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[FLUTTERRAPE] Demon Swords and Dark Overlords

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 16:46:05
Updated: 2021-07-03 08:51:01
Expiry: Never

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: December 3rd, 2012
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. A wonderful person by the name of "Baratone" narrated this story.
  5. Providing that Vocaroo links can stand the test of time, here is the entire story read in a truly wonderful voice.
  6.  
  7. I love this man. And so should you.
  8. ---
  9.  
  10.  
  11.  
  12. You can find more of Baratone's amazing work here:
  13. http://pastebin.com/zpqW4fYc (Props to Domino for hosting the list).
  14.  
  15. Baratone's Tumblr can also be found here:
  16. ---
  17.  
  18.  
  19. >Day Darkness in Equestria
  20. >Arise from your deep slumber
  21. >Throw off the covers and stand up
  22. >Stretch and go over to your bathroom mirror
  23. >Stroke your chin and muse for a while
  24. >Stare at the fully covered metal hulk looking back at you
  25. >Yeah. You should stop sleeping in your armour.
  26. >Can't take it off, though. Ponies will get you
  27. >Shit Shave Shower
  28. >By that you mean shit your pants, smear shaving cream all over your visor and wash it off with water under a showerhead
  29. >Stomp downstairs, making sure to grab your trusty weapon from the coat hanger: Karamesh - Fury of the Dark Gods
  30. >Sling the mighty blade over your shoulder and walk out the door
  31. >Look around your front garden and observe your neighbour, Bon Bon
  32. >Point the blade at her
  33. TREMBLE BEFORE ME, WHELP. A NEW AGE OF SUFFERING AWAITS YOU AND YOUR MISBEGOTTEN KIND.
  34. >"That's nice, dear. Have a great day!
  35. Y-you too.
  36. >Walk through your picket fence and march into Ponyville
  37. >Ponies go about their lives as normal
  38. >They pay you no mind
  39. >It hurts a little
  40. >You put a lot into your image, and yet all they do is smile and wave when you address them
  41. >Back on Earth you were the ruler of all you saw
  42. >Entire legions of men fell at your feet and you commanded the blackest of magics bestowed to you by the gods you so feverently worshipped.
  43. >Here you would be lucky to scare a foal
  44. >Sigh and march on
  45. >It just gets so frustrating, you know? To go from so much to so little in such a short amount of time
  46.  
  47. >Be Anon, the Bane of Mankind.
  48. >Wake up in a strange new land after that foolish Paladin dared to harm you
  49. >Look around
  50. >Peaceful green countryside, see a village
  51. >He merely teleported me to some quiet place, possibly so he could take the fortress.
  52. >He will meet his end soon enough, but first, these villagers shall provide good sport
  53. >Grasp your trusty blade and run into town screaming at the top of your lungs
  54. >Notice that all the villagers are now small horses
  55. >Don't care. Need blood.
  56. >Charge at a purple one near a tree who's reading a book
  57. >The ground cracks and trembles at your feet and your blade howls in anticipation of coming slaughter
  58. >Swing the blade at it's head
  59. >It stops dead in it's tracks, frozen by a purple aura
  60. >The horse sips it's tea and puts down the book
  61. >"Good morning, Sir! My name is Twilight Sparkle. What's yours?"
  62. I AM ANON, DESTROYER OF HOPE AND ALSO YOUR RECKONING.
  63. >"Great! Welcome to Ponyville. I'd be happy to show you around!"
  64. >She picks you up with more magic, with you powerless to do anything about it, mainly because you're just so damn confused
  65. >"This is the library, where I live. You can come to me if you need any help with anything."
  66. >You both phase out of existence and reappear somewhere completely new
  67. >"This is Sweet Apple Acres, and that's Applejack! Hey Applejack!"
  68. >She waves at another horse wearing a hat
  69. >"Howdy, Twilight! New friend?"
  70. >"Yep! AJ, this is Anon. Destroyer of Hope and also my Reckoning"
  71. >"He's gonna destroy your reckoning? What's a reckoning?"
  72. >"I'm not sure what he meant either. But he seems nice, don't you agree?"
  73. >AJ looks at you
  74. >You're dressed from head to foot in Obsidian-black armour, crafted from the bones of fallen demons and enriched with the most powerful magics in the land. The blade in your hand is still screaming for blood and arcs of red lightning dance all over your armour
  75. >"Eeyup, he sure does! Welcome to Ponyville, Anon!"
  76. >By the 15 fabled gods. You're in hell.
  77. >"Well, I'm gonna go show him around some more. Bye, Applejack!"
  78. >You phase again and materialise in front of a small cottage
  79. >"This is Fluttershy's house. She's so sweet!"
  80. >Twilight knocks on the door
  81. >It opens and another small horse is there.
  82. >This one is yellow with pink hair
  83. >It sickens you more than the others, though you're not sure why.
  84. >"H-hello... Twilight. O-oh my~! What is that?"
  85. >"This is Anon! Destroyer of my Reckoning. He's new around here."
  86. >"Oh..."
  87. >Fluttershy looks at you
  88. >She bats her eyes and bites her lip
  89. >Is she having a seizure?
  90. >"Well, Mister. If you ever need anything... You can stop on by. I'd be happy to umm..."
  91. >She licks her lips
  92. >"Help you"
  93. >That Paladin will suffer for all of eternity when you get back
  94. >Just then you and Purple Hoss phase yet again.
  95. >Now you're inside a shop surrounded by cakes
  96. >Before Magenta Equine can speak you're assaulted by a Pink thing
  97. >Unable to wave your sword around or scream, you float hopelessly beside Twilight, powerless to stop this hellspawn
  98. >"Hi there!"
  99. >You can't answer, so Twilight does for you
  100. >"This is Anon! Destroyer of something. He's new"
  101. >The pink one's eyes light up at the word "new" and she dissappears with a gasp, leaving you alone.
  102. >The gods smile upon you this day
  103. >"Typical Pinkie"
  104. >You pop around a few more times
  105. >You get insulted by a blue horse
  106. >Covered in fabric by a white horse
  107. >Prodded by 3 little horses
  108. >Dragged into a building and given a house
  109. >Before you know it you're sat in what is now your "living room" staring dazed at the wall on your sofa which is far too small
  110.  
  111. >Back to the present
  112. >It's hard to be taken seriously around here.
  113. >You just don't know what it is that makes people so uninterested in you
  114. >The most attention you've got since you were here is at a "party" that the pink thing hosted in your honour
  115. >You thought it was the start of your new reign as ruler of these creatures, but it turns out everyone gets one.
  116. >Stomp into Ponyville, making sure to wilt as many flowers with your presence on the way past
  117. >Suddenly your blade speaks up
  118. >It's changed since it came here with you
  119. >It used to be a fountain of wisdom and knowledge from the gods themselves
  120. >Its whispers helped you topple kingdoms and slay enemies you never dreamed of besting
  121. >It was your greatest ally in the war against good, as long as you kept it's lust for blood satiated
  122. >Recently though, it's been getting more... Desperate
  123. >"Anon. Man, seriously. I need blood, bro. Just a little bit of blood, that's all!"
  124. Not gonna happen, Karamesh.
  125. >"Pleeease? Just kill one of the little ones, That'll do me for like, a day. I promise"
  126. Nope.
  127. >"Why not? We used to kill so many men a day. I never went hungry!"
  128. You got fat. You could do with a diet
  129. >"I'M A FUCKING SWORD"
  130. You're a lesser titan trapped within a sword.
  131. And I'm not killing anything
  132. >"What happened to you man? You used to take on entire armies by yourself. You once raised a dragon from the dead just so you could kill it again, you remember that?"
  133. Yeah. I remember...
  134. >"Well what happened?"
  135. >Sigh as you pass a group of waving ponies
  136. >Give a half-attempted wave back at them
  137. I gave up
  138. >"You what?"
  139. You heard me. What's the point, Karamesh? I'm an overlord with nothing to oversee. A dark lord with no lordship. A king with no kingdom... I'm a failure of a tyrant
  140. >"Now you listen to me, Anon. Don't talk like that. It's this world, man. It's making you talk crazy. It would be so easy to just raze this village to the ground, then we'll find whoever's running the place and topple them, you know? Take over this world. Earth was boring anyway. We can start anew here!"
  141. I don't know... Seems kinda pointless
  142. >"How is it?"
  143. I used to give men heart attacks just by looking at them. Here, i'm dressed in my legendary battle armour and they don't even bat an eyelid. They don't even pay any attention to you.
  144. >"R-really?"
  145. Yes. Really. Not one person has commented on you
  146. >"That's harsh. All the more reason to make them fear us. Come on, Anon. Today's the day. Let's level this place."
  147. No.
  148. >"Why."
  149. >Murmur something
  150. >"What was that?"
  151. I said I like it here. It's peaceful. It's... Nice... And I think our neighbour might have a thing for me
  152. >"The green one with the crazy eyes?"
  153. Yeah, her.
  154. >"Don't touch it, man. She's got crazy eyes"
  155. You really need some blood
  156. >"I REALLY NEED SOME BLOOD PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME PLEASE"
  157. >The demon starts crying
  158. >You stroke the blade and shush it
  159. There there, Karamesh... There there...
  160. >"Umm, A-Anon? Are you t-talking to your sword?"
  161. >Oh gods not again
  162. >Turn around to see Fluttershy looking at you
  163. Uhh. No?
  164. >"O-oh... Sorry. I thought I just heard you call it Karamesh... Are swords your fetish?"
  165. >Yes
  166. No.
  167. >"Ok... So uhh, do you want to pillage me? You know you want to!"
  168. >She turns around and presents herself
  169. >The Dark lord of all Mankind squeals like a girl
  170. That's disgusting
  171. >Fluttershy faces you again
  172. >"Well umm. What is your fetish?"
  173. Why would you even ask anyone that.
  174. >"S-so I can... you know... umm..."
  175. >She starts mumbling and stammering
  176. >You make out the words "Hot" and "Dick" somewhere
  177. >This is getting too uncomfortable, even for your tastes. And you once tortured an orphan just to make him cry.
  178. I'm gonna go now, Fluttershy.
  179. >"Please don't go..."
  180. >She grabs one of your shoulder spikes
  181. Get off me!
  182. >As commanded, your dark armour sends a bolt of red energy coursing into her
  183. >She screams and falls to the floor, twitching slightly
  184. >Notice a wet patch between her sprawled legs
  185. >Fuckin' horse.
  186. >Walk into the middle of town and start thinking of things to do
  187. >The Pinkie Pie sells good food, you could try her
  188. >Karamesh recovers from his emotional rollercoaster ride
  189. >"What did I miss?"
  190. Fluttershy.
  191. >"Did you kill her?"
  192. You would have noticed if I'd have killed something
  193. >"I dunno. I'm getting weaker by the day. This morning I couldn't feel my arms"
  194. You don't have arms. You're a sword.
  195. >"FUCK YOU I NEED BLOOD"
  196. >It starts screaming again
  197. >Glad you're the only one that can hear it
  198. >Don't want to cause a scene
  199. >Head on over to Pinkie Pie to get something to eat
  200. >Listen to Karamesh scream and whine the whole way
  201. >It's sad to hear your only friend lose his sanity
  202. >Come to think of it, was he ever sane?
  203. >You think about this on your way inside Sugarcube Corner
  204. >"Hi, Anon! Want something to eat?"
  205. Sure
  206. >"DESTROY HER, PLEEEEASE!"
  207. Shut up, Karamesh
  208. >"Who?
  209. Nothing
  210. >"Well if you want anything, you're gonna have to do the thing!"
  211. Please don't make me.
  212. >"No cupcake if you don't!"
  213. >Sigh
  214. >Point at her
  215. YOUR GRANDCHILDREN'S CHILDREN WILL FEEL YOUR PAIN AND AGONY IF YOU DO NOT HAND ME THAT CUPCAKE
  216. >The store rumbled and red lightning sparks all around you
  217. >The area you're stood is also a bit blackened
  218. >The ponies in the cafe start clapping and Pinkie Pie giggles
  219. >"That's the spirit!"
  220. >One cupcake later you're heading towards Applejack's farm
  221. >The quiet country roads never fail to calm you
  222. >You really needed this.
  223. >To unwind
  224. >Never let it be known that dark overlords have an easy life.
  225. >Fucking Paladins
  226. >Trip over a rock and slide along the floor
  227. >Karamesh wakes up
  228. >"Yeah nice going, fatass"
  229. >Damn he's grumpy
  230. >Before you can respond a net falls over you
  231. >"Aha! Got you!"
  232. >Fluttershy stands in front of you, dripping slightly
  233. >Shudder
  234. >"N-now you're mine! So come with me, please or i-i'll hit you!"
  235. Do it.
  236. >She whimpers
  237. Do it. Touch me again.
  238. >"I-I'm warning you!"
  239. Touch my armour.
  240. >More whimpering.
  241. >"L-last chance!"
  242. JUST PUNCH ME
  243. >She punches you
  244. >The armour does its job and a torrent of arcane energy surges into her, sending her hurtling backwards into a tree
  245. >She slumps to the base of the tree and starts twitching
  246. >She violently convulses and the area between her legs goes soggy
  247. Eww
  248. >"That's nasty"
  249. You feeling ok now?
  250. >"A little, I guess. But I'm serious, Anon. I desperately need blood. I don't think I can survive without it."
  251. I'll think of something
  252. >"You'd better."
  253. >It goes silent
  254. >Stand up under the net
  255. >It doesn't weigh a thing
  256. >Look at Fluttershy, slouched against a tree unconscious
  257. >Sigh
  258. >Go over and pick her up
  259. >Start walking towards her cottage with her in your arms
  260. >She comes to
  261. >"D-did I do it? Are we a couple now?"
  262. No, Fluttershy. We're not.
  263. >"O-oh..."
  264. >She pouts
  265. >Walk through Ponyville with her nestled snugly in your arms
  266. >She starts talking about her animals and why you two would make a good couple
  267. >You've never actually spoken to her this long before. It's normally just the odd word between... Whatever it is she keeps trying to do
  268. >"Anon... Why do you always wear your armour?"
  269. I don't trust anything enough to sleep without it
  270. >"D-do you trust me? I won't hurt you..."
  271. You just threw a net over me then punched me.
  272. >"Y-you asked me too..."
  273. But you did it anyway, knowing what would happen.
  274. >"I just want to love you..."
  275. >Love
  276. >There's a word you haven't heard in a while
  277. >Wonder what it means...
  278. >Drop her off at her cottage
  279. >She looks up at you
  280. >"S-so are romantic walks through Ponyville after failed rape attempts your fetish, Anon?"
  281. >Sigh
  282. >Walk down the road
  283. >Stop just at the end
  284. >Raise Karamesh
  285. >Slice a tree in half
  286. >Unleash every spell you know from Fireballs, Toxic darts, Raising the dead to Transmuting on the tree
  287. >Leave its smouldering, bubbling, golden obliterated remains for Fluttershy to see
  288. >Walk back to your house
  289. >Slam the front door shut
  290. >Hang up Karamesh
  291. >"ANON I NEED BLOOoooo..."
  292. >Can't hear him now you don't hold him
  293. >Sit on the sofa
  294. >Stare at the wall
  295. >Slowly take off your helmet
  296. >Scratch your head
  297. >Think back to what happened today
  298. >Smile at one thing you learned
  299. >Something that might fuel your desire to kill in the future and save your best friend
  300. >Something that gives you a glimmer of hope.
  301. I hate that fucking pony.
  302.  
  303. End

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