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RGRE Eris x Anon so far...

By dzamie
Created: 2022-03-04 22:41:06
Expiry: Never

  1. >"Eris. This needs to stop."
  2. >Eris looked up from watching two ponies build a snowmare out of vanilla pudding
  3. >a purplesmart had appeared
  4. >and several of her friends
  5. >but... not five of them
  6. >"I see where you're coming from, but no, I think I'll keep doing my thing."
  7. >she snaps her talons, and the pudding snowmare comes to life
  8. >and promptly tries to engulf her creators
  9. >Twilight stomps up and knocks Eris's popcorn bucket out of her paws
  10. >it lands top-down, and a crab appears under it to scuttle away
  11. >"I'm not here to fight, Eris. I'm here to bargain. Or bet, as it may be."
  12. >the draconequus blinks, then lays luxuriously over the backs of a couple of stallions sliding by on the soapy ground
  13. >"A bet? Well, you've piqued my interest. What's your game, Twinkle Sprinkle?"
  14. >Twilight opens her mouth, but Rarity speaks up first
  15. >"Well, Eris, we were thinking of what would make you... act out, shall we say. And then it struck me! Poor dear, you've been single for MILLENIA!"
  16. >Eris slithers through the air and puts her talons under Rarity's chin
  17. >"You think that the reason that I, the Mistress of Chaos and Disharmony, am sowing chaos and disharmony is because I can't get my pussies plowed?"
  18. >Rarity squeaks
  19. >before Eris could growl any more in her face, a pink leg wraps itself around her
  20. >suddenly, she finds herself staring into the candy-scented face of Pinkie Pie
  21. >"Sure! I mean, whew, you should've seen me before I found Ponyville's casual hookup life! Seriously, what zero dick does to an mf."
  22. >Eris puts her paw atop Pinkie's head and sets the mare spinning like a top away from her
  23. >the two ponies she had been watching trip over the prone pank ponk
  24. >a hoof made of pudding slaps wetly against the muzzle of one, muffling his screams
  25. >"Okay, so what's your angle? You gonna put on a strap and hope to plow the chaos out of me? Because I will ruin you."
  26. >Twilight shakes her head
  27. >"Nope! As I said, a bet. We bet we can get you to fall in love with a stallion in Ponyville within a year. If we win... well, I don't think we'll even need to win anything, because you'll stop wanting to take over Equestria!"
  28. >Eris snorts
  29. >then bursts out laughing
  30. >physical "HA!"s fly from her mouth and smack Twilight in the snout
  31. >she collapses against another Eris, who also giggles at Twilight's proposition
  32. >once she recovers, the other Eris turns into a coatrack
  33. >"Whew! You sure know how to draw a losing hand! If I win... heh, if I win, you all give up. I won't even take your minds. You'll be lucid as you watch Equestria crumble in my paw."
  34. >Twilight holds out a hoof
  35. >"Undo your chaos kingdom while the bet's on. There needs to be a Ponyville for there to be Ponyville stallions to court."
  36. >a scaly, taloned hand grabs the purple hoof
  37. >"I look forward to your despair."
  38. >she snaps her lion's paw
  39. >aside from a tall, noodly chaos spirit grinning like a cat who caught the mouse, everything looks back to normal
  40. ---
  41. >Twilight stares at the thatched-roof house that was definitely not next to her Treebrary a day ago
  42. >it's painted a garish green, and the roof has polka-dots
  43. >the worst part of it is probably the occupant
  44. >in bunny slippers and a long bathrobe featuring cropped drawings of stallions mid-climax, Eris grins at her new neighbor
  45. >"Hi! I'm here to annoy you for the next three hundred and sixty-four days."
  46. >the purple pony can only sigh
  47. >so Eris continues
  48. >"Any luck finding a single, solitary stallion who's willing to even date me, the Queen of Chaos? I know I can be a bit much for their delicate sensibilities."
  49. >Twilight remains silent
  50. >Eris laughs and flicks her horn, which makes a "doiyoiyoing" sound
  51. >then turns back to her door
  52. >which... opens?
  53. >a strange, bipedal creature steps out
  54. >looks around
  55. "This isn't the IHOP bathroom."
  56. >...
  57. >be Anon
  58. >find yourself in a colorful wonderland in front of a small horse and some kind of freak of nature
  59. >either someone had laced your pancakes with the best fucking drugs you've ever had
  60. >or you are, somehow, not in the IHOP bathroom
  61. >and "not in the IHOP bathroom" is a very unfortunate place to be when you want to wash your hands at an IHOP
  62. >maybe the door is broken
  63. >open it again
  64. >ah, sweet, eldritch horrors beyond your comprehension
  65. >and yet, somehow not an IHOP
  66. >turn back to the two creatures
  67. >they're still staring at you
  68. >you must act as ambassador to your species - nay, your world
  69. >and gracefully request assistance in returning to your home
  70. >and your stack of pancakes
  71. >close your eyes
  72. >take a deep breath
  73. >speak plainly yet firmly
  74. "Where the everloving FUCK am I?"
  75. >that oughta do it
  76. >the purple horse furrows her brow
  77. >"You're in Ponyville. Eris, what did you do to that door?"
  78. >"Dunno. Apparently it dispenses monkeys now. Can I keep it?"
  79. "I'm not an 'it.' Also, how do I get back?"
  80. >the small horse - pony? - looks at "Eris"
  81. >the tall, thin beast looks back at the pony, then at you
  82. >"You probably can't. That's how this sort of thing usually goes, y'know?"
  83. >oh god
  84. >you've been isekai'd
  85. >you didn't even get hit by a truck
  86. >unless...
  87. >what if you did
  88. >one of the many mysteries of the IHOP
  89. >the pony is now glaring at the other thing
  90. >"Well, it came through YOUR door, probably because of YOUR chaos, so YOU should take care of it!"
  91. "STILL not an 'it,' you know!"
  92. >Eris grins
  93. >swoops towards and behind you
  94. >puts her mismatched hands on your shoulders
  95. >"What an EXCELLENT point, new mystery! See, I'm evil, so I get to be a twat like that. But my, my, Princess Celestia's own student being so cruel as to call this creature an 'it?' Scandalous!"
  96. "I'm a human."
  97. >Eris leans over you and sticks her tongue out
  98. >long, forked, and... plaid?
  99. >"You're a creature. But fear not! For I am a creature, too. Actually, go ahead and do fear me. I'm gonna take over Equestria in precisely a year, after all. Get ahead of the curve!"
  100. >a purple glow surrounds the tip of Eris's tongue
  101. >and pulls it towards the pony
  102. >Eris doesn't move, revealing meters of green, purple, striped, and all sorts of patterns of tongue
  103. >"Arrrgghhh! Eris, get over here! Stop bothering i- uh..."
  104. >a flash of light leaves the smell of pine trees in the air
  105. >Eris appears behind the pony
  106. >rests her chin on her elbows... on the pony's head
  107. >"Excellent! Back to my regularly-unscheduled bothering you! How many books do you think I can eat before you notice?"
  108. >purple horse is angry
  109. >you're pretty sure you see some of her hair- mane? start to smoke
  110. >"ANYWAY! I think we started off on the wrong hoof, thanks to a CERTAIN DRACONEQUUS."
  111. >Eris whistles innocently
  112. >which is impressive to do while eating a book, you must admit
  113. >the pony takes a deep breath
  114. >"So. My name is Twilight Sparkle, local librarian and the most responsible mare in this conversation."
  115. "Name's Anonymous, or just Anon. And I'm a guy, thank you very much."
  116. >Twilight looks at Eris, catching her in the middle of nibbling on the book's appendix
  117. >it's bleeding profusely
  118. >"What? You call my name more than a stallion in bed. He knows who I am."
  119. >they glare at each other, one angry and the other smug
  120. >your stomach growls
  121. >fuck, you never got to eat your pancakes
  122. >and you may never get to
  123. "Uh, Twilight, Eris? Any idea where I'd get some food? I'm apparently no longer in the same dimension as my brunch."
  124. >the purple glow envelops the entire Eris this time
  125. >and sends her hurtling to the ground next to you
  126. >"Eris, go show him around. You're the one who summoned him, you deal with the consequences. I need to go open the library and plan how to win our bet."
  127. >"Oh? 'Consequences?' Not because you'd trip over yourself trying to talk to the colt selling hayburgers?"
  128. >Twilight's purple hair is definitely going to catch on fire soon
  129. >that can't possibly be healthy
  130. >but then she vanishes in a flash of purple light
  131. >that pony sure is purple
  132. "Are you two... always like that?"
  133. >"Pshh, she's just cranky because I tried to take over the world yesterday and am gonna do it in a year when she fails to make me fall in love or whatever."
  134. >blink
  135. "She... has a crush on you?"
  136. >Eris slaps her paw to her mouth
  137. >then bursts out laughing a moment later
  138. >it's like the phonic version of a slow-mo car crash in light snow
  139. >disastrous
  140. >oddly beautiful
  141. >probably a crime
  142. >teaches you new things about how bodies can bend
  143. >"Hoo... nah, I'll fill you in as we go. Plus, walking around town'll give me a kick out of seeing all the ponies I was playing with yesterday. Or a week ago, depending on how you measure time."
  144. >she pulls herself up to as vertical as her body seems to like and takes a few steps
  145. >she's noticeably taller than you
  146. >or maybe "longer" is a better word
  147. >her talons pinch the bridge of her snout
  148. >then gesture towards the rest of, apparently, Ponyville
  149. >"Uh, gentlecolts first."
  150. >stare at her for a second
  151. >shrug and lead the way
  152. ---
  153. >finally reach the end of Eris's "tour"
  154. >in which you wandered, directionless, and Eris would point out what she thought was useful
  155. >this ranged from the expected:
  156. >"That's Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie lives and works. I love it, it's the most chaotic place I've been in years where physics still mostly works. I'm getting you pancakes there."
  157. >"Mayor's office is there. If you told someone to draw the word 'boring,' you'd get that. You'd think they would've appreciated it more being turned into a slip-n-slide during my reign, but nooo..."
  158. >to the unusual:
  159. >"About four ponies run that farm. Thanks to me, about one in every ten trees drops some pears with its apples. You should see the look on their faces, priceless!"
  160. >"Bon Bon's shop is a front for secret business, but she runs it so well that the guard doesn't even bother looking into it."
  161. >to the downright bizarre:
  162. >"Spike can play his tongue like a guitar, so some of the books have water damage from drool flying places."
  163. >"Watch, this is what happens when several ponies' lemonade gets replaced with lemonade-colored hot sauce."
  164. >but now, the two of you have arrived at a cottage way away from the town
  165. >nearby birds are surprisingly unbothered by Eris
  166. >this makes them braver than many ponies
  167. >she knocks on the door
  168. >"Oh, Fluttershy, dear, I've brought you a monkey!"
  169. "I'm not a monkey."
  170. >"You're kind of a monkey."
  171. >nothing happens
  172. >Eris knocks again
  173. >a quiet voice floats through the door
  174. >"I-I'm not here, miss Eris, but you can leave the monkey for a checkup. I hope you haven't hurt the poor thing."
  175. >shrug
  176. >Eris yawns
  177. >thankfully, she's a quiet foghorn
  178. >"I'm heading back, then. If you can't find your way back... you're a decently clean colt, I'm sure a mare would love to keep you company for the night."
  179. >she folds herself into a paper biplane, then flaps away out of sight
  180. >the door eventually opens a crack
  181. >"Is she still there? Did she really leave a monkey?"
  182. >there's nobody at pony-height
  183. >perhaps she's invisible?
  184. >hear some odd squeaking, decide to answer her anyway
  185. "Yeah, she... folded herself up and flew away. Also, still not a monkey."
  186. >the door opens a bit wider
  187. >revealing a yellow pegasus with a pink mane
  188. >you're getting the vocabulary down pretty well after Eris's help
  189. >she looks you up and down
  190. >"No, monkeys have tails. An ape, perhaps. Do you know why... she dropped you here?"
  191. "She did something to a door, and now I'm here and not where I used to be, so Twilight got her to give me a tour."
  192. >look back at Ponyville
  193. >you walked through... most of it, honestly
  194. "Tour's over, I guess, so she left. Er, I can go, too, if you like. You seem kinda nervous."
  195. >"If you don't mind. Thank you for understanding."
  196. >nod and turn around
  197. >take a few steps
  198. >"Wait!"
  199. >it's the quietest shout you ever heard
  200. >turn back around
  201. >"Um, I work with plenty of animals, so if you run into issues with your health or diet, I'm always here to help."
  202. >give her an awkward smile
  203. "I wish folks'd stop calling me an animal, but sure thing, F- uh, Fluttershy, was it?"
  204. >"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry! What should I call you, then? And, yes, I'm Fluttershy."
  205. "I'm a human, so you're sorta right with the ape thing? But even better, my name's Anonymous, or just Anon for short."
  206. >"Okay, Anonymous. Have a good day! Safe travels."
  207. "You too. Seeya."
  208. >make your way back down the trail
  209. >the birds are singing, now
  210. >guess Eris did spook them somewhat
  211. ---
  212. >walk all the way back to the library
  213. >the sun is setting
  214. >catch a glimpse of a pony head in the window of the tree
  215. >it vanishes
  216. >a burst of purple later, an equally-purple unicorn stands before you
  217. >Twilight looks at you and around you
  218. >"Anonymous! Where's- wait, let me guess. Eris tried to- to DO something to you, but you managed to escape, and now you're seeking shelter from the one pony you think can resist her tricks?"
  219. >blink
  220. >try to process that fanfic-tier assumption
  221. "No, once we got to Fluttershy's place, she said the tour was over and went home."
  222. >this does not placate the panicked purple pony
  223. >"She left you? Alone? But what if a shady mare tried to lure or force you away?"
  224. "Well, you're all kinda small, so I could probably just leave. Maybe guilt Fluttershy into letting me spend the night, but that's kind of a dick move."
  225. >shake your head to clear it
  226. "Anyway, point is, I'm back safe and sound, and, if I recall, the two of you heavily implied that I'm gonna be staying with her. Or, hell, maybe the front door will lead back to IHOP or something."
  227. >keep walking towards Eris's house
  228. >an invisible force tugs at your arm
  229. >"Just... be careful around her, okay? I don't want her destroying somepon- er, somecreature who doesn't know what he's getting into."
  230. >nod at her
  231. >pull your arm free
  232. >onwards towards Eris
  233. >knock on the door
  234. >it swings open from the bottom
  235. >revealing Eris in a pink bathrobe and curlers in her hair
  236. >glance down
  237. >a hoof in a blue pony slipper, a scaled claw in a white one...
  238. >and pieces of what look like aluminum foil stuck in her tail
  239. >"What is i- oh! Anon! Come on in!"
  240. >duck under the door
  241. >it looks almost normal
  242. >the hallway goes straight out the front door again
  243. >a staircase leads up to the ceiling, but its underside goes to the second floor
  244. >"'ve you had dinner yet?"
  245. "No, and it's not like I have any Equestrian money to pay for it."
  246. >"We'll eat together, then. I was just gonna have some synonym buns by myself, unless you have any suggestions?"
  247. >give her a puzzled look
  248. "Don't you mean cinna- ah, nevermind. Whatcha got?"
  249. >she twists through the air, laying on her back upon nothing with a grin on her face
  250. >"Anon, Anon. I'm not some two-bit charlatan, I'm the gen-u-aiyn Queen of Chaos! We can have anything I want."
  251. >she snaps her paw
  252. >a jellybean appears in front of you
  253. >glance at her
  254. >she smirks and nods for you to try it
  255. >well, from what you know of her
  256. >if she was gonna roofie you, she'd just smack you with a cartoon baseball bat or something
  257. >lean forward and eat the bean
  258. >close your eyes as a grainy sort of warmth blossoms on your tongue
  259. >there's a hint of coolness, a gentle yet impermanent breeze
  260. >the taste of watermelon, of ice cream, of sea salt
  261. >it tastes like sun-warmed grass and flowers smell
  262. >something freeing, as though your worries are put on pause for a month or two
  263. "It... it tastes like summer."
  264. >open your eyes
  265. >Eris is grinning two inches in front of you
  266. >shout and stumble back
  267. >"I know, isn't it great?! So, what'll it be? Might as well make it interesting for your first night here, eh?"
  268. >she frowns and sticks out her forked tongue
  269. >"Just don't be boring, okay? No daisy sandwiches."
  270. >interesting, huh?
  271. >well, for a land of ponies...
  272. "How about cheeseburgers? Er, do you know what those are?"
  273. >"Sure! But you'll have to catch 'em yourself!"
  274. >she hands you a spear
  275. >take it without thinking
  276. >follow her into the kitchen
  277. >she floats over to the counter and starts doing... something
  278. >movement catches your eye
  279. >cheeseburgers scuttle around on four wide-set burger legs
  280. >some with ketchup, some with pickles, some with sesame seeds
  281. "So I just... stab them?"
  282. >"Yep, unless you want to pander to a certain audience."
  283. >jab the spear at a burger
  284. >it barely dodges away
  285. "...what?"
  286. >"Like this!"
  287. >with surprising speed, her tail flicks a cheeseburger up into her hands
  288. >it twists and flails its legs, but she holds tight
  289. >brings it up to her mouth
  290. >and slowly pushes it back
  291. >her first swallow pins the burger's forelegs
  292. >at her second, she closes her jaws
  293. >another gulp, and a squirming bulge appears in her furry neck
  294. >traveling steadily down her long, slender body
  295. >its descent stops, but the burger within still struggles against its prison
  296. >Eris pats her belly a few times and belches
  297. >the noise jolts you out of the strange, entranced focus
  298. >"But, human pred a shit, so yeah go ahead and stab away!"
  299. >stare at her
  300. >she goes back to folding some sort of burrito
  301. >shake your head
  302. >ready your spear
  303. >hit your target
  304. >its legs retract as you bring it up to your hand
  305. >looks like a normal cheeseburger
  306. >pull it off your spear and take a bite
  307. >tastes like a normal cheeseburger
  308. >shrug and try to put that memory of Eris from your mind
  309. >finish eating it
  310. >start looking for another burger
  311. >maybe a slider
  312. >you're not THAT hungry
  313. >Eris turns around with a burrito dripping chocolate syrup
  314. >"Ta-da! A trick pizza!"
  315. >look at her
  316. >look at the burrito
  317. "That's not a pizza."
  318. >she wraps an arm around your shoulders
  319. >pulls your head close against hers
  320. >"That's the trick."
  321. >she bites into her food
  322. >some chocolate splatters onto your face
  323. >before you say anything, she licks it off
  324. >then goes on eating
  325. >unwrap her arm from your shoulders
  326. >spear yourself another burger
  327. >you could probably get used to this
  328. >but it WOULD take some getting used to

Anon, Leloshem, and Eris 1

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Anon, Leloshem, and Eris perspective ref

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Anon, Leloshem, and Eris 2

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Anon, Leloshem, and Eris 3

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Anon, Leloshem, and Eris 4

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