Friendfic Contest


                                            >You’ve spent the last six hours watching your dirty sock lie out on your front lawn.

                                            >You’re the one who threw it out there, and for good reason too.

                                            >You did not want to get raped.

                                            >From the window, you couldn’t see any ponies outside, but you knew they were out there.

                                            >They’re all watching your house, just waiting for you to come out.

                                            >Well you were going to have to come out now. They had forced your hand.

                                            >The house had no power.

                                            >You can’t exactly have electricity if you can’t leave the house to pay the bill.

                                            >The fridge was bone dry. You ran out of food over two days ago.

                                            >You haven’t had a fruit pie in over a month, and you’ve gone even longer without having any apple ones.

                                            >It was inhumane.

                                            >You liked the apple ones the best.

                                            >They shut the water off a week ago, and you were starting to stink.

                                            >The kind of stink that you could smell on yourself.

                                            >They could smell you too.

                                            >Every night, just below your bedroom window, you could hear them all out there.

                                            >You could hear all their little muzzles snuffling next to each other, trying to get a whiff of you through the glass.

                                            >That was how they knew for sure that you hadn’t given them the slip.

                                            >How they knew that you were still in there.

                                            >But it was early in the morning when all this happened with your sock, and so far you hadn’t seen any of them out there yet.

                                            >Any one of them would have cracked and taken that sock by now.

                                            >And right then, with your stomach rumbling and your mouth as parched as Daybreaker’s cooch, it was looking like they weren’t out there.

                                            >This could’ve been your only chance to get outside, buy some supplies, and hurry back home.

                                            >Before getting caught by any of those crazy ponies.

                                            >Fluttershy and her friends.

                                            >You tried to psych yourself up.

                                            Alright, Anon, just run out there, don’t let anyone see you, and get what you need. Then come back.

                                            >You rushed out the door.

                                            It’ll be easy as long as things don’t get fucked up.

                                            >Then things got fucked up.

                                            >Immediately, you felt a pair of yellow arms wrap themselves around your neck.

                                            >In a hug.

                                            >“Oh, there you are, Anon. I was getting worried.”

                                            >Goddammit.

                                            >She was on the roof.

                                            >Fluttershy was on the fucking roof the whole time you were looking.

                                            >You fucking dope.

                                            How long were you up there?

                                            >“A few days.”

                                            >You took a look back and saw the little hobo camp she had set up on your roof.

                                            >Oh, she had a little campfire going.

                                            >She was even toasting marshmallows.

                                            >Fuck, that’s adorable.

                                            That’s real cute, Flutters. Now get the fuck off of me.

                                            >“Just a second.”

                                            >She pulled a megaphone out from her saddlebags and, with it pointed above your head, announced:

                                            >“Um, attention every pony, but Anon has come outside now. . . . Just in case you wanted to know. . . .”

                                            >She lowered it from her lips briefly before pulling it back up.

                                            >“Um . . . That’s all . . . !”

                                            >Shit!

                                            >This was bad.

                                            >“How do I turn this off?”

                                            When did you get a megaphone?

                                            >“Oh, well I just–”

                                            Give me that!

                                            >You reached back over your shoulder, but you couldn’t quite get a hold of her.

                                            >She could be very agile when she wanted to.

                                            >She usually wanted to when she wanted your cock.

                                            >She could run all over your body as easily as a squirrel runs up and down a telephone pole.

                                            >And how many times has she ever fallen off of you?

                                            >Never.

                                            >How many times did her not-Daybreaker cooch make your shirt feel like it’d been glued to your back?

                                            Come on, Flutters, they’re gonna have to peel this shirt off of me at this rate.

                                            >Well she had a high success rate.

                                            >Her little tail dock always started twitching like crazy any time you were near her.

                                            >You could feel every one of her spasms like it was a punch to the gut.

                                            Damn, Fluttershy, cool off already.

                                            >“Sorry,” she said. “It’s, um, been a while for me.”

                                            >She was embarrassed, you could tell.

                                            >She still wouldn’t get off of you though.

                                            >Which was always the kind of embarrassed she was.

                                            How can you even be turned on right now?

                                            >It always felt kind of funny once you started doing it, talking to your shoulder.

                                            >You did it a lot though, since you got here.

                                            I smell terrible, Fluttershy. I mean, I really stink.

                                            >“Oh, how can you say that? You smell absolutely wonderful right now. In fact, it’s almost a little . . .”

                                            >Her muzzle dug into your neck, and she smelled you so hard that she snorted and went crosseyed.

                                            >She shuddered in delight when she exhaled; you felt her chest deflate against your shoulders when she sighed.

                                            >Which was when you grabbed a fistful of her mane.

                                            Gotcha!

                                            >“Eep!”

                                            >But Pinkie Pie popped right up from out of the rain barrel, right next to your door.

                                            >“Wow. Good catch, Nonny. I didn’t think you were ever going to get her.”

                                            >“Pinkie, hug him. And don’t let go. Hurry.”

                                            >“Okay!”

                                            Oh crap.

                                            >Pinkie knocked your rain barrel over and rolled it straight towards you, with her riding along inside of it.

                                            >She came to a stop just before your ankles and, still in the barrel, wrapped her arms around your legs.

                                            >Then she looked up at you.

                                            >“You’re really in the barrel now, huh, Nonny?”

                                            That’s not funny, Pinkie.

                                            >“Aw, don’t be such a grumper-puss, Nonner-puss.”

                                            I’m not being a grumper-puss! I just wanted to leave my house one time without a bunch of crazy ponies trying to rape me all the time.

                                            >“But we’re so nice about it though.”

                                            That’s nice–Except I didn’t ask!

                                            >Rainbow Dash flew down and scooched herself next to Fluttershy.

                                            >So now both sides of your neck were being hugged by ponies.

                                            >“Hey, what’s up? Are we dogpiling Anon or what?” Rainbow Dash said.

                                            >“Yeehaw! I’m up for that,” Applejack said, as she also wrapped her arms around your legs.

                                            >Where did she even come from?

                                            This is getting fucking crazy.

                                            >You didn’t even notice Rarity until you felt her embrace your side.

                                            >“Well, as far as group hugs go, I can easily say that this is one of the better ones that I’ve attended. As well as the most, er, aromatic.”

                                            >She was smelling your crotch when she said it.

                                            >“Do you, um, like it too, Anon?” Fluttershy said. “The group hug, I mean.”

                                            I hate group hugs!

                                            >Last but not least, Twilight showed up, pressing her cheek against the one side of yours that hadn’t been assaulted yet.

                                            >“Isn’t this great, Anon? We’re all finally together again. It’s just like old times.”

                                            I hate old times!

                                            >“Yeah, aren’t you glad you came out of the house?” Pinkie said as she popped some streamers into your eyes.

                                            >Then Twilight picked up your sock and stuffed it into her saddlebags.

                                            >So you just knew you weren’t ever going to get that back.

                                            >Not that you would want it back, after you found out what she and the others liked to do to them.

                                            >Fucking ponies.

                                            >”Hey, Twilight took the sock!” Dash said.

                                            >They all immediately began arguing about who should get it.

                                            >You should have just stayed in your house and died.


                                            >After hearing their plans, they waited for you to respond.

                                            >Which you did, by smacking your lips like a chimp.

                                            Yeah, that’s an incredibly retarded idea if I ever heard one, and you’re a faggot.

                                            >“Does that mean bad?” Twilight said.

                                            What do you think, faggot?

                                            >Fluttershy leaned over to her and whispered:

                                            >“It means bad. Trust me.”

                                            >“Well I think it makes perfect sense,” Applejack said. “After all, once one of us finally does get through to you, we ain’t all gonna be able to share you at the same time.”

                                            >“That’s why we’re having a contest to see who gets to be your special some pony,” Pinkie said.

                                            >“And I’m gonna win!” Rainbow Dash said.

                                            >She was already the only one that was stretching, well ahead in preparation.

                                            >For whatever the heck it was that they were going to do.

                                            So what the heck are you going to do? How do you even compete to see which of you is going to be the one that gets to annoy me from now on?

                                            >“By making it super fun!” Pinkie said.

                                            It worries me that you said that.

                                            >“We came up with all kinds of different challenges,” Twilight said. “I wrote a list.”

                                            Of course you–

                                            >She’d already poofed the list into your hand.

                                            >The first thing you noticed was that it was five pages long.

                                            Jesus Christ. Twilight, this is going to take you guys all day.

                                            >Which was great, admittedly.

                                            >More time you could sneak off and eat some fucking fruit pies.

                                            >But what was even on this list?

                                            >Rarity blathered on about something while you looked it over.

                                            >“You see, Anonymous, it takes a lot of effort to be a good special some pony for your partner. That’s why we’ve come up with all these mini-competitions.”

                                            >Twilight nodded.

                                            >“They were all designed with your particular needs in mind. Whoever does become your special somepony, it’s important that she’s able to be the best partner for you in every way possible.”

                                            >“You’re very special, Anon,” Fluttershy said.

                                            >“That’s right,” Applejack said, “and when it comes to making you happy, we only want the pony that’s best for the job.”

                                            >“And that’s gonna be me, right?” Rainbow Dash said.

                                            >You looked up from the list and pointed out something on it.

                                            Squid wrestling?

                                            >They all fell silent.

                                            >“It’s important,” Twilight said gravely. “Trust me.”

                                            >Fluttershy nodded solemnly.

                                            >“It is important, Anon.”

                                            >They all seemed to agree.

                                            >Do squids even exist in Equestria?

                                            Okay. . . . Well, have fun with your little contest. I need to eat.

                                            >A fruit pie hit you in the face.

                                            >It was cherry flavored.

                                            >You glared at Dash, who threw it.

                                            I like apple.

                                            >“Aw, shucks,” AJ said.

                                            >“Yeah, well, they didn’t have apple,” Rainbow Dash said. “I got what they had.”

                                            >You’ve just decided that Dash isn’t winning, no matter what.

                                            >Well, none of them were winning, but especially Dash–she wasn’t winning!

                                            I’m not staying. You girls can do all this without me.

                                            >“You bet we can,” Pinkie said. “. . . Could. I mean, you bet we could. We could, but we can’t.”

                                            >She nodded her head definitively.

                                            >“We can’t.”

                                            >“Not the whole thing, anyway,” Twilight said. “We need your help with one part of the contest.”

                                            >She was grinning.

                                            >You didn’t like this.

                                            >Then Fluttershy spoke and made everything worse.

                                            >“We wrote erotic friend fiction about you.”

                                            Nope.

                                            >You started walking away.

                                            >They were pissed.

                                            >“Anon, wait, it’s not as bad as it sounds,” Fluttershy said.

                                            >“Yeah, Fluttershy’s story is really funny,” Pinkie said.

                                            >“Wait, Pinkie, did you read my–”

                                            No fucking way. I’m not reading your guys’ weird six fantasies about me.

                                            >“You meant to say our ‘weird sex fantasies’ there, didn’t you?” Rarity said.

                                            I didn’t feel I had to specify the sex part, not with any of you.

                                            >Honestly, for a bunch of cartoon ponies, they thought about sex even more than most people did.

                                            >Fluttershy even brought it up to you once at the funeral for Pinkie’s Granny Pie.

                                            >So did Pinkie, actually.

                                            >She was crying when she did it too.

                                            >You really fucked some of these ponies up–if they weren’t already like that.

                                            Honestly, when it comes to all of you, I kind of expect sex.

                                            >They were all smiling at you.

                                            Not like that, though. Obviously. Come on, girls.

                                            >“All you have to do is read our stories and pick which one you liked the best,” Twilight said.

                                            >“Yeah, that ain’t too hard for you, is it?” Applejack said.

                                            >It really wasn’t, to tell the truth.

                                            >They had all put you through way worse before, that was for sure.

                                            >And, if all went well, you were only going to have to deal with one of them after they were done with this stupid contest.

                                            >Now things just had to go well.

                                            >Like that ever happened.

                                            >“I’m sure you’ll like mine, Anon,” Twilight said. “I wrote multiple drafts. The best one should be in there. I wrote it myself, and let me tell you that it’s quite the–”

                                            >“Yeah, yeah, Twilight, we all wrote our stories by ourselves,” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes. “What’s your point?”

                                            >Twilight puffed her cheeks up like an angry chipmunk.

                                            >But Applejack nodded.

                                            >“And I thought we all agreed before doing this that we weren’t going to hype up our own stories.”

                                            >“I definitely didn’t,” Rainbow Dash said. “But now that Twilight’s already cheated . . .”

                                            >She flew up and wrapped her arm around your neck.

                                            >“Anon, my story is the coolest, most-awesomest human-meets-pegasus pony sex fest that this side of Equestria has ever seen. It’s gonna blow your mind!”

                                            >You’re not even going to read hers.

                                            Guess what, Dash? You’re in first place already.

                                            >“Really?! No way!”

                                            >She squealed. It sounded like filing pony teeth down on a chalkboard.

                                            >They pulled Dash off of you, naturally.

                                            >None of them wanted any of the others to have an unfair advantage over the rest of them.

                                            >As you sat down, you grimly assessed your situation.

                                            >They set out a chair for you nearby.

                                            >It was your chair.

                                            >They took it out from your house at some point and set it up for you outside.

                                            >All so you could read their fucked up pony fan fiction about fucking you.

                                            Yeah . . . let’s get this over with.

                                            >You had your chair, an unopened cherry fruit pie, and six different stories to get through, all of them held inside of colored folders.

                                            >The color of the folder matched the pony that wrote the story.

                                            >The first one was yellow.

                                            >Fluttershy.

                                            >You immediately tossed it to the side, right into the metaphorical fireplace.

                                            >You were not ready to read all about every sick fantasy that Fluttershy had ever dreamed up, especially when they all involved you.

                                            >You had heard enough of them by now–never by choice–to know that already.

                                            >Before you opened your fruit pie, you checked to see how the girls were doing, since you had a front row seat to all their shenanigans.

                                            >They were all sitting in a circle, playing spin the bottle.

                                            >No, really. They were playing spin the bottle.

                                            >It was on their list and everything.

                                            >They were giggling as the bottle stopped and pointed at Fluttershy.

                                            >“Okay, Fluttershy, truth or dare?” Pinkie said.

                                            >“Oh, Pinkie, I couldn’t possibly say dare. I don’t think I could handle anything that you could come up with. I’ll take the truth, please.”

                                            >“Okay, Fluttershy: Do you love Anon more than the rest of us?”

                                            >“Oh, that’s an easy one,” she said. “I think that we all love Anon in our own way, and that that’s okay, because at the end of the day, I can always count on you all to still be my friends, no matter how things might end up with him.”

                                            >They all waited for the other horseshoe to drop.

                                            >“But I’d also have to say that, um, yes, I do love him more than all of you.”

                                            >This caused a good-natured uproar to flare among the girls.

                                            >They all sounded the same when they talked like this.

                                            >“What? No way! I like Anon way more than all of you.”

                                            >“He’s practically the most important discovery that’s been made in Equestria for centuries.”

                                            >“He makes me feel like a lady.”

                                            >“He’s pretty much part of my family.”

                                            >“He’s my bestest human friend.”

                                            >“I think he’s . . . nice.”

                                            >None of that was true, but that last one was the dumbest of them all.

                                            >Fucking Fluttershy.

                                            >Whatever.

                                            >You opened up the purple folder and read the title.

                                            >‘Twilight’s Farcical First Date’

                                            >She tried to be funny.

                                            Oh no. . . .

                                            >She left all her damn notes in it still too.

                                            >Her notes and Spike’s, it looked like.

                                            >You couldn’t believe she had roped that poor bastard into all of this too.

                                            >And then, on top of it all, she didn’t even fucking finish the damn thing.

                                            >She must have given you an early draft or something by mistake.

                                            >It was a mess.

                                            >All you could do was facepalm.

                                            >Fucking Twilight.


                                            ******


                                            >Twilight Sparkle stood before your door. (Second-person p.o.v., so he can self-insert easier!)

                                            >She practiced her breathing exercises. (<-- Ha! Relatable!)

                                            >She was ready. (So ready!)

                                            >“I am so ready.” (Quirky! Does Anon like Quirky? Research that!)

                                            >She pulled out her checklist for a doublecheck of a previous doublecheck she had checked earlier.

                                            >Just to make sure.

                                            >She had all the items that she would need for that perfect first date with you. (This is true, actually…)

                                            >Bouquet of delicious roses–check! (Anon claims he isn’t attracted to ponies, but he says it’s cute whenever I “act all horsey”. What does it mean!?)

                                            >Heart-shaped box of assorted chocolates–check!

                                            >The latest copy of Getting to Know That Special Somepony: The Ultimate Compendium of the Best First Date Questions in Equestria.

                                            >Well, she actually had last year’s edition, not the latest one. (Woah! That’s the same copy the library has. Cover your tracks, Twilight!)

                                            >“But that’s fine, too. So–sorta check!” (Too nerdy? Does Anon like nerdy? Research that!)

                                            >She wrote down a sort-of check, and she noticed that ponies passing by in the street were staring at the purple princess as she talked to herself.*

                                            >‘They probably think I’m crazy,’ she thought. ‘But I’m not crazy, so I don’t care. I’m in love!’*

                                            >She kicked her hooves up at the happiness that bounded along through her.*

                                            >It was like the warm feeling she felt whenever she had learned a new spell.*

                                            >“I’m in love!”*

                                            >“Way to go, Twilight!” Pinkie Pie said, passing by.* (Get rid of everything marked with *)

                                            >(Come on, Twilight! What were you thinking, including all that?)

                                            >Twilight scrunched her muzzle.

                                            >“Was I still saying all of that out loud?” (Anon has noticed me doing this, says it’s creepy. Got to take this part out.)

                                            >“You betcha!” Pinkie said. “I heard everything, and don’t worry Twilight, I don’t think you’re crazy.” (Actually, I’m not crazy. Cut all instances of me being crazy out.)

                                            >Twilight sheepishly folded her ears. (<-- This is cute! Anon like.)

                                            >“Thank you, Pinkie.”

                                            >“Sure. So, who’s the lucky stallion?”

                                            >“I think you mean who’s the lucky man,” Twilight said with a smile.*

                                            >Pinkie developed a wary look, then quickly covered it up.*

                                            >“Right,” she said slowly. “Lucky. . . .”* (*<-- have all been Spike’s suggestions so far. Do not like them! They make me look weird.)

                                            >Pinkie looked past her friend, at the house behind her.

                                            >“I probably should’ve guessed that sooner, huh?” (Maybe this is a little too relatable…)

                                            >“It’ll be different this time, Pinkie.”

                                            >“Okay,” Pinkie chirped.

                                            >“Don’t you want to know why?” Twilight asked.

                                            >“Oh, I know why. You’ve been following him again.”

                                            >“Studying!” Twilight quickly corrected. “It’s called studying. He doesn’t like it when I follow him, remember?”

                                            >“Right. . . .” (There is a difference. It’d be nice if Anon saw this. Emphasize it more later.)

                                            >Pinkie nodded slowly.

                                            >“What’s the difference again?”

                                            >“Results!” Twilight exclaimed. “I found out that he likes ponies now, so he can’t reject me anymore.”

                                            >“If you say so,” Pinkie said, shrugging. (Should I include my actual study? Think about this!)

                                            >“How do you know he likes ponies now?” Pinkie said.

                                            >“More studying!”

                                            >“Really?!”

                                            >“Yeah!” Twilight said. “You see, part of my research involves tracking his eye movement, you know, what holds his attention, and for how long.”

                                            >She cleared her throat proudly in preperation for a long lecture.* (I’m not including this line, Spike.)

                                            >“See, before his eye moves to something else . . .”

                                            >[...]

                                            >(I had a bunch of my detailed field research about Anon here, and Spike suggested I cut all of it!)

                                            >(Sidenote: Can this still really be my first rough draft? I’ve rewritten each sentence at least ten times by now!)

                                            >(Wait, which draft was this one again? Remember to research this!)

                                            >[...]

                                            >Twilight, looking at Pinkie’s dazed expression, stopped just short of unrolling the large scroll she’d gotten out.

                                            >“Alright, I won’t show you my full report then.”

                                            >The scroll was the size of a tree stump and beads of sweat soaked her brow by the time she had stuffed it back in her saddlebags.* (<-- That’s not funny, Spike!)

                                            >“But I will show you this,” she said as her purple aura surrounded her checklist.

                                            >Pinkie looked down from the cloud watching she’d been doing.

                                            >“What’d you say, Twilight?”

                                            >The list opened and overflowed onto Pinkie, rolling over the front of her face and going completely over her back like a steamroller.* (Stop it!)

                                            >There was no denying it: Twilight had done her homework. (Don’t I always?)

                                            >Almost everything on her ‘For a Perfect Hearts and Hooves Day!’ checklist had been checked off.

                                            >Everything was going great.

                                            >There was just one more item.

                                            >“You didn’t check off this last one,” Pinkie said.

                                            >“I’m getting to it. It’s the last step in my master plan for our perfect first date.”

                                            >Pinkie read it aloud:

                                            >“Ask him out.”

                                            >“That’s why I’m here now.”

                                            >“Oh, okay. But shouldn’t he be home first?”

                                            >“Yeah, he’s . . . Wait, he’s not here? Where could he be on Hearts and Hooves Day!” (Is it too long so far?)


                                            ******


                                            >Well, you’d read enough.

                                            >Oh, Twilight.

                                            >If only she had gotten a finished draft of her story to you.

                                            >Poor girl.

                                            >Who knows how long she must have agonized over every word of it, over every single detail of that story that she’d written for you.

                                            >She was a bit of a nerd, that Twilight Sparkle.

                                            >Oh well.

                                            >You tossed the folder over your shoulder and forgot about it.

                                            >Twilight saw you do this.

                                            >You did it right in front of her and all, so she kind of lost focus on her current challenge completely.

                                            >“Anon, did you just throw my–”

                                            >She got blasted in the face with a water balloon, fired by a cackling Rainbow Dash.

                                            >A water balloon?

                                            >You looked at the list again to see what they were doing.

                                            >Watersports.

                                            >Oh, neat.

                                            >“Ha! Got ya, egghead!”

                                            >Twilight spit out all the water that had filled her mouth and doubled over into a coughing fit.

                                            >“It went up my nose!”

                                            >You almost wished you could have joined them.

                                            >You would have done it just so you could pelt Twilight with a few balloons.

                                            >Then you looked at the color of the water they were playing with.

                                            >“It burns!”

                                            >It was yellow.

                                            . . . That’s not apple juice yellow.

                                            >It was watersports yellow.

                                            >You tried to watch out for any stray shots from then on.

                                            >It was quite a leap to make from playing spin the bottle, but ponies were like that.

                                            >Hell, Equestria was like that sometimes.

                                            >You opened the white folder up.

                                            >And–

                                            Jesus Christ!

                                            >Rarity wrote a fucking novel!

                                            >You read the title of the loose, baggy monster she’d given you.

                                            >“Taming the Beast”.

                                            >Yeah, no fucking way you were reading any more of that than you had to.


                                            *****


                                            >I was not particularly born well-to-do or on the receiving end of society’s silver spoon.

                                            >But no pony, whatever prejudices they held, could say that Rarity had not deserved to make it.

                                            >And I had made it, if the view of Manehattan from my penthouse window did not boldly stake this claim obviously enough.

                                            >I had it all, the respect, the fame, the wealth, the prestige of being the head of the greatest dressmaking company in Equestria–Neigh! The world!

                                            >I had my friends, my family, everyone I loved with me.

                                            >They all went along for the ride, of course.

                                            >Including my secretary, who it must be stated was a bit of a cad, a brute, only ever interested in fashion whenever he would notice that he had a stain on his shirt.

                                            >Usually from a processed–Ugh, what were they called?–Fruit pie.

                                            >He was standing before me right now, at my side, as always, by my desk, gathering up some papers he needed to send off for me.

                                            >Still, he was an alluring creature, this human male, and very easy on the eyes.

                                            >Not yet a gentleman, but my crafty eye could see potential hidden beneath that untucked shirt and those unsightly bags under his eyes.

                                            >The most potential though, lied beneath the flap that hid the zipper of his stylish black work pants.

                                            >A bit casual, but it was summer, you see, and I liked to see him sweat.

                                            >Besides, he had proven himself quite adept at wrinkling even the best of the attire I had provided for him.

                                            >I also liked to see it when his fly was just inches away from my wanting muzzle.

                                            >Like it was now.

                                            >I glanced up at him over my glasses, very shrewdly.

                                            >He was starting to sweat, but he wiped his forehead.

                                            >“Will that be all for now, Mrs. Rarity?”

                                            >I smiled at the title. It was true, I had had to marry a very influential stallion named Fancy Pants to get to where I am today.

                                            >But I only wanted this creature, this man, as my lover.

                                            >To craft him, to mold him, to make him everything I knew he could be.

                                            >And he would be.

                                            >I would see to that.

                                            >With a dainty wave of my hoof, and with a bit of a deep purr (gentleman always like that) I set him free.

                                            “No, that will do just fine for now.”

                                            >I batted my eyes up at his reddening face.

                                            >A bit of a childish advance, I suppose, but I was growing tired of waiting for him to start trying to climb my corporate ladder, so to speak.

                                            >I was growing antsy.

                                            >I wanted to know what the only gentleman in Equestria, the only one who always wore clothes, but never fashionably, looked like without any of them on.

                                            >And I was going to find out.

                                            “Oh, my Anonymous Steele. . . .”


                                            *****


                                            >You hate Rarity.

                                            >That’s not your fucking name.

                                            >Your full name is “Macho Man” Anon Savage.

                                            >Everyone knew that.

                                            >Well, she was a romance fanatic.

                                            >The predictable kind at that.

                                            >So all the juicy stuff she’d written was going to happen somewhere in the middle.

                                            >You flipped pages until you got to the halfway point of the story.

                                            >Then, the second you saw the name Rarity, you started reading.


                                            *****


                                            >“Rarity!” he pleaded with me to touch him.

                                            >I had Anonymous Steele lock, stock, and barrel; chained, unable to move, all his limbs bound to my bed.

                                            >Helpless, and ready for me.

                                            >As I walked alongside the bed, slowly trialing my hoof over his naked thigh, I felt a slight tingle flutter in my womanhood as I watched his hips buck wildly at my touch.

                                            >He was pleased, but he wanted more.

                                            >“P-Please mistress!” he screamed. “I n-need your sweet release.”

                                            >I rubbed my chin and hummed to myself, picking up from where I’d left off last time.

                                            “Hmm. Yes, as I’ve said, you have been an excellent addition to my company, or, should I just say, Team Rarity?”

                                            >I began circling around him in the bed, my prey, so to speak.

                                            >I stopped at the foot of the bed and stared up at his body.

                                            “And I was correct: You look much better without clothes, darling.”

                                            >“Am I better than that stuffy old pony you lie with every night?”

                                            “Hmm? Do you wish to prove yourself to your boss?”

                                            >I was soon straddling his face as he lapped up my womanhood divinely.

                                            >It was all happening a bit fast, but, oh, I couldn’t help myself any longer!

                                            >I needed release just as badly as he.

                                            >Using my soft magic, I began to caress his throbbing erection, slow at first, but that didn’t last long at all.

                                            >I simply loved it too much, how it would feel when it shot off, sometimes sticking all over my rump, making me dirty.

                                            >Sometimes, a lady likes to be dirty, just as long as it’s private.

                                            “Mmm. Yes, your rather large assets”–I emphasized this by looking back at his twitchy pole, licking my lips–“to this company will not go unrecognized by your mistress.”

                                            >“Let it all out, mistress.”

                                            >I had to let out a shrewd little laugh at this.

                                            >I knew what he was asking for.

                                            “Already, Anonymous? My, my, I must have worked you harder than I thought, if you want it already!”

                                            >He looked up at me with need, filling me with need.

                                            >“Make it rain all over me! Shower me with your love!”

                                            >So I did. I let myself go all over him, emptying my bladder.

                                            >He rubbed his face against my warm urine and womanhood like a ravenous animal.

                                            >It was simply too much a shock for me to handle.

                                            >I could feel my climax coming, along with my urine, and I was shaking as though it felt as if my tail was being violently pulled up by his phantom hand.

                                            >“Oh, mistress, I’m coming!”

                                            >The feeling was mutual.

                                            “Anonymous Steele! Aah!~”

                                            >I came and whinnied like one much myself–an animal.

                                            >Rightly so, considering the beastly arms that now held me, stroking my mane.

                                            >Being with him, it was the only time I really could be wild, the only time I could really feel like I could let it all go.

                                            >It had been an unseemingly messy act.

                                            >Perfect, really.

                                            >But I knew I would have to properly compensate Mr. Steele later.

                                            >It simply wasn’t proper for a boss to go around relieving herself all over her employees, even if he had begged me to do it.

                                            >Good thing he clearly had set his eyes on advancing to husband soon, if his hands grabbing at my womanhood again already was any indication.

                                            >Good thing we had similar appetites.

                                            >He was already sucking my juices off of his fingers.

                                            >“You taste better than a fruit pie, mistress.”


                                            *****


                                            >That’s about what you figured, coming from Rarity.

                                            >Holy shit.

                                            >Now you knew where some of the more fucked up stuff on their list came from.

                                            >It wasn’t all from Fluttershy for once.

                                            >Rarity herself was just standing there, letting her friends pelt her with those watersports balloons.

                                            >Getting soaked.

                                            >Laughing.

                                            >“Oh, go ahead and do your worst, darlings! I can take all of it!”

                                            >She started sucking it all up into her mouth, very loudly.

                                            >Man, you really hoped that wasn’t your pee in those balloons.

                                            >They could have gotten it. They had ways.

                                            >It sure was making Dash uncomfortable, seeing Rarity be such a freak.

                                            >“Uh, guys, Rarity’s turning yellow.”

                                            >“But I’m yellow,” Fluttershy said, like her color was being taken away from her.

                                            >“Rarity, I’m not hitting you with another one.”

                                            >“Don’t you dare stop!” Rarity screamed. “Rainbow Dash, you better hit me with that balloon this–”

                                            >“Fine, here!” She took a balloon and beaned Rarity right in the face, soaking her.

                                            >“Waa-haa-haa!” she cried. “Oh, yes!”

                                            >She whirled around and caught you in her insane, piss-jaundiced eyes.

                                            >“Look how dirty I can be for you, darling! Look at your lady!”

                                            >You gag a little.

                                            >Then, when she’s not looking, you threw the white folder onto Fluttershy’s little campfire on your roof.

                                            >Fucking cartoon ponies.

                                            >Why did they think any of this was going to work on you?

                                            >You picked up the orange folder.

                                            >“Husbandry”.

                                            Weird title.

                                            >At least it was short.

                                            >You could skim it faster that way.

                                            >Why read it?

                                            >You were pretty sure it was just going to be about rape anyway.

                                            >So you got to the point where it seemed like that was what was coming, given your history with Applejack.


                                            ****


                                            I’ll do anything to help you, Applejack.

                                            >Anon and I were walking pretty deep into the orchards now, way over by all the old trees in the south fields.

                                            >We stopped and sat beneath one of the trees. It was nice and shady in the afternoon, clear sky.

                                            >Had plenty of nice days on the farm just like this one.

                                            >I wasn’t ready to give that all up yet.

                                            >“You see, Anon, the farm ain’t really doing so hot right now, and I could just really use you right now.”

                                            >I’d already told him all about it. Don’t know why I was repeating myself.

                                            >Then he did it too.

                                            Well I’ll do anything I can to help, Applejack. Just name it.

                                            >“I could use it, honestly.”

                                            >We were up on a big hill, the one overlooking all of Sweet Apple Acres.

                                            >He and I could see the whole farm down there.

                                            >“See, we don’t just sell apples. We actually sell all kinds of foods. Half of what we need for our bills comes from apples, while the other half comes from everything else, like milk, eggs, and livestock.”

                                            Yeah, farm stuff. I get it.

                                            >“I need something new and exciting to sell, something that’s going to make every pony go even wilder than Apple Bloom did when she had all those cutie marks all over her.”

                                            >He was nodding along, but I didn’t really think he was getting it.

                                            >Then he opened his mouth, and I knew he didn’t.

                                            I can definitely help you come up with a hot new thing. There has to be something from my old home that I can remember that’ll sell like hotcakes.

                                            >“Sell like hotcakes?”

                                            >I’d heard him say that before.

                                            >It sounded like a countryism, but it sure wasn’t a good one.

                                            What, you don’t have hotcakes in Equestria?

                                            >“Can’t say that I’ve ever heard of them. What are they?”

                                            >Right away I knew that he wasn’t going to remember, because he started thinking real hard.

                                            >Hard enough that he had to lean back against the tree we were under.

                                            >I wasn’t really interested though, honestly.

                                            >There was only one thing that was going to save this farm.

                                            >Him.

                                            >I was just going to have to say it soon. I knew I’d been stalling.

                                            >I could do that sometimes just by looking at him.

                                            >He looked really good sitting underneath an apple tree, that was the truth.

                                            I don’t think I can remember, Applejack.

                                            >I watched him sit up and look at me, and I knew I was going to have to say it.

                                            >But how do you tell your best friend that his hotcakes are what’s going to save your farm?

                                            >And I ain’t talking about any of his pastries neither.

                                            >What I needed from him was a lot more personal.

                                            >I must have shown that, how I was feeling and all, because he started acting real gentle with me.

                                            Hey, don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of other stuff I can think of besides hotcakes, alright?

                                            >“Anon, if you really want to help me, then I’m going to need something from you.”

                                            I’m happy to serve. What’s up?

                                            >I was starting to feel all hot under my hat, thinking about what I was going to ask him.

                                            >“It’s something kind of . . . personal?”

                                            >I don’t know why it came out sounding like a question but he sure was looking at me all funny now though.

                                            >Us Apples, we can really be dopes sometimes. It’s the truth.

                                            Well, we’re friends, Applejack. Just tell me what you need from me.

                                            >That was nice of him. I cleared my throat.

                                            >Then I got myself in a big mess.

                                            >Apple Bloom showed up from out behind the trees.

                                            >“Yeah, Applejack, what have you got in mind?”

                                            >Boy, you wouldn’t believe how surprised I was to see her there, all of a sudden.

                                            >I darn near shot up right through the trees.

                                            >“Apple Bloom, were you listening to us?”

                                            >She folded her ears. I was kind of excited when I said it.

                                            >“Just a little,” she said. “All I wanted to know was why Anon was here.”

                                            >Boy, I really messed up. But how was I supposed to react to her just showing up like that?

                                            >I knew she didn’t mean nothing by it, but I swear it was the worst timing.

                                            >So I made some room for her, so she could sit next to me.

                                            >Then she went and sat right next to Anon. Right up against him and everything.

                                            >She had kind of a crush on him. I was sure of it.

                                            >Right there with ya, sis.

                                            >“You didn’t even say hi when you got here,” she said.

                                            Yeah, sorry about that, kid. Your sis and I got right down to business first thing.

                                            >“Business about what?” She was excited. She didn’t know we were losing the farm.

                                            >“How much did you hear, Apple Bloom?”

                                            >“I didn’t hear nothing much, except the part about hotcakes. And the part where you were asking Anon for help.”

                                            Personal help.

                                            >He and Apple Bloom were giggling with each other now.

                                            >I definitely wanted to get out of there, I could tell you that.

                                            >“Come on, Applejack, tell us what you’re up to.”

                                            Yeah, I want to know why I’m so important.

                                            >I cleared my throat, but it came out more like a cough, so I had to wipe the tears from my eyes.

                                            >I get a little teary eyed when I cough.

                                            >“Well . . .”

                                            >My legs were starting to shake more than a case of sarsaparilla that’s been carried by Pinkie Pie.

                                            >She really needed to stop hopping everywhere, at least when she was carrying soda like that.

                                            >But, yeah, the only reason they couldn’t see my legs shaking was cause we were sitting under that tree.

                                            >Then he started pushing me, with his hands and all.

                                            Come on, AJ.

                                            >“Yeah, quit stalling, Applejack. Tell us.”

                                            >That’s when I realized that he was only pushing me because Apple Bloom was on his side, so she couldn’t reach me.

                                            >Apple Bloom pushed him, so he’d push me.

                                            >They sure made a great pair sometimes, the two knuckleheads.

                                            >“Alright, well, it’s . . .”

                                            >But they kept pushing me.

                                            >Then, finally, I spilled the beans, hoping that he’d drop it afterwards:

                                            >“I need your cum!”

                                            Uh, what?

                                            >He’d stopped pushing at least.

                                            >But Apple Bloom got real curious after that.

                                            >She was looking real hard at me and Anon under that tree.

                                            >“What’s come, Applejack?” Then she smiled. “Is it good? Is it like hotcakes? Can I have some?”

                                            >Right away, I knew I’d only made things worse.

                                            >But I still had to save the farm, so . . .

                                            >Anon was going to have to cooperate.

                                            >“I’ll get my rope and we’ll see. How’s that sound?”

                                            >“Okay!”

                                            Wait, what?


                                            ****


                                            Yeah, you did make things worse, Applejack. Good job.

                                            >Well, she was honest about what she wanted, at least.

                                            >Which was terrible.

                                            >You’d never fuck a kid, especially a pony kid.

                                            >That’s, like, two ways to lose your soul right there.

                                            >Also, damn! AJ really included her sister in this shit.

                                            >Part of you wanted to show it to her family, but how would they react to it?

                                            >What if they liked it?

                                            >What if Apple Bloom liked it the most?

                                            >What if a kid started trying to rape you too?

                                            >You quickly tossed the orange folder over your shoulder and moved on to . . .

                                            Shit.

                                            >It was a blue folder, with a little rainbow lightning bolt that some pony had drawn on it.

                                            >And it was fucking huge!

                                            >It was even bigger than Rarity’s.

                                            Holy shit, you must have worked hard on this, Dash.

                                            >You chucked it.

                                            >The girls were playing chicken darts.

                                            >No, you didn’t know why.

                                            >Fluttershy stood before the dartboard, right in front of the bullseye, while Rainbow took aim.

                                            >“Don’t hit my eye,” Fluttershy said, trembling.

                                            >“I’m not,” Dash groaned. “I’ll hit the board, just don’t move.”

                                            >She had one eye closed and, with her tongue sticking out, was trying to line up her shot.

                                            >The dart was in her hoof, by the way. That’s how they threw darts here.

                                            >Flutter’s eye was toast.

                                            >“Don’t hit my eye,” Fluttershy whimpered.

                                            >“I won’t! Just hold still.”

                                            >Yeah right.

                                            >Would you hold still in front of a firing squad?

                                            >Finally, Dash stamped her hoof and lost it.

                                            >“Fluttershy!”

                                            >“Eep!”

                                            >“Would you just hold still? I won’t hit your eye if you hold still, so just–”

                                            >“Anon just threw your story away, Rainbow,” Applejack said.

                                            >“What?!”

                                            >She whirled around, sending the dart flying.

                                            >“OW!!” Fluttershy fell to the ground, covering her face.

                                            >Eyes sometimes deflate when they’re ruptured. Kind of sounds like when you let air out of a balloon slowly.

                                            >You ignored it.

                                            >Dash was here, and on the warpath.

                                            >“You didn’t read it?!” She was hovering just up above your head, her wings all spread out as they flapped.

                                            >Pegasus ponies did that a lot when they were pissed. Made themselves look bigger.

                                            >Kind of like peacocks.

                                            >You waved Dash away.

                                            Yeah, I skimmed it.

                                            >She looked like you just told her that she had clean cunt or something.

                                            >Really fucking mad.

                                            >“Skimmed it?!” She was in shock. “Dude, I spent so long writing it. There’s three books in it.

                                            >Twilight’s ears perked up at the word book.

                                            >She stopped healing Fluttershy’s eye and trotted over.

                                            >“Rainbow Dash, you wrote three novels?!”

                                            >“Three epics, more like!”

                                            >Sure.

                                            >The title of hers was ‘Anon Bangs Rainbow Dash!!!!’ by the way.

                                            Don’t worry, Dash, you’re still in first place.

                                            >She immediately calmed down.

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >Her wings fell limply to her sides and she floated down.

                                            >“Well you could have just said that.”

                                            Yeah, and you all could have just let me pay my bills, rather than starve me out of my house for this stupid bullshit.

                                            Now go do your squid wrestling and leave me alone.

                                            >“You got it, dude,” Rainbow Dash said.

                                            >She turned to Twilight smugly on the way back.

                                            >“I’m in first place.”

                                            >“Stop it,” Twilight said, folding her ears. “Where’s that squid?”

                                            >And now that they were gone, it was on to Pinkie’s story. . . .

                                            >No title for that one.

                                            >It was, like, one page too.

                                            >Things were looking up.


                                            **


                                            >Nonny hasn’t been out of his house for days.

                                            >Days?! Can you believe it?

                                            >Like, he wasn’t even doing anything either.

                                            >He’s just just sitting there, waiting to see if we were going to come in there.

                                            >But why was he waiting in there for us when we’re already waiting out here for him?

                                            >I just think that’s silly.

                                            >I keep saying we should just go in there and find him.

                                            >Then we could just get him and stop all this boring waiting.

                                            >I know it’s a good idea.

                                            >I just gotta convince my friends to do it with me someday.

                                            >They want to do this contest thingie, and that’ll definitely be fun, like one big party.

                                            >But we still got to get Nonny afterwards. And I’m not going to quit.

                                            >He can’t get away from all six of us, not if we’re all coming for him at the same time.

                                            >I guess that’s kinda unfair.

                                            >I don’t want to be mean, but how fair is it for Nonny to walk around like he does, looking like a big tasty eclair that no pony is allowed to squish?

                                            >He needs to get his cream squeezed out, and his auntie Pinkie Pie is just the mare to do it to him.

                                            >I’m going to eat it all, I’m going to drain him dry.

                                            >Sweet Celestia, he’ll never see straight again after I’m done.

                                            >I just know it. I can feel it quaking in my booty just by looking at him.

                                            >It’s going to feel so good when I hold him down and get the plunger out–

                                            >Oh, he’s getting his sock now.

                                            >Now’s my chance!

                                            >I’m gonna get you, Anon! I’m gonna git you sucka


                                            **


                                            >. . . Did Pinkie Pie just threaten you?

                                            >Well if any one of them could rally all all of them against you, it’d probably be her.

                                            >And you weren’t all that sure you could stop them all, if you had to.

                                            >Suddenly, you could feel Pinkie’s eyes on you, even though the rest of them were all looking around for something.

                                            >She was looking right at you, right after you read her story.

                                            >Yeah, it was a threat. One she wanted to make good on.

                                            Just keep your nose stuck in the folder, Anon. Don’t look at her.

                                            >The others hadn’t noticed yet. They were still running all over the place.

                                            >“But seriously, where’s the squid?” Rainbow Dash said.

                                            >This was when Pinkie started coming right for you.

                                            >“Anon?”

                                            >Or when she was right next to you.

                                            Augh! Jesus Christ, Pink . . . Oh, it’s you.

                                            >Fluttershy was smiling, even with her eyepatch on.

                                            >Well it did have a little pink butterfly on it, so that was nice.

                                            >She was also holding a fruit pie in her mouth.

                                            Is that apple . . . ? Gimme!

                                            >You swiped it and tore into the pie like an animal, getting crumbs and sticky pie filling all over your hands and shirt and Pinkie’s “story”.

                                            >“I got it for you while I was waiting for you to come outside. I figured you would be hungry, but I didn’t want to give it to you until after you had read my story.”

                                            Huh?

                                            >You look over to where you tossed her folder.

                                            Oh, right.

                                            >“I didn’t want you to think of it as a bribe. I know how much you love apple fruit pies.”

                                            And I do. Goddamn it, I do.

                                            >You smiled at her.

                                            Thanks a lot, Fluttershy. I’m glad you bribed me.

                                            >“What?” She folded her ears. “But I didn’t bribe you.”

                                            >“I knew it, she’s bribing him!” Rainbow Dash was flying above Fluttershy’s shoulder.

                                            >“She knew I was number one, so she’s over here buttering him up while we’re all looking for the squid.”

                                            >“But I’m not, I swear,” Fluttershy said, as the others descended on her.

                                            >She turned to you, desperately.

                                            >“You’d already read my story. Tell them.”

                                            Actually, I hadn’t gotten to yours yet.

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            I wasn’t even going to read it either.

                                            >“Oh. . . .”

                                            >She had begun to slowly retreat from her friends’ harsh gazes.

                                            But I’m going to read it now. So, yeah, bribe successful, Fluttershy. Good job.

                                            >They all turned on her.

                                            >“You cheater!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

                                            >“How could you, Fluttershy?” Twilight said. “We spent weeks preparing these challenges together.”

                                            >“B-But I . . .” Fluttershy was trembling.

                                            >Heh.

                                            >The pones are fighting.

                                            >Good.

                                            >You settled back with your fruit pie and started reading Fluttershy’s story.


                                            *


                                            >Day sixty nine in Equestria

                                            >Be Anon

                                            >You’ve been in talking Crayola horse land for a while now

                                            >One of them wants to rape you

                                            >Her name is Fluttershy

                                            >You wish you could leave this place

                                            >Yesterday she got it in her head that slithering black eels were your fetish

                                            >She broke in while you were taking a bath and threw a bunch of them in with you

                                            >The eels were gay and also wanted to rape you

                                            >They started trying to go up your ass

                                            >Try to get out of the tub but Fluttershy keeps jumping on top of you, peppering your face with kisses

                                            >She uses a lot of tongue

                                            >Not in your mouth though

                                            >Everywhere else

                                            >Like in your bellybutton and shit

                                            >Finally you grab a hold of her and throw her in the tub

                                            >All sixty eels immediately go up her ass

                                            >You can tell she likes it

                                            >“Oh, Anon, are you sure this isn’t your fetish?”

                                            >Fluttercum stains the porcelian of your tub

                                            >As a result you never feel clean coming out of it anymore

                                            >Had to replace it

                                            >Flutters footed the bill

                                            >Then she did it again

                                            >But with more eels

                                            >Yell at her before she can throw any in

                                            Goddammit Fluttershy, get out of here!

                                            >She wasn’t listening, as usual

                                            >Then you covered up your cock and she snapped out of it

                                            >“Huh? Did you say something, Anon?”

                                            Slithering black eels aren’t my fetish, Fluttershy. You already tried that.

                                            >She’s giggling

                                            >You don’t like it

                                            >“Oh, no, this will be different. These are electric eels.”

                                            >What?!

                                            >Watch in horror as she dumps the eels into the tub

                                            >Your entire body buzzes with electricity, you start convulsing as all the lights in the house short out

                                            >Involuntarily get a boner

                                            >Fluttershy sees this

                                            >“Yay!”

                                            >Jumps on top of it, also getting shocked

                                            >Now you’re both dead, finally out of Equestria

                                            >You die peacefully, knowing this

                                            >It’s just too bad that your last moments were spent

                                            >Fucking Fluttershy


                                            *


                                            >You paused, with your eyes glued down to the page, just as a morsel of cherry fruit pie was headed to your lips.

                                            >Fluttershy was being chased by an angry mob made up of her friends.

                                            >You were silent for a moment.

                                            >Then you picked the folder up and began vigorously reading some more.

                                            >Like, yeah, they weren’t great or anything, but you loved reading them.

                                            >How come Fluttershy never told you she was funny?

                                            >Fucking Fluttershy.

                                            >“Get her!”

                                            >She was really crying about it too, being chased by that mob.

                                            >“Anon, help!”

                                            Fine.

                                            >You started humming the Benny Hill theme as you watched her friends try to murder her.

                                            >It was helping you, at least.

                                            >Then you started reading the rest of Fluttershy’s story.

                                            >No surprises, but they were damn good.

                                            >Who knew that Fluttershy was so talented?

                                            >Well, that settled it for you.

                                            >You found Fluttershy just as she had been cornered by her friends.

                                            >“There you are, Anon,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just in time for you to tell us what we should do with this cheater?”

                                            >Fluttershy was lying in the fetal position, trying her best to hide from them all.

                                            >You pushed your way past all her friends and took her up into your arms.

                                            Come on, Fluttershy, you’re coming home with me.

                                            >Her friends all gasped.

                                            >”What?!”

                                            >“What!” Fluttershy said.

                                            Why are you surprised? I picked the story that I liked best, and it was yours.

                                            >She smiled, blushing. “R-Really? You liked it?”

                                            >“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “You said I was in first place.”

                                            I didn’t read your story, faggot.

                                            >“What?!”

                                            >“Oh, that word means bad,” Twilight whispered to the others.

                                            Yeah, didn’t read it. What you gonna do about it, faggot?

                                            >“What the hay?!” Dash was pissed, “Did you read any of them?”

                                            Not really.

                                            >Dash looked like she was having an aneurysm.

                                            >“You know it has only been about twenty minutes,” Rarity noted with some annoyance.

                                            I know. The only one I finished was Fluttershy’s.

                                            >“That’s bull!” Rainbow Dash said. “You were supposed to read mine.”

                                            Nope. Just Fluttershy’s. You all fucking suck.

                                            >Fluttershy was all smiles.

                                            >Dash had steam coming out of her ears.

                                            >“Anon, you fucking–”

                                            >But she got cut off.

                                            >A large tentacle appeared suddenly from behind her, and attached its suction cup to her face.

                                            >Dash struggled enough to free her face for a moment.

                                            >Blind panic was in her eyes.

                                            >“Okay, I take it all back! Just help me!”

                                            >But it was too late: the rest of the tentacle soon slithered itself all around her body.

                                            >You all watched helplessly as Dash was dragged down along the ground before eventually disappearing into the open manhole cover nearby.

                                            >It was silent for a moment.

                                            >Then more tentacles shot out of it.

                                            >The other four were soon grabbed and pulled down into the sewer as well.

                                            >Rarity was the noisiest one.

                                            >“Not my mane!”

                                            >Followed by Pinkie.

                                            >“Woooo-hoooooooooooo!”

                                            >And it settled again after that.

                                            >Fluttershy scrunched her muzzle, looking at where her friends had once been.

                                            >“Well, now we know where the squid was.”

                                            >She looked at you.

                                            >“Should we help?”

                                            >You turned to her, in all seriousness.

                                            Write.

                                            More.

                                            Now.


                                            >You put down Fluttershy’s masterpiece (it’s even better after a reread) and said it again.

                                            Seriously, I’ll chain you up in the basement if you don’t write faster.

                                            >“Don’t tempt me, mister.”

                                            >The two of you were back home now.

                                            >You were munching on fruit pies, since Fluttershy had bought you a big box of them, and she was busy writing her latest masterpiece.

                                            >It was going to be worth the wait, you just knew it.

                                            Hey, how’d you learn to write so good anyway, Tolstoy?

                                            >“Um . . .”

                                            >She looked down and started fiddling with her hooves.

                                            >“Do you want the truth?” she said. “Your journals.”

                                            >Oh, yeah. You used to journal when you first got here.

                                            >Kind of a dumb thing to do, honestly.

                                            >It was a lot better to just sit on your ass and eat shit.

                                            So you stole ‘em?

                                            >“Are you mad?”

                                            Is my name “Macho Man” Anon Savage?

                                            >“Well, you call yourself that sometimes, but, um–”

                                            Then of course I’m mad. But you can make it up to me by writing more.

                                            >“Oh, okay!” She was just glad you didn’t throw something at her.

                                            I think I remember you trying black eels before, actually.

                                            >It’d been a while.

                                            >You reached for another fruit pie when your hand grabbed a pink hoof.

                                            >You saw that Ponka rapist was sitting next to you now.

                                            >She was smiling at you and fidgeting with her mane.

                                            >“Gosh, Nonny. You’re not supposed to hold my hoof after Fluttershy already won the contest.”

                                            >You shot up from your seat.

                                            What are you doing here?

                                            >She shot out of her seat too, smiling.

                                            >“I’m here hanging out. What about you?”

                                            But the squid–

                                            >“I got away.”

                                            Oh. . . .

                                            >Pinkie just giggled at you, and took one of your fruit pies for herself.

                                            >You thought for a moment.

                                            >Maybe, now that the contest was over, she wasn’t going to be some crazy rape pony anymore.

                                            >Meanwhile she was stuffing over half your box of fruit pies into her mane.

                                            >“Hey, can I have some of these for later?” she asked, as she kept stealing them.

                                            Sheesh. Don’t take all of them, Ponk.

                                            >You sat next to her.

                                            So, really, what are you doing here?

                                            >“I wanted to read more of Fluttershy’s stories. I mean, I knew the ones I read were funny, but then she went and she won the game with them. They must all be really, really good then, huh?”

                                            >“Oh, um, thank you, Pinkie.”

                                            >“No problemo, por favor.”

                                            Alright, well, read it then. It’s a trip.

                                            >You handed Pinkie the story.

                                            >But then a large tentacle broke through the window.

                                            >It stuck its suction cup onto her face.

                                            >“Oh, squid’s back, every pony!” she said before being thrown through a different window.

                                            >Fluttershy sat up.

                                            >“Stay back, sweetie! I’ll handle this!”

                                            >She flipped her eyepatch down, and bit down on a large Bowie knife, holding it in her teeth, before pouncing on the squid.

                                            >Screaming the entire time:

                                            >“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!”

                                            >An epic battle most likely followed.

                                            >But you shrugged and decided to move to another room with Fluttershy’s story.

                                            >You wanted to read that shit again.

                                            >For the third time.

                                            >As you pass the window, you see Scootaloo and Apple Bloom going through the discarded folders outside.

                                            >“Hey, this one has my sis and Anon in it,” Apple Bloom said. “I’m taking it. I got to read it if Applejack wrote it.”

                                            >Scootaloo had flipped near the end of Dash’s folder.

                                            >Her squinty eyes scrutinizined the text inside.

                                            >“‘Rainbro Bagghims?’” she read, puzzled. “That’s not Rainbow Dash’s name.”

                                            >She kept on, reading more, sounding more upset as she did.

                                            >“‘Come, Mrs. Rainbro,’ Anonymous Bangmee cried. ‘I can’t bang a pony for you, but I can bang you–’”she snorted. “What is this?”

                                            >It looked like two fillies that didn’t know they were about to be eaten by a squid to you.

                                            >But no one ever asked you.

                                            >When you went in the next room, immediately after you sat down, actually, Pinkie was there too.

                                            >“Pass the fruit pies, would ya? I like to snack while I read.”

                                            Shouldn’t you be helping Fluttershy?

                                            >Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively.

                                            >“Nah. She’ll be fine.”

                                            Yeah, good point.

                                            >She would be, too.

                                            >She was very good at squid wrestling, that Fluttershy.

                                            >She won a contest for it once.