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Mail Order Husband One-shot

By SNAFU-Non
Created: 2022-10-16 04:48:52
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    >Be Fifth Wheel, an earth mare with mediocre looks and crap talent.
  2. 2.
    >That would be a recipe to spending rest of your days struggling to get accepted into even least picky herds, however one day you stumbled upon this mail-order husband thing.
  3. 3.
    >Normally you'd brush it off as an obvious scam, but you were desperate at that point.
  4. 4.
    >You filled that dumb personality test for best match and sent it.
  5. 5.
    >When you actually had your 'package' arrive you just plopped down on your tushie in surprise.
  6. 6.
    >Instead of meek and subby husbando you wished for you got a towering slab of muscle, with several scars and even some strange tattoos.
  7. 7.
    >There had to be some kind a mistake...
  8. 8.
    >But... It's not like-
  9. 9.
    >It's not like you could send him back, right?
  10. 10.
    >He spoke in broken equish and often got into angry rants about something called 'Chechens', whatever that might be.
  11. 11.
    >On the other hoof, he kinda grew on you. Daily pets and snuggling were divine and he was a rather inventive cook.
  12. 12.
    >The dishes weren't exquisite in the slightest, but by Celestia, he could turn practically anything into a serviceable meal.
  13. 13.
    >In a week you moved from junk food to healthiest diet you've had in decades!
  14. 14.
    >However your husband takes special pleasure in spoiling you every now and then.
  15. 15.
    >Today was one of these days, and he's been hard at work in the kitchen for the last half-an-hour, teasing your olfactory senses something fierce.
  16. 16.
    >Sudden ruckus rips you from your daydream.
  17. 17.
    >"HAY!"
  18. 18.
    >That's a mare's voice! Some clit-for-brains is trying to steal your husbando right from your kitchen!
  19. 19.
    >"NO! BAD! NO TOUCHING BLINI!"
  20. 20.
    >*BWANG!*
  21. 21.
    >You buck the kitchen door open but there are no perpetrators in sight.
  22. 22.
    >Anon grumpily looks out the window that is swung wide open. There's a slightly dented pan in his hand.
  23. 23.
    >"So this fast blue dog comrades warned me about."
  24. 24.
    >There are some cerulean feathers on the floor, which he promptly cleans up and dumps into the trashcan.
  25. 25.
    >Well that's a problem that took care of itself! You'll have to keep a closer eye on the windows from now on, though...
  26. 26.
    >But what's more important, you're getting treated to pancakes with honey today!
  27. 27.
     
  28. 28.
    >Meanwhile, be much more purple and stern.
  29. 29.
    >Be Tempest the Traumatized Plum.
  30. 30.
    >You gave that stupid mail-order husband thing a shot and look how it turned out.
  31. 31.
    >Thin as a rail, easily spooked with barely any spine to him.
  32. 32.
    >To his credit he was really conscientious, whatever you ordered he carried out, or tried to, to the best of his ability.
  33. 33.
    "Upsies. Now."
  34. 34.
    >"Yes, ma'am!"
  35. 35.
    >You're picked up and held against warm and cozy chest.
  36. 36.
    >Even though you can hear your husband's heart picking up the tempo, he maintains perfect composure.
  37. 37.
    >Colt like that definitely needed a strong hoof in his life.
  38. 38.
    >You're going to forge him into a battlespouse that the most elite guardsmares can only dream of...
  39. 39.
     
  40. 40.
    >Be Peetzer Pony, Princess of Pink, Pairings and Preoccupation, scrying on your two latest clients.
  41. 41.
    >Despite letting this mix-up happen - a major blunder on your part - it seems to be working out, somehow.
  42. 42.
    >Love truly is a powerful force.

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