[FLUTTERRAPE] Prank Masters


                                            >As Fluttershy pulls her door to and hides her key under a painted rock, you watch from a cloud.

                                            >You've made sure to pull your prismatic tail in this time, as it often gives you away when spying on people.

                                            >Not that you'd ever call it 'spying'; you prefer 'unrequested observation'.

                                            >You're quite proud of that one, since you came up with it yourself.

                                            >Reading 'Daring Do' has done wonders for your vocabulary.

                                            >Your friend trots away, humming to herself as she goes, and you follow.

                                            >From a distance, it would look as though Fluttershy is being trailed by a cloud that's sprouted blue wings.

                                            >Some things you can't completely hide, but she doesn't seem to be any the wiser.

                                            >She doesn't pay much attention to her surroundings these days; she's too focused on her 'quest'.

                                            >The quest being the affections of a new resident that appeared with a flash and a bang in Ponyville Square a year prior.

                                            >Poor guy was terrified at the time, but by now he's managed to integrate with the rest of the town.

                                            >He wouldn't have had much trouble anyway; Ponyville is a lot more accepting of the weird and wonderful than most other places.

                                            >You've not had many chances to speak with him so far, but he seems fine enough.

                                            >Tall, lanky, can't fly; you can't say you see the appeal that Fluttershy does in him, but she seems to like him enough to want to pester him each day.

                                            >Frankly, you're intrigued, so you've taken to spying on her.

                                            >That is, observing her, unrequested.

                                            >Fluttershy skips along the path towards her destination, taking no notice of the cloud far above that's drifting apace with her.

                                            >She finally comes to a comfortable little home near Ponyville Lake and briskly knocks on the front door three times.

                                            >Moments later, it opens, and Equestria's only 'human being' steps outside and utters an exasperated groan.

                                            >You watch them interact with interest.

                                            >He seems completely fed-up with her, even though they've only been speaking for a few seconds.

                                            >Does she not get the hint?

                                            >You ponder this, even as the cloud you're sat on sinks slightly from some new added weight.

                                            >"You know, I should be surprised to find you stalking people, but the more I think about it, the more I understand how in-character it is for you.", a silky voice drawls in your ear.

                                            >With a roll of the eyes, you look away from the two figures below you and regard your new companion with a frown.

                                            "What do you want, Discord?", you ask the serpentine figure now apparently curled around you; his upper half on one side of you and his great tail coiled on the other.

                                            >"Now Rainbow Dash, that's no way to greet a friend, is it?" his tone sounds hurt, but there's a gleam in his eye.

                                            "Eugh, I don't care what Twilight says, you and me aren't friends; you're... I dunno. Creepy."

                                            >"Creepy! Well I never, and here I thought I was in the company of someone who understood the finer things in life."

                                            "Like what?"

                                            >"Like spying!"

                                            "It's not spying, it's--"

                                            >"You're right, you're right, that's too harsh a term. How about... unrequested observation?"

                                            >You blink, and allow yourself a slight smirk.

                                            "Heh, yeah, something like that."

                                            >He tents his elbows, resting his chin on his hands as he peers over the edge of the cloud.

                                            >"So! Fluttershy has taken a liking to Ponyville's monkey-man, has she?"

                                            "Looks that way, yeah," you say, joining him.

                                            >"Fascinating; and do we know why?"

                                            >You shrug as you watch the human make grand gestures with his hands, and Fluttershy shake her head in response.

                                            "Beats me. I guess she likes monkeys? You don't see a lot of them around here, so maybe she just likes exotic stuff."

                                            >"Well, if she wanted a monkey I could have easily sorted that out for her."

                                            >You hear a rush of magic, and a weight drops onto your back, prompting you to tense suddenly.

                                            >Glancing up, you see the upside-down face of an actual Capuchin monkey watching over you with curiosity.

                                            "...Right."

                                            >Discord chuckles.

                                            >"See? Our very own 'human'. I think he deserves a name, don't you?"

                                            "How about 'get off'?"

                                            >"Hrm, close, actually, very close. 'Get off', 'getoff', 'geoff'... 'Geoffrey'! I think that's a -perfect- name, Rainbow Dash, well done!"

                                            >'Geoffrey' scratches his armpit, then slides off your back and takes his place between yourself and Discord on his belly, watching over the lip of the cloud at the scene below.

                                            >"See? He's already a natural at unrequested observation; he's like the friend we never knew we needed."

                                            "So are you here for an actual reason, or just to mess with me?"

                                            >"Au contraire, my cerulean spy; I'm here to join in!"

                                            "What." you regard him with worry.

                                            >"Oh well, you know, sitting up here, soaking in the sun, watching Fluttershy try and fail to court someone. It's all rather amusing, don't you think?"

                                            "I wouldn't say that, more like..." you trail off.

                                            >He watches you with a grin.

                                            >"Come now, Rainbow, I know you well enough to know that you don't do anything unless you get some enjoyment out of it."

                                            "Alright, fine, I like spying on people. So what? It's not like it hurts them. I just like people-watching, you know? I like seeing what folks get up to when I'm not around."

                                            >"Ah, there it is."

                                            "What?"

                                            >"You're oh-so terribly narcissistic, aren't you?"

                                            "Nancy... No I'm not! I think?"

                                            >"It means self-absorbed, Rainbow; you should really read more."

                                            "Hey! I read!"

                                            >"What, children's books? Try and branch out a bit; you could do with a more, how do I put this, ostentatiously grandiose vernacular.", he says, waving a paw dismissively.

                                            "Yeah, well you could do with being less of a creep."

                                            >"Ouch; a stake to the heart, my little Dashie."

                                            >You shudder involuntarily.

                                            "No, -never- call me that again."

                                            >"Oh ho ho, I think I'll dog-ear that one; might be useful later."

                                            "Whatever," you turn your attention back to the two below you.

                                            >The human is shouting now, though you can't really hear the words being said.

                                            >Fluttershy remains steadfast in the face of it, and a part of you admires her courage.

                                            >There was once a time when shouting would cause her to run away crying.

                                            >She's come a long way, even if that means she's now fruitlessly trying to seduce an alien.

                                            >"How embarrassing for her; I meant to ask, does he have a name, our human? I haven't really cared to find out."

                                            "Oh, it's 'Anonymous'. Folks call him 'Anon'."

                                            >"Anonymous, eh? A bit of a contradiction, but amusing all the same."

                                            "I just don't get it."

                                            >"Hm? Well his actual name is a word to describe a lack of--"

                                            "No not that, mean him personally. I dunno, what's the appeal?"

                                            >"That? Hm," he watches the human for a few moments, "I can certainly see plenty of things he's got going for him, but then again my kind are generally more open-minded than you ponies."

                                            >You look at him askance.

                                            "Your 'kind'?"

                                            >He smiles at you warmly.

                                            >"You didn't really think I was the one-and-only, did you?"

                                            "There's... -more- of you?"

                                            >"Well, I should clarify, none so majestic as I, but yes, there are more of my kind; of creatures born of Chaos."

                                            "Well where are they all? Did they get turned to stone as well?"

                                            >"Ha! Definitely not, they're far less adventurous and prone to thrill-seeking as I. But oh, they're here and there, hidden away in pocket dimensions and under mountains. I do try to visit them on occasion but they're always so busy doing everything and nothing."

                                            "Do they all look like you?"

                                            >"Not at all; each and every one of us is unique, no two look the same. Some have more owl in them, others more snake. My point is that when you come from a species that derives its characteristics from every other creature, you learn to see the beauty in just about everything."

                                            >You blink dumbly.

                                            "You. See beauty."

                                            >"Of course I can see beauty!" he says with surprising indignation, "There's beauty in everything, Rainbow Dash! There's beauty in this cloud, in that tree, in Geoffrey here--"

                                            >Geoffrey grunts.

                                            >"--All things are beautiful, even that weird monkey-man down there."

                                            >You give him a long look, then let out a drawn out "Hhhuh."

                                            >"So, when Fluttershy finds herself attracted to him, I understand completely."

                                            >His mouth twists back into its familiar, unnerving smile.

                                            >"Especially since it means I can exploit this vulnerability."

                                            >You narrow your eyes at him.

                                            "Woah, you're not laying a paw on her--"

                                            >"Oh shush, I don't mean to hurt her. Simply... 'inconvenience', is all."

                                            >He gives you an expectant look, but you don't catch on.

                                            >A moments pause, and he shuffles closer to you, sandwiching Geoffrey between you both; Discord's tail, which was still curled around you, squeezing you closer still.

                                            >"How about you and I have a little fun, hm?"

                                            "Uhh, ha ha, ahh," you laugh nervously and feel your cheeks flush, "l-look, I know you were just going on about beauty and all, but I -really- don't see you that way--"

                                            >"Oh get your mind out of the gutter, Rainbow, I was talking about -pranks-."

                                            >You cock your head.

                                            "Pranks...?"

                                            >"Yes! Pranks! Come now, you've heard -that- word at least before, haven't you?"

                                            >You push his chest away with a hoof to give yourself space with a huff.

                                            "Of -course- I know what pranks are, you're looking at Ponyville's Master Pranker!"

                                            >He emits another chortle, this one less malevolent and more playful.

                                            >"-Very- good, well then, Miss Rainbow 'Master Pranker' Dash, would you like to join me on some purely-benevolent escapades?"

                                            "What did you have in mind, exactly?"


                                            >Fluttershy is sat in a bush, watching Anonymous.

                                            >You in turn, are sat on your cloud watching her.

                                            >Discord is once more curled up next to you.

                                            >You wish he would stop, but you can't deny that his fur is rather comfortable.

                                            >He's like a long, firm noodle-pillow, in a way.

                                            >Geoffrey is sat on your back, munching on a banana.

                                            "What do you think she's doing?"

                                            >"Well from the way she's reciting lines over and over again, it looks like she's preparing a speech of sorts."

                                            "Huh; she's not the best speaker in the world, so I don't think that's the greatest idea."

                                            >"You're absolutely right, I was just thinking the same thing," Discord nods.

                                            >His head lowers next to yours with a devilish smile.

                                            >"How about we lend her a helping hoof?" he says, snapping two talons.

                                            >Fluttershy nods to herself and steps out of the bush, heading towards Anon, who is sat on a bench in the park reading.

                                            >The pony stands before him, and he lowers his book.

                                            >You can see the disapproval on his face clear as day.

                                            >Fluttershy takes a deep breath, and--

                                            >"HONK."

                                            >You do a double-take.

                                            "Did... she just honk?"

                                            >"You know," Discord nods slowly, then gives you a lopsided smile, "I rather think she did."

                                            >"HOOOOONK! HOOONK? HONK HONK HONK HONK--"

                                            >Anonymous is obviously terrified at the pegasus' raw display of primal dominance.

                                            >Fluttershy, who doesn't appear to realise that anything is wrong, continues honking at him.

                                            >She then unfurls her wings and starts biting at his shins.

                                            >The human scrambles away from her, and she gives chase, pursuing him around the park and flapping her wings at him as she goes, like an overly-territorial swan.

                                            >Eventually the human flees the scene, and Fluttershy waddles, actually waddles, back to the park bench.

                                            >There, she curls up where the human once was, and honks at passing ponies, whom give her a wide berth.

                                            "That was... awful."

                                            >You slowly feel the sides of your mouth curl up.

                                            >Discord watches this with a satisfied smirk.

                                            >"But...?"

                                            "...What else can we do?"


                                            >Fluttershy wipes her forehead and climbs out a freshly-dug pit.

                                            >You check your stopwatch from atop your cloud.

                                            "Wow, that only took her like an hour. I'm seriously impressed-- did you know she could do that?"

                                            >"It would seem that love is a powerful motivator, not that we needed any more evidence of that, following the Canterlot fiasco." Discord drones.

                                            "The what?"

                                            >"That whole Changeling business that ended with a bang on account of that pretty pink princess and Sparkle's brother."

                                            "You... were a statue during that, though."

                                            >"Yes, Rainbow Dash, I was," he gives you a hard look, "and I was watching the whole thing."

                                            "...You were aware, as a statue?"

                                            >His eyes narrow at you as the true implication of his imprisonment partly at your hooves sets in.

                                            "O-oh." you say quietly.

                                            >"A very big 'oh'. Still; happy thoughts, Rainbow Dash, happy thoughts."

                                            >He turns back to watching Fluttershy.

                                            >"Now, what can we do with a big hole in the ground?"

                                            >You tap your chin with a hoof, then grin.

                                            "Got it."


                                            >Anonymous bounds along the beaten path on his routine jog.

                                            >He rounds the corner, heading down the route with a determined look.

                                            >You watch, amused, as he runs right over the dusty, tan-coloured sheet that had been laid out to obscure the hole.

                                            >He harmlessly passes over it, and continues on his run.

                                            >"Part one," Discord mutters.

                                            >After Anon departs, Fluttershy emerges from a nearby tree-canopy, scratching her head with a hoof in confusion.

                                            >She scowls at the pit, and pokes the sheet a few times.

                                            >It doesn't give, so she she steps onto it, frowning at its lack of response.

                                            >Then, she jumps once to test it, and promptly screams as it collapses inward.

                                            >"Part two," Discord says again, and firmly bumps a curled fist against your eagerly waiting hoof.


                                            >Fluttershy sucks in a deep breath as she psyches herself up before knocking on Anon's door.

                                            >She's holding a box, and Discord watches it with interest.

                                            >You, currently stroking Geoffrey, who is lounging up on your lap enjoying the attention, point your free hoof at the box.

                                            "A gift?"

                                            >"More than likely." responds your eldritch companion, "The question is what it might be."

                                            "Ooor, maybe, what it -should- be."

                                            >He smiles at you, sweetly.

                                            >"Or, should -be-."

                                            >You both turn back to the scene below, as Fluttershy excitedly tears the lid off her box to show her gift to Anon.

                                            >Then screams as a cloud of bees emerges, much to the terror of both she and the human.

                                            >He immediately slams the door shut, leaving Fluttershy outside to be chased around the neighbourhood by a swarm of agitated insects.

                                            >You and Discord both share a laugh as she hurls herself into the nearby lake to evade them.

                                            >She emerges with a merry frog on her head, spitting out water and scowling once more.


                                            >Fluttershy carefully flies over the houses of Ponyville, clutching something against her chest.

                                            >She comes to a stop on a thatched roof, settling down gingerly and looking again at her bottle.

                                            >You and Discord watch from up high.

                                            >"What are we working with, Dash?"

                                            "Uhh, not sure?" you adjust your binoculars to try and focus in a bit more, "a glass bottle, full of purple stuff."

                                            >Discord rubs his chin.

                                            >"And Anonymous is down there at the restaurant, enjoying a drink." he clicks his tongue, "Ah, I think I might know what that is."

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"Possibly a love potion; that would explain the trip to Zecora's hut earlier."

                                            "Ooh, yeah yeah," you nod along with him, "so what, she's gonna try and spike his drink?"

                                            >"A bold move, considering how many ponies are around, but not unexpected at this point."

                                            >Fluttershy, sure enough, watches Anonymous.

                                            >He folds his newspaper, sips his drink, then stands up and sets the newspaper down on his seat as he wanders off inside the restaurant.

                                            "Oof, bad move; you never leave your drink unattended."

                                            >"Oh? Is that a cardinal rule amongst ponies?"

                                            "If you've ever been to a club, you know what you do and don't do."

                                            >"A quiet little eatery in a lazy town like Ponyville is hardly a club, Rainbow Dash."

                                            "Eh, the rules are universal; don't leave drinks unattended."

                                            >On cue, Fluttershy drifts down from her place atop the house she was perched on and uncorks the bottle.

                                            >Then pours all of it into the drink; a nearby patron gives her an odd look as she does so.

                                            "Sheesh, would you like some coffee with your love potion?"

                                            >"That's... rather a lot; more-so than is necessary. Love magic mustn't be trifled with, any pony knows that."

                                            "So what can we do?"

                                            >Discord gives you a knowing smile.

                                            >"As I said; any -pony- knows not to trifle with it," he states raising his paw, which begins radiating with a strange pinkish-gold luminance.

                                            >Fluttershy rushes to an unoccupied table across from Anon's and picks up a newspaper of her own, hiding herself behind it.

                                            >Anon returns from whatever he was doing inside the building and sits back down, picking up his drink.

                                            >He takes a long drink, then pulls back slightly and frowns at his cup.

                                            >Fluttershy hurls her newspaper to one side and leaps before him, a huge grin on her face.

                                            >Anonymous stares at her, not sure what to say.

                                            >She doesn't say anything either, and just waits as though waiting for something to happen.

                                            >Eventually, the patron who had watched her earlier, a young earth pony, slides off her own chair and approaches the two.

                                            >You see her speak to Anonymous, gesturing a hoof at Fluttershy, then at his drink.

                                            >Discord chuckles darkly, and you notice that both his paw and claw are occupied, weaving and moulding the same colourful energy as before.

                                            >You nod at it.

                                            "What -is- that?"

                                            >He doesn't take his eyes off the scene, his hands continuing to work away at the malleable colours.

                                            >"Trifling," he says simply.

                                            >As Anon watches the new mare, Discord seems to release the energy, and it leaps from his hands at a lightning speed, arcing towards Anon.

                                            >You watch it enter the human's body, and he shudders somewhat.

                                            >Then, he breaks out in a smile, and kneels down to shake the mare's hoof, finishing by giving it a small kiss.

                                            >The mare appears flustered, and the two start chatting, completely ignoring Fluttershy.

                                            >You blink and look at your companion.

                                            "What did you do?"

                                            >"Aha, well, love potions typically cause the person drinking them to become infatuated with the first person they see," he nods at Anonymous and the mare, who are now deep in excited conversation, "I merely held the effect at bay for a little while."

                                            >He cracks his knuckles and flexes his lion paw, gazing at it curiously.

                                            >"I must say, that was a lot of work though. Love is a strange thing..."

                                            >Anon and the mare wander away from the restaurant, walking down the street together chatting and full of smiles.

                                            >Fluttershy watches them go, dumbfounded.

                                            >She then swears at the top of her lungs, and the establishment's owner asks her to leave.


                                            "I can't believe she's actually about to do this."

                                            >Fluttershy watches Anon and his new marefriend from a distance as the aforementioned two lay out a picnic together under a tree.

                                            >The human tells a joke, and the mare laughs, gazing at him fondly.

                                            >Fluttershy fumes.

                                            >Discord, allowing Geoffrey to swing about on one of his horns, nods.

                                            >"Yes, she seems rather upset, doesn't she?"

                                            "Shouldn't we stop her? I mean, there's gotta be a limit to all this, it looks like she's about to kill that pony."

                                            >"Loathe as I am to admit it, I suppose in this instance we should take steps to avoid further madness. Very well, my little Dashie, let's put a stop to all this."

                                            "I told you not to--"

                                            >You are cut short as you are suddenly spirited away from your cloud.

                                            >After a harrowing vision of the space between worlds, you re-emerge.

                                            "...Call me... that..."

                                            >Shake your head and totter about somewhat as you get used to your new position on the ground.

                                            >Discord strides forth towards Fluttershy, who has her back to you still watching Anon.

                                            >In his arms, Discord is affectionately stroking Geoffrey.

                                            >You trot hastily to catch up and accompany him closely, clearing your throat.

                                            "Fluttershy!"

                                            >She turns in shock and sees yourself and Discord stood watching her.

                                            >Yourself with a frown, Discord with a characteristic smirk.

                                            >Geoffrey, munching a peach.

                                            >The mare looks between the two of you, "What, um, what are you both doing here?"

                                            "Look, Shy, you really need to stop this."

                                            >"Stop what?" she says somewhat defensively.

                                            "This," you point at Anon, "he's not gonna go for you, Shy; give it up."

                                            >The pony watches you for a moment, then shakes her head in annoyance.

                                            >"No, Rainbow, I-I don't care if ponies think it's weird, I want him--"

                                            "No one thinks its weird, Shy, we just want you to see when to cut your losses and let something go. Come on, he's not been responding well to anything you've been doing; give it up."

                                            >"Well how would you know? Have you been watching me, o-or something?"

                                            "I, uh--"

                                            >Discord steps forward, armed with a monkey.

                                            >"What Rainbow Dash is -attempting- to say is that you have failed to recognise Anonymous' repeated repudiations of your laughable advances for what they are: rejections. You have been rejected, Fluttershy. The object of your desire does not want you, and if you are to continue living happily you need to accept this and move on. Your lack of the gravitas and raw magical talent needed to bend him to your whims will forever leave you absent of his affections, now shut up, stop being a dunce, and have a monkey."

                                            >He under-arm tosses Geoffrey towards Fluttershy, and she instinctively moves to catch him in her hooves, a bewildered expression on her face.

                                            >She gazes down at Geoffrey, who reaches up with a small hand and tugs on her nose playfully.

                                            >As he does so, the monkey's paw briefly shines with a golden light, and Fluttershy's eyes reflect it.

                                            >The mare blinks at him a few times, then slowly smiles.

                                            >"W-well hello there, little one! Do you... not have a home?"

                                            >The monkey shakes his head, and Fluttershy's wings unfurl as she gasps.

                                            >"Oh no-- that won't do! I-I have a home you can stay at! Don't you worry, I'll make sure you're well looked after, come on, let me show you your new home!"

                                            >With that, she takes flight and heads towards her cottage, the monkey in her clutches.

                                            >He watches you over Fluttershy's shoulder as he goes, and waves.

                                            >You and Discord wave in response as the two figures retreat into the distance.

                                            >Turning to Discord, you tilt your head back to look up at him.

                                            >He smiles down in his usual manner.

                                            >"There we are, all sorted."

                                            "No way it was that easy."

                                            >"Oh, I think you'll find that most problems in life can be sorted by throwing monkeys at them. Versatile creatures, don't you know. Magical, in a way."

                                            >He looks about him and nods approvingly.

                                            >"A job well done, Rainbow Dash. We got a good laugh at Fluttershy's expense, started a beautiful relationship founded on an alchemical lie, and possibly prevented a murder. All things considered, I'd say this was a fun week."

                                            >You grin at him.

                                            "Yeah, you're not all that bad, I guess." you give him a genuine smile, "It was fun hanging out, Discord."

                                            >"No need to say it with such finality, Rainbow; we'll be seeing each other again soon. I trust you'll be up for another pranking spree at some point in the future? Possibly involving a man and a mare who may or may not currently be having a picnic under that tree over there?" he looks pointedly at Anon.

                                            >You giggle and nod.

                                            "Sounds like fun; I'll see you around then?"

                                            >"You certainly will, my little Dashie."

                                            >Before you can retort, he's gone in a flash.

                                            >With nothing else left for you here, you take off into the sky, banking towards Sweet Apple Acres in search of a nice, comfortable apple tree to take a nap in.

                                            >As you drift along, the warm air currents under your wings carrying you and ruffling your feathers, you purse your lips in thought.

                                            >Then, finally.

                                            "Aww crap, he totally messed with her brain, didn't he."


                                            The End.