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1255 7.28 KB 182
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original post:
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*original author is Anon*
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>Be Anon
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>Know about Mane 6 new "Booty calls" thing
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>Everytime there is a friendship problem, their butts vibrate
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>Get problems with random ponies for the heck of calling them
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>"Anon this is the eleven time, stop it, it hurt our butts"
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"It won't happen again Twi, I swear"
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>"Also stop using Fluttershy's butt as a cellphone to comunicate with us"
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"I can't do promises"
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---
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>be anon
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>boning your waifu, going at a good pace too when:
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>cutie mark starts vibrating
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>slap it to connect the call
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"Hello?"
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>"I can't hear you very well, could you please speak directly into the vagina?"
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"Is this better?"
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>"A little. For best reception, please keep the tail erect."
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"Okay, I now have the tail upright. Now, what is it?"
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>"We were wondering if you were interested in our friends and family long distance plan? We already see..."
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"GOD DAMN TELEMARKETERS!"
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>Slaps ass really hard, ending call.
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---
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>>22149944
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"Yeah, I'd like a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce-"
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>"Anon."
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"Don't be frontin' son, no seeds on the bun-"
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>"Anon."
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"We be up in the drive-thru, order for two-"
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>"ANON! Would you please stop shouting at my ass like it's going to give you service?"
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>She slaps a hoof to her face as you giggle at her poor choice of words
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>Suddenly her ass starts vibrating again
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>"Would you like fries with that?"
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>You both stare silently at her ass
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>"Did it just-"
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"Yes! Extra ketchup, please!"
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>"Did it really just-"
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>"What was that?"
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"Extra ketchup!"
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>"I'm sorry, sir, could you speak directly into the vagina?"
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>"WHAT?!"
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>You grab Twilight's tail and lift it up as you smoosh your face directly between her ass cheeks and scream
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"WHOPPER"
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>"ANON!" Twilight yelps
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>"Please drive around to the other window."
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---
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>Ring ring
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>Ring ring
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>Riiiiing
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>"Hi. You've reached the cutie mark sex line, where all the hottest flanks are ready and waiting for you."
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"Oh baby."
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>"So, how's it going, stud? What are you wearing?"
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>Twilight rolls her eyes
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>"Would you please stop phoning sex lines with my ass?"
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>"Is that your wife? Mmmm, would she like to join our party line?"
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>"No."
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"YES."
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>"Just a moment, sweet stuff."
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>The sax solo from Careless Whisper starts playing as she patches you through
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>"Really? Really?" Twi deadpans
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>There's a click
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>"H-Hey th-there, handsome. Ohh, I hope I'm reading this right."
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>"How's it hanging? I hope to your knees or you're wasting my time!"
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>"Boy howdy! Ah sure am in need of a good ruttin'."
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>"Ready to get dirty, darling?"
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>"The party flank is ready for action!" a kazoo sounds off as this one speaks
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>"W-Wait, girls?"
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"Awww, yeah. It's an orgy!"
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>"Girls, why are you all on a flank sex line?"
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>"Whatever do you mean darling?" Rarity speaks
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>"Wait, what?" adds Rainbow
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>"Mmmm, Ah'd like ta hogtie ya and-"
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>"Is that mah flank jibber-jabberin' back there?" AJ this time
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>"What the fuck is going on?"
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>"Teehee, our flanks our talking!"
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>"Yuppy duppy! And we're looking to get glazed, if you know what I mean~"
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"Oh boy, how come your mom let's you have 12 sex operators, Anon?"
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>"I-Is that Anon? Is phone sex your, um, fetish?"
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>"Obviously he's an ass man. R-Right, Anon?"
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>Great, now there's two of them
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>"How in the heavens is my posterior speaking?"
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>"Anon, what did you do?!"
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"I dindu nuffin."
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>"Hey stud, why don't you come over and rut me. First one to cum loses!"
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>"H-Hey! I didn't say that!"
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"But your flank sure did."
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>"I- that's- GAH!"
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>"How is this even happening?"
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>"I- I want this to stop now."
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>"Silly, we're just getting started!"
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>"Ah swear on mah nethers, that's the last time Ah'm lettin' Big Mac back here without proper supervision!"
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>"Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute-"
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"LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE."
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>The lines goes dead silent
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>Was... was that your own ass?
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"THERE'S ENOUGH OF THE GREEN LOVE TO GO AROUND."
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>Why does your ass sound like a smooth-talking black man?
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>"Anon, was that your-"
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>"Fluttershy, did you put poison joke in your ass or something?"
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>"G-Goodness, no!"
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>"Teeeheeeheee" Pinkie snorts
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"THE BIG CHEEKS IS ON CAMPUS, AND HE'S LOOKING FOR A LITTLE LOVE."
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>"Anon, your ass is scaring me."
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>"This is scientifically impossible, but it's making me so wet..."
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>"Twilight?"
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>"That wasn't me! It was my ass! A-And I'm not wet! That's a lie!"
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>You can practically hear the sphincter contracting
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"OH BABY, ARE YOU READY FOR THE RIDE OF A LIFETIME?"
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>"Yes! Rut me! Ohhhh, rut me!"
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"MMHMMM, OH YEAH."
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>"Yes! Harder! Harder! Make me your bitch!"
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>"Okay, this is just weird. Later, freaks."
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>"Ah'm hangin' up now."
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>"O-Oh, my..."
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>There's a series of clicks as the party line comes to an end
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>Twilight and you stare at each other in silence as your vibrating asses continue to have glorious buttsex with each other
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"Great, even my own ass gets more action than me. I blame you, Purple Stank."
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>"Oh, shut up and rut me, you big doof."
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>"Weeeeeeeeeee!"
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>"Pinkie's ass, get off the line."
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>"Awww, okie."
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>Click
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>And then lots of sex happened
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>Except somewhere down the line you got cucked by your own ass and now you're jerking off alone in the corner while he pleases both Twilight and her ass
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>Lucky bastard
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---
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>Be Anon.
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>The 'mane 6' have managed to obtain vibrating cutie marks, allowing connection to problems in Equestria.
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>You're sitting around with said ponies when suddenly Twilight's ass starts shaking.
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>"Hello, this is Baltimare, come in ponies."
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>Must have a problem.
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>Twilight looks to you.
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>"Anon, could you get that?"
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>You walk behind her, facing her cutie mark.
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"Hello? The fuck you want?"
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>"The duck you want?"
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"A lucky sauna?"
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>"A tucking llama?"
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"That is not at all what I said."
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>"Sir, I can't hear you correctly, you need to speak directly into the vagina."
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>You get pissed and literally shove your arm into Twilight's vagina, getting a yelp from both sides.
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>After balancing yourself, you pull out a scared mare with a phone.
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>Twilight cries in bleeding pain.
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"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, BITCH?"
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>She doesn't respond and simply stares.
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>She wanna dun fuck with you.
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"I SAID..."
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>You throw her on the ground and start raping her.
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"CAN YOU HEAR ME FUCKING NOW!"
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>"YES, YES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES! JUST LET ME GO-HO-HOOOO!"
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>You grab her by the neck and look to a crying and broken Twilight.
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"GET BACK TO YOUR WHORE HUT, CHILD."
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>You slowly shove the mare back into Twilight's vagina, sending her back into Baltimare.
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>Walk out of the castle with an officially destroyed Twilight and fear-paralyzed friends.
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>Rules of fucking nature, bitch.
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---
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>Be anon
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>Trying to make a call
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>"Please insert one bit to connect this call for the next five minutes, or this call will be terminated in thirty seconds"
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>I reach into my pocket for the 1 bit required.
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>"Anon. What are you...?", She gasps in surprise, "That's cold! I told you I don't like bits going in my butt."
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"Sorry, Twilight. Butt I need to contact Rarity in Manehatten."
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>sighing, "When are you going to get that long distance plan? My butt is still a little sore when you hung up on them earlier."
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"I thought being an alicorn would grant you that plan automatically."
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>"Well, it doesn't. I'm more concerned with the fact that the coins actually disappear while in me. And where the hay do they go?"
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