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[FLUTTERRAPE] Science

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 16:46:05
Updated: 2021-07-03 08:39:01
Expiry: Never
anonfluttershysafecomedy/flutterrape/

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: November 29th, 2012
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. >Day e=mc2 in Equestria
  5. >Wake up surrounded by papers and blueprints
  6. >Fall out of bed and prepare some coffee to kick start your brain
  7. >Look outside your kitchen window as you try to remember who you are again
  8. >Oh yeah
  9. >Cackle maniacally at the prospect of a new day
  10. >You are Anon
  11. >Mad Scientist
  12. >PhD
  13. >After creating a temporal rift during a SWAT raid on your old home, you managed to obliterate and contort the attacking party with the force of a black hole.
  14. >You still can't get the mental images out your mind
  15. >Unfortunately you also got sucked in, and rather than being sub atomically torn asunder as one would expect after falling into a black hole, you instead ended up here
  16. >In Equestria
  17. >Or as you like to call it: Test Ground v2
  18. >Look out over Ponyville, or Testing Facility Alpha
  19. >Smile as various contraptions and machines circle your mind, begging to be created and unleashed upon the innocent populace
  20. Later, my beauties... Later...
  21. >Throw on your lab coat and Personal Anti Pony Shield, or PAPS.
  22. >Marvellous creation on your part, it's a hand held, solar powered energy field that negates that pesky magic that gave you so much trouble when you first got here.
  23. >As well as becoming harder than diamonds when hit with enough kinetic energy
  24. >Smile at the memory of Big Mac kicking you in the chest then spending 4 weeks in hospital after you tested the device
  25. >Put on a top hat and pick up a cane just for the sake of being classy
  26. >Head out the door
  27. >Giggle
  28. >This day is going to be perfect.
  29. >Stroll down the road and into Ponyville
  30. >As usual, the ponies that see you run back indoors and lock anything that can be locked
  31. >Hear Rarity scream somewhere
  32. >"He's here! Everyp0ny inside! Hurry!"
  33. >Feels fantastic, man.
  34. >See a pony at her fruit stall
  35. >Her eyes are filled with the kind of fear a pony would feel when confronted with a mad scientist
  36. >Oh wait
  37. >Giggle again
  38. >Strut on up to her
  39. Good day, fellow citizen! I would like to buy some...
  40. >Take a second to see what it is you're about to "buy"
  41. >Oranges
  42. >Lovely
  43. Oranges!
  44. >Give her your best smile
  45. >She faints
  46. >All the ladies want a bit of Anon.
  47. >Whistle a merry tune and grab as many oranges as you can, gently putting them in your satchel
  48. >You'll pay her later
  49. >Look closely at the orange
  50. >You know what would make this thing better?
  51. >An engine. And a laser beam.
  52. >And an anti-gravity floatation system
  53. >Start to get excited at the thought of an army of flying oranges laying waste to the countryside
  54. >Dinner can wait, you have science to do
  55. >Turn around and scream like a girl
  56. >It's here.
  57. >Again.
  58. >Fluttershy is hovering infront of you, smiling nervously
  59. >Compose yourself quickly
  60. Ah... Greetings, Fluttershy.
  61. >"H-hello, Anon! Lovely day, isn't it?"
  62. >Look around
  63. >Sure is a nice day
  64. >Blue sky, bright sun, warm air.
  65. >Ponder the possibility of an atmospheric dye turning the sky blood red
  66. >And then blowing up the sun
  67. >And introducing a new Ice Age
  68. >Sounds great! You'll do it after the Orange Army.
  69. >You must be lost in thought, as Fluttershy is waving a hoof infront of your eyes
  70. >Flinch
  71. >Fluttershy screams
  72. >You scream
  73. >She screams louder
  74. >You clasp a hand over her mouth
  75. >She freezes and falls flat on her back
  76. >Fluttershy. Such a curious pony.
  77. >When you first came to Equestria, Fluttershy was noticeably different right off the bat.
  78. >While the other ponies, such as Twilight ran in fear or tried to fight back, Fluttershy was the only one who filled your mailbox with flowers and fruit instead of Arcane Bombs.
  79. >She'd taken a liking to you
  80. >Whether it was the fact that you were insane, a hermit or incredibly handsome-
  81. >(You run a hand through your hair)
  82. >-You'll never know. But she always seemed eager to spend as much time near you as possible.
  83. >You can't bring yourself to dispose of her though, she's like a child, clamouring for your attention.
  84. >She even helped you create the forcefield surrounding your house, even if it meant she couldn't knock on your door every morning
  85. >She tried to knock on the forcefield, but she electrocuted herself and was paralysed for a week,
  86. >You still remember propping her rigid body against a tree and using her as target practice for your Cancer Canon
  87. >You also remember performing surgery on her to remove said cancer
  88. >Oh Fluttershy.
  89. >"So..."
  90. >Snap out of memory lane
  91. So...
  92. >Both of you shuffle awkwardly for while
  93. >Remember that you're a mad scientist, feared by millions across the globe, and that you don't have time for awkward conversations
  94. Fluttershy. I must go. I have work to do. Goodbye
  95. >Head back towards your fortress
  96. >House.
  97. >You meant house.
  98. >Fluttershy flies after you
  99. >"W-wait! Can I help you with anything?"
  100. No.
  101. >"Can I get shot at again?"
  102. No.
  103. >"Can I lie on a table and get cybernetic implants again?"
  104. No.
  105. >"Can I lie on a table and get cybernetic implants removed because my body rejected them again?"
  106. >Oh yeah. You remember that. It was a fun week, but Fluttershy's new brain was in danger of becoming so intelligent it could grow an army of Cybershys.
  107. >You had to remove it and replace it with a kangaroo's brain.
  108. >Look at her
  109. >She's bouncing along the floor alongside you rather than flying
  110. >Don't see the difference between that and her old brain, to be honest.
  111. >"S-so is that a yes?"
  112. No.
  113. >She sighs
  114. >"Can I spend the day with you?"
  115. >Stop walking and look down at her
  116. >She looks at you with huge eyes filled with hope
  117. >You consider her your only friend in this world, even though you'd never admit it to her.
  118. >Can't go giving her any ideas.
  119. >Place a hand on her shoulder and smile
  120. No.
  121. >She pouts
  122. >You carry on walking.
  123. >Arrive at your lair/house
  124. >Pass through the forcefield thanks to your ID sensor.
  125. >Remember Fluttershy was behind you
  126. >Turn around
  127. Wait-
  128. >Too late
  129. >You shield your eyes and watch as she contorts and spasms against the field
  130. >She falls back, smoking and dazed
  131. >But not paralyzed, for some reason
  132. >Must have gained an immunity to electric fields.
  133. >Can't say you're surprised
  134. >She's done this over 17 times.
  135. >So many opportunities for target practice
  136. >So much cancer.
  137. >Rub your temples with your index fingers
  138. >Pull out a small remote and press the button
  139. >The field fizzles out
  140. >Pick up Fluttershy
  141. >Feel arcs or electricity dancing around you
  142. >Feels electric, man.
  143. >Turn on the field again and walk inside
  144. >This fuckin' pony.
  145. >Place her on your workchair and go make yourself some more coffee.
  146. >Hear her moaning while you make it
  147. >She stumbles into the kitchen holding her head and groaning
  148. >"W..w-what..."
  149. You walked into the barrier. Again.
  150. >"Oh... Sorry..."
  151. >She's always sorry
  152. >Kinda cute, really.
  153. >But you'd never tell her that.
  154. Well, while you're here, I suppose you can help me with one little thing.
  155. >She instantly recovers and her face lights up
  156. >"R-REALLY? ARE YOU GOING TO FREEZE ME AGAIN?"
  157. >Memories of cryogenically frozen Fluttershy resurface
  158. >Let out a short laugh
  159. No. But you can help me raise an army of killer fruit
  160. >Crouch down and scratch her behind her ear
  161. Would you like that, Fluttershy? Do you want to help me genetically mutate some oranges and strap lasers to them?
  162. >"Oooh~ yes please!"
  163. >Adorable.
  164. >You both walk into the lab and shut the door
  165. >One week later you emerge with a horde of giant self aware oranges with jet packs and gatling lasers.
  166. >Open the lab blast doors and unleash them upon Ponyville, much to the dismay of it's residents
  167. >Sit outside your house with Fluttershy on your lap, snoozing gently, oblivious to the carnage happening in Ponyville
  168. >Pick up binoculars and watch Twilight Sparkle get overrun by fruit
  169. Heh.
  170. >See a regiement of Royal Canterlot Guard collide with the oranges in a spectacular aerial battle
  171. >Explosions and laser fire fill the sky, with Pegasi and Oranges alike falling from it to the ground below
  172. >Watch the pony you bought the oranges from being carried off and declared queen of the oranges by a group of them.
  173. >That's new.
  174. >Sigh contently
  175. >Slowly stroke Fluttershy again
  176. >She mumbles in her sleep and kicks a rear leg, then nuzzles her head into your lap some more
  177. >Smile and soak in the sun, drinking coffee and petting your...
  178. >Stop smiling and look down
  179. >Stare at the only creature in this world capable of tolerating you
  180. >Stare at the pony that gave you gifts and praise while you burned down the town hall and robbed the royal Canterlot bank
  181. >Smile at the pony that you deem as annoying, frustrating, stupid beyond measure and incredibly naive.
  182. >Grin at your best friend
  183. >Lean forward and plant a small kiss on her forehead
  184. >She sighs in her sleep
  185. >Fucking Fluttershy.
  186.  
  187. The End.

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