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Cider Confessions

By ZigZagWanderer
Created: 2022-02-09 03:03:15
Updated: 2024-03-19 17:35:50
Expiry: Never
anonfluttershycomedyflutterrape

  1. >One thing you have to get used to while living in Equestria.
  2. >Every pony is so damn nice all the time.
  3. I’d love to come to your cider season social tonight but . . .
  4. >You can already see the disappointment emerging in Big Mac and Sugar Belle’s faces.
  5. >They’ll have to get over it.
  6. >You only just left work a minute ago and already you’re getting invited to hang out–again!
  7. >You’ve been trying to avoid all these ponies now whenever you’re out.
  8. >Big Mac and Sugar Belle though, they ambushed you just as you were about to round the corner.
  9. >They didn’t even give you the chance to politely turn and head in the other direction.
  10. >So you’re fine with treating them rough.
  11. I’ve just been really busy with work lately and I kind of wanted the weekend to myself.
  12. >Might not sound rough, but to these ponies, it’s the equivalent of telling them to fuck off.
  13. >“Are you sure we can’t twist your arm?” Sugar Belle says. “It won’t be as fun without you there.”
  14. >“Nope.”
  15. >“I went to last year’s and it was a big event. I wouldn’t miss it again if I could help it.”
  16. No, sorry. I’d love to, but it’s just bad timing.
  17. >They both fold their ears.
  18. >“Well, come by if you change your mind,” Sugar Belle says.
  19. >“Eeyup,” Big Mac says with a heavy sigh.
  20. >They stand there awkwardly for a while before you wave them along and take a few tentative steps back towards the way you were going.
  21. >Eventually they leave, their heads hung down in an attempt to hide their sad shining eyes.
  22. >You swear they would have started to cry if you had prolonged that any further.
  23. >Damn these nice ass ponies!
  24. >None of these days were your own anymore because you were always getting asked to do something or be friendly or whatever.
  25. >Just yesterday you had to go to the playground with Pinkie Pie because no one else wanted to spend their entire evening pushing her on the swing.
  26. >Granted, the schoolhouse playground does have a sweet jungle gym.
  27. >But that doesn’t excuse these ponies taking up all of your time.
  28. >By this point, the friendliest thing that any of these ponies could have done for you was to leave you alone.
  29. >You step around the corner.
  30. >A frightened yellow pony curls up into a ball right at your feet, nearly tripping you over.
  31. >“Eep!”
  32. Oh God!
  33. >When you’re standing up again you see that the little yellow ball that’s cowering in fear right now is Fluttershy.
  34. >You feel your heart seize when she peers up at you from behind her mane.
  35. >Uh-oh.
  36. >Those big blue eyes of hers.
  37. >They shimmer like soft blue tears.
  38. >“I’m so sorry,” she says with her muzzle pointed down. “I didn’t see you there, and I certainly didn’t mean to trip you or . . .”
  39. >She mumbles the rest into the mane she’s gathered up in her arms.
  40. >Goddamn.
  41. >How are you going to turn this pony down?
  42. >She’s too cute!
  43. That’s alright, Fluttershy. But if you’ll excuse me.
  44. >You go around her.
  45. >“W-Wait!”
  46. >Keep going.
  47. >Pretend you didn’t hear her.
  48. >You definitely didn’t hear her cute, quavering little voice calling out to you.
  49. >“I just wanted to . . . oh . . . well . . .”
  50. >You hear her whimpering to herself and, chancing a look behind, you see that she’s still lying on the ground.
  51. >Actually, you’re about ninety percent sure that she’s going to curl up into the fetal position.
  52. >Just leave her there.
  53. >Be strong!
  54. >She’s starting to sniffle.
  55. >You see she’s wiping her eyes with the back of her hoof, just like a child.
  56. >You stop in your tracks.
  57. >Resist the urge to scream.
  58. >And then you turn around.
  59. >These fucking ponies, man. . . .
  60. Sorry, did you say something, Fluttershy?
  61. >She looks up at you with a surprised expression.
  62. >Then, after quickly composing herself, she gets up off the ground.
  63. >“Um, yes, I did.”
  64. Alright, what’s up?
  65. >Her eyes widen, as though you just surprised her.
  66. >Maybe that was too fast for her or something.
  67. >Good thing she never had to wake up and worry about what she was going to wear that day.
  68. >She’d never leave the fucking house.
  69. >“Well, I was just wondering . . . um, you’ve heard about the cider party at Sweet Apple Acres, haven’t you?”
  70. >She trembles a bit after saying this.
  71. >God, this pony’s nerves must be a wreck all the time.
  72. >Better speed this up.
  73. >But nicely.
  74. Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to go tonight.
  75. >She folds her ears and retreats back into herself.
  76. >“Oh. . . .”
  77. >You just hurt a pony’s feelings.
  78. >Way to go.
  79. Yeah, sorry, but I’m just not up for all that loud pony partying tonight. I just want to go home and have a relaxing night.
  80. >“That actually sounds nice.”
  81. >She has a small smile on her face.
  82. >Eventually she looks up and meets your eyes.
  83. >“I understand. I’m sorry if I seemed, um, insistent.”
  84. >Insistent?
  85. >Is this pony for real?
  86. It’s totally fine, Fluttershy. I’ll make it up to you some other time.
  87. >“Okay,” she says, now smiling fully. “That sounds good. Have a nice night. I’ll see you later then.”
  88. >You say goodbye and start down the street.
  89. >She just stands there the entire time, giving you a weak wave with her limp hoof.
  90. >It’s only when you turn at the next intersection and disappear from her sight that you can breathe out a great sigh of relief.
  91. >Well you just turned down the nicest pony in town.
  92. >And you did so painlessly as well.
  93. >Everything else should be a cakewalk for you after that.
  94. >Just then Rainbow Dash swoops down and hovers before you with an eager grin over her excited eyes.
  95. >“Hey, bro, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. There’s this awesome party at Sweet Apple Acres tonight that we have to go to.”
  96. >She pumps her hoof up in the air.
  97. >“There’s going to be games, and music, and cider!”
  98. >She squeals when she says cider.
  99. >“It’s going to be so awesome. You have to go with me.”
  100. >You smile up at her.
  101. Fuck off, Rainbow.
  102.  
  103. >That fucking cider party!
  104. >Every pony kept stopping you and asking if you were going to go.
  105. >It took you almost an hour to get home.
  106. >And you only live three blocks from your job.
  107. >At least you’re finally home now.
  108. >After a quick shower and a change of clothes, you sit down on the couch and ease back into the plush cushions.
  109. >What to do next?
  110. >Maybe you’ll water your hydrangea that’s by the door.
  111. >Maybe you’ll just say fuck it and let it die.
  112. >You can do whatever you want, man.
  113. >So let the relaxation begin!
  114. >A tapping noise sounds out briefly from somewhere before it stops.
  115. >It sounds a bit like your roof has a leak.
  116. >You look up for a moment.
  117. >Someone starts pounding hard at the door, like they’re trying to break in.
  118. >It’s dark out.
  119. >With some frustrated muttering, you get up to answer the door.
  120. >These damn ponies.
  121. >Maybe you should turn the lights off after rejecting this one.
  122. >You open the door.
  123. >Fluttershy winces at the shaft of light that’s invading her bleary eyes.
  124. >She holds her arm up to block it and you can see that she has dirt smeared just below a scrape on her elbow, like she fell down at some point.
  125. >“What’sa–what’s that . . . !”
  126. >She’s shouting.
  127. >That, or she’s at least speaking at a volume that’s considered normal for every pony except her.
  128. >So she might as well be shouting.
  129. >“Turn off that light, you . . . you!--”
  130. >She’s not even looking at you as she raves on.
  131. Fluttershy?
  132. >“I’m getting real peeved here!”
  133. >Her hoof quickly drops from her face, like someone had tied a lead weight to it.
  134. >You can tell now that she did it to help keep her steady, if the uneasy swaying of her tilted head is anything to go by.
  135. >Her mane is disheveled; her eyes are beat red and unable to focus on anything.
  136. >She smiles crookedly and, wiping away some glistening wetness that was resting on her moist lips, she briefly meets your eyes.
  137. >“Oh, it is you.”
  138. >You’re about to mention that this is your house, but she’s slurring her words.
  139. >Then, trying to take a step forward, she lurches towards you suddenly.
  140. >Just before she can tumble over she stands herself upright again.
  141. >Well, as upright as her wobbly legs can keep her.
  142. >She composes herself and begins talking like she’s sharing a secret with you.
  143. >“I thought that . . .”
  144. >She tries to whisper loud enough for you to still hear her from two feet away.
  145. >She sounds like an adorable Batman.
  146. >“I thought someone else was in there with you.”
  147. >Her half-closed eyes look up at you with a judgemental stare for a moment.
  148. >She briefly shakes her head.
  149. >“But let’s not talk about her–it’s just you and me now . . . s-sweetie!”
  150. >She holds your gaze for a moment before staggering to the left, like someone had pulled a rug out from under her.
  151. >She can’t even stand still right now.
  152. >There are no words.
  153. Oh my God, Fluttershy–you’re fucking wasted!
  154. >“That’s right, I’m drunk.”
  155. >She’s screaming again.
  156. >“I’ve been drinking all night–”
  157. It’s only been an hour since I last saw you.
  158. >She stops for a moment, her eyes closed.
  159. >Then, forgetting what she just said, she repeats:
  160. >“I’ve been drinking all night, and I come over here–and I think you’re with her . . .!”
  161. >She snorts at an unseen villain and then stomps her hoof like a mad horse.
  162. >“And I think you’re with her–but you’re not with her.”
  163. >You almost want to ask who her is.
  164. >But Fluttershy is already rambling about something else.
  165. >“And I come over here, to see you . . . !”
  166. >She blinks and her eyes, now half-closed, look up at you.
  167. >“I came here to see you.”
  168. >She smiles.
  169. >“I remember why I came to see you.”
  170. >She gives you a low chuckle and, after eyeing your body up, bites her lip.
  171. >“I remember why I wanted you. . . .”
  172. >She takes a wobbly step your way.
  173. >You don’t like the look she’s giving you.
  174. >You usually see those eyes when she’s about to cuddle some cute creature.
  175. >And you’ve seen how she does her cuddling; she practically molests those poor things.
  176. >She stops with her muzzle just inches away from your waist, practically standing on your feet.
  177. >“You know you’re beautiful, right?” she says to your pants.
  178. Uh, Fluttershy, what are you–
  179. >You hear her sniff loudly against your pants zipper.
  180. >Her moan erupts out of her like a geyser and echoes throughout the house.
  181. >“Oh my Celestia–yes!”
  182. Fluttershy, what the fuck?
  183. >You ease her backwards until you’re both standing on your porch.
  184. >Well, she’s half-standing, but it’ll have to do.
  185. Did you just smell my pants?
  186. >“No!” she says. And repeats to herself, “No, no, no, no, no, no-no . . . No, I didn’t.”
  187. >She nods her head.
  188. >“I smelled your dick.”
  189. What?!
  190. >“Your dick,” she says, “your penis, your manhood, your big hard shaft, your sexy human cock, your big meaty monkey meat–Oh Celestia!”
  191. >She closes her eyes and shudders, her legs quivering and the back of her tail now pressed firmly against her rump.
  192. >You swear you hear that leak again just before she opens her eyes.
  193. >“That may not have been good for you–but for me?”
  194. >She clicks her tongue before answering her own question.
  195. >“Better than sex,” she says. “Which I’ve never had before, so it must be pretty darn good then for me to think that . . . ?”
  196. >She eyes you up for a moment.
  197. >Then almost falls over again.
  198. >“Know what I mean?”
  199. No, I don’t. I mean, you come over here, you’re fucking drunk as I’ve ever seen anybody, you smell my cock.
  200. >For a moment you’re at a loss for words, until you say:
  201. What is going on with you? You’re acting weird.
  202. >She looks up at you with a confused expression as you wait for an explanation.
  203. >“Oh, right,” she says like she just remembered something.
  204. >Then she clears her throat, looks you in the eye and says:
  205. >“I’d like to have sex now, if that’s okay with you.”
  206. Wait–what!
  207. >She doesn’t answer your shock.
  208. >Instead, she starts to slowly giggle to herself.
  209. >“If that’s okay with you,” she repeats, mimicking herself. “I am so shy–oh my Celestia!”
  210. >Her head falls against her shoulders as she shouts out this epiphany up to the stars.
  211. >Then she lurches forward again and, aided with a light beat from her wings, falls against your chest.
  212. >Your reluctant arms catch her.
  213. >The damn betrayers.
  214. >Soon you’re carrying her in your arms, bridal-style.
  215. >She takes great interest in this.
  216. >“Oh, are you going to carry me up to bed?”
  217. I might have to. I can’t let you walk home by yourself like this.
  218. >“That’s right, I don’t want to be able to walk when you’re done with me,” she says as she snuggles up against your chest.
  219. >Sheesh. Is this the alcohol talking or was she always such a little horny monster?
  220. >Honestly, you had no idea any of these ponies would have ever found you attractive.
  221. >Maybe it’s just Fluttershy.
  222. >She’s a quiet pony, bit of a shut in, loves animals.
  223. >“This is just like the story I wrote about the two of us,” she says, nuzzling you. “I hope it ends the same way.”
  224. >Writes erotic fan fic starring you and her.
  225. >Bit of a weirdo all around.
  226. >One that’s trying to slide the tip of her tail down the front of your pants.
  227. >“Come on,” she mutters to herself. “Get in there.”
  228. >Okay, her trying to molest you is pushing it a bit.
  229. >But she’s drunk as a freshman right now, so you’ll cut her some slack.
  230. >You come up with a game plan.
  231. >You’ll let her down easy, put her to bed in your room, and then get on with your relaxing night.
  232. >You look down at Fluttershy.
  233. >She’s currently rubbing her nose against your right pec, an odd satisfied little smile on her face.
  234. >“Well hello, mister nipple, so that’s where you were hiding.”
  235. >She giggles and continues brushing her muzzle against your stiff nip.
  236. >Damn, that cider social must have been one hell of a party if it somehow got even a lightweight like Fluttershy to be this far gone.
  237. >And you had no idea that the cider was ever going to be alcoholic.
  238. >You can smell it though; Fluttershy reeks of it.
  239. >You should have just went to the party.
  240. >Fucking hell.
  241. Alright, Fluttershy, you’re cut off.
  242. >You’re about to gently ease her down onto her hooves when you see some pony else coming up your front walk.
  243. >Her face is covered up by a stack of notecards that she’s flipping through, but you can still tell that it’s Twilight Sparkle.
  244. >She must have come looking for Fluttershy.
  245. >Thank God.
  246. >You get Fluttershy to set her hooves on the ground.
  247. >Something she’s quick to whine about.
  248. >“No,” she says, clinging to your shirt. “I don’t want to go down, not unless I’m, um . . .”
  249. >She starts mumbling lewd things to herself, a frustrated scrunch and a blush both playing together on her face.
  250. >You set her up on her wobbly legs just as Twilight comes up by her side, her face still covered by her notecards.
  251. >You address Twilight.
  252. I’m so glad you’re here.
  253. >“Do you come here often?” Twilight shouts.
  254. >You stop.
  255. >You look at Twilight for a moment, until the realization hits.
  256. Oh no . . .
  257. >Her notecards slowly go down until her disheveled mane and bright red cheeks reveal themselves.
  258. >And it’s only now that you notice that the wet cider odor that’s clouding the air right now has just doubled, turning into a fog with Twilight’s entrance.
  259. >Fluttershy notices this as well, and a harsh glare is pointed in the direction of her former friend.
  260. >Twilight looks up at you with a wobbly, goofy smile.
  261. >“You like that one? It’s a classic line, but I’ve got more written down that I wanted to get your opinion . . .”
  262. >She looks down at her notecards briefly before doing a doubletake in the direction of the pony that’s glaring at her.
  263. >She responds in kind.
  264. >Both of them turn to you simultaneously, each of them pointing a hoof towards the other.
  265. >“What’s she doing here?!”
  266. Oh God no . . .
  267. >Twilight’s notecards fall out from her magic and rain down onto your porch.
  268. >Soon the two of them are facing one another, with both of them baring their teeth at the other.
  269. >“What are you doing here?” Twilight growls.
  270. >“I’m professing my undying love for my best friend,” Fluttershy says.
  271. >“No, you’re not professing your undying love for your best friend. I’m professing my undying love for my best friend.”
  272. >“Oh yeah?” Fluttershy goads.
  273. >“Yeah! That’s what I’m doing! You’re stealing what I was doing, so you can’t be doing that. . . .”
  274. >Twilight stops, thinking over the logic of this for a moment, before pointing a hoof right in Fluttershy’s face.
  275. >“So there! I win.”
  276. >“No you don’t,” Fluttershy says. “In fact, he and I were right in the middle of making things official between us before you interrupted.”
  277. >“You can’t make things official if they were my idea first.”
  278. >“It was my idea first,” Fluttershy says. “You were listening to me at the bar when I said it.”
  279. >“No, I wasn’t.”
  280. >“You were too.”
  281. >“You’re too quiet. You’re Fluttershy! No pony can hear you even when everything is all quiet, so I didn’t hear you say you were coming over here to steal my man.”
  282. >Fluttershy and Twilight snort at each other.
  283. >“He’s my man!”
  284. >“No, he’s mine!”
  285. >The two of them are butting heads now, giving you some time to think.
  286. >So Twilight likes you too.
  287. >And she’s a princess, for God’s sake.
  288. >This is too weird.
  289. >Was there any way you could have known?
  290. >You pick up some of her notecards and, while the writing gets sloppier the more it goes on, you can read some of them.
  291. >You flip through them, picking out what’s legible.
  292. >‘Hi, there. I really like you. . . . Maybe more than friend?’
  293. >‘I’m not very good at this . . .’
  294. >‘I really like spending time with you. The mark of a good friendship is . . .’
  295. >‘You’re the only boy that dances with me. You have a lot of good qualities like . . .’
  296. >‘Your butt is so~o~o~o nice! You get up . . .
  297. >‘smells good . . . these peanuts . . . Ha! Nuts! . . .’
  298. >‘My tail is twitching . . . for you . . . twitchy tail . . .’
  299. >‘I love you, I love you, I love you!’
  300. >‘Please cuddle me in a big pile of my books!
  301. >’Twilight Sparkle <3’
  302. >After that her writing turns to scribbles and drawings of hearts with your name and hers inside of them.
  303. >You stop looking through them completely once you reach the stained cards that smell like musty hay.
  304. >Fluttershy and Twilight are still screaming at each other.
  305. >“You’re not his best friend,” Twilight says, “I am. I have to be, I’m the princess of friendship. While you’ve barely even said three words to him.”
  306. >“I am too his best friend,” Fluttershy says. “And besides, he needs a real mare to satisfy him.”
  307. >“You just want him for his body.”
  308. >“So do you.”
  309. >“Well, I won’t deny that it would provide certain benefits. I am a pretty purple princess, and I’m going to need a prince someday. Preferably, a tall one. I don’t wanna end up all alone like Celestia.”
  310. >“You think you’re pretty?!” Fluttershy shouts. “I was a model, sister!”
  311. >“That was, like, for a week.”
  312. >“I know how long it was, I’m still better for him than you.”
  313. >“No you aren’t.”
  314. >“No, you aren’t!”
  315. >“No, you!
  316. >“No, you!”
  317. I barely know either of you.
  318. >They harshly turn on you.
  319. >“Shut up!”
  320. >You shut up.
  321. >They’re staring each other down now with woozy eyes and faces red with drunken rage.
  322. >“Stop fighting with me!”
  323. >“No, you stop fighting with me first!”
  324. >“No, you!”
  325. >“No, you!”
  326. >This is getting ugly.
  327. >You’ve never seen these ponies so mad before.
  328. >Fluttershy’s legs are shaking like she’s about to hit Twilight.
  329. >Normally, you could never imagine her hitting anybody, but she’s pretty peeved right now.
  330. >And all liquored up.
  331. >As for Twilight.
  332. >You see her horn is charging.
  333. Uh-oh.
  334. >“What are you going to do, zap me?” Fluttershy says, goading her. “You big meanie.”
  335. >“I am not a meanie!”
  336. >Fluttershy smirks and holds her chin up high.
  337. >“Go ahead, zap me, meanie. Zap–”
  338. >You pull her out of the way just in time.
  339. >When Twilight’s purple beam dissipates there is a big smoldering hole in the porch where Fluttershy was standing.
  340. >You all stare at it for a moment.
  341. >Fluttershy is clutching the back of your legs and trembling.
  342. >Then, slowly, you turn towards Twilight’s shocked face.
  343. What the actual fuck, Twilight?
  344. >“It was an accident, I swear!”
  345. >“You see!” Fluttershy says to you. “Do you really want such a dangerous mare to be your special some pony?”
  346. >“I didn’t mean to do that!” Twilight shouts. “It was a mistake. I must’ve gotten the teleportation spell mixed up with the kill spell.”
  347. >Fluttershy whimpers and hides more behind you.
  348. That’s a pretty big fucking mistake, Twilight.
  349. >“I know, but don’t worry, I got it right this time.”
  350. >Her horn starts charging again.
  351. >Fluttershy whimpers more and begins holding on tightly to your ass for security.
  352. >You got to stop this.
  353. >Time to play the part of the big scary human.
  354. No more magic, Twilight. You’re drunk.
  355. >“Don’t worry, I’m practically the princess of magic.”
  356. You’re the princess of friendship.
  357. >“I’m kind of both,” she says. “Anyway, relax, no pony is going to get hurt.”
  358. >Rainbow Dash screams from the sky.
  359. >“Look out!”
  360. >Twilight turns.
  361. >“Huh–”
  362. >Just in time to see her friend crash into her ribs at speeds that send a small hurricane blowing through the rafters.
  363. >Rainbow Dash is lying in a heap on your porch.
  364. >Off to the side, Twilight is splayed out on top of a beat up pile of wood that was once part of your bannister.
  365. >Fluttershy gasps.
  366. >“Oh no, Twilight!”
  367. >She runs to the aid of her friend, leaving you in the company of the groaning Rainbow.
  368. >Now that she’s peeled her face off the ground, you can see that Rainbow Dash looks much like the other two.
  369. >But she could either be drunk or just concussed, you aren’t sure yet.
  370. >“Any pony see where my drink landed?”
  371. >Nevermind.
  372. >She sits up, winces and rubs a sore spot that’s hidden underneath the top of her tangled mane.
  373. >“What are they doing here?” she asks you.
  374. Forget it, Dash, they’re drunk.
  375. >She looks at them.
  376. >In trying to pull Twilight up, Fluttershy accidentally steps on her own tail.
  377. >She slips and cracks the back of her head on the wall behind her.
  378. >Rainbow Dash blinks.
  379. >“Oh.”
  380. Here, Dash, let me help you up.
  381. >Rainbow Dash’s unsteady eyes look in the general direction of your outstretched hand for a moment before she glares at you.
  382. >“I don’t know how you got four hands but get ‘em away from me!”
  383. >She waves at the air near your hand, trying to bat it away.
  384. >“I’m still mad at you,” she says. “You already treated me so rough today.”
  385. >Fluttershy gasps and, having had Twilight halfway up off the wood pile, drops her like a postal worker delivering a fragile package.
  386. >“You mean y-you two were already . . .”
  387. >Fluttershy is shaking from the implication alone.
  388. Not what you’re thinking.
  389. >“Oh,” Fluttershy says, sighing in relief.
  390. >Twilight groans.
  391. >Rainbow Dash ignores this.
  392. >She gets up, with a little help from you to keep her steady, and then redirects her grimace at you.
  393. >“And then you didn’t go to the cider social with me, even though we’re bros. We would’ve had an awesome time, and I was going to get super drunk and finally tell you . . .”
  394. >She turns her eyes down away from you as a creeping blush begins to invade her already red face.
  395. >“I mean . . .”
  396. >She grows flustered and begins stumbling over her words.
  397. >“I was going to . . . it’s hard for me to . . . I can’t say it without . . . kinda sappy . . . and I know we’re bros, but I . . . Agh!”
  398. >She howls in frustration and looks you right in the eye.
  399. >“Look, I’m just trying to say that you’re a really awesome guy friend sometimes, and that maybe I kind of . . . sort of . . .
  400. >Dash’s wings fluff up and, with her eyes closed and her muzzle slightly scrunched, she draws in a deep breath to give her courage.
  401. >Man, you really hope this isn’t going where you think it’s going.
  402. >Fluttershy, wearing a blank face, recognizes it too.
  403. >And decides to ruin it.
  404. >“I already tried the drunk confession thing. It didn’t work.”
  405. >“. . . That I lov–”
  406. >She turns on Fluttershy.
  407. >“You did what?!”
  408. >“I said that I already drunkenly confessed to him,” Fluttershy says. “So he’s mine. Back off, whorse.”
  409. >Twilight’s head pops up off the wood pile and she looks directly at Rainbow Dash.
  410. >“Oh come on!” Twilight groans. “Don’t tell me you like him now too.”
  411. >“What? N-No way!” Dash shouts, her ears folded. “I’m not into all that boring, girly love stuff. It’s so not cool.”
  412. >She turns her back to you all, her head held high and her tail pressed up against her rump.
  413. >Jesus Christ, what a relief.
  414. >You never thought you would feel so grateful to have a girl not be interested in you before now.
  415. >“But if I was!”
  416. >Oh goddammit.
  417. >She spins around and flies forward until she’s looking down on them from up in the air.
  418. >She's too smashed to just hover in one spot though.
  419. >So she drifts, like a computer cursor does when the mouse breaks.
  420. >“Let’s just admit that, if I was interested, then I would totally be the best mare for him.”
  421. >She quickly catches herself and adds:
  422. >“But only because we’re already bros. No other reason. Definitely not because I’m into any sappy, mushy lovey stuff. Which I’m not!”
  423. >She crosses her arms and nods to herself.
  424. >“So there, I win. He’s mine.”
  425. >“No, he’s mine,” Fluttershy says. “He’s a rare creature, and I’m good with rare creatures, so that means I’d be a good special some pony for him.”
  426. >“Well I’m going to be a big pretty princess, and I need a big human to match,” Twilight says.
  427. >“You’re already a princess,” Rainbow scoffs.
  428. >Twilight snaps and unconsciously breaks into her royal Canterlot voice.
  429. >“The day I’m corrected by you of all ponies!”
  430. >Dash flinches backwards.
  431. >She hits the back of her skull on the porch header and drops down onto the ground like a sack of frozen potatoes.
  432. >Twilight reels back in shock.
  433. >“Oh my gosh, Rainbow, I’m so sorry,” Twilight says. “Are you okay?”
  434. >“You really are a meanie,” Fluttershy says.
  435. >“It was an accident,” Twilight says. “And she hit me first.”
  436. >“She was drunk.”
  437. >“I’m drunk!”
  438. >“A meanie drunk.”
  439. >“You’re not helping!”
  440. >Rainbow Dash sits up and rubs her sore temple.
  441. >“Any pony get the number of that carriage?”
  442. >Fluttershy giggles, her hoof covering her mouth in polite fashion.
  443. >Twilight impolitely leers at her.
  444. >“What?”
  445. >“Oh, it’s nothing,” Fluttershy says.
  446. >“Good, because–”
  447. >“It’s just that, um, when she says carriage, she means your fat butt.”
  448. >“She does not!”
  449. >“I do now,” Rainbow Dash says, recovering quickly enough to fall back down laughing. “You really are becoming a big princess, Twilight.”
  450. >Seeking salvation from the onslaught of laughter, Twilight’s reddening face and moist eyes turns to you.
  451. >“I don’t have a fat butt, do I?”
  452. >Oh crap.
  453. >You’re never good at answering questions like these.
  454. >Rainbow and Fluttershy are all giddy as they turn their attention towards you.
  455. >Twilight is trying hard to keep her lower lip from quivering.
  456. >Should you tell the truth?
  457. >You don’t even know what the truth is about Twilight’s ass.
  458. >You look at her.
  459. >She blushes further and, when she turns her eyes away, your eyes begin taking her in.
  460. >They brush over her smooth mane, petting down along the soft curve of her neck, the warm bend of her back and down, down further.
  461. >Until they’re riding over two wide hips–more like speedbumps–that make your vision ascend as your eyes trail over the wide, far stuck-out expanse of two heavy round globes that–
  462. >Jesus fuck, they’re right–she’s got ass for days!
  463. >A huge purple pony posterior; definitely fit for a princess.
  464. >She’s going to have to hope that she even can grow into an ass like that.
  465. >You can see her trying, and failing, to cover it up by pressing her tail against it.
  466. >It barely even fits in the crack.
  467. >Besides her head, and maybe even her gut, her ass has to be the heaviest part of her body, if the sag is anything to go by.
  468. >You can’t see from her facing head-on like she is, but you’re about ninety-percent sure that those fat cheeks are sagging down past the top of her thighs.
  469. >You can see both of her cutie marks from the front though, and how deliciously rounded and stretched out they are by that huge ass of hers.
  470. >Look, you’re not as ready to cross the species barrier as these ponies are.
  471. >You’re not about to fuck an animal.
  472. >Not even if they’re a smart animal with a glorious purple butt like Twilight has got.
  473. >But damn, man, if you had a rag right now, you’d be using it to wipe your brow as you let out a breathy exhale.
  474. >“W-Well?” Twilight says, nervously looking up at you.
  475. >“He’s been thinking about it for a long time,” Fluttershy says.
  476. >“Can you blame him?” Rainbow Dash says. “Her butt is too big for anyone to take in all at once.”
  477. >The two pegasus ponies giggle at this as Twilight retreats further into herself.
  478. >They don’t notice your face twisting into a strained grimace.
  479. Alright, that’s enough.
  480. >They stop laughing immediately.
  481. >All eyes turn to you.
  482. I think it’s really fucking lame that you two are teasing her like this. Even if you are friends, you guys are taking it way too far. You’re not being kind, and you’re not being a bro at all.
  483. >You point to Fluttershy and then Rainbow Dash respectively.
  484. And for the record, I like Twilight way more than I do either of you right now. So just stop it. Alright?
  485. >It’s silent for a moment.
  486. >Then Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy break out into a renewed fit of high whinnying laughter.
  487. >“He didn’t answer,” Fluttershy says. “He thinks it’s big.”
  488. >“He thinks it’s huge!” Rainbow says. “He’s probably wondering how she can walk through a door without getting stuck!”
  489. >Her entire face now red, Twilight glares up at you.
  490. >“Anon!”
  491. What? I didn’t say anything like that!
  492. >The piercing laughter reaches of her friends past her anger.
  493. >Growing more embarrassed by the second, her wings reach past her head so they can cover the shame that burns on her face.
  494. >The poor purple pony . . .
  495. I didn’t say that I don’t like it.
  496. >The laughter stops.
  497. >They stare at you blankly.
  498. >“What?” Fluttershy says.
  499. I didn’t say I don’t like her butt.
  500. >Then, unconciously, you added:
  501. Her Twibutt.
  502. >Their jaws drop as a firm, smug little smirk plays on Twilight’s mouth.
  503. >She turns around to show it to them.
  504. >And, hey, you were right.
  505. >Her ass does sag a bit over her thighs.
  506. >“Did you hear that, Rainbow Dash? Did you, Fluttershy? He likes my butt. He even gave it a nickname. Did he give your butts a nickname?”
  507. >They fold their ears and stammer.
  508. >“W-Well . . .”
  509. >“I . . .”
  510. >“Ha!” Twilight says. “I didn’t think so.”
  511. >She holds her head up high as the rest of her friends try to untie their tongues in time to refute her.
  512. >It feels kind of good knowing that you lifted Twilight’s spirits a bit.
  513. >It’s a lot easer to do that than it would have been to try and lift all that ass instead.
  514. >But you can’t help but feel like maybe you made the wrong–
  515. >“So I win!” Twilight says. “He’s mine!”
  516. >Shit. That’s right.
  517. >You would have lost no matter whose side you had picked.
  518. >“Well, my butt is big too,” Fluttershy says as she peers over her shoulder. “S-Sort of . . .”
  519. >“Yeah, and my butt . . .”
  520. >Rainbow Dash looks back for a moment, and then folds her ears.
  521. >“Oh.”
  522. >“Don’t feel bad for not having a Twibutt, girls,” Twilight says between smug giggles. “It’s just more of me for him to cuddle when we’re lying together on top of my pile of books.”
  523. >“Yeah, a lot more,” Rainbow Dash says, rolling her eyes.
  524. >Fluttershy blinks.
  525. >“Um, did you say pile of books?”
  526. >“After all,” Twilight says, “It’s not your fault that I just happened to be the best one for him.”
  527. >“No way!” Rainbow Dash shouts. “You think you’re the best just because you have a big fat butt? I can get one too.”
  528. >“Me too,” Fluttershy says. “And that goes for the pile of books and your fat butt.”
  529. >“I mean it’s not exactly hard to sit in the castle library all day and eat six hayburgers for every meal.”
  530. >“Thought it might be hard on the poor little chair she sits on,” Fluttershy says.
  531. >“I do not eat six hayburgers for every meal,” Twilight says with a growl.
  532. >“Okay, fine, every other meal,” Rainbow Dash says.
  533. >“Think of the poor little chair, Twilight,” Fluttershy says. “Having to keep those monstrously-sized flanks supported every day must be so hard on it.”
  534. >Twilight scrunches her muzzle and glares at them.
  535. >“Oh yeah, well, you’re all just jealous anyway!”
  536. >The three of them begin arguing again.
  537. >Maybe you can use this opportunity to sneak back into the house.
  538. >You ease backwards, only stopping when you’re just inside the doorframe.
  539. >Which is when you feel Fluttershy’s hoof groping your ass again.
  540. Fluttershy, why are you–
  541. >Except Fluttershy is still in front of you, arguing with the rest of her friends.
  542. >It’s Rarity, and her intentions are easy to read on her shrewd smile, her flush wine-colored face and her frank upturned eyes.
  543. >And her hoof that’s lodged in your ass.
  544. >At least her mane is still as immaculate as ever.
  545. How did you get in my house?
  546. >“Darling!” she shouts. “I’ve been looking all over for you this evening.”
  547. You had to have known I was here.
  548. >“Yes, and we’ll have to make sure you never make yourself as scarce as that again.”
  549. >You’re about to say something about her hoof being in your ass.
  550. >But then she presses her cheek against your waist and swoons very loudly.
  551. >“I shall make it my duty to make sure that you never leave my side again, and it would be oh so chivalrous of you if you would agree to accompany me for the rest of the night.”
  552. >Of course now you realize that her leaning on you is helping to keep her steady.
  553. >She’ll fall the second you try to move.
  554. >Maybe that wouldn’t be the case if one of her hooves wasn’t stuck in your ass, but that’s neither here nor there.
  555. >Rarity’s head lolls to the side so she can observe her friends in a more lopsided fashion.
  556. >“I can see that you’ve become quite the popular bachelor in my absence. You’ll of course have to forgive all their squabbling. Though I am a bit surprised. I thought everybody knew that a thick rear was an asset.”
  557. >As for the other three.
  558. >Rainbow has Twilight in a headlock, and Fluttershy is pressing her rump up against Twilight’s for some reason.
  559. >“See!” Fluttershy says. “Mine is just as big as hers, if you get the angle right.”
  560. >She adjusts the position of her butt against Twilight’s, trying to find this angle she’s talking about.
  561. >Until Twilight bucks up, trying to throw Rainbow Dash off, and accidentally pushes Fluttershy’s face directly into the railing of your porch.
  562. >You turn back towards Rarity.
  563. Would you take your hoof out of my asshole, please?
  564. >“Wonderful,” she says. “I can see that you’re as eager to get on with our evening as I am.”
  565. >She bats her eyes up at you and snuggles up closer to your waist, the faint air of her perfume rising up to caress your senses.
  566. >And she takes her hoof out of your asshole.
  567. >“Why don’t we leave all this fighting behind and go inside so we can show them how much better it is to love instead?”
  568. Look, Rarity, I don’t know how drunk you are right now, but if you really can see your three friends standing out there on the porch right now, then you would know that this has not been a very good night for interspecies romance.
  569. >Rarity’s eyes narrow up at you.
  570. >They’re in a firm squint by the time she’s grabbed your collar with her magic and pulled you down to face her.
  571. >“Look here, manbeast,” she says in a tense low whisper, her voice slurring now.
  572. It’s Anon.
  573. >“Quiet!” she says. “I’ve been building up this little encounter of ours in my mind for months, and now, after I’ve finally found the courage to lay my heart out, you have the gall to stand there and try to tell me the ins and outs of interspecies romance.”
  574. Well . . .
  575. >“Well I will not allow a dignified lady such as myself to be set aside so easily, as you will no doubt see.”
  576. >She lets go of your collar.
  577. >You straighten up.
  578. >So does she; well, as best as she can while drunk.
  579. >“Now you and I shall go inside and have ourselves a nice and long discussion on the matter of my sleeping with you, one that’s full of sexually-charged tension and overt innuendo.”
  580. Rarity.
  581. >“And we shall do so over the finest glass of wine you have.”
  582. >She looks expectantly at you, as though you would provide for her the name of the wine.
  583. >You stare at her.
  584. >Then she looks you up and down, takes you in, and says, in a tempered tone:
  585. >“Alright, then we’ll have a glass of your most delectable ale.”
  586. >You stare at her.
  587. >“A glass of your best beer?”
  588. >You stare.
  589. >“A cup of juice?”
  590. >You stare.
  591. >“Water, darling. Surely you have water.”
  592. >Stare.
  593. >She sighs.
  594. >“Well, we’ll work something out. I’ll get the door.”
  595. >Her horn lights up.
  596. >You slap your hand against the door, stopping it.
  597. >She’s not impressed.
  598. >“Honestly, darling, there is a limit when it comes to playing hard to get.”
  599. >“Hey! Rarity’s already inside,” Twilight says.
  600. >“She can’t do that, it’s cheating,” Fluttershy says.
  601. >“Let’s get her!”
  602. >Rainbow Dash drops Twilight and charges towards the entrance.
  603. >Rarity swallows nervously.
  604. >“Darling, I’d really appreciate it if–you moved your hand now!”
  605. >You shout as loud as you can.
  606. Everybody stop!
  607. >Everyone stops.
  608. >You turn to Rarity and point at the porch.
  609. You, outside.
  610. >“But what about that glass of . . . whatever it was we were going to have together?”
  611. Now!
  612. >She scurries outside, shoulder-checking Rainbow Dash and sending the blue pegasus spinning down to the ground as she does.
  613. >Soon all four of them are lined up and they’re all avoiding your stern gaze.
  614. Alright, so each one of you got drunk tonight and came over here to try and get in my pants. Do I have that right?
  615. >“Uh, I never said that,” Rainbow Dash says. “I don’t do love stuff, remember?”
  616. >“Denial is not your strong suit, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity says.
  617. >“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t, you know, turn him down if he . . . you know. . . .”
  618. >Rainbow mutters the rest and hides her invading blush from everyone.
  619. >“I was hoping more for an evening of romance,” Rarity says.
  620. >“I just wanted you to know how I really feel,” Twilight says. “I never expected anything from you.”
  621. >“Suck up,” Rainbow Dash mutters.
  622. >“No butt,” Twilight says.
  623. >“Girls, let’s not resort to childish namecalling, okay?” Rarity says.
  624. >“Cheater,” Twilight says.
  625. >“Flabby flanks,” Rarity says.
  626. >“Flabby flanks two,” Rainbow Dash says.
  627. >Rarity turns on her.
  628. >“How dare you!”
  629. >Sensing another argument coming, you look at Fluttershy.
  630. >“I just wanted to fuck, but, um, I think you already knew that, so . . .”
  631. Alright, enough. So all four of you got drunk at the cider social, and all four of you decided that tonight was the best time to come by and tell me how you really felt about me. Which is a complete fucking shock to me by the way.
  632. >“Well, I didn’t know she was going to be here,” Fluttershy says, looking at Twilight with as much venom as she can.
  633. >“I didn’t know you were going to be here either, or Rainbow Dash,” Twilight says.
  634. >“Yeah, I didn’t see either of you until, you know, the crash,” Rainbow says. “So what’s your excuse, Rarity?”
  635. >Rarity’s eyes shrink as everyone turns to her.
  636. >“W-Well I just . . .” She clears her throat. “Isn’t it a well-known romantic gesture to surprise one’s lover when they come home?”
  637. Not when it’s not your house.
  638. >“Oh, darling, you’re not helping at all.”
  639. Whatever. This is getting ridculous.
  640. >“Ridiculous!” Pinkie Pie says as she pops up from out of the potted plant by the door, wearing your flowers on her head.
  641. >Everyone falls silent.
  642. >She looks at you.
  643. >“I’m drunk and want to fuck too.”
  644. >And she falls over, shattering your pot and sending the topsoil flying throughout the room.
  645. >It’s like a dirt grenade going off.
  646. >“My mane!” Rarity screams.
  647. >You wipe your face and look on in horror at the place where your beautiful plant had once been.
  648. My mini hydrangea!
  649. >“Oops,” Pinkie says. “Sorry about that.”
  650. Okay, that’s it. No more surprises.
  651. >You look around at them.
  652. >“What?” Twilight says.
  653. Well, where’s the sixth one? There’s always six of you.
  654. >“You mean Spike?” Pinkie says.
  655. Oh dear God, he doesn’t want to fuck me too, right?
  656. >“I don’t think so,” Twilight says. “At least, I hope not. I don’t want to have to give him that talk yet.”
  657. Alright, come on, where’s the sixth one of you?
  658. >“You mean the fifth one?” Pinkie says.
  659. No, I mean . . .
  660. >It’s then that you notice that Fluttershy is gone.
  661. Oh for the love of . . . Where is Fluttershy?
  662. >Every pony turns their heads but nobody sees her.
  663. >You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh.
  664. So nobody knows where Fluttershy is?
  665. >“Not me,” Pinkie says.
  666. >“Nope,” says Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.
  667. >“I didn’t see her either,” Sugar Belle says.
  668. Okay, well–
  669. >You do a double take at the mare behind you.
  670. >Sugar Belle lifts her hoof up to say hello until she stumbles a bit and has to put it back down.
  671. >“Hello,” she says with a wobbly smile.
  672. What the hell are you doing here?
  673. >“Isn’t it obvious?” she says with a lecherous giggle.
  674. >She releases the tie in her ponytail and lets her curly mane run free as she saunters up to you, capturing you in her bedroom eyes.
  675. Woah, woah, woah! What about Big Mac?
  676. >“He’s a very kind stallion,” she says. “And besides, no pony else has to know.”
  677. >You stare at her for a moment before gesturing to the group of drunken mares behind you.
  678. >They all look upon her with stern, disapproving glares.
  679. >She simply smiles.
  680. >“Well, he’s a kind stallion, anyway.”
  681. >She jumps up in your arms; you feel her warm body press against yours.
  682. >You push her away.
  683. Okay, what the fuck? You barely even know me, and I’m an alien. Why would you want to cheat on your husband with me?
  684. >She gives you an odd look.
  685. >“Because you’re hot.”
  686. >She means it too.
  687. >You see the rest of the mares behind you are all making gestures that agree with her.
  688. >You turn back to Sugar Belle.
  689. What?
  690. >“I mean, come on,” she says with a roll of her eyes, “why do you think every pony was so nice to you all the time?”
  691. Because you’re all friendly ponies . . . right?
  692. >“No, that’s just Twilight,” Sugar Belle says.
  693. >“Well, yes,” Twilight agrees. “Pinkie Pie, too.”
  694. >“Uh-huh,” Pinkie says. “And, well, you are really nice, too. But the main reason I was extra nice was because I just wanted us to mash our taters so super duper badly.”
  695. >Pinkie smiles.
  696. >You have no words.
  697. >“Twilight did too. Didn’t you want to fuck him too, Twilight?”
  698. >Twilight laughs awkwardly, as though a searchlight has just landed on her.
  699. >“Well . . .”
  700. >“And so did we,” said the other three.
  701. >But this time it’s the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who are now staggering in place all bleary-eyed beside Sugar Belle.
  702. >“Well, we would’ve settled for just a peck,” Sweetie Belle says.
  703. >“But what we really want is to do all that extra stuff with you that all the other adults do,” Scootaloo says.
  704. >“Yeah, the stuff that Diamond Tiara’s mom does with Filthy Rich and the stallion that cleans their pool,” Apple Bloom says.
  705. >Apple Bloom tries to fix her bow, which is sitting askew and half undone on her messy mane.
  706. >She only succeeds in knocking it off her head but she doesn’t seem to notice this.
  707. >“Yeah, fucking,” Apple Bloom says. “Whatever that means.”
  708. >“I think it’s like kissing, but extra hard,” Scootaloo shouts. “Which, I mean, I’m not into all that sappy, girly kinda stuff. But I’ll kiss a boy.”
  709. >“And we all want to do it with you, too,” Sweetie Belle says. “Pretty please?”
  710. >They all look up at you with those shining, cute puppy dog eyes that are extra effective in a way that only ponies can make it.
  711. >Your heart seizes.
  712. >Fuck, man, that’s adorable.
  713. >It almost makes you forget that there are three drunk kids that are trying to seduce you in your own house.
  714. >No.
  715. >Wait, that’s fucked up.
  716. >“Sweetie Belle!” Rarity shrieks. “Have you been drinking?”
  717. >“M-Maybe,” says Sweetie Belle, her ears folded.
  718. >“Oh, just wait until I tell mom and dad. They’ll be furious.”
  719. >Sweetie Belle looks her up and down, with one eye half-closed.
  720. >“Ah, shut up, Rarity,” she says.
  721. >“What!”
  722. >Rarity looks like she’s having an aneurysm.
  723. >“How dare you talk to your big sister that way.”
  724. >Sweetie Belle rolls her eyes and, mocking her sister’s accent, repeats:
  725. >“How dare you talk to your big sister that way. I’m Rarity. I can’t get a date because I put perfume on when I don’t wanna shower.”
  726. >Steam was rolling out from Rarity’s burning ears.
  727. >But nobody could hear it over Rainbow Dash’s laughter.
  728. >“She got you, Rarity! Oh my gosh!”
  729. >Then, her own good senses, and a collective look of stern rebuke from everybody else present, finally forces Rainbow Dash into the role of a responsible adult.
  730. >“Um, I mean,” she clears her throat and addresses Scootaloo. “What do you think you’re doing, squirt? You’re way too young to be drinking cider.”
  731. >Scootaloo blinks in confusion.
  732. >“But Rainbow Dash, you told me that you started drinking cider when you were just–”
  733. >“Nevermind what I said,” she says quickly. “Just what would your aunts think if they saw you like this?”
  734. >“Oh, I think they’re around here somewhere,” Scootaloo says.
  735. >Wait.
  736. What did you say?
  737. >“Yeah, I saw them before I came in,” Scootaloo says. “They said they were tired of being lesbians and that they wanted to share a hot beef injection of human cock between them.”
  738. >Everyone is silent.
  739. >Scootaloo burps silently, then asks:
  740. >“Rainbow Dash, what’s cock?”
  741. >“Uh . . .”
  742. >“You’re cock, Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom says. “It means chicken, remember? I already told you that.”
  743. >“You know, some words have two meanings,” Sweetie Belle says.
  744. >“What are you, a dictionary?” Scootaloo says.
  745. >“I’ll tell you what she ain’t, and that’s a cheater,” Apple Bloom says.
  746. >Pinkie Pie pipes up. “Oh, like Rarity!”
  747. >“Why is every pony being mean to me!” Rarity shrieks.
  748. >“Well, yeah, she’s a cheater,” Apple Bloom says. “But also like you!”
  749. >She points to Sugar Belle.
  750. >“How could you just betray my brother like that?” she says. “And with my man too.”
  751. I am not your man.
  752. >“You’re gonna be after I kiss that cock,” Apple Bloom says.
  753. >Then, looking around, she says:
  754. >“Now where is that chicken of yours? Where ya hidin’ him? I’m gonna kiss it real good–and then fuck ya until the cows come home.”
  755. >Sugar Belle snickers at the filly.
  756. >“I think you need to come back and try this again when you’re a little older.”
  757. >“I am older,” Apple Bloom says.
  758. >“You’re eight.”
  759. >“I’m older than that.”
  760. >Sugar Belle rolls her eyes.
  761. >“Okay, fine, you’re eight-and-a-half.”
  762. >“Eight-and-three-quarters!” she says, stamping her hoof in frustration.
  763. >Meanwhile, Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash are talking.
  764. >“I can’t believe you, squirt. How many mugs of cider did you sneak out from the party?”
  765. >“Only, like, two,” she says, her guilty eyes pointing down.
  766. >“Well, I guess that’s not so–”
  767. >“Only two the first time, anyway,” she adds. “Then we went again, and again . . .”
  768. >In spite of herself, Scootaloo starts chuckling.
  769. >“We went a lot of times.”
  770. >“I can’t believe you,” Rainbow Dash says. “How much did you drink really?”
  771. >Scootaloo shrugs.
  772. >“I don’t know, like, five mugs. Maybe more? Probably more. . . .”
  773. >Rainbow’s eyes widen.
  774. >“Woah, really? That’s even more than I got down on my first time. I’m impressed, kid.”
  775. >“Is that true?” she asks.
  776. >Then she adds, “Rainbow Dash, can we be lesbians together someday?”
  777. >“Yeah, about that . . .”
  778. >Rainbow Dash starts chuckling under her breath.
  779. >“You still think that your aunts are just really good friends that live together, don’t ya?”
  780. >Scootaloo nods slowly.
  781. >“Kid, what I’m going to tell you is about to blow your mind.”
  782. >You should probably stop Rainbow Dash.
  783. >But your ass is being invaded by another hoof.
  784. >Pinkie Pie’s this time.
  785. >And her voice travels.
  786. >“Alright, who’s going to have sex with Anon first?”
  787. >“Oh, me. Me!” Twilight says. “He likes my butt, he said so.”
  788. I only said that I don’t dislike it.
  789. >“That’s the same thing,” Twilight says. “You know what, I want a drink first. Who else wants a drink?”
  790. >Two mares say that they do as they come stumbling down the stairs, both of them giggling as they almost trip with each slippery step.
  791. >“We’ll join you, princess,” Aunt Holiday says between her girlish giggling fits, which only increase when she meets your eyes.
  792. >Auntie Lofty smirks your way.
  793. >“She wants to tell you something, but she needs a few more drinks in her first.”
  794. >Aunt Holiday shushes her and whispers breathily into her ear.
  795. >“Don’t tell him about the injection yet. I want it to be a surprise when we both start getting at him, you know?”
  796. >She giggles and brings her plump cheek to rest on Auntie Lofty’s shoulder.
  797. >“He doesn’t know anything about that yet, so just play it cool, Holly,” Auntie Lofty says. “Hey there, slugger.”
  798. >Scootaloo eyes them warily, a cold shudder wracking her shoulders as they both pass her.
  799. >Rainbow Dash laughs at the filly’s reaction and playfully knocks her on the shoulder.
  800. >“You’ll get used to it, kid. But it looks like Holiday missed you, so you’re in the clear. Come on, I’ll steal us some more cider.”
  801. >They get up and Rainbow Dash leads her into another room.
  802. >“We’re going to put ‘em away so fast tonight that you won’t even remember that you have two gay aunts in the morning.”
  803. >You watch them go.
  804. >Then your eyes turn down to Pinkie Pie.
  805. >“Some party, huh?”
  806. Get your hoof out of my ass.
  807. >“I don’t wanna.”
  808. >“My word, Pinkie Pie, I almost forgot about the absolute mess you’ve made,” Rarity says, eyeing the dirt. “It’ll have to be cleaned. Where’s a broom? Does any pony know?”
  809. Yeah, it’s right in . . .
  810. >She staggers away.
  811. Dammit.
  812. >You notice now that Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Sugar Belle are all gone too.
  813. >Pinkie notices as well, and you can feel her wandering eyes touching you all over.
  814. >“Well, looks like it’s just you, me and Maud now.”
  815. Pinkie, get your hoof out of . . . Maud?
  816. >You turn to your other side and see that it’s Maud’s hoof, not Pinkie’s, that’s lodged into your ass.
  817. >Maud looks like she always does, her blanks eyes staring up at you.
  818. >Until the faintest hint of a trifling blush plays on her cheeks.
  819. >“I’m drunk and ready to make a mistake with you tonight.”
  820. >“Isn’t this fun?” Pinkie says eagerly.
  821. This is a nightmare.
  822. >“Oh, it is far from a nightmare,” Princess Luna says upon stumbling through the door, a mug of cider held in her nightblue magic aura.
  823. >Her tiara sits askew on her head and her magical mane has frayed strands sticking out from its ethereal body.
  824. >All you can do is stare at the scene before you.
  825. What the fuck. . . .
  826. >Princess Luna chugs some of her cider before saying:
  827. >“In fact, it’s far from anything I’ve ever seen of you in the dream realm, and trust me, I’ve seen you in the dream realm many a time–mainly because of this one.”
  828. >She points to Maud.
  829. >Maud blinks at you.
  830. >“I have an unending lust for you inside of me.”
  831. >She stares at you and keeps on staring, even when you turn away from her.
  832. >Luna slams back some more cider.
  833. >“Although, when I do see you in other pony’s dreams, you never have this much clothes on. So this is kind of weird for me right now.”
  834. Kind of weird for you? What about me?!
  835. >“Well, I just know that I’d feel more comfortable if you took some of your clothes off for me . . . ?”
  836. >You hear a scoff from behind her.
  837. >“Honestly, sister, we had the entire flight over here for you think of what to say to him, and that’s the best you could come up with?”
  838. >Princess Celestia appears, her eyes beat red, her drunken smile looking somehow sloppy and at the same time as radiant as her royal highness always is.
  839. >And her big white pony hips are wedged in the doorway, preventing her from coming inside any further.
  840. >Pinkie smiles and grabs a bag of popcorn from out of her mane.
  841. >“This ought to be good, huh, Maud?”
  842. >“I wouldn’t know, I’m too mesmerized by Anon’s eyes,” Maud says as she stares at the side of your head.
  843. >You don’t even know what’s going on anymore.
  844. >“I see nothing wrong with my approach,” Princess Luna says to her sister. “I was upfront with my intentions, and I made them clear in a witty and somewhat off the cuff manner.”
  845. >“You talked about seeing him naked in the dream realm. I hope this doesn’t hurt our chances, by the way,” she says to you.
  846. >“Less clothes! I said less clothes.”
  847. >Princess Luna turns to you in appeal.
  848. >“Tell her I said less clothes.”
  849. >You simply stare at them for a moment, waiting for all of this to make sense somehow.
  850. Were you two . . . at the cider social too?
  851. >Princess Luna looks at you oddly.
  852. >“What cider social?”
  853. >Princess Celestia rolls her eyes.
  854. >“Honestly, it’s times like these that I’m glad I’m the one that has to see to the delegates. You have to have charm for these sorts of things, dear sister.”
  855. >“I have charm.”
  856. >“Nope. You have no charm.”
  857. >Princess Celestia steals Luna’s mug out from her magic and drinks the rest of it, not bothering to wipe the foam off of her white lips.
  858. >“You have no game, dear sister,” she says. “Just like how you have no butt.”
  859. >Princess Luna scrunches her muzzle and blushes deeply, her dark blue cheeks turning red.
  860. >“I have butt!” she protests. “I do! I just don’t have a gargantuan, heaving butt of an elephant like you . . .”
  861. >Princess Luna cocks her head at her sister.
  862. >“Can you not even fit through the door right now?”
  863. >In flash of gold light, Princess Celestia teleports just far enough to get past the door.
  864. >“I am now,” she says proudly.
  865. >Then, her shrewd gaze directed at you, she says:
  866. >“And don’t think I didn’t see you watching my hips during all that.”
  867. >She winks at you, but you’re way too bewildered by everything that’s been going on to feel flustered right now.
  868. >All these ponies coming here.
  869. >All of them drunk.
  870. >All of them wanting your dick.
  871. >This is just way too weird.
  872. >Maybe it would make more sense if you were on their level.
  873. >Either way, you really need a drink right now.
  874. >You ease backwards towards the kitchen.
  875. >Princess Celestia takes a step towards you.
  876. >Until she’s blocked by Maud.
  877. >“Back off, your majesty. He’s mine.”
  878. >“Maud Pie, my dear subject,” she says, “you’re aware of the damage that a battle between the two of us would cause, aren’t you?”
  879. >“It would destroy Equestria.”
  880. >“So let’s avoid that then,” Princess Celestia says. “I’m sure that we can find a peaceful solution that–”
  881. >“It’s not fair!” Princess Luna wails. “I have butt. I do! Lots of butt. Tell them that I have butt, sister.”
  882. >“Luna, you basket case, I’m in the middle of something.”
  883. >“Tell them!”
  884. >“Hey Maud, do I have a big butt?” Pinkie says between chewing her popcorn.
  885. >“You have so much butt that it worries me sometimes.”
  886. >“Aw,” Pinkie coos. “You’re so nice, Maud.”
  887. >Finally, you manage to back away from them.
  888. >You turn around.
  889. >Only to find that your house has become home to the cider social after party.
  890. >All around, in every nook and cranny, lying everywhere, whether it be on floor or furniture.
  891. >Everywhere.
  892. >Everywhere, there be a drunken mare.
  893. >The air is heavy and humid, their hot breath reeking of cider.
  894. >You hear snippets of conversation as you pass through this fog.
  895.  
  896. >There’s Mrs. Cake, her big ass spilling out from each side of the chair she’s sitting on.
  897. >She’s such a sweet, motherly mare.
  898. >Seeing her at Sugarcube Corner with her kids always warms your heart.
  899. >“So I got him to watch the twins tonight,” she says to Matilda. “I love the dear stallion, but he can’t rut me anymore. His tool just doesn’t amount to a hill of jellybeans these days. Can’t even get the darn thing past my back door.”
  900. >“Well there’s a lot to get past,” Matilda jokes.
  901. >“Oh my!” Mrs. Cake blushes. “Well, when you’re right, you’re right.”
  902. >She slaps her jiggly flanks and laughs.
  903. >You feel a cold sweat coming on.
  904. >“Still, back in the day, he could get me. I loved it when I could feel that he was way above me and just giving it to me as hard as he could. That’s why this human boy has my complete interest. Imagine looking over your shoulder and seeing him ramming into you–and with his head almost touching the ceiling too!”
  905. >You can see her squirming in her seat as she shudders with delight.
  906. >“Cinnamon sugar on toast! It gives me the willies just thinking about it.”
  907. >You stride past them both.
  908. >Before you get any ideas about ruining some poor stallion’s marriage.
  909.  
  910. >“And then–!”
  911. >Trixie hiccups and sets her mug down.
  912. >She’s got her arm around Starlight, and her leaning on her friend is the only thing that’s keeping her from falling over.
  913. >“And then Twilight tried to zap Fluttershy away with her magic. And she almost died!”
  914. >Trixie is laughing very hard now.
  915. >“That’s terrible,” Starlight says. “Wait, you heard this?”
  916. >“Yeah, it happened before we got here.”
  917. >“I can’t believe Twilight would do that.”
  918. >“I can.”
  919. >“She must really be drunk.”
  920. >“Was there any doubt? You saw her dancing, didn’t you? She doesn’t got the moves like Trixie’s gots them.”
  921. >Trixie tries to dance in her seat.
  922. >She almost falls and hits her head on your dresser before Starlight catches her.
  923. >“She must really like Anon for her to do something like that,” Starlight says.
  924. >“Too bad he’s going to be Trixie’s hunk by the end of the night.”
  925. >“I just can’t get over it. Using magic to solve your problems like that is just wrong.”
  926. >“Yeah,” Trixie says, “it sounds like something you would do.”
  927. >Trixie tilts her mug back and drinks.
  928. >Starlight scoots over an inch.
  929. >Just enough for Trixie to fall and slam the back of her head into your dresser.
  930.  
  931. >Limestone Pie licks the salt off the rim of her glass.
  932. >“You know, when I heard every pony talking about seeing his muscles, I thought he’d have abs as hard as the rocks in Ghastly Gorge.”
  933. >“Mm-hmm,” Marble Pie says, sipping her punch.
  934. >“But he’s actually kinda doughy, isn’t he?”
  935. >“Mm-hmm.”
  936. >“I’m not very impressed at all, you know?”
  937. >“Mmm.” Marble shrugs.
  938. >“But I can’t just let Maud have him. She’s already got a boyfriend. That wouldn’t be fair, would it? I want a boyfriend too!”
  939. >She bangs her hoof on the table, making all the glasses on it jump.
  940. >“Where’s my boyfriend?!”
  941. >Marble runs away.
  942. >Autumn Blaze, who is sitting nearby, downs her shot and says:
  943. >“You know, I feel the same way you do, only I can’t show it cause, you know, the whole Nirik thing.”
  944. >She grabs Marble’s forgotten drink and takes a sip of it.
  945. >“The second I get angry about not being wrapped up in his big strong human arms is the second that this place goes up in flames. Especially when I’m all liquored up like this.”
  946. >“You can just turn into fire when you’re mad though,” Limestone says. “I have to admit, I wish I could do that.”
  947. >Autumn Blaze shrugs.
  948. >“It’s not so great when you have a thing for angry sex like I do. If I get too into it, I’ll burn the guy’s dick off.”
  949. >Limestone nods sympathetically.
  950. >“Yeah, well, his arms aren’t that big and strong anyway. They kind of remind me of noodles.”
  951. >She downs her drink in one chug and slams the glass on the table with a breathy exhale.
  952. >“Still, I’ll take him, I guess. I mean, it’s only fair. Maud already has a boyfriend.”
  953. >“I’m going to have two by the end of the night,” Maud says, appearing suddenly.
  954. >“No! No, you’re not!” Limestone says. “That’s not fair. You can’t have two while I have none. You got that?”
  955. >Maud blinks.
  956. >“You got that, Maud! You can’t have two boyfriends.”
  957. >“Watch me.”
  958. >Limestone screams.
  959.  
  960. >“It really got stuck in the door?” Twilight says in awe, staring at her teacher’s majestic rump.
  961. >Princess Celestia blushes.
  962. >“Well, it was just a little stuck. But, yes, it did. And one day, my dear student, yours may be too.”
  963. >“Wow!” Twilight says with sparkling eyes.
  964. >“You know, I have a butt too,” Princess Luna says. “Stop pretending like I don’t.”
  965. >Twilight turns to Celestia.
  966. >“What’s with her?”
  967. >“Butt envy,” Princess Celestia says. “She’s always had it. It’s actually quite sad.”
  968. >“Aw,” Twilight coos. “Don’t worry, Princess Luna, you have lots of other great qualities that I’m sure Anon would like.”
  969. >“Really?” Luna says.
  970. >“Sure. Any pony can see them.”
  971. >“Thank you for your kind words, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna says with a smile.
  972. >A smile Celestia finds greatly annoying, which only makes Luna happier.
  973. >“And would you be so kind as to share these qualities with us all,” Luna says, “especially while my sister is present.”
  974. >“So you can use them against me?” Twilight says. “Not a chance. Anon is mine, princess no butt.”
  975. >Princess Celestia’s laugh shatters the ears of everyone in your house.
  976. >Princess Luna, however, is not as amused.
  977. >She bends down next to Twilight’s ear and whispers:
  978. >“I’ll be seeing you very soon in your dreams, Twilight Sparkle.”
  979. >She starts running away, trips, and then starts running away again until she is out of the room.
  980. >Princess Cadance takes her place.
  981. >Twilight narrows her bleary eyes at her sister in law.
  982. >“I don’t like that you’re here, but I understand why you’re here–so I can’t judge!”
  983. >She gets real close to Cadance, who, while also drunk, was still wincing at the sheer magnitude of cider that she can smell on Twilight’s breath.
  984. >Twilight whispers:
  985. >“You know, if Anon was my brother, I still think I would fuck him.”
  986. >There’s an awkward silence.
  987. >One which Twilight decides to fill herself with her own laughter.
  988. >“I’m just kidding.” She pauses. “Kinda . . . sort of . . . not really. . . .”
  989. >Twilight stumbles away.
  990. >“Where’s the music?! Your princess wants to dance!”
  991. >Princess Cadance looks on in horror.
  992. >Celestia smiles.
  993. >“You know, she reminds me a lot of myself at that age.”
  994. >“You’re joking, right?”
  995.  
  996. >“Where the heck am I?”
  997. >Sunset Shimmer’s unsteady gaze looks around at every pony.
  998. >“This is not Applejack’s barn. I have no idea where I am.”
  999. >She sits down, holds her head in her hooves and groans.
  1000. >“I knew I should’ve either gotten drunk, or tried to hook up with that Anon guy Twilight was telling me about. One or the other. Not both.”
  1001. >She groans again.
  1002. >“Where the heck am I?”
  1003.  
  1004. >The music on the stereo keeps changing from dubstep to classical and back again.
  1005. >It’s Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, with Octavia speaking first.
  1006. >“I’m telling you, making love to Anon is not like making love to your average stallion. It requires an air of class and subtlety, like the kind that’s imbued in the work of Braythoven.”
  1007. >Without a word, Vinyl changes the music back to dubstep.
  1008. >Octavia, drunk and at wit’s end, loses it.
  1009. >“Oi! Touch that shit again and I’ll knock your teeth right down your bloody throat, you fookin’ cunt!”
  1010. >Vinyl backs away slowly.
  1011.  
  1012. >Sunny Starscout can hardly believe her own eyes.
  1013. >“I must have drank too much.”
  1014. >But there it is.
  1015. >She sees it from her own little corner of the room.
  1016. >“All three pony kinds, all living together as friends!” she exclaims. “And all it took was that weird, but also kinda hot guy’s dick to make it happen.”
  1017. >You see she’s pointing at you and soon your eyes meet.
  1018. >She gives you a small smile or recognition.
  1019. >“Nice cock.”
  1020. Rude.
  1021. >She begins searching through her saddlebags.
  1022. >“I’ll figure out how I got here later. Where’s my dad’s journal? I have to write this down.”
  1023.  
  1024. >“Who is that pony?” Roseluck says.
  1025. >“I’ve never seen her before,” Daisy says.
  1026. >“She looks so weird,” Lily says. “The horror! The horror!”
  1027. >“Come on, let’s just ignore her,” Roseluck says.
  1028. >They all stumble away and leave behind the green pony with freckles and the messy forest green mane that they were talking about.
  1029. >“Actually, my name is Wallflower Blush,” she says to their backs. “We went to school together. You thought I looked weird then too.”
  1030. >She looks down into her drink.
  1031. >“I’ll bet Anon wouldn’t say it if he thought I looked weird. . . .”
  1032. >She’s alone in her own corner of the room.
  1033. >Sunny Starscout is writing in her journal right next to her but doesn’t notice her at all.
  1034.  
  1035. >You ignore the weird pony and enter the kitchen.
  1036. >There, for the first time that night, you find a sober face in Applejack, who is sitting at the kitchen table and nursing a mug of cider.
  1037. >You sit beside her.
  1038. >She hears your weary sigh and chuckles.
  1039. >“Long night, I reckon?”
  1040. You have no fucking idea.
  1041. >“Yeah, well, I’ll bet I do,” she says. “I’ve seen it before. None of them can handle their drink.”
  1042. Yeah.
  1043. >“Especially Twilight.”
  1044. >You nod.
  1045. Yeah, especially Twilight.
  1046. >“She’s probably dancing in there right now, hoping that you’ll join her.”
  1047. I don’t want to think about it.
  1048. >“I thought it was real sweet whenever you did that, if it’s any consolation.”
  1049. >Applejack slides her mug over to you.
  1050. >“You probably need this more than I can even imagine right now.”
  1051. Thanks.
  1052. >You down the entire mug in one drink, something which stirs Applejack enough for her to let out a sharp whistle of approval.
  1053. >“Well, you ain’t no lightweight, I can say that.”
  1054. >You gesture towards the ongoing party in the other room.
  1055. This is going to go away in the morning, right?
  1056. >“They’ll all be out cold by then.”
  1057. No, I mean the other thing, with the . . .
  1058. >You’re not really sure how to put it.
  1059. >“Oh, you mean the whole ‘every mare in Equestria wants you like you’re the only cock in the henhouse’ thing?”
  1060. Uh, yeah, sure. That.
  1061. >“Nah. You’re up a creek, as far as that goes.”
  1062. Great. You know, I thought they were all just drunk at first.
  1063. >“Cider love, huh?” she says with a smile. “Sorry, but the truth is that every pony I’ve known has fancied you for a long time now.”
  1064. Even Apple Bloom?
  1065. >“What the–is she here?”
  1066. >Her voice turns stern.
  1067. >“Is she drinking? She better not be. Granny will tan her hide, and I won’t feel the least bit sorry for her.”
  1068. >You decide not to ruin the one decent conversation you’ve been having.
  1069. Uh, I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.
  1070. >Applejack lets out a short, angry whinny and leans back in her chair.
  1071. >“Well good, you better not have.”
  1072. >Apple Bloom, you got lucky this time.
  1073. >“You know, you could have every mare in Equestria eating out of your hoof.”
  1074. Hand.
  1075. >“Whatever. I’m just saying that some guys wouldn’t see that as a problem.”
  1076. I haven’t made up my mind yet when it comes to you ponies.
  1077. >“Well, I hope you figure it out quick, because they sure made up theirs.”
  1078. Maybe they’ll forget about all this in the morning.
  1079. >“Just forgetting?” she says skeptically. “All of them?”
  1080. A guy can have hope, can’t he? Before tonight, I couldn’t even walk down the street without being asked to hang out about a million times. I can only imagine how that’s going to change now.
  1081. >“It’ll be the same, except now they’ll be more honest about hoping you’ll join them in the sheets later.”
  1082. And what about you?
  1083. >She looks at you.
  1084. >“Honestly, I ain’t made up my mind yet.”
  1085. >That’s all you need to hear.
  1086. Come on, this party sucks. Let’s get out of here.
  1087. >She thinks for a moment, then shrugs and follows you out the back door and into the cool, crisp night.
  1088. >“So where are we going?”
  1089. Well, I hear there’s a cider social somewhere on the other side of town.
  1090. >“Are you asking me to go with you to my own cider social?”
  1091. I am.
  1092. >“Well, I can’t say I’ve ever seen it done that way before. But what the hay, it sounds like a plan, Anon.”
  1093. I just want to relax and have a drink with someone that isn’t a horny little monster.
  1094. >“So do I, so you best keep your hands to yourself tonight, mister.”
  1095. Don’t worry. I will.
  1096. >“Good, because I could whoop you into next week, and don’t you forget it.”
  1097. >You look back and see Applejack smile at you.
  1098. >The lights from the window behind her make it look like she’s glowing.
  1099. I won’t forget.
  1100. >She trots ahead, keeping a watchful, playful eye on you the entire way past.
  1101. >Until you both laugh.
  1102. >“Well, I’ll just step ahead and show you the way–Ah!”
  1103. >There’s a snapping sound like dry twigs and Applejack is swallowed up by the ground before your eyes.
  1104. >You step forward.
  1105. >She lies at the bottom of a pit that’s deep enough to bury ten ponies in it.
  1106. >Needless to say, you can’t reach her.
  1107. >Only a pegasus pony could get her out.
  1108. >Like the yellow one with pink mane that’s going down in there right now.
  1109. >“Oh, Anon, I just knew love would find a way for you to fall in this trap.”
  1110. >There’s a pause.
  1111. >“Um . . . oh no.”
  1112. >“Fluttershy, did you do this? I could’ve broken my neck. Get over here now!”
  1113. >“Eep!”
  1114. >“Hang on, get back here! Don’t you leave me down here, I’ll tan your hide! Fluttershy!”
  1115. >Fluttershy flies out from the pit.
  1116. >She sees you and, almost instinctively, flies behind your legs and grabs onto your butt for comfort.
  1117. >“Please don’t let her get me.”
  1118. How could I? She’s trapped down there.
  1119. >“R-Right,” she says, without letting go of your ass. “You’re not going to get her out?”
  1120. >“What do you mean you’re not going to get me out?!” Applejack shouts.
  1121. I don’t want more of you crazy, horny mares finding me. I’m not staying here a second longer than I have to.
  1122. >You sigh and, walking around the pit, continue your way out to Sweet Apple Acres.
  1123. >“Wait, don’t you leave!” Applejack shouts. “Get me out of here!”
  1124. >“Wait.”
  1125. >Fluttershy hovers next to you.
  1126. >“Um, where are you going?”
  1127. To the cider social, I guess.
  1128. >“Oh, um, I see. . . .”
  1129. >She lags behind for a moment.
  1130. >Then she lands before you and, after a deep breath, she looks up and meets your eyes.
  1131. >“Do you think that, um, maybe I could come with you . . . ?”
  1132. >You knit your brow.
  1133. You dug a pit for me to fall into.
  1134. >“But you didn’t fall in.”
  1135. >“Some pony help me!” Applejack shouts.
  1136. >“That counts for something, right?”
  1137. Not really.
  1138. >She sighs and hangs her little horsey head in shame.
  1139. >Fuck, man, she’s still so damn cute.
  1140. >And you’re pretty sure she’s going to follow you either way.
  1141. Alright, you can come with.
  1142. >Her eyes widen.
  1143. >“Really?”
  1144. >Her wings flutter with happiness until she’s scarcely got her hooves on the ground.
  1145. >“Oh, that’s just so wonderful that I could just–”
  1146. No weird stuff, though. No hitting on me, or being creepy, or anything like that.
  1147. >“Um, okay.” She lands. “I can do that.”
  1148. And especially no more drinking.
  1149. >“Okay,” she says, smiling.
  1150. >You watch her.
  1151. Yeah. Okay, then.
  1152. >The second you turn around you hear her mutter to herself.
  1153. >“I won!” She lifts her hoof and gives it a tiny twirl. “Yay!”
  1154. Are you coming?
  1155. >“Oh, um, yes. Wait for me, please.”
  1156. >The two of you walk along together in–
  1157. >“Don’t just leave me down here!” Applejack shouts. “What in the hay is wrong with you all?”
  1158. >Oh, yeah, Applejack. . . .
  1159. >You stand before the pit along with trembling Fluttershy, trying to convince her that it is indeed safe to fly down into it.
  1160. >“Make her promise not to hit me,” she says.
  1161. I already did.
  1162. >She swallows a lump in her throat.
  1163. >“Make her promise twice.”
  1164. >“Fluttershy!”
  1165. >She begins nervously chewing on her hooves, following Applejack’s scream.
  1166. >You roll your eyes.
  1167. >Then place your foot against her rump and push her in.
  1168. >“Eep!”
  1169. >She falls.
  1170. >Hard.
  1171. >“Flutters–Ow!”
  1172. >Applejack growls.
  1173. >“How come you’re allowed to hit me?”
  1174. >“I didn’t mean to. I fell.”
  1175. >“You can fly!”
  1176. >“I was too scared to.”
  1177. >“Fine,” she says. “Whatever. Just get us out of here.”
  1178. >“But I’m still scared.”
  1179. >“Now, Fluttershy!”
  1180. >“O-Okay . . .”
  1181. >Fluttershy carries Applejack out and, now free from its confines, she turns around to admire the hole.
  1182. >“You really dug all that by yourself?” Applejack says.
  1183. >“Well, I did have some help from some really friendly moles that live nearby.”
  1184. >“Help or not, I’m mighty impressed,” Applejack says.
  1185. >You’re worried.
  1186. This isn’t going to be a regular thing now, right?
  1187. >“Don’t worry, sweetie,” Fluttershy says.
  1188. >Sweetie?
  1189. >“I promise, no more pits after this. For a while, anyway.”
  1190. Is that supposed to make me feel better? What were you even planning on doing if I got trapped down there?
  1191. >Fluttershy begins blushing and her wings extend outwards.
  1192. >“W-Well . . .”
  1193. >Applejack smirks.
  1194. >“You want me to spell it out for you, Anon?”
  1195. >“I actually have lots of stories that are about us being trapped,” she says. “They all end the same way, with us together.”
  1196. >She looks up at you with hope shimmering in those bright blue eyes.
  1197. >You sigh and pinch your brow together.
  1198. I need a drink.
  1199. >You turn and head towards Sweet Apple Acres.
  1200. Lead the way to the booze, Applejack.
  1201. >“No way,” she says as she catches up to your side. “From now on, you can lead.”
  1202. >“Wait for me,” Fluttershy says.
  1203. Well, if I’m leading, then you better keep up with me. Because I’m going to get wasted at this social tonight.
  1204. >“Yeehaw! Sounds good to me.”
  1205. >“Yay!”
  1206. Not you.
  1207. >You turn and point at Fluttershy.
  1208. You’re cut off, remember?
  1209. >“Aw, come on, let her drink,” Applejack says. “I’ll help keep her in line.”
  1210. >“It’s okay, Applejack,” she says. “I’ll do anything Anon wants.”
  1211. >She flutters her eyes at you.
  1212. >You sigh.
  1213. >Guess this is your life now.
  1214. >And Applejack is laughing at it.
  1215. >“What if he wants you to leave him alone?”
  1216. >Fluttershy smiles.
  1217. >“Anything except for that.”
  1218. >Now they’re both laughing.
  1219. >You should have left them in the pit.
  1220. >It’s then you notice that Fluttershy’s adoring eyes are staring at your side.
  1221. >You turn.
  1222. What?
  1223. >“It’s just, um, it’s kind of cold. We could keep warm if you let me snuggle up to you.”
  1224. You’re not cold, Fluttershy. You’re way too drunk to be cold.
  1225. >“I am drunk,” she says slowly to herself. “Which means I can’t walk straight. You should carry me.”
  1226. >“Yeah, be a gentleman and carry her.”
  1227. Fuck off. It’s her own fault for drinking past her limit like she did.
  1228. >“You know, I don’t actually drink very much usually.”
  1229. Yeah, I’m aware.
  1230. >“I only got drunk so I could, you know, tell you . . .”
  1231. I get it.
  1232. >“Your butt smells nice by the way,” she says as she sniffs her hoof.
  1233. >You say nothing at first.
  1234. Nevermind. I don’t get it.
  1235. >“Oh, um, was that too creepy? I’m sorry.”
  1236. >Applejack chuckles.
  1237. >“Out of all the ponies that were back there, how did we end up with you?”
  1238. >She turns to you.
  1239. >“Boy, you sure can pick ‘em, Anon.”
  1240. I didn’t pick her. I just got lucky that no one else followed us.
  1241. >“I’m the lucky one,” Fluttershy says, her voice swooning.
  1242. >Like she didn’t even hear you at all.
  1243. >But that’s just another thing you have to get used to while living in Equestria.
  1244. >Every pony is so damn horny all the time.
  1245.  
  1246.  
  1247. >Back at your house.
  1248. >Pandemonium.
  1249. >“Where’s Anon?!”
  1250. >“He’s not here!”
  1251. >“Find him!”
  1252. >“Keep the fire going!”
  1253. >“He has to be here!”
  1254. >“Did you look under the couch?”
  1255. >“We burned the couch already!”
  1256. >“Did you look everywhere else?”
  1257. >“We burned that too!”
  1258. >“Okay, every pony, he couldn’t have gotten too far away. I’l organize a search party so we can–”
  1259. >“You just want him for yourself!”
  1260. >“Yeah! You can’t trust the princesses.”
  1261. >“Their butts give them an unfair advantage!”
  1262. >“Get the princesses!”
  1263. >“Burn them too!”
  1264. >“No, wait, my butt isn’t even that big!”
  1265. >“I don’t even have a butt!”
  1266. >“No!”
  1267. >Then, all at once, everything stops.
  1268. >It’s quiet for a moment.
  1269. >“I have to pee.”
  1270. >“Where’s the bathroom?”
  1271. >“I’m going first.”
  1272. >“No, I am!”
  1273. >“Get out of the way!”
  1274. >They all rush to the bathroom and a crowd of them all get stuck in the open doorway.
  1275. >Wallflower Blush, who is in the bathroom, and has been all this time, looks at them all in shock.
  1276. >“Um, it’s occupied.”
  1277. >They all stare.
  1278. >“Who’s that?”
  1279. >“I’ve never seen her.”
  1280. >“She’s blocking the way!”
  1281. >“Let’s burn her too!”
  1282. >“Yeah!”
  1283. >Wallflower quickly makes a decision and jumps through the window.
  1284. >She lands in a pit.
  1285. >No one ever sees her again.
  1286.  
  1287. >Big Mac stops just as he’s about to reach the crest of the hill.
  1288. >“Okay, you can do this, Mac. You have to tell him sometime.”
  1289. >He takes another swig from the bottled cider he brought, draining the rest of it.
  1290. >Then, after a deep breath, he goes over the hill that looks upon your house.
  1291. >He sees all the lights on, and smoke billowing up into the air as a herd of mares all stand huddled next to each other out on your front lawn in the cold.
  1292. >None of them are looking at each other.
  1293. >All of them are pissing.
  1294. >Big Mac regards this for a moment.
  1295. >“Nope.”
  1296. >Then he turns and heads home.

All there was and need to know [zigzag story archive]

by ZigZagWanderer

The Growth Process

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A Secret Place

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Being Natural

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Counting with Pinkie Pie

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