ReviewBrah in Equestria


                                            https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/38101603


                                            https://youtu.be/KmXBdmjD5is (Based partially on this)


                                            >"Hello everyone, this is Running on Empty Food Review!"

                                            >"You're joining me today as I try out the wonderful culinary world of Equestria and see what they have to offer."

                                            >"As you may be aware I have managed to somehow arrive into a strange new world, one filled with small pastel colored equines. Now the circumstances behind this are something we aren't going to get into today, but I wanted to get any new viewers up to speed on why there may be ponies walking in the background."

                                            >"We have one for the legends today that— comein, coming your way this time round."

                                            >"A hayburger from the Equestrian famous Hay Burger, this was something recommended to me by a friend who is an avid enjoyer of them and gave them a 5 star rating, she just would not stop raving about them. So of course I had to see what the craze was all about."

                                            >"Now the Hayburger has been around for such a long a time. I remember the first time I actually tried a hayburger, it was back in I believe 1984."

                                            >"April, if I remember correctly."

                                            >"You see I was working nights, as a security guard at a toy company and after my shift ended I would always head on over and get a quick bite at Hayburgers. Usually I would get just a shake and some horseshoe-shaped fries."

                                            >"But one night they had the hayburger, and I'll never forget that night. It was just incredible."

                                            >"Actually..."

                                            >"I'll confess, I've never had a hayburger before, I was just messing around."

                                            >"The hayburger though, what is it? Many of you may be asking. I myself had no clue what it actually was, only that it somehow involved hay."

                                            >"Well believe it or not it's actually very similar to our 'hamburger' but instead replaces the beef with hay."

                                            >"The hayburger is a staple of Hayburger restaurant, in fact it is where the name comes from, and is composed of the following ingredients:"

                                            >"Compact hay , so you won't shatter your teeth when you bite into it, uh it's going to have tangy sauce I believe ketchup, cheese similar to American cheese you know the uh the Kraft ones,"

                                            >"As well as lettuce and tomatoes all on a wheat bun. All in all it's like a regular hamburger you get from McDonalds or any of the burger fast food restaurants but simply replace the meat with hay, and you get a hayburger."

                                            >"Some of you may say, 'Reviewbrah how can you eat hay? Don't you know that's dangerous?!' and while I welcome and appreciate your concern, I did a bit of research and as long as I chew thoroughly and consume only a small amount the worst I will get is an upset stomach."

                                            >"I think just one hayburger shouldn't be too harmful."

                                            >"And the hayburger is a fan favorite from what I gather, and it only costs the equivalent of 3 US dollars. Of course that doesn't include fries or a drink but still not a bad deal."

                                            >"Well let's see how it goes."

                                            >"I'm going to eat this sitting in a park bench so forgive me if the sound quality is a little off, uh do your best to ignore the mares and stallions in the background, I've picked a fairly secluded part of the park but you may occasionally see them walking in the background."

                                            >"Here is the 2 Go bag that the hayburger comes in, fairly simple paper bag that reminds me of those ones used back in the '50s. It's got a bit of grease excrement on it, most likely from the extra fries I ordered, but hey who knows? Maybe that's a good luck sign."

                                            >"Without further ado let's get to the unboxing, here we go let me just raise it up to the camera."

                                            >"Can you see it clearly? Let me just turn of the auto focus for a second so we can get a better look."

                                            >"There you go, in the afternoon sunlight - there's  the hayburger. Let's go ahead and take it out onto the table."

                                            >"Here it is the hayburger in all it's glory and yeah you get a full view of it, you can see some of the hay spill out over the side, as well as the lettuce and tomatoes. For good measure let me debun it."

                                            >"The top bun doesn't really have a whole lot going on. Bottom bun?"

                                            >"This is where we're at!"

                                            >"You can see it's got the cheese partially melted and a red juicy tomato on the hay, a bit of droplets from that succulent cabbage falling onto the table, that's ok. I mean it look's like a sandwich, if you showed me this back in Florida I would assume it was some sort of new health craze burger."

                                            >"It's not necessarily as big as a human burger but then again we are a little larger than most of ponykind so again, not a big issue."

                                            >"Well it is a big issue but you heh, you get what I mean."

                                            >"I've never had a hayburger and I assume most of you haven't either but we're going to see how it tastes like."

                                            >"Some ponies, you know, swear by it, they say it taste great and they could eat it every day. Others, like a fashionista friend of mine are disgusted by it and think it nothing more than grease grass on a bun."

                                            >"Personally I'm going to go in optimistically I say, you know, maybe this will be a good new snack while I'm staying here in this new land. Or maybe it won't either way I'm going to try it for you now, the hayburger from Hayburger."

                                            >"First time ever trying it. Going in!"

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >"Itsa uh, unique texture."

                                            >"Ahem."

                                            >"Let me just set it down and get a napkin."

                                            >"Thankfully I also got some orange soda, I'll just get a quick drink of it right now, 'scuse me folks."

                                            >"Now I'm sure you're all dying to know how it tasted, forgive me for the wait."

                                            >"It tastes like hay."

                                            >"Real original, yes I know. My thoughts on it are that it's fascinating, it's a unique window into a quite frankly alien culture, and on some level I'm glad that it exists, that hamburgers and hamburger-alien derivatives will always be created."

                                            >"But on a more um, personal level, well I just don't enjoy it. I'm sorry but the hay overpowers the other ingredients and hay is not particularly tasteful to humans. Maybe other humans but not me."

                                            >"You know, what I—, what I don't understand when it comes down to a hayburger is how much divisiveness there is between ponies. Some say that it is the best meal they've ever had and then you have other ponies that say..."

                                            >"Oh darling, have you ever read the book 'The Jungle' by Upton Sinmare?"

                                            >"And they just say that hayburgers are repulsive and disgusting and so forth."

                                            >"My view of it kind of falls in the middle I suppose.'

                                            >"I'll be quite honest, it's not the best thing I've ever had in the world, both on this one and back on Earth. But it is far from the worst."

                                            >"Most pony food is not made for human consumption and hayburgers are not made for humans. It's not a specialty, the Hayburger restaurant is focused on."

                                            >"So I can't necessarily fault them for that. It's two different species, of course some food items are going to be incompatible. "

                                            >"For what it's worth they did hit the nail on the head on making an inexpensive food item that caters to ponies, and the fries and soda are not bad. Not bad at all."

                                            >"The tomato and lettuce were really fresh, I have to give them credit for that. You know if I was a pony I'm sure I'd enjoy the hay."

                                            >"I will say however, that there was just a bit too much sauce. I take small bites and even I had a bit of the stuff dropping from the sides of the burger into my hands, for someone else it could definitely be something messy to eat."

                                            >"Saying all that, would I get it again?"

                                            >"No, but not because I hate it or anything, of course I'm not going to eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner either."

                                            >"In the end, when it comes down to it out of 10, the price for this was 3 dollars, I think it is the way they described it to be."

                                            >"I would just tone down the sauce a bit, but I think it's perfectly acceptable for what it is."

                                            >"So therefore out of 10 I'm going to be giving it a 5.92 out of 10. That is my rating again I think that it is perfectly acceptable."

                                            >"Might not be the best thing I've ever eaten, but it's far from the worst."

                                            >"So that's my review. That's all I have for you. I'm your host TheReportOfTheWeek. And also if you do want to help out the channel, I'm sort of stuck here in Equestria for the foreseeable future, it would really keep this series going if you could check out my merchandise store, every dollar you spend there is easier to convert into pony currency."

                                            >"Thank you for tuning in, thank you for watching and with that.."

                                            >"That's all I have for you, hope you've enjoyed the review, I'm going to finish up my fries and I'll see you again in a couple days."