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Stupid shorts (Updated 5/19/17)

By Autopony
Created: 2020-12-18 10:57:57
Expiry: Never

  1. >Day lost track in Equestria.
  2. >Luna rests her head on your shoulder as the movie on the TV draws to a close.
  3. >"I liked that movie. One of the few you have that doesn't involve car chases."
  4. >You decide to tease her.
  5. "Are you saying you don't like car chase movies? You know, ponies that don't like them aren't allowed in my house."
  6. >She smirks
  7. >"Oh. Did you know humans that don't allow me into their home have their dreams about cross-dressing revealed to their closest friends?"
  8. "I've never had a dream about dressing like a girl, so you lose."
  9. >The alicorn leans closer to your ear.
  10. >"Not yet, you haven't.."
  11. "I suppose I can make an exception to my rule, in your case."
  12. >She giggles.
  13. >"I thought you might."
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  19. >Day cruising in Equestria.
  20. >You and Luna are out in the Superbird for a quiet drive in the countryside.
  21. >Or, it would be quiet, if the radio wasn't constantly skipping songs.
  22. "Luna, for crying out loud, just pick a song."
  23. >She continues to fiddle with the radio, listening to a short bit before skipping.
  24. >"Why is all of your music so angry, Anon?"
  25. "It's not angry, it's just.... hard rock."
  26. >She stares at you, as the radio blares.
  27. "Well, yeah, that one might be a bit.... unhappy. I'm sure the next song will be better."
  28. >What song is...
  29. >Oh crap.
  30. >You don't have enough time to skip the song before the first few lines blare through.
  31. >Out of the corner of your eye, you see her suddenly look up at you, her face a mixture of shock and awe.
  32. >"'Bad moon rising?'"
  33. >Dammit.
  34. "Relax, it's not like it's about you."
  35. >You quickly fumble with the radio, trying to find something, anything.
  36. >You only hope this song saves some face.
  37. >You have no idea why you ever liked it, but you're glad you have it now.
  38. >As the chorus begins, Luna's face lights up, and soon she is bopping her head to the song.
  39. >By the time it ends, Luna's mood is a complete turnaround.
  40. "See, that wasn't so bad, right?"
  41. >"I adore this song! We should listen to it again!"
  42. >The tune starts playing again.
  43. >As you move your hands toward the skip button, you are stopped by her magic.
  44. >"Would you like to see a bad moon rise, Anonymous?"
  45. >You look at her, confused.
  46. "Um. No?"
  47. >She smiles.
  48. >"Then we will listen to it again."
  49. "Fine."
  50. >Crazy mare.
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  55. >While a fire crackles quietly in the fireplace of Luna's room, you peer out the window.
  56. >As the dying rays of the sun peek over the horizon, snow lightly falls upon the land, presenting a beautiful sight.
  57. "I thought your sister hated winter?"
  58. >Luna's hoofsteps approach from behind, stopping beside you as you put your arm around her.
  59. >"She does, the cold and her are not on speaking terms. Hearth's Warming Eve is the only time of the year she is willing to let snow make an appearance in Canterlot."
  60. "What a wimp."
  61. >She eyes you mischievously.
  62. >"I bet you won't say that to her face."
  63. >You turn and flop onto Luna's bed, letting out a relaxed sigh.
  64. "You're right. I like being in one piece."
  65. >Your reply receives a giggle from the night princess as she joins you on the bed.
  66. >Reaching over, you ruffle her mane, causing wisps of it to fall over her face.
  67. "So, we have a holiday similar to this in my world, but what is the story behind your holiday?"
  68. >Blowing her mane aside, Luna's smile grows wider.
  69. >"Well, Hearth's Warming Eve is a holiday celebrating our unity, both family and friends alike. A long time ago, the three main races of pony separated themselves from one another, until the freezing cold of the windigos, fed from their bickering, caused them to come together and accept one another, founding the land of Equestria."
  70. "Wendigos, huh? That seems odd to put in a legend that celebrates togetherness."
  71. >Luna shakes her head as she snuggles up beside you, using her magic to toss another log onto the fire.
  72. >"Not at all. You see, windigos are the spiritual beings of the north winds. They gain their power from disharmony and disagreement within the world. As the legend goes, anyways."
  73. "Legends where I'm from say they were once beings like us, until the temptation of consuming the flesh of their own kind in times of starvation drove them to become cannibals, unable to ever sate their hunger, while becoming grotesque creatures of the wilderness."
  74. >You look down at Luna, the sounds of the sizzling fireplace being the only sounds in the room.
  75. >Luna's eyes seem to nearly bug out of her head, as she looks at you in concern and uncertainty.
  76. "I just ruined the moment, didn't I?"
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  79. >"What are you doing, Anon?"
  80. >Luna walks into the room from the doorway behind you as you toss away another empty box.
  81. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
  82. >"Uh.... wasting saran wrap?"
  83. >She kicks at one of the empty cardboard tube lying on the floor.
  84. >Demonstrating for her, you slap a hand on the invisibly blocked doorway, the saran wrap recoiling with a sharp twang.
  85. >"Like I said, what a waste."
  86. >You shake your head at her, as you raise your voice to a volume hopefully loud enough for Celestia to hear.
  87. "Man, look at the size of this red velvet cake that the chefs just pulled out of the oven!"
  88. >"Anon, this is not a good idea."
  89. "Yes it is, you two are always playing pranks on each other. Now, step back from the doorway."
  90. >Reluctantly, she obeys, shuffling off to the side with a decent field of view.
  91. >As the sounds of hurried hoofsteps begin to close in, you take a seat at the empty table.
  92. >A blur of color rounds the corner, Celestia heading full speed towards the doorway.
  93. >Just as she begins to slow her pace, she runs head on into the plastic barrier, the elasticity and sheer amount you used enough to throw her backwards about a foot.
  94. >Falling flat on her ass, you bust out laughing, watching as she raises a hoof up in shock at the opening.
  95. "Holy shit, that worked even better than I expected!"
  96. >You hear Luna off to the side trying to stifle a giggle.
  97. >"Okay, you got me good. But where's the cake?"
  98.  
  99. >Kicking at a rock, you watch as it lazily drifts off through the air.
  100. >"I told you it was not a good idea, Anonymous."
  101. >Luna sits on her haunches nearby, looking at you unamused as you turn around.
  102. "How the hell was I supposed to know Tia would get that pissed about the prank?!"
  103. >"You never make a joke about cake. Trust me, this isn't the first time I've been banished to the moon."
  104. >You scratch your head, confused.
  105. "Hold on, you were banished for going nuts, not a prank. Right?"
  106. >She turns her head, gazing at the Earth slowly rising on the horizon of the desolate wasteland.
  107. >"Banished for a thousand years..... and one hour. It just sounds a lot better keeping it simple."
  108. "Fuck."
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  113. >Leaning your head against your arm propped up on the door, you gaze down at your tach.
  114. >You goose the throttle a bit, watching the needle dance in rhythm.
  115. >"You're going to do it again, aren't you?"
  116. >A smile creeps across your face as you glance over at Luna, who sits in the seat beside you.
  117. >You sit up straight, placing both hands on the steering wheel.
  118. "Do what, Lulu?"
  119. >By sound alone, you get the revs of the engine up to about 3k.
  120. >She playfully rolls her eyes, peering out the window at the streetlight above, before leaning back against the seat.
  121. >Not a moment too soon, as the light goes green and you dump the clutch.
  122. >The piercing howl of burning rubber fills the air as you jolt forward, grabbing second gear momentarily before getting on the brakes.
  123. >You have to entertain yourself somehow in gridlock Manehattan traffic.
  124. >Not long after coming to a stop, the pungent odor of the rubber you laid down catches up to you, leaving the air feeling rather thick.
  125. >"Ugh, why does it smell so awful?"
  126. "I don't think it smells any worse than the aftermath of the hayburger feast you had last night."
  127. >She glaces back at you, before focusing her gaze forward again, blushing profusely.
  128. >"We must never speak of that again."
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  131. >Bedtime in Equestria.
  132. "What are you doing, Luna?"
  133. >You shuffle out to the balcony where she sits, staring up at the starry night sky.
  134. >"I'm just arranging some of the stars. But don't look yet."
  135. >You put your hand up to shield your eyes, resisting the temptation.
  136. "This is really a hobby for you, isn't it?"
  137. >She smiles even wider.
  138. >"Indeed. The possibilities for the sky are virtually endless. So many stars, each of them with a story to tell."
  139. "It never fails to disappoint, Luna."
  140. >She giggles as you put your other arm around her neck.
  141. >"Okay, you can look now."
  142. >You pull your hand away from your eyes, and crane your neck upwards.
  143. "'Celestia is a cow.' Really, Luna?"
  144. >Luna can contain herself no longer as she lets out a burst of laughter.
  145. >"LUNA!"
  146. >Celestia's voice echoes out through the castle, the volume turned up to Royal Canterlot Voice level.
  147. >"Say, how about a night flight. Let's go!"
  148. >Using her magic, Luna lifts you onto her back, and the two of you hastily take flight.
  149. >Just another typical night in the castle.
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  153. >Dinnertime.
  154. >Celestia and Luna sit across from you at the rather small roundtable you're seated at, a stark contrast to the cavernous expanse of the castle's dining room.
  155. >As tehy make idle chit-chat about their day over a pair of garden salads, you pick at your own food.
  156. >Today you've had to settle for some kind of vegetarian burger, since the only chef in the kitchen willing to work with meat is out sick.
  157. >It's not bad, but it's still a veggie burger.
  158. >And it doesn't always agree with you.
  159. >While the two of them stop and look down to take another bite, you seize the opportunity.
  160. *BUUUURP*
  161. >"Excuse you, Anonymous," Luna says quietly.
  162. "Me? That was your sister."
  163. >"It was not!" Celestia barks back, acting offended.
  164. >"No, I know when my sister does such a thing," Luna says, eyeing the two of you with slight amusement.
  165. "Is it a sisterly bond sort of thing?" you ask in a teasing manner.
  166. >As your attention is focused on Luna for her response, you catch sight of Celestia breathing in deeply.
  167. >"Nay, she is a bigger hog than you are," Luna retorts.
  168. >Celestia clears her throat, shooting her little sister a glance.
  169. *BUUUUUUUUUUUURP*
  170. >A belch with enough bass to lightly rattle the silverware on the table echoes through the room, before a dead silence befalls everyone.
  171. >"How pleasant, dear sister. Mother would be proud," Luna laments with a hint of disgust.
  172. >"Thank you," Celestia replies, almost beaming with pride.
  173. >Luna rises up from the table, headed for the door.
  174. "Where are you going?" you ask, still reeling from what you've experienced.
  175. >"After that marvelous performance, I feel I need a bath," she says, without stopping.
  176. >You turn back to Celestia, whose face breaks out in a large smirk.
  177. "How the hell was that even possible?"
  178. >"Well, the sun is but a large burning ball of gas, is it not?" she quips.
  179. >You aren't sure if she's being serious or not, but one thing is certain.
  180. >You're not going to blame a fart on her.
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  185. [Originally posted 17 November 2015]

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