Among Savages


                                            Short greentext shitpost written by a good friend of mine for funsies. I was meant to bin this a long time ago but neglected and forgot.

                                            Original post: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40035442/#40054922

                                            Originally written 2023-06-22

                                            Status: Complete


                                            =====


                                            >My name is anon

                                            >Somehow I have found myself transported to world of magical creatures, a land before time, before civilization

                                            >I have taken residence with a tribe of local equines creatures, like early man eking out a survival in small enclaves,

                                            >living primitive lives close to nature, dressed in rags and modern hygiene being nary a twinkle in their eyes

                                            >our tribe is small, with only 7 members to speak. I dubbed them Pokey, Derpy, Lazy, Pushie, Bouncy, Thumper and Flapflap

                                            >"aye-leggy fancy a cheekyshag af'er some bitters&dogseye?"

                                            >They communicate in a primitive guttural language but in their eyes I see the spark of insight

                                            >I will help them, they need me


                                            ===


                                            >I hadn't spoken to another person in what felt like forever

                                            >I ached to connect with another soul, but Lazy was always eager to lend her presence

                                            >even when the others were busy

                                            >"Thanks Lazy you always know how to cheer a guy up"

                                            >I patted her shaggy head not knowing what she said but knowing she cared

                                            >She was a dusky grey blue unicorn with hair like a sunset.

                                            >"We got a lot of work to do today lazy and you're going to help"

                                            >Something about that had her uneasy but I gave her a reassuring smile. I was going to repay these ponies for their kindness

                                            >I motioned for her to come inside their cabin with me,

                                            >She looked excied and followed, babbling in her language as I ducked through the low entrance on all fours

                                            >"Oh leggsy I dinnae knew ye understood us aha..... ah me stars all the gibberin i said..." she blushed before shaking her head

                                            >"I wanna see jus how far those legs go, lets grab the bitter"

                                            >Inside she tried to pull me towards the kitchen but I stopped her

                                            >First I had gathered the dirtiest fabrics I could find, and stacked it on her back,

                                            >She looked at me quizzically

                                            >When it looked like a good stack I led her back out and towards the nearby river

                                            >Along the way I picked up a huge tub formed with the shell of an emptied and dried gourd

                                            >Pushie who had been dragging a log looked at us as we went by, "Now wots all dis then?"

                                            >Lazy shrugged "bloke's got a hankerin"

                                            >"Ye'aint muckin about are ya?"

                                            >Lazy rolled her eyes "Do I look like I'm growin moss? nae? then the stone is rollin innit?"

                                            >"A stone can roll and still get nuffin done cannit?"

                                            >Lazy waved her off "sod off ya ninny we're keepin busy"


                                            >By the river we set the tub and fabrics down, an eclectic mix of rag clothing and mats

                                            >Away from the trees the sun poured in warming the stones of the pebble beach

                                            >I filled the gourd with water and tossed in an armful of fabrics

                                            >"Oi! you got yer 'ead on backwards or summin? we cannae use wet clothes"

                                            >I chuckled at her alarmed tone "Don't worry Lazy I'll show you what it does"

                                            >I pulled out a large white clump from my bag

                                            >Over the past couple days, I had gathered together wood ash and stolen butter to create something hitherto unseen in their humble home

                                            >A clump of primitive soap, with some ground up flowers put in for a fresh scent.

                                            >"Wot's that?" She sniffed it "Smells fancy it does"

                                            >I wet and lathered it, producing foaming suds in the water

                                            >Lazy perked up, watching with curiosity

                                            >"Oh ya daft coltie goin to all this trouble fer a little dirt why'dn ya sayso"

                                            >She lied down languidly on the warm stones, watching me work while soaking in sunrays

                                            >After finishing I dumped out and a refilled a fresh tub of water and pointed to her tribal cloth

                                            >It was some kind of plaid skirt, likely ornamental as most others forwent clothing alltogether

                                            >"eh this?" she gestured to herself

                                            >I nodded, gesturing again


                                            ===


                                            >I nodded, gesturing again

                                            >"oh ya cheekie coltie, thas naughty just askin fer a gals tartan out like that!" She looked around, spotting a small watch party of the othe mares snickering and smiling

                                            >She hesitated, but I patiently held out my hand

                                            >Reluctantly she bent down and slowly slid the skirt down over her hindquarters, her tail springing free as it passed under the waistband.

                                            >She turned red suddenly feeling flushed all over, embarassed.

                                            >Wolf whistles and whoops came from the audience


                                            >She threw it at you and crossed her legs feeling exposed "doubletime it legsy"

                                            >I grabbed her and tossed her in the tub


                                            >"OI I dinnae agre-AGH YA BLEEDIN SOP" The others cheered and stomped

                                            >She tried to climb out but she wasn't getting off that easy,

                                            >"Dunk er 'ead!" came one of the ponies voices.

                                            >I held her in and soaped her over, wrestling to keep her in the tub

                                            >"Ya DAFT I ain't no FISH I dunnae need WATER"

                                            >sudsy water came away brown as I massaged it in her fur.

                                            >"Agh careful where ye stickin them PAWS"

                                            >"BLARG it taste's AWFUL PTUH"

                                            >"ME BLEEDIN EYES"

                                            >She reached out to the others

                                            >"Help he's doin me in! It's a soggy grave!-"


                                            >They just continued their hollering as she dissapeard underneat the suds again

                                            >I couldn't know what they said but from the other's mirthful expressions I guessed they weren't worried too much.

                                            >Finally after ages of struggling it was done, I grabbed Lazy around the barrel and carried her out,

                                            >The tub water was completely brown

                                            >She panted heavily and jabbed me with her horn

                                            >"That's better. Had enough ya sodder? There's another one where that came from if yer not careful"

                                            >I was already soaked myself so I waded into the lazy river


                                            >lazy spoke up again, struggling in my arms "Wait what'reya-"

                                            >She neighed as I tossed her in

                                            >Uproarous laughing, stomping and cheering came from the other ponies again

                                            >Lazy walked out of the river pristine clean and dripping wet before collapsing defeated on the warm stones again, muttering to herself

                                            >Panting and soaked through myself I stripped off my shirt and sat heavily next to her

                                            >Whistles again came from the audience. The other ponies had come out of the treeline into the sun

                                            >all the other ponies Pushie Pokey, Derpy FlapFlap and Thumper had watched


                                            >"freshened up are ya?" Pushie asked

                                            >"shut" Lazy said from the ground

                                            >a new round of guffaws shook the group

                                            >"Least ye can oogle legsy now eh? Should get em washin more often"

                                            >I collected my breath and stood up again brandishing the soap "who wants to go next"

                                            >in one moment their expressions turned from mirth to fear

                                            >With neigns and whinnys they jumped up and scattered like spooked cats back into the forest

                                            >"bleedin gits" Lazy said

                                            >I can only assume in her language, it meant "thank you"