What Are You Thinking About?


                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "Huh? Oh, sorry, I sort of got lost in thought."

                                            >The inquisitive purple unicorn at your side smiles.

                                            >"What are you thinking about?"

                                            "You know, this and that..."

                                            >How can you ever explain it to her? Sometimes you try to wrap your head around the fact that you're in Equestria and it makes that head hurt.

                                            >Even though this little librarian pony who is apparently also new in this village helps you cope with everything around you it's impossible to shake the feeling of being an alien here.

                                            >Not to mention Twilight is pretty much the only pony to actually accept you as her equal, others are still cautious of you. Twilight says it's 'typical' of them to act that way.

                                            >At least this unicorn's tree library is always open for you.

                                            >She thought that helping you the way that works for her would make everything better. It didn't, but it's better than nothing.

                                            >Reading together with her and talking about your respective worlds never gets boring. You are honestly a bit surprised how interested she is about everything you have to say.

                                            "I guess I wanted to thank you...again," you conclude.

                                            >Twilight's eyes shine in the candle light and she giggles.

                                            >"You don't have to. I already told you, it's fun having you here."

                                            "Is it really okay for you to stay up this late just because of me?"

                                            >"I'm not a filly, Anonymous," Twilight frowns. "The more I learn now the better."

                                            "You don't have to learn all of it as fast as possible, you know."

                                            >"Pfft, I know I don't HAVE to, but..."

                                            >She suddenly hesitates to explain further.

                                            "But?"

                                            >The tree library falls silent and Twilight looks away. The only candle that survived that long to shine its light upon two nightly readers, partners in "staying up late" crime, almost goes out because of the mare's sigh.

                                            >"But I don't know how long you're going to stay here."

                                            "What? Where did that come from?" you chuckle.

                                            >"If you don't even know how you got here, how do you know you're going to remain here for long?" She pauses and continues in a more subtle tone. "Or maybe you'll just get bored."

                                            "Of what?"

                                            >"Well, coming here and reading w-"

                                            >She stutters for a moment but powers through it and finishes her thought:

                                            >"...with me."

                                            "You know that won't happen any time soon."

                                            >"How can you be so sure?"

                                            >"For one, I still want to hear what happened after the initial pre-Equestria unicorn houses broke into that civil war, second-"

                                            >"Anon, I'm being serious here!"

                                            >You suddenly see blush on her face and only then realize this is probably the first time she has ever called you just 'Anon'.

                                            "Well you know what, I am too," you can't help but smile at the rather ridiculous conversation you are actually having right now.

                                            >"You're always just-"

                                            "I am serious, I still have a lot to learn and I'm not sure I can even live here without you."

                                            >You really meant to say "without your help" but it was too late to correct it. This doesn't help Twilight's blush at all.

                                            >Realizing you're now way past salvaging the situation, you decide that you're not even going to bother.

                                            >"I...appreciate the sentiment," Twilight clears her throat.

                                            >The nightly Ponyville outside is quiet and now that the awkward pause is filling the air nothing but the sound of the wind is here dispel it.

                                            >"I see your point," Twilight reiterates, hoping you'll pick up the conversation after her.

                                            "I only wanted to say that I don't really have anywhere else to go if I want to at least be able to talk to someone."

                                            >"No worries, ponies will see that they're wrong about you soon enough. I'm sure of it."

                                            "It's been a few months already, I'm not sure-"

                                            >"Ponies change. Who knows what's gonna happen in a year, right?" Twilight tries to reassure you.

                                            "Yeah, right."

                                            >"And you can always count on me. If you still feel like a stranger I'm not against you visiting more frequently."

                                            >Only a second later Twilight notice that it's her who has worded things in a funny way. Unlike you, she is quick to fix it.

                                            >"T-to study and read more, I mean! He-he-heh. If you want."

                                            >This makes you laugh and Twilight laughs together with you. Quietly, of course, to not disturb Spike who is sleeping nearby.

                                            "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

                                            >For a moment you look into each other's eyes and somehow you feel like you've never actually looked into them from such a close distance.

                                            >Everything around you is strange, but for some reason this pony doesn't feel that way.

                                            >Maybe things don't have to actually change much if you have a friend like that to turn to.


                                            >"Anon?"

                                            "Huh? Sorry, I think I got lost in thought there for a moment."

                                            >The relaxed purple princess on your lap smiles.

                                            >"What are you thinking about?"

                                            "You know, this and that..."

                                            >You can't really explain what's on your mind to her. Mainly because it's impossible to do so without worrying her more, and she certainly doesn't need that right now.

                                            >Twilight has enough on her plate. You musings on your future would only distract her from-

                                            >"Are you thinking about what's gonna happen now?"

                                            >The princess closes her eyes and you pet her neck and wings while she rubs your shoulder with her soft cheek.

                                            >Yeah, she's got you all figured out. She didn't even have to ask.

                                            >Your gaze falls upon the strange magical sun-turning device once again and it tells Twilight everything she needs to know, as if she needed confirmation.

                                            "Sorry," you push out of yourself.

                                            >"What for?" she smiles. "I know you think you shouldn't make me worry, but you worrying about it makes me worry anyway."

                                            >Giggling at her own sentence Twilight reaches out to your face from your hug and plants a kiss on your cheek.

                                            >Then she relaxes again, snuggling closer to you on your treasured special 'romantic' chair.

                                            >It's situated on the crystal castle's balcony and is reserved for those times when you really need to let the wind carry your thoughts away and just enjoy each other.

                                            >"Are you scared, Anon?"

                                            "I am."

                                            >There's no shame in admitting it. Your hand slides to Twilight's belly as if to confirm it's still there.

                                            >It's so subtle now. Yet you both know it's only a matter of time before everyone will know. Right when the princess is summoned to Canterlot again to deal with all those formalities and...stay there?

                                            >Forever? What's going to happen to this place then? What's going to happen to-

                                            >"Oh dear," Twilight shakes her head and you note that she's been watching you pondering this all this time. "Scratch that, it IS serious."

                                            >You hear sarcasm in her voice and it makes you furrow your brow.

                                            "Twilight, it is."

                                            >"You're worrying more than I used to back in the day, you know that?"

                                            "Yeah, for a good reason!"

                                            >"Everything is under control now. Everything's fine."

                                            >You only sigh in return.

                                            >Twilight sits up on your legs so her eyes are directly in front of you; there is nowhere to hide from her gaze.

                                            >"Are you saying that all the threats to Equestria pale in comparison to...moving to a different place with just a little bit more responsibilities?"

                                            "I'm not saying that," you admit.

                                            >"Or are you that worried because it's not just about me now?"

                                            "How can I not?" you bring your mare closer and she falls into your hug. "But it's not like this is the only reason, if you want to insinuate that I don't care about-"

                                            >"I know, I know. Sorry for teasing you," her hoof caresses your cheek. "I love you, Anon. I promise, everything is going to be fine. You'll see."

                                            >You know by her smile that she's not really sorry, but on the other hand you don't actually blame her for coping with this like she does now.

                                            >Of all people you should know how seriously she is taking this.

                                            >It's not you who she's saying all these things to. She needs to be sure herself. That's why she gets to joke about it while you only hug her close.

                                            >You'll never let your wonderful mare go.

                                            "I love you too."

                                            >One last time you look at the enchanted device Twilight is entrusted with by her (former) mentor. It's more of a symbol for you. A sign of something that will change life forever for both of you, just in time to compete with another life-changing thing you have brought upon her.

                                            >You prefer thinking about the latter.

                                            >With Twilight's head on your shoulder you look up to the night sky.

                                            >These stars never fail to amaze you even if you know everything about it because of Twilight.

                                            >Will the stars shine as bright for you in Canterlot? Will your kid see it the same way you do? Know why it's so breathtaking to you?

                                            >This is all so sudden, it's like time is moving by too fast for you to notice. It makes you appreciate these little moments alone with your beloved purple mare even more.

                                            >Your hand once again makes a full circle across the ever so small bump on your pony's belly.

                                            >You've come so far together yet changes still scare you.

                                            >Somehow you don't feel like you'll ever get used to that.


                                            >"Anon?"

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >The calm purple alicorn at your side covers your back with her enormous wing and moves closer.

                                            >"What are you thinking about?"

                                            "You know, this and that..."

                                            >There is no way to explain it to her. Rather you don't really want to dig up that old topic again.

                                            >Ha-ha. Old. Just like you are. And that's the topic.

                                            >Of course you can't evade Twilight's brilliant intuition fueled by decades of experience dealing with you, so she knows exactly what you're thinking about without you having to explain anything.

                                            >Just asking a question and looking at your reaction is enough.

                                            >"Aw..." The mare giggles softly. "What was it this time?"

                                            "Does it need to be something specific?"

                                            >"It usually is. Was it a postcard again or something else from them this time?"

                                            >You shake your head and sigh.

                                            "I don't really need a reason to notice what I am, you know. Maybe I looked in the mirror this morning and thought to my-"

                                            >Twilight shuts your grumbling with a nice smooch on your lips.

                                            >Now that she matches your height both standing and sitting it's so easy for her to do that she does it all the time.

                                            >She probably thinks it makes you feel younger. Still saying she finds you just as attractive as always... What a dirty unapologetic flatterer she is.

                                            >Well, she really knows how to dispel your blues, that's for sure.

                                            >"Feeling better, dear?"

                                            "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

                                            >Smiling again, Twilight nuzzles your cheek and brings you closer with her wing hug. Watching the stars with her never gets old, no matter where you go.

                                            >Canterlot's tower would've been even better but there's no way you're going to walk all the way up there right now and you're not in the mood to bother Twilight about giving you a ride.

                                            >Instead you settle for just watching the night out of your quarters. Sometimes when Twilight's paperwork takes a bit too long you just start staring up and soon your mare joins you, even if it means going to bed a bit later.

                                            >You've been growing quite sentimental these days, you suppose. Both of you have.

                                            >"Oh, come on," Twilight pulls you out of another big ponder. "Are you still on that?"

                                            "No, not really..."

                                            >"Don't tell me it's this drastic. Do I need to gather our children, grandchildren and grand-grandchildren for a party AGAIN?"

                                            >You both sneer at that memory. That one was certainly a reminder that you haven't been in Equestria for nothing.

                                            "Yeah, that would've been nice... wouldn't it?"

                                            >Twilight knows it is important for you. She's joking now but you know deep inside she's the one who is the most concerned about you.

                                            >"Don't get all sad and grumpy on me again," she pleads. "We've been through this so many times now..."

                                            "I guess with time I'm starting to think about it more?" you stroke your long grey beard and try to smile.

                                            >"Stop that."

                                            >She sounds absolutely serious now and it would be wise to comply.

                                            >Twilight hates to think about it. She has asked Celestia so many times but there's just no way to 'learn' how to deal with something this inevitable. It's not something anyone can teach her.

                                            >It's hard to admit it but you've been on borrowed time for a while now. Even living in Equestria with all its magic, healthy food, air and love all around you can't prolong your existence forever.

                                            >There's no shortage of those who want you to remain here forever though. Some were born into Equestria where Twilight and you are the highest power. They can't even imagine this world without you.

                                            >However, across all of the land no pony feels that way stronger than your dear mare.

                                            >"Don't you start again," Twilight barely whispers.

                                            >This time it's your turn to hug your pony and she leans in as soon as your hand touches her massive body.

                                            >You are pretty much the only thing left from the old days. When she was young. When everything was new and exciting.

                                            >And for you, only Twilight ever mattered. Your life before her in another world is like a distant dream.

                                            >It's like you've only ever lived for her. Like she's the very reason you're even alive.

                                            >You've been through so much together it's impossible for you to imagine yourself without her. No matter what you always had each other.

                                            >That's why you know how hard it is for her to imagine a future without you.

                                            >"I'll find a way, Anon," she reassures herself. "I won't let it happen."

                                            "I believe in you, Twilight."

                                            >You really do, even if the chances are minimal and most of the spells she has tried so far didn't work. But even if she fails in the end, it wasn't all for naught.

                                            >She's a wise pony. She knows more than anyone else how to look at the brighter side.

                                            >Maybe she really should throw that reunion party again. At least the look on the youngest generation will be priceless when they realize they have to visit their decrepit alien ancestor once again.

                                            >This brings a smile on your face and Twilight sighs in relief finally seeing it.

                                            >She snuggles closer to you and you pet her neck with your old wrinkled fingers she still enjoys so much.

                                            "Sorry I'm so disgruntled lately.'

                                            >"It's fine, dear."

                                            "You know I love you despite that."

                                            >"I know, and I love you too."

                                            >There's no real need to say it for you two, but on the other hand there's no reason not to as well. So you just nod in approval and kiss your alicorn's cheek.

                                            >Both of you know that change is scary and everything ends some day. No matter what others say about living for a long time, the simple truth is that you don't ever want to leave her side.

                                            >But that's still so far away. You have lived for more than any human could dream of already, who's to say you won't live for even twice this long?

                                            >Right now you have your beautiful mare to continue sharing your life with until there's nothing more to share. That alone makes everything worth it.


                                            >"Anon..."

                                            >The purple alicorn looks up at the sky above Canterlot.

                                            >"What are you thinking about, I wonder."

                                            >She shakes her head hearing laughter behind her, barely louder than the festive music.

                                            >"I almost cancelled our reunion this year. How silly of me, don't you agree?"

                                            >All the light in the modern and bright Canterlot can't snuff out the candles of stars, forever unchanging up there.

                                            >No, that's not it. 'Forever' is just a fancy word for those who deny the fear of changes.

                                            >The purple mare knows better.

                                            >"Celestia told me it's silly," she continues after a pause. "But I already realized that it is a bit selfish to do that. It was always a celebration of those who look forward, not those who we have left behind."

                                            >Eventually all will be left behind. It has already started happening to her family.

                                            >A few generations are gone already, and the youngest doesn't even remember it. It's so frightening to think about, so cold, yet...

                                            >The mare realizes that despite that everything moves on. Everything...changes.

                                            >Change is not her enemy. It is something she has to accept. Otherwise it is her who will be truly left behind.

                                            >"I think you were right to make it annual, dear," Twilight looks up again. "I can't even imagine a year without it now."

                                            >She sighs and a faint smile appears on her muzzle.

                                            >"That way I can look forward to our reunion too."

                                            >The ballroom window closes behind the alicorn who is called to join the party and give a speech, as she always does.

                                            >Looking all around her she sees not those she will eventually part with, but those who carry on the legacy of those she loved most dearly.

                                            >Let the cold stars above glare down on that futile pursuit of preserving something that might as well be a passing moment. Their turn will come eventually. Even the stars aren't forever unchanging.

                                            >And if even something as eternal and wondrous isn't safe from it, then who is one little purple pony to deny herself a little hope.