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[RGR] Nonfu

By MrSkeltal
Created: 18th December 2020 12:34:22 AM

  1. Original Poster: Frostybox (pastebin.com/u/frostybox)
  2. Reason this is posted here is because it's not binned in Frosty's bin.
  3.  
  4. >"So... only one female?" Twilight asks.
  5. >"Yup, dating and stuff may involve multiple partners at once, but when it comes to marriage it's ideally to one other and only them."
  6. >"I see, and do you have special terms for your partners- uh, partner?"
  7. >Anonymous nods, "Oh yeah, there's tons of words to use depending on how close you are. From just their name, to a nickname, then usually boyfriend/girlfriend if you've been dating long enough to decide being exclusive to each other."
  8. >Girlfriend, that's what you'd become in a private herd with Nonny.
  9. >"When you decide to get married and propose the idea to the partner then you're engaged, we call them our fiancé at that point. And then finally there's husband and wife like you all have."
  10. >Wife
  11. >Just like Mrs. Cake has with Mr. Cake.
  12. >You could be Mrs. Pie and Mr. Mous.
  13. >With no others, just you and him.
  14. >"And what about this..." Twilight flips through her notes, "uh- Waifu? Did I say that right?"
  15. >You're whole specialty is laughter, so you know laughs. Anon's laugh is in like the top 10% of laughs and the one he's letting out right now is hitting top 5%.
  16. >"I forgot I brought that up before, It's more of a joke title, but it basically means "I want to skip all the steps and straight marry that lady."
  17. >Your ears perk right up at this new information, as do everyone else's.
  18. >Anon rises out of his seat in the center of the room. "Welp, this was fun but I promised Caramel I'd help him pick out a new saddlebag for his trip to Manehattan.”
  19. >Rarity's eyes light up and she opens her mouth to speak, "Do you need hel-"
  20. >Her lips keep moving but no sound comes out as a faint purple shimmer hangs on her lips.
  21. >"Someone say something?" Anon asks by the open doorway.
  22. >You all shake your heads and assure him that none of you said anything while Rarity goes red in the face from screaming silently.
  23. >Anon shuts the door and Rarity regains her ability to speak, "What was that for Twilight!?"
  24. >Twilight tries looking as innocent as possible, "Oh, I had just remembered a spell I've been meaning to test out and saw the perfect opportunity to use it. You didn't mind offering to help me did you Rarity?"
  25. >Rarity hums indignantly and raises her nose at everypony in the room.
  26. >"Now, I know what all of are thinking" Twilight says, cutting into the awkward silence in the room, "Anonymous has a slightly different lifestyle than what we're used to and we should all try to respect that."
  27. >You all nod in agreement.
  28. >You over all of them plan to respect it the most.
  29. >"The notion that one would form only a couple rather than a herd is certainly unique here in Equestria, but not entirely unheard of. Getting your male all to yourself, not having to maintain any sort of alpha status, being able to sleep together on any be-" Twilight shakes off her daydream and continues as though she'd never said it, "S-so we should just accept this as new information about our alien friend. There's no need to act on something so subtle correct?"
  30. >You all share glances with each other.
  31. >The silence in the room returns.
  32. >"I've gotta go do flying practice!" Rainbow Dash shouts.
  33. >"Oh yes, and I have to go find my binoculars... f-for watching An- I mean birds." Fluttershy mumbles.
  34. >"Got apples aplenty that need some workin'" Applejack states as she fixes her hat.
  35. >Rarity runs out of the room, "Darling! I know saddlebags like the back of my hoof!" she shouts in the hopes that Anon is still nearby.
  36. >Twilight rolls her eyes at everypony else's antics, but you catch a subtle blush on her face, "I h-have some studying to do."
  37. >In a flash she teleports off to her library leaving you behind.
  38. >Alone in the giant crystal room.
  39. "SKREEEEEEEEEE"
  40. >"skreeeeeeeeee"
  41. >Echoes are fun.
  42. >What's going to be even more fun is being Nonny's waifu.
  43. >You're going to have to give this everything you've got.
  44. >Be Anon
  45. >Your heavy eyelids muster just enough strength to open once.
  46. >Nope.
  47. >And then shut immediately after.
  48. >Lazy Saturdays are the best Saturdays.
  49. >And if it's not Saturday then you're already late for anything you may have had planned anyway so fuck it.
  50. >You pull the body pillow closer to your chest and bury your face into its fluff.
  51. >You let out a comfy exhale as the warmth of your sheets carries you back into the realm of sleep.
  52. >...
  53. >You don't have a body pillo-
  54. >"SURPRISE!"
  55. >The pillow gains a pair of bright blue eyes that are staring directly into yours.
  56. "AAAAAAAAAAAA-"
  57. >"AAAAAAAAAA" Pinkie joins in with your scream as though it were some kind of game.
  58. >You jump back out of bed and land on your back in a sheet covered heap.
  59. >Pinkie hangs over the edge of your bed looking down at you, "You got real surprised didn't you?"
  60. "Pinkie! Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!"
  61. >"Ah bup bup, surprised the hell out of you," she corrects.
  62. "Wh-what are you even doing in my house?!"
  63. >"I just wanted my bestest friend in the whole wide world to have a great start to his Thursday morning," she exclaims while rolling back and forth on your bed.
  64. >Fuck, it's not Saturday.
  65. "Great..." you respond with a yawn, "You gave me the greatest Thursday morning start. A small heart attack."
  66. >Pinkie's eyes widen, "Really?"
  67. "Are you- yes really!"
  68. >Confetti rains down from... somewhere, as she cheers, "Yay! I knew this would work!"
  69. "I'm so very glad Pinkie. Now get out."
  70. >She hops out of your bed and trots over to our bedroom door, "Alrighty! I'll see you later, Nonfu."
  71. >Non- Whatever. The adrenalin has worn off and knowing you'll have to clean up all that confetti later only makes you feel even more tired.
  72. >You settle back into bed and bury your head as deep as you can into your pillow.
  73. >You close your eyes and pull your body pillow close to your ches-
  74. "No goddamn it!"
  75. >You hold in your death grip a regular pink body pillow.
  76. >Oh.
  77. >There's a small note attached to it.
  78. "Left you a little present since I know how much you like these kinds of pillows now."
  79. >Well that was pretty nice of her.
  80. >You hug it close and settle back into bed.
  81. >A muffled giggle escapes the pillow under your head followed by a whispered, "Do you like it?."
  82. "AAAAAAAAAAA-"
  83. >"AAAAAAAAAA"
  84.  
  85. >"Everything?"
  86. "Yes everything, literally everything I touch turns into Pinkie Pie. She won't stop trying to surprise me today."
  87. >"I dunno, Anon. I know she's a little kooky but are you sure you're not just exaggerating?"
  88. "Fine. You wanna see proof?"
  89. >You scan around and find the nearest market stall is selling vases.
  90. "Come with me."
  91. >"Ooh! I've been meaning to get a new vase after the last one broke in that awful bugbear attack."
  92. >As you both near the stand, you hold out a hand for him to wait right where he is.
  93. >His imminent shopping face turns to a frown, "Alright, alright, just show me already, I wanna browse," he whines.
  94. >You reach down and grab a wavy blue vase that's indistinguishable from any of the other blue vases around it.
  95. >The moment you lift it up, the ground underneath the vase cracks and breaks as something is removed from it.
  96. >"Surprise!" Pinkie shouts as she showers you both in confetti.
  97. >Her mane is panted blue and was shaped like all the other vases.
  98. >The rest of her is covered in specks of dirt from having been underground somehow.
  99. "See?"
  100. >Caramel has his back turned to you, coughing while trying to explain that he got confetti stuck in his throat.
  101. >You pat him on the back like you would a baby.
  102. >That seems to do the trick.
  103. "Alright, now do you see what I'm talking about?" you ask while looking back at the pony in your hand.
  104. >She gives you a friendly wave.
  105. >"I do see, what a delightful, beautiful, super bestest friendly mare you've got in your hand." Caramel says in a forcefully gruff voice.
  106. >You glance down and see "Caramel" standing beside you with a poofy brown mane
  107. "Pinkie. Are you disguised as Caramel right now?"
  108. >Caramel gigglesnorts, "Noooo."
  109. >Goddamn it Ponk.
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