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1176 6.51 KB 109
Among Savages
By Hugh_NeutronCreated: 2024-03-17 23:28:34
Updated: 2024-03-17 23:30:09
Expiry: Never
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Short greentext shitpost written by a good friend of mine for funsies. I was meant to bin this a long time ago but neglected and forgot.
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Original post: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40035442/#40054922
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Originally written 2023-06-22
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Status: Complete
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=====
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>My name is anon
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>Somehow I have found myself transported to world of magical creatures, a land before time, before civilization
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>I have taken residence with a tribe of local equines creatures, like early man eking out a survival in small enclaves,
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>living primitive lives close to nature, dressed in rags and modern hygiene being nary a twinkle in their eyes
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>our tribe is small, with only 7 members to speak. I dubbed them Pokey, Derpy, Lazy, Pushie, Bouncy, Thumper and Flapflap
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>"aye-leggy fancy a cheekyshag af'er some bitters&dogseye?"
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>They communicate in a primitive guttural language but in their eyes I see the spark of insight
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>I will help them, they need me
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===
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>I hadn't spoken to another person in what felt like forever
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>I ached to connect with another soul, but Lazy was always eager to lend her presence
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>even when the others were busy
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>"Thanks Lazy you always know how to cheer a guy up"
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>I patted her shaggy head not knowing what she said but knowing she cared
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>She was a dusky grey blue unicorn with hair like a sunset.
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>"We got a lot of work to do today lazy and you're going to help"
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>Something about that had her uneasy but I gave her a reassuring smile. I was going to repay these ponies for their kindness
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>I motioned for her to come inside their cabin with me,
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>She looked excied and followed, babbling in her language as I ducked through the low entrance on all fours
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>"Oh leggsy I dinnae knew ye understood us aha..... ah me stars all the gibberin i said..." she blushed before shaking her head
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>"I wanna see jus how far those legs go, lets grab the bitter"
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>Inside she tried to pull me towards the kitchen but I stopped her
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>First I had gathered the dirtiest fabrics I could find, and stacked it on her back,
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>She looked at me quizzically
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>When it looked like a good stack I led her back out and towards the nearby river
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>Along the way I picked up a huge tub formed with the shell of an emptied and dried gourd
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>Pushie who had been dragging a log looked at us as we went by, "Now wots all dis then?"
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>Lazy shrugged "bloke's got a hankerin"
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>"Ye'aint muckin about are ya?"
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>Lazy rolled her eyes "Do I look like I'm growin moss? nae? then the stone is rollin innit?"
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>"A stone can roll and still get nuffin done cannit?"
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>Lazy waved her off "sod off ya ninny we're keepin busy"
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>By the river we set the tub and fabrics down, an eclectic mix of rag clothing and mats
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>Away from the trees the sun poured in warming the stones of the pebble beach
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>I filled the gourd with water and tossed in an armful of fabrics
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>"Oi! you got yer 'ead on backwards or summin? we cannae use wet clothes"
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>I chuckled at her alarmed tone "Don't worry Lazy I'll show you what it does"
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>I pulled out a large white clump from my bag
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>Over the past couple days, I had gathered together wood ash and stolen butter to create something hitherto unseen in their humble home
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>A clump of primitive soap, with some ground up flowers put in for a fresh scent.
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>"Wot's that?" She sniffed it "Smells fancy it does"
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>I wet and lathered it, producing foaming suds in the water
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>Lazy perked up, watching with curiosity
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>"Oh ya daft coltie goin to all this trouble fer a little dirt why'dn ya sayso"
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>She lied down languidly on the warm stones, watching me work while soaking in sunrays
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>After finishing I dumped out and a refilled a fresh tub of water and pointed to her tribal cloth
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>It was some kind of plaid skirt, likely ornamental as most others forwent clothing alltogether
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>"eh this?" she gestured to herself
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>I nodded, gesturing again
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===
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>I nodded, gesturing again
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>"oh ya cheekie coltie, thas naughty just askin fer a gals tartan out like that!" She looked around, spotting a small watch party of the othe mares snickering and smiling
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>She hesitated, but I patiently held out my hand
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>Reluctantly she bent down and slowly slid the skirt down over her hindquarters, her tail springing free as it passed under the waistband.
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>She turned red suddenly feeling flushed all over, embarassed.
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>Wolf whistles and whoops came from the audience
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>She threw it at you and crossed her legs feeling exposed "doubletime it legsy"
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>I grabbed her and tossed her in the tub
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>"OI I dinnae agre-AGH YA BLEEDIN SOP" The others cheered and stomped
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>She tried to climb out but she wasn't getting off that easy,
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>"Dunk er 'ead!" came one of the ponies voices.
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>I held her in and soaped her over, wrestling to keep her in the tub
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>"Ya DAFT I ain't no FISH I dunnae need WATER"
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>sudsy water came away brown as I massaged it in her fur.
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>"Agh careful where ye stickin them PAWS"
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>"BLARG it taste's AWFUL PTUH"
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>"ME BLEEDIN EYES"
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>She reached out to the others
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>"Help he's doin me in! It's a soggy grave!-"
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>They just continued their hollering as she dissapeard underneat the suds again
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>I couldn't know what they said but from the other's mirthful expressions I guessed they weren't worried too much.
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>Finally after ages of struggling it was done, I grabbed Lazy around the barrel and carried her out,
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>The tub water was completely brown
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>She panted heavily and jabbed me with her horn
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>"That's better. Had enough ya sodder? There's another one where that came from if yer not careful"
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>I was already soaked myself so I waded into the lazy river
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>lazy spoke up again, struggling in my arms "Wait what'reya-"
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>She neighed as I tossed her in
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>Uproarous laughing, stomping and cheering came from the other ponies again
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>Lazy walked out of the river pristine clean and dripping wet before collapsing defeated on the warm stones again, muttering to herself
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>Panting and soaked through myself I stripped off my shirt and sat heavily next to her
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>Whistles again came from the audience. The other ponies had come out of the treeline into the sun
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>all the other ponies Pushie Pokey, Derpy FlapFlap and Thumper had watched
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>"freshened up are ya?" Pushie asked
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>"shut" Lazy said from the ground
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>a new round of guffaws shook the group
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>"Least ye can oogle legsy now eh? Should get em washin more often"
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>I collected my breath and stood up again brandishing the soap "who wants to go next"
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>in one moment their expressions turned from mirth to fear
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>With neigns and whinnys they jumped up and scattered like spooked cats back into the forest
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>"bleedin gits" Lazy said
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>I can only assume in her language, it meant "thank you"
by Hugh_Neutron
by Hugh_Neutron
by Hugh_Neutron
by Hugh_Neutron
by Hugh_Neutron