Equestrian etiquette


                                            original post:https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/25570084/#q25570084

                                            *original author is Anon*

                                            ---

                                            OP:

                                            >"Rarity please"

                                            >"I'm begging you..."

                                            >"Don't take anon away from me"

                                            >"He is the best thing that could have happened to me"

                                            "B-But darling..."

                                            "That's not my desicion, it's his..."

                                            >"B-But, I thought t-that..."

                                            >"I-I g-guess that's it then..."

                                            >"Just tell him I'm sorry"

                                            --

                                            >>25570084

                                            >Anon could just sit there watching in silence as he realized that ponies take their table seats positions very very seriously.


                                            >Rarity takes her place beside you

                                            "Twilight could you please pass the mashed potato" you ask, hoping to ignore the sobbing Rainbow Dash a few seats from you

                                            >Twilight ignores you

                                            "Twilight?" you ask again

                                            >"I'm sorry Anon but according to Equestrian table manners nopony can talk to the owner of the house"

                                            >"Didn't you read that book on Equestrian etiquette I sent you?"

                                            >That damn book was a tome

                                            >You'd been using it as a doorstop for weeks now

                                            "Alright, well, no bu-"

                                            >You're inturrupted as Twilight used her magic to slam your head into the table

                                            >You yelp in pain and lurch back

                                            "What the hell was that for?!"

                                            >"Rule 18, Section 12; nopony can start a sentence with a vowel"

                                            >"Oh go easy on him Twilight, he's new to this" says Applejack

                                            >Realising what she's just said, her expression turns to one of firm resolve as Pinkie leans over from her seat and smashes Applejack's head through the hard, mahogany table

                                            >"Yes! That's double points for me!" chirps Pinkie and splatters two hoof-fuls of her food onto the wall

                                            >"Foul!" cries Fluttershy "Double points only occur if the table is made of oak or hickory!"

                                            >"But we're going by the Equestrian Standard edition 4.0, not 3.5!" retorts Pinkie

                                            >"Arguing over rules, that's a double disqualifier!" yells Rainbow Dash and wipes away her tears before her head is mercilessly slammed into the table by Rarity

                                            >"Pegasi-Unicorn Bonus round!" declares Rarity and begins passionately making out with the dazed Rainbow Dash whilst the other ponies start arranging their food into as many geometric shapes as possible

                                            "Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?" you demand

                                            >All the ponies gasp

                                            >"Anon swore! Dance round initiated!" cries Twilight and slams her head into the table

                                            >She lifts her head, blood dripping from her nose, and levitates you into the middle of the table

                                            >"Dance! Dance! Dance!" the ponies chant

                                            >You cry as you sway from side to side and the ponies break out into loud ululating

                                            >Fucking ponies man