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> No Nose Knows > by Irespective >
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> 1. - Whoops >
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The Grand Station of Canterlot is a sight that one must see to truly understand.
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It is a grandiose place of a scale that tends to boggle the imagination, yet is
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inspiring at the same time.
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Anonymous looked up from his notebook and considered the words he had just
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written there. As a first line in a travel brochure, it could use some work.
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Well, a lot of work, but that was for the editing process later. Accentuate the
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positive, eliminate the negative, and all that. Nopony outside of Canterlot
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would want to read an advertising brochure that included the soot and loose
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cinders blowing around on the breeze, so a little creative adjustment was in
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order.
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A visitor will first notice the sheer size of the building. With twenty-five
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tracks entering and exiting, the building encompasses such a vast territory that
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several small hamlets would be able to fit within it and still leave room for
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modest gardens. The ceiling is a grand, vaulted affair, with pale yellow glass
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interwoven between the steel girders and supports in oversized shield shapes and
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configurations.
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The walls are a simple red brick, bound together with white mortar. Large bay
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windows are set every ten to fifteen feet along the sides, allowing a great deal
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of natural lighting to enter, and for visitors to catch their first glance of
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Canterlot proper as they leave their trains and move towards their destinations.
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Several shops and open-air stalls are scattered among the tracks, offering such
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sundries as luggage, newspapers, magazines and a great many basic necessities
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that a pony may have forgotten in their haste to pack. The shops are surrounded
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by throngs of ponies, so business is brisk. With a train arriving or departing
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every seven minutes on average, one never has to wait long for customers to
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filter by. Bright signage advertises the wares, both from the rooftops and from
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the ground level, and one will occasionally hear the calls of the owners,
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enticing any and all to come and partake.
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Anonymous sighed, slid his pencil into the spiral binding along the top of his
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notebook, and placed both into his saddlebag. He had gotten a good start on his
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description of the station, but there was still one more stop he wanted to make
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before getting some food and heading back to his hotel room for the night.
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“I hope I’m not overdoing the descriptions,” he muttered to himself as he merged
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into the crowd and began walking towards the exit. He was new to writing, and
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with no formal training he was forced to improvise for the moment and hope he
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wasn’t screwing up too badly. Still, he remained hopeful that he could perhaps
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earn enough bits to pay for a modest place out in the more affordable
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countryside with his tour guide descriptions, leaving enough left over to pay
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for some creative writing classes.
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Then, he would feel confident to write his story.
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The air outside the station felt clean and a bit crisp as he walked out into
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Celestia’s bright sunlight. He had been sitting on a bench in the station for a
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few hours before he’d begun writing, hoping to absorb the atmosphere and the
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feel of Equestria’s third largest rail terminal. Now that he was out in the
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fresh air, he realized he should have left a bit sooner, but a few deep breaths
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rejuvenated his spirits and sent him on his way with a sprightly step.
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Indeed, he began using adjectives—or were they adverbs?—in his mind to describe
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the bright marble storefronts and homes that lined the broad avenue. Words like
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‘resplendent’ and ‘radiant’ and ‘respectful’ first came, then followed by
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‘stately’ and ‘magnificent’ so he wouldn’t use too many words starting with ‘R’.
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However he described them, the overall feel of Canterlot’s architecture was
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summed up to him in one word:
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Breathtaking.
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There was a small part of him that would like to live here, surrounded by the
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gilded trappings and the peaceful structures that made Canterlot the
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world-renowned capital that it was. Despite the obvious affluence that was on
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display before him, there was a definite feel of openness and acceptance, and
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everyone he passed was far friendlier than he had anticipated. The overall
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feeling of home that radiated from the core of this city outward was extended to
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all who came, just as Equestria was open to any who wished to avail themselves
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of the opportunities that could be found within her borders.
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Yes, Anonymous felt that he was being treated quite well. Of course, Canterlot
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was known for being very accommodating to tourists and visitors, whether they
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had come to petition the Royal Sisters as they sat in court or were simply here
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to take in the sights. It was delightfully easy to find a hotel room, and most
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restaurants featured a ‘light and thrifty’ section, so ponies from all across
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Equestria could enjoy the flavorful experience of Canterlot without breaking the
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bank.
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But even in this generous city you needed to have some bits in hand, and
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Anonymous was quickly running out of them. Though he could possibly stretch his
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purse for another week or two, he would soon find himself in a soup kitchen line
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if he didn’t get some sort of income going.
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Hence his trip to the station, and now his quick jog over to the Royal Gardens.
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The flowers were said to be beyond compare there, with several unique varieties
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that could only be found within the neatly trimmed hedge walls. One could also
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stroll among softly gurgling fountains, great stone sculptures, and if one was
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really lucky, even catch a glance of Princess Celestia herself. It was rumored
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she frequently strolled the gardens, and while she didn’t usually have time to
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meet with visitors for very long, she would make an effort to at least greet and
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share a few pleasantries with those who happened to be nearby.
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Anonymous didn’t believe luck would be willing to favor him with such a visit,
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so he really wasn’t interested in waiting around to try and catch a glimpse of
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the fair Princess of the Sun. Though she was well-renowned for her beauty and
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her intelligence, he felt that nearly everything that could be written about the
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daytime diarch had already been produced, and that there was nothing he could
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add to the subject matter. He was content to write about the plants, and perhaps
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that coupled with his train station description would be enough to get somone to
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give him a serious opportunity to make his mark... no. He wanted something more
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out of life and maybe he could find it here.
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The walk to the gardens was a short one, with only a couple of wrong turns taken
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and some cheerfully happy directions given by both patrolling guard ponies and
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pleasant locals. Once Anonymous did arrive, he took a slow walk around and
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admired the beauty of the reds, blues and greens before him, and he especially
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enjoyed the smooth aromas that drifted past his nose. Everything he needed was
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there: the neat rows of shrubbery, the patchwork planting of roses, hyacinths,
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and gardenias, the soft and sweet grass, the cobble-and-flag stone paths that
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meandered about the place without a care in the world. He nearly forgot the
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reason why he’d come in the first place, and for several long minutes, he simply
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soaked in the serenity and balance. These gardens seemed almost indescribable,
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but he was determined to try.
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“’The air is awash with the sweet smells of such a variety of fauna that—’” He
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stopped and shook his head. “No, it’s flora for plants, fauna for wildlife.
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Okay. ‘The flora is such that one can spend most of a day amongst the petals and
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vines, admiring all the lush life and distinct blooms that can only be found
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within this serene place.’ Hmm. Is that too verbose? Or maybe not enough?
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Perhaps I need to use a few more adverbs.”
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But was he really after adverbs, or was it prepositional phrases? Oh, how it
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drove him nuts! He just knew he was meant to be a writer, but having a very
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loose understanding of the rules made it so difficult to know if he was doing
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things right or wrong.
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Growing frustrated with his lack of skill, Anon moved towards a large sunflower
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patch that was shining nearby and glared at them for a moment, as if they were
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the source of his inability and defeats. There just had to be a way to describe
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these things, and by Luna’s left leg, he was going to figure it out or he would
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eat his shoes!
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The best way to prevent adding far too much leather into his diet was to immerse
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himself in the subject material he intended to write about, and this was
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promptly accomplished by shoving his nose into the sunny suckers, and ignoring
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any discomfort he might feel until he came up with a way to write what he was
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sensing. Robust? Earthy? Homely and simplistic? Relaxing? None seemed to fit
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totally.
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He struggled for perhaps a good fifteen minutes before deciding he needed to be
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more immersed. He moved one leg into the tall green stalks. With his eyes shut
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tight enough to see little lights on the inside of his eyelids, he began again:
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Peaceful. Ennobling. Uplifting. Inspirational. Motivational.
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Wait, what? No! That was what he was after, not what the flowers were! He
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quickly shoved his whole self into the flowers so that noone could see him as
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they walked by, and once again he took a stab at success. Standing straight and
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lifting his nose into the air in hopes of catching either a scent or a muse, he
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stood stock-still, inhaled a deep and calming breath, and proceeded to think.
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So focused on inspiration was he that he began to block out anything that didn’t
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pertain to the feel of the flowers. His ears slowly washed away sound into a
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blissful background of white noise, his eyes clamped shut to prevent stray
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thoughts from seeing something not sunflower related, and his breathing stilled
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to a deathly whisper. Slowly, over a period of half an hour or so, he achieved a
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sort of bizarre zen balance with the tasty seed producers, and then…
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Then!
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Was this it? Was this what inspiration felt like when it began to distill upon
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an individual? Was he about to achieve the breakthrough he was so desperately
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seeking?
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And why did inspiration feel like someone was touching his nose?
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His eyes slowly opened, with the hope that the words that would perfectly
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describe the sunflowers would be floating before him in a grand, golden-banded,
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swoopy-cursive style.
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Instead, what he saw was a snow-white face, connected to a snow-white nose,
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touching his own.
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No Nose Knows by Sipioc
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“GAAH!” he shouted, and his legs jammed into reverse. He fell over himself as he
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tumbled out of the sunflowers, and then he stumbled, fumbled, flipped and
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flopped for a moment to both get himself oriented on the cobblestones and to
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figure out what in the world had just happened.
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“Hello?” a voice called. “Who’s there?”
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Anonymous’s mind took a fraction of a second to race into the past. To his
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mind’s eye came a Summer Sun Celebration in Las Pegasus during a vacation when
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he just came to Equestria, and he recalled how in awe he felt at the time when
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he had watched Princess Celestia gracefully and dramatically raise the sun
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before the assembled crowd, thus beginning the longest day of the year.
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He recalled hearing Celestia’s voice. Though the exact words she had said had
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been lost, he could still hear her tone, her pitch, her timbre.
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Complicated math equations had never been a strong point, but his mind quite
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easily managed to put this two and that two together, and was horrified when the
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answer turned out to be four. The voice that had just called out a hello… was…
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He had just booped Princess Celestia’s nose with his own.
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His eyes went wide in shock. There had to be at least three dozen laws against
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doing such a thing, if not four! He probably had committed a capital offence by
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even standing in the flowers! And since he had been hiding in the flowers, and
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had booped the Princess, she probably thought he was some kind of thief or
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assassin who was just waiting to strike and had bungled the job!
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Again his legs flew into reverse, and he tried to twist around and move as fast
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as he could down the path he’d entered by. Perhaps if he just ran away fast
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enough, they wouldn’t bother to pursue him, and…
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“There! He’s running away!”
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Well, didn’t that just bite the bark.
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“Hold it! Stop!”
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There was no way Anon was going to comply with that order. He could only think
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of running as fast as he could back to the train station, hopefully losing the
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guards in the crowd, and then hopping on a train bound for anywhere but
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Canterlot and never coming back. Every other option ended in him being banished
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to the Everfree Forest, imprisoned, or being imprisoned in a previously unknown
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jail in the Everfree Forest.
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Now, in fairness, Anonymous was a pretty decent runner. Though no all-star in
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high school, he had long enough legs to be one of the faster runners among his
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friends, and he had been on the long-distance track team for three years
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straight. There was a somewhat decent chance of him eluding the guards who were
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chasing after him, and a respectable chance he could complete his poorly devised
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plan.
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That was until Celestia’s magic seized him, hoisted him into the air, and began
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levitating him back toward her.
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“Where are you going, my little creature?” Celestia asked. “Usually everypony
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runs to me, not away from me.”
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I’m dead, I’m dead, I’ve died and I’m dead and I’m going to be drawn and
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quartered. Maybe they’ll be nice and just throw me in the dungeon.
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“Please, come here. I need to talk to you.”
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“I’m so sorry!” he wailed. “I had no idea you were there, and I’ll pay whatever
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fine there is for trampling the flowers! Just please don’t throw me in jail, or
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banish me to the Everfree, or build a jail in the Everfree and throw me in
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there, or—”
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Celestia’s magic clamped Anon’s mouth shut before he could prattle along any
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more. “Why does everypony believe that I’m going to imprison them in the place I
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banish them to?” she asked herself. “I’ve never done that. I’ve never even
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threatened it. I bet Twilight is behind this somehow, along with that silly
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‘magic kindergarten’ thing I keep hearing about.”
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She then took a moment to appraise him, and there was an awkward silence for
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Anon before she spoke again. “Now, I’m going to let go of your mouth. Please
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don’t beg for mercy when you don’t even know if you’re in trouble or not, all
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right?”
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He nodded, and then felt the magic release.
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“There. Now, let’s just talk for a moment, shall we? I want to discuss what
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happened.”
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“All right, I can talk. I’m very good at talking, and—”
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Her magic grabbed his mouth again. “Stop that. You’re not from around here, are
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you?”
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“No, Your Highness,” he replied, once the magic released again. She lowered him
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enough to look him straight in the eye.
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“You have a most interesting accent in your voice. It sounds a lot like a
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Manehatten accent.”
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“Yes, I'm from Manehatten.” he breathlessly said.
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“I see I am correct.” She chuckled. Close enough, Anonymous thought. “Most
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likely born and raised there. It’s not too difficult to discern individual lilts
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and drawls after a few centuries of travel, you know.”
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“I would imagine so, Your Highness. And you have a very keen ear, if I may say.”
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She gave him an annoyed look. “Sweet talking me to get out of trouble won’t help
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you right now.”
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“Sorry.”
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“Now, I’m going to put you down, and I’m going to let you out of this magic
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field. I want you to not run away, understand?”
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“Yes, I do.”
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“Good. Instead of running away, I want you to tell me who you are, what exactly
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you are and why you were in the sunflowers. You are not going to be banished,
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you are not going to be imprisoned, and you are not going to be imprisoned in
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the place that I banish you to.”
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“I understand.”
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“Good,” she replied while she lowered and then released him. “Now, your name
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please.”
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“Anonymous and I'm a human, Your Highness. I was brought here by a magical
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accident.”
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“Ah, the anomaly I heard about 20 years ago. Mister Anon, then. A pleasure to
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formally make your acquaintance.”
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“Would it be out of place to say the pleasure is mine?”
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“Only if you are saying it to get out of trouble. If you mean it, then I will
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accept it as a compliment.”
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“I very much mean it,” he said. “As for your flowers, it’s… uh…”
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“Yes?” Celestia prodded.
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“It’s a bit hard to explain. I was trying to describe the sunflowers.”
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“You describe flowers by putting yourself in the middle of them?”
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“Well, it was an experiment,” he sheepishly admitted, as one hand rubbed his
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neck in embarrassment. “I came to Canterlot yesterday to start a career as a
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writer, but I’m not very good at it yet.”
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Celestia took a long time to respond while slowly shaking her head from side to
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side. “Just yesterday? No wonder you’re having problems. You should have seen
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some of the disasters Luna and I caused when we first started—”
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She stopped and shook her head again. “Well, never mind about that. Did you
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receive any inspiration?”
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“Why do you care?” he asked. “Look, I get that I screwed up, and I shouldn’t
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have been in the flowers. I appreciate you not getting angry at me, but I really
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am willing to take my punishment and then to just leave and never bother you
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again.”
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She leaned in a bit, her eyes boring into his. The intensity made him flex
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backwards and gulp loudly.
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“I believe you,” she finally said, after a few agonizing moments, “but I’m
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afraid I can’t just let you go, at least not yet. I will need you to remain here
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for the evening.”
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“I can do that.”
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“What hotel are you staying at while you are visiting here?”
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“I’ve been at the Shoe and Nail, not far from the train station.”
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“A fine choice. I have heard good things about that particular establishment. I
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will make sure your room is held for you while you are gone, and reimburse you
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for the cost.”
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“Uh, thank you, I guess.”
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She nodded. “I would like to have you stay in the north tower this evening. It’s
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a bit drafty in the winter, but in this summer heat it’s really the best spot in
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the whole palace.”
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“I appreciate that, I guess.”
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She nodded again and smiled at him, then motioned with one hoof towards said
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domicile. “You’re very welcome. I would also greatly appreciate it if you would
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join me and Princess Luna this evening for dinner. I understand there will be a
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very delicious rosemary salad with shredded carrots served for the main course.”
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“Why are you being so nice to me?” he blurted, as they began walking.
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“Why shouldn’t I be?” she countered. “I try to be kind to all of my subjects.”
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“Well, yeah, but this is, like, way beyond what I would think is normal and I
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barely even count as one of your subjects. I don’t get the feeling that you
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offer free lodging and personal dinners to everyone you meet in a day.”
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“You would be correct in that regard,” she replied with a heavy sigh.
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“Not that I’m ungrateful for the hospitality, really. It just seems a bit…
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much.”
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Celestia nodded yet again. “And it most likely is. But it is to try to help ease
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you into what I need to tell you.”
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“About my punishment for being in the flowers and touching your nose?”
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“There is no law that says a one can’t be in the flowerbeds.” A wistful tone
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slipped into her voice. “And you are not the first creature to be found in them.
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As for my nose, well…”
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“I can take it,” he offered when her words stalled.
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“I hope you can. There is a law about—not against—touching my nose. It is a very
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old law, and a very silly law. I should have revoked it many years ago, but I’m
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afraid it totally slipped my mind until now.”
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Her words stalled again, and Anon glanced down at the Princess of Equestria
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while she apparently tried to sort her thoughts out. She was troubled, that was
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obvious, but what could possibly be so bad about touching her nose? Was it just
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really taboo and would create a very awkward social scene for her? He just
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wished there was something he could do to help fix the mess he’d created.
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“C’mon, Celly, just spit it out,” she muttered under her breath, and then she
-
413.
inhaled deeply. “Mister Anon, the law states that the first male who touches my
-
414.
nose with their nose is to be my husband.”
-
415.
-
416.
Anon instantly locked up, both physically and mentally. Celestia managed to take
-
417.
four or five more steps before she realized he wasn’t by her side anymore, and
-
418.
she craned her neck around.
-
419.
-
420.
“Hah!” he forced out a laugh. “That’s a good one, Your Highness. You know, I had
-
421.
heard you could be mischievous at times, but I never really could believe it
-
422.
until now. Me, forced to marry you? That’s pretty good. You had me there for a
-
423.
second.”
-
424.
-
425.
“I’m perfectly serious,” she replied while he walked up to her again.
-
426.
-
427.
Anon’s legs again failed in the effort of forward motion, but he then barked out
-
428.
another forced laugh.
-
429.
-
430.
“All right, all right. I get it. I made things very awkward for you by touching
-
431.
your nose. You’ll have to explain what happened to someone, and it’ll be
-
432.
embarrassing. This whole ‘marry me’ thing is just so I feel the discomfort
-
433.
you’re going to feel, but there’s no way I could be the first male to touch your
-
434.
nose with mine. I really am sorry it happened, truly. If you happen to know a
-
435.
time travel spell, I’ll gladly go through it and pull myself out of those
-
436.
flowers so this’ll never happen. I’ll write a confession, whatever. Publicly
-
437.
shame me, if you have to.”
-
438.
-
439.
“I promise I am not trying to shame you or to make you uncomfortable as some
-
440.
sort of punishment. I am as serious as the sun is bright: you need to marry me.”
-
441.
-
442.
There was some kind of reply trying to get out of Anon’s brain, but it was
-
443.
squished like a bug under a wagon wheel as the full weight of what Celestia was
-
444.
saying settled in. There was no hint of joke, no mirth, no ‘gotcha’ look in her
-
445.
eyes at all. She really was serious.
-
446.
-
447.
She fully expected him to marry her.
-
448.
-
449.
“Buh…” he sputtered. “Wha… duh… buh… oh… guh…”
-
450.
-
451.
“Oh dear.” Celestia sighed. “Sergeant, will you run ahead and fetch some cold
-
452.
water for poor Mister Anon here, please?”
-
453.
-
454.
“Yes, ma’am.” The guard quickly saluted, then ran off towards the palace.
-
455.
-
456.
“All right, Mister Anon. Take some deep breaths. It will be rather embarrassing
-
457.
if you pass out in the gardens and I have to take you to the infirmary.”
-
458.
-
459.
“You…” he said breathlessly, “really… expect me… to marry you?!”
-
460.
-
461.
“There is no need to shout,” she chided. “And only for the moment.”
-
462.
-
463.
“For the moment?!”
-
464.
-
465.
“Yes. Please, do try to relax. There may be a way to resolve this issue without
-
466.
resorting to drastic measures.”
-
467.
-
468.
“I’m all ears,” he replied as he forced himself to breathe in and out to the
-
469.
count of ten.
-
470.
-
471.
“As I said, this is a very old law; in fact, it predates the unification of the
-
472.
tribes. Since it is so old, there is a very good chance there is a loophole or a
-
473.
technicality we can exploit to cancel the whole thing. As soon as I can find
-
474.
that, you will be free to leave and to go about your affairs. I am asking you to
-
475.
stay here as a precaution, more than anything.”
-
476.
-
477.
“Why in Equestria does this law even exist?”
-
478.
-
479.
“That is a long story,” Celestia sighed. “It might be better to explain in a
-
480.
more relaxed and friendly atmosphere.”
-
481.
-
482.
“All right. I guess I’ll follow you, then.”
-
483.
-
484.
“There! That’s the spirit!” Celestia beamed at him. “Just this way, please.
-
485.
We’ll soon have this sorted out, I promise.”
-
486.
-
487.
“Wait. You’re the Princess,” Anon spoke the sudden thought, as they began
-
488.
walking again. “Why can’t you just void this law out, or veto it, or whatever
-
489.
the word is for it?”
-
490.
-
491.
“Another long story. Believe me, I would if I could; it would make things much
-
492.
easier. Suffice it to say for now that there are very powerful magics at work
-
493.
with this law.”
-
494.
-
495.
“What happens if I don’t marry you?” he challenged. “Like, if I somehow did run
-
496.
away?”
-
497.
-
498.
“Well, I would cease to be a Princess.”
-
499.
-
500.
Again, Anon’s legs failed him. The revelations he was getting were beginning to
-
501.
feel more and more like anvils being dropped on his head.
-
502.
-
503.
Repeatedly.
-
504.
-
505.
“Say what?” he asked.
-
506.
-
507.
“It’s sad to say, but it is true,” Celestia replied, as Anon forced motion into
-
508.
his feet once more. “The terminology of the law states that if I do not marry
-
509.
the male who touched my nose, I will cease to be a Princess of Equestria.”
-
510.
-
511.
“Is this cease as in your title is stripped away from you but you go on living,
-
512.
or cease as in you cease to exist?”
-
513.
-
514.
Celestia glanced at him with a pleased look. “I’m impressed you thought of both
-
515.
options, Mister Anon, but more than my titles will be stripped from me. I would
-
516.
also lose the ability to raise the sun.”
-
517.
-
518.
That one felt like ten anvils at the same time, with a Schwarzenegger-strength
-
519.
blacksmith beating out a sword on each one for good measure.
-
520.
-
521.
“You… you couldn’t… couldn’t raise the sun?” he sputtered again.
-
522.
-
523.
“Yes. Only a Princess can raise or lower a celestial body. It helps to keep
-
524.
rogue elements from messing around with things they shouldn’t be touching.”
-
525.
-
526.
“Why does everything you tell me just keep making the situation worse?”
-
527.
-
528.
“I’m just trying to be honest with you so you know what you’re dealing with. But
-
529.
please remember, I said there may be a loophole that we can exploit. If we find
-
530.
that, then none of this matters.”
-
531.
-
532.
“I sure hope so. This is sounding very horrible otherwise.”
-
533.
-
534.
“Would marrying me be so horrible?” she asked.
-
535.
-
536.
“Well, no,” he quickly offered. “I don’t think there’s a anyone in his right
-
537.
mind who wouldn’t want to be married to you.”
-
538.
-
539.
“Shining Armor does not,” she said with a glint of playfulness in her eye that
-
540.
Anon nearly missed. “He is only interested in a single mare, and that is not
-
541.
me.”
-
542.
-
543.
“I don’t mean him, I meant anyone who is looking for a mare,” he clarified
-
544.
quickly. “And I also meant that all those bad things that happen would be
-
545.
horrible.”
-
546.
-
547.
“Is that going to be a problem?” she asked seriously. “If we cannot find a way
-
548.
out of this, would you really deny me and bring all of these ‘bad things’
-
549.
about?”
-
550.
-
551.
“Of course not!” he replied. “I would do anything to make sure you’re still
-
552.
princess, just like anyone else.”
-
553.
-
554.
“Good.”
-
555.
-
556.
“I just really hope we don’t have to go that way,” he continued, but softly and
-
557.
more to himself. “That’s the last time I stand in any flower patch.” > 2. - Let
-
558.
Me Explain... >
-
559.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
560.
-
561.
-
562.
-
563.
Dear Princess Twilight,
-
564.
-
565.
Please forgive the abruptness of this message, but I have an urgent matter at
-
566.
hoof that I am in need of your assistance with. I understand you are visiting
-
567.
your brother and Cadence in the Crystal Empire, so please believe I would not
-
568.
disturb you without due cause and concern.
-
569.
-
570.
The very first thing I want you to do is not panic! There is no great threat to
-
571.
Equestria, no vile villain who will destroy everything we hold dear bent on our
-
572.
destruction. I want you to now take seventeen deep breaths, calculate pi out to
-
573.
the one hundred and fifteenth digit, and then continue reading this letter.
-
574.
-
575.
Now that you are calm again, I need you to to do some research for me. Enclosed
-
576.
with this letter is a facsimile of an ancient law that was passed in the
-
577.
Pre-Unification era, a law that you will soon find to be quite interesting, to
-
578.
put it mildly.
-
579.
-
580.
And now that you have finished reading it, let me explain your task. As you can
-
581.
see, if the marriage clause was to be activated somehow it could lead to great
-
582.
difficulties. I would greatly appreciate it if you would review the law for any
-
583.
sort of loophole, technicality, or any other discrepancy that could be used to
-
584.
nullify it. If such exists, please notify me immediately of its existence and I
-
585.
will use it to render the whole thing null and void.
-
586.
-
587.
I’m afraid I cannot offer more details at this time, but I will share them when
-
588.
I am able. If it would help, please see if Shining Armor and Cadence would be
-
589.
willing to assist with your task. You have my permission to share the details of
-
590.
this message and the law with them.
-
591.
-
592.
Awaiting your response,
-
593.
-
594.
Princess Celestia
-
595.
-
596.
P.S. You may want to take a few precautions against your own nose being touched
-
597.
as well.
-
598.
-
599.
-
600.
-
601.
Celestia let out a breath she had seemed to be holding since beginning the
-
602.
letter. After a last check for errors—which would only disturb Twilight—she
-
603.
placed her quill back in the writing desk, capped the inkwell, and sent the
-
604.
stack of papers through her magic to Spike. Only then did she remember to check
-
605.
the clock, and was relieved at the hour. Twilight’s most faithful dragon
-
606.
assistant was probably not eating anything at this time of day, and since food
-
607.
and magic missives tended to mix during the delivery process, the probable panic
-
608.
would be lessened by a foodless document.
-
609.
-
610.
And while the task she had set her faithful student upon was urgent, Celestia
-
611.
felt quite embarrassed about having to pass her responsibilities on to others.
-
612.
-
613.
Again.
-
614.
-
615.
She then rose from her desk. Identical letters—phrased somewhat differently than
-
616.
Twilight’s—had also been sent to judges, attorneys, and the finest legal minds
-
617.
at the greatest universities Equestria could offer. Between that and Twilight’s
-
618.
own intensive review, Celestia felt confident there was some sort of simple way
-
619.
out of this little mess she found herself entangled within.
-
620.
-
621.
In the meantime, she really had neglected her forced-fiancé for long enough, and
-
622.
it was time to give him a more in-depth explanation into what was going on.
-
623.
-
624.
“Uh, Princess Celestia?” Anonymous’s voice drifted in through her chamber doors.
-
625.
“Are you just about done? I could really use your help out here!”
-
626.
-
627.
“One of the guards is giving him trouble about lollygagging in the hallways, no
-
628.
doubt,” she murmured to herself, with a short laugh. “They’re always so
-
629.
dedicated, so sharp…”
-
630.
-
631.
Celestia’s magic opened her doors, and there was Anonymous, sure as sure. But
-
632.
standing before him, and giving him the most intense and critical evil eye that
-
633.
had ever been given, was…
-
634.
-
635.
“Luna?” Celestia asked. “How did you return so quickly?
-
636.
-
637.
“This is your intended?” she replied, her gaze unwavering.
-
638.
-
639.
“Yes, but only until I find—”
-
640.
-
641.
“He’s a rather homely looking thing, is he not?”
-
642.
-
643.
“Hey!” Anon indignantly replied. “I’m no royal, sure, but that’s just rude!”
-
644.
-
645.
“But feisty,” Luna continued, and a small smirk emerged onto her face as she
-
646.
tilted her head to examine Anonymous in a more introspective fashion. “You could
-
647.
have done worse, I suppose. His sense of fashion is not displeasing to the eye,
-
648.
and you have always had a weakness for the chocolate which his mane does bear a
-
649.
passing resemblance to.”
-
650.
-
651.
“It’s just brown,” he remarked with a subconscious swipe of his hand through his
-
652.
hair.
-
653.
-
654.
“With that green coloration, it is little wonder that he managed to disguise
-
655.
himself among your precious sunflowers, Celly.” Luna’s eyes turned cold and
-
656.
stern. “Tell me, cur, how long did it take you to formulate this dastardly plan,
-
657.
and how did you come to know of the marriage clause?”
-
658.
-
659.
“I didn’t… uh…” Anon lost the ability to speak as Luna leered at him again with
-
660.
even greater intensity and a slight lean forward to punctuate her point.
-
661.
-
662.
“Speak, cur, if you wish to remain in this household with all of your limbs
-
663.
intact.”
-
664.
-
665.
“Enough, Luna. Quit scaring the poor human.” Celestia bumped her shoulder to
-
666.
break her staredown. “This is merely an accident.”
-
667.
-
668.
“You intend for me to believe he somehow accidentally managed to touch your nose
-
669.
with his?” Luna flatly replied. “I suppose you have a bridge in Manehattan to
-
670.
sell me next, yes?”
-
671.
-
672.
“A rather nice one that spans the Hoofston,” Celestia replied. “Yes, Luna, I’m
-
673.
dead serious. It was an accident. My accident. I was sniffing my sunflowers, and
-
674.
over-sniffed.”
-
675.
-
676.
“Hmph!” Luna snorted. “If you insist. I shall forebear judgement against this
-
677.
cur for now. But I will be watching closely for any treachery, and I will not
-
678.
endure it if I find he is confederate with one of our enemies. His execution
-
679.
will solve the problem rather quickly.”
-
680.
-
681.
“Execution?” Anon whimpered, and the color drained from his face.
-
682.
-
683.
“No one is getting executed,” Celestia replied. “Please, Luna, be nice. This
-
684.
poor man has had an extremely difficult day, and he doesn’t need you adding
-
685.
stress right now.”
-
686.
-
687.
Luna didn’t reply verbally, but she did point to her own eyes with one hoof,
-
688.
then to Anon. She then turned with a snap and trotted out of the hallway.
-
689.
-
690.
“I still expect you at dinner!” Celestia called after her. She then sighed and
-
691.
turned back to the quite-thoroughly-intimidated Anonymous. “Please, don’t mind
-
692.
her. She’s just looking out for me, that’s all.”
-
693.
-
694.
“She’s certainly forthright with you, isn’t she?” he replied, though his gaze
-
695.
remained on the hallway, as if fearing a surprise encore.
-
696.
-
697.
“She is, but it’s one of her better traits. You never have to guess what she’s
-
698.
thinking. Luna does not play those kinds of mind games. Now, I believe I owe you
-
699.
a better explanation as to why we are to be wed.”
-
700.
-
701.
The human nodded slowly, but with less panic than Celestia had expected. “I
-
702.
would appreciate some clarification on that.”
-
703.
-
704.
“Are you hungry at all? Thirsty? I can have something light sent up to enjoy
-
705.
while we discuss things.”
-
706.
-
707.
“Well, I don’t think I’m all that hungry, but—”
-
708.
-
709.
His stomach suddenly rumbled, and quite loudly. He smiled sheepishly as Celestia
-
710.
giggled behind a hoof.
-
711.
-
712.
“—I do believe I could snack on something if you were kind enough to provide
-
713.
it.”
-
714.
-
715.
“I know just the thing.” She then nodded to a nearby butler. He quickly moved
-
716.
over to them without messing up his pristinely folded towel, and bowed to the
-
717.
Princess.
-
718.
-
719.
“Yes, Your Highness? What can I get for you?”
-
720.
-
721.
“Would you please have my special blend sent to my drawing room, please? And
-
722.
make it a double this time.”
-
723.
-
724.
“Of course.” He bowed again. “I shall have it prepared at once.”
-
725.
-
726.
“Thank you,” she replied, and she motioned with a hoof down another hallway as
-
727.
the butler left. “Just this way, Mister Anon. Everything I need to help explain
-
728.
this problem is in my drawing room.”
-
729.
-
730.
“Am I even allowed in there? I am just a commoner, after all.”
-
731.
-
732.
“Well, if no loophole can be found, then you will be a Prince, and then that
-
733.
takes care of that,” she said with a chuckle. “My drawing room is really nothing
-
734.
fancy, just a cozy spot with a few soft pillows, some personal books and
-
735.
mementos.”
-
736.
-
737.
He nodded to this before following her down the hallway. It was only two left
-
738.
turns to their destination, thankfully, and Celestia pushed open the door with
-
739.
her magic before stepping out of the way and allowing him to enter first.
-
740.
-
741.
From his awestruck expression, Celestia was afraid she may have undersold the
-
742.
concept of a simple drawing room. Compared to the rest of the castle, it was not
-
743.
much, just over three of her body lengths to a side with a floor-to-ceiling
-
744.
window on one side to allow plenty of natural light in. The cushions were plush
-
745.
and overstuffed, made of the finest velvets and silks, and there was a distinct
-
746.
possibility that Celestia would be unable to get Anon off of them once he setted
-
747.
in. Bookshelves lined one wall, with hardbound codices of all sizes and colors
-
748.
and various scrolls scattered amongst the tops of them. The other wall held a
-
749.
few scenic paintings, a portrait of the Royal Sisters, and a few small
-
750.
sentimental items upon some shelves. A round table sat in the middle of the room
-
751.
for the final touch of elegance, with legs short enough to allow a pony to
-
752.
spread out on the pillows next to it and still reach across the whole table with
-
753.
ease.
-
754.
-
755.
“What do you think?” Celestia asked.
-
756.
-
757.
“I’m not quite sure,” he replied. “It’s everything you said it was, of course.
-
758.
I’m just trying to think of the right words to describe it.”
-
759.
-
760.
“What words would you use?” she asked while they both settled down by the table.
-
761.
-
762.
“Cozy, for sure,” he replied. “Comforting, even. Relaxing, serene. Oh, but see?
-
763.
I use the same words over and over for things like this!”
-
764.
-
765.
“You do?” she asked over his deep groan of frustration.
-
766.
-
767.
“Yes! I was using the exact same words to describe the sunflowers, and the
-
768.
gardens in general! I really need to broaden my vocabulary. This is ridiculous.”
-
769.
-
770.
“Have you considered a thesaurus?”
-
771.
-
772.
“A what?” he asked.
-
773.
-
774.
Celestia smiled and levitated a book from a nearby shelf. “A thesaurus. It’s a
-
775.
book that gives you words that are similar to other words.”
-
776.
-
777.
“Oh, yeah,” he replied, and he took the book from her magic with the same amount
-
778.
of care you would give to a crown made of glass. “I remember this. I never did
-
779.
seem to pick the right words, though.”
-
780.
-
781.
“It would be wise to use it with a dictionary,” she replied before leaning back
-
782.
slightly and giving him an appraising look.
-
783.
-
784.
“You sound like my eighth grade teacher did before a pop quiz,” he quipped as he
-
785.
looked over a page.
-
786.
-
787.
“How appropriate. I would, indeed, like to give you a short questionnaire.”
-
788.
-
789.
“Oh, great,” he moaned.
-
790.
-
791.
“I am a Princess first, but I am a teacher second,” she added with a smile.
-
792.
“Asking me to not question and educate is like asking me to not raise the sun. I
-
793.
promise this will be a short quiz, and there will be no grade at the end. I
-
794.
merely wish to get an indication of your educational level.”
-
795.
-
796.
“I can save you the trouble. I am not a very good example of the American
-
797.
educational system.”
-
798.
-
799.
“Humor me, then,” she replied. “Really, I believe this would be useful for both
-
800.
of us.”
-
801.
-
802.
“All right, all right,” he replied.
-
803.
-
804.
“Thank you. I’m thinking five questions should suffice. First: what is your
-
805.
definition for the word verbose?”
-
806.
-
807.
“Verbose? Oh, well; that’s easy.” His body visibly relaxed, and he smiled.
-
808.
“That’s using too many words to describe a scene, situation, or person,
-
809.
especially extravagant words.”
-
810.
-
811.
Celestia nodded, and her smile remained pleasant. “Second: What is an
-
812.
antecedent?”
-
813.
-
814.
“Oh, shit.” He tensed up again. “Uh…”
-
815.
-
816.
“Take your time,” Celestia said soothingly.
-
817.
-
818.
“It’s about something before something else. I honestly don’t remember how or
-
819.
what, though.”
-
820.
-
821.
“That’s all right. Third: What is a quatrain?”
-
822.
-
823.
“Uh…” he grunted. “I don’t know.”
-
824.
-
825.
Celestia nodded again. “You’re doing fine, don’t worry. Fourth: What is a
-
826.
truism?”
-
827.
-
828.
Anon beamed brightly. “That’s a short quote or saying, like a proverb or axiom,
-
829.
that is accepted as true and sound but may not necessarily be so.”
-
830.
-
831.
“And lastly, what is the definition of innuendo?”
-
832.
-
833.
Anon sat up a bit straighter. “That’s when you say something and it has one
-
834.
meaning on the surface, but there’s a subtle underlying message that only some
-
835.
people will catch.”
-
836.
-
837.
“Very good.” Celestia smiled deeply. “In all honesty, Mister Anon, you have a
-
838.
good foundation in the Equish language. I think you learned a great deal during
-
839.
your schooling, but have forgotten some of it since then, most likely because
-
840.
you haven’t needed it.”
-
841.
-
842.
“You really think so?”
-
843.
-
844.
“It happens to everyone in some form or fashion. Unless I can have only one
-
845.
student at a time, I have to share a broad amount of information with a class in
-
846.
order to hopefully cover what each pupil will need in their future. A historian
-
847.
has little need for information in botany, so whatever I teach them about plants
-
848.
will probably be pushed aside a few years afterward. You, up until now, have not
-
849.
needed the formal rules of language, so you’ve forgotten some of them.”
-
850.
-
851.
A knock came at the door, and without invitation, the butler from earlier
-
852.
entered, holding a silver domed tray on one hoof. He deftly weaved between the
-
853.
cushions on the floor, deposited the delicious-smelling platter on the table,
-
854.
and then departed with a brief bow nearly as fast as he had arrived.
-
855.
-
856.
“He’s good,” Anon remarked. “He has been here for a while, hasn’t he?”
-
857.
-
858.
“How can you tell?” Celestia asked, and Anon chuckled a bit.
-
859.
-
860.
“Well, I used to work in an upscale restaurant, and I had to learn proper poise,
-
861.
position, and balance. It’s all in the feet, really, but it’s also something
-
862.
that takes time to learn.”
-
863.
-
864.
“Interesting,” she replied, as she lifted the lid from the tray. “I’d love to
-
865.
hear more about this later, if you don’t mind.”
-
866.
-
867.
“I think it would be really boring, but sure,” he replied, as his eyes swept
-
868.
over the tray. “Hmm, not bad. Good presentation, nice variety. Tea, truffles,
-
869.
wheat crackers, and this?”
-
870.
-
871.
Celestia sat back and watched as he picked up a bite-sized, pretzel-shaped
-
872.
snack. He then sniffed it slowly and carefully, gently touched the tip of his
-
873.
tongue to it, and then his eyes rolled back a bit as he thought.
-
874.
-
875.
“That’s got too much salt,” he remarked after a moment. “Always a problem with
-
876.
pretzels. Ponies always go crazy with salt, usually to hide bad or bland
-
877.
flavors. That’s a shame, because there’s some nice spring wheat in there, and
-
878.
those slight notes of barley and oat give it a wholesome impression. But then
-
879.
you hit that salt like a brick wall, and… what?”
-
880.
-
881.
“And you want to be a writer?” she asked, one eyebrow cocked. “I hope it is as a
-
882.
food critic or cookbook author.”
-
883.
-
884.
“No, not about food,” he grumped, and then he shoved the whole pretzel in his
-
885.
mouth.
-
886.
-
887.
“Fair enough. Do you enjoy chamomile tea, Mister Anon?”
-
888.
-
889.
She had to wait for him to finish chewing first. “Never really liked tea. It all
-
890.
tastes the same to me. Chamomile is nice enough, I suppose.”
-
891.
-
892.
“You can’t tell the difference between teas but you can tell me what that
-
893.
pretzel is made out of?”
-
894.
-
895.
“Food and beverages are completely different things,” he defended.
-
896.
-
897.
Celestia simply shook her head and laughed lightly. “You are a very interesting
-
898.
person, Mister Anon. Would you care for something else to drink, perhaps?”
-
899.
-
900.
“No, tea is fine,” he replied, and he gently took the cup from Celestia.
-
901.
-
902.
“Now, before we get sidetracked anymore, let’s go over this little problem of
-
903.
ours.”
-
904.
-
905.
“Please,” he replied as he settled into his cushion.
-
906.
-
907.
“But where to start?” she asked herself. She stirred in two sugar cubes into her
-
908.
own cup as she thought, but then she smiled. “Well, let’s go back to my youth to
-
909.
start. How did you do in your history lessons?”
-
910.
-
911.
“Average, I suppose.” He shrugged.
-
912.
-
913.
“So you know the basics of the Unification and my rise to power?”
-
914.
-
915.
“We didn't really learn Equestrian history where I'm from.”
-
916.
-
917.
“Let’s recap a little bit then, just to make sure you know all the pertinent
-
918.
details. The Three Tribes had been at odds for decades. The constant bickering
-
919.
and fighting between them kept ponykind repressed and unproductive, a mere
-
920.
shadow of what we could be.
-
921.
-
922.
“I was born into this world of animosity to unicorn parents, a viscount and his
-
923.
wife in fact, and Luna was born two years later. From as early as I can
-
924.
remember, I felt a great deal of anxiety over the way we unicorns conducted
-
925.
ourselves towards our fellow ponies. I had been told all the reasons why we
-
926.
should hate and fear pegasi and earth ponies, but the reasoning and the logic
-
927.
behind it was flawed to me and unacceptable. It did not take long for me to
-
928.
become known as a rabble-rouser and a disruption, but nothing my parents did
-
929.
could stop me from speaking out at the injustice of everything that I saw.
-
930.
-
931.
“Luna also fell in line with my ways of thinking, much to my parents’ dismay.
-
932.
With enough time and between the two of us, we caused a sufficient enough ruckus
-
933.
to catch the attention of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever, her
-
934.
assistant.
-
935.
-
936.
“Princess Platinum did not approve of my viewpoint, and she threatened my
-
937.
parents with a loss of titles and lands if I couldn’t be brought in line.
-
938.
Clover, however, was interested in our ‘rebellious nonsense’ and made
-
939.
arrangements to have another meeting with us to discuss my viewpoints.
-
940.
-
941.
“When we met for the second time, Clover was impressed with how well thought-out
-
942.
my reasoning was. Though she remained unconvinced and ultimately rebuffed Luna
-
943.
and me, she did tell us that we could be great statesponies if we could give up
-
944.
our views and work instead to bring about a greater Unicorn Kingdom. Obviously,
-
945.
being the young idealists that we were, we chose not to do so.
-
946.
-
947.
“Since we continued with our verbal rebellion, my parents were again threatened.
-
948.
Platinum made it quite clear that she was very serious, and that she would not
-
949.
tolerate our actions any more. Luna and I loved our parents, and we did not wish
-
950.
for them to suffer for our choices, so Luna proposed we leave the Unicorns and
-
951.
go to the other tribes. She correctly guessed that a message of acceptance,
-
952.
tolerance and unification would be received better by earth ponies and pegasi if
-
953.
it was spread by unicorns, and so we left one night with little more than a
-
954.
rucksack full of food and a note explaining our departure.”
-
955.
-
956.
Anon looked absolutely enthralled at this point. He leaned forward, as if trying
-
957.
to make sure every word Celestia spoke could reach him in the least amount of
-
958.
time and distance, and he held a wide-eyed look of amazement and eagerness. One
-
959.
half-eaten truffle was in his hand, but it remained suspended halfway up to his
-
960.
mouth, seemingly forgotten in the midst of her tale. Celestia smiled deeply as
-
961.
she took a moment to sip her tea, since his overall stance reminded her quite a
-
962.
bit of a certain faithful student.
-
963.
-
964.
“Does all of this make sense so far, Mister Anon?” she asked.
-
965.
-
966.
“Yes,” he replied, and then he quickly stuffed the neglected truffle into his
-
967.
mouth. “I mean, this is way interesting. It's not every day that you learn
-
968.
history from someone who was actually there.”
-
969.
-
970.
“So let us keep going, shall we?” she asked as she picked up a cracker.
-
971.
-
972.
“Luna and me made enough of a splash in the other tribes that Smart Cookie and
-
973.
Private Patsy also meet with us. After that came the Windigos.” She shuddered.
-
974.
“Then a conference of the three tribes, and the Three deciding to move to a new
-
975.
land to escape the blizzards. All three of them managed to get to the same
-
976.
place, of course. Well, I may not have had much success with the policy-makers
-
977.
of each tribe, but our message of peace for all was received a bit better by the
-
978.
rank and file. Luna and I may or may not have made inroads with each of the
-
979.
official cartographers and scouts, and they ended up in the same place because
-
980.
they may or may not have been ‘persuaded’ to go there.”
-
981.
-
982.
“Of course,” Anon said with a chuckle. “I’d love to ask how you found Equestria
-
983.
but that’s off topic too, isn’t it?”
-
984.
-
985.
“Another time, perhaps,” she offered with a wink. “So, we were in a new place
-
986.
but with all the same problems. The Windigos quickly reappeared, and the
-
987.
blizzards were stronger than ever. The pertinent part of this moment is that
-
988.
Luna and I were at the forefront of providing shelter, warmth, and food to the
-
989.
suffering ponies while the three leaders continued to fight. Thankfully, we were
-
990.
able to keep everyone protected until the Three finally realized that Friendship
-
991.
was far better than the status quo.
-
992.
-
993.
“Now, this is where it gets a bit complicated, so please stop me if I need to
-
994.
clarify,” Celestia said, before taking another sip of tea. “Once the blizzards
-
995.
cleared, preparations were made to establish the new Kingdom of Equestria. Luna
-
996.
and I, at the recommendation of Clover, were thrust into the forefront of the
-
997.
negotiations and planning that went into forming a new country. Question?”
-
998.
-
999.
Anon had stuck his hand in the air, but now lowered it. “Just so I have my
-
1000.
timeline right: you and Luna Ascended before the Three had found the magic of
-
1001.
Friendship, correct?”
-
1002.
-
1003.
“Yes.”
-
1004.
-
1005.
“Okay. I’m good. Please continue.”
-
1006.
-
1007.
“We did give everyone a bit of a shock when we showed up with wings.” Celestia
-
1008.
chuckled, and she gained a wistful aura once more. “I think we spent the vast
-
1009.
majority of the very first meeting debating if we should be called alicorns or
-
1010.
unipegs.”
-
1011.
-
1012.
“Unipeg doesn’t sound right at all.”
-
1013.
-
1014.
“No, it doesn’t.” Celestia chuckled again. “But as Alicorns, we had quite a bit
-
1015.
of sway and pull on the negotiations; well, between the added wings and our
-
1016.
previous efforts at reforms, that is.
-
1017.
-
1018.
“Now, this is really important to everything: I was sixteen years old when this
-
1019.
process began. I was not three hundred sixteen, or eight hundred sixteen; just
-
1020.
plain sixteen. Despite my advanced status, I was still but a child in many
-
1021.
respects, and the young are prone to make mistakes.
-
1022.
-
1023.
“Anyway, Princess Platinum had a Duke by the name of Iron Hoof. Apart from
-
1024.
Clover, he had the most pull with Platinum because he was Duke over the greatest
-
1025.
number of ponies, had held the greatest amounts of land, and was the wealthiest
-
1026.
by far. My parents were viscounts under him, so we knew him fairly well and we
-
1027.
knew of his personality in private. He was not a pleasant pony to be around, to
-
1028.
put it simply, and I won’t deny I was dismayed when he ended up coming to
-
1029.
Equestria.
-
1030.
-
1031.
“He then began using his influence to change various things about the new
-
1032.
by-laws and regulations we were drafting. For instance, Equestria was originally
-
1033.
supposed to be led by a democratically-elected president, much like how the
-
1034.
earth ponies did things, but he successfully changed it to be a monarchy like we
-
1035.
unicorns had. At times, it made me so angry when I had to deal with him.”
-
1036.
Celestia picked up one of the room’s cushions in her magic and lobbed it across
-
1037.
the room with a quiet thud. “More than a few pillows met an untimely end at my
-
1038.
hooves.
-
1039.
-
1040.
“He was absolutely set upon Equestria being a monarchy, and argued for it
-
1041.
endlessly. At first, I couldn’t figure out why he was so adamant about having a
-
1042.
King and Queen, but then it hit me like a lightning bolt: he intended to be the
-
1043.
King of this new Kingdom.
-
1044.
-
1045.
“I won’t go over how we thwarted that, but the efforts that kept him out put
-
1046.
Luna and I in as co-rulers. It seemed to solve the problem at first, until he
-
1047.
countered my move with one of his own: he proposed to me in the middle of a
-
1048.
subcommittee on tax revenues.”
-
1049.
-
1050.
“No!” Anon gasped. He was totally engrossed in her story now, and Celestia felt
-
1051.
pleased that he was so enraptured.
-
1052.
-
1053.
“Yes. Obviously, I didn’t want to marry him, for a great many reasons that we
-
1054.
won’t get into, but therein was the problem: if I refused him, I risked losing
-
1055.
the unicorns. He had enough sway that he could have pulled us out of the
-
1056.
negotiations, and thus undo everything Luna and I had tried to do.
-
1057.
-
1058.
“Now, please remember that I am sixteen years old when he pulls this stunt.
-
1059.
Faced with the loss of my life’s work, I panicked. Every solution that I could
-
1060.
come to in those few seconds between question and reply ended in either my
-
1061.
marriage to him or the end of the Unification. In this panic, I did the first
-
1062.
thing that came to my mind: I told him that I could not because he had not
-
1063.
touched my nose with his.”
-
1064.
-
1065.
“Why did you…”
-
1066.
-
1067.
“Don’t ask! I can’t even remember why I did it now. I think I blocked it out of
-
1068.
my memory,” she added with a pained wince. “My only excuse was panic. Sheer,
-
1069.
dumb, childish panic. Naturally, he asked why he had to do such a silly thing to
-
1070.
marry me, so I picked up my shovel and promptly dug the hole deeper. I explained
-
1071.
that it was Alicorn Law, and that any and all Alicorns, including Luna and
-
1072.
myself, were bound by it.
-
1073.
-
1074.
“Then I had to actually produce the law for him to see. I promised that I would
-
1075.
show it the next day, and that night, Luna and I worked our tails off to come up
-
1076.
with something that would not only look good, but have actual weight to it.”
-
1077.
-
1078.
“You cooked this thing up in one night?”
-
1079.
-
1080.
“Which is why I am hopeful we can find a loophole for our problem,” she
-
1081.
answered. “Since we were rushed, there should be something in there we can use.”
-
1082.
-
1083.
“So, does that mean that Luna has to follow this Law too?”
-
1084.
-
1085.
“Yes. She was afraid that he would simply go after her once he failed to trap
-
1086.
me, so she signed and agreed to the terms as well.”
-
1087.
-
1088.
Celestia lit her horn and levitated a scroll down from a nearby shelf. She
-
1089.
unfurled the document before the visiting Anon for his perusal, and to his eyes
-
1090.
a tight cursive script with very little spacing between the lines was revealed,
-
1091.
and it threatened to make him go cross-eyed. The whole of it was perhaps as long
-
1092.
as Celestia was tall, and the letters of it were actually glowing in a golden
-
1093.
yellow hue.
-
1094.
-
1095.
“This is the original Alicorn Law that we authored. Some of it is filled with
-
1096.
the ideals that Luna and I had talked over and had agreed we wanted for all
-
1097.
ponies: respect for individual ideas, tolerance for those who are different,
-
1098.
kindness in the face of anger, love in the face of hate. It was how we wanted to
-
1099.
live our lives, and it was how we wanted to rule as Alicorns.
-
1100.
-
1101.
“This clause, though, is the one that affects us at the present.” Celestia used
-
1102.
her magic to highlight a rather large section of paragraphs near the middle.
-
1103.
“This is my ‘No Nose’ clause. You’re free to read it over, if you’d like.”
-
1104.
-
1105.
“I’ll take your word for it,” he replied. “I can’t read your old langauge, and I
-
1106.
don’t think I could understand the legal jargon even if I could.”
-
1107.
-
1108.
“As you can see, the script is glowing with my magic. Luna and I bound ourselves
-
1109.
to this document once we had finished it, with the very deepest and oldest of
-
1110.
magics that we could. We could not deviate from it without losing the very
-
1111.
magics that made us, well, us.”
-
1112.
-
1113.
“But you could still veto it, couldn’t you?”
-
1114.
-
1115.
“If I had left it like this, yes,” she replied. “But remember, I was a panicking
-
1116.
child at the time. To make sure the Duke couldn’t somehow trick us out of this,
-
1117.
I took it to the Three and asked them to be signatories to it as well. That way,
-
1118.
the only way it could be revoked is if all five of us agreed to do so.
-
1119.
-
1120.
“Commander Hurricane thought it was the most hilarious thing she’d ever heard
-
1121.
of, and she signed off on it while laughing her head off and without even
-
1122.
reading the details. Chancellor Puddinghead needed some convincing, but once I
-
1123.
promised her that Equestria would have Taco Tuesdays and free balloons on a
-
1124.
pony’s birthday she agreed to sign to it as well.
-
1125.
-
1126.
“Princess Platinum loved it, loved my solution to the problem, and signed it
-
1127.
with this big loopy signature that took up all off the empty space at the bottom
-
1128.
of the scroll.” Celestia’s gaze went distant again, and she turned her head to
-
1129.
look out the windows. “You know, for all of the agony we gave each other in the
-
1130.
early years, she was one of the greatest allies I had for governing Equestria.
-
1131.
Most of what I learned on how to govern effectively was given to me under her
-
1132.
tutelage. Her hooves still touch Equestria to this day, in some form or another.
-
1133.
I still think about her sometimes, and those lessons. The greatest thing she
-
1134.
ever taught me was how to be forgiving of others, and how a pony could change,
-
1135.
if they were just given a chance. She was the ultimate example of how a change
-
1136.
of heart could happen.”
-
1137.
-
1138.
There was silence for a moment in the room, and Celestia’s gaze drifted to the
-
1139.
portrait that hung on the wall.
-
1140.
-
1141.
“Forgive me, Mister Anon. I tend to get sentimental when I reminisce.” Celestia
-
1142.
cleared her throat and returned her attention to him. “So, with the backing of
-
1143.
the Three, the Alicorn Law was presented to Duke Iron Hoof. I’m pretty sure he
-
1144.
knew we’d pulled a fast one on him, but he didn’t try to fight it. He, instead,
-
1145.
did what you would assume he would do: he tried his hardest to touch my nose
-
1146.
with his.”
-
1147.
-
1148.
“I guess it’s good you picked your nose,” Anon commented. “It’s pretty easy to
-
1149.
keep it protected.”
-
1150.
-
1151.
“It was quite fortunate. He tried all sorts of stunts and maneuvers in his
-
1152.
efforts to make contact, but I always managed to elude him. As the years went by
-
1153.
and as we kept working to keep Equestria going, his attempts slowly tapered off,
-
1154.
until one day he finally stopped trying altogether. By the time he finally
-
1155.
passed away I’d forgotten I’d even written the thing, and it’s gone on being
-
1156.
forgotten until now.”
-
1157.
-
1158.
“Why didn’t Iron Hoof just ask if he could boop your nose?”
-
1159.
-
1160.
“Power. By tricking him like I did, he had to beat me at my own game, or else he
-
1161.
would begin to lose the prestige he had. If asked to boop my nose, that put me
-
1162.
in the position of control in the relationship. He wanted me to follow his
-
1163.
rules, not the other way around.”
-
1164.
-
1165.
There was another pause, and Celestia allowed Anon to process everything he’d
-
1166.
heard. The story was perhaps a bit outlandish, but it was the truth, and it was
-
1167.
a lot to take in. She had to admit that she’d have a hard time believing it
-
1168.
herself, if the tables were somehow turned.
-
1169.
-
1170.
“So, you can’t revoke the law because the Three signed on to it,” he summarized.
-
1171.
-
1172.
“I would need them to officially revoke their signatures. As you know, that
-
1173.
would be rather difficult now. Without a shovel, that is.”
-
1174.
-
1175.
“Because your binding magic bound them to it, too.”
-
1176.
-
1177.
“It would take me several hours to explain how that happened, but yes.”
-
1178.
-
1179.
“Great,” he sighed. “How sure are you that there is a loophole?”
-
1180.
-
1181.
“I’m fairly confident there is something in there we can use,” she replied. “A
-
1182.
pony does not produce their best work when they are working in a panic, you must
-
1183.
admit.”
-
1184.
-
1185.
“That’s true. So, we just have to find it and then we both just walk away as
-
1186.
friends and with a laugh?”
-
1187.
-
1188.
“Exactly. And you will have my apologies for the inconvenience. It will make for
-
1189.
a funny story later in life, won’t it?”
-
1190.
-
1191.
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I can just imagine trying to tell ponies how I was engaged
-
1192.
to Princess Celestia. So how long do we have to find this loophole? A month, a
-
1193.
year, or is there even a time limit?”
-
1194.
-
1195.
“There is,” she replied, and she took a deep breath. “We have three days to find
-
1196.
it.”
-
1197.
-
1198.
“What?!” he shouted, and he recoiled off the cushion in shock. “Three days?!”
-
1199.
-
1200.
“Yes, and you really don’t need to shout. I’m right here.”
-
1201.
-
1202.
“Why in Equestria did you make it three days?!”
-
1203.
-
1204.
“Panic,” she stated flatly. “Mister Anon, it has been over a thousand years
-
1205.
since I authored this. Despite what some ponies think, I do not have a
-
1206.
photographic memory, and a great many details of what I did or did not do during
-
1207.
those early days of Equestria have been lost to me. If I could offer you a
-
1208.
specific reason for what I did, I would. I’m afraid I simply can’t.”
-
1209.
-
1210.
Anon took a moment to breathe deeply and compose himself again. After those few
-
1211.
moments, he managed calm but looked remorseful and sad.
-
1212.
-
1213.
“I’m sorry I keep shouting. I just… it’s…”
-
1214.
-
1215.
She said nothing as he searched for the right phrase.
-
1216.
-
1217.
“It’s just a lot to process all at once.”
-
1218.
-
1219.
“That it is. I really can’t blame you for acting this way; in all honesty,
-
1220.
you’re probably reacting much better than most ponies would. Just remember that
-
1221.
I am trying to help you through this, and I will do everything I can to get your
-
1222.
life back to normal.”
-
1223.
-
1224.
He now smiled slightly. “I appreciate that you are trying to help. I have to
-
1225.
admit, though, that you’re not quite what I expected when I first came here.”
-
1226.
-
1227.
She gave him a wise, let’s-have-a-teaching-moment look in return. “Mister Anon,
-
1228.
when you left your hotel room this morning, if a random pony asked you to
-
1229.
describe me to them, what would you have said?”
-
1230.
-
1231.
“I dunno. I guess I would have told them that you’re the princess, that you
-
1232.
raise the sun, and that you rule with your sister.”
-
1233.
-
1234.
“How would you describe me now, after meeting me in the flesh and having the
-
1235.
ability to spend some quality private time with me?”
-
1236.
-
1237.
“Well, I would say you are kind, beautiful, thoughtful, that you like to teach,
-
1238.
and that you’re generous.”
-
1239.
-
1240.
“So your description has changed, if only slightly,” she noted. “Now that you
-
1241.
know me a bit better, you have different things to say about me.”
-
1242.
-
1243.
“I suppose so,” he replied while he contemplated her point.
-
1244.
-
1245.
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
1246.
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
1247.
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
1248.
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
1249.
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
1250.
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
-
1251.
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
-
1252.
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
-
1253.
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
-
1254.
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
-
1255.
everyone does it in their own way. This compounds the situation before you, but
-
1256.
you’re taking it all in fairly well and with a fair amount of dignity, too.
-
1257.
Don’t feel bad for how you’re reacting to all of this. You’re doing a good job
-
1258.
so far.”
-
1259.
-
1260.
Anon didn’t respond to her, but Celestia could tell by the look on his face that
-
1261.
her point had made sense to him. She allowed him a minute to think things over,
-
1262.
but then popped several truffles in her mouth.
-
1263.
-
1264.
“You have also found out that this Princess eats like a pig sometimes, too,” she
-
1265.
offered with a full mouth, a prime example of what she spoke of.
-
1266.
-
1267.
“I’m going to bet you don’t do that very often,” he replied with a smile.
-
1268.
-
1269.
“I do it all the time in private,” she defended. A wickedly pleased look
-
1270.
overtook her features, and she leaned back to give Anon a rather sultry look as
-
1271.
he took a sip of tea.
-
1272.
-
1273.
“And if we can’t find a loophole, my dear Mister Anon, then you will be the
-
1274.
first I invite to accompany me for a roll in the hay.”
-
1275.
-
1276.
Anonymous quite nearly shot Camomile tea straight out of his nose with that
-
1277.
remark, but since it appeared he did not wish to spray the ruler of Equestria or
-
1278.
her personal books (many of which were rather old and valuable, if not
-
1279.
one-of-a-kind), he somehow managed to stifle most of it with a weird
-
1280.
gagging-honking sort of noise and by dipping his head down quickly. Most of what
-
1281.
did get shot out hit the table in front of him, but what did not dribbled and
-
1282.
dripped off the end of his chin. Celestia laughed heartily at this, but she was
-
1283.
also quick to conjure up a large towel for him to use.
-
1284.
-
1285.
“That—” he groaned as he dabbed at his now-burning nose “—was a good example of
-
1286.
an innuendo.” > 3. - Seeds Sown in Adversity >
-
1287.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
1288.
-
1289.
Anonymous liked to think he was no stranger to formal dinners.
-
1290.
-
1291.
Yes, it was true that he had never attended one as a guest, but he has worked as
-
1292.
a waiter at a pretty high class restaurant for two years. Thus, it logically
-
1293.
followed to him that he should have a bit of an upper hand when it came to
-
1294.
eating formal dinners, since he knew which fork to use, how to place the napkin,
-
1295.
where to place his elbows, and what part of an individual course to eat first,
-
1296.
second, third and last.
-
1297.
-
1298.
So he thought that attending an ‘as formal as it gets with only Luna and myself
-
1299.
in attendance’ dinner with Celestia should be fairly straightforward. He wasn’t
-
1300.
expecting to make much small talk, he didn’t have to win over any diplomats, and
-
1301.
he wasn’t going to have his words dissected under a microscope by ponies who
-
1302.
were itching to make power plays.
-
1303.
-
1304.
He actually felt confident about attending dinner, especially with what had
-
1305.
happened after Celestia’s hay joke. She had invited him on a personal, private
-
1306.
tour of the palace to make up for making him snort tea, and the tour had been
-
1307.
captivating, to put it simply. She had been kind during the walk, and was even
-
1308.
kinder in her explanations of the history behind the baubles and trinkets that
-
1309.
now rested on plush velvets and marble pillars. He had been mesmerized by the
-
1310.
overabundance of artifacts and the history behind all of them, and Celestia had
-
1311.
seemed pleased that he was so interested in these trinkets from a bygone era.
-
1312.
When she had shown him his room in the north tower he had felt an air of
-
1313.
relaxing ease for the first time that day, and with said ease he dared to
-
1314.
entertain the notion that he could get through dinner without too much trouble.
-
1315.
-
1316.
He was now regretting ever having any such thoughts.
-
1317.
-
1318.
It had started out innocently enough, as most descents into madness do. Celestia
-
1319.
had escorted him from his room when the evening meal was ready, and the dining
-
1320.
room was as grand as he’d expected it to be. The soft and relaxing light that
-
1321.
filtered into the room through the large windows, coupled with the decorative
-
1322.
curtains and stained glass windows calmed his nerves, and the smile he received
-
1323.
from Celestia put his mind at ease. After sitting near the middle of the long
-
1324.
table that ran through the center of the room, Celestia had selected a seat
-
1325.
three chairs to his right, and she cheerfully called for dinner to be served.
-
1326.
-
1327.
And then it had gone downhill.
-
1328.
-
1329.
Quickly.
-
1330.
-
1331.
It started when Luna barged in through the doors, startling poor Anon and making
-
1332.
him jump nearly out of his seat. Each of her hooffalls were loud and solid, and
-
1333.
after she flung herself down into the chair that was directly across from him,
-
1334.
she leaned forward and proceeded to stare at him.
-
1335.
-
1336.
The Princess of the Moon didn’t need to blink, it seemed, and it seriously
-
1337.
creeped Anon out.
-
1338.
-
1339.
Her gaze remained fixated on him through the first course, but she made no
-
1340.
attempts at communication. Celestia had quickly become distracted as her
-
1341.
personal secretary had walked in with the fried turnips and had laid out several
-
1342.
books, scrolls, and other loose papers in the space around her. From what he
-
1343.
could hear, they were trying to clear her schedule for tomorrow so she could
-
1344.
review her own Alicorn Law and undo what had been done, so she didn’t notice how
-
1345.
intimidating Luna was being.
-
1346.
-
1347.
Or perhaps the Princess of the Night always glared at everypony, but that seemed
-
1348.
rather unlikely.
-
1349.
-
1350.
Then the second course was served. It was, indeed, a rather nice rosemary salad,
-
1351.
and Anon was able to enjoy two or three bites of it. He tried, for a few
-
1352.
moments, to think of how he would describe it to somepony who hadn’t ever eaten
-
1353.
it: subtly infused, perhaps, and strikingly balanced, with undertones of quiet
-
1354.
restraint and delicate touch…
-
1355.
-
1356.
And then he looked up.
-
1357.
-
1358.
Luna was still glowering at him, and her seething rage seemed to be set at
-
1359.
broil. She was angrily stabbing her salad, shoving large bites into her mouth,
-
1360.
and then chewing the poor, hapless greens with extreme prejudice, dark purpose,
-
1361.
and even with her mouth open.
-
1362.
-
1363.
And for a brief, horrible moment, Anonymous feared that Princess Luna might want
-
1364.
to add a certain green human into the greens for some variety.
-
1365.
-
1366.
So now he sat, his fork idly twirling in his salad, as he tried to avoid eye
-
1367.
contact with the Butcher of Red Leaf Lettuce and possibly Anonymous. With her
-
1368.
fuming over there like she was, his appetite had decided it was going to vacate
-
1369.
the premises without leaving a forwarding address and there simply no way to
-
1370.
enjoy the food.
-
1371.
-
1372.
It was going to be a terrible shame if dessert was something delicious and he
-
1373.
had to turn it down. Maybe he could throw it at Luna as a distraction if she
-
1374.
tried to gobble his backside.
-
1375.
-
1376.
“What if we move the Ambassador to nine fifteen, and then the Mayor’s Roundtable
-
1377.
to ten thirty?” Celestia’s voice drifted over.
-
1378.
-
1379.
“I’m afraid you have from ten to eleven blocked out for your class.”
-
1380.
-
1381.
“Ah, yes. I’d hate to deprive my students of the opportunity to dissect a worm.”
-
1382.
She chuckled.
-
1383.
-
1384.
Maybe you could dissect me, Anon idly thought. It would save Luna a fortune in
-
1385.
eye drops.
-
1386.
-
1387.
“What if you moved…”
-
1388.
-
1389.
Anon found his hearing focusing in on a rather loud chewing sound, one that did
-
1390.
not sound like Luna’s mouthy mangling. It sounded more like…
-
1391.
-
1392.
…like popcorn?
-
1393.
-
1394.
“I KNEW IT!” Luna roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
-
1395.
-
1396.
Before Anon really had a chance to figure out what she was shouting about, he
-
1397.
found himself enveloped in her magic, flung across the room at near terminal
-
1398.
velocity, and then slammed rather satisfyingly against the wall with enough
-
1399.
force to nearly make him two dimensional. The secretary screamed, Celestia
-
1400.
finally looked up from the paperwork before her, and Anon heard a new voice
-
1401.
laughing uproariously.
-
1402.
-
1403.
“I knew thou wert in league with our enemies! Sister, quickly! Thou shouldst
-
1404.
distract the draconequus while I deal with his inept assistant!”
-
1405.
-
1406.
“Luna, put him down!” Celestia commanded. “Discord is reformed now, remember?!”
-
1407.
-
1408.
“Oh, no, please!” the new voice that could only be Discord replied with a
-
1409.
howling laugh. “If it means you’ll keep scrubbing the wall with Mister Anon then
-
1410.
I’m as bad as they get! Please, let him have it! I want to see if he’s filled
-
1411.
with jelly beans or if you’ll simply refry him!”
-
1412.
-
1413.
“Luna, now!” Celestia ordered.
-
1414.
-
1415.
“But he is using this diversion to gain the upper hoof on us!” Luna protested.
-
1416.
-
1417.
“Stop, stop!” Discord wailed as he rolled on the floor. “My tummy! Ha! I can’t
-
1418.
take it!”
-
1419.
-
1420.
“He is not doing anything of the sort, either of them!” Celestia shouted. “Look!
-
1421.
Discord is rolling on the floor and Anon is turning purple!”
-
1422.
-
1423.
Anon wondered how true that statement was as the world began to go blurry and
-
1424.
dark, but then he wondered why oxygen was so essential for the sustainment of
-
1425.
life.
-
1426.
-
1427.
Thankfully, Luna seemed to finally notice that the only chaos being generated in
-
1428.
the room was by herself, so she gently set Anon on the floor and then retreated
-
1429.
back a few steps.
-
1430.
-
1431.
“What are you doing here, Discord?” Celestia demanded, as her magic now gently
-
1432.
picked up the battered Anon and began floating him towards her.
-
1433.
-
1434.
“Are you kidding?” Discord replied as he snagged Anon in midair and hugged him
-
1435.
tightly with his arm. “This perfect little human is going to be my new best
-
1436.
friend! You wouldn’t believe the wonderfully chaotic vibes that are just oozing
-
1437.
out of him!”
-
1438.
-
1439.
“Could you not squeeze so hard?” Anon moaned softly. “My ribs…”
-
1440.
-
1441.
“How can this cur be emanating anything other than idiocy?” Luna asked.
-
1442.
-
1443.
“Ah, my deliciously dark ruler, that’s where the fun really is!” he replied, and
-
1444.
he gave Anon’s hair a playful ruffle. “This delightful little maniac right here
-
1445.
has managed to create more chaos in the last twelve hours than I could in a
-
1446.
month of Sundays! Telling me to stay away from such a wonderful source of chaos
-
1447.
is like telling Fluttershy not to talk to cute little animals!”
-
1448.
-
1449.
A small image of Fluttershy then appeared in the space between Discord and
-
1450.
Celestia, but she promptly frowned at Discord and shook her head in
-
1451.
disappointment.
-
1452.
-
1453.
“You know what? On second thought, let’s not bring her into this.” Discord
-
1454.
snapped, and the image disappeared. “But look at the readings! They’re off the
-
1455.
chart here!” he suddenly donned a lab coat and safety glasses, and from behind
-
1456.
his back, he pulled out what looked like a thermometer mounted to a board. The
-
1457.
bulb at the top was pulsing and pounding like it would burst at any moment, and
-
1458.
Discord tapped it to emphasize his point. “By activating that ‘No Nose’ clause
-
1459.
in your manifesto, he managed to create enough energy to power a new small city
-
1460.
in the chaos zone that I’m going to name Discordland! It’s simply impossible for
-
1461.
me to not be around! I have to see this first hand! Or paw! Er, claw. Whatever.”
-
1462.
-
1463.
Celestia’s magic again wrapped around Anon, and she gently lifted him out of
-
1464.
Discord’s grasp before replying. “Discord, while I am quite sure you are correct
-
1465.
with all this talk of chaos generation, you do understand that this situation is
-
1466.
unintentional and temporary?”
-
1467.
-
1468.
“That is the only sad part of this whole affair. If you find that loophole
-
1469.
you’re after, then my fun will end. And just think of the poor residents of
-
1470.
Discordland! Where will they get their power from when the chaos runs out?”
-
1471.
-
1472.
“Discord, this is a private affair,” Celestia replied in a low and threatening
-
1473.
tone. “I graciously ask you to allow it to remain so until the matter can be
-
1474.
settled. Then you may return and laugh at me at your leisure.”
-
1475.
-
1476.
“Oh, I’m going to hold you to that one, Celly.” He smiled wickedly. “But if you
-
1477.
insist, I’ll leave. I am rather late for a teatime appointment with Fluttershy
-
1478.
anyway, she was expecting me to be there quite some time ago. But understand
-
1479.
that you won’t be able to keep me away if this chaos continues, and I simply
-
1480.
must be at the wedding. Perhaps I could be your ring bearer? I would be oh-so
-
1481.
careful, I really would.”
-
1482.
-
1483.
He demonstrated his ability to do so by producing a red velvet pillow with a
-
1484.
snap, and a ring with a comically-oversized stone on top immediately followed.
-
1485.
However, he promptly managed to lose his grip on the pillow, and the ring
-
1486.
bounced once when it hit the floor before disappearing. Discord simply offered
-
1487.
as sheepish smile to this, and then snapped again to make the pillow disappear.
-
1488.
-
1489.
“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord. But please, not a word of this to another
-
1490.
breathing soul.”
-
1491.
-
1492.
“Always such a downer, Celly.” He pouted. “Fine. My lips are sealed.”
-
1493.
-
1494.
He then slithered up next to her and threw a clawed arm over her withers. “But
-
1495.
I’m going to keep any innuendos you use. Those things are gold! ‘Roll in the
-
1496.
hay,’ indeed!”
-
1497.
-
1498.
And then, with an echoing laugh and a snap of his claw, he disappeared.
-
1499.
-
1500.
Anon was finally allowed back on the ground, but he grunted in pain when his
-
1501.
weight settled on his feet again.
-
1502.
-
1503.
“Are you alright?” Celestia asked.
-
1504.
-
1505.
“I’ve been better.” He groaned as he reached a hand up to rub his ribs. Both he
-
1506.
and Celestia then turned to glare at Luna.
-
1507.
-
1508.
“Oops,” she offered sheepishly.
-
1509.
-
1510.
-
1511.
-
1512.
-
1513.
-
1514.
Fool.
-
1515.
-
1516.
Foolish fool.
-
1517.
-
1518.
Anon winced as he moved to sit at the desk in his room. Despite being checked
-
1519.
out and cleared by the royal doctor and Celestia, it still hurt like Tartarus to
-
1520.
breathe, walk, talk, and even blink.
-
1521.
-
1522.
Idiotic, foolish fool.
-
1523.
-
1524.
He should never have left. He shouldn’t have come to Canterlot. Everyone who had
-
1525.
tried to talk him out of the trip had been so right about everything, and he had
-
1526.
been so wrong.
-
1527.
-
1528.
“You’re just having a moment,” Anon murmured the acidic words he had heard
-
1529.
before leaving. “You’ll see. Your place is here, with us. You won’t find what
-
1530.
you’re after out there.”
-
1531.
-
1532.
It was a shame he was just now realizing they had been right. If only he had
-
1533.
listened. If he’d just stayed home.
-
1534.
-
1535.
He scoffed at himself. If he hadn’t had the ridiculous notion to run away from
-
1536.
what he really was in an effort to find some illusion that he thought was truth,
-
1537.
he wouldn’t be where he was now. He’d be safely tucked away from this nightmare.
-
1538.
There would be no Princess Luna, who had no qualms about squishing him
-
1539.
underfoot. No crazy half-pony, half-dragon, half-whatever-he-was who had given
-
1540.
him a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.
-
1541.
-
1542.
And no ancient law that forced him to marry Princess Celestia so he wouldn’t
-
1543.
undo a thousand years of progress.
-
1544.
-
1545.
He was a nitwitted clod, pure and simple.
-
1546.
-
1547.
He flipped open his notebook, and glared at the words he’d written. They had
-
1548.
seemed like his friends when he’d penned them, eager and willing to take him to
-
1549.
a wonderful place where he’d have everything he ever wanted and not be judged
-
1550.
for it. Now they felt like spiteful enemies, laughing and frolicking in his
-
1551.
misery. It was as if they knew they were responsible for his current situation,
-
1552.
and they weren’t sorry in the slightest. They mocked him, reveling in his
-
1553.
predicament. They held no mercy in their graphite souls.
-
1554.
-
1555.
“Imbecile,” he grumbled. The page holding his description of the train station
-
1556.
was worse than trash, and deserved oblivion. He hated himself, what he’d become.
-
1557.
He hated what he’d done.
-
1558.
-
1559.
If only he had listened. It was a shame it took a forced marriage and a
-
1560.
near-death experience to finally convince him that writing was not his future.
-
1561.
-
1562.
He then flipped open the thesaurus Celestia had let him borrow, intent on
-
1563.
finding synonyms for idiot so he could have new ways to berate himself. He
-
1564.
paused for a moment, though, as his hoof ran along the outer edge, and his mind
-
1565.
went back to their private conversation.
-
1566.
-
1567.
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
1568.
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
1569.
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
1570.
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
1571.
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
1572.
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
-
1573.
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
-
1574.
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
-
1575.
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
-
1576.
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
-
1577.
each person does it in their own way.”
-
1578.
-
1579.
He paused for a moment more. Her unbidden words continued to rattle in his head
-
1580.
for a moment, and he felt a…well, a certain warmth in them. Somehow, they had
-
1581.
the power to burn clean through the miasma of depression that had settled onto
-
1582.
his shoulders, and he felt his spirits slowly begin to rise. Everything had
-
1583.
seemed so serene at that point, so sure. It was the mood, the feel of her words
-
1584.
that had made the greatest impact. It was like she was just being Celestia,
-
1585.
nothing more. No princess, no sun, no official duties. It had felt nice, and
-
1586.
dare he say normal, even. It was almost…
-
1587.
-
1588.
Almost like she wanted to be just Celestia. She wanted to hold a plain, boring,
-
1589.
regular conversation. Even though they had been talking about his preconceived
-
1590.
notions, it was the pony, not the Princess who stood to gain the most from their
-
1591.
shared moment.
-
1592.
-
1593.
Somehow in his musing, he put his pencil into his mouth, and he chewed on the
-
1594.
end in thought for a moment. He then pushed the thesaurus to one side, squared
-
1595.
away his notebook, and began writing.
-
1596.
-
1597.
-
1598.
-
1599.
“But why all of this secrecy, my dear Celeste? Why hide behind the masks of
-
1600.
illusion and deception?”
-
1601.
-
1602.
“Because, my sweet, it is those very masks that allow me to accomplish the
-
1603.
greatest good. I cannot move the world as just Celeste; I must be more than
-
1604.
that. Within these cloaks, I can leverage the power needed to bring to pass
-
1605.
everything and defeat all who would oppose the Crown.”
-
1606.
-
1607.
“But at what cost, love? Why destroy everything that makes you so unique? I
-
1608.
cannot bear to watch you bury yourself, so heedless to the shell it is turning
-
1609.
you into!”
-
1610.
-
1611.
“Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness is their foundation. Sacrifice has
-
1612.
always been the great enabler in our world. One must give all they have, down to
-
1613.
the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those who serve around and beneath them.
-
1614.
They gain because of my loss, and I would never have it any other way. Ponies
-
1615.
may see me a certain way, but in that way lies the greater good.”
-
1616.
-
1617.
-
1618.
-
1619.
A light tapping on his door broke his thoughts, and he spat out the pencil
-
1620.
before calling out to the knocker to enter. He wasn’t surprised when Celestia
-
1621.
opened the door with her magic; he had figured she would want to check on him
-
1622.
after cleaning up the mess in the dining hall.
-
1623.
-
1624.
“Hello, Mister Anon. I just wanted to stop in and see how you were recovering.”
-
1625.
-
1626.
“I think I am doing better,” he replied, and he rolled one arm slightly with a
-
1627.
wince. “I’m probably going to be sore for a while, though.”
-
1628.
-
1629.
“I imagine you would be; you did take a fair amount of abuse. Is there something
-
1630.
I can get for you to help with the pain?”
-
1631.
-
1632.
“No, I think I just need to rest and then take it easy tomorrow.”
-
1633.
-
1634.
Celestia nodded. “That should be quite beneficial. Before I interrupted your day
-
1635.
in the gardens, what did you have planned for tomorrow?”
-
1636.
-
1637.
He shrugged and sighed. “I don’t think I really had any plans. If I did, I’ve
-
1638.
completely forgotten what they were.”
-
1639.
-
1640.
“I see,” she replied softly, and her gaze moved around the room. “Are the
-
1641.
furnishings to your tastes? Do you have enough blankets? I sometimes think this
-
1642.
tower is cold even in the summer months, and the last weather schedule I saw
-
1643.
indicated there could be a light breeze tonight.”
-
1644.
-
1645.
“Everything is fine, Your Highness. I appreciate your attentiveness, but I
-
1646.
believe I have everything I need.”
-
1647.
-
1648.
Anon’s heart broke a little when he saw her diplomatic smile falter ever so
-
1649.
slightly. “Well, I am glad for that. I apologize if I have disturbed your
-
1650.
evening. I will trouble you no more, and—”
-
1651.
-
1652.
“No, wait!” he called out as she turned to leave. He then felt a burning in his
-
1653.
cheeks as she looked at him again. “I mean, you don’t have to go yet. Maybe you
-
1654.
could explain to me why Luna acted the way she did.”
-
1655.
-
1656.
Her smile became a bit more genuine, and with it Anon’s cheerfulness grew. “I
-
1657.
can try to, if that will suffice.”
-
1658.
-
1659.
“Please.” He then stood and offered her the chair. She graciously sat in
-
1660.
it—though she just barely fit on the cushion—and Anon moved to sit on the bed.
-
1661.
-
1662.
“Luna is…well, she’s very focused,” Celestia offered. “This is mostly a good
-
1663.
thing, but sometimes she gets a notion in her head that just won’t leave, and
-
1664.
she’ll become obsessed with it.”
-
1665.
-
1666.
Anon somehow caught the unspoken implication that this ‘obsession’ had been a
-
1667.
rather large factor in the Nightmare Moon problem.
-
1668.
-
1669.
“She usually is very accepting of other ponies, especially since…” Celestia
-
1670.
paused, then inhaled. “Especially since her return from exile. For her to
-
1671.
inflict bodily harm is very uncharacteristic of her, but I think she did so
-
1672.
because she worries about me. She’s a wonderful sister in that way, and she’ll
-
1673.
grow to accept you too. Just don’t try to assassinate me and we should be fine.”
-
1674.
-
1675.
“That’s about the dumbest decision I could ever make.” He chuckled. “And what
-
1676.
about that freaky, mixed-up, whatever-he-was?”
-
1677.
-
1678.
“That was Discord, a draconequus. You may remember him from such historical
-
1679.
events such as taking over Equestria and stealing the Elements of Harmony. Luna
-
1680.
and I turned him into stone a thousand-odd years ago.” She shook her head in a
-
1681.
long suffering way but smiled. “He’s reformed now, but he is still the Lord of
-
1682.
Chaos and it would have been more of a surprise if he hadn’t shown up at some
-
1683.
point tonight. He practically bathes in the kind of confusion I caused today by
-
1684.
touching your nose.”
-
1685.
-
1686.
“That’s a pleasant image.” He laughed with her. “So if he’s chaos, do you
-
1687.
represent order?”
-
1688.
-
1689.
“I suppose I do,” she replied, and then she snickered. “You know, a
-
1690.
thousand-plus years ago, I never dreamed I would be representative of so many
-
1691.
things. I just wanted peace and harmony for all ponies, nothing more. I didn’t
-
1692.
see myself as the Standard of Order, or the Eternal and Perfect Princess. I
-
1693.
still don’t, in all honesty. All I really see when I look in the mirror is
-
1694.
Celestia, the now very old mare who was given a kingdom.”
-
1695.
-
1696.
“So, is that how we get out of this marriage? I mean, compared to you I’m like a
-
1697.
newborn still.”
-
1698.
-
1699.
“That would be rather convenient, but since I am biologically near the same age
-
1700.
as you I don’t think that will work.”
-
1701.
-
1702.
“Well, it’s worth looking into, right?”
-
1703.
-
1704.
“It is. I will include that in my search.”
-
1705.
-
1706.
Anon gave a short little laugh, then sighed and rubbed one arm with the other
-
1707.
hand in an awkward way. “Princess, I know I’ve said it before, but I really am
-
1708.
grateful for everything you’ve done today. You’ve been very understanding and
-
1709.
accommodating, and I’m sure you cancelled quite a few meetings in order to spend
-
1710.
the afternoon with me.”
-
1711.
-
1712.
“One or two perhaps,” she replied slyly. “Spending the afternoon with you was
-
1713.
far more enjoyable, though. All of my Ministers seem to have collected a fair
-
1714.
amount of dust, it seems, so it was rather refreshing to talk to you about
-
1715.
Starswirl’s Staff of Serendipity as opposed to yet another presentation on why
-
1716.
we should abandon the gold standard.”
-
1717.
-
1718.
“I really enjoyed the tour before dinner, too. All of those artifacts you showed
-
1719.
me were really neat, especially that brass hydra thing with the five heads. If
-
1720.
you do ever give up the Princess gig, you’d make a great tour guide.”
-
1721.
-
1722.
She smiled a bit deeper and nodded to indicate her appreciation of his praise.
-
1723.
-
1724.
“So thank you, again. I wish I had a better way of saying it, but I don’t.”
-
1725.
-
1726.
“I think you will find this to be useful in helping you with that.” She tapped
-
1727.
the thesaurus with a hoof, but then she noticed his notepad. “Oh! Is this what
-
1728.
you’ve been writing?”
-
1729.
-
1730.
“Yeah. It’s not much of anything at the moment.”
-
1731.
-
1732.
“May I be permitted to read it?”
-
1733.
-
1734.
Anonymous, in any other place and time, would have answered that question with a
-
1735.
resounding no. He still felt too self-conscious about his words, still too
-
1736.
scared about his choice of phrases. To let another person read his uneducated
-
1737.
hash would be akin to asking him to sing the Phantom of the Opera while trying
-
1738.
to tap-dance in a vat of oatmeal with chickens for his back up chorus to a sold
-
1739.
out Broadway theatre.
-
1740.
-
1741.
But as he looked at Celestia to properly deliver his rejection, his eyes went
-
1742.
straight to hers. Somehow, in that sea of magenta, he felt his inhibitions
-
1743.
dissolve and his concerns melt away. It was like…
-
1744.
-
1745.
His breath caught in his throat. In those majestic pools of light, somehow, he
-
1746.
found himself. He had no idea how, or even why he felt such feelings, but there
-
1747.
they were, all the same.
-
1748.
-
1749.
For the first time in his life, he felt like he was truly home.
-
1750.
-
1751.
“I would be honored to have you read my work.”
-
1752.
-
1753.
Celestia positively beamed at him, and he could only think of one or two other
-
1754.
times when he had seen such a deep smile filled with as much pure joy. That
-
1755.
smile could melt the coldest heart in seconds. She reverently picked up his
-
1756.
notebook with her hooves, and her mouth moved a little as she read to herself.
-
1757.
-
1758.
“This is a fair description of the train station, if I may say,” she offered
-
1759.
after a moment. “You have captured the feel of it quite nicely. Why did you
-
1760.
write it?”
-
1761.
-
1762.
“I was hoping somepony would use it in a travel brochure, or something like
-
1763.
that.”
-
1764.
-
1765.
“Ah, I see. Did you not write about the gardens?”
-
1766.
-
1767.
“I didn’t get a chance to,” he laughed. “I’m afraid somepony’s nose interrupted
-
1768.
my musing.”
-
1769.
-
1770.
“I will have to have a word with that pony,” she offered with a wink while
-
1771.
continuing to read. “I would like to see what you write about it when you do pen
-
1772.
the words.”
-
1773.
-
1774.
“I’d love to show you.”
-
1775.
-
1776.
“Oh!” She gasped with a grin. “‘Celeste’, mm?”
-
1777.
-
1778.
“Not very original, is it?”
-
1779.
-
1780.
“Perhaps, but it works for now. What I would want to know now is what Celeste is
-
1781.
sacrificing for. Is it for a worthy cause, or is she needlessly throwing away
-
1782.
her happiness?”
-
1783.
-
1784.
“That’s one of the problems with my writing. I can get a couple good scenes here
-
1785.
and there, but then I can’t connect them together. I have a struggle with the
-
1786.
journey between the main plot points. I need to be less random.”
-
1787.
-
1788.
“What you have here is interesting, and a good start,” she replied. “Let me see.
-
1789.
I once thought I could be an actress, and I fancied that I had some theater
-
1790.
skills. Let me try this.”
-
1791.
-
1792.
She put a hoof to her chest, cleared her throat, and then turned her head to the
-
1793.
side in an anguished, dramatic pose. “’Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness
-
1794.
is their foundation,’” she quoted in a soft, contemplative, and slightly
-
1795.
anguished voice. “’Sacrifice has always been the great enabler in our world. One
-
1796.
must give all they have, down to the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those
-
1797.
who serve around and beneath them. They gain because of my loss, and I would
-
1798.
never have it any other way. Ponies may see me a certain way, but in that way
-
1799.
lies the greater good.’”
-
1800.
-
1801.
“Wow.” Anon whispered in wide-eyed awe. Celestia had completely nailed how he
-
1802.
had envisioned that scene in his head. Her voice had held the nobleness of
-
1803.
station, but yet the emptiness of loftiness; the desire of the forsaken that was
-
1804.
slowly being swallowed by the numbness of the unobtainable.
-
1805.
-
1806.
He had no idea his words could carry such pathos.
-
1807.
-
1808.
“How was that?” she asked sincerely. “Too much, too over the top? Perhaps it was
-
1809.
meant to be a bit lighter, a bit more devious?”
-
1810.
-
1811.
Anon slowly shook his head. “No, you were dead on. That captured the scene I
-
1812.
envisioned perfectly.”
-
1813.
-
1814.
And Princess Celestia, Diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria, inspiration and guide
-
1815.
to millions across a vast land, Standard-Bearer of Order and Mare of the
-
1816.
Morning…
-
1817.
-
1818.
…blushed furiously.
-
1819.
-
1820.
“Oh, well,” she stammered, her pleased embarrassment obvious in both vocal tone
-
1821.
and body language. She gently put the notebook back on the table and then patted
-
1822.
it gently with a hoof. “The, uh, the source material helps. You set the mood, I
-
1823.
simply vocalized it.”
-
1824.
-
1825.
Anon nodded dumbly. It was debatable if he’d even heard her.
-
1826.
-
1827.
“Well!” Celestia suddenly stood, thus breaking the trance. Anon stood quickly
-
1828.
too as Celestia moved towards the open door. “Thank you again, Anon, for letting
-
1829.
me read that. But it really is getting late—”
-
1830.
-
1831.
“It is,” he hastily agreed.
-
1832.
-
1833.
“—and I have a lot of work to do in the morning so I can review that law—”
-
1834.
-
1835.
“Naturally.” The word fumbled out of his mouth.
-
1836.
-
1837.
“—and I’m quite sure you are exhausted—”
-
1838.
-
1839.
“To a degree.”
-
1840.
-
1841.
“—and so I will bid you good night and leave you to your evening.”
-
1842.
-
1843.
“Thank you.” He concluded at nearly the same time she did. Celestia then stepped
-
1844.
out of the room, but she turned in the hallway to face him again.
-
1845.
-
1846.
“As for tomorrow, you’re free to leave the palace grounds if you wish.”
-
1847.
-
1848.
“Really?” he asked, the surprise in his voice obvious.
-
1849.
-
1850.
Celestia nodded. “Of course. Just come check in with me in the afternoon
-
1851.
sometime. I think I can trust you.”
-
1852.
-
1853.
“Thank you,” he replied with a small smile.
-
1854.
-
1855.
“Also, if you would like to join me for breakfast tomorrow I would be delighted
-
1856.
to host you. I like to make pancakes, and if you ask nicely I might even put a
-
1857.
silly fruit face on them.”
-
1858.
-
1859.
Anon laughed slightly at this. “What time?”
-
1860.
-
1861.
“Just after sunrise.”
-
1862.
-
1863.
“I’ll consider it, how’s that?” he asked, and Celestia brightened.
-
1864.
-
1865.
“That’s all I can ask. Good night, Anon.”
-
1866.
-
1867.
“Good night, Celestia.”
-
1868.
-
1869.
She then quietly trotted away. Anon softly closed the door, moved to the desk,
-
1870.
and flipped the pages back to his train station description.
-
1871.
-
1872.
Perhaps they were not so foolish after all. The words had become meaningful to
-
1873.
him again, somehow, and he almost felt like when he had first become inspired to
-
1874.
become a writer. He’d keep them for sure now, maybe there was some home for
-
1875.
them.
-
1876.
-
1877.
He would still need a job when Celestia found that loophole, after all. But as
-
1878.
he switched off the light and crawled into bed, one thought kept replaying in
-
1879.
his head, and it made him smile:
-
1880.
-
1881.
She called me Anon. No Mister, just Anon.
-
1882.
-
1883.
-
1884.
-
1885.
-
1886.
-
1887.
Princess Celestia cheerfully walked towards her own chambers, a happy nonsense
-
1888.
tune on her lips and a slight spring in her step. Her conversation with Anon had
-
1889.
been quite delightful, and—
-
1890.
-
1891.
“Oh! Good evening, Twilight!” she hastily said after her vision cleared of
-
1892.
lavender. She really wished her most faithful student wouldn’t just appear like
-
1893.
that.
-
1894.
-
1895.
“Princess Celestia! Good evening!” Twilight replied.
-
1896.
-
1897.
Celestia was suddenly very grateful she had centuries of diplomatic skill to
-
1898.
help keep her from laughing at her protegée. Twilight was wearing a black
-
1899.
turtleneck sweater, but had the neck portion pulled up and over her muzzle.
-
1900.
“Would it be a fair guess to say you are here to access the royal archives as
-
1901.
part of the request I sent you earlier?”
-
1902.
-
1903.
“Yes. But I did have one question I wanted to ask you.”
-
1904.
-
1905.
Celestia mentally braced herself. “And what is that?”
-
1906.
-
1907.
“What in the wide, wide world of Equestria were you thinking?!” Twilight
-
1908.
shouted. Though she was trying to look angry, Celestia could find nothing but
-
1909.
humor since being able to only see Twilight’s eyes made it hard to take her
-
1910.
seriously. “And when were you going to tell me about this law?! I’ve been
-
1911.
running around this whole time with the possibility of having to marry the first
-
1912.
stallion who bonks my nose? Why would you even write a law like this?!”
-
1913.
-
1914.
“Well, Twilight,” Celestia began, as she smiled serenely and stopped herself
-
1915.
from rolling her eyes, “it was a very long time ago, and…” > 4. - A Truce by
-
1916.
Night >
-
1917.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
1918.
-
1919.
“How could you do this to me?!” Celestia roared in fury, with tears streaming
-
1920.
down her cheeks in anguish.
-
1921.
-
1922.
“No, wait!” Anon yelled. “Celestia, please! I don’t—”
-
1923.
-
1924.
“Save your excuses, Mister Anon! I see clearly now what is going on!”
-
1925.
-
1926.
“I haven’t done—”
-
1927.
-
1928.
“SILENCE, CUR!”
-
1929.
-
1930.
Anon fell back on his butt, and raised one arm in front of him in a vain attempt
-
1931.
to block the absolute terror flying before him.
-
1932.
-
1933.
“N-N-Nightmare Moon?!”
-
1934.
-
1935.
“I have seen into your soul and there is nothing worth redeeming in you!”
-
1936.
Nightmare Moon shouted. “Now shall you deal with ME, O Anon, and all the fires
-
1937.
of Tartarus!”
-
1938.
-
1939.
Nightmare Moon plunged a hoof into the earth, which burst under the impact and
-
1940.
formed a wide and deep trench that continued to expand. Anon began backpedaling
-
1941.
as fast as he could, but the fire-breathing trench was faster than he was, and
-
1942.
soon it split around him and isolated him inside a large circle. Nightmare Moon
-
1943.
cackled with wild and evil abandon as Anon ran in place, scared for his life and
-
1944.
unable to move in any direction.
-
1945.
-
1946.
“You have been weighed, Anonymous, and have been found wanting.” Celestia’s
-
1947.
condemning face appeared in the midst of the flames. “There shall be no mercy
-
1948.
for you. It is time to become your namesake!”
-
1949.
-
1950.
“Please, no!” he shouted, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He backpedaled
-
1951.
as far as he could until he felt his butt getting roasted, and Nightmare Moon’s
-
1952.
laughter became more sadistic and maniacal. This was the end! He’d been a fool,
-
1953.
and this was the price he would pay!
-
1954.
-
1955.
“That is enough!”
-
1956.
-
1957.
A beam of magic dissipated Nightmare Moon and silenced her cackle. A following
-
1958.
pulse of magic stopped the fires, sealed and fused the rents back together and
-
1959.
washed the area with a relaxing aura that smelled of lavender.
-
1960.
-
1961.
However, Anon still feared for his life. Even though he wasn’t quite sure where
-
1962.
she was, he prostrated himself and buried his face in the dirt.
-
1963.
-
1964.
Why else would Luna be here? She had to be coming back to finish what she had
-
1965.
started at dinner.
-
1966.
-
1967.
“Arise, Anonymous. You have nothing to fear from me.”
-
1968.
-
1969.
He dared to lift his head slightly. His eyes slowly moved upwards, but then they
-
1970.
met the intense cyan irises of Princess Luna.
-
1971.
-
1972.
His face promptly went straight back into the dirt with a whimper.
-
1973.
-
1974.
Luna let out a sad sigh. “It would seem my actions have affected you more than I
-
1975.
thought. Please, Anonymous. I am here to offer you an apology.”
-
1976.
-
1977.
“Y-you are?” he sniffled.
-
1978.
-
1979.
“Yes. Will you rise and speak with me?”
-
1980.
-
1981.
He looked up again, a little faster this time. Again he met Luna’s eyes, but
-
1982.
this time he kept looking and found them to be concerned, a bit wounded, and
-
1983.
inviting. His hoof reached up to take hers, and Luna smiled for the first time
-
1984.
while she helped him up.
-
1985.
-
1986.
Well, at least to Anon for the first time.
-
1987.
-
1988.
“That is better, thank you.”
-
1989.
-
1990.
“Are you really here to apologize?” he asked softly.
-
1991.
-
1992.
“I am. My conduct earlier was unacceptable, and I wish to make whatever amends I
-
1993.
need to in order to gain your forgiveness.”
-
1994.
-
1995.
“My forgiveness,” Anon repeated.
-
1996.
-
1997.
“First, let us leave this place,” Luna replied. “Nightmares are hardly the place
-
1998.
to discuss such weighty matters.”
-
1999.
-
2000.
He nodded. “What did you have in mind?”
-
2001.
-
2002.
Luna smiled a bit deeper. The world around them wavered and pulsed for a moment,
-
2003.
but then it morphed into a rather remarkable sight.
-
2004.
-
2005.
A large lake, bathed in silver moonlight, stood surrounded by a large mountain
-
2006.
range that was gently touched and highlighted in soft blues and greys. A
-
2007.
waterfall fed the lake from a distant peak, and from where they were, the steady
-
2008.
pounding was soothing and sweet. The two of them stood on a small island in the
-
2009.
middle of this lake, and Anon noticed the olive green grass beneath his hooves
-
2010.
was gentle and maybe a bit ticklish. There was just enough room on this island
-
2011.
for the two of them to sit with an arm’s length between them, and the brightly
-
2012.
sparkling stars that framed the moon overhead completed the overall feeling of
-
2013.
calm.
-
2014.
-
2015.
“This is amazing,” Anon said, as he looked around in awe. “They don’t call you
-
2016.
the Dream Weaver for nothing, do they?”
-
2017.
-
2018.
“’Tis but a small thing. This is your dream, so you supplied the imagery. I
-
2019.
simply made it appear.”
-
2020.
-
2021.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream this vivid.” He moved to face her again,
-
2022.
and sat.
-
2023.
-
2024.
“Not many ponies do.”
-
2025.
-
2026.
“So why did you attack me?” he bluntly asked. There was no point in dragging
-
2027.
this conversation out with small talk, so he cut right to the point.
-
2028.
-
2029.
“I do not delude myself into thinking I am anything like my sister,” she replied
-
2030.
while settling down onto the soft grass. “Celestia has wisdom, patience,
-
2031.
serenity, and the true peace of soul that comes from a life lived humbly and in
-
2032.
the service of others. On the other hoof, I obsess over the smallest of trivia,
-
2033.
and lose whatever temper I have upon even the slightest provocation. I know of
-
2034.
my own faults, and I remind myself daily that if I am not careful I will undo
-
2035.
everything that I want and everything that I have accomplished. I do not get a
-
2036.
second chance.
-
2037.
-
2038.
“But mastering my own soul has never been easy for me. Even after a thousand
-
2039.
years, I still struggle with my inner self at times. At this point, I fully
-
2040.
accept that it will be an eternal struggle, and that means that my anger will
-
2041.
take over my better judgement, especially when something precious to me is
-
2042.
threatened.”
-
2043.
-
2044.
“A threat to Celestia, you mean?” he clarified, and Luna nodded. “But how could
-
2045.
I possibly be any sort of a threat?”
-
2046.
-
2047.
“I have lived, breathed, bled, and nearly died with my sister for longer than I
-
2048.
can even remember. When I allowed my jealousy to consume me, to guide my actions
-
2049.
and surrender my will unto the Nightmare, Celestia could have destroyed me. She
-
2050.
pulled back her power so I would only be banished, not obliterated. When I
-
2051.
returned, my sister…”
-
2052.
-
2053.
Luna choked back some tears, but one managed to escape and slide down her cheek.
-
2054.
“…my sister gave me the chance to be redeemed, to be whole again. She forgave
-
2055.
me, instantly, despite my most heinous crimes against her. I received from her
-
2056.
the most precious gift she could give, and then I found she had made a world
-
2057.
that would give me everything that I had said I could not obtain. The bonds of
-
2058.
Sisterhood are deep between us, and she will forevermore have my undying
-
2059.
loyalty, just as she has been, and will be forever loyal to me.
-
2060.
-
2061.
“But that means I hold high standards for the one who has given me so much, and
-
2062.
you do not measure up, to be frank. You were in a place you should not have
-
2063.
been, doing something you ought not to have done, and while I now believe that
-
2064.
you touching noses with her was an accident, it still should not have happened.
-
2065.
I am not pleased with you, nor am I pleased with the circumstances that force my
-
2066.
sister to marry. I am also not pleased with the fact she forgot to repeal that
-
2067.
stupid law when that idiotic Duke died, but I suppose I share some fault there
-
2068.
for not reminding her. At this point, nothing can be done to undo it, as far as
-
2069.
I can tell.
-
2070.
-
2071.
“So you already have my animosity, and while I will work to accept what has
-
2072.
happened it will take time. I attacked you because I believed you had ulterior
-
2073.
motives, just as I said when I met you. I see now that assumption was wrong, and
-
2074.
so I ask for your forgiveness for my actions. If you do not wish to give such, I
-
2075.
will understand.”
-
2076.
-
2077.
Anon didn’t reply to her. That was quite the load she’d just dumped on him.
-
2078.
-
2079.
“Perhaps if I offer a truce,” she said after a few moments. “If you can treat my
-
2080.
sister in a manner that is appropriate and becoming of a true gentlestallion,
-
2081.
then I will make the changes I need to come to accept you. If you behave, so
-
2082.
will I. Will that be equitable?”
-
2083.
-
2084.
“I suppose that’s all we can do for now,” he sighed, but then extended a hand.
-
2085.
“Princess Luna, I forgive you. I can understand why you attacked me, and I can’t
-
2086.
hold that against you. I would much rather be your friend than your enemy.”
-
2087.
-
2088.
“Then I thank you, and I promise to try to be friends as well,” she replied, and
-
2089.
she shook his hand with her hoof. “Though don’t expect any miracles. I’ll still
-
2090.
probably glare at you for some time to come.”
-
2091.
-
2092.
“I can live with glares. Those aren’t so bad.”
-
2093.
-
2094.
“Fair enough.” Luna then looked around the landscape surrounding them. “You did
-
2095.
say you are an aspiring writer, yes?”
-
2096.
-
2097.
“I hope to be, yeah.”
-
2098.
-
2099.
“Take this, then, as a first step in our friendship: this world you have created
-
2100.
is far more detailed than most I encounter. The fact that you can dream so means
-
2101.
that your mind is broad, open, and creative, and I believe that you will be able
-
2102.
to translate this into the printed form, with practice and training. You could
-
2103.
be a great writer, if you strive hard enough for it.”
-
2104.
-
2105.
“You really think so?” he asked. Luna laughed a bit at his eagerness.
-
2106.
-
2107.
“I do. And if you can create this, then perhaps there is a very remote chance
-
2108.
you could create a meaningful and beautiful relationship with my sister.”
-
2109.
-
2110.
This set his cheeks on fire, and he scuffed a hand on the ground as he stammered
-
2111.
and glanced around awkwardly.
-
2112.
-
2113.
“Thank you,” Anon finally managed to blurt out. “But I’m pretty extra sure
-
2114.
someone will find a loophole to get me out of all of this.”
-
2115.
-
2116.
“If that is the case, then I hope that you and my sister can remain good
-
2117.
friends, regardless. She deserves to have good friends.”
-
2118.
-
2119.
She stood, spread her wings, but then glanced backwards over her shoulder.
-
2120.
-
2121.
“You deserve to have good friends too.”
-
2122.
-
2123.
And then she ascended into the dream sky until she was lost to his sight. > 5. -
-
2124.
Terms and Conditions Apply >
-
2125.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
2126.
-
2127.
“Good morning, Mister Anon!”
-
2128.
-
2129.
“Good morning, Your Highness,” Anon replied with a smile.
-
2130.
-
2131.
“Please, have a seat wherever you like. I will have the pancakes out shortly.
-
2132.
Luna may join us this morning, but I believe she will be better behaved than she
-
2133.
was last night.”
-
2134.
-
2135.
“I’m sure she will be,” Anon replied. Celestia gave him a broad smile and moved
-
2136.
back into the kitchens.
-
2137.
-
2138.
Anon was feeling pretty good about today. After his late-night discussion with
-
2139.
Luna, he had slept pretty well. He wasn’t sure if Celestia could alter the
-
2140.
brightness of the sun, but it seemed to be exceptionally shiny and perky today.
-
2141.
He had watched it rise that morning before preparing for the day and now he was
-
2142.
eager to go back out into Canterlot and to try his hand at writing again.
-
2143.
Perhaps he would only produce hen scratches and nonsense, but inspiration was
-
2144.
like catching butterflies, to use an allegory, and he felt the need to get out
-
2145.
into the fields to have a chance at catching something wonderful.
-
2146.
-
2147.
He was also resolved to try sending his descriptions of Canterlot out for review
-
2148.
again as well. He would love to gain the interest of an editor, but at the very
-
2149.
least he could start getting an idea of what he needed to work on and where.
-
2150.
-
2151.
Perhaps he should let Celestia look over more of his works. She was bound to be
-
2152.
an expert in equish, having probably been alive when half the words for it were
-
2153.
invented, and being a teacher she could at least give him a list of books to
-
2154.
read that could go over syntax and grammar. Hopefully she would be willing to,
-
2155.
as he suddenly realized that she probably had graded so many papers on said
-
2156.
subjects that she might actually hate the things.
-
2157.
-
2158.
Just the book list, then. That would be useful by itself.
-
2159.
-
2160.
“Here we go!” Celestia reappeared with three plates of pancakes in her magic.
-
2161.
She sat down next to Anon, set the plates on the table, and he was pleased to
-
2162.
find that she had given him a funny face pancake, crafted with strawberry ears,
-
2163.
blueberry eyes, a whipped cream mane and decoratively placed fruit pieces around
-
2164.
the edge of the plate to enjoy.
-
2165.
-
2166.
“This looks delicious, Princess. Thank you.”
-
2167.
-
2168.
“You’re welcome!” she cheerfully replied. “I hope the silly face is all right. I
-
2169.
thought it might be kind of corny.”
-
2170.
-
2171.
“I like it,” he replied. “It’s cute.”
-
2172.
-
2173.
“Now the true test. You are the food critic here, so tell me what you think. Is
-
2174.
my cooking worthy?”
-
2175.
-
2176.
“I don’t know that I should be judging you,” he replied while feeling a knot of
-
2177.
worry develop in his gut. He didn’t want to offend her by criticizing her
-
2178.
cooking. There was a vacancy on the moon, after all. “I bet you’re a really good
-
2179.
chef.”
-
2180.
-
2181.
“I haven’t had as much practice as you think I’ve had,” she replied. “Please, I
-
2182.
want to know. I have a tough hide, I can take it. Be honest with me. Are they
-
2183.
any good?”
-
2184.
-
2185.
Anon shook his head with a small laugh. She asked for it! He picked up his fork,
-
2186.
cut a bite-size chunk from the short stack, stifled a giggle at cutting the
-
2187.
‘ear' off of the pancake head, and then he went to work.
-
2188.
-
2189.
Celestia watched him intently as he first took a deep sniff of the pancake. Out
-
2190.
came the tongue, a brief lick, and then his eyes drifted upward again while he
-
2191.
thought out his evaluation. “Hm. That’s… hm,” he said after a moment. This time
-
2192.
he went for actually eating what was on his fork. “This is quite interesting,
-
2193.
Princess. Different for sure.”
-
2194.
-
2195.
“You’re not just saying that, right?”
-
2196.
-
2197.
“No, no. I’m giving you my honest opinion. You’ve got all the expected
-
2198.
ingredients: flour, milk, salt, eggs, but then you’ve added extra sugar and
-
2199.
vanilla. Be careful with that, because you’d make this way too sweet if you get
-
2200.
the balance wrong. Also, make sure you take the fruit of the face into account.
-
2201.
The flavoring here could easily overpower the berries and banana. Hm, hm, hm.
-
2202.
Pure Vermount maple syrup, but I wouldn’t really expect you to have that cheap
-
2203.
imitation stuff. In all honesty, Princess, this is a really tasty treat. I’d
-
2204.
maybe dial down the sweetness a few notches, though. It’s ok the way it is, but
-
2205.
the syrup, fruit and vanilla all add together to make it a bit overwhelming. It
-
2206.
could be argued you’re trying a bit too hard with this.”
-
2207.
-
2208.
“And now I know.” Celestia gave a pleased chuckle. “Thank you for your honest
-
2209.
review. I'll maybe cut back on the sugar and vanilla.”
-
2210.
-
2211.
Anon made a show of eating a big bite, just to reinforce that the pancakes were
-
2212.
indeed good. Celestia laughed at his theatrics before cutting and taking a bite
-
2213.
of her own stack.
-
2214.
-
2215.
It was just then that Luna made her not-so-grand appearance.
-
2216.
-
2217.
Anon sat back a bit in surprise. He had assumed that her dream walking was easy
-
2218.
enough; there was no physical exertion to it. All she had to do was dream too,
-
2219.
right?
-
2220.
-
2221.
It appeared not. Her hooves were dragging on the floor, her head and neck were
-
2222.
lowered in exhaustion, her eyes were lined and bloodshot, her ears were
-
2223.
drooping, and even her ethereal mane seemed to have lost some of its luster and
-
2224.
strength. He’d almost be willing to guess she had run a marathon the night
-
2225.
before.
-
2226.
-
2227.
“Good Morning, Luna!” Celestia cheerfully called out.
-
2228.
-
2229.
“Muh,” she grumbled back.
-
2230.
-
2231.
“Long night?” Anon asked.
-
2232.
-
2233.
“Yes, and your little nightmare didn’t help anything,” she groused. “It would
-
2234.
have been better without that.”
-
2235.
-
2236.
“You had a nightmare last night?” Celestia asked Anon, with a note of worry.
-
2237.
-
2238.
“It was quite vivid,” Luna answered for him. “You tried to incinerate him,
-
2239.
Sister. Something about finding out his true motives.”
-
2240.
-
2241.
“I would never!” she protested. “Mister Anon, I have absolutely no wish for you
-
2242.
to be injured in any way. Please understand that nightmares tell only lies, and
-
2243.
that you should not heed anything they say.”
-
2244.
-
2245.
Luna shot him a mischievously wicked smile, then simply dropped her muzzle on to
-
2246.
her plate and began snarfing down her pancakes with noisy slurps, snorts, and
-
2247.
snaps of her teeth at every piece of fruit, real or imaginary.
-
2248.
-
2249.
“Oh, Luna! Really. You should have better manners for our guest.”
-
2250.
-
2251.
“Yeah. Probably should.” Luna’s words came out slightly mumbled and with little
-
2252.
bits of food still stuck to them. “Good pancakes, by the way.”
-
2253.
-
2254.
Celestia gave her sister an annoyed look and muttered something under her
-
2255.
breath. Anon forgot his own laden fork and simply watched the pancake carnage
-
2256.
that Luna was creating as he contemplated the conversation he had shared with
-
2257.
her last night. Had things really changed between them, or did Luna still hate
-
2258.
his deceptive hide and was merely being civil… well, relatively civil for her
-
2259.
sister?
-
2260.
-
2261.
It certainly gave him the impetus to behave, if he wasn’t going to already
-
2262.
anyway. He still thought Princess Luna would be a much better friend than an
-
2263.
enemy, and he really didn’t want to provoke her anymore. Besides, she could
-
2264.
probably eat him. Whole, with the size of bites she was taking.
-
2265.
-
2266.
“Do you plan on heading back today?” Celestia asked her mess of a sister.
-
2267.
-
2268.
“I am not sure yet,” Luna replied through the vanishing crumbs. Once the last
-
2269.
bit on the plate was gone, she stuck out her far-too-long-for-Anon’s-nerves
-
2270.
tongue and licked the entire plate so clean that it could have gone back into
-
2271.
the cabinet, then smacked her lips. Bits of pancake and fruit were still stuck
-
2272.
in the syrup on her nose, and Anon struggled not to laugh. “I have sent a
-
2273.
missive but have not received the reply. Once I do I will know if I am still
-
2274.
needed.”
-
2275.
-
2276.
Celestia was clearly struggling to retain her own composure despite Luna’s
-
2277.
antics. “You have some breakfast on your nose.”
-
2278.
-
2279.
“I’m sure I do.” Luna pushed away from the table and stood with her eyes just
-
2280.
barely open under hooded lids, looking back to Anon much like he was on the
-
2281.
menu. “Maybe your fiancé would like to help me clean it off.”
-
2282.
-
2283.
Anonymous’s official response to the offer was to choke on a blueberry eyeball.
-
2284.
-
2285.
“Luna.” Celestia gave Luna stern glare and a fierce frown.
-
2286.
-
2287.
“Well, why not? Polygamy was still in vogue when you wrote the clause, so we
-
2288.
could simply say we’re following the letter of the law.”
-
2289.
-
2290.
“Luna!”
-
2291.
-
2292.
“What? It’s not like I'm proposing we divide him down the middle. If you do not
-
2293.
wish to share, then fine.” Luna turned her sticky nose upwards as Anon started
-
2294.
to turn purple again and gagged breathlessly on his food. “You can be selfish if
-
2295.
you want. I shall say good day to you both for now. Mister Anon, you really
-
2296.
should take smaller bites.”
-
2297.
-
2298.
And with that, Princess Luna strode away, her fruit-decorated nose held high in
-
2299.
the air. Anon managed to clear his airway enough to cough up the obstruction,
-
2300.
and Celestia patted him on the back as he tried to suck in as much air as
-
2301.
possible.
-
2302.
-
2303.
“I really don’t know what’s gotten into her,” she commented. “She’s hardly ever
-
2304.
this hostile towards any pony.”
-
2305.
-
2306.
“Hostile?” Anon replied through his gasps for air. “I wouldn't go that far. I
-
2307.
think she just doesn’t like the situation.”
-
2308.
-
2309.
“She's hardly one to make judgements on worthiness,” Celestia grumbled darkly.
-
2310.
“But I suppose what you say could be true. Will you accept my apologies for her
-
2311.
behavior on her behalf?”
-
2312.
-
2313.
“It’s fine, I don’t hold it against her. I don’t have any siblings, but I bet I
-
2314.
would be protective of them too.”
-
2315.
-
2316.
“I appreciate you understanding. I guess we can only hope she will tone down the
-
2317.
hostility as she gets to know you.”
-
2318.
-
2319.
“Or until you find that loophole.”
-
2320.
-
2321.
“Then she will be very pleased indeed.” Celestia giggled a bit. “But I’m afraid
-
2322.
my duties call. Did you decide what you will do today?”
-
2323.
-
2324.
“I’m thinking I’ll go back out into Canterlot and maybe try to write some more.”
-
2325.
-
2326.
“You should try the Natural History Museum, just to the south of here. There are
-
2327.
a number of fine exhibits that might spark your imagination.”
-
2328.
-
2329.
“I will.” He nodded. “Thank you. When should I return tonight?”
-
2330.
-
2331.
“Let’s say around sunset. I should have at least some idea of how to get you out
-
2332.
of this by then. When you do return, ask any of the guards on duty to notify me,
-
2333.
and then just follow their directions.”
-
2334.
-
2335.
“I will.”
-
2336.
-
2337.
“Enjoy your day!” Celestia called back as she left the hall.
-
2338.
-
2339.
-
2340.
-
2341.
-
2342.
-
2343.
One simply cannot visit Canterlot without seeing the Equestrian Natural History
-
2344.
Museum. Located in the Quarter District, it a veritable treasure trove of
-
2345.
wonderment and enlightenment.
-
2346.
-
2347.
“Hmm,” Anon grunted in thought. What to write about next, and how? Should he
-
2348.
write about the exhibit on ancient fossils and the recent Mesohippus finds? Or
-
2349.
maybe the dioramas from the Cavepony exhibits would be a better choice. He knew
-
2350.
he would need to write something based on the information he’d gleaned from the
-
2351.
Founding of a Kingdom section, no matter what.
-
2352.
-
2353.
It was hard to decide.
-
2354.
-
2355.
“The Writer's Curse,” he muttered around his pencil. “Too many good ideas.”
-
2356.
-
2357.
He wasn’t even sure he liked his opening paragraph. It seemed a bit flat, with a
-
2358.
grandiose statement but not enough support. It probably needed a few more
-
2359.
adverbs –adjectives, adjectives– to get the proper feel across.
-
2360.
-
2361.
He had wanted to stay longer, but a sudden hunger had seized him while he had
-
2362.
been contemplating the one and only Ode to The Waning Moon – a painting so
-
2363.
masterful that noone could speak of it but in hushed and reverent tones. So he
-
2364.
had curtailed his studies to sally forth and procure lunch with an abundance of
-
2365.
grandiose terms to make what he was doing sound more epic. He then planned on
-
2366.
taking some time to try writing before going back to the Shoe and Nail to make
-
2367.
sure they had held his room. There was a paranoid part of him that thought the
-
2368.
front desk would not believe that the palace would be paying for a random
-
2369.
tourist's room, and that they would give it away to the next pony in line. He
-
2370.
still needed a place to stay after the loophole was found, after all.
-
2371.
-
2372.
He’d paid in advance for that room and he didn’t want to lose the bits, in all
-
2373.
honesty.
-
2374.
-
2375.
Unsure of what to try for lunch, he simply settled for walking up and down a
-
2376.
street until something smelled good and tempted him enough to try. He figured it
-
2377.
wouldn’t take long, given how his gut was both mourning in respect for the
-
2378.
long-digested pancakes and pining for another Royal meal, and he could try
-
2379.
writing a few paragraphs while he ate as well.
-
2380.
-
2381.
“Maybe this: Anyone with a taste for history would greatly enjoy the masterful
-
2382.
displays that can be— No, no. I’m using ‘masterful’ too much. I knew I should
-
2383.
have brought that thesaurus. This would be easier if—”
-
2384.
-
2385.
“WATCH IT!”
-
2386.
-
2387.
Anon registered the shout too late, and he collided into the side of a pony. The
-
2388.
force of the impact somehow took him off his legs, and he quickly found himself
-
2389.
sprawled across the cobblestone street.
-
2390.
-
2391.
“Oh, feathers! Are you ok?”
-
2392.
-
2393.
“Ow,” he groaned deeply in pain as his ribs reminded him that they really would
-
2394.
rather be introduced to immovable objects from a distance and over time, not all
-
2395.
at once and with cracking results.
-
2396.
-
2397.
“Here, let me help you up.”
-
2398.
-
2399.
Anon felt a hoof grab him and help him upright. He groaned again as he did so,
-
2400.
but managed to stay up and block some of the pain.
-
2401.
-
2402.
“You okay?”
-
2403.
-
2404.
“I think so,” he replied as he rubbed his injuries and looked himself over.
-
2405.
“That was my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
-
2406.
-
2407.
He then turned to face the pony he’d collided with, and found the most intense
-
2408.
pair of green eyes he’d ever seen. “I'm sorry,” he finished slowly.
-
2409.
-
2410.
“It’s okay, so long as you’re not hurt,” she replied. “That was quite the spill
-
2411.
you took.”
-
2412.
-
2413.
A female pegasus was attached to those green eyes, with a soft yellow coat and
-
2414.
powder blue mane. A sunflower was tucked behind one ear to complete the look,
-
2415.
and Anon couldn’t help but think that she was pretty.
-
2416.
-
2417.
“I’ve had worse. Are you okay?”
-
2418.
-
2419.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “You broke my fall.”
-
2420.
-
2421.
“I really am sorry. I should have been watching what I was doing.”
-
2422.
-
2423.
“What were you doing?”
-
2424.
-
2425.
“Writing,” he sheepishly admitted. “Or, at least, I was trying to think of what
-
2426.
to write.”
-
2427.
-
2428.
“You’re an author?” she asked as she turned and picked up his notebook.
-
2429.
-
2430.
“I’m hoping to be, someday. I’ve still got a lot to learn.”
-
2431.
-
2432.
“I’m Sego Lily.” She smiled a bit deeper, and offered a hoof. “If you’re going
-
2433.
to crash into me, we should at least have proper introductions.”
-
2434.
-
2435.
“Anonymous,” he replied, and he shook hooves. He quickly snuck a look at her
-
2436.
flank—a trio of sego lily flowers, made sense—and then he continued. “Are you
-
2437.
from around here?”
-
2438.
-
2439.
“Nah, just visiting. My Nana lives nearby. You visiting too?”
-
2440.
-
2441.
“Yeah. I'm trying to get some inspiration.”
-
2442.
-
2443.
“Well, I tell you what. Since you crashed into me, you can buy me lunch. Fair
-
2444.
enough?”
-
2445.
-
2446.
Anon smiled. “I can live with that. Do you have any recommendations?”
-
2447.
-
2448.
-
2449.
-
2450.
-
2451.
-
2452.
“I really don’t appreciate you being so mean to him,” Celestia stated in that
-
2453.
familiar, mothering tone that Luna had not missed in the slightest. “The poor
-
2454.
human finds out he has to marry me—which is quite overwhelming in and of
-
2455.
itself—and then while he’s still trying to sort that out you start breathing
-
2456.
fire down his neck. It’s not like he’s trying to court me to conquer Equestria,
-
2457.
you know.”
-
2458.
-
2459.
“Celly, I know. Just give me some time to come to terms with all of this. You
-
2460.
know I have impossibly high standards for any potential suitors, accidental or
-
2461.
not. I don’t like how this is turning out in the slightest.”
-
2462.
-
2463.
“I know. It’s not ideal, but if all goes well he’ll soon be on his way. Please
-
2464.
give him something positive to remember about this whole experience, will you?”
-
2465.
-
2466.
“I will try.”
-
2467.
-
2468.
“Thank you,” Celestia sighed, then smiled. “Have you heard from Blueblood yet?”
-
2469.
-
2470.
“His reply missive is what awoke me. He reports that negotiations with Prince
-
2471.
Rutherford actually seem to be progressing faster now—”
-
2472.
-
2473.
“HA!” Celestia blurted out suddenly. Luna gave her an icy stare as a hoof went
-
2474.
to her mouth in alarm.
-
2475.
-
2476.
“I fail to see the humor in that, Sister.”
-
2477.
-
2478.
“My deepest apologies, Lulu. I have no idea where that came from. Obviously
-
2479.
there is nothing to laugh about.”
-
2480.
-
2481.
The icy stare continued unabated. “As I was saying, progress is being made and
-
2482.
Blueblood believes that he can gain more ground by himself than with me.”
-
2483.
-
2484.
“Your sudden disappearance yesterday didn’t upset the Yaks, did it?”
-
2485.
-
2486.
“It seems not. Blueblood reports that they assumed my work was done and that he
-
2487.
had been left to continue negotiations.”
-
2488.
-
2489.
“Good,” Celestia replied as they rounded a corner in the hallway. “How much
-
2490.
longer will it take?”
-
2491.
-
2492.
“I don’t think it will be anytime soon. The Yaks are temperamental enough that—”
-
2493.
-
2494.
Celestia suddenly stumbled over her own front hooves, and she careened sideways
-
2495.
before hitting the wall and collapsing to her knees.
-
2496.
-
2497.
“Celly?!” Luna instantly was at her side.
-
2498.
-
2499.
“Woo!” Celestia hooted. “Me and my fat hooves, ha! Gonna need to watch them more
-
2500.
closely.”
-
2501.
-
2502.
“Sister?” Luna asked while Celestia began stumbling down the hallway again and
-
2503.
intently staring at her hooves. “Are you feeling alright?”
-
2504.
-
2505.
“Why of course, dear sister!” she called back, and her head dropped closer to
-
2506.
the ground. “’cept for those cracks. I knew it! They’re the source of my woes!”
-
2507.
-
2508.
She then tipped to her right, but her wings flared out and helped her maintain
-
2509.
her balance. Celestia stopped, looked over her shoulder, and gasped in wide-eyed
-
2510.
awe. “Lulu! I have wings!” she whispered. “When did this happen?”
-
2511.
-
2512.
“Over a thousand years ago?”
-
2513.
-
2514.
“You think I woulda noticed by now. Hey! I can fly then, right?”
-
2515.
-
2516.
“I don’t dare answer that.”
-
2517.
-
2518.
Celestia gasped even more loudly, and she planted her rear to put both hooves in
-
2519.
front of her mouth. “Lulu! You! You!”
-
2520.
-
2521.
“I have wings too?” Luna hazarded a guess.
-
2522.
-
2523.
“AND THEY'RE SO PRETTY!” she bellowed in reply. “Please say mine look jus as
-
2524.
pretty, pleasepleaseplease?!”
-
2525.
-
2526.
“Celly, what has gotten into you?!” Luna shouted while Celestia grabbed one of
-
2527.
Luna's wings and began poking through the feathers.
-
2528.
-
2529.
-
2530.
-
2531.
-
2532.
-
2533.
“…and then I decided to move to Fillydelphia. Not so crowded, but still close
-
2534.
enough to see everyone.”
-
2535.
-
2536.
“I could see why,” Anon chuckled.
-
2537.
-
2538.
“What’s it like where you are from?”
-
2539.
-
2540.
“Well, take every stereotype you have about what a small town is like, and then
-
2541.
you’ve got it.”
-
2542.
-
2543.
“Really?”
-
2544.
-
2545.
“All right, that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he chuckled. “It’s more like if
-
2546.
you took a quarter of Canterlot and placed it down somewhere. We've got some
-
2547.
theaters and a museum and such, but there’s probably not enough there to keep a
-
2548.
filly like you entertained. If you go to there, you’re going to be out in the
-
2549.
woods. That’s our biggest claim to fame.”
-
2550.
-
2551.
“It still sounds like a nice place,” she replied. “Maybe I’ll come visit
-
2552.
sometime.”
-
2553.
-
2554.
Anon’s gaze stayed on those green pools before him for a moment, and then he
-
2555.
looked away and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sorry again for running into
-
2556.
you.”
-
2557.
-
2558.
“That’s all right,” she replied. “This was nice. Where are you off to now?”
-
2559.
-
2560.
“I’m not sure. Since you’re something of a local, what would you suggest?”
-
2561.
-
2562.
“Let’s see. Have you taken the tour of the palace yet?”
-
2563.
-
2564.
“Yeah, I’ve been there,” he replied a bit awkwardly.
-
2565.
-
2566.
“Did you visit the gardens? They’re really quite amazing.”
-
2567.
-
2568.
“I was, uh...” he stalled for a second. “I was there yesterday.”
-
2569.
-
2570.
“Did you like it? Oh! Did you get to see Princess Celestia? I visit every time
-
2571.
I’m here but she’s never out there. I’d love to meet her sometime.”
-
2572.
-
2573.
“You've never seen her?” he asked, in the hope that she’d forget her question.
-
2574.
-
2575.
“It’s actually pretty rare for any pony to see her, even if you do live in
-
2576.
Canterlot. Her schedule and duties keep her pretty busy. She doesn’t have a lot
-
2577.
of time to just walk around.”
-
2578.
-
2579.
“Oh.”
-
2580.
-
2581.
“Don’t feel bad,” she replied, and she patted his hoof gently. “Even if you
-
2582.
don’t see her, there’s lots of other stuff to make memories with. Why don’t you
-
2583.
and I go check out the bazaar?”
-
2584.
-
2585.
“What’s that?” he asked, as they both stood.
-
2586.
-
2587.
“Big open air market, not too far from here. There's merchants there from all
-
2588.
over selling just about anything you can imagine. You ever have a macarena nut?”
-
2589.
-
2590.
“Once or twice.”
-
2591.
-
2592.
“You gotta try one from the stands. I don’t know what they do to them, but they
-
2593.
are delicious!”
-
2594.
-
2595.
Anon smiled wide. “Well, lead on then! Maybe I’ll find something to write
-
2596.
about.”
-
2597.
-
2598.
She gave him a winning smile back, took one of his hands in her hoof, and gently
-
2599.
began leading him towards the bazaar.
-
2600.
-
2601.
-
2602.
-
2603.
-
2604.
-
2605.
“Princess Luna?”
-
2606.
-
2607.
“Twilight Sparkle!” she shouted, but then she grunted as a large thump pushed on
-
2608.
the door she was trying to hold shut. “Thank the Great Hasbro! No time to
-
2609.
explain, I need you to go get a broom or mop or anything that will hold this
-
2610.
door shut.”
-
2611.
-
2612.
“Is Celestia in there?”
-
2613.
-
2614.
“Luna!” came the Princess of the Sun's voice, along with another loud thump.
-
2615.
“There's no cake in here! You lied! I’m gonna send you to the moon for this!”
-
2616.
-
2617.
“No time, Twilight!” Luna admonished. “Quickly!”
-
2618.
-
2619.
“What is going on?!” Twilight demanded.
-
2620.
-
2621.
“Hey, whas this pointy thing on my head?” The closet became quiet for a moment,
-
2622.
and Luna looked at Twilight with absolute horror in every line on her face.
-
2623.
-
2624.
“It is too late!” she whispered. “Save yourself!”
-
2625.
-
2626.
Celestia suddenly teleported out into the hallway, but she promptly grabbed her
-
2627.
head in pain. “Ow! Luna, I don’t know what this thing is, but it hurts!”
-
2628.
-
2629.
She then noticed Twilight, who smiled sheepishly and took a step backwards.
-
2630.
-
2631.
“TWILIGHT!” she roared. “My moos faifful student! I haven’t seen you in forever!
-
2632.
When did you get here?”
-
2633.
-
2634.
“Yesterday?”
-
2635.
-
2636.
“That long ago? Somepony needs to quit messing with time. Not nice to keep
-
2637.
Twilight here for so long. HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY! You have wingie dings too! Mine
-
2638.
are prettier but yours is okay too.”
-
2639.
-
2640.
“Luna?” Twilight asked, through her eyes remained on her oddly-behaved teacher.
-
2641.
-
2642.
“I don’t know why she’s acting so strangely, but she’s been this way since just
-
2643.
after lunch. I’ve had my hooves full just trying to keep her from running into
-
2644.
something sharp.”
-
2645.
-
2646.
Twilight watched her beloved mentor giggle to herself as she shuffled the
-
2647.
feathers of her own wings for a moment, but then her face then went sour in a
-
2648.
flash. “Discord! Show yourself!”
-
2649.
-
2650.
“I have nothing to do with this, for the record!” his voice replied. “But I have
-
2651.
quite thoroughly enjoyed the performance. Do you think she does encores?”
-
2652.
-
2653.
“Where are you?!”
-
2654.
-
2655.
“Shh! You’ll startle her!” he replied. A clawed arm reached out from nowhere,
-
2656.
grabbed Twilight, and pulled her back behind some sort of badly camouflaged duck
-
2657.
blind.⁽*⁾ (*) Not blind ducks, because Fluttershy seriously frowned on such
-
2658.
behavior. There was, however, a duck in a pair of dark glasses.
-
2659.
-
2660.
“What did you do?” she growled at him, as Luna tried to keep Celestia from
-
2661.
walking away.
-
2662.
-
2663.
“I recorded the performance for future enjoyment,” he offered while he donned a
-
2664.
beret and held up a camera and its tripod. “I have captured the Celestia in her
-
2665.
natural environment, my life's work really. Now I can finally release my
-
2666.
documentary, which I shall entitle “Celestia: Raw and Uncut!”
-
2667.
-
2668.
“Discord!”
-
2669.
-
2670.
“Look, I really had nothing to do with this!” he protested, as something in the
-
2671.
hallway shattered and Celestia guffawed loudly. “I’m reformed now, remember? I
-
2672.
would hate to see what Fluttershy would say if I did do something to her beloved
-
2673.
diarch. I’m innocent on all counts.”
-
2674.
-
2675.
“Then what’s wrong with Celestia?” she asked in alarm. Discord shrugged.
-
2676.
-
2677.
“Maybe she got into a bad batch of tulips,” he offered. “Those things can cause
-
2678.
all sorts of trouble if you’re not careful.”
-
2679.
-
2680.
“You think she ate something that caused this?”
-
2681.
-
2682.
“I’m just brainstorming over here,” he replied as a lightning bolt hit him on
-
2683.
the head from a very small thundercloud. “Maybe she hit her head on something.
-
2684.
Maybe somepony—not me, of course, but somepony else—used some kind of magic on
-
2685.
her.”
-
2686.
-
2687.
“Of course!” Twilight brightened. “Magic! She must be under the influence of
-
2688.
some magical curse! I just need to isolate the cause!”
-
2689.
-
2690.
“Say, is it just me, but is there something different about your teacher? I
-
2691.
mean, other than her behavior of course. Maybe she put on weight?”
-
2692.
-
2693.
“What?” Twilight balked. Desperate to prove him wrong, she quickly jumped out
-
2694.
from behind the blind and looked Celestia over intently. One horn, two wings,
-
2695.
mane and tail, four legs. Everything that should be there was.
-
2696.
-
2697.
But then she saw it: Celestia's cutie mark had begun to fade.
-
2698.
-
2699.
“Somepony is pulling magic out of her!” Twilight shouted. “Princess Luna, quick!
-
2700.
We need to find out who is stealing her magic!”
-
2701.
-
2702.
“You’re welcome, by the way!” Discord shouted, as Twilight ran off. “Ingrate. Oh
-
2703.
well, this’ll be perfect for home movie night.” He cackled as he began turning
-
2704.
the crank on the camera. “Maybe I’ll finally win an Ovation from the Moving
-
2705.
Pictures Club. Those guys have been snubbing me for years!”
-
2706.
-
2707.
-
2708.
-
2709.
-
2710.
-
2711.
“…and then she ate it!”
-
2712.
-
2713.
Both Sego Lily and Anon laughed. It seemed Sego had quite the animated family,
-
2714.
and she was a pretty decent storyteller herself.
-
2715.
-
2716.
“Is she okay?” he asked.
-
2717.
-
2718.
“Oh, yeah,” Sego replied. “She laughs about it now.”
-
2719.
-
2720.
“That’s good. Oh, but I gotta get going,” he suddenly said, as he noticed the
-
2721.
sun slipping behind the horizon, although a little shaky and with an extra
-
2722.
wobble. “I didn’t realize it was so late.”
-
2723.
-
2724.
“Do you really have to go?” Sego pouted.
-
2725.
-
2726.
“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry. I did have a lot of fun today, though. Thanks for
-
2727.
showing me around.”
-
2728.
-
2729.
“No problem.” She smiled at him. “Are you leaving Canterlot anytime soon?”
-
2730.
-
2731.
“I’m not sure when I’ll be heading out.”
-
2732.
-
2733.
“Well, if you want to hang out again, I’m staying at the Shoe and Nail.” She
-
2734.
pulled the sunflower out from behind her ear and put it behind his. “Just ask
-
2735.
for me at the front desk. I’ll be there for the next two days, then I gotta head
-
2736.
home. I’ll show you around some more, if you want.”
-
2737.
-
2738.
“If I can, I’d love that,” he replied. “Thanks.”
-
2739.
-
2740.
“If not, it’s been fun, Anonymous,” she replied, and they shook hooves/hands
-
2741.
again. “Take care of yourself, eh? Try not to run into anypony else.”
-
2742.
-
2743.
“I will. You as well,” he chuckled.
-
2744.
-
2745.
“See ya!”
-
2746.
-
2747.
With that, Sego Lily took off and flew towards the hotel. Anon sighed
-
2748.
contentedly, and then turned to get back to the palace. Hopefully Celestia
-
2749.
wasn’t too worried about him, and she’d found that frequently-mentioned
-
2750.
loophole. That would make his day complete.
-
2751.
-
2752.
He trotted quickly to the palace, and the guards gave him no trouble at the
-
2753.
gates or at the front doors. One even told him to head up towards the dining
-
2754.
room, and he’d probably find Celestia there, getting ready for the evening. He
-
2755.
did so, but found noone in sight. With a bit of confusion, he then turned back
-
2756.
out into the hallways and began glancing around.
-
2757.
-
2758.
“Princess?” he called out. “Are you up here?”
-
2759.
-
2760.
“Anonymous?!” Luna’s voice rattled the windows, and a light dusting of plaster
-
2761.
rained down and into his mane. “If that is you, get your sorry flank up here
-
2762.
right this instant!”
-
2763.
-
2764.
Now what had he done? He was beginning to wonder if Luna would even let him
-
2765.
breathe in peace anymore. He quickly moved up a flight of stairs, around a
-
2766.
corner, then followed what sounded like maniacally delirious laughter.
-
2767.
-
2768.
“What did you do?!” Luna thundered, as soon as he met up with the Princesses of
-
2769.
Night and Day in the hallway. Celestia was sitting, staring into a vase with
-
2770.
wide eyes and giggling slightly as she ‘ooo’-ed her reflection.
-
2771.
-
2772.
“I took a tour of town!” he replied in alarm. “What is she doing?”
-
2773.
-
2774.
“Admiring herself at the moment, which is better that what she has been doing.
-
2775.
You better not have done anything else today!”
-
2776.
-
2777.
“I swear, all I did was walk around and tour the city,” he replied. “I don’t
-
2778.
know what I could have done to make this happen.”
-
2779.
-
2780.
Celestia then turned her head, caught sight of Anon, and took in a huge breath.
-
2781.
-
2782.
"AAAANNNOOOOOOOONNN!” she shouted with unabashed glee and in the Royal Voice.
-
2783.
“You came back! I just knew you would. Luna said you was long gone, that you
-
2784.
would run to Slick Rock and hide in your bed, but I said, I said ‘No way,
-
2785.
Seester! He’s totally gonna come back, jus you wait! Gimme hug, Anon!”
-
2786.
-
2787.
She then reared up and spread both her arms and wings out wide, thus hitting the
-
2788.
vase next to her and sending Luna scrambling to catch it before it hit the
-
2789.
ground. Celestia then promptly lost her balance, tipped over sideways, then had
-
2790.
enough momentum to keep going until she was resting on her neck, upside down,
-
2791.
with her rump on the wall and her limbs hanging in odd directions. Her eyes then
-
2792.
clamped shut, and after a moment she began snoring.
-
2793.
-
2794.
“Did she just knock herself out?” Anon asked, as he took a hesitant step closer.
-
2795.
-
2796.
“I certainly hope so,” Luna sighed and gently placed the vase back on the
-
2797.
pedestal. “She started acting like this right after lunch. Twilight Sparkle is
-
2798.
in the Archives right now, trying to figure out how somepony could pull magic
-
2799.
out of her. She has struck naught but dead ends so far.”
-
2800.
-
2801.
“Pull magic out of her?” he repeated.
-
2802.
-
2803.
“Yes. I fear time is short. Look at her cutie mark.”
-
2804.
-
2805.
Anon did so, and gasped. It was so faded that it was hard to make out where it
-
2806.
was.
-
2807.
-
2808.
“The only thing I can think of that may have caused this is something to do with
-
2809.
that marriage clause,” Luna continued. “I am sure she told you she would cease
-
2810.
to be a Princess if she did not marry you. But if what you say is true and you
-
2811.
simply looked at the sights, then I am at a loss.”
-
2812.
-
2813.
“Celestia,” Anon softly said, and a tear slid out of his eye. He was rapidly
-
2814.
beginning to figure out what had caused all this. “This is my fault.”
-
2815.
-
2816.
Luna started to say something, but then stopped as Anon quietly stepped over
-
2817.
towards the serenely snoring Celestia. There was something in the air; something
-
2818.
compelling, something magical, and it seemed to be moving Anon towards his
-
2819.
unintentional intended. If whatever he was doing would solve the problem, she
-
2820.
was all for him doing it.
-
2821.
-
2822.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, once he drew close to her. “I did this to you. I
-
2823.
hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t want you to lose your magic. I’m
-
2824.
sorry.”
-
2825.
-
2826.
He then went down on his knees, leaned in, and touched his nose to hers.
-
2827.
-
2828.
Luna stumbled back a few steps as a sudden rush of energy blasted down the
-
2829.
hallway. It swirled and twirled around, like some barely-contained tornado,
-
2830.
until it reached Anon and Celestia. Golden light began to swirl around with the
-
2831.
energies, illuminating the hallway and forcing Luna to shield her eyes.
-
2832.
-
2833.
“Whatever you are doing, Anon, keep doing it!” she shouted over the rush of
-
2834.
wind.
-
2835.
-
2836.
There was now an increase, both in luminosity and in energy, and Anon could feel
-
2837.
the individual hairs of his arms standing on end while he stumbled backwards in
-
2838.
alarm. Had he screwed up yet again?
-
2839.
-
2840.
He didn’t have time to ponder the question. There was something resembling a
-
2841.
boom, a final surge of energy pulsed through the hall, and then all of the
-
2842.
coalesced magic flowed immediately back into Celestia. The light decreased, the
-
2843.
wind died out, and Luna eagerly moved up with Anon to evaluate the hopefully
-
2844.
restored diarch.
-
2845.
-
2846.
After a moment, one magenta eye fluttered open, then the other. Celestia
-
2847.
groaned, and her legs twitched a bit, although she still remained upside-down.
-
2848.
-
2849.
“Am I on my head?” she asked.
-
2850.
-
2851.
“You are,” Luna replied. “And you look like quite the old fool doing it, too.”
-
2852.
-
2853.
“Mister Anon! So good to see you’ve returned. I suppose I should set the sun…
-
2854.
now…” Celestia trailed off, and her eyes darted about for a moment.
-
2855.
-
2856.
“What is it?” Luna asked.
-
2857.
-
2858.
“Did I say, at some point today, that Twilight had pretty wings but not as
-
2859.
pretty as mine?”
-
2860.
-
2861.
“Something to that effect, yes.”
-
2862.
-
2863.
“And by any possibility, did I slide down a banister?”
-
2864.
-
2865.
“Two,” Luna confirmed. “You made it down five flights of stairs before falling
-
2866.
off the second time.”
-
2867.
-
2868.
“And,” added Celestia, still upside-down and with a long, slow blink of both
-
2869.
eyes, “did I at any time challenge a duck to a race across Canterlot Lake?”
-
2870.
-
2871.
“That was your dream last night,” said Luna. “Thankfully.”
-
2872.
-
2873.
Celestia paused, flipped herself down and upright again, then looked up and down
-
2874.
the hallway again. “I believe I have been acting most inappropriately today.”
-
2875.
-
2876.
Luna let loose a snort of amusement. “To put it mildly.”
-
2877.
-
2878.
“Twilight is trying to figure out what is wrong with me.”
-
2879.
-
2880.
“She is.”
-
2881.
-
2882.
“Will you go tell her that I am fine now, and that she need not worry anymore?”
-
2883.
Celestia asked, a hint of fear in her voice. “I think I will go freshen up
-
2884.
quickly and then talk to her about my behavior.”
-
2885.
-
2886.
“Of course.” Luna nodded, and then left. Anon gulped as Celestia looked at him.
-
2887.
-
2888.
“What have you been doing today?” she asked. “And why is there a sunflower
-
2889.
behind your ear?”
-
2890.
-
2891.
-
2892.
-
2893.
-
2894.
-
2895.
Celestia did not knock at doors.
-
2896.
-
2897.
This was her house, after all. Still, she tapped very gently at this door, and
-
2898.
when she received no response after some time, she opened it and sighed at the
-
2899.
sight on the other side. There was a Anon shaped lump under the blankets on the
-
2900.
bed, and some slight sniffling coming from it. Luna followed after her sister,
-
2901.
smirked at the sight, but said nothing about it.
-
2902.
-
2903.
“I think we need to talk about what happened today,” Celestia gently said, as
-
2904.
both sisters sat on the floor. “Can you come out, please?”
-
2905.
-
2906.
Anon’s head poked out and rested on the bed, and Celestia shot Luna a look of
-
2907.
warning while she stifled a snicker. Even if he resembled a turtle, this was no
-
2908.
time for laughter.
-
2909.
-
2910.
It was beyond obvious that he felt miserable. His eyes were red from crying, his
-
2911.
nose was raw and red from frequent nose blowings, and his gaze remained fixed in
-
2912.
front of him in morose misery.
-
2913.
-
2914.
“You weren’t responsible for this, Anonymous,” Celestia began with as much
-
2915.
tenderness as she could offer.
-
2916.
-
2917.
His bloodshot eyes rolled over to her. “I severely doubt that statement.
-
2918.
Everything is my fault.”
-
2919.
-
2920.
“That is a very broad statement. You’re responsible for every ill that befalls a
-
2921.
pony?” Luna quipped.
-
2922.
-
2923.
Anon huffed out an annoyed sigh and let his gaze return to depressingly neutral.
-
2924.
-
2925.
“Mister Anon, really,” Luna continued. “The events of today were not your
-
2926.
fault.”
-
2927.
-
2928.
“Ha,” he deadpanned. “Right. I’m the one who betrayed Princess Celestia, a noble
-
2929.
ruler of our lands and respected… everything. I'm the one who threw away
-
2930.
everything we talked about at the first pretty face that trampled me. My stupid
-
2931.
impulses nearly destroyed the magic of the sun. I’m pretty extra sure that what
-
2932.
happened was, indeed, my fault. I’m a walking disaster zone. Maybe you do need
-
2933.
to imprison me in the Everfree.”
-
2934.
-
2935.
“We are not going to do anything like that,” Luna replied. “It’s hardly fair of
-
2936.
us to punish you for something we do not even fully understand.”
-
2937.
-
2938.
“Anon, my sister is right,” Celestia added. “Neither of us knew that the binding
-
2939.
magics were so strong, or so sensitive. If we had known, we would have warned
-
2940.
you, and then none of this would have happened. If anything, the fault lies with
-
2941.
us for not taking this more seriously.”
-
2942.
-
2943.
Anon didn’t reply. There were a few moments of silence, but then Celestia had an
-
2944.
idea.
-
2945.
-
2946.
“Luna, may we have a few minutes, please? I think this might be better if I
-
2947.
speak to my fiancé alone.”
-
2948.
-
2949.
Anon sighed sadly, but Luna nodded, stood and left without further comment.
-
2950.
Celestia sighed as she again turned to Anon, and then she noticed a sunflower on
-
2951.
his desk. She picked it up with her magic, but the transfer into her hooves was
-
2952.
feather soft.
-
2953.
-
2954.
“Was she pretty?”
-
2955.
-
2956.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in enough trouble already,” he replied.
-
2957.
-
2958.
“Was she?” Celestia pressed.
-
2959.
-
2960.
Anon sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. “Yes.”
-
2961.
-
2962.
“What was she like?”
-
2963.
-
2964.
The look that passed over his face gave away his inner thought. After all, he
-
2965.
probably couldn’t make things much worse at this point. “She was loud, and
-
2966.
talkative. She had a lot of stories, and one reminded her of another, so it was
-
2967.
hard to get a word in edgewise. She liked it when ponies praised her. She had
-
2968.
deep, green eyes and a soft blue mane. She laughed a lot, she joked a lot. And
-
2969.
she spent most of the afternoon walking and talking with me around Canterlot.”
-
2970.
-
2971.
“Do you want to meet with her again?”
-
2972.
-
2973.
A tear escaped. “Yes.”
-
2974.
-
2975.
“Your sadness is not caused by what you think you did to me,” Celestia said,
-
2976.
“nor is it from a perceived betrayal. Your sadness comes from what you are
-
2977.
missing out on.”
-
2978.
-
2979.
His eyes rolled back to her with some confusion showing in them, and Celestia
-
2980.
nodded before she continued. “If you hadn’t bumped into me yesterday, this may
-
2981.
have been the moment when you found your special somepony. This kindly mare you
-
2982.
met was interesting, amusing, and worth getting to know better. Your depression
-
2983.
stems from the fact that, despite how well your first encounter with her went,
-
2984.
you will never be able to see her again. You will never know if there could have
-
2985.
been something, because my law forces you to marry me. The future isn’t what it
-
2986.
could have been, but rather is something totally out of your control.
-
2987.
-
2988.
“So, in a way, most of this is probably resentment. You hate what is happening
-
2989.
to you and how it has happened. You are angry that you have to be stuck with me,
-
2990.
a mare that you have no right having any relationship with, and you hate that
-
2991.
your life cannot proceed on a normal path.”
-
2992.
-
2993.
Silence reigned supreme within the room.
-
2994.
-
2995.
“Well.” Celestia stood. “I hope you can forgive me, in time. I know that what
-
2996.
has happened has greatly upset your life, and believe me, I regret everything
-
2997.
that has happened as well.”
-
2998.
-
2999.
“This isn’t your fault,” he said. “You weren’t the one in the flowers.”
-
3000.
-
3001.
“But I did write the law,” she replied, “and I am the one who stuck my nose into
-
3002.
the flowers. I am a firm believer in placing appropriate blame in the
-
3003.
appropriate place, especially if it involves me. I am not above my citizens, in
-
3004.
any way. I must be held accountable, the same as anypony else.”
-
3005.
-
3006.
Anon didn’t reply, but he did appear thoughtful.
-
3007.
-
3008.
“I have cleared my schedule for tomorrow so I may devote my whole efforts to
-
3009.
finding your escape from this nightmare,” she continued while she turned towards
-
3010.
the door. “I will have a definite answer for you by this time tomorrow. In the
-
3011.
meantime, you should continue about your activities. I don’t know of any other
-
3012.
issues that should arise, so you should be fine.”
-
3013.
-
3014.
“Why did the magic start draining out of you?” he asked as he sat up. “We aren’t
-
3015.
married yet.”
-
3016.
-
3017.
“The Heart Magic I used to bind the law was very powerful and very complex, the
-
3018.
primordial magic of creation even. When I activated it, it began following us,
-
3019.
ensuring that we both followed the terms that had been laid out. When you met
-
3020.
that mare—”
-
3021.
-
3022.
“Sego Lily,” Anon quietly interrupted.
-
3023.
-
3024.
“Very well. When you met Sego Lily, the Heart Magic sensed that there was the
-
3025.
possibility you could betray me. It can feel what is in our hearts, and it felt
-
3026.
that your heart was turning towards Miss Lily. The terms of the marriage clause
-
3027.
then began to come to bear, and my magic was siphoned from me, thus causing my
-
3028.
odd behavior. When you returned and touched my nose again, you reaffirmed your
-
3029.
commitment to me, and the Heart Magic restored everything to what it should be.
-
3030.
So long as you maintain professional relationships with other mares, you cannot
-
3031.
cause any further damage.”
-
3032.
-
3033.
“And there’s nothing else?”
-
3034.
-
3035.
“Twilight has read over the law seven times now and can find no other
-
3036.
‘surprises.’ If she cannot find any, we should be fine.”
-
3037.
-
3038.
“How did you explain your actions to her?”
-
3039.
-
3040.
“I told her the truth," Celestia replied casually. “There really wasn’t any
-
3041.
other way to explain the situation. It took her a few minutes to fully
-
3042.
understand and accept the news, but she’s now deeply committed to finding a
-
3043.
loophole too. She’s also agreed to not speak of this to anypony else, as has the
-
3044.
staff who saw my erratic behavior. I don’t think either of us want what has
-
3045.
happened to become general knowledge yet. Or ever.”
-
3046.
-
3047.
“Not really, no.”
-
3048.
-
3049.
“The staff has also been instructed to take care of any needs you may have
-
3050.
tonight.” Celestia stood, placed the sunflower back on the desk, and began
-
3051.
moving towards the door. “Simply pull the cord, and a servant will be along
-
3052.
shortly. You are free to do whatever you like tomorrow, as I said before. Please
-
3053.
just check with me again at nightfall. Good evening.”
-
3054.
-
3055.
She then drifted out of the room, but Anon groaned once she was out of sight.
-
3056.
“Celestia, wait!”
-
3057.
-
3058.
“Yes?” She poked her head around the doorframe.
-
3059.
-
3060.
“Will…” Anon stalled out, looked at the floor sheepishly, then looked at her
-
3061.
again. “Will you be making pancakes again?”
-
3062.
-
3063.
Celestia smiled softly and warmly. “Just after sunrise.”
-
3064.
-
3065.
“Could I join you for breakfast again?”
-
3066.
-
3067.
“I would be honored.” > 6. - The Verdict >
-
3068.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
3069.
-
3070.
-
3071.
-
3072.
To her Most Royal Highness
-
3073.
-
3074.
Princess Celestia Of The Royal Kingdom of Equestria
-
3075.
-
3076.
On behalf of the Juris Prudis Center of Law at the University of Canterlot, I
-
3077.
wish to thank you for your recent submission to our department. This so-called
-
3078.
‘Alicorn Law’ is a literal and figurative treasure, and we greatly value your
-
3079.
willingness to share such an historical document with us. Everypony has been
-
3080.
beside themselves to have a chance to review this law, and if we could trouble
-
3081.
you for a few hours of your time in the near future we would greatly appreciate
-
3082.
hearing the history and the context behind it.
-
3083.
-
3084.
As to your request, I have personally reviewed your document, as have all
-
3085.
department heads, professors, and a select group of undergraduate students who
-
3086.
are at the top of their class. We estimate that, combined, over 300 pony-hours
-
3087.
have been devoted to examining the ‘marriage clause,’ and I personally believe
-
3088.
that no other legal document has been subjected to as deep and as through a
-
3089.
study as this has been.
-
3090.
-
3091.
It is the considered opinion of all involved that, in all respects, this is the
-
3092.
most legally binding document, and by extension the most legally binding clause,
-
3093.
in recorded history. There are absolutely no caveats, provisions, loopholes,
-
3094.
extensions, mitigating factors, errors, or contradictions that we could find
-
3095.
that would allow for the marriage clause to be cancelled, modified, or nullified
-
3096.
in any way, shape, means, or form.
-
3097.
-
3098.
If there is anything else I or my department can assist you with, please feel
-
3099.
free to contact us at anytime.
-
3100.
-
3101.
Sincerely,
-
3102.
-
3103.
Amicus Curiae,
-
3104.
-
3105.
Head Dean Juris Prudis Center of Law University of Canterlot
-
3106.
-
3107.
-
3108.
-
3109.
-
3110.
* * ✹ * *
-
3111.
-
3112.
-
3113.
“Princess?”
-
3114.
-
3115.
“Oh! Good morning, Mister Anon!” Celestia said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be
-
3116.
awake already. I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to make the pancakes yet; I
-
3117.
just finished raising the sun.”
-
3118.
-
3119.
“That’s okay, I actually wanted to talk to you for a minute, if I may.”
-
3120.
-
3121.
“Of course! What is troubling you?” Celestia asked with deep concern. “Whatever
-
3122.
it is, I’m sure I can help.”
-
3123.
-
3124.
“That I don’t doubt. Look, I, uh…”
-
3125.
-
3126.
Celestia said nothing while Anon sorted out his thoughts. After a moment, he
-
3127.
added, “I want to apologize to you.”
-
3128.
-
3129.
“For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
-
3130.
-
3131.
“I think I have, actually.”
-
3132.
-
3133.
Celestia tilted her head slightly and gave him a curious look.
-
3134.
-
3135.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said last night, about me being resentful.
-
3136.
You were right about all of that. The problem is I should have been less of a
-
3137.
self-centered jerk about it.”
-
3138.
-
3139.
“Mister Anon, you have every—”
-
3140.
-
3141.
“No, wait.” He cut her off forcefully. “Just let me say all this first. I
-
3142.
haven’t given your thoughts and feelings in all of this the due it deserves. You
-
3143.
have been agonizing over what has happened, too. It’s obvious you feel bad, and
-
3144.
that your creation has lead us to where we are. I should have been aware of
-
3145.
that, and I need to remember you’re hurting as much as I am, and you’re probably
-
3146.
just as confused as I am about how to move forward.
-
3147.
-
3148.
“I think, really, that I’ve been coming at this from the wrong viewpoint. This
-
3149.
whole time, I’ve pretty much seen you and treated you as Princess Celestia, The
-
3150.
Great and Powerful.” He dropped his voice an octave for emphasis, and Celestia
-
3151.
giggled a bit at the show. “I’ve spent this whole time expecting you to waltz up
-
3152.
at any moment and say: ‘Mister Anon, I found the loophole. You’re good to go,’
-
3153.
and then we part with a laugh and no further thought on the matter. Before last
-
3154.
night, I figured you were just mechanically going through the motions until you
-
3155.
reached the end.
-
3156.
-
3157.
“But you have a heart, the same as me, and it’s a heart that cares deeply for
-
3158.
other people. I realized last night that you’ve probably agonized over this ten
-
3159.
times more than I have, and have felt ten times worse. It’s not fair for me to
-
3160.
have a pity party when you’ve dutifully carried on without crying on my shoulder
-
3161.
about it all. So, I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings. I’m sorry I’ve
-
3162.
been so callous. Can you forgive me?”
-
3163.
-
3164.
“I think I can,” she replied, with a somewhat stern look now. “But on one
-
3165.
condition.”
-
3166.
-
3167.
“Name it.”
-
3168.
-
3169.
She leaned in close to his ear. “You tell me what ‘callous’ means,” she
-
3170.
whispered.
-
3171.
-
3172.
“Well, it means… wait. What?”
-
3173.
-
3174.
Celestia laughed a bit as she straightened. “Well, if somepony tells me they’re
-
3175.
being callous, I want to make sure they know what being callous is!”
-
3176.
-
3177.
“It means I’ve been thick, and unfeeling, and probably unwanted and very much
-
3178.
me.”
-
3179.
-
3180.
“You’re not unwanted, Mister Anon. You’ve been a delight to have as a guest,
-
3181.
especially compared to some diplomats I’ve met.” She gave him a warm smile as
-
3182.
they began walking down the hallway. “As for unfeeling, you’ve been nothing of
-
3183.
the sort. Most people do see me as the Great and Powerful—” she mimicked his
-
3184.
deep voice “—so it’s just how you are. There’s nothing wrong with being
-
3185.
yourself.”
-
3186.
-
3187.
“Yeah, but that’s just it. You mentioned how I need to reconcile what I knew
-
3188.
with what I know now. I didn’t do that, and I should have.”
-
3189.
-
3190.
“I think you already did.”
-
3191.
-
3192.
The smile that Anon gave Celestia right then could have ignited a star on its
-
3193.
own.
-
3194.
-
3195.
“I hope so. But that’s the other part of it: I betrayed you yesterday.”
-
3196.
-
3197.
Celestia shook her head. “Never! All I ever told you was that we needed to
-
3198.
marry, nothing more. To me, that does imply that anything done before the
-
3199.
marriage shouldn’t matter. As I said, you are not to blame. It was my fault, not
-
3200.
yours. Besides, it doesn’t help that I keep mentioning a loophole. It’s just as
-
3201.
you said: you were expecting to be released from this law, so you lived life as
-
3202.
such. If I do find a way out of this for you, I fully expect you to go find Sego
-
3203.
Lily and to ask her out on a formal date. I’ll even hunt her down myself if I
-
3204.
have to.”
-
3205.
-
3206.
“And if you don’t find a way out?” he asked, and his face contorted with
-
3207.
concern. “What if we really do need to marry?”
-
3208.
-
3209.
Celestia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and smirked. “We’ll figure
-
3210.
that out when the time comes, but for now, we should eat. It is always best to
-
3211.
ponder weighty subjects on a full stomach, in my opinion.”
-
3212.
-
3213.
“Breakfast does sound good.” He began walking by her side as they strolled down
-
3214.
the hallway.
-
3215.
-
3216.
“If you ask me nicely, I may even put a funny face on your pancakes again.”
-
3217.
-
3218.
-
3219.
-
3220.
-
3221.
-
3222.
“Anon.”
-
3223.
-
3224.
“I didn’t do anything!” Anon recoiled and fell back on his butt.
-
3225.
-
3226.
“Who said you did?” Luna remarked. “And didn’t you do something just then, thus
-
3227.
negating your previous statement?”
-
3228.
-
3229.
Anon blinked. “What?”
-
3230.
-
3231.
“I am yanking your chain, Mister Anon. Relax.”
-
3232.
-
3233.
“Oh,” Anon replied in relief while he plopped into a dining room chair. Luna
-
3234.
eyed him for a moment, but then scooped up a large bite of corn flakes, shoveled
-
3235.
them in her mouth and went back to intently reading the nutritional content
-
3236.
label of the cereal box.
-
3237.
-
3238.
“You like corn flakes?” He dared to ask the obvious after a few minutes in hopes
-
3239.
of further conversation.
-
3240.
-
3241.
“Helps to regulate my constipation.”
-
3242.
-
3243.
“And I’m done.” Anon leaned back, more than a little grossed out at such a
-
3244.
thought. “I just can’t win with you.”
-
3245.
-
3246.
“That all depends on how you keep score.” Luna glanced over to him, and offered
-
3247.
a mischievous smile. “And on how you play the game.”
-
3248.
-
3249.
“Game?”
-
3250.
-
3251.
“If you are going to stick around, Mister Anon—and there is a very good chance
-
3252.
that you will be here for quite some time—there are two things you must
-
3253.
understand about me. The first is that I was the bearer of the Element of
-
3254.
Laughter before my banishment.”
-
3255.
-
3256.
Her gaze went distant, and Anon felt a distinct chill as Luna’s demeanor
-
3257.
dropped. “Those were the days.
-
3258.
-
3259.
“The second thing is that I am a prankster by nature. If you can learn to roll
-
3260.
with my punches, you will be much better off.”
-
3261.
-
3262.
“I see,” Anon quietly replied.
-
3263.
-
3264.
Luna nodded, picked the bowl up with her magic, drained the contents in one
-
3265.
massive chug, then stood and grabbed the box with her magic as well. “Do you
-
3266.
like soymilk, Mister Anon?”
-
3267.
-
3268.
“I suppose so.”
-
3269.
-
3270.
“Good. I personally recommend it, I have found it helps to prevent bloating and
-
3271.
other gastrointestinal issues. Very useful for long-winded dinners and other
-
3272.
such formal events.”
-
3273.
-
3274.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
-
3275.
-
3276.
Luna smiled, nodded, then left for the kitchen area.
-
3277.
-
3278.
It was just then that Anonymous heard a humming noise, that quickly became a
-
3279.
scatting be-bop mix. He glanced around the room but couldn’t see any ponies.
-
3280.
-
3281.
But then he saw spikes.
-
3282.
-
3283.
Green spikes.
-
3284.
-
3285.
Green spikes and purple scales.
-
3286.
-
3287.
And while no pony is quite sure, it is entirely within the realm of possibility
-
3288.
that Anonymous squealed in delight.
-
3289.
-
3290.
“Oh, hi! You must be Anonymous. I’m Spike; it’s nice to meet you!”
-
3291.
-
3292.
Anonymous was up, over, and shaking Spike’s claw faster than a sonic rainboom.
-
3293.
“My dear dragon friend, the pleasure is entirely mine.”
-
3294.
-
3295.
“Oh, heh. Wow,” Spike replied, with a bit of embarrassed pride.
-
3296.
-
3297.
“Do you live here at the palace?” Anon asked, with the undertone that he
-
3298.
desperately wanted Spike to say yes.
-
3299.
-
3300.
“I used to. I live with Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville now.”
-
3301.
-
3302.
Anon felt crushed for a moment, but then brightened again. “And you’re here to
-
3303.
help Twilight Sparkle study Celestia’s law?”
-
3304.
-
3305.
“Yup! I am her number one assistant, after all.”
-
3306.
-
3307.
Luna then casually walked back into the dining hall.
-
3308.
-
3309.
“Wouldyouexcusemeforonemoment?” Anon managed to gasp. Before Spike could
-
3310.
respond, Anon zipped across the room and nearly tackled Luna.
-
3311.
-
3312.
“What are you doing?” Luna protested.
-
3313.
-
3314.
“Luna, I know you hate every hair on my miserable body and would rather turn me
-
3315.
in for a profit at the glue factory than talk to me but I need the greatest
-
3316.
favor in the history of Equestria. I swear on my own grave that I will never ask
-
3317.
you for anything again and you can give me nightmares for the next hundred years
-
3318.
if you want.”
-
3319.
-
3320.
“Uh…”
-
3321.
-
3322.
“I need you to teleport my notebook and my pencil down from my room.”
-
3323.
-
3324.
He then used the most feared and effective weapon in the history of the world:
-
3325.
-
3326.
Puppy Dog eyes.
-
3327.
-
3328.
“THANK YOU!” He snatched the items out of Luna’s magic grasp. He then skittered
-
3329.
back over to Spike—who had a completely dumbfounded look—sat down, ripped his
-
3330.
book open, and then turned his whole focus to the young dragon.
-
3331.
-
3332.
“Please forgive my enthusiasm, Mister Spike. It has been a lifelong dream of
-
3333.
mine to speak to a living, breathing member of your species. May I be
-
3334.
impertinent enough to ask you a few questions?”
-
3335.
-
3336.
“What kind of questions?” he asked warily.
-
3337.
-
3338.
“General information questions. Like this, as an example: do you shed, molt, or
-
3339.
lose any of your scales?”
-
3340.
-
3341.
“Well, I do get a little flakey sometimes. I find a loofah helps take care of
-
3342.
that.”
-
3343.
-
3344.
Anon began writing furiously. “Are you fireproof?”
-
3345.
-
3346.
Spike scoffed. “Totally! We dragons are completely flame proof!”
-
3347.
-
3348.
“They will be at this for days.” Luna chuckled to herself.
-
3349.
-
3350.
-
3351.
-
3352.
-
3353.
-
3354.
“…well, it depends,” Spike drawled. He was sitting sideways in his chair, with
-
3355.
one arm casually resting across the back of it while he used his other claw to
-
3356.
emphasize his point by waving it nonchalantly in the air. “You see, it’s all in
-
3357.
the mineral content. Emeralds have a distinct smoothness to them, but rubies?
-
3358.
Ha! Rubies punch ya right in the mouth! I prefer a nice amethyst myself, though
-
3359.
I’m generally not too picky about my gems.”
-
3360.
-
3361.
Anon was scribbling in his notebook with enough speed that there was the concern
-
3362.
he’d set it on fire.
-
3363.
-
3364.
“How long do you think they’ll go?” Twilight asked her former teacher.
-
3365.
-
3366.
“We may have to physically pull them apart.” Celestia chuckled a bit. “I would
-
3367.
guess Anonymous has quite a few questions.”
-
3368.
-
3369.
“…the only ones who could dig faster would be Diamond Dogs.” Spike’s voice
-
3370.
drifted over in the pause.
-
3371.
-
3372.
“But you find them by smell?” Anon asked.
-
3373.
-
3374.
“Yup! Ain’t no better sniffer than yours truly!”
-
3375.
-
3376.
Both Celestia and Twilight laughed lightly as Anon scrawled furiously again.
-
3377.
-
3378.
“Twilight? I need you to be perfectly frank with me.” Celestia continued, while
-
3379.
keeping her gaze on Anon. “Is there any sort of a loophole in my law?”
-
3380.
-
3381.
Twilight looked like she might try to hem or haw for a moment, but then she
-
3382.
sighed. “No. As far as I’ve been able to see, there’s no way out of this. You
-
3383.
somehow made this water tight. I’m more than happy to go over it with you;
-
3384.
perhaps we’ll see something together. But I really and truly think you’ll be
-
3385.
forced to marry him.”
-
3386.
-
3387.
There was a long pause between the two Princesses. Both watched as Spike told
-
3388.
the story of how he had heroically ‘saved’ Rarity from the Diamond Dogs, and
-
3389.
both chuckled when Anon called him out on it.
-
3390.
-
3391.
“Well,” Celestia sighed finally, “I did clear my entire day, after all. Let’s go
-
3392.
over it together. When I break the news to my—” Celestia paused for a moment
-
3393.
before drawing in a deep breath, “—my husband, I want to be completely sure I am
-
3394.
being totally honest with him.”
-
3395.
-
3396.
-
3397.
-
3398.
-
3399.
-
3400.
“There’s no loophole.” Anon repeated slowly.
-
3401.
-
3402.
“No.” Celestia sighed. “I’m sorry.”
-
3403.
-
3404.
Anon stared into his cup of tea, wishing that something considerably more potent
-
3405.
than mere leaves was hidden beneath the surface. Then he managed with great
-
3406.
concentration to return his cup to the saucer while looking at the ream of paper
-
3407.
on the table between them. “I assume you’re completely sure on this?”
-
3408.
-
3409.
“I am. Twilight and I went over every letter in there. We tried contextual
-
3410.
errors, contradictions, anarchisms. We debated for an hour on if we could cancel
-
3411.
it based on what the definition of ‘is’ is. Nothing worked.
-
3412.
-
3413.
“This stack of papers contains the official replies from every individual and
-
3414.
entity I sent my law to for review. All who looked it over are experts in the
-
3415.
field of law: judges, professors, attorneys, deans of law schools, and so on. I
-
3416.
don’t believe any law has ever had such scrutiny before.”
-
3417.
-
3418.
“And it’s all come back the same,” he replied while his left rear leg began to
-
3419.
shake uncontrollably.
-
3420.
-
3421.
“Most are quite amazed at what I managed to produce,” Celestia offered, in what
-
3422.
seemed to be a vain attempt to lighten the mood. “And I have over three dozen
-
3423.
requests for appointments to discuss the background of it.”
-
3424.
-
3425.
“But I still have to marry you,” Anon repeated, trying not to sound like he was
-
3426.
talking about a funeral.
-
3427.
-
3428.
“I realize this is a lot to take in all at once,” Celestia offered. “I’m going
-
3429.
to try to make this as easy and as gentle as possible for you, believe me.”
-
3430.
-
3431.
Anon nodded slowly, but it took him a moment to translate the questions in his
-
3432.
head into something comprehensible. “So, what’s going to happen now?”
-
3433.
-
3434.
“To make sure we don’t go over the time limit, we’re going to have the actual
-
3435.
wedding tomorrow afternoon. However, since there are a lot of details we need to
-
3436.
sort out with this, I’m not going to make our marriage public just yet. I’ll
-
3437.
have you stay here, inside the palace, until I can determine how to move
-
3438.
forward.”
-
3439.
-
3440.
“Well, I can practice my writing I guess,” Anon replied, but his gaze was not on
-
3441.
anything in the drawing room.
-
3442.
-
3443.
“Anon?” Celestia gently said, and his eyes returned to her instantly. The great
-
3444.
Princess of Equestria gave a low and mournful sigh before she continued. “Above
-
3445.
all else, know this: there isn’t a pony alive who feels more remorse for their
-
3446.
actions than I do right now for mine. I can only hope that I have not completely
-
3447.
ruined your life. I will try to make whatever amends to you that I can.”
-
3448.
-
3449.
“Oh, well…” he stammered. “They say to look on the bright side of things, right?
-
3450.
This isn’t so bad. The palace is wonderful, and I bet I can get a lot of
-
3451.
studying done in the main library and the archives.”
-
3452.
-
3453.
“You are also free to use what I have here as you wish.”
-
3454.
-
3455.
“But this is your personal stuff. I couldn’t possibly touch it.”
-
3456.
-
3457.
“I insist.”
-
3458.
-
3459.
“All right,” Anon replied. “But there’s that, and the good food, and I can meet
-
3460.
dignitaries sometimes I bet.”
-
3461.
-
3462.
“Some of them, yes.”
-
3463.
-
3464.
“And I’ll be married to you: Princess Celestia!” He threw his arms out wide in
-
3465.
her direction. “There’s stallions who would chew their leg off just to get a
-
3466.
chance to flirt with you. That’s gotta be the best part of all this.
-
3467.
-
3468.
“So yeah.” His arms dropped, and he exhaled slowly. “It could all be worse, I
-
3469.
suppose. It’ll take some adjustments, but I, er, we will make this work. For the
-
3470.
good of all Ponykind. I mean, I’d hate to be the one who succeeded where
-
3471.
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra and Chrysalis failed, right? That would just
-
3472.
bite the bark.”
-
3473.
-
3474.
“Bite the bark?”
-
3475.
-
3476.
Anon smiled weakly. “Old saying in my family.”
-
3477.
-
3478.
“I’d like to meet them sometime.”
-
3479.
-
3480.
“No you wouldn’t,” he quickly retorted.
-
3481.
-
3482.
Thankfully, Celestia decided not to press the issue. “Why don’t we both get some
-
3483.
rest, mm? It’s late now, we’ve both had a long day, and we have many things to
-
3484.
accomplish tomorrow.”
-
3485.
-
3486.
“Yeah! Yeah.” Anon stood, but his hand kept shaking. “Should I, uh… should I
-
3487.
meet you at sunrise?”
-
3488.
-
3489.
“I think that will be fine. Would you like a different room to stay in? We have
-
3490.
nicer ones that are not as drafty.”
-
3491.
-
3492.
“No, that’s okay. I like it now, draft and all. It has a really nice view, and I
-
3493.
can watch your sunrise over the mountains without anything blocking the view.”
-
3494.
-
3495.
Some color flared on Celestia’s cheeks, and the corners of her mouth twitched
-
3496.
up. “Would you like me to escort you to your room?”
-
3497.
-
3498.
Anon thought for a moment. “No, it’s okay. I think I need some time alone to
-
3499.
think about this. No offence.”
-
3500.
-
3501.
“None taken. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.”
-
3502.
-
3503.
“Good night, Celestia.”
-
3504.
-
3505.
“Good night, Anon.”
-
3506.
-
3507.
Anonymous, the soon-to-be-prince of Equestria, then stood and mechanically left
-
3508.
the room.
-
3509.
-
3510.
His head was swimming with questions, concerns, fears and doubts. How was he
-
3511.
supposed to be a prince? What would they have him do? Meet with ambassadors?
-
3512.
Kiss foals? Make laws? Would they send him off on his own, or would he be with
-
3513.
Celestia all the time? Could he still write his story? Would he share a bedroom
-
3514.
with Celestia? Would he share a bed with her?! Would Luna ever stop picking on
-
3515.
him? What about Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor? Would they hate him?
-
3516.
Would Twilight hate him for marrying her mentor?
-
3517.
-
3518.
And the one that scared him the most: would he be doomed to live in a loveless
-
3519.
relationship?
-
3520.
-
3521.
So consumed was he with all of this that, although his eyes were forward, he
-
3522.
wasn’t paying attention to his walking. His steps were slow, measured, and he
-
3523.
wasn’t even heading in the right direction for his room. He was just going.
-
3524.
-
3525.
He suddenly got jarred back to reality when he rounded a corner and came
-
3526.
nose-to-nose with another pony. Both recoiled at the impact, and Anon’s eyes
-
3527.
took half a moment of blinking to focus in.
-
3528.
-
3529.
“You again, Mister Anon?” Luna grumped, as she rubbed the end of her nose.
-
3530.
“Really, it is bad manners to run into ponies. Could you please make the effort
-
3531.
to… watch…”
-
3532.
-
3533.
Her eyes went wide, her irises shrank, and she pulled her hoof away just a hair
-
3534.
so she could look at the end of her nose. “What have you done?” she whispered.
-
3535.
-
3536.
“I was... just… oh no!” He gasped, stumbled a step backwards before landing on
-
3537.
his rear and then put both front hooves on his own nose. “No! Princess Luna,
-
3538.
please…”
-
3539.
-
3540.
“You touched my nose,” she softly said, her eyes planted on him now.
-
3541.
-
3542.
“No!”
-
3543.
-
3544.
“With your nose!” She gasped and held a hoof to her chest.
-
3545.
-
3546.
“Oh, please no! It was an accident! No! I didn’t mean… I don’t want… I can’t…”
-
3547.
-
3548.
She dropped her hoof, her eyes returned to normal, and she gave a laughing
-
3549.
scoff.
-
3550.
-
3551.
“I’m yanking your chain again, Mister Anon.”
-
3552.
-
3553.
She then brushed past the shell-shocked Anon, who was frozen in the same
-
3554.
posture.
-
3555.
-
3556.
“But… your nose…”
-
3557.
-
3558.
“The law says the first stallion who touches my nose must wed me,” she called
-
3559.
over her shoulder as she strolled casually away. “I have been wed before.”
-
3560.
-
3561.
And Anonymous managed to summarize all of his thoughts, emotions, and feelings
-
3562.
into one fluid movement.
-
3563.
-
3564.
He fainted dead away. > 7. - The Feeling is Nuptial >
-
3565.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
3566.
-
3567.
This was it.
-
3568.
-
3569.
Anon took another long, deep breath while he walked out of his room and into the
-
3570.
hallway. In a few short hours, he would be walking down the aisle with Princess
-
3571.
Celestia, Princess of Just About Everything Under the Sun, and he would formally
-
3572.
take her as his lawfully wedded wife.
-
3573.
-
3574.
The mere thought of that was enough to keep his lungs from drawing air in the
-
3575.
proper fashion.
-
3576.
-
3577.
This had to be the most insane thing to ever happen to anyone in the history of
-
3578.
Ever. He, Anonymous, a nobody from another world and worth no more than a wooden
-
3579.
bit, was going to be the husband of Princess Celestia.
-
3580.
-
3581.
He swallowed hard, and he had to get his mind off of what was going to happen
-
3582.
or Celestia’s problem would be resolved by his timely demise via a massive heart
-
3583.
attack.
-
3584.
-
3585.
Anon sucked in a long breath, and he forced his thoughts into what he had
-
3586.
learned last night. Now that the dreaded panic of having to marry two princesses
-
3587.
had been silenced, he found he was both surprised and not surprised that Luna
-
3588.
had been married at some point. While he had never heard of her husband before,
-
3589.
he could understand why he didn’t know. For most of his life, Princess Luna
-
3590.
herself had been nothing more than a boogymare that had been used to scare him
-
3591.
into being a better cook with extremely limited success. Most ponies were still
-
3592.
learning about their lunar diarch, and it would still be many years before
-
3593.
Luna’s full history could be understood properly. In this light, he’d be
-
3594.
surprised if anyone besides Celestia knew of Luna’s husband.
-
3595.
-
3596.
Although, thinking of her did make him wonder how he had gotten back to his room
-
3597.
last night. The last thing he remembered was her stunt in the hallway, and
-
3598.
unless he had somehow walked back while unconscious, he should still be there.
-
3599.
The obvious answer was that either Celestia or Luna had relocated him, but he
-
3600.
would ask Celestia all the same about it.
-
3601.
-
3602.
“Mister Anon?”
-
3603.
-
3604.
“Princess?” Anon replied while he turned, but the next words came out before he
-
3605.
could think about them. “You look horrible.”
-
3606.
-
3607.
“I’m not at my best at the moment, I do have to admit,” Celestia replied with a
-
3608.
glance over her own disheveled coat and frizzed-out tail. “I will be more
-
3609.
presentable before our wedding, I assure you.”
-
3610.
-
3611.
Anon’s trembling leg threatened to rip clean away from his body. “Oh, you l-look
-
3612.
fine, Your Highness. You can come like that if you like.”
-
3613.
-
3614.
“You are a horrible liar,” Celestia retorted with a hint of a smile. “But I
-
3615.
appreciate the compliment. Were you able to get any rest last night?”
-
3616.
-
3617.
Anon shook his head. “Not very much, no. An hour at most, if it was all added up
-
3618.
together.”
-
3619.
-
3620.
“I thought so,” Celestia replied, and they both began moving down the hallway.
-
3621.
“I apologize again for all of this, Mister Anon. I spent most of last night in
-
3622.
one final effort to remove you from this fate, but I’m afraid there is nothing.”
-
3623.
-
3624.
“You tried, though. That means a lot to me. I suppose we’ll make this work,
-
3625.
somehow.”
-
3626.
-
3627.
“We will indeed,” Celestia replied with a note of deep conviction. “In fact, I
-
3628.
would like to speak to you about some of the details regarding your new
-
3629.
position.”
-
3630.
-
3631.
Anon forced himself to laugh and to smile, although he was afraid his smile was
-
3632.
more of a baring of teeth rather than any expression of feigned pleasure.
-
3633.
“There’s a lot of new hire paperwork I have to fill out, isn’t there?”
-
3634.
-
3635.
Celestia glanced up at him, and the smile they shared gave Anon a small trickle
-
3636.
of relief. “There is that, and we will need to fill out the tax exemption
-
3637.
paperwork for you as well.”
-
3638.
-
3639.
“I think I can handle that part of it, at least. Paperwork was one of the rare
-
3640.
things I could do well at home.”
-
3641.
-
3642.
“We’ll take care of it later, then. Right now, I believe a good breakfast would
-
3643.
help both of us recover from the evening.”
-
3644.
-
3645.
Breakfast. Breakfast always came after waking up, and the familiarity of that
-
3646.
repetition helped to calm Anon’s nerves a bit more. “I would like that, but I
-
3647.
don’t know that I’m all that hungry.”
-
3648.
-
3649.
“I believe I will have Chef Beet provide us with some oatmeal, then. You will
-
3650.
forgive me for not cooking, I hope.”
-
3651.
-
3652.
“Even the best of chefs need a break every now and then. Oatmeal will be fine.”
-
3653.
-
3654.
-
3655.
~*~
-
3656.
-
3657.
-
3658.
“And you awoke in your room?” Celestia asked.
-
3659.
-
3660.
“I did. I don’t know how I got back there, though,” Anon replied.
-
3661.
-
3662.
“I was unaware that you had even passed out,” said Celestia with a deep frown.
-
3663.
“Lulu should have told me.”
-
3664.
-
3665.
“Maybe she felt bad over her stunt afterward?”
-
3666.
-
3667.
“Perhaps. Luna has always been something of a trickster, so it is possible she
-
3668.
thought she was pulling a harmless prank.”
-
3669.
-
3670.
“Was she really married before?” Anon blurted. “I mean, forgive me for being
-
3671.
doubtful, but it’s the first I’ve ever heard about it.”
-
3672.
-
3673.
“I would imagine you are one of the first people she has brought into her
-
3674.
confidence since her return. She was married, yes, but I believe this
-
3675.
conversation would be best continued with her in attendance. She will be able to
-
3676.
correct any of my erroneous memories regarding their marriage.”
-
3677.
-
3678.
“I’ll ask her later, then.”
-
3679.
-
3680.
Celestia nodded. “Now, let us discuss your future here. I am willing to guess
-
3681.
that you would be rather upset if I simply confined you to your room.”
-
3682.
-
3683.
“That would be a rather dismal fate, yes,” he replied.
-
3684.
-
3685.
“The idea does not sit well with me, either. Since it is my law and my actions
-
3686.
that have now locked you within this gilded cage, I am willing to make whatever
-
3687.
accommodations I can to make your stay as tolerable as possible. You will have
-
3688.
free access to any part of the palace you wish to visit, and I will supply a
-
3689.
guard detail for you if you care to roam outside these walls, or even beyond
-
3690.
Canterlot. This may even prove to be an advantage for your career. You could
-
3691.
safely travel across Equestria and refine your writing skills in the process.
-
3692.
The Crown will cover any expenses you incur, without question.”
-
3693.
-
3694.
Anon thought this over while he finished his bite of oatmeal. “I think you’re
-
3695.
being a bit too generous again, Princess. I’d hate to run up the national debt
-
3696.
just so I can wander around.”
-
3697.
-
3698.
“The expense is trivial. My offer remains. Perhaps I should be asking you what
-
3699.
you would like.”
-
3700.
-
3701.
Anon considered the idea for another few moments. “I’m not really sure,
-
3702.
Princess. I don’t really like the idea of just sitting around, doing nothing.
-
3703.
I’ve been a worker my whole life, and I still want to be useful, helpful even.
-
3704.
Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but perhaps there’s something I can help you
-
3705.
with.”
-
3706.
-
3707.
Anon couldn’t quite be sure, but it seemed like Celestia’s mane flowed just a
-
3708.
bit faster for a moment with that statement. She did seem happier for sure, and
-
3709.
Anon felt another small round of calm flow over him as she responded.
-
3710.
-
3711.
“I may be able to find something for you to help me with. I will need to verify
-
3712.
a few details first, however.”
-
3713.
-
3714.
“That’s fine. Maybe while you do that, I can use a little vacation time to learn
-
3715.
the layout of the palace and of Canterlot. Is it a use it or lose it type of
-
3716.
thing?”
-
3717.
-
3718.
Celestia’s grin turned into a full smile. “I believe I can let you roll over any
-
3719.
unused vacation hours.”
-
3720.
-
3721.
“Oh good. That’s better than what I got back home.”
-
3722.
-
3723.
Celestia started to say something, but she was interrupted by the entrance of
-
3724.
Celestia’s secretary. The young mare wasted no time in crossing over to the
-
3725.
Princess, and she whispered something in a low but urgent tone.
-
3726.
-
3727.
“Really, she is?” Celestia asked once the whispers ended, and the secretary
-
3728.
nodded. “Oh dear. Mister Anon, I do apologize but it seems that there the
-
3729.
Ambassador from Prance needs to speak with me. This may take some time, so
-
3730.
please enjoy the rest of your breakfast, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to send
-
3731.
one of our tailors up to take your measurements. If we are to be wed, we should
-
3732.
look our best, and I believe a nice suit can be procured for you in short
-
3733.
order.”
-
3734.
-
3735.
“That’s fine. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
-
3736.
-
3737.
Celestia nodded. “Until this afternoon, then.”
-
3738.
-
3739.
-
3740.
-
3741.
-
3742.
-
3743.
This afternoon came far too quickly for Anonymous’s liking. He had spent most of
-
3744.
the time by sitting under the blankets on his bed and breathing deeply, in the
-
3745.
vain hope that this would somehow stop time and prevent the inevitable from
-
3746.
happening.
-
3747.
-
3748.
At noon, a tailor had knocked on the door and provided a custom-fit suit, along
-
3749.
with a short note from the Princess. In it, Celestia explained that she would
-
3750.
call for him at five minutes to three, and the ceremony would be held in an
-
3751.
unused office to lessen the impact to the operations of the palace. Once the
-
3752.
ceremony was complete, they would immediately leave, and Anon would again have
-
3753.
time to himself until Celestia called him for dinner.
-
3754.
-
3755.
Or threw him out a window, he dryly thought. This was definitely not what he had
-
3756.
expected in a wedding. There was not even cake on the schedule.
-
3757.
-
3758.
“Well, Anon, this is a fine mess you’re in, isn’t it?” he asked the frazzled
-
3759.
human in the mirror. The unfortunate wretch did not answer, which left Anon
-
3760.
holding both ends of the conversation. “What do you have to say for yourself,
-
3761.
eh? Nothing? Yeah. I don’t know what I could say at this point. You’re going to
-
3762.
be a prince, and married to a princess.”
-
3763.
-
3764.
“How am I going to do this?” he whispered, and he peered closely at his
-
3765.
reflection. There were no answers in the glass, sadly, just his own worried,
-
3766.
confused and anguished face. Whatever came at this point, he was pretty well on
-
3767.
his own.
-
3768.
-
3769.
And that just bit the bark.
-
3770.
-
3771.
He nearly jumped out of his own skin when there was a knock on the door. After a
-
3772.
moment to try to compose himself, he opened the door, and found his bride-to-be
-
3773.
standing before him. The sight did not help his anxiety, because Celestia looked
-
3774.
just as frazzled and concerned as that poor human back in his mirror. They were
-
3775.
going to make a truly remarkable couple, in the worst possible fashion.
-
3776.
-
3777.
But he had to admit her wedding gown looked beautiful. It was a soft yellow with
-
3778.
magenta trim along the edges and seams. It folded on itself in a crinkle pattern
-
3779.
across her chest, leaving her wings fully exposed and able to be used in case
-
3780.
she wanted to fly away from the oncoming disaster.
-
3781.
-
3782.
“Are you ready, Mister Anon?” came the question he was dreading.
-
3783.
-
3784.
“As ready as I can be,” he replied. One leg started to go one direction as the
-
3785.
rest of him went the other way with her.
-
3786.
-
3787.
There was an awkward silence in the hallway as they moved, as neither was really
-
3788.
sure what to say to the other. Anon opened his mouth once or twice to try to say
-
3789.
something nice about her dress, but the capacity to speak seemed to leave as
-
3790.
soon as he’d try, so then he’d shut his mouth again.
-
3791.
-
3792.
This was going quite well.
-
3793.
-
3794.
At roughly the halfway point, Celestia cleared her throat and looked down at
-
3795.
Anon. “You look nice, Mister Anon. Does the suit fit?”
-
3796.
-
3797.
“I believe so, yes.”
-
3798.
-
3799.
“Have you eaten anything since breakfast?”
-
3800.
-
3801.
“I have not.”
-
3802.
-
3803.
“I will arrange for something a bit more substantial tonight, then. You must be
-
3804.
hungry.”
-
3805.
-
3806.
“Thank you, but I don’t know if I’ll be eating at all tonight.”
-
3807.
-
3808.
Anonymous quite honestly felt more dead than alive at that moment, and he drew
-
3809.
in a slow, stuttering breath. His stomach was churning itself into a tangled
-
3810.
knot of unease, his chest felt heavy.
-
3811.
-
3812.
He then glanced up to his imminent wife, and he felt a wave of disgust accompany
-
3813.
his relief that Celestia looked just as harrowed as he felt. Her mane was
-
3814.
limping along in small waves, her eyes looked a bit sunken, and the fine lines
-
3815.
that had appeared at the corners of her face made her look far too old. He felt
-
3816.
absolutely putrid and revolted at what he’d done to the Princess.
-
3817.
-
3818.
“Perhaps something light, then,” she gently offered.
-
3819.
-
3820.
“Perhaps,” Anon echoed.
-
3821.
-
3822.
Nothing more was said as they finished the walk to the office. Inside, they
-
3823.
found Spike —who gave them both an awkward wave— and Discord, who was dressed in
-
3824.
a garishly orange tuxedo and matching top hat. His amusement and enjoyment of
-
3825.
the moment was obvious because he had his mouth literally clamped shut in a
-
3826.
tight smile and his shoulders kept jerking up and down, like he was trying to
-
3827.
suppress his laughter.
-
3828.
-
3829.
“Where is Luna?” Celestia asked.
-
3830.
-
3831.
“She said she had to use the little filly’s room and she dragged Twilight in
-
3832.
there with her.” Spike rolled his eyes. “It’s like they can’t use the bathroom
-
3833.
alone.”
-
3834.
-
3835.
A rhythmic tapping noise caught everyone’s attention. He briefly considered
-
3836.
offering the suggestion to simply wait five minutes so his heart would probably
-
3837.
seize up and solve everybody’s problems.
-
3838.
-
3839.
But then something came over him, something warm, and soft, and downy. It flowed
-
3840.
over him, starting at his shoulders and moving down, and as it went he felt all
-
3841.
of his fears, anxieties and concerns gently fade into nothingness.
-
3842.
-
3843.
He glanced over his left shoulder when the comforting feeling gave him a small
-
3844.
hug-like squeeze, and he found that Celestia had slowly draped her right wing
-
3845.
across his back. Looking down, he became momentarily lost in the gaze of two
-
3846.
sparkling magenta eyes, filled with both concern for him and a sincere wish for
-
3847.
him to be at ease.
-
3848.
-
3849.
A soft smile spread across both of their faces. They shared a soft boop of
-
3850.
mutual nose-touching.
-
3851.
-
3852.
Luna strode grandly into the room with Twilight meekly following behind. “All
-
3853.
right! Sister, I think I need to increase my corn flake intake but I am good to
-
3854.
go now. Let us get this little mess settled already.”
-
3855.
-
3856.
In the wake of Luna’s grand pronouncement, Twilight Sparkle slunk into her seat
-
3857.
with a look of defeated resignation, most probably due to her inability to
-
3858.
dictate every action Anon would be doing during the ceremony.
-
3859.
-
3860.
Maintaining her proud stride, Luna moved behind a simple rostrum at the front of
-
3861.
the room with a few sheets of notes floating behind in her magic. She mumbled to
-
3862.
herself as she sorted them for a moment, then cleared her throat and looked up
-
3863.
at the motley crew before her.
-
3864.
-
3865.
“Dearly beloved,” she began, but then she gave a sour glare to Discord. “And
-
3866.
not-really-liked draconequus who is here because we have not figured out how to
-
3867.
block his chaos magic yet—”
-
3868.
-
3869.
“She’s talking about me. I’m so flattered,” Discord whispered to Spike, with a
-
3870.
nudge and a wink.
-
3871.
-
3872.
“—we are gathered here on this fantastically fabulous Friday to join this human
-
3873.
and this Alicorn princess together in the bonds of matrimony because my
-
3874.
forgetful sister did not listen to me, the younger, more beautiful, and more
-
3875.
beloved Princess of the Night and she forgot to repeal her own silly law.”
-
3876.
-
3877.
“Luna.” Celestia growled much like a large dog would.
-
3878.
-
3879.
“What? You did!” Luna protested. “Now don’t interrupt; you made me lose my
-
3880.
place. Let me see.” Her papers floated up closer to her, and shuffled again as
-
3881.
she squinted at them.
-
3882.
-
3883.
“Mawwiage, that blwwesed awangement—no, wait, maybe I was here—that dweam within
-
3884.
a dweam… oh, I can’t do it. Let’s just skip ahead, shall we?”
-
3885.
-
3886.
The papers shuffled again, Celestia gave off another low growl, and Discord
-
3887.
tucked his lips into an inner pocket of his tuxedo coat, which promptly began
-
3888.
giving out a muffled set of hysterical chuckles.
-
3889.
-
3890.
“All right, here we go,” Luna finally announced. “Anonymous, do you take this
-
3891.
Princess to be your lawfully wedded wife, even though you really don’t have a
-
3892.
say in the matter?”
-
3893.
-
3894.
“I guess I do.”
-
3895.
-
3896.
“Smart move. Celestia, Princess of the Sun, do you take this human to be your
-
3897.
lawfully wedded husband since you got all nosey with him?”
-
3898.
-
3899.
“Loving every moment of this, aren’t you?” Celestia darkly replied, and Luna
-
3900.
nodded vigorously and with a huge smile. “Yes. I do.”
-
3901.
-
3902.
“Good, ‘cause that ball of hot air you have up there is heavy, and I always
-
3903.
break out in hives when I have to move it around. I do not want to be
-
3904.
responsible for it. And so, by the legal, lawful, and very legitimate power and
-
3905.
authority that I hold as a Princess of Equestria, I do hereby declare you to be
-
3906.
hitched, joined, connected, and/or married, and that you are now husband and
-
3907.
wife. You may kiss if you are so inclined; I am going to bed.”
-
3908.
-
3909.
And with that, Luna tossed her papers in the air and left the room. Behind her,
-
3910.
the floating papers formed into a beautiful bouquet and darted in Twilight
-
3911.
Sparkle’s direction, making her duck, scream, then dodge as they corrected
-
3912.
course and headed for her again. Putting on a burst of speed, she vanished out
-
3913.
the door with the bouquet close behind, calling out in a tiny voice, “Catch me!
-
3914.
Catch me!”
-
3915.
-
3916.
Meanwhile the completely innocent Discord grabbed Anonymous’s hand and began
-
3917.
shaking it furiously as he smiled maniacally. “Well, ol’ Anon, congrats. You
-
3918.
finally managed to snag Equestria’s most eligible mare. I knew you had it in
-
3919.
you. Oh, and the residents of Discordland send their thanks as well. They
-
3920.
estimate you’ve generated enough chaos to keep them powered up for the next ten
-
3921.
years!”
-
3922.
-
3923.
“Uh, you’re welcome?”
-
3924.
-
3925.
“And Celestia!” He put a clenched fist to his quivering lip. “You know, I had… I
-
3926.
had always kinda hoped that, well, that one day we might have made it work
-
3927.
between us. Oh, I know I’m a draconequus and you’re a princess, and we were
-
3928.
mortal enemies for a time, but there was always… always that little part of me,
-
3929.
that… that…”
-
3930.
-
3931.
He turned his head and loudly blew his nose into a large, polka-dotted
-
3932.
handkerchief. “I’m sorry, I thought I was ready for this…”
-
3933.
-
3934.
“Are you quite done?” she asked flatly.
-
3935.
-
3936.
“Wait, just a little bit more,” he replied, with an earnest, eager look. He then
-
3937.
cleared his throat and resumed his anguished expression. “I just hope you
-
3938.
remember the time we spent together fondly. Like that time I stole your tail?
-
3939.
That was one of the best moments of my life, it really was. And then when you
-
3940.
turned me to stone for a thousand years? That was… well, it wasn’t the best time
-
3941.
for me—come to think of it, it was actually a low point, being stuck like that
-
3942.
for so long, gave me one wicked crick in my neck—but, the point is we had good
-
3943.
times, somewhere, and I hope you come to appreciate them as you start your new
-
3944.
life with Anon-o here.
-
3945.
-
3946.
“And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m afraid I have to leave. I
-
3947.
really would like to stay for the reception, and I mean that truly, but there’s
-
3948.
going to be a ribbon-cutting ceremony in Discordland to celebrate the
-
3949.
construction of the new high-speed snail line, and duty calls. You know how it
-
3950.
goes, being a ruler and everything. Don’t worry, though, I’ll come back for a
-
3951.
visit as soon as I can. Until then, ciao!”
-
3952.
-
3953.
He then snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash.
-
3954.
-
3955.
“Do you ever get used to that?” Anon asked Twilight, who was looking back over
-
3956.
her shoulder as if the bouquet that had been chasing her was lurking in hiding
-
3957.
somewhere for a second attack.
-
3958.
-
3959.
“Eventually, or so I’m told.” She rolled her eyes. “But Spike and I need to get
-
3960.
going too. I was due back in Ponyville yesterday and I bet my friends are
-
3961.
starting to worry. You should come visit when you have the time; I’d love to
-
3962.
introduce you to everyone.”
-
3963.
-
3964.
“I’d like that,” Anon replied as he bumped fists/hooves with her. He smiled a
-
3965.
bit deeper when Spike shook his hand.
-
3966.
-
3967.
“Congrats, I guess. Hey, if you think of any more questions, just have Celestia
-
3968.
send them to me. I’m happy to help you understand more about dragons anytime.”
-
3969.
-
3970.
“I’ll do that.”
-
3971.
-
3972.
“Anon, perhaps you should accompany Twilight to the train station,” Celestia
-
3973.
remarked while her wing hesitantly retreated from across Anon’s back, where it
-
3974.
had rested comfortably through the whole ceremony. “Don’t you still have some
-
3975.
personal effects at the Shoe and Nail to collect?”
-
3976.
-
3977.
“Yeah, I do,” Anon replied. “Guess I live here now, huh?”
-
3978.
-
3979.
“I’d love to have you walk me to the train station, Anon,” Twilight offered. “If
-
3980.
you want to, that is.”
-
3981.
-
3982.
“I think some sunlight and fresh air would do me good,” Anon replied. “Provided
-
3983.
you feel safe around me.”
-
3984.
-
3985.
“Safe?”
-
3986.
-
3987.
“Noses,” he simply said, as he tapped his own quickly. “First stallion?
-
3988.
Unmarried Alicorn?”
-
3989.
-
3990.
“Oh!” She laughed. “Yeah, about that…”
-
3991.
-
3992.
-
3993.
-
3994.
-
3995.
-
3996.
“So you’re safe?” Anon asked as they wove through the crowd in the train
-
3997.
station.
-
3998.
-
3999.
“With the way the law is worded, it only applied to the Alicorns then in
-
4000.
existence. Any future Alicorns are not included, so I don’t have to worry about
-
4001.
accidental boops.”
-
4002.
-
4003.
“Gee, that’s very thoughtful,” Anon remarked with some irritation.
-
4004.
-
4005.
“Hey, I understand how difficult this is,” Twilight stated in a resolute voice.
-
4006.
“And I won’t say how lucky you actually are. I’m sure you’ve heard it all
-
4007.
already. But I can say, unequivocally, that you are with one of the finest mares
-
4008.
there is. My time as Celestia’s student was about as up-close and personal as it
-
4009.
gets. Those years were among the best times in my life, and I wouldn’t have such
-
4010.
a high opinion of her if she wasn’t everything ponies say she is. She’ll be kind
-
4011.
to you, and she’ll take care of you. Give it enough time, and I think you’ll
-
4012.
appreciate being with her too.”
-
4013.
-
4014.
“Thanks,” he replied warmly, but with a frustrated huff. “All of this is a huge
-
4015.
adjustment for me, but you’re right. This could be a great thing.”
-
4016.
-
4017.
“Just remember she’s a just pony too. I’m sure you feel intimidated, but you and
-
4018.
her are not as far apart as you think you are.”
-
4019.
-
4020.
Anon didn’t say anything, but he did ponder Twilight’s words deeply, to the
-
4021.
point where he nearly walked into a light pole.
-
4022.
-
4023.
“Well, this is it!” Spike announced. “Track twenty nine is just over there, and
-
4024.
it looks like the train is waiting!”
-
4025.
-
4026.
“So, I guess I’ll see you later?” Anon asked.
-
4027.
-
4028.
“Count on it,” Twilight confirmed happily. “Just remember one thing for me, will
-
4029.
you?
-
4030.
-
4031.
“What’s that?”
-
4032.
-
4033.
“If you’re going to take your relationship with Princess Celestia seriously,
-
4034.
start by being her friend. She could really use one right now.”
-
4035.
-
4036.
“I think I can remember that. Thank you again for all of your help, Princess.”
-
4037.
-
4038.
“Just call me Twilight. All of my true friends do.”
-
4039.
-
4040.
Anon’s smile was nearly as wide as a train car, and he waved goodbye to Twilight
-
4041.
and Spike until they had boarded their train. He then sighed deeply, and sat
-
4042.
down on a nearby bench to catch his breath.
-
4043.
-
4044.
Anonymous, the Prince of Equestria, who was sitting in the Grand Station of
-
4045.
Equestria.
-
4046.
-
4047.
The commoner who was husband to a princess, and who was about to undertake the
-
4048.
most unknown, unsure, and most fear-inducing ride of his life.
-
4049.
-
4050.
He smiled at the memory of Celestia’s soft feathers covering his back in a
-
4051.
gentle embrace. Perhaps Twilight was right.
-
4052.
-
4053.
As vast as the gap was between his station and hers, perhaps there was a chance
-
4054.
it could be bridged. It was just going to take an extremely large bridge.
-
4055.
Probably a toll bridge, with him out of bits.
-
4056.
-
4057.
All it would take was a leap of faith. > 8. - The Talk >
-
4058.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
4059.
-
4060.
Anon’s concoction needed celery.
-
4061.
-
4062.
“Celery, celery, celery…” Anon muttered, as he rummaged around the kitchen.
-
4063.
“Gotta be some around here somewhere. Premier kitchen of Equestria, and there’s
-
4064.
no celery. What’s this? Carrots. Get far in the world with carrots. Apples. I’m
-
4065.
not using apples. Stand aside, thou rogues. Your prince demands it! Heh, that’s
-
4066.
right. I’ll make a pie out of you some other day, maybe. Ah ha! There you are!
-
4067.
Come on, time to be cooked. Fat lot of good you do in here.”
-
4068.
-
4069.
It only took a minute for Anon to reduce the full stalk of celery into the
-
4070.
tidbits that his cooking needed, and he took a deep whiff of his concoction
-
4071.
while grabbing a spoon and starting to stir. This was one of his finest soups by
-
4072.
far, and he felt a twinge of annoyance at his success.
-
4073.
-
4074.
“Mister Anon? Is that you?”
-
4075.
-
4076.
“Good evening, Princess,” he greeted with a quick glance over his shoulder. “And
-
4077.
hello to you too, Princess Luna. I hope I didn’t disturb your evening.”
-
4078.
-
4079.
“Of course not, but I didn’t think you would still be up either,” Celestia
-
4080.
replied.
-
4081.
-
4082.
“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. “All the excitement of the day caught up to me,
-
4083.
probably. And I finally got hungry.”
-
4084.
-
4085.
“Wasn’t there any soup left from earlier?” Luna asked.
-
4086.
-
4087.
“Too much salt,” he replied, and he looked over his shoulder again to give them
-
4088.
a disgusted look. “Your kitchen staff uses way too much salt. It’s almost like
-
4089.
they’re paid by the shake.”
-
4090.
-
4091.
“That would explain why Doctor Horsenpfeffer keeps getting after me about my
-
4092.
sodium levels,” Celestia remarked, and she peered into the pot. “Minestrone
-
4093.
again?”
-
4094.
-
4095.
“Done the right way.”
-
4096.
-
4097.
“Are you sure you’re supposed to be a writer?” She took a deep breath over the
-
4098.
simmering pot. “I really think you’re missing your calling.”
-
4099.
-
4100.
“Well, it’s easier to be a writer than a cook when you’re married to Princess
-
4101.
Celestia.”
-
4102.
-
4103.
She snickered a bit. “Perhaps. But why do you avoid cooking so much? If this
-
4104.
tastes half as good as it smells, you’re going to make Chef Sugar Beet very
-
4105.
jealous.”
-
4106.
-
4107.
“It’s complicated,” he said with a sigh before looking up at her. “But you’re
-
4108.
probably not going to let me get away with that, are you?”
-
4109.
-
4110.
She shook her head, but with a smile.
-
4111.
-
4112.
Anon sighed again. “I thought not. Well, I guess since we’re married, you
-
4113.
deserve to know about my past.
-
4114.
-
4115.
“Anonymous, as he stands before you this evening, came to Equestria when he was
-
4116.
five years old. The pony family that took me in is steeped in chefs. My dad was
-
4117.
a chef, his dad was a chef, and I don’t know how many great-greats on both my
-
4118.
mom and dad’s side are chefs. My parents own the Zuerst, the self-proclaimed
-
4119.
best restaurant in Salt Lick.
-
4120.
-
4121.
“This means that Little Anonymous was obviously raised to be a chef, and to take
-
4122.
over the restaurant when he was older. I was taught everything from table
-
4123.
placement, presentation, preparation, money management, labor costs to permits.
-
4124.
But I learned about cooking from them. Up until I finished high school, my
-
4125.
parents immersed me right up to the head in food. Sometimes, literally. Remind
-
4126.
me to tell you about the joys of fresh grape juice from the other end of the
-
4127.
process sometime. Anyway, I found out how to distinguish ingredients, how to
-
4128.
tell when they’re at the peak of ripeness, how different flavors meld and
-
4129.
enhance one another, on and on. Obviously I was somewhat decent at it, and I
-
4130.
loved it. Cooking was fun, y’know? It was like a big coloring book for your
-
4131.
mouth and nose, really.
-
4132.
-
4133.
When I was in first grade, my class was taking turns reading Granon Bakes a
-
4134.
Cake, one of those early chapter books foals read."
-
4135.
-
4136.
Anon’s eyes drifted off. “I remember I really liked reading a section with some
-
4137.
added ‘dramatic emphasis.’ I remember I felt something odd and tingly, but it
-
4138.
wasn’t until later that I actually realized what that was.
-
4139.
-
4140.
“Of course, when I got home I proclaimed that I wanted to try writing. My family
-
4141.
didn't like that very much and insisted on my becoming a cook. So, I went back
-
4142.
to the pots, eager to continue learning, thinking it was just a spur of the
-
4143.
moment idea.
-
4144.
-
4145.
“Then the first hints of trouble came,” he continued as he stirred his soup
-
4146.
idly. “With me being in elementary school came the expectation that I be
-
4147.
involved more. My parents had me start working the tables, for starters, and if
-
4148.
you ever want to make a killing in tips, have a boy in a small tuxedo serve your
-
4149.
customers. I don’t know how many times someone screamed ‘so cute!’ and forked
-
4150.
over an extra heap of bits.
-
4151.
-
4152.
“Anyway, I didn’t like serving all that much. It was okay, but there was just
-
4153.
something about it that got under my skin. It didn’t help that on busy nights I
-
4154.
had the tendency to mix the orders up and serve the wrong thing to the
-
4155.
customers.
-
4156.
-
4157.
“Then I was off to actual order prep in the kitchen. That I turned into an
-
4158.
unmitigated mess, and I’m not sure how my parents kept the place open with me
-
4159.
screwing up so bad.”
-
4160.
-
4161.
“But your cooking here shows you have considerable skill,” Luna cut in. “How
-
4162.
could this be a problem?”
-
4163.
-
4164.
“I guess I don’t do well under stress, and I don’t multitask well. Bad
-
4165.
combination in a kitchen. You have me do one thing, like make one soup all
-
4166.
night, then I’m fine. Ask for five different soups, seven entrees, twelve
-
4167.
appetizers and nine desserts and everything goes to hell. Everything just gets
-
4168.
jumbled up in my head, and no matter what I try, I just can’t handle it.
-
4169.
-
4170.
“My parents kept me at it, though, and they were both convinced that I just
-
4171.
needed one more chance and then I would be able to figure out a system that
-
4172.
worked. I lost hope in being able to do the job as time went on, and I drifted
-
4173.
into a pretty deep depression. I mean, who can really be happy when they can't
-
4174.
even choose their own path in life? I didn't like to work in a kitchen, but I
-
4175.
still had to do it. It was a bit like if you hated raising the sun.”
-
4176.
-
4177.
“Well, it is terribly heavy and far too warm,” Celestia casually replied. “So if
-
4178.
a lesser alicorn had to work with it, I could see it happening.”
-
4179.
-
4180.
“Oh, whatever!” Luna retorted.
-
4181.
-
4182.
“You’re the one who said it!” Celestia laughed. “How many unicorns did it take
-
4183.
to raise it before I came along?”
-
4184.
-
4185.
“The same number it took to raise the moon, you prissy little pony.” Luna
-
4186.
grumbled.
-
4187.
-
4188.
Anon briefly wondered if Nightmare Moon was going to make a surprise appearance
-
4189.
at that moment.
-
4190.
-
4191.
“Please, continue with your story, Mister Anon.” Celestia waved a hoof at him in
-
4192.
encouragement. “Lulu and I do this all the time.”
-
4193.
-
4194.
“You don’t have siblings, do you?” Luna added, and Anon shook his head. “Well,
-
4195.
if you did you would know this behavior is normal. You only need to worry if I
-
4196.
grow fangs.”
-
4197.
-
4198.
“Oh. Well okay then, I guess,” he replied. “Anyway, I tried, I really did. I
-
4199.
took a bunch of college courses, looked over all the Haute Cuisine books my
-
4200.
parents have, and I ran myself stupid night after night trying to get it right,
-
4201.
but I never could get it. Years rolled by like this, and each year I became more
-
4202.
convinced that my life was a huge lie.
-
4203.
-
4204.
“I think I suffered something like a mental breakdown there at the end.” He
-
4205.
paused for a moment to sip the broth of his concoction. “I just… snapped. I
-
4206.
don’t remember much of what I did, but apparently I upended the cheese trolley,
-
4207.
shoved some tofu blocks in my ears and ran, screaming, from the kitchen through
-
4208.
the main dining room and then out the front door. My parents found me later in
-
4209.
my room, hiding under the blankets.”
-
4210.
-
4211.
“That sounds familiar,” Luna quipped.
-
4212.
-
4213.
“Probably goes back to childhood. Monsters can’t get you when you’re under a
-
4214.
blanket, right? Everyone knows that.
-
4215.
-
4216.
“Anyway, once they get me out from under the blankets we had a long talk about
-
4217.
everything. My Dad tells me I’m having something akin to an existential crisis,
-
4218.
and that it’s okay that I am. Both parents think I just haven’t quite ‘found
-
4219.
myself’ yet, and that as soon as I do I’ll be as right as rain.
-
4220.
-
4221.
“So, they made me a deal. They tell me to go out and explore the world and see
-
4222.
the sights. If I should find something that I am more passionate about than
-
4223.
cooking, then I’m under no obligation to them and I’m free to start my new life.
-
4224.
But they believed I would find my passion for cooking while I am travelling, and
-
4225.
once I do they will be waiting to welcome me back with open arms. Mom gave me a
-
4226.
thousand bits for traveling money, and the next morning I’m on a train bound for
-
4227.
Vanhoover.
-
4228.
-
4229.
“It was on the train that I really thought things over. I thought about how I
-
4230.
had gotten to this point, and why. I contemplated what I might find, and what I
-
4231.
could do to earn bits. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do.
-
4232.
-
4233.
“It was in that introspection that I figured out I wanted to be a writer. I
-
4234.
don’t know exactly how the notion entered my thick head, but I even came up with
-
4235.
a ridiculous idea for a novel, one that I’m sure would be an instant flop.
-
4236.
-
4237.
“Anyway, you can guess the rest from there.” He turned his attention to the soup
-
4238.
again and gave it a rapid stir. “I arrived in Canterlot the night before our
-
4239.
infamous meeting, and I was thinking of going on to Baltimare from here. Of
-
4240.
course, that would have depended on if I could get more bits. I only had enough
-
4241.
left for a couple of cheap meals.”
-
4242.
-
4243.
“How long did you stay in Vanhoover?” Luna asked.
-
4244.
-
4245.
"Two days, I think? I’ve honestly lost track of where all I’ve been, and for how
-
4246.
long.”
-
4247.
-
4248.
“It is a shame you did not stay there longer.”
-
4249.
-
4250.
“Why? ‘Cause I wouldn’t have been in the royal sunflower patch?”
-
4251.
-
4252.
“No. The annual Bits and Spurs rodeo just concluded three days ago. You could
-
4253.
have seen some excellent cow ponies showing off their skills. I was there last
-
4254.
year and it was quite the show. Didn’t you go the year before, sister?”
-
4255.
-
4256.
“Yes, and it was entertaining. From what I recall, though, I didn’t win any
-
4257.
prizes.”
-
4258.
-
4259.
“Why would you?” Anon asked. “Don’t you just sit and watch?”
-
4260.
-
4261.
“If your name is Celestia, yes.” Luna replied smugly. “But if your name is Luna,
-
4262.
then you ride a bull named Mark IX for 8 seconds and win the “Best New Wrangler”
-
4263.
prize, along with a cash prize of two hundred bits that you generously donate
-
4264.
back to the rodeo. I apologized to the bull afterward,” she added. “He was quite
-
4265.
the gentlebull about it, and is looking forward to a rematch.”
-
4266.
-
4267.
“I can’t help that you want to act like some kind of wild animal,” Celestia
-
4268.
replied with a sniff. “I prefer to maintain my composure and professional
-
4269.
demeanor.”
-
4270.
-
4271.
“Says the mare who let her pet phoenix run loose and traumatize a poor Element
-
4272.
Bearer during a visit to Ponyville. You’re just more subtle about your pranks is
-
4273.
all.”
-
4274.
-
4275.
“I honestly thought Fluttershy knew about Phoenixes!” Celestia let out a muffled
-
4276.
snort of laughter. “And then she foalnapped poor Philomena and tried to nurse
-
4277.
her back to health! That was just a misunderstanding, nothing more.”
-
4278.
-
4279.
“Right.” Luna deadpanned. “How much longer on that soup, Mister Anon? You have
-
4280.
made me hungry again. Is it done?”
-
4281.
-
4282.
“Define ‘done,’” Anon replied. “The celery will still be crunchy, but I think
-
4283.
it’s good as is. If you want it softer, then you need to wait a bit.”
-
4284.
-
4285.
“I believe we shall try it. It is always a good idea to take the recommendation
-
4286.
of the chef.”
-
4287.
-
4288.
“All right. I hope you’re not too disappointed.” He shrugged and glanced around.
-
4289.
“Where are the bowls?”
-
4290.
-
4291.
“I’ll get them,” Celestia remarked. Three fair sized bowls floated out from a
-
4292.
nearby cupboard, and Luna’s magic produced three spoons.
-
4293.
-
4294.
“Did I ever mention how jealous I am of unicorns?” Anon muttered, but with a
-
4295.
chuckle.
-
4296.
-
4297.
“Why would you be… oh.” Celestia nodded. “I see. But you know you’re probably
-
4298.
the chef you are because you don't have magic.”
-
4299.
-
4300.
“Yeah, I know,” he chuckled. “More hard work and dedication and all that.”
-
4301.
-
4302.
“’Tis very noble to achieve your goals with nothing but sweat and tears,” Luna
-
4303.
added grandly, as Anon grabbed a nearby ladle and began serving his soup. “My
-
4304.
husband was an earth pony. So he was without unicorn magic as well.”
-
4305.
-
4306.
“Was?” Anon asked.
-
4307.
-
4308.
“He passed away before my banishment, so it has been a long time,” Luna replied.
-
4309.
She then sat on the floor as Anon served Celestia. “Though it doesn’t seem that
-
4310.
long at times.”
-
4311.
-
4312.
Anon then felt something sweep softly into the room. It was quite unlike
-
4313.
anything he’d ever felt before, perhaps akin to the sort of magic that memories
-
4314.
brought with them. Whatever it was, it was powerful and it was deep, and he felt
-
4315.
like he should be treading very, very carefully in this particular field.
-
4316.
-
4317.
“Look, Princess, if you don’t want to talk about him, I’d completely
-
4318.
understand.”
-
4319.
-
4320.
“On the contrary, I would love to tell you about him.”
-
4321.
-
4322.
Anon looked over at Celestia, who nodded to him with a soft smile. “It’s all
-
4323.
right, Mister Anon. She would not say that just to be polite.”
-
4324.
-
4325.
“You are family now, so it is fair I should tell you,” Luna continued. “Most of
-
4326.
what will happen to you now will come from his time as Prince. He will have
-
4327.
quite the influence on your life, whether you want him to or not.”
-
4328.
-
4329.
“All right. What should I know?”
-
4330.
-
4331.
“What do you want to know?” Luna replied.
-
4332.
-
4333.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged, as he began eating. “How did you meet, I guess. Did
-
4334.
you boop noses with him too?”
-
4335.
-
4336.
“I did, but it was quite intentional,” she giggled. “I was so madly in love with
-
4337.
him it was hard not to until our wedding day. I held out, though, so don’t get
-
4338.
any funny ideas.”
-
4339.
-
4340.
“I wouldn’t dare dream of it,” he immediately replied.
-
4341.
-
4342.
“Good. We met at a ball that was being held for the second anniversary of the
-
4343.
foundation of Equestria. He was… oh.” She hummed, and tilted her head slightly
-
4344.
to put one hoof lightly on her cheek with a serene smile. “He was dark, and
-
4345.
tall, and mysterious. I didn’t realize I had a weakness for those types until he
-
4346.
came sweeping into the room, all dashing and debonair looking. He cut quite the
-
4347.
impressive figure, too. He stood almost as tall as I did, with a dark grey coat
-
4348.
and a mane and tail that was so black it almost looked blue in the light.
-
4349.
-
4350.
“We spent nearly the whole night dancing,” Luna continued, as she hugged herself
-
4351.
and swayed slightly. “He was so light on his hooves, so sure in his steps. He
-
4352.
was a stallion who could be strong when he needed to be but as soft as a rose
-
4353.
petal any other time. I’ll never forget the way he caressed my cheek, the way he
-
4354.
nipped at my ears. He was the perfect picture of romance, and it really didn’t
-
4355.
take long for me to fall in love with him.”
-
4356.
-
4357.
“What was his name?” Anon asked softly.
-
4358.
-
4359.
“Star Struck.” Luna purred out the reply. “Oh, and he always said he was, too.
-
4360.
He never let me forget how in awe of me he was. I was his polar star, his guide
-
4361.
in the night, his one and only.”
-
4362.
-
4363.
Anon blinked. Perhaps it was just late and his eyes were tired, but was there
-
4364.
somepony else sitting beside Luna?
-
4365.
-
4366.
“The two of them were horrible,” Celestia kindly added. “They were like kittens
-
4367.
in a way: cute and cuddly but always into mischief. They fed off each other, but
-
4368.
they also defended one another fiercely.”
-
4369.
-
4370.
“We were inseparable.” Luna cooed in memory. “I never understood what true love
-
4371.
was until I had him as my own. Oh, we had our squabbles at times, all couples
-
4372.
do. But he was so devoted to me, so committed to my happiness, that he never let
-
4373.
that drive him away. He’d tell me that those times refined him, purified him.
-
4374.
They knocked off the rough edges, showed him where he needed to change, and it
-
4375.
did the same for me.”
-
4376.
-
4377.
“Why haven’t I heard of him?” Anon asked. There was definitely something next to
-
4378.
Luna now, but since Celestia wasn’t saying or doing anything whatever it was
-
4379.
probably harmless. In fact, Anon had the feeling it was welcome.
-
4380.
-
4381.
“Oh, he’s in the history. You just have to look for him,” Luna replied
-
4382.
thoughtfully. “He did his work quietly, anonymously if possible, and never with
-
4383.
the thought of how it would help him. He lived to lift up others, not himself.
-
4384.
He,” Luna chuckled lovingly, “he would say often that being married to me was as
-
4385.
high as he could ever get, and that he wanted others to have what he had. I
-
4386.
learned so much from him, and he from me.”
-
4387.
-
4388.
There was a pause, and Anon felt an overwhelming rush of tranquility and…
-
4389.
-
4390.
He hesitated. The words to describe this feeling were beyond him.
-
4391.
-
4392.
But as he looked at Luna, he knew that, whatever this feeling was, it was the
-
4393.
epitome of Love. True Love, Pure Love, and even that only described a fraction
-
4394.
of the atmosphere.
-
4395.
-
4396.
This is what everyone hoped could be obtained in a relationship. This was the
-
4397.
stuff of legends.
-
4398.
-
4399.
And it was in that marvelous outpouring that he saw.
-
4400.
-
4401.
There was Luna. Not Princess, not Mare in the Moon, not anything but just Luna.
-
4402.
She was sitting in a relaxed way, her head tilted to her right and forward
-
4403.
slightly. Her hoof went toward her cheek, but it met and slid easily onto the
-
4404.
hoof of another.
-
4405.
-
4406.
Anon wasn’t sure how, or even why he was permitted to see this.
-
4407.
-
4408.
But he saw. He saw Luna.
-
4409.
-
4410.
And he saw Star Struck.
-
4411.
-
4412.
-
4413.
-
4414.
He was every bit as handsome as Luna had said and more: well-toned, as sleek as
-
4415.
the night sky, and with a mane that was charmingly messy and fluffy. His head
-
4416.
was just underneath Luna’s chin, so she was resting along both of his ears. One
-
4417.
hoof held hers while it gently caressed her cheek, the other had wrapped around
-
4418.
her barrel and was holding her in the softest and most tender hug that could
-
4419.
possibly be imagined. His body was pressed closely against her chest, his tail
-
4420.
wrapped as tightly as it could around her.
-
4421.
-
4422.
He was as real and as tender as anything Anon had ever experienced in his short
-
4423.
little lifetime.
-
4424.
-
4425.
“I can still remember his scent,” Luna whispered, without breaking her embrace
-
4426.
with her beloved. “It was always so clean, so pure. I remember the gentle joy
-
4427.
that would caress me every time I nuzzled into his mane, and I would repay his
-
4428.
kindness with all the kisses he could handle. He always held me so gently, but
-
4429.
yet so firmly. He always said he was afraid I was the best dream he’d ever had,
-
4430.
and that one day he’d awaken and I would be gone.
-
4431.
-
4432.
“Everything about that stallion was intoxicating. The dew-drop touch of his coat
-
4433.
against mine, the ever-so-slight brush of lips he’d tease me with, the way he’d
-
4434.
preen my feathers and play with my mane. I couldn’t have found perfection in any
-
4435.
other place.”
-
4436.
-
4437.
Anon had to hold back a sob as Luna sighed, dropped her hoof from her cheek and
-
4438.
allowed the vision to end. Star Struck faded away as Luna blinked her eyes open
-
4439.
and looked right at him. “But I’m sure you don’t want to spend the whole night
-
4440.
listening to an old nag talk about her long-gone love.”
-
4441.
-
4442.
Anon slowly shook his head. “You are not an old nag. You are a mare who has
-
4443.
loved and lost. I cannot fathom any reason why I would not want to listen. I
-
4444.
have no doubt that you had the type of marriage that they write fairy tales
-
4445.
about.”
-
4446.
-
4447.
Luna smiled warmly and dipped her head. “I did, but all good things must come to
-
4448.
an end eventually. My beloved Star Struck departed this life after eighty-eight
-
4449.
years of life. I doubt I’ll ever find his equal.”
-
4450.
-
4451.
“I don’t think you ever will.”
-
4452.
-
4453.
“But it was wonderful to have him for the brief time fate permitted.” Luna
-
4454.
paused in thought. “In a way, it still is. But enough about me. Since we are all
-
4455.
here, we should probably settle one or two things.”
-
4456.
-
4457.
“Mm!” Celestia grunted, and she quickly swallowed her bite. “Mm, yes. Mister
-
4458.
Anon, first things first: by Royal Decree, you are to give the recipe for this
-
4459.
minestrone soup to Chef Sugar Beet as soon as possible.”
-
4460.
-
4461.
He snorted out a chuckle. “Take her usual recipe, but reduce the salt by twenty
-
4462.
percent.”
-
4463.
-
4464.
“Good.” Celestia smiled a bit more. “Second, I would like to notify Cadence and
-
4465.
Shining Armor of what has transpired. I think they would like to know they have
-
4466.
a new uncle.”
-
4467.
-
4468.
“That’s gonna be way awkward,” he said with a chuckle. “Aren’t I close to her
-
4469.
age?”
-
4470.
-
4471.
“Oh, now you’ve done it,” Luna said with a smirk.
-
4472.
-
4473.
“What?”
-
4474.
-
4475.
“You said the word.”
-
4476.
-
4477.
“’Aren’t’ is not a word,” Celestia replied flatly and with an annoyed look.
-
4478.
“Neither is ‘ain’t.’”
-
4479.
-
4480.
“Do not use fake contractions around Teacher,” Luna admonished as she dipped her
-
4481.
spoon into her soup. “They drive her crazy.”
-
4482.
-
4483.
“Isn’t it a contraction of are and not?” Anon asked.
-
4484.
-
4485.
“No, it’s not. It’s a fake word,” Celestia instantly retorted.
-
4486.
-
4487.
“I’m pretty extra sure it is a real word. Like, ‘Aren’t you going outside?’”
-
4488.
-
4489.
“I refuse to have this discussion so late at night.”
-
4490.
-
4491.
“Shall I conjure down the dictionary, dear sister?” Luna asked with a coy
-
4492.
glance.
-
4493.
-
4494.
“You stay out of this.” Celestia’s stern glare was ignored by mirthful chuckling
-
4495.
while eating soup. “As for you, Mister Anon, it appears I will need to give you
-
4496.
some elocution lessons. I categorically refuse to allow such foul language in my
-
4497.
presence.”
-
4498.
-
4499.
Anon figured it was best to not rile up his new wife anymore, but he did keep
-
4500.
snickering at the way her nose wrinkled up when she was annoyed.
-
4501.
-
4502.
“To answer your question, yes. I believe you and Cadence are roughly the same
-
4503.
age. However, I don’t think that will be an issue. She is a mature, intelligent
-
4504.
mare. She had a changeling queen crash her wedding, so I believe she is able to
-
4505.
handle a minor situation such as this.”
-
4506.
-
4507.
“I believe one of the first questions she will ask is when you want to hold a
-
4508.
wedding party,” Luna added. “Ain’t no way she will let today be enough.”
-
4509.
-
4510.
Celestia glared extra fiercely at her sister. “You’re not helping, and now I’ve
-
4511.
lost track of what I was going to say.”
-
4512.
-
4513.
“I think we’ve already established you’re the forgetful one.”
-
4514.
-
4515.
“Luna.” Celestia grumbled.
-
4516.
-
4517.
“Wasn’t it about announcing the marriage?”
-
4518.
-
4519.
“Yes, thank you. Mister Anon, I believe I told you yesterday that I was not
-
4520.
going to make our marriage widely known until we settled all of the arrangements
-
4521.
for your life here. However, once we do get that taken care of, I believe we
-
4522.
should make the announcement as soon as is practical.”
-
4523.
-
4524.
Anon thought for a moment on this but then nodded. “I think you’re right. It’s
-
4525.
always best to be honest, right?”
-
4526.
-
4527.
“As the former element of honesty, that is something I can confirm. So we will
-
4528.
keep the news low-key for now but we won’t deny it. I don’t think it will take
-
4529.
long to sort out the details with you anyway.”
-
4530.
-
4531.
“What kind of details are there?”
-
4532.
-
4533.
“Mostly little, nit-picky ones. The biggest one is whether or not you outrank
-
4534.
Shining Armor. Both Lulu and I are inclined to say you do, since the Crystal
-
4535.
Empire is a vassal state to us, but we want to make sure. While we don’t think
-
4536.
the issue should ever arise, it’s best to have the rules laid out just in case.”
-
4537.
-
4538.
“Like if some half-baked writer is hiding in a flower patch and you boop his
-
4539.
nose?”
-
4540.
-
4541.
Celestia chuckled a bit. “Exactly.”
-
4542.
-
4543.
“We must also consider your names,” Luna added. When she got confused looks from
-
4544.
both of them, she happily continued. “There is the custom of taking the
-
4545.
husband’s name and titles when marrying. Does that now make you Princess
-
4546.
Celestia Mous? Or do you two take a more modern approach, where he takes your
-
4547.
name and becomes simply Anon?”
-
4548.
-
4549.
“You would be the one to think of that.” Celestia groaned as Anon laughed.
-
4550.
-
4551.
“I dunno. I kinda like Celestia Mous. Sounds like something I would serve on a
-
4552.
Luna Tortilla.”
-
4553.
-
4554.
Luna wrinkled up her nose. “If you just cursed me to be in a relationship with
-
4555.
any pony who has ‘tortilla’ as part of their name I am going to hunt you down
-
4556.
and make you suffer in horrifically painful but delightfully vague ways.”
-
4557.
-
4558.
“I’m not scared,” Anon replied defiantly. “Celestia will protect me.”
-
4559.
-
4560.
“That’s right.” Celestia took a quick step over and wrapped a wing over him. “No
-
4561.
harm shall befall my Anon, not on my watch.”
-
4562.
-
4563.
There was a brief pause as Luna contemplated this ultimatum.
-
4564.
-
4565.
And then all three of them burst out laughing. > 9. - Mind the Gap, This Way Out
-
4566.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
4567.
-
4568.
Anonymous sighed as he leaned back in his chair. Before him was an empty page in
-
4569.
his notebook, and he was trying to figure out how to write what he was thinking.
-
4570.
-
4571.
He hated it when he couldn’t find the right words, so he settled on just using
-
4572.
the simplest words possible.
-
4573.
-
4574.
How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Princess Celestia.
-
4575.
-
4576.
He leaned back again, looked over his writing, and then laughed. “I’ve done it!
-
4577.
I have managed to write the single most ridiculous sentence in the history of
-
4578.
Equestria!”
-
4579.
-
4580.
He then groaned and slammed his forehead into the desk. This would all be much
-
4581.
easier if he was not dealing with the immortal Princess of the Sun.
-
4582.
-
4583.
But he was, and so he had to figure out something.
-
4584.
-
4585.
The thoughts that had led to the creation of this one mind-numbing sentence had
-
4586.
been passing through his head ever since last night. He had enjoyed the casual
-
4587.
conversation with Celestia and Luna last night, and a part of him wanted to have
-
4588.
more moments like that. It had felt so free, so easy, so natural. It almost was
-
4589.
like he had always been able to speak with the rulers of Equestria so
-
4590.
informally.
-
4591.
-
4592.
And then he would remember that he was speaking so informally with the rulers of
-
4593.
Equestria!
-
4594.
-
4595.
He sat up, ran a hoof through his mane, and took a deep, cleansing breath. In
-
4596.
all of his musings last night, he had come to one overarching conclusion: he
-
4597.
could either try to have a relationship with Celestia or he could not.
-
4598.
-
4599.
If he did not, he was in for a rather miserable experience. Oh, Celestia would
-
4600.
be kind, genteel even. She would probably offer praises when he did good work,
-
4601.
and assist when he needed help.
-
4602.
-
4603.
But it would be no more and no less than what she would have willingly offered
-
4604.
to a stray dog with a captivating, yet mournful expression. Things would remain
-
4605.
professional, but never have the possibility of being intimate.
-
4606.
-
4607.
Was intimate the right word? Anon reached for the dictionary he’d bought while
-
4608.
he had been out with Sego Lily and flipped the pages.
-
4609.
-
4610.
“Intimate, let’s see.” He looked for a moment, then smiled. “Intimate, noun: a
-
4611.
close friend. Adjective: Closely acquainted, familiar.”
-
4612.
-
4613.
It was an admirable goal that he could only attain if he tried. Unfortunately,
-
4614.
he continued to read. “Used euphemistically to indicate that a couple is having
-
4615.
a sexual rela—”
-
4616.
-
4617.
He slammed the book closed and took several deep breaths, trying to return to
-
4618.
the comforting mental state he had just departed. The memory of Celestia,
-
4619.
speaking quietly to him such a short time ago, made that easier than he
-
4620.
expected.
-
4621.
-
4622.
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
4623.
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
4624.
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
4625.
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
4626.
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
4627.
Luna I am a sister, to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that you’ve
-
4628.
met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought with
-
4629.
what you now know.”
-
4630.
-
4631.
He rubbed his chin again as he recalled her words. There had been a moment or
-
4632.
two where he had been able to see her as she truly was, and what he saw, quite
-
4633.
honestly, made him want to see more. While Celestia the Princess was obviously
-
4634.
an interesting pony and was wonderful to meet, he found that plain Celestia—the
-
4635.
Celestia he had seen when she didn’t have to be a Princess—was the one he would
-
4636.
like to know better, and even dare to know intimately.
-
4637.
-
4638.
In the first definition of the word, that is.
-
4639.
-
4640.
He stood, crossed the room, and propped himself up on the windowsill. The sun
-
4641.
would be coming up in just a minute, and Anon had become strangely fascinated
-
4642.
with watching it burst over the distant eastern hills. There was no real reason
-
4643.
for him to be so enamored; the sun came up all the same every morning, after
-
4644.
all.
-
4645.
-
4646.
Yet he watched.
-
4647.
-
4648.
His smile grew deeper once it did make its appearance. The rays swept across his
-
4649.
skin in gently warming tones, and he felt revived and renewed in its embrace.
-
4650.
This was peace, this was contentment. This is what he really wanted in life.
-
4651.
-
4652.
With the sun now up, he decided to go get breakfast and to worry about courtship
-
4653.
later. Food really did help him think clearer, and there was a chance that
-
4654.
Celestia would made funny face pancakes again.
-
4655.
-
4656.
But he shook his head at himself as he left his room, notebook in hoof. Given
-
4657.
that she had just lost three perfectly good working days, in essence, because of
-
4658.
noses she was probably overbooked and wouldn’t really have time for him today.
-
4659.
He was fine with that; it gave him a day to figure out how to work on his
-
4660.
question.
-
4661.
-
4662.
He paused in the hallway when another interesting thought hit him. He then
-
4663.
jogged up to a nearby guard. “Good morning!”
-
4664.
-
4665.
“Good morning, sir,” the guard replied. “May I help you with something?”
-
4666.
-
4667.
“If you wouldn’t mind. I have a question.”
-
4668.
-
4669.
“Lay it on me.”
-
4670.
-
4671.
Anon smirked at the guard, and he smirked back. “It’s going to sound really,
-
4672.
really dumb, but please just answer it anyway. Who am I?”
-
4673.
-
4674.
“Who are you?” he repeated, obviously confused. “Well, you’re Anonymous, a guest
-
4675.
of the Princesses.”
-
4676.
-
4677.
That’s what Anon figured. His new titles probably hadn’t had a chance to make
-
4678.
the rounds yet. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate your honest answer.”
-
4679.
-
4680.
“May I ask why you’re asking, sir?” the guard replied.
-
4681.
-
4682.
“Well, someone recently told me I was having an existential crisis. I was just
-
4683.
seeing how right they were.”
-
4684.
-
4685.
“Are you, sir?” The guard allowed his spear to drop a fraction.
-
4686.
-
4687.
“No, I’m not. I am who I am. Thank you for assisting me.”
-
4688.
-
4689.
The guard nodded, and Anon continued on for about five steps before he suddenly
-
4690.
stopped and turned around. “Wait. ‘Princesses?’”
-
4691.
-
4692.
“Yes, sir,” the guard replied. “Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have
-
4693.
named you as their friend and guest.”
-
4694.
-
4695.
“Did they say that together?”
-
4696.
-
4697.
“No, Princess Luna’s statement came a day after Princess Celestia’s.”
-
4698.
-
4699.
Anon chuckled. It seemed that Luna had been able to overcome her antagonistic
-
4700.
annoyance with him faster than either of them thought they would.
-
4701.
-
4702.
Anon thanked the guard again and moved on. While he figured Luna might not like
-
4703.
him, per se, she could at least tolerate him and that made him feel tingly
-
4704.
inside. She was making the effort, and she could be a wonderful sister-in-law,
-
4705.
if things ever got close to normal in his life again.
-
4706.
-
4707.
Once in the dining hall, he simply sat and waited for someone to come take his
-
4708.
order. He was pleasantly surprised when, after a few minutes, Celestia walked in
-
4709.
with two plates of pancakes in her magic. Both Anon and Celestia smiled brightly
-
4710.
when they made eye contact, but she was the one who managed to speak first.
-
4711.
-
4712.
“May I safely assume at this point that you are a morning person?”
-
4713.
-
4714.
“I guess so. I didn’t realize I was either until now.” He chuckled as a plate
-
4715.
settled down in front of him. “I guess I have something to get up for.”
-
4716.
-
4717.
A hint of blush appeared on Celestia’s muzzle. “You can just admit that my
-
4718.
pancakes are addictive, you know.”
-
4719.
-
4720.
“Must be all the sugar in them.”
-
4721.
-
4722.
She tried to glare at him, but the attempt failed and instead devolved into
-
4723.
laughter. Just then, a scroll popped in from thin air a few feet away from them.
-
4724.
Celestia’s magic quickly snagged it, and Anon looked at her curiously as she
-
4725.
broke the seal and unraveled it.
-
4726.
-
4727.
“What’s that?”
-
4728.
-
4729.
“It’s a message from Twilight.”
-
4730.
-
4731.
“Really? Does she write to you a lot?”
-
4732.
-
4733.
“Not as much as she once did.” Celestia began to read with a peaceful smile,
-
4734.
obviously pleased at getting a letter from her former student, but as her eyes
-
4735.
darted back and forth, her smile faded slightly before turning into a deeply
-
4736.
serious frown.
-
4737.
-
4738.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
-
4739.
-
4740.
“I’m not sure,” she replied, as she stood. “Forgive me, Mister Anon, but this
-
4741.
does require my immediate attention.”
-
4742.
-
4743.
He nodded and watched as she trotted out of the room, although he tried not to
-
4744.
show the worry that had begun to build in his gut. What could possibly unnerve
-
4745.
the Princess that quickly? Some kind of national threat? If it was, it must be
-
4746.
bad since Twilight, one of the Elements of Harmony, was the one sending the
-
4747.
letter. Was there anything he could do to help?
-
4748.
-
4749.
He frowned at his pancakes. Whatever it was, he seriously hoped it wouldn’t take
-
4750.
long to fix. She had said she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so maybe it was
-
4751.
something that just needed some Celestia thrown at it to get it squared away.
-
4752.
-
4753.
“You didn’t hear anything, did you?” he asked the fruit face before him. The
-
4754.
banana slices that made up the mouth were shut tight, and Anon didn’t figure the
-
4755.
short stack would blab.
-
4756.
-
4757.
“Fine. I’ll just eat you until you confess!”
-
4758.
-
4759.
And he took a large bite to show he would make good on his threat.
-
4760.
-
4761.
“Mister Anon.”
-
4762.
-
4763.
“Princess Luna.” He turned to face her, and came nose-to-nose with her fierce
-
4764.
scowl.
-
4765.
-
4766.
“Did you upset my sister?”
-
4767.
-
4768.
“No?” he nervously replied while leaning back. “She got a letter from Twilight.”
-
4769.
-
4770.
“And what was in this missive?”
-
4771.
-
4772.
“She didn’t say, only that it was something she had to deal with right now.”
-
4773.
-
4774.
Luna retreated a step and relaxed slightly. “Hmm. Such a letter from Twilight
-
4775.
could be serious. Perhaps Discord is causing problems.”
-
4776.
-
4777.
“Oh, my dear sweet Luna.” A nearby syrup pitcher promptly sprouted mismatched
-
4778.
limbs and a face, which looked up at Luna with mournful yellow eyes. “Why do you
-
4779.
automatically assume I’m the one causing problems?”
-
4780.
-
4781.
“Because you have a great propensity for doing so.” Luna growled while the
-
4782.
draconequus poured himself into Celestia’s vacant chair. “Did you come here to
-
4783.
confess or to hide from your crimes?”
-
4784.
-
4785.
“I’m here because I want to be here,” Discord replied, as he reached across the
-
4786.
table and grabbed Celestia’s uneaten food. “I still haven’t done anything,
-
4787.
despite repeated requests from Pinkie Pie for chocolate milk rainclouds.”
-
4788.
-
4789.
“Then do you know what Twilight wrote?”
-
4790.
-
4791.
“I do,” he replied while he snapped a whisk into existence and used it to cut
-
4792.
the pancakes. “But Celly will be awfully mad at me if I tell anyone. I can say
-
4793.
it’s nothing that threatens life or limb.”
-
4794.
-
4795.
“What else could it be, then?”
-
4796.
-
4797.
“Something far more sensitive, I’m afraid,” Discord replied sadly as he scarfed
-
4798.
a bite. “Mm, this needs more sugar.”
-
4799.
-
4800.
Luna glanced over to Anon, but he had no idea what Discord’s cryptic comment
-
4801.
meant so he shrugged.
-
4802.
-
4803.
“So would it be safe to assume that, whatever this is, it will cause a great
-
4804.
amount of chaos?” Luna continued.
-
4805.
-
4806.
“A healthy amount, yes,” he said, as he shoved another large bite in. “And now
-
4807.
I’m stress eating, see? This is horrible. I’ll have to go on a diet for a month
-
4808.
because of this.”
-
4809.
-
4810.
“I hope you can forgive our lack of sympathy on the matter.”
-
4811.
-
4812.
Discord took a moment to clear his mouth and to dab lightly at the corners of
-
4813.
his mouth with a napkin.
-
4814.
-
4815.
“Yes, well, you were always known for your compassion weren’t you?”
-
4816.
-
4817.
Luna grunted and glared at him fiercely.
-
4818.
-
4819.
“Fine. I came here mostly for Anon anyway.” He stuck his nose in the air for a
-
4820.
moment before he teleported Anon into his embrace. “Anon-o, you’ve been mi amigo
-
4821.
in bedlam, so it’s only fair that I make you this offer: mi chaos es su chaos.
-
4822.
If you ever need a place to crash, you just give me a call. I’ll come running,
-
4823.
rain or shine, snow or sleet, Monday through Friday nine to five, Saturday ten
-
4824.
to three with time off for good behavior, closed Sundays. You’ve been such a
-
4825.
wonderfully unintentional deviant that I just can’t stand the thought of you
-
4826.
living out on the cold, cruel streets of Canterlot.”
-
4827.
-
4828.
“May I ask what you are even talking about?” Anon replied.
-
4829.
-
4830.
“Just know that I’m still here for you, Anon-o. Us chaos creators have to look
-
4831.
out for one another.”
-
4832.
-
4833.
And then Discord snapped his talons and disappeared. Anon flailed his limbs in
-
4834.
midair for a split second before he went crashing to the ground, and he groaned
-
4835.
in pain once there.
-
4836.
-
4837.
“I could have lived without that. Do you have any idea what he was talking
-
4838.
about, Princess?”
-
4839.
-
4840.
“I am afraid I do. Let me speak with my sister about this first, however. Are
-
4841.
you injured?”
-
4842.
-
4843.
“No, I’m okay.” He staggered back to his feet. “But will you please let me know
-
4844.
if I can help? I don’t want to just sit here and be dead weight.”
-
4845.
-
4846.
“I promise I will do so,” Luna replied with a quick nod of her head. She then
-
4847.
turned and left without another word.
-
4848.
-
4849.
Anon sighed. He was really worried about what was going on, and why he seemed to
-
4850.
be in the thick of it again. But since there wasn’t much he could do at the
-
4851.
moment, he figured the best thing to do would be to stay out of the way and to
-
4852.
let the Royal Sisters handle it.
-
4853.
-
4854.
He wondered if he could do some studying. It would be a shame to just sit, but
-
4855.
he wanted to stay nearby in case he was needed, and if he could gain access to
-
4856.
the Archives he could make some progress on his story. He would like to get that
-
4857.
started, he had to admit.
-
4858.
-
4859.
First things first, though. There were pancakes to devour.
-
4860.
-
4861.
-
4862.
-
4863.
-
4864.
-
4865.
“Mister Anon?”
-
4866.
-
4867.
“Oh! Hi, Luna. You startled me.” Anon looked up from his notebook. “Can I help
-
4868.
you with something?”
-
4869.
-
4870.
“My sister requests your presence in her private drawing room at this time,”
-
4871.
Luna replied flatly. “If you would follow me, please.”
-
4872.
-
4873.
“Uh, okay. Let me gather up my stuff.”
-
4874.
-
4875.
Anon did not like Luna’s tone. Had he done something wrong, or something just
-
4876.
stupid? Was he going to be punished? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong in
-
4877.
the last hour, so the Princesses shouldn’t have a reason to be mad with him.
-
4878.
-
4879.
It only took a second to gather up his things, and he fell in step behind Luna
-
4880.
as they entered the hallway.
-
4881.
-
4882.
“So, what’s going on? Did I do something?” Anon asked.
-
4883.
-
4884.
“That is for my sister to discuss with you,” Luna replied without looking back.
-
4885.
“But know that you have my best wishes going with you.”
-
4886.
-
4887.
Seriously, what had he done this time?! He was getting tired of constantly being
-
4888.
in trouble.
-
4889.
-
4890.
The rest of the walk was in silence. Once they reached the drawing room door
-
4891.
Luna knocked, looked at Anon, sighed, and then walked away while keeping her
-
4892.
face impassive.
-
4893.
-
4894.
“Come in, Mister Anon,” Celestia called out.
-
4895.
-
4896.
Anon gently nudged the door open and slowly stuck his head in. Celestia gave him
-
4897.
the saddest smile he’d ever seen before motioning for him to come sit by the
-
4898.
table. He slowly did so, and while he did, Celestia poured out a cup of what
-
4899.
smelled like chamomile tea for each of them.
-
4900.
-
4901.
“Thank you for being patient and understanding today. I’m sure you realize that
-
4902.
I am called away for urgent matters on occasion.”
-
4903.
-
4904.
“Yes, I’m sure you are. What’s this all about?” Anon didn’t feel like wasting
-
4905.
time in pleasantries.
-
4906.
-
4907.
Celestia started to reply, then stalled, looking down at the table instead. Even
-
4908.
her proud ears drooped, and a brief rustle ran down the lengths of her folded
-
4909.
wings as they shuffled position behind her. “C’mon, Celly,” she muttered. “Just
-
4910.
spit it out.”
-
4911.
-
4912.
Taking a deep breath, she looked up and fixed Anonymous with a steady gaze that
-
4913.
he thought quite possibly contained a suppressed tear or two in the corners of
-
4914.
her lovely eyes.
-
4915.
-
4916.
“Mister Anon,” she continued in a steady voice. “Twilight Sparkle has found a
-
4917.
loophole for my law.”
-
4918.
-
4919.
Well, that was a fantastic way to suck the air out of the room. Anon’s right
-
4920.
hand began shaking wildly as the full impact of her statement sank in.
-
4921.
-
4922.
“Sh-she did?” he stammered.
-
4923.
-
4924.
Celestia nodded, then pushed a small pile of papers towards him. Anon leaned
-
4925.
over and read the bold words at the top:
-
4926.
-
4927.
Divorce Decree
-
4928.
-
4929.
Anon slumped back. It felt like Celestia had just slammed both of her rear
-
4930.
hooves into his gut at full force.
-
4931.
-
4932.
“A divorce?” he managed to weakly ask.
-
4933.
-
4934.
“Yes.”
-
4935.
-
4936.
“Uh… well, uh…”
-
4937.
-
4938.
“I’ve arranged for very generous terms on your behalf. Alimony payments will be
-
4939.
ten thousand bits per month, with annual reviews to account for cost-of-living
-
4940.
expenses. You shall have free access to the palace, the grounds, and any
-
4941.
services provided here, such as my personal carriage and chariots at any time
-
4942.
you like. You will remain a friend of the Crown as well as maintaining the title
-
4943.
of Duke, you may request an audience with me at any time and receive it, and
-
4944.
Luna has even promised to keep all nightmares away. All you have to do is sign
-
4945.
and date the last page, and you’ll be free.”
-
4946.
-
4947.
Anon wasn’t sure how to reply to all that, so he spat out the one question that
-
4948.
seemed to be overruling all others.
-
4949.
-
4950.
“Why didn’t anypony find this sooner?”
-
4951.
-
4952.
Celestia heaved the deepest sigh Anon had ever heard. “Please permit me to
-
4953.
answer that with a story, if I may.”
-
4954.
-
4955.
He nodded, and she continued. “When I sent Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville, I told
-
4956.
her to write me a letter every week to tell me about her studies in friendship.
-
4957.
My hope was that by doing so, she would recognize the lessons she was learning,
-
4958.
and that it would imprint on her heart far more that it ever could on paper. She
-
4959.
did so, dutifully, for well over a year. She grew by leaps and bounds, as she
-
4960.
does in everything, and I was pleased she was learning so much from her new
-
4961.
friends.
-
4962.
-
4963.
“But then a week came when there was no friendship lesson. It was a rather busy
-
4964.
week for me, and I didn’t notice her missing report.
-
4965.
-
4966.
“However, just before sunset on the day of the ‘deadline’ I received a letter
-
4967.
from Spike informing me of a most troubling development. Desperate for a
-
4968.
friendship problem to write about, Twilight had cast a Want It Need It spell on
-
4969.
and old stuffed rag doll she owned. Within the space of a few minutes, nearly
-
4970.
the entire town of Ponyville had fallen under the enchantment and had devolved
-
4971.
into fighting each other for possession of this doll. Thankfully, Spike sent
-
4972.
this message to me with enough time for me to teleport and to clear the
-
4973.
enchantment before anypony was seriously hurt.
-
4974.
-
4975.
“Now, let me ask you this: what should Twilight have done?”
-
4976.
-
4977.
Anon thought for a moment. “I can see her dilemma. If she did not have a
-
4978.
friendship lesson to report, you might think her studies were over. She really
-
4979.
should have written you to ask for your advice”
-
4980.
-
4981.
She nodded. “A prudent course of action. If she had, she would have been told
-
4982.
the letters were not as important as she thought they were. I would have
-
4983.
informed her that she could write when—and only when—a lesson happened.
-
4984.
-
4985.
“Now, Twilight is, arguably, one of the most intelligent ponies in all of
-
4986.
Equestria. Why would such a pony be unable to come to such an obvious answer?”
-
4987.
-
4988.
Anon shook his head. “I don’t know.”
-
4989.
-
4990.
“Most behavioral experts call it ‘Tunnel Vision.’ For as smart as ponies are, we
-
4991.
all have the propensity to see only what is in front of us and nothing else.
-
4992.
Most believe it’s something that’s been passed down from our earliest ancestors,
-
4993.
and that it is somehow related to the Fight or Flight response we see in
-
4994.
wildlife.
-
4995.
-
4996.
“So, in simple terms, it means that when a pony is a presented with a problem,
-
4997.
their tendency is to focus on one answer only. Usually the first response works,
-
4998.
and normally it is an acceptable and reasonable solution, so the pony doesn’t
-
4999.
even realize what they did.
-
5000.
-
5001.
“This is part of the reason nopony thought of divorce. The other part, I
-
5002.
believe, is my fault. When I sent my law out for review, I asked if there was a
-
5003.
loophole in the law itself. If one looks at it from the way I asked, there is no
-
5004.
way to cancel it. However, there is nothing in the law that says we must remain
-
5005.
married. As soon as Luna proclaimed us husband and wife, the terms were
-
5006.
fulfilled. The only thing that binds you to me or me to you is the modern legal
-
5007.
bonds of marriage. I also personally believe the subject matter hampered
-
5008.
efforts.”
-
5009.
-
5010.
“How so?”
-
5011.
-
5012.
“Imagine if I placed before you a giant, one thousand year old boulder. The
-
5013.
boulder itself is visually impressive one, with all sorts of swirls and colorful
-
5014.
bands sweeping through it. I then give you a fork, spoon, and knife and ask you
-
5015.
to find a way to move the boulder and command you to report back in three days.
-
5016.
I then tell you that if someone manages to drill a hole into it, it will release
-
5017.
a terrible plume of smoke that will turn my coat purple. What do you think would
-
5018.
happen?”
-
5019.
-
5020.
Anon nodded as he saw the simile. It was a simile, wasn’t it? “I would probably
-
5021.
chip away at it with the silverware for a few days before telling you that the
-
5022.
task was impossible. I’d probably also laugh at the thought of you being purple,
-
5023.
and get distracted by the colors in the rock, too.”
-
5024.
-
5025.
“Very well.” Celestia nodded. “What if I had not given you the knife, fork, and
-
5026.
spoon? Just pointed to the boulder and let you go.”
-
5027.
-
5028.
“Oh.” The inspiration was dizzying. “I’d go buy some rope and a few pulleys.
-
5029.
Maybe hire a couple of beefy earth ponies to help pull, and we’d have that
-
5030.
boulder moved by the end of the first day.”
-
5031.
-
5032.
“Exactly.” A broader smile managed to work its way onto Celestia’s face as she
-
5033.
nodded again. “I believe this happened with my law as well. Most anypony at a
-
5034.
University would probably be far more interested in the insides of a previously
-
5035.
unknown, thousand-year-old document. Judges and Lawyers would laugh at the
-
5036.
subject and would assume such an occurrence is next to impossible. When we look
-
5037.
at the problem from the outside, it’s easy to see how divorce could be
-
5038.
overlooked.”
-
5039.
-
5040.
Anon didn’t reply for a few moments as he processed all this, but when he did,
-
5041.
his voice was soft and thoughtful. “So, all I need to do is sign?”
-
5042.
-
5043.
“Yes. You can then go back to your regular life and your own dreams. I’ll even
-
5044.
go find Sego Lily for you, if you want me to.”
-
5045.
-
5046.
Anon looked down at the divorce papers, and Celestia placed an inkwell and quill
-
5047.
next to them. His mind began churning with thoughts, and he tried to keep them
-
5048.
all in order.
-
5049.
-
5050.
This was, as she said, everything he had wanted. No more trying to figure out
-
5051.
how to date a princess, no more worrying about being a prince and doing princely
-
5052.
things, no more Luna glaring at him and yanking his chain. The terms were
-
5053.
generous enough that he could very easily buy a home out in the country and be
-
5054.
able to write his story uninterrupted. He would, in pretty much any way he could
-
5055.
think of, be set for life. He could even probably use this amusing incident to
-
5056.
launch his writing career.
-
5057.
-
5058.
He pondered this for quite some time, but then he made the mistake of looking
-
5059.
up. Celestia was sitting calmly, her body facing him but her head turned to look
-
5060.
out the window. She was the perfect picture of her reputation right then:
-
5061.
peaceful, serene, stoic and steadfast. She looked like a Princess, in every way.
-
5062.
-
5063.
But Anon could also see something else. True, he didn’t have the centuries of
-
5064.
experience in reading body language like she did. He really couldn’t say that he
-
5065.
knew her inner feelings based on how she inhaled or how she blinked.
-
5066.
-
5067.
But there was still a feeling of sadness draped across her form. It wasn’t the
-
5068.
sadness that came from doing something wrong. It was more like the sadness that
-
5069.
came from the realization that something good was coming to an end.
-
5070.
-
5071.
He ran a hoof through his mane as she took a gentle sip of tea. It had not been
-
5072.
a mistake to look up. As he watched her mane float on the ethereal breeze that
-
5073.
moved it along, he knew what his answer needed to be.
-
5074.
-
5075.
Celestia inhaled slowly and deeply when she heard Anonymous slide the divorce
-
5076.
papers back across the table. She then slowly turned her head and looked down.
-
5077.
-
5078.
One eyebrow moved up as her interest seemed to grow. On top of the divorce
-
5079.
decree, Anon had placed his notebook and opened to a page that had one sentence
-
5080.
written across the top.
-
5081.
-
5082.
“How to flirt with, date, court, and-slash-or woo Princess Celestia,” she read,
-
5083.
and then laughed slightly before Anon continued.
-
5084.
-
5085.
“Ridiculous, right? I mean, really. What chance does a commoner like me have
-
5086.
with you?”
-
5087.
-
5088.
He paused to take a breath. “Three days ago, when we first booped noses, if you
-
5089.
had told me this, I would have married and divorced you right then and there
-
5090.
with no further thought on the matter.
-
5091.
-
5092.
“But then I started talking to you. I got to know you better. My preconceived
-
5093.
notions were challenged, and I had to reconcile what I had known to what I had
-
5094.
learned. You acted out my little paragraph of writing. You talked to me about
-
5095.
Sego Lily. You made me funny face pancakes, and you ate my soup while listening
-
5096.
to my little sob story.
-
5097.
-
5098.
“I realize there’s still a ton we don’t know about each other, and that would
-
5099.
need to change. I’m also not sure if we can ever really love each other, but I’d
-
5100.
like to find out for sure,” he admitted while his gaze went to the window. “As
-
5101.
crazy as this whole thing has been, I’m delusional enough at this point to think
-
5102.
that maybe, somehow, we could have something. I’ve had little glimpses into what
-
5103.
life with you could be like, and I’ve loved them. I really would like to see if
-
5104.
there could be more.
-
5105.
-
5106.
“I also want to keep your feelings in mind, too. If this is too forward of me,
-
5107.
or if you want the divorce for whatever reason, I’ll sign the papers. I don’t
-
5108.
want you to be forced into something you don’t want either.”
-
5109.
-
5110.
He then heard Celestia’s magic working. He glanced back, and saw his notebook
-
5111.
had been picked up and she was flipping the pages of the decree. She stopped on
-
5112.
the last page, and Anon saw that both he and she needed to sign it, but both
-
5113.
places were blank.
-
5114.
-
5115.
His notebook then was placed back on the table. Under his sentence, she had
-
5116.
written one simple line:
-
5117.
-
5118.
Call me Celly.
-
5119.
-
5120.
“I think you are slightly mistaken in one area.” He looked up at her, and found
-
5121.
a completely different mare before him. The previously stoic and sad Celestia
-
5122.
was now a perky, smiling mare, and her eyes were sparkling with mirth.
-
5123.
-
5124.
“How so?” he asked, as a smile invaded his face too.
-
5125.
-
5126.
“You said we don’t love each other yet. If that was totally true, you would have
-
5127.
signed the paperwork. What we have is a start, an ember. I would like to see if
-
5128.
it could be something more as well.”
-
5129.
-
5130.
“You would?”
-
5131.
-
5132.
She nodded. “It’s going to take time, though, and there’s still much that could
-
5133.
change your mind. Let’s leave the divorce option open with the understanding
-
5134.
that if either of us wants out in the future, we will part as friends and with
-
5135.
no ill will.”
-
5136.
-
5137.
“I can agree to that, Celly.”
-
5138.
-
5139.
The smile she gave him sent a shiver of joy throughout his whole body. Even his
-
5140.
spine felt tingly.
-
5141.
-
5142.
“Then we are agreed. I’ll even help you add more things to that list.”
-
5143.
-
5144.
“Really?”
-
5145.
-
5146.
“But you need to add most of them,” she added slyly. “If you want this to work,
-
5147.
you’ve got to put some effort into it. That’s how any relationship works,
-
5148.
really.”
-
5149.
-
5150.
He gave his own sly smile back. “That sounds like a two way street to me.”
-
5151.
-
5152.
“As it should be, Mister Anon.”
-
5153.
-
5154.
He then pulled the notebook a bit closer, produced his pencil, and began
-
5155.
writing. Once done, he pushed it back towards her, and she leaned over to see
-
5156.
what he’d just added.
-
5157.
-
5158.
How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Anonymous.
-
5159.
-
5160.
And underneath that, one simple line:
-
5161.
-
5162.
Call me Anon.
-
5163.
-
5164.
“You get to add things too,” he remarked.
-
5165.
-
5166.
“I would love to, Anon,” she said with a quick boop for his nose. > 10. - So,
-
5167.
Now What? >
-
5168.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
5169.
-
5170.
“So, I guess we could have annulled the marriage too,” Anon offered in thought.
-
5171.
-
5172.
“That we could,” Celestia replied as they left her drawing room. “But that would
-
5173.
have left you with nothing, and I didn’t want that to happen. You have handled
-
5174.
everything with a great deal of decorum, and you deserved to have compensation
-
5175.
for your trouble.”
-
5176.
-
5177.
Anon didn’t have a reply to that, but he did blush a little.
-
5178.
-
5179.
“Oh ho!” Celestia cackled. “I was wondering if it was possible to bring any
-
5180.
color to your cheeks.”
-
5181.
-
5182.
“I blush,” he said weakly. “I’m not used to ponies praising me. I’m also not
-
5183.
used to having all this attention.”
-
5184.
-
5185.
“I’ll help you through it,” Celestia offered. “Once our union is more widely
-
5186.
known, you’re going to need it.”
-
5187.
-
5188.
“So long as you’re there, I think I’ll survive.”
-
5189.
-
5190.
“Sister!” Luna called out from down the hallway. “Are you done with Mister
-
5191.
Anon?”
-
5192.
-
5193.
“Our dilemma has been resolved,” Celestia called back as Luna quickly closed the
-
5194.
gap between them.
-
5195.
-
5196.
“All right, I need a straight answer, not this cryptic nonsense. Are you two
-
5197.
divorced?”
-
5198.
-
5199.
“No, we—”
-
5200.
-
5201.
“Good. I need your husband.”
-
5202.
-
5203.
“No!” Celestia instantly wrapped a wing around him and pulled him in tight.
-
5204.
“He’s mine! Go get your own.”
-
5205.
-
5206.
Luna smacked her forehead with a hoof and groaned. “Not like that! I have the
-
5207.
ambassador from Caballo arriving in an hour and I need his cooking skills. Some
-
5208.
light refreshments will help ease the tension from your reschedules.”
-
5209.
-
5210.
“That it would. Anon, would you like to entertain your first diplomat?”
-
5211.
-
5212.
“Sure, I’m willing to help,” he said as Celestia’s wing retreated with a line of
-
5213.
tingles across his spine. “What do you want me to make?”
-
5214.
-
5215.
“Something more to the elegant side,” Luna replied. “Ambassador Rompe Viento is
-
5216.
known for his particular tastes.”
-
5217.
-
5218.
“How about a Popurrí de Vendura?”
-
5219.
-
5220.
“I don’t think I can even pronounce that. What is it?”
-
5221.
-
5222.
“A traditional Caballian dish. It might be a bit heavy, but I think I can cut
-
5223.
back here and there to lighten it up.”
-
5224.
-
5225.
“If it will appease the ambassador, then I’m all for it.” Luna motioned down the
-
5226.
hallway. “Shall we?”
-
5227.
-
5228.
“Go ahead. I’ve got more than enough work to catch up on while you’re gone,”
-
5229.
Celestia offered.
-
5230.
-
5231.
“I don’t doubt that.” Anon chuckled. “Maybe I can help you with it later?”
-
5232.
-
5233.
“I would like that.” Celestia gave him a bright smile. “I’ll save the really
-
5234.
boring laws for you.”
-
5235.
-
5236.
“Oh, great,” Anon groaned with a smile, then turned to Luna. “Your kitchen staff
-
5237.
isn’t going to be mad that I’m taking over their job, are they?”
-
5238.
-
5239.
“Not at all. No chef has been able to satisfy all of the Ambassador’s demands to
-
5240.
date,” Luna replied, as they began walking down the hallway. “You’re the only
-
5241.
hope I have at the moment.”
-
5242.
-
5243.
“Are things really that bad between Equestria and Caballo?”
-
5244.
-
5245.
“No, so it will be fine if he doesn’t like what you have made, but it would
-
5246.
help.”
-
5247.
-
5248.
“Okay. Let’s go give it a whirl, then.”
-
5249.
-
5250.
-
5251.
-
5252.
-
5253.
-
5254.
“So you decided to stay with my sister,” Luna casually remarked.
-
5255.
-
5256.
“I did,” Anon said with a slow stir of the vegetables in the skillet before him.
-
5257.
-
5258.
“Why?”
-
5259.
-
5260.
“Well, why not? Who wouldn’t want to be married to your sister?”
-
5261.
-
5262.
“Nice try.” She gave him a slight glare, but the corners of her mouth were
-
5263.
upturned. “I need a better answer than that.”
-
5264.
-
5265.
“That you do. It’s a bit hard to explain, really. I just felt like there could
-
5266.
be something more. I know that I’m just a commoner.
-
5267.
-
5268.
“But last night, when we were just talking…” Anon trailed off. There was a pause
-
5269.
as he threw some spices in the pan, then began stirring again. “It was nice, I
-
5270.
guess. I was talking to two princesses like they were my old friends, and it
-
5271.
felt good.
-
5272.
-
5273.
“Just talking to Celly feels good, y’know? I know she has to stay professional
-
5274.
and be diplomatic for both her own ponies and visitors, but the little bits that
-
5275.
I’ve seen when she’s not being a Princess are… well, they’re wholesome. They’re
-
5276.
delightful. This is probably going to sound really dumb, because this all
-
5277.
applies to her anyway, but even in private she’s a smart, witty, and thoughtful
-
5278.
mare who really does care about others.
-
5279.
-
5280.
“I mean, she’s tried to make my life easier, despite everything that’s happened.
-
5281.
She’s trying to make up for her law, and she really wants to do what’s best. I
-
5282.
dunno. Maybe I’m just being weird, but when I talk to Celly—not Princess
-
5283.
Celestia, but just Celly—I feel like I belong. I’d almost like to say that
-
5284.
existential crisis my dad said I was having is solved with her. I kinda feel
-
5285.
like… well, like I’ve found myself.”
-
5286.
-
5287.
“What about the other mare you met? Sego Lily, wasn’t it?”
-
5288.
-
5289.
He chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t know how to explain that. She was attractive, and I
-
5290.
can’t deny I wasn’t enamored by her. I guess I just fell for that trap where I
-
5291.
let my guard down a little and I let her in when I shouldn’t have. If I could go
-
5292.
back and do that again I would. I would have just apologized for crashing into
-
5293.
her and then been on my way, and just skip getting caught in the depths of a
-
5294.
pity party. I guess I need to take that as a lesson in watching my decisions.”
-
5295.
-
5296.
“At least you have learned from it,” Luna replied. “If you are going to remain
-
5297.
with my sister, you owe her your complete fidelity.”
-
5298.
-
5299.
“She’ll have it, don’t worry. I mean, who could ever really measure up to your
-
5300.
sister?”
-
5301.
-
5302.
“Other than you? Somepony on stilts, maybe.”
-
5303.
-
5304.
They both chuckled at the mental image. “That’s about the only way. But I’m
-
5305.
going to take this seriously. Celestia deserves it.”
-
5306.
-
5307.
“You do too,” said Luna. “You will never have to worry about Celly betraying
-
5308.
you, either.”
-
5309.
-
5310.
“I never thought that would be an issue.”
-
5311.
-
5312.
“Celly is still a mare, Anon. She meets with a great many handsome stallions on
-
5313.
an almost daily basis, stallions who would turn you green with envy. She will
-
5314.
have to watch herself too, but she takes her commitments seriously. If you stay
-
5315.
loyal to her, she will stay loyal to you.”
-
5316.
-
5317.
“Just as you stayed loyal to Star Struck?”
-
5318.
-
5319.
“Just as we did, yes.” Luna’s subdued smile made her light up like the moon. “I
-
5320.
can tell you it was not easy all the time. As romantic as our beginning was, our
-
5321.
relationship needed continual work. The same will be true for you.”
-
5322.
-
5323.
“I don’t mind a little work,” Anon replied as he pulled a saucepan off of
-
5324.
another burner and poured the contents over his concoction in the main skillet.
-
5325.
“Especially for what the reward is.”
-
5326.
-
5327.
“Is this it, then?”
-
5328.
-
5329.
“Yeah. I hope he likes it. This is something my parents brought back with them
-
5330.
after an overseas trip to Caballo. They said they found it during their trip
-
5331.
through the countryside.”
-
5332.
-
5333.
“I believe it will be satisfactory,” she replied. “He should be arriving any
-
5334.
moment now. We will soon see if you are successful.”
-
5335.
-
5336.
-
5337.
-
5338.
-
5339.
-
5340.
“Princess, I don’t know who made this, but I simply must offer my compliments!”
-
5341.
Ambassador Rompe Viento gushed. “This is the most incredible meal I have ever
-
5342.
had the pleasure of enjoying!”
-
5343.
-
5344.
“I will be sure to pass your compliments along,” Luna replied with a wink to
-
5345.
Anon. “The Chef will be very pleased to hear this.”
-
5346.
-
5347.
“Well, now that I am quite pleasantly full, I believe we can begin negotiations.
-
5348.
May I be so bold as to invite you to join us?”
-
5349.
-
5350.
“I have already made arrangements to join you and Minister Penny Wise,
-
5351.
Ambassador.”
-
5352.
-
5353.
“Fantastico! Will Mister Anon be joining us?”
-
5354.
-
5355.
“I believe he is needed elsewhere, unfortunately.”
-
5356.
-
5357.
“In high demand eh?” The Ambassador bobbed his eyebrows at Anon. “But that is
-
5358.
fine. I’m sure we will have an opportunity to talk later.”
-
5359.
-
5360.
“I look forward to it, Ambassador,” Anon replied.
-
5361.
-
5362.
“Just this way, Viento.” Luna motioned with a hoof down one hallway.
-
5363.
-
5364.
Anon stood still until they both had cleared the hallway, and then he let his
-
5365.
breath out in relief. That had been slightly nerve wracking, but at least his
-
5366.
meal had been received well. But now what? Should he go back to the Archives and
-
5367.
study more, or should he try to meet up with Celestia?
-
5368.
-
5369.
“Excuse me, Prince Anon?”
-
5370.
-
5371.
That was definitely going to take some getting used to. He smiled politely as he
-
5372.
turned to face Celestia’s secretary. “Yes?”
-
5373.
-
5374.
“Hello, Your Highness. I’m Wysteria Inkwell, and I’m your personal secretary
-
5375.
now. It’s nice to make your acquaintance.”
-
5376.
-
5377.
“Likewise,” he replied with a quick shake of her hoof. “But you’re still
-
5378.
Celestia’s secretary too, right?”
-
5379.
-
5380.
“Yes, Your Highness. I work for both of you now. You’ll be seeing me around a
-
5381.
lot since the Princess believes you’ll be spending most of your time with her
-
5382.
over the next few weeks.”
-
5383.
-
5384.
“Oh? Well, I can live with that.” Anon gave a quick nod. “So, what am I supposed
-
5385.
to be doing right now?”
-
5386.
-
5387.
Wysteria adjusted her glasses and looked over her clipboard. “Well, the Princess
-
5388.
is scheduled to be in Day Court until this evening. I guess you could join her
-
5389.
there. She didn’t really say what she wanted you to do right now.”
-
5390.
-
5391.
“I don’t know if I should join her. Wouldn’t I be a disruption?”
-
5392.
-
5393.
“Oh, not at all, Your Highness! There’s a separate staff entrance near the back.
-
5394.
I can bring you in there, and you can just sit off to the side until she’s
-
5395.
done.”
-
5396.
-
5397.
“No one will notice me there?”
-
5398.
-
5399.
“I would be surprised if they did, Your Highness. Everypony who comes to court
-
5400.
is so in awe of Celestia that they don’t bother to look around, and even if they
-
5401.
did, we’ll just say you’re an observer. You’ll blend right in.”
-
5402.
-
5403.
“Oh! Well, okay then. I guess I just follow you?”
-
5404.
-
5405.
Wysteria smiled and motioned down a hallway with one hoof. “Right this way, Your
-
5406.
Highness.”
-
5407.
-
5408.
-
5409.
-
5410.
-
5411.
-
5412.
Anonymous liked Day Court.
-
5413.
-
5414.
Granted, he wasn’t the one making the decisions, and he knew that made a huge
-
5415.
difference. But Celestia was an obvious expert, and the various petitioners were
-
5416.
giving him a good look at what would probably be expected of him later.
-
5417.
-
5418.
His first observation was how many ponies came to the seat of the Two Sisters to
-
5419.
beg for money. It seemed nearly half of the visitors wanted funds for any number
-
5420.
of reasons: new house, start a business, hard times, et cetera. Celestia was
-
5421.
uniform in her decisions. No matter what, the official policy of the Crown was
-
5422.
not to distribute funding, no matter how worthy the cause. Business ideas needed
-
5423.
to speak to a local banker for a loan (and she gladly named two or three who she
-
5424.
personally recommended), and individuals needed to speak to the ponies in the
-
5425.
Office of Personal Finance to determine what would be best for their particular
-
5426.
case. Anon figured that this was because money distributed by the Crown was
-
5427.
taxpayer bits, and that some oversight was needed to ensure the money wasn’t
-
5428.
wasted. Even if Celestia did approve the funds, it would have to be accounted
-
5429.
for somewhere so it ended up the same anyway.
-
5430.
-
5431.
The next most common request was requests for her to make some kind of
-
5432.
legislative change. These she listened to calmly and attentively, no matter how
-
5433.
strange they were. There was, for instance, a pair of goats who wished for a
-
5434.
‘National Feta Cheese’ day to be declared, and that made Anon giggle a bit,
-
5435.
since he personally disliked Feta. Celestia diplomatically said she’d look into
-
5436.
it, and that had worked.
-
5437.
-
5438.
Another asked for an official study into whether or not Cloudsdale’s method of
-
5439.
replenishing their water reserves was damaging to the local ecosystems. He
-
5440.
looked a bit put out when she told him comprehensive studies had been done every
-
5441.
year for the last two hundred and twelve years and no damage had ever been
-
5442.
noted. Well, other than a few confused fish that had to be screened out of the
-
5443.
water inlets and returned to the donating lake every time the reserves were
-
5444.
filled.
-
5445.
-
5446.
He was pretty amazed at how well she handled these requests, and how well she
-
5447.
knew what legislation was already in place, but he also realized why she had
-
5448.
forgotten about her nose law. With the constant influx of laws, ordinances and
-
5449.
the other minutiae that went into running a country, it would be easy to forget
-
5450.
a dusty old law that wasn’t doing anything.
-
5451.
-
5452.
The rest of the petitioners he labeled as miscellaneous. Some just wanted to
-
5453.
chat with her, some wanted a photograph and/or an autograph, and one old mare
-
5454.
asked if Celly could speak at her funeral. Celestia had danced around that one,
-
5455.
saying it really depended on her schedule on the day of death.
-
5456.
-
5457.
The absolute best petitioner, however, was the last pony. He was a suave young
-
5458.
thing, perhaps the same age as Anon, with a slicked back mane and sparkling
-
5459.
white teeth. He sprayed his mouth with what Anon suspected was breath freshener
-
5460.
just as he was announced, and he strode confidently into the room with an
-
5461.
all-knowing grin.
-
5462.
-
5463.
“Good afternoon, Furious Thunder,” Celestia greeted evenly. “What do you have to
-
5464.
present before the Court?”
-
5465.
-
5466.
Thunder cleared his throat with a practiced ease in his motions. “O great
-
5467.
Celestia, whose strength binds our lands together and whose wisdom shines forth
-
5468.
across the seas, I thank fortune and luck that I have been so privileged to be
-
5469.
in your presence today.”
-
5470.
-
5471.
Anon was pretty extra sure he could hear Celestia’s eyes rolling.
-
5472.
-
5473.
“But I have come here today as a humble stallion, one who seeks only for the
-
5474.
eternal happiness and indescribable joy of our beloved monarch. I wish to offer
-
5475.
a present, O Celestia, a simple token of my own undying gratitude for your
-
5476.
selfless work in our behalf.”
-
5477.
-
5478.
“And what present is that?” Celestia asked. Anon caught the note of wariness in
-
5479.
her voice and moved up and onto his feet, but he was also glad to see the Guards
-
5480.
in the room tense up and give the great orator their undivided and pointed
-
5481.
attention.
-
5482.
-
5483.
“Nothing more than a flower, my lady. A rare and beautiful flower, one that
-
5484.
matches your own self.”
-
5485.
-
5486.
Anonymous was no flower expert by any means, but the flower that the pegasus
-
5487.
produced seemed to be nothing more than an ordinary white rose. Though Anon felt
-
5488.
highly confused, Celestia’s face remained even and calm. She even let a small
-
5489.
smile grace her features.
-
5490.
-
5491.
“What a lovely gesture! Thank you, Mister Thunder. Please, approach and present
-
5492.
your gift.”
-
5493.
-
5494.
The guards at the foot of the dais didn’t look very happy about this, but they
-
5495.
let him pass. Anon also was a bit concerned, but he figured Celestia knew what
-
5496.
she was doing.
-
5497.
-
5498.
Furious Thunder’s posture was confident and sure, looking like a stallion who
-
5499.
had just won a large prize and was about to collect it. Anon watched closely as
-
5500.
Thunder made the climb quickly and then kneeled before Celestia with the rose
-
5501.
held upward in one hoof.
-
5502.
-
5503.
“For my beloved monarch.”
-
5504.
-
5505.
Celestia’s hoof slowly moved out to take the flower.
-
5506.
-
5507.
And Furious Thunder sprung. Before Anon could even react, Thunder had pushed up
-
5508.
from his low position quickly, tilted his head up and booped Celestia’s nose.
-
5509.
-
5510.
“Oh! My apologies.” Celestia retreated up and back a step, and Anon caught the
-
5511.
mischievous wink from his wife. “I didn’t realize you were going to stand.”
-
5512.
-
5513.
“Oh, no, Your Highness. The fault was mine. I am such. A. Clumsy. Stallion.”
-
5514.
Thunder made a great effort at enunciating his words.
-
5515.
-
5516.
“Are you really? You should take some yoga classes, then.” Celestia took the
-
5517.
rose in her magic and sniffed it. “Or perhaps some Tai Chi would work better. Or
-
5518.
is it Chai tea? I always get those mixed up.”
-
5519.
-
5520.
“I, uh. I’ll look into it.”
-
5521.
-
5522.
“Now, I could be mistaken, but this seems like a rather ordinary rose. What
-
5523.
makes it so special?”
-
5524.
-
5525.
“It, um… it’s the first flower I gave to my future bride.”
-
5526.
-
5527.
“Oh! Well, that makes it far too special to give to me.” Celestia pushed the
-
5528.
rose back in Thunder’s face. “You should return it immediately.”
-
5529.
-
5530.
“Um, Your Highness?” one of the guards piped up, after clearing his throat.
-
5531.
-
5532.
“Oh! Do you mean me, Mister Thunder?” Celestia put a hoof to her chest in
-
5533.
dramatic shock. “Oh dear. You did just boop my nose, didn’t you?”
-
5534.
-
5535.
“I did, yes.” That winning smile was back in full force.
-
5536.
-
5537.
“Oh my, what a dilemma! I did write that law a thousand years ago that says the
-
5538.
first stallion to touch my nose with his own has to be my husband.”
-
5539.
-
5540.
“You did, yes.”
-
5541.
-
5542.
“It’s certainly a good thing that law is no longer valid, isn’t it?”
-
5543.
-
5544.
“It is… wait, what?”
-
5545.
-
5546.
Celestia nodded solemnly. “Yes, I’m afraid so. You are not the first stallion to
-
5547.
touch my nose. You’re operating under a misconception.”
-
5548.
-
5549.
“Somepony else got you already?” Thunder whispered in disbelief.
-
5550.
-
5551.
Celestia now frowned at him. “Yes, and it’s a good thing, too. What University
-
5552.
are you attending right now?”
-
5553.
-
5554.
Anon was trying very hard not to laugh at the now thoroughly routed Furious
-
5555.
Thunder.
-
5556.
-
5557.
“The University of Canterlot, Your Highness.” Thunder said.
-
5558.
-
5559.
“And did you read my law for yourself or did you just hear about it?”
-
5560.
-
5561.
“I heard about it from some friends on campus who’d seen it.”
-
5562.
-
5563.
“I see. Did you consider what would really happen if you were the first one?”
-
5564.
-
5565.
“Uh…”
-
5566.
-
5567.
“Because it is no easy task to be a prince. You must be calm and collected at
-
5568.
all times, never letting you emotions overrun your judgements and decisions. You
-
5569.
must handle ponies at their very worst, as well as at their very best. Despite
-
5570.
your own opinions and ideas, you must be open and receptive to all ponies, no
-
5571.
matter how different they may seem, or how offensive their personality may be.
-
5572.
-
5573.
“You must also make decisions that will be tried and tested for years to come,
-
5574.
and if you make an error then you will not only suffer yourself but you will
-
5575.
impact the lives of potentially millions. A seemingly small and simple law can
-
5576.
completely change the whole of Equestria.”
-
5577.
-
5578.
Anon moved over towards the dias when Celestia motioned for him. He knew all
-
5579.
that stuff wasn’t for Thunder, it was for him. Celestia was warning him, he’d be
-
5580.
in the hot seat with her in more ways than he knew about.
-
5581.
-
5582.
But that was just it. He’d be with her.
-
5583.
-
5584.
And with that being the case, he believed it could be done. He could be a
-
5585.
prince, and have the love of a princess. It would take everything he had, and
-
5586.
probably more, but it would doable.
-
5587.
-
5588.
“Mister Thunder, I would like you to meet—” Celestia stalled, looked over to
-
5589.
Anon, and smiled “—my husband, Prince Anonymous. Anon, say hello to Furious
-
5590.
Thunder.”
-
5591.
-
5592.
Anon was really grateful that only Celestia, Wysteria, and himself were present
-
5593.
for the big announcement, but there was still no shortage of embarrassment on
-
5594.
his part.
-
5595.
-
5596.
“H-hi.” Anon stammered.
-
5597.
-
5598.
“Go easy on him, he’s had a rough few days.” Celestia added quickly. “It’s not
-
5599.
easy adjusting to being a Prince.”
-
5600.
-
5601.
“How did you boop her first?” Thunder demanded, his face flushed with anger.
-
5602.
Celestia’s magic flared, and the young stallion began to float away from Anon,
-
5603.
held by the scruff of his neck much like a kitten being picked up by its mother.
-
5604.
-
5605.
“Now, now. Don’t be a sore loser,” Celestia chided. “My advice to you is to
-
5606.
forget any of this happened, resume your studies, and look for your special
-
5607.
somepony while doing so. You never know when destiny will strike. Now, off you
-
5608.
go!”
-
5609.
-
5610.
Thunder yelped when Celestia’s magic swatted him on the bum as she put him down.
-
5611.
He then grumbled and fumed his way out of the throne room, with a couple of
-
5612.
guards following for good measure. Once he was out of sight, Celestia nodded to
-
5613.
Wysteria.
-
5614.
-
5615.
“I believe we shall adjourn Day Court for now.”
-
5616.
-
5617.
“Very well.” Wysteria swung the double doors to the throne room shut with her
-
5618.
magic.
-
5619.
-
5620.
“Now then, all of that excitement has worked up my appetite. Anon, what do you
-
5621.
suggest we have tonight?”
-
5622.
-
5623.
He smiled. “How about a nice rosemary salad with shredded carrots, but hold the
-
5624.
physical assault?”
-
5625.
-
5626.
“That sounds delicious. Shall we?”
-
5627.
-
5628.
-
5629.
-
5630.
-
5631.
-
5632.
“So, I guess we have to make the official announcement now,” Anon said.
-
5633.
-
5634.
“Not necessarily,” Luna replied. “If you are still not comfortable about your
-
5635.
position, we can still use one of my favorite stalling tactics.”
-
5636.
-
5637.
Celestia rolled her eyes, but she laughed too. “The Crown can neither confirm
-
5638.
nor deny the rumor that has been spread by Furious Thunder. No further comment.”
-
5639.
-
5640.
“Exactly. It is amazing how well that works.”
-
5641.
-
5642.
“No, that doesn’t seem right,” Anon replied. “I would feel like I’m deceiving
-
5643.
ponies. Since I decided to stay, we should announce it.”
-
5644.
-
5645.
“Anon has spoken,” Celestia grandly proclaimed with a chuckle. “Everything will
-
5646.
be shut down tomorrow so we’ll make the announcement and have a press conference
-
5647.
first thing Monday morning.”
-
5648.
-
5649.
Anon nodded. “I guess this means we should go meet my parents tomorrow.”
-
5650.
-
5651.
“Are you sure you want to?”
-
5652.
-
5653.
“I’m pretty extra sure I don’t want to.” Anon paused while he glared daggers at
-
5654.
the floor. “But I don’t think they’d appreciate reading about how their son
-
5655.
married Princess Celestia in the morning paper. They did send me off on this
-
5656.
little journey, so it’s fair they should know how it ended.”
-
5657.
-
5658.
“I would not say it has ended.” Luna replied. “I think you’re still just
-
5659.
beginning. This is just another step along the way.”
-
5660.
-
5661.
“That’s true,” he replied, before taking a bite of salad. “Were your parents
-
5662.
still alive when you met Star Struck?”
-
5663.
-
5664.
“You should not talk with your mouth full,” Luna chided. “But they were, yes. It
-
5665.
was not easy for them to accept him, but they did in time.”
-
5666.
-
5667.
“They didn’t like him?”
-
5668.
-
5669.
“He was a mouthy, temperamental thing at first. Though he treated me kindly, he
-
5670.
would gladly have an argument at anytime and with anypony. He hated backing
-
5671.
down, too, so there were frequent ego clashes. Father was ready to turn him into
-
5672.
saddlebags more than a few times.”
-
5673.
-
5674.
“Our parents were also slow to adapt,” Celestia added. “The magic of friendship
-
5675.
takes longer to work on some, and it was hard for Mother and Father to accept an
-
5676.
earth pony as an equal, not to mention the additional hurdle of being worthy of
-
5677.
their daughter. But in time, they did. We all worked together on it and he
-
5678.
eventually became a beloved son-in-law.”
-
5679.
-
5680.
“Think they’d ever approve of me?” Anon asked.
-
5681.
-
5682.
“Hmm.” Luna tapped her hoof to her chin. “They would not approve of you being an
-
5683.
earth pony. They also would frown upon your common status, and your accidental
-
5684.
invocation of the law.”
-
5685.
-
5686.
“But then you stayed and took responsibility,” Celestia added. “They would
-
5687.
appreciate that, even if they would not admit it.”
-
5688.
-
5689.
“Taking a thrashing from me would probably add to their appreciation of your
-
5690.
tenacity.” Luna shook her head and chuckled. “Enduring my teasing would also be
-
5691.
endearing.”
-
5692.
-
5693.
“Being an excellent cook is always a good way to gain a pony’s favor,” Celestia
-
5694.
offered with a deep smile. “They would be displeased over your day with Sego
-
5695.
Lily, but then they would be touched by your remorse over the incident. Being
-
5696.
able to tolerate Discord would also impress them.”
-
5697.
-
5698.
“And then you stayed,” Luna concluded. “You had an out, but you did not take it.
-
5699.
I think, overall, they would have approved. They would be chiding Celly for
-
5700.
writing such a silly law, though.”
-
5701.
-
5702.
“They did when I wrote the thing.” Celestia laughed. “But even they begrudgingly
-
5703.
admitted my convoluted solution was better than Iron Hoof.”
-
5704.
-
5705.
“Anything was better than Iron Hoof, Sister. The foal was an idiot.”
-
5706.
-
5707.
“I sense you have a high opinion of him,” Anon quipped.
-
5708.
-
5709.
Luna snorted derisively. “Go through the archives and look into his history. You
-
5710.
will quickly see why I detested him. I shed no tears for him when he finally
-
5711.
passed.”
-
5712.
-
5713.
“He was rather unpleasant, and that’s being nice,” Celestia added. “It may be a
-
5714.
bit shameful but I wasn’t too sad when he passed either. He had very few
-
5715.
redeeming qualities.”
-
5716.
-
5717.
“Huh.” Anon took a slow bite as he thought about this information. “So, if I’m
-
5718.
the opposite of him I’ll be good.”
-
5719.
-
5720.
“That will be a good start.” Celestia gave Anon a serious look. “But it will
-
5721.
only be just that. Everything I said to Furious Thunder will apply to you, and
-
5722.
more. You will need to be at your very best, at every moment, and even if
-
5723.
everypony around you is not. And worst of all, you will have to contend with a
-
5724.
spouse who can be very disagreeable when she is having a bad day, who is pushy
-
5725.
and prefers to get her own way, and has stinky wingpits on certain days.”
-
5726.
Celestia made a brief sniff of her underwing area and wrinkled up her nose.
-
5727.
“She’s not a very pretty pony sometimes, and worst of all, she snores and hogs
-
5728.
all the covers in the middle of the night.”
-
5729.
-
5730.
“Oh, well,” Anon huffed. “I don’t think I can tolerate a blanket hog. I don’t
-
5731.
know that I can make a relationship work with a pony who has such a fatal flaw.”
-
5732.
-
5733.
“You could just fight back, you realize,” Luna pointed out. “Just poke Celly in
-
5734.
the ribs and she will relinquish her hold on whatever she’s stolen. She’ll also
-
5735.
snort like a wee little piggy.”
-
5736.
-
5737.
“Luna!” Celestia gasped loudly. “You have just given away my greatest secret!
-
5738.
How could you?!”
-
5739.
-
5740.
Luna blew a raspberry at her sister, then pulled Anon in close with one wing.
-
5741.
“If you stick with me, Mister Anon, I will teach you all of my sister’s
-
5742.
weaknesses. You shall emerge victorious from any tickle war my sister may dare
-
5743.
to wage. I will not leave my brother-in-law defenseless.”
-
5744.
-
5745.
“I’m not so sure this is a good idea, but teach me, oh great Lunar Princess.”
-
5746.
-
5747.
“A traitorous alliance! Equestria is doomed!” Celestia shouted with a loud
-
5748.
laugh. > 11. - A Grand Day Out >
-
5749.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
5750.
-
5751.
“I honestly thought it would be harder to get out of the palace,” Anon remarked
-
5752.
thoughtfully.
-
5753.
-
5754.
“It typically is,” Celestia replied while they both braced themselves against
-
5755.
the lurch of the train as it began its journey. “But every pony understands that
-
5756.
right now is a bit of an ‘unique’ situation. Wysteria is also very good at her
-
5757.
job.”
-
5758.
-
5759.
“I am also a bit surprised that the private train of Princess Celestia is so
-
5760.
plain. It looked like we were going to take the Express to Baltimare for a
-
5761.
minute.”
-
5762.
-
5763.
“There is a problem with having a gilded train like the one you describe,”
-
5764.
Celestia said. “With enough velvet and gold, one feels like a show pony in a
-
5765.
three-ring circus.”
-
5766.
-
5767.
“I can see why you would want to avoid that.”
-
5768.
-
5769.
“I also tend to feel guilty if the pegasus guards have to pull me and my chariot
-
5770.
long distances,” Celestia continued. “They tell me time and again it’s an honor
-
5771.
to do so but I know it’s backbreaking work, so when I can I travel by rail.”
-
5772.
-
5773.
“Plus, you can get more paperwork done.”
-
5774.
-
5775.
“That I can,” she smiled, and she settled in behind the desk like a mother swan
-
5776.
in a nest, or at least that was the image that Anonymous was trying his best not
-
5777.
to think about. “Sadly, there is never a shortage of it, and I believe some of
-
5778.
the worst offenders at creating the cursed things will see you as an opportunity
-
5779.
to ‘up their game’ as it is said.”
-
5780.
-
5781.
“I bet.” He chuckled while he watched her bring a stack of papers to the desk
-
5782.
with her magic.
-
5783.
-
5784.
“So what should I know about your family?” she asked. “I hate walking into a
-
5785.
battle blind.”
-
5786.
-
5787.
“Yeah, it may be a battle, I suppose.” Anon blew out a short and frustrated
-
5788.
breath. “What to tell you about my parents. Isn’t that the sixty-four thousand
-
5789.
bit question. Where do I even begin?”
-
5790.
-
5791.
“Start with the basics,” she replied as she began reading the stack of parchment
-
5792.
before her, and writing on another off to one side. “All I know is that you have
-
5793.
a mother and father and no siblings, that they took you in when you were five
-
5794.
years old, and that they own a gourmet restaurant.”
-
5795.
-
5796.
“Upscale,” he corrected. “I have no idea why it matters, but it’s an upscale
-
5797.
restaurant. From what Dad says, it means we serve real food, not just a
-
5798.
half-dozen microscopic blobs of stuff on a lettuce leaf for a few hundred bits.”
-
5799.
-
5800.
“Fair enough. But what are they like? What interests do they have? How much do
-
5801.
they travel?"
-
5802.
-
5803.
“Well, they’re earth ponies.” Anon snorted and suppressed a smile. “Mom likes to
-
5804.
call herself black beans over yellow rice, and Dad says he’s refried beans with
-
5805.
hot salsa on top, due to their colors.” He eyed Celestia’s flowing mane. “I’m
-
5806.
not sure how they’d describe you.”
-
5807.
-
5808.
“Rainbow whip topping on vanilla ice cream,” said Celestia with a twinkle in her
-
5809.
eyes. “My sister can be double-double chocolate fudge. So how did your parents
-
5810.
meet?”
-
5811.
-
5812.
Anon straightened up, although with most of his smile still remaining. “They’re
-
5813.
foalhood sweethearts, actually. They were neighbors growing up, and somehow they
-
5814.
always knew they would marry each other.”
-
5815.
-
5816.
Anon hesitated. Celestia was looking over one scroll quite intently and the
-
5817.
quill in her magic seemed to be writing quickly next to her, but she still made
-
5818.
an encouraging noise as if she wanted him to continue.
-
5819.
-
5820.
“They, uh, they opened the Zuerst just after they got married. They’ve done some
-
5821.
advertising but most of their growth has been by word-of-mouth. When I left,
-
5822.
they could pack the place, no matter what day it was. They haven’t let the
-
5823.
success go to their heads, though. They have a modest house in town, and they
-
5824.
insisted that I attend public schooling. I guess they thought if I had a normal
-
5825.
childhood I wouldn’t become an egotistical brat.”
-
5826.
-
5827.
…and she wasn’t listening, even though both of her ears were pointed in his
-
5828.
direction. Anon sighed and plopped his butt on a convenient chair. Why had she
-
5829.
bothered to ask if she was just going to get wrapped up in her work?
-
5830.
-
5831.
“What else?” Celestia pressed.
-
5832.
-
5833.
“What?”
-
5834.
-
5835.
“There was more you were going to tell me, wasn’t there?” she asked, without
-
5836.
looking up.
-
5837.
-
5838.
“Well, yeah. But you don’t seem to be very interested.”
-
5839.
-
5840.
“I’m listening. These things,” she twitched her ears, “are able to work
-
5841.
separately from these,” she pointed to her eyes, “or from this,” as she tapped
-
5842.
her horn.
-
5843.
-
5844.
“Oh,” Anon replied, but his gaze went to the floor. An odd concoction of
-
5845.
depressed, impressed, and self pity moved through him, and he twiddled his hands
-
5846.
while the sensation seeped into his bones. He really should have realized that
-
5847.
the Princess would have learned how to multitask at some point in the last
-
5848.
thousand years.
-
5849.
-
5850.
Anon gave a slight yelp of alarm when her magic picked him up, but then he
-
5851.
visibly relaxed when his eyes met hers. His own feelings turned into deep
-
5852.
concern when he saw the sorrow in the magenta pools before him, but he was also
-
5853.
astonished at how expressive those eyes were.
-
5854.
-
5855.
“That was not the best choice of words,” she simply said. “Even after a thousand
-
5856.
years of diplomacy, I can still say the absolute wrong thing at the worst time.”
-
5857.
-
5858.
“I don’t see how it was wrong. You’ve had centuries to learn how to multitask. I
-
5859.
should have realized that.”
-
5860.
-
5861.
“That’s not the point,” she replied. He relaxed further when she playfully
-
5862.
rubbed noses with him and then put him down. “The point is you’re not the only
-
5863.
one who is learning in this relationship. I’m used to dealing with diplomats, so
-
5864.
I suppress my frustrations until I’m in a more private setting. Like when I’m
-
5865.
with Luna,” she added with a pained twitch in the corner of her cheek. “And now
-
5866.
you.”
-
5867.
-
5868.
“Like a pressure cooker,” said Anon. “If you don’t vent, you’ll explode.”
-
5869.
-
5870.
Celestia nodded, then whistled a long, rising note, ending in a sharp popping
-
5871.
noise from her cheek that made both of them giggle.
-
5872.
-
5873.
“I probably should try not to be so touchy,” said Anon. “Provided you do the
-
5874.
same for me. I get frustrated too, but on a much smaller scale, I suppose.
-
5875.
-
5876.
Celestia made a much smaller popping noise with her lips, which left them cocked
-
5877.
into a sly smile afterward. “Something we both need to work on, I suppose. What
-
5878.
if we make a deal? If you want to talk to me about something that you feel is
-
5879.
important, just say so. I will stop what I am doing and give you my full and
-
5880.
undivided attention. Is that fair?”
-
5881.
-
5882.
“That’s fair. I’ll also try to remember that you’re not being mean or ignoring
-
5883.
me. You’re just being… well, a princess.”
-
5884.
-
5885.
“That will work,” she replied with a smile.
-
5886.
-
5887.
“What are you working on?” he asked, and he tried to peer up at the papers.
-
5888.
-
5889.
“This is next year’s budget. Be careful, though. Long-term exposure can be
-
5890.
detrimental to your health.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Makes you break out in
-
5891.
Stuffy, and it can cause Snooty in extreme cases.”
-
5892.
-
5893.
“I hope not, or at least I hope you have some kind of protective shield in
-
5894.
place.”
-
5895.
-
5896.
“Several layers, don’t worry,” she replied with a wink. “But, now that I think
-
5897.
about it, you could help me with this.”
-
5898.
-
5899.
Anon’s depression was sent packing, and an eager desire to help took up quick
-
5900.
residence instead. “Really? I’d love to help you in any way, if I can.”
-
5901.
-
5902.
Celestia chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm and pulled a chair from across the car
-
5903.
over for him to sit on. “I think you will be an immense help. You see, the
-
5904.
problem I have with budgets is that I am never totally sure how it will affect
-
5905.
my little ponies. I have various officials and experts who can advise me, of
-
5906.
course, but since they make a living out of crunching numbers I do tend to have
-
5907.
a small grain of doubt when they give their presentations. You, however, have
-
5908.
actually paid taxes and had to live with my decisions, so you can tell me if
-
5909.
what is proposed seems fair and decent. I don’t expect you to be an expert on
-
5910.
all of it, but take a look. This will be a good illustration of the concept.”
-
5911.
-
5912.
The whole stack of papers levitated, and from the middle of the stack she
-
5913.
withdrew a small group of papers. “This is the restaurant tax.”
-
5914.
-
5915.
Anon frowned. “Repeal that thing immediately and then incinerate it.”
-
5916.
-
5917.
“And thus you prove my point.” She giggled. “Now, what is it about this tax that
-
5918.
makes it worthy of a death by fire?”
-
5919.
-
5920.
The train’s whistle blasted long and loud as the journey began in earnest.
-
5921.
-
5922.
-
5923.
-
5924.
-
5925.
-
5926.
“So, how do you think your parents will respond to… well, me?” Celestia asked,
-
5927.
as the train bumped to a stop. She was feeling far more nervous about this visit
-
5928.
than she was letting on, and while she had appreciated Anon’s comments on the
-
5929.
budget, it had distracted them from the original topic of conversation. She was
-
5930.
going up against an unknown, and she never was comfortable with that scenario.
-
5931.
-
5932.
“I honestly have no idea, and that’s the worst part of all this.” Anon sighed.
-
5933.
“I really hope they’ll be accepting of what’s happened.”
-
5934.
-
5935.
“Will it take long to reach the Zuerst?”
-
5936.
-
5937.
“Not too long, no. It’s about fifteen to twenty minutes from here, and even
-
5938.
faster if you fly.”
-
5939.
-
5940.
“Do you want to?”
-
5941.
-
5942.
“Fly?” he asked, and she nodded. “Oh! You can carry me?”
-
5943.
-
5944.
“I can indeed.” She smiled as they stepped out onto the platform. “I only look
-
5945.
dainty. I was a warcharger at various points in my life.”
-
5946.
-
5947.
“Oh, but I couldn’t ask you to—wooOOAAHH!”
-
5948.
-
5949.
His counterargument was silenced when Celestia wrapped her arms around his
-
5950.
waist, flared her wings, and swept up into the sky with a mighty flap. Anon
-
5951.
continued to struggle and flail a little while they ascended, but then he
-
5952.
relaxed when she leveled out so they could look out over the city.
-
5953.
-
5954.
Salt Lick was a modest city, with modest homes and modest shops scattered about
-
5955.
a modest scene. It would never be anything like the bustling metropolis that
-
5956.
Manehattan, Baltimare, or even Fillydelphia was, but it was a pleasant-looking
-
5957.
city all the same, and much of its charm came from its smaller size. Surrounded
-
5958.
by the gently rolling Appaloosa Mountains and with the broad Misshoofi River
-
5959.
running along its western edge, the city had a distinct outdoorsy feel that
-
5960.
begged to be explored.
-
5961.
-
5962.
“So what am I looking at?” Celestia asked Anon, and her head dipped down to
-
5963.
follow his arm as he pointed.
-
5964.
-
5965.
“That’s city hall down there, it probably looks familiar. Over there is the
-
5966.
university, and the natural history museum is next to it. The dockyards are
-
5967.
there, markets up there. My house—well, my old house—is just over there.”
-
5968.
-
5969.
“And your restaurant?”
-
5970.
-
5971.
Anon scanned the city for a moment, the pointed. “Just right down theryyyaaahh!”
-
5972.
-
5973.
His shout of alarm turned into a whoop of joy as she built up speed, and it only
-
5974.
increased when she leveled out for a moment to pull a barrel roll. Celestia
-
5975.
caught on to Anon’s excitement, and she quickly twisted into a tight loop, and
-
5976.
then a couple of quick knife turns to keep the feeling going.
-
5977.
-
5978.
When they did land, Anon staggered away from her, his steps wobbly and unsure,
-
5979.
but only for a moment. He then turned to face her, and he had the most
-
5980.
deliriously happy smile plastered on his face that he’d ever had.
-
5981.
-
5982.
“That… was… awesome!” he shouted. “The way you zipped, and zoomed, and that
-
5983.
twisty thing you did, and… and…”
-
5984.
-
5985.
“I’m glad you liked the flight, but you need to breathe. You’re going to pass
-
5986.
out on me if you don’t.”
-
5987.
-
5988.
“Breathe. Right. I can breathe, I’m very good at breathing.”
-
5989.
-
5990.
“I certainly hope so.” She giggled behind a hoof.
-
5991.
-
5992.
“Can we do that again some time, please please please?”
-
5993.
-
5994.
Celestia clicked her tongue. “I suppose I could have Wysteria make an
-
5995.
appointment for you in my schedule.”
-
5996.
-
5997.
Anon pumped a fist in the air and gave a quick “Yes!” to himself. He then turned
-
5998.
and looked at the bay windows and slate-grey paint that made up the front of
-
5999.
what he had once referred to as his former prison. “And the good feeling is
-
6000.
gone.”
-
6001.
-
6002.
“I remember this place,” Celestia said thoughtfully. “I was here, oh, about
-
6003.
twenty years ago for the Equestria Games. The Mayor insisted we eat here. She
-
6004.
claimed at the time it was the best new restaurant in the city. From what I
-
6005.
recall, the food was quite delicious.”
-
6006.
-
6007.
“At least they left a favorable impression,” Anon said flatly.
-
6008.
-
6009.
“You would not even have been in Equestria at that point, I suppose. I also
-
6010.
think your father was the waiter for that evening. I know I recommended it to a
-
6011.
few of my advisors later.”
-
6012.
-
6013.
“He’ll be pleased to hear that.”
-
6014.
-
6015.
She now looked up at him and saw his face was drawn in consternation. “Anon, if
-
6016.
you don’t want to do this we won’t. You’re not obligated to do anything.”
-
6017.
-
6018.
“No, I need to do this. Just brace yourself.”
-
6019.
-
6020.
“Brace myself?” she asked, but he was already moving into the restaurant. She
-
6021.
followed, but she had to duck to keep from hitting the door frame.
-
6022.
-
6023.
“Anon!” a pony shouted. “Long time no see, dude!”
-
6024.
-
6025.
“Hey Sip.” Anon shared a quick fistbump with the blue maître d’. “How’s things
-
6026.
been?”
-
6027.
-
6028.
“Oh, you know. Shake and Bake are still at it, Grumps is still Grumps, your
-
6029.
parents keep trying to invent new dishes. Same old, same old really.”
-
6030.
-
6031.
“Sounds like it. Are they in yet?”
-
6032.
-
6033.
“Should be out in a moment. Shake ran off to tell them you were here when you
-
6034.
landed with the Princess. Oh, hey Princess, by the way.”
-
6035.
-
6036.
“Good morning, Mister Sip,” she diplomatically replied. She couldn’t remember
-
6037.
the last time a pony had greeted her arrival so informally, but she rather liked
-
6038.
it.
-
6039.
-
6040.
“Fresh in from Canterlot, are you? Heard it’s a nice place to visit but never
-
6041.
had a chance to go. What brings you in with Anon?”
-
6042.
-
6043.
“That’s a long story,” Anon cut in with a sigh. “To put it simply, the Princess
-
6044.
is—”
-
6045.
-
6046.
“Anon? Is that you, sweetheart?” a feminine voice rang out.
-
6047.
-
6048.
“Here we go,” Anon muttered while he turned to the source of the voice. “Hey,
-
6049.
Mom.”
-
6050.
-
6051.
Celestia smiled as Anon’s foster mother galloped from the kitchen and then
-
6052.
smothered him in hugs and motherly kisses. She was a shade of yellow and her
-
6053.
mane had a few flecks and streaks of grey creeping into it. She still looked
-
6054.
very dignified, despite the motherly outburst, and she gave off an aura of
-
6055.
pleasantness.
-
6056.
-
6057.
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re back, my little Anon.” She finally pulled away. “I’ve
-
6058.
been so worried about you! Where did you go? What did you see? Did you have fun?
-
6059.
Tell me you had fun. I want to hear all about it! It’s too bad you came back
-
6060.
today, we’ve been so busy with the adjuster’s conference. We could have had a
-
6061.
welcome home party.”
-
6062.
-
6063.
“Nonny? That you?” The voice that now called out from the kitchen sounded rather
-
6064.
similar to Anon’s own pleasant timbre.
-
6065.
-
6066.
“Hey, Dad.”
-
6067.
-
6068.
Celestia filed away Anon’s nickname for future use, and she bit her lip to
-
6069.
stifle her giggles as his father now gave him a brief, stallion-to-man hug. They
-
6070.
both seemed rather pleasant and kindly, from their first impressions, and even
-
6071.
Anon had a small smile.
-
6072.
-
6073.
“It’s good to have you back, son,” his father continued. “We’ve been slammed
-
6074.
with the conference—”
-
6075.
-
6076.
“I just told him that, dear,” his mom interjected.
-
6077.
-
6078.
“—and we could really use the extra hands in the kitchen tonight.”
-
6079.
-
6080.
“Dear, we’re being rude.” Anon’s mom nudged Anon’s dad with a hoof. “Anon
-
6081.
brought a special guest with him.”
-
6082.
-
6083.
“Ha-ha! Of course. My apologies. Anon, why don’t you introduce us?”
-
6084.
-
6085.
Anon paused, and blinked once. “Um, I’m pretty extra sure you know who this is.”
-
6086.
-
6087.
“Manners, Anon,” his mother chided.
-
6088.
-
6089.
Anon sighed. “All right. Mom, Dad, this is Celestia, Princess of the Sun.”
-
6090.
-
6091.
“A pleasure to meet you, Princess.” Anon’s Father offered, as both he and his
-
6092.
wife bowed. “I’m Garbanzo Bean, and this is my wife, Lima.”
-
6093.
-
6094.
And inexplicably, the ceiling let out a blast of laughter.
-
6095.
-
6096.
“This whole family is one big bean pun! I love it!” a decidedly Discord-esqe
-
6097.
voice said from nowhere.
-
6098.
-
6099.
“You stay out of this!” Anon shouted upwards, and both he and Celestia scowled
-
6100.
at the ceiling fans and rafters. Anon’s parents looked at each other, and then
-
6101.
to Sip in confusion.
-
6102.
-
6103.
“Hmpf!” The ceiling replied.
-
6104.
-
6105.
“Is everything ok?” Garbanzo asked.
-
6106.
-
6107.
“Yes, just ignore that.” Anon replied with a huff. “It’s been happening on and
-
6108.
off lately.”
-
6109.
-
6110.
“Okey dokey then,” his father replied warily.
-
6111.
-
6112.
“All right, how do I say this? Hoo.” Anon exhaled sharply. “Mom, Dad. Uh..
-
6113.
Phew.” He shut his eyes tight. “Celestiaismywifeandi’mherhusband.”
-
6114.
-
6115.
There was a healthy pause as the news soaked in. Sip looked like Anon’s
-
6116.
announcement was a joke, and he was waiting for the punch line. Garbonzo merely
-
6117.
nodded with both a frown and a smile fighting for space on his broad, squarish
-
6118.
face. And Lima...
-
6119.
-
6120.
Celestia had always wondered just what expression a prospective mother-in-law
-
6121.
would have when she considered the concept of grandfoals from a child who she
-
6122.
had feared would never reproduce. It was a very nice expression, quite pleased,
-
6123.
and it made Lima’s face light up like a beacon of joy, although it seemed to be
-
6124.
moderated slightly by just who Anonymous had decided would bear those foals, and
-
6125.
if the concept of wings or horns would be in their future. Or both.
-
6126.
-
6127.
“Well, that is quite the announcement,” Lima said, thus breaking the tension.
-
6128.
“Why don’t we sit and talk about it?”
-
6129.
-
6130.
“That would be delightful, Mister and Missus Anon,” Celestia replied warmly.
-
6131.
-
6132.
“Sip? Go get us some raspberry tea, would you?” Lima asked in a tone of voice
-
6133.
that brooked no disobedience, and which any officer in the Royal Guard would
-
6134.
have obeyed without hesitation. Sip did not salute when he left, but he give a
-
6135.
brief nod and trotted away at a quite brisk pace “Now, let’s all have a seat and
-
6136.
you can tell us how this happened, Anon.”
-
6137.
-
6138.
-
6139.
-
6140.
-
6141.
-
6142.
“… and then we decided to see if we could make this work.” Anon concluded,
-
6143.
sounding much more relaxed than the bundle of nerves he had been earlier. “So
-
6144.
now I’m a prince, and I need to return to Canterlot tonight with Celestia.
-
6145.
There’s going to be a news conference tomorrow to announce all of this. Probably
-
6146.
better than I just did,” he admitted.
-
6147.
-
6148.
“Well, it sounds like you’ve been on quite the adventure,” Lima said. “And such
-
6149.
interesting luck! You might have just started a new trend in marriage
-
6150.
proposals!”
-
6151.
-
6152.
“Good grief, I hope not.” Anon groaned. “That’s what we need, ponies standing
-
6153.
around in hidden places, trying to boop noses and getting injured.”
-
6154.
-
6155.
“And you say you wrote this law to get out of a marriage proposal a thousand
-
6156.
years ago?” Garbanzo asked the Princess.
-
6157.
-
6158.
“I did, yes. Believe me, Equestria would be very different today if I had
-
6159.
accepted his proposal.”
-
6160.
-
6161.
“Well, it’s a lot to take in, that’s for sure,” he replied. “And to think! My
-
6162.
little Nonny, a prince! It’s gonna take a while to get my head around that one.”
-
6163.
-
6164.
Celestia calmly sipped her tea. Garbanzo, with that sentence, had revealed much
-
6165.
more than he ever intended to. Celestia knew now, simply based on his tone and
-
6166.
timing of delivery. She had centuries of experience with ponies trying to hide
-
6167.
things or deceive her in every way imaginable. This was a new situation for her,
-
6168.
but the clues and the ‘tells’ were the same.
-
6169.
-
6170.
Celestia could read Anon’s parents like a book. The large print edition.
-
6171.
-
6172.
With illustrations.
-
6173.
-
6174.
Lima also calmly brought her tea cup to her lips. “So, Princess, when can I
-
6175.
expect to have some grandfoals?”
-
6176.
-
6177.
Anon made some sort of weird gagging-honking noise, and then coughed as tea
-
6178.
dribbled out of his nostrils.
-
6179.
-
6180.
Celestia, however, laughed lightly. “I’m afraid we haven’t had a chance to
-
6181.
discuss that yet, since we’ve been so focused on other things.”
-
6182.
-
6183.
“Naturally. But Anon, you need to think about things like that sooner rather
-
6184.
than later. Your father and I aren’t getting any younger—”
-
6185.
-
6186.
Thankfully, Celestia managed to suppress an inner cringe enough so nopony
-
6187.
noticed.
-
6188.
-
6189.
“—and neither are you! Besides, what better mother could there be than a
-
6190.
Princess? You have a very wonderful opportunity here, so you need to take
-
6191.
advantage of it.”
-
6192.
-
6193.
“I don’t think I’ll be taking advantage of anything for quite some time,” Anon
-
6194.
muttered.
-
6195.
-
6196.
“You really shouldn’t mutter, dear.”
-
6197.
-
6198.
“Yes, Mom.”
-
6199.
-
6200.
“We should come visit some time. I don’t think we’ve been to Canterlot yet, have
-
6201.
we?”
-
6202.
-
6203.
“No, I don’t think so,” Garbanzo replied. “I think we’ve meant to go several
-
6204.
times but we never quite made it. You’d show us the sights, wouldn’t you Anon
-
6205.
Buddy?”
-
6206.
-
6207.
“I suppose I could.” He shrugged, and glanced over to his wife.
-
6208.
-
6209.
“It can be easily arranged. Just expect to have a guard detail accompany you.”
-
6210.
-
6211.
“Oh yeah.” Anon thought for a moment. “That’s gonna be cumbersome.”
-
6212.
-
6213.
“Not at all. I have two ponies in mind who would be wonderful. They’ve stood in
-
6214.
for my regular guards when they were on vacation, and they were trained by
-
6215.
Captain Armor personally. I’ll introduce you to them as soon as we get back.
-
6216.
They’re also very good at guarding without being underhoof. You’ll like them.”
-
6217.
-
6218.
“Oh! Okay then.”
-
6219.
-
6220.
“Boss?” Sip called out from the front. “Hate to interrupt but looks like we’ve
-
6221.
got some live ones inbound.”
-
6222.
-
6223.
“Time to get to work.” Garbanzo declared. “I really could use the help, son.”
-
6224.
-
6225.
“Dad, you know I can’t handle it.” Anon groaned. “You really want me screwing
-
6226.
things up during a conference crowd?”
-
6227.
-
6228.
“What if I help you?” Celestia offered.
-
6229.
-
6230.
“Help?” all three Anons asked in unison.
-
6231.
-
6232.
“I would like to, if I may,” she replied, as she stood. “Anon has spent most of
-
6233.
the last week helping me and learning about being a prince, so it’s only fair I
-
6234.
learn a little about his life too.”
-
6235.
-
6236.
“Do you know how to cook?” Lima asked.
-
6237.
-
6238.
“A little. I can also help keep track of things too.”
-
6239.
-
6240.
It was like a light bulb went off over Anon’s head, and it was clear to see what
-
6241.
he was thinking from the expression on his face. Celestia was good at
-
6242.
multitasking! She didn’t even need to touch anything, all she had to do was keep
-
6243.
Anon organized, and his odds of ‘screwing up’ were bound to diminish greatly.
-
6244.
-
6245.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Grumps, Shake and Bake aren’t going to mind,
-
6246.
are they?” Anon asked, and then he softly added “Sorry, Celly.”
-
6247.
-
6248.
She simply gave a long suffering sigh.
-
6249.
-
6250.
“I’m sure they’d love the help,” Lima replied. “You five can run the kitchen,
-
6251.
while your father and I run the tables.”
-
6252.
-
6253.
“You sure you want to do this?” Anon asked Celestia, and she smiled brightly
-
6254.
back at him.
-
6255.
-
6256.
“I would love to.”
-
6257.
-
6258.
-
6259.
-
6260.
-
6261.
-
6262.
“Can I keep the hat when we’re done?” Celestia asked, as she straightened it
-
6263.
with her magic.
-
6264.
-
6265.
“Toque, but yes. If the Princess wants to keep the hat, the Princess keeps the
-
6266.
hat.”
-
6267.
-
6268.
She gave herself a soft “Yes!” and pumped a hoof in the air before laughing a
-
6269.
bit with Anon. “I always wanted one of these. I remember when they first started
-
6270.
wearing them in the palace.”
-
6271.
-
6272.
“When was that?” Shake’s voice carried from in the back.
-
6273.
-
6274.
“Oh, about six hundred years ago.”
-
6275.
-
6276.
“Figures.”
-
6277.
-
6278.
“The practice actually started when the judges started wearing these white cloth
-
6279.
caps to indicate their position. Then one of them got the bright idea that a
-
6280.
taller cap meant higher authority. I had to put my hoof down when the whole
-
6281.
bunch of them started staggering around under twice their height in hat, so they
-
6282.
switched to powdered wigs, which were much more manageable. The chefs in the
-
6283.
kitchens picked up on the idea to keep their manes out of the food, and
-
6284.
thankfully never went nearly as crazy with it. So, ta-da!” She adjusted the
-
6285.
poofy white hat. “A toque blanche with a hundred folds in it to indicate the
-
6286.
chef knows a hundred ways to cook an egg.”
-
6287.
-
6288.
“And that, my dear Shake, is what will happen if you spend your life pursuing
-
6289.
trivia,” Bake said.
-
6290.
-
6291.
“Nonny! Need a bloomer and a boomer!” Garbanzo called back.
-
6292.
-
6293.
“And thus it begins.” Anon groaned. “Okay. Bloomer is easy, I got that. Go grab
-
6294.
some triple-a’s from the stores.”
-
6295.
-
6296.
Celestia looked around the kitchen, then back to him with a hint of confusion.
-
6297.
-
6298.
“Right, sorry. That door there is where the produce is kept. Triple A’s are
-
6299.
Sweet Apple Acres apples. I need five or six.”
-
6300.
-
6301.
“Got it.”
-
6302.
-
6303.
She moved quickly and opened the door. A cellar-type room was inside, with
-
6304.
stacks of produce lining the shelves along both walls. Three bushels of apples
-
6305.
were near the back, and she moved quickly to them.
-
6306.
-
6307.
“Let’s see. Not the Greenland, he wanted... Sweet Apple, here we go.”
-
6308.
-
6309.
Six apples floated out, and she smiled as she thought of Applejack bucking these
-
6310.
particular apples out of one of her trees. She then swiftly moved back out as
-
6311.
Anon dropped something into a deep fryer.
-
6312.
-
6313.
“Okay. Core and slice those, knives are right there.”
-
6314.
-
6315.
“You think I can handle that?”
-
6316.
-
6317.
“If you can make pancakes you can cut an apple,” he dryly replied, but he gave
-
6318.
her a small smile.
-
6319.
-
6320.
“Three treat, the runs, and a double foxtrot!” Lima shouted back.
-
6321.
-
6322.
“Got the foxtrot,” Grumps called out.
-
6323.
-
6324.
“Three treat!” Shake yelled.
-
6325.
-
6326.
“Got the runs!” Anon shouted, and then he playfully glared at Celestia when she
-
6327.
snickered. “You done with those apples?”
-
6328.
-
6329.
“I’m working on it.”
-
6330.
-
6331.
“Okay. Let’s see.” Anon ran into the storeroom quickly, then emerged with a load
-
6332.
of mixed vegetables. These were then diced quickly and scooped into a frying
-
6333.
pan. He then grabbed a bottle of something from his left, poured a healthy
-
6334.
splash of it in, and then set it alight. Celestia flinched slightly at the flash
-
6335.
of flame, but then she watched as he began stirring everything with a large
-
6336.
spoon.
-
6337.
-
6338.
“You gonna cut those?” he asked.
-
6339.
-
6340.
“Are you going to pull whatever-it-is out of the fryer?” she retorted.
-
6341.
-
6342.
“Eep! Yes! Stir this!”
-
6343.
-
6344.
She took the spoon in her magic and stirred the vegetables as Anon quickly
-
6345.
pulled the whatever-it-was out of the fryer, and she saw it was a large onion.
-
6346.
Anon then fished it out of the basket with some tongs, placed it on a plate, and
-
6347.
then grabbed the knife Celestia had been using. A quick smack to the top of it
-
6348.
with the flat of the blade made it fall open along premade cut lines, and she
-
6349.
was amazed that it resembled a flower.
-
6350.
-
6351.
“Keep stirring!” Anon admonished while he rushed to her unfinished apples.
-
6352.
“Don’t let that sit!”
-
6353.
-
6354.
Anon rapidly sliced the apples, sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on them, and then
-
6355.
placed them beautifully on a plate. He then grabbed both plates and swiftly
-
6356.
moved them to the window countertop that separated the kitchen from the server’s
-
6357.
area.
-
6358.
-
6359.
“Bloomer Boomer up!” he shouted, then moved quickly back to her.
-
6360.
-
6361.
“Moo goo, three rocks and a horseshoe!” Garbanzo shouted back.
-
6362.
-
6363.
“Got the rocks!” Anon shouted, and he grabbed the spoon from her magic. “I got
-
6364.
this. I need a broccoli, four turnips, and two cucumbers.”
-
6365.
-
6366.
“I will be right back.”
-
6367.
-
6368.
-
6369.
~*~
-
6370.
-
6371.
-
6372.
“Lima! Psst! C’mere!”
-
6373.
-
6374.
“What? What’s wrong, dear?”
-
6375.
-
6376.
“Nothing is wrong.”
-
6377.
-
6378.
“Then why did you call me over, hon?”
-
6379.
-
6380.
“Nothing. Is. Wrong.” Garbanzo repeated with emphasis.
-
6381.
-
6382.
Lima processed this for a moment but then smiled. “You’re right! I haven’t had
-
6383.
to send anything back all night!”
-
6384.
-
6385.
“Exactly! And look at Anon.”
-
6386.
-
6387.
Both of them peered through the serving window and into the kitchen. Anon was
-
6388.
positively humming around the kitchen, moving quickly from one station to
-
6389.
another. He was also chatting with Celestia, though they couldn’t make out what
-
6390.
he was saying to her. She appeared to be simply standing at the moment, but her
-
6391.
eyes kept sweeping the kitchen and over what Anon was cooking.
-
6392.
-
6393.
“He’s been like this all night.” Garbanzo commented. “He’s been happy, and he’s
-
6394.
kept track of everything, and he’s holding a conversation with her.”
-
6395.
-
6396.
“Do you think it finally happened?”
-
6397.
-
6398.
Garbanzo smiled at his wife. “Yeah. I think he finally found himself.”
-
6399.
-
6400.
-
6401.
* * ✹ * *
-
6402.
-
6403.
-
6404.
“That’s the last one!” Sip shouted back, while locking the door with a dramatic
-
6405.
flick of the hoof.
-
6406.
-
6407.
“Phew!” Anon exclaimed. “That was a rush crowd. What time is it?”
-
6408.
-
6409.
“Just a little after midnight,” Celestia replied. Anon walked over to where
-
6410.
Celestia was finishing the dishes. “I did mention I was jealous of unicorns,
-
6411.
right?”
-
6412.
-
6413.
“What, this?” she asked. “Simple ‘Scrub Yourself’ spell. This is one of the
-
6414.
nicer versions of the spell, too; even if I walk away they’ll keep going until
-
6415.
all the dishes are done.”
-
6416.
-
6417.
Anon chuckled as he looked at the magic she had worked. As soon as somepony put
-
6418.
a dirty dish in the magic field on the left, it would automatically float over
-
6419.
to a pile of similar dishes. From there, a dish would float up, dunk itself into
-
6420.
the soapy water, get scrubbed off by a scrubbing brush, move over and rinse
-
6421.
itself off, and then move to the drying racks on the right. A broom, dustpan,
-
6422.
and mop were also dancing around the kitchen, and a few rags were cleaning the
-
6423.
stations.
-
6424.
-
6425.
“Black magic of the worst kind,” Grumps grumped.
-
6426.
-
6427.
“Not at all,” Celestia countered. “With the original spell, you had to sing to
-
6428.
all of them. Plates, silverware, mops, brooms. Now that was black magic.
-
6429.
Particularly if you broke a broom in the process.”
-
6430.
-
6431.
Grumps grumbled something out, but he had a smirk on his face.
-
6432.
-
6433.
“Well, that should do it,” Garbanzo remarked. “Grumps, go ahead and take off.
-
6434.
Anon and the Princess can help us wrap up here.”
-
6435.
-
6436.
“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
-
6437.
-
6438.
“Sip, you can head out too.”
-
6439.
-
6440.
“Later, Gator!” he shouted from the back door.
-
6441.
-
6442.
“Shake and Bake left earlier, so it’s just us. I guess all we need to do is
-
6443.
count down the till and that should do it. Anon, I think you and I can handle
-
6444.
that. Then you and the Princess can head out.”
-
6445.
-
6446.
“I’ll get some Linden tea made up while we wait for them.” Lima said to
-
6447.
Celestia. “After such a big day, I know I need something to help me unwind.”
-
6448.
-
6449.
“That sounds delightful,” the Princess replied with a soft and tired smile.
-
6450.
-
6451.
Anon hesitated for a moment, as he was feeling uneasy about leaving her alone
-
6452.
with his Mom. But then he realized there wasn’t really anything that could
-
6453.
happen, so he followed his father into the back office.
-
6454.
-
6455.
The door was shut and locked, and Garbanzo twisted the dial on the safe in the
-
6456.
corner. Once the door creaked open, he pulled out a sizeable tray of bits, and
-
6457.
Anon whistled.
-
6458.
-
6459.
“Looks like business picked up while I was gone.”
-
6460.
-
6461.
“Most of this is from the last three days. I need to run it to the bank
-
6462.
tomorrow. You count it down while I get the ledger ready.”
-
6463.
-
6464.
Counting was easy enough since the bits were stacked in towers of twenty five
-
6465.
and then in groups of eight. Once Anon had the count and verified it matched the
-
6466.
previous ledger entry, he and his father began stacking the bits from that day’s
-
6467.
sales.
-
6468.
-
6469.
“So. Your… um... wife seems like a very pleasant pony,” Garbanzo said after a
-
6470.
few moments.
-
6471.
-
6472.
“She is.” Anon smiled. “There’s still a lot I need to learn about her, but I
-
6473.
love what I’ve learned so far.”
-
6474.
-
6475.
“Love, hmm?” Garbanzo replied. “You’re positive you’re in love with that mare,
-
6476.
right?”
-
6477.
-
6478.
“Well, maybe not love yet, but definitely like.”
-
6479.
-
6480.
“Ah. And you are planning on returning to Canterlot with her tonight?”
-
6481.
-
6482.
“Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised if Luna turns up here in a few minutes and gets
-
6483.
after me for breaking curfew or something like that.”
-
6484.
-
6485.
Garbanzo almost dropped a stack of bits on the floor. “Luna?”
-
6486.
-
6487.
“Oh, yeah. Princess Luna. I should show proper respect.”
-
6488.
-
6489.
“You should, yes.”
-
6490.
-
6491.
“Hundred here.”
-
6492.
-
6493.
“Two.” Garbanzo added his towers to Anon’s. “You should keep those.”
-
6494.
-
6495.
“What?”
-
6496.
-
6497.
“Well, you’re going to need more bits for your journey, aren’t you? I’m sure you
-
6498.
spent the first thousand I gave you.”
-
6499.
-
6500.
“I don’t need any more bits, Dad,” said Anon with a snicker. “For all I know,
-
6501.
Celestia has a giant bin of bits that she swims in every night. I’m not sure how
-
6502.
my expenses are covered as her husband, but I’m pretty sure neither of us will
-
6503.
need to borrow a bit from the guards to buy an ice cream cone.”
-
6504.
-
6505.
“Three,” Garbanzo stated. There was a long pause as coins clinked, and then he
-
6506.
sighed. “You know, son, you can admit the truth to me. I’m not mad.”
-
6507.
-
6508.
“Truth about what?”
-
6509.
-
6510.
-
6511.
~*~
-
6512.
-
6513.
-
6514.
“Here we are.” Lima placed the small tea set on the table. “Nice and hot.”
-
6515.
-
6516.
“Thank you,” Celestia replied kindly. “Shall I serve?”
-
6517.
-
6518.
“Please.”
-
6519.
-
6520.
Celestia poured out the tea, and there was a pause as they both added sugar.
-
6521.
Three lumps in Celestia’s case, because she was fairly sure she was going to
-
6522.
need the energy to get through what was coming next.
-
6523.
-
6524.
Picking up the teacup, Lima took a deep breath of the rising steam and let out a
-
6525.
contented sigh. “I needed this. I probably shouldn’t be drinking tea so late at
-
6526.
night, but it is a weakness.”
-
6527.
-
6528.
“It does take some self control,” Celestia admitted.
-
6529.
-
6530.
“Thank you for helping my son, by the way. I don’t know what you did, but I’ve
-
6531.
never seen Anon so happy.”
-
6532.
-
6533.
“It was my pleasure to assist.”
-
6534.
-
6535.
“Assist?”
-
6536.
-
6537.
Celestia sipped her tea. “Yes. I kept an eye on his cooking, nothing more.”
-
6538.
-
6539.
“Is that all?”
-
6540.
-
6541.
Celestia calmly put her teacup down. “Missus Anon, let us not beat around the
-
6542.
bush anymore. I know full well that both you and your husband do not believe I
-
6543.
am who I claim to be.”
-
6544.
-
6545.
“Very perceptive,” Lima replied, as she now sipped her tea.
-
6546.
-
6547.
“Why do you not believe your son?”
-
6548.
-
6549.
“Anon is a wonderful, wonderful son. He’s very smart, and very creative. I
-
6550.
believe he’s ashamed he didn’t find whatever it was he was looking for with that
-
6551.
writing nonsense and he doesn’t want to admit his folly. He came back with you
-
6552.
tonight to try and convince us he did find something so we wouldn’t worry about
-
6553.
him, and probably to keep us from asking too many questions. He’ll have to
-
6554.
confess sometime.”
-
6555.
-
6556.
“I see. So who do you think I am?”
-
6557.
-
6558.
“I’m not sure, but I would probably guess you are some sort of double, a pony
-
6559.
who has enchanted herself to look like the Princess. You may even be an official
-
6560.
stand in for her; the one they send to cut ribbons and visit schools when the
-
6561.
real Princess is too busy.”
-
6562.
-
6563.
“Interesting.”
-
6564.
-
6565.
-
6566.
~*~
-
6567.
-
6568.
-
6569.
“Well, you really should have come up with a better story.”
-
6570.
-
6571.
“What?” Anon growled.
-
6572.
-
6573.
“You had to marry the Princess because you bonked her nose? C’mon. The very
-
6574.
premise is ludicrous. Why in Equestria would the Princess write a law like that?
-
6575.
If she wanted to get out of a bad relationship a thousand years ago, I’m sure
-
6576.
there’s a dozen other things she could have done.”
-
6577.
-
6578.
Anon groaned and rubbed his temples. “I wish I could say I don’t believe this.
-
6579.
Dad, we flew in together, and then she used magic!”
-
6580.
-
6581.
“A simple levitation spell. Very easy for a well-studied unicorn.”
-
6582.
-
6583.
“Right.”
-
6584.
-
6585.
“You also failed to bring any of her entourage. The Princess wouldn’t go
-
6586.
anywhere without at least a couple of guards.”
-
6587.
-
6588.
-
6589.
~*~
-
6590.
-
6591.
-
6592.
“It wasn’t easy to get them to stay in Canterlot. I had to give a direct order
-
6593.
to Lieutenant Spear Point to stand down, and then he begrudgingly admitted that
-
6594.
there was little risk in visiting you unannounced. He’s not going to be very
-
6595.
happy until we get back, and even then he’s going to be all formal and stuffy
-
6596.
about it for weeks.”
-
6597.
-
6598.
“I’m sure. You’re also not tall enough.”
-
6599.
-
6600.
That one caught Celestia off guard. “I’m not?”
-
6601.
-
6602.
“Oh yes. The real Princess is quite a bit taller than you are, as I recall.”
-
6603.
-
6604.
Celestia snickered. “I hope not! I’ve hit my head on enough doorframes in my
-
6605.
lifetime. I really don’t need to be any taller.”
-
6606.
-
6607.
“Your accent is all wrong, too. You have far too much of a Vanhoover lilt in
-
6608.
your words.”
-
6609.
-
6610.
-
6611.
~*~
-
6612.
-
6613.
-
6614.
“And you’re an expert on Celestia all of a sudden?”
-
6615.
-
6616.
“No, but c’mon. It’s pretty obvious, son.”
-
6617.
-
6618.
Anon groaned and rubbed his face with his palms now. “Of course it’s obvious.”
-
6619.
-
6620.
“Look, Nonny. I appreciate that you didn’t want to let your mother and I down,
-
6621.
but it’s really okay. If you need some more time to settle your mind, take it.
-
6622.
Just say so. I’ll give you ten thousand bits this time, if you like. But I saw
-
6623.
you in the kitchen with that mare and you had it, son! You didn’t have a single
-
6624.
order go back!”
-
6625.
-
6626.
“You do realize that was because Celestia was helping me keep track of
-
6627.
everything, right?”
-
6628.
-
6629.
“If that’s what you want to believe, then fine. I don’t even really care if you
-
6630.
keep calling that mare out there Celestia. If it helps you get in the zone, do
-
6631.
whatever you have to.”
-
6632.
-
6633.
“Dad, I came here to tell you the truth. When I leave tonight, I won’t be able
-
6634.
to come back. I have responsibilities at the palace now.”
-
6635.
-
6636.
-
6637.
~*~
-
6638.
-
6639.
-
6640.
“Of course, of course. Just make sure he knows he can come back whenever he
-
6641.
wants to. We will always welcome him, and you’re even welcome to come with him.
-
6642.
Any friend of my little Anon is a friend of the family.”
-
6643.
-
6644.
“And if he does not come back?”
-
6645.
-
6646.
“He’ll be back,” Lima said with a grin. “He hasn’t got anywhere else to go, and
-
6647.
he knows it.”
-
6648.
-
6649.
Anon then stormed out of the office, slammed his way through the swinging
-
6650.
kitchen doors, and stamped out into the dining area with his face twisted in
-
6651.
frustration.
-
6652.
-
6653.
Garbanzo followed in the wake of his son with a concerned frown. “Anon, buddy!”
-
6654.
-
6655.
“I’m done with this conversation, Dad. It’s late, and my wife and I have a press
-
6656.
conference in the morning. Shall we?”
-
6657.
-
6658.
“Mister and Missus Anon.” Celestia stood with her words. “It really has been an
-
6659.
honor to meet you, and I mean that truly. You will always be welcome in our
-
6660.
home, and I’m sure Anonymous and I will be seeing you soon.”
-
6661.
-
6662.
“I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Lima replied with a strained smile.
-
6663.
-
6664.
“Please lead the way, Anon.”
-
6665.
-
6666.
Anon held his head high and his steps were full of determined pride. He didn’t
-
6667.
glance back or to the sides as he march through the kitchen and out the back
-
6668.
door.
-
6669.
-
6670.
But as soon as the door shut, he broke.
-
6671.
-
6672.
Celestia felt her heart ache as Anon’s face drooped with his head. He paused
-
6673.
near some trash cans, remained motionless for a moment, and then lashed out at
-
6674.
one with a leg in frustration.
-
6675.
-
6676.
“Sorry,” he immediately said. “I’m letting my anger get out of hand. I just…”
-
6677.
Celestia could see his inner struggle to vocalize his thoughts with the
-
6678.
contortions on his face. “I assume you had just about the same conversation with
-
6679.
my Mom that I did with my Dad.”
-
6680.
-
6681.
“I believe so, yes.”
-
6682.
-
6683.
Anon took a deep breath. “It figures, really. I could have brought you, Luna,
-
6684.
Shining Armor, Cadence, and a full brigade of the Guard with a song and dance
-
6685.
routine and they still wouldn’t have believed. I just… just…”
-
6686.
-
6687.
Celestia said nothing as he further sorted out his thoughts.
-
6688.
-
6689.
“The most important thing that’s ever going to happen to me, and they don’t even
-
6690.
believe it,” he muttered bitterly.
-
6691.
-
6692.
Celestia felt horrible for Anon, but she also felt a little thrill run up her
-
6693.
spine. Anon’s tone indicated he wasn’t talking about anything related to being a
-
6694.
prince.
-
6695.
-
6696.
He was talking about her.
-
6697.
-
6698.
Celestia was used to being the most important thing to ponies in an abstract
-
6699.
way. For a thousand years, she had raised the sun and moon, waiting for the
-
6700.
return of her sister. It had become comfortable to live in that isolated tower
-
6701.
above all the other ponies. Separate. Alone.
-
6702.
-
6703.
Then Princess Cadenza... that is Cadence had blasted several holes into the
-
6704.
tower of loneliness with her love, Twilight had weakened the foundations with
-
6705.
her insatiable curiosity, and Luna’s return had toppled the whole structure in
-
6706.
one glorious and tearful reunion.
-
6707.
-
6708.
But yet, it had taken bumping into a nosy human for Celestia to realize how far
-
6709.
she still had to travel in order to once again be appreciated for what was
-
6710.
inside instead of her unchanging outsides.
-
6711.
-
6712.
Unaware of the thoughts whipping Celestia’s mind into a froth, Anonymous
-
6713.
continued staring at the ground. Then he lifted his head, gave the restaurant a
-
6714.
long, determined look, and let out his breath in a huff of frustration.
-
6715.
-
6716.
“Let’s go home. There’s nothing left for me here.”
-
6717.
-
6718.
He then turned his back on the building and began walking away. Celestia came up
-
6719.
alongside him and walked with him for a few paces.
-
6720.
-
6721.
“Would you like to fly back to the train, or would you rather walk?” she gently
-
6722.
asked.
-
6723.
-
6724.
He stopped, contemplated the offer for a moment with the cool night breeze
-
6725.
blowing through his hair, then smiled slightly.
-
6726.
-
6727.
“If it’s okay, I’d like to fly.”
-
6728.
-
6729.
She smiled back. “I thought you might.” > 12. - Celestial Musings >
-
6730.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
6731.
-
6732.
Celestia drew in a long breath as she finished removing her regalia. The day had
-
6733.
turned into quite the emotional trip, and after everything that had happened,
-
6734.
she was ready for it to end. The flight back to the train had been straight and
-
6735.
short, but exhausted as he had been, Anon carefully thanked Celestia for the
-
6736.
flight before entering the train car.
-
6737.
-
6738.
It was just one more desirable trait that needed added to Anon’s how to woo his
-
6739.
wife list, along with the way he tried to hide his obvious depression in order
-
6740.
not to disturb her. Unfortunately, the signs of the war between his troubled
-
6741.
heart and his wounded soul were far too easy for Celestia to pick out with her
-
6742.
vast experience, no matter how he attempted to put on a stoic front.
-
6743.
-
6744.
Still, she found it difficult to contain her own sorrow as she watched her
-
6745.
husband first sit down on a cushion with a thud, then slowly collapse like a
-
6746.
bridge that had lost its structural supports. Even then, his eyes remained open,
-
6747.
darting back and forth for a few moments until the physical and emotional toil
-
6748.
he had struggled through took its toll, and they finally sagged closed.
-
6749.
-
6750.
Her musing was disrupted by the lurch of the train as it began the long trip
-
6751.
home. And it was going to be a long trip, particularly for her Anon, who had
-
6752.
been through so much in the last week that it was hard to believe he had not
-
6753.
been crushed to a pulp yet. No mortal should be forced to bear her burdens, but
-
6754.
he had put his shoulders to the load and lifted far more off her own back than
-
6755.
she had ever expected.
-
6756.
-
6757.
Then he had continued to lift. Dealing with Luna and Discord. Deciding to stay
-
6758.
with her despite the opportunity to escape matrimony. And that didn’t include
-
6759.
his dalliance with another young mare that had almost undone her before he had
-
6760.
even realized what he was doing.
-
6761.
-
6762.
And to top it all off, he had confronted his parents, a task that had almost
-
6763.
broken him.
-
6764.
-
6765.
Yet somehow he’d come through all of it with a fairly good attitude and with a
-
6766.
desire to do what was right. He had been fantastic about asking for directions,
-
6767.
and actually following them afterward, while eager to do more. It was like he
-
6768.
thrived on being helpful and he wanted to contribute, no matter how or where.
-
6769.
-
6770.
Her heart broke all over again when his face scrunched up in agony, and she
-
6771.
nearly let out a soft gasp of compassion when he began to twitch and whimper.
-
6772.
She had no doubt that he was being tormented by the events of the day, and this
-
6773.
would not do.
-
6774.
-
6775.
Celestia tiptoed gently over to his uneasy resting place, then slowly lowered
-
6776.
herself next to him until their sides were touching. She then spread one wing
-
6777.
over him with a touch as soft as the first rays of morning light, and she smiled
-
6778.
deeply when the tense muscles she could feel pressed against her belly began to
-
6779.
relax, and he began to slip into peaceful slumber.
-
6780.
-
6781.
Is this what it had been like for Lulu and Star? Was this what they had felt
-
6782.
when they first met? Celestia thought back and smiled fondly as the memories of
-
6783.
how giddy and alive Luna had been during their courtship flooded her mind. The
-
6784.
images were dull now sadly, yellowing and peeling in some places and the sounds
-
6785.
were scratchy at best and incomprehensible at worst. Yet, out of all the
-
6786.
remaining memories she held from that time, the ones with Star and Lulu were the
-
6787.
best preserved.
-
6788.
-
6789.
After a few moments of fond reminiscing, Celestia’s thoughts wandered to her own
-
6790.
situation and how she had gotten to this point. It was a bit astonishing, now
-
6791.
that she really put some thought into it, that she had gone over a thousand
-
6792.
years without a mate. Of course, a great many things had changed over the years:
-
6793.
societal customs, trends and patterns always did. But really, as she thought
-
6794.
about it, there were two things that had kept her single: procrastination and
-
6795.
preoccupation. It was easy to say marriage and a husband could wait in the early
-
6796.
years; she had grossly underestimated how long it takes to both form and
-
6797.
stabilize a country. There was always something else to do, some crisis that
-
6798.
took longer than expected to clear up, some foreign power that pushed on
-
6799.
Equestria’s boundaries. After having to push away Iron Hoof, she had simply
-
6800.
continued to push every time the opportunity came up due to the next crisis
-
6801.
being more important. Losing Luna to the Nightmare had also been a moon-sized
-
6802.
wrench in the works, and it had been only since her return that Celestia could
-
6803.
find a free moment here and there.
-
6804.
-
6805.
Always another diplomat to host, always another treaty to forge, always another
-
6806.
request to consider.
-
6807.
-
6808.
Perhaps it was destiny that had denied her over the years. Those mystic chords
-
6809.
that bound all of ponykind to one another and from past to present shaped and
-
6810.
directed events in strange and mysterious ways, and maybe she hadn’t found her
-
6811.
mate on the simple fact that his introduction on the stage of life was scripted
-
6812.
for a thousand years after her own debut.
-
6813.
-
6814.
She glanced down at Anon again. If that was the case, the wait had been worth it
-
6815.
so far. Perhaps it was even sweeter because she had waited.
-
6816.
-
6817.
Even if this had all been just one large fluke, she really had been favored to
-
6818.
have Anon as the one to fulfil the terms of her law. Out of the millions of
-
6819.
stallions who lived in Equestria, she had somehow found the one and only human
-
6820.
who was kind, who was thoughtful, and who was…
-
6821.
-
6822.
…well, who was innocent.
-
6823.
-
6824.
She had first thought he was naïve, but his actions had shown he was trying to
-
6825.
be observant and engaged. He was naïve in a very small way perhaps, simply
-
6826.
because the life of a royal was a complete unknown to him, but he approached
-
6827.
everything with amazement and a yearning to understand, and he was inclined to
-
6828.
make the best of whatever situation he was in.
-
6829.
-
6830.
The fact he wanted to have a relationship with her proved that.
-
6831.
-
6832.
But even there, he was being respectful. He hadn’t tried to force anything in
-
6833.
their relationship; in fact, he actually seemed to be holding back to ensure he
-
6834.
didn’t cross a line. It was obvious from his mannerisms that he wanted her to be
-
6835.
comfortable with how things were between them, and to not go too far and upset
-
6836.
her. In reality, though, she was probably more comfortable with how things were
-
6837.
than he was.
-
6838.
-
6839.
She smiled a bit to herself as she moved in and began nipping in his hair with
-
6840.
her teeth. Star Struck had always enjoyed it when Lulu did this to him, to the
-
6841.
point where he would freeze, his eyes would roll back in his head and his tongue
-
6842.
would loll out. He had claimed at the time that all stallions enjoyed such
-
6843.
grooming, and now she could see for herself.
-
6844.
-
6845.
The happy groan of pleasure escaping out of Anon after a minute or two settled
-
6846.
the matter.
-
6847.
-
6848.
She smiled more and levitated his notebook out of his saddlebags. She quickly
-
6849.
flipped to the How to Court page, and then pulled his pencil out of the bags.
-
6850.
-
6851.
Celestia stared at the writing utensil. Anon chewed on his pencils.
-
6852.
-
6853.
She allowed herself the smallest of frowns. Npony was perfect, not even a
-
6854.
non-pony, and that was something she’d just have to work on with him. She
-
6855.
ignored the tooth marks and moved to write down a thought, but then she saw he
-
6856.
had added another item for wooing her: frequent nose boops. She chuckled in
-
6857.
agreement, then simply wrote nipping/grooming on his side.
-
6858.
-
6859.
There were so many other little things she could have written, from the way she
-
6860.
loved to see that little wrinkle just above his nose when he made a face, to the
-
6861.
look in his eyes when he saw something new that needed new words to describe it,
-
6862.
but they would wait. So she returned the gnawed pencil and precious list to
-
6863.
their places and regarded the human responsible for them. She was content to let
-
6864.
him progress the relationship at his pace, especially if that made him feel at
-
6865.
ease around her. Above all else, that was what she really wanted. It was what
-
6866.
any wife would want from her husband, she suspected.
-
6867.
-
6868.
Just as any good husband would want their wife to be at ease and happy with
-
6869.
them.
-
6870.
-
6871.
She then let the word pass through again: wife. Wife. She liked being a wife,
-
6872.
despite how strangely it had happened.
-
6873.
-
6874.
“I am your wife,” she whispered to Anon. “And you are my husband.”
-
6875.
-
6876.
And there was that little thrill of joy up her spine again. It was extremely
-
6877.
pleasing to say it.
-
6878.
-
6879.
She had to admit, she had been a bit jealous when Luna had found love so easily
-
6880.
and she had to dodge Iron Hoof. She had warned herself, both then and since,
-
6881.
that true, meaningful love doesn’t happen in an instant. Just like the building
-
6882.
of Equestria, it took time, effort, and patience. There had to be foundations,
-
6883.
supports. There had to be understanding.
-
6884.
-
6885.
But a cornerstone had to be laid eventually, or else all one had was dreams. And
-
6886.
once the cornerstone was laid, the structure needed to be built.
-
6887.
-
6888.
It would come. Anon was more in love with her than he thought, and he’d realize
-
6889.
it sooner or later. Honestly, Celestia was confident it would be sooner. He just
-
6890.
needed a few little nudges here and there. Celestia smiled a bit more with that
-
6891.
thought and then she laid her head and neck down so her nose was as close as it
-
6892.
could be to his. She hummed a few bars of her sister’s lullaby, then began
-
6893.
singing.
-
6894.
-
6895.
“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now,
-
6896.
it’s time to go to bed.
-
6897.
-
6898.
Hush now, quiet now, close your sleepy eyes. Hush now, quiet now, my how time
-
6899.
sure flies.
-
6900.
-
6901.
Drifting slowly off to sleep, the day’s excitement behind you. Drifting slowly
-
6902.
off to sleep, let the joy of dreamland find you.
-
6903.
-
6904.
Hush now, quiet now, lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go
-
6905.
to bed.”
-
6906.
-
6907.
A surge of delight flowed out of her chest and through her whole body as Anon
-
6908.
smiled and snuggled into her side. Pressing her own body up against her husband
-
6909.
in return, Celestia wrapped a wing around his back, held him close, and
-
6910.
ever-so-gently booped up against his delightful nose.
-
6911.
-
6912.
The joy of his presence was something she was learning to love more than
-
6913.
anything she had experienced before in her long life, and to quote the Anon, she
-
6914.
was pretty extra certain the feeling was mutual. > 13. - Meet the Press >
-
6915.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
6916.
-
6917.
“You are a filthy traitor, and I hate you. Did you know that? I would throw you
-
6918.
into the fire and laugh as you burned if I did not have to promptly get another
-
6919.
just like you who would be twice as aggravating.”
-
6920.
-
6921.
Anon glared at his pencil in righteous fury for a moment before chewing on the
-
6922.
end of it in frustration. He then ripped a page out of his notebook, crumpled
-
6923.
it, and threw it over his shoulder.
-
6924.
-
6925.
Traitors, all of them. First the paper, now the pencil. They were in league
-
6926.
against him. Anon grumbled as he tried to think. He had been awakened by his own
-
6927.
shivering just before dawn, despite being bundled up in three blankets, and even
-
6928.
now he still felt cold.
-
6929.
-
6930.
Cold, and lonely. That was adding to his problems, and to his frustration. He
-
6931.
felt like he should know why he was this way, but he couldn’t quite make the
-
6932.
connection. His best guess was that it had something to do with what had
-
6933.
happened with his parents, but that didn’t seem to totally explain everything.
-
6934.
-
6935.
If there was a wrong side of the bed, he’d definitely gotten up on it.
-
6936.
-
6937.
Part of the worry was over what he would say at the press conference. He was
-
6938.
sure he’d need to say something, he really couldn’t fathom a reason why he
-
6939.
wouldn’t. But what? Should he say how proud he was? How nervous? Should he try
-
6940.
to make jokes, or just give a straight delivery? It was so maddening that he was
-
6941.
beginning to get a headache.
-
6942.
-
6943.
The floor was littered with his previous attempts at a speech, and now he was
-
6944.
going to need a new notebook. If he didn’t get this figured out soon, he was
-
6945.
going to make a lot of lumberjacks happy.
-
6946.
-
6947.
A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. What time was it? It wasn’t that
-
6948.
long after daybreak, so it couldn’t be time for the press conference already.
-
6949.
That was at noon, and he’d be surprised if it was any later than eight at the
-
6950.
moment. He slowly stood and groaned as his joints protested the movement,
-
6951.
shrugged off the blankets, and then dragged his feet over to the door.
-
6952.
-
6953.
He instantly forgot all his woes when he found Celestia on the other side.
-
6954.
-
6955.
“Good morning, Anon! Are you feeling all right? I grew worried when you didn’t
-
6956.
come down for breakfast, especially given how our evening out ended. How are you
-
6957.
feeling?”
-
6958.
-
6959.
Anon chuckled at her eager concern. “I’m fine, really. I actually feel a lot
-
6960.
better now.”
-
6961.
-
6962.
Celestia gave him a smile that warmed him down to his tail. “Wonderful! I’m glad
-
6963.
to hear that.”
-
6964.
-
6965.
“Would you like to come in?” he asked, but then he groaned and gently smacked
-
6966.
his forehead with a hoof. “That was dumb. This is your castle, and you’re the
-
6967.
Princess. It’s not like I can tell you where you can and can’t go.”
-
6968.
-
6969.
“This is your room, though, and I should respect that. I would like to come in
-
6970.
if you will permit me.”
-
6971.
-
6972.
“You’re always welcome to come in.” He smiled, and he stepped back and out of
-
6973.
the way. Celestia glanced around at the mess he’d made as she entered, and then
-
6974.
clicked her tongue.
-
6975.
-
6976.
“You should really let housekeeping come in and do their job, you know.”
-
6977.
-
6978.
“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment with a small
-
6979.
chuckle. “This actually was all from this morning. I got cold, and I’ve been
-
6980.
trying to come up with something to say to the press today.”
-
6981.
-
6982.
“May I look?”
-
6983.
-
6984.
“Yeah. I don’t think you can fix them, though.”
-
6985.
-
6986.
“Well, I have written a couple of speeches over the years, so perhaps I can
-
6987.
offer a suggestion or two.” They both laughed as she picked up two of the
-
6988.
crumpled papers with her magic and flattened them out. “Hmm, let me see.
-
6989.
‘Friends, Nobles, Countryfolk! Lend me your ears. No, no; illegible scribbling.’
-
6990.
Not very inspiring, is it?”
-
6991.
-
6992.
“Not so much,” he agreed with a small smile.
-
6993.
-
6994.
“’Today thus represents a moment of hope. We in Equestria stand ready to
-
6995.
cooperate scribble scribble.’ That one wasn’t too bad, why did you reject it?”
-
6996.
-
6997.
“I dunno. It felt more like I was telling some foreign power to tear down a wall
-
6998.
or something like that.”
-
6999.
-
7000.
“May I keep this?” she asked, and then she tucked it under a wing when Anon
-
7001.
nodded. “Anon, if you don’t want to say anything you don’t have to. I can do all
-
7002.
the talking. But from personal experience, you should always try to write your
-
7003.
speeches from here.”
-
7004.
-
7005.
She then gently tapped his chest, right where his heart was.
-
7006.
-
7007.
“Really?”
-
7008.
-
7009.
“Yes. That is where your true feelings on this matter reside, so that is where
-
7010.
you should pull your text from. It works a lot better than logic and cold facts
-
7011.
do.”
-
7012.
-
7013.
“All right. I’ll try that.”
-
7014.
-
7015.
“You should also come eat. No one works very well on an empty stomach.”
-
7016.
-
7017.
“I suppose I should. Did you make pancakes again?”
-
7018.
-
7019.
“Not today.” She giggled as they left the room together. “I let the staff handle
-
7020.
it, given the hectic nature of everything.”
-
7021.
-
7022.
“Oh.” He paused for a moment, but then added, “but there’s always tomorrow,
-
7023.
right?”
-
7024.
-
7025.
“I’ll make a double batch just for you.” She giggled more and booped him
-
7026.
quickly, and he felt a pleasant warmth in his cheeks while he thanked her.
-
7027.
-
7028.
The rest of the short walk was spent reviewing the details of the day: after the
-
7029.
press conference there would be a luncheon with a few of the various ministers
-
7030.
and department heads, then some time in the afternoon to help Celestia get some
-
7031.
work caught up before having an informal dinner that evening with more ministers
-
7032.
and nobility. In reality, the dinner was more of a meet-and-greet, mingle and
-
7033.
mix affair, and no one was expecting him to remember who everyone was or what
-
7034.
their job entailed.
-
7035.
-
7036.
“Really, it’s not anything to worry about,” Celestia concluded. “Think of it
-
7037.
like a very relaxed and informal Grand Galloping Gala.”
-
7038.
-
7039.
“Uh…what is that?”
-
7040.
-
7041.
“It’s a ball I throw every year to celebrate the founding of Canterlot. You
-
7042.
missed it this year, but I think we can get you in as my plus one next year.”
-
7043.
-
7044.
“I would certainly hope I’ll be your date,” he quipped, and they both laughed
-
7045.
while stopping in front of the kitchen doors.
-
7046.
-
7047.
“There’s one other thing I need to tell you. I’ve invited a few ponies to have
-
7048.
breakfast with us. I hope you don’t mind.”
-
7049.
-
7050.
“No, that’s ok. Who did you invite?”
-
7051.
-
7052.
Celestia pushed open the door in reply, and Anon’s eyes grew wide. The dining
-
7053.
hall was full of…
-
7054.
-
7055.
Of…
-
7056.
-
7057.
…of the most important ponies in the whole of Equestria.
-
7058.
-
7059.
Anon swallowed hard. All six Element Bearers of Harmony were standing around the
-
7060.
table, laughing with one another over something humorous. Princess Luna was off
-
7061.
to his right, chatting lightly with Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor
-
7062.
was standing near the door. Shining was the first to notice them, and he smiled
-
7063.
widely when he locked eyes with his new counterpart.
-
7064.
-
7065.
“Anonymous?” he asked.
-
7066.
-
7067.
Anon extended an only-slightly-shaking hand. “That’s me.”
-
7068.
-
7069.
Shining completely sidestepped the offered hand and instead wrapped Anon up in a
-
7070.
gigantic hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to meet you!”
-
7071.
-
7072.
To say Anon was confused was an understatement on the level of saying the sun is
-
7073.
hot. He simply stood there until Shining released him, and then he wondered what
-
7074.
in Equestria he had done to get a ruler of the Crystal Empire to smile like a
-
7075.
mad mare.
-
7076.
-
7077.
“It’s nice to meet you too, I guess.”
-
7078.
-
7079.
“This is gonna be great! Tell me, do you follow buckball at all?”
-
7080.
-
7081.
Anon leaned back a bit. “Buckball?”
-
7082.
-
7083.
“Yeah. I’m trying to get a team started in the Crystal Empire. I’ve been showing
-
7084.
some potential recruits the ins and outs and I was trying to take them to a game
-
7085.
in Baltimare.”
-
7086.
-
7087.
“What, to a Broncos game? Are you nuts?!”
-
7088.
-
7089.
“Nuts?”
-
7090.
-
7091.
“When was the last time they got to a divisional game?”
-
7092.
-
7093.
“Well, ten, twelve, fifteen… no…”
-
7094.
-
7095.
“Thirty-eight years ago.”
-
7096.
-
7097.
Both males stared in surprised wonder at Celestia, who continued on as if she
-
7098.
gave Buckball commentary on a regular basis.
-
7099.
-
7100.
“Anon is right; they’re not known as the Bad Luck Broncos for nothing,” Celestia
-
7101.
added. “Now, if you really want a good model you should try the Las Pegasus
-
7102.
Thunder or the Cloudsdale Manticores.”
-
7103.
-
7104.
“No, no,” Anon said. “The Thunder just lost Morning Glory, remember? I’d take
-
7105.
the Tidal Waves any day. They’ve got the balance and the speed.”
-
7106.
-
7107.
“You know about buckball?” Shining asked Celestia, still clearly in shock.
-
7108.
-
7109.
“Why wouldn’t I?” She chuckled. “I met with the Thunder here after their world
-
7110.
championship game not that long ago. The Crown can’t really show a preference,
-
7111.
but I have to admit, I always did secretly root for the Solar Flares.”
-
7112.
-
7113.
“All right, you three can geek out later.” Cadence gave her husband a playful
-
7114.
shove to move him out of the way. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at your service.”
-
7115.
-
7116.
She then bowed to him, but Anon remembered his manners and gave a deeper bow
-
7117.
back. “It is an honor to meet you, Princess.”
-
7118.
-
7119.
“Oh, please. Just Cadence will be more than adequate. May I call you Anon?”
-
7120.
-
7121.
“That’s fine.” He laughed. “Should I be worried about the Princess of Love is
-
7122.
here?”
-
7123.
-
7124.
“You should be worried if I stay,” she replied with a grin. “You’re safe for
-
7125.
now.”
-
7126.
-
7127.
“Twilight? Would you like to introduce your friends?” Celestia asked.
-
7128.
-
7129.
“I’d love to!” Twilight replied. “You know me, of course. Spike stayed in
-
7130.
Ponyville; he said he wasn’t interested in standing around in a press conference
-
7131.
all day.”
-
7132.
-
7133.
“Can’t say I blame him.”
-
7134.
-
7135.
Twilight chuckled with him. “Anyway, this is Rainbow Dash, the Element of
-
7136.
Loyalty.”
-
7137.
-
7138.
“Nice to meetcha, Anon.” Rainbow said, and she shared a quick hoofbump with him.
-
7139.
-
7140.
“Likewise.”
-
7141.
-
7142.
“This is Applejack, the Element of Honesty.”
-
7143.
-
7144.
“Howdy! Real pleasure to meet ya.”
-
7145.
-
7146.
“Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter.”
-
7147.
-
7148.
A blast of streamers and confetti exploded out of Pinkie’s mane, and Anon
-
7149.
suddenly found himself wrapped up in a giant pink hug.
-
7150.
-
7151.
“This is so great!” Pinkie shouted. “I’ve got all sorts of cupcakes and pies for
-
7152.
you to try when you come to Ponyville and we can compare recipes and bake all
-
7153.
kinds of yummy treats and talk about whether a cherrychanga will ever be a
-
7154.
reality. We’re going to have the bestest ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party since
-
7155.
the one I threw for Shining Armor!”
-
7156.
-
7157.
“And you still need to help me plan the official wedding party,” Celestia added.
-
7158.
-
7159.
Pinkie Pie froze. Her eyes went wide, her mouth went into a small o shape, and a
-
7160.
high-pitched squeal slowly started to emerge and grow in intensity.
-
7161.
-
7162.
“I’ll defuse Pinkie.” Cadence quickly said while snagging Pinkie and pulling her
-
7163.
aside.
-
7164.
-
7165.
“This is Fluttershy, the Element of—”
-
7166.
-
7167.
“CELESTIA’S WEDDING PARTY?!”
-
7168.
-
7169.
Twilight laughed with Fluttershy. “I don’t think Pinkie is going to sleep for
-
7170.
the next week now. Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness.”
-
7171.
-
7172.
“It’s very nice to meet you!” Fluttershy said quietly but with a grin. “Discord
-
7173.
told me all about you at our last tea date. He really likes you, you know.”
-
7174.
-
7175.
“That’s a good thing, right?”
-
7176.
-
7177.
“Oh, yes. He even said he wanted to have you come over and have tea with us.
-
7178.
You’ve made quite the impression on him.”
-
7179.
-
7180.
“Well, that’s nice of him. I’ll say thank you the next time I see him.”
-
7181.
-
7182.
Fluttershy smiled more. “I know you’re going to be a wonderful prince. I look
-
7183.
forward to working with you.”
-
7184.
-
7185.
“Me too.” Anon smiled back.
-
7186.
-
7187.
“And last but not least is Rarity, the Element of Generosity,” Twilight
-
7188.
concluded.
-
7189.
-
7190.
Rarity, who was wearing a pair of fashionable bifocals and had a tape measure
-
7191.
around her neck, stepped forward and bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,
-
7192.
darling, now hold still.”
-
7193.
-
7194.
“What are you—”
-
7195.
-
7196.
The tape measure sprang forward like a striking snake, leaping and wrapping
-
7197.
around every part of his body⁽*⁾ from inseam and waist width to hat size and leg
-
7198.
thickness. Rarity quickly wrote all of these measurements down in a thin, small
-
7199.
notebook, and then bowed to Celestia. (*) Not there. You perverts. Behave.
-
7200.
-
7201.
“I shall get to work on your request as soon as I get home, Princess. I think I
-
7202.
know just the thing.”
-
7203.
-
7204.
“Thing?” Anon glanced between his wife and Rarity. “There’s a thing?”
-
7205.
-
7206.
“Never you mind, darling. It’s between me and the Princess.”
-
7207.
-
7208.
“Great. There’s a conspiracy against me already.”
-
7209.
-
7210.
“Only a small one, nothing to worry about.” Celestia giggled, as Luna now
-
7211.
approached him.
-
7212.
-
7213.
“Hail, fair human. I do not believe we have been formally or properly
-
7214.
introduced. I am Luna, Princess of the Moon and sister of Celestia. It is a
-
7215.
pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
-
7216.
-
7217.
“It is, indeed, a pleasure to make my acquaintance.” Anon replied grandly, while
-
7218.
sticking his nose in the air slightly. “But it is also a pleasure to meet you
-
7219.
formally as well.”
-
7220.
-
7221.
“Watch it, buster. You’re still on my short list.”
-
7222.
-
7223.
The two then broke into laughter, much to the relief of everypony who wasn’t
-
7224.
aware of their unique relationship.
-
7225.
-
7226.
“Well, now that we’ve all met Anon, let us commence with breakfast, shall we?”
-
7227.
Celestia announced.
-
7228.
-
7229.
Everyone sat at the table, with Celestia at one end and Luna at the other. Anon
-
7230.
sat on Celestia’s right, and Shining next to him. The kitchen staff then
-
7231.
appeared and swiftly delivered a plate to everyone, and Anon was interested to
-
7232.
see that a breakfast burrito had been prepared, but the folded loaf before him
-
7233.
had to be as thick as his arm. With the hope that he could actually eat the
-
7234.
whole thing, he picked up his fork and dug in.
-
7235.
-
7236.
That proved to be a horrible mistake. The perpetual issue of too much salt
-
7237.
manifested itself quickly, and he wondered if the kitchen staff had gotten wind
-
7238.
of his complaints because now there was also enough pepper inside the lump to
-
7239.
make him nearly sneeze. Anything resembling taste was thus promptly bucked into
-
7240.
next week, and Anon really began to curse his upbringing since it appeared that
-
7241.
everypony else was quite enjoying the meal.
-
7242.
-
7243.
He then tried picking around the edges, hoping that maybe only one side was
-
7244.
ruined but it was for naught—the whole of it had been uniformly corrupted,
-
7245.
leaving him with unsalted toast and unsalted juice. Maybe he could declare
-
7246.
himself as his personal chef. He’d stand half a chance of getting something to
-
7247.
eat then.
-
7248.
-
7249.
Depression was not long in coming for the new prince. The last twenty four hours
-
7250.
had been a string of compounding misery, so it wasn’t very hard for the thoughts
-
7251.
of inadequacy and inferiority to move in and begin their destructive work. There
-
7252.
sat The Elements of Harmony, six mares who had repeatedly saved Ponykind from
-
7253.
destruction, and from the worst of the worst one could imagine. There sat the
-
7254.
Prince and Princess of The Crystal Empire, who had saved both Canterlot and the
-
7255.
Crystal Empire and who had rapidly and literally brought the crystal ponies out
-
7256.
of the dark ages and into near full integration with the rest of the world. Then
-
7257.
there was Luna and Celestia, who were in a league all of their own. One only
-
7258.
needed to say ‘The Two Sisters’ to have a respectfully awed hush come over any
-
7259.
group.
-
7260.
-
7261.
And then there was Anonymous: a bumbling bumpkin whose claim to fame was
-
7262.
standing in a flower patch and forcing a Princess to get married because he was
-
7263.
too uneducated to figure out what an adjective was, let alone how to use one. He
-
7264.
was so far beneath the caliber of those assembled that it was really a mockery
-
7265.
for him to even be in the same city as them. They were the true heroes of
-
7266.
Equestria.
-
7267.
-
7268.
He was an imposter of the highest order. A mannulus non grata.
-
7269.
-
7270.
Maybe he should sign those divorce papers after all. What right did he have to
-
7271.
drag Celestia down? He wasn’t even totally sure he loved her. He just wanted to
-
7272.
see if he could love her, by his own admission. There was nothing he could truly
-
7273.
offer her, other than a repeated complaint of too much salt.
-
7274.
-
7275.
This was not his place. She should not be burdened with him.
-
7276.
-
7277.
“So, Anon!” Shining leaned over. “Can I ask you something a bit personal?”
-
7278.
-
7279.
“Sure.”
-
7280.
-
7281.
Shining leaned over a bit closer. “Do you feel so totally overwhelmed by
-
7282.
everything that your soul feels like it’s being ripped apart by timberwolves?”
-
7283.
he whispered.
-
7284.
-
7285.
That was a fair allegory. Analogy. Was it an analogy? Anon nodded slightly, and
-
7286.
Shining had a knowing twinkle in his eye.
-
7287.
-
7288.
“I know how you feel. When I proposed and Cady said yes, I suddenly realized
-
7289.
what I’d gotten myself into. I spent the rest of that day trying to calm myself
-
7290.
down. I had the gall to ask the Princess of Love to marry me! What monkey had
-
7291.
broken out of the zoo in my head and pushed the button to have me ask that? Why
-
7292.
had she said yes, instead of kicking me over the edge of Canterlot?”
-
7293.
-
7294.
“But you’re the Captain of the Guard, and one of the strongest shield wielders
-
7295.
that has ever been. I would think it’s pretty obvious.”
-
7296.
-
7297.
“Love and War aren’t exactly two things that go together.”
-
7298.
-
7299.
“I heard that,” Celestia grumbled.
-
7300.
-
7301.
“Private conversation, ma’am,” he replied, and Celestia stuck her tongue out at
-
7302.
him briefly before turning back to her quiet conversation with Cadence.
-
7303.
-
7304.
“Anyway,” said Shining Armor, “the closer we got to the wedding the more
-
7305.
overwhelmed I felt. I was just some dumb soldier, how could I be anywhere near
-
7306.
her level, or be a prince for that matter? It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep
-
7307.
at night sometimes.”
-
7308.
-
7309.
“So, how’d you come to terms with it?”
-
7310.
-
7311.
“I still haven’t. Well, not fully anyway. But that kiss that Cady and I shared,
-
7312.
the one that banished the changelings? That moment gave me an epiphany. It
-
7313.
really didn’t matter that I was inadequate or unprepared. What mattered was that
-
7314.
I loved her, and that she loved me. Everything else would sort out somehow, and
-
7315.
it would actually be easier to deal with because I had a companion now, an
-
7316.
equal. If our love could survive the changelings, it could survive anything.
-
7317.
-
7318.
“Now, I know it’s different for you. If Auntie Celestia had bonked my nose, I’m
-
7319.
pretty sure I would have simply keeled over and died on the spot. All of this
-
7320.
has got to be so strange, so crushing really. The only way I can think of to
-
7321.
relate is to take what I felt and then crank it up to eleven.”
-
7322.
-
7323.
“That’s not too far off.” Anon chuckled a little.
-
7324.
-
7325.
“Well, just know I’m here if you need an ear. When we got the letter from
-
7326.
Celestia telling us what had happened, I was elated, and you can ask Cady if you
-
7327.
don’t believe me.”
-
7328.
-
7329.
“But why? I’m sure I only made things more complicated for you.”
-
7330.
-
7331.
“Numbers. Up until now there’s been four princesses but only one prince. I have
-
7332.
reinforcements now, a fellow male ruler to talk to now. Don’t get me wrong, Cady
-
7333.
is a dream to talk with, and very understanding and supportive. But there’s just
-
7334.
some things a stallion needs to talk to another stallion about, y’know? Sure, I
-
7335.
can talk to the guards and my advisors, but they can only do so much since
-
7336.
they’re not in my position. With another prince, I have sompony to throw ideas
-
7337.
off of, to talk stallion stuff over with. You and I are in the same sinking
-
7338.
boat, and we can help each other bail as needed.”
-
7339.
-
7340.
Anon felt a little surge of happiness fighting against his depression. “You
-
7341.
really think I can help you?”
-
7342.
-
7343.
“You already have. You steered me away from the Broncos.”
-
7344.
-
7345.
“Why in the name of my wife did you think they were a good team to watch?” Anon
-
7346.
chuckled.
-
7347.
-
7348.
Shining leaned even closer and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
-
7349.
“I wanted to show them how bad a team could be, and then tell them how much
-
7350.
better they were.”
-
7351.
-
7352.
“Are your ponies any good?”
-
7353.
-
7354.
“Ehhh,” Shining replied with all the sincerity of a poor tipper. “They’re a work
-
7355.
in progress. But they are better than the Broncos.”
-
7356.
-
7357.
“Are you any good at Buckball?”
-
7358.
-
7359.
“Ehhh.” He shrugged, and then laughed. “I played some J.V. in high school but
-
7360.
not much after that.”
-
7361.
-
7362.
“Well, that’s better than me.” Anon laughed.
-
7363.
-
7364.
“At least you follow it.” Shining laughed with him. “Oh! Auntie Celestia?”
-
7365.
-
7366.
“Yes?”
-
7367.
-
7368.
“Can I give him the thing now?” Shining eagerly asked, and Celestia smiled
-
7369.
deeply.
-
7370.
-
7371.
“I believe now would be a most opportune time.”
-
7372.
-
7373.
“Everyone, can I have your attention!” Shining called, and the scattered
-
7374.
conversations died out. “Thank you. Cady, do you want to do the honors?”
-
7375.
-
7376.
“I would be honored. Prince Anon, would you please come over here?”
-
7377.
-
7378.
He stood and walked around the table. Cadence also stood, and she produced a
-
7379.
thin square box from under one wing.
-
7380.
-
7381.
“Prince Anonymous, on behalf of the ponies of the Crystal Empire, it is my honor
-
7382.
and joy to officially congratulate your marriage to Princess Celestia. As a
-
7383.
token of goodwill and to honor the occasion, I am most pleased to present to you
-
7384.
this gift on the behalf of the Crystal Empire.”
-
7385.
-
7386.
Anon’s eyes grew wide as the box was opened. Seated on a cushion of white velvet
-
7387.
was an intricate crystal, carved and cut in the shape of Celestia’s cutie mark
-
7388.
and at roughly half the size, with a thin band of gold attached through an
-
7389.
eyelet on the top. It had been fashioned out of a beautiful translucent yellow
-
7390.
crystal, and it caught the natural light in such a way that it seemed to almost
-
7391.
catch fire as it passed through.
-
7392.
-
7393.
“Prince Anon, please accept this gift as a token of the Crystal Empire’s loyalty
-
7394.
to the Throne of Equestria, the throne that you now share with Celestia. May
-
7395.
your union be long and happy, and may you find fortune in all of your
-
7396.
endeavors.”
-
7397.
-
7398.
Everypony in the room stomped and cheered as Cadence’s magic lifted the crystal
-
7399.
out and then over Anon’s bowed head. It came to rest right above his heart, and
-
7400.
he smiled brightly as he looked at it, then at the well-wishers in the dining
-
7401.
hall with him.
-
7402.
-
7403.
This was a horrible way to keep a bad mood alive, and he loved it.
-
7404.
-
7405.
-
7406.
* * ✹ * *
-
7407.
-
7408.
-
7409.
Anon had come to the conclusion that he hated press conferences.
-
7410.
-
7411.
Granted, he hadn’t done anything yet, but the waiting and anticipation was
-
7412.
killing him. It had started long before Celestia had stepped up to the podium,
-
7413.
of course, but now it was coming to a head.
-
7414.
-
7415.
Celestia, ever one for punctuality, had promptly started at noon with a quick
-
7416.
greeting for the assembled members of the press before she launched into her
-
7417.
prepared remarks.
-
7418.
-
7419.
Her speech was a straightforward and simple explanation of what had happened.
-
7420.
This had yielded a new tidbit for him. Celestia really hadn’t seen him in the
-
7421.
sunflowers, but she had thought she had heard something, so she had stuck her
-
7422.
nose in to see if she could figure out what was there. She had been expecting to
-
7423.
find a mouse or chipmunk, not a human, and from there Anon knew the rest.
-
7424.
Celestia then spent a rather lengthy amount of time explaining her law and why
-
7425.
she had written it, and then she explained that she and Anon had wed to prevent
-
7426.
her removal as Princess.
-
7427.
-
7428.
She obviously chose her words carefully when she explained that this news had
-
7429.
not been shared immediately due to both the option of divorce and the need to
-
7430.
work out the details to keep Anon around. There were nods of agreement from the
-
7431.
journalists when Celestia told them about the joint agreement that now was an
-
7432.
appropriate time to inform the rest of Equestria.
-
7433.
-
7434.
Anon was glad that all of the Elements were present, as well as the Princesses.
-
7435.
He could feel their support, and it was giving him the strength he needed to
-
7436.
keep from passing out. He had his notes ready to go, and he was going to try to
-
7437.
just read them straight and be done.
-
7438.
-
7439.
He had also determined that, from here on out, Celestia would be the public
-
7440.
speaker. He wasn’t cut out for this.
-
7441.
-
7442.
“…and now, Prince Anonymous has a few thoughts he’d like to share. After that I
-
7443.
will take a few questions. Anon?”
-
7444.
-
7445.
Anon inhaled heavily. This was it.
-
7446.
-
7447.
His left hand was shaking slightly as he stepped up to the podium. There was a
-
7448.
furious round of flashes, and Anon looked quickly down at his notes to keep from
-
7449.
being blinded.
-
7450.
-
7451.
He let out the breath he’d just taken in, and then he drew in a new one.
-
7452.
-
7453.
“Good afternoon, everyone.” He flatly began reading. “I am Anonymous, from the
-
7454.
c-city of S-salt Lick. It’s a pleasure to be here before you today.”
-
7455.
-
7456.
Well, this bit the bark. The words on the page were doubling up and blurring on
-
7457.
him. Anon closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath in. He then opened his
-
7458.
eyes again, and he looked at his Celestial Crystal.
-
7459.
-
7460.
Speak from the heart, Anon.
-
7461.
-
7462.
He wasn’t sure if he had heard Celestia’s voice in his head or just his own
-
7463.
approximation of it, but it didn’t matter. He crumpled his notes up into a ball
-
7464.
and tossed them over his shoulder.
-
7465.
-
7466.
“Those aren’t helping,” he stated, and he heard Celestia grunt slightly, which
-
7467.
he hoped was a good sign. “All right. Fillies and Gentlecolts, hello. One week
-
7468.
ago today I was a common no one, a lonely human on a train bound for Canterlot.
-
7469.
I had never before visited here, and I really didn’t have much reason to come,
-
7470.
other than to see if I could find some inspiration for a book I wanted to write.
-
7471.
I had no idea what I’d find here, nor that I would soon find myself caught up in
-
7472.
the events that have led me to this point now.
-
7473.
-
7474.
“When I left home, I was looking for something. I didn’t know what it was; all I
-
7475.
knew was that my life up to that point was not what I wanted. I was trying to
-
7476.
find my own little place in the world, and my purpose within it. I was adrift,
-
7477.
lost in a sea of confusion and doubt.
-
7478.
-
7479.
“One week ago tomorrow, I made the choice to visit the Royal gardens in the
-
7480.
hopes of finding a muse. I stuck myself in a patch of sunflowers in the hopes of
-
7481.
finding one, and…”
-
7482.
-
7483.
He paused, and smiled.
-
7484.
-
7485.
“…and I did. I really don’t know if what has happened is just one huge
-
7486.
coincidence, but I feel like it’s more than that. To me, this feels more like
-
7487.
destiny or fate, and the feeling has only grown as I have come to know Celestia
-
7488.
better.
-
7489.
-
7490.
“On my first night here, Celestia and I had a private talk, and she was kind
-
7491.
enough to read a little bit of my writing. As she did so, and as I watched and
-
7492.
listened to her, I felt like I was home, really Home, for the first time in my
-
7493.
life. There was a spark that ignited a small flame of love then, and it’s only
-
7494.
grown stronger from there.
-
7495.
-
7496.
“My friends, I will be the first to tell you I am inadequate to be your Prince.
-
7497.
I can come up with several dozen reasons why I am unworthy. I’m as common as
-
7498.
common gets, and I have no real qualifications for leadership.
-
7499.
-
7500.
“But I know that what I share with Celestia is special, and it completes me.” He
-
7501.
smiled, and turned to look at her. She was smiling brightly, but had tears in
-
7502.
the corners of her eyes. “And what is special to her is special to me. This is
-
7503.
something I don’t want to lose.
-
7504.
-
7505.
“And so,” as he turned back to the press, “all I can say right now is that I’ll
-
7506.
try. I’ll stumble, I’ll fall, and I will humbly ask for your patience and
-
7507.
understanding. But I want to help my—” he smiled deeply with the thought “—wife
-
7508.
to bring about a greater and more glorious Equestria. Please know, my friends,
-
7509.
that although I am a prince by marriage, I will not be able to call myself such
-
7510.
until I have earned it. I will do all that I can to serve you, to make your
-
7511.
lives better. And hopefully, someday, I will even be able to bring to you a
-
7512.
portion of the happiness that I have found for myself here. Thank you.”
-
7513.
-
7514.
Anon then simply stepped away from the podium and moved over to the
-
7515.
nearly-crying Celestia. Luna looked extremely pleased, for her part, and Cadence
-
7516.
had one hoof to her chest and an ‘Awww!’ look on her face, so he probably had
-
7517.
said something right. But what he wanted, more than anything, came as his wife
-
7518.
dipped her head down and they gently booped noses.
-
7519.
-
7520.
“You did good,” she whispered to him.
-
7521.
-
7522.
“Thanks. Can I go somewhere and faint now?”
-
7523.
-
7524.
-
7525.
-
7526.
-
7527.
-
7528.
“Holdin’ up all right there, Prince Anon?”
-
7529.
-
7530.
“I think so,” he replied with a smile for Applejack. “Though I was under the
-
7531.
impression that this was an informal gathering.”
-
7532.
-
7533.
“Well, it probably was, but then Twilight made the mistake of sayin’ the P-word
-
7534.
within earshot of Pinkie Pie.”
-
7535.
-
7536.
“PARTY!” Pinkie Pie yelled from across the ballroom.
-
7537.
-
7538.
Anon laughed a little with the outburst, but he also took a moment to fully
-
7539.
appreciate all of Pinkie’s hard work. Yellow streamers hung from the ceiling and
-
7540.
snaked in between white balloons of various sizes, the potted plants had gained
-
7541.
some tasteful trimmings and yellow lights, and even the buffet table seemed to
-
7542.
be extra festive and ready to party.
-
7543.
-
7544.
“How did she do all this so fast?” Anon asked Applejack after a few moments.
-
7545.
-
7546.
“Well, it is her thing, and she has that party cannon of hers. You give that
-
7547.
mare ten minutes with that thing and she’ll whip out a shindig outta nothin’.”
-
7548.
-
7549.
“If this is what she can do with no advanced notice, then I’m interested to see
-
7550.
what the party in Ponyville will be like.”
-
7551.
-
7552.
“It’ll be so super-fantastic that you’ll be telling all your grandfoals about
-
7553.
it!” Pinkie replied, as she suddenly appeared out of nowhere and hugged Anon
-
7554.
with one arm. “I’ve got all sorts of yummy treats planned, as well as Games and
-
7555.
a ‘Round with the Prince’ that will be a blast!”
-
7556.
-
7557.
“Round with the Prince?” Anon asked, but Pinkie suddenly looked up and to her
-
7558.
left, and then squinted in concentration.
-
7559.
-
7560.
“Hold that thought. Punch Emergency!”
-
7561.
-
7562.
There was a streak of pink, and she was gone. Anon looked back at Applejack, who
-
7563.
was chuckling slightly.
-
7564.
-
7565.
“Pinkie is Pinke. Ya get used to her antics over time. Don’t worry, ah can tell
-
7566.
ya from personal experience that Pinkie has never thrown a bad party. You’ll
-
7567.
have fun, and the folks in Ponyville will love havin’ the chance to meet ya.”
-
7568.
-
7569.
“I hope so. That’s one of the things that really makes me nervous right now.”
-
7570.
-
7571.
“You’re worried that ponies won’t like ya?”
-
7572.
-
7573.
“I’m worried they won’t accept me.”
-
7574.
-
7575.
“Ah hear ya there. Ah worried about the same thing once ah found out about bein’
-
7576.
the Element of Honesty.”
-
7577.
-
7578.
“You did?”
-
7579.
-
7580.
“Oh yeah. More ah learned about what the Elements were and who had used ‘em in
-
7581.
the past, the more ah thought ah wasn’t right for the job. Ah’m just a farmer,
-
7582.
not some kinda heroine that saves Equestria. An Element Bearer should be
-
7583.
somepony strong, committed, and knows just what to do at any time. Ah couldn’t
-
7584.
be all that, all ah knew how to do was buck apples outta trees.”
-
7585.
-
7586.
“So how did you get used to it?”
-
7587.
-
7588.
“Well, I gotta admit, freeing Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon was a durned
-
7589.
good start. Otherwise, there’ve been two things that have really helped. One, ah
-
7590.
had to have faith in my friends. If Twilight said ah was Honesty, then ah was
-
7591.
Honesty, hooves down. Ah had to trust that my friends would help me out, show me
-
7592.
the ropes, and if’n I ever found myself in a barrel of pickles, they’d be right
-
7593.
there with me.
-
7594.
-
7595.
“Second thing was to trust myself. Sure, ah didn’t have experience in monster
-
7596.
wranglin’ or purgin’ evil nightmares outta princesses, but somehow ah have used
-
7597.
what ah do know to get the work done. Just bein’ myself was enough, despite what
-
7598.
ah thought otherwise.
-
7599.
-
7600.
“Ah reckon it’s gonna be like that for you too. Probably not my place to say
-
7601.
what you should or shouldn’t do, but just bein’ yourself will solve a whole heap
-
7602.
of trouble in the long run. Honesty, even with yourself, is always the best
-
7603.
policy. Just do your best, that’s all anypony can ask. You do that, things’ll
-
7604.
work out. Shoot, you’ve got Princess Celestia for support. Don’t get much better
-
7605.
than that.”
-
7606.
-
7607.
Anon glanced down at his crystal, then up to Celestia. She was chatting lightly
-
7608.
with a pony from the press, and he smiled a bit more.
-
7609.
-
7610.
“No, I don’t suppose it does. Thanks.”
-
7611.
-
7612.
“Anytime, sugar cube. Now how about we go get ourselves an apple fritter? Ah
-
7613.
made ‘em fresh this mornin’, and ah’ve heard you’re somethin’ of a food critic.”
-
7614.
-
7615.
“So long as it wasn’t made here, I’m sure it’ll be delightful.”
-
7616.
-
7617.
-
7618.
~*~
-
7619.
-
7620.
-
7621.
“Your Highness, I simply have to settle one point in private,” Fleur de Lis said
-
7622.
with a gentle toss of her exquisite mane. “What can you possibly see in a
-
7623.
commoner?”
-
7624.
-
7625.
“Anonymous!” Applejack shouted, and all eyes in the room turned to watch as the
-
7626.
Element of Honesty began to swat the Prince with her hat while chasing him
-
7627.
around the buffet table. “You no account, butter hatin’, no-taste snob!”
-
7628.
-
7629.
“What?!” he shouted back while he both ran and laughed. “I made one measly
-
7630.
little suggestion!”
-
7631.
-
7632.
“And that sense of taste of yours needs to learn some manners! Get back here so
-
7633.
ah can knock that ridiculous notion out of your head!”
-
7634.
-
7635.
Celestia did not restrain the natural smile that swelled up from her heart when
-
7636.
she turned back to the stunned young unicorn. “Miss de Lis, I see everything in
-
7637.
him.” > 14. - State of Anon >
-
7638.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
7639.
-
7640.
“Mornin’ sweetie,” Garbanzo called out to Lima while she strode into the
-
7641.
pre-morning peace that permeated the kitchen of the Zuerst.
-
7642.
-
7643.
He could not help but smile. This many years, and the mare still had the ability
-
7644.
to make his heart skip a beat when she walked into a room. Lima was one peach of
-
7645.
a Bean, and he would never regret the day when she had made him the happiest
-
7646.
stallion in Equestria.
-
7647.
-
7648.
“Hey hon,” she replied, and she leaned over to give her husband a quick peck
-
7649.
while she walked by. “Counting down the bread order?”
-
7650.
-
7651.
“Yeah. Looks like they shorted us a loaf again.”
-
7652.
-
7653.
Lima let out a small snort. “Maybe we need to find a new supplier. This is just
-
7654.
ridiculous now.”
-
7655.
-
7656.
“I’ll look into it,” he replied, and then he looked up from the order sheet.
-
7657.
“Sip got some tea ready and the paper should just be right over there.”
-
7658.
-
7659.
“Thanks. Anything good in it?”
-
7660.
-
7661.
“I’m not sure, I just glanced at the bottom part. Looked like there was some big
-
7662.
to-do in Canterlot yesterday.”
-
7663.
-
7664.
“Did we just get another princess?” Lima moaned playfully.
-
7665.
-
7666.
“Probably.” Garbanzo chuckled. “They’re becoming a dime a dozen, aren’t they?”
-
7667.
-
7668.
“Yeah. Wonder what she is the Princess of?”
-
7669.
-
7670.
“Poached eggs I bet.”
-
7671.
-
7672.
“Be nice.” Lima giggled, and she playfully nipped his ear. “Maybe she’ll be the
-
7673.
Princess of wayward ponies and she can help Anon find his way.”
-
7674.
-
7675.
“So are we talking about a princess or a life coach?”
-
7676.
-
7677.
“Oh, hush up and get that finished. We still need to get the soup prepped.”
-
7678.
-
7679.
“All right, all right.”
-
7680.
-
7681.
Garbanzo chuckled as his wife grabbed the paper, placed it on the tea tray, and
-
7682.
then walked into the main area. He then quickly finished with the bread
-
7683.
paperwork, filed it, and then began whistling as he started to fill the large
-
7684.
stock pot with water for the minestrone.
-
7685.
-
7686.
The sound of a teacup smashing into the granite floor tile out in the main area
-
7687.
quickly ended the whistling. Garbanzo hurriedly shut off the water and quickly
-
7688.
moved to check on Lima.
-
7689.
-
7690.
“Hon? You all right?” he called out as he pushed the door open.
-
7691.
-
7692.
Lima didn’t reply, and what Garbanzo saw as he stepped through made him scramble
-
7693.
in alarm. His wife was white as a sheet, frozen in place, and her eyes were wide
-
7694.
in horror. The smashed teacup lay scattered by the feet of the chair, and the
-
7695.
newspaper was scattered across the table before her, with some of the pages
-
7696.
still floating down from the ceiling.
-
7697.
-
7698.
“Lima! What happened? Are you ok?!” he urgently asked once he reached her side.
-
7699.
-
7700.
She let out a small whimper through a tight lipped, horrified frown, and her
-
7701.
eyes didn’t move to meet his. Instead, one hoof tapped the page of newspaper in
-
7702.
front of her.
-
7703.
-
7704.
“What is…” Garbanzo asked as he glanced at the paper, but then he did a double
-
7705.
take. His chest began to heave wildly as he grabbed the paper in both hooves,
-
7706.
and his rear legs gave out on him as he read and began shaking.
-
7707.
-
7708.
“What have we done?” he asked in a gasping, breathless voice.
-
7709.
-
7710.
-
7711.
-
7712.
-
7713.
-
7714.
“Morning, Auntie Celly, Auntie Luna!”
-
7715.
-
7716.
“Good morning, Cadence!” Celestia replied with a warm smile. “Where is your
-
7717.
husband?”
-
7718.
-
7719.
“Out in the hallway having a ‘discussion’ with Anon about the best Buckball
-
7720.
team. Shining is adamant the Thunder will take the conference next season but
-
7721.
Anon disagrees. They will probably join us when they settle the matter, so
-
7722.
sometime next week, maybe?”
-
7723.
-
7724.
“Well, if they miss pancakes it’s their own fault.” Celestia hummed to herself
-
7725.
while she placed a plate down for Cadence.
-
7726.
-
7727.
“So, how are things between you and Anon?”
-
7728.
-
7729.
“Just can’t help yourself, can you?” Luna quipped.
-
7730.
-
7731.
“Nope!” Cadence smiled brightly. She then propped her head in her hooves, put
-
7732.
her elbows on the table, and gave Celestia a very eager look. “C’mon! I need
-
7733.
details! How serious are you two?”
-
7734.
-
7735.
“We’re married. I don’t think it can get any more serious if we tried.”
-
7736.
-
7737.
“Yes, it can.” Cadence blew a raspberry. “So, how’s he in bed?”
-
7738.
-
7739.
After a moment of absolute silence, Cadence leaned forward with a teasing grin.
-
7740.
“Okay, maybe that’s a little far for just a week. You’ve done some snuggling
-
7741.
under the sheets, though. Right? Kissing at the very least? Anything? Really?”
-
7742.
-
7743.
“If you must know, no,” Celestia slowly replied, her smile fading. “Anon seems
-
7744.
to be hesitant to do anything beyond rubbing noses. And even then, he’s very
-
7745.
cautious.” Celestia could feel that smile returning. “He’s so sweet.”
-
7746.
-
7747.
“Well, look at what he’s working with,” Luna cut in. “For his whole life, the
-
7748.
only way he’s known you is as Princess Celestia, The Bringer of the Day. You’re
-
7749.
asking him to overcome twenty-odd years of conditioning in a week. That is a
-
7750.
rather large jump to make. He is probably afraid of bursting into flames if he
-
7751.
touches you wrong.”
-
7752.
-
7753.
“Auntie Luna is right. You have to admit you’re more than a little
-
7754.
intimidating,” Cadence added, while waving a fork full of food in the air with
-
7755.
her magic. “Marriage is sharing.”
-
7756.
-
7757.
“I understand that. I haven’t tried to push anything on him because of it,” said
-
7758.
Celestia.
-
7759.
-
7760.
“But you’d like him to maybe give a little bit more,” Cadence said knowingly.
-
7761.
“Without you telling him.”
-
7762.
-
7763.
“Well, we are married and we are planning on staying together. Why shouldn’t
-
7764.
we?”
-
7765.
-
7766.
“I agree. You just need to encourage him a little.”
-
7767.
-
7768.
“Encourage?”
-
7769.
-
7770.
“Here we go,” Luna groaned with an ill-hidden smirk. “Cadence is going to be in
-
7771.
rare form today, I can tell.”
-
7772.
-
7773.
“Of course I am. I’m trying to get my beloved Aunt Celly’s love life going,” she
-
7774.
replied with a smug grin. “A thousand years with nopony to truly claim as your
-
7775.
own is quite long enough.”
-
7776.
-
7777.
“She’s got a point,” Luna conceded, as Celestia sat at the table with food for
-
7778.
the both of them. “My dear sister deserves more than a lump bag of an Anon.”
-
7779.
-
7780.
“I am not calling him Anon Bag.”
-
7781.
-
7782.
“Probably for the best. You’d forget he was a person and you’d sit on him.”
-
7783.
-
7784.
“How do you know he wouldn’t like that?” Cadence said with a knowing bob of her
-
7785.
eyebrows.
-
7786.
-
7787.
“You two are insufferable!” Celestia proclaimed with a snort of amusement.
-
7788.
-
7789.
“No, the trick is to start small and work your way up,” Cadence continued. “I
-
7790.
had to do that with Shiny, because the lovable dope kept locking up on me when
-
7791.
I’d flirt with him. Seduce him, but just little bits at a time, and only here or
-
7792.
there.”
-
7793.
-
7794.
“But don’t go overboard,” Luna warned. “You can gain much by simply being you. I
-
7795.
would say you’re doing pretty good with this already, from what I see. Anon’s
-
7796.
little flame of love for you has come about because he has seen Celly instead of
-
7797.
Celestia. Lure him in, yes, but also still be you.”
-
7798.
-
7799.
“Right,” Cadence agreed. “Honestly, just try one or two things to start, and
-
7800.
spread them out. Keep booping him, but maybe add a little nip on the neck, or a
-
7801.
quick kiss on his cheek here and there, too. Shiny likes it when I go for the
-
7802.
ears.” She giggled. “We play keepaway, but he always loses.”
-
7803.
-
7804.
“Ears are popular,” Luna agreed. “The neck is good too.”
-
7805.
-
7806.
“And you two really think he’ll like that?” Celestia said with a curious look.
-
7807.
-
7808.
“He’ll like it,” Cadence said slyly. “He’ll just be super embarrassed about it
-
7809.
first. He is cute when he blushes, right?”
-
7810.
-
7811.
Celestia didn’t say anything, but the playfully intrigued look that suddenly
-
7812.
overtook her was answer enough.
-
7813.
-
7814.
“Shiny is too.” Cadence said with a smug grin. “I have an idea, something we can
-
7815.
try and we’ll see how Anon reacts.”
-
7816.
-
7817.
Luna groaned playfully. “This should be good.”
-
7818.
-
7819.
-
7820.
-
7821.
-
7822.
-
7823.
“I’m telling you,” Shining argued as the princes finally entered the dining
-
7824.
hall, “Wild Wind is going to take them all the way this year.”
-
7825.
-
7826.
“But she is always on the injured reserve list!” Anon protested.
-
7827.
-
7828.
“Yeah, but when she’s healthy they’re unstoppable.”
-
7829.
-
7830.
“And when she’s down they lose everything. They really need to trade her and get
-
7831.
some more balanced players in.”
-
7832.
-
7833.
“Gentlecolts, good morning,” Celestia greeted. Anon and Shining stopped in
-
7834.
mid-stride, looked at the casually neutral faces of the Princesses, then at each
-
7835.
other.
-
7836.
-
7837.
“What’s going on?” Shining asked.
-
7838.
-
7839.
“Breakfast, but not for much longer. Have a seat, I will bring your pancakes out
-
7840.
shortly.”
-
7841.
-
7842.
The two then warily sat down, but next to each other. Anon looked at Luna, who
-
7843.
was quietly and politely eating, and Shining’s eyes were on his wife, who was
-
7844.
sitting with a pleasant smile on her face.
-
7845.
-
7846.
“Princess Luna.” Anon dared to offer a greeting.
-
7847.
-
7848.
“Anon,” she replied simply. “A pleasure to see you again.”
-
7849.
-
7850.
“Did I do something?” he jumped to the question.
-
7851.
-
7852.
“I’m quite sure you have. It is rather hard to be alive and to do absolutely
-
7853.
nothing.”
-
7854.
-
7855.
“No, I mean did I do something wrong?”
-
7856.
-
7857.
“Not that I am aware of. Do you wish to confess?”
-
7858.
-
7859.
Anon gulped and left the question unanswered. This reeked of some kind of setup,
-
7860.
and even Shining was looking worried.
-
7861.
-
7862.
The Empire’s Prince then decided to use a tried and true tactic: start
-
7863.
apologizing and see if that makes the wife happy. Granted, it was always a
-
7864.
gamble but it was all they had to work with at the moment.
-
7865.
-
7866.
“Hey, I’m sorry I held Anon up in the hallway. We should have come in sooner.”
-
7867.
-
7868.
“No need to apologize, my dear Shiny,” Cadence replied evenly. “We understand.”
-
7869.
-
7870.
Shining immediately clammed up. That had not worked, and if he kept going he’d
-
7871.
make things worse.
-
7872.
-
7873.
“Here we go!” Celestia cheerfully announced as she entered. “The pancakes might
-
7874.
be a bit cold, but you know a warming spell, don’t you, Captain?”
-
7875.
-
7876.
“Uh…”
-
7877.
-
7878.
“Wonderful! Now, I’m afraid I’m late for Day Court, so I will meet with you both
-
7879.
later. I’d like to go over some items relating to the Empire while you are here.
-
7880.
Cadence?”
-
7881.
-
7882.
“Coming!” she called, and she quickly stood.
-
7883.
-
7884.
“You’re leaving?” Shining asked, as Cadence moved over to Celestia.
-
7885.
-
7886.
“Mm-hm. I’m going to help with Court today.”
-
7887.
-
7888.
“Oh. Well, okay. I guess we’ll catch up.”
-
7889.
-
7890.
“We’ll see you both later,” Cadence called over her shoulder, and the two
-
7891.
Princesses began to leave.
-
7892.
-
7893.
Anon suddenly felt a furious heat burning in his cheeks as his eyes locked on to
-
7894.
Celestia’s swaying hips. Did she always walk like that, or was she putting a bit
-
7895.
more allure in to it this time? Why was he still watching it?! He couldn’t stop!
-
7896.
He was entranced, and…
-
7897.
-
7898.
A bit of confusion worked in. Was he really attracted to her sway? Was he
-
7899.
actually enjoying what he was seeing?
-
7900.
-
7901.
Celestia teasingly flicked her tail as she left the room, an impressive feat
-
7902.
given the ethereal nature of it. Anon’s eyes stayed locked on the doorway as he
-
7903.
tried to come to terms with what he had seen and felt, but he did hear Shining
-
7904.
giggling like an lovestruck idiot.
-
7905.
-
7906.
“Anon, my friend,” he said with a nudge to Anon’s ribs, “you and I have to be
-
7907.
the two luckiest stallions in the whole of existence. I’ve yet to find a better
-
7908.
pair of hips than on my Cady, and I’d bet my horseshoes you’re feeling the same
-
7909.
about Celly.”
-
7910.
-
7911.
A pleased smile began to show on Anon. “You know what? You’re completely right.”
-
7912.
-
7913.
-
7914.
-
7915.
-
7916.
-
7917.
“Did he really?” Celestia snickered furiously.
-
7918.
-
7919.
“Both of them did,” Luna replied. “For as green as he is, he blushed like a lit
-
7920.
match.”
-
7921.
-
7922.
“See?” Cadence said smugly. “Now, don’t do that again for a little bit. Just
-
7923.
throw it at him every now and then. Flirting like that will get things going for
-
7924.
you.”
-
7925.
-
7926.
“Thanks, Cadence,” Celestia pulled her niece into a quick hug. “Lulu, thank you
-
7927.
as well.”
-
7928.
-
7929.
Luna smiled and nodded. “It was my pleasure to assist, dear sister. I believe I
-
7930.
shall leave you, though, and retire for the day.”
-
7931.
-
7932.
“I’ll see you tonight, then,” Celestia replied with a quick hug, and she watched
-
7933.
her sister’s retreat for a moment before turning to Cadence again. “Well, shall
-
7934.
we go have lunch?”
-
7935.
-
7936.
“What are they serving today?”
-
7937.
-
7938.
“I’ve asked for daffodil salads. I hope Anon will actually be able to eat this
-
7939.
one.”
-
7940.
-
7941.
“Why wouldn’t he?”
-
7942.
-
7943.
“It appears my chefs have been using too much salt,” Celestia replied, as they
-
7944.
walked towards the kitchen. “With his background, he notices nuances like that
-
7945.
and he has a hard time eating. Maybe he even has different tastes, because he's
-
7946.
human.”
-
7947.
-
7948.
“Maybe he is just a picky eater.”
-
7949.
-
7950.
“No, he’s not,” she defended. “He just has a certain threshold for sodium.”
-
7951.
-
7952.
“Picky,” Cadence repeated.
-
7953.
-
7954.
“Dear niece, I am going to have him cook something for you to prove my point. He
-
7955.
made a minestrone soup a few nights ago that was the most flavorful soup I have
-
7956.
ever had.”
-
7957.
-
7958.
“Are you talking about me?”
-
7959.
-
7960.
“Anon!” Celestia said warmly. “As a matter of fact, we were! How long have you
-
7961.
been there?”
-
7962.
-
7963.
“I just came around the corner and saw you two, so only a couple of seconds. All
-
7964.
I caught was minestrone the other night.”
-
7965.
-
7966.
“Yes, I was just telling Cadence about that. Might it be possible to request
-
7967.
another demonstration of your cooking prowess? You can make anything you like,
-
7968.
soup or no soup.”
-
7969.
-
7970.
“You want me to cook something for you two?” he repeated.
-
7971.
-
7972.
“I’m sure Shiny would like to eat too,” Cadence replied.
-
7973.
-
7974.
Anon had a sneaky smile on his smug face now. “Whatever I want to make?”
-
7975.
-
7976.
“Yes,” Celestia answered. She then leaned up to his ear. “And if you cook
-
7977.
something extra delicious, I will personally see to it that you receive a fair
-
7978.
reward.”
-
7979.
-
7980.
She then pulled back and smiled lovingly at his furious blushing.
-
7981.
-
7982.
-
7983.
-
7984.
-
7985.
-
7986.
“Chef Sugar Beet!”
-
7987.
-
7988.
“Oh! Princess!” Sugar Beet bowed. “Good afternoon! What can I do for you?”
-
7989.
-
7990.
“There’s been a change in plans for lunch today,” Celestia replied. “Prince Anon
-
7991.
is going to make lunch for myself, Cadence, and Prince Armor. I need you to show
-
7992.
him where things are and give him whatever he needs.”
-
7993.
-
7994.
“Really?” Anonymous could not help but catch the surreptitious glance the chef
-
7995.
made at a nearby fire extinguisher, but he tried to ignore it.
-
7996.
-
7997.
“Is that a problem?”
-
7998.
-
7999.
“Oh no, no problem,” the ruddy mare replied. “I’m more than happy to let Prince
-
8000.
Anon cook. I just didn’t know he could.”
-
8001.
-
8002.
“Very well. Anon, I’m eager to see what you come up with.”
-
8003.
-
8004.
“I’ll do my best,” he replied.
-
8005.
-
8006.
Celestia then left him, and he glanced around. Pots were clanking and bubbling,
-
8007.
plates were being tossed around like hot potatoes, knives were flying, ponies
-
8008.
were shouting to each other in a sort of language that used foodstuffs as
-
8009.
profanities, and all about was the steam and the smells of a truly efficient
-
8010.
kitchen.
-
8011.
-
8012.
Anonymous was well pleased.
-
8013.
-
8014.
However, he knew that another body would really be inconvenient right now. While
-
8015.
he had a good idea of what to try, he didn’t want to compound things by being in
-
8016.
the way. “Chef, this is obviously a bad time for me to be back here. Do you have
-
8017.
just an out of the way corner for me, or perhaps a side kitchen somewhere?”
-
8018.
-
8019.
“Oh, it’s not a problem, Your Highness. I can get you whatever you need and get
-
8020.
you in wherever you want. Just tell me what you need done.”
-
8021.
-
8022.
“All right. I need tofu, zucchini, and couscous to start.”
-
8023.
-
8024.
Anon then simply marched over to what looked like an unused stovetop. If he had
-
8025.
stolen it from somepony, so be it. It only took a moment for Sugar Beet to bring
-
8026.
the requested items, but Anon frowned deeply when she deposited a large salt
-
8027.
shaker as well.
-
8028.
-
8029.
“What. Is. That?”
-
8030.
-
8031.
“Salt?”
-
8032.
-
8033.
“Did I ask for salt?” he asked with a great deal of self restraint.
-
8034.
-
8035.
“No, but I know you’re going to need it.”
-
8036.
-
8037.
“And how, exactly, do you know that?”
-
8038.
-
8039.
Sugar Beet obviously realized the thin ice she was on, and she took a step back.
-
8040.
“Because Celestia wants extra salt.”
-
8041.
-
8042.
“She does?” Anon asked, his annoyance flipping to confusion quickly. “Why does
-
8043.
she want extra salt?”
-
8044.
-
8045.
“I don’t know. All I know is that she has asked to have extra salt in her
-
8046.
meals.”
-
8047.
-
8048.
“When was this? When did she say that?” Anon asked.
-
8049.
-
8050.
“Two years ago, when she hired me as head chef. She had sent back the steamed
-
8051.
broccoli I had made with instructions to add salt to it and any other meal I
-
8052.
made for her.”
-
8053.
-
8054.
“Did she tell you that personally or was it the waiter at the time who told you
-
8055.
that?”
-
8056.
-
8057.
“Well, um…” She grew embarrassed. “It was the waiter.”
-
8058.
-
8059.
“And was she talking about every meal or just that particular dish?”
-
8060.
-
8061.
“Uh… well…”
-
8062.
-
8063.
Anon smiled in a kindly way. “I tell you what. She can’t fire me, so let’s make
-
8064.
this together and we’ll see what she says. If she likes it, then you know to cut
-
8065.
back on the salt.”
-
8066.
-
8067.
“I hope she does. I have really hated having to add it in every time. It really
-
8068.
limits what you can make.”
-
8069.
-
8070.
Anon chuckled. “That it would. Grab some knives and we’ll get to work on the
-
8071.
tofu.”
-
8072.
-
8073.
-
8074.
-
8075.
-
8076.
-
8077.
“Wait, wait. How could his parents not believe it was you?!” Cadence asked
-
8078.
incredulously.
-
8079.
-
8080.
“I had no guards or staffers with me, so that was part of it. The other part is
-
8081.
just that they simply didn’t believe Anon. They’re both so convinced that Anon’s
-
8082.
true calling is with them, cooking, so if anything is presented that runs
-
8083.
counter to that then they find ways to explain it away. I’m really not surprised
-
8084.
or offended by it; most ponies are the same way.”
-
8085.
-
8086.
“Why didn’t you just move the moon around a bit, or bring the sun up for just a
-
8087.
quick second?”
-
8088.
-
8089.
“I promised Lulu when she returned that I would only touch the moon in an
-
8090.
emergency or with her permission. It is rightfully hers, and I wish to show the
-
8091.
proper respect to my sister and the Princess of the Night. As for the sun, well.
-
8092.
I could have done as you say, but for one thing the Astrological Society would
-
8093.
have had a collective conniption, not to mention the panic attack it would have
-
8094.
given to Twilight and any other pony awake at that time. However, the more
-
8095.
important reason is—”
-
8096.
-
8097.
The door to the dining room opened, and both Princesses watched Chef Sugar Beet
-
8098.
enter with three domed trays on a trolley. Two of them were then placed on the
-
8099.
table before them, and Celestia smiled as a delectable aroma drifted up to her
-
8100.
nose.
-
8101.
-
8102.
“Where is Anonymous?” Cadence asked.
-
8103.
-
8104.
“He sends his regards and says it’s bad luck for the Chef to eat with his
-
8105.
patrons.”
-
8106.
-
8107.
Celestia offered a diplomatic smile. “Will you please go tell my husband—and I
-
8108.
want you to use these exact words—that if he doesn’t get his sorry rump in here,
-
8109.
I will plant him right back in the sunflower patch where I found him.”
-
8110.
-
8111.
“Uh, sure. I’ll go tell him.”
-
8112.
-
8113.
“Whatever he made smells wonderful,” Cadence remarked. “I bet I’m going to eat
-
8114.
my words along with this meal.”
-
8115.
-
8116.
Celestia’s smile flipped over to genuine. “Maybe I can talk him into a rhubarb
-
8117.
pie. I always did like those.”
-
8118.
-
8119.
“I’ve never had one. Are they any good?”
-
8120.
-
8121.
“I think they would be an acquired taste. Maybe with enough sugar you could
-
8122.
tolerate it.”
-
8123.
-
8124.
“Plant me in the sunflowers, huh?” Anon quipped as he entered the room.
-
8125.
-
8126.
“Yes,” Celestia said firmly. “I do expect you to spend your mealtimes with me,
-
8127.
cook or no.”
-
8128.
-
8129.
“In fairness, Chef Sugar Beet helped quite a bit. She gets at least equal
-
8130.
billing for this meal.”
-
8131.
-
8132.
“What did you make?”
-
8133.
-
8134.
Anon smiled smugly and lifted the domes off the trays. A woosh of steam erupted
-
8135.
as he did so, and two princess mouths began to water.
-
8136.
-
8137.
“Stuffed Zucchini Surprise. I’m sure you’ll enjoy. Please, please.” He motioned
-
8138.
to the silverware. “Dig in.”
-
8139.
-
8140.
“Has anyone seen my husband?” Cadence suddenly asked as she glanced around the
-
8141.
room.
-
8142.
-
8143.
“He’s out in the hallway discussing buckball with one of your guards.”
-
8144.
-
8145.
“Oh, for pity’s sake. Shining Armor, get in here!”
-
8146.
-
8147.
“I didn’t know you knew how to use the Royal Voice,” Anon remarked while rubbing
-
8148.
the inside of one ear with his hoof.
-
8149.
-
8150.
“All wives know how to use it instinctively.” Cadence took a bite. “Mmm! And
-
8151.
this is really, really good!”
-
8152.
-
8153.
“You bellowed, my lady?” Shining joked as he entered.
-
8154.
-
8155.
“Quit talking buckball for five minutes and come eat.”
-
8156.
-
8157.
“Yes, dear.”
-
8158.
-
8159.
“Where is your plate?” Celestia asked once Anon had delivered Shining’s plate to
-
8160.
him.
-
8161.
-
8162.
“You said to feed Cadence, yourself, and Shining,” he replied smugly. “You
-
8163.
didn’t say anything about me.”
-
8164.
-
8165.
She gave him a very sour look. “You know full well I meant you too.”
-
8166.
-
8167.
“It’s still bad luck to eat with your patrons. Besides, I sampled enough while I
-
8168.
was preparing the meal to tide me over.”
-
8169.
-
8170.
Celestia stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, I expect you to eat with me next
-
8171.
time, bad luck or no bad luck.”
-
8172.
-
8173.
“I’ll bear that in mind. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I promised Chef Beet that I
-
8174.
would give her the recipe for the meal you’re enjoying.”
-
8175.
-
8176.
“Oh, no you don’t. You are going to sit down and at least make polite
-
8177.
conversation. You can give her the recipe later.”
-
8178.
-
8179.
“Well, if you insist. Any chance I can learn how to use the Royal Voice? I am a
-
8180.
royal after all.”
-
8181.
-
8182.
“It’s all in the diaphragm,” Cadence began to explain.
-
8183.
-
8184.
“Is it ever,” Shining added with exasperation.
-
8185.
-
8186.
-
8187.
-
8188.
-
8189.
-
8190.
Celestia had found over the years that Day Court typically tended to be slow on
-
8191.
Tuesdays, given that it was a workday. However, today was slower than normal
-
8192.
since Wysteria was dealing with any pony making inquiries into Celestia and
-
8193.
Anon’s marriage, and thus the majority of the ponies who were coming to the
-
8194.
palace.
-
8195.
-
8196.
She was glad that Cadence was there to chat with during the lulls in between
-
8197.
petitioners, and they had been able to come up with some rather fun ideas for
-
8198.
her wedding party in those times. They had also agreed that Shining and Cadence
-
8199.
should go with Anon to Ponyville, as Shining could help Anon navigate the town
-
8200.
while Cadence went over the party ideas with Pinkie Pie. Celestia had sent a
-
8201.
letter asking Twilight if Thursday would be too busy for a visit, but she had
-
8202.
not yet received a reply.
-
8203.
-
8204.
Anon had disappeared into the kitchen somewhere, and Celestia surmised that he
-
8205.
had probably gotten engaged in a cooking-related discussion with the staff
-
8206.
there. Shining was… well, missing, but Cadence was convinced he was doing
-
8207.
something very productive to move the affairs of the Crystal Empire forward.
-
8208.
-
8209.
Or, the buckball part of the Empire, at least.
-
8210.
-
8211.
It was thus that Celestia found herself near the end of Day Court, with perhaps
-
8212.
half an hour remaining. She and Cadence were chatting about some other
-
8213.
flirtatious moves to try on Anon when a guard entered and bowed before the
-
8214.
throne with a cough.
-
8215.
-
8216.
“Yes? What is it, Sergeant?”
-
8217.
-
8218.
“Two ponies are seeking an audience with you, Your Highness, but they are
-
8219.
declining to give their names. All they will say is that it is urgent they speak
-
8220.
with Prince Anon.”
-
8221.
-
8222.
“What do they look like?”
-
8223.
-
8224.
“One is a mare of yellow with a black mane, the other is a stallion of grey with
-
8225.
a red mane. They are perhaps in their late forties.”
-
8226.
-
8227.
Celestia smiled a bit. “Go ahead and show them in. I believe I know them.”
-
8228.
-
8229.
The guard nodded and left.
-
8230.
-
8231.
“Auntie Celly? Who is it?” Cadence asked.
-
8232.
-
8233.
“You’ll see,” Celestia mystically replied.
-
8234.
-
8235.
It only took a moment for the two visitors to be shown in. Like all newcomers to
-
8236.
the Throne, they were initially overwhelmed with the grandeur of the hall, and
-
8237.
the stallion removed his flat cap as he gaped at the singular scene before him.
-
8238.
-
8239.
“Garbanzo and Lima! What an honor it is to see you again, and so soon!”
-
8240.
-
8241.
Two sets of eyes grew wide, and two noses immediately went to the floor in
-
8242.
respect.
-
8243.
-
8244.
“O great Celestia! Please forgive us!” Lima called out. “We have been fools, and
-
8245.
we have come before your greatness to beg your mercy!”
-
8246.
-
8247.
“Mercy?” Celestia asked, as she quickly descended and moved across the hall to
-
8248.
them. Her wing then reached out and gently lifted their gazes to meet hers. “You
-
8249.
have no need of my mercy, for you have done nothing that requires it. You are
-
8250.
innocent before me.”
-
8251.
-
8252.
“But we have insulted you, deeply!” Garbanzo cried as a tear slipped out. “We
-
8253.
called you a fraud!”
-
8254.
-
8255.
“No. If I had been in your position, I would have not believed myself either.
-
8256.
You have done no wrong to me. However, I believe you have something to say to my
-
8257.
husband.”
-
8258.
-
8259.
More tears came, and eyes went wide in hopeful horror as Celestia’s wing
-
8260.
retracted and her horn glowed. She smiled warmly as her magic reached out across
-
8261.
the palace, found Anon, and then teleported him into the throne room, but with
-
8262.
his nose nearly touching the wall by the main doors.
-
8263.
-
8264.
“I mean, everypony knows the moon is made of cheese,” he stated, his eyes closed
-
8265.
in an effort to look wise. He then opened them and blinked a few times.
-
8266.
-
8267.
“Uh, Celly? Did you just teleport...”
-
8268.
-
8269.
His sentence stalled out as he looked over his shoulder and beheld the visitors.
-
8270.
He then turned, his face a picture of shocked surprise.
-
8271.
-
8272.
“Mom?!” he breathlessly asked. “Dad?!”
-
8273.
-
8274.
And to his everlasting credit, Anonymous broke out into a dead run towards his
-
8275.
parents.
-
8276.
-
8277.
Celestia felt tears flowing down her cheeks as the family shared both hugs and
-
8278.
tears of reconciliation. She had been worried that Anon would not be so
-
8279.
forgiving of his parents, that he would instead drive them away and proclaim the
-
8280.
wounds they inflicted to be too deep, but she was most pleased to find that this
-
8281.
was not the case. Anon's family was again as it should be.
-
8282.
-
8283.
Whole.
-
8284.
-
8285.
She smiled a bit more as Anon motioned for her to come join the hug. She had to
-
8286.
drop down onto her knees to do so, but the warmth and light she felt as her nose
-
8287.
touched his and as several pairs of arms and hooves locked with hers was so rich
-
8288.
and ennobling that she didn't care. This was a family that was exemplary, and
-
8289.
though they would still have issues and troubles in the future, this one moment
-
8290.
would forever change the dynamics for all of them, and in all the good ways one
-
8291.
could think of. The bonds between all of them were now stronger than steel, and
-
8292.
that was as it should be.
-
8293.
-
8294.
-
8295.
-
8296.
-
8297.
Dinner that evening was one of the most pleasant dinners Celestia had ever had
-
8298.
the pleasure of attending. As it turned out, Garbanzo and Lima had shut down
-
8299.
their restaurant completely and had paid for the rest of their employees to
-
8300.
travel with them, and so the dining room was now filled with such a wonderful
-
8301.
assortment of ponies that it was making for quite a lively and happy scene.
-
8302.
-
8303.
She wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but Celestia found Lima to her right,
-
8304.
Anon next to her, Garbanzo next, and then Sip. Cadence was on her left, then
-
8305.
Shining, then Grumps, Shake and Bake, and Luna—who looked amused and a bit
-
8306.
perplexed—was at the end. The staff had made Anon’s stuffed zucchini, and
-
8307.
everyone was quite enjoying the meal – though Cadence had whispered to Celestia
-
8308.
that Anon’s rendition had been slightly better. There was laughter, there was a
-
8309.
small argument when Garbanzo’s life long support of the Broncos came to light,
-
8310.
but mostly there was happiness, friendship, and love.
-
8311.
-
8312.
If only all of her state dinners could be this way.
-
8313.
-
8314.
It was as the dinner was winding down that Celestia found Lima leaning towards
-
8315.
her. She smiled, and asked if she was enjoying herself.
-
8316.
-
8317.
“Oh, yes. This has been quite an enjoyable meal,” Lima replied. “But I wanted to
-
8318.
ask you something, if I may.”
-
8319.
-
8320.
“Please.”
-
8321.
-
8322.
“Why didn’t you just prove you were the princess the other night?” she asked,
-
8323.
the confusion obvious in her voice. “If you had just raised the sun for a few
-
8324.
seconds we both would have been convinced.”
-
8325.
-
8326.
Celestia smiled a bit more. “I suppose I could have. There was probably a few
-
8327.
different things I could have done to convince you. But I am a teacher when I’m
-
8328.
not a Princess, and that moment provided me an opportunity to teach you
-
8329.
something.”
-
8330.
-
8331.
“To trust our son,” Lima said softly.
-
8332.
-
8333.
“To trust in your son, to have faith in him,” Celestia kindly added. “He’s a
-
8334.
wonderful young man, and there are many reasons why I have the feelings that I
-
8335.
do for him. But it’s hard to accept when your children’s plans differ from
-
8336.
yours. By letting you suffer through what you did, I believe you have learned to
-
8337.
not sell Anonymous short. He can do wonderful things for Equestria, but what is
-
8338.
far more important is that he has your full faith and support. As time goes on
-
8339.
and as he assumes more responsibilities, he will need all the support he can
-
8340.
get. If I had used my powers to prove who I was, you would not respect and trust
-
8341.
your son in the way that you do now.”
-
8342.
-
8343.
“But Garbanzo and I were so worried he’d reject us,” Lima replied. “We spent the
-
8344.
whole train ride here worrying about what he’d do, or what he might say.”
-
8345.
-
8346.
It seemed that panic was a family trait, but Celestia did not believe it was a
-
8347.
bad trait. “Then perhaps this was a test for Anon, too.” Celestia put on her
-
8348.
best wise look. “Could he offer forgiveness to you, despite your actions? There
-
8349.
was the risk he would reject you, as you say. He would be understandably
-
8350.
justified if he did. But now we all know a bit more about his true character,
-
8351.
and I believe that, in the end, we have all been elevated by this event.”
-
8352.
-
8353.
Lima nodded thoughtfully. “I think you’re right.”
-
8354.
-
8355.
“Besides, now that you’re here we can go over your new titles.”
-
8356.
-
8357.
This made all three of them stop in their tracks, and both father and son looked
-
8358.
over to Celestia.
-
8359.
-
8360.
“Titles?” Garbanzo asked.
-
8361.
-
8362.
“Of course! I do believe, by ancient custom, that the in-laws of the Prince and
-
8363.
Princess are to be a Duke and Duchess. Am I wrong, Sister?”
-
8364.
-
8365.
“I do believe you are right,” Luna replied with a small smile. “Though I believe
-
8366.
in these modern times the titles are more symbolic than anything else.”
-
8367.
-
8368.
“Alas, that they are,” Celestia confirmed. “You both will be a Duke and Duchess,
-
8369.
but there are no lands or tax revenues⁽*⁾ that come with it.” (*) There was a
-
8370.
ten bit per year⁽¹⁾ tax on royal titles to pay for the Department of Royal
-
8371.
Regalia, but it had slipped Celestia’s mind at the moment. (1) The tax was
-
8372.
waived for Princess Luna on her return, since the sum total of fees, penalties,
-
8373.
and back interest exceeded the yearly gross domestic product of Equestria by a
-
8374.
large sum.
-
8375.
-
8376.
“That’s for the best,” Garbanzo replied. “I’m happy with just running my
-
8377.
restaurant.”
-
8378.
-
8379.
“Anon, do you plan on taking your parents on that promised tour tomorrow?”
-
8380.
-
8381.
“Oh!” he exclaimed, and he looked to his parents with a broad smile. “Of course!
-
8382.
I’ll take all of you out, and show you everything. We’ll make a day of it.”
-
8383.
-
8384.
“Could we possibly see the sunflower patch where you ambushed the Princess?” Sip
-
8385.
asked.
-
8386.
-
8387.
“We’ll make that the first stop.” > 15. - Good Night >
-
8388.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
8389.
-
8390.
“That was an impressive thing you did today,” Celestia offered to Anon, and he
-
8391.
blushed slightly as they stopped outside his door.
-
8392.
-
8393.
“No, not really,” he replied. “It’s what I wanted to do. One of the greatest
-
8394.
lessons my Dad ever taught me was a little axiom: ‘how would you want to be
-
8395.
treated?’”
-
8396.
-
8397.
“That would more accurately be a proverb.” She giggled.
-
8398.
-
8399.
“I really need to have you give me some equish lessons,” he said with a groan
-
8400.
and a smile. “But the point of the saying is true. If I was in the wrong, I
-
8401.
would want to be forgiven. Besides, what good would it have done to stay mad at
-
8402.
them? Was it really worth it to reject them? How would I feel about myself in
-
8403.
the morning, or five days from now, or even five years from now? Grudges are
-
8404.
horrible things. I’d much rather have things the way they are now.”
-
8405.
-
8406.
Celestia then moved in close to his ear, and he shuddered in joy as her warm
-
8407.
breath tickled his ear. “All you say is true, and I am proud that you have
-
8408.
chosen this path. It helps me to love you all the more.”
-
8409.
-
8410.
She then gave him a soft peck on the cheek. She did not mean to giggle when she
-
8411.
pulled back and watched his reaction, but the way he blushed and stared at the
-
8412.
ground made little bubbles of joy filter up in her chest.
-
8413.
-
8414.
“Oh, well…gee…” he stammered in embarrassed happiness. “I, uh…”
-
8415.
-
8416.
“You know, my room does tend to get cold and lonely at night as of late,” she
-
8417.
lowered her voice to a husky whisper. “Has your room been having the same
-
8418.
issue?”
-
8419.
-
8420.
This made his whole face go red. He knew exactly where she was going with this.
-
8421.
-
8422.
“Perhaps?” he squeaked.
-
8423.
-
8424.
She then moved in close again. “When you’re ready, dear Anon. First and
-
8425.
foremost, I want you to be comfortable and happy with our relationship. Since we
-
8426.
are married, there really isn’t any reason why we can’t be together, but if you
-
8427.
are not comfortable with the idea just yet then I can wait until you are.”
-
8428.
-
8429.
“I, uh…” he stalled. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”
-
8430.
-
8431.
Celestia looked him over quickly, and then she gave him a curious look. “Really?
-
8432.
What is troubling you?”
-
8433.
-
8434.
“Oh, it’s not a physical thing, I hope. I just…” He grunted. “I don’t know why,
-
8435.
but it seems like taking that step would be taking advantage of you, somehow.”
-
8436.
-
8437.
Celestia smiled. “That’s because you’re still overcoming my Princess side.”
-
8438.
-
8439.
“Partly, but we’ve also only known each other for a week. I’m worried it’s too
-
8440.
much too fast, even if you are my wife.”
-
8441.
-
8442.
“And that is fine. That tells me that you have a great deal of respect for me,
-
8443.
and I am happy you do.”
-
8444.
-
8445.
“I do.” He nodded, and then he exhaled slowly. “I think the other small part is
-
8446.
that I worry you don’t see me as your husband yet. I know you’ve introduced me
-
8447.
as such, but I can’t help but think that you’re just saying that because we’re
-
8448.
married.”
-
8449.
-
8450.
“What do you think I think about you, then?”
-
8451.
-
8452.
“Mostly that I’m just some foal who needs self-worth lessons. I know it’s dumb,
-
8453.
but I worry that you look at me like I’m just a child who needs some mothering.
-
8454.
You’re not really romantically interested, you’re just thinking ‘what a cute
-
8455.
little boy, he needs my help.’”
-
8456.
-
8457.
“Have I given you a reason to think this? Something I have said, or that I have
-
8458.
done perhaps?”
-
8459.
-
8460.
“No, no. In fact, you made me really question it with that little hip-sway stunt
-
8461.
this morning.”
-
8462.
-
8463.
“You liked it,” she said with a giggle. “Don’t even deny it.”
-
8464.
-
8465.
“I did like it, so I know my line of thought is wrong.”
-
8466.
-
8467.
“Would you like to hear what I really think of you?” Celestia offered.
-
8468.
-
8469.
“Please?” he eagerly asked.
-
8470.
-
8471.
“I think you are a charming and delightful man who is thoughtful, kind, and
-
8472.
concerned about others. You show a great deal of empathy and concern, and you’re
-
8473.
cute when you scrunch up your face when you’re thinking, just like you’re doing
-
8474.
now.”
-
8475.
-
8476.
“I am?” he asked as he touched his nose.
-
8477.
-
8478.
“Yes. But I also realize you’re still adjusting to everything that has happened.
-
8479.
Let me offer you this, so that you may set your mind at ease.”
-
8480.
-
8481.
She moved in close to his ear again, and he found himself wanting her that
-
8482.
close.
-
8483.
-
8484.
“I love you, Anonymous.”
-
8485.
-
8486.
Anon just about melted into a puddle of pure joy right then.
-
8487.
-
8488.
“When we came back from Salt Lick, I had some personal thoughts about how things
-
8489.
had turned out and how we had ended up together. One of my musings was that,
-
8490.
perhaps, it was destiny that had denied me a mate over these many years. The
-
8491.
mystic chords that bind all of ponykind to one another and from past to present
-
8492.
have a way of shaping and directing events, and maybe I hadn’t found my special
-
8493.
somepony due to the simple fact that he—that you—weren’t due on the scene for a
-
8494.
thousand years.”
-
8495.
-
8496.
She then drew even closer and she smiled deeply as she heard his breath catch.
-
8497.
“I then thought that if that really was the case then the wait had made our
-
8498.
relationship even sweeter.”
-
8499.
-
8500.
She then whispered a secret into his ear, one that made him blush harder than he
-
8501.
ever had before. There were a few more whispered words, and then a quick nip of
-
8502.
his ear.
-
8503.
-
8504.
“I don’t think I’m going to be ready for that anytime soon,” he whispered with
-
8505.
some shame.
-
8506.
-
8507.
“That is perfectly fine, Anon. If I can wait one thousand two hundred
-
8508.
twenty-four years I think I can wait a little while longer. As I said, I will go
-
8509.
at your pace. But I don’t think of you as a foal, just as you don’t think of me
-
8510.
as an impossibly old mare. We see each other as we are, and as what I think we
-
8511.
were meant to be: husband and wife.”
-
8512.
-
8513.
Anon didn’t reply for a moment, but when he did, he looked very confused.
-
8514.
“You’re really that old? You don’t look a day over five hundred sixty-eight.”
-
8515.
-
8516.
“I use an anti-aging cream at night.”
-
8517.
-
8518.
“That’s some cream.” He chuckled with her.
-
8519.
-
8520.
“That it is. Goodnight, Anon.”
-
8521.
-
8522.
She then turned to leave, but she felt something quickly working its way up and
-
8523.
under her right wing. Anon’s adorable hunched over form soon poked out, and
-
8524.
Celestia smiled warmly while the rest of his charming face followed right
-
8525.
behind.
-
8526.
-
8527.
“So this doesn’t look like I am acting like a little child?” he asked gently.
-
8528.
-
8529.
“No,” she replied, with a quick kiss for his nose. “This looks perfect.”
-
8530.
-
8531.
“My room has been pretty cold and lonely lately, now that you mention it.
-
8532.
Perhaps I can stay with you tonight? Then maybe I won’t be cold anymore.”
-
8533.
-
8534.
“And neither will I,” she replied, as they began walking. “You are most welcome
-
8535.
to spend the night with me.”
-
8536.
-
8537.
“And the night after that?”
-
8538.
-
8539.
“And for many more.” She giggled, and she then shrieked out a laugh as Anon
-
8540.
nipped her wing joint.
-
8541.
-
8542.
-
8543.
-
8544.
-
8545.
-
8546.
“This is nice,” Anon remarked with a glance around her chambers while Celestia
-
8547.
shut her door.
-
8548.
-
8549.
“Oh, you approve?” she giggled.
-
8550.
-
8551.
“Oh, yeah. I like the curtains, and the fireplace, and...”
-
8552.
-
8553.
He stopped as he turned around and found Celestia in the middle of removing her
-
8554.
tiara and peytral. She glanced at him as her magic placed the gilded accessories
-
8555.
on a nearby velvet cushion, and she blushed a little.
-
8556.
-
8557.
“What is it?” she asked.
-
8558.
-
8559.
He shook his head slightly and blinked. “I’m sorry. I just… It’s interesting to
-
8560.
see you like this.”
-
8561.
-
8562.
“Is that a good interesting or a bad interesting?”
-
8563.
-
8564.
“Good. Definitely good,” he quickly said as she walked back over to him. “Seeing
-
8565.
you like this helps me see the non princess side of you. You’re still the same
-
8566.
mare, of course, but now you’re a bit more… well, more approachable, if that
-
8567.
makes sense. The tiara and everything puts you on a pedestal, but this is just
-
8568.
Celly right here.”
-
8569.
-
8570.
Anon felt Celestia’s magic gently lift his crystal off his neck, and they both
-
8571.
smiled as she gently placed it next to her tiara. He soon took off the rest of
-
8572.
his clothes so he was standing in front of her in his boxer shorts.
-
8573.
-
8574.
“Shining and Cadence agonized over that.” Celestia motioned for him to follow
-
8575.
her to a bed of cushions near the fireplace. “As soon as they got the word we
-
8576.
were married, they had it commissioned. They were concerned that you would not
-
8577.
like your gift since it had been rushed.”
-
8578.
-
8579.
“I’m really beginning to believe that princesses do their best work under
-
8580.
pressure.” Anon laughed. “You and your ironclad law, Cadence and that crystal.
-
8581.
It’s amazing, and probably one of the finest gifts I’ve ever received.”
-
8582.
-
8583.
“One of?”
-
8584.
-
8585.
“The gift of your love is better.”
-
8586.
-
8587.
That caused snowy-white cheeks to blush, and Celestia smiled deeply while she
-
8588.
laid down on the cushions. She then lifted her right wing for him, and he
-
8589.
happily moved under it with a contented hum.
-
8590.
-
8591.
“Do you use some kind of feather softener too?” he asked. “It feels so wonderful
-
8592.
under here.”
-
8593.
-
8594.
“No, no softener,” she replied warmly. “But they might have some of my spit on
-
8595.
them from when I preen and straighten them.”
-
8596.
-
8597.
“Ew!” He laughed with her. “I guess I’ll just have to live with it. Though that
-
8598.
does make me wonder…”
-
8599.
-
8600.
“What are you doing?” she asked as he rolled onto his back, but then she let out
-
8601.
a long sigh of enjoyment as Anon began to softly stroke the feathers on the
-
8602.
underside of her wing.
-
8603.
-
8604.
“Ah! So you do like this. One for the notebook.”
-
8605.
-
8606.
“Write that one down two or three times,” she said with a delighted hum. A
-
8607.
little more stretching left the full set of long primaries available to Anon’s
-
8608.
long, slow strokes, and he continued his gentle ministrations until Celestia
-
8609.
murmured, “That is incredibly... nice. So nice. Your hands really are
-
8610.
something.”
-
8611.
-
8612.
“I’m not rubbing them the wrong way, am I?”
-
8613.
-
8614.
There was no answer forthcoming, so after stroking her feathers for a little
-
8615.
while longer, Anon rolled back over and regarded Celestia... no, his happy wife
-
8616.
in the low glow of the bedroom lighting.
-
8617.
-
8618.
She wrinkles up her nose when she’s sleeping. That is so adorable.
-
8619.
-
8620.
He was afraid that laughing would wake her up, so he suppressed it to a quiet
-
8621.
giggle, snuggled into her side, stretched out his own legs next to hers, and
-
8622.
relaxed.
-
8623.
-
8624.
“Goodnight, my princess. I don’t know where this journey is going, but it’s
-
8625.
going to be a fun trip.”
-
8626.
-
8627.
Her wing drew in a bit closer around him, and he sighed happily while he joined
-
8628.
her in slumber. This is what he had expected married life to be like, and he was
-
8629.
pretty extra sure that, despite the unknowns that loomed before him like Luna’s
-
8630.
moon, he could get used to this life.
-
8631.
-
8632.
With a little help.
-
8633.
-
8634.
-
8635.
-
8636.
> 16. - Check This Out >
-
8637.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
8638.
-
8639.
Luna, Princess of the Moon and Stars, grumbled to herself as she forced her
-
8640.
hooves down the hallway and towards the kitchen.
-
8641.
-
8642.
Those Cutie Mark Crusaders were going to be the end of her, but she did have to
-
8643.
give them points for originality. Somehow, those adorably destructive fillies
-
8644.
had given all of Ponyville a nightmare about marshmallows stacked into a bipedal
-
8645.
form, dressed up in a sailor’s uniform, and throwing rubber tires at everypony.
-
8646.
-
8647.
The word vexing was being used quite a bit as her fatigued brain contemplated
-
8648.
this.
-
8649.
-
8650.
Luna decided that the how and why didn’t really matter. What did matter was a
-
8651.
quick bite to eat to calm her stomach, and then sleep. Dealing with the Tantabus
-
8652.
wouldn’t be nearly so vexing.
-
8653.
-
8654.
It was a strange word if one really thought about it.
-
8655.
-
8656.
The dining room doors were sticking again, so Luna opted for the direct approach
-
8657.
of simply forcing her way inside. She mustered enormous amounts of willpower to
-
8658.
bridge the vast gap between her and a basket of fruit, and without looking, she
-
8659.
selected one from the pile and bit into it.
-
8660.
-
8661.
Pineapple. A worthy fruit foe, but its reinforced hide was helpless before
-
8662.
Luna’s sheer jaw power and sparkling white enamel.
-
8663.
-
8664.
Plus it got the lingering taste of burnt marshmallow out of her mouth.
-
8665.
-
8666.
She then looked up, and she let out a startled gasp. “Anon? Are you all right?”
-
8667.
-
8668.
The new prince looked absolutely horrible. His skin was pale and his hair looked
-
8669.
like he had tried to eat a lightning bolt, but the most concerning thing was his
-
8670.
eyes. They were bloodshot, sunken, and hollow, focused in on nothing but an
-
8671.
invisible abyss of horror. He didn’t acknowledge her in any form, but Luna was
-
8672.
fairly certain about what had happened to Anon.
-
8673.
-
8674.
“Celestia snores?” she offered.
-
8675.
-
8676.
Anon slowly nodded. “Celestia snores.” He paused, and swallowed hard. “Loudly.”
-
8677.
-
8678.
“Ah, a dose of reality for the newlywed.” Luna chuckled. “You shall get used to
-
8679.
it over time, do not worry.”
-
8680.
-
8681.
“You do?” he asked, with a bit more desperation in his voice then he intended.
-
8682.
-
8683.
“Of course. It only took Star Struck about fifteen years to get used to my
-
8684.
snoring.” Luna considered her memories with a smile.
-
8685.
-
8686.
“Years?” he whimpered.
-
8687.
-
8688.
“Yes. Certes you can hold out that long, correct?”
-
8689.
-
8690.
“You snore too?”
-
8691.
-
8692.
Anonymous wasn’t quite all there this morning, it seemed. “All alicorns do, even
-
8693.
if they deny it. I think it has something to do with the wing/horn combination
-
8694.
personally.”
-
8695.
-
8696.
Anon nodded slowly. “All alicorns snore…”
-
8697.
-
8698.
“A little like a tuba and a bagpipe quartet,” admitted Luna.
-
8699.
-
8700.
“Anon?” Celestia called while she entered the room. “Are you in here?”
-
8701.
-
8702.
“Yes and no,” called out Luna in return. It was intriguing to see Celestia
-
8703.
wandering the castle hallways without her regalia on. Usually her silly sister
-
8704.
would sleep in it, though that always had seemed rather uncomfortable to the
-
8705.
Lunar Diarch.
-
8706.
-
8707.
“Are you alright, Anon?” Celestia followed up as she trotted over to where he
-
8708.
was.
-
8709.
-
8710.
“Yeah, I think I’m okay. I just didn’t sleep well.”
-
8711.
-
8712.
“Oh dear,” Celestia gasped a bit as she reached over and booped him. “Another
-
8713.
nightmare?”
-
8714.
-
8715.
“No, not that. You… well… you, um…”
-
8716.
-
8717.
She put a hoof to her mouth. “I was snoring, wasn’t I?”
-
8718.
-
8719.
“Loudly,” Luna added.
-
8720.
-
8721.
“Oh my. This hasn’t been a problem before. Lulu, wasn’t there a spell you used
-
8722.
to stop your snoring?”
-
8723.
-
8724.
“Yes, but I don’t recall how it went. I’m sure a little searching in the
-
8725.
Archives will turn it up.”
-
8726.
-
8727.
“Fifteen years?” Anon asked Luna with an annoyed glare.
-
8728.
-
8729.
Luna shrugged. “Years, minutes. It all blends together after long enough.”
-
8730.
-
8731.
“Your hair is a mess.” Celestia stated the obvious, and she moved to be directly
-
8732.
behind him. “Hold still.”
-
8733.
-
8734.
“What are you—” Anon started to ask, but then his eyes rolled back in his head
-
8735.
and he sighed in happiness as Celestia began nipping and tugging at his hair
-
8736.
with her teeth. Luna simply rolled her eyes at the display and took another
-
8737.
large bite out of her pineapple, relishing her victory over the rugged fruit.
-
8738.
-
8739.
“There!” Celestia announced after a minute or so. “Not the best, but it looks
-
8740.
better that what it did.”
-
8741.
-
8742.
Anon did look better, and his eyes were back to normal when he opened them and
-
8743.
turned to look at his wife.
-
8744.
-
8745.
“Thank you. That was just what I needed.”
-
8746.
-
8747.
She smiled and booped him again. “You’re welcome. I’ll make sure to find that
-
8748.
anti-snoring spell too.”
-
8749.
-
8750.
“I hope so.” He chuckled.
-
8751.
-
8752.
“Luna, would you care to have breakfast with us?”
-
8753.
-
8754.
“I will have to decline your fair offer today, Sister. I am in need of rest more
-
8755.
than breakfast at the moment.”
-
8756.
-
8757.
“Oh,” Celestia flatly replied. “Well, perhaps tomorrow.”
-
8758.
-
8759.
“Perhaps. Good day to you both.”
-
8760.
-
8761.
And with that, Luna departed with the remains of her pineapple.
-
8762.
-
8763.
-
8764.
~*~
-
8765.
-
8766.
-
8767.
“I did rather hope she would stay. I always enjoy having breakfast with her,”
-
8768.
Celestia remarked as she sat down next to Anon.
-
8769.
-
8770.
“Well, she did look pretty rough. There were probably a lot of nightmares last
-
8771.
night.”
-
8772.
-
8773.
“That could be, and if so I hope she gets the rest she deserves,” Celestia
-
8774.
replied thoughtfully. “In any case, the day is young and there is much to be
-
8775.
accomplished. Are you still planning on touring Canterlot with your family?”
-
8776.
-
8777.
“Yeah, so I should probably go talk to them and get that worked out.”
-
8778.
-
8779.
“I never did introduce you to your assigned guards, did I?”
-
8780.
-
8781.
“Not yet.”
-
8782.
-
8783.
“As soon as we finish breakfast we will do so. Sergeants Hokey Pokey and Clover
-
8784.
Leaf will be happy to serve and protect you.”
-
8785.
-
8786.
“I guess you won’t be able to go out with me and the family for the tour, huh?”
-
8787.
-
8788.
“I do wish I could, but I am still far behind in my work. Thankfully, I think
-
8789.
two days of focused effort should get things caught up. I also have my class to
-
8790.
teach today.”
-
8791.
-
8792.
“That’s right, I forgot about that. Do you have any Twilight level students
-
8793.
you’re working with?”
-
8794.
-
8795.
Celestia laughed. “No, but that actually makes life easier. Twilight was a joy
-
8796.
to teach but she was so brilliant and so advanced that I struggled to keep ahead
-
8797.
of her in certain areas of study. There are times I think she taught me just as
-
8798.
much as I taught her.”
-
8799.
-
8800.
“That makes sense.”
-
8801.
-
8802.
“Now then, I would like to have breakfast with your family and our niece and
-
8803.
nephew. Why don’t we go get cleaned up?”
-
8804.
-
8805.
Anon then ran his fingers through his hair a few times. “Okay, I’m good.”
-
8806.
-
8807.
“Oh, no, no. If you are going to be a proper Prince you must at at least use a
-
8808.
comb.” She contemplated Anon’s suddenly awake expression with the mischievous
-
8809.
sense of humor that he seemed to enjoy so much. “Perhaps even... the brush,” she
-
8810.
added in a low, husky voice.
-
8811.
-
8812.
“Not the brush!” exclaimed Anon before popping to his feet and making a run for
-
8813.
the hallway. “Nooo!” he called out as he ran. “Help! I’m too ruggedly handsome
-
8814.
to be brushed!”
-
8815.
-
8816.
Celestia laughed out loud while taking off after him. “Brushy, brushy!” she
-
8817.
called, laughing even harder as he ran through the hallways.
-
8818.
-
8819.
-
8820.
-
8821.
-
8822.
-
8823.
Anonymous smiled to himself while he finished chewing his bite of breakfast.
-
8824.
Chef Beet had provided a most pleasant breakfast of biscuits and rutabaga gravy
-
8825.
for him and his family, and the conversations that floated between his parents
-
8826.
and their employees centered mostly on how to replicate the dish. He had felt a
-
8827.
twinge of sadness when Celestia had excused herself to go attend to her duties
-
8828.
when breakfast ran longer than expected, but he also knew it could not be
-
8829.
helped.
-
8830.
-
8831.
Since his family had left home in a panic without even properly closing the
-
8832.
Zuerst, he understood why they needed to go back soon. That did not mean he
-
8833.
liked it, an opinion shared by Sip, Shake and Bake. Grumps was true to his
-
8834.
namesake and just grumbled about everything in general, but Anon knew the
-
8835.
grizzled old cook never liked being far from home, even if his employer’s son
-
8836.
was now his Prince.
-
8837.
-
8838.
Eventually, everypony settled on touring the palace and the grounds, heading to
-
8839.
the flower patch where Anon had met his wife, and then catching an afternoon
-
8840.
train home. Cadance and Shining agreed to go with the horde on the tour, and
-
8841.
Shining left slightly early to check on their security detail.
-
8842.
-
8843.
A few minutes later, Shining reappeared and waved Anon out into the hallway.
-
8844.
“Anon, this is Sergeant Hokey Pokey and Sergeant Clover Leaf.” He pointed to
-
8845.
each in turn, and they saluted as he did so. “These two will be with you anytime
-
8846.
you go outside the palace. They both have exceptional marks and several
-
8847.
commendations, and they’re honored to be your security.”
-
8848.
-
8849.
“Are you really?” he asked Hokey Pokey.
-
8850.
-
8851.
“Yes sir! No higher honor than to guard the prince who is having an existential
-
8852.
crisis, Sir.”
-
8853.
-
8854.
“Oh, so that was you in the hallway that day?”
-
8855.
-
8856.
“It was, sir.”
-
8857.
-
8858.
“And you, Clover Leaf?”
-
8859.
-
8860.
“Pleasure to be attached to you, sir,” came the surprisingly female voice.
-
8861.
-
8862.
“You’re a mare?”
-
8863.
-
8864.
“I am?” Clover turned to Hokey Pokey and gave him an accusatory look. “Why
-
8865.
didn’t you tell me, Hokey?”
-
8866.
-
8867.
“I wasn’t totally sure myself,” he replied. “I’ve lost track of how many
-
8868.
stallions you’ve drunk under the table.”
-
8869.
-
8870.
“The Royal Guard is about even in the male to female ratio.” Shining explained
-
8871.
while Clover preened with pride. “Would you like to know how to tell the
-
8872.
difference?”
-
8873.
-
8874.
“That would be nice.”
-
8875.
-
8876.
“It’s all in the ears,” Shining said conspiratorially. “Male ears are slightly
-
8877.
more pointed than females.”
-
8878.
-
8879.
“They are?” he asked, as he looked closely at Hokey’s ears. “I don’t see it.”
-
8880.
-
8881.
“Right at the tips, Sir,” Pokey offered, turning one ear in his direction.
-
8882.
-
8883.
“What, right there? I don’t see it. You’re not messing with me, right?”
-
8884.
-
8885.
“Shiny is being serious,” Cadence answered as she and everypony else came out
-
8886.
into the hallway. “You’ll get it, don’t worry.”
-
8887.
-
8888.
“You’ll forgive me if I get you two mixed up?” Anon asked the guards.
-
8889.
-
8890.
“Not a problem at all, sir,” Clover replied with a quick laugh. “We get it all
-
8891.
the time.”
-
8892.
-
8893.
“Well, shall we?” Cadence asked, as she gestured with a hoof down a hallway.
-
8894.
-
8895.
-
8896.
-
8897.
-
8898.
-
8899.
“…and this is it: The Sunflower Patch of Destiny.”
-
8900.
-
8901.
There was a bit of silence for a moment as everypony contemplated the fateful
-
8902.
spot, but then Sip piped up with a question. “Dude, did you really not see the
-
8903.
sign and the fence?”
-
8904.
-
8905.
“Those weren’t there when I was here.” Anon looked at the new ‘Please Stay On
-
8906.
The Path’ signs and short iron fences. “I wouldn’t have shoved myself in there
-
8907.
otherwise.”
-
8908.
-
8909.
“Well, I can see how the Princess didn’t see you,” Garbanzo stated as he took a
-
8910.
step closer to the patch. “These are pretty thick. You were just standing next
-
8911.
to them, you say?”
-
8912.
-
8913.
“Not exactly. I was standing all the way in them with my nose up to try and
-
8914.
catch a muse.” Anon let out a snort of amusement. “I guess I did. If I hadn’t
-
8915.
been doing that, Celestia would have missed.”
-
8916.
-
8917.
“She could have missed anyway, or bumped into your butt,” Sip pointed out. “Just
-
8918.
a few inches in any direction and she wouldn’t have got you. That was quite the
-
8919.
lucky shot, Anonmister.”
-
8920.
-
8921.
“I didn’t think of that.” Anon rubbed his own nose. “That’s kinda funny.”
-
8922.
-
8923.
“It’s all history now, right?” Garbanzo added. “Nothing else to do but move
-
8924.
forward.”
-
8925.
-
8926.
“Very true.”
-
8927.
-
8928.
“Anon, dear, could you show us the statues?” Lima asked. “I’ve heard quite a bit
-
8929.
about one birdbath from Needle Point, and I would like to see what all the fuss
-
8930.
is about.”
-
8931.
-
8932.
“Yeah, they’re just over there if I remember right.” Anon motioned down a
-
8933.
pathway. “Shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
-
8934.
-
8935.
The entourage began moving again except for Garbanzo. He remained stationary,
-
8936.
peering into the sunflowers as if he was expecting something to jump out of
-
8937.
them. Anon noticed he hadn’t moved after taking a few steps, and he moved back
-
8938.
as Cadance led the group onward and began talking about the birdbath in
-
8939.
question.
-
8940.
-
8941.
“Dad? You ok?”
-
8942.
-
8943.
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” His father lifted his head up and took a long, deep
-
8944.
breath of the garden’s fresh air. “Just lost in thought, Nonny.”
-
8945.
-
8946.
“Wanna talk about it?”
-
8947.
-
8948.
“I don’t know where to begin.” Garbanzo sighed. “I’m just trying to get my head
-
8949.
around all of this. My son leaves home, comes to Canterlot, and ends up marrying
-
8950.
a princess. It’s the plot to the world’s dumbest story, and yet it’s real. Oh,
-
8951.
no offense.”
-
8952.
-
8953.
“None taken. It is a pretty wild tale.”
-
8954.
-
8955.
“I just…” he stalled. “I guess I was wrong about things, and it’s hard to
-
8956.
swallow.”
-
8957.
-
8958.
“Wrong?”
-
8959.
-
8960.
“I thought for sure this writing thing was just a phase, a moment of
-
8961.
questioning. Even when you were teeny-tiny, I was sure you were going to be a
-
8962.
chef, just like all of us have been. I had grand plans for you, grand plans. You
-
8963.
were going to take the Zuerst farther than I could even dream of with your
-
8964.
skills. I agonized over the lessons we gave you when you were a child, debated
-
8965.
and triple-guessed myself. Would this really be useful for my Nonny to learn?
-
8966.
Would it make him the most respected name in cooking that ever was? Could he…”
-
8967.
-
8968.
There was a long and thoughtful pause.
-
8969.
-
8970.
“Would he carry on the family dream for me?” Garbanzo said softly. “It hurts to
-
8971.
think that all that time, all that effort, and I was pushing you in the wrong
-
8972.
direction. I was so sure of your destiny that I totally missed it. It sounds
-
8973.
selfish, but now all my dreams have been defeated too. I wanted… bah. Me. I.
-
8974.
Mine. That’s where I went wrong. Me, me, me. I didn’t pay attention to you. I
-
8975.
was so set on having you share the dream that I squashed yours. You gave me the
-
8976.
warning signs, you tried to tell me. I should have realized it was the end when
-
8977.
you went running with those tofu blocks in your ears. No, I had to keep pushing,
-
8978.
keep forcing. So long as I was getting what I wanted, who cared what else
-
8979.
happened? My Nonny would come around, I just had to be right. There was no way I
-
8980.
could be wrong. I was so in denial that I even refused to believe a Princess was
-
8981.
in front of me. It was all just an act. He’d come around.”
-
8982.
-
8983.
Anon put an arm over his father’s withers, kneeled beside him and stared into
-
8984.
the flower patch with him. “Look, I don’t know what to say about your dreams. In
-
8985.
all those years, the one thing that hurt the most was that I was letting you
-
8986.
down. I really did want to be that great chef you had envisioned. I actually
-
8987.
kinda hoped that once I got established as a writer that I could write a
-
8988.
cookbook and put all the family recipes in it, share it with the world.
-
8989.
-
8990.
“But I know one thing, Dad, above all else: you did good with me. Maybe some of
-
8991.
your efforts were misguided, but overall you were – and still are – a fantastic
-
8992.
father. You taught me things that have been more help than I probably even
-
8993.
realized, and all that training didn’t go to waste. I’ve already used some of
-
8994.
your wisdom and your lessons, and I’m sure I’ll be using a lot more as time goes
-
8995.
on. The only way I’ll be able to hack it as a prince is because you taught me
-
8996.
foundational skills to use. Maybe I won’t be a world-renowned chef, but I know
-
8997.
that when people look back at the odd reign of Prince Anonymous they’ll see a
-
8998.
strong family behind him, a father and a mother who really did care and look
-
8999.
after him.”
-
9000.
-
9001.
Garbanzo turned a little and gave his son a soft smile. “Thanks, son.”
-
9002.
-
9003.
“Dreams don’t always need to die, Dad. Sometimes they just need a little
-
9004.
adjustment.”
-
9005.
-
9006.
“Heh.” Garbanzo chuckled. “I guess so. You’re going to be a household name one
-
9007.
way or another.”
-
9008.
-
9009.
“Don’t remind me,” Anon said while suppressing a snort of laughter.
-
9010.
-
9011.
“We should catch up before your mother starts to worry.”
-
9012.
-
9013.
“She already is, I bet.”
-
9014.
-
9015.
They both chuckled at this. “Yeah. You do realize she’s going to keep pestering
-
9016.
you for grandfoals until you actually provide one, right?”
-
9017.
-
9018.
“I said don’t remind me.” Anon laughed. “One bridge at a time.”
-
9019.
-
9020.
-
9021.
-
9022.
-
9023.
-
9024.
Celestia paused for a quick moment to ensure she had written everything she
-
9025.
needed to on the classroom chalkboard, and then she turned back to her students.
-
9026.
“All right, everypony! I trust you all have your petri dishes ready?”
-
9027.
-
9028.
“Yes, Princess,” Celestia’s class droned.
-
9029.
-
9030.
“Good. Now, I want you all to take a cotton swab, and…”
-
9031.
-
9032.
“Princess?” a little filly interrupted.
-
9033.
-
9034.
“Yes, Wintergreen?”
-
9035.
-
9036.
“You look different today.”
-
9037.
-
9038.
“I do?” Celestia asked, and she glanced back at her tail while surreptitiously
-
9039.
checking her teeth for leftovers from breakfast with her tongue. “I don’t recall
-
9040.
changing anything in my appearance.”
-
9041.
-
9042.
“Yeah. You look like you’re brighter.”
-
9043.
-
9044.
“Brighter?” she giggled. “You know I don’t produce light, right?”
-
9045.
-
9046.
“I know, but you do. You look brighter, and happier too. Your smile looks nicer
-
9047.
than it usually does.”
-
9048.
-
9049.
A colt in the back then piped up. “That’s because Princess Celestia has a
-
9050.
special somepony, An’ they got married and everything!”
-
9051.
-
9052.
“That is true, but I think you could have found a better way to make that
-
9053.
statement, Granite.”
-
9054.
-
9055.
There was a sudden explosion of questions from the young and eager learners, but
-
9056.
Celestia had no chance at hearing them all. She did manage to hear “I heard
-
9057.
you’ve been kissing in the hallways,” “I heard Prince Anon stole your tiara and
-
9058.
you had to chase him down and get it back,” and “Did you really plant him in the
-
9059.
ground and then harvest him?”
-
9060.
-
9061.
“My dear little ponies!” Celestia laughed. “Where in Equestria did you come up
-
9062.
with these questions?”
-
9063.
-
9064.
“Did you really get married, Princess?”
-
9065.
-
9066.
“Yes, Wintergreen. I did,” she replied with a warm smile. “I wrote a law many,
-
9067.
many years ago that made me get married, but it took a long time for me to find
-
9068.
the one who I was meant for.”
-
9069.
-
9070.
“Do you love Prince Anon?” Granite asked. “My Mom said you just married him
-
9071.
‘cause you had to, and that you’re gonna kick him outta the palace once you
-
9072.
figure out how to get rid of him.”
-
9073.
-
9074.
“Granite, you may tell your mother that your teacher, Princess Celestia,
-
9075.
unequivocally loves Prince Anon. To the best of my knowledge, he is not going
-
9076.
anywhere. He plans on staying, and I plan on keeping him.”
-
9077.
-
9078.
“Does he love you?” Granite replied.
-
9079.
-
9080.
“He does, but he’s a bit shy about it,” she replied. “Sometimes a special
-
9081.
somepony needs a little extra time and that’s okay. He isn’t used to Canterlot,
-
9082.
or being a royal. He’s also still getting used to me.”
-
9083.
-
9084.
“Getting used to you?” another filly asked.
-
9085.
-
9086.
“Yes, Marble. He doesn’t know me as well as you all do. He still has a lot to
-
9087.
learn, and I have a lot to learn about him.” Celestia then had a delightful
-
9088.
thought enter her head, and she gave her students a sly smile. “What if I make
-
9089.
you this offer: if you all do well on this week’s test I will have him come
-
9090.
visit. Then, you can ask him all the questions you want. Does that sound fair?”
-
9091.
-
9092.
“Yeah!” the class erupted.
-
9093.
-
9094.
“Good! Now, before our bacteria goes bad, let’s get back to the lesson. Everyone
-
9095.
get a cotton swab…”
-
9096.
-
9097.
-
9098.
-
9099.
-
9100.
-
9101.
Anon took a moment to glance at the train that was waiting on track twenty-nine,
-
9102.
and he sighed while turning back to his family and friends. “Well, this is it, I
-
9103.
suppose.”
-
9104.
-
9105.
“Thanks for the tour, Anonmister. We’ll do this again sometime,” Sip offered,
-
9106.
and they fist-to-hoofbumped quickly. “Don’t be a stranger, eh?”
-
9107.
-
9108.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
-
9109.
-
9110.
Sip smiled and then stepped aside for Grumps.
-
9111.
-
9112.
“I’m telling ya, that Princess of yours is practicing some strange voodoo. You
-
9113.
keep an eye on her for me, all right?”
-
9114.
-
9115.
“I can do that, Grumps. You take care of yourself. Don’t get too happy, you have
-
9116.
a reputation to uphold.”
-
9117.
-
9118.
“Don’t worry about that, Prince,” he retorted, but with a small smile. Shake and
-
9119.
Bake were next, and the twins looked rather sad.
-
9120.
-
9121.
“Think you can get us her autograph?” Shake asked.
-
9122.
-
9123.
“I think I can, yeah.”
-
9124.
-
9125.
“Yours too?” Bake asked.
-
9126.
-
9127.
“Well, if you think it’s worth something.”
-
9128.
-
9129.
“It will be. You take care of yourself, all right?”
-
9130.
-
9131.
“I will. You keep your brother in line in exchange.”
-
9132.
-
9133.
“No promises there.”
-
9134.
-
9135.
All three laughed, and then they moved aside to let Garbanzo and Lima have their
-
9136.
moment.
-
9137.
-
9138.
“I wish you could come with us.” Lima sadly remarked. “But I understand why you
-
9139.
can’t. You’ll brush your teeth, right?”
-
9140.
-
9141.
“I don’t think Celly will let me forget.”
-
9142.
-
9143.
“And I still want grandfoals. Don’t wait too long on that.”
-
9144.
-
9145.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
-
9146.
-
9147.
“You should make her some of your grandma’s fudge. I bet she’d really like that.
-
9148.
Or maybe that sponge cake, or a nice rhubarb pie, or…”
-
9149.
-
9150.
“Mom, you’re rambling.”
-
9151.
-
9152.
“I know.” He leaned down and she put a tender hoof on his cheek and sighed. “My
-
9153.
little Anon grew up too fast, and then he went and turned into a prince. Oh, I’m
-
9154.
gonna miss you honey.”
-
9155.
-
9156.
“Hey, you’re welcome to visit anytime, and Celly and I will drop in on occasion
-
9157.
I’m sure. This isn’t the end, it’s just a change.”
-
9158.
-
9159.
“And it’s for the best.” She replied as they hugged. “Just be safe, ok? I don’t
-
9160.
want you getting hurt by some villain like Discord.”
-
9161.
-
9162.
“Funny you should mention him. Do you remember when the ceiling laughed and made
-
9163.
a joke about one big Anon pun?”
-
9164.
-
9165.
“That was him?” she asked, and Anon nodded. “Well, you tell him to behave or
-
9166.
he’ll have to deal with me.”
-
9167.
-
9168.
“I will. Between you and Fluttershy he’ll be too scared to misbehave.”
-
9169.
-
9170.
“Good. Write often, will you? I want to hear all about what you’re doing.”
-
9171.
-
9172.
“I will.”
-
9173.
-
9174.
Lima then fought back tears as she let Garbanzo in. The father and son hugged
-
9175.
quickly, and then Garbanzo sighed. “I always thought I’d have to tell you to
-
9176.
treat your special somepony like a princess, but I guess that’s a bit moot.”
-
9177.
-
9178.
“It’s still good advice.”
-
9179.
-
9180.
“It almost is. For you, I think it’s more appropriate to say make sure you treat
-
9181.
her like she’s your wife.”
-
9182.
-
9183.
“How could I not?”
-
9184.
-
9185.
“Because she’s the Princess. Celestia doesn’t need another worshipper; she’s got
-
9186.
a whole country of those. What she needs is a companion, a helper. She needs
-
9187.
someone to be her friend. She probably hasn’t had many of those. Treat her as an
-
9188.
equal, and you’ll be all right.”
-
9189.
-
9190.
Anon nodded thoughtfully. “Thanks. I’ll try to.”
-
9191.
-
9192.
Garbanzo then leaned in a bit. “Also try rubbing between her wings. Pegasi love
-
9193.
that.”
-
9194.
-
9195.
“Ok?”
-
9196.
-
9197.
“And if you’re really trying to turn her on, just—”
-
9198.
-
9199.
“Gah! Dad!” Anon shouted.
-
9200.
-
9201.
“What? I want grandfoals too!”
-
9202.
-
9203.
“I am not hearing this! I’m not!” Anon covered his ears with his hands for a
-
9204.
moment, but then he laughed with the group.
-
9205.
-
9206.
Garbanzo then nodded firmly. “You’ll do good. You’re a good man Anon.”
-
9207.
-
9208.
Sergeant Clover Leaf then cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sirs, but we need to
-
9209.
have you leave now in order to catch your train.”
-
9210.
-
9211.
“I hate goodbye.” Garbanzo and Lima hugged Anon together. “So we’ll see you
-
9212.
around instead, all right?”
-
9213.
-
9214.
“We will. Have a safe trip, Duke and Duchess.”
-
9215.
-
9216.
“Duchess.” Lima repeated, as they broke apart. “Sounds like something that would
-
9217.
have cream of mushroom in it.”
-
9218.
-
9219.
They all chuckled at this, and then a final round of goodbyes were shared by
-
9220.
everyone. Anon then solemnly watched as Sgt. Leaf escorted his friends and
-
9221.
family away, but he made sure to wave as they left.
-
9222.
-
9223.
He then let out his breath slowly. It was only one in the afternoon, so Celestia
-
9224.
would still be busy doing whatever it was that she was doing. Shining and
-
9225.
Cadence had left the group a short while ago to meet with a trade minister, so
-
9226.
he was on his own until dinner.
-
9227.
-
9228.
He played with the crystal around his neck for a moment while he thought about
-
9229.
what to do. He probably wasn’t needed anywhere, so he could probably go do more
-
9230.
research for his story. He did have to admit he was eager to get some of his
-
9231.
ideas down and then see what Celly thought of them.
-
9232.
-
9233.
He hoped she would like it.
-
9234.
-
9235.
And with that resolute thought, he started off for the Archives.
-
9236.
-
9237.
-
9238.
-
9239.
-
9240.
-
9241.
“He’s just over there, your Highness.”
-
9242.
-
9243.
“Thank you.”
-
9244.
-
9245.
Celestia stealthily crept up on Anon. He was totally engrossed in writing, and
-
9246.
he had several books scattered around him on the table. Though she was curious
-
9247.
as to what he was doing, she was going to have a little fun first.
-
9248.
-
9249.
Her approach went unnoticed, and she smiled as she softly blew on his right ear.
-
9250.
But he didn’t react.
-
9251.
-
9252.
She blew on his left ear next, and for a bit longer. This time he reached up and
-
9253.
scratched but still he kept writing.
-
9254.
-
9255.
She then nipped his ear. He gasped slightly, but then he smiled broadly when he
-
9256.
turned and found her there.
-
9257.
-
9258.
“Am I ever glad that you’re the one that did that,” he remarked. “I was going to
-
9259.
have a panic attack for a moment there.”
-
9260.
-
9261.
“I suppose that’s a good thing. Did your parents leave already?”
-
9262.
-
9263.
“Yeah, they needed to get back to check on the restaurant. They left just after
-
9264.
lunch.”
-
9265.
-
9266.
“Oh.” She pouted. “I was hoping to say goodbye as well. I guess we’ll just have
-
9267.
to go visit them again sometime soon.”
-
9268.
-
9269.
“I’m sure they’d love that.”
-
9270.
-
9271.
“What is all this?”
-
9272.
-
9273.
“Research. I’m trying to get my story started.”
-
9274.
-
9275.
“Really?” She asked with some excitement, and he nodded. “Do you have enough to
-
9276.
share yet? I would like to see what you’ve got.”
-
9277.
-
9278.
“I don’t really have a plot yet. Most of this is the facts and details of the
-
9279.
world, and the general outline. You are welcome to read what I’ve got so far,
-
9280.
though.”
-
9281.
-
9282.
Celestia quickly and eagerly moved to the other side of the library table and
-
9283.
smiled deeply as Anon handed her his notebook. It appeared he had started a new
-
9284.
one, and he already had a dozen or so pages filled in.
-
9285.
-
9286.
“Let me see. No title yet, but that’s fine. I honestly think a title should
-
9287.
wait until you’ve finished the story. Ah. ‘Premise: A unicorn with extraordinary
-
9288.
power manages to open a hole in the universe during a science experiment and
-
9289.
through it he discovers a new world. Once there, he finds a strange group of
-
9290.
bipedal creatures who have something like claws instead of forehooves and
-
9291.
flattened faces, kinda like a monkey’s.’ I’m going to deduct five points for
-
9292.
using ‘kinda’. And I can already guess what events inspired you.”
-
9293.
-
9294.
“It’s a rough draft.” He defended.
-
9295.
-
9296.
“Mm. ‘The Unicorn (Calm Breeze) finds himself inexplicably attracted to the
-
9297.
females of this world, especially the ones who are virtuous and honest,
-
9298.
forthright and pure. Using his magic, he makes it his mission to help these
-
9299.
creatures resolve various dilemmas and difficulties. It ain’t gonna be’…ah! You
-
9300.
little sneak!”
-
9301.
-
9302.
Anon tried to keep his chortling in but he failed miserably at it. Celestia
-
9303.
tried to give him a sour look but it was obvious she was amused with the joke
-
9304.
too.
-
9305.
-
9306.
“I’m sorry, I just had to!” he managed to say after a moment. “The opportunity
-
9307.
was there, I had to take it!”
-
9308.
-
9309.
“Oh really,” she flatly replied. “Minus a million points for that one. I should
-
9310.
have seen that coming.”
-
9311.
-
9312.
“I’ll take that part out. But what do you think?”
-
9313.
-
9314.
“It’s an interesting concept. Would Calm Breeze be able to enter and leave this
-
9315.
world at will?”
-
9316.
-
9317.
“I’m thinking that somehow the magic portal opens when he’s needed there.”
-
9318.
-
9319.
“And he remains a unicorn while there? His form doesn’t change to match the
-
9320.
creatures around him?”
-
9321.
-
9322.
“No, he stays the same. I think that will be one of the challenges he faces:
-
9323.
he’s so different from anything they have on that world that the antagonists
-
9324.
want to capture him. He wants to help but he has to stay safe.”
-
9325.
-
9326.
“Does the portal just open in mid-air, or is it tied to something like a doorway
-
9327.
or…” she hesitated only slightly, “…or a mirror?”
-
9328.
-
9329.
“A mirror? Huh. I think it just appears. Seems a bit cumbersome to have to go
-
9330.
through a mirror every time.”
-
9331.
-
9332.
“Interesting. Why don’t we get something to eat and then we’ll keep going over
-
9333.
this?”
-
9334.
-
9335.
“That sounds good,” he replied, and they both stood.
-
9336.
-
9337.
-
9338.
-
9339.
-
9340.
-
9341.
“…but watch your tense. If you start out in past tense you need to keep it that
-
9342.
way. You flipped it to present tense right here.”
-
9343.
-
9344.
“Oh, okay.”
-
9345.
-
9346.
He erased the offending words, then tried again through a yawn. Celestia watched
-
9347.
him working under her wing, and she smiled. He had attacked this project with
-
9348.
enthusiasm, and had drafted out most of the first chapter already. It was
-
9349.
certainly an ambitious story, but he had the momentum to complete it, provided
-
9350.
he received support and encouragement.
-
9351.
-
9352.
She was more than happy to provide both, but then she frowned. He had stopped
-
9353.
writing and was chewing on his pencil, and that made the hairs of her neck stand
-
9354.
on end. “Stop that.”
-
9355.
-
9356.
“Huh? Stop what?”
-
9357.
-
9358.
“You are chewing on your pencil.”
-
9359.
-
9360.
“I am?” he asked, as he chewed on it in thought.
-
9361.
-
9362.
“Yes! You’re doing it right now! Look at this poor thing!” Her magic quickly
-
9363.
snagged the helpless instrument of writing away and she held it in front of
-
9364.
Anon.
-
9365.
-
9366.
“Oh. I didn’t even realize it.”
-
9367.
-
9368.
“It’s a very bad habit. I don’t tolerate it with my students and I certainly
-
9369.
won’t let you do it.”
-
9370.
-
9371.
“What’s so bad about it?”
-
9372.
-
9373.
“The wood can splinter and injure your mouth for one thing. The graphite isn’t
-
9374.
healthy for you for a second thing.”
-
9375.
-
9376.
“Just those two things?”
-
9377.
-
9378.
“It’s gross,” she finished, with her nose in the air slightly.
-
9379.
-
9380.
“Ha!” Anon touched the wing draped over his shoulder. “I seem to remember
-
9381.
somepony telling me how she spits all over her feathers.”
-
9382.
-
9383.
“That’s different!” protested Celestia. “I don’t chew on them.”
-
9384.
-
9385.
He smiled from his comfortable spot beneath her warm wings. “Right,” he said
-
9386.
with a yawn. “Totally different.”
-
9387.
-
9388.
“It is.” She looked at his mangled pencil while continuing, “I preen to keep my
-
9389.
feathers neat, presentable and air worthy. I don’t just idly chew on them when
-
9390.
I’m thinking. Chewing on a pencil serves no purpose. You don’t write any better,
-
9391.
it’s bad for your teeth and gums, and don’t even get me started on how bad the
-
9392.
dyes in the outer shell are for you. If you must chew on something when you
-
9393.
think you should use a piece of gum. That way you can fight cavities and have
-
9394.
fresh breath. Does that make sense?”
-
9395.
-
9396.
Having made her point with the most perfect of arguments, Celestia looked down
-
9397.
at Anon.
-
9398.
-
9399.
He was sleeping beneath her ‘spit-covered’ wings. She could not even be
-
9400.
irritated because of how happy he looked, and how that same look lit a fire of
-
9401.
joy in her chest.
-
9402.
-
9403.
“This isn’t over,” she threatened, as her magic levitated the pencil and
-
9404.
notebook to be tucked away for later, although after a moment’s thought, she put
-
9405.
the splintered pencil in the trash and conjured him a new one. “I’ll be waiting
-
9406.
for you.” She kissed him on the nose. “You sneak.”
-
9407.
-
9408.
Celestia then casually snagged the dragonfire scroll that popped in out of
-
9409.
nowhere and opened it. Though it was a bit strange for Twilight to take so long
-
9410.
to reply to one of her letters, Celestia was reasonably sure that her protege
-
9411.
had been engaged in other endeavors and had simply forgotten to write.
-
9412.
-
9413.
-
9414.
-
9415.
Dear Princess Celestia,
-
9416.
-
9417.
It’s me, Spike. Twilight has been busy helping everypony in town get ready for
-
9418.
Prince Anon’s visit tomorrow, so she totally forgot to reply to your letter.
-
9419.
-
9420.
-
9421.
-
9422.
Celestia smirked as she envisioned Spike secretly writing that admittance, even
-
9423.
though Twilight had probably asked him not to.
-
9424.
-
9425.
-
9426.
-
9427.
She says tomorrow is fine and that he may come whenever he’s ready, but she also
-
9428.
‘respectfully’ asks that you give her an arrival time. From what I’ve heard
-
9429.
around town and from what I’ve seen, Prince Anon should feel very welcome when
-
9430.
he gets here.
-
9431.
-
9432.
Anyway, have a good night and we’ll see you tomorrow!
-
9433.
-
9434.
-
9435.
-
9436.
Celestia felt a glow of joy fill her entire chest with this news. A trip to
-
9437.
Ponyville would be a wonderful and early self-esteem boost for her Anon, and if
-
9438.
something horrible should happen to her, he would know who to call on for help.
-
9439.
-
9440.
And if Pinkie Pie’s last ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party was any indication,
-
9441.
Anon had a riotously fun event ahead of him.
-
9442.
-
9443.
She then simply placed the scroll on the table and yawned. She could understand
-
9444.
why Anon had fallen asleep, because it had been a long day for her too. Just as
-
9445.
she began to settle in next to her beloved Anon, though, she remembered
-
9446.
something rather important. Her horn flared and produced a golden orb in front
-
9447.
of her that was about the size of a golf ball, and with no joy whatsoever, she
-
9448.
then ate said ball. A disgusted face from the bitter taste of it immediately
-
9449.
followed, and she quickly levitated a nearby glass of water to herself.
-
9450.
-
9451.
“The things I do for love,” she muttered after draining the glass. “Though I
-
9452.
suppose one little anti-snoring spell isn’t too much to ask. We should both
-
9453.
sleep well tonight.”
-
9454.
-
9455.
She then sighed happily as she laid her head down next to Anon. He grunted a bit
-
9456.
and shuffled a little, but then he gave a matching sigh of contentment as well.
-
9457.
-
9458.
“Goodnight, my Anon,” she whispered. “Sleep well.”
-
9459.
-
9460.
And with that final happy thought, the Prince and Princess drifted into deep and
-
9461.
snore-free slumber together.
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75963 424.99 KB 9461
by Black516
by Black516
by Black516