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> No Nose Knows > by Irespective >
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> 1. - Whoops >
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The Grand Station of Canterlot is a sight that one must see to truly understand.
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It is a grandiose place of a scale that tends to boggle the imagination, yet is
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inspiring at the same time.
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Anonymous looked up from his notebook and considered the words he had just
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written there. As a first line in a travel brochure, it could use some work.
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Well, a lot of work, but that was for the editing process later. Accentuate the
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positive, eliminate the negative, and all that. Nopony outside of Canterlot
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would want to read an advertising brochure that included the soot and loose
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cinders blowing around on the breeze, so a little creative adjustment was in
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order.
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A visitor will first notice the sheer size of the building. With twenty-five
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tracks entering and exiting, the building encompasses such a vast territory that
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several small hamlets would be able to fit within it and still leave room for
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modest gardens. The ceiling is a grand, vaulted affair, with pale yellow glass
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interwoven between the steel girders and supports in oversized shield shapes and
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configurations.
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The walls are a simple red brick, bound together with white mortar. Large bay
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windows are set every ten to fifteen feet along the sides, allowing a great deal
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of natural lighting to enter, and for visitors to catch their first glance of
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Canterlot proper as they leave their trains and move towards their destinations.
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Several shops and open-air stalls are scattered among the tracks, offering such
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sundries as luggage, newspapers, magazines and a great many basic necessities
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that a pony may have forgotten in their haste to pack. The shops are surrounded
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by throngs of ponies, so business is brisk. With a train arriving or departing
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every seven minutes on average, one never has to wait long for customers to
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filter by. Bright signage advertises the wares, both from the rooftops and from
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the ground level, and one will occasionally hear the calls of the owners,
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enticing any and all to come and partake.
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Anonymous sighed, slid his pencil into the spiral binding along the top of his
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notebook, and placed both into his saddlebag. He had gotten a good start on his
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description of the station, but there was still one more stop he wanted to make
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before getting some food and heading back to his hotel room for the night.
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“I hope I’m not overdoing the descriptions,” he muttered to himself as he merged
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into the crowd and began walking towards the exit. He was new to writing, and
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with no formal training he was forced to improvise for the moment and hope he
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wasn’t screwing up too badly. Still, he remained hopeful that he could perhaps
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earn enough bits to pay for a modest place out in the more affordable
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countryside with his tour guide descriptions, leaving enough left over to pay
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for some creative writing classes.
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Then, he would feel confident to write his story.
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The air outside the station felt clean and a bit crisp as he walked out into
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Celestia’s bright sunlight. He had been sitting on a bench in the station for a
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few hours before he’d begun writing, hoping to absorb the atmosphere and the
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feel of Equestria’s third largest rail terminal. Now that he was out in the
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fresh air, he realized he should have left a bit sooner, but a few deep breaths
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rejuvenated his spirits and sent him on his way with a sprightly step.
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Indeed, he began using adjectives—or were they adverbs?—in his mind to describe
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the bright marble storefronts and homes that lined the broad avenue. Words like
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‘resplendent’ and ‘radiant’ and ‘respectful’ first came, then followed by
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‘stately’ and ‘magnificent’ so he wouldn’t use too many words starting with ‘R’.
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However he described them, the overall feel of Canterlot’s architecture was
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summed up to him in one word:
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Breathtaking.
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There was a small part of him that would like to live here, surrounded by the
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gilded trappings and the peaceful structures that made Canterlot the
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world-renowned capital that it was. Despite the obvious affluence that was on
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display before him, there was a definite feel of openness and acceptance, and
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everyone he passed was far friendlier than he had anticipated. The overall
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feeling of home that radiated from the core of this city outward was extended to
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all who came, just as Equestria was open to any who wished to avail themselves
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of the opportunities that could be found within her borders.
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Yes, Anonymous felt that he was being treated quite well. Of course, Canterlot
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was known for being very accommodating to tourists and visitors, whether they
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had come to petition the Royal Sisters as they sat in court or were simply here
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to take in the sights. It was delightfully easy to find a hotel room, and most
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restaurants featured a ‘light and thrifty’ section, so ponies from all across
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Equestria could enjoy the flavorful experience of Canterlot without breaking the
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bank.
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But even in this generous city you needed to have some bits in hand, and
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Anonymous was quickly running out of them. Though he could possibly stretch his
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purse for another week or two, he would soon find himself in a soup kitchen line
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if he didn’t get some sort of income going.
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Hence his trip to the station, and now his quick jog over to the Royal Gardens.
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The flowers were said to be beyond compare there, with several unique varieties
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that could only be found within the neatly trimmed hedge walls. One could also
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stroll among softly gurgling fountains, great stone sculptures, and if one was
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really lucky, even catch a glance of Princess Celestia herself. It was rumored
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she frequently strolled the gardens, and while she didn’t usually have time to
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meet with visitors for very long, she would make an effort to at least greet and
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share a few pleasantries with those who happened to be nearby.
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Anonymous didn’t believe luck would be willing to favor him with such a visit,
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so he really wasn’t interested in waiting around to try and catch a glimpse of
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the fair Princess of the Sun. Though she was well-renowned for her beauty and
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her intelligence, he felt that nearly everything that could be written about the
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daytime diarch had already been produced, and that there was nothing he could
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add to the subject matter. He was content to write about the plants, and perhaps
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that coupled with his train station description would be enough to get somone to
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give him a serious opportunity to make his mark... no. He wanted something more
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out of life and maybe he could find it here.
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The walk to the gardens was a short one, with only a couple of wrong turns taken
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and some cheerfully happy directions given by both patrolling guard ponies and
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pleasant locals. Once Anonymous did arrive, he took a slow walk around and
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admired the beauty of the reds, blues and greens before him, and he especially
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enjoyed the smooth aromas that drifted past his nose. Everything he needed was
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there: the neat rows of shrubbery, the patchwork planting of roses, hyacinths,
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and gardenias, the soft and sweet grass, the cobble-and-flag stone paths that
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meandered about the place without a care in the world. He nearly forgot the
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reason why he’d come in the first place, and for several long minutes, he simply
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soaked in the serenity and balance. These gardens seemed almost indescribable,
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but he was determined to try.
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“’The air is awash with the sweet smells of such a variety of fauna that—’” He
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stopped and shook his head. “No, it’s flora for plants, fauna for wildlife.
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Okay. ‘The flora is such that one can spend most of a day amongst the petals and
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vines, admiring all the lush life and distinct blooms that can only be found
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within this serene place.’ Hmm. Is that too verbose? Or maybe not enough?
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Perhaps I need to use a few more adverbs.”
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But was he really after adverbs, or was it prepositional phrases? Oh, how it
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drove him nuts! He just knew he was meant to be a writer, but having a very
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loose understanding of the rules made it so difficult to know if he was doing
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things right or wrong.
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Growing frustrated with his lack of skill, Anon moved towards a large sunflower
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patch that was shining nearby and glared at them for a moment, as if they were
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the source of his inability and defeats. There just had to be a way to describe
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these things, and by Luna’s left leg, he was going to figure it out or he would
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eat his shoes!
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The best way to prevent adding far too much leather into his diet was to immerse
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himself in the subject material he intended to write about, and this was
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promptly accomplished by shoving his nose into the sunny suckers, and ignoring
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any discomfort he might feel until he came up with a way to write what he was
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sensing. Robust? Earthy? Homely and simplistic? Relaxing? None seemed to fit
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totally.
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He struggled for perhaps a good fifteen minutes before deciding he needed to be
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more immersed. He moved one leg into the tall green stalks. With his eyes shut
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tight enough to see little lights on the inside of his eyelids, he began again:
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Peaceful. Ennobling. Uplifting. Inspirational. Motivational.
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Wait, what? No! That was what he was after, not what the flowers were! He
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quickly shoved his whole self into the flowers so that noone could see him as
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they walked by, and once again he took a stab at success. Standing straight and
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lifting his nose into the air in hopes of catching either a scent or a muse, he
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stood stock-still, inhaled a deep and calming breath, and proceeded to think.
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So focused on inspiration was he that he began to block out anything that didn’t
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pertain to the feel of the flowers. His ears slowly washed away sound into a
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blissful background of white noise, his eyes clamped shut to prevent stray
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thoughts from seeing something not sunflower related, and his breathing stilled
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to a deathly whisper. Slowly, over a period of half an hour or so, he achieved a
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sort of bizarre zen balance with the tasty seed producers, and then…
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Then!
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Was this it? Was this what inspiration felt like when it began to distill upon
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an individual? Was he about to achieve the breakthrough he was so desperately
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seeking?
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And why did inspiration feel like someone was touching his nose?
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His eyes slowly opened, with the hope that the words that would perfectly
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describe the sunflowers would be floating before him in a grand, golden-banded,
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swoopy-cursive style.
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Instead, what he saw was a snow-white face, connected to a snow-white nose,
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touching his own.
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No Nose Knows by Sipioc
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“GAAH!” he shouted, and his legs jammed into reverse. He fell over himself as he
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tumbled out of the sunflowers, and then he stumbled, fumbled, flipped and
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flopped for a moment to both get himself oriented on the cobblestones and to
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figure out what in the world had just happened.
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“Hello?” a voice called. “Who’s there?”
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Anonymous’s mind took a fraction of a second to race into the past. To his
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mind’s eye came a Summer Sun Celebration in Las Pegasus during a vacation when
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he just came to Equestria, and he recalled how in awe he felt at the time when
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he had watched Princess Celestia gracefully and dramatically raise the sun
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before the assembled crowd, thus beginning the longest day of the year.
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He recalled hearing Celestia’s voice. Though the exact words she had said had
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been lost, he could still hear her tone, her pitch, her timbre.
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Complicated math equations had never been a strong point, but his mind quite
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easily managed to put this two and that two together, and was horrified when the
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answer turned out to be four. The voice that had just called out a hello… was…
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He had just booped Princess Celestia’s nose with his own.
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His eyes went wide in shock. There had to be at least three dozen laws against
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doing such a thing, if not four! He probably had committed a capital offence by
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even standing in the flowers! And since he had been hiding in the flowers, and
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had booped the Princess, she probably thought he was some kind of thief or
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assassin who was just waiting to strike and had bungled the job!
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Again his legs flew into reverse, and he tried to twist around and move as fast
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as he could down the path he’d entered by. Perhaps if he just ran away fast
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enough, they wouldn’t bother to pursue him, and…
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“There! He’s running away!”
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Well, didn’t that just bite the bark.
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“Hold it! Stop!”
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There was no way Anon was going to comply with that order. He could only think
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of running as fast as he could back to the train station, hopefully losing the
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guards in the crowd, and then hopping on a train bound for anywhere but
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Canterlot and never coming back. Every other option ended in him being banished
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to the Everfree Forest, imprisoned, or being imprisoned in a previously unknown
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jail in the Everfree Forest.
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Now, in fairness, Anonymous was a pretty decent runner. Though no all-star in
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high school, he had long enough legs to be one of the faster runners among his
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friends, and he had been on the long-distance track team for three years
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straight. There was a somewhat decent chance of him eluding the guards who were
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chasing after him, and a respectable chance he could complete his poorly devised
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plan.
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That was until Celestia’s magic seized him, hoisted him into the air, and began
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levitating him back toward her.
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“Where are you going, my little creature?” Celestia asked. “Usually everypony
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runs to me, not away from me.”
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I’m dead, I’m dead, I’ve died and I’m dead and I’m going to be drawn and
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quartered. Maybe they’ll be nice and just throw me in the dungeon.
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“Please, come here. I need to talk to you.”
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“I’m so sorry!” he wailed. “I had no idea you were there, and I’ll pay whatever
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fine there is for trampling the flowers! Just please don’t throw me in jail, or
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banish me to the Everfree, or build a jail in the Everfree and throw me in
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there, or—”
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Celestia’s magic clamped Anon’s mouth shut before he could prattle along any
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more. “Why does everypony believe that I’m going to imprison them in the place I
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banish them to?” she asked herself. “I’ve never done that. I’ve never even
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threatened it. I bet Twilight is behind this somehow, along with that silly
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‘magic kindergarten’ thing I keep hearing about.”
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She then took a moment to appraise him, and there was an awkward silence for
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Anon before she spoke again. “Now, I’m going to let go of your mouth. Please
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don’t beg for mercy when you don’t even know if you’re in trouble or not, all
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right?”
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He nodded, and then felt the magic release.
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“There. Now, let’s just talk for a moment, shall we? I want to discuss what
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happened.”
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“All right, I can talk. I’m very good at talking, and—”
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Her magic grabbed his mouth again. “Stop that. You’re not from around here, are
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you?”
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“No, Your Highness,” he replied, once the magic released again. She lowered him
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enough to look him straight in the eye.
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“You have a most interesting accent in your voice. It sounds a lot like a
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Manehatten accent.”
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“Yes, I'm from Manehatten.” he breathlessly said.
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“I see I am correct.” She chuckled. Close enough, Anonymous thought. “Most
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likely born and raised there. It’s not too difficult to discern individual lilts
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and drawls after a few centuries of travel, you know.”
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“I would imagine so, Your Highness. And you have a very keen ear, if I may say.”
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She gave him an annoyed look. “Sweet talking me to get out of trouble won’t help
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you right now.”
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“Sorry.”
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“Now, I’m going to put you down, and I’m going to let you out of this magic
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field. I want you to not run away, understand?”
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“Yes, I do.”
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“Good. Instead of running away, I want you to tell me who you are, what exactly
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you are and why you were in the sunflowers. You are not going to be banished,
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you are not going to be imprisoned, and you are not going to be imprisoned in
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the place that I banish you to.”
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“I understand.”
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“Good,” she replied while she lowered and then released him. “Now, your name
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please.”
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“Anonymous and I'm a human, Your Highness. I was brought here by a magical
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accident.”
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“Ah, the anomaly I heard about 20 years ago. Mister Anon, then. A pleasure to
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formally make your acquaintance.”
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“Would it be out of place to say the pleasure is mine?”
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“Only if you are saying it to get out of trouble. If you mean it, then I will
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accept it as a compliment.”
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“I very much mean it,” he said. “As for your flowers, it’s… uh…”
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“Yes?” Celestia prodded.
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“It’s a bit hard to explain. I was trying to describe the sunflowers.”
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“You describe flowers by putting yourself in the middle of them?”
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“Well, it was an experiment,” he sheepishly admitted, as one hand rubbed his
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neck in embarrassment. “I came to Canterlot yesterday to start a career as a
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writer, but I’m not very good at it yet.”
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Celestia took a long time to respond while slowly shaking her head from side to
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side. “Just yesterday? No wonder you’re having problems. You should have seen
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some of the disasters Luna and I caused when we first started—”
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She stopped and shook her head again. “Well, never mind about that. Did you
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receive any inspiration?”
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“Why do you care?” he asked. “Look, I get that I screwed up, and I shouldn’t
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have been in the flowers. I appreciate you not getting angry at me, but I really
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am willing to take my punishment and then to just leave and never bother you
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again.”
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She leaned in a bit, her eyes boring into his. The intensity made him flex
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backwards and gulp loudly.
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“I believe you,” she finally said, after a few agonizing moments, “but I’m
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afraid I can’t just let you go, at least not yet. I will need you to remain here
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for the evening.”
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“I can do that.”
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“What hotel are you staying at while you are visiting here?”
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“I’ve been at the Shoe and Nail, not far from the train station.”
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“A fine choice. I have heard good things about that particular establishment. I
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will make sure your room is held for you while you are gone, and reimburse you
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for the cost.”
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“Uh, thank you, I guess.”
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She nodded. “I would like to have you stay in the north tower this evening. It’s
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a bit drafty in the winter, but in this summer heat it’s really the best spot in
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the whole palace.”
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“I appreciate that, I guess.”
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She nodded again and smiled at him, then motioned with one hoof towards said
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domicile. “You’re very welcome. I would also greatly appreciate it if you would
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join me and Princess Luna this evening for dinner. I understand there will be a
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very delicious rosemary salad with shredded carrots served for the main course.”
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“Why are you being so nice to me?” he blurted, as they began walking.
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“Why shouldn’t I be?” she countered. “I try to be kind to all of my subjects.”
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“Well, yeah, but this is, like, way beyond what I would think is normal and I
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barely even count as one of your subjects. I don’t get the feeling that you
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offer free lodging and personal dinners to everyone you meet in a day.”
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“You would be correct in that regard,” she replied with a heavy sigh.
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“Not that I’m ungrateful for the hospitality, really. It just seems a bit…
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much.”
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Celestia nodded yet again. “And it most likely is. But it is to try to help ease
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you into what I need to tell you.”
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“About my punishment for being in the flowers and touching your nose?”
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“There is no law that says a one can’t be in the flowerbeds.” A wistful tone
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slipped into her voice. “And you are not the first creature to be found in them.
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As for my nose, well…”
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“I can take it,” he offered when her words stalled.
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“I hope you can. There is a law about—not against—touching my nose. It is a very
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old law, and a very silly law. I should have revoked it many years ago, but I’m
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afraid it totally slipped my mind until now.”
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Her words stalled again, and Anon glanced down at the Princess of Equestria
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while she apparently tried to sort her thoughts out. She was troubled, that was
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obvious, but what could possibly be so bad about touching her nose? Was it just
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really taboo and would create a very awkward social scene for her? He just
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wished there was something he could do to help fix the mess he’d created.
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“C’mon, Celly, just spit it out,” she muttered under her breath, and then she
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inhaled deeply. “Mister Anon, the law states that the first male who touches my
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nose with their nose is to be my husband.”
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Anon instantly locked up, both physically and mentally. Celestia managed to take
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four or five more steps before she realized he wasn’t by her side anymore, and
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she craned her neck around.
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“Hah!” he forced out a laugh. “That’s a good one, Your Highness. You know, I had
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heard you could be mischievous at times, but I never really could believe it
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until now. Me, forced to marry you? That’s pretty good. You had me there for a
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second.”
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“I’m perfectly serious,” she replied while he walked up to her again.
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Anon’s legs again failed in the effort of forward motion, but he then barked out
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another forced laugh.
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“All right, all right. I get it. I made things very awkward for you by touching
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your nose. You’ll have to explain what happened to someone, and it’ll be
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embarrassing. This whole ‘marry me’ thing is just so I feel the discomfort
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you’re going to feel, but there’s no way I could be the first male to touch your
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nose with mine. I really am sorry it happened, truly. If you happen to know a
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time travel spell, I’ll gladly go through it and pull myself out of those
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flowers so this’ll never happen. I’ll write a confession, whatever. Publicly
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shame me, if you have to.”
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“I promise I am not trying to shame you or to make you uncomfortable as some
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sort of punishment. I am as serious as the sun is bright: you need to marry me.”
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There was some kind of reply trying to get out of Anon’s brain, but it was
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squished like a bug under a wagon wheel as the full weight of what Celestia was
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saying settled in. There was no hint of joke, no mirth, no ‘gotcha’ look in her
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eyes at all. She really was serious.
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She fully expected him to marry her.
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“Buh…” he sputtered. “Wha… duh… buh… oh… guh…”
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“Oh dear.” Celestia sighed. “Sergeant, will you run ahead and fetch some cold
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water for poor Mister Anon here, please?”
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“Yes, ma’am.” The guard quickly saluted, then ran off towards the palace.
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“All right, Mister Anon. Take some deep breaths. It will be rather embarrassing
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if you pass out in the gardens and I have to take you to the infirmary.”
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“You…” he said breathlessly, “really… expect me… to marry you?!”
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“There is no need to shout,” she chided. “And only for the moment.”
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“For the moment?!”
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“Yes. Please, do try to relax. There may be a way to resolve this issue without
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resorting to drastic measures.”
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“I’m all ears,” he replied as he forced himself to breathe in and out to the
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count of ten.
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“As I said, this is a very old law; in fact, it predates the unification of the
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tribes. Since it is so old, there is a very good chance there is a loophole or a
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technicality we can exploit to cancel the whole thing. As soon as I can find
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that, you will be free to leave and to go about your affairs. I am asking you to
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stay here as a precaution, more than anything.”
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“Why in Equestria does this law even exist?”
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“That is a long story,” Celestia sighed. “It might be better to explain in a
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more relaxed and friendly atmosphere.”
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“All right. I guess I’ll follow you, then.”
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“There! That’s the spirit!” Celestia beamed at him. “Just this way, please.
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We’ll soon have this sorted out, I promise.”
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“Wait. You’re the Princess,” Anon spoke the sudden thought, as they began
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walking again. “Why can’t you just void this law out, or veto it, or whatever
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the word is for it?”
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“Another long story. Believe me, I would if I could; it would make things much
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easier. Suffice it to say for now that there are very powerful magics at work
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with this law.”
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“What happens if I don’t marry you?” he challenged. “Like, if I somehow did run
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away?”
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“Well, I would cease to be a Princess.”
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Again, Anon’s legs failed him. The revelations he was getting were beginning to
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feel more and more like anvils being dropped on his head.
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Repeatedly.
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“Say what?” he asked.
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“It’s sad to say, but it is true,” Celestia replied, as Anon forced motion into
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his feet once more. “The terminology of the law states that if I do not marry
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the male who touched my nose, I will cease to be a Princess of Equestria.”
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“Is this cease as in your title is stripped away from you but you go on living,
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or cease as in you cease to exist?”
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Celestia glanced at him with a pleased look. “I’m impressed you thought of both
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options, Mister Anon, but more than my titles will be stripped from me. I would
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also lose the ability to raise the sun.”
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That one felt like ten anvils at the same time, with a Schwarzenegger-strength
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blacksmith beating out a sword on each one for good measure.
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“You… you couldn’t… couldn’t raise the sun?” he sputtered again.
-
-
“Yes. Only a Princess can raise or lower a celestial body. It helps to keep
-
rogue elements from messing around with things they shouldn’t be touching.”
-
-
“Why does everything you tell me just keep making the situation worse?”
-
-
“I’m just trying to be honest with you so you know what you’re dealing with. But
-
please remember, I said there may be a loophole that we can exploit. If we find
-
that, then none of this matters.”
-
-
“I sure hope so. This is sounding very horrible otherwise.”
-
-
“Would marrying me be so horrible?” she asked.
-
-
“Well, no,” he quickly offered. “I don’t think there’s a anyone in his right
-
mind who wouldn’t want to be married to you.”
-
-
“Shining Armor does not,” she said with a glint of playfulness in her eye that
-
Anon nearly missed. “He is only interested in a single mare, and that is not
-
me.”
-
-
“I don’t mean him, I meant anyone who is looking for a mare,” he clarified
-
quickly. “And I also meant that all those bad things that happen would be
-
horrible.”
-
-
“Is that going to be a problem?” she asked seriously. “If we cannot find a way
-
out of this, would you really deny me and bring all of these ‘bad things’
-
about?”
-
-
“Of course not!” he replied. “I would do anything to make sure you’re still
-
princess, just like anyone else.”
-
-
“Good.”
-
-
“I just really hope we don’t have to go that way,” he continued, but softly and
-
more to himself. “That’s the last time I stand in any flower patch.” > 2. - Let
-
Me Explain... >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
Dear Princess Twilight,
-
-
Please forgive the abruptness of this message, but I have an urgent matter at
-
hoof that I am in need of your assistance with. I understand you are visiting
-
your brother and Cadence in the Crystal Empire, so please believe I would not
-
disturb you without due cause and concern.
-
-
The very first thing I want you to do is not panic! There is no great threat to
-
Equestria, no vile villain who will destroy everything we hold dear bent on our
-
destruction. I want you to now take seventeen deep breaths, calculate pi out to
-
the one hundred and fifteenth digit, and then continue reading this letter.
-
-
Now that you are calm again, I need you to to do some research for me. Enclosed
-
with this letter is a facsimile of an ancient law that was passed in the
-
Pre-Unification era, a law that you will soon find to be quite interesting, to
-
put it mildly.
-
-
And now that you have finished reading it, let me explain your task. As you can
-
see, if the marriage clause was to be activated somehow it could lead to great
-
difficulties. I would greatly appreciate it if you would review the law for any
-
sort of loophole, technicality, or any other discrepancy that could be used to
-
nullify it. If such exists, please notify me immediately of its existence and I
-
will use it to render the whole thing null and void.
-
-
I’m afraid I cannot offer more details at this time, but I will share them when
-
I am able. If it would help, please see if Shining Armor and Cadence would be
-
willing to assist with your task. You have my permission to share the details of
-
this message and the law with them.
-
-
Awaiting your response,
-
-
Princess Celestia
-
-
P.S. You may want to take a few precautions against your own nose being touched
-
as well.
-
-
-
-
Celestia let out a breath she had seemed to be holding since beginning the
-
letter. After a last check for errors—which would only disturb Twilight—she
-
placed her quill back in the writing desk, capped the inkwell, and sent the
-
stack of papers through her magic to Spike. Only then did she remember to check
-
the clock, and was relieved at the hour. Twilight’s most faithful dragon
-
assistant was probably not eating anything at this time of day, and since food
-
and magic missives tended to mix during the delivery process, the probable panic
-
would be lessened by a foodless document.
-
-
And while the task she had set her faithful student upon was urgent, Celestia
-
felt quite embarrassed about having to pass her responsibilities on to others.
-
-
Again.
-
-
She then rose from her desk. Identical letters—phrased somewhat differently than
-
Twilight’s—had also been sent to judges, attorneys, and the finest legal minds
-
at the greatest universities Equestria could offer. Between that and Twilight’s
-
own intensive review, Celestia felt confident there was some sort of simple way
-
out of this little mess she found herself entangled within.
-
-
In the meantime, she really had neglected her forced-fiancé for long enough, and
-
it was time to give him a more in-depth explanation into what was going on.
-
-
“Uh, Princess Celestia?” Anonymous’s voice drifted in through her chamber doors.
-
“Are you just about done? I could really use your help out here!”
-
-
“One of the guards is giving him trouble about lollygagging in the hallways, no
-
doubt,” she murmured to herself, with a short laugh. “They’re always so
-
dedicated, so sharp…”
-
-
Celestia’s magic opened her doors, and there was Anonymous, sure as sure. But
-
standing before him, and giving him the most intense and critical evil eye that
-
had ever been given, was…
-
-
“Luna?” Celestia asked. “How did you return so quickly?
-
-
“This is your intended?” she replied, her gaze unwavering.
-
-
“Yes, but only until I find—”
-
-
“He’s a rather homely looking thing, is he not?”
-
-
“Hey!” Anon indignantly replied. “I’m no royal, sure, but that’s just rude!”
-
-
“But feisty,” Luna continued, and a small smirk emerged onto her face as she
-
tilted her head to examine Anonymous in a more introspective fashion. “You could
-
have done worse, I suppose. His sense of fashion is not displeasing to the eye,
-
and you have always had a weakness for the chocolate which his mane does bear a
-
passing resemblance to.”
-
-
“It’s just brown,” he remarked with a subconscious swipe of his hand through his
-
hair.
-
-
“With that green coloration, it is little wonder that he managed to disguise
-
himself among your precious sunflowers, Celly.” Luna’s eyes turned cold and
-
stern. “Tell me, cur, how long did it take you to formulate this dastardly plan,
-
and how did you come to know of the marriage clause?”
-
-
“I didn’t… uh…” Anon lost the ability to speak as Luna leered at him again with
-
even greater intensity and a slight lean forward to punctuate her point.
-
-
“Speak, cur, if you wish to remain in this household with all of your limbs
-
intact.”
-
-
“Enough, Luna. Quit scaring the poor human.” Celestia bumped her shoulder to
-
break her staredown. “This is merely an accident.”
-
-
“You intend for me to believe he somehow accidentally managed to touch your nose
-
with his?” Luna flatly replied. “I suppose you have a bridge in Manehattan to
-
sell me next, yes?”
-
-
“A rather nice one that spans the Hoofston,” Celestia replied. “Yes, Luna, I’m
-
dead serious. It was an accident. My accident. I was sniffing my sunflowers, and
-
over-sniffed.”
-
-
“Hmph!” Luna snorted. “If you insist. I shall forebear judgement against this
-
cur for now. But I will be watching closely for any treachery, and I will not
-
endure it if I find he is confederate with one of our enemies. His execution
-
will solve the problem rather quickly.”
-
-
“Execution?” Anon whimpered, and the color drained from his face.
-
-
“No one is getting executed,” Celestia replied. “Please, Luna, be nice. This
-
poor man has had an extremely difficult day, and he doesn’t need you adding
-
stress right now.”
-
-
Luna didn’t reply verbally, but she did point to her own eyes with one hoof,
-
then to Anon. She then turned with a snap and trotted out of the hallway.
-
-
“I still expect you at dinner!” Celestia called after her. She then sighed and
-
turned back to the quite-thoroughly-intimidated Anonymous. “Please, don’t mind
-
her. She’s just looking out for me, that’s all.”
-
-
“She’s certainly forthright with you, isn’t she?” he replied, though his gaze
-
remained on the hallway, as if fearing a surprise encore.
-
-
“She is, but it’s one of her better traits. You never have to guess what she’s
-
thinking. Luna does not play those kinds of mind games. Now, I believe I owe you
-
a better explanation as to why we are to be wed.”
-
-
The human nodded slowly, but with less panic than Celestia had expected. “I
-
would appreciate some clarification on that.”
-
-
“Are you hungry at all? Thirsty? I can have something light sent up to enjoy
-
while we discuss things.”
-
-
“Well, I don’t think I’m all that hungry, but—”
-
-
His stomach suddenly rumbled, and quite loudly. He smiled sheepishly as Celestia
-
giggled behind a hoof.
-
-
“—I do believe I could snack on something if you were kind enough to provide
-
it.”
-
-
“I know just the thing.” She then nodded to a nearby butler. He quickly moved
-
over to them without messing up his pristinely folded towel, and bowed to the
-
Princess.
-
-
“Yes, Your Highness? What can I get for you?”
-
-
“Would you please have my special blend sent to my drawing room, please? And
-
make it a double this time.”
-
-
“Of course.” He bowed again. “I shall have it prepared at once.”
-
-
“Thank you,” she replied, and she motioned with a hoof down another hallway as
-
the butler left. “Just this way, Mister Anon. Everything I need to help explain
-
this problem is in my drawing room.”
-
-
“Am I even allowed in there? I am just a commoner, after all.”
-
-
“Well, if no loophole can be found, then you will be a Prince, and then that
-
takes care of that,” she said with a chuckle. “My drawing room is really nothing
-
fancy, just a cozy spot with a few soft pillows, some personal books and
-
mementos.”
-
-
He nodded to this before following her down the hallway. It was only two left
-
turns to their destination, thankfully, and Celestia pushed open the door with
-
her magic before stepping out of the way and allowing him to enter first.
-
-
From his awestruck expression, Celestia was afraid she may have undersold the
-
concept of a simple drawing room. Compared to the rest of the castle, it was not
-
much, just over three of her body lengths to a side with a floor-to-ceiling
-
window on one side to allow plenty of natural light in. The cushions were plush
-
and overstuffed, made of the finest velvets and silks, and there was a distinct
-
possibility that Celestia would be unable to get Anon off of them once he setted
-
in. Bookshelves lined one wall, with hardbound codices of all sizes and colors
-
and various scrolls scattered amongst the tops of them. The other wall held a
-
few scenic paintings, a portrait of the Royal Sisters, and a few small
-
sentimental items upon some shelves. A round table sat in the middle of the room
-
for the final touch of elegance, with legs short enough to allow a pony to
-
spread out on the pillows next to it and still reach across the whole table with
-
ease.
-
-
“What do you think?” Celestia asked.
-
-
“I’m not quite sure,” he replied. “It’s everything you said it was, of course.
-
I’m just trying to think of the right words to describe it.”
-
-
“What words would you use?” she asked while they both settled down by the table.
-
-
“Cozy, for sure,” he replied. “Comforting, even. Relaxing, serene. Oh, but see?
-
I use the same words over and over for things like this!”
-
-
“You do?” she asked over his deep groan of frustration.
-
-
“Yes! I was using the exact same words to describe the sunflowers, and the
-
gardens in general! I really need to broaden my vocabulary. This is ridiculous.”
-
-
“Have you considered a thesaurus?”
-
-
“A what?” he asked.
-
-
Celestia smiled and levitated a book from a nearby shelf. “A thesaurus. It’s a
-
book that gives you words that are similar to other words.”
-
-
“Oh, yeah,” he replied, and he took the book from her magic with the same amount
-
of care you would give to a crown made of glass. “I remember this. I never did
-
seem to pick the right words, though.”
-
-
“It would be wise to use it with a dictionary,” she replied before leaning back
-
slightly and giving him an appraising look.
-
-
“You sound like my eighth grade teacher did before a pop quiz,” he quipped as he
-
looked over a page.
-
-
“How appropriate. I would, indeed, like to give you a short questionnaire.”
-
-
“Oh, great,” he moaned.
-
-
“I am a Princess first, but I am a teacher second,” she added with a smile.
-
“Asking me to not question and educate is like asking me to not raise the sun. I
-
promise this will be a short quiz, and there will be no grade at the end. I
-
merely wish to get an indication of your educational level.”
-
-
“I can save you the trouble. I am not a very good example of the American
-
educational system.”
-
-
“Humor me, then,” she replied. “Really, I believe this would be useful for both
-
of us.”
-
-
“All right, all right,” he replied.
-
-
“Thank you. I’m thinking five questions should suffice. First: what is your
-
definition for the word verbose?”
-
-
“Verbose? Oh, well; that’s easy.” His body visibly relaxed, and he smiled.
-
“That’s using too many words to describe a scene, situation, or person,
-
especially extravagant words.”
-
-
Celestia nodded, and her smile remained pleasant. “Second: What is an
-
antecedent?”
-
-
“Oh, shit.” He tensed up again. “Uh…”
-
-
“Take your time,” Celestia said soothingly.
-
-
“It’s about something before something else. I honestly don’t remember how or
-
what, though.”
-
-
“That’s all right. Third: What is a quatrain?”
-
-
“Uh…” he grunted. “I don’t know.”
-
-
Celestia nodded again. “You’re doing fine, don’t worry. Fourth: What is a
-
truism?”
-
-
Anon beamed brightly. “That’s a short quote or saying, like a proverb or axiom,
-
that is accepted as true and sound but may not necessarily be so.”
-
-
“And lastly, what is the definition of innuendo?”
-
-
Anon sat up a bit straighter. “That’s when you say something and it has one
-
meaning on the surface, but there’s a subtle underlying message that only some
-
people will catch.”
-
-
“Very good.” Celestia smiled deeply. “In all honesty, Mister Anon, you have a
-
good foundation in the Equish language. I think you learned a great deal during
-
your schooling, but have forgotten some of it since then, most likely because
-
you haven’t needed it.”
-
-
“You really think so?”
-
-
“It happens to everyone in some form or fashion. Unless I can have only one
-
student at a time, I have to share a broad amount of information with a class in
-
order to hopefully cover what each pupil will need in their future. A historian
-
has little need for information in botany, so whatever I teach them about plants
-
will probably be pushed aside a few years afterward. You, up until now, have not
-
needed the formal rules of language, so you’ve forgotten some of them.”
-
-
A knock came at the door, and without invitation, the butler from earlier
-
entered, holding a silver domed tray on one hoof. He deftly weaved between the
-
cushions on the floor, deposited the delicious-smelling platter on the table,
-
and then departed with a brief bow nearly as fast as he had arrived.
-
-
“He’s good,” Anon remarked. “He has been here for a while, hasn’t he?”
-
-
“How can you tell?” Celestia asked, and Anon chuckled a bit.
-
-
“Well, I used to work in an upscale restaurant, and I had to learn proper poise,
-
position, and balance. It’s all in the feet, really, but it’s also something
-
that takes time to learn.”
-
-
“Interesting,” she replied, as she lifted the lid from the tray. “I’d love to
-
hear more about this later, if you don’t mind.”
-
-
“I think it would be really boring, but sure,” he replied, as his eyes swept
-
over the tray. “Hmm, not bad. Good presentation, nice variety. Tea, truffles,
-
wheat crackers, and this?”
-
-
Celestia sat back and watched as he picked up a bite-sized, pretzel-shaped
-
snack. He then sniffed it slowly and carefully, gently touched the tip of his
-
tongue to it, and then his eyes rolled back a bit as he thought.
-
-
“That’s got too much salt,” he remarked after a moment. “Always a problem with
-
pretzels. Ponies always go crazy with salt, usually to hide bad or bland
-
flavors. That’s a shame, because there’s some nice spring wheat in there, and
-
those slight notes of barley and oat give it a wholesome impression. But then
-
you hit that salt like a brick wall, and… what?”
-
-
“And you want to be a writer?” she asked, one eyebrow cocked. “I hope it is as a
-
food critic or cookbook author.”
-
-
“No, not about food,” he grumped, and then he shoved the whole pretzel in his
-
mouth.
-
-
“Fair enough. Do you enjoy chamomile tea, Mister Anon?”
-
-
She had to wait for him to finish chewing first. “Never really liked tea. It all
-
tastes the same to me. Chamomile is nice enough, I suppose.”
-
-
“You can’t tell the difference between teas but you can tell me what that
-
pretzel is made out of?”
-
-
“Food and beverages are completely different things,” he defended.
-
-
Celestia simply shook her head and laughed lightly. “You are a very interesting
-
person, Mister Anon. Would you care for something else to drink, perhaps?”
-
-
“No, tea is fine,” he replied, and he gently took the cup from Celestia.
-
-
“Now, before we get sidetracked anymore, let’s go over this little problem of
-
ours.”
-
-
“Please,” he replied as he settled into his cushion.
-
-
“But where to start?” she asked herself. She stirred in two sugar cubes into her
-
own cup as she thought, but then she smiled. “Well, let’s go back to my youth to
-
start. How did you do in your history lessons?”
-
-
“Average, I suppose.” He shrugged.
-
-
“So you know the basics of the Unification and my rise to power?”
-
-
“We didn't really learn Equestrian history where I'm from.”
-
-
“Let’s recap a little bit then, just to make sure you know all the pertinent
-
details. The Three Tribes had been at odds for decades. The constant bickering
-
and fighting between them kept ponykind repressed and unproductive, a mere
-
shadow of what we could be.
-
-
“I was born into this world of animosity to unicorn parents, a viscount and his
-
wife in fact, and Luna was born two years later. From as early as I can
-
remember, I felt a great deal of anxiety over the way we unicorns conducted
-
ourselves towards our fellow ponies. I had been told all the reasons why we
-
should hate and fear pegasi and earth ponies, but the reasoning and the logic
-
behind it was flawed to me and unacceptable. It did not take long for me to
-
become known as a rabble-rouser and a disruption, but nothing my parents did
-
could stop me from speaking out at the injustice of everything that I saw.
-
-
“Luna also fell in line with my ways of thinking, much to my parents’ dismay.
-
With enough time and between the two of us, we caused a sufficient enough ruckus
-
to catch the attention of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever, her
-
assistant.
-
-
“Princess Platinum did not approve of my viewpoint, and she threatened my
-
parents with a loss of titles and lands if I couldn’t be brought in line.
-
Clover, however, was interested in our ‘rebellious nonsense’ and made
-
arrangements to have another meeting with us to discuss my viewpoints.
-
-
“When we met for the second time, Clover was impressed with how well thought-out
-
my reasoning was. Though she remained unconvinced and ultimately rebuffed Luna
-
and me, she did tell us that we could be great statesponies if we could give up
-
our views and work instead to bring about a greater Unicorn Kingdom. Obviously,
-
being the young idealists that we were, we chose not to do so.
-
-
“Since we continued with our verbal rebellion, my parents were again threatened.
-
Platinum made it quite clear that she was very serious, and that she would not
-
tolerate our actions any more. Luna and I loved our parents, and we did not wish
-
for them to suffer for our choices, so Luna proposed we leave the Unicorns and
-
go to the other tribes. She correctly guessed that a message of acceptance,
-
tolerance and unification would be received better by earth ponies and pegasi if
-
it was spread by unicorns, and so we left one night with little more than a
-
rucksack full of food and a note explaining our departure.”
-
-
Anon looked absolutely enthralled at this point. He leaned forward, as if trying
-
to make sure every word Celestia spoke could reach him in the least amount of
-
time and distance, and he held a wide-eyed look of amazement and eagerness. One
-
half-eaten truffle was in his hand, but it remained suspended halfway up to his
-
mouth, seemingly forgotten in the midst of her tale. Celestia smiled deeply as
-
she took a moment to sip her tea, since his overall stance reminded her quite a
-
bit of a certain faithful student.
-
-
“Does all of this make sense so far, Mister Anon?” she asked.
-
-
“Yes,” he replied, and then he quickly stuffed the neglected truffle into his
-
mouth. “I mean, this is way interesting. It's not every day that you learn
-
history from someone who was actually there.”
-
-
“So let us keep going, shall we?” she asked as she picked up a cracker.
-
-
“Luna and me made enough of a splash in the other tribes that Smart Cookie and
-
Private Patsy also meet with us. After that came the Windigos.” She shuddered.
-
“Then a conference of the three tribes, and the Three deciding to move to a new
-
land to escape the blizzards. All three of them managed to get to the same
-
place, of course. Well, I may not have had much success with the policy-makers
-
of each tribe, but our message of peace for all was received a bit better by the
-
rank and file. Luna and I may or may not have made inroads with each of the
-
official cartographers and scouts, and they ended up in the same place because
-
they may or may not have been ‘persuaded’ to go there.”
-
-
“Of course,” Anon said with a chuckle. “I’d love to ask how you found Equestria
-
but that’s off topic too, isn’t it?”
-
-
“Another time, perhaps,” she offered with a wink. “So, we were in a new place
-
but with all the same problems. The Windigos quickly reappeared, and the
-
blizzards were stronger than ever. The pertinent part of this moment is that
-
Luna and I were at the forefront of providing shelter, warmth, and food to the
-
suffering ponies while the three leaders continued to fight. Thankfully, we were
-
able to keep everyone protected until the Three finally realized that Friendship
-
was far better than the status quo.
-
-
“Now, this is where it gets a bit complicated, so please stop me if I need to
-
clarify,” Celestia said, before taking another sip of tea. “Once the blizzards
-
cleared, preparations were made to establish the new Kingdom of Equestria. Luna
-
and I, at the recommendation of Clover, were thrust into the forefront of the
-
negotiations and planning that went into forming a new country. Question?”
-
-
Anon had stuck his hand in the air, but now lowered it. “Just so I have my
-
timeline right: you and Luna Ascended before the Three had found the magic of
-
Friendship, correct?”
-
-
“Yes.”
-
-
“Okay. I’m good. Please continue.”
-
-
“We did give everyone a bit of a shock when we showed up with wings.” Celestia
-
chuckled, and she gained a wistful aura once more. “I think we spent the vast
-
majority of the very first meeting debating if we should be called alicorns or
-
unipegs.”
-
-
“Unipeg doesn’t sound right at all.”
-
-
“No, it doesn’t.” Celestia chuckled again. “But as Alicorns, we had quite a bit
-
of sway and pull on the negotiations; well, between the added wings and our
-
previous efforts at reforms, that is.
-
-
“Now, this is really important to everything: I was sixteen years old when this
-
process began. I was not three hundred sixteen, or eight hundred sixteen; just
-
plain sixteen. Despite my advanced status, I was still but a child in many
-
respects, and the young are prone to make mistakes.
-
-
“Anyway, Princess Platinum had a Duke by the name of Iron Hoof. Apart from
-
Clover, he had the most pull with Platinum because he was Duke over the greatest
-
number of ponies, had held the greatest amounts of land, and was the wealthiest
-
by far. My parents were viscounts under him, so we knew him fairly well and we
-
knew of his personality in private. He was not a pleasant pony to be around, to
-
put it simply, and I won’t deny I was dismayed when he ended up coming to
-
Equestria.
-
-
“He then began using his influence to change various things about the new
-
by-laws and regulations we were drafting. For instance, Equestria was originally
-
supposed to be led by a democratically-elected president, much like how the
-
earth ponies did things, but he successfully changed it to be a monarchy like we
-
unicorns had. At times, it made me so angry when I had to deal with him.”
-
Celestia picked up one of the room’s cushions in her magic and lobbed it across
-
the room with a quiet thud. “More than a few pillows met an untimely end at my
-
hooves.
-
-
“He was absolutely set upon Equestria being a monarchy, and argued for it
-
endlessly. At first, I couldn’t figure out why he was so adamant about having a
-
King and Queen, but then it hit me like a lightning bolt: he intended to be the
-
King of this new Kingdom.
-
-
“I won’t go over how we thwarted that, but the efforts that kept him out put
-
Luna and I in as co-rulers. It seemed to solve the problem at first, until he
-
countered my move with one of his own: he proposed to me in the middle of a
-
subcommittee on tax revenues.”
-
-
“No!” Anon gasped. He was totally engrossed in her story now, and Celestia felt
-
pleased that he was so enraptured.
-
-
“Yes. Obviously, I didn’t want to marry him, for a great many reasons that we
-
won’t get into, but therein was the problem: if I refused him, I risked losing
-
the unicorns. He had enough sway that he could have pulled us out of the
-
negotiations, and thus undo everything Luna and I had tried to do.
-
-
“Now, please remember that I am sixteen years old when he pulls this stunt.
-
Faced with the loss of my life’s work, I panicked. Every solution that I could
-
come to in those few seconds between question and reply ended in either my
-
marriage to him or the end of the Unification. In this panic, I did the first
-
thing that came to my mind: I told him that I could not because he had not
-
touched my nose with his.”
-
-
“Why did you…”
-
-
“Don’t ask! I can’t even remember why I did it now. I think I blocked it out of
-
my memory,” she added with a pained wince. “My only excuse was panic. Sheer,
-
dumb, childish panic. Naturally, he asked why he had to do such a silly thing to
-
marry me, so I picked up my shovel and promptly dug the hole deeper. I explained
-
that it was Alicorn Law, and that any and all Alicorns, including Luna and
-
myself, were bound by it.
-
-
“Then I had to actually produce the law for him to see. I promised that I would
-
show it the next day, and that night, Luna and I worked our tails off to come up
-
with something that would not only look good, but have actual weight to it.”
-
-
“You cooked this thing up in one night?”
-
-
“Which is why I am hopeful we can find a loophole for our problem,” she
-
answered. “Since we were rushed, there should be something in there we can use.”
-
-
“So, does that mean that Luna has to follow this Law too?”
-
-
“Yes. She was afraid that he would simply go after her once he failed to trap
-
me, so she signed and agreed to the terms as well.”
-
-
Celestia lit her horn and levitated a scroll down from a nearby shelf. She
-
unfurled the document before the visiting Anon for his perusal, and to his eyes
-
a tight cursive script with very little spacing between the lines was revealed,
-
and it threatened to make him go cross-eyed. The whole of it was perhaps as long
-
as Celestia was tall, and the letters of it were actually glowing in a golden
-
yellow hue.
-
-
“This is the original Alicorn Law that we authored. Some of it is filled with
-
the ideals that Luna and I had talked over and had agreed we wanted for all
-
ponies: respect for individual ideas, tolerance for those who are different,
-
kindness in the face of anger, love in the face of hate. It was how we wanted to
-
live our lives, and it was how we wanted to rule as Alicorns.
-
-
“This clause, though, is the one that affects us at the present.” Celestia used
-
her magic to highlight a rather large section of paragraphs near the middle.
-
“This is my ‘No Nose’ clause. You’re free to read it over, if you’d like.”
-
-
“I’ll take your word for it,” he replied. “I can’t read your old langauge, and I
-
don’t think I could understand the legal jargon even if I could.”
-
-
“As you can see, the script is glowing with my magic. Luna and I bound ourselves
-
to this document once we had finished it, with the very deepest and oldest of
-
magics that we could. We could not deviate from it without losing the very
-
magics that made us, well, us.”
-
-
“But you could still veto it, couldn’t you?”
-
-
“If I had left it like this, yes,” she replied. “But remember, I was a panicking
-
child at the time. To make sure the Duke couldn’t somehow trick us out of this,
-
I took it to the Three and asked them to be signatories to it as well. That way,
-
the only way it could be revoked is if all five of us agreed to do so.
-
-
“Commander Hurricane thought it was the most hilarious thing she’d ever heard
-
of, and she signed off on it while laughing her head off and without even
-
reading the details. Chancellor Puddinghead needed some convincing, but once I
-
promised her that Equestria would have Taco Tuesdays and free balloons on a
-
pony’s birthday she agreed to sign to it as well.
-
-
“Princess Platinum loved it, loved my solution to the problem, and signed it
-
with this big loopy signature that took up all off the empty space at the bottom
-
of the scroll.” Celestia’s gaze went distant again, and she turned her head to
-
look out the windows. “You know, for all of the agony we gave each other in the
-
early years, she was one of the greatest allies I had for governing Equestria.
-
Most of what I learned on how to govern effectively was given to me under her
-
tutelage. Her hooves still touch Equestria to this day, in some form or another.
-
I still think about her sometimes, and those lessons. The greatest thing she
-
ever taught me was how to be forgiving of others, and how a pony could change,
-
if they were just given a chance. She was the ultimate example of how a change
-
of heart could happen.”
-
-
There was silence for a moment in the room, and Celestia’s gaze drifted to the
-
portrait that hung on the wall.
-
-
“Forgive me, Mister Anon. I tend to get sentimental when I reminisce.” Celestia
-
cleared her throat and returned her attention to him. “So, with the backing of
-
the Three, the Alicorn Law was presented to Duke Iron Hoof. I’m pretty sure he
-
knew we’d pulled a fast one on him, but he didn’t try to fight it. He, instead,
-
did what you would assume he would do: he tried his hardest to touch my nose
-
with his.”
-
-
“I guess it’s good you picked your nose,” Anon commented. “It’s pretty easy to
-
keep it protected.”
-
-
“It was quite fortunate. He tried all sorts of stunts and maneuvers in his
-
efforts to make contact, but I always managed to elude him. As the years went by
-
and as we kept working to keep Equestria going, his attempts slowly tapered off,
-
until one day he finally stopped trying altogether. By the time he finally
-
passed away I’d forgotten I’d even written the thing, and it’s gone on being
-
forgotten until now.”
-
-
“Why didn’t Iron Hoof just ask if he could boop your nose?”
-
-
“Power. By tricking him like I did, he had to beat me at my own game, or else he
-
would begin to lose the prestige he had. If asked to boop my nose, that put me
-
in the position of control in the relationship. He wanted me to follow his
-
rules, not the other way around.”
-
-
There was another pause, and Celestia allowed Anon to process everything he’d
-
heard. The story was perhaps a bit outlandish, but it was the truth, and it was
-
a lot to take in. She had to admit that she’d have a hard time believing it
-
herself, if the tables were somehow turned.
-
-
“So, you can’t revoke the law because the Three signed on to it,” he summarized.
-
-
“I would need them to officially revoke their signatures. As you know, that
-
would be rather difficult now. Without a shovel, that is.”
-
-
“Because your binding magic bound them to it, too.”
-
-
“It would take me several hours to explain how that happened, but yes.”
-
-
“Great,” he sighed. “How sure are you that there is a loophole?”
-
-
“I’m fairly confident there is something in there we can use,” she replied. “A
-
pony does not produce their best work when they are working in a panic, you must
-
admit.”
-
-
“That’s true. So, we just have to find it and then we both just walk away as
-
friends and with a laugh?”
-
-
“Exactly. And you will have my apologies for the inconvenience. It will make for
-
a funny story later in life, won’t it?”
-
-
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I can just imagine trying to tell ponies how I was engaged
-
to Princess Celestia. So how long do we have to find this loophole? A month, a
-
year, or is there even a time limit?”
-
-
“There is,” she replied, and she took a deep breath. “We have three days to find
-
it.”
-
-
“What?!” he shouted, and he recoiled off the cushion in shock. “Three days?!”
-
-
“Yes, and you really don’t need to shout. I’m right here.”
-
-
“Why in Equestria did you make it three days?!”
-
-
“Panic,” she stated flatly. “Mister Anon, it has been over a thousand years
-
since I authored this. Despite what some ponies think, I do not have a
-
photographic memory, and a great many details of what I did or did not do during
-
those early days of Equestria have been lost to me. If I could offer you a
-
specific reason for what I did, I would. I’m afraid I simply can’t.”
-
-
Anon took a moment to breathe deeply and compose himself again. After those few
-
moments, he managed calm but looked remorseful and sad.
-
-
“I’m sorry I keep shouting. I just… it’s…”
-
-
She said nothing as he searched for the right phrase.
-
-
“It’s just a lot to process all at once.”
-
-
“That it is. I really can’t blame you for acting this way; in all honesty,
-
you’re probably reacting much better than most ponies would. Just remember that
-
I am trying to help you through this, and I will do everything I can to get your
-
life back to normal.”
-
-
He now smiled slightly. “I appreciate that you are trying to help. I have to
-
admit, though, that you’re not quite what I expected when I first came here.”
-
-
She gave him a wise, let’s-have-a-teaching-moment look in return. “Mister Anon,
-
when you left your hotel room this morning, if a random pony asked you to
-
describe me to them, what would you have said?”
-
-
“I dunno. I guess I would have told them that you’re the princess, that you
-
raise the sun, and that you rule with your sister.”
-
-
“How would you describe me now, after meeting me in the flesh and having the
-
ability to spend some quality private time with me?”
-
-
“Well, I would say you are kind, beautiful, thoughtful, that you like to teach,
-
and that you’re generous.”
-
-
“So your description has changed, if only slightly,” she noted. “Now that you
-
know me a bit better, you have different things to say about me.”
-
-
“I suppose so,” he replied while he contemplated her point.
-
-
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
-
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
-
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
-
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
-
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
-
everyone does it in their own way. This compounds the situation before you, but
-
you’re taking it all in fairly well and with a fair amount of dignity, too.
-
Don’t feel bad for how you’re reacting to all of this. You’re doing a good job
-
so far.”
-
-
Anon didn’t respond to her, but Celestia could tell by the look on his face that
-
her point had made sense to him. She allowed him a minute to think things over,
-
but then popped several truffles in her mouth.
-
-
“You have also found out that this Princess eats like a pig sometimes, too,” she
-
offered with a full mouth, a prime example of what she spoke of.
-
-
“I’m going to bet you don’t do that very often,” he replied with a smile.
-
-
“I do it all the time in private,” she defended. A wickedly pleased look
-
overtook her features, and she leaned back to give Anon a rather sultry look as
-
he took a sip of tea.
-
-
“And if we can’t find a loophole, my dear Mister Anon, then you will be the
-
first I invite to accompany me for a roll in the hay.”
-
-
Anonymous quite nearly shot Camomile tea straight out of his nose with that
-
remark, but since it appeared he did not wish to spray the ruler of Equestria or
-
her personal books (many of which were rather old and valuable, if not
-
one-of-a-kind), he somehow managed to stifle most of it with a weird
-
gagging-honking sort of noise and by dipping his head down quickly. Most of what
-
did get shot out hit the table in front of him, but what did not dribbled and
-
dripped off the end of his chin. Celestia laughed heartily at this, but she was
-
also quick to conjure up a large towel for him to use.
-
-
“That—” he groaned as he dabbed at his now-burning nose “—was a good example of
-
an innuendo.” > 3. - Seeds Sown in Adversity >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
Anonymous liked to think he was no stranger to formal dinners.
-
-
Yes, it was true that he had never attended one as a guest, but he has worked as
-
a waiter at a pretty high class restaurant for two years. Thus, it logically
-
followed to him that he should have a bit of an upper hand when it came to
-
eating formal dinners, since he knew which fork to use, how to place the napkin,
-
where to place his elbows, and what part of an individual course to eat first,
-
second, third and last.
-
-
So he thought that attending an ‘as formal as it gets with only Luna and myself
-
in attendance’ dinner with Celestia should be fairly straightforward. He wasn’t
-
expecting to make much small talk, he didn’t have to win over any diplomats, and
-
he wasn’t going to have his words dissected under a microscope by ponies who
-
were itching to make power plays.
-
-
He actually felt confident about attending dinner, especially with what had
-
happened after Celestia’s hay joke. She had invited him on a personal, private
-
tour of the palace to make up for making him snort tea, and the tour had been
-
captivating, to put it simply. She had been kind during the walk, and was even
-
kinder in her explanations of the history behind the baubles and trinkets that
-
now rested on plush velvets and marble pillars. He had been mesmerized by the
-
overabundance of artifacts and the history behind all of them, and Celestia had
-
seemed pleased that he was so interested in these trinkets from a bygone era.
-
When she had shown him his room in the north tower he had felt an air of
-
relaxing ease for the first time that day, and with said ease he dared to
-
entertain the notion that he could get through dinner without too much trouble.
-
-
He was now regretting ever having any such thoughts.
-
-
It had started out innocently enough, as most descents into madness do. Celestia
-
had escorted him from his room when the evening meal was ready, and the dining
-
room was as grand as he’d expected it to be. The soft and relaxing light that
-
filtered into the room through the large windows, coupled with the decorative
-
curtains and stained glass windows calmed his nerves, and the smile he received
-
from Celestia put his mind at ease. After sitting near the middle of the long
-
table that ran through the center of the room, Celestia had selected a seat
-
three chairs to his right, and she cheerfully called for dinner to be served.
-
-
And then it had gone downhill.
-
-
Quickly.
-
-
It started when Luna barged in through the doors, startling poor Anon and making
-
him jump nearly out of his seat. Each of her hooffalls were loud and solid, and
-
after she flung herself down into the chair that was directly across from him,
-
she leaned forward and proceeded to stare at him.
-
-
The Princess of the Moon didn’t need to blink, it seemed, and it seriously
-
creeped Anon out.
-
-
Her gaze remained fixated on him through the first course, but she made no
-
attempts at communication. Celestia had quickly become distracted as her
-
personal secretary had walked in with the fried turnips and had laid out several
-
books, scrolls, and other loose papers in the space around her. From what he
-
could hear, they were trying to clear her schedule for tomorrow so she could
-
review her own Alicorn Law and undo what had been done, so she didn’t notice how
-
intimidating Luna was being.
-
-
Or perhaps the Princess of the Night always glared at everypony, but that seemed
-
rather unlikely.
-
-
Then the second course was served. It was, indeed, a rather nice rosemary salad,
-
and Anon was able to enjoy two or three bites of it. He tried, for a few
-
moments, to think of how he would describe it to somepony who hadn’t ever eaten
-
it: subtly infused, perhaps, and strikingly balanced, with undertones of quiet
-
restraint and delicate touch…
-
-
And then he looked up.
-
-
Luna was still glowering at him, and her seething rage seemed to be set at
-
broil. She was angrily stabbing her salad, shoving large bites into her mouth,
-
and then chewing the poor, hapless greens with extreme prejudice, dark purpose,
-
and even with her mouth open.
-
-
And for a brief, horrible moment, Anonymous feared that Princess Luna might want
-
to add a certain green human into the greens for some variety.
-
-
So now he sat, his fork idly twirling in his salad, as he tried to avoid eye
-
contact with the Butcher of Red Leaf Lettuce and possibly Anonymous. With her
-
fuming over there like she was, his appetite had decided it was going to vacate
-
the premises without leaving a forwarding address and there simply no way to
-
enjoy the food.
-
-
It was going to be a terrible shame if dessert was something delicious and he
-
had to turn it down. Maybe he could throw it at Luna as a distraction if she
-
tried to gobble his backside.
-
-
“What if we move the Ambassador to nine fifteen, and then the Mayor’s Roundtable
-
to ten thirty?” Celestia’s voice drifted over.
-
-
“I’m afraid you have from ten to eleven blocked out for your class.”
-
-
“Ah, yes. I’d hate to deprive my students of the opportunity to dissect a worm.”
-
She chuckled.
-
-
Maybe you could dissect me, Anon idly thought. It would save Luna a fortune in
-
eye drops.
-
-
“What if you moved…”
-
-
Anon found his hearing focusing in on a rather loud chewing sound, one that did
-
not sound like Luna’s mouthy mangling. It sounded more like…
-
-
…like popcorn?
-
-
“I KNEW IT!” Luna roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
-
-
Before Anon really had a chance to figure out what she was shouting about, he
-
found himself enveloped in her magic, flung across the room at near terminal
-
velocity, and then slammed rather satisfyingly against the wall with enough
-
force to nearly make him two dimensional. The secretary screamed, Celestia
-
finally looked up from the paperwork before her, and Anon heard a new voice
-
laughing uproariously.
-
-
“I knew thou wert in league with our enemies! Sister, quickly! Thou shouldst
-
distract the draconequus while I deal with his inept assistant!”
-
-
“Luna, put him down!” Celestia commanded. “Discord is reformed now, remember?!”
-
-
“Oh, no, please!” the new voice that could only be Discord replied with a
-
howling laugh. “If it means you’ll keep scrubbing the wall with Mister Anon then
-
I’m as bad as they get! Please, let him have it! I want to see if he’s filled
-
with jelly beans or if you’ll simply refry him!”
-
-
“Luna, now!” Celestia ordered.
-
-
“But he is using this diversion to gain the upper hoof on us!” Luna protested.
-
-
“Stop, stop!” Discord wailed as he rolled on the floor. “My tummy! Ha! I can’t
-
take it!”
-
-
“He is not doing anything of the sort, either of them!” Celestia shouted. “Look!
-
Discord is rolling on the floor and Anon is turning purple!”
-
-
Anon wondered how true that statement was as the world began to go blurry and
-
dark, but then he wondered why oxygen was so essential for the sustainment of
-
life.
-
-
Thankfully, Luna seemed to finally notice that the only chaos being generated in
-
the room was by herself, so she gently set Anon on the floor and then retreated
-
back a few steps.
-
-
“What are you doing here, Discord?” Celestia demanded, as her magic now gently
-
picked up the battered Anon and began floating him towards her.
-
-
“Are you kidding?” Discord replied as he snagged Anon in midair and hugged him
-
tightly with his arm. “This perfect little human is going to be my new best
-
friend! You wouldn’t believe the wonderfully chaotic vibes that are just oozing
-
out of him!”
-
-
“Could you not squeeze so hard?” Anon moaned softly. “My ribs…”
-
-
“How can this cur be emanating anything other than idiocy?” Luna asked.
-
-
“Ah, my deliciously dark ruler, that’s where the fun really is!” he replied, and
-
he gave Anon’s hair a playful ruffle. “This delightful little maniac right here
-
has managed to create more chaos in the last twelve hours than I could in a
-
month of Sundays! Telling me to stay away from such a wonderful source of chaos
-
is like telling Fluttershy not to talk to cute little animals!”
-
-
A small image of Fluttershy then appeared in the space between Discord and
-
Celestia, but she promptly frowned at Discord and shook her head in
-
disappointment.
-
-
“You know what? On second thought, let’s not bring her into this.” Discord
-
snapped, and the image disappeared. “But look at the readings! They’re off the
-
chart here!” he suddenly donned a lab coat and safety glasses, and from behind
-
his back, he pulled out what looked like a thermometer mounted to a board. The
-
bulb at the top was pulsing and pounding like it would burst at any moment, and
-
Discord tapped it to emphasize his point. “By activating that ‘No Nose’ clause
-
in your manifesto, he managed to create enough energy to power a new small city
-
in the chaos zone that I’m going to name Discordland! It’s simply impossible for
-
me to not be around! I have to see this first hand! Or paw! Er, claw. Whatever.”
-
-
Celestia’s magic again wrapped around Anon, and she gently lifted him out of
-
Discord’s grasp before replying. “Discord, while I am quite sure you are correct
-
with all this talk of chaos generation, you do understand that this situation is
-
unintentional and temporary?”
-
-
“That is the only sad part of this whole affair. If you find that loophole
-
you’re after, then my fun will end. And just think of the poor residents of
-
Discordland! Where will they get their power from when the chaos runs out?”
-
-
“Discord, this is a private affair,” Celestia replied in a low and threatening
-
tone. “I graciously ask you to allow it to remain so until the matter can be
-
settled. Then you may return and laugh at me at your leisure.”
-
-
“Oh, I’m going to hold you to that one, Celly.” He smiled wickedly. “But if you
-
insist, I’ll leave. I am rather late for a teatime appointment with Fluttershy
-
anyway, she was expecting me to be there quite some time ago. But understand
-
that you won’t be able to keep me away if this chaos continues, and I simply
-
must be at the wedding. Perhaps I could be your ring bearer? I would be oh-so
-
careful, I really would.”
-
-
He demonstrated his ability to do so by producing a red velvet pillow with a
-
snap, and a ring with a comically-oversized stone on top immediately followed.
-
However, he promptly managed to lose his grip on the pillow, and the ring
-
bounced once when it hit the floor before disappearing. Discord simply offered
-
as sheepish smile to this, and then snapped again to make the pillow disappear.
-
-
“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord. But please, not a word of this to another
-
breathing soul.”
-
-
“Always such a downer, Celly.” He pouted. “Fine. My lips are sealed.”
-
-
He then slithered up next to her and threw a clawed arm over her withers. “But
-
I’m going to keep any innuendos you use. Those things are gold! ‘Roll in the
-
hay,’ indeed!”
-
-
And then, with an echoing laugh and a snap of his claw, he disappeared.
-
-
Anon was finally allowed back on the ground, but he grunted in pain when his
-
weight settled on his feet again.
-
-
“Are you alright?” Celestia asked.
-
-
“I’ve been better.” He groaned as he reached a hand up to rub his ribs. Both he
-
and Celestia then turned to glare at Luna.
-
-
“Oops,” she offered sheepishly.
-
-
-
-
-
-
Fool.
-
-
Foolish fool.
-
-
Anon winced as he moved to sit at the desk in his room. Despite being checked
-
out and cleared by the royal doctor and Celestia, it still hurt like Tartarus to
-
breathe, walk, talk, and even blink.
-
-
Idiotic, foolish fool.
-
-
He should never have left. He shouldn’t have come to Canterlot. Everyone who had
-
tried to talk him out of the trip had been so right about everything, and he had
-
been so wrong.
-
-
“You’re just having a moment,” Anon murmured the acidic words he had heard
-
before leaving. “You’ll see. Your place is here, with us. You won’t find what
-
you’re after out there.”
-
-
It was a shame he was just now realizing they had been right. If only he had
-
listened. If he’d just stayed home.
-
-
He scoffed at himself. If he hadn’t had the ridiculous notion to run away from
-
what he really was in an effort to find some illusion that he thought was truth,
-
he wouldn’t be where he was now. He’d be safely tucked away from this nightmare.
-
There would be no Princess Luna, who had no qualms about squishing him
-
underfoot. No crazy half-pony, half-dragon, half-whatever-he-was who had given
-
him a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.
-
-
And no ancient law that forced him to marry Princess Celestia so he wouldn’t
-
undo a thousand years of progress.
-
-
He was a nitwitted clod, pure and simple.
-
-
He flipped open his notebook, and glared at the words he’d written. They had
-
seemed like his friends when he’d penned them, eager and willing to take him to
-
a wonderful place where he’d have everything he ever wanted and not be judged
-
for it. Now they felt like spiteful enemies, laughing and frolicking in his
-
misery. It was as if they knew they were responsible for his current situation,
-
and they weren’t sorry in the slightest. They mocked him, reveling in his
-
predicament. They held no mercy in their graphite souls.
-
-
“Imbecile,” he grumbled. The page holding his description of the train station
-
was worse than trash, and deserved oblivion. He hated himself, what he’d become.
-
He hated what he’d done.
-
-
If only he had listened. It was a shame it took a forced marriage and a
-
near-death experience to finally convince him that writing was not his future.
-
-
He then flipped open the thesaurus Celestia had let him borrow, intent on
-
finding synonyms for idiot so he could have new ways to berate himself. He
-
paused for a moment, though, as his hoof ran along the outer edge, and his mind
-
went back to their private conversation.
-
-
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
-
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
-
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
-
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
-
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
-
each person does it in their own way.”
-
-
He paused for a moment more. Her unbidden words continued to rattle in his head
-
for a moment, and he felt a…well, a certain warmth in them. Somehow, they had
-
the power to burn clean through the miasma of depression that had settled onto
-
his shoulders, and he felt his spirits slowly begin to rise. Everything had
-
seemed so serene at that point, so sure. It was the mood, the feel of her words
-
that had made the greatest impact. It was like she was just being Celestia,
-
nothing more. No princess, no sun, no official duties. It had felt nice, and
-
dare he say normal, even. It was almost…
-
-
Almost like she wanted to be just Celestia. She wanted to hold a plain, boring,
-
regular conversation. Even though they had been talking about his preconceived
-
notions, it was the pony, not the Princess who stood to gain the most from their
-
shared moment.
-
-
Somehow in his musing, he put his pencil into his mouth, and he chewed on the
-
end in thought for a moment. He then pushed the thesaurus to one side, squared
-
away his notebook, and began writing.
-
-
-
-
“But why all of this secrecy, my dear Celeste? Why hide behind the masks of
-
illusion and deception?”
-
-
“Because, my sweet, it is those very masks that allow me to accomplish the
-
greatest good. I cannot move the world as just Celeste; I must be more than
-
that. Within these cloaks, I can leverage the power needed to bring to pass
-
everything and defeat all who would oppose the Crown.”
-
-
“But at what cost, love? Why destroy everything that makes you so unique? I
-
cannot bear to watch you bury yourself, so heedless to the shell it is turning
-
you into!”
-
-
“Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness is their foundation. Sacrifice has
-
always been the great enabler in our world. One must give all they have, down to
-
the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those who serve around and beneath them.
-
They gain because of my loss, and I would never have it any other way. Ponies
-
may see me a certain way, but in that way lies the greater good.”
-
-
-
-
A light tapping on his door broke his thoughts, and he spat out the pencil
-
before calling out to the knocker to enter. He wasn’t surprised when Celestia
-
opened the door with her magic; he had figured she would want to check on him
-
after cleaning up the mess in the dining hall.
-
-
“Hello, Mister Anon. I just wanted to stop in and see how you were recovering.”
-
-
“I think I am doing better,” he replied, and he rolled one arm slightly with a
-
wince. “I’m probably going to be sore for a while, though.”
-
-
“I imagine you would be; you did take a fair amount of abuse. Is there something
-
I can get for you to help with the pain?”
-
-
“No, I think I just need to rest and then take it easy tomorrow.”
-
-
Celestia nodded. “That should be quite beneficial. Before I interrupted your day
-
in the gardens, what did you have planned for tomorrow?”
-
-
He shrugged and sighed. “I don’t think I really had any plans. If I did, I’ve
-
completely forgotten what they were.”
-
-
“I see,” she replied softly, and her gaze moved around the room. “Are the
-
furnishings to your tastes? Do you have enough blankets? I sometimes think this
-
tower is cold even in the summer months, and the last weather schedule I saw
-
indicated there could be a light breeze tonight.”
-
-
“Everything is fine, Your Highness. I appreciate your attentiveness, but I
-
believe I have everything I need.”
-
-
Anon’s heart broke a little when he saw her diplomatic smile falter ever so
-
slightly. “Well, I am glad for that. I apologize if I have disturbed your
-
evening. I will trouble you no more, and—”
-
-
“No, wait!” he called out as she turned to leave. He then felt a burning in his
-
cheeks as she looked at him again. “I mean, you don’t have to go yet. Maybe you
-
could explain to me why Luna acted the way she did.”
-
-
Her smile became a bit more genuine, and with it Anon’s cheerfulness grew. “I
-
can try to, if that will suffice.”
-
-
“Please.” He then stood and offered her the chair. She graciously sat in
-
it—though she just barely fit on the cushion—and Anon moved to sit on the bed.
-
-
“Luna is…well, she’s very focused,” Celestia offered. “This is mostly a good
-
thing, but sometimes she gets a notion in her head that just won’t leave, and
-
she’ll become obsessed with it.”
-
-
Anon somehow caught the unspoken implication that this ‘obsession’ had been a
-
rather large factor in the Nightmare Moon problem.
-
-
“She usually is very accepting of other ponies, especially since…” Celestia
-
paused, then inhaled. “Especially since her return from exile. For her to
-
inflict bodily harm is very uncharacteristic of her, but I think she did so
-
because she worries about me. She’s a wonderful sister in that way, and she’ll
-
grow to accept you too. Just don’t try to assassinate me and we should be fine.”
-
-
“That’s about the dumbest decision I could ever make.” He chuckled. “And what
-
about that freaky, mixed-up, whatever-he-was?”
-
-
“That was Discord, a draconequus. You may remember him from such historical
-
events such as taking over Equestria and stealing the Elements of Harmony. Luna
-
and I turned him into stone a thousand-odd years ago.” She shook her head in a
-
long suffering way but smiled. “He’s reformed now, but he is still the Lord of
-
Chaos and it would have been more of a surprise if he hadn’t shown up at some
-
point tonight. He practically bathes in the kind of confusion I caused today by
-
touching your nose.”
-
-
“That’s a pleasant image.” He laughed with her. “So if he’s chaos, do you
-
represent order?”
-
-
“I suppose I do,” she replied, and then she snickered. “You know, a
-
thousand-plus years ago, I never dreamed I would be representative of so many
-
things. I just wanted peace and harmony for all ponies, nothing more. I didn’t
-
see myself as the Standard of Order, or the Eternal and Perfect Princess. I
-
still don’t, in all honesty. All I really see when I look in the mirror is
-
Celestia, the now very old mare who was given a kingdom.”
-
-
“So, is that how we get out of this marriage? I mean, compared to you I’m like a
-
newborn still.”
-
-
“That would be rather convenient, but since I am biologically near the same age
-
as you I don’t think that will work.”
-
-
“Well, it’s worth looking into, right?”
-
-
“It is. I will include that in my search.”
-
-
Anon gave a short little laugh, then sighed and rubbed one arm with the other
-
hand in an awkward way. “Princess, I know I’ve said it before, but I really am
-
grateful for everything you’ve done today. You’ve been very understanding and
-
accommodating, and I’m sure you cancelled quite a few meetings in order to spend
-
the afternoon with me.”
-
-
“One or two perhaps,” she replied slyly. “Spending the afternoon with you was
-
far more enjoyable, though. All of my Ministers seem to have collected a fair
-
amount of dust, it seems, so it was rather refreshing to talk to you about
-
Starswirl’s Staff of Serendipity as opposed to yet another presentation on why
-
we should abandon the gold standard.”
-
-
“I really enjoyed the tour before dinner, too. All of those artifacts you showed
-
me were really neat, especially that brass hydra thing with the five heads. If
-
you do ever give up the Princess gig, you’d make a great tour guide.”
-
-
She smiled a bit deeper and nodded to indicate her appreciation of his praise.
-
-
“So thank you, again. I wish I had a better way of saying it, but I don’t.”
-
-
“I think you will find this to be useful in helping you with that.” She tapped
-
the thesaurus with a hoof, but then she noticed his notepad. “Oh! Is this what
-
you’ve been writing?”
-
-
“Yeah. It’s not much of anything at the moment.”
-
-
“May I be permitted to read it?”
-
-
Anonymous, in any other place and time, would have answered that question with a
-
resounding no. He still felt too self-conscious about his words, still too
-
scared about his choice of phrases. To let another person read his uneducated
-
hash would be akin to asking him to sing the Phantom of the Opera while trying
-
to tap-dance in a vat of oatmeal with chickens for his back up chorus to a sold
-
out Broadway theatre.
-
-
But as he looked at Celestia to properly deliver his rejection, his eyes went
-
straight to hers. Somehow, in that sea of magenta, he felt his inhibitions
-
dissolve and his concerns melt away. It was like…
-
-
His breath caught in his throat. In those majestic pools of light, somehow, he
-
found himself. He had no idea how, or even why he felt such feelings, but there
-
they were, all the same.
-
-
For the first time in his life, he felt like he was truly home.
-
-
“I would be honored to have you read my work.”
-
-
Celestia positively beamed at him, and he could only think of one or two other
-
times when he had seen such a deep smile filled with as much pure joy. That
-
smile could melt the coldest heart in seconds. She reverently picked up his
-
notebook with her hooves, and her mouth moved a little as she read to herself.
-
-
“This is a fair description of the train station, if I may say,” she offered
-
after a moment. “You have captured the feel of it quite nicely. Why did you
-
write it?”
-
-
“I was hoping somepony would use it in a travel brochure, or something like
-
that.”
-
-
“Ah, I see. Did you not write about the gardens?”
-
-
“I didn’t get a chance to,” he laughed. “I’m afraid somepony’s nose interrupted
-
my musing.”
-
-
“I will have to have a word with that pony,” she offered with a wink while
-
continuing to read. “I would like to see what you write about it when you do pen
-
the words.”
-
-
“I’d love to show you.”
-
-
“Oh!” She gasped with a grin. “‘Celeste’, mm?”
-
-
“Not very original, is it?”
-
-
“Perhaps, but it works for now. What I would want to know now is what Celeste is
-
sacrificing for. Is it for a worthy cause, or is she needlessly throwing away
-
her happiness?”
-
-
“That’s one of the problems with my writing. I can get a couple good scenes here
-
and there, but then I can’t connect them together. I have a struggle with the
-
journey between the main plot points. I need to be less random.”
-
-
“What you have here is interesting, and a good start,” she replied. “Let me see.
-
I once thought I could be an actress, and I fancied that I had some theater
-
skills. Let me try this.”
-
-
She put a hoof to her chest, cleared her throat, and then turned her head to the
-
side in an anguished, dramatic pose. “’Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness
-
is their foundation,’” she quoted in a soft, contemplative, and slightly
-
anguished voice. “’Sacrifice has always been the great enabler in our world. One
-
must give all they have, down to the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those
-
who serve around and beneath them. They gain because of my loss, and I would
-
never have it any other way. Ponies may see me a certain way, but in that way
-
lies the greater good.’”
-
-
“Wow.” Anon whispered in wide-eyed awe. Celestia had completely nailed how he
-
had envisioned that scene in his head. Her voice had held the nobleness of
-
station, but yet the emptiness of loftiness; the desire of the forsaken that was
-
slowly being swallowed by the numbness of the unobtainable.
-
-
He had no idea his words could carry such pathos.
-
-
“How was that?” she asked sincerely. “Too much, too over the top? Perhaps it was
-
meant to be a bit lighter, a bit more devious?”
-
-
Anon slowly shook his head. “No, you were dead on. That captured the scene I
-
envisioned perfectly.”
-
-
And Princess Celestia, Diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria, inspiration and guide
-
to millions across a vast land, Standard-Bearer of Order and Mare of the
-
Morning…
-
-
…blushed furiously.
-
-
“Oh, well,” she stammered, her pleased embarrassment obvious in both vocal tone
-
and body language. She gently put the notebook back on the table and then patted
-
it gently with a hoof. “The, uh, the source material helps. You set the mood, I
-
simply vocalized it.”
-
-
Anon nodded dumbly. It was debatable if he’d even heard her.
-
-
“Well!” Celestia suddenly stood, thus breaking the trance. Anon stood quickly
-
too as Celestia moved towards the open door. “Thank you again, Anon, for letting
-
me read that. But it really is getting late—”
-
-
“It is,” he hastily agreed.
-
-
“—and I have a lot of work to do in the morning so I can review that law—”
-
-
“Naturally.” The word fumbled out of his mouth.
-
-
“—and I’m quite sure you are exhausted—”
-
-
“To a degree.”
-
-
“—and so I will bid you good night and leave you to your evening.”
-
-
“Thank you.” He concluded at nearly the same time she did. Celestia then stepped
-
out of the room, but she turned in the hallway to face him again.
-
-
“As for tomorrow, you’re free to leave the palace grounds if you wish.”
-
-
“Really?” he asked, the surprise in his voice obvious.
-
-
Celestia nodded. “Of course. Just come check in with me in the afternoon
-
sometime. I think I can trust you.”
-
-
“Thank you,” he replied with a small smile.
-
-
“Also, if you would like to join me for breakfast tomorrow I would be delighted
-
to host you. I like to make pancakes, and if you ask nicely I might even put a
-
silly fruit face on them.”
-
-
Anon laughed slightly at this. “What time?”
-
-
“Just after sunrise.”
-
-
“I’ll consider it, how’s that?” he asked, and Celestia brightened.
-
-
“That’s all I can ask. Good night, Anon.”
-
-
“Good night, Celestia.”
-
-
She then quietly trotted away. Anon softly closed the door, moved to the desk,
-
and flipped the pages back to his train station description.
-
-
Perhaps they were not so foolish after all. The words had become meaningful to
-
him again, somehow, and he almost felt like when he had first become inspired to
-
become a writer. He’d keep them for sure now, maybe there was some home for
-
them.
-
-
He would still need a job when Celestia found that loophole, after all. But as
-
he switched off the light and crawled into bed, one thought kept replaying in
-
his head, and it made him smile:
-
-
She called me Anon. No Mister, just Anon.
-
-
-
-
-
-
Princess Celestia cheerfully walked towards her own chambers, a happy nonsense
-
tune on her lips and a slight spring in her step. Her conversation with Anon had
-
been quite delightful, and—
-
-
“Oh! Good evening, Twilight!” she hastily said after her vision cleared of
-
lavender. She really wished her most faithful student wouldn’t just appear like
-
that.
-
-
“Princess Celestia! Good evening!” Twilight replied.
-
-
Celestia was suddenly very grateful she had centuries of diplomatic skill to
-
help keep her from laughing at her protegée. Twilight was wearing a black
-
turtleneck sweater, but had the neck portion pulled up and over her muzzle.
-
“Would it be a fair guess to say you are here to access the royal archives as
-
part of the request I sent you earlier?”
-
-
“Yes. But I did have one question I wanted to ask you.”
-
-
Celestia mentally braced herself. “And what is that?”
-
-
“What in the wide, wide world of Equestria were you thinking?!” Twilight
-
shouted. Though she was trying to look angry, Celestia could find nothing but
-
humor since being able to only see Twilight’s eyes made it hard to take her
-
seriously. “And when were you going to tell me about this law?! I’ve been
-
running around this whole time with the possibility of having to marry the first
-
stallion who bonks my nose? Why would you even write a law like this?!”
-
-
“Well, Twilight,” Celestia began, as she smiled serenely and stopped herself
-
from rolling her eyes, “it was a very long time ago, and…” > 4. - A Truce by
-
Night >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“How could you do this to me?!” Celestia roared in fury, with tears streaming
-
down her cheeks in anguish.
-
-
“No, wait!” Anon yelled. “Celestia, please! I don’t—”
-
-
“Save your excuses, Mister Anon! I see clearly now what is going on!”
-
-
“I haven’t done—”
-
-
“SILENCE, CUR!”
-
-
Anon fell back on his butt, and raised one arm in front of him in a vain attempt
-
to block the absolute terror flying before him.
-
-
“N-N-Nightmare Moon?!”
-
-
“I have seen into your soul and there is nothing worth redeeming in you!”
-
Nightmare Moon shouted. “Now shall you deal with ME, O Anon, and all the fires
-
of Tartarus!”
-
-
Nightmare Moon plunged a hoof into the earth, which burst under the impact and
-
formed a wide and deep trench that continued to expand. Anon began backpedaling
-
as fast as he could, but the fire-breathing trench was faster than he was, and
-
soon it split around him and isolated him inside a large circle. Nightmare Moon
-
cackled with wild and evil abandon as Anon ran in place, scared for his life and
-
unable to move in any direction.
-
-
“You have been weighed, Anonymous, and have been found wanting.” Celestia’s
-
condemning face appeared in the midst of the flames. “There shall be no mercy
-
for you. It is time to become your namesake!”
-
-
“Please, no!” he shouted, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He backpedaled
-
as far as he could until he felt his butt getting roasted, and Nightmare Moon’s
-
laughter became more sadistic and maniacal. This was the end! He’d been a fool,
-
and this was the price he would pay!
-
-
“That is enough!”
-
-
A beam of magic dissipated Nightmare Moon and silenced her cackle. A following
-
pulse of magic stopped the fires, sealed and fused the rents back together and
-
washed the area with a relaxing aura that smelled of lavender.
-
-
However, Anon still feared for his life. Even though he wasn’t quite sure where
-
she was, he prostrated himself and buried his face in the dirt.
-
-
Why else would Luna be here? She had to be coming back to finish what she had
-
started at dinner.
-
-
“Arise, Anonymous. You have nothing to fear from me.”
-
-
He dared to lift his head slightly. His eyes slowly moved upwards, but then they
-
met the intense cyan irises of Princess Luna.
-
-
His face promptly went straight back into the dirt with a whimper.
-
-
Luna let out a sad sigh. “It would seem my actions have affected you more than I
-
thought. Please, Anonymous. I am here to offer you an apology.”
-
-
“Y-you are?” he sniffled.
-
-
“Yes. Will you rise and speak with me?”
-
-
He looked up again, a little faster this time. Again he met Luna’s eyes, but
-
this time he kept looking and found them to be concerned, a bit wounded, and
-
inviting. His hoof reached up to take hers, and Luna smiled for the first time
-
while she helped him up.
-
-
Well, at least to Anon for the first time.
-
-
“That is better, thank you.”
-
-
“Are you really here to apologize?” he asked softly.
-
-
“I am. My conduct earlier was unacceptable, and I wish to make whatever amends I
-
need to in order to gain your forgiveness.”
-
-
“My forgiveness,” Anon repeated.
-
-
“First, let us leave this place,” Luna replied. “Nightmares are hardly the place
-
to discuss such weighty matters.”
-
-
He nodded. “What did you have in mind?”
-
-
Luna smiled a bit deeper. The world around them wavered and pulsed for a moment,
-
but then it morphed into a rather remarkable sight.
-
-
A large lake, bathed in silver moonlight, stood surrounded by a large mountain
-
range that was gently touched and highlighted in soft blues and greys. A
-
waterfall fed the lake from a distant peak, and from where they were, the steady
-
pounding was soothing and sweet. The two of them stood on a small island in the
-
middle of this lake, and Anon noticed the olive green grass beneath his hooves
-
was gentle and maybe a bit ticklish. There was just enough room on this island
-
for the two of them to sit with an arm’s length between them, and the brightly
-
sparkling stars that framed the moon overhead completed the overall feeling of
-
calm.
-
-
“This is amazing,” Anon said, as he looked around in awe. “They don’t call you
-
the Dream Weaver for nothing, do they?”
-
-
“’Tis but a small thing. This is your dream, so you supplied the imagery. I
-
simply made it appear.”
-
-
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream this vivid.” He moved to face her again,
-
and sat.
-
-
“Not many ponies do.”
-
-
“So why did you attack me?” he bluntly asked. There was no point in dragging
-
this conversation out with small talk, so he cut right to the point.
-
-
“I do not delude myself into thinking I am anything like my sister,” she replied
-
while settling down onto the soft grass. “Celestia has wisdom, patience,
-
serenity, and the true peace of soul that comes from a life lived humbly and in
-
the service of others. On the other hoof, I obsess over the smallest of trivia,
-
and lose whatever temper I have upon even the slightest provocation. I know of
-
my own faults, and I remind myself daily that if I am not careful I will undo
-
everything that I want and everything that I have accomplished. I do not get a
-
second chance.
-
-
“But mastering my own soul has never been easy for me. Even after a thousand
-
years, I still struggle with my inner self at times. At this point, I fully
-
accept that it will be an eternal struggle, and that means that my anger will
-
take over my better judgement, especially when something precious to me is
-
threatened.”
-
-
“A threat to Celestia, you mean?” he clarified, and Luna nodded. “But how could
-
I possibly be any sort of a threat?”
-
-
“I have lived, breathed, bled, and nearly died with my sister for longer than I
-
can even remember. When I allowed my jealousy to consume me, to guide my actions
-
and surrender my will unto the Nightmare, Celestia could have destroyed me. She
-
pulled back her power so I would only be banished, not obliterated. When I
-
returned, my sister…”
-
-
Luna choked back some tears, but one managed to escape and slide down her cheek.
-
“…my sister gave me the chance to be redeemed, to be whole again. She forgave
-
me, instantly, despite my most heinous crimes against her. I received from her
-
the most precious gift she could give, and then I found she had made a world
-
that would give me everything that I had said I could not obtain. The bonds of
-
Sisterhood are deep between us, and she will forevermore have my undying
-
loyalty, just as she has been, and will be forever loyal to me.
-
-
“But that means I hold high standards for the one who has given me so much, and
-
you do not measure up, to be frank. You were in a place you should not have
-
been, doing something you ought not to have done, and while I now believe that
-
you touching noses with her was an accident, it still should not have happened.
-
I am not pleased with you, nor am I pleased with the circumstances that force my
-
sister to marry. I am also not pleased with the fact she forgot to repeal that
-
stupid law when that idiotic Duke died, but I suppose I share some fault there
-
for not reminding her. At this point, nothing can be done to undo it, as far as
-
I can tell.
-
-
“So you already have my animosity, and while I will work to accept what has
-
happened it will take time. I attacked you because I believed you had ulterior
-
motives, just as I said when I met you. I see now that assumption was wrong, and
-
so I ask for your forgiveness for my actions. If you do not wish to give such, I
-
will understand.”
-
-
Anon didn’t reply to her. That was quite the load she’d just dumped on him.
-
-
“Perhaps if I offer a truce,” she said after a few moments. “If you can treat my
-
sister in a manner that is appropriate and becoming of a true gentlestallion,
-
then I will make the changes I need to come to accept you. If you behave, so
-
will I. Will that be equitable?”
-
-
“I suppose that’s all we can do for now,” he sighed, but then extended a hand.
-
“Princess Luna, I forgive you. I can understand why you attacked me, and I can’t
-
hold that against you. I would much rather be your friend than your enemy.”
-
-
“Then I thank you, and I promise to try to be friends as well,” she replied, and
-
she shook his hand with her hoof. “Though don’t expect any miracles. I’ll still
-
probably glare at you for some time to come.”
-
-
“I can live with glares. Those aren’t so bad.”
-
-
“Fair enough.” Luna then looked around the landscape surrounding them. “You did
-
say you are an aspiring writer, yes?”
-
-
“I hope to be, yeah.”
-
-
“Take this, then, as a first step in our friendship: this world you have created
-
is far more detailed than most I encounter. The fact that you can dream so means
-
that your mind is broad, open, and creative, and I believe that you will be able
-
to translate this into the printed form, with practice and training. You could
-
be a great writer, if you strive hard enough for it.”
-
-
“You really think so?” he asked. Luna laughed a bit at his eagerness.
-
-
“I do. And if you can create this, then perhaps there is a very remote chance
-
you could create a meaningful and beautiful relationship with my sister.”
-
-
This set his cheeks on fire, and he scuffed a hand on the ground as he stammered
-
and glanced around awkwardly.
-
-
“Thank you,” Anon finally managed to blurt out. “But I’m pretty extra sure
-
someone will find a loophole to get me out of all of this.”
-
-
“If that is the case, then I hope that you and my sister can remain good
-
friends, regardless. She deserves to have good friends.”
-
-
She stood, spread her wings, but then glanced backwards over her shoulder.
-
-
“You deserve to have good friends too.”
-
-
And then she ascended into the dream sky until she was lost to his sight. > 5. -
-
Terms and Conditions Apply >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“Good morning, Mister Anon!”
-
-
“Good morning, Your Highness,” Anon replied with a smile.
-
-
“Please, have a seat wherever you like. I will have the pancakes out shortly.
-
Luna may join us this morning, but I believe she will be better behaved than she
-
was last night.”
-
-
“I’m sure she will be,” Anon replied. Celestia gave him a broad smile and moved
-
back into the kitchens.
-
-
Anon was feeling pretty good about today. After his late-night discussion with
-
Luna, he had slept pretty well. He wasn’t sure if Celestia could alter the
-
brightness of the sun, but it seemed to be exceptionally shiny and perky today.
-
He had watched it rise that morning before preparing for the day and now he was
-
eager to go back out into Canterlot and to try his hand at writing again.
-
Perhaps he would only produce hen scratches and nonsense, but inspiration was
-
like catching butterflies, to use an allegory, and he felt the need to get out
-
into the fields to have a chance at catching something wonderful.
-
-
He was also resolved to try sending his descriptions of Canterlot out for review
-
again as well. He would love to gain the interest of an editor, but at the very
-
least he could start getting an idea of what he needed to work on and where.
-
-
Perhaps he should let Celestia look over more of his works. She was bound to be
-
an expert in equish, having probably been alive when half the words for it were
-
invented, and being a teacher she could at least give him a list of books to
-
read that could go over syntax and grammar. Hopefully she would be willing to,
-
as he suddenly realized that she probably had graded so many papers on said
-
subjects that she might actually hate the things.
-
-
Just the book list, then. That would be useful by itself.
-
-
“Here we go!” Celestia reappeared with three plates of pancakes in her magic.
-
She sat down next to Anon, set the plates on the table, and he was pleased to
-
find that she had given him a funny face pancake, crafted with strawberry ears,
-
blueberry eyes, a whipped cream mane and decoratively placed fruit pieces around
-
the edge of the plate to enjoy.
-
-
“This looks delicious, Princess. Thank you.”
-
-
“You’re welcome!” she cheerfully replied. “I hope the silly face is all right. I
-
thought it might be kind of corny.”
-
-
“I like it,” he replied. “It’s cute.”
-
-
“Now the true test. You are the food critic here, so tell me what you think. Is
-
my cooking worthy?”
-
-
“I don’t know that I should be judging you,” he replied while feeling a knot of
-
worry develop in his gut. He didn’t want to offend her by criticizing her
-
cooking. There was a vacancy on the moon, after all. “I bet you’re a really good
-
chef.”
-
-
“I haven’t had as much practice as you think I’ve had,” she replied. “Please, I
-
want to know. I have a tough hide, I can take it. Be honest with me. Are they
-
any good?”
-
-
Anon shook his head with a small laugh. She asked for it! He picked up his fork,
-
cut a bite-size chunk from the short stack, stifled a giggle at cutting the
-
‘ear' off of the pancake head, and then he went to work.
-
-
Celestia watched him intently as he first took a deep sniff of the pancake. Out
-
came the tongue, a brief lick, and then his eyes drifted upward again while he
-
thought out his evaluation. “Hm. That’s… hm,” he said after a moment. This time
-
he went for actually eating what was on his fork. “This is quite interesting,
-
Princess. Different for sure.”
-
-
“You’re not just saying that, right?”
-
-
“No, no. I’m giving you my honest opinion. You’ve got all the expected
-
ingredients: flour, milk, salt, eggs, but then you’ve added extra sugar and
-
vanilla. Be careful with that, because you’d make this way too sweet if you get
-
the balance wrong. Also, make sure you take the fruit of the face into account.
-
The flavoring here could easily overpower the berries and banana. Hm, hm, hm.
-
Pure Vermount maple syrup, but I wouldn’t really expect you to have that cheap
-
imitation stuff. In all honesty, Princess, this is a really tasty treat. I’d
-
maybe dial down the sweetness a few notches, though. It’s ok the way it is, but
-
the syrup, fruit and vanilla all add together to make it a bit overwhelming. It
-
could be argued you’re trying a bit too hard with this.”
-
-
“And now I know.” Celestia gave a pleased chuckle. “Thank you for your honest
-
review. I'll maybe cut back on the sugar and vanilla.”
-
-
Anon made a show of eating a big bite, just to reinforce that the pancakes were
-
indeed good. Celestia laughed at his theatrics before cutting and taking a bite
-
of her own stack.
-
-
It was just then that Luna made her not-so-grand appearance.
-
-
Anon sat back a bit in surprise. He had assumed that her dream walking was easy
-
enough; there was no physical exertion to it. All she had to do was dream too,
-
right?
-
-
It appeared not. Her hooves were dragging on the floor, her head and neck were
-
lowered in exhaustion, her eyes were lined and bloodshot, her ears were
-
drooping, and even her ethereal mane seemed to have lost some of its luster and
-
strength. He’d almost be willing to guess she had run a marathon the night
-
before.
-
-
“Good Morning, Luna!” Celestia cheerfully called out.
-
-
“Muh,” she grumbled back.
-
-
“Long night?” Anon asked.
-
-
“Yes, and your little nightmare didn’t help anything,” she groused. “It would
-
have been better without that.”
-
-
“You had a nightmare last night?” Celestia asked Anon, with a note of worry.
-
-
“It was quite vivid,” Luna answered for him. “You tried to incinerate him,
-
Sister. Something about finding out his true motives.”
-
-
“I would never!” she protested. “Mister Anon, I have absolutely no wish for you
-
to be injured in any way. Please understand that nightmares tell only lies, and
-
that you should not heed anything they say.”
-
-
Luna shot him a mischievously wicked smile, then simply dropped her muzzle on to
-
her plate and began snarfing down her pancakes with noisy slurps, snorts, and
-
snaps of her teeth at every piece of fruit, real or imaginary.
-
-
“Oh, Luna! Really. You should have better manners for our guest.”
-
-
“Yeah. Probably should.” Luna’s words came out slightly mumbled and with little
-
bits of food still stuck to them. “Good pancakes, by the way.”
-
-
Celestia gave her sister an annoyed look and muttered something under her
-
breath. Anon forgot his own laden fork and simply watched the pancake carnage
-
that Luna was creating as he contemplated the conversation he had shared with
-
her last night. Had things really changed between them, or did Luna still hate
-
his deceptive hide and was merely being civil… well, relatively civil for her
-
sister?
-
-
It certainly gave him the impetus to behave, if he wasn’t going to already
-
anyway. He still thought Princess Luna would be a much better friend than an
-
enemy, and he really didn’t want to provoke her anymore. Besides, she could
-
probably eat him. Whole, with the size of bites she was taking.
-
-
“Do you plan on heading back today?” Celestia asked her mess of a sister.
-
-
“I am not sure yet,” Luna replied through the vanishing crumbs. Once the last
-
bit on the plate was gone, she stuck out her far-too-long-for-Anon’s-nerves
-
tongue and licked the entire plate so clean that it could have gone back into
-
the cabinet, then smacked her lips. Bits of pancake and fruit were still stuck
-
in the syrup on her nose, and Anon struggled not to laugh. “I have sent a
-
missive but have not received the reply. Once I do I will know if I am still
-
needed.”
-
-
Celestia was clearly struggling to retain her own composure despite Luna’s
-
antics. “You have some breakfast on your nose.”
-
-
“I’m sure I do.” Luna pushed away from the table and stood with her eyes just
-
barely open under hooded lids, looking back to Anon much like he was on the
-
menu. “Maybe your fiancé would like to help me clean it off.”
-
-
Anonymous’s official response to the offer was to choke on a blueberry eyeball.
-
-
“Luna.” Celestia gave Luna stern glare and a fierce frown.
-
-
“Well, why not? Polygamy was still in vogue when you wrote the clause, so we
-
could simply say we’re following the letter of the law.”
-
-
“Luna!”
-
-
“What? It’s not like I'm proposing we divide him down the middle. If you do not
-
wish to share, then fine.” Luna turned her sticky nose upwards as Anon started
-
to turn purple again and gagged breathlessly on his food. “You can be selfish if
-
you want. I shall say good day to you both for now. Mister Anon, you really
-
should take smaller bites.”
-
-
And with that, Princess Luna strode away, her fruit-decorated nose held high in
-
the air. Anon managed to clear his airway enough to cough up the obstruction,
-
and Celestia patted him on the back as he tried to suck in as much air as
-
possible.
-
-
“I really don’t know what’s gotten into her,” she commented. “She’s hardly ever
-
this hostile towards any pony.”
-
-
“Hostile?” Anon replied through his gasps for air. “I wouldn't go that far. I
-
think she just doesn’t like the situation.”
-
-
“She's hardly one to make judgements on worthiness,” Celestia grumbled darkly.
-
“But I suppose what you say could be true. Will you accept my apologies for her
-
behavior on her behalf?”
-
-
“It’s fine, I don’t hold it against her. I don’t have any siblings, but I bet I
-
would be protective of them too.”
-
-
“I appreciate you understanding. I guess we can only hope she will tone down the
-
hostility as she gets to know you.”
-
-
“Or until you find that loophole.”
-
-
“Then she will be very pleased indeed.” Celestia giggled a bit. “But I’m afraid
-
my duties call. Did you decide what you will do today?”
-
-
“I’m thinking I’ll go back out into Canterlot and maybe try to write some more.”
-
-
“You should try the Natural History Museum, just to the south of here. There are
-
a number of fine exhibits that might spark your imagination.”
-
-
“I will.” He nodded. “Thank you. When should I return tonight?”
-
-
“Let’s say around sunset. I should have at least some idea of how to get you out
-
of this by then. When you do return, ask any of the guards on duty to notify me,
-
and then just follow their directions.”
-
-
“I will.”
-
-
“Enjoy your day!” Celestia called back as she left the hall.
-
-
-
-
-
-
One simply cannot visit Canterlot without seeing the Equestrian Natural History
-
Museum. Located in the Quarter District, it a veritable treasure trove of
-
wonderment and enlightenment.
-
-
“Hmm,” Anon grunted in thought. What to write about next, and how? Should he
-
write about the exhibit on ancient fossils and the recent Mesohippus finds? Or
-
maybe the dioramas from the Cavepony exhibits would be a better choice. He knew
-
he would need to write something based on the information he’d gleaned from the
-
Founding of a Kingdom section, no matter what.
-
-
It was hard to decide.
-
-
“The Writer's Curse,” he muttered around his pencil. “Too many good ideas.”
-
-
He wasn’t even sure he liked his opening paragraph. It seemed a bit flat, with a
-
grandiose statement but not enough support. It probably needed a few more
-
adverbs –adjectives, adjectives– to get the proper feel across.
-
-
He had wanted to stay longer, but a sudden hunger had seized him while he had
-
been contemplating the one and only Ode to The Waning Moon – a painting so
-
masterful that noone could speak of it but in hushed and reverent tones. So he
-
had curtailed his studies to sally forth and procure lunch with an abundance of
-
grandiose terms to make what he was doing sound more epic. He then planned on
-
taking some time to try writing before going back to the Shoe and Nail to make
-
sure they had held his room. There was a paranoid part of him that thought the
-
front desk would not believe that the palace would be paying for a random
-
tourist's room, and that they would give it away to the next pony in line. He
-
still needed a place to stay after the loophole was found, after all.
-
-
He’d paid in advance for that room and he didn’t want to lose the bits, in all
-
honesty.
-
-
Unsure of what to try for lunch, he simply settled for walking up and down a
-
street until something smelled good and tempted him enough to try. He figured it
-
wouldn’t take long, given how his gut was both mourning in respect for the
-
long-digested pancakes and pining for another Royal meal, and he could try
-
writing a few paragraphs while he ate as well.
-
-
“Maybe this: Anyone with a taste for history would greatly enjoy the masterful
-
displays that can be— No, no. I’m using ‘masterful’ too much. I knew I should
-
have brought that thesaurus. This would be easier if—”
-
-
“WATCH IT!”
-
-
Anon registered the shout too late, and he collided into the side of a pony. The
-
force of the impact somehow took him off his legs, and he quickly found himself
-
sprawled across the cobblestone street.
-
-
“Oh, feathers! Are you ok?”
-
-
“Ow,” he groaned deeply in pain as his ribs reminded him that they really would
-
rather be introduced to immovable objects from a distance and over time, not all
-
at once and with cracking results.
-
-
“Here, let me help you up.”
-
-
Anon felt a hoof grab him and help him upright. He groaned again as he did so,
-
but managed to stay up and block some of the pain.
-
-
“You okay?”
-
-
“I think so,” he replied as he rubbed his injuries and looked himself over.
-
“That was my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
-
-
He then turned to face the pony he’d collided with, and found the most intense
-
pair of green eyes he’d ever seen. “I'm sorry,” he finished slowly.
-
-
“It’s okay, so long as you’re not hurt,” she replied. “That was quite the spill
-
you took.”
-
-
A female pegasus was attached to those green eyes, with a soft yellow coat and
-
powder blue mane. A sunflower was tucked behind one ear to complete the look,
-
and Anon couldn’t help but think that she was pretty.
-
-
“I’ve had worse. Are you okay?”
-
-
“I’m fine,” she replied. “You broke my fall.”
-
-
“I really am sorry. I should have been watching what I was doing.”
-
-
“What were you doing?”
-
-
“Writing,” he sheepishly admitted. “Or, at least, I was trying to think of what
-
to write.”
-
-
“You’re an author?” she asked as she turned and picked up his notebook.
-
-
“I’m hoping to be, someday. I’ve still got a lot to learn.”
-
-
“I’m Sego Lily.” She smiled a bit deeper, and offered a hoof. “If you’re going
-
to crash into me, we should at least have proper introductions.”
-
-
“Anonymous,” he replied, and he shook hooves. He quickly snuck a look at her
-
flank—a trio of sego lily flowers, made sense—and then he continued. “Are you
-
from around here?”
-
-
“Nah, just visiting. My Nana lives nearby. You visiting too?”
-
-
“Yeah. I'm trying to get some inspiration.”
-
-
“Well, I tell you what. Since you crashed into me, you can buy me lunch. Fair
-
enough?”
-
-
Anon smiled. “I can live with that. Do you have any recommendations?”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“I really don’t appreciate you being so mean to him,” Celestia stated in that
-
familiar, mothering tone that Luna had not missed in the slightest. “The poor
-
human finds out he has to marry me—which is quite overwhelming in and of
-
itself—and then while he’s still trying to sort that out you start breathing
-
fire down his neck. It’s not like he’s trying to court me to conquer Equestria,
-
you know.”
-
-
“Celly, I know. Just give me some time to come to terms with all of this. You
-
know I have impossibly high standards for any potential suitors, accidental or
-
not. I don’t like how this is turning out in the slightest.”
-
-
“I know. It’s not ideal, but if all goes well he’ll soon be on his way. Please
-
give him something positive to remember about this whole experience, will you?”
-
-
“I will try.”
-
-
“Thank you,” Celestia sighed, then smiled. “Have you heard from Blueblood yet?”
-
-
“His reply missive is what awoke me. He reports that negotiations with Prince
-
Rutherford actually seem to be progressing faster now—”
-
-
“HA!” Celestia blurted out suddenly. Luna gave her an icy stare as a hoof went
-
to her mouth in alarm.
-
-
“I fail to see the humor in that, Sister.”
-
-
“My deepest apologies, Lulu. I have no idea where that came from. Obviously
-
there is nothing to laugh about.”
-
-
The icy stare continued unabated. “As I was saying, progress is being made and
-
Blueblood believes that he can gain more ground by himself than with me.”
-
-
“Your sudden disappearance yesterday didn’t upset the Yaks, did it?”
-
-
“It seems not. Blueblood reports that they assumed my work was done and that he
-
had been left to continue negotiations.”
-
-
“Good,” Celestia replied as they rounded a corner in the hallway. “How much
-
longer will it take?”
-
-
“I don’t think it will be anytime soon. The Yaks are temperamental enough that—”
-
-
Celestia suddenly stumbled over her own front hooves, and she careened sideways
-
before hitting the wall and collapsing to her knees.
-
-
“Celly?!” Luna instantly was at her side.
-
-
“Woo!” Celestia hooted. “Me and my fat hooves, ha! Gonna need to watch them more
-
closely.”
-
-
“Sister?” Luna asked while Celestia began stumbling down the hallway again and
-
intently staring at her hooves. “Are you feeling alright?”
-
-
“Why of course, dear sister!” she called back, and her head dropped closer to
-
the ground. “’cept for those cracks. I knew it! They’re the source of my woes!”
-
-
She then tipped to her right, but her wings flared out and helped her maintain
-
her balance. Celestia stopped, looked over her shoulder, and gasped in wide-eyed
-
awe. “Lulu! I have wings!” she whispered. “When did this happen?”
-
-
“Over a thousand years ago?”
-
-
“You think I woulda noticed by now. Hey! I can fly then, right?”
-
-
“I don’t dare answer that.”
-
-
Celestia gasped even more loudly, and she planted her rear to put both hooves in
-
front of her mouth. “Lulu! You! You!”
-
-
“I have wings too?” Luna hazarded a guess.
-
-
“AND THEY'RE SO PRETTY!” she bellowed in reply. “Please say mine look jus as
-
pretty, pleasepleaseplease?!”
-
-
“Celly, what has gotten into you?!” Luna shouted while Celestia grabbed one of
-
Luna's wings and began poking through the feathers.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“…and then I decided to move to Fillydelphia. Not so crowded, but still close
-
enough to see everyone.”
-
-
“I could see why,” Anon chuckled.
-
-
“What’s it like where you are from?”
-
-
“Well, take every stereotype you have about what a small town is like, and then
-
you’ve got it.”
-
-
“Really?”
-
-
“All right, that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he chuckled. “It’s more like if
-
you took a quarter of Canterlot and placed it down somewhere. We've got some
-
theaters and a museum and such, but there’s probably not enough there to keep a
-
filly like you entertained. If you go to there, you’re going to be out in the
-
woods. That’s our biggest claim to fame.”
-
-
“It still sounds like a nice place,” she replied. “Maybe I’ll come visit
-
sometime.”
-
-
Anon’s gaze stayed on those green pools before him for a moment, and then he
-
looked away and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sorry again for running into
-
you.”
-
-
“That’s all right,” she replied. “This was nice. Where are you off to now?”
-
-
“I’m not sure. Since you’re something of a local, what would you suggest?”
-
-
“Let’s see. Have you taken the tour of the palace yet?”
-
-
“Yeah, I’ve been there,” he replied a bit awkwardly.
-
-
“Did you visit the gardens? They’re really quite amazing.”
-
-
“I was, uh...” he stalled for a second. “I was there yesterday.”
-
-
“Did you like it? Oh! Did you get to see Princess Celestia? I visit every time
-
I’m here but she’s never out there. I’d love to meet her sometime.”
-
-
“You've never seen her?” he asked, in the hope that she’d forget her question.
-
-
“It’s actually pretty rare for any pony to see her, even if you do live in
-
Canterlot. Her schedule and duties keep her pretty busy. She doesn’t have a lot
-
of time to just walk around.”
-
-
“Oh.”
-
-
“Don’t feel bad,” she replied, and she patted his hoof gently. “Even if you
-
don’t see her, there’s lots of other stuff to make memories with. Why don’t you
-
and I go check out the bazaar?”
-
-
“What’s that?” he asked, as they both stood.
-
-
“Big open air market, not too far from here. There's merchants there from all
-
over selling just about anything you can imagine. You ever have a macarena nut?”
-
-
“Once or twice.”
-
-
“You gotta try one from the stands. I don’t know what they do to them, but they
-
are delicious!”
-
-
Anon smiled wide. “Well, lead on then! Maybe I’ll find something to write
-
about.”
-
-
She gave him a winning smile back, took one of his hands in her hoof, and gently
-
began leading him towards the bazaar.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Princess Luna?”
-
-
“Twilight Sparkle!” she shouted, but then she grunted as a large thump pushed on
-
the door she was trying to hold shut. “Thank the Great Hasbro! No time to
-
explain, I need you to go get a broom or mop or anything that will hold this
-
door shut.”
-
-
“Is Celestia in there?”
-
-
“Luna!” came the Princess of the Sun's voice, along with another loud thump.
-
“There's no cake in here! You lied! I’m gonna send you to the moon for this!”
-
-
“No time, Twilight!” Luna admonished. “Quickly!”
-
-
“What is going on?!” Twilight demanded.
-
-
“Hey, whas this pointy thing on my head?” The closet became quiet for a moment,
-
and Luna looked at Twilight with absolute horror in every line on her face.
-
-
“It is too late!” she whispered. “Save yourself!”
-
-
Celestia suddenly teleported out into the hallway, but she promptly grabbed her
-
head in pain. “Ow! Luna, I don’t know what this thing is, but it hurts!”
-
-
She then noticed Twilight, who smiled sheepishly and took a step backwards.
-
-
“TWILIGHT!” she roared. “My moos faifful student! I haven’t seen you in forever!
-
When did you get here?”
-
-
“Yesterday?”
-
-
“That long ago? Somepony needs to quit messing with time. Not nice to keep
-
Twilight here for so long. HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY! You have wingie dings too! Mine
-
are prettier but yours is okay too.”
-
-
“Luna?” Twilight asked, through her eyes remained on her oddly-behaved teacher.
-
-
“I don’t know why she’s acting so strangely, but she’s been this way since just
-
after lunch. I’ve had my hooves full just trying to keep her from running into
-
something sharp.”
-
-
Twilight watched her beloved mentor giggle to herself as she shuffled the
-
feathers of her own wings for a moment, but then her face then went sour in a
-
flash. “Discord! Show yourself!”
-
-
“I have nothing to do with this, for the record!” his voice replied. “But I have
-
quite thoroughly enjoyed the performance. Do you think she does encores?”
-
-
“Where are you?!”
-
-
“Shh! You’ll startle her!” he replied. A clawed arm reached out from nowhere,
-
grabbed Twilight, and pulled her back behind some sort of badly camouflaged duck
-
blind.⁽*⁾ (*) Not blind ducks, because Fluttershy seriously frowned on such
-
behavior. There was, however, a duck in a pair of dark glasses.
-
-
“What did you do?” she growled at him, as Luna tried to keep Celestia from
-
walking away.
-
-
“I recorded the performance for future enjoyment,” he offered while he donned a
-
beret and held up a camera and its tripod. “I have captured the Celestia in her
-
natural environment, my life's work really. Now I can finally release my
-
documentary, which I shall entitle “Celestia: Raw and Uncut!”
-
-
“Discord!”
-
-
“Look, I really had nothing to do with this!” he protested, as something in the
-
hallway shattered and Celestia guffawed loudly. “I’m reformed now, remember? I
-
would hate to see what Fluttershy would say if I did do something to her beloved
-
diarch. I’m innocent on all counts.”
-
-
“Then what’s wrong with Celestia?” she asked in alarm. Discord shrugged.
-
-
“Maybe she got into a bad batch of tulips,” he offered. “Those things can cause
-
all sorts of trouble if you’re not careful.”
-
-
“You think she ate something that caused this?”
-
-
“I’m just brainstorming over here,” he replied as a lightning bolt hit him on
-
the head from a very small thundercloud. “Maybe she hit her head on something.
-
Maybe somepony—not me, of course, but somepony else—used some kind of magic on
-
her.”
-
-
“Of course!” Twilight brightened. “Magic! She must be under the influence of
-
some magical curse! I just need to isolate the cause!”
-
-
“Say, is it just me, but is there something different about your teacher? I
-
mean, other than her behavior of course. Maybe she put on weight?”
-
-
“What?” Twilight balked. Desperate to prove him wrong, she quickly jumped out
-
from behind the blind and looked Celestia over intently. One horn, two wings,
-
mane and tail, four legs. Everything that should be there was.
-
-
But then she saw it: Celestia's cutie mark had begun to fade.
-
-
“Somepony is pulling magic out of her!” Twilight shouted. “Princess Luna, quick!
-
We need to find out who is stealing her magic!”
-
-
“You’re welcome, by the way!” Discord shouted, as Twilight ran off. “Ingrate. Oh
-
well, this’ll be perfect for home movie night.” He cackled as he began turning
-
the crank on the camera. “Maybe I’ll finally win an Ovation from the Moving
-
Pictures Club. Those guys have been snubbing me for years!”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“…and then she ate it!”
-
-
Both Sego Lily and Anon laughed. It seemed Sego had quite the animated family,
-
and she was a pretty decent storyteller herself.
-
-
“Is she okay?” he asked.
-
-
“Oh, yeah,” Sego replied. “She laughs about it now.”
-
-
“That’s good. Oh, but I gotta get going,” he suddenly said, as he noticed the
-
sun slipping behind the horizon, although a little shaky and with an extra
-
wobble. “I didn’t realize it was so late.”
-
-
“Do you really have to go?” Sego pouted.
-
-
“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry. I did have a lot of fun today, though. Thanks for
-
showing me around.”
-
-
“No problem.” She smiled at him. “Are you leaving Canterlot anytime soon?”
-
-
“I’m not sure when I’ll be heading out.”
-
-
“Well, if you want to hang out again, I’m staying at the Shoe and Nail.” She
-
pulled the sunflower out from behind her ear and put it behind his. “Just ask
-
for me at the front desk. I’ll be there for the next two days, then I gotta head
-
home. I’ll show you around some more, if you want.”
-
-
“If I can, I’d love that,” he replied. “Thanks.”
-
-
“If not, it’s been fun, Anonymous,” she replied, and they shook hooves/hands
-
again. “Take care of yourself, eh? Try not to run into anypony else.”
-
-
“I will. You as well,” he chuckled.
-
-
“See ya!”
-
-
With that, Sego Lily took off and flew towards the hotel. Anon sighed
-
contentedly, and then turned to get back to the palace. Hopefully Celestia
-
wasn’t too worried about him, and she’d found that frequently-mentioned
-
loophole. That would make his day complete.
-
-
He trotted quickly to the palace, and the guards gave him no trouble at the
-
gates or at the front doors. One even told him to head up towards the dining
-
room, and he’d probably find Celestia there, getting ready for the evening. He
-
did so, but found noone in sight. With a bit of confusion, he then turned back
-
out into the hallways and began glancing around.
-
-
“Princess?” he called out. “Are you up here?”
-
-
“Anonymous?!” Luna’s voice rattled the windows, and a light dusting of plaster
-
rained down and into his mane. “If that is you, get your sorry flank up here
-
right this instant!”
-
-
Now what had he done? He was beginning to wonder if Luna would even let him
-
breathe in peace anymore. He quickly moved up a flight of stairs, around a
-
corner, then followed what sounded like maniacally delirious laughter.
-
-
“What did you do?!” Luna thundered, as soon as he met up with the Princesses of
-
Night and Day in the hallway. Celestia was sitting, staring into a vase with
-
wide eyes and giggling slightly as she ‘ooo’-ed her reflection.
-
-
“I took a tour of town!” he replied in alarm. “What is she doing?”
-
-
“Admiring herself at the moment, which is better that what she has been doing.
-
You better not have done anything else today!”
-
-
“I swear, all I did was walk around and tour the city,” he replied. “I don’t
-
know what I could have done to make this happen.”
-
-
Celestia then turned her head, caught sight of Anon, and took in a huge breath.
-
-
"AAAANNNOOOOOOOONNN!” she shouted with unabashed glee and in the Royal Voice.
-
“You came back! I just knew you would. Luna said you was long gone, that you
-
would run to Slick Rock and hide in your bed, but I said, I said ‘No way,
-
Seester! He’s totally gonna come back, jus you wait! Gimme hug, Anon!”
-
-
She then reared up and spread both her arms and wings out wide, thus hitting the
-
vase next to her and sending Luna scrambling to catch it before it hit the
-
ground. Celestia then promptly lost her balance, tipped over sideways, then had
-
enough momentum to keep going until she was resting on her neck, upside down,
-
with her rump on the wall and her limbs hanging in odd directions. Her eyes then
-
clamped shut, and after a moment she began snoring.
-
-
“Did she just knock herself out?” Anon asked, as he took a hesitant step closer.
-
-
“I certainly hope so,” Luna sighed and gently placed the vase back on the
-
pedestal. “She started acting like this right after lunch. Twilight Sparkle is
-
in the Archives right now, trying to figure out how somepony could pull magic
-
out of her. She has struck naught but dead ends so far.”
-
-
“Pull magic out of her?” he repeated.
-
-
“Yes. I fear time is short. Look at her cutie mark.”
-
-
Anon did so, and gasped. It was so faded that it was hard to make out where it
-
was.
-
-
“The only thing I can think of that may have caused this is something to do with
-
that marriage clause,” Luna continued. “I am sure she told you she would cease
-
to be a Princess if she did not marry you. But if what you say is true and you
-
simply looked at the sights, then I am at a loss.”
-
-
“Celestia,” Anon softly said, and a tear slid out of his eye. He was rapidly
-
beginning to figure out what had caused all this. “This is my fault.”
-
-
Luna started to say something, but then stopped as Anon quietly stepped over
-
towards the serenely snoring Celestia. There was something in the air; something
-
compelling, something magical, and it seemed to be moving Anon towards his
-
unintentional intended. If whatever he was doing would solve the problem, she
-
was all for him doing it.
-
-
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, once he drew close to her. “I did this to you. I
-
hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t want you to lose your magic. I’m
-
sorry.”
-
-
He then went down on his knees, leaned in, and touched his nose to hers.
-
-
Luna stumbled back a few steps as a sudden rush of energy blasted down the
-
hallway. It swirled and twirled around, like some barely-contained tornado,
-
until it reached Anon and Celestia. Golden light began to swirl around with the
-
energies, illuminating the hallway and forcing Luna to shield her eyes.
-
-
“Whatever you are doing, Anon, keep doing it!” she shouted over the rush of
-
wind.
-
-
There was now an increase, both in luminosity and in energy, and Anon could feel
-
the individual hairs of his arms standing on end while he stumbled backwards in
-
alarm. Had he screwed up yet again?
-
-
He didn’t have time to ponder the question. There was something resembling a
-
boom, a final surge of energy pulsed through the hall, and then all of the
-
coalesced magic flowed immediately back into Celestia. The light decreased, the
-
wind died out, and Luna eagerly moved up with Anon to evaluate the hopefully
-
restored diarch.
-
-
After a moment, one magenta eye fluttered open, then the other. Celestia
-
groaned, and her legs twitched a bit, although she still remained upside-down.
-
-
“Am I on my head?” she asked.
-
-
“You are,” Luna replied. “And you look like quite the old fool doing it, too.”
-
-
“Mister Anon! So good to see you’ve returned. I suppose I should set the sun…
-
now…” Celestia trailed off, and her eyes darted about for a moment.
-
-
“What is it?” Luna asked.
-
-
“Did I say, at some point today, that Twilight had pretty wings but not as
-
pretty as mine?”
-
-
“Something to that effect, yes.”
-
-
“And by any possibility, did I slide down a banister?”
-
-
“Two,” Luna confirmed. “You made it down five flights of stairs before falling
-
off the second time.”
-
-
“And,” added Celestia, still upside-down and with a long, slow blink of both
-
eyes, “did I at any time challenge a duck to a race across Canterlot Lake?”
-
-
“That was your dream last night,” said Luna. “Thankfully.”
-
-
Celestia paused, flipped herself down and upright again, then looked up and down
-
the hallway again. “I believe I have been acting most inappropriately today.”
-
-
Luna let loose a snort of amusement. “To put it mildly.”
-
-
“Twilight is trying to figure out what is wrong with me.”
-
-
“She is.”
-
-
“Will you go tell her that I am fine now, and that she need not worry anymore?”
-
Celestia asked, a hint of fear in her voice. “I think I will go freshen up
-
quickly and then talk to her about my behavior.”
-
-
“Of course.” Luna nodded, and then left. Anon gulped as Celestia looked at him.
-
-
“What have you been doing today?” she asked. “And why is there a sunflower
-
behind your ear?”
-
-
-
-
-
-
Celestia did not knock at doors.
-
-
This was her house, after all. Still, she tapped very gently at this door, and
-
when she received no response after some time, she opened it and sighed at the
-
sight on the other side. There was a Anon shaped lump under the blankets on the
-
bed, and some slight sniffling coming from it. Luna followed after her sister,
-
smirked at the sight, but said nothing about it.
-
-
“I think we need to talk about what happened today,” Celestia gently said, as
-
both sisters sat on the floor. “Can you come out, please?”
-
-
Anon’s head poked out and rested on the bed, and Celestia shot Luna a look of
-
warning while she stifled a snicker. Even if he resembled a turtle, this was no
-
time for laughter.
-
-
It was beyond obvious that he felt miserable. His eyes were red from crying, his
-
nose was raw and red from frequent nose blowings, and his gaze remained fixed in
-
front of him in morose misery.
-
-
“You weren’t responsible for this, Anonymous,” Celestia began with as much
-
tenderness as she could offer.
-
-
His bloodshot eyes rolled over to her. “I severely doubt that statement.
-
Everything is my fault.”
-
-
“That is a very broad statement. You’re responsible for every ill that befalls a
-
pony?” Luna quipped.
-
-
Anon huffed out an annoyed sigh and let his gaze return to depressingly neutral.
-
-
“Mister Anon, really,” Luna continued. “The events of today were not your
-
fault.”
-
-
“Ha,” he deadpanned. “Right. I’m the one who betrayed Princess Celestia, a noble
-
ruler of our lands and respected… everything. I'm the one who threw away
-
everything we talked about at the first pretty face that trampled me. My stupid
-
impulses nearly destroyed the magic of the sun. I’m pretty extra sure that what
-
happened was, indeed, my fault. I’m a walking disaster zone. Maybe you do need
-
to imprison me in the Everfree.”
-
-
“We are not going to do anything like that,” Luna replied. “It’s hardly fair of
-
us to punish you for something we do not even fully understand.”
-
-
“Anon, my sister is right,” Celestia added. “Neither of us knew that the binding
-
magics were so strong, or so sensitive. If we had known, we would have warned
-
you, and then none of this would have happened. If anything, the fault lies with
-
us for not taking this more seriously.”
-
-
Anon didn’t reply. There were a few moments of silence, but then Celestia had an
-
idea.
-
-
“Luna, may we have a few minutes, please? I think this might be better if I
-
speak to my fiancé alone.”
-
-
Anon sighed sadly, but Luna nodded, stood and left without further comment.
-
Celestia sighed as she again turned to Anon, and then she noticed a sunflower on
-
his desk. She picked it up with her magic, but the transfer into her hooves was
-
feather soft.
-
-
“Was she pretty?”
-
-
“I’m pretty sure I’m in enough trouble already,” he replied.
-
-
“Was she?” Celestia pressed.
-
-
Anon sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. “Yes.”
-
-
“What was she like?”
-
-
The look that passed over his face gave away his inner thought. After all, he
-
probably couldn’t make things much worse at this point. “She was loud, and
-
talkative. She had a lot of stories, and one reminded her of another, so it was
-
hard to get a word in edgewise. She liked it when ponies praised her. She had
-
deep, green eyes and a soft blue mane. She laughed a lot, she joked a lot. And
-
she spent most of the afternoon walking and talking with me around Canterlot.”
-
-
“Do you want to meet with her again?”
-
-
A tear escaped. “Yes.”
-
-
“Your sadness is not caused by what you think you did to me,” Celestia said,
-
“nor is it from a perceived betrayal. Your sadness comes from what you are
-
missing out on.”
-
-
His eyes rolled back to her with some confusion showing in them, and Celestia
-
nodded before she continued. “If you hadn’t bumped into me yesterday, this may
-
have been the moment when you found your special somepony. This kindly mare you
-
met was interesting, amusing, and worth getting to know better. Your depression
-
stems from the fact that, despite how well your first encounter with her went,
-
you will never be able to see her again. You will never know if there could have
-
been something, because my law forces you to marry me. The future isn’t what it
-
could have been, but rather is something totally out of your control.
-
-
“So, in a way, most of this is probably resentment. You hate what is happening
-
to you and how it has happened. You are angry that you have to be stuck with me,
-
a mare that you have no right having any relationship with, and you hate that
-
your life cannot proceed on a normal path.”
-
-
Silence reigned supreme within the room.
-
-
“Well.” Celestia stood. “I hope you can forgive me, in time. I know that what
-
has happened has greatly upset your life, and believe me, I regret everything
-
that has happened as well.”
-
-
“This isn’t your fault,” he said. “You weren’t the one in the flowers.”
-
-
“But I did write the law,” she replied, “and I am the one who stuck my nose into
-
the flowers. I am a firm believer in placing appropriate blame in the
-
appropriate place, especially if it involves me. I am not above my citizens, in
-
any way. I must be held accountable, the same as anypony else.”
-
-
Anon didn’t reply, but he did appear thoughtful.
-
-
“I have cleared my schedule for tomorrow so I may devote my whole efforts to
-
finding your escape from this nightmare,” she continued while she turned towards
-
the door. “I will have a definite answer for you by this time tomorrow. In the
-
meantime, you should continue about your activities. I don’t know of any other
-
issues that should arise, so you should be fine.”
-
-
“Why did the magic start draining out of you?” he asked as he sat up. “We aren’t
-
married yet.”
-
-
“The Heart Magic I used to bind the law was very powerful and very complex, the
-
primordial magic of creation even. When I activated it, it began following us,
-
ensuring that we both followed the terms that had been laid out. When you met
-
that mare—”
-
-
“Sego Lily,” Anon quietly interrupted.
-
-
“Very well. When you met Sego Lily, the Heart Magic sensed that there was the
-
possibility you could betray me. It can feel what is in our hearts, and it felt
-
that your heart was turning towards Miss Lily. The terms of the marriage clause
-
then began to come to bear, and my magic was siphoned from me, thus causing my
-
odd behavior. When you returned and touched my nose again, you reaffirmed your
-
commitment to me, and the Heart Magic restored everything to what it should be.
-
So long as you maintain professional relationships with other mares, you cannot
-
cause any further damage.”
-
-
“And there’s nothing else?”
-
-
“Twilight has read over the law seven times now and can find no other
-
‘surprises.’ If she cannot find any, we should be fine.”
-
-
“How did you explain your actions to her?”
-
-
“I told her the truth," Celestia replied casually. “There really wasn’t any
-
other way to explain the situation. It took her a few minutes to fully
-
understand and accept the news, but she’s now deeply committed to finding a
-
loophole too. She’s also agreed to not speak of this to anypony else, as has the
-
staff who saw my erratic behavior. I don’t think either of us want what has
-
happened to become general knowledge yet. Or ever.”
-
-
“Not really, no.”
-
-
“The staff has also been instructed to take care of any needs you may have
-
tonight.” Celestia stood, placed the sunflower back on the desk, and began
-
moving towards the door. “Simply pull the cord, and a servant will be along
-
shortly. You are free to do whatever you like tomorrow, as I said before. Please
-
just check with me again at nightfall. Good evening.”
-
-
She then drifted out of the room, but Anon groaned once she was out of sight.
-
“Celestia, wait!”
-
-
“Yes?” She poked her head around the doorframe.
-
-
“Will…” Anon stalled out, looked at the floor sheepishly, then looked at her
-
again. “Will you be making pancakes again?”
-
-
Celestia smiled softly and warmly. “Just after sunrise.”
-
-
“Could I join you for breakfast again?”
-
-
“I would be honored.” > 6. - The Verdict >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
To her Most Royal Highness
-
-
Princess Celestia Of The Royal Kingdom of Equestria
-
-
On behalf of the Juris Prudis Center of Law at the University of Canterlot, I
-
wish to thank you for your recent submission to our department. This so-called
-
‘Alicorn Law’ is a literal and figurative treasure, and we greatly value your
-
willingness to share such an historical document with us. Everypony has been
-
beside themselves to have a chance to review this law, and if we could trouble
-
you for a few hours of your time in the near future we would greatly appreciate
-
hearing the history and the context behind it.
-
-
As to your request, I have personally reviewed your document, as have all
-
department heads, professors, and a select group of undergraduate students who
-
are at the top of their class. We estimate that, combined, over 300 pony-hours
-
have been devoted to examining the ‘marriage clause,’ and I personally believe
-
that no other legal document has been subjected to as deep and as through a
-
study as this has been.
-
-
It is the considered opinion of all involved that, in all respects, this is the
-
most legally binding document, and by extension the most legally binding clause,
-
in recorded history. There are absolutely no caveats, provisions, loopholes,
-
extensions, mitigating factors, errors, or contradictions that we could find
-
that would allow for the marriage clause to be cancelled, modified, or nullified
-
in any way, shape, means, or form.
-
-
If there is anything else I or my department can assist you with, please feel
-
free to contact us at anytime.
-
-
Sincerely,
-
-
Amicus Curiae,
-
-
Head Dean Juris Prudis Center of Law University of Canterlot
-
-
-
-
-
* * ✹ * *
-
-
-
“Princess?”
-
-
“Oh! Good morning, Mister Anon!” Celestia said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be
-
awake already. I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to make the pancakes yet; I
-
just finished raising the sun.”
-
-
“That’s okay, I actually wanted to talk to you for a minute, if I may.”
-
-
“Of course! What is troubling you?” Celestia asked with deep concern. “Whatever
-
it is, I’m sure I can help.”
-
-
“That I don’t doubt. Look, I, uh…”
-
-
Celestia said nothing while Anon sorted out his thoughts. After a moment, he
-
added, “I want to apologize to you.”
-
-
“For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
-
-
“I think I have, actually.”
-
-
Celestia tilted her head slightly and gave him a curious look.
-
-
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said last night, about me being resentful.
-
You were right about all of that. The problem is I should have been less of a
-
self-centered jerk about it.”
-
-
“Mister Anon, you have every—”
-
-
“No, wait.” He cut her off forcefully. “Just let me say all this first. I
-
haven’t given your thoughts and feelings in all of this the due it deserves. You
-
have been agonizing over what has happened, too. It’s obvious you feel bad, and
-
that your creation has lead us to where we are. I should have been aware of
-
that, and I need to remember you’re hurting as much as I am, and you’re probably
-
just as confused as I am about how to move forward.
-
-
“I think, really, that I’ve been coming at this from the wrong viewpoint. This
-
whole time, I’ve pretty much seen you and treated you as Princess Celestia, The
-
Great and Powerful.” He dropped his voice an octave for emphasis, and Celestia
-
giggled a bit at the show. “I’ve spent this whole time expecting you to waltz up
-
at any moment and say: ‘Mister Anon, I found the loophole. You’re good to go,’
-
and then we part with a laugh and no further thought on the matter. Before last
-
night, I figured you were just mechanically going through the motions until you
-
reached the end.
-
-
“But you have a heart, the same as me, and it’s a heart that cares deeply for
-
other people. I realized last night that you’ve probably agonized over this ten
-
times more than I have, and have felt ten times worse. It’s not fair for me to
-
have a pity party when you’ve dutifully carried on without crying on my shoulder
-
about it all. So, I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings. I’m sorry I’ve
-
been so callous. Can you forgive me?”
-
-
“I think I can,” she replied, with a somewhat stern look now. “But on one
-
condition.”
-
-
“Name it.”
-
-
She leaned in close to his ear. “You tell me what ‘callous’ means,” she
-
whispered.
-
-
“Well, it means… wait. What?”
-
-
Celestia laughed a bit as she straightened. “Well, if somepony tells me they’re
-
being callous, I want to make sure they know what being callous is!”
-
-
“It means I’ve been thick, and unfeeling, and probably unwanted and very much
-
me.”
-
-
“You’re not unwanted, Mister Anon. You’ve been a delight to have as a guest,
-
especially compared to some diplomats I’ve met.” She gave him a warm smile as
-
they began walking down the hallway. “As for unfeeling, you’ve been nothing of
-
the sort. Most people do see me as the Great and Powerful—” she mimicked his
-
deep voice “—so it’s just how you are. There’s nothing wrong with being
-
yourself.”
-
-
“Yeah, but that’s just it. You mentioned how I need to reconcile what I knew
-
with what I know now. I didn’t do that, and I should have.”
-
-
“I think you already did.”
-
-
The smile that Anon gave Celestia right then could have ignited a star on its
-
own.
-
-
“I hope so. But that’s the other part of it: I betrayed you yesterday.”
-
-
Celestia shook her head. “Never! All I ever told you was that we needed to
-
marry, nothing more. To me, that does imply that anything done before the
-
marriage shouldn’t matter. As I said, you are not to blame. It was my fault, not
-
yours. Besides, it doesn’t help that I keep mentioning a loophole. It’s just as
-
you said: you were expecting to be released from this law, so you lived life as
-
such. If I do find a way out of this for you, I fully expect you to go find Sego
-
Lily and to ask her out on a formal date. I’ll even hunt her down myself if I
-
have to.”
-
-
“And if you don’t find a way out?” he asked, and his face contorted with
-
concern. “What if we really do need to marry?”
-
-
Celestia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and smirked. “We’ll figure
-
that out when the time comes, but for now, we should eat. It is always best to
-
ponder weighty subjects on a full stomach, in my opinion.”
-
-
“Breakfast does sound good.” He began walking by her side as they strolled down
-
the hallway.
-
-
“If you ask me nicely, I may even put a funny face on your pancakes again.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Anon.”
-
-
“I didn’t do anything!” Anon recoiled and fell back on his butt.
-
-
“Who said you did?” Luna remarked. “And didn’t you do something just then, thus
-
negating your previous statement?”
-
-
Anon blinked. “What?”
-
-
“I am yanking your chain, Mister Anon. Relax.”
-
-
“Oh,” Anon replied in relief while he plopped into a dining room chair. Luna
-
eyed him for a moment, but then scooped up a large bite of corn flakes, shoveled
-
them in her mouth and went back to intently reading the nutritional content
-
label of the cereal box.
-
-
“You like corn flakes?” He dared to ask the obvious after a few minutes in hopes
-
of further conversation.
-
-
“Helps to regulate my constipation.”
-
-
“And I’m done.” Anon leaned back, more than a little grossed out at such a
-
thought. “I just can’t win with you.”
-
-
“That all depends on how you keep score.” Luna glanced over to him, and offered
-
a mischievous smile. “And on how you play the game.”
-
-
“Game?”
-
-
“If you are going to stick around, Mister Anon—and there is a very good chance
-
that you will be here for quite some time—there are two things you must
-
understand about me. The first is that I was the bearer of the Element of
-
Laughter before my banishment.”
-
-
Her gaze went distant, and Anon felt a distinct chill as Luna’s demeanor
-
dropped. “Those were the days.
-
-
“The second thing is that I am a prankster by nature. If you can learn to roll
-
with my punches, you will be much better off.”
-
-
“I see,” Anon quietly replied.
-
-
Luna nodded, picked the bowl up with her magic, drained the contents in one
-
massive chug, then stood and grabbed the box with her magic as well. “Do you
-
like soymilk, Mister Anon?”
-
-
“I suppose so.”
-
-
“Good. I personally recommend it, I have found it helps to prevent bloating and
-
other gastrointestinal issues. Very useful for long-winded dinners and other
-
such formal events.”
-
-
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
-
-
Luna smiled, nodded, then left for the kitchen area.
-
-
It was just then that Anonymous heard a humming noise, that quickly became a
-
scatting be-bop mix. He glanced around the room but couldn’t see any ponies.
-
-
But then he saw spikes.
-
-
Green spikes.
-
-
Green spikes and purple scales.
-
-
And while no pony is quite sure, it is entirely within the realm of possibility
-
that Anonymous squealed in delight.
-
-
“Oh, hi! You must be Anonymous. I’m Spike; it’s nice to meet you!”
-
-
Anonymous was up, over, and shaking Spike’s claw faster than a sonic rainboom.
-
“My dear dragon friend, the pleasure is entirely mine.”
-
-
“Oh, heh. Wow,” Spike replied, with a bit of embarrassed pride.
-
-
“Do you live here at the palace?” Anon asked, with the undertone that he
-
desperately wanted Spike to say yes.
-
-
“I used to. I live with Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville now.”
-
-
Anon felt crushed for a moment, but then brightened again. “And you’re here to
-
help Twilight Sparkle study Celestia’s law?”
-
-
“Yup! I am her number one assistant, after all.”
-
-
Luna then casually walked back into the dining hall.
-
-
“Wouldyouexcusemeforonemoment?” Anon managed to gasp. Before Spike could
-
respond, Anon zipped across the room and nearly tackled Luna.
-
-
“What are you doing?” Luna protested.
-
-
“Luna, I know you hate every hair on my miserable body and would rather turn me
-
in for a profit at the glue factory than talk to me but I need the greatest
-
favor in the history of Equestria. I swear on my own grave that I will never ask
-
you for anything again and you can give me nightmares for the next hundred years
-
if you want.”
-
-
“Uh…”
-
-
“I need you to teleport my notebook and my pencil down from my room.”
-
-
He then used the most feared and effective weapon in the history of the world:
-
-
Puppy Dog eyes.
-
-
“THANK YOU!” He snatched the items out of Luna’s magic grasp. He then skittered
-
back over to Spike—who had a completely dumbfounded look—sat down, ripped his
-
book open, and then turned his whole focus to the young dragon.
-
-
“Please forgive my enthusiasm, Mister Spike. It has been a lifelong dream of
-
mine to speak to a living, breathing member of your species. May I be
-
impertinent enough to ask you a few questions?”
-
-
“What kind of questions?” he asked warily.
-
-
“General information questions. Like this, as an example: do you shed, molt, or
-
lose any of your scales?”
-
-
“Well, I do get a little flakey sometimes. I find a loofah helps take care of
-
that.”
-
-
Anon began writing furiously. “Are you fireproof?”
-
-
Spike scoffed. “Totally! We dragons are completely flame proof!”
-
-
“They will be at this for days.” Luna chuckled to herself.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“…well, it depends,” Spike drawled. He was sitting sideways in his chair, with
-
one arm casually resting across the back of it while he used his other claw to
-
emphasize his point by waving it nonchalantly in the air. “You see, it’s all in
-
the mineral content. Emeralds have a distinct smoothness to them, but rubies?
-
Ha! Rubies punch ya right in the mouth! I prefer a nice amethyst myself, though
-
I’m generally not too picky about my gems.”
-
-
Anon was scribbling in his notebook with enough speed that there was the concern
-
he’d set it on fire.
-
-
“How long do you think they’ll go?” Twilight asked her former teacher.
-
-
“We may have to physically pull them apart.” Celestia chuckled a bit. “I would
-
guess Anonymous has quite a few questions.”
-
-
“…the only ones who could dig faster would be Diamond Dogs.” Spike’s voice
-
drifted over in the pause.
-
-
“But you find them by smell?” Anon asked.
-
-
“Yup! Ain’t no better sniffer than yours truly!”
-
-
Both Celestia and Twilight laughed lightly as Anon scrawled furiously again.
-
-
“Twilight? I need you to be perfectly frank with me.” Celestia continued, while
-
keeping her gaze on Anon. “Is there any sort of a loophole in my law?”
-
-
Twilight looked like she might try to hem or haw for a moment, but then she
-
sighed. “No. As far as I’ve been able to see, there’s no way out of this. You
-
somehow made this water tight. I’m more than happy to go over it with you;
-
perhaps we’ll see something together. But I really and truly think you’ll be
-
forced to marry him.”
-
-
There was a long pause between the two Princesses. Both watched as Spike told
-
the story of how he had heroically ‘saved’ Rarity from the Diamond Dogs, and
-
both chuckled when Anon called him out on it.
-
-
“Well,” Celestia sighed finally, “I did clear my entire day, after all. Let’s go
-
over it together. When I break the news to my—” Celestia paused for a moment
-
before drawing in a deep breath, “—my husband, I want to be completely sure I am
-
being totally honest with him.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“There’s no loophole.” Anon repeated slowly.
-
-
“No.” Celestia sighed. “I’m sorry.”
-
-
Anon stared into his cup of tea, wishing that something considerably more potent
-
than mere leaves was hidden beneath the surface. Then he managed with great
-
concentration to return his cup to the saucer while looking at the ream of paper
-
on the table between them. “I assume you’re completely sure on this?”
-
-
“I am. Twilight and I went over every letter in there. We tried contextual
-
errors, contradictions, anarchisms. We debated for an hour on if we could cancel
-
it based on what the definition of ‘is’ is. Nothing worked.
-
-
“This stack of papers contains the official replies from every individual and
-
entity I sent my law to for review. All who looked it over are experts in the
-
field of law: judges, professors, attorneys, deans of law schools, and so on. I
-
don’t believe any law has ever had such scrutiny before.”
-
-
“And it’s all come back the same,” he replied while his left rear leg began to
-
shake uncontrollably.
-
-
“Most are quite amazed at what I managed to produce,” Celestia offered, in what
-
seemed to be a vain attempt to lighten the mood. “And I have over three dozen
-
requests for appointments to discuss the background of it.”
-
-
“But I still have to marry you,” Anon repeated, trying not to sound like he was
-
talking about a funeral.
-
-
“I realize this is a lot to take in all at once,” Celestia offered. “I’m going
-
to try to make this as easy and as gentle as possible for you, believe me.”
-
-
Anon nodded slowly, but it took him a moment to translate the questions in his
-
head into something comprehensible. “So, what’s going to happen now?”
-
-
“To make sure we don’t go over the time limit, we’re going to have the actual
-
wedding tomorrow afternoon. However, since there are a lot of details we need to
-
sort out with this, I’m not going to make our marriage public just yet. I’ll
-
have you stay here, inside the palace, until I can determine how to move
-
forward.”
-
-
“Well, I can practice my writing I guess,” Anon replied, but his gaze was not on
-
anything in the drawing room.
-
-
“Anon?” Celestia gently said, and his eyes returned to her instantly. The great
-
Princess of Equestria gave a low and mournful sigh before she continued. “Above
-
all else, know this: there isn’t a pony alive who feels more remorse for their
-
actions than I do right now for mine. I can only hope that I have not completely
-
ruined your life. I will try to make whatever amends to you that I can.”
-
-
“Oh, well…” he stammered. “They say to look on the bright side of things, right?
-
This isn’t so bad. The palace is wonderful, and I bet I can get a lot of
-
studying done in the main library and the archives.”
-
-
“You are also free to use what I have here as you wish.”
-
-
“But this is your personal stuff. I couldn’t possibly touch it.”
-
-
“I insist.”
-
-
“All right,” Anon replied. “But there’s that, and the good food, and I can meet
-
dignitaries sometimes I bet.”
-
-
“Some of them, yes.”
-
-
“And I’ll be married to you: Princess Celestia!” He threw his arms out wide in
-
her direction. “There’s stallions who would chew their leg off just to get a
-
chance to flirt with you. That’s gotta be the best part of all this.
-
-
“So yeah.” His arms dropped, and he exhaled slowly. “It could all be worse, I
-
suppose. It’ll take some adjustments, but I, er, we will make this work. For the
-
good of all Ponykind. I mean, I’d hate to be the one who succeeded where
-
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra and Chrysalis failed, right? That would just
-
bite the bark.”
-
-
“Bite the bark?”
-
-
Anon smiled weakly. “Old saying in my family.”
-
-
“I’d like to meet them sometime.”
-
-
“No you wouldn’t,” he quickly retorted.
-
-
Thankfully, Celestia decided not to press the issue. “Why don’t we both get some
-
rest, mm? It’s late now, we’ve both had a long day, and we have many things to
-
accomplish tomorrow.”
-
-
“Yeah! Yeah.” Anon stood, but his hand kept shaking. “Should I, uh… should I
-
meet you at sunrise?”
-
-
“I think that will be fine. Would you like a different room to stay in? We have
-
nicer ones that are not as drafty.”
-
-
“No, that’s okay. I like it now, draft and all. It has a really nice view, and I
-
can watch your sunrise over the mountains without anything blocking the view.”
-
-
Some color flared on Celestia’s cheeks, and the corners of her mouth twitched
-
up. “Would you like me to escort you to your room?”
-
-
Anon thought for a moment. “No, it’s okay. I think I need some time alone to
-
think about this. No offence.”
-
-
“None taken. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.”
-
-
“Good night, Celestia.”
-
-
“Good night, Anon.”
-
-
Anonymous, the soon-to-be-prince of Equestria, then stood and mechanically left
-
the room.
-
-
His head was swimming with questions, concerns, fears and doubts. How was he
-
supposed to be a prince? What would they have him do? Meet with ambassadors?
-
Kiss foals? Make laws? Would they send him off on his own, or would he be with
-
Celestia all the time? Could he still write his story? Would he share a bedroom
-
with Celestia? Would he share a bed with her?! Would Luna ever stop picking on
-
him? What about Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor? Would they hate him?
-
Would Twilight hate him for marrying her mentor?
-
-
And the one that scared him the most: would he be doomed to live in a loveless
-
relationship?
-
-
So consumed was he with all of this that, although his eyes were forward, he
-
wasn’t paying attention to his walking. His steps were slow, measured, and he
-
wasn’t even heading in the right direction for his room. He was just going.
-
-
He suddenly got jarred back to reality when he rounded a corner and came
-
nose-to-nose with another pony. Both recoiled at the impact, and Anon’s eyes
-
took half a moment of blinking to focus in.
-
-
“You again, Mister Anon?” Luna grumped, as she rubbed the end of her nose.
-
“Really, it is bad manners to run into ponies. Could you please make the effort
-
to… watch…”
-
-
Her eyes went wide, her irises shrank, and she pulled her hoof away just a hair
-
so she could look at the end of her nose. “What have you done?” she whispered.
-
-
“I was... just… oh no!” He gasped, stumbled a step backwards before landing on
-
his rear and then put both front hooves on his own nose. “No! Princess Luna,
-
please…”
-
-
“You touched my nose,” she softly said, her eyes planted on him now.
-
-
“No!”
-
-
“With your nose!” She gasped and held a hoof to her chest.
-
-
“Oh, please no! It was an accident! No! I didn’t mean… I don’t want… I can’t…”
-
-
She dropped her hoof, her eyes returned to normal, and she gave a laughing
-
scoff.
-
-
“I’m yanking your chain again, Mister Anon.”
-
-
She then brushed past the shell-shocked Anon, who was frozen in the same
-
posture.
-
-
“But… your nose…”
-
-
“The law says the first stallion who touches my nose must wed me,” she called
-
over her shoulder as she strolled casually away. “I have been wed before.”
-
-
And Anonymous managed to summarize all of his thoughts, emotions, and feelings
-
into one fluid movement.
-
-
He fainted dead away. > 7. - The Feeling is Nuptial >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
This was it.
-
-
Anon took another long, deep breath while he walked out of his room and into the
-
hallway. In a few short hours, he would be walking down the aisle with Princess
-
Celestia, Princess of Just About Everything Under the Sun, and he would formally
-
take her as his lawfully wedded wife.
-
-
The mere thought of that was enough to keep his lungs from drawing air in the
-
proper fashion.
-
-
This had to be the most insane thing to ever happen to anyone in the history of
-
Ever. He, Anonymous, a nobody from another world and worth no more than a wooden
-
bit, was going to be the husband of Princess Celestia.
-
-
He swallowed hard, and he had to get his mind off of what was going to happen
-
or Celestia’s problem would be resolved by his timely demise via a massive heart
-
attack.
-
-
Anon sucked in a long breath, and he forced his thoughts into what he had
-
learned last night. Now that the dreaded panic of having to marry two princesses
-
had been silenced, he found he was both surprised and not surprised that Luna
-
had been married at some point. While he had never heard of her husband before,
-
he could understand why he didn’t know. For most of his life, Princess Luna
-
herself had been nothing more than a boogymare that had been used to scare him
-
into being a better cook with extremely limited success. Most ponies were still
-
learning about their lunar diarch, and it would still be many years before
-
Luna’s full history could be understood properly. In this light, he’d be
-
surprised if anyone besides Celestia knew of Luna’s husband.
-
-
Although, thinking of her did make him wonder how he had gotten back to his room
-
last night. The last thing he remembered was her stunt in the hallway, and
-
unless he had somehow walked back while unconscious, he should still be there.
-
The obvious answer was that either Celestia or Luna had relocated him, but he
-
would ask Celestia all the same about it.
-
-
“Mister Anon?”
-
-
“Princess?” Anon replied while he turned, but the next words came out before he
-
could think about them. “You look horrible.”
-
-
“I’m not at my best at the moment, I do have to admit,” Celestia replied with a
-
glance over her own disheveled coat and frizzed-out tail. “I will be more
-
presentable before our wedding, I assure you.”
-
-
Anon’s trembling leg threatened to rip clean away from his body. “Oh, you l-look
-
fine, Your Highness. You can come like that if you like.”
-
-
“You are a horrible liar,” Celestia retorted with a hint of a smile. “But I
-
appreciate the compliment. Were you able to get any rest last night?”
-
-
Anon shook his head. “Not very much, no. An hour at most, if it was all added up
-
together.”
-
-
“I thought so,” Celestia replied, and they both began moving down the hallway.
-
“I apologize again for all of this, Mister Anon. I spent most of last night in
-
one final effort to remove you from this fate, but I’m afraid there is nothing.”
-
-
“You tried, though. That means a lot to me. I suppose we’ll make this work,
-
somehow.”
-
-
“We will indeed,” Celestia replied with a note of deep conviction. “In fact, I
-
would like to speak to you about some of the details regarding your new
-
position.”
-
-
Anon forced himself to laugh and to smile, although he was afraid his smile was
-
more of a baring of teeth rather than any expression of feigned pleasure.
-
“There’s a lot of new hire paperwork I have to fill out, isn’t there?”
-
-
Celestia glanced up at him, and the smile they shared gave Anon a small trickle
-
of relief. “There is that, and we will need to fill out the tax exemption
-
paperwork for you as well.”
-
-
“I think I can handle that part of it, at least. Paperwork was one of the rare
-
things I could do well at home.”
-
-
“We’ll take care of it later, then. Right now, I believe a good breakfast would
-
help both of us recover from the evening.”
-
-
Breakfast. Breakfast always came after waking up, and the familiarity of that
-
repetition helped to calm Anon’s nerves a bit more. “I would like that, but I
-
don’t know that I’m all that hungry.”
-
-
“I believe I will have Chef Beet provide us with some oatmeal, then. You will
-
forgive me for not cooking, I hope.”
-
-
“Even the best of chefs need a break every now and then. Oatmeal will be fine.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“And you awoke in your room?” Celestia asked.
-
-
“I did. I don’t know how I got back there, though,” Anon replied.
-
-
“I was unaware that you had even passed out,” said Celestia with a deep frown.
-
“Lulu should have told me.”
-
-
“Maybe she felt bad over her stunt afterward?”
-
-
“Perhaps. Luna has always been something of a trickster, so it is possible she
-
thought she was pulling a harmless prank.”
-
-
“Was she really married before?” Anon blurted. “I mean, forgive me for being
-
doubtful, but it’s the first I’ve ever heard about it.”
-
-
“I would imagine you are one of the first people she has brought into her
-
confidence since her return. She was married, yes, but I believe this
-
conversation would be best continued with her in attendance. She will be able to
-
correct any of my erroneous memories regarding their marriage.”
-
-
“I’ll ask her later, then.”
-
-
Celestia nodded. “Now, let us discuss your future here. I am willing to guess
-
that you would be rather upset if I simply confined you to your room.”
-
-
“That would be a rather dismal fate, yes,” he replied.
-
-
“The idea does not sit well with me, either. Since it is my law and my actions
-
that have now locked you within this gilded cage, I am willing to make whatever
-
accommodations I can to make your stay as tolerable as possible. You will have
-
free access to any part of the palace you wish to visit, and I will supply a
-
guard detail for you if you care to roam outside these walls, or even beyond
-
Canterlot. This may even prove to be an advantage for your career. You could
-
safely travel across Equestria and refine your writing skills in the process.
-
The Crown will cover any expenses you incur, without question.”
-
-
Anon thought this over while he finished his bite of oatmeal. “I think you’re
-
being a bit too generous again, Princess. I’d hate to run up the national debt
-
just so I can wander around.”
-
-
“The expense is trivial. My offer remains. Perhaps I should be asking you what
-
you would like.”
-
-
Anon considered the idea for another few moments. “I’m not really sure,
-
Princess. I don’t really like the idea of just sitting around, doing nothing.
-
I’ve been a worker my whole life, and I still want to be useful, helpful even.
-
Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but perhaps there’s something I can help you
-
with.”
-
-
Anon couldn’t quite be sure, but it seemed like Celestia’s mane flowed just a
-
bit faster for a moment with that statement. She did seem happier for sure, and
-
Anon felt another small round of calm flow over him as she responded.
-
-
“I may be able to find something for you to help me with. I will need to verify
-
a few details first, however.”
-
-
“That’s fine. Maybe while you do that, I can use a little vacation time to learn
-
the layout of the palace and of Canterlot. Is it a use it or lose it type of
-
thing?”
-
-
Celestia’s grin turned into a full smile. “I believe I can let you roll over any
-
unused vacation hours.”
-
-
“Oh good. That’s better than what I got back home.”
-
-
Celestia started to say something, but she was interrupted by the entrance of
-
Celestia’s secretary. The young mare wasted no time in crossing over to the
-
Princess, and she whispered something in a low but urgent tone.
-
-
“Really, she is?” Celestia asked once the whispers ended, and the secretary
-
nodded. “Oh dear. Mister Anon, I do apologize but it seems that there the
-
Ambassador from Prance needs to speak with me. This may take some time, so
-
please enjoy the rest of your breakfast, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to send
-
one of our tailors up to take your measurements. If we are to be wed, we should
-
look our best, and I believe a nice suit can be procured for you in short
-
order.”
-
-
“That’s fine. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
-
-
Celestia nodded. “Until this afternoon, then.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
This afternoon came far too quickly for Anonymous’s liking. He had spent most of
-
the time by sitting under the blankets on his bed and breathing deeply, in the
-
vain hope that this would somehow stop time and prevent the inevitable from
-
happening.
-
-
At noon, a tailor had knocked on the door and provided a custom-fit suit, along
-
with a short note from the Princess. In it, Celestia explained that she would
-
call for him at five minutes to three, and the ceremony would be held in an
-
unused office to lessen the impact to the operations of the palace. Once the
-
ceremony was complete, they would immediately leave, and Anon would again have
-
time to himself until Celestia called him for dinner.
-
-
Or threw him out a window, he dryly thought. This was definitely not what he had
-
expected in a wedding. There was not even cake on the schedule.
-
-
“Well, Anon, this is a fine mess you’re in, isn’t it?” he asked the frazzled
-
human in the mirror. The unfortunate wretch did not answer, which left Anon
-
holding both ends of the conversation. “What do you have to say for yourself,
-
eh? Nothing? Yeah. I don’t know what I could say at this point. You’re going to
-
be a prince, and married to a princess.”
-
-
“How am I going to do this?” he whispered, and he peered closely at his
-
reflection. There were no answers in the glass, sadly, just his own worried,
-
confused and anguished face. Whatever came at this point, he was pretty well on
-
his own.
-
-
And that just bit the bark.
-
-
He nearly jumped out of his own skin when there was a knock on the door. After a
-
moment to try to compose himself, he opened the door, and found his bride-to-be
-
standing before him. The sight did not help his anxiety, because Celestia looked
-
just as frazzled and concerned as that poor human back in his mirror. They were
-
going to make a truly remarkable couple, in the worst possible fashion.
-
-
But he had to admit her wedding gown looked beautiful. It was a soft yellow with
-
magenta trim along the edges and seams. It folded on itself in a crinkle pattern
-
across her chest, leaving her wings fully exposed and able to be used in case
-
she wanted to fly away from the oncoming disaster.
-
-
“Are you ready, Mister Anon?” came the question he was dreading.
-
-
“As ready as I can be,” he replied. One leg started to go one direction as the
-
rest of him went the other way with her.
-
-
There was an awkward silence in the hallway as they moved, as neither was really
-
sure what to say to the other. Anon opened his mouth once or twice to try to say
-
something nice about her dress, but the capacity to speak seemed to leave as
-
soon as he’d try, so then he’d shut his mouth again.
-
-
This was going quite well.
-
-
At roughly the halfway point, Celestia cleared her throat and looked down at
-
Anon. “You look nice, Mister Anon. Does the suit fit?”
-
-
“I believe so, yes.”
-
-
“Have you eaten anything since breakfast?”
-
-
“I have not.”
-
-
“I will arrange for something a bit more substantial tonight, then. You must be
-
hungry.”
-
-
“Thank you, but I don’t know if I’ll be eating at all tonight.”
-
-
Anonymous quite honestly felt more dead than alive at that moment, and he drew
-
in a slow, stuttering breath. His stomach was churning itself into a tangled
-
knot of unease, his chest felt heavy.
-
-
He then glanced up to his imminent wife, and he felt a wave of disgust accompany
-
his relief that Celestia looked just as harrowed as he felt. Her mane was
-
limping along in small waves, her eyes looked a bit sunken, and the fine lines
-
that had appeared at the corners of her face made her look far too old. He felt
-
absolutely putrid and revolted at what he’d done to the Princess.
-
-
“Perhaps something light, then,” she gently offered.
-
-
“Perhaps,” Anon echoed.
-
-
Nothing more was said as they finished the walk to the office. Inside, they
-
found Spike —who gave them both an awkward wave— and Discord, who was dressed in
-
a garishly orange tuxedo and matching top hat. His amusement and enjoyment of
-
the moment was obvious because he had his mouth literally clamped shut in a
-
tight smile and his shoulders kept jerking up and down, like he was trying to
-
suppress his laughter.
-
-
“Where is Luna?” Celestia asked.
-
-
“She said she had to use the little filly’s room and she dragged Twilight in
-
there with her.” Spike rolled his eyes. “It’s like they can’t use the bathroom
-
alone.”
-
-
A rhythmic tapping noise caught everyone’s attention. He briefly considered
-
offering the suggestion to simply wait five minutes so his heart would probably
-
seize up and solve everybody’s problems.
-
-
But then something came over him, something warm, and soft, and downy. It flowed
-
over him, starting at his shoulders and moving down, and as it went he felt all
-
of his fears, anxieties and concerns gently fade into nothingness.
-
-
He glanced over his left shoulder when the comforting feeling gave him a small
-
hug-like squeeze, and he found that Celestia had slowly draped her right wing
-
across his back. Looking down, he became momentarily lost in the gaze of two
-
sparkling magenta eyes, filled with both concern for him and a sincere wish for
-
him to be at ease.
-
-
A soft smile spread across both of their faces. They shared a soft boop of
-
mutual nose-touching.
-
-
Luna strode grandly into the room with Twilight meekly following behind. “All
-
right! Sister, I think I need to increase my corn flake intake but I am good to
-
go now. Let us get this little mess settled already.”
-
-
In the wake of Luna’s grand pronouncement, Twilight Sparkle slunk into her seat
-
with a look of defeated resignation, most probably due to her inability to
-
dictate every action Anon would be doing during the ceremony.
-
-
Maintaining her proud stride, Luna moved behind a simple rostrum at the front of
-
the room with a few sheets of notes floating behind in her magic. She mumbled to
-
herself as she sorted them for a moment, then cleared her throat and looked up
-
at the motley crew before her.
-
-
“Dearly beloved,” she began, but then she gave a sour glare to Discord. “And
-
not-really-liked draconequus who is here because we have not figured out how to
-
block his chaos magic yet—”
-
-
“She’s talking about me. I’m so flattered,” Discord whispered to Spike, with a
-
nudge and a wink.
-
-
“—we are gathered here on this fantastically fabulous Friday to join this human
-
and this Alicorn princess together in the bonds of matrimony because my
-
forgetful sister did not listen to me, the younger, more beautiful, and more
-
beloved Princess of the Night and she forgot to repeal her own silly law.”
-
-
“Luna.” Celestia growled much like a large dog would.
-
-
“What? You did!” Luna protested. “Now don’t interrupt; you made me lose my
-
place. Let me see.” Her papers floated up closer to her, and shuffled again as
-
she squinted at them.
-
-
“Mawwiage, that blwwesed awangement—no, wait, maybe I was here—that dweam within
-
a dweam… oh, I can’t do it. Let’s just skip ahead, shall we?”
-
-
The papers shuffled again, Celestia gave off another low growl, and Discord
-
tucked his lips into an inner pocket of his tuxedo coat, which promptly began
-
giving out a muffled set of hysterical chuckles.
-
-
“All right, here we go,” Luna finally announced. “Anonymous, do you take this
-
Princess to be your lawfully wedded wife, even though you really don’t have a
-
say in the matter?”
-
-
“I guess I do.”
-
-
“Smart move. Celestia, Princess of the Sun, do you take this human to be your
-
lawfully wedded husband since you got all nosey with him?”
-
-
“Loving every moment of this, aren’t you?” Celestia darkly replied, and Luna
-
nodded vigorously and with a huge smile. “Yes. I do.”
-
-
“Good, ‘cause that ball of hot air you have up there is heavy, and I always
-
break out in hives when I have to move it around. I do not want to be
-
responsible for it. And so, by the legal, lawful, and very legitimate power and
-
authority that I hold as a Princess of Equestria, I do hereby declare you to be
-
hitched, joined, connected, and/or married, and that you are now husband and
-
wife. You may kiss if you are so inclined; I am going to bed.”
-
-
And with that, Luna tossed her papers in the air and left the room. Behind her,
-
the floating papers formed into a beautiful bouquet and darted in Twilight
-
Sparkle’s direction, making her duck, scream, then dodge as they corrected
-
course and headed for her again. Putting on a burst of speed, she vanished out
-
the door with the bouquet close behind, calling out in a tiny voice, “Catch me!
-
Catch me!”
-
-
Meanwhile the completely innocent Discord grabbed Anonymous’s hand and began
-
shaking it furiously as he smiled maniacally. “Well, ol’ Anon, congrats. You
-
finally managed to snag Equestria’s most eligible mare. I knew you had it in
-
you. Oh, and the residents of Discordland send their thanks as well. They
-
estimate you’ve generated enough chaos to keep them powered up for the next ten
-
years!”
-
-
“Uh, you’re welcome?”
-
-
“And Celestia!” He put a clenched fist to his quivering lip. “You know, I had… I
-
had always kinda hoped that, well, that one day we might have made it work
-
between us. Oh, I know I’m a draconequus and you’re a princess, and we were
-
mortal enemies for a time, but there was always… always that little part of me,
-
that… that…”
-
-
He turned his head and loudly blew his nose into a large, polka-dotted
-
handkerchief. “I’m sorry, I thought I was ready for this…”
-
-
“Are you quite done?” she asked flatly.
-
-
“Wait, just a little bit more,” he replied, with an earnest, eager look. He then
-
cleared his throat and resumed his anguished expression. “I just hope you
-
remember the time we spent together fondly. Like that time I stole your tail?
-
That was one of the best moments of my life, it really was. And then when you
-
turned me to stone for a thousand years? That was… well, it wasn’t the best time
-
for me—come to think of it, it was actually a low point, being stuck like that
-
for so long, gave me one wicked crick in my neck—but, the point is we had good
-
times, somewhere, and I hope you come to appreciate them as you start your new
-
life with Anon-o here.
-
-
“And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m afraid I have to leave. I
-
really would like to stay for the reception, and I mean that truly, but there’s
-
going to be a ribbon-cutting ceremony in Discordland to celebrate the
-
construction of the new high-speed snail line, and duty calls. You know how it
-
goes, being a ruler and everything. Don’t worry, though, I’ll come back for a
-
visit as soon as I can. Until then, ciao!”
-
-
He then snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash.
-
-
“Do you ever get used to that?” Anon asked Twilight, who was looking back over
-
her shoulder as if the bouquet that had been chasing her was lurking in hiding
-
somewhere for a second attack.
-
-
“Eventually, or so I’m told.” She rolled her eyes. “But Spike and I need to get
-
going too. I was due back in Ponyville yesterday and I bet my friends are
-
starting to worry. You should come visit when you have the time; I’d love to
-
introduce you to everyone.”
-
-
“I’d like that,” Anon replied as he bumped fists/hooves with her. He smiled a
-
bit deeper when Spike shook his hand.
-
-
“Congrats, I guess. Hey, if you think of any more questions, just have Celestia
-
send them to me. I’m happy to help you understand more about dragons anytime.”
-
-
“I’ll do that.”
-
-
“Anon, perhaps you should accompany Twilight to the train station,” Celestia
-
remarked while her wing hesitantly retreated from across Anon’s back, where it
-
had rested comfortably through the whole ceremony. “Don’t you still have some
-
personal effects at the Shoe and Nail to collect?”
-
-
“Yeah, I do,” Anon replied. “Guess I live here now, huh?”
-
-
“I’d love to have you walk me to the train station, Anon,” Twilight offered. “If
-
you want to, that is.”
-
-
“I think some sunlight and fresh air would do me good,” Anon replied. “Provided
-
you feel safe around me.”
-
-
“Safe?”
-
-
“Noses,” he simply said, as he tapped his own quickly. “First stallion?
-
Unmarried Alicorn?”
-
-
“Oh!” She laughed. “Yeah, about that…”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“So you’re safe?” Anon asked as they wove through the crowd in the train
-
station.
-
-
“With the way the law is worded, it only applied to the Alicorns then in
-
existence. Any future Alicorns are not included, so I don’t have to worry about
-
accidental boops.”
-
-
“Gee, that’s very thoughtful,” Anon remarked with some irritation.
-
-
“Hey, I understand how difficult this is,” Twilight stated in a resolute voice.
-
“And I won’t say how lucky you actually are. I’m sure you’ve heard it all
-
already. But I can say, unequivocally, that you are with one of the finest mares
-
there is. My time as Celestia’s student was about as up-close and personal as it
-
gets. Those years were among the best times in my life, and I wouldn’t have such
-
a high opinion of her if she wasn’t everything ponies say she is. She’ll be kind
-
to you, and she’ll take care of you. Give it enough time, and I think you’ll
-
appreciate being with her too.”
-
-
“Thanks,” he replied warmly, but with a frustrated huff. “All of this is a huge
-
adjustment for me, but you’re right. This could be a great thing.”
-
-
“Just remember she’s a just pony too. I’m sure you feel intimidated, but you and
-
her are not as far apart as you think you are.”
-
-
Anon didn’t say anything, but he did ponder Twilight’s words deeply, to the
-
point where he nearly walked into a light pole.
-
-
“Well, this is it!” Spike announced. “Track twenty nine is just over there, and
-
it looks like the train is waiting!”
-
-
“So, I guess I’ll see you later?” Anon asked.
-
-
“Count on it,” Twilight confirmed happily. “Just remember one thing for me, will
-
you?
-
-
“What’s that?”
-
-
“If you’re going to take your relationship with Princess Celestia seriously,
-
start by being her friend. She could really use one right now.”
-
-
“I think I can remember that. Thank you again for all of your help, Princess.”
-
-
“Just call me Twilight. All of my true friends do.”
-
-
Anon’s smile was nearly as wide as a train car, and he waved goodbye to Twilight
-
and Spike until they had boarded their train. He then sighed deeply, and sat
-
down on a nearby bench to catch his breath.
-
-
Anonymous, the Prince of Equestria, who was sitting in the Grand Station of
-
Equestria.
-
-
The commoner who was husband to a princess, and who was about to undertake the
-
most unknown, unsure, and most fear-inducing ride of his life.
-
-
He smiled at the memory of Celestia’s soft feathers covering his back in a
-
gentle embrace. Perhaps Twilight was right.
-
-
As vast as the gap was between his station and hers, perhaps there was a chance
-
it could be bridged. It was just going to take an extremely large bridge.
-
Probably a toll bridge, with him out of bits.
-
-
All it would take was a leap of faith. > 8. - The Talk >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
Anon’s concoction needed celery.
-
-
“Celery, celery, celery…” Anon muttered, as he rummaged around the kitchen.
-
“Gotta be some around here somewhere. Premier kitchen of Equestria, and there’s
-
no celery. What’s this? Carrots. Get far in the world with carrots. Apples. I’m
-
not using apples. Stand aside, thou rogues. Your prince demands it! Heh, that’s
-
right. I’ll make a pie out of you some other day, maybe. Ah ha! There you are!
-
Come on, time to be cooked. Fat lot of good you do in here.”
-
-
It only took a minute for Anon to reduce the full stalk of celery into the
-
tidbits that his cooking needed, and he took a deep whiff of his concoction
-
while grabbing a spoon and starting to stir. This was one of his finest soups by
-
far, and he felt a twinge of annoyance at his success.
-
-
“Mister Anon? Is that you?”
-
-
“Good evening, Princess,” he greeted with a quick glance over his shoulder. “And
-
hello to you too, Princess Luna. I hope I didn’t disturb your evening.”
-
-
“Of course not, but I didn’t think you would still be up either,” Celestia
-
replied.
-
-
“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. “All the excitement of the day caught up to me,
-
probably. And I finally got hungry.”
-
-
“Wasn’t there any soup left from earlier?” Luna asked.
-
-
“Too much salt,” he replied, and he looked over his shoulder again to give them
-
a disgusted look. “Your kitchen staff uses way too much salt. It’s almost like
-
they’re paid by the shake.”
-
-
“That would explain why Doctor Horsenpfeffer keeps getting after me about my
-
sodium levels,” Celestia remarked, and she peered into the pot. “Minestrone
-
again?”
-
-
“Done the right way.”
-
-
“Are you sure you’re supposed to be a writer?” She took a deep breath over the
-
simmering pot. “I really think you’re missing your calling.”
-
-
“Well, it’s easier to be a writer than a cook when you’re married to Princess
-
Celestia.”
-
-
She snickered a bit. “Perhaps. But why do you avoid cooking so much? If this
-
tastes half as good as it smells, you’re going to make Chef Sugar Beet very
-
jealous.”
-
-
“It’s complicated,” he said with a sigh before looking up at her. “But you’re
-
probably not going to let me get away with that, are you?”
-
-
She shook her head, but with a smile.
-
-
Anon sighed again. “I thought not. Well, I guess since we’re married, you
-
deserve to know about my past.
-
-
“Anonymous, as he stands before you this evening, came to Equestria when he was
-
five years old. The pony family that took me in is steeped in chefs. My dad was
-
a chef, his dad was a chef, and I don’t know how many great-greats on both my
-
mom and dad’s side are chefs. My parents own the Zuerst, the self-proclaimed
-
best restaurant in Salt Lick.
-
-
“This means that Little Anonymous was obviously raised to be a chef, and to take
-
over the restaurant when he was older. I was taught everything from table
-
placement, presentation, preparation, money management, labor costs to permits.
-
But I learned about cooking from them. Up until I finished high school, my
-
parents immersed me right up to the head in food. Sometimes, literally. Remind
-
me to tell you about the joys of fresh grape juice from the other end of the
-
process sometime. Anyway, I found out how to distinguish ingredients, how to
-
tell when they’re at the peak of ripeness, how different flavors meld and
-
enhance one another, on and on. Obviously I was somewhat decent at it, and I
-
loved it. Cooking was fun, y’know? It was like a big coloring book for your
-
mouth and nose, really.
-
-
When I was in first grade, my class was taking turns reading Granon Bakes a
-
Cake, one of those early chapter books foals read."
-
-
Anon’s eyes drifted off. “I remember I really liked reading a section with some
-
added ‘dramatic emphasis.’ I remember I felt something odd and tingly, but it
-
wasn’t until later that I actually realized what that was.
-
-
“Of course, when I got home I proclaimed that I wanted to try writing. My family
-
didn't like that very much and insisted on my becoming a cook. So, I went back
-
to the pots, eager to continue learning, thinking it was just a spur of the
-
moment idea.
-
-
“Then the first hints of trouble came,” he continued as he stirred his soup
-
idly. “With me being in elementary school came the expectation that I be
-
involved more. My parents had me start working the tables, for starters, and if
-
you ever want to make a killing in tips, have a boy in a small tuxedo serve your
-
customers. I don’t know how many times someone screamed ‘so cute!’ and forked
-
over an extra heap of bits.
-
-
“Anyway, I didn’t like serving all that much. It was okay, but there was just
-
something about it that got under my skin. It didn’t help that on busy nights I
-
had the tendency to mix the orders up and serve the wrong thing to the
-
customers.
-
-
“Then I was off to actual order prep in the kitchen. That I turned into an
-
unmitigated mess, and I’m not sure how my parents kept the place open with me
-
screwing up so bad.”
-
-
“But your cooking here shows you have considerable skill,” Luna cut in. “How
-
could this be a problem?”
-
-
“I guess I don’t do well under stress, and I don’t multitask well. Bad
-
combination in a kitchen. You have me do one thing, like make one soup all
-
night, then I’m fine. Ask for five different soups, seven entrees, twelve
-
appetizers and nine desserts and everything goes to hell. Everything just gets
-
jumbled up in my head, and no matter what I try, I just can’t handle it.
-
-
“My parents kept me at it, though, and they were both convinced that I just
-
needed one more chance and then I would be able to figure out a system that
-
worked. I lost hope in being able to do the job as time went on, and I drifted
-
into a pretty deep depression. I mean, who can really be happy when they can't
-
even choose their own path in life? I didn't like to work in a kitchen, but I
-
still had to do it. It was a bit like if you hated raising the sun.”
-
-
“Well, it is terribly heavy and far too warm,” Celestia casually replied. “So if
-
a lesser alicorn had to work with it, I could see it happening.”
-
-
“Oh, whatever!” Luna retorted.
-
-
“You’re the one who said it!” Celestia laughed. “How many unicorns did it take
-
to raise it before I came along?”
-
-
“The same number it took to raise the moon, you prissy little pony.” Luna
-
grumbled.
-
-
Anon briefly wondered if Nightmare Moon was going to make a surprise appearance
-
at that moment.
-
-
“Please, continue with your story, Mister Anon.” Celestia waved a hoof at him in
-
encouragement. “Lulu and I do this all the time.”
-
-
“You don’t have siblings, do you?” Luna added, and Anon shook his head. “Well,
-
if you did you would know this behavior is normal. You only need to worry if I
-
grow fangs.”
-
-
“Oh. Well okay then, I guess,” he replied. “Anyway, I tried, I really did. I
-
took a bunch of college courses, looked over all the Haute Cuisine books my
-
parents have, and I ran myself stupid night after night trying to get it right,
-
but I never could get it. Years rolled by like this, and each year I became more
-
convinced that my life was a huge lie.
-
-
“I think I suffered something like a mental breakdown there at the end.” He
-
paused for a moment to sip the broth of his concoction. “I just… snapped. I
-
don’t remember much of what I did, but apparently I upended the cheese trolley,
-
shoved some tofu blocks in my ears and ran, screaming, from the kitchen through
-
the main dining room and then out the front door. My parents found me later in
-
my room, hiding under the blankets.”
-
-
“That sounds familiar,” Luna quipped.
-
-
“Probably goes back to childhood. Monsters can’t get you when you’re under a
-
blanket, right? Everyone knows that.
-
-
“Anyway, once they get me out from under the blankets we had a long talk about
-
everything. My Dad tells me I’m having something akin to an existential crisis,
-
and that it’s okay that I am. Both parents think I just haven’t quite ‘found
-
myself’ yet, and that as soon as I do I’ll be as right as rain.
-
-
“So, they made me a deal. They tell me to go out and explore the world and see
-
the sights. If I should find something that I am more passionate about than
-
cooking, then I’m under no obligation to them and I’m free to start my new life.
-
But they believed I would find my passion for cooking while I am travelling, and
-
once I do they will be waiting to welcome me back with open arms. Mom gave me a
-
thousand bits for traveling money, and the next morning I’m on a train bound for
-
Vanhoover.
-
-
“It was on the train that I really thought things over. I thought about how I
-
had gotten to this point, and why. I contemplated what I might find, and what I
-
could do to earn bits. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do.
-
-
“It was in that introspection that I figured out I wanted to be a writer. I
-
don’t know exactly how the notion entered my thick head, but I even came up with
-
a ridiculous idea for a novel, one that I’m sure would be an instant flop.
-
-
“Anyway, you can guess the rest from there.” He turned his attention to the soup
-
again and gave it a rapid stir. “I arrived in Canterlot the night before our
-
infamous meeting, and I was thinking of going on to Baltimare from here. Of
-
course, that would have depended on if I could get more bits. I only had enough
-
left for a couple of cheap meals.”
-
-
“How long did you stay in Vanhoover?” Luna asked.
-
-
"Two days, I think? I’ve honestly lost track of where all I’ve been, and for how
-
long.”
-
-
“It is a shame you did not stay there longer.”
-
-
“Why? ‘Cause I wouldn’t have been in the royal sunflower patch?”
-
-
“No. The annual Bits and Spurs rodeo just concluded three days ago. You could
-
have seen some excellent cow ponies showing off their skills. I was there last
-
year and it was quite the show. Didn’t you go the year before, sister?”
-
-
“Yes, and it was entertaining. From what I recall, though, I didn’t win any
-
prizes.”
-
-
“Why would you?” Anon asked. “Don’t you just sit and watch?”
-
-
“If your name is Celestia, yes.” Luna replied smugly. “But if your name is Luna,
-
then you ride a bull named Mark IX for 8 seconds and win the “Best New Wrangler”
-
prize, along with a cash prize of two hundred bits that you generously donate
-
back to the rodeo. I apologized to the bull afterward,” she added. “He was quite
-
the gentlebull about it, and is looking forward to a rematch.”
-
-
“I can’t help that you want to act like some kind of wild animal,” Celestia
-
replied with a sniff. “I prefer to maintain my composure and professional
-
demeanor.”
-
-
“Says the mare who let her pet phoenix run loose and traumatize a poor Element
-
Bearer during a visit to Ponyville. You’re just more subtle about your pranks is
-
all.”
-
-
“I honestly thought Fluttershy knew about Phoenixes!” Celestia let out a muffled
-
snort of laughter. “And then she foalnapped poor Philomena and tried to nurse
-
her back to health! That was just a misunderstanding, nothing more.”
-
-
“Right.” Luna deadpanned. “How much longer on that soup, Mister Anon? You have
-
made me hungry again. Is it done?”
-
-
“Define ‘done,’” Anon replied. “The celery will still be crunchy, but I think
-
it’s good as is. If you want it softer, then you need to wait a bit.”
-
-
“I believe we shall try it. It is always a good idea to take the recommendation
-
of the chef.”
-
-
“All right. I hope you’re not too disappointed.” He shrugged and glanced around.
-
“Where are the bowls?”
-
-
“I’ll get them,” Celestia remarked. Three fair sized bowls floated out from a
-
nearby cupboard, and Luna’s magic produced three spoons.
-
-
“Did I ever mention how jealous I am of unicorns?” Anon muttered, but with a
-
chuckle.
-
-
“Why would you be… oh.” Celestia nodded. “I see. But you know you’re probably
-
the chef you are because you don't have magic.”
-
-
“Yeah, I know,” he chuckled. “More hard work and dedication and all that.”
-
-
“’Tis very noble to achieve your goals with nothing but sweat and tears,” Luna
-
added grandly, as Anon grabbed a nearby ladle and began serving his soup. “My
-
husband was an earth pony. So he was without unicorn magic as well.”
-
-
“Was?” Anon asked.
-
-
“He passed away before my banishment, so it has been a long time,” Luna replied.
-
She then sat on the floor as Anon served Celestia. “Though it doesn’t seem that
-
long at times.”
-
-
Anon then felt something sweep softly into the room. It was quite unlike
-
anything he’d ever felt before, perhaps akin to the sort of magic that memories
-
brought with them. Whatever it was, it was powerful and it was deep, and he felt
-
like he should be treading very, very carefully in this particular field.
-
-
“Look, Princess, if you don’t want to talk about him, I’d completely
-
understand.”
-
-
“On the contrary, I would love to tell you about him.”
-
-
Anon looked over at Celestia, who nodded to him with a soft smile. “It’s all
-
right, Mister Anon. She would not say that just to be polite.”
-
-
“You are family now, so it is fair I should tell you,” Luna continued. “Most of
-
what will happen to you now will come from his time as Prince. He will have
-
quite the influence on your life, whether you want him to or not.”
-
-
“All right. What should I know?”
-
-
“What do you want to know?” Luna replied.
-
-
“I don’t know.” He shrugged, as he began eating. “How did you meet, I guess. Did
-
you boop noses with him too?”
-
-
“I did, but it was quite intentional,” she giggled. “I was so madly in love with
-
him it was hard not to until our wedding day. I held out, though, so don’t get
-
any funny ideas.”
-
-
“I wouldn’t dare dream of it,” he immediately replied.
-
-
“Good. We met at a ball that was being held for the second anniversary of the
-
foundation of Equestria. He was… oh.” She hummed, and tilted her head slightly
-
to put one hoof lightly on her cheek with a serene smile. “He was dark, and
-
tall, and mysterious. I didn’t realize I had a weakness for those types until he
-
came sweeping into the room, all dashing and debonair looking. He cut quite the
-
impressive figure, too. He stood almost as tall as I did, with a dark grey coat
-
and a mane and tail that was so black it almost looked blue in the light.
-
-
“We spent nearly the whole night dancing,” Luna continued, as she hugged herself
-
and swayed slightly. “He was so light on his hooves, so sure in his steps. He
-
was a stallion who could be strong when he needed to be but as soft as a rose
-
petal any other time. I’ll never forget the way he caressed my cheek, the way he
-
nipped at my ears. He was the perfect picture of romance, and it really didn’t
-
take long for me to fall in love with him.”
-
-
“What was his name?” Anon asked softly.
-
-
“Star Struck.” Luna purred out the reply. “Oh, and he always said he was, too.
-
He never let me forget how in awe of me he was. I was his polar star, his guide
-
in the night, his one and only.”
-
-
Anon blinked. Perhaps it was just late and his eyes were tired, but was there
-
somepony else sitting beside Luna?
-
-
“The two of them were horrible,” Celestia kindly added. “They were like kittens
-
in a way: cute and cuddly but always into mischief. They fed off each other, but
-
they also defended one another fiercely.”
-
-
“We were inseparable.” Luna cooed in memory. “I never understood what true love
-
was until I had him as my own. Oh, we had our squabbles at times, all couples
-
do. But he was so devoted to me, so committed to my happiness, that he never let
-
that drive him away. He’d tell me that those times refined him, purified him.
-
They knocked off the rough edges, showed him where he needed to change, and it
-
did the same for me.”
-
-
“Why haven’t I heard of him?” Anon asked. There was definitely something next to
-
Luna now, but since Celestia wasn’t saying or doing anything whatever it was
-
probably harmless. In fact, Anon had the feeling it was welcome.
-
-
“Oh, he’s in the history. You just have to look for him,” Luna replied
-
thoughtfully. “He did his work quietly, anonymously if possible, and never with
-
the thought of how it would help him. He lived to lift up others, not himself.
-
He,” Luna chuckled lovingly, “he would say often that being married to me was as
-
high as he could ever get, and that he wanted others to have what he had. I
-
learned so much from him, and he from me.”
-
-
There was a pause, and Anon felt an overwhelming rush of tranquility and…
-
-
He hesitated. The words to describe this feeling were beyond him.
-
-
But as he looked at Luna, he knew that, whatever this feeling was, it was the
-
epitome of Love. True Love, Pure Love, and even that only described a fraction
-
of the atmosphere.
-
-
This is what everyone hoped could be obtained in a relationship. This was the
-
stuff of legends.
-
-
And it was in that marvelous outpouring that he saw.
-
-
There was Luna. Not Princess, not Mare in the Moon, not anything but just Luna.
-
She was sitting in a relaxed way, her head tilted to her right and forward
-
slightly. Her hoof went toward her cheek, but it met and slid easily onto the
-
hoof of another.
-
-
Anon wasn’t sure how, or even why he was permitted to see this.
-
-
But he saw. He saw Luna.
-
-
And he saw Star Struck.
-
-
-
-
He was every bit as handsome as Luna had said and more: well-toned, as sleek as
-
the night sky, and with a mane that was charmingly messy and fluffy. His head
-
was just underneath Luna’s chin, so she was resting along both of his ears. One
-
hoof held hers while it gently caressed her cheek, the other had wrapped around
-
her barrel and was holding her in the softest and most tender hug that could
-
possibly be imagined. His body was pressed closely against her chest, his tail
-
wrapped as tightly as it could around her.
-
-
He was as real and as tender as anything Anon had ever experienced in his short
-
little lifetime.
-
-
“I can still remember his scent,” Luna whispered, without breaking her embrace
-
with her beloved. “It was always so clean, so pure. I remember the gentle joy
-
that would caress me every time I nuzzled into his mane, and I would repay his
-
kindness with all the kisses he could handle. He always held me so gently, but
-
yet so firmly. He always said he was afraid I was the best dream he’d ever had,
-
and that one day he’d awaken and I would be gone.
-
-
“Everything about that stallion was intoxicating. The dew-drop touch of his coat
-
against mine, the ever-so-slight brush of lips he’d tease me with, the way he’d
-
preen my feathers and play with my mane. I couldn’t have found perfection in any
-
other place.”
-
-
Anon had to hold back a sob as Luna sighed, dropped her hoof from her cheek and
-
allowed the vision to end. Star Struck faded away as Luna blinked her eyes open
-
and looked right at him. “But I’m sure you don’t want to spend the whole night
-
listening to an old nag talk about her long-gone love.”
-
-
Anon slowly shook his head. “You are not an old nag. You are a mare who has
-
loved and lost. I cannot fathom any reason why I would not want to listen. I
-
have no doubt that you had the type of marriage that they write fairy tales
-
about.”
-
-
Luna smiled warmly and dipped her head. “I did, but all good things must come to
-
an end eventually. My beloved Star Struck departed this life after eighty-eight
-
years of life. I doubt I’ll ever find his equal.”
-
-
“I don’t think you ever will.”
-
-
“But it was wonderful to have him for the brief time fate permitted.” Luna
-
paused in thought. “In a way, it still is. But enough about me. Since we are all
-
here, we should probably settle one or two things.”
-
-
“Mm!” Celestia grunted, and she quickly swallowed her bite. “Mm, yes. Mister
-
Anon, first things first: by Royal Decree, you are to give the recipe for this
-
minestrone soup to Chef Sugar Beet as soon as possible.”
-
-
He snorted out a chuckle. “Take her usual recipe, but reduce the salt by twenty
-
percent.”
-
-
“Good.” Celestia smiled a bit more. “Second, I would like to notify Cadence and
-
Shining Armor of what has transpired. I think they would like to know they have
-
a new uncle.”
-
-
“That’s gonna be way awkward,” he said with a chuckle. “Aren’t I close to her
-
age?”
-
-
“Oh, now you’ve done it,” Luna said with a smirk.
-
-
“What?”
-
-
“You said the word.”
-
-
“’Aren’t’ is not a word,” Celestia replied flatly and with an annoyed look.
-
“Neither is ‘ain’t.’”
-
-
“Do not use fake contractions around Teacher,” Luna admonished as she dipped her
-
spoon into her soup. “They drive her crazy.”
-
-
“Isn’t it a contraction of are and not?” Anon asked.
-
-
“No, it’s not. It’s a fake word,” Celestia instantly retorted.
-
-
“I’m pretty extra sure it is a real word. Like, ‘Aren’t you going outside?’”
-
-
“I refuse to have this discussion so late at night.”
-
-
“Shall I conjure down the dictionary, dear sister?” Luna asked with a coy
-
glance.
-
-
“You stay out of this.” Celestia’s stern glare was ignored by mirthful chuckling
-
while eating soup. “As for you, Mister Anon, it appears I will need to give you
-
some elocution lessons. I categorically refuse to allow such foul language in my
-
presence.”
-
-
Anon figured it was best to not rile up his new wife anymore, but he did keep
-
snickering at the way her nose wrinkled up when she was annoyed.
-
-
“To answer your question, yes. I believe you and Cadence are roughly the same
-
age. However, I don’t think that will be an issue. She is a mature, intelligent
-
mare. She had a changeling queen crash her wedding, so I believe she is able to
-
handle a minor situation such as this.”
-
-
“I believe one of the first questions she will ask is when you want to hold a
-
wedding party,” Luna added. “Ain’t no way she will let today be enough.”
-
-
Celestia glared extra fiercely at her sister. “You’re not helping, and now I’ve
-
lost track of what I was going to say.”
-
-
“I think we’ve already established you’re the forgetful one.”
-
-
“Luna.” Celestia grumbled.
-
-
“Wasn’t it about announcing the marriage?”
-
-
“Yes, thank you. Mister Anon, I believe I told you yesterday that I was not
-
going to make our marriage widely known until we settled all of the arrangements
-
for your life here. However, once we do get that taken care of, I believe we
-
should make the announcement as soon as is practical.”
-
-
Anon thought for a moment on this but then nodded. “I think you’re right. It’s
-
always best to be honest, right?”
-
-
“As the former element of honesty, that is something I can confirm. So we will
-
keep the news low-key for now but we won’t deny it. I don’t think it will take
-
long to sort out the details with you anyway.”
-
-
“What kind of details are there?”
-
-
“Mostly little, nit-picky ones. The biggest one is whether or not you outrank
-
Shining Armor. Both Lulu and I are inclined to say you do, since the Crystal
-
Empire is a vassal state to us, but we want to make sure. While we don’t think
-
the issue should ever arise, it’s best to have the rules laid out just in case.”
-
-
“Like if some half-baked writer is hiding in a flower patch and you boop his
-
nose?”
-
-
Celestia chuckled a bit. “Exactly.”
-
-
“We must also consider your names,” Luna added. When she got confused looks from
-
both of them, she happily continued. “There is the custom of taking the
-
husband’s name and titles when marrying. Does that now make you Princess
-
Celestia Mous? Or do you two take a more modern approach, where he takes your
-
name and becomes simply Anon?”
-
-
“You would be the one to think of that.” Celestia groaned as Anon laughed.
-
-
“I dunno. I kinda like Celestia Mous. Sounds like something I would serve on a
-
Luna Tortilla.”
-
-
Luna wrinkled up her nose. “If you just cursed me to be in a relationship with
-
any pony who has ‘tortilla’ as part of their name I am going to hunt you down
-
and make you suffer in horrifically painful but delightfully vague ways.”
-
-
“I’m not scared,” Anon replied defiantly. “Celestia will protect me.”
-
-
“That’s right.” Celestia took a quick step over and wrapped a wing over him. “No
-
harm shall befall my Anon, not on my watch.”
-
-
There was a brief pause as Luna contemplated this ultimatum.
-
-
And then all three of them burst out laughing. > 9. - Mind the Gap, This Way Out
-
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
Anonymous sighed as he leaned back in his chair. Before him was an empty page in
-
his notebook, and he was trying to figure out how to write what he was thinking.
-
-
He hated it when he couldn’t find the right words, so he settled on just using
-
the simplest words possible.
-
-
How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Princess Celestia.
-
-
He leaned back again, looked over his writing, and then laughed. “I’ve done it!
-
I have managed to write the single most ridiculous sentence in the history of
-
Equestria!”
-
-
He then groaned and slammed his forehead into the desk. This would all be much
-
easier if he was not dealing with the immortal Princess of the Sun.
-
-
But he was, and so he had to figure out something.
-
-
The thoughts that had led to the creation of this one mind-numbing sentence had
-
been passing through his head ever since last night. He had enjoyed the casual
-
conversation with Celestia and Luna last night, and a part of him wanted to have
-
more moments like that. It had felt so free, so easy, so natural. It almost was
-
like he had always been able to speak with the rulers of Equestria so
-
informally.
-
-
And then he would remember that he was speaking so informally with the rulers of
-
Equestria!
-
-
He sat up, ran a hoof through his mane, and took a deep, cleansing breath. In
-
all of his musings last night, he had come to one overarching conclusion: he
-
could either try to have a relationship with Celestia or he could not.
-
-
If he did not, he was in for a rather miserable experience. Oh, Celestia would
-
be kind, genteel even. She would probably offer praises when he did good work,
-
and assist when he needed help.
-
-
But it would be no more and no less than what she would have willingly offered
-
to a stray dog with a captivating, yet mournful expression. Things would remain
-
professional, but never have the possibility of being intimate.
-
-
Was intimate the right word? Anon reached for the dictionary he’d bought while
-
he had been out with Sego Lily and flipped the pages.
-
-
“Intimate, let’s see.” He looked for a moment, then smiled. “Intimate, noun: a
-
close friend. Adjective: Closely acquainted, familiar.”
-
-
It was an admirable goal that he could only attain if he tried. Unfortunately,
-
he continued to read. “Used euphemistically to indicate that a couple is having
-
a sexual rela—”
-
-
He slammed the book closed and took several deep breaths, trying to return to
-
the comforting mental state he had just departed. The memory of Celestia,
-
speaking quietly to him such a short time ago, made that easier than he
-
expected.
-
-
“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
-
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
-
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
-
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
-
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
-
Luna I am a sister, to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that you’ve
-
met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought with
-
what you now know.”
-
-
He rubbed his chin again as he recalled her words. There had been a moment or
-
two where he had been able to see her as she truly was, and what he saw, quite
-
honestly, made him want to see more. While Celestia the Princess was obviously
-
an interesting pony and was wonderful to meet, he found that plain Celestia—the
-
Celestia he had seen when she didn’t have to be a Princess—was the one he would
-
like to know better, and even dare to know intimately.
-
-
In the first definition of the word, that is.
-
-
He stood, crossed the room, and propped himself up on the windowsill. The sun
-
would be coming up in just a minute, and Anon had become strangely fascinated
-
with watching it burst over the distant eastern hills. There was no real reason
-
for him to be so enamored; the sun came up all the same every morning, after
-
all.
-
-
Yet he watched.
-
-
His smile grew deeper once it did make its appearance. The rays swept across his
-
skin in gently warming tones, and he felt revived and renewed in its embrace.
-
This was peace, this was contentment. This is what he really wanted in life.
-
-
With the sun now up, he decided to go get breakfast and to worry about courtship
-
later. Food really did help him think clearer, and there was a chance that
-
Celestia would made funny face pancakes again.
-
-
But he shook his head at himself as he left his room, notebook in hoof. Given
-
that she had just lost three perfectly good working days, in essence, because of
-
noses she was probably overbooked and wouldn’t really have time for him today.
-
He was fine with that; it gave him a day to figure out how to work on his
-
question.
-
-
He paused in the hallway when another interesting thought hit him. He then
-
jogged up to a nearby guard. “Good morning!”
-
-
“Good morning, sir,” the guard replied. “May I help you with something?”
-
-
“If you wouldn’t mind. I have a question.”
-
-
“Lay it on me.”
-
-
Anon smirked at the guard, and he smirked back. “It’s going to sound really,
-
really dumb, but please just answer it anyway. Who am I?”
-
-
“Who are you?” he repeated, obviously confused. “Well, you’re Anonymous, a guest
-
of the Princesses.”
-
-
That’s what Anon figured. His new titles probably hadn’t had a chance to make
-
the rounds yet. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate your honest answer.”
-
-
“May I ask why you’re asking, sir?” the guard replied.
-
-
“Well, someone recently told me I was having an existential crisis. I was just
-
seeing how right they were.”
-
-
“Are you, sir?” The guard allowed his spear to drop a fraction.
-
-
“No, I’m not. I am who I am. Thank you for assisting me.”
-
-
The guard nodded, and Anon continued on for about five steps before he suddenly
-
stopped and turned around. “Wait. ‘Princesses?’”
-
-
“Yes, sir,” the guard replied. “Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have
-
named you as their friend and guest.”
-
-
“Did they say that together?”
-
-
“No, Princess Luna’s statement came a day after Princess Celestia’s.”
-
-
Anon chuckled. It seemed that Luna had been able to overcome her antagonistic
-
annoyance with him faster than either of them thought they would.
-
-
Anon thanked the guard again and moved on. While he figured Luna might not like
-
him, per se, she could at least tolerate him and that made him feel tingly
-
inside. She was making the effort, and she could be a wonderful sister-in-law,
-
if things ever got close to normal in his life again.
-
-
Once in the dining hall, he simply sat and waited for someone to come take his
-
order. He was pleasantly surprised when, after a few minutes, Celestia walked in
-
with two plates of pancakes in her magic. Both Anon and Celestia smiled brightly
-
when they made eye contact, but she was the one who managed to speak first.
-
-
“May I safely assume at this point that you are a morning person?”
-
-
“I guess so. I didn’t realize I was either until now.” He chuckled as a plate
-
settled down in front of him. “I guess I have something to get up for.”
-
-
A hint of blush appeared on Celestia’s muzzle. “You can just admit that my
-
pancakes are addictive, you know.”
-
-
“Must be all the sugar in them.”
-
-
She tried to glare at him, but the attempt failed and instead devolved into
-
laughter. Just then, a scroll popped in from thin air a few feet away from them.
-
Celestia’s magic quickly snagged it, and Anon looked at her curiously as she
-
broke the seal and unraveled it.
-
-
“What’s that?”
-
-
“It’s a message from Twilight.”
-
-
“Really? Does she write to you a lot?”
-
-
“Not as much as she once did.” Celestia began to read with a peaceful smile,
-
obviously pleased at getting a letter from her former student, but as her eyes
-
darted back and forth, her smile faded slightly before turning into a deeply
-
serious frown.
-
-
“Everything okay?” he asked.
-
-
“I’m not sure,” she replied, as she stood. “Forgive me, Mister Anon, but this
-
does require my immediate attention.”
-
-
He nodded and watched as she trotted out of the room, although he tried not to
-
show the worry that had begun to build in his gut. What could possibly unnerve
-
the Princess that quickly? Some kind of national threat? If it was, it must be
-
bad since Twilight, one of the Elements of Harmony, was the one sending the
-
letter. Was there anything he could do to help?
-
-
He frowned at his pancakes. Whatever it was, he seriously hoped it wouldn’t take
-
long to fix. She had said she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so maybe it was
-
something that just needed some Celestia thrown at it to get it squared away.
-
-
“You didn’t hear anything, did you?” he asked the fruit face before him. The
-
banana slices that made up the mouth were shut tight, and Anon didn’t figure the
-
short stack would blab.
-
-
“Fine. I’ll just eat you until you confess!”
-
-
And he took a large bite to show he would make good on his threat.
-
-
“Mister Anon.”
-
-
“Princess Luna.” He turned to face her, and came nose-to-nose with her fierce
-
scowl.
-
-
“Did you upset my sister?”
-
-
“No?” he nervously replied while leaning back. “She got a letter from Twilight.”
-
-
“And what was in this missive?”
-
-
“She didn’t say, only that it was something she had to deal with right now.”
-
-
Luna retreated a step and relaxed slightly. “Hmm. Such a letter from Twilight
-
could be serious. Perhaps Discord is causing problems.”
-
-
“Oh, my dear sweet Luna.” A nearby syrup pitcher promptly sprouted mismatched
-
limbs and a face, which looked up at Luna with mournful yellow eyes. “Why do you
-
automatically assume I’m the one causing problems?”
-
-
“Because you have a great propensity for doing so.” Luna growled while the
-
draconequus poured himself into Celestia’s vacant chair. “Did you come here to
-
confess or to hide from your crimes?”
-
-
“I’m here because I want to be here,” Discord replied, as he reached across the
-
table and grabbed Celestia’s uneaten food. “I still haven’t done anything,
-
despite repeated requests from Pinkie Pie for chocolate milk rainclouds.”
-
-
“Then do you know what Twilight wrote?”
-
-
“I do,” he replied while he snapped a whisk into existence and used it to cut
-
the pancakes. “But Celly will be awfully mad at me if I tell anyone. I can say
-
it’s nothing that threatens life or limb.”
-
-
“What else could it be, then?”
-
-
“Something far more sensitive, I’m afraid,” Discord replied sadly as he scarfed
-
a bite. “Mm, this needs more sugar.”
-
-
Luna glanced over to Anon, but he had no idea what Discord’s cryptic comment
-
meant so he shrugged.
-
-
“So would it be safe to assume that, whatever this is, it will cause a great
-
amount of chaos?” Luna continued.
-
-
“A healthy amount, yes,” he said, as he shoved another large bite in. “And now
-
I’m stress eating, see? This is horrible. I’ll have to go on a diet for a month
-
because of this.”
-
-
“I hope you can forgive our lack of sympathy on the matter.”
-
-
Discord took a moment to clear his mouth and to dab lightly at the corners of
-
his mouth with a napkin.
-
-
“Yes, well, you were always known for your compassion weren’t you?”
-
-
Luna grunted and glared at him fiercely.
-
-
“Fine. I came here mostly for Anon anyway.” He stuck his nose in the air for a
-
moment before he teleported Anon into his embrace. “Anon-o, you’ve been mi amigo
-
in bedlam, so it’s only fair that I make you this offer: mi chaos es su chaos.
-
If you ever need a place to crash, you just give me a call. I’ll come running,
-
rain or shine, snow or sleet, Monday through Friday nine to five, Saturday ten
-
to three with time off for good behavior, closed Sundays. You’ve been such a
-
wonderfully unintentional deviant that I just can’t stand the thought of you
-
living out on the cold, cruel streets of Canterlot.”
-
-
“May I ask what you are even talking about?” Anon replied.
-
-
“Just know that I’m still here for you, Anon-o. Us chaos creators have to look
-
out for one another.”
-
-
And then Discord snapped his talons and disappeared. Anon flailed his limbs in
-
midair for a split second before he went crashing to the ground, and he groaned
-
in pain once there.
-
-
“I could have lived without that. Do you have any idea what he was talking
-
about, Princess?”
-
-
“I am afraid I do. Let me speak with my sister about this first, however. Are
-
you injured?”
-
-
“No, I’m okay.” He staggered back to his feet. “But will you please let me know
-
if I can help? I don’t want to just sit here and be dead weight.”
-
-
“I promise I will do so,” Luna replied with a quick nod of her head. She then
-
turned and left without another word.
-
-
Anon sighed. He was really worried about what was going on, and why he seemed to
-
be in the thick of it again. But since there wasn’t much he could do at the
-
moment, he figured the best thing to do would be to stay out of the way and to
-
let the Royal Sisters handle it.
-
-
He wondered if he could do some studying. It would be a shame to just sit, but
-
he wanted to stay nearby in case he was needed, and if he could gain access to
-
the Archives he could make some progress on his story. He would like to get that
-
started, he had to admit.
-
-
First things first, though. There were pancakes to devour.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Mister Anon?”
-
-
“Oh! Hi, Luna. You startled me.” Anon looked up from his notebook. “Can I help
-
you with something?”
-
-
“My sister requests your presence in her private drawing room at this time,”
-
Luna replied flatly. “If you would follow me, please.”
-
-
“Uh, okay. Let me gather up my stuff.”
-
-
Anon did not like Luna’s tone. Had he done something wrong, or something just
-
stupid? Was he going to be punished? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong in
-
the last hour, so the Princesses shouldn’t have a reason to be mad with him.
-
-
It only took a second to gather up his things, and he fell in step behind Luna
-
as they entered the hallway.
-
-
“So, what’s going on? Did I do something?” Anon asked.
-
-
“That is for my sister to discuss with you,” Luna replied without looking back.
-
“But know that you have my best wishes going with you.”
-
-
Seriously, what had he done this time?! He was getting tired of constantly being
-
in trouble.
-
-
The rest of the walk was in silence. Once they reached the drawing room door
-
Luna knocked, looked at Anon, sighed, and then walked away while keeping her
-
face impassive.
-
-
“Come in, Mister Anon,” Celestia called out.
-
-
Anon gently nudged the door open and slowly stuck his head in. Celestia gave him
-
the saddest smile he’d ever seen before motioning for him to come sit by the
-
table. He slowly did so, and while he did, Celestia poured out a cup of what
-
smelled like chamomile tea for each of them.
-
-
“Thank you for being patient and understanding today. I’m sure you realize that
-
I am called away for urgent matters on occasion.”
-
-
“Yes, I’m sure you are. What’s this all about?” Anon didn’t feel like wasting
-
time in pleasantries.
-
-
Celestia started to reply, then stalled, looking down at the table instead. Even
-
her proud ears drooped, and a brief rustle ran down the lengths of her folded
-
wings as they shuffled position behind her. “C’mon, Celly,” she muttered. “Just
-
spit it out.”
-
-
Taking a deep breath, she looked up and fixed Anonymous with a steady gaze that
-
he thought quite possibly contained a suppressed tear or two in the corners of
-
her lovely eyes.
-
-
“Mister Anon,” she continued in a steady voice. “Twilight Sparkle has found a
-
loophole for my law.”
-
-
Well, that was a fantastic way to suck the air out of the room. Anon’s right
-
hand began shaking wildly as the full impact of her statement sank in.
-
-
“Sh-she did?” he stammered.
-
-
Celestia nodded, then pushed a small pile of papers towards him. Anon leaned
-
over and read the bold words at the top:
-
-
Divorce Decree
-
-
Anon slumped back. It felt like Celestia had just slammed both of her rear
-
hooves into his gut at full force.
-
-
“A divorce?” he managed to weakly ask.
-
-
“Yes.”
-
-
“Uh… well, uh…”
-
-
“I’ve arranged for very generous terms on your behalf. Alimony payments will be
-
ten thousand bits per month, with annual reviews to account for cost-of-living
-
expenses. You shall have free access to the palace, the grounds, and any
-
services provided here, such as my personal carriage and chariots at any time
-
you like. You will remain a friend of the Crown as well as maintaining the title
-
of Duke, you may request an audience with me at any time and receive it, and
-
Luna has even promised to keep all nightmares away. All you have to do is sign
-
and date the last page, and you’ll be free.”
-
-
Anon wasn’t sure how to reply to all that, so he spat out the one question that
-
seemed to be overruling all others.
-
-
“Why didn’t anypony find this sooner?”
-
-
Celestia heaved the deepest sigh Anon had ever heard. “Please permit me to
-
answer that with a story, if I may.”
-
-
He nodded, and she continued. “When I sent Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville, I told
-
her to write me a letter every week to tell me about her studies in friendship.
-
My hope was that by doing so, she would recognize the lessons she was learning,
-
and that it would imprint on her heart far more that it ever could on paper. She
-
did so, dutifully, for well over a year. She grew by leaps and bounds, as she
-
does in everything, and I was pleased she was learning so much from her new
-
friends.
-
-
“But then a week came when there was no friendship lesson. It was a rather busy
-
week for me, and I didn’t notice her missing report.
-
-
“However, just before sunset on the day of the ‘deadline’ I received a letter
-
from Spike informing me of a most troubling development. Desperate for a
-
friendship problem to write about, Twilight had cast a Want It Need It spell on
-
and old stuffed rag doll she owned. Within the space of a few minutes, nearly
-
the entire town of Ponyville had fallen under the enchantment and had devolved
-
into fighting each other for possession of this doll. Thankfully, Spike sent
-
this message to me with enough time for me to teleport and to clear the
-
enchantment before anypony was seriously hurt.
-
-
“Now, let me ask you this: what should Twilight have done?”
-
-
Anon thought for a moment. “I can see her dilemma. If she did not have a
-
friendship lesson to report, you might think her studies were over. She really
-
should have written you to ask for your advice”
-
-
She nodded. “A prudent course of action. If she had, she would have been told
-
the letters were not as important as she thought they were. I would have
-
informed her that she could write when—and only when—a lesson happened.
-
-
“Now, Twilight is, arguably, one of the most intelligent ponies in all of
-
Equestria. Why would such a pony be unable to come to such an obvious answer?”
-
-
Anon shook his head. “I don’t know.”
-
-
“Most behavioral experts call it ‘Tunnel Vision.’ For as smart as ponies are, we
-
all have the propensity to see only what is in front of us and nothing else.
-
Most believe it’s something that’s been passed down from our earliest ancestors,
-
and that it is somehow related to the Fight or Flight response we see in
-
wildlife.
-
-
“So, in simple terms, it means that when a pony is a presented with a problem,
-
their tendency is to focus on one answer only. Usually the first response works,
-
and normally it is an acceptable and reasonable solution, so the pony doesn’t
-
even realize what they did.
-
-
“This is part of the reason nopony thought of divorce. The other part, I
-
believe, is my fault. When I sent my law out for review, I asked if there was a
-
loophole in the law itself. If one looks at it from the way I asked, there is no
-
way to cancel it. However, there is nothing in the law that says we must remain
-
married. As soon as Luna proclaimed us husband and wife, the terms were
-
fulfilled. The only thing that binds you to me or me to you is the modern legal
-
bonds of marriage. I also personally believe the subject matter hampered
-
efforts.”
-
-
“How so?”
-
-
“Imagine if I placed before you a giant, one thousand year old boulder. The
-
boulder itself is visually impressive one, with all sorts of swirls and colorful
-
bands sweeping through it. I then give you a fork, spoon, and knife and ask you
-
to find a way to move the boulder and command you to report back in three days.
-
I then tell you that if someone manages to drill a hole into it, it will release
-
a terrible plume of smoke that will turn my coat purple. What do you think would
-
happen?”
-
-
Anon nodded as he saw the simile. It was a simile, wasn’t it? “I would probably
-
chip away at it with the silverware for a few days before telling you that the
-
task was impossible. I’d probably also laugh at the thought of you being purple,
-
and get distracted by the colors in the rock, too.”
-
-
“Very well.” Celestia nodded. “What if I had not given you the knife, fork, and
-
spoon? Just pointed to the boulder and let you go.”
-
-
“Oh.” The inspiration was dizzying. “I’d go buy some rope and a few pulleys.
-
Maybe hire a couple of beefy earth ponies to help pull, and we’d have that
-
boulder moved by the end of the first day.”
-
-
“Exactly.” A broader smile managed to work its way onto Celestia’s face as she
-
nodded again. “I believe this happened with my law as well. Most anypony at a
-
University would probably be far more interested in the insides of a previously
-
unknown, thousand-year-old document. Judges and Lawyers would laugh at the
-
subject and would assume such an occurrence is next to impossible. When we look
-
at the problem from the outside, it’s easy to see how divorce could be
-
overlooked.”
-
-
Anon didn’t reply for a few moments as he processed all this, but when he did,
-
his voice was soft and thoughtful. “So, all I need to do is sign?”
-
-
“Yes. You can then go back to your regular life and your own dreams. I’ll even
-
go find Sego Lily for you, if you want me to.”
-
-
Anon looked down at the divorce papers, and Celestia placed an inkwell and quill
-
next to them. His mind began churning with thoughts, and he tried to keep them
-
all in order.
-
-
This was, as she said, everything he had wanted. No more trying to figure out
-
how to date a princess, no more worrying about being a prince and doing princely
-
things, no more Luna glaring at him and yanking his chain. The terms were
-
generous enough that he could very easily buy a home out in the country and be
-
able to write his story uninterrupted. He would, in pretty much any way he could
-
think of, be set for life. He could even probably use this amusing incident to
-
launch his writing career.
-
-
He pondered this for quite some time, but then he made the mistake of looking
-
up. Celestia was sitting calmly, her body facing him but her head turned to look
-
out the window. She was the perfect picture of her reputation right then:
-
peaceful, serene, stoic and steadfast. She looked like a Princess, in every way.
-
-
But Anon could also see something else. True, he didn’t have the centuries of
-
experience in reading body language like she did. He really couldn’t say that he
-
knew her inner feelings based on how she inhaled or how she blinked.
-
-
But there was still a feeling of sadness draped across her form. It wasn’t the
-
sadness that came from doing something wrong. It was more like the sadness that
-
came from the realization that something good was coming to an end.
-
-
He ran a hoof through his mane as she took a gentle sip of tea. It had not been
-
a mistake to look up. As he watched her mane float on the ethereal breeze that
-
moved it along, he knew what his answer needed to be.
-
-
Celestia inhaled slowly and deeply when she heard Anonymous slide the divorce
-
papers back across the table. She then slowly turned her head and looked down.
-
-
One eyebrow moved up as her interest seemed to grow. On top of the divorce
-
decree, Anon had placed his notebook and opened to a page that had one sentence
-
written across the top.
-
-
“How to flirt with, date, court, and-slash-or woo Princess Celestia,” she read,
-
and then laughed slightly before Anon continued.
-
-
“Ridiculous, right? I mean, really. What chance does a commoner like me have
-
with you?”
-
-
He paused to take a breath. “Three days ago, when we first booped noses, if you
-
had told me this, I would have married and divorced you right then and there
-
with no further thought on the matter.
-
-
“But then I started talking to you. I got to know you better. My preconceived
-
notions were challenged, and I had to reconcile what I had known to what I had
-
learned. You acted out my little paragraph of writing. You talked to me about
-
Sego Lily. You made me funny face pancakes, and you ate my soup while listening
-
to my little sob story.
-
-
“I realize there’s still a ton we don’t know about each other, and that would
-
need to change. I’m also not sure if we can ever really love each other, but I’d
-
like to find out for sure,” he admitted while his gaze went to the window. “As
-
crazy as this whole thing has been, I’m delusional enough at this point to think
-
that maybe, somehow, we could have something. I’ve had little glimpses into what
-
life with you could be like, and I’ve loved them. I really would like to see if
-
there could be more.
-
-
“I also want to keep your feelings in mind, too. If this is too forward of me,
-
or if you want the divorce for whatever reason, I’ll sign the papers. I don’t
-
want you to be forced into something you don’t want either.”
-
-
He then heard Celestia’s magic working. He glanced back, and saw his notebook
-
had been picked up and she was flipping the pages of the decree. She stopped on
-
the last page, and Anon saw that both he and she needed to sign it, but both
-
places were blank.
-
-
His notebook then was placed back on the table. Under his sentence, she had
-
written one simple line:
-
-
Call me Celly.
-
-
“I think you are slightly mistaken in one area.” He looked up at her, and found
-
a completely different mare before him. The previously stoic and sad Celestia
-
was now a perky, smiling mare, and her eyes were sparkling with mirth.
-
-
“How so?” he asked, as a smile invaded his face too.
-
-
“You said we don’t love each other yet. If that was totally true, you would have
-
signed the paperwork. What we have is a start, an ember. I would like to see if
-
it could be something more as well.”
-
-
“You would?”
-
-
She nodded. “It’s going to take time, though, and there’s still much that could
-
change your mind. Let’s leave the divorce option open with the understanding
-
that if either of us wants out in the future, we will part as friends and with
-
no ill will.”
-
-
“I can agree to that, Celly.”
-
-
The smile she gave him sent a shiver of joy throughout his whole body. Even his
-
spine felt tingly.
-
-
“Then we are agreed. I’ll even help you add more things to that list.”
-
-
“Really?”
-
-
“But you need to add most of them,” she added slyly. “If you want this to work,
-
you’ve got to put some effort into it. That’s how any relationship works,
-
really.”
-
-
He gave his own sly smile back. “That sounds like a two way street to me.”
-
-
“As it should be, Mister Anon.”
-
-
He then pulled the notebook a bit closer, produced his pencil, and began
-
writing. Once done, he pushed it back towards her, and she leaned over to see
-
what he’d just added.
-
-
How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Anonymous.
-
-
And underneath that, one simple line:
-
-
Call me Anon.
-
-
“You get to add things too,” he remarked.
-
-
“I would love to, Anon,” she said with a quick boop for his nose. > 10. - So,
-
Now What? >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“So, I guess we could have annulled the marriage too,” Anon offered in thought.
-
-
“That we could,” Celestia replied as they left her drawing room. “But that would
-
have left you with nothing, and I didn’t want that to happen. You have handled
-
everything with a great deal of decorum, and you deserved to have compensation
-
for your trouble.”
-
-
Anon didn’t have a reply to that, but he did blush a little.
-
-
“Oh ho!” Celestia cackled. “I was wondering if it was possible to bring any
-
color to your cheeks.”
-
-
“I blush,” he said weakly. “I’m not used to ponies praising me. I’m also not
-
used to having all this attention.”
-
-
“I’ll help you through it,” Celestia offered. “Once our union is more widely
-
known, you’re going to need it.”
-
-
“So long as you’re there, I think I’ll survive.”
-
-
“Sister!” Luna called out from down the hallway. “Are you done with Mister
-
Anon?”
-
-
“Our dilemma has been resolved,” Celestia called back as Luna quickly closed the
-
gap between them.
-
-
“All right, I need a straight answer, not this cryptic nonsense. Are you two
-
divorced?”
-
-
“No, we—”
-
-
“Good. I need your husband.”
-
-
“No!” Celestia instantly wrapped a wing around him and pulled him in tight.
-
“He’s mine! Go get your own.”
-
-
Luna smacked her forehead with a hoof and groaned. “Not like that! I have the
-
ambassador from Caballo arriving in an hour and I need his cooking skills. Some
-
light refreshments will help ease the tension from your reschedules.”
-
-
“That it would. Anon, would you like to entertain your first diplomat?”
-
-
“Sure, I’m willing to help,” he said as Celestia’s wing retreated with a line of
-
tingles across his spine. “What do you want me to make?”
-
-
“Something more to the elegant side,” Luna replied. “Ambassador Rompe Viento is
-
known for his particular tastes.”
-
-
“How about a Popurrí de Vendura?”
-
-
“I don’t think I can even pronounce that. What is it?”
-
-
“A traditional Caballian dish. It might be a bit heavy, but I think I can cut
-
back here and there to lighten it up.”
-
-
“If it will appease the ambassador, then I’m all for it.” Luna motioned down the
-
hallway. “Shall we?”
-
-
“Go ahead. I’ve got more than enough work to catch up on while you’re gone,”
-
Celestia offered.
-
-
“I don’t doubt that.” Anon chuckled. “Maybe I can help you with it later?”
-
-
“I would like that.” Celestia gave him a bright smile. “I’ll save the really
-
boring laws for you.”
-
-
“Oh, great,” Anon groaned with a smile, then turned to Luna. “Your kitchen staff
-
isn’t going to be mad that I’m taking over their job, are they?”
-
-
“Not at all. No chef has been able to satisfy all of the Ambassador’s demands to
-
date,” Luna replied, as they began walking down the hallway. “You’re the only
-
hope I have at the moment.”
-
-
“Are things really that bad between Equestria and Caballo?”
-
-
“No, so it will be fine if he doesn’t like what you have made, but it would
-
help.”
-
-
“Okay. Let’s go give it a whirl, then.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“So you decided to stay with my sister,” Luna casually remarked.
-
-
“I did,” Anon said with a slow stir of the vegetables in the skillet before him.
-
-
“Why?”
-
-
“Well, why not? Who wouldn’t want to be married to your sister?”
-
-
“Nice try.” She gave him a slight glare, but the corners of her mouth were
-
upturned. “I need a better answer than that.”
-
-
“That you do. It’s a bit hard to explain, really. I just felt like there could
-
be something more. I know that I’m just a commoner.
-
-
“But last night, when we were just talking…” Anon trailed off. There was a pause
-
as he threw some spices in the pan, then began stirring again. “It was nice, I
-
guess. I was talking to two princesses like they were my old friends, and it
-
felt good.
-
-
“Just talking to Celly feels good, y’know? I know she has to stay professional
-
and be diplomatic for both her own ponies and visitors, but the little bits that
-
I’ve seen when she’s not being a Princess are… well, they’re wholesome. They’re
-
delightful. This is probably going to sound really dumb, because this all
-
applies to her anyway, but even in private she’s a smart, witty, and thoughtful
-
mare who really does care about others.
-
-
“I mean, she’s tried to make my life easier, despite everything that’s happened.
-
She’s trying to make up for her law, and she really wants to do what’s best. I
-
dunno. Maybe I’m just being weird, but when I talk to Celly—not Princess
-
Celestia, but just Celly—I feel like I belong. I’d almost like to say that
-
existential crisis my dad said I was having is solved with her. I kinda feel
-
like… well, like I’ve found myself.”
-
-
“What about the other mare you met? Sego Lily, wasn’t it?”
-
-
He chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t know how to explain that. She was attractive, and I
-
can’t deny I wasn’t enamored by her. I guess I just fell for that trap where I
-
let my guard down a little and I let her in when I shouldn’t have. If I could go
-
back and do that again I would. I would have just apologized for crashing into
-
her and then been on my way, and just skip getting caught in the depths of a
-
pity party. I guess I need to take that as a lesson in watching my decisions.”
-
-
“At least you have learned from it,” Luna replied. “If you are going to remain
-
with my sister, you owe her your complete fidelity.”
-
-
“She’ll have it, don’t worry. I mean, who could ever really measure up to your
-
sister?”
-
-
“Other than you? Somepony on stilts, maybe.”
-
-
They both chuckled at the mental image. “That’s about the only way. But I’m
-
going to take this seriously. Celestia deserves it.”
-
-
“You do too,” said Luna. “You will never have to worry about Celly betraying
-
you, either.”
-
-
“I never thought that would be an issue.”
-
-
“Celly is still a mare, Anon. She meets with a great many handsome stallions on
-
an almost daily basis, stallions who would turn you green with envy. She will
-
have to watch herself too, but she takes her commitments seriously. If you stay
-
loyal to her, she will stay loyal to you.”
-
-
“Just as you stayed loyal to Star Struck?”
-
-
“Just as we did, yes.” Luna’s subdued smile made her light up like the moon. “I
-
can tell you it was not easy all the time. As romantic as our beginning was, our
-
relationship needed continual work. The same will be true for you.”
-
-
“I don’t mind a little work,” Anon replied as he pulled a saucepan off of
-
another burner and poured the contents over his concoction in the main skillet.
-
“Especially for what the reward is.”
-
-
“Is this it, then?”
-
-
“Yeah. I hope he likes it. This is something my parents brought back with them
-
after an overseas trip to Caballo. They said they found it during their trip
-
through the countryside.”
-
-
“I believe it will be satisfactory,” she replied. “He should be arriving any
-
moment now. We will soon see if you are successful.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Princess, I don’t know who made this, but I simply must offer my compliments!”
-
Ambassador Rompe Viento gushed. “This is the most incredible meal I have ever
-
had the pleasure of enjoying!”
-
-
“I will be sure to pass your compliments along,” Luna replied with a wink to
-
Anon. “The Chef will be very pleased to hear this.”
-
-
“Well, now that I am quite pleasantly full, I believe we can begin negotiations.
-
May I be so bold as to invite you to join us?”
-
-
“I have already made arrangements to join you and Minister Penny Wise,
-
Ambassador.”
-
-
“Fantastico! Will Mister Anon be joining us?”
-
-
“I believe he is needed elsewhere, unfortunately.”
-
-
“In high demand eh?” The Ambassador bobbed his eyebrows at Anon. “But that is
-
fine. I’m sure we will have an opportunity to talk later.”
-
-
“I look forward to it, Ambassador,” Anon replied.
-
-
“Just this way, Viento.” Luna motioned with a hoof down one hallway.
-
-
Anon stood still until they both had cleared the hallway, and then he let his
-
breath out in relief. That had been slightly nerve wracking, but at least his
-
meal had been received well. But now what? Should he go back to the Archives and
-
study more, or should he try to meet up with Celestia?
-
-
“Excuse me, Prince Anon?”
-
-
That was definitely going to take some getting used to. He smiled politely as he
-
turned to face Celestia’s secretary. “Yes?”
-
-
“Hello, Your Highness. I’m Wysteria Inkwell, and I’m your personal secretary
-
now. It’s nice to make your acquaintance.”
-
-
“Likewise,” he replied with a quick shake of her hoof. “But you’re still
-
Celestia’s secretary too, right?”
-
-
“Yes, Your Highness. I work for both of you now. You’ll be seeing me around a
-
lot since the Princess believes you’ll be spending most of your time with her
-
over the next few weeks.”
-
-
“Oh? Well, I can live with that.” Anon gave a quick nod. “So, what am I supposed
-
to be doing right now?”
-
-
Wysteria adjusted her glasses and looked over her clipboard. “Well, the Princess
-
is scheduled to be in Day Court until this evening. I guess you could join her
-
there. She didn’t really say what she wanted you to do right now.”
-
-
“I don’t know if I should join her. Wouldn’t I be a disruption?”
-
-
“Oh, not at all, Your Highness! There’s a separate staff entrance near the back.
-
I can bring you in there, and you can just sit off to the side until she’s
-
done.”
-
-
“No one will notice me there?”
-
-
“I would be surprised if they did, Your Highness. Everypony who comes to court
-
is so in awe of Celestia that they don’t bother to look around, and even if they
-
did, we’ll just say you’re an observer. You’ll blend right in.”
-
-
“Oh! Well, okay then. I guess I just follow you?”
-
-
Wysteria smiled and motioned down a hallway with one hoof. “Right this way, Your
-
Highness.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
Anonymous liked Day Court.
-
-
Granted, he wasn’t the one making the decisions, and he knew that made a huge
-
difference. But Celestia was an obvious expert, and the various petitioners were
-
giving him a good look at what would probably be expected of him later.
-
-
His first observation was how many ponies came to the seat of the Two Sisters to
-
beg for money. It seemed nearly half of the visitors wanted funds for any number
-
of reasons: new house, start a business, hard times, et cetera. Celestia was
-
uniform in her decisions. No matter what, the official policy of the Crown was
-
not to distribute funding, no matter how worthy the cause. Business ideas needed
-
to speak to a local banker for a loan (and she gladly named two or three who she
-
personally recommended), and individuals needed to speak to the ponies in the
-
Office of Personal Finance to determine what would be best for their particular
-
case. Anon figured that this was because money distributed by the Crown was
-
taxpayer bits, and that some oversight was needed to ensure the money wasn’t
-
wasted. Even if Celestia did approve the funds, it would have to be accounted
-
for somewhere so it ended up the same anyway.
-
-
The next most common request was requests for her to make some kind of
-
legislative change. These she listened to calmly and attentively, no matter how
-
strange they were. There was, for instance, a pair of goats who wished for a
-
‘National Feta Cheese’ day to be declared, and that made Anon giggle a bit,
-
since he personally disliked Feta. Celestia diplomatically said she’d look into
-
it, and that had worked.
-
-
Another asked for an official study into whether or not Cloudsdale’s method of
-
replenishing their water reserves was damaging to the local ecosystems. He
-
looked a bit put out when she told him comprehensive studies had been done every
-
year for the last two hundred and twelve years and no damage had ever been
-
noted. Well, other than a few confused fish that had to be screened out of the
-
water inlets and returned to the donating lake every time the reserves were
-
filled.
-
-
He was pretty amazed at how well she handled these requests, and how well she
-
knew what legislation was already in place, but he also realized why she had
-
forgotten about her nose law. With the constant influx of laws, ordinances and
-
the other minutiae that went into running a country, it would be easy to forget
-
a dusty old law that wasn’t doing anything.
-
-
The rest of the petitioners he labeled as miscellaneous. Some just wanted to
-
chat with her, some wanted a photograph and/or an autograph, and one old mare
-
asked if Celly could speak at her funeral. Celestia had danced around that one,
-
saying it really depended on her schedule on the day of death.
-
-
The absolute best petitioner, however, was the last pony. He was a suave young
-
thing, perhaps the same age as Anon, with a slicked back mane and sparkling
-
white teeth. He sprayed his mouth with what Anon suspected was breath freshener
-
just as he was announced, and he strode confidently into the room with an
-
all-knowing grin.
-
-
“Good afternoon, Furious Thunder,” Celestia greeted evenly. “What do you have to
-
present before the Court?”
-
-
Thunder cleared his throat with a practiced ease in his motions. “O great
-
Celestia, whose strength binds our lands together and whose wisdom shines forth
-
across the seas, I thank fortune and luck that I have been so privileged to be
-
in your presence today.”
-
-
Anon was pretty extra sure he could hear Celestia’s eyes rolling.
-
-
“But I have come here today as a humble stallion, one who seeks only for the
-
eternal happiness and indescribable joy of our beloved monarch. I wish to offer
-
a present, O Celestia, a simple token of my own undying gratitude for your
-
selfless work in our behalf.”
-
-
“And what present is that?” Celestia asked. Anon caught the note of wariness in
-
her voice and moved up and onto his feet, but he was also glad to see the Guards
-
in the room tense up and give the great orator their undivided and pointed
-
attention.
-
-
“Nothing more than a flower, my lady. A rare and beautiful flower, one that
-
matches your own self.”
-
-
Anonymous was no flower expert by any means, but the flower that the pegasus
-
produced seemed to be nothing more than an ordinary white rose. Though Anon felt
-
highly confused, Celestia’s face remained even and calm. She even let a small
-
smile grace her features.
-
-
“What a lovely gesture! Thank you, Mister Thunder. Please, approach and present
-
your gift.”
-
-
The guards at the foot of the dais didn’t look very happy about this, but they
-
let him pass. Anon also was a bit concerned, but he figured Celestia knew what
-
she was doing.
-
-
Furious Thunder’s posture was confident and sure, looking like a stallion who
-
had just won a large prize and was about to collect it. Anon watched closely as
-
Thunder made the climb quickly and then kneeled before Celestia with the rose
-
held upward in one hoof.
-
-
“For my beloved monarch.”
-
-
Celestia’s hoof slowly moved out to take the flower.
-
-
And Furious Thunder sprung. Before Anon could even react, Thunder had pushed up
-
from his low position quickly, tilted his head up and booped Celestia’s nose.
-
-
“Oh! My apologies.” Celestia retreated up and back a step, and Anon caught the
-
mischievous wink from his wife. “I didn’t realize you were going to stand.”
-
-
“Oh, no, Your Highness. The fault was mine. I am such. A. Clumsy. Stallion.”
-
Thunder made a great effort at enunciating his words.
-
-
“Are you really? You should take some yoga classes, then.” Celestia took the
-
rose in her magic and sniffed it. “Or perhaps some Tai Chi would work better. Or
-
is it Chai tea? I always get those mixed up.”
-
-
“I, uh. I’ll look into it.”
-
-
“Now, I could be mistaken, but this seems like a rather ordinary rose. What
-
makes it so special?”
-
-
“It, um… it’s the first flower I gave to my future bride.”
-
-
“Oh! Well, that makes it far too special to give to me.” Celestia pushed the
-
rose back in Thunder’s face. “You should return it immediately.”
-
-
“Um, Your Highness?” one of the guards piped up, after clearing his throat.
-
-
“Oh! Do you mean me, Mister Thunder?” Celestia put a hoof to her chest in
-
dramatic shock. “Oh dear. You did just boop my nose, didn’t you?”
-
-
“I did, yes.” That winning smile was back in full force.
-
-
“Oh my, what a dilemma! I did write that law a thousand years ago that says the
-
first stallion to touch my nose with his own has to be my husband.”
-
-
“You did, yes.”
-
-
“It’s certainly a good thing that law is no longer valid, isn’t it?”
-
-
“It is… wait, what?”
-
-
Celestia nodded solemnly. “Yes, I’m afraid so. You are not the first stallion to
-
touch my nose. You’re operating under a misconception.”
-
-
“Somepony else got you already?” Thunder whispered in disbelief.
-
-
Celestia now frowned at him. “Yes, and it’s a good thing, too. What University
-
are you attending right now?”
-
-
Anon was trying very hard not to laugh at the now thoroughly routed Furious
-
Thunder.
-
-
“The University of Canterlot, Your Highness.” Thunder said.
-
-
“And did you read my law for yourself or did you just hear about it?”
-
-
“I heard about it from some friends on campus who’d seen it.”
-
-
“I see. Did you consider what would really happen if you were the first one?”
-
-
“Uh…”
-
-
“Because it is no easy task to be a prince. You must be calm and collected at
-
all times, never letting you emotions overrun your judgements and decisions. You
-
must handle ponies at their very worst, as well as at their very best. Despite
-
your own opinions and ideas, you must be open and receptive to all ponies, no
-
matter how different they may seem, or how offensive their personality may be.
-
-
“You must also make decisions that will be tried and tested for years to come,
-
and if you make an error then you will not only suffer yourself but you will
-
impact the lives of potentially millions. A seemingly small and simple law can
-
completely change the whole of Equestria.”
-
-
Anon moved over towards the dias when Celestia motioned for him. He knew all
-
that stuff wasn’t for Thunder, it was for him. Celestia was warning him, he’d be
-
in the hot seat with her in more ways than he knew about.
-
-
But that was just it. He’d be with her.
-
-
And with that being the case, he believed it could be done. He could be a
-
prince, and have the love of a princess. It would take everything he had, and
-
probably more, but it would doable.
-
-
“Mister Thunder, I would like you to meet—” Celestia stalled, looked over to
-
Anon, and smiled “—my husband, Prince Anonymous. Anon, say hello to Furious
-
Thunder.”
-
-
Anon was really grateful that only Celestia, Wysteria, and himself were present
-
for the big announcement, but there was still no shortage of embarrassment on
-
his part.
-
-
“H-hi.” Anon stammered.
-
-
“Go easy on him, he’s had a rough few days.” Celestia added quickly. “It’s not
-
easy adjusting to being a Prince.”
-
-
“How did you boop her first?” Thunder demanded, his face flushed with anger.
-
Celestia’s magic flared, and the young stallion began to float away from Anon,
-
held by the scruff of his neck much like a kitten being picked up by its mother.
-
-
“Now, now. Don’t be a sore loser,” Celestia chided. “My advice to you is to
-
forget any of this happened, resume your studies, and look for your special
-
somepony while doing so. You never know when destiny will strike. Now, off you
-
go!”
-
-
Thunder yelped when Celestia’s magic swatted him on the bum as she put him down.
-
He then grumbled and fumed his way out of the throne room, with a couple of
-
guards following for good measure. Once he was out of sight, Celestia nodded to
-
Wysteria.
-
-
“I believe we shall adjourn Day Court for now.”
-
-
“Very well.” Wysteria swung the double doors to the throne room shut with her
-
magic.
-
-
“Now then, all of that excitement has worked up my appetite. Anon, what do you
-
suggest we have tonight?”
-
-
He smiled. “How about a nice rosemary salad with shredded carrots, but hold the
-
physical assault?”
-
-
“That sounds delicious. Shall we?”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“So, I guess we have to make the official announcement now,” Anon said.
-
-
“Not necessarily,” Luna replied. “If you are still not comfortable about your
-
position, we can still use one of my favorite stalling tactics.”
-
-
Celestia rolled her eyes, but she laughed too. “The Crown can neither confirm
-
nor deny the rumor that has been spread by Furious Thunder. No further comment.”
-
-
“Exactly. It is amazing how well that works.”
-
-
“No, that doesn’t seem right,” Anon replied. “I would feel like I’m deceiving
-
ponies. Since I decided to stay, we should announce it.”
-
-
“Anon has spoken,” Celestia grandly proclaimed with a chuckle. “Everything will
-
be shut down tomorrow so we’ll make the announcement and have a press conference
-
first thing Monday morning.”
-
-
Anon nodded. “I guess this means we should go meet my parents tomorrow.”
-
-
“Are you sure you want to?”
-
-
“I’m pretty extra sure I don’t want to.” Anon paused while he glared daggers at
-
the floor. “But I don’t think they’d appreciate reading about how their son
-
married Princess Celestia in the morning paper. They did send me off on this
-
little journey, so it’s fair they should know how it ended.”
-
-
“I would not say it has ended.” Luna replied. “I think you’re still just
-
beginning. This is just another step along the way.”
-
-
“That’s true,” he replied, before taking a bite of salad. “Were your parents
-
still alive when you met Star Struck?”
-
-
“You should not talk with your mouth full,” Luna chided. “But they were, yes. It
-
was not easy for them to accept him, but they did in time.”
-
-
“They didn’t like him?”
-
-
“He was a mouthy, temperamental thing at first. Though he treated me kindly, he
-
would gladly have an argument at anytime and with anypony. He hated backing
-
down, too, so there were frequent ego clashes. Father was ready to turn him into
-
saddlebags more than a few times.”
-
-
“Our parents were also slow to adapt,” Celestia added. “The magic of friendship
-
takes longer to work on some, and it was hard for Mother and Father to accept an
-
earth pony as an equal, not to mention the additional hurdle of being worthy of
-
their daughter. But in time, they did. We all worked together on it and he
-
eventually became a beloved son-in-law.”
-
-
“Think they’d ever approve of me?” Anon asked.
-
-
“Hmm.” Luna tapped her hoof to her chin. “They would not approve of you being an
-
earth pony. They also would frown upon your common status, and your accidental
-
invocation of the law.”
-
-
“But then you stayed and took responsibility,” Celestia added. “They would
-
appreciate that, even if they would not admit it.”
-
-
“Taking a thrashing from me would probably add to their appreciation of your
-
tenacity.” Luna shook her head and chuckled. “Enduring my teasing would also be
-
endearing.”
-
-
“Being an excellent cook is always a good way to gain a pony’s favor,” Celestia
-
offered with a deep smile. “They would be displeased over your day with Sego
-
Lily, but then they would be touched by your remorse over the incident. Being
-
able to tolerate Discord would also impress them.”
-
-
“And then you stayed,” Luna concluded. “You had an out, but you did not take it.
-
I think, overall, they would have approved. They would be chiding Celly for
-
writing such a silly law, though.”
-
-
“They did when I wrote the thing.” Celestia laughed. “But even they begrudgingly
-
admitted my convoluted solution was better than Iron Hoof.”
-
-
“Anything was better than Iron Hoof, Sister. The foal was an idiot.”
-
-
“I sense you have a high opinion of him,” Anon quipped.
-
-
Luna snorted derisively. “Go through the archives and look into his history. You
-
will quickly see why I detested him. I shed no tears for him when he finally
-
passed.”
-
-
“He was rather unpleasant, and that’s being nice,” Celestia added. “It may be a
-
bit shameful but I wasn’t too sad when he passed either. He had very few
-
redeeming qualities.”
-
-
“Huh.” Anon took a slow bite as he thought about this information. “So, if I’m
-
the opposite of him I’ll be good.”
-
-
“That will be a good start.” Celestia gave Anon a serious look. “But it will
-
only be just that. Everything I said to Furious Thunder will apply to you, and
-
more. You will need to be at your very best, at every moment, and even if
-
everypony around you is not. And worst of all, you will have to contend with a
-
spouse who can be very disagreeable when she is having a bad day, who is pushy
-
and prefers to get her own way, and has stinky wingpits on certain days.”
-
Celestia made a brief sniff of her underwing area and wrinkled up her nose.
-
“She’s not a very pretty pony sometimes, and worst of all, she snores and hogs
-
all the covers in the middle of the night.”
-
-
“Oh, well,” Anon huffed. “I don’t think I can tolerate a blanket hog. I don’t
-
know that I can make a relationship work with a pony who has such a fatal flaw.”
-
-
“You could just fight back, you realize,” Luna pointed out. “Just poke Celly in
-
the ribs and she will relinquish her hold on whatever she’s stolen. She’ll also
-
snort like a wee little piggy.”
-
-
“Luna!” Celestia gasped loudly. “You have just given away my greatest secret!
-
How could you?!”
-
-
Luna blew a raspberry at her sister, then pulled Anon in close with one wing.
-
“If you stick with me, Mister Anon, I will teach you all of my sister’s
-
weaknesses. You shall emerge victorious from any tickle war my sister may dare
-
to wage. I will not leave my brother-in-law defenseless.”
-
-
“I’m not so sure this is a good idea, but teach me, oh great Lunar Princess.”
-
-
“A traitorous alliance! Equestria is doomed!” Celestia shouted with a loud
-
laugh. > 11. - A Grand Day Out >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“I honestly thought it would be harder to get out of the palace,” Anon remarked
-
thoughtfully.
-
-
“It typically is,” Celestia replied while they both braced themselves against
-
the lurch of the train as it began its journey. “But every pony understands that
-
right now is a bit of an ‘unique’ situation. Wysteria is also very good at her
-
job.”
-
-
“I am also a bit surprised that the private train of Princess Celestia is so
-
plain. It looked like we were going to take the Express to Baltimare for a
-
minute.”
-
-
“There is a problem with having a gilded train like the one you describe,”
-
Celestia said. “With enough velvet and gold, one feels like a show pony in a
-
three-ring circus.”
-
-
“I can see why you would want to avoid that.”
-
-
“I also tend to feel guilty if the pegasus guards have to pull me and my chariot
-
long distances,” Celestia continued. “They tell me time and again it’s an honor
-
to do so but I know it’s backbreaking work, so when I can I travel by rail.”
-
-
“Plus, you can get more paperwork done.”
-
-
“That I can,” she smiled, and she settled in behind the desk like a mother swan
-
in a nest, or at least that was the image that Anonymous was trying his best not
-
to think about. “Sadly, there is never a shortage of it, and I believe some of
-
the worst offenders at creating the cursed things will see you as an opportunity
-
to ‘up their game’ as it is said.”
-
-
“I bet.” He chuckled while he watched her bring a stack of papers to the desk
-
with her magic.
-
-
“So what should I know about your family?” she asked. “I hate walking into a
-
battle blind.”
-
-
“Yeah, it may be a battle, I suppose.” Anon blew out a short and frustrated
-
breath. “What to tell you about my parents. Isn’t that the sixty-four thousand
-
bit question. Where do I even begin?”
-
-
“Start with the basics,” she replied as she began reading the stack of parchment
-
before her, and writing on another off to one side. “All I know is that you have
-
a mother and father and no siblings, that they took you in when you were five
-
years old, and that they own a gourmet restaurant.”
-
-
“Upscale,” he corrected. “I have no idea why it matters, but it’s an upscale
-
restaurant. From what Dad says, it means we serve real food, not just a
-
half-dozen microscopic blobs of stuff on a lettuce leaf for a few hundred bits.”
-
-
“Fair enough. But what are they like? What interests do they have? How much do
-
they travel?"
-
-
“Well, they’re earth ponies.” Anon snorted and suppressed a smile. “Mom likes to
-
call herself black beans over yellow rice, and Dad says he’s refried beans with
-
hot salsa on top, due to their colors.” He eyed Celestia’s flowing mane. “I’m
-
not sure how they’d describe you.”
-
-
“Rainbow whip topping on vanilla ice cream,” said Celestia with a twinkle in her
-
eyes. “My sister can be double-double chocolate fudge. So how did your parents
-
meet?”
-
-
Anon straightened up, although with most of his smile still remaining. “They’re
-
foalhood sweethearts, actually. They were neighbors growing up, and somehow they
-
always knew they would marry each other.”
-
-
Anon hesitated. Celestia was looking over one scroll quite intently and the
-
quill in her magic seemed to be writing quickly next to her, but she still made
-
an encouraging noise as if she wanted him to continue.
-
-
“They, uh, they opened the Zuerst just after they got married. They’ve done some
-
advertising but most of their growth has been by word-of-mouth. When I left,
-
they could pack the place, no matter what day it was. They haven’t let the
-
success go to their heads, though. They have a modest house in town, and they
-
insisted that I attend public schooling. I guess they thought if I had a normal
-
childhood I wouldn’t become an egotistical brat.”
-
-
…and she wasn’t listening, even though both of her ears were pointed in his
-
direction. Anon sighed and plopped his butt on a convenient chair. Why had she
-
bothered to ask if she was just going to get wrapped up in her work?
-
-
“What else?” Celestia pressed.
-
-
“What?”
-
-
“There was more you were going to tell me, wasn’t there?” she asked, without
-
looking up.
-
-
“Well, yeah. But you don’t seem to be very interested.”
-
-
“I’m listening. These things,” she twitched her ears, “are able to work
-
separately from these,” she pointed to her eyes, “or from this,” as she tapped
-
her horn.
-
-
“Oh,” Anon replied, but his gaze went to the floor. An odd concoction of
-
depressed, impressed, and self pity moved through him, and he twiddled his hands
-
while the sensation seeped into his bones. He really should have realized that
-
the Princess would have learned how to multitask at some point in the last
-
thousand years.
-
-
Anon gave a slight yelp of alarm when her magic picked him up, but then he
-
visibly relaxed when his eyes met hers. His own feelings turned into deep
-
concern when he saw the sorrow in the magenta pools before him, but he was also
-
astonished at how expressive those eyes were.
-
-
“That was not the best choice of words,” she simply said. “Even after a thousand
-
years of diplomacy, I can still say the absolute wrong thing at the worst time.”
-
-
“I don’t see how it was wrong. You’ve had centuries to learn how to multitask. I
-
should have realized that.”
-
-
“That’s not the point,” she replied. He relaxed further when she playfully
-
rubbed noses with him and then put him down. “The point is you’re not the only
-
one who is learning in this relationship. I’m used to dealing with diplomats, so
-
I suppress my frustrations until I’m in a more private setting. Like when I’m
-
with Luna,” she added with a pained twitch in the corner of her cheek. “And now
-
you.”
-
-
“Like a pressure cooker,” said Anon. “If you don’t vent, you’ll explode.”
-
-
Celestia nodded, then whistled a long, rising note, ending in a sharp popping
-
noise from her cheek that made both of them giggle.
-
-
“I probably should try not to be so touchy,” said Anon. “Provided you do the
-
same for me. I get frustrated too, but on a much smaller scale, I suppose.
-
-
Celestia made a much smaller popping noise with her lips, which left them cocked
-
into a sly smile afterward. “Something we both need to work on, I suppose. What
-
if we make a deal? If you want to talk to me about something that you feel is
-
important, just say so. I will stop what I am doing and give you my full and
-
undivided attention. Is that fair?”
-
-
“That’s fair. I’ll also try to remember that you’re not being mean or ignoring
-
me. You’re just being… well, a princess.”
-
-
“That will work,” she replied with a smile.
-
-
“What are you working on?” he asked, and he tried to peer up at the papers.
-
-
“This is next year’s budget. Be careful, though. Long-term exposure can be
-
detrimental to your health.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Makes you break out in
-
Stuffy, and it can cause Snooty in extreme cases.”
-
-
“I hope not, or at least I hope you have some kind of protective shield in
-
place.”
-
-
“Several layers, don’t worry,” she replied with a wink. “But, now that I think
-
about it, you could help me with this.”
-
-
Anon’s depression was sent packing, and an eager desire to help took up quick
-
residence instead. “Really? I’d love to help you in any way, if I can.”
-
-
Celestia chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm and pulled a chair from across the car
-
over for him to sit on. “I think you will be an immense help. You see, the
-
problem I have with budgets is that I am never totally sure how it will affect
-
my little ponies. I have various officials and experts who can advise me, of
-
course, but since they make a living out of crunching numbers I do tend to have
-
a small grain of doubt when they give their presentations. You, however, have
-
actually paid taxes and had to live with my decisions, so you can tell me if
-
what is proposed seems fair and decent. I don’t expect you to be an expert on
-
all of it, but take a look. This will be a good illustration of the concept.”
-
-
The whole stack of papers levitated, and from the middle of the stack she
-
withdrew a small group of papers. “This is the restaurant tax.”
-
-
Anon frowned. “Repeal that thing immediately and then incinerate it.”
-
-
“And thus you prove my point.” She giggled. “Now, what is it about this tax that
-
makes it worthy of a death by fire?”
-
-
The train’s whistle blasted long and loud as the journey began in earnest.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“So, how do you think your parents will respond to… well, me?” Celestia asked,
-
as the train bumped to a stop. She was feeling far more nervous about this visit
-
than she was letting on, and while she had appreciated Anon’s comments on the
-
budget, it had distracted them from the original topic of conversation. She was
-
going up against an unknown, and she never was comfortable with that scenario.
-
-
“I honestly have no idea, and that’s the worst part of all this.” Anon sighed.
-
“I really hope they’ll be accepting of what’s happened.”
-
-
“Will it take long to reach the Zuerst?”
-
-
“Not too long, no. It’s about fifteen to twenty minutes from here, and even
-
faster if you fly.”
-
-
“Do you want to?”
-
-
“Fly?” he asked, and she nodded. “Oh! You can carry me?”
-
-
“I can indeed.” She smiled as they stepped out onto the platform. “I only look
-
dainty. I was a warcharger at various points in my life.”
-
-
“Oh, but I couldn’t ask you to—wooOOAAHH!”
-
-
His counterargument was silenced when Celestia wrapped her arms around his
-
waist, flared her wings, and swept up into the sky with a mighty flap. Anon
-
continued to struggle and flail a little while they ascended, but then he
-
relaxed when she leveled out so they could look out over the city.
-
-
Salt Lick was a modest city, with modest homes and modest shops scattered about
-
a modest scene. It would never be anything like the bustling metropolis that
-
Manehattan, Baltimare, or even Fillydelphia was, but it was a pleasant-looking
-
city all the same, and much of its charm came from its smaller size. Surrounded
-
by the gently rolling Appaloosa Mountains and with the broad Misshoofi River
-
running along its western edge, the city had a distinct outdoorsy feel that
-
begged to be explored.
-
-
“So what am I looking at?” Celestia asked Anon, and her head dipped down to
-
follow his arm as he pointed.
-
-
“That’s city hall down there, it probably looks familiar. Over there is the
-
university, and the natural history museum is next to it. The dockyards are
-
there, markets up there. My house—well, my old house—is just over there.”
-
-
“And your restaurant?”
-
-
Anon scanned the city for a moment, the pointed. “Just right down theryyyaaahh!”
-
-
His shout of alarm turned into a whoop of joy as she built up speed, and it only
-
increased when she leveled out for a moment to pull a barrel roll. Celestia
-
caught on to Anon’s excitement, and she quickly twisted into a tight loop, and
-
then a couple of quick knife turns to keep the feeling going.
-
-
When they did land, Anon staggered away from her, his steps wobbly and unsure,
-
but only for a moment. He then turned to face her, and he had the most
-
deliriously happy smile plastered on his face that he’d ever had.
-
-
“That… was… awesome!” he shouted. “The way you zipped, and zoomed, and that
-
twisty thing you did, and… and…”
-
-
“I’m glad you liked the flight, but you need to breathe. You’re going to pass
-
out on me if you don’t.”
-
-
“Breathe. Right. I can breathe, I’m very good at breathing.”
-
-
“I certainly hope so.” She giggled behind a hoof.
-
-
“Can we do that again some time, please please please?”
-
-
Celestia clicked her tongue. “I suppose I could have Wysteria make an
-
appointment for you in my schedule.”
-
-
Anon pumped a fist in the air and gave a quick “Yes!” to himself. He then turned
-
and looked at the bay windows and slate-grey paint that made up the front of
-
what he had once referred to as his former prison. “And the good feeling is
-
gone.”
-
-
“I remember this place,” Celestia said thoughtfully. “I was here, oh, about
-
twenty years ago for the Equestria Games. The Mayor insisted we eat here. She
-
claimed at the time it was the best new restaurant in the city. From what I
-
recall, the food was quite delicious.”
-
-
“At least they left a favorable impression,” Anon said flatly.
-
-
“You would not even have been in Equestria at that point, I suppose. I also
-
think your father was the waiter for that evening. I know I recommended it to a
-
few of my advisors later.”
-
-
“He’ll be pleased to hear that.”
-
-
She now looked up at him and saw his face was drawn in consternation. “Anon, if
-
you don’t want to do this we won’t. You’re not obligated to do anything.”
-
-
“No, I need to do this. Just brace yourself.”
-
-
“Brace myself?” she asked, but he was already moving into the restaurant. She
-
followed, but she had to duck to keep from hitting the door frame.
-
-
“Anon!” a pony shouted. “Long time no see, dude!”
-
-
“Hey Sip.” Anon shared a quick fistbump with the blue maître d’. “How’s things
-
been?”
-
-
“Oh, you know. Shake and Bake are still at it, Grumps is still Grumps, your
-
parents keep trying to invent new dishes. Same old, same old really.”
-
-
“Sounds like it. Are they in yet?”
-
-
“Should be out in a moment. Shake ran off to tell them you were here when you
-
landed with the Princess. Oh, hey Princess, by the way.”
-
-
“Good morning, Mister Sip,” she diplomatically replied. She couldn’t remember
-
the last time a pony had greeted her arrival so informally, but she rather liked
-
it.
-
-
“Fresh in from Canterlot, are you? Heard it’s a nice place to visit but never
-
had a chance to go. What brings you in with Anon?”
-
-
“That’s a long story,” Anon cut in with a sigh. “To put it simply, the Princess
-
is—”
-
-
“Anon? Is that you, sweetheart?” a feminine voice rang out.
-
-
“Here we go,” Anon muttered while he turned to the source of the voice. “Hey,
-
Mom.”
-
-
Celestia smiled as Anon’s foster mother galloped from the kitchen and then
-
smothered him in hugs and motherly kisses. She was a shade of yellow and her
-
mane had a few flecks and streaks of grey creeping into it. She still looked
-
very dignified, despite the motherly outburst, and she gave off an aura of
-
pleasantness.
-
-
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re back, my little Anon.” She finally pulled away. “I’ve
-
been so worried about you! Where did you go? What did you see? Did you have fun?
-
Tell me you had fun. I want to hear all about it! It’s too bad you came back
-
today, we’ve been so busy with the adjuster’s conference. We could have had a
-
welcome home party.”
-
-
“Nonny? That you?” The voice that now called out from the kitchen sounded rather
-
similar to Anon’s own pleasant timbre.
-
-
“Hey, Dad.”
-
-
Celestia filed away Anon’s nickname for future use, and she bit her lip to
-
stifle her giggles as his father now gave him a brief, stallion-to-man hug. They
-
both seemed rather pleasant and kindly, from their first impressions, and even
-
Anon had a small smile.
-
-
“It’s good to have you back, son,” his father continued. “We’ve been slammed
-
with the conference—”
-
-
“I just told him that, dear,” his mom interjected.
-
-
“—and we could really use the extra hands in the kitchen tonight.”
-
-
“Dear, we’re being rude.” Anon’s mom nudged Anon’s dad with a hoof. “Anon
-
brought a special guest with him.”
-
-
“Ha-ha! Of course. My apologies. Anon, why don’t you introduce us?”
-
-
Anon paused, and blinked once. “Um, I’m pretty extra sure you know who this is.”
-
-
“Manners, Anon,” his mother chided.
-
-
Anon sighed. “All right. Mom, Dad, this is Celestia, Princess of the Sun.”
-
-
“A pleasure to meet you, Princess.” Anon’s Father offered, as both he and his
-
wife bowed. “I’m Garbanzo Bean, and this is my wife, Lima.”
-
-
And inexplicably, the ceiling let out a blast of laughter.
-
-
“This whole family is one big bean pun! I love it!” a decidedly Discord-esqe
-
voice said from nowhere.
-
-
“You stay out of this!” Anon shouted upwards, and both he and Celestia scowled
-
at the ceiling fans and rafters. Anon’s parents looked at each other, and then
-
to Sip in confusion.
-
-
“Hmpf!” The ceiling replied.
-
-
“Is everything ok?” Garbanzo asked.
-
-
“Yes, just ignore that.” Anon replied with a huff. “It’s been happening on and
-
off lately.”
-
-
“Okey dokey then,” his father replied warily.
-
-
“All right, how do I say this? Hoo.” Anon exhaled sharply. “Mom, Dad. Uh..
-
Phew.” He shut his eyes tight. “Celestiaismywifeandi’mherhusband.”
-
-
There was a healthy pause as the news soaked in. Sip looked like Anon’s
-
announcement was a joke, and he was waiting for the punch line. Garbonzo merely
-
nodded with both a frown and a smile fighting for space on his broad, squarish
-
face. And Lima...
-
-
Celestia had always wondered just what expression a prospective mother-in-law
-
would have when she considered the concept of grandfoals from a child who she
-
had feared would never reproduce. It was a very nice expression, quite pleased,
-
and it made Lima’s face light up like a beacon of joy, although it seemed to be
-
moderated slightly by just who Anonymous had decided would bear those foals, and
-
if the concept of wings or horns would be in their future. Or both.
-
-
“Well, that is quite the announcement,” Lima said, thus breaking the tension.
-
“Why don’t we sit and talk about it?”
-
-
“That would be delightful, Mister and Missus Anon,” Celestia replied warmly.
-
-
“Sip? Go get us some raspberry tea, would you?” Lima asked in a tone of voice
-
that brooked no disobedience, and which any officer in the Royal Guard would
-
have obeyed without hesitation. Sip did not salute when he left, but he give a
-
brief nod and trotted away at a quite brisk pace “Now, let’s all have a seat and
-
you can tell us how this happened, Anon.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“… and then we decided to see if we could make this work.” Anon concluded,
-
sounding much more relaxed than the bundle of nerves he had been earlier. “So
-
now I’m a prince, and I need to return to Canterlot tonight with Celestia.
-
There’s going to be a news conference tomorrow to announce all of this. Probably
-
better than I just did,” he admitted.
-
-
“Well, it sounds like you’ve been on quite the adventure,” Lima said. “And such
-
interesting luck! You might have just started a new trend in marriage
-
proposals!”
-
-
“Good grief, I hope not.” Anon groaned. “That’s what we need, ponies standing
-
around in hidden places, trying to boop noses and getting injured.”
-
-
“And you say you wrote this law to get out of a marriage proposal a thousand
-
years ago?” Garbanzo asked the Princess.
-
-
“I did, yes. Believe me, Equestria would be very different today if I had
-
accepted his proposal.”
-
-
“Well, it’s a lot to take in, that’s for sure,” he replied. “And to think! My
-
little Nonny, a prince! It’s gonna take a while to get my head around that one.”
-
-
Celestia calmly sipped her tea. Garbanzo, with that sentence, had revealed much
-
more than he ever intended to. Celestia knew now, simply based on his tone and
-
timing of delivery. She had centuries of experience with ponies trying to hide
-
things or deceive her in every way imaginable. This was a new situation for her,
-
but the clues and the ‘tells’ were the same.
-
-
Celestia could read Anon’s parents like a book. The large print edition.
-
-
With illustrations.
-
-
Lima also calmly brought her tea cup to her lips. “So, Princess, when can I
-
expect to have some grandfoals?”
-
-
Anon made some sort of weird gagging-honking noise, and then coughed as tea
-
dribbled out of his nostrils.
-
-
Celestia, however, laughed lightly. “I’m afraid we haven’t had a chance to
-
discuss that yet, since we’ve been so focused on other things.”
-
-
“Naturally. But Anon, you need to think about things like that sooner rather
-
than later. Your father and I aren’t getting any younger—”
-
-
Thankfully, Celestia managed to suppress an inner cringe enough so nopony
-
noticed.
-
-
“—and neither are you! Besides, what better mother could there be than a
-
Princess? You have a very wonderful opportunity here, so you need to take
-
advantage of it.”
-
-
“I don’t think I’ll be taking advantage of anything for quite some time,” Anon
-
muttered.
-
-
“You really shouldn’t mutter, dear.”
-
-
“Yes, Mom.”
-
-
“We should come visit some time. I don’t think we’ve been to Canterlot yet, have
-
we?”
-
-
“No, I don’t think so,” Garbanzo replied. “I think we’ve meant to go several
-
times but we never quite made it. You’d show us the sights, wouldn’t you Anon
-
Buddy?”
-
-
“I suppose I could.” He shrugged, and glanced over to his wife.
-
-
“It can be easily arranged. Just expect to have a guard detail accompany you.”
-
-
“Oh yeah.” Anon thought for a moment. “That’s gonna be cumbersome.”
-
-
“Not at all. I have two ponies in mind who would be wonderful. They’ve stood in
-
for my regular guards when they were on vacation, and they were trained by
-
Captain Armor personally. I’ll introduce you to them as soon as we get back.
-
They’re also very good at guarding without being underhoof. You’ll like them.”
-
-
“Oh! Okay then.”
-
-
“Boss?” Sip called out from the front. “Hate to interrupt but looks like we’ve
-
got some live ones inbound.”
-
-
“Time to get to work.” Garbanzo declared. “I really could use the help, son.”
-
-
“Dad, you know I can’t handle it.” Anon groaned. “You really want me screwing
-
things up during a conference crowd?”
-
-
“What if I help you?” Celestia offered.
-
-
“Help?” all three Anons asked in unison.
-
-
“I would like to, if I may,” she replied, as she stood. “Anon has spent most of
-
the last week helping me and learning about being a prince, so it’s only fair I
-
learn a little about his life too.”
-
-
“Do you know how to cook?” Lima asked.
-
-
“A little. I can also help keep track of things too.”
-
-
It was like a light bulb went off over Anon’s head, and it was clear to see what
-
he was thinking from the expression on his face. Celestia was good at
-
multitasking! She didn’t even need to touch anything, all she had to do was keep
-
Anon organized, and his odds of ‘screwing up’ were bound to diminish greatly.
-
-
“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Grumps, Shake and Bake aren’t going to mind,
-
are they?” Anon asked, and then he softly added “Sorry, Celly.”
-
-
She simply gave a long suffering sigh.
-
-
“I’m sure they’d love the help,” Lima replied. “You five can run the kitchen,
-
while your father and I run the tables.”
-
-
“You sure you want to do this?” Anon asked Celestia, and she smiled brightly
-
back at him.
-
-
“I would love to.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Can I keep the hat when we’re done?” Celestia asked, as she straightened it
-
with her magic.
-
-
“Toque, but yes. If the Princess wants to keep the hat, the Princess keeps the
-
hat.”
-
-
She gave herself a soft “Yes!” and pumped a hoof in the air before laughing a
-
bit with Anon. “I always wanted one of these. I remember when they first started
-
wearing them in the palace.”
-
-
“When was that?” Shake’s voice carried from in the back.
-
-
“Oh, about six hundred years ago.”
-
-
“Figures.”
-
-
“The practice actually started when the judges started wearing these white cloth
-
caps to indicate their position. Then one of them got the bright idea that a
-
taller cap meant higher authority. I had to put my hoof down when the whole
-
bunch of them started staggering around under twice their height in hat, so they
-
switched to powdered wigs, which were much more manageable. The chefs in the
-
kitchens picked up on the idea to keep their manes out of the food, and
-
thankfully never went nearly as crazy with it. So, ta-da!” She adjusted the
-
poofy white hat. “A toque blanche with a hundred folds in it to indicate the
-
chef knows a hundred ways to cook an egg.”
-
-
“And that, my dear Shake, is what will happen if you spend your life pursuing
-
trivia,” Bake said.
-
-
“Nonny! Need a bloomer and a boomer!” Garbanzo called back.
-
-
“And thus it begins.” Anon groaned. “Okay. Bloomer is easy, I got that. Go grab
-
some triple-a’s from the stores.”
-
-
Celestia looked around the kitchen, then back to him with a hint of confusion.
-
-
“Right, sorry. That door there is where the produce is kept. Triple A’s are
-
Sweet Apple Acres apples. I need five or six.”
-
-
“Got it.”
-
-
She moved quickly and opened the door. A cellar-type room was inside, with
-
stacks of produce lining the shelves along both walls. Three bushels of apples
-
were near the back, and she moved quickly to them.
-
-
“Let’s see. Not the Greenland, he wanted... Sweet Apple, here we go.”
-
-
Six apples floated out, and she smiled as she thought of Applejack bucking these
-
particular apples out of one of her trees. She then swiftly moved back out as
-
Anon dropped something into a deep fryer.
-
-
“Okay. Core and slice those, knives are right there.”
-
-
“You think I can handle that?”
-
-
“If you can make pancakes you can cut an apple,” he dryly replied, but he gave
-
her a small smile.
-
-
“Three treat, the runs, and a double foxtrot!” Lima shouted back.
-
-
“Got the foxtrot,” Grumps called out.
-
-
“Three treat!” Shake yelled.
-
-
“Got the runs!” Anon shouted, and then he playfully glared at Celestia when she
-
snickered. “You done with those apples?”
-
-
“I’m working on it.”
-
-
“Okay. Let’s see.” Anon ran into the storeroom quickly, then emerged with a load
-
of mixed vegetables. These were then diced quickly and scooped into a frying
-
pan. He then grabbed a bottle of something from his left, poured a healthy
-
splash of it in, and then set it alight. Celestia flinched slightly at the flash
-
of flame, but then she watched as he began stirring everything with a large
-
spoon.
-
-
“You gonna cut those?” he asked.
-
-
“Are you going to pull whatever-it-is out of the fryer?” she retorted.
-
-
“Eep! Yes! Stir this!”
-
-
She took the spoon in her magic and stirred the vegetables as Anon quickly
-
pulled the whatever-it-was out of the fryer, and she saw it was a large onion.
-
Anon then fished it out of the basket with some tongs, placed it on a plate, and
-
then grabbed the knife Celestia had been using. A quick smack to the top of it
-
with the flat of the blade made it fall open along premade cut lines, and she
-
was amazed that it resembled a flower.
-
-
“Keep stirring!” Anon admonished while he rushed to her unfinished apples.
-
“Don’t let that sit!”
-
-
Anon rapidly sliced the apples, sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on them, and then
-
placed them beautifully on a plate. He then grabbed both plates and swiftly
-
moved them to the window countertop that separated the kitchen from the server’s
-
area.
-
-
“Bloomer Boomer up!” he shouted, then moved quickly back to her.
-
-
“Moo goo, three rocks and a horseshoe!” Garbanzo shouted back.
-
-
“Got the rocks!” Anon shouted, and he grabbed the spoon from her magic. “I got
-
this. I need a broccoli, four turnips, and two cucumbers.”
-
-
“I will be right back.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“Lima! Psst! C’mere!”
-
-
“What? What’s wrong, dear?”
-
-
“Nothing is wrong.”
-
-
“Then why did you call me over, hon?”
-
-
“Nothing. Is. Wrong.” Garbanzo repeated with emphasis.
-
-
Lima processed this for a moment but then smiled. “You’re right! I haven’t had
-
to send anything back all night!”
-
-
“Exactly! And look at Anon.”
-
-
Both of them peered through the serving window and into the kitchen. Anon was
-
positively humming around the kitchen, moving quickly from one station to
-
another. He was also chatting with Celestia, though they couldn’t make out what
-
he was saying to her. She appeared to be simply standing at the moment, but her
-
eyes kept sweeping the kitchen and over what Anon was cooking.
-
-
“He’s been like this all night.” Garbanzo commented. “He’s been happy, and he’s
-
kept track of everything, and he’s holding a conversation with her.”
-
-
“Do you think it finally happened?”
-
-
Garbanzo smiled at his wife. “Yeah. I think he finally found himself.”
-
-
-
* * ✹ * *
-
-
-
“That’s the last one!” Sip shouted back, while locking the door with a dramatic
-
flick of the hoof.
-
-
“Phew!” Anon exclaimed. “That was a rush crowd. What time is it?”
-
-
“Just a little after midnight,” Celestia replied. Anon walked over to where
-
Celestia was finishing the dishes. “I did mention I was jealous of unicorns,
-
right?”
-
-
“What, this?” she asked. “Simple ‘Scrub Yourself’ spell. This is one of the
-
nicer versions of the spell, too; even if I walk away they’ll keep going until
-
all the dishes are done.”
-
-
Anon chuckled as he looked at the magic she had worked. As soon as somepony put
-
a dirty dish in the magic field on the left, it would automatically float over
-
to a pile of similar dishes. From there, a dish would float up, dunk itself into
-
the soapy water, get scrubbed off by a scrubbing brush, move over and rinse
-
itself off, and then move to the drying racks on the right. A broom, dustpan,
-
and mop were also dancing around the kitchen, and a few rags were cleaning the
-
stations.
-
-
“Black magic of the worst kind,” Grumps grumped.
-
-
“Not at all,” Celestia countered. “With the original spell, you had to sing to
-
all of them. Plates, silverware, mops, brooms. Now that was black magic.
-
Particularly if you broke a broom in the process.”
-
-
Grumps grumbled something out, but he had a smirk on his face.
-
-
“Well, that should do it,” Garbanzo remarked. “Grumps, go ahead and take off.
-
Anon and the Princess can help us wrap up here.”
-
-
“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
-
-
“Sip, you can head out too.”
-
-
“Later, Gator!” he shouted from the back door.
-
-
“Shake and Bake left earlier, so it’s just us. I guess all we need to do is
-
count down the till and that should do it. Anon, I think you and I can handle
-
that. Then you and the Princess can head out.”
-
-
“I’ll get some Linden tea made up while we wait for them.” Lima said to
-
Celestia. “After such a big day, I know I need something to help me unwind.”
-
-
“That sounds delightful,” the Princess replied with a soft and tired smile.
-
-
Anon hesitated for a moment, as he was feeling uneasy about leaving her alone
-
with his Mom. But then he realized there wasn’t really anything that could
-
happen, so he followed his father into the back office.
-
-
The door was shut and locked, and Garbanzo twisted the dial on the safe in the
-
corner. Once the door creaked open, he pulled out a sizeable tray of bits, and
-
Anon whistled.
-
-
“Looks like business picked up while I was gone.”
-
-
“Most of this is from the last three days. I need to run it to the bank
-
tomorrow. You count it down while I get the ledger ready.”
-
-
Counting was easy enough since the bits were stacked in towers of twenty five
-
and then in groups of eight. Once Anon had the count and verified it matched the
-
previous ledger entry, he and his father began stacking the bits from that day’s
-
sales.
-
-
“So. Your… um... wife seems like a very pleasant pony,” Garbanzo said after a
-
few moments.
-
-
“She is.” Anon smiled. “There’s still a lot I need to learn about her, but I
-
love what I’ve learned so far.”
-
-
“Love, hmm?” Garbanzo replied. “You’re positive you’re in love with that mare,
-
right?”
-
-
“Well, maybe not love yet, but definitely like.”
-
-
“Ah. And you are planning on returning to Canterlot with her tonight?”
-
-
“Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised if Luna turns up here in a few minutes and gets
-
after me for breaking curfew or something like that.”
-
-
Garbanzo almost dropped a stack of bits on the floor. “Luna?”
-
-
“Oh, yeah. Princess Luna. I should show proper respect.”
-
-
“You should, yes.”
-
-
“Hundred here.”
-
-
“Two.” Garbanzo added his towers to Anon’s. “You should keep those.”
-
-
“What?”
-
-
“Well, you’re going to need more bits for your journey, aren’t you? I’m sure you
-
spent the first thousand I gave you.”
-
-
“I don’t need any more bits, Dad,” said Anon with a snicker. “For all I know,
-
Celestia has a giant bin of bits that she swims in every night. I’m not sure how
-
my expenses are covered as her husband, but I’m pretty sure neither of us will
-
need to borrow a bit from the guards to buy an ice cream cone.”
-
-
“Three,” Garbanzo stated. There was a long pause as coins clinked, and then he
-
sighed. “You know, son, you can admit the truth to me. I’m not mad.”
-
-
“Truth about what?”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“Here we are.” Lima placed the small tea set on the table. “Nice and hot.”
-
-
“Thank you,” Celestia replied kindly. “Shall I serve?”
-
-
“Please.”
-
-
Celestia poured out the tea, and there was a pause as they both added sugar.
-
Three lumps in Celestia’s case, because she was fairly sure she was going to
-
need the energy to get through what was coming next.
-
-
Picking up the teacup, Lima took a deep breath of the rising steam and let out a
-
contented sigh. “I needed this. I probably shouldn’t be drinking tea so late at
-
night, but it is a weakness.”
-
-
“It does take some self control,” Celestia admitted.
-
-
“Thank you for helping my son, by the way. I don’t know what you did, but I’ve
-
never seen Anon so happy.”
-
-
“It was my pleasure to assist.”
-
-
“Assist?”
-
-
Celestia sipped her tea. “Yes. I kept an eye on his cooking, nothing more.”
-
-
“Is that all?”
-
-
Celestia calmly put her teacup down. “Missus Anon, let us not beat around the
-
bush anymore. I know full well that both you and your husband do not believe I
-
am who I claim to be.”
-
-
“Very perceptive,” Lima replied, as she now sipped her tea.
-
-
“Why do you not believe your son?”
-
-
“Anon is a wonderful, wonderful son. He’s very smart, and very creative. I
-
believe he’s ashamed he didn’t find whatever it was he was looking for with that
-
writing nonsense and he doesn’t want to admit his folly. He came back with you
-
tonight to try and convince us he did find something so we wouldn’t worry about
-
him, and probably to keep us from asking too many questions. He’ll have to
-
confess sometime.”
-
-
“I see. So who do you think I am?”
-
-
“I’m not sure, but I would probably guess you are some sort of double, a pony
-
who has enchanted herself to look like the Princess. You may even be an official
-
stand in for her; the one they send to cut ribbons and visit schools when the
-
real Princess is too busy.”
-
-
“Interesting.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“Well, you really should have come up with a better story.”
-
-
“What?” Anon growled.
-
-
“You had to marry the Princess because you bonked her nose? C’mon. The very
-
premise is ludicrous. Why in Equestria would the Princess write a law like that?
-
If she wanted to get out of a bad relationship a thousand years ago, I’m sure
-
there’s a dozen other things she could have done.”
-
-
Anon groaned and rubbed his temples. “I wish I could say I don’t believe this.
-
Dad, we flew in together, and then she used magic!”
-
-
“A simple levitation spell. Very easy for a well-studied unicorn.”
-
-
“Right.”
-
-
“You also failed to bring any of her entourage. The Princess wouldn’t go
-
anywhere without at least a couple of guards.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“It wasn’t easy to get them to stay in Canterlot. I had to give a direct order
-
to Lieutenant Spear Point to stand down, and then he begrudgingly admitted that
-
there was little risk in visiting you unannounced. He’s not going to be very
-
happy until we get back, and even then he’s going to be all formal and stuffy
-
about it for weeks.”
-
-
“I’m sure. You’re also not tall enough.”
-
-
That one caught Celestia off guard. “I’m not?”
-
-
“Oh yes. The real Princess is quite a bit taller than you are, as I recall.”
-
-
Celestia snickered. “I hope not! I’ve hit my head on enough doorframes in my
-
lifetime. I really don’t need to be any taller.”
-
-
“Your accent is all wrong, too. You have far too much of a Vanhoover lilt in
-
your words.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“And you’re an expert on Celestia all of a sudden?”
-
-
“No, but c’mon. It’s pretty obvious, son.”
-
-
Anon groaned and rubbed his face with his palms now. “Of course it’s obvious.”
-
-
“Look, Nonny. I appreciate that you didn’t want to let your mother and I down,
-
but it’s really okay. If you need some more time to settle your mind, take it.
-
Just say so. I’ll give you ten thousand bits this time, if you like. But I saw
-
you in the kitchen with that mare and you had it, son! You didn’t have a single
-
order go back!”
-
-
“You do realize that was because Celestia was helping me keep track of
-
everything, right?”
-
-
“If that’s what you want to believe, then fine. I don’t even really care if you
-
keep calling that mare out there Celestia. If it helps you get in the zone, do
-
whatever you have to.”
-
-
“Dad, I came here to tell you the truth. When I leave tonight, I won’t be able
-
to come back. I have responsibilities at the palace now.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“Of course, of course. Just make sure he knows he can come back whenever he
-
wants to. We will always welcome him, and you’re even welcome to come with him.
-
Any friend of my little Anon is a friend of the family.”
-
-
“And if he does not come back?”
-
-
“He’ll be back,” Lima said with a grin. “He hasn’t got anywhere else to go, and
-
he knows it.”
-
-
Anon then stormed out of the office, slammed his way through the swinging
-
kitchen doors, and stamped out into the dining area with his face twisted in
-
frustration.
-
-
Garbanzo followed in the wake of his son with a concerned frown. “Anon, buddy!”
-
-
“I’m done with this conversation, Dad. It’s late, and my wife and I have a press
-
conference in the morning. Shall we?”
-
-
“Mister and Missus Anon.” Celestia stood with her words. “It really has been an
-
honor to meet you, and I mean that truly. You will always be welcome in our
-
home, and I’m sure Anonymous and I will be seeing you soon.”
-
-
“I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Lima replied with a strained smile.
-
-
“Please lead the way, Anon.”
-
-
Anon held his head high and his steps were full of determined pride. He didn’t
-
glance back or to the sides as he march through the kitchen and out the back
-
door.
-
-
But as soon as the door shut, he broke.
-
-
Celestia felt her heart ache as Anon’s face drooped with his head. He paused
-
near some trash cans, remained motionless for a moment, and then lashed out at
-
one with a leg in frustration.
-
-
“Sorry,” he immediately said. “I’m letting my anger get out of hand. I just…”
-
Celestia could see his inner struggle to vocalize his thoughts with the
-
contortions on his face. “I assume you had just about the same conversation with
-
my Mom that I did with my Dad.”
-
-
“I believe so, yes.”
-
-
Anon took a deep breath. “It figures, really. I could have brought you, Luna,
-
Shining Armor, Cadence, and a full brigade of the Guard with a song and dance
-
routine and they still wouldn’t have believed. I just… just…”
-
-
Celestia said nothing as he further sorted out his thoughts.
-
-
“The most important thing that’s ever going to happen to me, and they don’t even
-
believe it,” he muttered bitterly.
-
-
Celestia felt horrible for Anon, but she also felt a little thrill run up her
-
spine. Anon’s tone indicated he wasn’t talking about anything related to being a
-
prince.
-
-
He was talking about her.
-
-
Celestia was used to being the most important thing to ponies in an abstract
-
way. For a thousand years, she had raised the sun and moon, waiting for the
-
return of her sister. It had become comfortable to live in that isolated tower
-
above all the other ponies. Separate. Alone.
-
-
Then Princess Cadenza... that is Cadence had blasted several holes into the
-
tower of loneliness with her love, Twilight had weakened the foundations with
-
her insatiable curiosity, and Luna’s return had toppled the whole structure in
-
one glorious and tearful reunion.
-
-
But yet, it had taken bumping into a nosy human for Celestia to realize how far
-
she still had to travel in order to once again be appreciated for what was
-
inside instead of her unchanging outsides.
-
-
Unaware of the thoughts whipping Celestia’s mind into a froth, Anonymous
-
continued staring at the ground. Then he lifted his head, gave the restaurant a
-
long, determined look, and let out his breath in a huff of frustration.
-
-
“Let’s go home. There’s nothing left for me here.”
-
-
He then turned his back on the building and began walking away. Celestia came up
-
alongside him and walked with him for a few paces.
-
-
“Would you like to fly back to the train, or would you rather walk?” she gently
-
asked.
-
-
He stopped, contemplated the offer for a moment with the cool night breeze
-
blowing through his hair, then smiled slightly.
-
-
“If it’s okay, I’d like to fly.”
-
-
She smiled back. “I thought you might.” > 12. - Celestial Musings >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
Celestia drew in a long breath as she finished removing her regalia. The day had
-
turned into quite the emotional trip, and after everything that had happened,
-
she was ready for it to end. The flight back to the train had been straight and
-
short, but exhausted as he had been, Anon carefully thanked Celestia for the
-
flight before entering the train car.
-
-
It was just one more desirable trait that needed added to Anon’s how to woo his
-
wife list, along with the way he tried to hide his obvious depression in order
-
not to disturb her. Unfortunately, the signs of the war between his troubled
-
heart and his wounded soul were far too easy for Celestia to pick out with her
-
vast experience, no matter how he attempted to put on a stoic front.
-
-
Still, she found it difficult to contain her own sorrow as she watched her
-
husband first sit down on a cushion with a thud, then slowly collapse like a
-
bridge that had lost its structural supports. Even then, his eyes remained open,
-
darting back and forth for a few moments until the physical and emotional toil
-
he had struggled through took its toll, and they finally sagged closed.
-
-
Her musing was disrupted by the lurch of the train as it began the long trip
-
home. And it was going to be a long trip, particularly for her Anon, who had
-
been through so much in the last week that it was hard to believe he had not
-
been crushed to a pulp yet. No mortal should be forced to bear her burdens, but
-
he had put his shoulders to the load and lifted far more off her own back than
-
she had ever expected.
-
-
Then he had continued to lift. Dealing with Luna and Discord. Deciding to stay
-
with her despite the opportunity to escape matrimony. And that didn’t include
-
his dalliance with another young mare that had almost undone her before he had
-
even realized what he was doing.
-
-
And to top it all off, he had confronted his parents, a task that had almost
-
broken him.
-
-
Yet somehow he’d come through all of it with a fairly good attitude and with a
-
desire to do what was right. He had been fantastic about asking for directions,
-
and actually following them afterward, while eager to do more. It was like he
-
thrived on being helpful and he wanted to contribute, no matter how or where.
-
-
Her heart broke all over again when his face scrunched up in agony, and she
-
nearly let out a soft gasp of compassion when he began to twitch and whimper.
-
She had no doubt that he was being tormented by the events of the day, and this
-
would not do.
-
-
Celestia tiptoed gently over to his uneasy resting place, then slowly lowered
-
herself next to him until their sides were touching. She then spread one wing
-
over him with a touch as soft as the first rays of morning light, and she smiled
-
deeply when the tense muscles she could feel pressed against her belly began to
-
relax, and he began to slip into peaceful slumber.
-
-
Is this what it had been like for Lulu and Star? Was this what they had felt
-
when they first met? Celestia thought back and smiled fondly as the memories of
-
how giddy and alive Luna had been during their courtship flooded her mind. The
-
images were dull now sadly, yellowing and peeling in some places and the sounds
-
were scratchy at best and incomprehensible at worst. Yet, out of all the
-
remaining memories she held from that time, the ones with Star and Lulu were the
-
best preserved.
-
-
After a few moments of fond reminiscing, Celestia’s thoughts wandered to her own
-
situation and how she had gotten to this point. It was a bit astonishing, now
-
that she really put some thought into it, that she had gone over a thousand
-
years without a mate. Of course, a great many things had changed over the years:
-
societal customs, trends and patterns always did. But really, as she thought
-
about it, there were two things that had kept her single: procrastination and
-
preoccupation. It was easy to say marriage and a husband could wait in the early
-
years; she had grossly underestimated how long it takes to both form and
-
stabilize a country. There was always something else to do, some crisis that
-
took longer than expected to clear up, some foreign power that pushed on
-
Equestria’s boundaries. After having to push away Iron Hoof, she had simply
-
continued to push every time the opportunity came up due to the next crisis
-
being more important. Losing Luna to the Nightmare had also been a moon-sized
-
wrench in the works, and it had been only since her return that Celestia could
-
find a free moment here and there.
-
-
Always another diplomat to host, always another treaty to forge, always another
-
request to consider.
-
-
Perhaps it was destiny that had denied her over the years. Those mystic chords
-
that bound all of ponykind to one another and from past to present shaped and
-
directed events in strange and mysterious ways, and maybe she hadn’t found her
-
mate on the simple fact that his introduction on the stage of life was scripted
-
for a thousand years after her own debut.
-
-
She glanced down at Anon again. If that was the case, the wait had been worth it
-
so far. Perhaps it was even sweeter because she had waited.
-
-
Even if this had all been just one large fluke, she really had been favored to
-
have Anon as the one to fulfil the terms of her law. Out of the millions of
-
stallions who lived in Equestria, she had somehow found the one and only human
-
who was kind, who was thoughtful, and who was…
-
-
…well, who was innocent.
-
-
She had first thought he was naïve, but his actions had shown he was trying to
-
be observant and engaged. He was naïve in a very small way perhaps, simply
-
because the life of a royal was a complete unknown to him, but he approached
-
everything with amazement and a yearning to understand, and he was inclined to
-
make the best of whatever situation he was in.
-
-
The fact he wanted to have a relationship with her proved that.
-
-
But even there, he was being respectful. He hadn’t tried to force anything in
-
their relationship; in fact, he actually seemed to be holding back to ensure he
-
didn’t cross a line. It was obvious from his mannerisms that he wanted her to be
-
comfortable with how things were between them, and to not go too far and upset
-
her. In reality, though, she was probably more comfortable with how things were
-
than he was.
-
-
She smiled a bit to herself as she moved in and began nipping in his hair with
-
her teeth. Star Struck had always enjoyed it when Lulu did this to him, to the
-
point where he would freeze, his eyes would roll back in his head and his tongue
-
would loll out. He had claimed at the time that all stallions enjoyed such
-
grooming, and now she could see for herself.
-
-
The happy groan of pleasure escaping out of Anon after a minute or two settled
-
the matter.
-
-
She smiled more and levitated his notebook out of his saddlebags. She quickly
-
flipped to the How to Court page, and then pulled his pencil out of the bags.
-
-
Celestia stared at the writing utensil. Anon chewed on his pencils.
-
-
She allowed herself the smallest of frowns. Npony was perfect, not even a
-
non-pony, and that was something she’d just have to work on with him. She
-
ignored the tooth marks and moved to write down a thought, but then she saw he
-
had added another item for wooing her: frequent nose boops. She chuckled in
-
agreement, then simply wrote nipping/grooming on his side.
-
-
There were so many other little things she could have written, from the way she
-
loved to see that little wrinkle just above his nose when he made a face, to the
-
look in his eyes when he saw something new that needed new words to describe it,
-
but they would wait. So she returned the gnawed pencil and precious list to
-
their places and regarded the human responsible for them. She was content to let
-
him progress the relationship at his pace, especially if that made him feel at
-
ease around her. Above all else, that was what she really wanted. It was what
-
any wife would want from her husband, she suspected.
-
-
Just as any good husband would want their wife to be at ease and happy with
-
them.
-
-
She then let the word pass through again: wife. Wife. She liked being a wife,
-
despite how strangely it had happened.
-
-
“I am your wife,” she whispered to Anon. “And you are my husband.”
-
-
And there was that little thrill of joy up her spine again. It was extremely
-
pleasing to say it.
-
-
She had to admit, she had been a bit jealous when Luna had found love so easily
-
and she had to dodge Iron Hoof. She had warned herself, both then and since,
-
that true, meaningful love doesn’t happen in an instant. Just like the building
-
of Equestria, it took time, effort, and patience. There had to be foundations,
-
supports. There had to be understanding.
-
-
But a cornerstone had to be laid eventually, or else all one had was dreams. And
-
once the cornerstone was laid, the structure needed to be built.
-
-
It would come. Anon was more in love with her than he thought, and he’d realize
-
it sooner or later. Honestly, Celestia was confident it would be sooner. He just
-
needed a few little nudges here and there. Celestia smiled a bit more with that
-
thought and then she laid her head and neck down so her nose was as close as it
-
could be to his. She hummed a few bars of her sister’s lullaby, then began
-
singing.
-
-
“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now,
-
it’s time to go to bed.
-
-
Hush now, quiet now, close your sleepy eyes. Hush now, quiet now, my how time
-
sure flies.
-
-
Drifting slowly off to sleep, the day’s excitement behind you. Drifting slowly
-
off to sleep, let the joy of dreamland find you.
-
-
Hush now, quiet now, lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go
-
to bed.”
-
-
A surge of delight flowed out of her chest and through her whole body as Anon
-
smiled and snuggled into her side. Pressing her own body up against her husband
-
in return, Celestia wrapped a wing around his back, held him close, and
-
ever-so-gently booped up against his delightful nose.
-
-
The joy of his presence was something she was learning to love more than
-
anything she had experienced before in her long life, and to quote the Anon, she
-
was pretty extra certain the feeling was mutual. > 13. - Meet the Press >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“You are a filthy traitor, and I hate you. Did you know that? I would throw you
-
into the fire and laugh as you burned if I did not have to promptly get another
-
just like you who would be twice as aggravating.”
-
-
Anon glared at his pencil in righteous fury for a moment before chewing on the
-
end of it in frustration. He then ripped a page out of his notebook, crumpled
-
it, and threw it over his shoulder.
-
-
Traitors, all of them. First the paper, now the pencil. They were in league
-
against him. Anon grumbled as he tried to think. He had been awakened by his own
-
shivering just before dawn, despite being bundled up in three blankets, and even
-
now he still felt cold.
-
-
Cold, and lonely. That was adding to his problems, and to his frustration. He
-
felt like he should know why he was this way, but he couldn’t quite make the
-
connection. His best guess was that it had something to do with what had
-
happened with his parents, but that didn’t seem to totally explain everything.
-
-
If there was a wrong side of the bed, he’d definitely gotten up on it.
-
-
Part of the worry was over what he would say at the press conference. He was
-
sure he’d need to say something, he really couldn’t fathom a reason why he
-
wouldn’t. But what? Should he say how proud he was? How nervous? Should he try
-
to make jokes, or just give a straight delivery? It was so maddening that he was
-
beginning to get a headache.
-
-
The floor was littered with his previous attempts at a speech, and now he was
-
going to need a new notebook. If he didn’t get this figured out soon, he was
-
going to make a lot of lumberjacks happy.
-
-
A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. What time was it? It wasn’t that
-
long after daybreak, so it couldn’t be time for the press conference already.
-
That was at noon, and he’d be surprised if it was any later than eight at the
-
moment. He slowly stood and groaned as his joints protested the movement,
-
shrugged off the blankets, and then dragged his feet over to the door.
-
-
He instantly forgot all his woes when he found Celestia on the other side.
-
-
“Good morning, Anon! Are you feeling all right? I grew worried when you didn’t
-
come down for breakfast, especially given how our evening out ended. How are you
-
feeling?”
-
-
Anon chuckled at her eager concern. “I’m fine, really. I actually feel a lot
-
better now.”
-
-
Celestia gave him a smile that warmed him down to his tail. “Wonderful! I’m glad
-
to hear that.”
-
-
“Would you like to come in?” he asked, but then he groaned and gently smacked
-
his forehead with a hoof. “That was dumb. This is your castle, and you’re the
-
Princess. It’s not like I can tell you where you can and can’t go.”
-
-
“This is your room, though, and I should respect that. I would like to come in
-
if you will permit me.”
-
-
“You’re always welcome to come in.” He smiled, and he stepped back and out of
-
the way. Celestia glanced around at the mess he’d made as she entered, and then
-
clicked her tongue.
-
-
“You should really let housekeeping come in and do their job, you know.”
-
-
“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment with a small
-
chuckle. “This actually was all from this morning. I got cold, and I’ve been
-
trying to come up with something to say to the press today.”
-
-
“May I look?”
-
-
“Yeah. I don’t think you can fix them, though.”
-
-
“Well, I have written a couple of speeches over the years, so perhaps I can
-
offer a suggestion or two.” They both laughed as she picked up two of the
-
crumpled papers with her magic and flattened them out. “Hmm, let me see.
-
‘Friends, Nobles, Countryfolk! Lend me your ears. No, no; illegible scribbling.’
-
Not very inspiring, is it?”
-
-
“Not so much,” he agreed with a small smile.
-
-
“’Today thus represents a moment of hope. We in Equestria stand ready to
-
cooperate scribble scribble.’ That one wasn’t too bad, why did you reject it?”
-
-
“I dunno. It felt more like I was telling some foreign power to tear down a wall
-
or something like that.”
-
-
“May I keep this?” she asked, and then she tucked it under a wing when Anon
-
nodded. “Anon, if you don’t want to say anything you don’t have to. I can do all
-
the talking. But from personal experience, you should always try to write your
-
speeches from here.”
-
-
She then gently tapped his chest, right where his heart was.
-
-
“Really?”
-
-
“Yes. That is where your true feelings on this matter reside, so that is where
-
you should pull your text from. It works a lot better than logic and cold facts
-
do.”
-
-
“All right. I’ll try that.”
-
-
“You should also come eat. No one works very well on an empty stomach.”
-
-
“I suppose I should. Did you make pancakes again?”
-
-
“Not today.” She giggled as they left the room together. “I let the staff handle
-
it, given the hectic nature of everything.”
-
-
“Oh.” He paused for a moment, but then added, “but there’s always tomorrow,
-
right?”
-
-
“I’ll make a double batch just for you.” She giggled more and booped him
-
quickly, and he felt a pleasant warmth in his cheeks while he thanked her.
-
-
The rest of the short walk was spent reviewing the details of the day: after the
-
press conference there would be a luncheon with a few of the various ministers
-
and department heads, then some time in the afternoon to help Celestia get some
-
work caught up before having an informal dinner that evening with more ministers
-
and nobility. In reality, the dinner was more of a meet-and-greet, mingle and
-
mix affair, and no one was expecting him to remember who everyone was or what
-
their job entailed.
-
-
“Really, it’s not anything to worry about,” Celestia concluded. “Think of it
-
like a very relaxed and informal Grand Galloping Gala.”
-
-
“Uh…what is that?”
-
-
“It’s a ball I throw every year to celebrate the founding of Canterlot. You
-
missed it this year, but I think we can get you in as my plus one next year.”
-
-
“I would certainly hope I’ll be your date,” he quipped, and they both laughed
-
while stopping in front of the kitchen doors.
-
-
“There’s one other thing I need to tell you. I’ve invited a few ponies to have
-
breakfast with us. I hope you don’t mind.”
-
-
“No, that’s ok. Who did you invite?”
-
-
Celestia pushed open the door in reply, and Anon’s eyes grew wide. The dining
-
hall was full of…
-
-
Of…
-
-
…of the most important ponies in the whole of Equestria.
-
-
Anon swallowed hard. All six Element Bearers of Harmony were standing around the
-
table, laughing with one another over something humorous. Princess Luna was off
-
to his right, chatting lightly with Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor
-
was standing near the door. Shining was the first to notice them, and he smiled
-
widely when he locked eyes with his new counterpart.
-
-
“Anonymous?” he asked.
-
-
Anon extended an only-slightly-shaking hand. “That’s me.”
-
-
Shining completely sidestepped the offered hand and instead wrapped Anon up in a
-
gigantic hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to meet you!”
-
-
To say Anon was confused was an understatement on the level of saying the sun is
-
hot. He simply stood there until Shining released him, and then he wondered what
-
in Equestria he had done to get a ruler of the Crystal Empire to smile like a
-
mad mare.
-
-
“It’s nice to meet you too, I guess.”
-
-
“This is gonna be great! Tell me, do you follow buckball at all?”
-
-
Anon leaned back a bit. “Buckball?”
-
-
“Yeah. I’m trying to get a team started in the Crystal Empire. I’ve been showing
-
some potential recruits the ins and outs and I was trying to take them to a game
-
in Baltimare.”
-
-
“What, to a Broncos game? Are you nuts?!”
-
-
“Nuts?”
-
-
“When was the last time they got to a divisional game?”
-
-
“Well, ten, twelve, fifteen… no…”
-
-
“Thirty-eight years ago.”
-
-
Both males stared in surprised wonder at Celestia, who continued on as if she
-
gave Buckball commentary on a regular basis.
-
-
“Anon is right; they’re not known as the Bad Luck Broncos for nothing,” Celestia
-
added. “Now, if you really want a good model you should try the Las Pegasus
-
Thunder or the Cloudsdale Manticores.”
-
-
“No, no,” Anon said. “The Thunder just lost Morning Glory, remember? I’d take
-
the Tidal Waves any day. They’ve got the balance and the speed.”
-
-
“You know about buckball?” Shining asked Celestia, still clearly in shock.
-
-
“Why wouldn’t I?” She chuckled. “I met with the Thunder here after their world
-
championship game not that long ago. The Crown can’t really show a preference,
-
but I have to admit, I always did secretly root for the Solar Flares.”
-
-
“All right, you three can geek out later.” Cadence gave her husband a playful
-
shove to move him out of the way. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at your service.”
-
-
She then bowed to him, but Anon remembered his manners and gave a deeper bow
-
back. “It is an honor to meet you, Princess.”
-
-
“Oh, please. Just Cadence will be more than adequate. May I call you Anon?”
-
-
“That’s fine.” He laughed. “Should I be worried about the Princess of Love is
-
here?”
-
-
“You should be worried if I stay,” she replied with a grin. “You’re safe for
-
now.”
-
-
“Twilight? Would you like to introduce your friends?” Celestia asked.
-
-
“I’d love to!” Twilight replied. “You know me, of course. Spike stayed in
-
Ponyville; he said he wasn’t interested in standing around in a press conference
-
all day.”
-
-
“Can’t say I blame him.”
-
-
Twilight chuckled with him. “Anyway, this is Rainbow Dash, the Element of
-
Loyalty.”
-
-
“Nice to meetcha, Anon.” Rainbow said, and she shared a quick hoofbump with him.
-
-
“Likewise.”
-
-
“This is Applejack, the Element of Honesty.”
-
-
“Howdy! Real pleasure to meet ya.”
-
-
“Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter.”
-
-
A blast of streamers and confetti exploded out of Pinkie’s mane, and Anon
-
suddenly found himself wrapped up in a giant pink hug.
-
-
“This is so great!” Pinkie shouted. “I’ve got all sorts of cupcakes and pies for
-
you to try when you come to Ponyville and we can compare recipes and bake all
-
kinds of yummy treats and talk about whether a cherrychanga will ever be a
-
reality. We’re going to have the bestest ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party since
-
the one I threw for Shining Armor!”
-
-
“And you still need to help me plan the official wedding party,” Celestia added.
-
-
Pinkie Pie froze. Her eyes went wide, her mouth went into a small o shape, and a
-
high-pitched squeal slowly started to emerge and grow in intensity.
-
-
“I’ll defuse Pinkie.” Cadence quickly said while snagging Pinkie and pulling her
-
aside.
-
-
“This is Fluttershy, the Element of—”
-
-
“CELESTIA’S WEDDING PARTY?!”
-
-
Twilight laughed with Fluttershy. “I don’t think Pinkie is going to sleep for
-
the next week now. Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness.”
-
-
“It’s very nice to meet you!” Fluttershy said quietly but with a grin. “Discord
-
told me all about you at our last tea date. He really likes you, you know.”
-
-
“That’s a good thing, right?”
-
-
“Oh, yes. He even said he wanted to have you come over and have tea with us.
-
You’ve made quite the impression on him.”
-
-
“Well, that’s nice of him. I’ll say thank you the next time I see him.”
-
-
Fluttershy smiled more. “I know you’re going to be a wonderful prince. I look
-
forward to working with you.”
-
-
“Me too.” Anon smiled back.
-
-
“And last but not least is Rarity, the Element of Generosity,” Twilight
-
concluded.
-
-
Rarity, who was wearing a pair of fashionable bifocals and had a tape measure
-
around her neck, stepped forward and bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,
-
darling, now hold still.”
-
-
“What are you—”
-
-
The tape measure sprang forward like a striking snake, leaping and wrapping
-
around every part of his body⁽*⁾ from inseam and waist width to hat size and leg
-
thickness. Rarity quickly wrote all of these measurements down in a thin, small
-
notebook, and then bowed to Celestia. (*) Not there. You perverts. Behave.
-
-
“I shall get to work on your request as soon as I get home, Princess. I think I
-
know just the thing.”
-
-
“Thing?” Anon glanced between his wife and Rarity. “There’s a thing?”
-
-
“Never you mind, darling. It’s between me and the Princess.”
-
-
“Great. There’s a conspiracy against me already.”
-
-
“Only a small one, nothing to worry about.” Celestia giggled, as Luna now
-
approached him.
-
-
“Hail, fair human. I do not believe we have been formally or properly
-
introduced. I am Luna, Princess of the Moon and sister of Celestia. It is a
-
pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
-
-
“It is, indeed, a pleasure to make my acquaintance.” Anon replied grandly, while
-
sticking his nose in the air slightly. “But it is also a pleasure to meet you
-
formally as well.”
-
-
“Watch it, buster. You’re still on my short list.”
-
-
The two then broke into laughter, much to the relief of everypony who wasn’t
-
aware of their unique relationship.
-
-
“Well, now that we’ve all met Anon, let us commence with breakfast, shall we?”
-
Celestia announced.
-
-
Everyone sat at the table, with Celestia at one end and Luna at the other. Anon
-
sat on Celestia’s right, and Shining next to him. The kitchen staff then
-
appeared and swiftly delivered a plate to everyone, and Anon was interested to
-
see that a breakfast burrito had been prepared, but the folded loaf before him
-
had to be as thick as his arm. With the hope that he could actually eat the
-
whole thing, he picked up his fork and dug in.
-
-
That proved to be a horrible mistake. The perpetual issue of too much salt
-
manifested itself quickly, and he wondered if the kitchen staff had gotten wind
-
of his complaints because now there was also enough pepper inside the lump to
-
make him nearly sneeze. Anything resembling taste was thus promptly bucked into
-
next week, and Anon really began to curse his upbringing since it appeared that
-
everypony else was quite enjoying the meal.
-
-
He then tried picking around the edges, hoping that maybe only one side was
-
ruined but it was for naught—the whole of it had been uniformly corrupted,
-
leaving him with unsalted toast and unsalted juice. Maybe he could declare
-
himself as his personal chef. He’d stand half a chance of getting something to
-
eat then.
-
-
Depression was not long in coming for the new prince. The last twenty four hours
-
had been a string of compounding misery, so it wasn’t very hard for the thoughts
-
of inadequacy and inferiority to move in and begin their destructive work. There
-
sat The Elements of Harmony, six mares who had repeatedly saved Ponykind from
-
destruction, and from the worst of the worst one could imagine. There sat the
-
Prince and Princess of The Crystal Empire, who had saved both Canterlot and the
-
Crystal Empire and who had rapidly and literally brought the crystal ponies out
-
of the dark ages and into near full integration with the rest of the world. Then
-
there was Luna and Celestia, who were in a league all of their own. One only
-
needed to say ‘The Two Sisters’ to have a respectfully awed hush come over any
-
group.
-
-
And then there was Anonymous: a bumbling bumpkin whose claim to fame was
-
standing in a flower patch and forcing a Princess to get married because he was
-
too uneducated to figure out what an adjective was, let alone how to use one. He
-
was so far beneath the caliber of those assembled that it was really a mockery
-
for him to even be in the same city as them. They were the true heroes of
-
Equestria.
-
-
He was an imposter of the highest order. A mannulus non grata.
-
-
Maybe he should sign those divorce papers after all. What right did he have to
-
drag Celestia down? He wasn’t even totally sure he loved her. He just wanted to
-
see if he could love her, by his own admission. There was nothing he could truly
-
offer her, other than a repeated complaint of too much salt.
-
-
This was not his place. She should not be burdened with him.
-
-
“So, Anon!” Shining leaned over. “Can I ask you something a bit personal?”
-
-
“Sure.”
-
-
Shining leaned over a bit closer. “Do you feel so totally overwhelmed by
-
everything that your soul feels like it’s being ripped apart by timberwolves?”
-
he whispered.
-
-
That was a fair allegory. Analogy. Was it an analogy? Anon nodded slightly, and
-
Shining had a knowing twinkle in his eye.
-
-
“I know how you feel. When I proposed and Cady said yes, I suddenly realized
-
what I’d gotten myself into. I spent the rest of that day trying to calm myself
-
down. I had the gall to ask the Princess of Love to marry me! What monkey had
-
broken out of the zoo in my head and pushed the button to have me ask that? Why
-
had she said yes, instead of kicking me over the edge of Canterlot?”
-
-
“But you’re the Captain of the Guard, and one of the strongest shield wielders
-
that has ever been. I would think it’s pretty obvious.”
-
-
“Love and War aren’t exactly two things that go together.”
-
-
“I heard that,” Celestia grumbled.
-
-
“Private conversation, ma’am,” he replied, and Celestia stuck her tongue out at
-
him briefly before turning back to her quiet conversation with Cadence.
-
-
“Anyway,” said Shining Armor, “the closer we got to the wedding the more
-
overwhelmed I felt. I was just some dumb soldier, how could I be anywhere near
-
her level, or be a prince for that matter? It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep
-
at night sometimes.”
-
-
“So, how’d you come to terms with it?”
-
-
“I still haven’t. Well, not fully anyway. But that kiss that Cady and I shared,
-
the one that banished the changelings? That moment gave me an epiphany. It
-
really didn’t matter that I was inadequate or unprepared. What mattered was that
-
I loved her, and that she loved me. Everything else would sort out somehow, and
-
it would actually be easier to deal with because I had a companion now, an
-
equal. If our love could survive the changelings, it could survive anything.
-
-
“Now, I know it’s different for you. If Auntie Celestia had bonked my nose, I’m
-
pretty sure I would have simply keeled over and died on the spot. All of this
-
has got to be so strange, so crushing really. The only way I can think of to
-
relate is to take what I felt and then crank it up to eleven.”
-
-
“That’s not too far off.” Anon chuckled a little.
-
-
“Well, just know I’m here if you need an ear. When we got the letter from
-
Celestia telling us what had happened, I was elated, and you can ask Cady if you
-
don’t believe me.”
-
-
“But why? I’m sure I only made things more complicated for you.”
-
-
“Numbers. Up until now there’s been four princesses but only one prince. I have
-
reinforcements now, a fellow male ruler to talk to now. Don’t get me wrong, Cady
-
is a dream to talk with, and very understanding and supportive. But there’s just
-
some things a stallion needs to talk to another stallion about, y’know? Sure, I
-
can talk to the guards and my advisors, but they can only do so much since
-
they’re not in my position. With another prince, I have sompony to throw ideas
-
off of, to talk stallion stuff over with. You and I are in the same sinking
-
boat, and we can help each other bail as needed.”
-
-
Anon felt a little surge of happiness fighting against his depression. “You
-
really think I can help you?”
-
-
“You already have. You steered me away from the Broncos.”
-
-
“Why in the name of my wife did you think they were a good team to watch?” Anon
-
chuckled.
-
-
Shining leaned even closer and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
-
“I wanted to show them how bad a team could be, and then tell them how much
-
better they were.”
-
-
“Are your ponies any good?”
-
-
“Ehhh,” Shining replied with all the sincerity of a poor tipper. “They’re a work
-
in progress. But they are better than the Broncos.”
-
-
“Are you any good at Buckball?”
-
-
“Ehhh.” He shrugged, and then laughed. “I played some J.V. in high school but
-
not much after that.”
-
-
“Well, that’s better than me.” Anon laughed.
-
-
“At least you follow it.” Shining laughed with him. “Oh! Auntie Celestia?”
-
-
“Yes?”
-
-
“Can I give him the thing now?” Shining eagerly asked, and Celestia smiled
-
deeply.
-
-
“I believe now would be a most opportune time.”
-
-
“Everyone, can I have your attention!” Shining called, and the scattered
-
conversations died out. “Thank you. Cady, do you want to do the honors?”
-
-
“I would be honored. Prince Anon, would you please come over here?”
-
-
He stood and walked around the table. Cadence also stood, and she produced a
-
thin square box from under one wing.
-
-
“Prince Anonymous, on behalf of the ponies of the Crystal Empire, it is my honor
-
and joy to officially congratulate your marriage to Princess Celestia. As a
-
token of goodwill and to honor the occasion, I am most pleased to present to you
-
this gift on the behalf of the Crystal Empire.”
-
-
Anon’s eyes grew wide as the box was opened. Seated on a cushion of white velvet
-
was an intricate crystal, carved and cut in the shape of Celestia’s cutie mark
-
and at roughly half the size, with a thin band of gold attached through an
-
eyelet on the top. It had been fashioned out of a beautiful translucent yellow
-
crystal, and it caught the natural light in such a way that it seemed to almost
-
catch fire as it passed through.
-
-
“Prince Anon, please accept this gift as a token of the Crystal Empire’s loyalty
-
to the Throne of Equestria, the throne that you now share with Celestia. May
-
your union be long and happy, and may you find fortune in all of your
-
endeavors.”
-
-
Everypony in the room stomped and cheered as Cadence’s magic lifted the crystal
-
out and then over Anon’s bowed head. It came to rest right above his heart, and
-
he smiled brightly as he looked at it, then at the well-wishers in the dining
-
hall with him.
-
-
This was a horrible way to keep a bad mood alive, and he loved it.
-
-
-
* * ✹ * *
-
-
-
Anon had come to the conclusion that he hated press conferences.
-
-
Granted, he hadn’t done anything yet, but the waiting and anticipation was
-
killing him. It had started long before Celestia had stepped up to the podium,
-
of course, but now it was coming to a head.
-
-
Celestia, ever one for punctuality, had promptly started at noon with a quick
-
greeting for the assembled members of the press before she launched into her
-
prepared remarks.
-
-
Her speech was a straightforward and simple explanation of what had happened.
-
This had yielded a new tidbit for him. Celestia really hadn’t seen him in the
-
sunflowers, but she had thought she had heard something, so she had stuck her
-
nose in to see if she could figure out what was there. She had been expecting to
-
find a mouse or chipmunk, not a human, and from there Anon knew the rest.
-
Celestia then spent a rather lengthy amount of time explaining her law and why
-
she had written it, and then she explained that she and Anon had wed to prevent
-
her removal as Princess.
-
-
She obviously chose her words carefully when she explained that this news had
-
not been shared immediately due to both the option of divorce and the need to
-
work out the details to keep Anon around. There were nods of agreement from the
-
journalists when Celestia told them about the joint agreement that now was an
-
appropriate time to inform the rest of Equestria.
-
-
Anon was glad that all of the Elements were present, as well as the Princesses.
-
He could feel their support, and it was giving him the strength he needed to
-
keep from passing out. He had his notes ready to go, and he was going to try to
-
just read them straight and be done.
-
-
He had also determined that, from here on out, Celestia would be the public
-
speaker. He wasn’t cut out for this.
-
-
“…and now, Prince Anonymous has a few thoughts he’d like to share. After that I
-
will take a few questions. Anon?”
-
-
Anon inhaled heavily. This was it.
-
-
His left hand was shaking slightly as he stepped up to the podium. There was a
-
furious round of flashes, and Anon looked quickly down at his notes to keep from
-
being blinded.
-
-
He let out the breath he’d just taken in, and then he drew in a new one.
-
-
“Good afternoon, everyone.” He flatly began reading. “I am Anonymous, from the
-
c-city of S-salt Lick. It’s a pleasure to be here before you today.”
-
-
Well, this bit the bark. The words on the page were doubling up and blurring on
-
him. Anon closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath in. He then opened his
-
eyes again, and he looked at his Celestial Crystal.
-
-
Speak from the heart, Anon.
-
-
He wasn’t sure if he had heard Celestia’s voice in his head or just his own
-
approximation of it, but it didn’t matter. He crumpled his notes up into a ball
-
and tossed them over his shoulder.
-
-
“Those aren’t helping,” he stated, and he heard Celestia grunt slightly, which
-
he hoped was a good sign. “All right. Fillies and Gentlecolts, hello. One week
-
ago today I was a common no one, a lonely human on a train bound for Canterlot.
-
I had never before visited here, and I really didn’t have much reason to come,
-
other than to see if I could find some inspiration for a book I wanted to write.
-
I had no idea what I’d find here, nor that I would soon find myself caught up in
-
the events that have led me to this point now.
-
-
“When I left home, I was looking for something. I didn’t know what it was; all I
-
knew was that my life up to that point was not what I wanted. I was trying to
-
find my own little place in the world, and my purpose within it. I was adrift,
-
lost in a sea of confusion and doubt.
-
-
“One week ago tomorrow, I made the choice to visit the Royal gardens in the
-
hopes of finding a muse. I stuck myself in a patch of sunflowers in the hopes of
-
finding one, and…”
-
-
He paused, and smiled.
-
-
“…and I did. I really don’t know if what has happened is just one huge
-
coincidence, but I feel like it’s more than that. To me, this feels more like
-
destiny or fate, and the feeling has only grown as I have come to know Celestia
-
better.
-
-
“On my first night here, Celestia and I had a private talk, and she was kind
-
enough to read a little bit of my writing. As she did so, and as I watched and
-
listened to her, I felt like I was home, really Home, for the first time in my
-
life. There was a spark that ignited a small flame of love then, and it’s only
-
grown stronger from there.
-
-
“My friends, I will be the first to tell you I am inadequate to be your Prince.
-
I can come up with several dozen reasons why I am unworthy. I’m as common as
-
common gets, and I have no real qualifications for leadership.
-
-
“But I know that what I share with Celestia is special, and it completes me.” He
-
smiled, and turned to look at her. She was smiling brightly, but had tears in
-
the corners of her eyes. “And what is special to her is special to me. This is
-
something I don’t want to lose.
-
-
“And so,” as he turned back to the press, “all I can say right now is that I’ll
-
try. I’ll stumble, I’ll fall, and I will humbly ask for your patience and
-
understanding. But I want to help my—” he smiled deeply with the thought “—wife
-
to bring about a greater and more glorious Equestria. Please know, my friends,
-
that although I am a prince by marriage, I will not be able to call myself such
-
until I have earned it. I will do all that I can to serve you, to make your
-
lives better. And hopefully, someday, I will even be able to bring to you a
-
portion of the happiness that I have found for myself here. Thank you.”
-
-
Anon then simply stepped away from the podium and moved over to the
-
nearly-crying Celestia. Luna looked extremely pleased, for her part, and Cadence
-
had one hoof to her chest and an ‘Awww!’ look on her face, so he probably had
-
said something right. But what he wanted, more than anything, came as his wife
-
dipped her head down and they gently booped noses.
-
-
“You did good,” she whispered to him.
-
-
“Thanks. Can I go somewhere and faint now?”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Holdin’ up all right there, Prince Anon?”
-
-
“I think so,” he replied with a smile for Applejack. “Though I was under the
-
impression that this was an informal gathering.”
-
-
“Well, it probably was, but then Twilight made the mistake of sayin’ the P-word
-
within earshot of Pinkie Pie.”
-
-
“PARTY!” Pinkie Pie yelled from across the ballroom.
-
-
Anon laughed a little with the outburst, but he also took a moment to fully
-
appreciate all of Pinkie’s hard work. Yellow streamers hung from the ceiling and
-
snaked in between white balloons of various sizes, the potted plants had gained
-
some tasteful trimmings and yellow lights, and even the buffet table seemed to
-
be extra festive and ready to party.
-
-
“How did she do all this so fast?” Anon asked Applejack after a few moments.
-
-
“Well, it is her thing, and she has that party cannon of hers. You give that
-
mare ten minutes with that thing and she’ll whip out a shindig outta nothin’.”
-
-
“If this is what she can do with no advanced notice, then I’m interested to see
-
what the party in Ponyville will be like.”
-
-
“It’ll be so super-fantastic that you’ll be telling all your grandfoals about
-
it!” Pinkie replied, as she suddenly appeared out of nowhere and hugged Anon
-
with one arm. “I’ve got all sorts of yummy treats planned, as well as Games and
-
a ‘Round with the Prince’ that will be a blast!”
-
-
“Round with the Prince?” Anon asked, but Pinkie suddenly looked up and to her
-
left, and then squinted in concentration.
-
-
“Hold that thought. Punch Emergency!”
-
-
There was a streak of pink, and she was gone. Anon looked back at Applejack, who
-
was chuckling slightly.
-
-
“Pinkie is Pinke. Ya get used to her antics over time. Don’t worry, ah can tell
-
ya from personal experience that Pinkie has never thrown a bad party. You’ll
-
have fun, and the folks in Ponyville will love havin’ the chance to meet ya.”
-
-
“I hope so. That’s one of the things that really makes me nervous right now.”
-
-
“You’re worried that ponies won’t like ya?”
-
-
“I’m worried they won’t accept me.”
-
-
“Ah hear ya there. Ah worried about the same thing once ah found out about bein’
-
the Element of Honesty.”
-
-
“You did?”
-
-
“Oh yeah. More ah learned about what the Elements were and who had used ‘em in
-
the past, the more ah thought ah wasn’t right for the job. Ah’m just a farmer,
-
not some kinda heroine that saves Equestria. An Element Bearer should be
-
somepony strong, committed, and knows just what to do at any time. Ah couldn’t
-
be all that, all ah knew how to do was buck apples outta trees.”
-
-
“So how did you get used to it?”
-
-
“Well, I gotta admit, freeing Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon was a durned
-
good start. Otherwise, there’ve been two things that have really helped. One, ah
-
had to have faith in my friends. If Twilight said ah was Honesty, then ah was
-
Honesty, hooves down. Ah had to trust that my friends would help me out, show me
-
the ropes, and if’n I ever found myself in a barrel of pickles, they’d be right
-
there with me.
-
-
“Second thing was to trust myself. Sure, ah didn’t have experience in monster
-
wranglin’ or purgin’ evil nightmares outta princesses, but somehow ah have used
-
what ah do know to get the work done. Just bein’ myself was enough, despite what
-
ah thought otherwise.
-
-
“Ah reckon it’s gonna be like that for you too. Probably not my place to say
-
what you should or shouldn’t do, but just bein’ yourself will solve a whole heap
-
of trouble in the long run. Honesty, even with yourself, is always the best
-
policy. Just do your best, that’s all anypony can ask. You do that, things’ll
-
work out. Shoot, you’ve got Princess Celestia for support. Don’t get much better
-
than that.”
-
-
Anon glanced down at his crystal, then up to Celestia. She was chatting lightly
-
with a pony from the press, and he smiled a bit more.
-
-
“No, I don’t suppose it does. Thanks.”
-
-
“Anytime, sugar cube. Now how about we go get ourselves an apple fritter? Ah
-
made ‘em fresh this mornin’, and ah’ve heard you’re somethin’ of a food critic.”
-
-
“So long as it wasn’t made here, I’m sure it’ll be delightful.”
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“Your Highness, I simply have to settle one point in private,” Fleur de Lis said
-
with a gentle toss of her exquisite mane. “What can you possibly see in a
-
commoner?”
-
-
“Anonymous!” Applejack shouted, and all eyes in the room turned to watch as the
-
Element of Honesty began to swat the Prince with her hat while chasing him
-
around the buffet table. “You no account, butter hatin’, no-taste snob!”
-
-
“What?!” he shouted back while he both ran and laughed. “I made one measly
-
little suggestion!”
-
-
“And that sense of taste of yours needs to learn some manners! Get back here so
-
ah can knock that ridiculous notion out of your head!”
-
-
Celestia did not restrain the natural smile that swelled up from her heart when
-
she turned back to the stunned young unicorn. “Miss de Lis, I see everything in
-
him.” > 14. - State of Anon >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“Mornin’ sweetie,” Garbanzo called out to Lima while she strode into the
-
pre-morning peace that permeated the kitchen of the Zuerst.
-
-
He could not help but smile. This many years, and the mare still had the ability
-
to make his heart skip a beat when she walked into a room. Lima was one peach of
-
a Bean, and he would never regret the day when she had made him the happiest
-
stallion in Equestria.
-
-
“Hey hon,” she replied, and she leaned over to give her husband a quick peck
-
while she walked by. “Counting down the bread order?”
-
-
“Yeah. Looks like they shorted us a loaf again.”
-
-
Lima let out a small snort. “Maybe we need to find a new supplier. This is just
-
ridiculous now.”
-
-
“I’ll look into it,” he replied, and then he looked up from the order sheet.
-
“Sip got some tea ready and the paper should just be right over there.”
-
-
“Thanks. Anything good in it?”
-
-
“I’m not sure, I just glanced at the bottom part. Looked like there was some big
-
to-do in Canterlot yesterday.”
-
-
“Did we just get another princess?” Lima moaned playfully.
-
-
“Probably.” Garbanzo chuckled. “They’re becoming a dime a dozen, aren’t they?”
-
-
“Yeah. Wonder what she is the Princess of?”
-
-
“Poached eggs I bet.”
-
-
“Be nice.” Lima giggled, and she playfully nipped his ear. “Maybe she’ll be the
-
Princess of wayward ponies and she can help Anon find his way.”
-
-
“So are we talking about a princess or a life coach?”
-
-
“Oh, hush up and get that finished. We still need to get the soup prepped.”
-
-
“All right, all right.”
-
-
Garbanzo chuckled as his wife grabbed the paper, placed it on the tea tray, and
-
then walked into the main area. He then quickly finished with the bread
-
paperwork, filed it, and then began whistling as he started to fill the large
-
stock pot with water for the minestrone.
-
-
The sound of a teacup smashing into the granite floor tile out in the main area
-
quickly ended the whistling. Garbanzo hurriedly shut off the water and quickly
-
moved to check on Lima.
-
-
“Hon? You all right?” he called out as he pushed the door open.
-
-
Lima didn’t reply, and what Garbanzo saw as he stepped through made him scramble
-
in alarm. His wife was white as a sheet, frozen in place, and her eyes were wide
-
in horror. The smashed teacup lay scattered by the feet of the chair, and the
-
newspaper was scattered across the table before her, with some of the pages
-
still floating down from the ceiling.
-
-
“Lima! What happened? Are you ok?!” he urgently asked once he reached her side.
-
-
She let out a small whimper through a tight lipped, horrified frown, and her
-
eyes didn’t move to meet his. Instead, one hoof tapped the page of newspaper in
-
front of her.
-
-
“What is…” Garbanzo asked as he glanced at the paper, but then he did a double
-
take. His chest began to heave wildly as he grabbed the paper in both hooves,
-
and his rear legs gave out on him as he read and began shaking.
-
-
“What have we done?” he asked in a gasping, breathless voice.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Morning, Auntie Celly, Auntie Luna!”
-
-
“Good morning, Cadence!” Celestia replied with a warm smile. “Where is your
-
husband?”
-
-
“Out in the hallway having a ‘discussion’ with Anon about the best Buckball
-
team. Shining is adamant the Thunder will take the conference next season but
-
Anon disagrees. They will probably join us when they settle the matter, so
-
sometime next week, maybe?”
-
-
“Well, if they miss pancakes it’s their own fault.” Celestia hummed to herself
-
while she placed a plate down for Cadence.
-
-
“So, how are things between you and Anon?”
-
-
“Just can’t help yourself, can you?” Luna quipped.
-
-
“Nope!” Cadence smiled brightly. She then propped her head in her hooves, put
-
her elbows on the table, and gave Celestia a very eager look. “C’mon! I need
-
details! How serious are you two?”
-
-
“We’re married. I don’t think it can get any more serious if we tried.”
-
-
“Yes, it can.” Cadence blew a raspberry. “So, how’s he in bed?”
-
-
After a moment of absolute silence, Cadence leaned forward with a teasing grin.
-
“Okay, maybe that’s a little far for just a week. You’ve done some snuggling
-
under the sheets, though. Right? Kissing at the very least? Anything? Really?”
-
-
“If you must know, no,” Celestia slowly replied, her smile fading. “Anon seems
-
to be hesitant to do anything beyond rubbing noses. And even then, he’s very
-
cautious.” Celestia could feel that smile returning. “He’s so sweet.”
-
-
“Well, look at what he’s working with,” Luna cut in. “For his whole life, the
-
only way he’s known you is as Princess Celestia, The Bringer of the Day. You’re
-
asking him to overcome twenty-odd years of conditioning in a week. That is a
-
rather large jump to make. He is probably afraid of bursting into flames if he
-
touches you wrong.”
-
-
“Auntie Luna is right. You have to admit you’re more than a little
-
intimidating,” Cadence added, while waving a fork full of food in the air with
-
her magic. “Marriage is sharing.”
-
-
“I understand that. I haven’t tried to push anything on him because of it,” said
-
Celestia.
-
-
“But you’d like him to maybe give a little bit more,” Cadence said knowingly.
-
“Without you telling him.”
-
-
“Well, we are married and we are planning on staying together. Why shouldn’t
-
we?”
-
-
“I agree. You just need to encourage him a little.”
-
-
“Encourage?”
-
-
“Here we go,” Luna groaned with an ill-hidden smirk. “Cadence is going to be in
-
rare form today, I can tell.”
-
-
“Of course I am. I’m trying to get my beloved Aunt Celly’s love life going,” she
-
replied with a smug grin. “A thousand years with nopony to truly claim as your
-
own is quite long enough.”
-
-
“She’s got a point,” Luna conceded, as Celestia sat at the table with food for
-
the both of them. “My dear sister deserves more than a lump bag of an Anon.”
-
-
“I am not calling him Anon Bag.”
-
-
“Probably for the best. You’d forget he was a person and you’d sit on him.”
-
-
“How do you know he wouldn’t like that?” Cadence said with a knowing bob of her
-
eyebrows.
-
-
“You two are insufferable!” Celestia proclaimed with a snort of amusement.
-
-
“No, the trick is to start small and work your way up,” Cadence continued. “I
-
had to do that with Shiny, because the lovable dope kept locking up on me when
-
I’d flirt with him. Seduce him, but just little bits at a time, and only here or
-
there.”
-
-
“But don’t go overboard,” Luna warned. “You can gain much by simply being you. I
-
would say you’re doing pretty good with this already, from what I see. Anon’s
-
little flame of love for you has come about because he has seen Celly instead of
-
Celestia. Lure him in, yes, but also still be you.”
-
-
“Right,” Cadence agreed. “Honestly, just try one or two things to start, and
-
spread them out. Keep booping him, but maybe add a little nip on the neck, or a
-
quick kiss on his cheek here and there, too. Shiny likes it when I go for the
-
ears.” She giggled. “We play keepaway, but he always loses.”
-
-
“Ears are popular,” Luna agreed. “The neck is good too.”
-
-
“And you two really think he’ll like that?” Celestia said with a curious look.
-
-
“He’ll like it,” Cadence said slyly. “He’ll just be super embarrassed about it
-
first. He is cute when he blushes, right?”
-
-
Celestia didn’t say anything, but the playfully intrigued look that suddenly
-
overtook her was answer enough.
-
-
“Shiny is too.” Cadence said with a smug grin. “I have an idea, something we can
-
try and we’ll see how Anon reacts.”
-
-
Luna groaned playfully. “This should be good.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“I’m telling you,” Shining argued as the princes finally entered the dining
-
hall, “Wild Wind is going to take them all the way this year.”
-
-
“But she is always on the injured reserve list!” Anon protested.
-
-
“Yeah, but when she’s healthy they’re unstoppable.”
-
-
“And when she’s down they lose everything. They really need to trade her and get
-
some more balanced players in.”
-
-
“Gentlecolts, good morning,” Celestia greeted. Anon and Shining stopped in
-
mid-stride, looked at the casually neutral faces of the Princesses, then at each
-
other.
-
-
“What’s going on?” Shining asked.
-
-
“Breakfast, but not for much longer. Have a seat, I will bring your pancakes out
-
shortly.”
-
-
The two then warily sat down, but next to each other. Anon looked at Luna, who
-
was quietly and politely eating, and Shining’s eyes were on his wife, who was
-
sitting with a pleasant smile on her face.
-
-
“Princess Luna.” Anon dared to offer a greeting.
-
-
“Anon,” she replied simply. “A pleasure to see you again.”
-
-
“Did I do something?” he jumped to the question.
-
-
“I’m quite sure you have. It is rather hard to be alive and to do absolutely
-
nothing.”
-
-
“No, I mean did I do something wrong?”
-
-
“Not that I am aware of. Do you wish to confess?”
-
-
Anon gulped and left the question unanswered. This reeked of some kind of setup,
-
and even Shining was looking worried.
-
-
The Empire’s Prince then decided to use a tried and true tactic: start
-
apologizing and see if that makes the wife happy. Granted, it was always a
-
gamble but it was all they had to work with at the moment.
-
-
“Hey, I’m sorry I held Anon up in the hallway. We should have come in sooner.”
-
-
“No need to apologize, my dear Shiny,” Cadence replied evenly. “We understand.”
-
-
Shining immediately clammed up. That had not worked, and if he kept going he’d
-
make things worse.
-
-
“Here we go!” Celestia cheerfully announced as she entered. “The pancakes might
-
be a bit cold, but you know a warming spell, don’t you, Captain?”
-
-
“Uh…”
-
-
“Wonderful! Now, I’m afraid I’m late for Day Court, so I will meet with you both
-
later. I’d like to go over some items relating to the Empire while you are here.
-
Cadence?”
-
-
“Coming!” she called, and she quickly stood.
-
-
“You’re leaving?” Shining asked, as Cadence moved over to Celestia.
-
-
“Mm-hm. I’m going to help with Court today.”
-
-
“Oh. Well, okay. I guess we’ll catch up.”
-
-
“We’ll see you both later,” Cadence called over her shoulder, and the two
-
Princesses began to leave.
-
-
Anon suddenly felt a furious heat burning in his cheeks as his eyes locked on to
-
Celestia’s swaying hips. Did she always walk like that, or was she putting a bit
-
more allure in to it this time? Why was he still watching it?! He couldn’t stop!
-
He was entranced, and…
-
-
A bit of confusion worked in. Was he really attracted to her sway? Was he
-
actually enjoying what he was seeing?
-
-
Celestia teasingly flicked her tail as she left the room, an impressive feat
-
given the ethereal nature of it. Anon’s eyes stayed locked on the doorway as he
-
tried to come to terms with what he had seen and felt, but he did hear Shining
-
giggling like an lovestruck idiot.
-
-
“Anon, my friend,” he said with a nudge to Anon’s ribs, “you and I have to be
-
the two luckiest stallions in the whole of existence. I’ve yet to find a better
-
pair of hips than on my Cady, and I’d bet my horseshoes you’re feeling the same
-
about Celly.”
-
-
A pleased smile began to show on Anon. “You know what? You’re completely right.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Did he really?” Celestia snickered furiously.
-
-
“Both of them did,” Luna replied. “For as green as he is, he blushed like a lit
-
match.”
-
-
“See?” Cadence said smugly. “Now, don’t do that again for a little bit. Just
-
throw it at him every now and then. Flirting like that will get things going for
-
you.”
-
-
“Thanks, Cadence,” Celestia pulled her niece into a quick hug. “Lulu, thank you
-
as well.”
-
-
Luna smiled and nodded. “It was my pleasure to assist, dear sister. I believe I
-
shall leave you, though, and retire for the day.”
-
-
“I’ll see you tonight, then,” Celestia replied with a quick hug, and she watched
-
her sister’s retreat for a moment before turning to Cadence again. “Well, shall
-
we go have lunch?”
-
-
“What are they serving today?”
-
-
“I’ve asked for daffodil salads. I hope Anon will actually be able to eat this
-
one.”
-
-
“Why wouldn’t he?”
-
-
“It appears my chefs have been using too much salt,” Celestia replied, as they
-
walked towards the kitchen. “With his background, he notices nuances like that
-
and he has a hard time eating. Maybe he even has different tastes, because he's
-
human.”
-
-
“Maybe he is just a picky eater.”
-
-
“No, he’s not,” she defended. “He just has a certain threshold for sodium.”
-
-
“Picky,” Cadence repeated.
-
-
“Dear niece, I am going to have him cook something for you to prove my point. He
-
made a minestrone soup a few nights ago that was the most flavorful soup I have
-
ever had.”
-
-
“Are you talking about me?”
-
-
“Anon!” Celestia said warmly. “As a matter of fact, we were! How long have you
-
been there?”
-
-
“I just came around the corner and saw you two, so only a couple of seconds. All
-
I caught was minestrone the other night.”
-
-
“Yes, I was just telling Cadence about that. Might it be possible to request
-
another demonstration of your cooking prowess? You can make anything you like,
-
soup or no soup.”
-
-
“You want me to cook something for you two?” he repeated.
-
-
“I’m sure Shiny would like to eat too,” Cadence replied.
-
-
Anon had a sneaky smile on his smug face now. “Whatever I want to make?”
-
-
“Yes,” Celestia answered. She then leaned up to his ear. “And if you cook
-
something extra delicious, I will personally see to it that you receive a fair
-
reward.”
-
-
She then pulled back and smiled lovingly at his furious blushing.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Chef Sugar Beet!”
-
-
“Oh! Princess!” Sugar Beet bowed. “Good afternoon! What can I do for you?”
-
-
“There’s been a change in plans for lunch today,” Celestia replied. “Prince Anon
-
is going to make lunch for myself, Cadence, and Prince Armor. I need you to show
-
him where things are and give him whatever he needs.”
-
-
“Really?” Anonymous could not help but catch the surreptitious glance the chef
-
made at a nearby fire extinguisher, but he tried to ignore it.
-
-
“Is that a problem?”
-
-
“Oh no, no problem,” the ruddy mare replied. “I’m more than happy to let Prince
-
Anon cook. I just didn’t know he could.”
-
-
“Very well. Anon, I’m eager to see what you come up with.”
-
-
“I’ll do my best,” he replied.
-
-
Celestia then left him, and he glanced around. Pots were clanking and bubbling,
-
plates were being tossed around like hot potatoes, knives were flying, ponies
-
were shouting to each other in a sort of language that used foodstuffs as
-
profanities, and all about was the steam and the smells of a truly efficient
-
kitchen.
-
-
Anonymous was well pleased.
-
-
However, he knew that another body would really be inconvenient right now. While
-
he had a good idea of what to try, he didn’t want to compound things by being in
-
the way. “Chef, this is obviously a bad time for me to be back here. Do you have
-
just an out of the way corner for me, or perhaps a side kitchen somewhere?”
-
-
“Oh, it’s not a problem, Your Highness. I can get you whatever you need and get
-
you in wherever you want. Just tell me what you need done.”
-
-
“All right. I need tofu, zucchini, and couscous to start.”
-
-
Anon then simply marched over to what looked like an unused stovetop. If he had
-
stolen it from somepony, so be it. It only took a moment for Sugar Beet to bring
-
the requested items, but Anon frowned deeply when she deposited a large salt
-
shaker as well.
-
-
“What. Is. That?”
-
-
“Salt?”
-
-
“Did I ask for salt?” he asked with a great deal of self restraint.
-
-
“No, but I know you’re going to need it.”
-
-
“And how, exactly, do you know that?”
-
-
Sugar Beet obviously realized the thin ice she was on, and she took a step back.
-
“Because Celestia wants extra salt.”
-
-
“She does?” Anon asked, his annoyance flipping to confusion quickly. “Why does
-
she want extra salt?”
-
-
“I don’t know. All I know is that she has asked to have extra salt in her
-
meals.”
-
-
“When was this? When did she say that?” Anon asked.
-
-
“Two years ago, when she hired me as head chef. She had sent back the steamed
-
broccoli I had made with instructions to add salt to it and any other meal I
-
made for her.”
-
-
“Did she tell you that personally or was it the waiter at the time who told you
-
that?”
-
-
“Well, um…” She grew embarrassed. “It was the waiter.”
-
-
“And was she talking about every meal or just that particular dish?”
-
-
“Uh… well…”
-
-
Anon smiled in a kindly way. “I tell you what. She can’t fire me, so let’s make
-
this together and we’ll see what she says. If she likes it, then you know to cut
-
back on the salt.”
-
-
“I hope she does. I have really hated having to add it in every time. It really
-
limits what you can make.”
-
-
Anon chuckled. “That it would. Grab some knives and we’ll get to work on the
-
tofu.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Wait, wait. How could his parents not believe it was you?!” Cadence asked
-
incredulously.
-
-
“I had no guards or staffers with me, so that was part of it. The other part is
-
just that they simply didn’t believe Anon. They’re both so convinced that Anon’s
-
true calling is with them, cooking, so if anything is presented that runs
-
counter to that then they find ways to explain it away. I’m really not surprised
-
or offended by it; most ponies are the same way.”
-
-
“Why didn’t you just move the moon around a bit, or bring the sun up for just a
-
quick second?”
-
-
“I promised Lulu when she returned that I would only touch the moon in an
-
emergency or with her permission. It is rightfully hers, and I wish to show the
-
proper respect to my sister and the Princess of the Night. As for the sun, well.
-
I could have done as you say, but for one thing the Astrological Society would
-
have had a collective conniption, not to mention the panic attack it would have
-
given to Twilight and any other pony awake at that time. However, the more
-
important reason is—”
-
-
The door to the dining room opened, and both Princesses watched Chef Sugar Beet
-
enter with three domed trays on a trolley. Two of them were then placed on the
-
table before them, and Celestia smiled as a delectable aroma drifted up to her
-
nose.
-
-
“Where is Anonymous?” Cadence asked.
-
-
“He sends his regards and says it’s bad luck for the Chef to eat with his
-
patrons.”
-
-
Celestia offered a diplomatic smile. “Will you please go tell my husband—and I
-
want you to use these exact words—that if he doesn’t get his sorry rump in here,
-
I will plant him right back in the sunflower patch where I found him.”
-
-
“Uh, sure. I’ll go tell him.”
-
-
“Whatever he made smells wonderful,” Cadence remarked. “I bet I’m going to eat
-
my words along with this meal.”
-
-
Celestia’s smile flipped over to genuine. “Maybe I can talk him into a rhubarb
-
pie. I always did like those.”
-
-
“I’ve never had one. Are they any good?”
-
-
“I think they would be an acquired taste. Maybe with enough sugar you could
-
tolerate it.”
-
-
“Plant me in the sunflowers, huh?” Anon quipped as he entered the room.
-
-
“Yes,” Celestia said firmly. “I do expect you to spend your mealtimes with me,
-
cook or no.”
-
-
“In fairness, Chef Sugar Beet helped quite a bit. She gets at least equal
-
billing for this meal.”
-
-
“What did you make?”
-
-
Anon smiled smugly and lifted the domes off the trays. A woosh of steam erupted
-
as he did so, and two princess mouths began to water.
-
-
“Stuffed Zucchini Surprise. I’m sure you’ll enjoy. Please, please.” He motioned
-
to the silverware. “Dig in.”
-
-
“Has anyone seen my husband?” Cadence suddenly asked as she glanced around the
-
room.
-
-
“He’s out in the hallway discussing buckball with one of your guards.”
-
-
“Oh, for pity’s sake. Shining Armor, get in here!”
-
-
“I didn’t know you knew how to use the Royal Voice,” Anon remarked while rubbing
-
the inside of one ear with his hoof.
-
-
“All wives know how to use it instinctively.” Cadence took a bite. “Mmm! And
-
this is really, really good!”
-
-
“You bellowed, my lady?” Shining joked as he entered.
-
-
“Quit talking buckball for five minutes and come eat.”
-
-
“Yes, dear.”
-
-
“Where is your plate?” Celestia asked once Anon had delivered Shining’s plate to
-
him.
-
-
“You said to feed Cadence, yourself, and Shining,” he replied smugly. “You
-
didn’t say anything about me.”
-
-
She gave him a very sour look. “You know full well I meant you too.”
-
-
“It’s still bad luck to eat with your patrons. Besides, I sampled enough while I
-
was preparing the meal to tide me over.”
-
-
Celestia stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, I expect you to eat with me next
-
time, bad luck or no bad luck.”
-
-
“I’ll bear that in mind. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I promised Chef Beet that I
-
would give her the recipe for the meal you’re enjoying.”
-
-
“Oh, no you don’t. You are going to sit down and at least make polite
-
conversation. You can give her the recipe later.”
-
-
“Well, if you insist. Any chance I can learn how to use the Royal Voice? I am a
-
royal after all.”
-
-
“It’s all in the diaphragm,” Cadence began to explain.
-
-
“Is it ever,” Shining added with exasperation.
-
-
-
-
-
-
Celestia had found over the years that Day Court typically tended to be slow on
-
Tuesdays, given that it was a workday. However, today was slower than normal
-
since Wysteria was dealing with any pony making inquiries into Celestia and
-
Anon’s marriage, and thus the majority of the ponies who were coming to the
-
palace.
-
-
She was glad that Cadence was there to chat with during the lulls in between
-
petitioners, and they had been able to come up with some rather fun ideas for
-
her wedding party in those times. They had also agreed that Shining and Cadence
-
should go with Anon to Ponyville, as Shining could help Anon navigate the town
-
while Cadence went over the party ideas with Pinkie Pie. Celestia had sent a
-
letter asking Twilight if Thursday would be too busy for a visit, but she had
-
not yet received a reply.
-
-
Anon had disappeared into the kitchen somewhere, and Celestia surmised that he
-
had probably gotten engaged in a cooking-related discussion with the staff
-
there. Shining was… well, missing, but Cadence was convinced he was doing
-
something very productive to move the affairs of the Crystal Empire forward.
-
-
Or, the buckball part of the Empire, at least.
-
-
It was thus that Celestia found herself near the end of Day Court, with perhaps
-
half an hour remaining. She and Cadence were chatting about some other
-
flirtatious moves to try on Anon when a guard entered and bowed before the
-
throne with a cough.
-
-
“Yes? What is it, Sergeant?”
-
-
“Two ponies are seeking an audience with you, Your Highness, but they are
-
declining to give their names. All they will say is that it is urgent they speak
-
with Prince Anon.”
-
-
“What do they look like?”
-
-
“One is a mare of yellow with a black mane, the other is a stallion of grey with
-
a red mane. They are perhaps in their late forties.”
-
-
Celestia smiled a bit. “Go ahead and show them in. I believe I know them.”
-
-
The guard nodded and left.
-
-
“Auntie Celly? Who is it?” Cadence asked.
-
-
“You’ll see,” Celestia mystically replied.
-
-
It only took a moment for the two visitors to be shown in. Like all newcomers to
-
the Throne, they were initially overwhelmed with the grandeur of the hall, and
-
the stallion removed his flat cap as he gaped at the singular scene before him.
-
-
“Garbanzo and Lima! What an honor it is to see you again, and so soon!”
-
-
Two sets of eyes grew wide, and two noses immediately went to the floor in
-
respect.
-
-
“O great Celestia! Please forgive us!” Lima called out. “We have been fools, and
-
we have come before your greatness to beg your mercy!”
-
-
“Mercy?” Celestia asked, as she quickly descended and moved across the hall to
-
them. Her wing then reached out and gently lifted their gazes to meet hers. “You
-
have no need of my mercy, for you have done nothing that requires it. You are
-
innocent before me.”
-
-
“But we have insulted you, deeply!” Garbanzo cried as a tear slipped out. “We
-
called you a fraud!”
-
-
“No. If I had been in your position, I would have not believed myself either.
-
You have done no wrong to me. However, I believe you have something to say to my
-
husband.”
-
-
More tears came, and eyes went wide in hopeful horror as Celestia’s wing
-
retracted and her horn glowed. She smiled warmly as her magic reached out across
-
the palace, found Anon, and then teleported him into the throne room, but with
-
his nose nearly touching the wall by the main doors.
-
-
“I mean, everypony knows the moon is made of cheese,” he stated, his eyes closed
-
in an effort to look wise. He then opened them and blinked a few times.
-
-
“Uh, Celly? Did you just teleport...”
-
-
His sentence stalled out as he looked over his shoulder and beheld the visitors.
-
He then turned, his face a picture of shocked surprise.
-
-
“Mom?!” he breathlessly asked. “Dad?!”
-
-
And to his everlasting credit, Anonymous broke out into a dead run towards his
-
parents.
-
-
Celestia felt tears flowing down her cheeks as the family shared both hugs and
-
tears of reconciliation. She had been worried that Anon would not be so
-
forgiving of his parents, that he would instead drive them away and proclaim the
-
wounds they inflicted to be too deep, but she was most pleased to find that this
-
was not the case. Anon's family was again as it should be.
-
-
Whole.
-
-
She smiled a bit more as Anon motioned for her to come join the hug. She had to
-
drop down onto her knees to do so, but the warmth and light she felt as her nose
-
touched his and as several pairs of arms and hooves locked with hers was so rich
-
and ennobling that she didn't care. This was a family that was exemplary, and
-
though they would still have issues and troubles in the future, this one moment
-
would forever change the dynamics for all of them, and in all the good ways one
-
could think of. The bonds between all of them were now stronger than steel, and
-
that was as it should be.
-
-
-
-
-
Dinner that evening was one of the most pleasant dinners Celestia had ever had
-
the pleasure of attending. As it turned out, Garbanzo and Lima had shut down
-
their restaurant completely and had paid for the rest of their employees to
-
travel with them, and so the dining room was now filled with such a wonderful
-
assortment of ponies that it was making for quite a lively and happy scene.
-
-
She wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but Celestia found Lima to her right,
-
Anon next to her, Garbanzo next, and then Sip. Cadence was on her left, then
-
Shining, then Grumps, Shake and Bake, and Luna—who looked amused and a bit
-
perplexed—was at the end. The staff had made Anon’s stuffed zucchini, and
-
everyone was quite enjoying the meal – though Cadence had whispered to Celestia
-
that Anon’s rendition had been slightly better. There was laughter, there was a
-
small argument when Garbanzo’s life long support of the Broncos came to light,
-
but mostly there was happiness, friendship, and love.
-
-
If only all of her state dinners could be this way.
-
-
It was as the dinner was winding down that Celestia found Lima leaning towards
-
her. She smiled, and asked if she was enjoying herself.
-
-
“Oh, yes. This has been quite an enjoyable meal,” Lima replied. “But I wanted to
-
ask you something, if I may.”
-
-
“Please.”
-
-
“Why didn’t you just prove you were the princess the other night?” she asked,
-
the confusion obvious in her voice. “If you had just raised the sun for a few
-
seconds we both would have been convinced.”
-
-
Celestia smiled a bit more. “I suppose I could have. There was probably a few
-
different things I could have done to convince you. But I am a teacher when I’m
-
not a Princess, and that moment provided me an opportunity to teach you
-
something.”
-
-
“To trust our son,” Lima said softly.
-
-
“To trust in your son, to have faith in him,” Celestia kindly added. “He’s a
-
wonderful young man, and there are many reasons why I have the feelings that I
-
do for him. But it’s hard to accept when your children’s plans differ from
-
yours. By letting you suffer through what you did, I believe you have learned to
-
not sell Anonymous short. He can do wonderful things for Equestria, but what is
-
far more important is that he has your full faith and support. As time goes on
-
and as he assumes more responsibilities, he will need all the support he can
-
get. If I had used my powers to prove who I was, you would not respect and trust
-
your son in the way that you do now.”
-
-
“But Garbanzo and I were so worried he’d reject us,” Lima replied. “We spent the
-
whole train ride here worrying about what he’d do, or what he might say.”
-
-
It seemed that panic was a family trait, but Celestia did not believe it was a
-
bad trait. “Then perhaps this was a test for Anon, too.” Celestia put on her
-
best wise look. “Could he offer forgiveness to you, despite your actions? There
-
was the risk he would reject you, as you say. He would be understandably
-
justified if he did. But now we all know a bit more about his true character,
-
and I believe that, in the end, we have all been elevated by this event.”
-
-
Lima nodded thoughtfully. “I think you’re right.”
-
-
“Besides, now that you’re here we can go over your new titles.”
-
-
This made all three of them stop in their tracks, and both father and son looked
-
over to Celestia.
-
-
“Titles?” Garbanzo asked.
-
-
“Of course! I do believe, by ancient custom, that the in-laws of the Prince and
-
Princess are to be a Duke and Duchess. Am I wrong, Sister?”
-
-
“I do believe you are right,” Luna replied with a small smile. “Though I believe
-
in these modern times the titles are more symbolic than anything else.”
-
-
“Alas, that they are,” Celestia confirmed. “You both will be a Duke and Duchess,
-
but there are no lands or tax revenues⁽*⁾ that come with it.” (*) There was a
-
ten bit per year⁽¹⁾ tax on royal titles to pay for the Department of Royal
-
Regalia, but it had slipped Celestia’s mind at the moment. (1) The tax was
-
waived for Princess Luna on her return, since the sum total of fees, penalties,
-
and back interest exceeded the yearly gross domestic product of Equestria by a
-
large sum.
-
-
“That’s for the best,” Garbanzo replied. “I’m happy with just running my
-
restaurant.”
-
-
“Anon, do you plan on taking your parents on that promised tour tomorrow?”
-
-
“Oh!” he exclaimed, and he looked to his parents with a broad smile. “Of course!
-
I’ll take all of you out, and show you everything. We’ll make a day of it.”
-
-
“Could we possibly see the sunflower patch where you ambushed the Princess?” Sip
-
asked.
-
-
“We’ll make that the first stop.” > 15. - Good Night >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
“That was an impressive thing you did today,” Celestia offered to Anon, and he
-
blushed slightly as they stopped outside his door.
-
-
“No, not really,” he replied. “It’s what I wanted to do. One of the greatest
-
lessons my Dad ever taught me was a little axiom: ‘how would you want to be
-
treated?’”
-
-
“That would more accurately be a proverb.” She giggled.
-
-
“I really need to have you give me some equish lessons,” he said with a groan
-
and a smile. “But the point of the saying is true. If I was in the wrong, I
-
would want to be forgiven. Besides, what good would it have done to stay mad at
-
them? Was it really worth it to reject them? How would I feel about myself in
-
the morning, or five days from now, or even five years from now? Grudges are
-
horrible things. I’d much rather have things the way they are now.”
-
-
Celestia then moved in close to his ear, and he shuddered in joy as her warm
-
breath tickled his ear. “All you say is true, and I am proud that you have
-
chosen this path. It helps me to love you all the more.”
-
-
She then gave him a soft peck on the cheek. She did not mean to giggle when she
-
pulled back and watched his reaction, but the way he blushed and stared at the
-
ground made little bubbles of joy filter up in her chest.
-
-
“Oh, well…gee…” he stammered in embarrassed happiness. “I, uh…”
-
-
“You know, my room does tend to get cold and lonely at night as of late,” she
-
lowered her voice to a husky whisper. “Has your room been having the same
-
issue?”
-
-
This made his whole face go red. He knew exactly where she was going with this.
-
-
“Perhaps?” he squeaked.
-
-
She then moved in close again. “When you’re ready, dear Anon. First and
-
foremost, I want you to be comfortable and happy with our relationship. Since we
-
are married, there really isn’t any reason why we can’t be together, but if you
-
are not comfortable with the idea just yet then I can wait until you are.”
-
-
“I, uh…” he stalled. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”
-
-
Celestia looked him over quickly, and then she gave him a curious look. “Really?
-
What is troubling you?”
-
-
“Oh, it’s not a physical thing, I hope. I just…” He grunted. “I don’t know why,
-
but it seems like taking that step would be taking advantage of you, somehow.”
-
-
Celestia smiled. “That’s because you’re still overcoming my Princess side.”
-
-
“Partly, but we’ve also only known each other for a week. I’m worried it’s too
-
much too fast, even if you are my wife.”
-
-
“And that is fine. That tells me that you have a great deal of respect for me,
-
and I am happy you do.”
-
-
“I do.” He nodded, and then he exhaled slowly. “I think the other small part is
-
that I worry you don’t see me as your husband yet. I know you’ve introduced me
-
as such, but I can’t help but think that you’re just saying that because we’re
-
married.”
-
-
“What do you think I think about you, then?”
-
-
“Mostly that I’m just some foal who needs self-worth lessons. I know it’s dumb,
-
but I worry that you look at me like I’m just a child who needs some mothering.
-
You’re not really romantically interested, you’re just thinking ‘what a cute
-
little boy, he needs my help.’”
-
-
“Have I given you a reason to think this? Something I have said, or that I have
-
done perhaps?”
-
-
“No, no. In fact, you made me really question it with that little hip-sway stunt
-
this morning.”
-
-
“You liked it,” she said with a giggle. “Don’t even deny it.”
-
-
“I did like it, so I know my line of thought is wrong.”
-
-
“Would you like to hear what I really think of you?” Celestia offered.
-
-
“Please?” he eagerly asked.
-
-
“I think you are a charming and delightful man who is thoughtful, kind, and
-
concerned about others. You show a great deal of empathy and concern, and you’re
-
cute when you scrunch up your face when you’re thinking, just like you’re doing
-
now.”
-
-
“I am?” he asked as he touched his nose.
-
-
“Yes. But I also realize you’re still adjusting to everything that has happened.
-
Let me offer you this, so that you may set your mind at ease.”
-
-
She moved in close to his ear again, and he found himself wanting her that
-
close.
-
-
“I love you, Anonymous.”
-
-
Anon just about melted into a puddle of pure joy right then.
-
-
“When we came back from Salt Lick, I had some personal thoughts about how things
-
had turned out and how we had ended up together. One of my musings was that,
-
perhaps, it was destiny that had denied me a mate over these many years. The
-
mystic chords that bind all of ponykind to one another and from past to present
-
have a way of shaping and directing events, and maybe I hadn’t found my special
-
somepony due to the simple fact that he—that you—weren’t due on the scene for a
-
thousand years.”
-
-
She then drew even closer and she smiled deeply as she heard his breath catch.
-
“I then thought that if that really was the case then the wait had made our
-
relationship even sweeter.”
-
-
She then whispered a secret into his ear, one that made him blush harder than he
-
ever had before. There were a few more whispered words, and then a quick nip of
-
his ear.
-
-
“I don’t think I’m going to be ready for that anytime soon,” he whispered with
-
some shame.
-
-
“That is perfectly fine, Anon. If I can wait one thousand two hundred
-
twenty-four years I think I can wait a little while longer. As I said, I will go
-
at your pace. But I don’t think of you as a foal, just as you don’t think of me
-
as an impossibly old mare. We see each other as we are, and as what I think we
-
were meant to be: husband and wife.”
-
-
Anon didn’t reply for a moment, but when he did, he looked very confused.
-
“You’re really that old? You don’t look a day over five hundred sixty-eight.”
-
-
“I use an anti-aging cream at night.”
-
-
“That’s some cream.” He chuckled with her.
-
-
“That it is. Goodnight, Anon.”
-
-
She then turned to leave, but she felt something quickly working its way up and
-
under her right wing. Anon’s adorable hunched over form soon poked out, and
-
Celestia smiled warmly while the rest of his charming face followed right
-
behind.
-
-
“So this doesn’t look like I am acting like a little child?” he asked gently.
-
-
“No,” she replied, with a quick kiss for his nose. “This looks perfect.”
-
-
“My room has been pretty cold and lonely lately, now that you mention it.
-
Perhaps I can stay with you tonight? Then maybe I won’t be cold anymore.”
-
-
“And neither will I,” she replied, as they began walking. “You are most welcome
-
to spend the night with me.”
-
-
“And the night after that?”
-
-
“And for many more.” She giggled, and she then shrieked out a laugh as Anon
-
nipped her wing joint.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“This is nice,” Anon remarked with a glance around her chambers while Celestia
-
shut her door.
-
-
“Oh, you approve?” she giggled.
-
-
“Oh, yeah. I like the curtains, and the fireplace, and...”
-
-
He stopped as he turned around and found Celestia in the middle of removing her
-
tiara and peytral. She glanced at him as her magic placed the gilded accessories
-
on a nearby velvet cushion, and she blushed a little.
-
-
“What is it?” she asked.
-
-
He shook his head slightly and blinked. “I’m sorry. I just… It’s interesting to
-
see you like this.”
-
-
“Is that a good interesting or a bad interesting?”
-
-
“Good. Definitely good,” he quickly said as she walked back over to him. “Seeing
-
you like this helps me see the non princess side of you. You’re still the same
-
mare, of course, but now you’re a bit more… well, more approachable, if that
-
makes sense. The tiara and everything puts you on a pedestal, but this is just
-
Celly right here.”
-
-
Anon felt Celestia’s magic gently lift his crystal off his neck, and they both
-
smiled as she gently placed it next to her tiara. He soon took off the rest of
-
his clothes so he was standing in front of her in his boxer shorts.
-
-
“Shining and Cadence agonized over that.” Celestia motioned for him to follow
-
her to a bed of cushions near the fireplace. “As soon as they got the word we
-
were married, they had it commissioned. They were concerned that you would not
-
like your gift since it had been rushed.”
-
-
“I’m really beginning to believe that princesses do their best work under
-
pressure.” Anon laughed. “You and your ironclad law, Cadence and that crystal.
-
It’s amazing, and probably one of the finest gifts I’ve ever received.”
-
-
“One of?”
-
-
“The gift of your love is better.”
-
-
That caused snowy-white cheeks to blush, and Celestia smiled deeply while she
-
laid down on the cushions. She then lifted her right wing for him, and he
-
happily moved under it with a contented hum.
-
-
“Do you use some kind of feather softener too?” he asked. “It feels so wonderful
-
under here.”
-
-
“No, no softener,” she replied warmly. “But they might have some of my spit on
-
them from when I preen and straighten them.”
-
-
“Ew!” He laughed with her. “I guess I’ll just have to live with it. Though that
-
does make me wonder…”
-
-
“What are you doing?” she asked as he rolled onto his back, but then she let out
-
a long sigh of enjoyment as Anon began to softly stroke the feathers on the
-
underside of her wing.
-
-
“Ah! So you do like this. One for the notebook.”
-
-
“Write that one down two or three times,” she said with a delighted hum. A
-
little more stretching left the full set of long primaries available to Anon’s
-
long, slow strokes, and he continued his gentle ministrations until Celestia
-
murmured, “That is incredibly... nice. So nice. Your hands really are
-
something.”
-
-
“I’m not rubbing them the wrong way, am I?”
-
-
There was no answer forthcoming, so after stroking her feathers for a little
-
while longer, Anon rolled back over and regarded Celestia... no, his happy wife
-
in the low glow of the bedroom lighting.
-
-
She wrinkles up her nose when she’s sleeping. That is so adorable.
-
-
He was afraid that laughing would wake her up, so he suppressed it to a quiet
-
giggle, snuggled into her side, stretched out his own legs next to hers, and
-
relaxed.
-
-
“Goodnight, my princess. I don’t know where this journey is going, but it’s
-
going to be a fun trip.”
-
-
Her wing drew in a bit closer around him, and he sighed happily while he joined
-
her in slumber. This is what he had expected married life to be like, and he was
-
pretty extra sure that, despite the unknowns that loomed before him like Luna’s
-
moon, he could get used to this life.
-
-
With a little help.
-
-
-
-
> 16. - Check This Out >
-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
Luna, Princess of the Moon and Stars, grumbled to herself as she forced her
-
hooves down the hallway and towards the kitchen.
-
-
Those Cutie Mark Crusaders were going to be the end of her, but she did have to
-
give them points for originality. Somehow, those adorably destructive fillies
-
had given all of Ponyville a nightmare about marshmallows stacked into a bipedal
-
form, dressed up in a sailor’s uniform, and throwing rubber tires at everypony.
-
-
The word vexing was being used quite a bit as her fatigued brain contemplated
-
this.
-
-
Luna decided that the how and why didn’t really matter. What did matter was a
-
quick bite to eat to calm her stomach, and then sleep. Dealing with the Tantabus
-
wouldn’t be nearly so vexing.
-
-
It was a strange word if one really thought about it.
-
-
The dining room doors were sticking again, so Luna opted for the direct approach
-
of simply forcing her way inside. She mustered enormous amounts of willpower to
-
bridge the vast gap between her and a basket of fruit, and without looking, she
-
selected one from the pile and bit into it.
-
-
Pineapple. A worthy fruit foe, but its reinforced hide was helpless before
-
Luna’s sheer jaw power and sparkling white enamel.
-
-
Plus it got the lingering taste of burnt marshmallow out of her mouth.
-
-
She then looked up, and she let out a startled gasp. “Anon? Are you all right?”
-
-
The new prince looked absolutely horrible. His skin was pale and his hair looked
-
like he had tried to eat a lightning bolt, but the most concerning thing was his
-
eyes. They were bloodshot, sunken, and hollow, focused in on nothing but an
-
invisible abyss of horror. He didn’t acknowledge her in any form, but Luna was
-
fairly certain about what had happened to Anon.
-
-
“Celestia snores?” she offered.
-
-
Anon slowly nodded. “Celestia snores.” He paused, and swallowed hard. “Loudly.”
-
-
“Ah, a dose of reality for the newlywed.” Luna chuckled. “You shall get used to
-
it over time, do not worry.”
-
-
“You do?” he asked, with a bit more desperation in his voice then he intended.
-
-
“Of course. It only took Star Struck about fifteen years to get used to my
-
snoring.” Luna considered her memories with a smile.
-
-
“Years?” he whimpered.
-
-
“Yes. Certes you can hold out that long, correct?”
-
-
“You snore too?”
-
-
Anonymous wasn’t quite all there this morning, it seemed. “All alicorns do, even
-
if they deny it. I think it has something to do with the wing/horn combination
-
personally.”
-
-
Anon nodded slowly. “All alicorns snore…”
-
-
“A little like a tuba and a bagpipe quartet,” admitted Luna.
-
-
“Anon?” Celestia called while she entered the room. “Are you in here?”
-
-
“Yes and no,” called out Luna in return. It was intriguing to see Celestia
-
wandering the castle hallways without her regalia on. Usually her silly sister
-
would sleep in it, though that always had seemed rather uncomfortable to the
-
Lunar Diarch.
-
-
“Are you alright, Anon?” Celestia followed up as she trotted over to where he
-
was.
-
-
“Yeah, I think I’m okay. I just didn’t sleep well.”
-
-
“Oh dear,” Celestia gasped a bit as she reached over and booped him. “Another
-
nightmare?”
-
-
“No, not that. You… well… you, um…”
-
-
She put a hoof to her mouth. “I was snoring, wasn’t I?”
-
-
“Loudly,” Luna added.
-
-
“Oh my. This hasn’t been a problem before. Lulu, wasn’t there a spell you used
-
to stop your snoring?”
-
-
“Yes, but I don’t recall how it went. I’m sure a little searching in the
-
Archives will turn it up.”
-
-
“Fifteen years?” Anon asked Luna with an annoyed glare.
-
-
Luna shrugged. “Years, minutes. It all blends together after long enough.”
-
-
“Your hair is a mess.” Celestia stated the obvious, and she moved to be directly
-
behind him. “Hold still.”
-
-
“What are you—” Anon started to ask, but then his eyes rolled back in his head
-
and he sighed in happiness as Celestia began nipping and tugging at his hair
-
with her teeth. Luna simply rolled her eyes at the display and took another
-
large bite out of her pineapple, relishing her victory over the rugged fruit.
-
-
“There!” Celestia announced after a minute or so. “Not the best, but it looks
-
better that what it did.”
-
-
Anon did look better, and his eyes were back to normal when he opened them and
-
turned to look at his wife.
-
-
“Thank you. That was just what I needed.”
-
-
She smiled and booped him again. “You’re welcome. I’ll make sure to find that
-
anti-snoring spell too.”
-
-
“I hope so.” He chuckled.
-
-
“Luna, would you care to have breakfast with us?”
-
-
“I will have to decline your fair offer today, Sister. I am in need of rest more
-
than breakfast at the moment.”
-
-
“Oh,” Celestia flatly replied. “Well, perhaps tomorrow.”
-
-
“Perhaps. Good day to you both.”
-
-
And with that, Luna departed with the remains of her pineapple.
-
-
-
~*~
-
-
-
“I did rather hope she would stay. I always enjoy having breakfast with her,”
-
Celestia remarked as she sat down next to Anon.
-
-
“Well, she did look pretty rough. There were probably a lot of nightmares last
-
night.”
-
-
“That could be, and if so I hope she gets the rest she deserves,” Celestia
-
replied thoughtfully. “In any case, the day is young and there is much to be
-
accomplished. Are you still planning on touring Canterlot with your family?”
-
-
“Yeah, so I should probably go talk to them and get that worked out.”
-
-
“I never did introduce you to your assigned guards, did I?”
-
-
“Not yet.”
-
-
“As soon as we finish breakfast we will do so. Sergeants Hokey Pokey and Clover
-
Leaf will be happy to serve and protect you.”
-
-
“I guess you won’t be able to go out with me and the family for the tour, huh?”
-
-
“I do wish I could, but I am still far behind in my work. Thankfully, I think
-
two days of focused effort should get things caught up. I also have my class to
-
teach today.”
-
-
“That’s right, I forgot about that. Do you have any Twilight level students
-
you’re working with?”
-
-
Celestia laughed. “No, but that actually makes life easier. Twilight was a joy
-
to teach but she was so brilliant and so advanced that I struggled to keep ahead
-
of her in certain areas of study. There are times I think she taught me just as
-
much as I taught her.”
-
-
“That makes sense.”
-
-
“Now then, I would like to have breakfast with your family and our niece and
-
nephew. Why don’t we go get cleaned up?”
-
-
Anon then ran his fingers through his hair a few times. “Okay, I’m good.”
-
-
“Oh, no, no. If you are going to be a proper Prince you must at at least use a
-
comb.” She contemplated Anon’s suddenly awake expression with the mischievous
-
sense of humor that he seemed to enjoy so much. “Perhaps even... the brush,” she
-
added in a low, husky voice.
-
-
“Not the brush!” exclaimed Anon before popping to his feet and making a run for
-
the hallway. “Nooo!” he called out as he ran. “Help! I’m too ruggedly handsome
-
to be brushed!”
-
-
Celestia laughed out loud while taking off after him. “Brushy, brushy!” she
-
called, laughing even harder as he ran through the hallways.
-
-
-
-
-
-
Anonymous smiled to himself while he finished chewing his bite of breakfast.
-
Chef Beet had provided a most pleasant breakfast of biscuits and rutabaga gravy
-
for him and his family, and the conversations that floated between his parents
-
and their employees centered mostly on how to replicate the dish. He had felt a
-
twinge of sadness when Celestia had excused herself to go attend to her duties
-
when breakfast ran longer than expected, but he also knew it could not be
-
helped.
-
-
Since his family had left home in a panic without even properly closing the
-
Zuerst, he understood why they needed to go back soon. That did not mean he
-
liked it, an opinion shared by Sip, Shake and Bake. Grumps was true to his
-
namesake and just grumbled about everything in general, but Anon knew the
-
grizzled old cook never liked being far from home, even if his employer’s son
-
was now his Prince.
-
-
Eventually, everypony settled on touring the palace and the grounds, heading to
-
the flower patch where Anon had met his wife, and then catching an afternoon
-
train home. Cadance and Shining agreed to go with the horde on the tour, and
-
Shining left slightly early to check on their security detail.
-
-
A few minutes later, Shining reappeared and waved Anon out into the hallway.
-
“Anon, this is Sergeant Hokey Pokey and Sergeant Clover Leaf.” He pointed to
-
each in turn, and they saluted as he did so. “These two will be with you anytime
-
you go outside the palace. They both have exceptional marks and several
-
commendations, and they’re honored to be your security.”
-
-
“Are you really?” he asked Hokey Pokey.
-
-
“Yes sir! No higher honor than to guard the prince who is having an existential
-
crisis, Sir.”
-
-
“Oh, so that was you in the hallway that day?”
-
-
“It was, sir.”
-
-
“And you, Clover Leaf?”
-
-
“Pleasure to be attached to you, sir,” came the surprisingly female voice.
-
-
“You’re a mare?”
-
-
“I am?” Clover turned to Hokey Pokey and gave him an accusatory look. “Why
-
didn’t you tell me, Hokey?”
-
-
“I wasn’t totally sure myself,” he replied. “I’ve lost track of how many
-
stallions you’ve drunk under the table.”
-
-
“The Royal Guard is about even in the male to female ratio.” Shining explained
-
while Clover preened with pride. “Would you like to know how to tell the
-
difference?”
-
-
“That would be nice.”
-
-
“It’s all in the ears,” Shining said conspiratorially. “Male ears are slightly
-
more pointed than females.”
-
-
“They are?” he asked, as he looked closely at Hokey’s ears. “I don’t see it.”
-
-
“Right at the tips, Sir,” Pokey offered, turning one ear in his direction.
-
-
“What, right there? I don’t see it. You’re not messing with me, right?”
-
-
“Shiny is being serious,” Cadence answered as she and everypony else came out
-
into the hallway. “You’ll get it, don’t worry.”
-
-
“You’ll forgive me if I get you two mixed up?” Anon asked the guards.
-
-
“Not a problem at all, sir,” Clover replied with a quick laugh. “We get it all
-
the time.”
-
-
“Well, shall we?” Cadence asked, as she gestured with a hoof down a hallway.
-
-
-
-
-
-
“…and this is it: The Sunflower Patch of Destiny.”
-
-
There was a bit of silence for a moment as everypony contemplated the fateful
-
spot, but then Sip piped up with a question. “Dude, did you really not see the
-
sign and the fence?”
-
-
“Those weren’t there when I was here.” Anon looked at the new ‘Please Stay On
-
The Path’ signs and short iron fences. “I wouldn’t have shoved myself in there
-
otherwise.”
-
-
“Well, I can see how the Princess didn’t see you,” Garbanzo stated as he took a
-
step closer to the patch. “These are pretty thick. You were just standing next
-
to them, you say?”
-
-
“Not exactly. I was standing all the way in them with my nose up to try and
-
catch a muse.” Anon let out a snort of amusement. “I guess I did. If I hadn’t
-
been doing that, Celestia would have missed.”
-
-
“She could have missed anyway, or bumped into your butt,” Sip pointed out. “Just
-
a few inches in any direction and she wouldn’t have got you. That was quite the
-
lucky shot, Anonmister.”
-
-
“I didn’t think of that.” Anon rubbed his own nose. “That’s kinda funny.”
-
-
“It’s all history now, right?” Garbanzo added. “Nothing else to do but move
-
forward.”
-
-
“Very true.”
-
-
“Anon, dear, could you show us the statues?” Lima asked. “I’ve heard quite a bit
-
about one birdbath from Needle Point, and I would like to see what all the fuss
-
is about.”
-
-
“Yeah, they’re just over there if I remember right.” Anon motioned down a
-
pathway. “Shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
-
-
The entourage began moving again except for Garbanzo. He remained stationary,
-
peering into the sunflowers as if he was expecting something to jump out of
-
them. Anon noticed he hadn’t moved after taking a few steps, and he moved back
-
as Cadance led the group onward and began talking about the birdbath in
-
question.
-
-
“Dad? You ok?”
-
-
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” His father lifted his head up and took a long, deep
-
breath of the garden’s fresh air. “Just lost in thought, Nonny.”
-
-
“Wanna talk about it?”
-
-
“I don’t know where to begin.” Garbanzo sighed. “I’m just trying to get my head
-
around all of this. My son leaves home, comes to Canterlot, and ends up marrying
-
a princess. It’s the plot to the world’s dumbest story, and yet it’s real. Oh,
-
no offense.”
-
-
“None taken. It is a pretty wild tale.”
-
-
“I just…” he stalled. “I guess I was wrong about things, and it’s hard to
-
swallow.”
-
-
“Wrong?”
-
-
“I thought for sure this writing thing was just a phase, a moment of
-
questioning. Even when you were teeny-tiny, I was sure you were going to be a
-
chef, just like all of us have been. I had grand plans for you, grand plans. You
-
were going to take the Zuerst farther than I could even dream of with your
-
skills. I agonized over the lessons we gave you when you were a child, debated
-
and triple-guessed myself. Would this really be useful for my Nonny to learn?
-
Would it make him the most respected name in cooking that ever was? Could he…”
-
-
There was a long and thoughtful pause.
-
-
“Would he carry on the family dream for me?” Garbanzo said softly. “It hurts to
-
think that all that time, all that effort, and I was pushing you in the wrong
-
direction. I was so sure of your destiny that I totally missed it. It sounds
-
selfish, but now all my dreams have been defeated too. I wanted… bah. Me. I.
-
Mine. That’s where I went wrong. Me, me, me. I didn’t pay attention to you. I
-
was so set on having you share the dream that I squashed yours. You gave me the
-
warning signs, you tried to tell me. I should have realized it was the end when
-
you went running with those tofu blocks in your ears. No, I had to keep pushing,
-
keep forcing. So long as I was getting what I wanted, who cared what else
-
happened? My Nonny would come around, I just had to be right. There was no way I
-
could be wrong. I was so in denial that I even refused to believe a Princess was
-
in front of me. It was all just an act. He’d come around.”
-
-
Anon put an arm over his father’s withers, kneeled beside him and stared into
-
the flower patch with him. “Look, I don’t know what to say about your dreams. In
-
all those years, the one thing that hurt the most was that I was letting you
-
down. I really did want to be that great chef you had envisioned. I actually
-
kinda hoped that once I got established as a writer that I could write a
-
cookbook and put all the family recipes in it, share it with the world.
-
-
“But I know one thing, Dad, above all else: you did good with me. Maybe some of
-
your efforts were misguided, but overall you were – and still are – a fantastic
-
father. You taught me things that have been more help than I probably even
-
realized, and all that training didn’t go to waste. I’ve already used some of
-
your wisdom and your lessons, and I’m sure I’ll be using a lot more as time goes
-
on. The only way I’ll be able to hack it as a prince is because you taught me
-
foundational skills to use. Maybe I won’t be a world-renowned chef, but I know
-
that when people look back at the odd reign of Prince Anonymous they’ll see a
-
strong family behind him, a father and a mother who really did care and look
-
after him.”
-
-
Garbanzo turned a little and gave his son a soft smile. “Thanks, son.”
-
-
“Dreams don’t always need to die, Dad. Sometimes they just need a little
-
adjustment.”
-
-
“Heh.” Garbanzo chuckled. “I guess so. You’re going to be a household name one
-
way or another.”
-
-
“Don’t remind me,” Anon said while suppressing a snort of laughter.
-
-
“We should catch up before your mother starts to worry.”
-
-
“She already is, I bet.”
-
-
They both chuckled at this. “Yeah. You do realize she’s going to keep pestering
-
you for grandfoals until you actually provide one, right?”
-
-
“I said don’t remind me.” Anon laughed. “One bridge at a time.”
-
-
-
-
-
-
Celestia paused for a quick moment to ensure she had written everything she
-
needed to on the classroom chalkboard, and then she turned back to her students.
-
“All right, everypony! I trust you all have your petri dishes ready?”
-
-
“Yes, Princess,” Celestia’s class droned.
-
-
“Good. Now, I want you all to take a cotton swab, and…”
-
-
“Princess?” a little filly interrupted.
-
-
“Yes, Wintergreen?”
-
-
“You look different today.”
-
-
“I do?” Celestia asked, and she glanced back at her tail while surreptitiously
-
checking her teeth for leftovers from breakfast with her tongue. “I don’t recall
-
changing anything in my appearance.”
-
-
“Yeah. You look like you’re brighter.”
-
-
“Brighter?” she giggled. “You know I don’t produce light, right?”
-
-
“I know, but you do. You look brighter, and happier too. Your smile looks nicer
-
than it usually does.”
-
-
A colt in the back then piped up. “That’s because Princess Celestia has a
-
special somepony, An’ they got married and everything!”
-
-
“That is true, but I think you could have found a better way to make that
-
statement, Granite.”
-
-
There was a sudden explosion of questions from the young and eager learners, but
-
Celestia had no chance at hearing them all. She did manage to hear “I heard
-
you’ve been kissing in the hallways,” “I heard Prince Anon stole your tiara and
-
you had to chase him down and get it back,” and “Did you really plant him in the
-
ground and then harvest him?”
-
-
“My dear little ponies!” Celestia laughed. “Where in Equestria did you come up
-
with these questions?”
-
-
“Did you really get married, Princess?”
-
-
“Yes, Wintergreen. I did,” she replied with a warm smile. “I wrote a law many,
-
many years ago that made me get married, but it took a long time for me to find
-
the one who I was meant for.”
-
-
“Do you love Prince Anon?” Granite asked. “My Mom said you just married him
-
‘cause you had to, and that you’re gonna kick him outta the palace once you
-
figure out how to get rid of him.”
-
-
“Granite, you may tell your mother that your teacher, Princess Celestia,
-
unequivocally loves Prince Anon. To the best of my knowledge, he is not going
-
anywhere. He plans on staying, and I plan on keeping him.”
-
-
“Does he love you?” Granite replied.
-
-
“He does, but he’s a bit shy about it,” she replied. “Sometimes a special
-
somepony needs a little extra time and that’s okay. He isn’t used to Canterlot,
-
or being a royal. He’s also still getting used to me.”
-
-
“Getting used to you?” another filly asked.
-
-
“Yes, Marble. He doesn’t know me as well as you all do. He still has a lot to
-
learn, and I have a lot to learn about him.” Celestia then had a delightful
-
thought enter her head, and she gave her students a sly smile. “What if I make
-
you this offer: if you all do well on this week’s test I will have him come
-
visit. Then, you can ask him all the questions you want. Does that sound fair?”
-
-
“Yeah!” the class erupted.
-
-
“Good! Now, before our bacteria goes bad, let’s get back to the lesson. Everyone
-
get a cotton swab…”
-
-
-
-
-
-
Anon took a moment to glance at the train that was waiting on track twenty-nine,
-
and he sighed while turning back to his family and friends. “Well, this is it, I
-
suppose.”
-
-
“Thanks for the tour, Anonmister. We’ll do this again sometime,” Sip offered,
-
and they fist-to-hoofbumped quickly. “Don’t be a stranger, eh?”
-
-
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
-
-
Sip smiled and then stepped aside for Grumps.
-
-
“I’m telling ya, that Princess of yours is practicing some strange voodoo. You
-
keep an eye on her for me, all right?”
-
-
“I can do that, Grumps. You take care of yourself. Don’t get too happy, you have
-
a reputation to uphold.”
-
-
“Don’t worry about that, Prince,” he retorted, but with a small smile. Shake and
-
Bake were next, and the twins looked rather sad.
-
-
“Think you can get us her autograph?” Shake asked.
-
-
“I think I can, yeah.”
-
-
“Yours too?” Bake asked.
-
-
“Well, if you think it’s worth something.”
-
-
“It will be. You take care of yourself, all right?”
-
-
“I will. You keep your brother in line in exchange.”
-
-
“No promises there.”
-
-
All three laughed, and then they moved aside to let Garbanzo and Lima have their
-
moment.
-
-
“I wish you could come with us.” Lima sadly remarked. “But I understand why you
-
can’t. You’ll brush your teeth, right?”
-
-
“I don’t think Celly will let me forget.”
-
-
“And I still want grandfoals. Don’t wait too long on that.”
-
-
“I’ll see what I can do.”
-
-
“You should make her some of your grandma’s fudge. I bet she’d really like that.
-
Or maybe that sponge cake, or a nice rhubarb pie, or…”
-
-
“Mom, you’re rambling.”
-
-
“I know.” He leaned down and she put a tender hoof on his cheek and sighed. “My
-
little Anon grew up too fast, and then he went and turned into a prince. Oh, I’m
-
gonna miss you honey.”
-
-
“Hey, you’re welcome to visit anytime, and Celly and I will drop in on occasion
-
I’m sure. This isn’t the end, it’s just a change.”
-
-
“And it’s for the best.” She replied as they hugged. “Just be safe, ok? I don’t
-
want you getting hurt by some villain like Discord.”
-
-
“Funny you should mention him. Do you remember when the ceiling laughed and made
-
a joke about one big Anon pun?”
-
-
“That was him?” she asked, and Anon nodded. “Well, you tell him to behave or
-
he’ll have to deal with me.”
-
-
“I will. Between you and Fluttershy he’ll be too scared to misbehave.”
-
-
“Good. Write often, will you? I want to hear all about what you’re doing.”
-
-
“I will.”
-
-
Lima then fought back tears as she let Garbanzo in. The father and son hugged
-
quickly, and then Garbanzo sighed. “I always thought I’d have to tell you to
-
treat your special somepony like a princess, but I guess that’s a bit moot.”
-
-
“It’s still good advice.”
-
-
“It almost is. For you, I think it’s more appropriate to say make sure you treat
-
her like she’s your wife.”
-
-
“How could I not?”
-
-
“Because she’s the Princess. Celestia doesn’t need another worshipper; she’s got
-
a whole country of those. What she needs is a companion, a helper. She needs
-
someone to be her friend. She probably hasn’t had many of those. Treat her as an
-
equal, and you’ll be all right.”
-
-
Anon nodded thoughtfully. “Thanks. I’ll try to.”
-
-
Garbanzo then leaned in a bit. “Also try rubbing between her wings. Pegasi love
-
that.”
-
-
“Ok?”
-
-
“And if you’re really trying to turn her on, just—”
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-
“Gah! Dad!” Anon shouted.
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“What? I want grandfoals too!”
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“I am not hearing this! I’m not!” Anon covered his ears with his hands for a
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moment, but then he laughed with the group.
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Garbanzo then nodded firmly. “You’ll do good. You’re a good man Anon.”
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Sergeant Clover Leaf then cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sirs, but we need to
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have you leave now in order to catch your train.”
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“I hate goodbye.” Garbanzo and Lima hugged Anon together. “So we’ll see you
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around instead, all right?”
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“We will. Have a safe trip, Duke and Duchess.”
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“Duchess.” Lima repeated, as they broke apart. “Sounds like something that would
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have cream of mushroom in it.”
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They all chuckled at this, and then a final round of goodbyes were shared by
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everyone. Anon then solemnly watched as Sgt. Leaf escorted his friends and
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family away, but he made sure to wave as they left.
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He then let out his breath slowly. It was only one in the afternoon, so Celestia
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would still be busy doing whatever it was that she was doing. Shining and
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Cadence had left the group a short while ago to meet with a trade minister, so
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he was on his own until dinner.
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He played with the crystal around his neck for a moment while he thought about
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what to do. He probably wasn’t needed anywhere, so he could probably go do more
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research for his story. He did have to admit he was eager to get some of his
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ideas down and then see what Celly thought of them.
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He hoped she would like it.
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And with that resolute thought, he started off for the Archives.
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“He’s just over there, your Highness.”
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“Thank you.”
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Celestia stealthily crept up on Anon. He was totally engrossed in writing, and
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he had several books scattered around him on the table. Though she was curious
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as to what he was doing, she was going to have a little fun first.
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Her approach went unnoticed, and she smiled as she softly blew on his right ear.
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But he didn’t react.
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She blew on his left ear next, and for a bit longer. This time he reached up and
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scratched but still he kept writing.
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She then nipped his ear. He gasped slightly, but then he smiled broadly when he
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turned and found her there.
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“Am I ever glad that you’re the one that did that,” he remarked. “I was going to
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have a panic attack for a moment there.”
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“I suppose that’s a good thing. Did your parents leave already?”
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“Yeah, they needed to get back to check on the restaurant. They left just after
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lunch.”
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“Oh.” She pouted. “I was hoping to say goodbye as well. I guess we’ll just have
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to go visit them again sometime soon.”
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“I’m sure they’d love that.”
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“What is all this?”
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“Research. I’m trying to get my story started.”
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“Really?” She asked with some excitement, and he nodded. “Do you have enough to
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share yet? I would like to see what you’ve got.”
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“I don’t really have a plot yet. Most of this is the facts and details of the
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world, and the general outline. You are welcome to read what I’ve got so far,
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though.”
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Celestia quickly and eagerly moved to the other side of the library table and
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smiled deeply as Anon handed her his notebook. It appeared he had started a new
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one, and he already had a dozen or so pages filled in.
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“Let me see. No title yet, but that’s fine. I honestly think a title should
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wait until you’ve finished the story. Ah. ‘Premise: A unicorn with extraordinary
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power manages to open a hole in the universe during a science experiment and
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through it he discovers a new world. Once there, he finds a strange group of
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bipedal creatures who have something like claws instead of forehooves and
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flattened faces, kinda like a monkey’s.’ I’m going to deduct five points for
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using ‘kinda’. And I can already guess what events inspired you.”
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“It’s a rough draft.” He defended.
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“Mm. ‘The Unicorn (Calm Breeze) finds himself inexplicably attracted to the
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females of this world, especially the ones who are virtuous and honest,
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forthright and pure. Using his magic, he makes it his mission to help these
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creatures resolve various dilemmas and difficulties. It ain’t gonna be’…ah! You
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little sneak!”
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Anon tried to keep his chortling in but he failed miserably at it. Celestia
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tried to give him a sour look but it was obvious she was amused with the joke
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too.
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“I’m sorry, I just had to!” he managed to say after a moment. “The opportunity
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was there, I had to take it!”
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“Oh really,” she flatly replied. “Minus a million points for that one. I should
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have seen that coming.”
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“I’ll take that part out. But what do you think?”
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“It’s an interesting concept. Would Calm Breeze be able to enter and leave this
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world at will?”
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“I’m thinking that somehow the magic portal opens when he’s needed there.”
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“And he remains a unicorn while there? His form doesn’t change to match the
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creatures around him?”
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“No, he stays the same. I think that will be one of the challenges he faces:
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he’s so different from anything they have on that world that the antagonists
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want to capture him. He wants to help but he has to stay safe.”
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“Does the portal just open in mid-air, or is it tied to something like a doorway
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or…” she hesitated only slightly, “…or a mirror?”
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“A mirror? Huh. I think it just appears. Seems a bit cumbersome to have to go
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through a mirror every time.”
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“Interesting. Why don’t we get something to eat and then we’ll keep going over
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this?”
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“That sounds good,” he replied, and they both stood.
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“…but watch your tense. If you start out in past tense you need to keep it that
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way. You flipped it to present tense right here.”
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“Oh, okay.”
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He erased the offending words, then tried again through a yawn. Celestia watched
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him working under her wing, and she smiled. He had attacked this project with
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enthusiasm, and had drafted out most of the first chapter already. It was
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certainly an ambitious story, but he had the momentum to complete it, provided
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he received support and encouragement.
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She was more than happy to provide both, but then she frowned. He had stopped
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writing and was chewing on his pencil, and that made the hairs of her neck stand
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on end. “Stop that.”
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“Huh? Stop what?”
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“You are chewing on your pencil.”
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“I am?” he asked, as he chewed on it in thought.
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“Yes! You’re doing it right now! Look at this poor thing!” Her magic quickly
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snagged the helpless instrument of writing away and she held it in front of
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Anon.
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“Oh. I didn’t even realize it.”
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“It’s a very bad habit. I don’t tolerate it with my students and I certainly
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won’t let you do it.”
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“What’s so bad about it?”
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“The wood can splinter and injure your mouth for one thing. The graphite isn’t
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healthy for you for a second thing.”
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“Just those two things?”
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“It’s gross,” she finished, with her nose in the air slightly.
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“Ha!” Anon touched the wing draped over his shoulder. “I seem to remember
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somepony telling me how she spits all over her feathers.”
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“That’s different!” protested Celestia. “I don’t chew on them.”
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He smiled from his comfortable spot beneath her warm wings. “Right,” he said
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with a yawn. “Totally different.”
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“It is.” She looked at his mangled pencil while continuing, “I preen to keep my
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feathers neat, presentable and air worthy. I don’t just idly chew on them when
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I’m thinking. Chewing on a pencil serves no purpose. You don’t write any better,
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it’s bad for your teeth and gums, and don’t even get me started on how bad the
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dyes in the outer shell are for you. If you must chew on something when you
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think you should use a piece of gum. That way you can fight cavities and have
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fresh breath. Does that make sense?”
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Having made her point with the most perfect of arguments, Celestia looked down
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at Anon.
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He was sleeping beneath her ‘spit-covered’ wings. She could not even be
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irritated because of how happy he looked, and how that same look lit a fire of
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joy in her chest.
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“This isn’t over,” she threatened, as her magic levitated the pencil and
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notebook to be tucked away for later, although after a moment’s thought, she put
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the splintered pencil in the trash and conjured him a new one. “I’ll be waiting
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for you.” She kissed him on the nose. “You sneak.”
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Celestia then casually snagged the dragonfire scroll that popped in out of
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nowhere and opened it. Though it was a bit strange for Twilight to take so long
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to reply to one of her letters, Celestia was reasonably sure that her protege
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had been engaged in other endeavors and had simply forgotten to write.
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Dear Princess Celestia,
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It’s me, Spike. Twilight has been busy helping everypony in town get ready for
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Prince Anon’s visit tomorrow, so she totally forgot to reply to your letter.
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Celestia smirked as she envisioned Spike secretly writing that admittance, even
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though Twilight had probably asked him not to.
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She says tomorrow is fine and that he may come whenever he’s ready, but she also
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‘respectfully’ asks that you give her an arrival time. From what I’ve heard
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around town and from what I’ve seen, Prince Anon should feel very welcome when
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he gets here.
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Anyway, have a good night and we’ll see you tomorrow!
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Celestia felt a glow of joy fill her entire chest with this news. A trip to
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Ponyville would be a wonderful and early self-esteem boost for her Anon, and if
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something horrible should happen to her, he would know who to call on for help.
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And if Pinkie Pie’s last ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party was any indication,
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Anon had a riotously fun event ahead of him.
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She then simply placed the scroll on the table and yawned. She could understand
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why Anon had fallen asleep, because it had been a long day for her too. Just as
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she began to settle in next to her beloved Anon, though, she remembered
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something rather important. Her horn flared and produced a golden orb in front
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of her that was about the size of a golf ball, and with no joy whatsoever, she
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then ate said ball. A disgusted face from the bitter taste of it immediately
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followed, and she quickly levitated a nearby glass of water to herself.
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“The things I do for love,” she muttered after draining the glass. “Though I
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suppose one little anti-snoring spell isn’t too much to ask. We should both
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sleep well tonight.”
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She then sighed happily as she laid her head down next to Anon. He grunted a bit
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and shuffled a little, but then he gave a matching sigh of contentment as well.
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“Goodnight, my Anon,” she whispered. “Sleep well.”
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And with that final happy thought, the Prince and Princess drifted into deep and
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snore-free slumber together.
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by Black516
by Black516
by Black516