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Ponies getting scared by vaccuums

By kqaii
Created: 2022-07-27 12:31:08
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
  2. 2.
    original Pastebin url:https://pastebin.com/Zi1DqpPg
  3. 3.
    *The story in Pastebin seems incomplete,so I rearranged the story from the original thread and uploaded it here*
  4. 4.
    *original author is Anon*
  5. 5.
    ---
  6. 6.
    OP:I want to trap Rainbow Dash on the corner with a vacuum cleaner again
  7. 7.
     
  8. 8.
    Rainbow Dash
  9. 9.
    >"Hey Anon, whaddaya wanna do today? I think we should go out for some wicked fl--
  10. 10.
    >"Uh...what's that?"
  11. 11.
    >Click
  12. 12.
    >VRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMM
  13. 13.
    >"AAAAAAAHHH! OMGOMGOMGOMGSHUTITOFFSHUTITOFFSHUTITOFFFFF!"
  14. 14.
    >you creep towards her, pushing the vacuum across the carpet
  15. 15.
    >"A-anon I'm serious! Th-this isn't funny! W-what is that!? Please, m-make that loud sound stop!!"
  16. 16.
    >You trap Rainbow in the corner, the blaring machine steadily encroaching upon her position
  17. 17.
    >Her wings are fully extended, but she's too terrified to even fly away
  18. 18.
    >The noise of the vacuum overrides her most basic fight or flight tendencies, rendering her shivering and curled up
  19. 19.
    >You smile like the sick bastard you are as she goes silent with fear, covering her eyes, fully prepared to die
  20. 20.
    >You then turn away, going off to vacuum the rest of the carpet
  21. 21.
    >Rainbow faints in a puddle of her own piss
  22. 22.
    >You'll beat her with a newspaper for that later
  23. 23.
     
  24. 24.
    Twilight Sparkle
  25. 25.
    >immediately after the incident with Rainbow Dash, you head on over to Golden Oaks library to visit Twilight
  26. 26.
    >"Oh hello Anon! How can I help you today?"
  27. 27.
    >You offer to help her clean up the library, free of charge
  28. 28.
    >"That'd be great, Anon! Spike's been visiting Rarity's boutique so much lately that he's been neglecting his cleaning duties...I can't even think straight with it being dirty like this..."
  29. 29.
    >She invites you in and you follow her as she trots into the main room
  30. 30.
    >You offer to get started on the floor first
  31. 31.
    >"Oooh! Yes please! Let me go fetch the mop--"
  32. 32.
    >You hold up a finger to stop her, and instead whip out the nozzle of the backpack vacuum, as if you're doing a budget cosplay of Luigi's Mansion
  33. 33.
    >You wait for that sweet phrase as Twilight stares dumbfounded, purple eyes sparkling and vibrant with curiousity
  34. 34.
    >"Wow. What's that?"
  35. 35.
    >Oh yes
  36. 36.
    >Click
  37. 37.
    >VRMMMMMMmmmMMMmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM
  38. 38.
    >You lose sight of the bookish little unicorn as she manages to jump into the air faster than your eyes can digest the information and send it to your brain
  39. 39.
    >She almost touches the ceiling
  40. 40.
    >She's so shocked she doesn't think to cushion her fall with magic, instead thumping down on her butt
  41. 41.
    >"WUAHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAASTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPSTOPSTOP!"
  42. 42.
    >VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM
  43. 43.
    >"D-DON'T COME CLOSER! N-NOOOO!!"
  44. 44.
    >VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM
  45. 45.
    >The unicorn's little horn exploded in purple brilliance, and she whips a book forth from the shelf, preparing to launch it in self-defense
  46. 46.
    >You simply shove the vacuum towards her suddenly, and her tail shoots straight out as she flinches, the book dropping
  47. 47.
    >She's finally hit that sweet spot of being to scared to even think straight, her voice failing, pupils dilated
  48. 48.
    >You lift the vacuum and place it on her butt, the suction catching her fatty rear
  49. 49.
    >She promptly wets the floor, passing out with an exasperated sigh
  50. 50.
    >You were so going to the dungeons for this
  51. 51.
     
  52. 52.
    Pinkie Pie
  53. 53.
    >You knew it wouldn't be long before Rainbow Dash woke up from her vacuum-induced coma and flew into town to tell her friends/kick you ass
  54. 54.
    >Time was of the essence here
  55. 55.
    >You leave the library, powerwalking over the cobblestone street to your next destination
  56. 56.
    >Sugarcube Corner
  57. 57.
    >The frosty spires of the cookie wafer-constructed candy shop rises before you, and in the blink of an eye you're up the icing-laced staircase, entering through the store's perpetually-open doors
  58. 58.
    >You ready your nozzle even though you don't see Pinkie yet
  59. 59.
    >That bitch had a thing for surprising you by popping out when you least expected it
  60. 60.
    >Not. Today.
  61. 61.
    >You creep across the confetti-strewn floor, looking like Agent 47 on a mission at a Ghostbusters convention
  62. 62.
    >Your nerves were on edge
  63. 63.
    >It was too fucking quiet
  64. 64.
    >A small ding comes from the bell on the counter, causing your body to freeze up and you to swing the nozzle around
  65. 65.
    >Nothing there, just he glass countertop
  66. 66.
    >Fuck thi--
  67. 67.
    >"HEYA ANON!"
  68. 68.
    >Pinkie's head sticks OUT OF THE VACUUM NOZZLE and grins maniacally at you as you fall backwards on your ass, swearing in every language you knew
  69. 69.
    >"Hee hee! You always say those funny-sounding words when I give you one of my super-duper surprise greetings!"
  70. 70.
    >THIS BITCH
  71. 71.
    >She was gonna get it
  72. 72.
    >She was gonna get it SO HARD
  73. 73.
    >After admonishing her for almost giving you a heart attack, you set your plan into motion, gesturing to the messy floor
  74. 74.
    >"Clean the floor? Why d'you wanna do that, anon? It's only gonna get messy again you know!"
  75. 75.
    >You tell her it's a falling hazard, using what just happened as an example
  76. 76.
    >"Oh no! I would never want anybody to get hurt because of my pretty party paper pieces! Go ahead!"
  77. 77.
    >Without any further foolishness you produce the jet black nozzle from behind you, aiming it down towards the floor
  78. 78.
    >Knowing how unpredictable Pinkie was, you weren't going to take any chances by half assing this
  79. 79.
    >As Pinkie's head tilts and she brings her sickeningly cute face closer to the cleaning contraption, the Golden Question on the tip of her tongue, you lower your free hand to the Suction Level knob
  80. 80.
    >Med
  81. 81.
    >Med-Hi
  82. 82.
    >Hi
  83. 83.
    >MAX POWER
  84. 84.
    >Pinkie looks down at the nozzle, staring at it intently
  85. 85.
    >"Oooh oooh oooh! Whatcha got there, anon! Is it one of your weirdo human thingies?"
  86. 86.
    >click
  87. 87.
    >VRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRRRRRVVVVVVVVVMMMM
  88. 88.
    >Pinkie yelps out loud in pure terror, actually standing up on her hindlegs and shielding her face like a human would
  89. 89.
    >Her poofy pink tail curls between her hindlegs
  90. 90.
    >Her squeals of fright were so loud and high-pitched they actually hurt your ears a bit
  91. 91.
    >Still, a job was a job
  92. 92.
    >You began to aggressively move towards her, waving the vacuum back and forth like a flame thrower
  93. 93.
    >"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ANON NO! NOnononONONONO! IT'S GONNA EAT MEEE! IIIIIIIIITTTS GONNA EEEEEEEAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEE!!!"
  94. 94.
    >You back her up against the store's back wall, jars of multi-colored rock bandy clinking and wobbling as her back hits them
  95. 95.
    >She was petrified, eyes wide and mouth fully grimaced, her chest rising and falling rapidly
  96. 96.
    >Not so funny now was it, you crack-snorting candyslut
  97. 97.
    >Time for the finishing blow
  98. 98.
    >"A...a-anon...please. st-stop. f-for me? I-I won't..sc-sc-scare you again...I p-promise...I..d-d-...d-dont hurt me...pl-please"
  99. 99.
    >Fuck
  100. 100.
    >Those big, teary eyes almost made you stop
  101. 101.
    >Almost
  102. 102.
    >Why contain it?
  103. 103.
    >You shove the vacuum towards her face, the suction quickly snatching her hair and yanking it towards you
  104. 104.
    >VRRRMMSHWUNKTTTHHHHHHHHH
  105. 105.
    >On cue, she her bladder empties itself down her shivering legs as she cries in terror, tail soaked in her own pink lemonade
  106. 106.
    >You pull the vacuum towards you until her hair is entirely straight, and then shut the vacuum off
  107. 107.
    >She falls forward, KO'd and in a pool of piss and confetti
  108. 108.
    >Pop pop pop
  109. 109.
    >watching ponies drop
  110. 110.
     
  111. 111.
    Rarity
  112. 112.
    >You make a hasty exit from Sugarcube Corner, almost breaking your ankle tripping down the frosted stairs in the process
  113. 113.
    >It was time get your Oreck-fueled jimmies off on another pone before Celestia herself personally came and shut you the fuck down
  114. 114.
    >Continuing on in the pattern of traveling to whatever destination was nearest to save time, you began to jog towards Rarity's circus-like boutique, stopping on her doorstep to catch your breath for a moment
  115. 115.
    >Running with this big-ass appliance on your back was really taking the wind out of you, you probably shouldn't have slacked off in gym class so much
  116. 116.
    >You'd tap X instead of holding it down while running from now on
  117. 117.
    >Straightening up and exhaling curtly one final time, you knocked on the door, hoping you didn't look too disheveled for her tastes
  118. 118.
    >The door swings open almost immediately
  119. 119.
    >....nobody was there
  120. 120.
    >Literally, the door must have been opened by a fucking ghost
  121. 121.
    >Just as you were about to NOPE out, you actually took the time to look down, spotting a little purple baby dragon glaring back up at you
  122. 122.
    >"What are YOU doing here?"
  123. 123.
    >Oh no
  124. 124.
    >Not this little nigger
  125. 125.
    >just as you were about to reciprocate his heated question, the sound of Rarity's ladylike voice wafts through the air, interrupting your thoughts
  126. 126.
    >"Spiiike, darling...who is it at the door?"
  127. 127.
    >"....anon."
  128. 128.
    >"What was that, dear? Anon...oh Anon~?! Really? Well don't just stand there, let him in!"
  129. 129.
    >Spike rolls his eyes, but steps aside, allowing you to enter
  130. 130.
    >That's right faget, stay salty
  131. 131.
    >You stroll in with a smile to find the pale white fashionista busy with a massive, glittery garment, various pins, baubles, and strings flying around her in a slow-moving whirlwind of magical activity
  132. 132.
    >It was beautiful
  133. 133.
    >"Hello anon, daarling...how may I, Rarity be of service today?"
  134. 134.
    >Welp, time to fuck shit up.
  135. 135.
    >As the gears of your brain began to spin and churn, a very disgruntled Spike stomps back into the room, immediately taking up a semi-defensive stance near Rarity's hooves
  136. 136.
    >This little faggot wasn't going to make things easy
  137. 137.
    >Then again, neither was Rarity
  138. 138.
    >Her entire home was immaculately clean. Pure, flawless, unstained by such common things like dirt and clutter.
  139. 139.
    >Just like her
  140. 140.
    >Shit
  141. 141.
    >Looks like you'd have to make your own mess
  142. 142.
    >You began to engage Rarity in light conversation, casually leaning against one of her tables, this one in particular carrying various jars of glitter on it's surface
  143. 143.
    >You waited calmly for the 99-second ALERT timer on Spike to reach zero, and when he finally took his eyes off of you, you bumped one of the jars off of the table with your hip
  144. 144.
    >Glitter went flying fucking EVERYWHERE
  145. 145.
    >"Anooon, how could you! That's my finest jar of Shirley's Golden Glitter! Now it's all over the floor...it's RUINED! Spike, be a dear and fetch my broom from upstairs, would you?"
  146. 146.
    >Instead of interrupting him, you actually allow him to scurry upstairs
  147. 147.
    >Rarity was finally wide open
  148. 148.
    >As she looked glumly at the spilled glitter, lowering the garment held in her magic a bit, you offered an apology and an alternative way to clean it up
  149. 149.
    >"Oh no no no, anon. While I do appreciate the chivalry, I would never allow a guest to do such a thing."
  150. 150.
    >Fuck, Spike would be back any moment. You had to act now.
  151. 151.
    >You pulled out the vacuum, and insisted on being allowed to clean it up. You had to test out a new invention anyway, to see how it worked!
  152. 152.
    >"Well...I suppose you COULD clean up a teensy bit of it..."
  153. 153.
    >Aw yeah. You brought the vacuum out, and settled it on the floor.
  154. 154.
    >"Oh dear...what IS that awful-looking contraption?"
  155. 155.
    >Every time
  156. 156.
    >click
  157. 157.
    >VRUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  158. 158.
    >The startled seamstress leaped backwards, not quite reaching Twilight's high score but almost, a shrill scream erupting from her so loudly that it actually drowned out the vacuum for a second
  159. 159.
    >"WAH-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!"
  160. 160.
    >The pins and string that she had been keeping magically afloat shuddered in midair and then exploded outwards in a nuclear explosion of flying fashion fragments, zipping through the air like deadly ninja stars
  161. 161.
    >It was at this moment Spike decided to rush down the stairs, happily carrying the broom
  162. 162.
    >A fat spool of red string slammed directly into his stomach, knocking him against the wall and emptying all the wind out of his body
  163. 163.
    >Rarity would have turned in concern for his well-being, were she not herself frightened out of her fucking mind
  164. 164.
    >She wasn't even saying words anymore, just uttering gibberish as the vacuum made it's unstoppable approach
  165. 165.
    >Her dainty mascara ran down her face in dark streams, tears soaking once pure white cheeks
  166. 166.
    >She was on her back, crawling away from the vacuum, pricking herself with the pins that had fallen haphazardly to the floor
  167. 167.
    >Finally she had backed herself up against her favorite giant mirror, the vacuum roaring right at her quivering hindlegs
  168. 168.
    >"A-anon.....y-you....you wouldn't h-hurt a lady, w-w-would you?"
  169. 169.
    >No. Of course not, you informed her.
  170. 170.
    >She sighed shakily, visibly relieved
  171. 171.
    >You're not a lady though. You'se a pony, bitch.
  172. 172.
    >Her eyes shrunk to dots
  173. 173.
    >"N-no....D-DON'T!!!"
  174. 174.
    >FINISH HER
  175. 175.
    >You scooted backwards twice, then forward, ducked three times, and did two jabs
  176. 176.
    >The lighting in the boutique goes pitch black as reality accepts the fatality combination
  177. 177.
    >The vacuum nozzle lunges forward, locking onto her crotch, her hooves going into the air as she utters a screech so high-pitched it shatters the mirror behind her
  178. 178.
    >The suction of the vac latches onto her just as she empties her bladder, the contraption literally sucking the piss out of her cunt and into the pack on your back
  179. 179.
    >Luckily this model could handle drink spills as well, as Seen On TV
  180. 180.
    >SHHHHHHHLUUUKUKUKUKUKRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPTH
  181. 181.
    >Her entire body straightens out and arches with one final whimpering squeal, and then she falls limp
  182. 182.
    >Spike groggily wakes up to see you standing over her, vacuum nozzle dripping piss down onto her belly
  183. 183.
    >Suffice to say, that niggas mad as FUCK
  184. 184.
    >He leaps at you in rage, but you think quickly, still on an adrenaline high from demolishing Rarity
  185. 185.
    >You sweep the nozzle up just in time to catch him in it's suction.
  186. 186.
    >His little belly gets stuck on the tip, arms and legs flailing uselessly
  187. 187.
    >You reach back and flip a switch, aiming the nozzle at an open window
  188. 188.
    >REVERSE
  189. 189.
    >Witnesses would later befuddle royal investigators by all claiming to have seen a small dragon flying over ponyville on a rainbow blast of urine, screaming anon's name at the top of his lungs
  190. 190.
     
  191. 191.
    Fluttershy
  192. 192.
    >Well, you were past the point of no return now
  193. 193.
    >It was time to finish the job
  194. 194.
    >This next one should be a piece of cake
  195. 195.
    >It'd be like a break before the final boss battle
  196. 196.
    >No time to lollygag now, Rainbow was surely up and about once again
  197. 197.
    >You exited Rarity's boutique through the same window you shot Spike out of, and ran across the fields along the outskirts of town
  198. 198.
    >By the time you reached the stone bridge leading to Fluttershy's cottage you were entirely out of breath
  199. 199.
    >You were forced to walk slowly up the woodland path to her door, or risk catching a heart attack while trying to make Fluttershy have one
  200. 200.
    >You knocked the nozzle of the vacuum on her door, gasping softly
  201. 201.
    >After a few minutes, the door opens just a tiny crack, a quivering teal eye staring up at you
  202. 202.
    >"H-hello? Oh! An...Anon...come in!"
  203. 203.
    >The door creaks open slowly, and you stagger inside, still trying to refill your lungs
  204. 204.
    >You immediately crash onto her reclining couch, leaning back
  205. 205.
    >Fluttershy swiftly swoops over you like a worried mother, her big eyes full of sincere worry
  206. 206.
    >"Oh my! Anonymous are you alright? D-do you need something to drink? A wet towel? A blanket? Oh dear, oh dear!"
  207. 207.
    >You hold up a hand, silencing her hushed words
  208. 208.
    >You assure her that you're okay, just tired
  209. 209.
    >She calms down some, but only a little, still fluttering about you nervously
  210. 210.
    >As she goes to fetch a cup of water, you notice her floor is covered in animal crap
  211. 211.
    >It smells, but thankfully it's old enough that the stink has diminished some
  212. 212.
    >When she returns, you offer to clean it up with your new contraption
  213. 213.
    >"O-oh! Well, y-you can, if you really want to...I mean, i-it's no problem at all. Please, b-be my guest."
  214. 214.
    >God, that stutter was getting annoying
  215. 215.
    >Unfortunately, it was about to get a whole lot worse
  216. 216.
    >With the glass of water in one hand, you bring forth that great destroyer of worlds, the solid black vacuum nozzle
  217. 217.
    >Fluttershy instinctively shudders at the sight of it, her body beginning to involuntary shiver
  218. 218.
    >Man, this shit wasn't even fair
  219. 219.
    >What a shame
  220. 220.
    >It doesn't look she's going to ask the question though, she's just standing there, trying not to look too hard at it
  221. 221.
    >You beckon for her to come closer. You want her to see how it works
  222. 222.
    >You tell her it's just like a big scooper fish or some bullshit, and she buys it, coming close, face still half-hidden behind her pink mane
  223. 223.
    >"um anon...are you su--"
  224. 224.
    >click
  225. 225.
    >VRRRRVRRRVRRRVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  226. 226.
    >The only way you would have ever been able to tell that a pegasus pony existed in the spot Fluttershy had been standing in would be the handful of yellow feathers left behind on the ground
  227. 227.
    >She was now glued to the ceiling, shrieking her brains out, already weeping uncontrollably
  228. 228.
    >"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK--*"
  229. 229.
    >Her voice gave out after only a second or so, her wings freezing up and her body falling onto the couch on her back
  230. 230.
    >She promptly emptied both her bowels and her bladder messily over the floor, the stream of piss shooting clean across the living room while a fresh load of crap was added to the animal droppings on the floorboards
  231. 231.
    >She didn't quite pass out, so much as she fucking expired right then and there, her heart stopping and her eyes rolling into the back of her head, mouth dripping with frothing bubbles
  232. 232.
    >For a second you were actually afraid she had suffered cardiac arrest, rushing to put your ear on her chest
  233. 233.
    >Her heartbeat was still going strong, thankfully, although it was beating so hard it put Sonic to shame
  234. 234.
    >Well, that was easy
  235. 235.
    >Angel sticks his head out of a cupboard, frightened by the sudden noise
  236. 236.
    >He sees you, then looks to Fluttershy, and NOPES right out
  237. 237.
    >Smart rabbit
  238. 238.
     
  239. 239.
    Applejack
  240. 240.
    >You quietly creep out of Fluttershy's cottage after the shit-spewing debacle, taking a shortcut down the small cliff that lay at the rear of her home
  241. 241.
    >Only one pone left
  242. 242.
    >This one would be the toughest, no doubt
  243. 243.
    >But the payoff would be more than worth it
  244. 244.
    >Without any fucking around, you began to trek directly towards the large tree-lined hill in the distance, stomping across the waist-length grass that grew all around you
  245. 245.
    >Thankfully it was pretty much a straight-shot, just grass and sky inbetween you and Sweet Apple Acres
  246. 246.
    >You were doing good so far, maybe you could relax a little...
  247. 247.
    >BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
  248. 248.
    >Holy fucking shit, what was that
  249. 249.
    >You look up just in time to see a surreal rainbow scatter across the sky, it's center somewhere in Ponyville
  250. 250.
    >A sonic rainboom
  251. 251.
    >That could only mean one thing
  252. 252.
    >Rainbow was up
  253. 253.
    >And she was MAD
  254. 254.
    >Your available time suddenly went to single digits
  255. 255.
    >You break out into a dead sprint, the theme song of 28 Weeks Later beginning to drift into the air
  256. 256.
    >When you reach the fence separating Sweet Apple Acres from the rest of the countryside, you parkour that shit like it's a waist-high wall in Mirror's Edge
  257. 257.
    >From there it doesn't take longer to reach the barn, it's large, thick door wide open, indicating someone was inside
  258. 258.
    >Hopefully not Big Mac
  259. 259.
    >You stagger inside, at the limit of your endurance, wheezing like the dead man you're soon about to be
  260. 260.
    >An unassuming orange earth pony mare turns around to greet you, familiar brown hat tipped back on her sandy blonde hair
  261. 261.
    >"Howdy there, Anon! Haven't seen you 'round these parts in a while! Whut brings y'all down to th' farm?"
  262. 262.
    >Endgame engage.
  263. 263.
    >You try to hide the fact that you're so tuckered that you're using the vacuum pole as a crutch at this point, playing it off like it's a classy pimp cane
  264. 264.
    >You tell her Twilight sent you to offer some help with the day's chores, knowing that AJ has had problems with refusing help in the past
  265. 265.
    >The country mare falls for it hook line and sinker, not wanting to repeat the stubbornness that got her into trouble in the past
  266. 266.
    >"Why that sounds jus' fine, sugarcube. Ah could actually use a hoof...er...hand with th' mess in here."
  267. 267.
    >Things were moving smoothly
  268. 268.
    >You might just make it out of this after all
  269. 269.
    >You show her the vacuum, telling her that it's a quiet cleaning machine
  270. 270.
    >"Shucks, ah don't know much about fancy machinery, sweetheart. Ah'll just take yer word for it!"
  271. 271.
    >You smile
  272. 272.
    >click
  273. 273.
    >....
  274. 274.
    >....
  275. 275.
    >Nothing happens
  276. 276.
    >"Uhh...what's th' problem pardner? Yer contraption ain't workin' right? Here, lemme take a look see...maybe ya jus' need to knock it around a bit...that usually works"
  277. 277.
    >She sticks her face right against the nozzle
  278. 278.
    >SHE FELL FOR LE EPIK RUSE
  279. 279.
    >click
  280. 280.
    >VRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  281. 281.
    >The powerful mare, headstrong mare twists and shouts, tripping over her own hooves in order to get away from the blaring noise of the mighty vacuum
  282. 282.
    >Her hat falls off in the proccess, getting sucked up with an unholy siphoning noise
  283. 283.
    >"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHH NELLY!!! WHUT IN SWEET TARNATION!?"
  284. 284.
    >She instinctively turns around, and sends her hindlegs rocketing towards your torso faster than you can react
  285. 285.
    >Fortunately you didn't have to, as the vacuum pipe was in the way
  286. 286.
    >It buckled like a plastic drinking straw, absorbing most of the blow of the hard buck.
  287. 287.
    >Shit, it was useless now
  288. 288.
     
  289. 289.
    >Agility Mode:Activate
  290. 290.
    >This model was made to be packed up and cleaned easily, praise the gods
  291. 291.
    >You simply detach the fucked up nozzle, tossing it to the side and instead hold the pipe, lunging for her head
  292. 292.
    >She turns away, screaming out all kinds of earth pony obscenities
  293. 293.
    >the pipe snatches her ear, and she locks up in terror, her Fight or Flight instincts finally tipping over to Flight
  294. 294.
    >SHWUNKTTHTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  295. 295.
    >You pin her down on her side and let the vacuum simply leer at the side of her face with her ear inside, roaring incessantly
  296. 296.
    >She snaps, the noise too much for her pony brain to process
  297. 297.
    >She begins to sob in a big, pathetic drawling tone, special-made Applejack cider flooding the inside of her hindlegs, puddling on the floor
  298. 298.
    >Mission Complete
  299. 299.
    >"THERE HE IS! ANON, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?"
  300. 300.
    >Wha?
  301. 301.
    >You look up to see Rainbow Dash and Twilight breathlessly staring at you
  302. 302.
    >Might as well go all out
  303. 303.
    >You get up off of the sobbing Applejack and go for the two of them, grinning like a madman
  304. 304.
    >Twilight teleports out of the way, Rainbow Dash swooping up high
  305. 305.
    >"Anon, why are you doing this!? I thought we were pals!"
  306. 306.
    >Twilight reappears in a flash a few feet away
  307. 307.
    >Rainbow keeps her distance above
  308. 308.
    >They're still too scared to come near the vacuum
  309. 309.
    >Maybe you could try to make a quick run for it...
  310. 310.
    >You turn towards the open barn door, beginning to sprint towards freedom
  311. 311.
    >A bright flare of searing light knocks you off of your feet, your elbow hitting the off switch on the vacuum
  312. 312.
    >You struggle to sit up on your elbows, the light fading
  313. 313.
    >Sweet mother of God.
  314. 314.
    >A pale, ethereal alicorn with a mane comprised of the very essence of the cosmos itself stands before you
  315. 315.
    >She's not happy.
  316. 316.
    >"ANON. THIS ENDS. NOW."
  317. 317.
     
  318. 318.
    Celestia
  319. 319.
    >Any thoughts you had of trying to be a hero disappear real fucking fast once you see that seething magenta glare
  320. 320.
    >Now it was your turn to be terrified out of your mind
  321. 321.
    >No
  322. 322.
    >You're not getting captured here
  323. 323.
    >It can't end like this
  324. 324.
    >You begin to scramble away, turning onto your belly, crawling and scrabbling like a worm away from her holy light
  325. 325.
    >How the mighty have fallen
  326. 326.
    >Somehow, you're not dead yet
  327. 327.
    >Maybe she would be lenient
  328. 328.
    >You get to your feet and try to run
  329. 329.
    >Bad move
  330. 330.
    >The god-like Princess blasts you in the back with a fiery zap of ancient magic, sending you flying across the barn
  331. 331.
    >Your spine feels like it's on fire.
  332. 332.
    >You vacuum took the hit for you, it's final act
  333. 333.
    >it's toast now
  334. 334.
    >You roll onto your back, groaning in pain
  335. 335.
    >Celestia's already standing over you, her golden horseshoes pinning your shoulders
  336. 336.
    >"Do you have anything left to say for yourself, Anonymous?"
  337. 337.
    >Her horns begins to glow
  338. 338.
    >This is it
  339. 339.
    >Only one thing left to do
  340. 340.
    >You flick the vacuum switch to on
  341. 341.
    >hopefully it'll explode and give you a swift death
  342. 342.
    >click
  343. 343.
    >It explodes
  344. 344.
    >An explosion of sound
  345. 345.
     
  346. 346.
  347. 347.
     
  348. 348.
    >Celestia, in all her ancient wisdom could have never predictated what would happen when an ordinary vacuum cleaner was infused with Alicorn magic
  349. 349.
    >The sheer wall of noise generated by the supercharged machine was enough to knock her off of her hooves, flinging her body across the ground like it was a little girl's toy
  350. 350.
    >You rose to your feet, entire body roaring with the sound of hellish steel and unholy suction
  351. 351.
    >You had become vacuum, destroyer of dirt
  352. 352.
    >Celestia looked up at you, feeling something she hadn't felt in eons
  353. 353.
    >fear
  354. 354.
    >With her hindlegs spread and trembling, she emptied her bladder in a clear ribbon of gold, the warm stream splashing across your pants
  355. 355.
    >You lowered yourself over her
  356. 356.
    >your lips hovered before her ear
  357. 357.
    "Wu-Tang ain't nuthin' to fuck with."
  358. 358.
     
  359. 359.
    >after spouting that horrible endgame quote ripped directly from a bad Dave Chappelle skit, you jam the end of the vacuum pipe directly into her pale marehood, capturing the last of her priceless fluids in the pack on your back
  360. 360.
    >Even with her mental fortitude, the sensation of the suction she inadverdantly created causes her to faint, galactic mane going flat for the first time in a millenium
  361. 361.
    >The sight of this makes Twilight pass out yet again, but Rainbow Dash tries one last attack
  362. 362.
    >you lift a finger, and the air itself coalesces to your will, forming a wall of pressure that she slams into like a car windshield
  363. 363.
    >"You monster, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE PRINCESS!?"
  364. 364.
    >You chuckle and aim the nozzle of the glowing vacuum at her
  365. 365.
    >The sight of it alone is now enough to make the brash pegasus lose control of herself all over her blue thighs
  366. 366.
    >She doesn't say anything after that
  367. 367.
    >You drop her to the ground to stew in her own waste, and she glares up at you
  368. 368.
    >"Just......why?"
  369. 369.
    >Instead of telling her that you like scaring the fuck out of ponies and making them wet the floor you just stare back, and then begin to walk away
  370. 370.
    >The night was just starting
  371. 371.
    >Ponyville was yours now
  372. 372.
    >You wouldn't rest until you had frightened every single pony in town
  373. 373.
    >After that, who knows
  374. 374.
    >You turn the switch on your vacuum one final time, and the cacophony finally dies down to nothing
  375. 375.
    >As you travel down the road into the softly glowing night-time town the haunting, murky guitar of Nirvana's "Come As You Are" begins to float up, camera panning to the stars
  376. 376.
    >The End
  377. 377.
    >Directed by 4chan
  378. 378.
    >Starring Anon as Anonymous

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