[FLUTTERRAPE] Thread Shorts Volume 4


                                            I wrote another series of shorts in the thread, so I've saved them.


                                            ---


                                            "She got caught in the underwear drawer again."

                                            - Anonymous, regarding Derpy.


                                            "Wh... Oh Jesus Christ-- Fluttershy!"

                                            >"What?"

                                            "Derpy got into the god-damned bathtub again!"

                                            >"How does she keep getting in?! Is the window open?"

                                            "I don't-- hang on she's trying to get out but her hooves can't grip the side of the tub."

                                            >"Do I need to get the spray bottle?"

                                            "Yeah, get the bottl-- actually don't bother we're coming out."

                                            >"What?"

                                            "Hang on--"

                                            >"Wh-- Anon don't bring her in here!"

                                            "What do you want me to do? Throw her out the window?"

                                            >"Well no, but don't bring her into the bedroom, you know what happens when she-- Oh for goodness sake now look at her!"

                                            "Shhhit, no, Derpy, sweetie, don't--"

                                            >"Derpy!"

                                            "Derpy get out of the god-damn closet those clothes aren't yours."

                                            >"You can't wear my lingerie on your head, Derpy! It's not a hat!"

                                            "Derpy stop eating my underwear that's not food--"

                                            >"Can you grab her?"

                                            "Hang on, hang on, you know what she's like--"

                                            >"Careful!"

                                            "Like gripping a piece of wet rubber, Jesus Christ--"

                                            >"Can you get her out now? She's getting hair all over the place..."

                                            "Bugger--"

                                            >"Anon your hand--"

                                            "Yes, sweetie, I know my hand is inside her."

                                            >"She's panting..."

                                            "I know, I know."

                                            >"Eww! Don't touch the door handle!"

                                            "What?"

                                            >"Use your other hand?"

                                            "What do you--"

                                            >"Use the hand that wasn't just wrist-deep inside the mail mare!"

                                            "Oh, sorry."

                                            >"You know it leaves a smell, remember Sunday?"

                                            "Don't remind me; alright, Derps, let's get you back outside."

                                            >...

                                            "There."

                                            >"Is she gone?"

                                            "For now."

                                            >"You have to remember to shut the bathroom window, Anon, it's like leaving a light on outside and being surprised when moths start coming near it."

                                            "I get it."

                                            >"At least she didn't find my um... you know, again."

                                            "The vibrator?"

                                            >"You don't have to just blurt it out like that..."

                                            "Relax, Shy, we're both adults. You're a mare with needs."

                                            >"...So is she."

                                            "Hm?"

                                            >"She's got needs."

                                            "...What--"

                                            >"Special needs."

                                            "...Oh that was terrible."

                                            >"You're smiling!"

                                            "You're a terrible pony, Fluttershy."

                                            >"Ahhh but you're smiling!"

                                            "God I love you."


                                            ---


                                            "bro you literally cannot write worse than me"

                                            - Anonymous, issuing a challenge.


                                            >"non"

                                            "oh no the ponk has come"

                                            >"it is time for a chase?"

                                            "i mean i gues?"

                                            >"okay?"

                                            "okay."

                                            >"i am givee the chasee"

                                            "pant pant oh what a day for exercise"

                                            >"you are mine now"

                                            "fug :DDD"

                                            >"time to enter the pě̬nk̝͙͇ zó̰͕̩͊̚n͖ͭe"

                                            "crap not that thats like the worst thing ever thats evne worse then aids"

                                            >"ur life is worst than aids lmao"

                                            "haha fuckin gottem"

                                            >"rekt"

                                            "realy tho pleas don't rape"

                                            >"sorry anon it is my cutie mark"

                                            "i thought your cutie mark was 3 ballons"

                                            >"no its 3 filled condoms"

                                            "what a twist"

                                            >"haha yeah"

                                            "lol"


                                            ---


                                            "nothing can stop you from re-writing it, anon. it's a decent skeleton for a story"

                                            - Anonymous, attempting to be encouraging.


                                            "realy tho pleas don't rape"

                                            >"sorry anon it is my cutie mark"

                                            "i thought your cutie mark was 3 ballons"

                                            >"no its 3 filled condoms"

                                            "what a twist"

                                            >"haha yeah"

                                            "lol"

                                            >penko pauses for a sec, thingken:

                                            >"I must concede something to you, fair Anonymous; the spectre of self-awareness has graced my thoughts, and I find myself quite filled with doubt."

                                            "Pray tell, have your vile acts prompted internal reflection?"

                                            >"It may very well be thus. Perhaps I ought take note of my uncharacteristic actions these minutes past. To be selected by the hand of fate to represent Laughter is a humbling gesture, and if I am to swear fealty to the enigmatic machinations of the tapestry of destiny, surely I must reign in my sordid impulses and strive to better myself in spite of my more primal urges."

                                            "Such is the fate of all who find themselves holding positions of import; willing or otherwise."

                                            >"Am I truly condemned to be burdened with this office until the flame of life within my breast dies a death?"

                                            "So it would seem, my saccharine companion."

                                            >"An ignoble end to one such as I."

                                            "How so?"

                                            >"My libido and treacherous disregard for the personal space of my comrades is legend. Yet now I am to cease such merriment in service of a higher calling? I am not ready for such a change, Anonymous."

                                            "Pinkamena, you must understand that if not you, then whom else? To spread laughter is your calling, and if this demands that you relinquish your efforts to practice non-consensual struggle snuggles, then so it must be."

                                            >"We are naught but actors in this grand cosmic theatre, Anonymous."

                                            "Yet we have the awareness to play along. If this is truly a stage, then we must take a commanding role."

                                            >"Your words stir me. Thank you, my gentle friend."

                                            "You are most welcome."

                                            >...

                                            "Now please get off my dick. Your horse pussy feels gross and weird."


                                            ---


                                            ">reign in."

                                            "Rein in. It's literally a horse term."

                                            Anonymous, tempting fate by daring to correct my speeling.


                                            >"...surely I must reign in my sordid impulses and strive to better myself in spite--"

                                            "Hold up."

                                            >"...What?"

                                            "You said 'reign'."

                                            >"Yeah? Rein? I know."

                                            "No no, you said 'reign', like, with a G."

                                            >"How would you even know? I spoke the word, Anon, I didn't spell it out."

                                            "Yeah but... I don't know, actually."

                                            >Her face becomes concerned, and she looks around before leaning closer to you.

                                            >"...Hey, do you ever get the impression that people are judging what we say?"

                                            "What do you mean?"

                                            >"Well, I was thinking to myself the other day about how much I daydream and don't actually -do- things, and I said to myself 'Pinkie Pie, you need to get out there and try something new. Fantasies are a diamond dozen, it's actions that really matter!'."

                                            "Right?"

                                            >"And then I just got this feeling that 'diamond dozen' is wrong. Is it wrong to say that?"

                                            "I don't think so?"

                                            >"Well neither did I, but when I said it I had this weird feeling like people were watching me from behind an invisible window, shaking their heads and disapproving of me for saying it."

                                            "Ahh, don't worry too much about that. It's a doggy dog world out there, there are always goin--"

                                            >...

                                            "...Woah."

                                            >"You just felt it then, didn't you!"

                                            "Yeah, yeah I think I did."

                                            >You sit up, your arms reaching around Pinkie protectively as you look over your shoulder to see if there's anyone behind you both.

                                            >There isn't, but you still feel eyes upon you.

                                            "Are... we being watched?"

                                            >"Nonny?" she whines, "I-I don't like this!"

                                            "It's okay," you stroke her mane and shush her as she begins to whimper, "we're going to be fine."

                                            >You stand up, holding the mare that was intending to rape you not moments before.

                                            "We'll speak to Twilight, she'll know what to dew."

                                            >...

                                            >You and the mare in your arms both shudder as you feel the invisible eyes scrutinise you further.


                                            ---


                                            Anonymous posted a picture of Maud licking a carrot suggestively.

                                            Word of warning, this one's straight-up clop.


                                            >A bead of sweat rolls down your furrowed brow.

                                            >Pinkie Pie is still humming to herself as she attends to her mixing bowl, oblivious to what's going on behind her.

                                            >Your eyes dart back to the earthen mare beside you.

                                            >Her expression half-lidded, she once again raises the impressively sized carrot to her lips.

                                            >She lightly touches the very tip with her tongue; the glistening muscle tracing rings around the carrot's end.

                                            >Her eyes don't leave you as she slides the vegetable into her mouth, her tongue resting on her lower teeth as a cushion, allowing the carrot smooth passage into her hot, patient maw.

                                            >You watch, fists clenching until your knuckles become white, as the entire length enters her; the mare unfazed by the girth of it.

                                            >A slight bulge appears in her throat, and you swallow unconsciously as it begins to slowly move back and forth, the mare casually deep-throating herself with a carrot.

                                            >After a few seconds of this, and not a single bodily reaction or reflexive gag from Maud, she draws the carrot back out, still with her eyes locked onto yours.

                                            >The moistened carrot now in her hoof, she gives it a final, agonisingly slow lick; her tongue travelling across the ridged surface of the carrot from its weighted end to tapered tip.

                                            >And after a final, lingering kiss--

                                            >Slices carrot in half with a single guillotine bite; the sudden crunch so loud you jump.

                                            >Her eyes drop from your face to your crotch, then back up again; the mare bounces her eyebrows once.

                                            >She finishes chewing, swallows, and in a low, monotone drawl:

                                            >"So how about it; wanna take a risk?"


                                            >Maud casts a careless gaze back at her sister, who is still working away at her dessert.

                                            >"Hope you guys are still hungry!" she chirps.

                                            >The older sister looks back to you, a faint smile creasing her otherwise impassive face.

                                            >"I'm very hungry, Pinkie Pie." she looks pertinently to you.

                                            >"Well you just hold onto your butt, little missy! Don't go anywhere until I'm done!" Pinkie calls over her shoulder.

                                            >"Don't worry, I won't." comes the response.

                                            >Maud slinks off her chair soundlessly.

                                            >She stalks around to your side of the table, her posture that of a predator on the prowl, making sure to drag her hooves in a way that doesn't make noise on the tiled surface.

                                            >The mare ducks her head under the furniture, her tail disappearing under it as she comes to a stop between your legs, hidden from view by the chequered tablecloth.

                                            >Her head pokes out, the mare fixing you with the same half-smile she wore a few moments ago.

                                            >Your hands are still clasped together on the table, the rest of you hunched over and leaning forward.

                                            >You feel hot breath on the front of your thin pants, and a steady, firm pair of hooves begin working at your belt and zip.

                                            >Trying to control your breathing, you glance up from the grey mare beneath you and look to her sister.

                                            >She's moving around the kitchenette, gathering ingredients for her next culinary masterpiece.

                                            >You clench your teeth as you feel the brisk air of the kitchen contrast against the moist exhales from Maud as your bare skin is exposed.

                                            >The rough edge of Maud's hoof finds your anticipating member, your heart leaping at the touch.

                                            >More comforting heat is married with a sudden dampness, and your toes curl in your shoes.

                                            >You let out a restrained, shuddering breath as Pinkie's sister takes you in her mouth, the mare's tongue delicately wrapping around your already-engorged measure.

                                            >She does not accept you into her mouth; she takes you, hungrily.

                                            >Her head begins to nod, your length secure amidst the flushed heat of her mouth with not a single tooth to be felt.

                                            >Your mind alternates between panicked, racing thoughts and a rush of excitement as your eyes flick between Pinkie Pie, with her soft, absent-minded humming, and Maud, currently satiating herself with your pole.

                                            >Pinkie is none the wiser; innocently going about her business as her sister sits below you, fucking her own mouth against your lap.

                                            >The mare's muzzle makes brief but repeated contact with your skin as your glans swabs the back of her throat.

                                            >You feel it contort around you, but the mare herself makes no noise, save for the occasional 'shlick' of air and spittle escaping the vacuum of her lips.

                                            >For her part, Maud shudders slightly, and you now see that one of her hooves is firmly between her hind legs under her dress, fervently working herself as she indulges in your meat.

                                            >A creeping sensation begins to build as you feel yourself getting closer.

                                            >Your hand finds the back of Maud's head instinctively, lightly pushing her on.

                                            >She increases her tempo, her solemn stoicism reaching its breaking point as you see her cheeks flush and hear scarcely audible squeaks escaping her.

                                            >Every muscle tenses; every sense is muted save the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears; your eyes bulge and breath catches in your chest as your hand grips Maud's mane in a fist and drags her forward, wedging her face against your crotch, forcing your aching shaft as far as it will go into her mouth's zealous embrace.

                                            >You spasm in your seat as the first of many such twitches seeds Maud's throat, the mare voraciously swallowing all that she can.

                                            >Her cheeks are wet with tears; spittle and your own juices blending and escaping the corners of her mouth, dampening your lap.

                                            >Your vision is locked onto Maud's wavering turquoise gaze.

                                            >Though she likely can't see through her watered eyes, she refuses to blink lest she break the spell between you two.

                                            >With a final quiver, you expel the rest of yourself, and she dutifully receives your gift.

                                            >Your hand releases her mane, a few strands of purple hair pulling away stuck to your sweat-laden palm.

                                            >She draws back reluctantly, your length leaving her tender mouth to once again be graced by the cool air of the kitchen.

                                            >A hoof reaches up to lift your spent member, and she nurtures it with a gentle kiss; lapping up the last bead of pearly white perilously balanced on the end.

                                            >With trembling hands, you tuck yourself away and reseal your belt as Maud retreats to the chair across from you.

                                            >You use one of the many kitchen towels dotted around the table to wipe your forehead, surprised at how exerted you feel.

                                            >Maud simply offers her ghostly smile before her expression returns to its regular unemotional state.

                                            >"Aaaand, done!"

                                            >Pinkie spins on the spot and beams at you both.

                                            >"That'll need to sit in the oven for about twenty minutes, but when it's done it'll be delicious!"

                                            >Her eager eyes dart between the two of you.

                                            >"Wow, you guys look, uh, sweaty. What's up?"

                                            "It's... hot in here. Must be the oven."

                                            >She nods, "Uh huh, yeah, I guess it can get pretty clammy in here."

                                            >The mare looks to Maud.

                                            >"You alright waiting for the buns to bake, Maud? Hope you're not -that- hungry!"

                                            >Her sister shakes her head.

                                            >"No, I think I'll be fine. I'm not as hungry as I thought I was, anymore."

                                            >Pinkie beams and bounces out the room.

                                            >"Welp! I gotta head to the little filly's room, back in a bit!"

                                            >Once gone, you look back to Maud.

                                            >She raises one of her hooves from beneath the tablecloth, and you notice that it shines in the sunlight streaming in through the window.

                                            >Lackadaisically, she begins to lick it clean, her half-lidded eyes regarding you with vague interest as she cleans herself up.

                                            >"Delicious," she flatly states.


                                            ---


                                            "Is dying prematurely your fetish Anon?"

                                            - Anonymous, channelling the spirit of Fluttershy.


                                            >Blink a few times and squint at her.

                                            "Go on, just run it past me again--"

                                            >"Is dying prematurely your fetish?"

                                            "Yeah I figured that's what you'd said; no, it isn't. I don't even see how it -could- be."

                                            >"Oh! It's easy! If someone you love dies early, it gets you really hard and in the mood to rut!"

                                            "Right; so if, in this instance, the person I loved wanted me to bang them, how would they reap what they had sown when they're incapable of experiencing it?"

                                            >"...What do you mean?"

                                            "If you died right now and I railed your lifeless corpse, how are you going to derive -any- pleasure from that?"

                                            >The mare thinks for a moment, then her eyes widen and the breath catches in her throat.

                                            >Fluttershy gawks at you, speechless.

                                            "...See what I'm getting at? It's a stupid--"

                                            >"A-am I the pony you love...?"

                                            "What? No--"

                                            >"You just implied that I was! Oh my goodness, you -do- love me! I knew I wasn't crazy!"

                                            >She clops her hooves excitedly on the ground, then casts her eyes skyward and shouts.

                                            >"Take that, grandpa! Who's going to die alone -now-, huh?!"

                                            >With that, she beams at you, then promptly grabs her own head with her hooves and jerks it to the side with a gut-wrenching 'SNAP'.

                                            >...

                                            >You shift your feet uncomfortably, not sure what to do with the warm cadaver on your doorstep.

                                            "...Feel like the cops aren't gonna believe my side of the story on this one."


                                            >"And so as we commit Fluttershy's body to the very earth of which she was so enamoured, we reflect on the life she lived; the lives she nurtured, and the cycle of nature she dutifully upheld stewardship of..."

                                            >You listen to Mr Waddle drone on about Fluttershy; the mare's casket behind him closed and ready to be lowered into the ground.

                                            >One of your hands is gingerly patting the actual bear sat beside you as it blows its nose on a tissue.

                                            >"...With these final words," Waddle finishes, "we release her to become one with the soil."

                                            >Just as two stallions step forth to lower the casket, it bursts open.

                                            >"WAIT!" screams Fluttershy, emerging from within.

                                            >Waddle takes one look at her, and shakes his head gravely; he then looks at the nervous purple unicorn sat on the front row with a scowl.

                                            >"Necromancy again, Miss Sparkle? For shame."

                                            >"Hey!" Twilight retorts, "I had -nothing- to do with this one!"

                                            >Fluttershy smiles shakily and gazes at you.

                                            >"Anon...! O-oh, and Harry, hello Harry!"

                                            >Harry the bear faints, though thankfully he flops forward, rather than onto you.

                                            >"So um, I was in there for a while Anon, and I noticed that I'm not filled with cum yet. So did you need more time to get 'worked up' or was the venue not right?"

                                            >You stand up and walk out of the funeral without a word, leaving the remaining guests who hadn't fainted from shock to start screaming at Twilight, who, in her defense, really hadn't done anything this time.


                                            ---


                                            "Hey big guy~ Fluttershy sent me~"

                                            - Anonymous, channelling the spirit of Rainbow Dash.


                                            "Oh? What for?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash saunters to your bed, her eyes trailing up and down your body.

                                            >You're lying on your back, propped up against the headboard reading a book.

                                            >"Just to see what's up, you know?"

                                            >She hops up next to you, rearlegs dangling off the edge of the mattress and supporting her weight with one of her forelegs as she leans towards you.

                                            "Okay? Well, I'm just reading at the moment."

                                            >"Oh yeah? I like reading too."

                                            "That's... good."

                                            >"Yeah, I like Daring Do, that sort of thing." She develops a coy smirk. "But I also like other stuff as well."

                                            "...What, like thrillers?"

                                            >"I guess it's pretty thrilling," her eyebrows bounce at you.

                                            "...Murder mysteries?"

                                            >"Um, n-not quite, something more... risky."

                                            "Risky?"

                                            >"Yeah, you know; lewd?"

                                            "Oh, you mean 'risque'. You need to emphasis the 'ay' part on the end."

                                            >"Uh, right. Riskay."

                                            "Right. Well, that's nice."

                                            >Dash blinks once and attempts to recover her composure.

                                            >"So yeah, I like reading that stuff."

                                            "Neat."

                                            >"...Do you?"

                                            "Not really."

                                            >...

                                            >Dash clears her throat.

                                            >"Well books are boring anyway--" she grabs your book and casually tosses it over her shoulder, "I'm here for something more physical."

                                            "I'm kinda tired, Dash, I've been running around all day."

                                            >"Yeah you were~," she growls, "that outfit you were wearing was -hot-."

                                            "Damn right it was; I'm never going for a jog in sweatpants ever again, I must be insane."

                                            >"I'm feeling kind of insane right now." The mare grumbles under her breath. "Oh!" She feigns surprise as she shuffles over to you a bit closer and places her hoof directly on your crotch. "What's this? Are you happy to see me, Anon?"

                                            >You frown.

                                            "I'm always happy to see you, you're my friend."

                                            >"Right, but maybe we can be -more- than friends?" She begins rubbing her hoof in circles over your pants.

                                            "...What, like associates? Have you been thinking more about my proposal to start a sports drink company?"

                                            >Rainbow's eye twitches.

                                            >"No! I haven't! Ha ha! I've been thinking about you, and me, and how much I would like to -have sex with you-."

                                            >You look at her with suspicion.

                                            "I don't know, Rainbow, that seems a bit out of character for you."

                                            >She tries not to grind her teeth, and fails.

                                            "Don't you like mares?"

                                            >The pony stops grinding and simply stares at you.

                                            "You know, rainbow mane, and all."

                                            >The stare continues.

                                            "I thought you were, you know. On 'that side' of the stable door."

                                            >She stares.

                                            "A bit of a lady-regarder."

                                            >And stares.

                                            "A filly-fiddler."

                                            >And stares.

                                            "A muff diver."

                                            >...

                                            "A clam farmer."

                                            >...

                                            "A cave explorer."

                                            >...

                                            "A flower flicker."

                                            >...

                                            "A big gaylord--"

                                            >Rainbow's hoof hooks your nose and you're left with tears in your eyes as she storms out of your room with a frustrated scream.

                                            "What is it with lesbians and being angry all the time?" You wonder aloud.


                                            ---


                                            Anonymous posted a picture of Celestia saying "Go to bed. Now."


                                            >You tell Celestia in the politest possible terms to cease existing by way of a terminal-velocity swan dive off Canterlot Mountain.

                                            >"Wh-- Anonymous! I am trying to be pleasant, you've been awake for thirty-seven hours!"

                                            "And I'll be awake for thirty-seven more, now leave me to my coffee, you garishly-white eyesore."

                                            >"I would remind you that this is -my- castle, and -my- word is the law!"

                                            "That's very dictatorial of you, mein Fuhrer."

                                            >"Mine what...? Anonymous, go to bed. Now!"

                                            "I already said I'm not going to, and you can't force me."

                                            >Celestia, her expression flat, calmly extracts the porcelain mug of coffee from your limp grasp.

                                            >With a golden flare from her horn, she compresses it with such arcane force that by the time she's done it's a white-hot, sizzling, pea-sized ball of muddy brown.

                                            >She then casually allows it to drop, where it sputters from the contact with the cold surface of the marble tiles and rapidly begins to cool.

                                            >The Princess, whom you are now keenly reminded is the Princess of the Sun itself, steps forward with an unshakable resolve in her eyes.

                                            >"You are going to bed. You will rest, and when you wake up, you will apologise to me."

                                            "H-how would you like me to apologise?"

                                            >"I would like a hug; both arms, please; and then we will have breakfast together."

                                            "That... that sounds reasonable."

                                            >"Yes, quite. Now, are you going to give me an actual reason as to why you refuse to rest, or do I have to employ a more magical means of persuasion?"

                                            >Your eyes dart to the brown dot on the floor, then back to the patient magenta gaze regarding you.

                                            "...Luna keeps molesting me in my dreams."

                                            >"Again?"

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >"And how long has it been going on for this time?"

                                            "About three days."

                                            >She sighs, heavily.

                                            >"Very well; I shall have a word with her and see what I can do."


                                            >Later that night, you're running through a field towards the safety of a forest.

                                            >The trees never get any closer, however, and your legs are sluggish to respond to your frantic desire to move faster.

                                            >Behind you, Luna cackles gleefully as she merrily jaunts after her prey.

                                            >"Yes! Keep running! Oh how I love it when you struggle, love!"

                                            >Yet before she catches you and subjects you to another arduous night of moist, wet terror, she is hurled aside by a sudden display of radiance.

                                            >After a moment of confusion, your fear vanishes as the sombre clouds above are torn open to reveal Celestia, framed by the sun, her wings spread to their fullest, descending into your dream as an angelic deliverance.

                                            >Luna scowls as her sister softly settles on the grassy plain, the elder casting a reassuring smile at you before her expression sours and beholds her sibling.

                                            >"Luna, we spoke about this."

                                            >"Tis merely a bit of fun, Tia! Anonymous doesn't--"

                                            >"Luna."

                                            >Luna huffs and walks away from the two of you, dragging her hooves.

                                            >In a shimmer of midnight blue, she vanishes.

                                            >You face Celestia and give her a tired, weary smile.

                                            "I'm surprised; I didn't think you could enter dreams as she does."

                                            >"I learnt much from my millennia of solitary rule."

                                            "Well, thank you, Celestia, I truly appreciate it. I'm sorry for--"

                                            >"Ah ah, your apology can wait for tomorrow, Anonymous. As can mine."

                                            "...Yours?"

                                            >"Why yes, I will need to apologise to you as well."

                                            >Her serene smile broadens, and a riding crop is materialised beside her, floating in a gentle golden glow, along with a full tub of scented lubricant and the largest replica of a horse dick you've ever laid eyes on.

                                            >"Now start running. I -love- it when you struggle, dearest."


                                            ---


                                            "Is a good-looking, sexy mare your fetish?"

                                            - Anonymous, once more channelling the spirit of Fluttershy.


                                            >You slam your fist against the door a few times impatiently.

                                            >There is no response, and you can do little to distract yourself.

                                            >Tapping your foot for a good few seconds doesn't alleviate the stress, so you beat against the wood yet again.

                                            >A frustrated groaning can be heard inside, after which the door opens to reveal an aggravated Rainbow Dash.

                                            >"What, Anon? What now?!"

                                            >You let out a shuddering breath, trying to calm your nerves.

                                            "I-I want to come inside, Rainbow Dash."


                                            >You sit in a comfy chair and rub your hands on your knees as you rock slightly.

                                            >"I swear, the moment my cloud house is liveable again I'm going back; living on the ground sucks."

                                            >She grumbles some more as she moves around the side of her sofa and sets down a tray of hot caffeinated drinks.

                                            >Tea for her, coffee for you.

                                            >Never took Dash for a tea drinker, but then again you never thought she'd be living on the ground either; this month has been full of surprises.

                                            >"So," she sips her tea then gets comfortable, "what's up?"

                                            "I'm having another Fluttershy Day."

                                            >"Oh for-- again? Dude, these are happening more often now, what's going on with you?"

                                            "I don't know! Man, I -try-, Dash, I -try- to get a handle on it, but it's hard!"

                                            >"Well what was it this time?"

                                            "She was--" you shakily sip your coffee again, desperately willing the scorching liquid to distract you from your maddening thoughts, "--she was trying to see if wet manes were my fetish."

                                            >"Okay?"

                                            "And she took my garden hose, turned it on, and sprayed herself. Then she turns to me, and there's still water vapour in the air, you know?"

                                            >"Sure, I work with clouds for a living."

                                            "Right, so she turns to me, and there's vapour in the air, and the sun is right behind her, and a miniature rainbow framed her body and she looked so pure and delicate and oh my god Dash it's like God himself sent me an angel."

                                            >You gulp down another mouthful of blisteringly hot coffee, wishing that the agony erupting in your mouth and oesophagus would cleanse your mind.

                                            >Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes dismissively.

                                            >"It's not the first time she's been wet in front of you, Anon."

                                            "Of course not, but the wind caught the bits of her mane that weren't wet and they drifted elegantly in front of her and her eyes were so wide-- were they always that wide? --but she's staring at me with those deep blue eyes and her coat is so soft and glistening from the damp and the sun was illuminating her hips and ears-- Dash I don't know how much longer I can take this!"

                                            >You slump back in your chair, hands trembling.

                                            "Every time I close my eyes I can see her, and the look on her face just says "breed me". What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to resist that?"

                                            >"You've been pushing her away for like four years, Anon; you can do this! Just... think unsexy thoughts."

                                            "All I can think about is her."

                                            >"So explain to me again why you don't just go for her?"

                                            "I... I don't know! We've been doing this for so long I've kind of forgotten why I even started in the first place. I think I used to find her gross but the more we've hung out and chatted and she's modelled and dressed up for me and told me her darkest secrets and fears and I know what she likes and what gets her up in a morning and I know what kind of names she'd call her children and she's the single most stunning creature I've ever laid eyes and I think I'm going to snap--"

                                            >"Look, Anon," Dash sits up and gives you a measured look, "if this is really bugging you so much, just give it up."

                                            >You swallow the lump in your throat.

                                            "But... that'll give her what she wants! I can't let her win now, it's become a principle for me to reject her!"

                                            >"Sounds like you're super miserable though. Just let her win and get it over with."

                                            "What if it escalates? What if I fall in love with her?"

                                            >"...I mean...?" she gestures helplessly at you.

                                            >You hold her gaze for a second before bursting into tears.

                                            "Oh sweet Christ I'm in love with her! How did this happen?!"

                                            >Dash shrugs.

                                            >"Years of persistence, I guess."

                                            >She reaches over and awkwardly pats your shoulder as you tremble.

                                            >"There there, or something. It'll get better, or not; I dunno."

                                            >You continue to have a nervous breakdown regarding your infatuation with Equestria's most angelic pegasus as Equestria's most athletic pegasus sighs wearily.

                                            >"Sure wish I had a guy get this worked up over -me-..."


                                            The End.