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>Be Fifth Wheel, an earth mare with mediocre looks and crap talent.
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>That would be a recipe to spending rest of your days struggling to get accepted into even least picky herds, however one day you stumbled upon this mail-order husband thing.
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>Normally you'd brush it off as an obvious scam, but you were desperate at that point.
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>You filled that dumb personality test for best match and sent it.
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>When you actually had your 'package' arrive you just plopped down on your tushie in surprise.
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>Instead of meek and subby husbando you wished for you got a towering slab of muscle, with several scars and even some strange tattoos.
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>There had to be some kind a mistake...
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>But... It's not like-
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>It's not like you could send him back, right?
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>He spoke in broken equish and often got into angry rants about something called 'Chechens', whatever that might be.
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>On the other hoof, he kinda grew on you. Daily pets and snuggling were divine and he was a rather inventive cook.
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>The dishes weren't exquisite in the slightest, but by Celestia, he could turn practically anything into a serviceable meal.
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>In a week you moved from junk food to healthiest diet you've had in decades!
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>However your husband takes special pleasure in spoiling you every now and then.
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>Today was one of these days, and he's been hard at work in the kitchen for the last half-an-hour, teasing your olfactory senses something fierce.
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>Sudden ruckus rips you from your daydream.
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>"HAY!"
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>That's a mare's voice! Some clit-for-brains is trying to steal your husbando right from your kitchen!
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>"NO! BAD! NO TOUCHING BLINI!"
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>*BWANG!*
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>You buck the kitchen door open but there are no perpetrators in sight.
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>Anon grumpily looks out the window that is swung wide open. There's a slightly dented pan in his hand.
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>"So this fast blue dog comrades warned me about."
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>There are some cerulean feathers on the floor, which he promptly cleans up and dumps into the trashcan.
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>Well that's a problem that took care of itself! You'll have to keep a closer eye on the windows from now on, though...
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>But what's more important, you're getting treated to pancakes with honey today!
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>Meanwhile, be much more purple and stern.
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>Be Tempest the Traumatized Plum.
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>You gave that stupid mail-order husband thing a shot and look how it turned out.
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>Thin as a rail, easily spooked with barely any spine to him.
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>To his credit he was really conscientious, whatever you ordered he carried out, or tried to, to the best of his ability.
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"Upsies. Now."
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>"Yes, ma'am!"
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>You're picked up and held against warm and cozy chest.
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>Even though you can hear your husband's heart picking up the tempo, he maintains perfect composure.
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>Colt like that definitely needed a strong hoof in his life.
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>You're going to forge him into a battlespouse that the most elite guardsmares can only dream of...
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>Be Peetzer Pony, Princess of Pink, Pairings and Preoccupation, scrying on your two latest clients.
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>Despite letting this mix-up happen - a major blunder on your part - it seems to be working out, somehow.
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>Love truly is a powerful force.
by SNAFU-Non
by SNAFU-Non
by SNAFU-Non
by SNAFU-Non
by SNAFU-Non