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[FR] Straya Day in 'Questria 2

By Brownee
Created: 2020-12-18 01:07:49
Expiry: Never

  1. >You're Australianon.
  2. >Your body senses it's that time of the year again.
  3. >Your enthusiasm may be lacking after what happened last time, but its still there regardless.
  4. >26th of January.
  5. >Australia Day.
  6. >Rollin' outta bed, you get to the window and open it for the yearly routine.
  7. "STRAYAAHOLY FUCK IT'S COLD!"
  8. >Shut that bastard.
  9. >Is that snow everywhere?!
  10. >The fuck is happenin'?
  11. >Last year it was practically blistering!
  12. >It's a fuckin' travesty is what it is!
  13. >Better go talk to the purple bitch about this.
  14. >Not before dressing in the proper attire though.
  15. >Blue singlet, thongs, shorts, Australian Flag cape.
  16. >Fuck you feel like a nong for wearing it like that, but someone has to.
  17. >All prepared, you grab Terry; your inflatable kangaroo and make your way down stairs.
  18. >No time to properly grab and prepare everything you normally would, you just grab the essentials.
  19. >Beer.
  20. >Just a six pack, gotta travel light.
  21. >Beers and Kangaroo in hand, you head to the door-
  22. *knock*knock*
  23. >Oh bloody hell!
  24. >Somehow you forgot about this...
  25. >Just get 'er outta the way and head off.
  26. >Opening the door, Yellow slut just stands there, wearin' a scarf with a smile on her face.
  27. >...a smile you're not wantin' any part of.
  28. "Oi, yeah, nah, fuck off hey."
  29. >Flutta's eyes widen at what you said and she looks like she takes a few seconds to think about it.
  30. >"Uhm... was that a hello?"
  31. "It's a form 'a recommendation. I'm busy, piss off."
  32. >You step past her, closin' the door behind ya.
  33. >And once you do, ya body suddenly shakes with the feelin' of the air.
  34. "Whoa tits, that's cold..."
  35. >Fucking snow everywhere.
  36. >Thinkin' about it, thongs aren't entirely necessary, you coulda just grabbed ya shoes.
  37. >Fuck it though, you're out n' about now.
  38. >Flutta speaks up from behind ya.
  39. >"Uhm... It's just that I remembered what day it is! I thought you might like to... c-celebrate it again?"
  40. >You turn around to look at her.
  41. >Oh, fancy that. She's got a crate of the stuff you slapped a Vegemite label over last year on her back.
  42. "What's that for?"
  43. >"W-Well... after last year, I thought you might like to celebrate again... with me?"
  44. >Fuck no.
  45. >You know what she's doin'.
  46. "Last year I woke up the next morning, naked, with everyone around me and vegemite smeared everywhere, especially on my donger. Why the fuck would I do wanna do that again?"
  47. >"Oh... Right..."
  48. "Yeah. Didn't think I'd remember that, did ya?"
  49. >"Well, you did seem to enjoy yourself..."
  50. "I was completely off my tits, of course I looked like I enjoyed myself. I'd think going to the crystal empire to hang a piss in Princess Love Bum's fridge would be a good time at that stage!"
  51. >You're startin' to feel the cold air, so you'd best get to Twilights.
  52. >As you turn and walk, Fluttashy follows.
  53. >"So... you don't want to share this with me?"
  54. >Looking down at her keepin' pace with you, and lookin' at the box...
  55. >It's tempting...
  56. >The stuff is hard to get, she put in the effort for ya...
  57. "Alright, maybe later. I still gotta sort some shit out first."
  58. >She lets off a happy squeak.
  59. >Apparently she took that as a sign to keep following ya, 'cause she's not leaving.
  60. >Whatever, if you get this shit sorted out, you'll have a celebratory sandwich with her.
  61. >While walkin', you get a shiver up ya spine.
  62. "Brrrhh... Crikey..."
  63. >"Aren't you freezing dressed like that?"
  64. "What was your first clue?"
  65. >"Why aren't you wearing a sweater? Or pants?"
  66. "It's fuckin' Australia Day. The proper attire is all I'm wearin'."
  67. >But really, you are freezin' ya balls off.
  68. >And she notices you shivering a little.
  69. >"Don't be silly, Anon! You'll get very sick!"
  70. "Blue singlet or nothin'!"
  71. >She starts taking off her scarf.
  72. >"Well at least wear this for me..."
  73. "Nup!"
  74. >"I'm not going to stand here and watch you freeze, Mister! You put this on right now!"
  75. "Fuck off, Flutta! My flag cape will keep me warm!"
  76. >That ain't gonna do shit.
  77. >The material is too thin.
  78. >Still, to make the point, you put Terry under one arm and wrap your flag around one side of you.
  79. "There! I'm warmin' up already!"
  80. >You can hardly feel your hand from the cold...
  81. >Fluttashy doesn't seem too impressed, giving you a glare.
  82. >"Fine! Be that way!"
  83. >She starts leaving.
  84. "Yeah, that's right! P-Piss off ya bitch..."
  85. >Holy shit, you are seriously freezin' here.
  86. >Better pick up the pace to Twilights.
  87. >That castle is just across town, you can get there...
  88.  
  89.  
  90. >You can't feel your legs...
  91. >Its hard to run while you're thongs, carrying beer and this bloody Kangaroo.
  92. >In hindsight, maybe Terry should've stayed home.
  93. >Why'd you even bring him?
  94. >Fuck it, too late now.
  95. >You're almost at the castle...
  96. >Just suck it up.
  97. >The treecastle comes into view over some of the buildings, so you're close at lea-
  98. >"Got you.~"
  99. "Whapphh!"
  100. >Fuck, they jumped you!
  101. >There's a sack over your head!
  102. >Which then... suddenly gets pulled down so your head sticks out of a hole...
  103. >Wait, this is clothing...
  104. >You're suddenly tripped and fall to the ground, your shorts being removed and something else wrapping around your legs.
  105. "What the bloody hell?!"
  106. >"Calm down Anonymous, I'm just dressing you."
  107. >Oh fuck, it's Raraty.
  108. "Why?!"
  109. >"Fluttershy said that you're walking around out in the cold with barely any clothing on to keep warm. Do you really think I'd just let you freeze out here?"
  110. >The irony is that they'd normally look for excuses to get ya clothes off.
  111. >This is probably the only time you've seen them put clothes on ya...
  112. >Despite that, you're still strugglin'.
  113. "There's a fuckin' reason I'm wearin' this shit!"
  114. >"Oh pish posh. I respect that you feel the need to celebrate this holiday of yours, as anypony would, but it's borderline insane to be going out in the cold as you are."
  115. >When your pants are done up, you turn your head and see both her and Flutta are standin' there.
  116. >"There. Isn't that much better? I had them prepared for today and made sure that they're colours to suit you based on what you've told me previously."
  117. >As she says that, her magic puts your flag cape back over your back and ties it back on.
  118. >You look yourself over.
  119. >Green and gold jumper, khaki cargo pants...
  120. >You don't want to admit it, but the warmth is a lot better.
  121. >There goes your attire...
  122. >You sigh and get up.
  123. "Fuck my arse..."
  124. >You turn and are about to speak to Rarity, but you notice she has a bit of a weird grin...
  125. >"Name the time and place, dear.~"
  126. >Ergh, why do ya keep sayin' shit like that around her.
  127. "Alright, fine. Thanks. I don't really care for wearin' this shit today, but I'm happy for the colour choices. 'Specially the pants."
  128. >"Yes, I thought you might like something modelled after... Hmm, what did you say his name was? Steve... Irving?"
  129. "Irwin. And that bloke never wore pants at all. I'm just not as hard a cunt as he is, so I'll wear them to get through the weather..."
  130. >You pick up your beer and Terry again.
  131. >As you're about to head off, you spot Fluttashy off to the side, her head in your shorts that were taken off.
  132. >She's takin' a deep whiff.
  133. >You go over and hold Terry by the tail so you can use him to smack her over the head a few times.
  134. "Ya dirty fuckin' bitch! Get out of it!"
  135. >"Eep!"
  136. >She reels back in a minor panic, but she can't see where she's going because they're stuck on her head.
  137. >In desperation, she takes off, shorts still on her head, but out of range of Terry's wrath.
  138. >The crate of vegemite she had slides off her back and onto the ground as she leaves.
  139. "I'D BETTER GET THOSE BACK!"
  140. >You're getting distracted too much.
  141. >Though the good thing out of this is that you can at least make use of the vegemite since she left it.
  142. >You put your sixpack ontop of the crate to pick it all up and hold it under your arm.
  143. >"So what are you going to do now?"
  144. >Rarity approaches your side.
  145. "Gonna go see Twilight and make her fix this snow."
  146. >"...You are aware that it's winter, correct?"
  147. "I don't care."
  148. >She rolls her eyes.
  149. >You drop Terry for a second and reach into the crate, grabbing a jar and holding it out for her.
  150. "Here. Thanks for the clothes."
  151. >She eyes it off for a sec before her magic takes it.
  152. >"Well, I was happy to do it as a friend, but I certainly can't find myself declining this condiment..."
  153. "Yeah. Try it on toast later. I'm off."
  154. >You turn and head off again.
  155. >"Bye Darling! I imagine we'll all be seeing you later!"
  156. >Ergh, fan-bloody-tastic.
  157. >You'll just have to take steps to make sure what happened last year doesn't happen again.
  158. >Alright, now you've got beer, vegemite and for some reason, Terry.
  159. >Still have no idea what you're gonna do with them, but you'll figure that out later.
  160. >Days wastin', you pick up the pace to the treecastle.
  161. >Once you get there, you kick the doors in since your hands are full.
  162. "Oi, Purple idiot! Where are ya?!"
  163. >No answer for a few moments, but then you hear a voice coming from another room.
  164. >"Purple idiot?"
  165. >Her little mate comes wandering out of a room, carryin' a few books.
  166. >"You mean Twilight?"
  167. "Hey Lizzy. Yeah, her. Where is she?"
  168. >"Lizzy?... It's Spike..."
  169. "Yeah, but you're a lizard or whatever, right?"
  170. >"I'm a dragon!"
  171. "Right. A big lizard."
  172. >"Dragons aren't liz- Argh! Look, just call me Spike please! Lizzy sounds like a girls name..."
  173. "Alright, alright, settle down. Where's what's her face, Spiko?"
  174. >He just sighs, annoyed and jerks his head in some direction.
  175. >"She's up in the library. Come on..."
  176. >You've never been in the castle before.
  177. >Never bothered. Had no reason to come here until today.
  178. >Look at this fancy shit.
  179. >How does this just grow in a tree?
  180. >Maybe you should look into it.
  181. >You could live in a big gumtree... that'd be great.
  182. >Eventually you're lead through a pair of doors and into a big room full of books.
  183. >And as expected, Twilight's just reading at a table in the middle of the room.
  184. >She looks up and smiles.
  185. >"Anon! How are you? I haven't seen you in a while."
  186. >You walk up to the table and drop your beer and vegemite down on it and Terry on the floor.
  187. "Yeah, yeah, it's great. You need to fix that shit."
  188. >Pointin' off toward a wall, you're referring to outside.
  189. >She's confused as she looks at the wall.
  190. >"Fix... what?"
  191. "That fuckin' snow outside. The hell do you think this is, it's meant to be blistering hot outside!"
  192. >"...Umm... Anon, it's Winter..."
  193. "It's Australia Day!"
  194. >"...In Winter..."
  195. "It was hot as fuck last year! Fix it!"
  196. >"...Anon, but any chance, was your country in the southern hemisphere of your world?"
  197. "The what?"
  198. >"The bottom half of the planet."
  199. "That's why they call it the down under, yeah."
  200. >"Then that's why... Also, I'm confused about that name. Did you call somewhere else the 'Up over'?"
  201. "Why the hell would we do that?"
  202. >"Becau-... Never mind. Look, the point is, your holiday would be during the summer in your world because Australia is in the southern hemisphere."
  203. >She magics over a globe from wherever in front of her and points somewhere on it.
  204. >"We're here, in the northern hemisphere. It's winter. Unfortunately, your Australia Day is going to be snowy now."
  205. "Bullshit! It was hot last year!"
  206. >She sighs and rolls her eyes.
  207. >"You do remember me telling you that Princess Celestia was sick last year, right? Her power over the sun was fluctuating, it heated everything up."
  208. "And it was fuckin' terrific!"
  209. >"It set our season back by days! Winter Wrap-Up was delayed, Spring was shortened... It may not be a big deal to you Anon, but it had a very big impact!"
  210. "You didn't seem too worried about it."
  211. >"You stuffed a sandwich into my mouth and carried me to the beach with everypony! I'd practically forgotten about the issue! That was borderline drugging me!"
  212. "Well you pretty much got me back for it the next morning, didn't ya?"
  213. >Her cheeks go all red.
  214. >"Be that as it may, what's done is done. It's Winter, Princess Celestia is healthy and it's snowing, as it should be. You're going to have to deal with it."
  215. "Bull fuckin' shit I am."
  216. >You know what's coming next, so you grab some vegemite from the crate and go find her kitchen.
  217. >"What do you mean?"
  218. >As you leave the room, you call back to her.
  219. "I'm gonna go see her and have her fix this up."
  220. >"What?!"
  221. >Didn't take long. Two rooms over and you find her kitchen.
  222. >Fancy as fuck in here... Look at this pantry!
  223. >You could fit yourself in here with all this food!
  224. >Twilight comes running in.
  225. >"What do you mean you're going to go see her?!"
  226. >You grab her bread and start spreadin' vegemite on some slices.
  227. "I mean that I'm gonna go to Canto and go have a lovely chat with her about getting rid of all this bullshit snow."
  228. >"No! You can't do that!"
  229. >You finish making one sandwich and start making another.
  230. "Why not?"
  231. >"You're not even close to being the politest individual ever, Anon. I don't think it would take much for you to disrespect the Princess, unintentional or not!"
  232. "Oh please, I'm a fuckin' delight."
  233. >"That sentence just now is the problem! Second of all, you're literally going to go there and ask her to change the weather!"
  234. >With this sandwich made, you get a little seal bag and put it in there.
  235. "You're makin' it sound like we're in my world. Don't tell me you can't change the weather, I've literally seen Rainbow make it rain... and not in the cool way."
  236. >"With schedules! The weather is planned! Interrupting that plan can cause a number a problems!"
  237. "Well then she can organise a plan for me for today."
  238. >You spin around with half a vegemite sandwich in hand, taking a bite out of it.
  239. >"Anon, I'm begging you, please don't go..."
  240. "You're lookin' pretty stressed there, Twilight."
  241. >"I'm worried for your safety! How do you think the guards would react to you?!"
  242. "Not like I'm goin' to thump her, I'm just gonna talk."
  243. >"That's what I'm worried abou-!"
  244. >You stuff your sandwich in her mouth while she talks.
  245. >"MMMmmmmmm...~"
  246. >You know her reasonably well enough to know that she won't stop arguing, so this is the only way to get her to stop the earbashing.
  247. >She ain't lyin'. Vegemite is like a drug to them.
  248. >But still, maybe she's got a point.
  249. >You'd best be on your best behaviour if you're gonna go see Celly.
  250. >But that's what the second sandwich is for. An offering of your homeland.
  251. >...Which was one-hundred percent made here.
  252. >Ah well, what can ya do.
  253. >Twilight's calmed down more, obviously enjoying the taste of vegemite.
  254. >You start heading out to grab your stuff.
  255. >What stops ya is something holding your leg.
  256. >"Anooon, don't..."
  257. >Jeez, she really doesn't want you to go.
  258. >Are you seriously that bad?
  259. >You were gonna have this second half of the sandwich yourself, buuuut...
  260. "It's gonna be fiiine, Twilight. Here, you want this?"
  261. >You kneel down, holding the half sandwich in front of her mouth.
  262. >You can see it on her face, she knows exactly what you're doing.
  263. >But what she smells seems too temptin' to resist.
  264. >Her tongue pokes out and licks at the vegemite before she takes the whole thing in and chews it.
  265. >Pure bliss on her face.
  266. >Soon as she swallows, she's about ready to fall to the floor.
  267. >Ya know, thinkin' about it, maybe it'd be better if she came with ya.
  268. >She can explain to whoever about what you're doing or what you're like.
  269. >Before she goes completely limp, you grab her front legs, lift her up and put her over your shoulder.
  270. >Suddenly flashin' back to last year... this situation seems familiar...
  271. "Alright, get comfy Twilight cause you're comin with me."
  272. >"Ahhhh..."
  273. "Oh get over it."
  274. >You carry her back to the library room to grab your stuff.
  275. >Problem though. While you're holding her, you can't carry Terry...
  276. >You could leave him here since it's kinda pointless to have him anyway...
  277. >But instead...
  278. "I can't carry him, so Terry's gonna ride on you, right?"
  279. >"Mmmm... buttocks...~"
  280. >She giggles for whatever reason.
  281. "Atta' girl."
  282. >You ignore the hoofs poking at your arse so you can toss Terry over her, making sure his legs and tiny arms are wrapped around her.
  283. >He's secure enough that he won't just fall off at least, that'll do.
  284. >Kangaroo and pony on one shoulder, you toss the sandwich bag in with of vegemite and pick up the crate, along with the beer with the other arm and head out.
  285. >On your way to the front door, you pass her mate again.
  286. "Oi Spiko, I'm takin' her to Canto with me, righto?"
  287. >He just stands there watchin' you leave carryin' Twilight with a Kangaroo and looking insanely confused.
  288. "Righto. Cheers mate!"
  289. >This is definitely gonna look very Princessy for her going through town on the way to the train station like this.
  290.  
  291.  
  292. >The train pulls up and Twilights still asleep.
  293. >She dozed off shortly after leavin' her castle.
  294. >You set her down in a seat and let her use Terry as a pillow.
  295. >But now you're in Canto, so you're gonna have to carry her again.
  296. >Once you pick her up, sit Terry on top of her again and grabbed your other shit, you head out into the streets.
  297. >Luckily you know where you're goin'.
  298. >Lot of the shit you have for the day was specially made from a few places here, like your flag.
  299. >Your walk through the city turns quite a few heads.
  300. >But then again, that should be expected since not many would mistake the sleepin' purple alicorn on your shoulder.
  301. >Twilight would probably consider this embarrassing if she were awake.
  302. >You find it hilarious though.
  303. >A bit of a walk through town and you're standin' outside the castle.
  304. >Not sure if you need permission to get in or not.
  305. >There's a few blokes wearin' armour nearby, you'll guess those are guards.
  306. >You head over to one of 'em. A unicorn by the looks of it.
  307. >As you approach, he's eyeing off everything you're carrying, including the pony/kangaroo duo on your shoulder.
  308. "Oi mate, need to have a yarn with Princess Whatse about this shonky day, hey. Should I shoot through?"
  309. >The guard just stands there blinking for a few seconds.
  310. >He looks over to his mate.
  311. >"What in Equestria did this thing just say?"
  312. >The other bloke looks just as confused, shrugging.
  313. >"He said he'd like to see Princess Celestia, please..."
  314. >Oh, look who's awake.
  315. >The guard tries looking around you and finally realises who it is you're carrying.
  316. >"Princess Twilight?!"
  317. >"Hi..."
  318. >The other guard approaches and both are lookin' worried.
  319. >"Are you alright?! Has this thing captured you?!"
  320. >"No, no, Anonymous is mostly harmless. He's just... uhh, enthusiastic about our friendship. He'll be on his best behaviour inside. Can I take him in to meet Princess Celestia please?"
  321. >"If you say so..."
  322. >The guards back off and let you go in.
  323. >Strangely, Twilight doesn't seem like she's gonna argue with ya.
  324. >Hell, she's gettin' comfortable by the feel of it.
  325. "Enthusiastic, eh?"
  326. >"How do you think they'd react if I told them you fed me something to put me to sleep and bring me here?"
  327. "Yeah, that's fair."
  328. >You keep walking through the castle, pretending to know where you're goin'.
  329. >But to anyone else, it might be fairly obvious you're clueless.
  330. >"Anon, could you please put me down?"
  331. "Sure. Only if you keep carrying Terry though."
  332. >"Why?"
  333. "I dunno."
  334. >You kneel and let her slide off your shoulder.
  335. >You make sure Terry is still sittin' properly on her back.
  336. >"Why did you even bring it?"
  337. "Dunno."
  338. >"...Do you ever think anything through?"
  339. "Does it look like it?"
  340. >"Well, you've partially kidnapped me, and we're walking through the halls of Canterlot castle with an inflatable kangaroo on my back just so you can ask Princess Celestia to change the weather so you can get intoxicated more comfortably... That answers my question pretty well, actually."
  341. "And you thought I don't think things through."
  342. >"But you clearly haven't th- You know what? Whatever. Let's just see how this plays out for you."
  343. "Too right."
  344. >With Twilight walkin' with ya, you can just follow her.
  345. >Eventually you get to a big pair of double doors.
  346. >Guess this is the throne room.
  347. >"Alright Anon, we're here... Please just do me a big favour and watch what you say..."
  348. "No worries."
  349. >"No, lots of worries, actually..."
  350. "Dead set, Twilight. Gonna be fine."
  351. >She doesn't seem any more convinced.
  352. >Sighing, she opens the doors and steps in, you following behind her.
  353. >This room is massive.
  354. >Should be expected, being a throne room or whatever.
  355. >Bunch 'a fancy windows with pictures on them.
  356. >Few of 'em even have Twilight on them, lucky her.
  357. >You get further into the room and see a big white horse in a chair at the other end.
  358. >Guessin' that's her, since you've never actually met her before.
  359. >She looks up from a paper she's reading.
  360. >"Twilight, what a surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you today."
  361. >"Yeah, well... neither was I, honestly..."
  362. >Celly raises an eyebrow, but smiles when she notices something else.
  363. >"Interesting companion you have there. Is Spike on strike?"
  364. >Twilight turns her head to look at Terry.
  365. >"Don't ask... I don't even know myself..."
  366. "Yeah, that roo's mine."
  367. >Celly's gaze turns to you.
  368. >"Ah, you must be Anonymous. It's nice to finally meet you."
  369. "G'day Celly."
  370. >Twilight freezes and turns her head toward you.
  371. >There's a look on her face and a twitch in her eye that says you've fucked up somehow already.
  372. "What?"
  373. >Her voice is hushed as she talks back.
  374. >"You can't just call her 'Celly', show some respect!"
  375. >Celly just giggles as she gets up out of her chair and comes toward ya's.
  376. >"It's quite alright, Twilight. I have a pretty good idea of what to expect based off of your letters."
  377. >Letters?
  378. "Oooh, talkin' about me, hey? How famous am I?"
  379. >Twilight smacks a hoof to her face.
  380. >You're not really seeing the problem with what you're doin' here.
  381. >"Twilight has told me quite a bit about you, Anonymous. You're quite an interesting individual. I've been meaning to meet with you in person for some time now. Please don't think I've been avoiding you, it's just that there's many matters that require my attention."
  382. "Ah, no worries. Probably wouldn't have been good anyway, not with the purple yabber tellin' me how to act."
  383. >Celly laughs and Twilight shoots you a look.
  384. >You're pretty sure neither know what that means, but Twilight looks like she'd have a guess.
  385. >"You know what, I was just trying to help. Everything from here on is your own fault. Carry your own kangaroo. I'm going to visit the library for a while."
  386. >Twilight magics Terry off her back and throws him at you as she turns to leave.
  387. "Ah come on Twilight, I'm just takin' the piss!"
  388. >"Don't worry, Anonymous. She knows you mean well, but she's worried that I'm unprepared for your behaviour or dialect. I think I can handle it though, so how about we take a walk while she's down in the library? I'll give you a personal tour of the castle."
  389. >Oh yeah, you can do that.
  390. >Have a walk n' talk with Celly.
  391. "Good-o."
  392. >She leads you outta the throne room and you start wandering the halls with her.
  393. >Celly's even nice enough to grab Terry with her magic and put him on her back.
  394. >"So. What brought you and Twilight here today, Anonymous?"
  395. "Just Anon, cheers. Well, I kinda made Twilight come with me, but otherwise I had somethin' I wanted to talk to ya about."
  396. >Maybe you should hold off on that for a minute.
  397. >You did make something to offer her, partly as a nice gesture, but also hopefully to help sway her decisions a bit.
  398. "Before that though, first impressions are probably important hey. I got somethin' for ya."
  399. >She turns, curious.
  400. >You reach into the crate and pull out the sandwich bag.
  401. "Probably looks like a boring gift, but I made this before I came here. It's got a spread on it that's pretty well native to my country, and everyone here seems to love it. Thought you'd wanna give it a go."
  402. >She takes the bag with her magic and looks it over.
  403. >"Ah, I'd take it that this is the 'vegemite' that Twilight mentioned in her letters. She seems quite fond of it."
  404. >Yeah, that's one bloody way to put it...
  405. >Sure seemed like she enjoyed it last year with everyone...
  406. >Celly takes one half of the sandwich out of the bag and takes a bite.
  407. >Takes a couple seconds before her eyes widen while she chews.
  408. >"Goodness, this is quite a treat!"
  409. "You're tellin' me. I've got a couple jars in here if you'd like more."
  410. >"Mmm, mmm, mmm..."
  411. >She keeps making little noises as she takes more bites and chews.
  412. >Well, 'least she's enjoyin' it.
  413. "So yeah, the reason I came here. Did Twilight ever mention Australia Day?"
  414. >"Mmm. I believe she has. The day that your country was founded, yet you mostly use as an excuse to become intoxicated."
  415. "Spot on. That just happens to be today."
  416. >Celestia quickly finishes both halves of the sandwiches and looks as if she's savouring the taste.
  417. >"Happy Australia Day then."
  418. "Cheers. I got a bit of an issue though. Last year it was stinkin' bloody hot."
  419. >"Ah yes. I was quite ill last year. It wasn't a very pleasant experience. Not many ailments can cause my magic to fluctuate like that."
  420. >As you keep walking, you pass a random pony dressed as a maid or something, who Celly speaks to.
  421. >"Could you please bring a loaf of bread up to my chambers, please?"
  422. >"Of course, Princess."
  423. >The maid buggers off somewhere.
  424. "Your chambers?"
  425. >"Yes, I thought we could enjoy lunch on my balcony. Have some more of these vegemite sandwiches."
  426. "Oh yeah, go for it."
  427. >This could work out better than ya thought.
  428. >And Twilight thought you'd make a bad impression.
  429. >"So yes, last year I had an unfortunate mishap that essentially negated winter. What of it?"
  430. "Right, I thought that was fan-bloody-tastic. Felt just like home. Ridiculously hot. The kind where you'd come close to a case of heatstroke real easy."
  431. >Your descriptions are makin' her show concern.
  432. >"I'm not sure I see how that's a good thing..."
  433. "Oh, my country was just somewhere that got stupidly hot. Literally, this time of year, half the country was on fire, no joke. Couldn't get through summer without hearing about bushfires everywhere, lots of people losing homes."
  434. >"... That sounds awful."
  435. "Yeah, it was. But its just something you end up expectin'. Tradition and all that. Can't get through Christmas without shit burnin' somewhere."
  436. >You both end up outside a pair 'a doors that she just casually opens and passes through.
  437. >Looks like a big bedroom. Must be hers.
  438. >You just pass through it to a glass door out to a balcony that has a small set of chairs and a table.
  439. >She takes a seat, sitting Terry down to the side, and starts pouring tea, you do the same and grab a beer from your six-pack.
  440. >"Alright, in a sense I understand your devotion to the tragedies of the natural occurrences in your country. What does it have to do with you bringing up last year?"
  441. >You take a few swigs of your beer and answer flatly.
  442. "I'd like ya to do it again."
  443. >...
  444. >She's just sitting there straight faced.
  445. >The maid pony from earlier comes out and drops a loaf of bread on the table with ya's before leaving.
  446. >You reach into the crate and pull out a jar of vegemite, placing it on the table while you wait for her to answer.
  447. >"I can't tell if you're joking or not."
  448. "I'm deadset serious."
  449. >"Then I'm not going to do that."
  450. "Why not?!"
  451. >"Anonymous, you are aware that it's currently Winter, right?"
  452. "So what?"
  453. >She takes a few pieces of bread, as well as a knife that maid pony brought with her, and starts spreading the vegemite.
  454. >"I'm going to assume that Twilight would have already explained why I wouldn't do such a thing."
  455. "Yeah, but you guys change the weather all the time!"
  456. >With a sandwich made, she starts eating while continuing to explain.
  457. >"This isn't just a simple change in the weather, Anonymous. Mm. What you're asking is essentially shifting a season to the opposite of what it should be this time of year. Mmm, mm. This causes a wide range of problems."
  458. >You wanna retort that, but you're noticin' she's really scoffing that sandwich... even making delighted little noises while eating it.
  459. >It's not long before its gone and she's making another.
  460. >And you suddenly realise that she's lookin' like she's about to have more sandwiches than everyone else has in a short time.
  461. >She's a big sheila compared to everyone else at least, one sandwich isn't gonna do much, but she's moving onto her third.
  462. >You're feelin' a bit uneasy.
  463. "You might wanna slow down with them. I know they're good, but after what I've seen from everyone else that has a lot..."
  464. >She doesn't seem to take that warning, going straight into scoffing that one...
  465. >"The point is, mmh, I'm sorry for your feeling sad about certain aspects of this world not living up to yours, especially with a holiday that means so much to you. Mmmm... Unfortunately, I cannot disrupt a season for an individual just because of a specific event of a day."
  466. >You're starting to not even care about the issue anymore, she is just going nuts on these sandwiches...
  467. >"The best thing that I can do for you is provide something to warm up your surroundings. Several outdoor heaters, perhaps..."
  468. >She's not even caring for how she looks any more, bits of vegemite lingering on her face from her scoffing...
  469. >Hell, she's not even botherin' to make another one, she just picked up the damn jar and stuck her tongue in it!
  470. "You know what, I can live with that. A few heaters for my front yard would be gre-"
  471. >"You know what I'm thinking?"
  472. >Somethin' about the way she just interrupted you is concerning...
  473. "...What's that?"
  474. >"I may not be able to heat everything up for you... but you're certainly heating me up.~"
  475. >...
  476. >She's giving you the eyes you usually see Flutta give you...
  477. >Oh sweet bloody fuck shit!
  478. >Bail! Get out right now! Grab your roo and go home!
  479. >You stand, grabbing your vegemite, beer and Terry.
  480. "Well cheers for the talk, Celly. I think I'd better head home, got five more beers to dri-
  481. >"I really like that name..."
  482. >Ah fuck...
  483. >"Celly.~"
  484. >Alright... move slowly...
  485. >Just slowly make your way to the door and then bolt...
  486. >"I'm beginning to wonder, based on Twilight's letters, just how much virility an 'Australian' has.~"
  487. >NUP!
  488. >You fuckin' book it through the balcony door, trying to get to her main doors!
  489. >Fast as you went though, you're tripped up by something grabbing at your foot!
  490. >Fuckin' thongs!
  491. >Looking at it, there's golden bullshit all over it!
  492. >She's got you with her magic!
  493. >Celly comes walking in from the balcony, taking more licks from the vegemite jar.
  494. >"You know, Twilight has told me of a lot of the stories you've told her in her letters..."
  495. >You let go of everything to claw your way to the door.
  496. >You can't let anything weigh you down now!
  497. >"I think my favourite has to be the stories about this 'Steve Irwin' that you're so fond of... His bravery in wrestling with crocodiles, often for no reason..."
  498. >God damn it Twilight, did you have to tell her everything?!
  499. >You find yourself rolled over, facing up to Celestia standing over you.
  500. >She's looking like a yobbo with a bunch of vegemite smeared over her mouth...
  501. >"So how about we play a game, Anon?~"
  502. "...Hey?"
  503. >"Lets have a little roleplay session... You'll be Steve Irwin. I'll be Princess Celestia.~"
  504. >Whaaat the shit?
  505. "I, uh... I don't think I know what ya mean..."
  506. >She takes another lick of the vegemite and grins.
  507. >"We're going to 'wrestle' for a while, and by the end of it, you may be lucky enough to put your thumb up my butt.~"
  508. >OH FUCK!
  509. >Desperation sets in and your hands reach for something, anything, to defend yourself so you can get away!
  510. >When you feel something in reach, you take hold and swing your arm!
  511. >The sight of Terry being swung to smack her across the face fills your vision.
  512. >...
  513. >She's completely unphased...
  514. >You just smacked Princess fucking Celestia over the head with an inflatable kangaroo...
  515. >It's your only option, so you swing again!
  516. >But now Terry is stopped by gold before he hits again!
  517. >Celly grabbed him with her magic while she's holdin' you down!
  518. >Terry is taken out of view by her and she just grins seductively.
  519. >"Come, Anon. Lets explore each others 'down under'."
  520. "That's not how that saying works!"
  521. >You're picked up by magic and thrown across the room and onto the bed!
  522. >At the same time, you felt your pants be removed mid-throw!
  523. >Before you have any chance of getting up, Celestia jumps through the air, wings outstretched to come in for a landing on the bed.
  524. >Standing over you, the white horse with fucking bizarre hair is clearly dominant and you're feelin' pretty fuckin' terrified.
  525. >Her magic takes off her crown, jewellery and shoes before the vegemite jar is brought back to her face.
  526. >She's polished the jar clean by now, all that's left being what's smeared on her face.
  527. >As she tosses the jar off to the side, she holds that seductive grin over you.
  528. >"Would it help you relax more if I attempted to adopt something familiar to you? Maybe... your accent?"
  529. >You'd put thought into a response, but whatever you're thinkin' turns to panic when she lowers herself down to lay on top of you and start kissin'.
  530. >Her face is smearing vegemite over your mouth while she does so.
  531. >Turning your head away doesn't help, she just keeps kissing your neck.
  532. >At that moment, to your horror, you spot something...
  533. >Terry...
  534. >He was placed beside the bed.
  535. >He's watching you... and you're about to be violated...
  536. "Turn around, Terry! Cover your eyes!
  537. >Celly's horn starts to glow and you feel your crotch start warming up...
  538. "Don't look, mate! Don't look!"
  539. >"Crikey, Anon.~"
  540. "LOOK AWAY, TERRY!"
  541.  
  542.  
  543. >All things considered, it'd be pretty fuckin' hard to end this crapfest of a day any worse than what you were subjected to this arvo...
  544. >At least Celly went through with her offer and giving you a few outdoor heaters...
  545. >Still some snow in your front yard, but the air is a lot warmer.
  546. >You sit and calmly take a few swigs of beer while sitting in a deckchair, enjoying the evening... with a bag of ice under your balls.
  547. >"Would you like a vegemite sandwich, Anon?"
  548. "Piss off."
  549. >Also Flutta and the rest of em' came to celebrate with ya...
  550. >She goes back to the rest of them, each just sittin' in the yard talkin', drinkin' and eatin'.
  551. >All except Twilight, who's on the ground beside you readin' a book.
  552. >When you were released in her care, she didn't question anything.
  553. >Just kept quiet the entire way home.
  554. >You're not too sure if she knows exactly what happened, but you figure she can make a pretty good guess...
  555. >...
  556. >"You deserved all of that, you know."
  557. "Fuck off, Twilight."
  558. >"Karma, Anon. I told you not to, but then you tempted me with vegemite and went anyway. Now it was used against you. I can't help but enjoy this situation."
  559. "I will smack you with Terry if you keep talkin'."
  560. >You hear a slight chuckle come from her.
  561. >Without needin' to look at her, you'd bet she's got a pretty smug smile.
  562. >Your attention is grabbed by Pinkie, who's getting everyone into the spirit better than you are.
  563. >"AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
  564. >Everyone else, including Twilight right next to you, responds.
  565. >"OI OI OI!
  566. >You remained silent.
  567. >Twilight sits up, putting a hoof on your hand while taking a bite out of a sandwich.
  568. >"Cheer up, Anon. At least you're with your friends now. You can finally cebebrate the way you wanted."
  569. >You look at her and she smiles at you while chewing.
  570. >Looking back out to everyone else again, she's kinda right.
  571. >But your day has been ruined for the second fuckin' year in a row, so you're not really in the mood.
  572. "You're all fuckin' cunts."
  573. >Bloody 'Questria...

[FR] Fleeting Impulses

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[FR][Milky Way] Sampling Her Milk

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[FR] Snakes Suck

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[FR] Vehicular Accidents Suck

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