[Celestia]What am I doing here by Anon

*original author is Anon*

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"What am I doing here?"

 

The question catches her off-guard, you can tell. She stop walking, looking back at you, a curious frown on her face.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, why did you invite me here? It's not like I don't appreciate the invitation--I do. I just don't know why you're interested in talking with me now. All the times we talked before you never seemed to pay any special attention."

 

You feel heat rise to your face. It's not easy questioning her like that. Hell, you don't even know why you did it. The day you got the invitation--directly from her, no less--your heart leapt from your chest to your throat. It was all you could do to mumble an acceptance.

 

The moments the words left your mouth she gave you that petite, private little smile of hers. If you didn't know better, you'd swear she reserved it for you.

 

But who are you? Just another guy working in the castle. Humans were common around here nowadays, your luck, nothing more, landed you here.

 

A tap on your shoulder brings you back to the present. You look up, seeing Celestia, that same smile on her face, staring down at you, her wing laying across your shoulders.

 

"Can a princess not enjoy time with one of her subjects?"

 

You'd never admit it, but you loved being called her subject, like you belonged here. You just wish you could be something more, too.

 

"You're the boss. Sorry I spoke up like that, my curiosity got away from me."

 

"Apologize? You have nothing to apologize for."

 

God, that voice. It could melt the hardest heart just as easily as it could caress the hairs on your arm. You could lose yourself in it, listen to her talk about nothing for hours.

 

The hard marble floor clicks under her hooves just as it thumps under your shoes. The echoes fill the air, asking if there is something more to be said. You know there is, but you can't put feeling to words.

 

"Come! I'd like to show you something."

 

Her wing gives an encouraging push on your back and she leads you through a rather impressive set of double-doors with the sun emblazoned on them.

 

Her bedchamber. Her most private room. What could she possibly be showing you?

 

She pauses near the dresser, removing her hoofboots. Next, she grabs her necklace with magic, but seems to be having trouble. After a yank on it, she pauses then turns to you.

 

"This is embarrassing, but... could you perhaps help?"

 

Of course, you want to say.

 

"O-oh! Y-yeah. Sure," is what comes out.

 

She angles her neck forward a touch, allowing you easy access to the necklace. You approach, cautious, as if you're scared your hands might sully that immaculate white coat. A bead of sweat drips from your forehead; this doesn't feel right at all. You don't deserve to be this close... do you?

 

A light chuckle fills the air in that wonderful voice, sweet and thick as honey. A magical prod moves you close enough to finally get your hands around the necklace and you slide it up her slender neck, her smooth coat caressing your fingers as they move. It didn't seem like it was stuck at all.

 

Once off her head, you hold it awkwardly a moment before shoving it out toward her. "H-here."

 

Her magic takes it and places it on the dresser. "Please, relax. I want you to enjoy your time with me; goodness knows there is precious little of it."

 

You've only seen her without the royal accessories once before, and she's every bit as beautiful as you remember. It's almost like she radiates sunlight, the pure white of her coat now uninterrupted by the gold jewelry. You swallow hard, but nod, trying to let yourself calm down.

 

"That's better. Now, come out here."

 

She walks--no, glides--to the balcony attached to her bedroom. The windows open for her, releasing a burst of wind into her face. Celestia does not wince or frown, but closes her eyes and smiles, letting it blow across her coat, visible ripples washing over her body in waves. Her mane and tail, the wispy things they are, do not relent to the wind, content to keep their smooth flow like always.

 

Letting out a deep breath, you follow Celestia outside. The sun blinds you only a moment before fading, like Celestia was calming the glare just for you.

 

The view is magnificent; something you imagine precious view have seen. The courtyard, the garden, even the city itself lies before you, some places bustling with ponies, others quiet and still. You feel like you could capture it all and hold it, even put in your pocket and save it for later; a rush of joy and wonder bundled up into one powerful experience.

 

"It's all so small, sometimes," says Celestia, turning to you. "And it only grows when there are ponies--or people--to share it with. What do you think?"

 

"I, well, I honestly don't know what to think. It's, just, wow." You let out a nervous laugh. "I thought the watchtower was something, but this..."

 

"I'm glad you enjoy it. Most ponies don't take the time to appreciate it, but that would be a grevious error, I think. Of course, I admit a certain pride." She grins at you. "Can you forgive a princess her indulgences?"

 

"Forgive?" What was it she said before? "There's nothing to forgive. I'd feel the same."

 

"Your are very kind to say so." Sitting down on her haunches, she motions you closer. When you take a step in, her abundant wing wraps around you and pulls you snug against her body. "I know it's quite windy out. Wouldn't want you getting cold."

 

Her body breaths life itself, a comforting heat that radiates from her core. A yearning for it builds up within you, compelling you to sit down and wrap your arm around her back.

 

You worry the action might be pretentious, but from the calm bliss on Celestia's face, you can tell that's exactly what she wanted.

 

"Does it get lonely? Standing up here, looking down at the world?"

 

"Lonely? Ah, I would not put it that way. It... creates a void within you, one that settles in your mind, always present, but never pressing. It's easy to forget about, but there are times you are reminded of it. I'm hardly lonely with my friends, my sister, and the other aquaintances that keep me company nearby, but they do not fill that void, only hide it, supress it." For the first time since you'd come to know her, you see her face crack. The darkness is in her eyes, on her lips, even tainting her cheeks. It hurts you to witness it. "It can be a terrible thing, 'want'."

 

"Is there nothing you, a princess, can do about it?"

 

"It's not something so simple to aquire or easy to find. That void can never disappear, I can only share it in hopes another can fill it."

 

You rub her back, hand moving in small circles, wishing you could pull that darkness from her. That face doesn't deserve to wear such pain. If you could do anything to take it away, you would.

 

Her wing pulls you in tighter, but you don't protest. You only want it to pull harder.

 

"It is a silly, thing, the sun." Her eyes drift to it, as if she wishes the light would cleanse her. All you see is another burden she must bear, though. "Always there, oblivious to what it does, only knowing it moves. When you look at it, you see not wishes or dreams, not misery or desire, but a thing of necessity. I move it through the sky, never asking that question myself."

 

"It took a long time until I found someone to ask that question themselves."

 

You tear your eyes from the sun, finding Celestia now gazing at you, those eyes searching, brimming with fire behind a face that did everything in its power to hide it.

 

But you don't think she wanted to hide it any more.

 

You lean your head against her neck as she lays hers across your shoulder, legs, wings and arms all intersecting, rushing to embrace the other. Her heartbeat thrums in your ears, the baseline to your symphony of emotion.

 

'What am I doing here?' you had asked.

 

You close your eyes, the biggest grin on your face. You swear you can feel Celestia do the same.

 

Now you know.