3239 18.83 KB 446
I'm Not Proud of This
By SuckingSocksCreated: 2023-05-06 22:37:58
Updated: 2023-05-17 16:57:08
Expiry: Never
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Based on a prompt from a RGRE thread.
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>It had been years since that terrible stormy night.
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>The royal weather pegasi were asked to take a break and somepony had taken advantage to create cover in the darkness.
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>Like putting a sheet over a dead body, because a part of her died that night.
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>Twilight Sparkle was pacing in the Canterlot palace halls.
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>Brainstorming a way to fix everything that went wrong so long ago.
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>When IT showed up.
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>Dropped off directly in Celestia’s bedroom past all the guards and defense spells.
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>Placed in her bed, under her sheets, that dastardly genius it would take to pull off such a feat astounded Twilight.
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>It was a baby, scientifically male, with a six pack you could grate cheese on.
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>A baby that somehow cursed Celestia or brainwashed her, or maybe it was some kind of changeling trick.
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“Either way I had to stop him and save my teacher.”
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>The guard stallions, concerned, glanced over at each other.
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>They were used to Celestia’s manic rants to herself.
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>But now Twilight too?
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>They stood stoic in the face of schizophrenic rambling.
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“I remember everypony fawning over him and his hot baby body. How they disgust me.”
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>She finally stopped trotting in circles and left.
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>Leaving for the royal kitchen.
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>Doing her best she snuck through crawling on the marble floor.
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>The sound of her hooves echoed while the chef mare watched.
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>Twilight did notice she had been spotted and cast the only spell appropriate for a member of the royal staff.
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>Using her magic she picked her up and turned her around.
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>The chef mare was scared out of her mind and let it happen, remaining still when she was put down.
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>Twilight returned to her mission.
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>Inside a cabinet, on the top shelf, higher than most ponies could reach.
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>Ponies without a massive and impressive understanding of magic anyways.
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>There it was, the menace’s source of power.
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>A half open bag of protein powder.
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>Twilight was swapping it with powdered sugar and flour.
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“Ahhh, with this I’ll finally be able to weaken him enough to break his hold on Princess Celestia.”
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>She cackled to herself, rubbing her hooves in front of her narrowed crazy eyes.
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>The chef mare was getting concerned and coughed hoping to scare off Twilight.
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>It worked.
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>Startled, Twilight galloped off with her plan set in motion.
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>She was going to watch her prey to witness the fruits of her labor.
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>Watch his perfect physique, bulging muscles, and juicy butt.
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>Watch it all crumble.
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>He should be out in the gardens, working on himself while mares and stallions alike fawn over him.
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>The hopeless fools she would soon be saving.
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>She approached the garden windows hunched over.
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>There he was, practicing his sewing while three noble mares waited with bated breaths just off to the side.
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>The ultimate threat to Equestria and harmony.
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>The adopted son of HER teacher Princess Celestia.
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>Anonymous.
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>She watched him from afar.
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>And watched and watched.
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>He's still just stitching together that stuffed bear.
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>The thirsty mares didn't seem to mind.
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>They *ooh* and *aww* at every flick of his wrist, the flex of his perfect forearms.
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>Twilight, however bored she is, doesn't move.
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>She must witness Anonymous's downfall.
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>When he drinks it he'll become nothing but skin and bones.
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>Too weak to fight even a child.
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>He'll trip every step he takes, gasp for air, and when he falls Twilight will be there.
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>And she'll laugh.
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>These vivid thoughts pleased Twilight.
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>Too bad they were all in a dream.
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>The obsessed mare had fallen asleep waiting.
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>When she looked out the window Anonymous was gone.
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>Twilight was panicking.
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>She rushed back to the kitchen to look for traces of her plan.
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>There was a mountain of dishes being attended to by more royal staff.
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>It was Friday.
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>Anonymous would be drinking from the plastic blue bunny cup.
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>He always drank from the blue bunny cup on Fridays.
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>Always.
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>Twilight pushed past the humble cleaning pony and searched through the dishes.
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>Her prize was there.
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>The cup smelled like cake batter.
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>Holy Celestia, he drank the whole thing.
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>Funny though, it also smelled like milk.
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>There wasn't any in the refrigerator.
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>Neatly organized, Twilight left after putting every dish back in its place.
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>That is, in a chaotic pile for the cleaning pony to deal with.
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>She started teleporting around the castle, tired of using her hooves.
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>Library, no.
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>Garden, no.
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>Embroidery and crocheting room, no.
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>All the places a stallion mind find himself in Anon was not.
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>Twilight groaned to herself.
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>If he's not in any of those places there's one he definitely would be.
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>With Princess Celestia.
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>Just the thought of them in the same room causes Twilight to gag.
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>She teleports just outside the throne room.
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>But a peek inside reveals no princess and no sculpted piece of trash.
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>Oh no, she thought.
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>There was one last place.
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>Twilight casts her spell one more time, taking herself to the entrance of Princess Celestia's bedroom.
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>Before she even tries spying through the right door keyhole, she's had experience, giggles and other playful noises can be heard.
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>Normally the sound of her teacher’s laughter would make her happy.
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>Now it makes her stomach turn.
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>Twilight peeps through the door to see the two of them.
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>The disgusting act they were committing together was almost too much to witness.
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>A pillow fight.
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>Celestia was of course letting Anon win as she fainted onto the bed dramatically.
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>Twilight examined him through the door and to her shock he seemed even better.
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>His six pack has become a whole damn party pack of twelve.
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>Every inch of him was more defined in his stupid pink speedo with white flowers.
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>Was he taller too?
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>She didn’t understand.
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>He drank baking batter.
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>He probably did two scoops, at least.
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“Come to bed dear.”
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“Yes mother.”
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>Twilight threw up in her mouth a little.
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>Celestia was cradling Anon and rocking him to sleep.
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>She galloped away before having to see anything else.
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>It wasn’t right.
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>SHE should be the one getting rocked to sleep in her teacher’s loving embrace.
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>Not that muscled freak.
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—----------------------------------
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>Life sure was good.
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>Everypony in Canterlot loves you.
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>Your mother loves you, your friends love you.
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>You’ve got a ton of family and friends who are all just the best.
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>At this very moment your perfect and beautiful biological mother Princess Celestia was rocking you to sleep.
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>She knows you sometimes get nightmares unless she does this.
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>So every night you slept in her bed.
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“Mother, tell me a story please. Tell me about the time I was born again.”
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“Of course my sweet little baby.”
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>Celestia went on about the beautiful, immaculate, virgin birth of her son.
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>It was a beautiful day full of sunshine and rainbows.
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>Where her perfect and incredibly attractive son Anonymous was born.
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>Created from the pure love Celestia had for him before he was even alive.
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>And without needing surgery or destroying her “private pony place”.
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>So as to leave both of them unspoiled virgins.
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“You are my biological son and perfect in every way. I love you, sleep well.”
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“I love you too mother.”
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>Truly there was no other pony more blessed in all of Equestria.
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—----------------------------------
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>A few days go by.
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>Twilight was working on a new plan to defeat Anonymous.
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>If she couldn't attack his stomach she'd go after something else.
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>His weights.
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>With a simple transfiguration spell she could change the density inside them to be weightless.
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>Like lifting paper-mache.
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>Eventually he'll lose his strength.
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>And there was no way it could go wrong this time.
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>Twilight was tearing around his room looking for them.
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"I swear he keeps them in hear somewhere."
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"Keeps what in where?"
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>Her head shoots up at the voice.
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>She whips her head around so fast she nearly cracks it.
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>It's Prince Blueblood.
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>Officially related to Celestia and Luna but so far removed his ancestry is laughable.
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>Even worse was that he and Anonymous acted like best brothers.
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>Despite the fact that Anon would be some sort of crazy removed cousin uncle thing.
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>Not that either of them were intelligent enough to comprehend any of this.
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"Oh I was just… looking for…"
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>Her eyes darted around the room for something inconspicuous.
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"This!"
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>With her magic she lifted a random teddy bear.
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>Anonymous made them by the dozen for some strange reason.
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"Aren't you a little old for stuffed toys?"
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"Uhm yeah I guess. Kinda embarrassing right? So you shouldn't tell anypony about seeing me here."
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"I suppose I could. After all how could a low born pony comprehend growing out of foalish things."
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"Yup that's me. Just can't help myself."
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>Blueblood and Twilight stared at each other in silence.
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>Almost simultaneously to break the awkward tension, Twilight laughed while Blueblood turned up his nose in a sigh.
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>She awkwardly backed out of the room before quickly trotting off.
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>Trying to reevaluate her plan as she threw the bear at a random mare trotting the halls.
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>Said mare was ecstatic to receive a coveted Anonymous "handmade" stuffed animal.
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>She jammed it into her nostrils and took a huge whiff.
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>Twilight was thinking of a new angle.
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>Sneaking into his room seemed a no go.
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>Kind of suspicious for a mare to be sneaking into a stallion's room anyways.
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>Perhaps instead she could change them while he was in the middle of using them?
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>Yes, that's perfect.
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>He definitely won't suspect something is wrong if he uses them first.
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>She’ll just have to stalk him again to catch him in the act.
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>But a mare following a stallion around will attract attention.
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>Some jumped up mare might even try to “defend his honor” and lay out Twilight.
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>Better to have Spike do it for her.
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>She started calling out to him galloping around the palace.
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“Twilight?”
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>She moved in on the sound of his voice.
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>Hiding in her room he was reading comics under her bed again.
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>He’s always so ashamed of his feminine hobbies.
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>Way more mares would like him if they knew how much of a tomgirl he was.
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>Maybe dragons are different or something, like Saddle Arabia.
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“Spike, I need you to spy on Anonymous for me.”
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“Aw give it a rest Twilight. If you like him so much why don’t you just talk to him? What’s the worst that could happen?”
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“That’s not what this is about Spike and you know it. He’s a threat to harmony everywhere!”
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“Because he took your spot as teacher’s pet?”
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>Twilight sighs at Spike’s attempts to annoy her.
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>Nothing could frustrate her in her pursuit however.
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“What do you want for it?”
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“I want a fake ID.”
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“No way! You’re way too young to drink. I think.”
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“Come on Twilight. It’s so I can buy R-rated comic books.”
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>The thought that Twilight could just buy them for him never crossed Spike’s young mind.
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>Twilight wasn’t really sure how to get a fake ID for a dragon of all things.
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>Maybe she could just find a spell for it.
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>Or maybe Spike would just forget.
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“Either way it’s a deal.”
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“What do you mean either way?”
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>The schizophrenia strengthens its hold.
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“Never mind. Just go find Anonymous and hang around him until he starts working out. Ya know, lifting heavy stuff.”
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>Spike crawled out from under the bed and gave Twilight a mocking salute.
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>She stifled a giggle and pushed him out the door.
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>There’s no way anyone would suspect a little dragon.
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>All Twilight had to do was bide her time and strike that toned snake in the grass.
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>She flung herself onto her bed snickering to herself and levitated a book over to read.
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>Oediponus Rex, one of her favorites.
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—----------------------------------
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>Spike waddled through the castle on his short stumpy legs.
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>He didn’t hold much love for Anonymous either.
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>Despite being a non pony male he was treated without special treatment.
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>Unlike the perfect Anon.
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>Couldn’t go two steps without mares drooling over him.
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>But even Spike was old enough to know that jealousy makes anypony look unattractive.
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>He found Anon in the kitchen.
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>Practicing his baking and cooking skills, surrounded by mares as usual.
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>They were supposed to be teaching him how to make a cake.
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>Although they were thinking of a different kind of cake.
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>Anon came up from his squatting position with the baked goods in mitten hand.
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>It was burnt to a crisp.
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>One of the mares tried a bite and almost instantly gagged.
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>Despite the vomit filling her mouth she managed to smile and swallow it all back down.
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“It’s so good. Great job Anon!”
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“Thanks, I’m probably the best chef in Equestria.”
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>All the mares circled around nodding while the taste tester broke away to find a bucket.
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>Spike thought to himself how he’d never become this deluded if a mare paid any attention to him.
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>He planted himself on a nearby stool and waited around, watching Anon.
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>Who in question made several more attempts at pastries, biscuits, and other baked sweets.
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>Except none of them were sweet and every single mare who tested them nearly gagged to his face.
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>But each one told him they were great with a fake smile smeared on their face.
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>This went on until every teacher reached the limit on their gag reflex.
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>They told Anon they were just too full.
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“I guess the lesson is over then?”
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>The mares gave affirming groans in unison.
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>Feeling accomplished in his lesson, Anon put up his apron and oven mitts.
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>They were the only things he was wearing besides some shorts and sandals.
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>He left the kitchen and Spike followed.
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>It was slow going.
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>Everytime Anon passed a mirror, window, or some spilled reflective puddle on the ground he stopped to flex at himself.
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>What should be a five minute walk turns into an hour.
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>Spike starts sleepwalking from boredom.
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>Before he notices it he walks straight into Anon.
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“Perfect timing Spike. I need a spotter and I can’t find Blueblood.”
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>Anonymous is laying underneath a massive bar with several massive disks on both ends.
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“Uh, I don’t know about that.”
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“Nonsense you’ll be fine.”
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>He grips Spike like a squeaky toy.
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>Placing him directly on the bar, Spike is too short to reach the ground.
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>Instead he hangs on the bar.
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>Not much of a spotter it would seem.
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>Anon doesn’t notice or care, he starts getting to work.
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>Spike, remembering his task, gets off the bar and waddles as fast as he can to go find Twilight.
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>Pacing himself through the halls he finds her still in her room.
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>She appears to also have dozed off waiting.
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>There’s some book about moms on her face.
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“Hey, wake up.”
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“A SQUARED PLUS B SQUARED EQUALS C SQUARED!”
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“Oh boy, what were you dreaming about?”
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“I was being forced to teach deaf foals geometry.”
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>Spike giggles.
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“Well I’m here. Anon’s started doing his thing in the gym.”
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“We have a gym?”
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“Yeah I bet you wouldn’t know.”
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>Spike snickers and pokes at Twilight’s belly.
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>It’s a little extra, pudgy even.
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>She swats his hand away.
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>Twilight starts to leave the room while Spike whines about getting his part of the deal.
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>She dismisses him with a wave while galloping off.
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>Before coming right back.
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“Where is the gym?”
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>Spike sighs and gives her the directions before she abandons him again.
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>He could wait, thought Twilight.
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>She slows her pace as she approaches to avoid making noise.
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>While poking her head through the door she spots him.
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>The smug bastard was laughing and reveling as more mares cheered him on.
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>He had asked for more weight so they were holding onto his arms.
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>”Oh you’re so strong for a stallion Anon,” they cheered.
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>Twilight cringed in disgust at them.
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>But now was the perfect time to sabotage him.
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>Twilight’s horn lit up as she started transmuting all the equipment and gear around Anonymous.
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>He didn’t even seem to notice, lifting at his same rate.
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>Twilight growled but this would be a slow victory.
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>It will take some time.
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“Are you spying on Anonymous again?”
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>The voice belonged to Luna.
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“I don’t see the appeal personally. He’s a little old for me.”
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"Princess Luna? I don't have any sort of attraction to that thing."
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"Then why do you dream of him every night?"
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"The same dreams where I throw him off the tower balcony?"
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"Yes well they are still dreams of him. This obsession with Anonymous is unhealthy Twilight Sparkle."
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>Twilight continues destroying the weights.
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>She ignores Luna's plea and continues to obsess over Anonymous.
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>Destroying him that is.
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>For Celestia's sake.
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>Anonymous still hasn't seemed to notice.
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>He hasn't noticed much of anything actually.
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>He sets the bar down and sits up.
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"Thanks for the help Spike."
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"I'm not Spike."
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>Anon turned around to see a pony in fact was spotting him instead of a dragon.
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>She was shredded with bulging veins.
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"Oh well thank you miss."
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"I'm a stallion."
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"I'm sorry I must have mistook you with your soft silky mane and huge crotch breasts."
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"Thank you but those are my balls."
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>The stallion turns away from Anon.
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>Scratching at his back acne before leaving Anon.
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>As he trots away Celestia comes in.
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>She's being accosted by some dignitaries from some province or city.
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>She wasn't really paying attention and just trying to get them to wait outside for a moment.
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>She just wanted to see her precious Anon.
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"Yes of course your Honor. Thank you your Honor. I will send some royal aid to help your famine."
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>She finishes saying after nearly pushing them out.
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>Their nagging could still be heard through the door
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>With that taken care of Celestia's face instantly brightened as she saw Anon.
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"Mother!"
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"My sweet precious little foal!"
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>She gracefully flutters over to him.
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>Everypony in the room stops what they're doing to ooh and aah at the princess and her son.
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>They are all struck, smitten by the purity of her love and affection.
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>As a mother obviously.
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"What are you doing here?"
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"I made time to come see my favorite son in the whole of Equestria."
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"You really mean that? I'm your favorite son?"
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>She giggles at him, nodding and hugging him in a winged embrace.
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>Twilight still spyi- watching rolls her eyes.
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>She doesn't have any other sons, you idiot, Twilight thinks to herself.
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>How thick can he be?
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"Oh wow! Look how strong you are."
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>Celestia gestures to the bench Anon had been using.
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>She sits in front of it and moves to raise it with her hooves.
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433.
>Perfect, thought Twilight, this was even better than she could hope for.
-
434.
>The princess gets the bar settled on her royal hooves.
-
435.
>She goes to lift it.
-
436.
>And she struggles, struggles hard.
-
437.
>Huffing and puffing but she doesn't even nudge it.
-
438.
-
439.
"WHAT?"
-
440.
-
441.
>Twilight involuntary yells.
-
442.
>But neither Celestia or Anon react, seemingly enamored with each other.
-
443.
-
444.
"My goodness Anon. You can lift all that?"
-
445.
-
446.
"And I don't even break a sweat. Feels like I'm lifting nothing at all."
by SuckingSocks
by SuckingSocks
by SuckingSocks
by SuckingSocks
by SuckingSocks