>Booty calls


                                            original post:

                                            https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/22149944/#q22151243

                                            https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/22149944/#q22154556

                                            *original author is Anon*


                                            ---


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Know about Mane 6 new "Booty calls" thing

                                            >Everytime there is a friendship problem, their butts vibrate

                                            >Get problems with random ponies for the heck of calling them

                                            >"Anon this is the eleven time, stop it, it hurt our butts"

                                            "It won't happen again Twi, I swear"

                                            >"Also stop using Fluttershy's butt as a cellphone to comunicate with us"

                                            "I can't do promises"


                                            ---


                                            >be anon

                                            >boning your waifu, going at a good pace too when:

                                            >cutie mark starts vibrating

                                            >slap it to connect the call

                                            "Hello?"

                                            >"I can't hear you very well, could you please speak directly into the vagina?"

                                            "Is this better?"

                                            >"A little. For best reception, please keep the tail erect."

                                            "Okay, I now have the tail upright. Now, what is it?"

                                            >"We were wondering if you were interested in our friends and family long distance plan? We already see..."

                                            "GOD DAMN TELEMARKETERS!"

                                            >Slaps ass really hard, ending call.


                                            ---


                                            >>22149944

                                            "Yeah, I'd like a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce-"

                                            >"Anon."

                                            "Don't be frontin' son, no seeds on the bun-"

                                            >"Anon."

                                            "We be up in the drive-thru, order for two-"

                                            >"ANON! Would you please stop shouting at my ass like it's going to give you service?"

                                            >She slaps a hoof to her face as you giggle at her poor choice of words

                                            >Suddenly her ass starts vibrating again

                                            >"Would you like fries with that?"

                                            >You both stare silently at her ass

                                            >"Did it just-"

                                            "Yes! Extra ketchup, please!"

                                            >"Did it really just-"

                                            >"What was that?"

                                            "Extra ketchup!"

                                            >"I'm sorry, sir, could you speak directly into the vagina?"

                                            >"WHAT?!"

                                            >You grab Twilight's tail and lift it up as you smoosh your face directly between her ass cheeks and scream

                                            "WHOPPER"

                                            >"ANON!" Twilight yelps

                                            >"Please drive around to the other window."


                                            ---


                                            >Ring ring

                                            >Ring ring

                                            >Riiiiing

                                            >"Hi. You've reached the cutie mark sex line, where all the hottest flanks are ready and waiting for you."

                                            "Oh baby."

                                            >"So, how's it going, stud? What are you wearing?"

                                            >Twilight rolls her eyes

                                            >"Would you please stop phoning sex lines with my ass?"

                                            >"Is that your wife? Mmmm, would she like to join our party line?"

                                            >"No."

                                            "YES."

                                            >"Just a moment, sweet stuff."

                                            >The sax solo from Careless Whisper starts playing as she patches you through

                                            >"Really? Really?" Twi deadpans

                                            >There's a click

                                            >"H-Hey th-there, handsome. Ohh, I hope I'm reading this right."

                                            >"How's it hanging? I hope to your knees or you're wasting my time!"

                                            >"Boy howdy! Ah sure am in need of a good ruttin'."

                                            >"Ready to get dirty, darling?"

                                            >"The party flank is ready for action!" a kazoo sounds off as this one speaks

                                            >"W-Wait, girls?"

                                            "Awww, yeah. It's an orgy!"

                                            >"Girls, why are you all on a flank sex line?"

                                            >"Whatever do you mean darling?" Rarity speaks

                                            >"Wait, what?" adds Rainbow

                                            >"Mmmm, Ah'd like ta hogtie ya and-"

                                            >"Is that mah flank jibber-jabberin' back there?" AJ this time

                                            >"What the fuck is going on?"

                                            >"Teehee, our flanks our talking!"

                                            >"Yuppy duppy! And we're looking to get glazed, if you know what I mean~"

                                            "Oh boy, how come your mom let's you have 12 sex operators, Anon?"

                                            >"I-Is that Anon? Is phone sex your, um, fetish?"

                                            >"Obviously he's an ass man. R-Right, Anon?"

                                            >Great, now there's two of them

                                            >"How in the heavens is my posterior speaking?"

                                            >"Anon, what did you do?!"

                                            "I dindu nuffin."

                                            >"Hey stud, why don't you come over and rut me. First one to cum loses!"

                                            >"H-Hey! I didn't say that!"

                                            "But your flank sure did."

                                            >"I- that's- GAH!"


                                            >"How is this even happening?"

                                            >"I- I want this to stop now."

                                            >"Silly, we're just getting started!"

                                            >"Ah swear on mah nethers, that's the last time Ah'm lettin' Big Mac back here without proper supervision!"

                                            >"Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute-"

                                            "LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE."

                                            >The lines goes dead silent

                                            >Was... was that your own ass?

                                            "THERE'S ENOUGH OF THE GREEN LOVE TO GO AROUND."

                                            >Why does your ass sound like a smooth-talking black man?

                                            >"Anon, was that your-"

                                            >"Fluttershy, did you put poison joke in your ass or something?"

                                            >"G-Goodness, no!"

                                            >"Teeeheeeheee" Pinkie snorts

                                            "THE BIG CHEEKS IS ON CAMPUS, AND HE'S LOOKING FOR A LITTLE LOVE."

                                            >"Anon, your ass is scaring me."

                                            >"This is scientifically impossible, but it's making me so wet..."

                                            >"Twilight?"

                                            >"That wasn't me! It was my ass! A-And I'm not wet! That's a lie!"

                                            >You can practically hear the sphincter contracting

                                            "OH BABY, ARE YOU READY FOR THE RIDE OF A LIFETIME?"

                                            >"Yes! Rut me! Ohhhh, rut me!"

                                            "MMHMMM, OH YEAH."

                                            >"Yes! Harder! Harder! Make me your bitch!"

                                            >"Okay, this is just weird. Later, freaks."

                                            >"Ah'm hangin' up now."

                                            >"O-Oh, my..."

                                            >There's a series of clicks as the party line comes to an end

                                            >Twilight and you stare at each other in silence as your vibrating asses continue to have glorious buttsex with each other

                                            "Great, even my own ass gets more action than me. I blame you, Purple Stank."

                                            >"Oh, shut up and rut me, you big doof."

                                            >"Weeeeeeeeeee!"

                                            >"Pinkie's ass, get off the line."

                                            >"Awww, okie."

                                            >Click

                                            >And then lots of sex happened

                                            >Except somewhere down the line you got cucked by your own ass and now you're jerking off alone in the corner while he pleases both Twilight and her ass

                                            >Lucky bastard


                                            ---


                                            >Be Anon.

                                            >The 'mane 6' have managed to obtain vibrating cutie marks, allowing connection to problems in Equestria.

                                            >You're sitting around with said ponies when suddenly Twilight's ass starts shaking.

                                            >"Hello, this is Baltimare, come in ponies."

                                            >Must have a problem.

                                            >Twilight looks to you.

                                            >"Anon, could you get that?"

                                            >You walk behind her, facing her cutie mark.

                                            "Hello? The fuck you want?"

                                            >"The duck you want?"

                                            "A lucky sauna?"

                                            >"A tucking llama?"

                                            "That is not at all what I said."

                                            >"Sir, I can't hear you correctly, you need to speak directly into the vagina."

                                            >You get pissed and literally shove your arm into Twilight's vagina, getting a yelp from both sides.

                                            >After balancing yourself, you pull out a scared mare with a phone.

                                            >Twilight cries in bleeding pain.

                                            "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, BITCH?"

                                            >She doesn't respond and simply stares.

                                            >She wanna dun fuck with you.

                                            "I SAID..."

                                            >You throw her on the ground and start raping her.

                                            "CAN YOU HEAR ME FUCKING NOW!"

                                            >"YES, YES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES! JUST LET ME GO-HO-HOOOO!"

                                            >You grab her by the neck and look to a crying and broken Twilight.

                                            "GET BACK TO YOUR WHORE HUT, CHILD."

                                            >You slowly shove the mare back into Twilight's vagina, sending her back into Baltimare.

                                            >Walk out of the castle with an officially destroyed Twilight and fear-paralyzed friends.

                                            >Rules of fucking nature, bitch.


                                            ---


                                            >Be anon

                                            >Trying to make a call

                                            >"Please insert one bit to connect this call for the next five minutes, or this call will be terminated in thirty seconds"

                                            >I reach into my pocket for the 1 bit required.

                                            >"Anon. What are you...?", She gasps in surprise, "That's cold! I told you I don't like bits going in my butt."

                                            "Sorry, Twilight. Butt I need to contact Rarity in Manehatten."

                                            >sighing, "When are you going to get that long distance plan? My butt is still a little sore when you hung up on them earlier."

                                            "I thought being an alicorn would grant you that plan automatically."

                                            >"Well, it doesn't. I'm more concerned with the fact that the coins actually disappear while in me. And where the hay do they go?"