


                                            "You know, you're pretty cool for big dumb monster. I've got Academy this weekend, do you wanna come up and watch me in a practice show?"


                                            He mimics flapping wings with his arms.


                                            "Duh you dummy just go ask Twi. She can hook you up with a cloud walking spell."


                                            He then looks at a cloud in the sky, jumping six inches off the ground. Dash has landed by this point, while striding past him she speaks much more quietly than before.


                                            "I guess l'll just have to carry you on up, huh?"


                                            She pats his butt 'good game' and flutters off.


                                            ----


                                            Brass bells jingle as the library door opens. Spike looks up from his comic and does a double take, standing up on the reception desk he yells "Twi!" before Anon even speaks.


                                            "Hey little bro, what's up?" Anon fist bumps Spike, pushing the little lizard's body back entirely with the force. "How'd you know l was looking for Twilight?"


                                            >"Y-you were looking for me?" She shouts from the upper ledge. Magic cracks as she teleports behind him, mane slightly frizzled.


                                            "Yeah, I-"


                                            >"What can l do for you? What do you want? Do you want to hang out? Do you want to talk about pony history and magic and-"


                                            "Magic."


                                            >"Oh well if there's a mare who knows about magic it's me for sure, l can tell you everything from the seven schools to-"


                                            "Cloud walking."


                                            >"Cloud walking, easy, l looked that up years ago t-to, wait, why?"


                                            "I'm getting a lot closer to Dash and she's flying me up to Cloudsdale with her."


                                            >"D-Dash, is... carrying you?"


                                            "Yeah, why?"


                                            Twilight shudders at the intimate gesture, excusing herself and teleporting to the bathroom.


                                            ------


                                            >"What is wrong with you Dash? I told you I liked him! You promised you'd help set me up with him!"


                                            "What in the hay are you talking about Twi? You never said that at all! You said that you wanted to like, study him or something stupid like that."


                                            >"Y-yeah but I meant like, I wanted to get to -know- him and-"


                                            "Are you serious Twi? You actually thought asking him a million stupid questions would make him like you? You thought he wanted to play quiz show his entire life?"


                                            >"I-I was just trying-"


                                            "No Twi, you weren't. You weren't even trying at all. I tried, I spent every second I could spare playing with him and actually finding out what kind of a person he was."


                                            >"That's what I-"


                                            "Pinkie tried. She made sure to invite him to every single party she threw and busted her butt baking the nicest things she could manage."


                                            >"Pinkie-"


                                            "Applejack tried. She made him part of her family and bonded with him through hard labor and sweat."


                                            >"Work isn't romantic!"


                                            "Fluttershy tried. She opened her gentle heart to him and shared the kindness of all her animals in the woods with him."


                                            >"I..."


                                            "Rarity tried. Dozens of long candlelit nights with wine and sketchpads sharing actual real culture between two adults."


                                            >"I really tried Dash!"


                                            "Twilight never tried. She asked him boring question about history and tried to get him to read a book while bucking Spike baked cookies for the spoiled little Princess."


                                            >"I- Dash, please!"


                                            "I'm sorry it didn't work out Twi. I'm more sorry for the other girls though, at least they even tried. I just happened to win."


                                            >"..."


                                            "Besides, wouldn't you rather be the thousand year old Virgin Princess? I've gotta go Twi, but please, don't pretend like you actually cared about him at all."


                                            ------


                                            >"Look at her. Look at how slutty she's walking. She looks like a whore."


                                            "She's your friend, Twilight."


                                            >"No Spike, you're my friend. That, that is a lying whore over there. Ever since we put the elements back l guess Loyalty doesn't mean a damn thing to her."


                                            "But loyalty doesn't mean that she has to-"


                                            >"Quiet Spike, I know what-"


                                            "Shut up Twi. You just said l was your friend? Why? Because l live with you and do all your work for you?"


                                            >"S-Spike what's gotten into you?"


                                            "You! After watching you stamp your hooves like a little filly and whine because you didn't get a boyfriend handed to you on a silver platter like everything else in your life, well, it's really showing me your true character Twilight."


                                            >"But Spike, you've always been my #1 assis-"


                                            "How about your -friend- Twilight? How about -brother- or -equal- or just any respect at all? For Sun's sake Twi l sleep in a pet bed and sweep up your horseshit every day!"


                                            >"Language Spike! What is wrong with you?"


                                            "Yeah, wrong with -me-? That's what's wrong with me. You'll fit right in to being a Princess with that attitude Twi. I'm going home to mom for a few weeks, send a letter some time if you even remember how to without me."