A Steamy Affair - One Shot AKAME JAN 31ST, 2013


                                            >It's quiet.

                                            >Too quiet...

                                            >You pant heavily as you run through the forest.

                                            >Why did this have to happen to you?

                                            >You never asked for this!

                                            >"Anon~ Come out, come out wherever you are!"

                                            >You take cover behind a tree.

                                            >"Wanker, you gave away our position!"

                                            >Peering out from your cover, you see Twilight conversing with a tall Australian man on a hill.

                                            >"Sorry, I'm just so excited! With my brains and your marksmanship, there's no way we'll lose."

                                            >Twilight's expression becomes menacing.

                                            >"And then Anon will be all mine!"

                                            >She begins to jump up and down while shouting, much to the chagrin of her partner.

                                            >"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

                                            >You take this opportunity to escape.

                                            >Twilight's companion notices you fleeing and raises his gun.

                                            >His crosshairs center on your shrinking silhouette as his finger squeezes the trigger.

                                            >"Yes, yes-"

                                            >Twilight collides with his gun, throwing of the Sniper's aim.

                                            *Bang*

                                            >A clean miss, but you don't slow down, lest he take another shot.

                                            >"Bloody hell, you stupid p0ny!"

                                            >Twilight smiles apologetically.

                                            >"Heh, heh, sorry."


                                            >Ok, that's two down, ten left.

                                            >All you need to do is-

                                            *CLANG*

                                            "Uck-"

                                            >You clothesline yourself on an outstretched bat and fall to the ground.

                                            >"That was so awesome!"

                                            >Rainbow Dash squeals next to you.

                                            >"Yeah, well, what'd you expect from a awesome guy like me?"

                                            >You look up at the two speedsters standing over you.

                                            >"I knew we'd win, who could beat the fastest p0ny in all of Equestria?"

                                            >"Haha, yeah... After me."

                                            >"What?"

                                            >Rainbow looks at her Scout friend.

                                            >"Fastest... after me."

                                            >Rainbow snorts.

                                            >"What, you think you can outrace ME?!"

                                            >"Babe, I don't think, I know!"

                                            >You just sit and watch the conflict unfold above you.

                                            >"Let's settle this, right here, right now. Last one to the edge of the Forrest wins."

                                            >"O~hoho, you are gonna get OWNED!"

                                            >The two racers take their positions near a tree, with Dash performing the countdown.

                                            >"3... 2... 1... GO!"

                                            >The pegasus and the Scout sprint off, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

                                            >You stagger to your feet and resume your escape.


                                            >Only eight left.

                                            >You're about half of the way through the forest at this point.

                                            >Once you get back to Ponyville, you'll be safe.

                                            >Through the trees, you can see a small river flowing.

                                            >Feeling thirsty from your run, you decide to take a quick detour.

                                            *Gulp* *Gulp*

                                            >Ah~ That hit the spot!

                                            >You dry your face against your arm and replace your glasses.

                                            >once you can see clearly again, you see a beautiful woman standing on the other side of the river.

                                            >...

                                            >She's naked.

                                            >Oh my~

                                            >You look away, attempting to not make the situation awkward.

                                            >"Dear, are you alright?"

                                            >Glancing back at the woman-

                                            >SWEET CRYSTAL DRAGON JESUS TAKE THE SPACE WHEEL!

                                            >She's right next to you, breasts pressing against your chest.

                                            >You slowly back up, but she keeps her suppleness attached to you.

                                            >From the corner of your eye, you see a faint shimmer.

                                            >That can only mean...

                                            >A Frenchman suddenly appears next to you.

                                            >"Gentleman."

                                            >You look at the naked woman again.

                                            >With a puff of smoke, Rarity materializes and makes a kissing motion.

                                            >"Surprise."

                                            >This might be it for you.

                                            >Forever a slave to Rarity and her domination desires.

                                            >With no way out, you're met with a terrible fate.


                                            *Fshhhhhh*

                                            >"AHHH!"

                                            >"I appear to have burst into flame!"

                                            >The scenery burns around you as Rarity and her Agent Provocateur ignite.

                                            >Out of the bushes steps a psychotic creature with no remorse and a neverending desire to burn everything.

                                            >Skipping behind that is the friendly Pyro.

                                            >Rarity and the Spy run into the river in an attempt to put out the flames.

                                            *Sssssssssssssssss*

                                            >Steam rises as the duo stand in the water.

                                            >"Murr hurr mphuphurrur, hurr mph phrr."

                                            >"Mmph mphna mprh."

                                            *Fshhhhhh*

                                            >The burning buddies blast the spies with another burst of fire.

                                            >Which is immediately extinguished by the water.

                                            *Fshhhhhh*

                                            >The dance of ignite and extinguish never ends.

                                            >Using steam to hide from the crazies, you grab your trusty crowbar and sneak away.


                                            >You manage to reach the edge of the forest without any more complications.

                                            >The Apple family homestead looms on the horizon, meaning only one thing.

                                            *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

                                            >You dive behind a tree, narrowly avoiding the hail of firepower assaulting the area.

                                            >"Yee~ Haw!"

                                            >"P0ny up boys!"

                                            >"And just what *hic* is that supposed to mean?"

                                            >Applejack gives her Texan friend an offended look.

                                            >They both stare at each other before laughing.

                                            >Several beer bottles are dislodged from their resting place, smashing on the ground below.

                                            >A carpet of glass implies they've been drinking for some time.

                                            >"See! I knew if we waited *hic* Anon would come crawling to me!"

                                            >"We got 'Em!"

                                            >The Engi removes his hardhat and waves it around.

                                            >You sneak between the trees, avoiding the turret's field of vision and flanking it.

                                            >When you reach position, you strike.

                                            >With a few whacks of your mighty crowbar, the machine is broken and you make a mad dash toward Ponyville.

                                            >"Con' sarn it!"

                                            >Applejack takes another swig of her drink then smiles.

                                            >"Doesn't matter much. If just one of us catches the varmint, we all get him..."

                                            *Hic*


                                            >With the rest of the mane six behind you, all that remains is Fluttershy.

                                            >You skulk along the side of the road, watching for the yellow rapist.

                                            >There is a huge figure lumbering towards you.

                                            >You can hear the intimidating shouts from here.

                                            >"Ooohhhh, run, run, I'm coming for you!"

                                            >"Slow down, you buffoon!"

                                            >That didn't sound like Flutterrape...

                                            >"Uh oh! I think someone soiled diaper!"

                                            >"T-Trixie did no such thing!"

                                            >The Heavy Russian runs right past your hiding spot carrying a flabbergasted Trixie on his back.

                                            >Who knew she wanted you too?

                                            >As the unlikely pair rushes out of sight, you begin the journey to safety once again.


                                            >When you reach the outskirts of Ponyville, you step out of cover and sprint along the final stretch.

                                            >Big mistake.

                                            >Explosions rain down upon you as you cross the open field.

                                            >"Crocket!"

                                            >"Couldn' y'see the bloody bombs?"

                                            >Laughter fills the air, contrasting disturbingly with the never-ending *Boom*s.

                                            >You see Luna and Celestia standing atop buildings at the edge of the town.

                                            >This deal is getting worse all the time.

                                            >"SOON ANONYMOUS WILL BE OURS, DEAR SISTER!"

                                            >Luna bellows across the battle field.

                                            >"INDEED LITTLE SISTER, HE WILL PLEASURE ME WITH HIS HOT MONKEY DICK!"

                                            >"US, DEAR SISTER, HE WILL FILL "US" WITH HIS ENORMOUS GIRTH."

                                            >Celestia glares at Luna.

                                            >"WHY MUST WE SHARE EVERYTHING?! IF I WANT TO TORTURE ANON WHILE HE INJECTS HIS HOT COOM INTO ME, WHAT BUSINESS OF IT IS YOURS?"

                                            >Luna is taken aback by her sister's comment.

                                            >"GREAT SCOTTSMAN, DESTROY OUR SISTER'S SOLDIRE!"

                                            >"G.I. JANE, THIS IS WAR!"

                                            >The two explosives experts look at each other and shrug.

                                            >Then open fire.

                                            >...

                                            >On each other.

                                            >...

                                            >At point blank range.

                                            >Gibs shower the area as you enter town and make a run for the square.

                                            >You've almost won your freedom.


                                            >There it is!

                                            >Town square.

                                            >Once you reach the center, all these illusions will disappear and you can begin your normal, p0ny-rape free life.

                                            >When you reach the edge of the square, a yellow mass plows into you, knocking you over.

                                            *Sniiiiiiiif*

                                            >"Ah~h~h~"

                                            >Direct, isn't she?

                                            >You try to shove the clopping rapist off your chest, but she holds you down.

                                            >Grasping your trusty crowbar, you swing at the pegasus's head.

                                            >She glows red as your tool just bounces off.

                                            >Uh oh.

                                            >A few more whacks just hurt your hand causing you to drop the crowbar in frustration.

                                            >"Zis was doctor-assisted rape!"

                                            >You forgot the number one rule.

                                            >Always go for the Medic first.

                                            >And that's how you ended up:

                                            >Fucking Ubershy.