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Crooked Eyes

By Clarissa
Created: 18th December 2020 08:23:27 PM

  1. >Day motherfucking cold on Earth
  2. >But hey, at least you've got a place to stay
  3. >Sure would be shitty to be homeless at this time of year
  4. >But you were doing pretty good for yourself, after getting out of the military, you had got a job as a cop in Edmonton
  5. >Your first sergeant had worked up to being a lieutenant on the force there and got you on the ERT within a year of joining
  6. >It was good paying, full benefits, and you got to do what you loved
  7. >You have your vices of course, just like any other man does
  8. >But instead of a hooker or two, or the occasional line of coke, you had ponies
  9. >Yeah, colourful pastel versions of unicorns, pegasi, and normal ponies
  10. >But you weren't one of those autistic faggot 'bronies' that the news was always going on about, calling them pedos or retards and the like
  11. >No, you just got called a faggot when you bring up the idea that human Celestia may look better than normal Celestia
  12. >And to be fair, pony Celestia did have a pretty nice ass
  13. >No matter, her ass wasn't near as delicious as Lyra
  14. >Ooh, that minty little human lover, the things she would do if only you scratched behind her ears with your so unique fingers
  15. >Oh god dammit, now you have a boner
  16. >Oh well, it was half past nine and you didn't work tomorrow anyway
  17. >As you go to open the heavily encrypted, almost illegaly so, file folder of clop, hidden behind a dozen other folders
  18. >And good luck to anyone who tried to track it down over the net, hah! You were behind seven proxies
  19. >But before that, maybe a little 4chan was in order
  20. >The first thread is called "Story Time"
  21. >Hey, writefags can be pretty cool sometimes, so let's check it out
  22. >First though, gotta read the OP and figure out what kinda stories were going on in here
  23. >Hmm, a choice between two options, go to Equestria but no sex, or your favourite pony to Earth and she falls in love with you but she isn't allowed to be seen
  24. >Well, you know you need to make a post on this, not a writing post but definitely an answer to it
  25. >So you open up your suggestive folder, post a picture of Lyra in panties, and make a relatively comedic post
  26. >'Who the fuck would ever want to remain a sexless neckbeard living with ponies? Let's get laid! OPTION 2 IS A GO GO!'
  27. >Snickering to yourself, you hit the 'Submit' button and watch the post appear below a picture of Venelope von Schweetz seeing her first dick and talking about the Nazis
  28. >Fucking weird for a thread about the option to fuck ponies
  29. >Holy shit you even got doubles, Bateman has smiled upon you tonight
  30. >Hell, maybe you'll actually get your wish
  31. >The thought makes you laugh a bit, then your heart dies a little as you realize that will never happen
  32. >No matter, you'd delayed the inevitable long enough
  33. >You go into the clop folder and pull up the first pic
  34. >It had been a while since you'd organized it and, hey look it was that Christmas comic with Derpy delivering the presents way too late
  35. >You start stroking through your jeans, looking at those messed up eyes
  36. >Sure, Derpy was second worst pony, and sure she was basically the embodiment of the ring of Pandara, but the artist did a damn good job making her hot
  37. >And your dick certainly wasn't one to disagree
  38. >You put the pics on 'slideshow' and the rest of the comic slowly rolls on
  39. >And just as you're getting close, a knock came at your door
  40. >God fucking dammit, every time you wanted just a bit of alone time someone wanted to hang out
  41. >You zip up your dick, shout in pain as it catches before fixing yourself
  42. >With a new scar that hopefully no woman would ever notice, you open up the door to either the weirdest or scariest sight you'd ever seen
  43. >A man...a monster in a trench coat, taller than you and possibly three times your width, filled the doorway
  44. "Who the fuck are you supposed to be?"
  45. >The thing just gives you a leering smile, blank spaces in places of some teeth and the few remaining yellow in colour
  46. >The reek of cheetos and halitosis poured over you like a cloud of CS gas
  47. >The...thing punches you in the face and knocks you over
  48. >The monstrous smell and surprisingly violent punch knock you flat on your ass, your nose bleeding
  49. >Then a heavy sackcloth bag lands on your guy and knocks the wind out of you
  50. >Then it speaks in a voice that belongs to someone like Lois Griffin rather than the Creature from the Black Lagoon
  51. >"Enjoy."
  52. >Then is disappears, no thud of displaced air, no flapping of wings or coattails, it was just gone
  53. >You scratch your head, but forget it when you notice the slight, rhythmic movement of breathing disturbing the bag
  54. >Oh shit, there's something in there nigger
  55. >You untie the neck of the sack and pull it aside just a bit
  56. >A blonde tail
  57. >God fucking dammit, whatever it was wasn't Lyra
  58. >Well, Applejack wasn't so bad, best background pony and all that
  59. >Then you pull more of it aside and see something you had hoped to not see
  60. >A grey leg
  61. >And bubbles on the flank
  62. >Fuck
  63. >You got Derpy
  64. --------------------------------------------------
  65. >Damn, AJ wouldn't have been too bad, those thighs after all, just u-unf
  66. >Well, at least Bubble Butt wasn't as bad as Aryan Fashionista
  67. >Or for that matter, Krusty Kunt
  68. >Well, maybe Derpy was just third worst pony
  69. >You take out the knife you always keep on your belt and cut away the rest of the bag, careful to not harm the little pony inside
  70. >Sure she wasn't your favourite, but you wouldn't go out of your way to hurt her
  71. >Or any pony really, unless they did something to hurt Lyra, or the ponies you liked
  72. >Pulling away the remains of the bag, you reveal the body of the little grey pegasus
  73. >She was in pretty bad shape, cuts, scrapes, and bruises covering her torso and legs, with a particularily nasty goose egg on her head
  74. >And...oh God, her wing
  75. >Her left wing was twisted in several different places, obviously broken and quite severely
  76. >There were no protruding bones, but she'd need medical attention
  77. >You couldn't move her anymore, not with the shape she was in
  78. >You run into your bathroom and grab the trauma kit you have there in case of emergencies
  79. >It was far more extensive than most first aid kits and included a stretcher, different kinds of splints, and even a couple morphine stylettes you had nabbed from the TCCC kit you had in the army
  80. >You just reported it as "combat loss" and they never questioned you on it
  81. >The dosage was enough to keep a two-hundred pound man bursting with adrenaline down on his back for a good six hours
  82. >So you only gave her a quarter of the dosage, sticking the needle underneath the wing after wiping the tip down with an alcohol swab
  83. >It would hopefully keep her under while you splinted that nasty looking wing
  84. >First thing first, you stretch the appendage to its max extent, doing the same to the other one to be sure of the correct positions for the bones to be in
  85. >With delicate care, you move the bones about under the skin, always slowly and surely so to not break the skin or make the injury worse
  86. >It took you about thirty minutes, and Derpy hadn't moved once during the treatment
  87. >You use a flexible medical tape to keep the joints together and the bones relatively stright
  88. >Manipulating her other wing, you figure out how the wing folds shut
  89. >With that figured out, it was a simple matter to fold the broken one into her side at a natural position
  90. >You take a long, rolled up bandage from the kit and wrap it about her midsection, trapping her wing in place
  91. >With a couple of pins, you keep the bandage from slipping and give it a firm hold on her wing
  92. >There, now she won't be able to try and fly, only to make it worse
  93. >After that little trial, you clean the rest of her wounds with alcohol swabs and put small adhesive bandages over them
  94. >When you've finally finished the medical work, it's about eleven
  95. >You pick the still sleeping pegasus up and carry her to your bed
  96. >Sure she was just thrown into your home, and she wasn't a person, but she had come in through the front door, technically
  97. >Guests were to be treated better than you would treat yourself, and even your family, so it was the bed for her
  98. >So after tucking her under the covers, and praying that you wouldn't have to wash them too much, you decided it was time for internet
  99. >Sitting down in front of your computer, you notice that the thread had got a few more replies, some praise for some story by some namefag in the thread
  100. >In a reply to the OP, you fish out the angriest reaction image you can find and place it in the picture section with a fairly simple message
  101. >'Fuck you in the dick hole with a banana OP. I didn't get what I wanted you cunt.'
  102. >You submit it and close out the tab with the thread up in it and sit back, feeling satisfied
  103. >Well, no time to relax, you had work to do
  104. >You quickly start up a multi-engine search on caring for ponies
  105. >Obviously there would be quite a bunch of different things, but you figure that some basic stuff could apply
  106. >So no meat, brushing of their coat at least twice a week, and monthly washing them down
  107. >Seemed too easy to be true
  108. >Then it hit you
  109. >Oh shit, you would have to buy more vegetables, and couldn't eat meat without it being disguised
  110. >You didn't want to be rude, after all
  111. >You hear a moan coming from the bedroom
  112. >Well, it was time to go and greet your guest
  113. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
  114. >Turns out the grey pegasus was just having a nightmare
  115. >Must have been a pretty bad one too, the poor pony was tossing and turning, rolling right over her broken wing
  116. >You immediately grabbed and held the pegasus in your arms, praying that her wing wasn't worse off than before
  117. >You stroke her mane and gently whisper in her ear
  118. >It seems to calm her down, and she goes back to a fitful sleep
  119. >You don't want her to start rolling again, so you decide that it's okay to stay with her, only to keep her safe of course
  120. >Honestly, you couldn't think of ever really doing anything with Derpy, sure she wasn't a huge cunt but her only appearence made her out like a total retard that wrecked shit all day long
  121. >Sorry Derpy, that's not the fetish of this fellow
  122. >Although...
  123. >Asleep like this, streched out across your lap and nuzzling into the hand that you rested behind her ear, was giving you a fairly insecure erection
  124. >You shift so that, if she wakes up and you're still hard, it will just feel like a little bump in your body
  125. >Slowly, gently, you move back so that you're leaning against the backboard and don't have to devote so much energy to staying upright
  126. >You lift her up a bit so she's resting on your chest, remembering somewhere about baby animals being calmed by a beating heart or something
  127. >You figure that the steadiness of it will be calming at least
  128. >She nuzzles your chest, still asleep, exposing her neck
  129. >You gently scratch at the exposed, sensitive area and the pony immediately responds in an odd way
  130. >She curls up a bit more, and starts sucking on your forefinger
  131. >Huh...nursing instincts maybe? But a weird stimuli to trigger them anyway
  132. >You're getting drowsy yourself anyway and lean your head against the backboard
  133. >Closing your eyes for a few minutes won't be a problem
  134. >Yeah, just a few minutes, then you can get up and take care of everything else
  135. >Your eyelids finally become too much of an effort to keep open, and you slowly drift off to gentle dreams
  136. >A tickle in your nose makes you wake up
  137. >The tickle gets worse, and you sneeze suddenly
  138. >Right onto Derpy who's nuzzling against your neck
  139. >The poor pegasus jumped into the air, or at least tried to
  140. >Your positioning drove her straight into your nose, not breaking it but hitting it hard enough to make it bleed
  141. >You clamp your hands over it immediately and run off to your bathroom
  142. >You hear her call in from the room
  143. >"Are you okay?"
  144. >Stuffing some tissue up your nostrils to stop the bleeding, you walk outside the bathroom to find a concerned looking pegasus sitting on your bed, tears brimming in her eyes
  145. >Ah shit, there's no way you can be mad at that
  146. "I'm fine, don't worry about it."
  147. >She shuffles her hooves, messing up the already messy bedsheets
  148. >"Uh..mister, can I ask you a question?"
  149. >You walk over to her without any sort of concern and sit on the bed next to her
  150. "Well, that was one. But go ahead."
  151. >The joke makes a slight whistle as it flies over her head
  152. >"Well, it's just...where am I? What's going on? Who are you? How did I get here?"
  153. >With each question she asks, her voice cracks a bit more and the tears in her eyes become more substantial
  154. >You go to put a hand behind her ears and scratch, but she shies away from it
  155. >She's much more timid than she was when she was sleeping, though it's probably because she actually knows something is wrong now
  156. >You sigh and pull your hand back, but keep it near her hoof
  157. "Honestly? I can't answer all those questions because I don't know a lot of what you want to. As for the information I can give you, I am Anonymous, you are on Earth, I guess a different dimension than Equestria...And as for how you got here..."
  158. >You pause and run a hand through your messy hair
  159. "Last night, some guy came to my door with a burlap sack that you were in. Your wing was broken and you had lots of cuts and bruises. I fixed you up as best I could, as you can see by the work on the wing, and then let you sleep in my bed."
  160. >This next part was going to be harder to justify
  161. "You were crying out when you were sleeping, and rolling about. I was scared you might break that wing even more, so I picked you up to stop you from moving. You just kinda...relaxed when I did, so I just let you sleep there. I must have fallen asleep a while after that."
  162. >You realize that she's started sniffling and has laid her head down on the bed
  163. >Dammit, it was too much too fast
  164. >She doesn't resist this time when you start scratching behind her ears
  165. >"I wanna go home..."
  166. >Shit
  167. >Cuteness and childlike naiivite, your one weakness
  168. >Well besides sex, but that clearly wasn't something that was appropriate or desired right now
  169. >You sigh heavily and scratch at your eyes
  170. "You know what, I'll help you get back home okay?"
  171. >She looks up at you, tears clearing from her eyes
  172. >"Y-you will?"
  173. >You smile in a way that you hope is endearing and trustworthy
  174. "Sure. I just need you to trust me okay? What's your name?"
  175. >She sits up, a sight happier at the offering of help
  176. >"I'm Ditzy, but everyone calls me Derpy. You can too if you want!"
  177. >The little white lies to keep her from being scared of the fact that, in this world, she wasn't real were entirely acceptable to you
  178. "So uh, Derpy, what do you like to do for fun?"
  179. >She scratches her chin with a hoof, thoughtful
  180. >The strabismus made the gesture heart-meltingly adorable
  181. >You can feel the spaghetti build to critical levels, so you decide to quickly change the subject to avoid an apocalypse of pastafarian levels
  182. "Hey uh, you must be hungry eh? Do you want me to get you anything?"
  183. >This one she answers almost right away, perking up and looking right at your with her adorable, golden eyes
  184. >"Muffins!"
  185. >Hey, that's right, she likes muffins a lot
  186. "Well follow me, do you want them warmed up?"
  187. >She answers as she gets up with you and follows in your footsteps into the kitchen
  188. >"Yes please! Warm is always the best!"
  189. >You can't disagree with that one
  190. >Popping open a plastic container that was sitting on the counter, you take out two lemon poppyseed muffins that you had been saving
  191. >You had no idea what for, maybe a snack or something?
  192. >No matter, this counted as a special occasion
  193. >You popped the muffins onto a plate and into the microwave
  194. >You glance at the clock and realize it's a good thing that it's your day off
  195. >Half-past noon, you had slept for a long damn time
  196. >But it was good as well, because it meant that you had got to actually talk with Derpy and figure some stuff out, even if it was very little
  197. >The microwave beeps, signing an end to the heating of the muffins
  198. >Jesus, your thoughts sometimes made things out to be so much more dramatic than they were
  199. >You take out the now steaming muffins to Derpy's delight
  200. >"Yay! Muffins!"
  201. >You pass her one of them, which she takes in her mouth eagerly
  202. >She lays in the middle of the floor, munching the pastry with single minded intent
  203. >Meanwhile, you walk over to the computer and switch it on
  204. >You had a few questions for 4chan...
  205. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  206. >'Hey faggots, how would you take care of a pony IRL? Like, what would you be feeding her, how often would you brush her, or how would you break the news of people wanting to cum inside her?'
  207. >You kept the thread on auto-refresh and open up the main page in a new one
  208. >Hey, look what was on the top of the first page again
  209. >That same storytime thread you saw last night
  210. >...Just before Derpy showed up
  211. >You stary cruising the thread, reading the stories people had about their own experiences with these ponies
  212. >And there was one trend that always popped up
  213. >That guy in the trench coat delivering unconscious ponies via the Burlap Express
  214. >Hm, interesting enough
  215. >You set the page to auto-refresh and take a look at your thread, which has got a few replies of its own
  216. >There's of course the obligatory rape posts that have to be done, but then there's some actual discussion of pony care
  217. >Most people agree on flowers being treats to them, and normal greens are their main courses
  218. >A few people settle around the idea that they could eat seeds as well, but that seemed a bit iffy
  219. >Actual horse owners told you pretty much what you could find on the web, brush them often, bathe once in a while
  220. >Only one post was specifically devoted to pegasi
  221. >It said that they should get regular exercise, being the way they were, and that they had an extra bit of care no other ponies had
  222. >Their wings
  223. >The wings needed regular preening to remove dead or broken feathers, as well as to clean them for parasites
  224. >In fact, their wings were apparently very similar to those of birds, including the need for oiling, another reason for preening
  225. >You knew that, for a while at least, you'd be preening one of Derpy's wings
  226. >You knew that taking care of this pony would be different from so many others
  227. >She was more childish, more naiive than most others so she would need to be cared for differently, at least psychologically
  228. >There would always be a barrier between you two, because you had thought of her as an example of Hasbro's pandering forever
  229. >But every minute you spent in her company was changing your opinion of her
  230. >Hell, you were actually starting to LIKE her
  231. >You'd never tell her of course, you had a role to fulfil as host, not one part of which included macking on your guest
  232. >You switch back to the "Story Time" post and scroll up to the OP
  233. >'Option 2...'
  234. >Well, Derpy wasn't your favourite pony but...
  235. >Oh shit, you had been jerking it to a picture of her when she'd shown up
  236. >God dammit dick, you've made so much trouble in the past, why now?
  237. >That kindly old gentleman gives no response of course, leaving you annoyed about the prospect of being cheated out of some minty ass
  238. >So deep in your stewing you are that you don't notice Derpy coming up on you
  239. >She jumps on your shoulders, with dexterity that she had never displayed in the show
  240. >Granted though, she was looping her legs through your armpits to stay onboard
  241. >Ater the momentary shock, you find your voice
  242. "Yes, Derpy. What can I do for you?"
  243. >She looks up at the glowing computer screen
  244. >"What's that?"
  245. >Looking over, you realize 4chan is still up
  246. >You quickly alt-tab to the contant porn search you have prepared for just such an occasion
  247. "It's a computer. We humans use them to chat and share pictures of each other and stuff. Like electric mail."
  248. >Her mouth forms an 'O', but then she frowns
  249. >"Do you mean you don't have mailponies anymore?"
  250. >You grimace
  251. "Well, technically, we never had mail ponies, but we do have mail men and women. And while they're declining in number, I don't think they'll be gone for good
  252. >She nuzzles your cheek, seemingly more playful than suggestive
  253. >"That's good.
  254. >You shrug at the statement
  255. >For all the times Canada Post had screwed you over...
  256. >No matter
  257. >You smile at the cross-eyes pony hanging off your back
  258. "So, Derpy, what do you want to do today?
  259. ---------------------------------------------
  260. >Her eyes uncross momentarily as she looks up at you with glee on her face
  261. >The glee quickly turns to confusion and she cocks her head to the side
  262. >God damn that was cute
  263. >"Uh...wait, Carrot Top said I shouldn't be with strangers when I'm alone..."
  264. >You sigh, but decide to be a smartass in hopes of elliciting a giggle
  265. "But you already know me, I'm Anonymous. And you're Derpy. See, we know each other!"
  266. >You get that giggle you were looking for, along with a grin that outlasted it
  267. >"Okay, Anonymous! What is there to do around here?"
  268. >Oh...
  269. >Well shit, she wasn't allowed to be seen by anyone, lest she be disappeared back to...wait it never specified Equestria
  270. >It was distinctly possible that she would just be killed or something
  271. >You've got to find a way to sidestep that little fact, but how...
  272. >You snap your fingers
  273. >Derpy looks up with excitement on her face
  274. >"Didya think of something Anon?"
  275. >Hell yeah you had
  276. "Hell yeah I did! Come on, let's go play some video games."
  277. >Her looks turns back to one of confusion
  278. >"Anon...what's a video game?"
  279. >You grin at her, this is going to be fun
  280. "Come on and I'll show you."
  281. >She follows you into the bedroom, bouncing along on your heels
  282. >You gesture to the foot of your bed and she hops up on it
  283. >You've got a pretty sweet battle station set up
  284. >30" flatscreen, a PS3 you'd got for a present and a 360 you'd stolen from a guy you had been helping move
  285. >Custom built (read: shittily wired) surround sound system with five speakers
  286. >Your plebian console needs were satisfied here, while the beast of a PC beside your bed took care of your more elitist requirements
  287. >But in this case, you know that the console is what you'll be needing
  288. >Multiple players and all that
  289. >You pluck through your horrifically disorganized library of titles, looking for something not overly violent
  290. >Hmmm, Soul Calibre IV, The Force Unleashed, Halo 2, Gears of War
  291. >God damn, why were you such a shooter fan?
  292. >Wait, what's this one?
  293. >You take out the case and read the title
  294. "PERFECT!"
  295. >Derpy jumps three feet in the air and lands on her face, on the matress at least
  296. >You ignore her for now and pop the disc into the 360
  297. >A familiar song starts playing, and the logo that defined a great deal of your opinion of indie games popped up
  298. >'Pop Cap'
  299. >The start screen loads, and a familiar blue-grey unicorn greets you with the options for a new game
  300. >Oh fuck yeah, it's Peggle time
  301. >Derpy perks up at the music and bright colours diplayed on the screen
  302. >"What's that, Anon?"
  303. >You chuckle as the demo starts playing, turning to the little pony eagerly looking at the screen, the splashes of light reflecting in her crossed eyes
  304. >You feel a stirring in your heart
  305. >Attraction, you were gravitating towards her
  306. >No, dammit! I must stay strong for muh waifu!
  307. "It's Peggle, Derpy. You see, you make the thing there shoot out the ball and angle it so it hits all the pegs. Get rid of all the pegs and you beat the level. It's about luck just as much as skill."
  308. >You start up a new game on adventure mode and make an example of the first level
  309. "See how it didn't go in there? That's okay, you have extras, but if you don't beat the level by the time you run out, you lose. Pretty simple eh?"
  310. >She nods, clearly hypnotized by the game
  311. >"C-can I try, Anon?"
  312. >You scratch your short beard, kept neatly trimmed always
  313. "Uh, sure. But I don't know how you'll work the buttons and stuff."
  314. >She unfurls her good wing and, somehow, manipulates the individual feathers on it
  315. >That's pretty badass
  316. >You set the controller in front of the curious pegasus and watch how she'll do this
  317. >Interesting, she uses the tip of her hoof to press the launch button, and the feathers to carefully position the launcher
  318. >You notice that, as she lines up, she closes one eye to make sure
  319. >And damn is she concentrated
  320. >'pop'
  321. >There goes the first shot
  322. >It bounces around, hitting maybe 2/3 of the pins before dropping neatly into the catcher at the bottom
  323. >Your jaw drops, that was shit you'd only seen in videos
  324. >But the little grey pagasus frowns
  325. "Derpy? What's wrong, that was amazing!"
  326. >She looks down at the controller
  327. >"But I didn't hit them all."
  328. >Wait, what?
  329. >You could hardly believe it, Derpy was a perfectionist
  330. >Well, it kinda makes sense
  331. >People would have mocked her for years about her strambismus, so she felt the need to do everything perfect
  332. >Well, that's what it would be for a human anyway
  333. "Derpy, look. You still have five chances to get rid of the rest, don't worry about it."
  334. >Almost unconsciously, your arm has found its way around her lower back
  335. >She looks at you, her eyes straightening for a second before going back to their natural state
  336. >And she smiles
  337. >"Thanks Anon."
  338. >Then she hugs you
  339. >Wait, what?
  340. "Uh, Derpy. Why are you hugging me?"
  341. >She nuzzles at your neck before answering, but you can feel her face heat up from embaressment, or perhaps something else
  342. >"'Cause you treat me really nice, and you tell me I'm doing good, even if I'm not. And I...well, I kinda like you."
  343. >Oh shit, the Panda Ring wanted your dick
  344. >Your brain goes into happening overdrive before finally thinking straight for a few seconds
  345. >She only said she liked you, Anon. She didn't try to put your dick in and around her mouth, hell she didn't even try and kiss you. You're fine
  346. >You take a deep breath, then return the hug
  347. >Derpy coos happily at the attention, and you find yourself stroking her mane before you can tell your hands no
  348. >You feel a number of knots in it, however, and think back to the 'How do I care for pony' thread
  349. "Derpy, I'm going to draw a bath, okay?"
  350. >Clearly she hasn't understood the implication yet
  351. >"'Kay Anon!"
  352. >You tweak her ear to get her attention away from the game for a second
  353. "It's a bath for you, Derpy."
  354. >The game pauses, she puts down the controller and looks up at you
  355. >"But I don't need one, I'm fine!"
  356. >You pet her behind her ears and crouch to her level
  357. "You've got mats and knots in your mane. I just want to get them out so you look more pretty, okay?"
  358. >She blushes, the crimson showing even through her thick, grey coat
  359. >"O-oh, that sounds okay Anon. I'll take that bath.."
  360. >You smile and walk back to the bathroom, with the bather in tow
  361. "I knew you'd agree with me Derpy. It's for the best anyway."
  362. >She nods, looking sullenly at the floor
  363. >Huh, maybe she wasn't stupid like 4chan said
  364. >She seemed more...childish, like she hadn't matured when all the other fillies had
  365. >She wasn't retarded, just underdeveloped
  366. >And that triggered something in you, a protective, paternal instinct for sure but for some reason it got you hard as well
  367. >You couldn't understand the power and desire of the dick, for the dick worked in mysterious ways
  368. >But you weren't going to take advantage of her
  369. >Though, if the thread was right, you wouldn't have to
  370. >But there was no matter for that now
  371. >You turned off the taps that were running the hot water to the bath and gesture for her to get in
  372. >She places her hooves on the rim of the tub and looks up at you, pleadingly
  373. >"Do I have to?"
  374. >You chuckle and grab her haunches with a careful grip, gently lifting her into the warm water
  375. >When she's finally in, she starts swimming about as best she can in the small pool
  376. >You notice that she starts preening her left wing, the unbroken one
  377. >It's a very meticulous and careful process, unlike what you had seen birds doing
  378. >Must have been something involving how birds move with all that darting about
  379. >She stops and stares at you
  380. >"Anon..."
  381. >It snaps you out of the little trance you had been in
  382. "Huh, what's up, Derpy?"
  383. >She blushes a deep crimson
  384. >"Can...can you get my back with the soap? I don't have the reach, and my wing..."
  385. >You scratch behind her ears and smile, after rolling up your sleeves
  386. "Say no more. I gotcha."
  387. >She smiles and goes back to preening
  388. >You squirt a bit of shampoo onto your hands and massage it into her back, from the base of her neck to the dock of her tail
  389. >She coos, clearly enjoying the gentle massage you were giving her
  390. >Then your fingertips brush the point where her wings meet her body
  391. >She gasps and moans, making you pull away out of shock
  392. >So...the wings were erotic, good to know
  393. >She looks over her shoulder at you, her wing half covering her face
  394. >"Oh, Anon...I didn't know you uh..."
  395. >More of her face disappears behind the extended wing, but you reach past it and carress her cheek, not romantically but parentally
  396. "I'm sorry, Derpy. I didn't know wings were like that. I'll try not to touch you there anymore, okay?"
  397. >She looks shocked at your explaination, but then nods though with a sad undertone
  398. >"Oh, uh yeah. Thanks...Anon."
  399. >She ducks under the water and quickly washes the soap from her body
  400. >The quick dive, however, soaks your shirt with the splash and makes you sputter from the soapy water geting into your mouth
  401. >She surfaces and once more wears a grin on her face
  402. >"All done!"
  403. >She slips trying to get out of the tub, so you take her under her armpits and lift her out
  404. >You take a towel and rub her down, careful to avoid the errogenous zones on her wings, drying her off thoroughly
  405. >You look at the smiling pegasus when you're crouched down after drying her mane
  406. "Bedtime?"
  407. >She nods and yawns
  408. >You pick her up in your arms and carry her into the bedroom
  409. >Sure, it was just through the closet, but you liked carrying her like she was your own kid, and she clearly liked being coddled
  410. >So you pull back the covers on your bed and lay her down, tucking her in tightly
  411. >"A-Anon?"
  412. >You turn back from walking out of the room
  413. "What is it, Derpy?"
  414. >You can see she's blushing again
  415. >"Would you...kiss me goodnight?"
  416. >You hesitate for a moment, and she clearly notices because she looks away from you
  417. >But you walk over to her and kiss her forehead, rubbing her behind the ears and smiling
  418. "Good night, Derpy. Have a good sleep, okay?"
  419. >She smiles up at you
  420. >"I will, Anon. Goodnight!"
  421. >You leave the room with a smile on your face and a growing warmth in your heart
  422. >You won't be sleeping with her, or even in a bed, tonight but you certainly wouldn't be cold
  423. --------------------------------------------------------------------
  424. >The morning comes around and you wake up with the sun shining into your eyes
  425. >It's not the most pleasent wake up, but you slept well so it was fine
  426. >Sunday...420 praise it niggers
  427. >A slight vibration draws your attention to the face that something is weighing on your chest, a warm mass a little bit shorter than your torso
  428. >And there's a familiar tickling on your chin
  429. >Looking down you find Derpy, your little houseguest, curled up on your chest
  430. >She must have come from the bedroom sometime during the night
  431. >Probably had a nightmare again, the poor lass
  432. >You start stroking her mane gently, careful to not wake the sleeping pony up
  433. >Looking down at the blonde maned pegasus, you start thinking to yourself about what she had been doing when she was ripped away from her world
  434. >Was she delivering a package to the Cakes? Helping a family move their stuff to a new house?
  435. >And yet, when she woke up, she had taken in the new surroundings so well
  436. >Even you, a species that she had no idea what you were and that could have been the one to kidnap her, she had immediately trusted, or appeared to at least
  437. >Was that a show of how powerful that echantement, that would make her love you, was?
  438. >If so, you certainly didn't need any convincing
  439. >Twisting a mind that badly generally required severe trauma, like Stockholm Syndrome and such things as that
  440. >But Derpy seemed perfectly healthy
  441. >You think about your actions towards her over the past few days
  442. >You had trusted her right away too, now that you think about it
  443. >Unsurprising, given that you did watch the show before and already knew about Derpy and her clumsiness
  444. >But you weren't one to trust anything immediately, much less start caring for them as though they're your kin
  445. >Was that echantement a double whammy? Who could say, most schools of magic on earth are phony and the rest are misguided, so you wouldn't get any help from them
  446. >It scared you to think that there could be something affecting your brain, and you were powerless to stop it, or even know what it was
  447. >The pony resting on your chest stirs a bit and brings you back to the present
  448. >She rolls onto her side, hugging the arm that had been petting her and exposing her broken wing
  449. >Your stomach drops at the sight of the splint and bandages
  450. >~You know, you're the one that did this~
  451. >The thoughts come to you without want for your feelings
  452. >~She was already crooked, now she's crippled. She'll never fly again, thanks to you.~
  453. >You didn't know; it was just another thread on /mlp/ like a dozen others before it
  454. >Oh god, you're so sorry
  455. >You begin chanting an apology, almost like a mantra, under your breath
  456. "I'm so sorry, Derpy. I'm so sorry."
  457. >You repeat it, quite literally, ad nauseum
  458. >That's when you stop, when the room starts spinning in time with your stomach
  459. >And at that moment, with perfect timing, the golden-eyed pegasus opens her tired, glistening eyes and looks right up at you
  460. >She has the most adorable smile on her face, just making her that much prettier
  461. >"Good morning, Anon. Why'd you stop singing?"
  462. >Singing? You hadn't been singing, it was just a ch--
  463. >Right, singning
  464. "My throat was getting sore, that's all."
  465. >You clear it to make the point a little clearer
  466. >She hugs you and nuzzles your chest, and you can't help but hug back
  467. >The she says something that surprises you
  468. >"I forgive you, Anonymous."
  469. >The dam bursts on your guilt and self-pity, flooding the room with pain, tears, and spaghetti
  470. >And Derpy, that beautiful, naiive mare holds you in a comforting embrace the entire time
  471. >You blubber out everything, about how she got here, about why she had come instead of Lyra, even about her being from a childrens show
  472. >She doesn't react, not visibly anyway, until well after you've stopped though
  473. >And even then, she contains herself well
  474. >"S-so, I'm just a fake pony that someone made up?"
  475. >You see the tears about to come forth and hurridly compose yourself, and an explaination
  476. "No, Derpy, YOU are not a fake, and no one made you up. It's just the same as if someone made a play about you, it's not the real you on stage, and the playwright didn't make you. Do you understand?"
  477. >She nods, but you can't tell whether she's telling the truth or lying for your sake
  478. "And you know what, Derpy? Even if you were fake, I'd still treat you like the queen you deserve to be repected and served as, okay?"
  479. >She smiles up at you, not a sad smile like before but a true expression of hapiness
  480. >"But I'm not a queen, Anon! That's just silly!"
  481. >You arch a brow at her and, after putting her down on the floor, get up and go to your walk in closet
  482. >Now where was that piece from that Halloween costime from years ago?
  483. >Ah, here we are
  484. >You turn to see Derpy staring at you like you're insane
  485. >But you just place the plastic crown on her head and kneel before her
  486. "What is your first commandment, my queen?"
  487. >Her face reddens, and she giggle at your supreme silliness
  488. >"Rise my subject. My first and only commandement is that there be muffins at every meal, for every day!"
  489. >God dammit, that was adorable
  490. >You make a silly bow, to her and she struts off to the kitchen in an exagerated form of what she clearly thought was a dignified, regal walk
  491. >It looked a bit like smoother goose stepping to you
  492. >You hear a roar from below you and realize that her destination was probably a good decision
  493. >What to make now for dinner...
  494. ------------------------------------------------------------------
  495. >You know what, who could go wrong with everyones favourite pasta
  496. >Macaroni and cheese!
  497. >You take out everything you need from the cupboards, a pot, macaroni noodles, and some salt
  498. >You fill the pot with water and set it to boil on the stove
  499. >While it's boiling, you turn to the still royally prancing Derpy
  500. "Your majesty, have you ever tried the exotic dish, 'Macaroni Noodles with Cheese sauce'?"
  501. >She stops and looks at you, her nose scrunching up in confusion
  502. >Well if that didn't just give you a spot of angina...
  503. >"I don't believe I have, subject. Make it for us immediately!"
  504. >Holy shit, an over the top royal voice
  505. >It's just too much for you
  506. >That, or it was the four or more energy drinks a day and shitty diet
  507. >Either way, you collapse to the floor, writhing in agony as a sharp pain assaults your heart
  508. >God dammit, where were those nitro pills the doctor had for you?
  509. >In the medicine cabinet, of course
  510. >You finally become aware of Derpy standing over you, tearfully screaming at you to wake up
  511. "D-Derpy, I need you t-too get some pills from the bathroom. It's a little orange bottle..."
  512. >You trail off, in too much pain to think straight
  513. >She takes off galloping with those meager instructions
  514. >Who would take care of her if you died here?
  515. >No, that wouldn't happen
  516. >In a minute, you'd have your pills, and everything would be better
  517. >You don't last that minute though
  518. >A darkness swallows you, and you drift in an empty ocean
  519. >You feel more than see a being swim around you in the void, like a shark around prey
  520. >"So, you're one of those human things that have been taking ponies across the multiverse, far away from their home in the lands of Equestria are you?"
  521. >John deLancie? What was he doing here
  522. >But the disembodied voice continued to circle around you and speak
  523. >"So rude of you to take them away from their homes, don't you think? And for what, some entertainment? Even I don't treat ponies that badly
  524. >A cold chuckle makes your non-existent skin shiver
  525. >"Well, not anymore at least. However, you seem to be treating little Derpy well enough, and she seems quite happy to stay. So I won't take her back, and I'll even return you to your little life. But if you mess this up...well, I'm the god of Chaos, I can think of some abstract punishment."
  526. >A snap tears through the darkness and you feel yourself stretching out
  527. >It hurts, as though every molecule of your being is pulling away from each other
  528. >And suddenly, there's a mare crying on your chest, a broken and spilled bottle of pills sitting next to her
  529. >When you speak, your voice is hoarse
  530. "Hey, Derpy? Could you get off my chest? It's kinda hard to breathe."
  531. >She jumps straight up in the air and, as soon as she lands and recovers, wraps her hooves around your shoulder
  532. >"Anon! I was so scared, you weren't breathing and you wouldn't swallow the pill. I thought I had done something wrong and that you were dead. I'm sorry I was so slow, I'm sorry!"
  533. >You hug her back, petting her mane with a care that you had never shown to anyone, or anything, else
  534. "Derpy, it's okay. You got my pills and brought them back as fast as you could. I'm going to be fine, so don't worry, okay?"
  535. >She sniffles and keeps her face buried in your chest
  536. >Clearly she just needed to be close to you right now
  537. >That's no problem for you
  538. >Then you smell the pot of water and noodles you had put on before you passed out
  539. "Derpy, hang on."
  540. >She tightens her grip, and you bring yourself to a sitting position
  541. >You wait for the spinning in your head to dissipate before standing, holding Derpy up in one arm
  542. >With the other, you stir the pot
  543. >Good, the water was boiling and the noodles had softened, time to start adding ingredients
  544. >You take proccessed cheese slices and homogenized milk from your fridge
  545. >You unwrap the cheese and throw it in, in chunks and then you add perhaps a cup of milk to the mix
  546. >Finally, you add a gratuitous amount of salt, for flavour
  547. >Then you go back to steadily stirring it, after putting the ingredients away of course
  548. >Then entire time, Derpy clings to you with her face firmly planted in your chest
  549. >But it didn't bother you, if anything you kinda liked the attention
  550. >Finally, it is finished
  551. >Father into your hands, I commit my pasta
  552. >You pry Derpy away from your body and set her down on the floor beside you
  553. >She looks up at you, off-set eyes begging to know what she did wrong
  554. "I've got to drain the noodles, okay? I need two hands so I don't hurt myself."
  555. >She nods in understanding, settling for nuzzling against your leg
  556. >With the macaroni thus prepared, you dish out two portions on the plates that were already set out for that purpose
  557. >A bigger bit for you, of course
  558. >You had to work in the morning, after all
  559. "Come on Derpy, let's get to the table."
  560. >Out of pure habit, it was set for two
  561. >Of course, you had no idea why you would place out cutlery for Derpy, but there it was
  562. >You sit beside her at the small table and take the first bite of your food
  563. >Mmmm, cheesy and salty noodles
  564. >After a tenative lick, Derpy digs right into the stuff
  565. >Oh right, salt was like alcohol to ponies
  566. >You continue eating your plate, but Derpy has already finished hers and was licking up the last of the cheese sauce
  567. >She looks at you, eyes wide and pupils dilated
  568. >God dammit
  569. >You roll your eyes and give her half the remaining food on your plate
  570. >She squees and devours it faster than you can have two bites
  571. >Before she can beg for more, you finish off your own food
  572. >"That was great, Anon! But why'd you put so much salt in it?"
  573. >You notice she's slurring a bit, and stumbling over her words
  574. >Ah right, the alcoholic effect
  575. "Because salt makes everything better."
  576. >She gives you what you could only think of as an attempt at a seductive smile
  577. >"You know what else makes things better, Anon?"
  578. >Shit, you weren't near drunk enough for this
  579. "Derpy, I hope you're not going where I think you are..."
  580. >She slides off her chair and puts her head in your lap, pouting up at you with her crossed eyes wide
  581. >Oh god dammit
  582. >You get off your chair and speed walk over to the liquor cabinet
  583. >This would be a fun one to explain to 4chan, let alone the parents
  584. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
  585. >Prying open the door to the liquor cupboard and start taking out bottles
  586. >Jack Daniel's, no...Smirnoff, no too shitty, Ah there it was, the Stolichnaya, the true vodka of the People
  587. >You open the bottle and take a tumbler from the shelf
  588. >Placing the glass on the counter, you look into the bottle, then down at Derpy
  589. >You look at her face, flushed with arousal and salt intoxication
  590. >Those hypertropic eyes, one locked on yours and the other on the ceiling
  591. >You couldn't do it
  592. >You replace the cap on the bottle and put it back in the cabinet
  593. >With that, you crouch down and pick up the drunken little pony
  594. >She clumsily kisses your cheek, bumping her forehead against your nose as she does so
  595. >"What're you gonna do to me, Anon?"
  596. >You sigh and walk towards the bedroom
  597. >The shit you had to put up with, and from a pony no less
  598. "I'm going to make sure you don't puke all over my stuff and that you get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be kinda shitty, if salt gives you hangovers."
  599. >She gripes and complains about it all the way to the bed
  600. >"It's not my bed time though! I'm not tired yet, Anon! Anon, could you tire me out first?"
  601. >The last one was said with a wink, and at the foot of the bed
  602. >You almost dropped her then and there, but you refrained from doing so, and instead put her under the covers and tucked her in
  603. >"Anon, could I get a good night hug?"
  604. >Well, that seemed reasonable enough
  605. >You lean down into the waiting forelegs of the drunk pony and hug her
  606. >With a sudden flap of her good wing, she pulls you off balance and you fall on top of her
  607. >Somehow, she'd managed to get the angle just perfect, and you end up kissing her
  608. >You know, besides her drunken clumsiness, it's not too bad a kiss
  609. >You pull away and shake the though from your head
  610. >No god dammit, you must stay strong, for the greater waifu!
  611. >She looks up at you with fully flushed cheeks
  612. >"You're a great kisser Anon."
  613. >You sigh and scratch behind her ears
  614. >She's is very drunk, so you forgive her inept actions
  615. "Thank you, Derpy. Now will you go to sleep?"
  616. >She just smiles at you and rolls over, closing her eyes
  617. >"G'night, Anon."
  618. >That childlike voice, the little slur on her words, the little yawn punctuating her sentence
  619. >Oh god dammit
  620. >You lean down and kiss behind her ear, an action that makes the little thing twitch
  621. >And Derpy's smile grows just a bit wider as you whisper back to her
  622. "Good night, Derpy. Sweet dreams."
  623. >With that, you walk out of the room and turn on your computer
  624. >You still had some paperwork due tomorrow, so you had best get on it
  625. >But something nags at you
  626. >Some unknown feeling, a sinking sensation in your gut that pulls at your attention
  627. >You'd have to leave her alone tomorrow
  628. >Well then, you suppose you'll have to write a note for her
  629. >'Dear Derpy, I've gone to work. I'll be back around half-past 4. Muffins are on the counter, help yourself. If you need to get in touch with me, I'll have the computer set up so you can just make one click to call me.'
  630. >Wait, did she know how to click?
  631. >Shit, better make an instruction for that too
  632. >You tear off a small piece of paper and colour in a red dot on it
  633. >You tape it on the left click button on the touchpad, and below that, you tape another note
  634. >'This is the button you push to call me, okay?'
  635. >You go back to the main note, with the sub-note taken care off
  636. >'Call me if you need anything. Love, Anonymous'
  637. >Hm, the 'love' part may bring some not so welcome consequences when you get home, but hopefully it would tide her over until you got back
  638. >With that settled, you head back to doing your paperwork
  639. >Two hours later, it's half-past nine and your eyes are burning from being in front of the computer, six inches away from the screen
  640. >You'd broken your reading glasses a while back and hadn't replaced them yet
  641. >Rubbing the spots from your eyes, you set the alarm on your phone for 6 and close your laptop
  642. >You go into the little kitchen and pour a glass of water for yourself
  643. >As you drink it, you think about Derpy
  644. >Why did she seem so infatuated with you?
  645. >Sure, you took care of her, gave her food and stuff, but it just didn't make sense why she had attatched herself to you so quickly
  646. >It was thought that she had a lover and a child, so she had companions and family
  647. >Maybe it was just her child-like nature, to attatch to whoever took care of her
  648. >No matter, she was here to stay
  649. >And you brought her here, so it was your responsibility to take care of her
  650. >You finish off the water and put the cup into the sink
  651. >You could worry about that stuff tomorrow, after work
  652. >You walk into the darkened bedroom and are greeted by the soft snores of your little house guest
  653. >That puts a smile on your dour expression
  654. >You strip down to your pants and take a pillow from your bed
  655. >You lay it on the ground and take you Ranger blanket from your closet
  656. >She was your guest, not a stuffed animal to be cuddled with
  657. >You place your alarm beside your pillow and lay down
  658. >The long day, combined with the rhythmic, gentle snores of Derpy, lull you to sleep quickly
  659. >At least your dreams are warm
  660. -------------------------------------------------------
  661. >The wonderful sounds of Insomnium pull you from the gentle drift of sleep
  662. >You waken further as the song progresses, finally coming to full awareness as the first main riff blasts through the speaker
  663. >And in your wakened state you realize that your left arm is trapped
  664. >And there's a warm lump putting pressure against your stomach and morning wood
  665. >You look down and realize that Derpy, at some point during the night, had crawled into your makeshift bed that night
  666. >You gently extricate yourself from her, ensuring that the little pony doesn't awaken
  667. >Time for breakfast
  668. >You make your way to the kitchen, after dressing in your work uniform, and pop down some bread into the toaster
  669. >While you wait for that to cook, you make yourself some coffee with Bailey's
  670. >Sure it was alcohol before work, but everyone needed a bit of a pick me up before a boring day at work
  671. >Well, it would be boring unless something bad were to happen
  672. >You consider the wisdom of thinking such things, especially since your life has somehow been turned into what was dangerously close to a cliched, 6/10 fanfic
  673. >But then, after another couple sips from your coffee, it occurs to you why your life was indeed YOUR life
  674. >You hadn't fucked the pony
  675. >The toast popping from the toaster interupts your musing
  676. >You take out the nutella and a plate and start spreading the nectar of Christ all over your breakfast
  677. >You hear the squeak of your bedroom door opening and the gentle clopping of against the linoleum
  678. >"'Nonymous...what're you doin' up?"
  679. >Well, you had hoped the note could do the hard job for you, but clearly this was something that you needed to do
  680. >You take a bite of your God's-Own-Semen toast and kneel down to her level
  681. >She looks onto your eyes as best she can, and it seems she's really trying
  682. >But then a yawn splits her muzzle and she closes her eyes
  683. >You feel your heart skip a beat as the most adorable expression of drowsiness that has ever been appears before your eyes
  684. >When they're open again, she looks noticeably more attentive, though her hypertropia has gone back to its normal, severe state
  685. "Well, Derpy, I need to go to work today. I didn't want to wake you up so I left a note for you. But since you're up, would you like some breakfast?"
  686. >She shakes her head and yawns again
  687. >"No thanks, Anon. I just wanna go back to sleep."
  688. >You smile, at least she's honest
  689. "Okay, Derpy. I'll be there in a minute to tuck you in, okay?"
  690. >She gives you a tired grin and slowly walks back to the bedroom
  691. >Taking another bite of the sandwich, you clean up what little mess you made with the simple breakfast
  692. >Oh shoot, you've still got to set up the computer
  693. >Consuming the rest of the nutella and toast, you walk over to your laptop and open it up
  694. >Skype is still open and ready to call your cell phone, the red dot is on the left click button, and its accompanying note is still there
  695. >Perfect, you set up the cursor over the "call" button and make sure that it won't go to sleep, so long as it's plugged in
  696. >Thinking of that, you make sure that it is indeed plugged in
  697. >It is and the UPS is working properly
  698. >Loading up a small, metal flask with vodka and slipping it into your pocket, you get your boots on and prepare to go to work
  699. >Oh shit, you forgot about Derpy
  700. >You clomp over to your bedroom and see her laying on her side, breathing steadily
  701. >You walk over and kiss her on the cheek
  702. >You get to enjoy her shuffle and mumble something incomprehensible in her sleep
  703. >With that taken care of, you walk out your door and close and lock it behind you
  704. >Well, time for a boring day at work
  705. >But hey, maybe Derpy would call you
  706. --------------------------------------------------
  707. >Oh god, your job is shitty
  708. >You'd signed onto the ERT a year ago, expecting gunslinging, door kicking action but only got a desk job where you had the chance to be called up sometimes
  709. >In your time on the force, you'd done two raids on drug dens, neither of which allowed you to fire your weapon
  710. >It was just...tedious
  711. >You reject another request, for another course that the requester wasn't qualified for
  712. >And for the hundredth time in an hour, you wonder what Derpy's up to
  713. >You weren't worried about her safety, more about what she'd be doing to entertain herself
  714. >Potential property damage aside, you didn't want her going through your personal shit
  715. >Suddenly, the phone on your hip vibrates
  716. >A call? Fuck yeah
  717. >Please be work, please be work, pleasebework!
  718. >'The Fortress of Solitude'
  719. >God dammit, it was Derpy calling from home
  720. >You hold the phone up to your ear and hit the talk key
  721. "This is Corporal Anonymous, how can I help you, sir or ma'am?"
  722. >Standard greeting proceedure, no one could know you're taking a personal call
  723. >"Hey Anon, it's me! I just wanted to talk to you 'cause I'm bored and there's nothing to do."
  724. >What? there was plenty to do
  725. >She could read a book...no the hooves and strabismus would make that hard
  726. >What about TV? No, the same problems would arise with the remote
  727. >Hold on, your fancy smart phone could activate the TV from here
  728. >Perfect!
  729. "Hey, I'm going to hang up now. But in a minute, the TV will turn on. Just watch it, and I'll be home in a few hours, okay?"
  730. >The voice over the phone perks up noticeably
  731. >"Okay Anon! Thanks! I love you, bye!"
  732. >You smile at her eagerness
  733. "See you when I get home, bye."
  734. >You turn it off and click on the little app that used the net to hook up to your TV
  735. >There was some kind of science behind it, but it may as well have been magic for how you understood it
  736. >You turn on the TV and flick it over to CTV News
  737. >That'd be relatively safe, and she could learn more about your world
  738. >You put up a little message for her, set to expire in a minute, that would come up across the screen
  739. >'Derpy, some things on here may be scary but it will teach you about my world. If it gets too scary, just call me or go into another room. Love Anon'
  740. >There, that took care of that
  741. >Buzz, buzz
  742. >Huh, another call
  743. "Corporal Anonymous, how can I help you, sir or ma'am?"
  744. >"Anon, can I have a muffin?"
  745. >Of course it was Derpy
  746. >You suppose she missed the note you had left for her about that, oh well
  747. "Sure Derpy, no worries."
  748. >You can practically hear the smile on her face
  749. >"Thanks Anon! You're the be--"
  750. >Beep-beep
  751. >Oh, another call
  752. "Alright Derpy, gotta go. Love you."
  753. >You hadn't even thought of the last part as you said it, but it was too late to think about it
  754. >You were already on the line with the other caller
  755. "Corporal Anonymous, how can I help you, sir or ma--"
  756. >The voice from the other end shouts loud enough to near bust the speaker
  757. >"Anonymous, get your ass down to the armoury! We've got a shooting going on, right fucking now."
  758. >Ah, the sergeant, always pleasent
  759. >You don't bother responding, simply closing your phone, locking your computer, and sprinting through the cubicles towards the armoury
  760. >Finally, this was the shit you had joined for
  761. >You arrive at the armoury to find you're NOT the last one there for once
  762. "Hey, where Kaidanovsky?"
  763. >One of two women on your team, who was loading bullets into a magazine, Garcia if you remember right, looked up and responded
  764. >"I think he busted his leg or something. Either way, he ain't here."
  765. >You shrug and pull on your plate carrier over top of the uniform you're already wearing
  766. >The entire sequence of going from daily uniform to tactical badass took all of five minutes
  767. >Your team piles into the armoured van and it takes off with the stressed squeal of tires
  768. >You all arrive at the scene within ten minutes of the call going out
  769. >As soon as you're out of the door, you take cover behind some concrete barriers there
  770. >The normal beat cops are already hanging out there
  771. >Being the first one out, you crawl over to them to get the scoop
  772. "Hey, what the fuck's going on here?"
  773. >He looks at you, in your baller getup and blinks in disbelief before responding
  774. >"Three guys went in here and just started shooting people. The security footage suggests they've got explosives too."
  775. >You nod and peek over the barricade
  776. "Okay. Where's the situation boss?"
  777. >The officer gestures to a small tent set up about twenty meters away
  778. >You look at the sergeant to your rear and gesture to the tent, and you both head over there
  779. >The commander on the scene nods to you both when you enter the tent
  780. >"Gentlemen, good to see you here. We've got three men with armour, automatic weapons, and grenades. They've killed fifteen so far. We need you guys to make sure they don't kill anyone else."
  781. >He points you to the blueprint of the building and steps aside
  782. >Neither of you even need to speak to the other, there's only one way into the building that's left unblocked
  783. >With that settled, you two walk out, and the sergeant briefs the team
  784. >It's a pretty standard plan, stack, breach, 9 banger, shoot the bad guys that have guns
  785. >Easy shit
  786. >You all stack up on the door, the breacher standing across from you, the first man in the stack
  787. >You have your flash grenade in your hand and primed, waiting for the door to go away
  788. >There's the count, three, two, one
  789. >The shotgun slugs tears through handle of the door and a combat boot kicks it in
  790. >The flash bang grenade flies into the door and, after a few seconds, does exactly as advertised
  791. >You burst into the building, shouting for anyone still there to get down and not move
  792. >You're considering the contradicting nature of these statements as one of the bad guys comes around the corner, weapon blazing
  793. >You fire two controlled bursts and he drops to the floor
  794. >Of course, you're busy with something else and never get to see that
  795. >"Man down, man down!"
  796. >Dammit Garcia, I know you're the medic but do you really have to shout so damn loud?
  797. >Then you notice that you're staring up at the ceiling and you can feel some kind of pressure on your abdomen
  798. >Your helmet and balaclava leave your face and a pair of gloved hands run over it
  799. >A light pour into your eyes, and through it you notice two things
  800. >One, Garcia is looming over you like the inconvenient civilian casualties in the Iraq war
  801. >And there's a cameraman too
  802. >Wait, what?
  803. >Just before your sense of pain returns, you manage to question what the fuck a newsguy is doing following you around
  804. >Then the screaming starts
  805. >The pain is enough to reduce you to a screaming lump, but not enough to make you pass out
  806. >Garcia finally shoves the cameraman away and jabs a needle of morphine into your neck
  807. >It takes effect almost immediately and the pain is replaced with a slight haze around everything
  808. >You're dragged into a sitting position against the nearest wall, and can finally look at why the hell you were hurting so bad
  809. >Блять
  810. >That was at least one of your kidneys gone
  811. >It looked like three bullets had hit you gut, and at least one had gone through the vest
  812. >But you were still breathing, and not vomiting blood, so you were okay for now
  813. >You idly stare at Garcia tending to your injuries when you feel something odd in the grenade pouch on your vest
  814. >Buzz, buzz
  815. >That's weird, there was nothing in there, you always reserved that pouch for your--
  816. >Buzz, buzz
  817. >Oh right, your phone
  818. >With a weak movement, you manage to take it out and hit the talk key
  819. >Garcia is too distracted with trying to keep you from bleeding to do anything though
  820. >As soon as you put the speaker to your ear, a femenine voice floods through
  821. >"--please just be okay! Oh Celestia, Anon, don't die please! I don't wanna be alone Anon, please come back!"
  822. >You have to cut her off
  823. >And despire her volume, you do it with a choked, quiet voice
  824. "Hey, I'm okay. Just a little gut shot is all."
  825. >Her tearful words break down into sobs
  826. >She's utterly distraught and you can't do anything about it
  827. "Hey, Derpy, listen to me. I'm gonna be okay. You just wait for me, okay? Can you do that for me, Derpy? Just wait a little while, okay?"
  828. >Through her sobbing, you can make out a quiet 'yes' before Garcia finally notices your little escapade and hangs up with a quick 'He's busy, he'll call you later'
  829. >You hoped you would anyway
  830. >She looks at you and shakes her head before slinging you over her shoulders and sprinting to the waiting ambulance outside
  831. >The ride is pretty uneventful, and then you get to the ER
  832. >You're immediately brought to an operating theatre and put under
  833. >What happens then is only for the living to know
  834. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  835. >The steady beep of a machine pulls you from the dark hole you had been wallowing in
  836. >Your eyes open, and are flooded with sunlight
  837. >As they adjust, you finally can look at where you are
  838. >Sterilized white walls, stainless steel furnishings polished to a high gloss, medical items everywhere
  839. >Oh, the hospital, that means...
  840. >You look down and see the faint trace of bandages through the dressing gown
  841. >Well, at least you aren't bleeding anymore
  842. >You test out your limbs to ensure they're working alright
  843. >Left arm, check. Right arm, check. Both legs, check.
  844. >With that you, very slowly, swing your legs off the bed and rest them on the floor
  845. >Carefully does it now
  846. >Grabbing onto the IV drip frame, you pull yourself into standing
  847. >Whoa, a little bit of dizziness and some starts floating across your eyes
  848. >Means you just need to take it a bit easier
  849. >On the bright side, your guts weren't aching so you would probably be able to walk just fine
  850. >Time to test that theory
  851. >You take a tenative few steps only to find that your legs are fully capable of still supporting you
  852. >How long were you out?
  853. >Couldn't have been too long, you didn't feel any weakness from lack of nutrition or anything
  854. >You let go of the framework and take a couple, unsupported baby steps
  855. >When you don't fall down, you start walking about normally
  856. >You have a couple dizzy spells, but otherwise you're doing just fine
  857. >That's good, now where are your...
  858. >Ah, a pair of unattended pants and undies for an unattended lower half
  859. >You slip them on and tear off the dressing gown
  860. >Well, you've got pants, but you're still shirtless unless...
  861. >Hey look, one of those nurses shirts, what are they called again, scrubs?
  862. >No matter, you throw that on over your chest and suddenly you feel that much better at being in normal clothes
  863. >Now, time to get outta here
  864. >Buzz, buzz
  865. >Huh, what was that?
  866. >You turn back to your bed, where the noise came from
  867. >Buzz, buzz
  868. >Oh, there's a phone sitting on the bedside table
  869. >You pick it up and read the call display
  870. >'The Fortress of Solitude'
  871. >Oh, shit it's yours
  872. >You pick up immediately, old habits taking over again
  873. "Corporal Anonymous, how may I help you sir or ma'am?"
  874. >A heartwrenching sob comes from the other end, along with what sounds like a strangled cry of "Anon" but you can't be sure
  875. >But you know just who the hell it is
  876. "Derpy, I'm okay. Don't worry, I'll be coming home soon. Just need to pick up my keys and I'll be on my way. I'm okay Derpy, don't worry. I'll be home soon. Bye."
  877. >You hang up
  878. >Cold as it was to do that, you really did need to get going
  879. >You slip the phone into your pocket and take one last look around to see if you'd forgotten anything
  880. >Nope, you're good
  881. >With that settled, you walk out the door and into the hallway
  882. >Hmmm, there must be a sign around here somewhere directing people
  883. >Aha! There it is
  884. >So the stairs are thataway, and the exit is on the ground floor
  885. >Easy enough
  886. >You follow what the sign says and reach the stairs without incident
  887. >The hospital is fairly crowded this afternoon, and soon you're swept up in a sea of dressing gowns and nursing scrubs
  888. >No matter, you easily pushed your way through the shoal and get onto the decidedly less crowded stairway
  889. >Well, there was a bright side to having you keys attatched to your phone at least
  890. >That's what you think as you exit the hospital without saying you're checking out
  891. >It's less that you didn't want to check out, and more that you didn't think to do so
  892. >Your mind is drawn to getting home and making sure that Derpy was okay
  893. >With that thought in mind, you flag down a taxi and hop inside
  894. "Precinct 39, please."
  895. >The driver doesn't even try to make conversation on the way there
  896. >He seems like an alright lad anyway, just a bit quiet
  897. >You reach the building without incident and he points at the meter
  898. >'29.65'
  899. >Shit, you don't have any money
  900. "I've got to go inside and pick something up. I'll still need a ride after that. That's cool yeah?"
  901. >He nods, implying that it is indeed cool
  902. >With that, you run into the building, tossing a greeting over your shoulder to the secretary
  903. >You arrive at your desk without incident and unlock the drawers
  904. >There we go, there was your wallet and other personal effects that fit in your pocket
  905. >That was all you ever brought to work, arriving and departing in your full uniform
  906. >You sprint back out to find the cab driver sitting on the hood of his car, smoking
  907. >That's fine, you could use one too
  908. >You step up to the cab and light up one of your own
  909. >It gives you some time to think
  910. >You figured the reason you probably were still able to move at all was because of the dosage of drugs they had given you while you were under
  911. >When you'd seen the bandages around your belly, they were clean so you hadn't been bleeding since their last change
  912. >But you also knew that the internal damage from getting hit by a bullet could be devastating
  913. >Though, in the same breath, it could be nothing at all
  914. >You would check it out later though, when you had the materials on hand to do so
  915. >You take another drag of the cigarette, and the grey smoke tht swirls playfully about your head reminds you of the playful grey pegasus waiting at home
  916. >Even though you were okay, she was probably worried to literal sickness
  917. >Out of curiousity, you check your phone
  918. >'143 missed calls'
  919. >Holy shit, the phone must have been going all night long, it was a miracle the battery hadn't drained to zero
  920. >That drives home the urgency of getting back to Derpy
  921. >The driver finishes his smoke and you stub out the rest of yours
  922. >As soon as you're in the car and tell him the address, and offer double if he gets there in five minutes, you're flattened against the seat by accelleration
  923. >You didn't even have time to buckle up
  924. >Four and a half minutes later, you arrive at the apartment where you lived
  925. >You pay the cabbie, double like you promised, and bound out the door
  926. >The key has already unlocked the front door and you're in before you can even think about it
  927. >You press the button on the elevator, but after five seconds you sprint for the stairs
  928. >Thank god you're tall, you take the stairs three at a time
  929. >Finally, you reach the fifth floor and dash down the hallway
  930. >You nearly tumble over at the sudden stop outside your doorway, and you shove the key into the lock
  931. >Twisting it violently, you throw the door open and bound into the bedroom
  932. >Derpy is huddled behind the bed, clearly frightened at the immense noises you had been making on your flight to the bedroom
  933. >But when she sees you, her expression of fear morphs into one of shock and she pounces on you, as a tiger would on a helpless, unexpecting schoolboy
  934. >Normally, that wouldn't knock you over, but you allowed it to propel you backwards onto the bed
  935. >She hugs you and sobs into your chest, making your shirt saltier than an episode of Fighterpedia
  936. >You hug her back of course, stroking her mane and whispering that you were okay and everything would be fine
  937. >You didn't know if it would be, of course
  938. >But with your health coverage and the compensation for being wounded in the line of duty, you figured that it'd be just fine
  939. >Eventually Derpy runs out of tears to cry, but remains hugging you with her face buried in your chest
  940. >And after going and getting yourself shot you figure the least you can do is let her be comforted
  941. >That god damn cameraman, if he hadn't been filming Derpy would never know you'd been shot
  942. >She never would have been so worried, never would have been so distraught
  943. >But then, what if you hadn't pulled through?
  944. >No, you couldn't think about the 'what ifs'
  945. >You had survived and were here for Derpy, that's all that mattered
  946. >After a while, it's clear Derpy has fallen asleep
  947. >You cradle her like a kid and walk into the kitchen
  948. >Your last meal had been...god only knew how long ago, and your guts were aching from hunger
  949. >You take out a frying pan and put it down on the stove, setting it to a high heat and spraying it with Pam
  950. >Then you take a couple eggs from the fridge
  951. >A few years ago, a buddy of your who was a military cook showed you how to crack eggs with one hand
  952. >Good lad, shitty that he'd been killed overseas
  953. >A rocket right into the kitchen, and they'd not found the launchers
  954. >Bastard Taliban
  955. >No matter, you crack the eggs and set them to frying in the pan
  956. >You take a spatula from the drawer and wait
  957. >Two minutes later, you flip them
  958. >At that precise moment, your cellphone rings
  959. >Who could that be?
  960. >You flip it open and press the talk key, holding it to your ear with your shoulder
  961. "Corporal Anonymous, how can I help you?"
  962. >A decidedly concerned voice that you didn't recognize comes over the other end
  963. >"Mr. Anonymous, this is Dr. Elly Ross, from the hospital. Uh...where are you right now?"
  964. >You hardly hesitate to answer
  965. "I'm at home, cuddling with someone who was very hurt seeing me shot."
  966. >There's an uncomfortable pause before the doctor continues
  967. >"We need you to come back to the hospital, to make sure there's no complications."
  968. >You roll your eyes at generic excuse to get you back to the hospital
  969. "No can do, doc. You need me, I'll be at home with someone who ACTUALLY needs me."
  970. >Another pause
  971. >"But we need to give you your medication. I'm certain you can feel what we gave you wearing off already. Your metabolism is quite remarkable."
  972. >You had noticed a tightening in your guts, but you had figured it was just hunger
  973. "Well, just have someone bring them over, okay? I'm not leaving until I've not got a bunch holes in my guts."
  974. >A heavy sigh breaks over the line
  975. >"Fine. I'll send your sergeant over with your pills tomorrow. Make sure you do nothing too strenuous. And whether you agree or not, you'll be back here next week. Is that clear enough, Mr. Anonymous?"
  976. >You smile with the knowledge that you've won
  977. "You've got it doc. Have a nice day."
  978. >Without waiing for a response, you hang up the phone
  979. >The eggs are ready, so you take them out and put them on the waiting play
  980. >Then you turn off the stove, put the pan and spatula in the sink, and dig into your piping hot eggs
  981. >Over easy, just perfect
  982. >Derpy is still laying on your chest, breathing steadily
  983. >You look at her with metaphorical new eyes
  984. >She had been worried to an excessive extent when you were in the hospital, far more than just a friend would be
  985. >What did she consider you, a caretaker, a friend, someone who could be her lover?
  986. >But strangely, out of all those options, the most appealing one that you could think of was lover...
  987. >It had been a long time since you'd shared such feelings with anyone but Palmela Handerson and the internet
  988. >Maybe you could work through the differences of human and pony, and somehow work out a working relationship
  989. >You're snapped from your musing with a yawn
  990. >You could think about it in the morning, maybe even talk about it with Derpy
  991. >The idea of sleep draws you into the bedroom, carrying Derpy with you
  992. >You lay her down first after peeling the blankets back
  993. >You crawl in after her and take her in your arms
  994. >The warm, little pony curls into a tight ball, her own forelimbs holding your own hands in her belly
  995. >You kiss her behind the ear and whisper to her before you close your eyes
  996. "I love you, Derpy."
  997. >And with that, you nuzzle into her neck and fall gently into sleep
  998. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  999. >"Embedded in fertile plain, snared in pulp and stone..."
  1000. >Ah hell, it's too early to wake up
  1001. >"Confounded being emerges, surrounded yet alone"
  1002. >The the melody starts playing
  1003. >It's six in the morning, once again, says your brain
  1004. >Today is a Tuesday, which means the alarm is Be'lakor
  1005. >Fucking Australia
  1006. >You pull yourself away from the warm body of the little pony that was curled up next to you
  1007. >Oh, she must have crawled into bed with you last night
  1008. >What an adorable little pegasus she was
  1009. >You walk into the bathroom and do your daily mirror check
  1010. >I'd fuck me, you think to yourself as you look into the reflecting glass
  1011. >You notice you're still wearing your day clothes, gross
  1012. >You peel the jeans off first, then the shirt
  1013. >You pause after taking off the topwear and look at your belly
  1014. >Or to be more accurate, the bandages around your stomach
  1015. >Had something happened or...?
  1016. >It comes back in a rush, the raid, getting shot, waking up in, and subsequently escaping from, a hospital
  1017. >A twinge of agony shoots through your torso
  1018. >Shit, best to check it out now
  1019. >You unpin the bandage and slowly unravel it from your belly
  1020. >Soon enough, it's gone and showing the gauze underneat, medical taped over the approximate area of your kidney
  1021. >Only one though so, coupled with the blotchy bruising on the rest of your stomach, only a single  bullet had gone through the plate
  1022. >Two out of three wasn't bad, but better to only be bruised than shot
  1023. >You take off the gauze too, and check out the hole itself
  1024. >Rather, what was left of the hole
  1025. >The doctors had sealed it, it seemed., though they'd clearly had to cut you open to get inside you
  1026. >They'd left a scar but it was fine by you, you didn't need to be seeing your insides this early
  1027. >You turn around to check out the rear for any other damage
  1028. >Nothing, not even a patch of gauze
  1029. >So the thing had actually stopped in your guts which explained why they'd cut you open
  1030. >You wonder if it had fragmented in you and left something behind
  1031. >Oh well, it wasn't hurting too bad for now
  1032. >You wet down a cloth and wipe it under your armpits to wet them down
  1033. >You grab your loofa and put some soap on it after soaking it
  1034. >It wasn't a full on shower, but you couldn't get those stitches wet so a hobo bath it was
  1035. >It was over quick enough, there wasn't a hell of a lot to do for it
  1036. >With that taken care of, you walk back into the bedroom
  1037. >Derpy is still sleeping, though she's shivering as if she's cold, and twitching as well
  1038. >Well, you didn't have to go to work today so...
  1039. >You crawl back into bed and wrap your arms around the shuddering pony
  1040. >She stops almost instantly, her breathing returning to a normal rhythm and a content smile appearing on her face
  1041. >Before you nuzzle up to her and go to sleep, you wonder if she had ever been sleeping at all
  1042. >When next you waken, it's because you can't breathe
  1043. >You struggle against a weight that's holding you down, trying to smother you
  1044. >But then you feel a strange, warm pressure inside your mouth, moving about like a worm
  1045. >You finally wake up enough to focus on the thing that was holding you down
  1046. >It was...Derpy?
  1047. >You grab her by the sides of her head and pull her off, pinning her beaneath you as you roll over
  1048. "Derpy, what the hell?"
  1049. >She's wearing the look of a kid that's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but a grin that said "do what you must, I have already won"
  1050. >Your scowl deepens and she looks away, realizing that you weren't fooling about
  1051. "I asked you a question, dammit."
  1052. >Her mouth opens and closes several times before she answers in a stuttering, timid voice
  1053. >"I just...you looked so nice sleeping...and I wanted to..."
  1054. >She breaks down into tears, but you can piece together what she wanted
  1055. "Look, Derpy, I like you but I just don't know if I want that, okay? And even if I did, smothering me with a kiss when I'm sleeping. That just isn't cool."
  1056. >She turns away from you and keeps crying
  1057. >These aren't crocodile tears, she's actually distraught by your reaction
  1058. >You reach over and pet her mane, comforting her the same way you had the night before
  1059. >After a little while of your attention, she quiets down
  1060. >You roll her over to face you so you can talk to her
  1061. >Her eyes are bloodshot from crying and you can see the paths that the tears and mucous had taken coming out of her
  1062. >You stroke her cheek with your thumb and smile
  1063. "You're a very pretty pony, Derpy."
  1064. >She lets out a choked laugh and her frown twists into a small grin
  1065. >You take this as an affirmative sign and continue
  1066. "Derpy, I really care for you, honestly I do. But the thing is, I treat you so much like a daughter that it seems kinda odd to kiss you and...be intimate"
  1067. >Her crooked eyes look into yours, her face a stoic mask
  1068. >"Why can't you treat me like you would with another mare, Anon? I can be something more than somepony you treat like a daughter. I WANT to be that. Please?"
  1069. >Oh god, that face, that adorable voice trying so hard to be seductive but sound like a kiddy imitation
  1070. >But you couldn't deny that she was a very beautiful pony, her body sleek from years of flying all over Equestria, her golden eyes that would glisten in the sunset, her strange ability to be adorable as a kitten, but fuckable as a model
  1071. >You sigh, this was not going to make mum and dad happy
  1072. "Okay, Derpy, we'll give it a try. JUST light stuff for now, okay? So kissing is fine, cuddling is good, and we can curl up and watch movies and eat dinner together. Does that sound good to you?"
  1073. >Her face brightens in an instant and she wraps her forelegs around you
  1074. >"Oh thank you Anon! I promise I'll be the best special somepony that you could ever want and make you love me! Oh thank you thank you thankyou!"
  1075. >You cough and hug her back, a smile growing on your own face
  1076. >You had been in good relationships, bad relationships, and even absusive relationships, but this was your first relationship with a pony
  1077. >But you had a feeling that it would last
  1078. >And that felt good
  1079. >It's still fairly early, so you just hold her there and cuddle, until you're interrupted
  1080. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1081. >A knock at the door pulls you out of the warm, fuzzy stupor you'd entered
  1082. >Ah hell, who was that who dared to pull you away from the deliciously toasty cuddling under the covers
  1083. >You let Derpy go and move to the door to find the answer to your question
  1084. >You pull it open a crack, the chain still attached
  1085. >Oh, it was Kaidonovski
  1086. "Hey man, what's going on?"
  1087. >Kaidonovski was a cop back when he had lived in Russia, so he got in under some special program to widen the range of experience on the force
  1088. >He was a big, cheery man with a beard that barely stayed in regulations and a distinct taste for hard house music
  1089. >He grins before responding in his characteristic booming voice and thick accent
  1090. >"Anonymous, my friend! How are you feeling?"
  1091. >You can't help but smile back at the Russian giant, and you open the door fully after undoing the chain
  1092. "I'd be a lot better if you'd been first in the stack like you were supposed to."
  1093. >Your grin betrays the goodhearted nature of the little jab, and though his English wasn't the best, the visitor goes along with it
  1094. >"I look on the bright side, friend. If I were first in the stack, I would have been shot! The missus would not have been kind to me about that."
  1095. >You both burst out laughing, until you double over in pain
  1096. >"What is it, my friend? Perhaps it is atmosphere of the neighborhood, yes? It is worse than a Vladivostok slum here!"
  1097. >You shrug at the statement
  1098. "The rent's cheap, and no one's bothered me yet."
  1099. >You get another, violent bolt of agony through your stomach
  1100. "Ah shit, you got the meds there, mate?"
  1101. >He holds up a brown paper bag in front of your eyes
  1102. >"You think I come here to visit your terrible home? It smells like an old shoes in here."
  1103. >Suddenly, you hear a board creak behind you and a voice comes from your back
  1104. >"Nonny, who's that?"
  1105. >Oh shit, Derpy had decided to follow you out here
  1106. >But Kaidonovski just hears a feminine voice and winks at you before calling out to what he thought was just another woman
  1107. >"I am his friend delivering medicine for the pain. I am sorry to take up so much time."
  1108. >He winks at you before wishing you well and leaving, after leaving the meds inside
  1109. >You shut the door and turn to Derpy
  1110. >She's standing behind you, her crooked eyes bleary with tiredness, slumped against the wall
  1111. >You pick her up and cradle her like a baby
  1112. >She seemed to enjoy it, and it was easy for you to do
  1113. >She smiles and you kiss her forehead
  1114. "That was Kaidonovski, a fellow I work with. He was just dropping of the medication I need for my stomach."
  1115. >Speaking of...
  1116. >A twinge of pain shoots through your belly, reminding you that you actually had the meds for a reason
  1117. >You carry your little pony and the brown bag of pills and such into the kitchen
  1118. "Do you want anything to eat or drink while were in here, Derpy?"
  1119. >She shakes her head and then lays it on your chest
  1120. >God that was cute
  1121. >You pour a glass of water for yourself and take two pills from the bottle
  1122. >You pop the pills into your mouth and wash them down with the water you had poured
  1123. >It was morphine, so you figured it would be fast acting
  1124. >With that, you carry Derpy back to the bedroom and lay out on your bed
  1125. "Wanna watch something?"
  1126. >She shrugs, an odd motion for a pony you think
  1127. >Bloody indecisive pony
  1128. "Alright, let's watch a movie then. How does "Wreck-it Ralph sound?"
  1129. >She nuzzles against your chest like a kitten
  1130. >"Whatever you decide is best, Anon."
  1131. >Wreck-it Ralp it is
  1132. >You flick on the TV and turn over to your pirated Netflix
  1133. >It paid to have friends that could actually into stealing stuff from the cable company
  1134. >And it was American no less, so you had twice the selection you'd normally have
  1135. >You find what you're looking for and turn it on
  1136. >The Disney logo comes up, and you hear a tired Derpy comment on it from her position on your chest
  1137. >"That looks like Canterlot!"
  1138. >You can't help but smile, she is kinda right
  1139. >It gets to the first scene, showcasing all the arcade machines and she excitedly starts telling you about the time that she played on one in Ponyville
  1140. >The movie keeps playing, but you're distracted by Derpy's commentary
  1141. >It isn't annoying to you, you'd already seen this movie a dozen times or more
  1142. >The more she talks, the more you learn about what Equestria is really like
  1143. >And it really does sound like a utopia
  1144. >You're already starting to reconsider your decision for choosing option two
  1145. >Sure no sex would suck, but you'd be with your true waifu for as long as you two lived
  1146. >You can feel yourself tearing up thinking about it
  1147. >The movie has reached the part where Ralph smashes Venelope's car, so Derpy mistakes your crying for being triggered by that scene
  1148. >She nuzzles and kisses your neck, trying to distract you
  1149. >You rub against the top of her head in turn, drying your tears on her mane
  1150. >You notice that, as a line of warmth runs down your neck, she's crying too
  1151. >The movie continues, oblivious to the emotional reaction it's inducing
  1152. >It finally reaches its climax, the bugs invading Sugar Rush
  1153. >She shrieks when the first one appears from bellow the track
  1154. >As the scene continues, she clings ever tighter to you
  1155. >She lets out a confused 'huh' when Ralph starts destroying the volcano, and cheers when he beats Turbo/Candy King
  1156. >Then it hits her, what he's doing out of love for his friends, as Ralph plummets towards the volcano, repeating the BadAnon meeting
  1157. >She starts sobbing, and doesn't even stop when he gets rescued by Venelope
  1158. >The rest of the movie is lost in a blur of tears for her, and an onslaught of stroking and hugging for you
  1159. >And yet, through it all, the final spoken line of the movie tugs at your heartstrings enough to make your eyes hot
  1160. >"...because if that little girl likes me, how bad can I be?"
  1161. >The credits roll, and Derpy is still sniffling in your chest as you pet her
  1162. >The sun goes down and your room is engulfed in the darkness of a moonless night
  1163. >Your stomach is starting to twinge, so you get up
  1164. >Derpy keeps clinging to your body as you walk into the kitchen
  1165. >You take your pills again and look around the kitchen
  1166. >Your eyes stop on the box of muffins
  1167. >Perfect
  1168. >Derpy's head was still pressed against your chest
  1169. >You pop two muffins into the microwave and start it up
  1170. >She pulls herself away and looks in the direction of the cooking pastries
  1171. >"What's that, Anon?"
  1172. >You press her head against your chest again
  1173. "It's a surprise, no peeking."
  1174. >She gives your neck a playful nip
  1175. >"Meanie."
  1176. >You chuckle and tousle her mane
  1177. "I guess I am, aren't I?"
  1178. >She struggles in your arm like a little kid, so you let her down onto the floor
  1179. >She uses her good wing to propel herself onto the counter with a jump, and then onto the half-wall you're leaning on
  1180. >She looks at you with those big, crooked eyes and, before you can blink, kisses you
  1181. >You quickly respond by grabbing the sides of her face and pulling her into it more
  1182. >Your tongues colide and wrestle in an intimate display of love
  1183. >The beeping of the microwave interrupts your affectionate moment and you push her away to go collect the contents of the microwave
  1184. >Her face takes on an exagerated look of sadness and she follows you
  1185. >You withdraw the two muffins with grandeur that was worthy of a Legend of Zelda Item Catch
  1186. >Derpy's face instantly brightens and she propels herself with a jump and one wing just high enough to grab the muffin from your hand
  1187. >She munches happily on her prize and you take a bite of the muffin she hadn't grabbed
  1188. "Nice snag."
  1189. >She looks up at you, positively beaming at the even slight praise
  1190. >"Thanks Anon!"
  1191. >She mumbles it around a mouthful muffins and gets cuter by the second
  1192. >She finishes off the muffin and looks up at you with puppy dog eyes, begging for yours
  1193. >The effect is only slightly marred by her strabismus
  1194. >But in a way, it makes the gesture that much more adorable
  1195. >You roll your eyes and toss the pastry in the air above her
  1196. >She jumps for it like a seal after a fish, catching it in mid air
  1197. >You chortle and clap for her, to which she stands up on her hind legs, raising her hooves above her head to receive your applause
  1198. >Your morphine pills start kicking in and you yawn, kneeling down and extending your arms for Derpy to climb into
  1199. >She obliges you, kissing your neck as she settles in
  1200. >You bring her into the bedroom with you and, unceremoniously, toss her on the bed, careful to do it in a way that she doesn't slam onto her broken wing
  1201. >She lands and looks up at you with a wistful gaze
  1202. >Or is it seductive?
  1203. >Either way, you were too fucked to do anything tonight
  1204. >So you just grab her and spoon her, kissing her neck and cheeks occasionally
  1205. >She gives a contented sigh and says her final words before sleeping
  1206. >"Good night, Anon. And...I want you to know...I love you."
  1207. >You smile and boop her muzzle, silently laughing when she scrunches her face up
  1208. "I know. And you know, I was hesitant at first, I didn't know if it would work between us. But I think I love you too, Derpy."
  1209. >She sighs again, more a lovestruck one, and presses her face against your neck
  1210. >You curl around her much smaller frame and drift off as well
  1211. >An odd thought crosses through as you fall into the well of slumber though
  1212. >What will tomorrow bring for you?
  1213. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1214. >A crash echoes in your living room
  1215. >It startles you to wakefulness, and Derpy jumps in time
  1216. >You pet her mane to comfort her, listening to a whisper coming from outside your bedroom
  1217. >You gently push the little pony down and lean over the edge of your bed
  1218. >You take the shoebox you'd stored under there as a sort of 'in case of emergency' thing for this neighborhood
  1219. >You take the item stored within
  1220. >A weapon that was able to get you a longer sentence than what you did with it
  1221. >You load the hold-out pistol with hollow point rounds that you had modified yourself
  1222. >They were .32 ACP hollow-points that you had cut in such a way to resemble the banned "Black Talon" round
  1223. >And, of course, a teflon coating to make damn sure
  1224. >You take a small tube from the box and start twisting it over the barrel
  1225. >The final touch
  1226. >Not even the neighbors would hear you
  1227. >You step gently out of the bed, careful to make as little noise as possible
  1228. >You could hear the intruders clomping around, doing their best to remain silent
  1229. >Their best wasn't enough
  1230. >You don't hear Derpy get out of bed, but you feel her tug on your pantleg
  1231. >Once more, you give her a gentle push as emphasis to stay put
  1232. >Then you go and stand beside the door, preparing, mentally and physically, to rush out and teach whoever dared to intrude on your property a lesson in manners
  1233. >Three
  1234. >Two
  1235. >One
  1236. >You give the door a mighty kick and it flies open
  1237. >You follow it as it moves, your pistol up and made ready to fire
  1238. >The first ski mask goes down in the middle of his turn
  1239. >The second, a luchadore mask, gets his pistol halfway into an aiming position before his heart is neatly turned into so much paste
  1240. >A flash of light and a mighty roar echoes to your left
  1241. >You feel a lance of agony sear through your hip and into your pelvis
  1242. >The adrenaline ramps up further and you turn to the shooter
  1243. >A Japanese oni mask
  1244. >Even behind the mask, you can see his eyes widen
  1245. >He fumbles the action on his revolver and raises it once more
  1246. >Another draconic roar, and another burning line of pain, this one through your right lung
  1247. >You drop to your knees, panting from shock and the sudden loss of breath
  1248. >The adrenaline keeps most the pain away, and a strange red haze seems to glow around everything
  1249. >You still have enough wits about you though
  1250. With your left hand, you raise your own pistol at the demon
  1251. >Tick, tick, tick
  1252. >Three shots, textbook center of mass, remove a lung, his right kidney, the heart, and of course, his life
  1253. >As the monster collapses in a loose heap, you nearly follow, stopping just before you smash into the ground
  1254. >You hear the gallop of hooves as Derpy rushes over to you
  1255. >"Anon, Anon! What happened, are you okay?"
  1256. >Your smile, though bloody and twisted from pain, is genuine
  1257. >Here you were, bleeding onto the floor of your apartment, and she was asking if you were okay?
  1258. >You lower yourself to the floor and roll onto your back, running a bloodstained hand through her mane
  1259. "I'm okay, Derpy. Just need to lie down."
  1260. >Your voice is soft and hoarse, losing that lung had really messed you up
  1261. >A pounding comes at the door
  1262. >"This is police, open up the door, friend!"
  1263. >Dammit Kaidonovski, why'd you have to be the one to respond to this call?
  1264. >You hear the lock go to splinters and boots pounding the linoleum of the kitchen
  1265. >You raise your head, just in time to see the giant Russian jump around the corner, carbine raised, and stop when he sees you surrounded by three bodies and petting a magical pony
  1266. >The cold voice of memory echoes through your mind
  1267. >No one but you can know of her existence in this world
  1268. "Derpy, hide."
  1269. >She stays by your side, burying her face in your chest and crying her eyes out
  1270. >To his credit, the bearlike police officer barely reacts to Derpy's presence, instead opting to grab his belt-on first aid kit
  1271. >He sprinkles Quik Clot over the bullet holes, setting your side and hip on fire
  1272. >You let out a pained moan
  1273. >You know it's too late for that
  1274. >And too late for Derpy as well
  1275. >You feel her mane turn to something insubstantial
  1276. >You feel her pull away, hear her scream, and then smell an ashen scent on the breeze that has appeared from nothing
  1277. >Your sight is already gone, that can't be good
  1278. >And now, Derpy's gone too
  1279. >You cry as Kaidonovski picks up your body and sprints towards his squad car to get you to a hospital
  1280. >You cry for yourself, for the three intruders you just killed, for the giant that had tried to save your life, for the team you would be abandoning
  1281. >But most of all, you cry for the faithful, grey pegasus that had been at your side even as your breath shuddered and wheezed uselessly through your damaged pneumonics
  1282. >The beautiful pony that had held you when you cried over nothing, who had shared her warmth with you
  1283. >Derpy, loyal friend and companion in the cold nights
  1284. >And she had gone before you
  1285. >The road the car travels is slick with black ice
  1286. >Kaidonovski drives far too quickly, perhaps unknowing, perhaps uncaring
  1287. >A sharp bend, a slight oversteer, a great deal of overcorrection for the skid
  1288. >You feel your body take flight, an impact delaying your entry to the cold, bitter winds only momentarily
  1289. >The cold snow cradles your broken body, the ditch was deep and long
  1290. >White everywhere, you could see it even in your blindness
  1291. >The fire of your wounds dies painfully in the numbing bite of the wind and ice
  1292. >You know this is your last moment
  1293. >Alone, adrift in a sea of snow, ice, and wind
  1294. >You see the ghostly shimmer of a grey horse with a mane of spun daffodils and eyes of burnished gold
  1295. >A warm sensation engulfs your body, and a bright light fills your vision
  1296. >And then, all sights, all sensation
  1297. >All fades away, and you slip the tenuous grasp that life held on you, and you drift into the all becoming darkness
  1298. >Bone jarring impact, the taste of earth in your mouth, the musky smell of hot vegetation, the moist feel of dirt on your skin
  1299. >You spit the mud from your mouth and open your eyes
  1300. >Wait, how can you open your eyes?
  1301. >Wait longer, how the fuck are you thinking?
  1302. >That is you thinking, right brain? Right, okay it is
  1303. >Now onto the question of the hour, shouted at the top of your intact, healthy lungs
  1304. "What in the nine hells is going on?"
  1305. >You feel the ruffle of feathers on your shoulder and whirl about
  1306. >It's a small, purple unicorn
  1307. >No wait, those wings, that cutie mark...
  1308. "Twilicorn?"
  1309. >The creature seems unsure of how to respond to the question
  1310. >"Er, no. My name's Twilight Sparkle. Welcome to Equestria, Anonymous. We've been waiting for you."
  1311. >Wait what?
  1312. "Waiting for me? What do you mean?"
  1313. >Twilight paws the dirt with her hoof
  1314. >"Ever since ponies began disappearing we, that is the princess' and I, have been tracing each of the ponies' unique magical imprints. It seems they all go to your world in some way or another. All we can do is watch, though."
  1315. >She frowns and looks at the ground
  1316. >"Cadance was the first one to develop the spell. Me, Luna, even Celestia herself all were brought to your world. Maybe Cadance was too, she refuses to talk about anything relating to it."
  1317. >You scratch your head as she continues
  1318. >"Anyway, I saw your soul enter the Beyond but it just kinda...floated there, like it was lost. So I decided, given that you seemed to be a good fellow, to guide it towards Equestria, towards us. As soon as it arrived, I guess your old body assembled around it. I don't entirely understand it but with a few tests I'm sure--"
  1319. >You cut her off with a gesture
  1320. "Alright princess egghead, you've made your point. Now where's Ponyville?"
  1321. >Twilight growls at being interrupted, but begrudgingly points the way
  1322. >You take off at a dead sprint
  1323. >This was the day you had been waiting for ever since you'd discovered Friendship is Magic
  1324. >Oh man, you wish you could tell the guys on /mlp/ about this one
  1325. >After a short while, you arrive on the outskirts of the town, but you don't stop there
  1326. >Your erratic path takes you, in a roundabout manner, straight to the square
  1327. >And there she is sitting on the bench in her usual manner
  1328. >Lyra
  1329. >Her gaze meets yours and her jaw drops in disbelief
  1330. >You take on a more regal walk and move towards her
  1331. >Finally, you arrive in front of the shocked unicorn
  1332. "Hi there, my name's Anonymous."
  1333. >The hand you had extended to shake is grasped by desperate hooves and violently shaken
  1334. >"Ohmigosh I never thought I'd seen another human in my life! How did you get here? Where are you from? What's having hands really like?"
  1335. >You smile as she continues to chatter on excidedly, and you take a seat next to her
  1336. >She continues to assault you with inquiries, barely pausing to breathe let alone for you to respond
  1337. >But you feel an odd pressure on the back of your neck
  1338. >It's that same sensation that you feel when someone stares at you, that little sixth sense every person possessed
  1339. >You turn around, only to catch a fleeting glimpse of a grey blur rounding a corner
  1340. >A guilty pit forms in your stomach
  1341. >Lyra chatters away, completely oblivious to your discomfort
  1342. >You don't even hear her as you think to yourself
  1343. >That was Derpy, it had to be
  1344. >She had made it back to Equestria, and she had seen you with Lyra
  1345. >But Lyra was your waifu, how could you turn down a chance to be with her?
  1346. >Your heart makes it easy
  1347. "Lyra, stop."
  1348. >The dead tone in your voice makes her stop mid sentence
  1349. "Listen, when I was on Earth, I idolized you. You were the best thing that I had ever found. But I made a promise to another pony. I'd be glad to answer your questions, but not now."
  1350. >Without waiting for a response, you take off sprinting for where you had seen the grey blur flee
  1351. >Rounding the corner, you see nothing
  1352. >But then you hear it
  1353. >A heartwrenching sob
  1354. >Silently, you make your way towards where it had come from
  1355. >A pile of trash behind the building
  1356. >You round on it and find exactly what you were looking for
  1357. >A little mailmare named Derpy
  1358. >Her sobs stop when she sees you loom over her
  1359. >You smile like you would to a long lost friend and hold out a hand to her
  1360. >She moves stiffly, but places her own hoof in your hand
  1361. >With that, you pull her up and hug her
  1362. >She starts crying again, this time out of happiness
  1363. >And she isn't alone either, you think as your own cheeks moisten
  1364. >You pull her away and look into her eyes
  1365. >Those glistening, crooked eyes steal all meaning of time for you
  1366. >But you're yanked back to the present as the pegasus kisses you
  1367. >Soon enough, you're kissing her back, returning her passion with your own
  1368. >The kiss ends too soon, and yet leaves you happier than ever
  1369. >"Anonymous...I thought you were never coming back. And not to a crippled mare like me..."
  1370. >You smile and give her a gentle slap on the cheek
  1371. "Hey, I'll always come back. And you shut up about being crippled. You're strong and beautiful as any other mare."
  1372. >She smiles and nuzzles against your neck
  1373. >The sun is setting, painting the town bloody red
  1374. >You both look to the West and sigh contentedly
  1375. >"Hey Anonymous?"
  1376. >You look down at her, though she keeps staring at the suns path
  1377. >You can't tell because of the shading, but you could swear she's blushing
  1378. >"I...I love you, Anonymous."
  1379. >You smile warmly and kiss the top of her head, rubbing her back
  1380. "I love you too, Derpy."
  1381. >And so you both stare at the setting sun, enjoying the last warmth of the star, but enjoying the warmth of each other far more
  1382. >And in the end, isn't that what really matters?
derpy storytime anon safe

Anon von Bismarck: The War Within

by Clarissa

Will of Steel

by Clarissa

Adeptus Anonymous

by Clarissa

Klutz Anon

by Clarissa

Anon von Bismarck: The War Without

by Clarissa