GREEN
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4436 25.7 KB 378
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original post:https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/12792933/#q12793532
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original Pastebin url:https://pastebin.com/Zi1DqpPg
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*The story in Pastebin seems incomplete,so I rearranged the story from the original thread and uploaded it here*
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*original author is Anon*
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---
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OP:I want to trap Rainbow Dash on the corner with a vacuum cleaner again
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Rainbow Dash
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>"Hey Anon, whaddaya wanna do today? I think we should go out for some wicked fl--
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>"Uh...what's that?"
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>Click
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>VRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMM
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>"AAAAAAAHHH! OMGOMGOMGOMGSHUTITOFFSHUTITOFFSHUTITOFFFFF!"
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>you creep towards her, pushing the vacuum across the carpet
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>"A-anon I'm serious! Th-this isn't funny! W-what is that!? Please, m-make that loud sound stop!!"
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>You trap Rainbow in the corner, the blaring machine steadily encroaching upon her position
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>Her wings are fully extended, but she's too terrified to even fly away
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>The noise of the vacuum overrides her most basic fight or flight tendencies, rendering her shivering and curled up
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>You smile like the sick bastard you are as she goes silent with fear, covering her eyes, fully prepared to die
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>You then turn away, going off to vacuum the rest of the carpet
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>Rainbow faints in a puddle of her own piss
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>You'll beat her with a newspaper for that later
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Twilight Sparkle
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>immediately after the incident with Rainbow Dash, you head on over to Golden Oaks library to visit Twilight
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>"Oh hello Anon! How can I help you today?"
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>You offer to help her clean up the library, free of charge
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>"That'd be great, Anon! Spike's been visiting Rarity's boutique so much lately that he's been neglecting his cleaning duties...I can't even think straight with it being dirty like this..."
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>She invites you in and you follow her as she trots into the main room
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>You offer to get started on the floor first
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>"Oooh! Yes please! Let me go fetch the mop--"
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>You hold up a finger to stop her, and instead whip out the nozzle of the backpack vacuum, as if you're doing a budget cosplay of Luigi's Mansion
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>You wait for that sweet phrase as Twilight stares dumbfounded, purple eyes sparkling and vibrant with curiousity
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>"Wow. What's that?"
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>Oh yes
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>Click
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>VRMMMMMMmmmMMMmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM
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>You lose sight of the bookish little unicorn as she manages to jump into the air faster than your eyes can digest the information and send it to your brain
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>She almost touches the ceiling
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>She's so shocked she doesn't think to cushion her fall with magic, instead thumping down on her butt
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>"WUAHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAASTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPSTOPSTOP!"
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>VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM
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>"D-DON'T COME CLOSER! N-NOOOO!!"
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>VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM
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>The unicorn's little horn exploded in purple brilliance, and she whips a book forth from the shelf, preparing to launch it in self-defense
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>You simply shove the vacuum towards her suddenly, and her tail shoots straight out as she flinches, the book dropping
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>She's finally hit that sweet spot of being to scared to even think straight, her voice failing, pupils dilated
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>You lift the vacuum and place it on her butt, the suction catching her fatty rear
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>She promptly wets the floor, passing out with an exasperated sigh
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>You were so going to the dungeons for this
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Pinkie Pie
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>You knew it wouldn't be long before Rainbow Dash woke up from her vacuum-induced coma and flew into town to tell her friends/kick you ass
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>Time was of the essence here
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>You leave the library, powerwalking over the cobblestone street to your next destination
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>Sugarcube Corner
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>The frosty spires of the cookie wafer-constructed candy shop rises before you, and in the blink of an eye you're up the icing-laced staircase, entering through the store's perpetually-open doors
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>You ready your nozzle even though you don't see Pinkie yet
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>That bitch had a thing for surprising you by popping out when you least expected it
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>Not. Today.
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>You creep across the confetti-strewn floor, looking like Agent 47 on a mission at a Ghostbusters convention
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>Your nerves were on edge
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>It was too fucking quiet
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>A small ding comes from the bell on the counter, causing your body to freeze up and you to swing the nozzle around
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>Nothing there, just he glass countertop
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>Fuck thi--
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>"HEYA ANON!"
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>Pinkie's head sticks OUT OF THE VACUUM NOZZLE and grins maniacally at you as you fall backwards on your ass, swearing in every language you knew
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>"Hee hee! You always say those funny-sounding words when I give you one of my super-duper surprise greetings!"
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>THIS BITCH
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>She was gonna get it
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>She was gonna get it SO HARD
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>After admonishing her for almost giving you a heart attack, you set your plan into motion, gesturing to the messy floor
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>"Clean the floor? Why d'you wanna do that, anon? It's only gonna get messy again you know!"
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>You tell her it's a falling hazard, using what just happened as an example
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>"Oh no! I would never want anybody to get hurt because of my pretty party paper pieces! Go ahead!"
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>Without any further foolishness you produce the jet black nozzle from behind you, aiming it down towards the floor
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>Knowing how unpredictable Pinkie was, you weren't going to take any chances by half assing this
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>As Pinkie's head tilts and she brings her sickeningly cute face closer to the cleaning contraption, the Golden Question on the tip of her tongue, you lower your free hand to the Suction Level knob
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>Med
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>Med-Hi
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>Hi
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>MAX POWER
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>Pinkie looks down at the nozzle, staring at it intently
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>"Oooh oooh oooh! Whatcha got there, anon! Is it one of your weirdo human thingies?"
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>click
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>VRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRRRRRVVVVVVVVVMMMM
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>Pinkie yelps out loud in pure terror, actually standing up on her hindlegs and shielding her face like a human would
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>Her poofy pink tail curls between her hindlegs
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>Her squeals of fright were so loud and high-pitched they actually hurt your ears a bit
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>Still, a job was a job
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>You began to aggressively move towards her, waving the vacuum back and forth like a flame thrower
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>"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ANON NO! NOnononONONONO! IT'S GONNA EAT MEEE! IIIIIIIIITTTS GONNA EEEEEEEAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEE!!!"
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>You back her up against the store's back wall, jars of multi-colored rock bandy clinking and wobbling as her back hits them
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>She was petrified, eyes wide and mouth fully grimaced, her chest rising and falling rapidly
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>Not so funny now was it, you crack-snorting candyslut
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>Time for the finishing blow
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>"A...a-anon...please. st-stop. f-for me? I-I won't..sc-sc-scare you again...I p-promise...I..d-d-...d-dont hurt me...pl-please"
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>Fuck
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>Those big, teary eyes almost made you stop
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>Almost
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>Why contain it?
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>You shove the vacuum towards her face, the suction quickly snatching her hair and yanking it towards you
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>VRRRMMSHWUNKTTTHHHHHHHHH
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>On cue, she her bladder empties itself down her shivering legs as she cries in terror, tail soaked in her own pink lemonade
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>You pull the vacuum towards you until her hair is entirely straight, and then shut the vacuum off
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>She falls forward, KO'd and in a pool of piss and confetti
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>Pop pop pop
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>watching ponies drop
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Rarity
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>You make a hasty exit from Sugarcube Corner, almost breaking your ankle tripping down the frosted stairs in the process
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>It was time get your Oreck-fueled jimmies off on another pone before Celestia herself personally came and shut you the fuck down
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>Continuing on in the pattern of traveling to whatever destination was nearest to save time, you began to jog towards Rarity's circus-like boutique, stopping on her doorstep to catch your breath for a moment
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>Running with this big-ass appliance on your back was really taking the wind out of you, you probably shouldn't have slacked off in gym class so much
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>You'd tap X instead of holding it down while running from now on
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>Straightening up and exhaling curtly one final time, you knocked on the door, hoping you didn't look too disheveled for her tastes
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>The door swings open almost immediately
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>....nobody was there
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>Literally, the door must have been opened by a fucking ghost
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>Just as you were about to NOPE out, you actually took the time to look down, spotting a little purple baby dragon glaring back up at you
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>"What are YOU doing here?"
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>Oh no
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>Not this little nigger
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>just as you were about to reciprocate his heated question, the sound of Rarity's ladylike voice wafts through the air, interrupting your thoughts
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>"Spiiike, darling...who is it at the door?"
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>"....anon."
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>"What was that, dear? Anon...oh Anon~?! Really? Well don't just stand there, let him in!"
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>Spike rolls his eyes, but steps aside, allowing you to enter
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>That's right faget, stay salty
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>You stroll in with a smile to find the pale white fashionista busy with a massive, glittery garment, various pins, baubles, and strings flying around her in a slow-moving whirlwind of magical activity
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>It was beautiful
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>"Hello anon, daarling...how may I, Rarity be of service today?"
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>Welp, time to fuck shit up.
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>As the gears of your brain began to spin and churn, a very disgruntled Spike stomps back into the room, immediately taking up a semi-defensive stance near Rarity's hooves
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>This little faggot wasn't going to make things easy
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>Then again, neither was Rarity
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>Her entire home was immaculately clean. Pure, flawless, unstained by such common things like dirt and clutter.
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>Just like her
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>Shit
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>Looks like you'd have to make your own mess
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>You began to engage Rarity in light conversation, casually leaning against one of her tables, this one in particular carrying various jars of glitter on it's surface
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>You waited calmly for the 99-second ALERT timer on Spike to reach zero, and when he finally took his eyes off of you, you bumped one of the jars off of the table with your hip
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>Glitter went flying fucking EVERYWHERE
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>"Anooon, how could you! That's my finest jar of Shirley's Golden Glitter! Now it's all over the floor...it's RUINED! Spike, be a dear and fetch my broom from upstairs, would you?"
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>Instead of interrupting him, you actually allow him to scurry upstairs
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>Rarity was finally wide open
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>As she looked glumly at the spilled glitter, lowering the garment held in her magic a bit, you offered an apology and an alternative way to clean it up
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>"Oh no no no, anon. While I do appreciate the chivalry, I would never allow a guest to do such a thing."
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>Fuck, Spike would be back any moment. You had to act now.
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>You pulled out the vacuum, and insisted on being allowed to clean it up. You had to test out a new invention anyway, to see how it worked!
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>"Well...I suppose you COULD clean up a teensy bit of it..."
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>Aw yeah. You brought the vacuum out, and settled it on the floor.
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>"Oh dear...what IS that awful-looking contraption?"
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>Every time
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>click
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>VRUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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>The startled seamstress leaped backwards, not quite reaching Twilight's high score but almost, a shrill scream erupting from her so loudly that it actually drowned out the vacuum for a second
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>"WAH-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!"
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>The pins and string that she had been keeping magically afloat shuddered in midair and then exploded outwards in a nuclear explosion of flying fashion fragments, zipping through the air like deadly ninja stars
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>It was at this moment Spike decided to rush down the stairs, happily carrying the broom
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>A fat spool of red string slammed directly into his stomach, knocking him against the wall and emptying all the wind out of his body
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>Rarity would have turned in concern for his well-being, were she not herself frightened out of her fucking mind
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>She wasn't even saying words anymore, just uttering gibberish as the vacuum made it's unstoppable approach
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>Her dainty mascara ran down her face in dark streams, tears soaking once pure white cheeks
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>She was on her back, crawling away from the vacuum, pricking herself with the pins that had fallen haphazardly to the floor
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>Finally she had backed herself up against her favorite giant mirror, the vacuum roaring right at her quivering hindlegs
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>"A-anon.....y-you....you wouldn't h-hurt a lady, w-w-would you?"
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>No. Of course not, you informed her.
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>She sighed shakily, visibly relieved
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>You're not a lady though. You'se a pony, bitch.
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>Her eyes shrunk to dots
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>"N-no....D-DON'T!!!"
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>FINISH HER
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>You scooted backwards twice, then forward, ducked three times, and did two jabs
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>The lighting in the boutique goes pitch black as reality accepts the fatality combination
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>The vacuum nozzle lunges forward, locking onto her crotch, her hooves going into the air as she utters a screech so high-pitched it shatters the mirror behind her
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>The suction of the vac latches onto her just as she empties her bladder, the contraption literally sucking the piss out of her cunt and into the pack on your back
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>Luckily this model could handle drink spills as well, as Seen On TV
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>SHHHHHHHLUUUKUKUKUKUKRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPTH
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>Her entire body straightens out and arches with one final whimpering squeal, and then she falls limp
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>Spike groggily wakes up to see you standing over her, vacuum nozzle dripping piss down onto her belly
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>Suffice to say, that niggas mad as FUCK
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>He leaps at you in rage, but you think quickly, still on an adrenaline high from demolishing Rarity
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>You sweep the nozzle up just in time to catch him in it's suction.
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>His little belly gets stuck on the tip, arms and legs flailing uselessly
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>You reach back and flip a switch, aiming the nozzle at an open window
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>REVERSE
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>Witnesses would later befuddle royal investigators by all claiming to have seen a small dragon flying over ponyville on a rainbow blast of urine, screaming anon's name at the top of his lungs
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Fluttershy
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>Well, you were past the point of no return now
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>It was time to finish the job
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>This next one should be a piece of cake
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>It'd be like a break before the final boss battle
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>No time to lollygag now, Rainbow was surely up and about once again
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>You exited Rarity's boutique through the same window you shot Spike out of, and ran across the fields along the outskirts of town
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>By the time you reached the stone bridge leading to Fluttershy's cottage you were entirely out of breath
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>You were forced to walk slowly up the woodland path to her door, or risk catching a heart attack while trying to make Fluttershy have one
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>You knocked the nozzle of the vacuum on her door, gasping softly
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>After a few minutes, the door opens just a tiny crack, a quivering teal eye staring up at you
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>"H-hello? Oh! An...Anon...come in!"
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>The door creaks open slowly, and you stagger inside, still trying to refill your lungs
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>You immediately crash onto her reclining couch, leaning back
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>Fluttershy swiftly swoops over you like a worried mother, her big eyes full of sincere worry
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>"Oh my! Anonymous are you alright? D-do you need something to drink? A wet towel? A blanket? Oh dear, oh dear!"
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>You hold up a hand, silencing her hushed words
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>You assure her that you're okay, just tired
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>She calms down some, but only a little, still fluttering about you nervously
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>As she goes to fetch a cup of water, you notice her floor is covered in animal crap
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>It smells, but thankfully it's old enough that the stink has diminished some
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>When she returns, you offer to clean it up with your new contraption
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>"O-oh! Well, y-you can, if you really want to...I mean, i-it's no problem at all. Please, b-be my guest."
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>God, that stutter was getting annoying
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>Unfortunately, it was about to get a whole lot worse
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>With the glass of water in one hand, you bring forth that great destroyer of worlds, the solid black vacuum nozzle
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>Fluttershy instinctively shudders at the sight of it, her body beginning to involuntary shiver
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>Man, this shit wasn't even fair
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>What a shame
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>It doesn't look she's going to ask the question though, she's just standing there, trying not to look too hard at it
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>You beckon for her to come closer. You want her to see how it works
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>You tell her it's just like a big scooper fish or some bullshit, and she buys it, coming close, face still half-hidden behind her pink mane
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>"um anon...are you su--"
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>click
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>VRRRRVRRRVRRRVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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>The only way you would have ever been able to tell that a pegasus pony existed in the spot Fluttershy had been standing in would be the handful of yellow feathers left behind on the ground
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>She was now glued to the ceiling, shrieking her brains out, already weeping uncontrollably
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>"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK--*"
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>Her voice gave out after only a second or so, her wings freezing up and her body falling onto the couch on her back
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>She promptly emptied both her bowels and her bladder messily over the floor, the stream of piss shooting clean across the living room while a fresh load of crap was added to the animal droppings on the floorboards
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>She didn't quite pass out, so much as she fucking expired right then and there, her heart stopping and her eyes rolling into the back of her head, mouth dripping with frothing bubbles
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>For a second you were actually afraid she had suffered cardiac arrest, rushing to put your ear on her chest
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>Her heartbeat was still going strong, thankfully, although it was beating so hard it put Sonic to shame
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>Well, that was easy
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>Angel sticks his head out of a cupboard, frightened by the sudden noise
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>He sees you, then looks to Fluttershy, and NOPES right out
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>Smart rabbit
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Applejack
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>You quietly creep out of Fluttershy's cottage after the shit-spewing debacle, taking a shortcut down the small cliff that lay at the rear of her home
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>Only one pone left
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>This one would be the toughest, no doubt
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>But the payoff would be more than worth it
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>Without any fucking around, you began to trek directly towards the large tree-lined hill in the distance, stomping across the waist-length grass that grew all around you
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>Thankfully it was pretty much a straight-shot, just grass and sky inbetween you and Sweet Apple Acres
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>You were doing good so far, maybe you could relax a little...
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>BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
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>Holy fucking shit, what was that
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>You look up just in time to see a surreal rainbow scatter across the sky, it's center somewhere in Ponyville
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>A sonic rainboom
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>That could only mean one thing
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>Rainbow was up
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>And she was MAD
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>Your available time suddenly went to single digits
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>You break out into a dead sprint, the theme song of 28 Weeks Later beginning to drift into the air
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>When you reach the fence separating Sweet Apple Acres from the rest of the countryside, you parkour that shit like it's a waist-high wall in Mirror's Edge
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>From there it doesn't take longer to reach the barn, it's large, thick door wide open, indicating someone was inside
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>Hopefully not Big Mac
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>You stagger inside, at the limit of your endurance, wheezing like the dead man you're soon about to be
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>An unassuming orange earth pony mare turns around to greet you, familiar brown hat tipped back on her sandy blonde hair
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>"Howdy there, Anon! Haven't seen you 'round these parts in a while! Whut brings y'all down to th' farm?"
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>Endgame engage.
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>You try to hide the fact that you're so tuckered that you're using the vacuum pole as a crutch at this point, playing it off like it's a classy pimp cane
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>You tell her Twilight sent you to offer some help with the day's chores, knowing that AJ has had problems with refusing help in the past
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>The country mare falls for it hook line and sinker, not wanting to repeat the stubbornness that got her into trouble in the past
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>"Why that sounds jus' fine, sugarcube. Ah could actually use a hoof...er...hand with th' mess in here."
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>Things were moving smoothly
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>You might just make it out of this after all
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>You show her the vacuum, telling her that it's a quiet cleaning machine
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>"Shucks, ah don't know much about fancy machinery, sweetheart. Ah'll just take yer word for it!"
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>You smile
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>click
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>....
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>....
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>Nothing happens
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>"Uhh...what's th' problem pardner? Yer contraption ain't workin' right? Here, lemme take a look see...maybe ya jus' need to knock it around a bit...that usually works"
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>She sticks her face right against the nozzle
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>SHE FELL FOR LE EPIK RUSE
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>click
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>VRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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>The powerful mare, headstrong mare twists and shouts, tripping over her own hooves in order to get away from the blaring noise of the mighty vacuum
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>Her hat falls off in the proccess, getting sucked up with an unholy siphoning noise
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>"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHH NELLY!!! WHUT IN SWEET TARNATION!?"
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>She instinctively turns around, and sends her hindlegs rocketing towards your torso faster than you can react
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>Fortunately you didn't have to, as the vacuum pipe was in the way
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>It buckled like a plastic drinking straw, absorbing most of the blow of the hard buck.
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>Shit, it was useless now
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>Agility Mode:Activate
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>This model was made to be packed up and cleaned easily, praise the gods
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>You simply detach the fucked up nozzle, tossing it to the side and instead hold the pipe, lunging for her head
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>She turns away, screaming out all kinds of earth pony obscenities
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>the pipe snatches her ear, and she locks up in terror, her Fight or Flight instincts finally tipping over to Flight
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>SHWUNKTTHTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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>You pin her down on her side and let the vacuum simply leer at the side of her face with her ear inside, roaring incessantly
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>She snaps, the noise too much for her pony brain to process
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>She begins to sob in a big, pathetic drawling tone, special-made Applejack cider flooding the inside of her hindlegs, puddling on the floor
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>Mission Complete
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>"THERE HE IS! ANON, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?"
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>Wha?
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>You look up to see Rainbow Dash and Twilight breathlessly staring at you
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>Might as well go all out
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>You get up off of the sobbing Applejack and go for the two of them, grinning like a madman
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>Twilight teleports out of the way, Rainbow Dash swooping up high
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>"Anon, why are you doing this!? I thought we were pals!"
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>Twilight reappears in a flash a few feet away
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>Rainbow keeps her distance above
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>They're still too scared to come near the vacuum
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>Maybe you could try to make a quick run for it...
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>You turn towards the open barn door, beginning to sprint towards freedom
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>A bright flare of searing light knocks you off of your feet, your elbow hitting the off switch on the vacuum
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>You struggle to sit up on your elbows, the light fading
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>Sweet mother of God.
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>A pale, ethereal alicorn with a mane comprised of the very essence of the cosmos itself stands before you
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>She's not happy.
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>"ANON. THIS ENDS. NOW."
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Celestia
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>Any thoughts you had of trying to be a hero disappear real fucking fast once you see that seething magenta glare
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>Now it was your turn to be terrified out of your mind
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>No
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>You're not getting captured here
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>It can't end like this
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>You begin to scramble away, turning onto your belly, crawling and scrabbling like a worm away from her holy light
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>How the mighty have fallen
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>Somehow, you're not dead yet
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>Maybe she would be lenient
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>You get to your feet and try to run
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>Bad move
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>The god-like Princess blasts you in the back with a fiery zap of ancient magic, sending you flying across the barn
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>Your spine feels like it's on fire.
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>You vacuum took the hit for you, it's final act
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>it's toast now
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>You roll onto your back, groaning in pain
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>Celestia's already standing over you, her golden horseshoes pinning your shoulders
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>"Do you have anything left to say for yourself, Anonymous?"
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>Her horns begins to glow
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>This is it
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>Only one thing left to do
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>You flick the vacuum switch to on
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>hopefully it'll explode and give you a swift death
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>click
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>It explodes
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>An explosion of sound
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-
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>Celestia, in all her ancient wisdom could have never predictated what would happen when an ordinary vacuum cleaner was infused with Alicorn magic
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>The sheer wall of noise generated by the supercharged machine was enough to knock her off of her hooves, flinging her body across the ground like it was a little girl's toy
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>You rose to your feet, entire body roaring with the sound of hellish steel and unholy suction
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>You had become vacuum, destroyer of dirt
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>Celestia looked up at you, feeling something she hadn't felt in eons
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>fear
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>With her hindlegs spread and trembling, she emptied her bladder in a clear ribbon of gold, the warm stream splashing across your pants
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>You lowered yourself over her
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>your lips hovered before her ear
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"Wu-Tang ain't nuthin' to fuck with."
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>after spouting that horrible endgame quote ripped directly from a bad Dave Chappelle skit, you jam the end of the vacuum pipe directly into her pale marehood, capturing the last of her priceless fluids in the pack on your back
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>Even with her mental fortitude, the sensation of the suction she inadverdantly created causes her to faint, galactic mane going flat for the first time in a millenium
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>The sight of this makes Twilight pass out yet again, but Rainbow Dash tries one last attack
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>you lift a finger, and the air itself coalesces to your will, forming a wall of pressure that she slams into like a car windshield
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>"You monster, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE PRINCESS!?"
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>You chuckle and aim the nozzle of the glowing vacuum at her
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>The sight of it alone is now enough to make the brash pegasus lose control of herself all over her blue thighs
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>She doesn't say anything after that
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>You drop her to the ground to stew in her own waste, and she glares up at you
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>"Just......why?"
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>Instead of telling her that you like scaring the fuck out of ponies and making them wet the floor you just stare back, and then begin to walk away
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>The night was just starting
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>Ponyville was yours now
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>You wouldn't rest until you had frightened every single pony in town
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>After that, who knows
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>You turn the switch on your vacuum one final time, and the cacophony finally dies down to nothing
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>As you travel down the road into the softly glowing night-time town the haunting, murky guitar of Nirvana's "Come As You Are" begins to float up, camera panning to the stars
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>The End
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>Directed by 4chan
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>Starring Anon as Anonymous
by kqaii
by kqaii
by kqaii
by kqaii
by kqaii