Colgate, the guide to Equestria


                                            >The blizzard you had found yourself trapped in was intensifying, and you were unsure of your current location amidst the unrelenting cascade of snow and ice.

                                            >You had only intended to travel a short distance from your cabin you had rented out on vacation, but after wandering for hours, you found yourself in unfamiliar terrain, all on your own.

                                            >It might not have been the wisest choice, but you were in a daze most days, unsure if you really had anything to care about anymore.

                                            >You didn't really want to die, but you weren't certain if you were that concerned with living as well.

                                            >Most days felt empty and meaningless, and though there were still bright aspects, it was hard to remember them.

                                            >You had been trudging for a while, but eventually a grim realization came to you upon considering your current situation.

                                            >You weren't going to survive.

                                            >Resigned to your fate, you collapse, feeling a sudden sense of euphoria in knowing that soon your suffering would come to an end.

                                            >Elation sets in at awaiting death's embrace, and a comforting drowsiness takes hold as you close your eyes one last time...

                                            >"Hey! Hello there!"

                                            >Or you would have, if a sudden voice coming from out of nowhere hadn't startled you awake.

                                            >"Hey! HEY!"

                                            >You can barely keep your eyes open, but the voice is unmistakably clear despite the howling winds.

                                            >"HEY! Anypony in there?! Yooooohoooooo!"

                                            >Managing just enough strength, you turn your head up towards the voice, and are greeted by a most unexpected presence.

                                            >"You're up! Phew, glad I got here in time! A few minutes later and your eternal soul might have gotten lost forever!"

                                            >The harsh flurry of snow gradually eased, and revealed a pony standing before you.

                                            >You've seen her before, a fair blue mare with a familiar stare that nulled all despair.

                                            >...You had the feeling delirium was quickly settling in.

                                            >"Let me introduce myself, I'm Colgate, chief representative of the Equestrian-Earth Relations and Transportation committee!"

                                            >It's quite the title.

                                            >"Oh, and I'm a dentist too!"

                                            >If you were going to die a madman, might as well be polite to the figment of your imagination.

                                            "I... I'm Anon."

                                            >"Good to meetcha, and let's just say, today is definitely your lucky day!"

                                            "Dying on my lucky day, how wonderful..."

                                            >"Aww don't worry, it's not so bad! Now that you're done here, I can make sure you get to Equestria safely!"

                                            >Now you knew you were going insane.

                                            >You had always dreamed of going to Equestria one day, but to take it seriously seemed laughable.

                                            >It seems your mind wants to humor you one final time.

                                            "So... you're the one in charge of taking people to Equestria?"

                                            >You didn't really care who was taking you to your "paradise," but it was a little odd that this bubbly, perky mare was basically the grim reaper.

                                            >"Well actually, it's a funny story! Normally Princess Celestia, you probably know her, she's a really swell pony, would be the one to guide spirits to Equestria, but she had an emergency to take care of, and I was doing her dental exam when it came up, and well, one thing led to another and-"

                                            >She puts a hoof to her mouth.

                                            >"Aww geez, it's pretty inconsiderate of me to have you hear me rambling while you're freezing your flank off, isn't it?"

                                            >She giggles a bit before reaching out a hoof to help you up.

                                            >Without thinking, you reach out to her, and are shocked beyond words that you can actually feel her hoof.

                                            >On your feet, you tower over her, and she gives a warm smile at seeing your recovered state.

                                            >"Don't worry, I'll get us out of here quick as a fiddle."

                                            >She begins channeling magic, coalescing magical essence into a spiral shape, and distorting the boundary of the corporeal world.

                                            >The magic gradually takes a solid shape, and before your eyes forms the egress to your salvation, a portal.

                                            >You're left in awe at the sight.

                                            >It looks far too real to simply be another mind trick.

                                            >"Let's get going, huh? You've gone through enough here on your own, and I think Equestria's really gonna like having you around."

                                            >Understandably speechless, you can only nod as she holds your hand and guides you to the now fully formed portal, a bright violet color that heavily contrasts with the dark, frozen abyss all around you.

                                            >"Hold on tight, okay?"

                                            >She seems to sense your apprehension, and tightens her grip.

                                            >That felt real as well, undoubtedly so.

                                            >You were afraid to believe this was really happening, and wasn't a delusion of any sort.

                                            >"Don't be afraid, okay? I'm going to see you through this the whole way, I'll be right by your side."

                                            >She takes a step forward, and you follow suit, never once averting your gaze forward.

                                            >Together, you slowly approach the portal, closing your eyes as you enter at last, feeling all the tension you had built up begin to escape.

                                            >You don't look back once throughout the ordeal.

                                            >Once you and Colgate are fully through, the portal closes, leaving no trace of any kind that it was ever here.

                                            >The winds return, and the snow quickly erases your tracks, and your last proof of existence with it.


                                            >Upon opening your eyes, you find yourself in a world you weren't expecting to see.

                                            >The sky was a color reminiscent of the portal you had just gone through, and the terrain was a dull gray and covered in craters.

                                            >The 'portal energy,' for lack of a better term, was swirling everywhere you looked, with large chunks of rock floating through the air.

                                            >"Surprising, huh? I felt that way too when I passed here the first time."

                                            >You turn to see Colgate standing behind you, chipper as ever.

                                            >"I thought it would be a direct gate, y'know, just hop in and bam, you're on the other side, but nope, turns out there's this huuuge interdimensional world you gotta go through first."

                                            >You don't really know how to respond, so you scratch your head a bit.

                                            >Colgate doesn't mind, bobbing her head to a cheery song she was humming.

                                            >"So how 'bout we get going, I bet you're dying to see Equestria, aren't ya?"

                                            >She pauses for a moment, then laughs.

                                            >"Okay, I really didn't mean to say it that way, my bad!"

                                            >For the first time since meeting her, you give a soft smile.

                                            >"Now that's a winning smile if I've ever seen one, it suits you!"

                                            "Thanks."

                                            >"But seriously, let's get a move on! We've got a looooooooong way to go."

                                            >She points toward a far off trail leading to a steep hill, any possible continuation far out of sight.

                                            "We have to walk all that?"

                                            >"It's no big deal, we've got all the time we need in here, this place is a fantastical realm free of the limitations of time and space!"

                                            >"Or something like that, the princesses didn't have much time to explain everything, but I remember the part about this place being weird pretty well."

                                            "Gotcha, that's good to know."

                                            >"That gives us lots of time to get to know each other, I've got loads of questions I wanna ask you!"

                                            "But shouldn't you already know a lot about me? Someone had to judge me of being worthy or whatever of going to Equestria, right?

                                            >She gives a nervous chuckle and blushes a bit.

                                            >"I was, uh, supposed to read up on your life history before meeting you, see each person has a little book detailing what they did in life, what they're like, and a whole bunch of fun stuff like that."

                                            "I'm guessing you didn't have much time to read up before you got assigned to me, huh?"

                                            >"Yeah, but I think this is better though, I get to know you through firsthand experience rather than just reading about you."

                                            "That's a good way of looking at it."

                                            >"It's funny, I didn't know about any of this just a few weeks ago, and now I'm in charge of guiding souls over to Equestria!"

                                            >"Life sure is full of surprises, huh? Oh wait, is this still 'life' for you? Hm, what IS life anyways?"

                                            >She sits down and ponders the mystery of her previous statement.

                                            >You aren't sure whether to interrupt her thought process or not, so you sit alongside her.


                                            >The bizarre landscape was eye-catching enough to stare at for a while, and as she said, you had all the time you needed in here.

                                            >You've accepted that this was no longer a simple dream, that this was all really happening.

                                            >You had been saved from purgatory or who knows what by the pony grim reaper, who was Colgate of all ponies.

                                            >She would be taking you to Equestria, a land you had always wanted to go to, a land full of adorable and friendly ponies just like her.

                                            >It was all still rather overwhelming, you needed a moment to register everything that had transpired.

                                            >You close your eyes for a bit, gradually letting exhaustion overtake you...


                                            >After who knows how long, you awaken from your impromptu nap.

                                            >Checking your surroundings, you see things haven't changed, the area was as crazy looking as before.

                                            >"Oh hey, good... uh... actually I'm not sure what time of day it is in here, but glad you're awake!"

                                            >You turn to face her, and freeze up upon noticing the menacing scythe at her side.

                                            >She looks confused at your shocked state, until you manage to point at her sudden new accessory.

                                            >"Oh, this thing? I accidently left it behind before I entered the portal to Earth, luckily I found it while you were napping."

                                            >"I know, it's weird lugging around a random farming tool, but it was an order."

                                            >She probably wasn't aware of the connotations of wielding a scythe.

                                            >Combined with her pitch-black cloak, she really did look like the messenger of death.

                                            >"It's imbued with magic to help guide us to Equestria, since this place is pretty big and all it's easy to get lost in here."

                                            >"Princess Celestia wasn't a fan of this getup either, but she heard it was a familiar look for humans when they think of death."

                                            "Familiar, yeah, but not exactly comforting."

                                            >No matter how adorable she herself was, her outfit's intimidating look couldn't help but unnerve you.

                                            >"Ohhh, I see, maybe this'll help."

                                            >From her cloak, she pulls out the most unique pair of glasses you've ever laid your eyes on.

                                            >"It's not part of the uniform, but I always carry them around with me."

                                            >She puts them on, and the contrast of her foreboding grim reaper appearance with the sunny tropical themed eyewear was quite a sight.

                                            "Wow, those are, uh..."

                                            >"Spiffy, aren't they? I know they clash with the outfit but I think they add a much needed touch of color, don't you?"

                                            "Yeah, they sure do."

                                            >As goofy as they looked, there was a certain charm to them.

                                            >They also distracted you away from the giant scythe, so bonus points there.

                                            >"So, all rested up and raring to go?"

                                            "Yep, I'm good to go."

                                            >"Then let's get a move on, Equestria awaits!"


                                            >The two of you proceed onward, following the only path leading anywhere.

                                            >The floating rocks from earlier had gone elsewhere, leaving nothing but the uncomfortable miasma.

                                            >She hums the song from earlier the whole way, filling the void with some much-needed ambiance.

                                            >Upon reaching the top of the hill, you see multiple paths branching out heading in several directions.

                                            >A few go left, some go right, and one plummets straight down.

                                            >You sincerely hope the correct path isn't the last one.

                                            >"Whoa, the paths are different from last time, this place really does change."

                                            >Levitating the scythe in front of her, it suddenly glows a bright bluish color, and the blade points straight ahead, toward no path in sight.

                                            "I think your scythe might have something wrong with it, there's no path there."

                                            >"I know it looks that way, but check this out!"

                                            >She leaps from the hill toward empty space, your heart dropping at her mad attempt.

                                            >However, she lands perfectly fine, on some sort of invisible surface.

                                            >She turns toward you and gives a sly wink.

                                            >"Pretty cool, huh?"

                                            "I was thinking trippy, are invisible paths something that normally happen here?"

                                            >"Oh this is nothing, things don't just get weird in here, they get WEIRD."

                                            "I'll keep that in mind."

                                            >"Whenever you're ready, make the leap!"

                                            >After a moment to collect yourself, you jump on the invisible path.

                                            >"Nice job, let's hope our journey won't get much crazier than that."

                                            >Suddenly, you hear a loud boom coming from where you and Colgate first landed.

                                            >The land had begun to shake, and began to crumble.

                                            >Soon, large pieces began separating, and fell into the abyss below.

                                            >The nearby paths you didn't take followed suit, and disappeared as well.

                                            >There was no longer any visible land anywhere, leaving the two of you appearing to float in space.

                                            "Guess we can't head back to where we came from."

                                            >"I guess so!"

                                            >The invisible surface you were on began to shift, and you found yourselves slowly moving away toward the sky.

                                            >"Looks like we found a moving platform, guess we won't have to walk for a while."

                                            >You wonder how she's able to keep calm despite the insanity going on.

                                            >She said things could get weird, but you were scared to discover how weird they could be if this didn't get much of a reaction from her.

                                            >"You're doing really well for your first time here."

                                            "You think? I'm just trying to hang in there as best I can."

                                            >"For sure, I was a total wreck my first time here, I had no idea what I was in for, but you look like you're right at home here!"

                                            "It helps that I've got you here, you make all the difference."

                                            >"Hooray! Makes the trip I had to get here totally worth it."

                                            >You had a sudden realization that she had to have crossed this entire world on her own.

                                            >It was an impressive feat, but it saddened you to think how long she must been in this place by herself.


                                            >"So how'd you end up being the one to ferry me across the worlds?"

                                            >"Oh yeah, my story! Hang on a sec."

                                            >She conjures up an astral projection, depicting her and Celestia in a rather cute artstyle.

                                            >"See, the princess came in to see me after getting a really bad cavity, I warned her too many sweets would do that, by the way, and asked me to take a look."

                                            >"I was just about to get going with her check-up when a guard came in and said


                                            >"So anyways, after the princess was called out I immediately got my first assignment, it was really nerve-wracking!