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[MOONDAY] Night Court

By Nebulus
Created: 16th July 2021 09:31:33 PM
13th January 2021 06:29:15 AM

  1. Some Anons in the /Moon/day thread were discussing silly questions regarding Luna on Google auto-complete. I made a quick short out of it.
  2.  
  3. ---
  4.  
  5. >You often ponder whether or not a thousand years of banishment was really the worst thing Celestia could have done.
  6. >And after holding Night Court for the last week or so, you have decided that being pressured to hold Night Court was probably worse than a millennium of stasis.
  7. >"Princess Luna, I appreciate that you are growing frustrated, but these are pressing questions that ponies need answers to."
  8. "And how," you say as you drag a hoof down your face, stretching the bags under your eyes, "is whether or not I am 'heavier' than my dear sister a matter of significance worthy of the royal court?"
  9. >"It is not for us to decide that, princess; we merely relay the most pressing matters of the day to you, and at the moment this is what ponies wish to know."
  10. "Canterlot ponies, or ponies from all over Equestria?"
  11. >"From all over, your highness."
  12. "Very well," you suck in a deep breath, then let it out, "proceed."
  13. >"Will you be attending the gala this year?"
  14. "Yes."
  15. >"Are you going to be wearing a green dress?"
  16. "No."
  17. >"What is your cutie mark?"
  18. "A crescent moon."
  19. >"Why is it not a full moon?"
  20. "Fate alone knows."
  21. >"Is Princess Celestia your mother?"
  22. "I... No, she is not."
  23. >"Is Lauren Faust your mother?"
  24. "I don't know who that is."
  25. >"Are you dead?"
  26. >You stare at the royal herald for a long time.
  27. >He waits patiently for your response.
  28. "...No, I am not dead."
  29. >"Do you have a coltfriend?"
  30. "Not currently."
  31. >"Will you be my marefriend?"
  32. "...Was that a proposition, herald, or merely one of the inquests?"
  33. >"That was one of the inquests, your highness."
  34. "No."
  35. >"Will you be my marefriend?"
  36. "You already--"
  37. >"That one was actually me."
  38. "The answer is still no."
  39. >"Are you allergic to the sun?"
  40. "No."
  41. >"How many hooves am I holding up?"
  42. >He holds up a single hoof.
  43. "One."
  44. >"And how many hooves am I holding up -now-?"
  45. >He hides his hoof behind his head.
  46. "...Still one."
  47. >"She's good," he mutters under his breath.
  48. >Your eyes drift to the small alarm clock you had taken to having beside your throne.
  49. >Hours yet remain of the Night Court.
  50. >You repress a shudder and look back to the herald.
  51. >"Is the sun your fetish?"
  52. "No."
  53. >"Have you ever kissed Celestia."
  54. "N--... No."
  55. >He cocks an eyebrow at you.
  56. >You glare at him.
  57. >He gulps and continues on.
  58. >"Is Princess Cadence your daughter?"
  59. "Certainly not."
  60. >"Is Shining Armor your son?"
  61. "No."
  62. >"When is your birthday?"
  63. >You manage a small smile.
  64. "The twelfth day of January."
  65. >"What is your last name?"
  66. "Imperia."
  67. >"How old are you?"
  68. "Older than you, child."
  69. >"...Princess Luna--"
  70. "You ought not ask a lady her age, herald; it is considered rude."
  71. >"R-right."
  72. >He looks down at his list, and blinks.
  73. >For a while he regards it dumbly, not sure what to say.
  74. "Is there a problem, herald?"
  75. >"I, uh, n-not as such?"
  76. "Is the question inappropriate?"
  77. >"Not really, well I'm not sure, actually."
  78. >You let out a weary sigh.
  79. "Ask it."
  80. >He wets his lips and looks up at you.
  81. >"...Are you autistic?"
  82. >You take a deep, calm breath through your nose, and gently let it out past your lips.
  83. "No, herald, I am not autistic."
  84. >"...Are you sure--"
  85. >The alarm clock, briefly airborne on account of a rush of blue magic, smashes dead-centre in the middle of his forehead with a resounding 'clang'; cogs, sprockets, and springs showering the floor as he drops to the tiles with a yelp.
  86. >You rise from your throne and address the stunned guards and few remaining nobles that had yet to speak in a frosty tone.
  87. "Night Court has ended. It will resume tomorrow evening at the same time. I trust you will not bother me with inane questions?"
  88. >The nobles all nod hastily.
  89. "Good. Have a pleasant evening."
  90.  
  91.  
  92.  
  93. "I am pleased to see you in good health, herald."
  94. >The royal herald sways slightly, the off-white gauze wrapped tightly around his head and secured with a giant safety pin stands in stark contrast to his grey coat and dusky blue mane.
  95. >"Glad to... glad to still be here, Princess Luna."
  96. >You nod at him and straighten your back, assessing the room.
  97. "Shall we begin with the night's inquests?"
  98. >He nods, wincing slightly, and waving forward the first noble.
  99. >An older stallion, dressed in the sort of finery one would expect of the aristocracy, stands before you confidently.
  100. >He holds his top hat in the crook of his foreleg and clears his throat, addressing you in a pleasingly straight-forward manner.
  101. >"Princess Luna, thank you for allowing me this opportunity to speak."
  102. "You are most welcome, subject; I trust that my counsel will be of use to you."
  103. >"I believe it will. The Canterlot Chamber of Commerce has convened to discuss recent developments following your reappearance; it seems that with her highness' presence, ponies have a renewed interest in night-time activities, and this presents an opportunity to capitalise; done properly, this will bolster local businesses within Canterlot, as well as provide an increase to tax revenue for the royal coffers."
  104. >You allow a small smile, pleased to finally be addressing something important.
  105. "I would be most interested to hear your proposals, my good stallion. What do you wish to know?"
  106. >"The Chamber is still discussing the specifics, and it may be some days before we decide on a collective plan of action, but until then we had but one question of great importance we needed your appraisal of."
  107. "Of course! Ask away."
  108. >"Would you rather fight one dragon-sized Celestia, or a hundred parasprite-sized Celestias?"
  109. >...
  110. >The stallion is limply dragged out of the chamber by a pair of royal guardsponies en route to the infirmary, his formerly well-shaped hat now securely up his bottom.
  111. >You scowl at the room before you, your good mood effectively ruined.
  112. >The herald clears his throat nervously.
  113. >Your eyes narrow at him.
  114. >"If... If it would please her highness, there are thirty one more subjects to be seen this evening."
  115. >The next noble steps forth timidly, flashing you a fearful grimace as your eyes bore into him.
  116. >Though your voice is low, all in the room hear you as you softly utter:
  117. "Begin."
  118.  
  119. >"Are you a unicorn?"
  120. "No."
  121.  
  122. >"Are you Nightmare Moon?"
  123. "Not... not anymore."
  124.  
  125. >"Why did you make friends with Nightmare Moon?"
  126. "Did you not hear the last pony? She was I, but I am not she, anymore."
  127.  
  128. >"Why did your hair change?"
  129. "It took a few days for my form to revert to its ordinary mature state upon my return from banishment."
  130.  
  131. >"What was it like on the moon?"
  132. "I was not -on- the moon, I was magically sealed within it."
  133.  
  134. >"What does the moon taste like?"
  135. "I do not know."
  136.  
  137. >"Why are you so popular?"
  138. "I... I was not aware that I was."
  139. >You glance away from the mare before you and look uncertainly to the herald.
  140. >He gives you a reassuring nod and a smile, wincing slightly as he does so.
  141. >You feel a faint blush and clear your throat into a hoof, trying not to let it show.
  142. "Thank you for letting me know, my dear lady."
  143. >"You're most welcome, your highness."
  144. "Do you require anything else?"
  145. >"Oh! Yes, one more thing."
  146. "Oh?"
  147. >"How old are you?"
  148.  
  149. >"How many alarm clocks do you have, and please can you throw one at me like you did at that mare just now?"
  150. "I had but a single clock tonight, but there shall be more, I assure you."
  151.  
  152. >"What is your favourite colour?"
  153. "Blue."
  154.  
  155. >"Would you rather explode or drown?"
  156. "What in the blazes...?"
  157.  
  158. >"How many foals do you think you could beat up at once?"
  159. >You stare in silence at the stallion before you.
  160. >Then put a hoof to your chin as you find yourself seriously considering how many you could take in a fight.
  161.  
  162. >"Are you my mother?"
  163. "No. I have no children."
  164. >"Could I call you 'mommy' anyway?"
  165. "Guard!" you shout to your side, "Get me another alarm clock!"
  166.  
  167. >"If I have three apples, and I eat two apples, how many apples am I left with?"
  168. "...One?"
  169. >"Oooh!" the filly nods excitedly and scribbles down her answer on her homework sheet.
  170. "How did you even get in? Who granted this filly an audience; herald?!"
  171.  
  172. >"How many foals do you think you could take in a fight?"
  173. "We've already--... Twenty thousand. More if I was fully-armoured."
  174. >"Nice."
  175.  
  176. >"Are you bad?"
  177. "I was."
  178. >"Why are you not bad anymore?"
  179. "Because being bad is... bad."
  180. >"Why is bad, bad?"
  181. "Bad is bad because bad is bad."
  182. >"Baddy bad?"
  183. "Bad badda bad."
  184. >"Babdadbad"
  185. "Babb-- what devilry is this-- guards! Arrest her for witchcraft!"
  186.  
  187. >"How are you?"
  188. >...
  189. >You blink and cock your head.
  190. >The last noble stands before you.
  191. >A slight, rather old stallion; dressed in simple clothes compared to his predecessors.
  192. >He waits patiently for you to answer, and when you do not he ventures his question again.
  193. >"I, uh, I said how are you?"
  194. "I am... well. I am doing well."
  195. >"Are you glad to be back with your sister?"
  196. >A faint smile graces your lips.
  197. "I am."
  198. >"Did you miss her?"
  199. "I... did. I missed her very much."
  200. >"I'm glad you came back, Princess. It's nice to see that Princess Celestia is smiling again."
  201. >You frown at him.
  202. "What do you mean?"
  203. >He shrugs and glances around at the now largely empty room.
  204. >"She was always smiling before, but as long as I've lived here it always seemed forced; like she was acting happy just to keep the rest of us at peace. Now that you're back, it's the first time I've ever seen her genuinely smile."
  205. >...
  206. >"Princess Luna?"
  207. >Your head hangs low, and you desperately try not to let the noble see the tears welling in your eyes.
  208. >It doesn't work, and you can't help but let out a small sob.
  209. >You hear movement, and glance up again to see both he and the herald, as well as a few of your personal guard, standing at the foot of the dais, regarding you with worry.
  210. >"Are you alright?" the noble asks once more, his voice soft, and tender eyes searching.
  211. >You give them all a quivering smile.
  212. "Y-yes, I'm... I'm fine."
  213. >Your smile stretches wider, and you let out an involuntary laugh, the first you've had in a very long time.
  214. "I think I'm going to be fine."
  215.  
  216. The End.

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