[RGRAnthro] Anon Tries to Save the Anthroverse from Later Seasons

Reason this is posted here is because LaP regularly doesn't bin things. Will be removed upon or shortly thereafter being posted on his bin. Maybe.

 

*I am sure I am not using the right tags, but I'm confident that mainly the people in the RGRE thread will read this since it was posted there

 

"Not today, Sporkle! As of today I've had it with this shit!"

"Today I'll be causing a heck of a lot more than THAT!"

"Fuck off Sparkle! I can't die! It didn't work last time it won't work now," you yelled

"I'm sick of this shit! I'm going to a new Equestria!"

"I'm going to a new Equestria, weren't you're not a filthy dyke princess!"

"I want the treebrary back! I want that sassy little unicorn book nerd! I'm sick of all these fucking dragons and yaks and all this other bullshit running around!"

"Ponk! Witness me!"

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

 

Great Value "Bleach"

A bleach-like solution for all household cleaning

Trademark of Gryphon Cleaning Solutions

 

"Fucking Poochy," you croaked. "Couldn't even get me the right bleach..."

 

 

"Um... excuse me? Mister?" you said

"Excuse me, my name is--"

"eep!"

"No, but he seems really grumpy," you replied

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

"Shut up Ponk," you said.

"Shhhhhh."

"Ponk, did you hear anything about Twilight getting a fancy new book?" you asked

"Not important," you said. "I need to go to Canterlot."

"I'm gonna kick Celestia's butt."

 

"Well, I wouldn't say it like THAT..."

 

 

"..."

"Have you found the book?" you asked

"Me?" you asked, pointing at yourself

"W-Well, hello there. You seem very upset. Why don't you put me down so we can have a nice--"

 

~_~_~_~_~_

 

"That is for being a shit, lazy horse," you said, pointing at her as she loudly swore. "Also, for trying to give folks wings when they might not want them."

"Shut up. SHUT. UP." you growled. "I'm not dealing with your bullshit, you dollar store demon. Tell me where the book is."

"I didn't die twice to deal with your bullshit. Now give me that book. This place might be a hellhole, but no one's getting wings here!"

"Give it to me. Give it to me right now you chimera, Mr. Potato head pain in the ass!"

"I'm not stopping until I get that stupid--"

"This was for your own good," you said. "You'll thank me for this someday. Probably."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

"Huh... Are you two okay?"

 

 

"Don't tell me what do to," you replied irritably

"No," you said.

"Not gonna work. You kill me I'll just go to another Equestria and try this again. Probably."

"Yep. I was in a different one this morning. Those ones were cute little horses. Think of a big dog, but with hooves and a tail and a longish muzzle," you said, showing her how big a pony would be. "Here though, you're fucked up. It might even be worse than if you were all fucking human."

"Pretty much. I'm not that good at explaining it, but gives you a good idea. I met the pony you. I've had a conversation with you and your sister. I know you like to paint murals."

"Twilight once told me you tried talking Shining into doing a risque portrait. Cadence wasn't happy about--"

"I'm Anonymous."

"She deserved it. If my head wasn't throbbing so bad I'd do the same to you."

"Died."

"That was the second time. Wasn't as bad as the first," you told her. "I just wish I popped up in a different Equestria."

"He did when I was the other Equestria too. Called me by my first name like he knew me."

"I can't stand that you have four fingers," you said. "At least you have hooves on the bottom end. If it would have been feet I wouldn't have bothered with any of this and tried drowning myself in a river or something."

"I was just going to go into town and take a bottle of bleach from a pony selling it so I wouldn't have to deal with the whole thing of me appearing to ponies again, but then I saw the library."

"Yeah," you said, nodding. "It had been so long since I saw it that everything kind of... I don't know. Something clicked in my head. I can't stand how any of you look, but I couldn't let what happened to the other Equestria happen here."

"The library was destroyed, and everything went to shit. Twilight changed, her friends changed, the world changed, all for the worse."

"Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty, tried selling Fluttershy into slavery for a Daring Doo book. Applejack, a mare who wanted nothing more than to start a family had a "coming out" party totally unprompted. Each day I saw her Twilight began to turn further and further away from everything she learned while she was a dork that wrote letters to a teacher she idolized."

"It was little things at first, but I noticed how different they were all acting, like someone that didn't know the girls had tried replacing them. It wasn't just Twilight and her friends, it was like everyone was different one day."

"I remember Twilight telling me something your sister had told her. You couldn't learn friendship in a school. It couldn't be taught. You had to go out, find yourself, find ponies that make you happy. You should have heard her when she told me. Those words meant so much to her."

"Then, somehow, she got the idea to build a friendship school, and have her friends, mares with careers and lives, teach children. It just goes on and on and on like that."

"...I see."

"I really hope you don't. For your sake. It was driving me nuts. The world did a one-eighty overnight and everyone thought I was weird for trying to say anything about it."

"Did you try to get Shining to wear socks?" you asked. "Ones with frills on the end?"

"That's what I figured" you said. "There are a things I need to fix. If I do that it might make everything better. If it doesn't, at least I can say that I tried before killing myself again."

"Nope. I need to find and stop them first," you said, shaking your head. "If you know it might make things worse."

"I'll be honest with you, Princess. I could really not care less. You can come with me, and when I'm done you can take me back to Canterlot."

"Then I'll have you or your guards kill me, and if I can't do that I'll throw myself off the train head first. If that doesn't work, and you tie me up, I'll just bite my tongue off or something."

"It's a bit morbid, but like I said, I've died twice. If you won't listen maybe another Luna will."

"I did swallow a gallon of bleach this morning."

 

"Something turned my friends into shadows of their former selves. It turned the Equestria I loved into a hellscape. I never saw it, I never knew what it was, but I realized it was there, pulling their strings like they were puppets. After the library was destroyed I got a funny feeling that never went away, like someone was watching me. Someone that didn't like that I was in the same sandbox playing with their toys. I can feel it here too."

 

 

"I pray this was more than a sight-seeing luncheon for you, for your sake, creature," you said, tapping a finger against your forearm

"Who?"

"Will you be less vague, you damnable stallion?"

"...Of course. Forgive me."

"I believe so," you said with a little nod. "Anonymous?"

"What would have happened if you hadn't... subdued him?"

"I see."

"I will make sure he is returned to Tartarus. You've done a very good thing here today. Despite a very poor... impression, you have my thanks. I will have to let my sister--"

"Before all that, princess. I got a question."

"And what question is that?" you asked

"The roads? They were fine in Canterlot. A bit muddy from the rain, but there is supposed to be a dry spell--"

"Anonymous, where did you see her?" you asked.

"Anonymous?"

"My guard, the giant has somehow escaped me. Leave the train and take flight. Search every road, every exit out of this town. He cannot be allowed to wander where he pleases. Do not fail me."

"Come monster, your old pit in Tartarus will welcome you back."

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

 

 

"Huh..."

"I figured you'd be harder to destroy," you grunted. "What, am I going to have to throw you into a volcano or something?"

 

Ȳ̸͚͚͈͎̽̎͐̐̊͋̄̀͊̔o̸̡̗̥̘͎̩͚̦̩̫͇̾̈́̀͛̓͋̎̃̔̔͘̚͜͜͝u̶̻̪̱͇̱̘̭̓̓̊̀̑͐͘͝ͅ ̵̫̫̠̗̪͙͖̖͈̠̙̫́̈́̓̊͌͜ķ̷͖̦͚̦̝͚͓͈̿́̔̀͑̽̔̀̑͐͗̚n̸̢̧̡̪̘̘͔̗͖̝̘͔͎̐͒͆͝ǫ̷̬̜͙͎̰̰̤̪̰̻͍͖͇̓̍̓̿͜͠w̷̡̨̯̖̣̙̻͙͚̻͖̱̼͈̟̌͂͆͒̆̇̇͝ ̵͚͇͔̩̱͚̘̃̂̿̐͂̐̓̊̊̚n̴̩̼͓͊̌̈́̈́̍͘͝ỡ̴͇̜͖͈̼̗͙̱͎̼̮͆̏̈́͑͜͝ͅt̷̢̥̭̱̣̣̻̯͖̆̓͒̄̌̂̆̋̇͑̍̐̈̚͜ ̸̠̦̺͙̪̾̀̄͑̽͗̔͆̈̎͒͝w̷͚̻̝̪̹͓̜̰͍̳̦̗̽͑͗̏̊̏͝h̴̢͔͎̬͙̙̠͍̜́͊͛̇͊͐͗͜ͅa̸̢̹͖̳̣͉̩̜̪̺͎̐̾̏͌͗̓̓̀̓̕ṯ̴̹̺̺̟̫͎̫̗̑̓̃͜ ̴̢̧͔͓͆ȳ̶̛̙͇̯̮̮̞̤̯͚͚̹ͅô̴̡̋͆̂͐̿͐u̴͕̭͍̦̖̻̺̒̽̇̌̾̇̂͑̀ͅ ̴̜͍̳̺͕̯̮̟̖͈͖̯̖̃̀̾͛̚͝ͅd̶̢̛͕̝̗̮͖̩̣̺͐̾̔̓̇̋̐̈́͊͒̕͘ő̵̱̌̈̂͝

 

"I knew it. I fucking KNEW IT," you muttered to yourself

"Yeah, yeah, something like that. Hey, I got a question for you fine ladies."

"There wouldn't happen to be a town nearby, would it?" you asked

"Ladies, I'd be ever so grateful if you escorted me into town," you said with your sweetest smile. "I'd like to see this Great and Powerful mare myself."

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

"That won't be necessary, my dear. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've lost a tooth to a stallion. I know how this works. A few cups of tea and they'll look just like the others."

"Thank you very much, my little pony. Now I can go out in public again," you said with a smile

"Holy Hayseeds... what a week...

"Did my sister return Tirek back to his pit?" you asked

"Did you find the giant?" you asked. "Anonymous, or whatever he's called?"

"He's a ten foot tall GIANT!"

 

Ḓ̴̨͕͂̇̔̑̄͠ǫ̶̨̤̣͖̥̙̟̟͇̳̫͈̭̝̟̹͉͓͊̈́̐͌̀̈́̄́̌͑̑͝͝ ̸̼͚̤̥̫̖̊̀͆̋̔̄͑̀̋̂̈́́̐͛̇̌̚͝Ń̸̢̛̫͖̠̺͓̝͈͕̼̠̹̼̝͋͐̈͒̈͋̓͂̈͜͜ō̷̧̡̠̯̳̦̹̭̜̭͈̬͚͚͓̼̱̞̟̮̔̽̀͊̈́̑ͅͅt̵͖̻̠̰͍̱̻̙̘̣̝̓̈́̓̍ ̶̡̹̗̭̗̬̭̘̞̠̭̗̜͕̹̮͕̰̹͓͐̒̆͆ͅQ̵̛̘͓͙͔͉̦̹̱̖̗̖͈͕̞̝͒̿͌̂̂̊̓̈́̃̃̋͗̎̈͋͝ȗ̵̧̳͍̬̠̰͕̱̖̥͍͎͖̐͂͂̊͗͊͛̎̀͒̔͋̏͛́̽͝͝ͅẽ̵͔͙̼̦̺̞͎͎̝̣̮͙̙̝s̶̘̩̼̳͔̠̙̯͚̭̝͑̑̐̎̀̉̏͛̀̆͂̂̋̎͗͝͝ť̸̪̠̞͉̇̃̏̾͐̋͌̊͗͗̆̍̈́͑̎i̶̢̡̧̡̦̥͎̼͚͍̦͈͔͙̗͑̾͒̔́́̐͒̈́͊̌̈́̕̚͜͝ò̵̢͖̻͓͇͗͛͆̐͐̒̿̍͋͝ņ̶̛̝͉̪̿̐͂͗̓̒̀̿͗̂̍͆̔͂͋̈́̄

 

"Discord?"

"Return to Luna. Tell her to keep searching for this creature. Starswirl's book must be found at all cost."

 

 

"Yeah... go Trixie," you said with as much enthusiasm as you could muster, which, admittedly, wasn't all that much

"Trixie--"

"Trixie," you said again. "My name is Anonymous, and I'm--"

"My name is Anonymous, and I'm from the Equestria Tax Services. You, young filly, are in a lot of trouble."

"If I remember correctly, you haven't paid your taxes in the last five years."

"..."

"..."

"You made two hundred thousand bits in Las Pegasus over the course of three years. You're doing more than fine."

"Anything?" you asked

"In that case, Trixie, I need your help with something."

"It's very simple, my little tax evader. I need you to help me save the world."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

"...What the FUCK did you do with that two hundred thousand bits?"

"..."

"Alrighty then. Time to get to work."

"Yes?"

"We still got some work to do, but this is a good start, huh?"

"She won't be too hard to find. If I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I'm right, she built herself a little town not too far from Manehatten."

"I'm in no hurry. Besides, we need to adjust your act a bit for her."

"Not yet it's not," you said, leaning back as the mare glared at you. "What we're dealing with is a very powerful unicorn. She might almost be as powerful as one of the princesses. We have to be a bit careful here."

"Pretty sure. Starlight is strong magically, but she isn't the brightest. She's got a lot of the traits and quirks of your usual dictator. What we need to do is outsmart and unbalance her."

"Yep, I'm sure. This just needs a stallion's touch."

"First though, we'll need to make a quick stop."

"A place you don't care very much for."

"Ponyville."

"Just for a bit," you promised. "I need to take care of something very important before we go up north."

"Because I'm damn good at my job, that's why. Now put this thing into cruise mode. I don't want to fall off this thing if we hit a pothole."

"Good."

 

 

"Shhh, don't be so loud."

"Because I said so. Now make sure you stay away from anypony that might remember you when you're in the market. If you see Twilight or her little friends you walk in the other direction."

"Shut it. We'll be in and out before the day is over."

"Can you wear the most distinctive and recognizable thing about you?"

"Absolutely not, and you're fucking dumb for even asking."

"Hey, you're the one that thought I was a tax agent."

"I'm sure."

"Alright. I'll go down first. Wait a few minutes before following me."

"Because it should look like we didn't come together."

"Because that's what they say to do in the movies."

"Lyra!" you called as loud as you dared, eyes darting around to see if Bonbon was out and about. "Lyra! You, with the green mane and little horn!"

"Get your butt over here," you said, beckoning her toward you with a hand. "I need you to--"

"I am, Lyra, but we can't focus on that right--"

"I know you do, but I really--"

"LYRA!"

"I need you to keep it together for five minutes," you said. "Can you do that for me, you silly horse?"

"Well, I need you to try. I know you have a lot of questions. I get it. Sometime in the future I'll answer them for you, but--"

"Sometime soon, and shut up for a second."

"I need you to do something for me, something very important. Are you listening?"

"Good. Your buddy Twilight, do you talk with her a lot?"

"Well, I need you to bother her now," you said, leaning down so that you were eye-level with her. "Moondancer needs you help."

"I need you to go to Twilight as soon as you can. Catch up with her, get buddy-buddy again. Say something about Canterlot, about all of your friends up there. Most importantly, I need you to talk to her about Moondancer."

"Your friend wasn't the same when Twilight left without a word. She's not in a good place right now because of it," you said. "She needs to go up there and fix things between them. I don't care how you do it, but you need to get Twilight up there, Lyra. Do you understand? You need to trust me when I say that this is really, really important, alright?"

"It might if Twilight doesn't get up there asap," you replied.

"Good, I knew I could count on you."

"Anon's fine."

"Depends on the something."

"You want me to..." you began, only to stop

"Goddammit. Fine. You got yourself a deal. Just go talk to Twilight. Keep your mouth shut about seeing me too. I have a lot of secret human things going on that you ponies can't know about. Got it?"

"I am," you replied with a nod. "Thank you for taking me into town. I appreciate it."

 

"The sun'll come out tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

There'll be sun

Just thinkin' about tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow

'Til there's none

 

When I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonely

I just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh

 

The sun'll come out tomorrow

So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow

Come what may!"

 

 

"Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love ya tomorrow

You're always a day away

 

When I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonely

I just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh

 

The sun'll come out tomorrow

So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow

Come what may!"

 

 

"Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love ya tomorrow

You're always a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love ya tomorrow

You're always a day away!"

 

"Thank you very much, Fluttershy. I'm glad you think so."

"I've heard you had a pretty good voice yourself," you said

"Oh, I doubt that. You were the one that helped me learn a thing or two after I had a bit too much to drink at one of Pinkie's parties. I don't remember much about it, but you told me I was so bad that ponies were begging Twilight to turn me into a statue to make it stop."

"I was so bad in the beginning, but you were so patient. You were always patient and understanding. I think out of everypony in town, you were the next one after Twilight to give me a chance. I don't know if I ever told your pony-self, but that meant so much to me in the beginning."

"Fluttershy, I know I sound like a crazy person, spouting a whole lot of nonsense. I know you're probably thinking that you need to go tell Twilight, or make an excuse to get away from the nutso colt in front of you. I get it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy too, and not in a good way."

"Fluttershy, when you found me I wasn't just sleeping under that tree. I came from... somewhere else. I can't really explain too much. I don't know if it's safe, and I have no idea who or what is listening to us right now. You and your friends, and everyone else you know, is in a lot of trouble. Right now I'm doing my best to fix things, but I need your help."

"Something is trying to change you all for the worse. It's trying to turn you into something that you're not," you replied. "It's going to do something to Twilight in particular that I can't let happen."

"She can't help with this one thing, Flutters. Only you."

"That's where you're wrong, Fluttershy. You might be one of the bravest ponies I know."

"You and I are a lot alike. We don't like crowds, or people in general. I don't know about you, but I always felt different, like everyone I ever spoke to knew something that I didn't. Even when I tried to put myself out there and people talked with me it didn't feel right."

"I got sick of it, that bad feeling, my anxiety. I turned away from people for the most part and gave up. Even here, and even where I was before here, it was always hard to be social. You're different from me. Where I gave up you keep trying; not just once in awhile, not when you feel up to it. You try every single day to face that anxiety, that fear. You not only do that, but you're an actually caring, kind pony while you're doing it."

"That is why I think you're the bravest little horse I've ever met, Fluttershy, and don't you dare think otherwise."

"Fluttershy, soon, maybe as we speak, there's someone really bad about to come back into the world. He's a genuinely awful, terrible pony. He hurts others, takes over their mind, even enslaves them and god knows what else."

"Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are going to go try to stop him, but they won't be able to do it alone. That's why you need to help them."

"Have Spike send this letter. You need to go up north with them to stop this evil person. It'll be scary, but you need to think about all the ponies he's hurt, and will hurt. I don't need to tell you to be brave, since you are already."

 

"I'm... okay... I'm alright," you said, more to yourself than to her. "Everything's fine."

"I'm fine. Better than fine actually," you lied, giving her a weak smile. "I knew you were the perfect pony for the job."

"I'm fine, and if it makes you feel any better, I'm not a pony."

"Yes. You need to hold him in place so Cadence and Shining can physically stop him. He can turn into smoke, but he needs to see. If you can get him to look at you he won't be going anywhere."

"Unfortunately, I don't think that'll get you anywhere, Flutters," you replied. "You need to believe me when I tell you this guy is bad news bears. He will hurt you if be can. Or worse."

"It will. I promise."

"Oh, I'd love to sit down and have some tea with you, Fluttershy, but I need to go."

"I have a lot things to do. Hopefully, sometime soon, I can come back here and see you all. For now though, just remember everything I said. Get that letter up to Canterlot as soon as you can, and if you can try to make sure Twilight doesn't know about it. It's for her own good."

 

YOU DARE?!

 

"Hey, fuck you!" you said, pointing at nothing in particular. "Go be shit back in that other dimension."

 

YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO, INSECT!

 

"I know what I'm gonna do your mother, shithead. No one's getting wings here. So suck my--"

"Huh... that--"

 

YOU WISH TO PLAY A PUPPETEER? I SHALL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE THAT WISH TO DEFY ME

 

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

"Oh, well, thank you very much, guard," you said with a smile

"Guardspony? Which company are you from?" you asked. "I don't think I've seen you before."

"Five-o-second?"

"Well, that's great. Thank you very much for the letter. Have you been enjoying castle life?"

"Yes!" you hissed, pumping a fist into the air. "I bucking called it. The five-o-second isn't based anywhere near Canterlot, you dumb husband stealing bug!"

 

Dear Pink Princess,

 

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you like your bat. I don't know if your aunt told you this, but a place called the Crystal Empire is going to appear up north soon. I don't know if you know anything about it, or if you know who ruled it before it disappeared, but when it does come back you need to bring Fluttershy with you. I promise she'll make taking the kingdom back a hell of a lot easier.

 

Your aunt won't want you to do this. Ignore her. Please. Also, don't let her know about this letter. You only met me the one time, and I didn't make a very good first impression, but trust me. Not taking the yellow shy horse with you will make things a lot harder.

 

Yours, the big green guy

 

"Very, very strange alright..."

"We'll see if this Crystal Empire appears anytime soon. For now, lets get you to the dungeons. I'm sure they have a cramped and wet cell waiting just for you, you cunt."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

"That... fucking sucked."

"Discord?"

"Thank you, for whatever you did."

"What even was happening to me?"

"Do you know what was trying to do that to me?"

"Yeah?"

"My name? It's Anon. You know it is. You called me by my name the second you saw me, remember?"

"..."

"..."

"Shut up."

"Shut. Up."

"What does that have to do with anything?" you demanded.

 

 

"You know, you never told Trixie what happened in Ponyville," you said.

"Oh? Did whatever they say to you put you into your little rut?"

"Yes, a rut. Some mare didn't touch you, did they?"

"What?! Is somepony trying to kill you?" you asked, wide eyed

"...That is the stupidest thing Trixie has ever heard," you said, looking over at him. "Of course you can die. Everypony dies. What kind of school did you go to that said you couldn't die?"

"There's no different kind of dying," you replied with a shake of your head. "Dying is dying, slow or quick. Unless you become a princess, there's no getting away from it."

"And so what if you're going to die?" you continued. "Many ponies aren't on this earth for a long time, so we may as well enjoy ourselves while we're here."

"Exactly! Now quit being so glum. The only thing worse than a prissy colt is a sad one. BE. HAPPY. You get to spend your days with the Grrrreat and Powerful Trixie; most aren't so lucky!"

"Trixie is one of the greatest pep talkers that have ever lived, colt!" you said, puffing your chest out

"What?" you said, a little more angrily that you should have

"You are very welcome," you said with a smile. "Also, Trixie believes that we need to begin to get the performance ready for this strange mare you keep referring to but never properly explaining."

 

~_~_~_~_~_~_

 

"Colts and gentlefillies, may I please have your attention! For one day and one day only, the greatest magician and showmare in the WORLD is here to give you the performance of a lifetime!"

"Get a chair, steal a box, sit on the ground if you need to! You won't want to miss a single second of this!"

"Did I forget to mention that if I'm not careful, one of the tricks you'll see tonight might leave me as naked as a blue jay?"

"I swear to god if I actually get naked I'm ripping your arms off."

"Alright."

"Yeah... sure."

"I'm sure you would, you fucking cunt?"

"Hmm? Oh, I was just saying that there's nothing that's little about this show. You're actually in the presence of one of the greatest magicians in the world."

"Oh, and you know a thing or two about magic?"

"I detect a little jealously there, Mrs. Glimmer," you said

"This town of yours is nice and all, and I'm sure you're a very magical little unicorn--"

"--but I saw you watching our show. You seemed utterly amazed at what you were watching."

"You don't need to tell anyone here tales, Ms. Glimmer. I know child-like wonder when I see it."

"You keep calling what we did here today childish, Ms. Magic Mare, but I think what we're doing is a bit more advanced than whatever magic you can do."

"Teleportation is a neat trick, but any pony in Canterlot could do something like that," you told her

"Transfiguration. Very nice, miss," you said with a nod. "And still..."

"Acceluro," you said, inspecting your card deck

"Simulo duplexus combined with acceluro," you replied without missing a beat, pulling the cards out of its little cardboard box and starting to shuffle them

"Why don't you stop with those silly tricks and pick a card, Miss? Any card would do."

"Starlight Glimmer, please pick a card."

"I'm a simple stallion with a deck of cards in his hand. Now--"

"Pick a card."

"Very good. Now please take a look at the card."

"Nope," you replied with a shake of your head, putting the card back into a neat little stack. "You're going to shuffle, for as long as you want; anyway you want."

"You know, there's many types of magic. Normal, everyday magic, chaotic magic, the magic of friendship--"

"So many, all with different uses. You seem like a pretty smart mare, Starlight."

"More than you think I'm pretty sure. Now, could I have that deck back please?"

"I'm just saying, magic might not be the sort of thing that will help you with your problem."

"You must, otherwise you wouldn't be out in the middle of nowhere trying to start a town, since you don't seem the type to be bringing ponies together out of the goodness of your heart."

"I don't," you agreed. "I really don't care to either, but I think you trying to figure out what you actually want will be good for everyone. Yourself, the ponies in this town, maybe the whole world. Who knows, but you being in the middle of desert stealing cutiemarks isn't helping anyone."

"As someone without a cutiemark, I would say if I had a mark that told me what I was good at it would have made a whole lot of things easier when I was younger. Now..."

"Is this your card?"

"...Really?"

"You might find Sunburst if you go from town to town."

"Going from town to town might be a pain in the ass, but I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad once you got used to it," you said. "It might help if you know someone that's been all over Equestria too. Someone that can show you some things to keep you both fed and dazzle all the colts. Who knows, you might find someone on the road that you need."

"Trixie here could use an assistant, since I'm not that good at my job, as you can see. Her wagon would be big enough for the both of you if you packed light. Heck, if you grilled her, she might know or had seen that Sunburst guy during a performance. If not, well, I know she's a bit of a heartbreaker, so she could help you fool around--"

"Well then, I guess you really need to go get packed then, huh?" you said, stuffing the deck of cards into your pocket. "Trixie here is a very busy mare, and we were supposed to only do the one show."

"Well... job done. I guess," you said, putting your hands on your hips. "And here I though we were gonna need to blow her up with all the fireworks I made you buy."

"Easy, that wasn't plan A. Plan A was us having a crazy magic/sleight of hand duel. Blowing her up was plan C. Maybe plan D."

"Good luck with her. I know you can help fix her up."

"I am. Give her a bit of time. She's a garbage horse, but I think she'll grow on you," you said. "See if you can help her laid. That might calm her down. If she's still insistent on the Sunburst thing you remember where he's supposed to live, right?"

"Good. Then I'll be off. If you need any help send a letter to Twilight Sparkle, or one of the princess. Hell, send a letter to Discord, I'm sure he'd get it."

"I'm sure you will. Just make sure she doesn't try to destroy the world please."

"I didn't do that much. It was mostly you."

"I'm very sure," you replied. "All this traveling isn't good for me. I'm a homebody by nature. Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll see you again. Look for me in Ponyville whenever you want to visit."

"I don't think so. I think I've done everything I can. For now I just have to trust that I've done enough."

"I'm going to Ponyville now I think, if I can get there before some guard eventually catches me. But first, I need a sledgehammer. These ponies need their cutiemarks back."