Charlotte Twingle


                                            >"Anon, you're late!"

                                            >The princess is blocking your way inside the castle, obviously waiting for an explanation.

                                            "Nice to see you too, Twilight. I was just picking up some books..."

                                            >"You had a week since last Thursday to do that!"

                                            "It was an emergency, I found something really interesting just yesterday and I was gathering some information. Now can I please come inside so we can discuss it?"

                                            >Twilight squints her eyes in suspicion but moves to let you in. Finally you can relax in the coldness of the castle, you thought you'd have a heat stroke on the way to your friend's weekly meeting.

                                            >It's a little thing you've been doing for a while now. You read some books and you discuss it with her once a week.

                                            >Of course Twilight knows just about every book you can find here in Ponyville so usually it's just you telling her about your experiences and her recommending you what to read next.

                                            >But this time you might just have something really good for her. A real gem, and with a twist too.

                                            >Twilight seems to be intrigued by your words back at the doors so her inquisitive stare never leaves you as you both proceed to get comfy in your discussion chairs in the middle of the library hall.

                                            >Wasting no time you take the first book out of your backpack.

                                            "Do you know what this is, Twilight?"

                                            >The mare's eyes are glued in awe to the cover you present to her. Her ear twitches and she blinks a few times.

                                            >It's a small and cheap book but she's moved by it, and who wouldn't be.

                                            >The title reads:


                                            >"Pounded in the Ponut by My Own Ponut"

                                            >"By Charlotte Twingle"


                                            >"Oh my."

                                            >That's all she can say, which is understandable.

                                            "There's more."

                                            >Next two books leave your backpack.

                                            >"My Billionaire Human Craves Stallion Ass" and "Space Human Butt Redemption"

                                            >Twilight looks at you, awaiting your comment. You repeat your initial question:

                                            "You know what this is?"

                                            >Clearing her throat the mare gets ready to explain:

                                            >"Well, it seems to be..."

                                            "It's porn, Twilight. And when it has me in it, it turns into gay porn. It's gay porn starring ME, Twilight."

                                            >"I guess you could put it that way."

                                            "What other way do I put it? Do you know anything about it?"

                                            >"I can't say I've read all of these, but-"

                                            "Is there more?"

                                            >Your interrupt is so sudden Twilight almost jumps in her chair, startled by your eagerness.

                                            >"Excuse me?"

                                            >You might've worded this wrong because you see the mare slightly blushing. Better correct yourself before there's a totally hilarious and wacky misunderstanding.

                                            "No, I mean, is there more of these around? They've been published for some time but I wasn't able to find a lot more here, I thought you might have them since you collect books."

                                            >"Oh, well, I don't usually collect these kind of books but in this case yes, I have more."

                                            >You gulp heavily. It is as you thought. This has been going on right under your nose and you had no idea until now.

                                            >Proceeding to the shelf after Twilight you take it all in. You're a well known gay porn character.

                                            >All those ponies who act friendly probably only do that because you're the star of their favorite ironic smut.

                                            >You try to remember if there were any encounters you could've misinterpret as a common friendliness and now everything seems different in the light of the shocking truth.

                                            >Actually, there's not a lot to remember. Ponies don't really approach you frequently and you never had to sign any suspicious books. Maybe you're overreacting?

                                            >While you're having your little crisis Twilight sets up a big stack of books before you.

                                            >You don't want to even see them but your eyes can't escape it. In panic you can make out the titles.


                                            >"Space Human Butt Invasion"

                                            >"Pounded by the Gay Princess Dress"

                                            >"Anally Yours, the Unicorn Sailor"

                                            >"Shared by the Chocolate Milk Glass Tippers"

                                            >"Angry Human Pounded by the Fear of His Latent Gayness over a Unicorn Transitioning into an Alicorn"

                                            >"This Human Butt Hosted by Anon Y Ass"

                                            >"Pounded in the Ponut by My Book "Pounded in the Ponut by My Own Ponut""

                                            >"Pounded in the Ponut by My Book "Pounded in the Ponut by My Book "Pounded in the Ponut by My Own Ponut"""

                                            >"Pounded in the Ponut by My Constantly Changing Thoughts on the Ongoing Mystery of Charlotte Twingle's Real Identity"

                                            >"Turned Gay by the Existential Dread That I May Actually Be a Character in a Charlotte Twingle Book"


                                            >And it keeps going and going. You know there's more of them but never thought you'd unearth so many. And your friend had them all right at her side all this time.

                                            "Twilight, give me a straight answer. Is this... is this all gay porn?"

                                            >"Yes, Anon. All of it."

                                            >In visible confusion you scratch your head. Twilight awaits your judgement but you just sigh.

                                            "That's a lot of... books."

                                            >"Yeah."

                                            "Have you read them?"

                                            >"I don't think I went through every single one of them but yeah."

                                            "Well... There's one more I wanted to show to you."

                                            >It's the ace in your hand. The only thing to keep you sane. Even in this kind of situation you can still come out on top for sure and preserve your dignity.

                                            >Reaching in your backpack you reveal another book.

                                            >Twilight's eyes go wide. Like she's seeing a ghost.

                                            >The cover depicts crossed unicorn horns.

                                            >One is dark blue but the other is basically the color of human skin. It's a bit more thick and doesn't really get sharper at its tip.

                                            >It also lacks the detail the unicorn horn has, like it was purposely made to look basic and featureless.

                                            >The title of the book is right above the picture and it reads:


                                            >"A Horn in the Right Place"

                                            >"By Charlotte Twingle"


                                            >Twilight is staring at it in confusion.

                                            "From my understanding this one is a really rare one."

                                            >The mare's eyes light up with excitement.

                                            >"Extremely!"

                                            "I figured as much. I did some research on this one because it's so different from the others."

                                            >"It is?"

                                            "The first thing I checked was the year, and it turns out it was published some time before "No Hand Hold", the novel that brought light to Charlotte's romance in the first place."

                                            >Twilight nods in anticipation.

                                            "And yet this wasn't successful. I mean it's a pretty obscure thing, right? An early work of a famous writer before the popularity drained their soul."

                                            >"Right."

                                            >Sour. Her muzzle scrunches at your assumptions.

                                            "I bet there's not a lot of copies of this left for sale. Makes it all the more special. But that's not the point."

                                            >Opening the book you continue.

                                            "I wasn't able to get a hold of that "No Hand Hold" book, but it wasn't that successful either. Both of these books share a few things, do you know what those are?"

                                            >"It... Wasn't gay porn?"

                                            >You nod, impressed with her answer.

                                            "There was some, but the story is told from female's perspective, a mare who happens to be the main character of both books. She's a lilac unicorn called Violet."

                                            >"Hmm..."

                                            >Bookhorse gestures you to continue as you flip through the pages.

                                            "A human is the main romantic interest and he's being courted by the female lead and a stallion, while the human himself is in love with another character, also a stallion."

                                            >Twilight's eyes never leave you as you speak. She is patient and seem to appreciate your analysis, it's usually she who's doing all the talking.

                                            "It's strange to me that these romance novels never saw any light because they're actually pretty complex. The smut is still pretty meh though."

                                            >"Is it?" Twilight's eyebrows shoot up, giving up her shocked expression.

                                            >Did she like it so much or something?

                                            "Well, it's juicy but... You probably misremember it, here, let me just..."

                                            >You flip through the pages and find your hidden bookmark. You swear you only had it for this conversation, just in case.

                                            "Here, take a listen"

                                            >You clear your throat and read her a passage:


                                            It's the ultimate satisfaction, a dull ache mixed with pleasure. Every thrust, every violent movement is shaking my entire body. My mind, still incapable of comprehending the experience, is lagging behind the feeling of absolute submission that now envelops my very essence. Part of me that is still trying to form rational thoughts wants him to slow down for me to take in every last bit of this bliss a mare could only possibly feel with a human; but at the same time I wish for nothing more than to be taken beyond my limits, broken by his unyielding desire - desire to have me, just me, only me, forever. And then it comes, the release. With a mighty roar of a predator who claims his prey he fills me up to the brim and then some. It is as if there's nothing inside of me aside from his seed and as it leaks out of me it feels like I'm losing the precious gift he has given me. And when I look above I see him, towering over...


                                            >"ALRIGHT! Alright, I get it." the mare interrupts you, blushing furiously.

                                            "I haven't read the other book but is it really the reason why it wasn't all that popular? Target audience not approving of a female lead? I mean, maybe I'm missing something without that other one?"

                                            >Twilight points at the stack of books.

                                            >"I actually have a copy of "No hand hold.""

                                            "You do? Isn't it also really rare?"

                                            >"Not too rare for my collection."

                                            >With that she carefully removes a book at the base of the stack with magic and gives it to you.

                                            >There's a picture of a hand reaching out for a what you presume is a stallion's hoof, and there's the title:

                                            >"No Hand Hold"

                                            >There's no writer's name on it but opening it up the first thing you see is a really elaborate signature.

                                            "Oh wow, you got it signed? By the mare herself?"

                                            >"I think it was Charlotte, though it's obviously a pen name. It could've been just a public pony for giving signatures."

                                            "Yes, it fits. I'd try to stay anonymous too if I was writing these things."

                                            >Your grin goes unanswered. Too bad, you were waiting to make that "anonymous" joke for a while now.

                                            >But now is the perfect moment for you to strike the unsuspecting mare.

                                            "You know, I've been thinking."

                                            >"Oh?" princess mutters rearranging the stack.

                                            "I think I know who the author might be."

                                            >Eyebrows raised Twilight immediately turns her head to you.

                                            "If it's a pen name then it can be anyone. But I have theory. I think the writer is actually someone close to me and you."

                                            >Twilight's eyes give you a familiar sparkle.

                                            >"A friend of ours?"

                                            "Maybe. It's at least a pony who has been reading all of your human publications because she really knows her stuff."

                                            >"It was a successful book, a lot of ponies probably have read it."

                                            >Sounds reasonable, alright.

                                            "These books also have a lot of details in them. Something not covered in your publications. Clothing articles are curious for example, that pony knows a lot about what humans wear and how they wear it. Almost makes me think that it was some pony close to Rarity. Or maybe even the mare herself."

                                            >"You don't think it's possible that she's the one writing these... ugh... stories?"

                                            "No, even though I borrowed the book from her."

                                            >Twilight frowns in disbelief. Almost in disgust.

                                            >"Wait, Rarity was reading that?"

                                            "Well, I didn't say she was reading it."

                                            >She's not impressed with your answer but that's not what's on her mind right now.

                                            "But the book she gave me is also signed. Though the signature on it wasn't for her. It's for Minty Steps, one of Rarity's clients."

                                            >"I can't say I recognize that name."

                                            "She's from Canterlot. The mare told Rarity she has met Charlotte in person."

                                            >"That's impressive."

                                            "You've got your signature from her as well, haven't you?"

                                            >Twilight finally gets where you're going with this and nods.

                                            "Can you tell me how Charlotte looks like so we can at least know if it was the same mare."

                                            >"Well, she was wearing a dress, big sunglasses and a hat so I couldn't see her eyes or mane, and, more importantly, her cutiemark. But I think she resembles Violet. Maybe it's just my imagination thought."

                                            "Yeah, it's exactly how Minty described it. Resembles Violet but covers herself up to not be identified"

                                            >"That's not really enough to make any sort of conclusion."

                                            "It's still a start, a disguise only works if it can't be identified on its own. Now, in newer works there's not a lot of details to descriptions of the human character, but in "Horn" there's tons of them. There are two special mentions to credit that at the end."

                                            >Now Twilight gets curious. Seems like you're venturing beyond what she expected and she's out of her element.

                                            >You have to watch her reactions closely now.

                                            "First one is your human study publication, that's a given. The second one is curious, it says "additional details" and it's credited to a pony named Mallow Orchard. A curious flowery and purple name, which is fitting, since both stallion love interests also have interesting and flower-related names, as well as the main character who is specifically said to be a lilac shade of purple."

                                            >Twilight is quite amused with your explanations but her ear twitch betrays her uneasiness as always. The room is getting hotter by the minute.

                                            "So, checking the list of so-called human experts that you have available publicly I found no pony with that name there, which leads me to believe that it's another pen name and a dead lead. One thing I know for sure though, she had some really deep insights on the human culture, so she absolutely had to be on the list."

                                            >"There are just ten or so ponies there." Twilight comments calmly.

                                            >But even through that you already feel her confident outlook being threatened. She really didn't expect you to do your homework.

                                            "So Charlotte has to be some pony who had access to the ponies on the list or at least their expertise. It would be pretty hard to track if these books were released nowadays. Luckily, we know how many ponies were on that list by the time of writing of "A Horn in the Right Place."

                                            >"H-how many was there?"

                                            >You smile and look Twilight in the eyes.

                                            "Zero. There wasn't a list at the time since back then you only had two ponies who were interested in academic human studies so there was no need to make a list."

                                            >Now Twilight's ears bend back and you can almost feel a shiver going down her spine.

                                            "So who is Mallow Orchard? A pony who was willing to give all the juicy details to Charlotte? Who of those two ponies is that?"

                                            >"Who?" the mare repeats after you.

                                            "Well, it's neither. That pony never existed in the first place."

                                            >"How do you figure?"

                                            "Charlotte wouldn't need a pony like that but she still needed a name to cover up that very fact."

                                            >You relax in your chair and cross your arms while Twilight is on the edge of her seat. The difference in your position right now is enough to make you dizzy.

                                            >Yet you still prolong that moment of tension, to remember this taste.

                                            >And then you strike the final blow.

                                            "That's because... Charlotte Twingle is you, Twilight."


                                            >You can almost hear her breaking in half. It doesn't even matter if you're right or not, this alone was worth it.

                                            >Never before have you actually been able to outsmug the smuggest mare alive, and you probably won't ever again, but right now the victory, no matter how short-lived, is yours.

                                            >She's frozen in place, eyes not meeting yours.

                                            >It lasts only for a fleeting moment, but it's a moment you won't ever forget. Then the mare collects herself and her normal demeanor returns to her.

                                            >She will try to salvage the situation and that will be her next mistake.

                                            >"That's an interesting theory, Anon. You really did your research on this one. I can safely say that I'm proud of you."

                                            >She sounds genuinely moved, so much that for a moment it seems to you that this is how she really feels.

                                            >Though it's absolutely out of question that this is merely an elaborate game just to make you do some detective work, right? It has to be.

                                            >Twilight pauses for a second and then continues in her normal tone:

                                            >"Though I'd like to see any proofs you have, otherwise this can be pinned on a number of ponies. I could've been the advisor for the writer, not the writer."

                                            "Who would the writer be then?"

                                            >"Somepony close to me? Starlight? Even Spike isn't entirely out of question."

                                            "Alright, fair enough. But I do have proof it's you."

                                            >"You do? An actual proof that it's me?"

                                            >The pony squints her eyes at you, trying to guess if you're bluffing.

                                            "Yes, but before that, let's make a bet."

                                            >"What?"

                                            "If I make you admit it, we'll act out a part of the book exactly as it's written."

                                            >Once again Twilight looks confused.

                                            >"Wait, what's the catch?"

                                            "No catch. I'll choose a chapter for us to act, you can make props with your imagination spell and so on. But we have to act it exactly how it's in the book, word to word."

                                            >"Alright, but what if you lose?"

                                            "I, uh, I won't?"

                                            >"Oh come on."

                                            "Well, I... I dunno, I'll reshelve your books for free."

                                            >"This whole library. Two times. And exactly on the days I need it."

                                            "Ok, deal."

                                            >It doesn't really matter. You won't lose.

                                            >You don't need to be right, you said you only need her to admit it. And if you are indeed right she would actually want you to win so you can make her book reality.

                                            >It's the perfect plan to both win the argument and get something out of it. Sometimes you really impress yourself. Now you just have to set it in motion.

                                            >"So, care to tell me something that will convince me?"

                                            "Jesus Christ, Twilight" you shake your damn head disappointingly.

                                            >"What? You're the one who..."

                                            "That's it." you point your finger toward the pony, interrupting her.

                                            "Talking with me every day you already see this as just an expression. But other ponies don't. And you didn't back in the day."

                                            >"What are you talking about? What's... Oh... Oh!"

                                            >Even though she probably already knows where you're going with that you still explain.

                                            "So you absolutely had to make a note about what "Jesus Christ" means, along with other extremely specific notes, a few pages of them actually. And I still remember exactly when I gave you the info on those topics in exactly the wording you used here."

                                            >You open the book on another one of your bookmarks and show it to her.

                                            "You not only explained what the phrase means, that can be found in your human study book, but also who Jesus himself is, as I said, word to word how I explained it to you back in the day. And that was something only you knew, Twilight. It wasn't published anywhere. You just had to add something specific to you, to show that you know so much about humans. Maybe that even was your trump card and a selling point back then. You just couldn't resist."

                                            >Twilight breaks the eye contact to come up with a reply but you press on.

                                            "Starlight was still your pupil when "A Horn in the Right Place" was published, she was in no shape to write and publish a romance novel. Spike, well... If it is him, you're just as guilty for enabling him, because in that case you had to proofread it and consult him. And living with a baby dragon who writes things like that... I'd feel sorry for you more than anything."

                                            >Twilight smirks at that but she still looks concerned.

                                            "And that's not even mentioning your obsession with purple and the flowery names, I can't really use it as an argument but come on."

                                            >"Hmph!"

                                            "So, you're going to deny it?"

                                            >She finally looks you in the eye with a sour expression. But you feel that she's more sad that she's lost this little game than about you uncovering her secret identity.

                                            >You wouldn't do anything horrible to her like blackmailing but still, she's taking it rather well considering you hold all the cards here.

                                            >"No, you're right. Maybe I didn't consider that anypony close to me will ever read these books. And now you have, and Rarity too. Maybe it was inevitable, you just had to dig deep enough to find everything out."

                                            "Well, to be honest it wasn't that easy and I got lucky with getting a rare old book."

                                            >Wait, are you trying to soften the blow now? She does look a bit sad.

                                            >No matter, you already had your triumph.

                                            >"You must think I'm such an idiot."

                                            >And here goes your heart, sinking.

                                            "What? Twilight, I-"

                                            >"And a pervert. Now that you know the kind of things I publish."

                                            "That's not the point. I do wonder though, why me? And why turn me gay?"

                                            >"Oh, come on, it's not like it's about you as an actual person."

                                            >Crossing your arms on your chest you feel like it's your time to get salty.

                                            "Any other humans you modeled your human character after?"

                                            >"You must understand that it's a character though, it's not you. Just like Violet is not me."

                                            "Well I don't like that character all that much."

                                            >"Because of the sexuality?"

                                            "Not only that. He's gay, but more importantly he's a faggot, a spineless easy-to-get faggot who's either brooding or fucking."

                                            >Twilight chuckles at this description and shrugs.

                                            >"Well, what can you do, sometimes it just writes itself."

                                            >Oh no. She's going back to the smug mode. You're losing control of the situation. You lose your tempo for a second there and she's getting right out of your hold.

                                            >Was that actually calculated? But you can't let go of this conversation now.

                                            "But don't you think he could've been better? There's a lot of character traits to explore here, so..."

                                            >You suddenly stop after realizing that Twilight is showing you her signature smirk.

                                            >"Oh? What are his character traits, Anon? Please, do tell."

                                            >The mare teleports a parchment and a quill to herself, ready to write down your insights.

                                            >That's such an obvious bait. But you're gonna have to bite it, you have no choice. You can't back off now. So you at least try to approach it seriously.

                                            "Well, generally I would describe Anon as a lovable goof."

                                            >"Alright, that's a start."

                                            "He's witty..."

                                            >"Mhm."

                                            "Sarcastic..."

                                            >"Aha."

                                            "Sometimes a tease..."

                                            >"Sometimes? But not all the times?"

                                            "No, not all, he gets serious when he needs to show that his heart was at the right place to not overdo it with teasing."

                                            >"Wow, sounds like something that would require some astounding profound understanding of those he tease."

                                            "Naturally, that's another thing, he's pretty perceptive, but not when it comes to romance."

                                            >"Oh! Can't forget that."

                                            >Twilight keeps scratching with a cheerful expression. No worries left in the mare.

                                            >You know you're way past the point of no return and she's going to tear you apart later, but for now she lets you wallow in your delusions about how to write your own character.

                                            "I'm not saying that Anon can do no wrong but you can't focus only on his bad side. If the story itself is positive but in the end it all crashes down around him that doesn't make a very satisfying ending."

                                            >"Why not?"

                                            "If the tone of the story wasn't setting this up you'd just kick your readers down from some innocent and pleasurable romantic vibes into exploration of character's failures and shortcomings. Unless this sudden turn of events was your goal right from the start and you just want to slap your reader across the face as hard as you can."

                                            >Now Twilight just nods. Maybe you're not actually doing that bad? Can you salvage your situation?

                                            "The way you handled the ending in "A Horn" was pretty grim if you ask me, but it worked perfectly because of how you set it up. It's a love triangle, a love rectangle even, that just can't be solved without someone getting the short end of the stick."

                                            >"That's exactly how I felt about it" the mare nods some more.

                                            "But in the end it wasn't Anon who got shafted. Why? With the way you've been writing him at the time he deserved it. He's an utter failure, Twilight. With how he's written he doesn't deserve anything good."

                                            >She sighs and puts her quill and paper aside. Her smugness isn't all gone but she hesitates to answer.

                                            "Is this... Is this really how you see me?"

                                            >This time she is quick to respond, as if to reassure you:

                                            >"Oh no, it has nothing to do with you as a person. What you've described to me as your "traits" are personal things, but the character I've written is not you."

                                            "But it's still-"

                                            >"I think you missed the point of that. It's the same with homosexuality. The stories are not necessarily about it, it's not what I wanted to describe with it."

                                            "What was it then? I think making me a homo was a pretty telling decision even without any context."

                                            >"It's because you can't see how you're perceived by our society, Anon."

                                            "Don't tell me that was actually a social commentary disguised as gay porn."

                                            >"Well, I can't really deny it either."

                                            >Crossing your arms on your chest you scoff at the pony and roll your eyes in dismissive disbelief.

                                            >"Look, the way an average pony sees you is a bit different from how you see yourself or how I see you. You're that big alien creature from a world that's much colder and harsher than ours. You braved it day by day and became hardened by it."

                                            "Yeah, don't make me blush here."

                                            >"Think about what you show them when you're in public at different events and holidays. You're strong but solemn. You act cheerful but your jokes ooze with melancholy and self-deprecation. When you party, you drink first and have fun later. It's all been documented and it's a very common theme among those who are interested in you now."

                                            "Is it?"

                                            >"Yes. Ponies love how reckless you are and how you're dismissive towards your own problems, both current and past, and how you laugh about your own misery. They see you as impenetrable, as someone who conquers their own life and smiles through anguish. All while carrying a burden on your shoulder so heavy it would crush someone not as hardened as you."

                                            "That's how they see me?"

                                            >"Those you care about you, yes. But I strip it all off because that's what they want to see even more. They want to see past the facade, they want to see a different you, a vulnerable you, they want to see you when you turn around and face your fears."

                                            >"They want to see that at the end of the day you're just like them, so distant and alien yet just like a regular pony. That you still want nothing more than to be loved. That you need companionship, friendship, someone next to you to keep you strong, to share your life's burdens with you."

                                            >"Because they feel the same. They may look cheerful and content, but they still crave it more than anything - and so do you. It's especially true for stallions, who don't often show these emotions even if they want to."

                                            "Wait, don't tell me that's why..."

                                            >"This kind of relationship makes you open up the most. You have to accept yourself on the deepest level to partake in it. It is, in the end, symbolic to everyday struggles of those you can't afford to be honest with themselves. And this is why Violet lost in the end."

                                            >Your face is buried in your palms now, unable to decide if she's trying to bait you or if she really means that.

                                            >"The comfort Anon was needing was something that Violet in her selfishness and self-righteousness just couldn't provide. She was smart but she was manipulative. She had her own goals other than Anon's happiness and that's why I could not let her win. No matter how broken he was, no matter how much of a failure he was, Anon deserved better. He wasn't going to find his rest in her hooves."

                                            >The change of tone kicked you out of your safe lane and now you don't know what to say. She did think that through.

                                            >Her explanation is just part of the plan to overwhelm you. Well, it did work a bit, you can't make out what of that was really about you and what was about the character.

                                            >And if that was also about her and you. Her self-insert has lost but she herself isn't like that, you actually think she's more akin to the character who did get Anon in the end. Does that mean anything to her?

                                            >Fuck, does ANY of that actually mean anything? Is she just making it up to cover up her true intentions with that book, to ship you with some stallions and make you fuck her self-insert on the side?

                                            >You're supposed to be the winner here but instead you're getting crushed by doubt, afraid to take a step on this multilayered minefield of a ruse. You just can't figure her out right now.

                                            >But then it dawns on you. It doesn't really matter. That's not for you to worry about.

                                            "But Twilight..."

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            >You look around you and just say the only thing you can come up with right now to at least make her doubt herself.

                                            "No matter the context or allegories, or any deeper meaning, in the end it's just an excuse to write a book full of cheap smut."

                                            >The princess smirks and covers her mouth to laugh.

                                            >"Of course it is!"

                                            >Hear laugh spells doom in your head. That's it. She's perfectly self-aware. Your last attempt at shaking her up failed and she's on top again.

                                            >"That's what draws the audience in the most, that is all the middle-aged mares who read this cheesy romance shlock. Do you think any of them cares about my social commentary?"

                                            >That sounded a bit too bitter for your taste. Even though Twilight is now smug as ever you don't feel like her rant is actually all that triumphant.

                                            >"There's nothing they love more than reading about strong stallions being passionate. The more masculine the better, but masculine with relatable feelings and struggles so they can feel compassion. It's as simple as that."

                                            >Twilight rolls her eyes but she looks far from amused.

                                            "So wait, is the social commentary actually what you meant?"

                                            >"Yes, it's all in there, it's what I meant when writing it. Do you think anypony cares? It's just the reality of this market, Anon. It's just a thing I add on my own, and nowadays I don't even bother because it's the bizarre sarcastic smut that has given Charlotte a cult following, not entry-level allusions to modern Equestria's struggles. It's all just something silly Charlotte does for fun while the real meat of the story is the gay sex. Do you think..."

                                            >She stands up now, eyes sparkling with vengeance. It's a bit scary.

                                            >"Do you think any of those housewives care about actual work I put in there? Not once did I get any feedback involving my references or my humor, or my philosophical musings, or just simple nods to other author's works that inspire me!"

                                            >"Have I ever received a letter saying anything about it, even one simple acknowledgment? Oh, Charlotte, that obscure song reference was so on-point! Oh, Charlotte, you were reading that one book at the time, it really shows! No, none of that. But oh no, I get tons of letters about how dreamy the stallions and Anon are, along with "suggestions" about what scenarios they want to see next, one more vulgar than the other! It's the same reasons all my other works didn't sell, maybe there's just no market for it, you've got..."

                                            "Wait a second!"

                                            >Twilight stops in her tracks and bites her tongue, realizing she probably said something she shouldn't have.

                                            "Other works?"

                                            >Blushing, the mare explains in a tame voice, so sudden after her passionate rant:

                                            >"Well, I tried to publish my earlier works of fiction but they were probably just not good enough so..."

                                            "Now you're saying this? You write something other than cheap smut?"

                                            >"I tried my hoof at different genres but none of those had any success."

                                            "That's rich, can you show it? You still have them just like you have your other books, right? I bet they're signed too."

                                            >The furious but shameful glare she shoots at you is followed by a really intense muzzle scrunch. Were you too rough?

                                            >"Why, so you can discredit my other works as well? You already made your point."

                                            "Twilight..."

                                            >"You didn't do enough, huh? Why stop at the mare's attempts at actually becoming a popular writer at a price of creativity and artistic integrity, right? Gotta dig deeper? Aren't I a silly pony, having aspirations and wanting others to enjoy my works even if I'm just-"

                                            "Hey, weren't you listening to me? I did see the deeper meaning behind those two books so why do you think I just want to give you shit over the others? Isn't that what your other readers who only know you for you current works would do?"

                                            >This stops the raging princess at least for a moment. She's considering it.

                                            >You nod reassuringly, hoping you didn't actually hurt her, seeing how defensive she got.

                                            >Still unsure Twilight grumbles something but then teleports a few books right in front of her.

                                            >"Well, alright, there was this little drama thing."

                                            >She gives you the "little" thing that's actually a big thick book. No picture on the cover, it just reads:


                                            >"The Stable Condition"


                                            >As you flip through pages Twilight comments:

                                            >"It's a story about a unicorn field medic who gets involved in world-saving business. She has to tend to something like a hero pony squad only to realize there's a lot of tension between those ponies. She has to get to know them, interact with them and help solve the problems in their squad, offering a unique perspective. I've got the idea for it a long time ago but it wasn't until..."

                                            >You stop paying attention to the storytime-mode mare as you find a random page near the very end of the book and read:


                                            ...already see it - in my eyes, in my posture, in my careful movements. Just by seeing how I walk out from the ward they already know their friend is staying on that hospital bed for good.

                                            - Doctor? - the youngest one calls meekly.

                                            - I... have some news for you, fillies.

                                            This is the only answer I can muster and I see their hearts breaking already. Might as well tell them the rest.

                                            - I'm afraid...

                                            Afraid. Such a powerful word coming from a mare of my position. It's enough to make anypony panic, not just three scared fillies who can barely comprehend the gravity of what's happening before them right now.

                                            - I'm afraid Merry Weather has Magical Mystery Condition. It's terminal.

                                            As I thought, they can't understand what it means yet. But the oldest speaks out:

                                            - You mean... She'll lose her wings? Permanently? She'll never be able to fly again?

                                            Choking back tears she can't speak another word. The poor heart doesn't even realize how bad it is. And, of course, it's up to me to tell them the whole truth. Way to go, Violet.

                                            - Yes, but... - I stop to find the right words. - That's not all. If this condition gets worse she may not recover at all.

                                            I'm the one fighting tears now. Not the uncontrollable bawling that these fillies are about to break into; it's the bitter, searing tears of life's injustice. I know that it was Merry Weather who saved these fillies. She was the one who saved her friends too. And even though those ponies are now in their beds next to hers, they're not the ones who will be gone in a month at best.

                                            It was not for these fillies to know that Merry's friends probably won't make it as well. It's still unconfirmed. But the fact is that, in the end, Merry won't even outlive her friends. The thought of such cruelty is...


                                            >"Anon, you still there?"

                                            "Yeah, I was just reading. I can see why this wouldn't sell here, feels a bit heavy."

                                            >Twilight looks away for a second. Is she ashamed of this work?

                                            "What else do you have?"

                                            >"Eh, there's one more, it's a space fantasy novel."

                                            >It's an even bigger book, probably way more than a thousand pages long.

                                            >The cover is a monochrome stylized image of a unicorn emerging from some sort of a cloud. Below that is the title:


                                            >"Lektor: Terminal Redux"


                                            >You look at Twilight and she explains:

                                            >"It's a story about a power-hungry unicorn who found a way to transcend time while he was in isolation in deep space and so he travels the galaxy to consume the magic of..."

                                            "Alright, I got it."

                                            >The mare is annoyed that you stopped her and seeing how you just dismiss the work completely doesn't help her condition.

                                            >"Not even gonna read it, huh?"

                                            "It sounds pretty edgy but I'll borrow them for later."

                                            >"Will you now?"

                                            "Why not? These are still books and I love to read. But I guess I get what you mean. I doubt an average pony would read that."

                                            >"Exactly."

                                            >For a moment you both stay silent. Twilight is seated now and she's calming down while you still hold the book without doing anything with it.

                                            >There's just not much to say anymore. This exercise in futility has drained you. You thought you had so much vigor in you but now you're a bit lost, seeing all of this and hearing Twilight's stories.

                                            >The pony is the first to speak:

                                            >"Soooo... About that acting out a scene from the book..."

                                            >You completely forgot about that. You'd think that the mare would too but maybe she's trying to lighten up the mood?

                                            >But you can only give her a heavy sigh as a reaction to that.

                                            "Forget it, Twilight."

                                            >"W-what?"

                                            >Is she honestly surprised? She looks disappointed. Was she actually looking forward to it?

                                            >Well, it makes sense, as you thought it wasn't really a punishment for losing the bet. Maybe it would've been something you can both enjoy. But the moment is lost.

                                            "I don't really want to do it anymore. You know, I thought I'd come here, tease you about your books, then pick a chapter to reenact, the one right before the smut starts, but only that chapter - to tease you more."

                                            >Twilight gulps.

                                            "But what then? Where would this go, how would it end? Am I to continue with acting against my better judgement, just to see how far are you willing to take it? So we end up in bed even though there's no reason for it other than that, just to see how far are we willing to go? And where do we go from there? Go our separate ways like nothing happened or maybe become a couple? Is this scenario really enough to prompt such a development?"

                                            >"Or better yet, I, being fed up with teasing, would force the action when you refuse to go on with the play and it would seem like I'm just jumping at the opportunity to have sex like it has always been my endgame, even though there's no indication that it's what I actually want aside from the books that aren't necessarily a reflection of my own desires. That would only mean I merely needed an excuse, and on top of being a bit rape-y it would be really ironic to see it end like that after what was said here - about the deeper meaning and believable interactions contrasted by ridiculous setups that only serve as a way to excuse the porn."

                                            "Transitioning that into a sex scene would be something right out of those books - a vulgar, cheap and opportunistic payoff that would invalidate the setup completely, making our previous conversation absolutely meaningless. It would defeat the whole purpose of what we've discussed here today."

                                            >"But then the question is - if not that, then what? Is it not better to end on a brighter note than not end at all? Isn't any sort of payoff better than no closure at all?"

                                            >She looks at you with hope, almost pleading. There has to be a better way to resolve this. But you can't see it. You want this to be a happy end for both of you but you just can't grasp it. You're exhausted and you just want to be free from this conversation and these thoughts.

                                            >You want to feel good about yourself and you want the same for Twilight. But isn't that ironic that it's the kind of thing you can't afford right now?

                                            "I just don't know anymore. All of this is honestly kinda depressing."

                                            >"What? Why?"

                                            "I dunno, I'm just not feeling it anymore. I'm sorry, Twilight."

                                            >"I knew it! You're such a tease!" she exclaims, stomping her hoof in cutely exaggerated frustration.

                                            "Oh well, maybe my plan to tease you was a success after all."

                                            >You give her a weak smile, still trying to turn this into something salvageable. To no avail. Twilight settles down, probably realizing that you're not playing right now.

                                            >It probably came out bitter so she's a bit concerned now, sitting in her chair silently and looking away.

                                            >"It's ok, I'm not mad at you or anything, can we just forget about all this?"

                                            >And now you're making her sad because you're sad. Faggot.

                                            >What was the point of it all then? Are you going to finish it on such a sour note?

                                            "What was the point then?" you say.

                                            >"What was the point then?" she says.

                                            "What was the point then?" you repeat out loud, finally giving up and putting your quill down.

                                            >Writing it down a few times didn't help so no wonder saying it didn't help as well.

                                            >Spilling your concerns on the paper as a character dialogue wasn't the smartest thing you've done too. Now you'd have to re-write this segment if you ever return to it.

                                            >You recline in your special romance writing chair and sigh, looking at the crystal ceiling.

                                            >This thing went nowhere pretty fast. You have no choice but to admit that the idea was weak right from the start and sitting on it for a few days wasn't good enough.

                                            >At first you were content with finishing it on a lewd note but actually writing the setup that was supposed to lead to it somehow made you a bit sad.

                                            >It's the whole writer thing that ruined it.

                                            >Would that happen for real if you decided to publish your works? You'd be exposed just like that if you used a pen name as well.

                                            >Closing your eyes you clear your head for a second. Then you catch a stray thought about wanting Anon's opinion on this whole thing.

                                            >No, you can't do it. Maybe later when...

                                            >When you get a bit closer?

                                            >Just as you open your eyes and your already hazy gaze glances over your clock on the table you remember what day it is.

                                            >Anon should be here any moment now! He's never late on Thursdays after all.

                                            >For a second there you think you should just dispose of that failure of a story and start something different later. But you know you're not going to, you've learned to fight these urges.

                                            >You'll just shelve it with the rest, never showing it to anypony.

                                            >Walking up to the door you also think about turning that story into a meta-commentary, just for laughs.

                                            >Nah, it won't work. It never works. Whatever. You decide to stop dwelling on it for now.

                                            >You have a wonderful day with your reading buddy ahead of you and you can't let anything spoil it for you.

                                            >Right on time you hear a few knocks and open the castle doors before Anonymous.

                                            "Hey, Anon, good to see you!"

                                            >"Hey, Twilight, likewise."

                                            >He smiles at you and you smile at him. Everything is good.

                                            >You two proceed to the hall and as you spot his backpack full of books all the little problems finally leave your head.