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Anon is not actually Snidely Whiplash (Part I)

By Satyrfag
Created: 2022-07-19 08:09:07
Updated: 2022-11-05 02:54:39
Expiry: Never
shitpostanontwilight sparklemoondancercheerileeoctaviatempest shadowrgreinky rosehigh winds

  1. If you're inclined to bitch about the edgy beginning -- don't. I'm going somewhere with this. And yes, the timeline is out of order. It's deliberate, for plot reasons.
  2.  
  3. >Be Twilight Sparkle.
  4. >You're a little unicorn who lives in a library made from a hollowed-out oak tree.
  5. >You tried to complete one of Starswirl's unfinished spells, but all it did was give you prophetic dreams.
  6. >You could have done without that.
  7. >Especially when you're trapped in a nightmare. Like you are tonight.
  8. >Blood streaks the translucent crystal of a...throne room?
  9. >Some of it's old and dried. Strands of grey fur and black mane are stuck in the clotted blood.
  10. >Much too much of the blood is fresh.
  11. >Cadance's half-skinned corpse hangs from the throne room's chandelier.
  12. >Her dead eyes look to the sky.
  13. >Part of your mind is screaming in horror.
  14. >The rest of it is cold, recognizing that it's a dream...except for a small part that is uncomfortably aroused.
  15. >You can hear the horrible wet slapping noises as an abominable ape-creature plows your brother's ponut.
  16. >Shiny squeals and whimpers as the brute ravages him. He's pinned to the floor, his shoulders bruising under the ape's grasp, his massive, v-virile stallionhood buried underneath his muscular thighs. White balls slap against white balls as the ape picks up the pace.
  17. >Your brother jerks and moans. A pool of cum spreads out from beneath him.
  18. >The ape shifts his hands away from your brother's hips, even as his thrusts get faster and faster.
  19. >One hand grasps the back of Shiny's head, the other grasps his lower jaw.
  20. >The ape's big hands twist violently.
  21. >Bones crack wetly, and your brother's head is abruptly turned around a hundred and eighty degrees. His body spasms, and the ape grunts and groans in ecstasy.
  22. >Finally, the light fades from Shining Armor's eyes.
  23. >The ape pulls out from your brother's corpse. The purple-headed ape cock drips blood, shit, and semen in equal measure.
  24. >The beast looks like a twisted reflection of the Princesses' noble consorts.
  25. >Grunting, the brute sniffs the air, and turns to face you.
  26. >You scream yourself awake.
  27. >Where's Princess Luna when you need her?!
  28. ***
  29. >"Mas mas mas, por favor!"
  30. >"Mas mas mas, si si Senor!"
  31. ***
  32. >Oh. Right.
  33. >Where's Princess Celestia when you need her?!
  34. ***
  35. >"Rinn Nar, pliizz..." (Mercy, Sunrise Queen...)
  36. >"Mm...no. You're mine, my little dwarf, and I intend to hold onto you until we both die of old age. Now give me a foal..."
  37. ***
  38. >Oh. Right.
  39. >Well, if the Princesses are too busy securing the succession, then you'll just have to prevent the prophecy from coming true!
  40. >You realize that intellectually, you shouldn't be scared of a stallion, no matter what sort of twisted mutant he is.
  41. >Also, Shining is a paragon among stallions, who can almost certainly defend himself and Cadance.
  42. >The key word there, though, is "almost."
  43. >And so you hit the books.
  44.  
  45. >Be Anon. You're...honestly, you're not enjoying helping these Crystal Ponies get their society back in order after you slew their evil king.
  46. >It was self-defense.
  47. >Unicorn surrounded by chained slave-ponies, uttering what was very clearly some sort of peremptory command in an unintelligible horse-language, while staring at you?
  48. >Fucked up, but not grounds for killing in and of itself.
  49. >But when he started snorting and stamping his foot while charging some sort of really disturbing-looking energy blast?
  50. >You figured it was better to risk being judged by twelve than carried by six, and put a pair of 10-gauge slugs into his head from within seven yards.
  51. >Of course, then you had temporary deafness and a bunch of panicking slave-ponies.
  52. >Drinking the dead unicorn's blood and eating his heart had been a long shot.
  53. >It worked for Sigfried with Fafnir the dragon.
  54. >You were kind of hoping that it was an inherent quality of magical beasts, not just dragons.
  55. >You got stupidly lucky and it worked.
  56. >Of course, then you had the Crystal Ponies panicking even more than before.
  57. >Finally, you'd calmed them down and gotten the backstory.
  58. >Evil witch-king stages coup d'etat, kills rightful ruler, enslaves populace, wrecks economy.
  59. >Howling winter wasteland all around.
  60. >Shit.
  61.  
  62. >You've been studying for the past three days on no sleep, so you must be Twilight Sparkle.
  63. >You turned up a pre-Unification scrying ritual that requires five crystal balls, a pentagram fueled by a pint of the scryer's blood, and a drawing of the enemy that you want to oppose.
  64. >(You can't draw, so the artist you commissioned gave you some funny looks when you described the ape-beast.)
  65. >The library smells permanently of burning blood now, but the ritual worked!
  66. >Apparently, it's supposed to reveal the mares best suited to overcoming the enemy.
  67. >You were hoping for an actual image, but it just spat out six cutie marks.
  68. >One you recognize instantly. Moondancer. Oh dear Faust, you ran off to fight Nightmare Moon last year and completely forgot about Moondancer's party!
  69. >You recognize two of the other marks after a few minutes -- Octavia and Cheerilee.
  70. >You have no idea who the last three mares are, though. One's cutie mark looks like stylized wind. Another's is an ice cream sundae. And the last is a grey rose dripping ink.
  71. >At this point, you turn to your friends.
  72. >You don't spill the gorier details of the prophecy to them, but you tell them enough to make them understand the importance of forestalling it.
  73. >It's still enough to draw a squimper from Fluttershy.
  74. >Herd-sourcing the problem works... mostly.
  75. >Dash recognizes the wind-symbol cutie mark in less than ten seconds flat. It belongs to a Wonderbolt named High Winds.
  76. >Rarity identifies the rose as the cutie mark of an up-and-coming Canterlot fashion designer, Inky Rose.
  77. >A little on the snout with the names, there. Did their parents have no poetry in their souls?
  78. >Nopony recognizes the mysterious ice-cream mare, though.
  79. >Since you'll have to go to Canterlot anyway, you're going to pull out all the stops.
  80. >In other words, you're going to sit down with Raven Inkwell and a copy of this year's Dork's Peerage.
  81. >If the mystery mare's name and cutie mark aren't somewhere in that collection, you'll eat it.
  82. >All hundred volumes and fifty thousand pages of it.
  83.  
  84. >Be Twilight Sparkle.
  85. >Briefing your friends on emergency plans in case a crisis hits Ponyville while you're in Canterlot.
  86. >As usual, Rainbow Dash is causing problems.
  87. >"I still say we don't need any other mares. We can handle this ourselves!"
  88. "Rainbow, this spell is supposedly tailor-made to find the best mares to solve a problem. Trust the magic."
  89. >"I don't buy it. I bet those freaky prophetic dreams of yours could help you figure out how to beat this thing."
  90. "It doesn't necessarily work when I want it to. It didn't warn me about Discord at all, or about Trixie coming back to town with the Alicorn Amulet..."
  91. >"Yeah, but you were right about Chrysalis and the Changelings, and you dreamed about THAT!"
  92. "If I try your idea, will you stop second-guessing me?"
  93. >"Probably."
  94. >Errrrrrrrrgh.
  95.  
  96. >Still be Twilight Sparkle.
  97. >Dreaming again.
  98. >Back in the murder-ape's foul den.
  99. >Pinkie Pie is chained to the brute's usurped, gore-stained throne. Her mane and tail are shaved, and she's wearing a jester's costume. Her big blue eyes hold no laughter, only infinite sadness.
  100. >Applejack and Shining Armor lie sprawled to either side of her.
  101. >They're breathing, at least, but you can see the monster's vile seed leaking out of them.
  102. >The ape himself is ravaging Fluttershy on the floor in front of his throne.
  103. >One spidery grabber is pulling her hair. The other is between her wings, holding her down as the ape-beast plows her from behind.
  104. >She squeaks and whimpers as the brute's monstrous member plunges in and out of her. Her plush rump jiggles as the ape's thighs slap against it.
  105. >Each thrust pushes Fluttershy's face against the pink-and-blue rug in front of her.
  106. >She's weeping hysterically, her sobs broken every minute or so by an unwilling cry of ecstasy as another maregasm wracks her body.
  107. >Finally, the ape grunts and his thrusts stop. Fluttershy wails in ecstasy one final time, then descends into hopeless sobbing.
  108. >The ape strokes Fluttershy's mane tenderly. "That's it, beautiful one. Don't cry. Let my spawn fill your womb. We shall raise them to be masters of beasts, lords and ladies of the forests, who'll lead our furry friends on the hunt for pony flesh! Nyaaa-hah-hah!"
  109. >One spidery digit twirls his long black mustache.
  110. >"Minion! Claim your prizes!"
  111. >You're distracted from Fluttershy's suffering as a knobby phallus the size of your foreleg plunges deep into your dry twat, painfully splitting your inner walls apart.
  112. >You hear a groan of pleasure from beneath you, and look down.
  113. >You're staring into Rarity's face. Her eyes are glassy, and her tongue lolls slackly from her mouth. You can feel her abdomen bulging against yours as an equally huge dick stretches her to the brim.
  114. >The battering ram inside you pulls all the way out, then slams home again.
  115. >The ape wipes his cock on Fluttershy's mane, then pads towards you on his incomprehensible spider-hooves.
  116. >He waves jauntily towards you, and his next words chill to the core.
  117. >"Ah, Spike, my faithful minion! Did I not promise you that succumbing to my corrupting sorcery would give you your heart's desire! When you're done with your treasures, join me in the feast!"
  118. >"Yes, master!"
  119. >You want to scream, but you can't. Your mouth has been stuffed to the straining point with a giant quesadilla.
  120. >The ape's next sentence starts you gagging.
  121. >"Excellent! I've saved you a whole haunch of pegasus -- or would you prefer wing of alicorn instead?"
  122. >The quesadilla opens up, spilling its filling down your throat.
  123. >Snakes! Dozens and dozens of cold, scaly, writhing bodies pour down your gullet, filling you until you choke and choke and --
  124.  
  125. >You snap awake screaming, then immediately turn and vomit onto the floor by your bed.
  126. >Where's Princess Luna when you need her?!
  127. ***
  128. >"Duerme, duerme aquí estaré
  129. >Las nubes serán tu colchón
  130. >Que ni el viento ni la brisa te dejen;
  131. >De acariciar, pues tú eres mi don."
  132.  
  133. >The brown dwarf's eyes flutter closed as one deep blue wing settles over his shoulders and pulls him close.
  134. >Luna's song drifts into silence as her consort nods off. She has small fillies to rescue from night terrors, and lonely mares to save from nightmares of eternal solitude.
  135. ***
  136. >"So, did it work? What did you see?"
  137. >Still be Twilight Sparkle.
  138. >You stare flatly at Rainbow Dash's excited face.
  139. >You didn't dare to go back to sleep. You've been running off of coffee chased with moonshine since you snapped awake -- a mere hour after you'd initially gone to bed.
  140. "We're doing it my way, Dash. Your way ended badly."
  141. >"How badly?"
  142. "You were killed, eaten, and your hide got made into a rug. Hopefully in that order."
  143. >Rainbow's eyes roll up into her head and she faints.
  144. >Colty bitch.

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