Back to the Past P1

"Not today, Sporkle! As of today I've had it with this shit!"

"Today I'll be causing a heck of a lot more than THAT!"

"Fuck off Sparkle! I can't die! It didn't work last time it won't work now," you yelled

"I'm sick of this shit! I'm going to a new Equestria!"

"I'm going to a new Equestria, weren't you're not a filthy dyke princess!"

"I want the treebrary back! I want that sassy little unicorn book nerd! I'm sick of all these fucking dragons and yaks and all this other bullshit running around!"

"Ponk! Witness me!"

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

 

Great Value "Bleach"

A bleach-like solution for all household cleaning

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"Fucking Poochy," you croaked. "Couldn't even get me the right bleach..."

 

 

"Um... excuse me? Mister?" you said

"Excuse me, my name is--"

"eep!"

"No, but he seems really grumpy," you replied

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

"Shut up Ponk," you said.

"Shhhhhh."

"Ponk, did you hear anything about Twilight getting a fancy new book?" you asked

"Not important," you said. "I need to go to Canterlot."

"I'm gonna kick Celestia's butt."

 

"Well, I wouldn't say it like THAT..."

 

 

"..."

"Have you found the book?" you asked

"Me?" you asked, pointing at yourself

"W-Well, hello there. You seem very upset. Why don't you put me down so we can have a nice--"

 

~_~_~_~_~_

 

"That is for being a shit, lazy horse," you said, pointing at her as she loudly swore. "Also, for trying to give folks wings when they might not want them."

"Shut up. SHUT. UP." you growled. "I'm not dealing with your bullshit, you dollar store demon. Tell me where the book is."

"I didn't die twice to deal with your bullshit. Now give me that book. This place might be a hellhole, but no one's getting wings here!"

"Give it to me. Give it to me right now you chimera, Mr. Potato head pain in the ass!"

"I'm not stopping until I get that stupid--"

"This was for your own good," you said. "You'll thank me for this someday. Probably."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

"Huh... Are you two okay?"

 

 

"Don't tell me what do to," you replied irritably

"No," you said.

"Not gonna work. You kill me I'll just go to another Equestria and try this again. Probably."

"Yep. I was in a different one this morning. Those ones were cute little horses. Think of a big dog, but with hooves and a tail and a longish muzzle," you said, showing her how big a pony would be. "Here though, you're fucked up. It might even be worse than if you were all fucking human."

"Pretty much. I'm not that good at explaining it, but gives you a good idea. I met the pony you. I've had a conversation with you and your sister. I know you like to paint murals."

"Twilight once told me you tried talking Shining into doing a risque portrait. Cadence wasn't happy about--"

"I'm Anonymous."

"She deserved it. If my head wasn't throbbing so bad I'd do the same to you."

"Died."

"That was the second time. Wasn't as bad as the first," you told her. "I just wish I popped up in a different Equestria."

"He did when I was the other Equestria too. Called me by my first name like he knew me."

"I can't stand that you have four fingers," you said. "At least you have hooves on the bottom end. If it would have been feet I wouldn't have bothered with any of this and tried drowning myself in a river or something."

"I was just going to go into town and take a bottle of bleach from a pony selling it so I wouldn't have to deal with the whole thing of me appearing to ponies again, but then I saw the library."

"Yeah," you said, nodding. "It had been so long since I saw it that everything kind of... I don't know. Something clicked in my head. I can't stand how any of you look, but I couldn't let what happened to the other Equestria happen here."

"The library was destroyed, and everything went to shit. Twilight changed, her friends changed, the world changed, all for the worse."

"Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty, tried selling Fluttershy into slavery for a Daring Doo book. Applejack, a mare who wanted nothing more than to start a family had a "coming out" party totally unprompted. Each day I saw her Twilight began to turn further and further away from everything she learned while she was a dork that wrote letters to a teacher she idolized."

"It was little things at first, but I noticed how different they were all acting, like someone that didn't know the girls had tried replacing them. It wasn't just Twilight and her friends, it was like everyone was different one day."

"I remember Twilight telling me something your sister had told her. You couldn't learn friendship in a school. It couldn't be taught. You had to go out, find yourself, find ponies that make you happy. You should have heard her when she told me. Those words meant so much to her."

"Then, somehow, she got the idea to build a friendship school, and have her friends, mares with careers and lives, teach children. It just goes on and on and on like that."

"...I see."

"I really hope you don't. For your sake. It was driving me nuts. The world did a one-eighty overnight and everyone thought I was weird for trying to say anything about it."

"Did you try to get Shining to wear socks?" you asked. "Ones with frills on the end?"

"That's what I figured" you said. "There are a things I need to fix. If I do that it might make everything better. If it doesn't, at least I can say that I tried before killing myself again."

"Nope. I need to find and stop them first," you said, shaking your head. "If you know it might make things worse."

"I'll be honest with you, Princess. I could really not care less. You can come with me, and when I'm done you can take me back to Canterlot."

"Then I'll have you or your guards kill me, and if I can't do that I'll throw myself off the train head first. If that doesn't work, and you tie me up, I'll just bite my tongue off or something."

"It's a bit morbid, but like I said, I've died twice. If you won't listen maybe another Luna will."

"I did swallow a gallon of bleach this morning."

 

"Something turned my friends into shadows of their former selves. It turned the Equestria I loved into a hellscape. I never saw it, I never knew what it was, but I realized it was there, pulling their strings like they were puppets. After the library was destroyed I got a funny feeling that never went away, like someone was watching me. Someone that didn't like that I was in the same sandbox playing with their toys. I can feel it here too."

 

"I pray this was more than a sight-seeing luncheon for you, for your sake, creature," you said, tapping a finger against your forearm

"Who?"

"Will you be less vague, you damnable stallion?"

"...Of course. Forgive me."

"I believe so," you said with a little nod. "Anonymous?"

"What would have happened if you hadn't... subdued him?"

"I see."

"I will make sure he is returned to Tartarus. You've done a very good thing here today. Despite a very poor... impression, you have my thanks. I will have to let my sister--"

"Before all that, princess. I got a question."

"And what question is that?" you asked

"The roads? They were fine in Canterlot. A bit muddy from the rain, but there is supposed to be a dry spell--"

"Anonymous, where did you see her?" you asked.

"Anonymous?"

"My guard, the giant has somehow escaped me. Leave the train and take flight. Search every road, every exit out of this town. He cannot be allowed to wander where he pleases. Do not fail me."

"Come monster, your old pit in Tartarus will welcome you back."

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

 

"Huh..."

"I figured you'd be harder to destroy," you grunted. "What, am I going to have to throw you into a volcano or something?"

 

 

 

Ȳ̸͚͚͈͎̽̎͐̐̊͋̄̀͊̔o̸̡̗̥̘͎̩͚̦̩̫͇̾̈́̀͛̓͋̎̃̔̔͘̚͜͜͝u̶̻̪̱͇̱̘̭̓̓̊̀̑͐͘͝ͅ ̵̫̫̠̗̪͙͖̖͈̠̙̫́̈́̓̊͌͜ķ̷͖̦͚̦̝͚͓͈̿́̔̀͑̽̔̀̑͐͗̚n̸̢̧̡̪̘̘͔̗͖̝̘͔͎̐͒͆͝ǫ̷̬̜͙͎̰̰̤̪̰̻͍͖͇̓̍̓̿͜͠w̷̡̨̯̖̣̙̻͙͚̻͖̱̼͈̟̌͂͆͒̆̇̇͝ ̵͚͇͔̩̱͚̘̃̂̿̐͂̐̓̊̊̚n̴̩̼͓͊̌̈́̈́̍͘͝ỡ̴͇̜͖͈̼̗͙̱͎̼̮͆̏̈́͑͜͝ͅt̷̢̥̭̱̣̣̻̯͖̆̓͒̄̌̂̆̋̇͑̍̐̈̚͜ ̸̠̦̺͙̪̾̀̄͑̽͗̔͆̈̎͒͝w̷͚̻̝̪̹͓̜̰͍̳̦̗̽͑͗̏̊̏͝h̴̢͔͎̬͙̙̠͍̜́͊͛̇͊͐͗͜ͅa̸̢̹͖̳̣͉̩̜̪̺͎̐̾̏͌͗̓̓̀̓̕ṯ̴̹̺̺̟̫͎̫̗̑̓̃͜ ̴̢̧͔͓͆ȳ̶̛̙͇̯̮̮̞̤̯͚͚̹ͅô̴̡̋͆̂͐̿͐u̴͕̭͍̦̖̻̺̒̽̇̌̾̇̂͑̀ͅ ̴̜͍̳̺͕̯̮̟̖͈͖̯̖̃̀̾͛̚͝ͅd̶̢̛͕̝̗̮͖̩̣̺͐̾̔̓̇̋̐̈́͊͒̕͘ő̵̱̌̈̂͝

 

 

 

"I knew it. I fucking KNEW IT," you muttered to yourself

"Yeah, yeah, something like that. Hey, I got a question for you fine ladies."

"There wouldn't happen to be a town nearby, would it?" you asked

"Ladies, I'd be ever so grateful if you escorted me into town," you said with your sweetest smile. "I'd like to see this Great and Powerful mare myself."

 

~_~_~_~_~_~

 

"That won't be necessary, my dear. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've lost a tooth to a stallion. I know how this works. A few cups of tea and they'll look just like the others."

"Thank you very much, my little pony. Now I can go out in public again," you said with a smile

"Holy Hayseeds... what a week...

"Did my sister return Tirek back to his pit?" you asked

"Did you find the giant?" you asked. "Anonymous, or whatever he's called?"

"He's a ten foot tall GIANT!"

 

 

 

 

Ḓ̴̨͕͂̇̔̑̄͠ǫ̶̨̤̣͖̥̙̟̟͇̳̫͈̭̝̟̹͉͓͊̈́̐͌̀̈́̄́̌͑̑͝͝ ̸̼͚̤̥̫̖̊̀͆̋̔̄͑̀̋̂̈́́̐͛̇̌̚͝Ń̸̢̛̫͖̠̺͓̝͈͕̼̠̹̼̝͋͐̈͒̈͋̓͂̈͜͜ō̷̧̡̠̯̳̦̹̭̜̭͈̬͚͚͓̼̱̞̟̮̔̽̀͊̈́̑ͅͅt̵͖̻̠̰͍̱̻̙̘̣̝̓̈́̓̍ ̶̡̹̗̭̗̬̭̘̞̠̭̗̜͕̹̮͕̰̹͓͐̒̆͆ͅQ̵̛̘͓͙͔͉̦̹̱̖̗̖͈͕̞̝͒̿͌̂̂̊̓̈́̃̃̋͗̎̈͋͝ȗ̵̧̳͍̬̠̰͕̱̖̥͍͎͖̐͂͂̊͗͊͛̎̀͒̔͋̏͛́̽͝͝ͅẽ̵͔͙̼̦̺̞͎͎̝̣̮͙̙̝s̶̘̩̼̳͔̠̙̯͚̭̝͑̑̐̎̀̉̏͛̀̆͂̂̋̎͗͝͝ť̸̪̠̞͉̇̃̏̾͐̋͌̊͗͗̆̍̈́͑̎i̶̢̡̧̡̦̥͎̼͚͍̦͈͔͙̗͑̾͒̔́́̐͒̈́͊̌̈́̕̚͜͝ò̵̢͖̻͓͇͗͛͆̐͐̒̿̍͋͝ņ̶̛̝͉̪̿̐͂͗̓̒̀̿͗̂̍͆̔͂͋̈́̄

 

 

 

"Discord?"

"Return to Luna. Tell her to keep searching for this creature. Starswirl's book must be found at all cost."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

 

 

"Yeah... go Trixie," you said with as much enthusiasm as you could muster, which, admittedly, wasn't all that much

 

"Trixie--"

"Trixie," you said again. "My name is Anonymous, and I'm--"

"My name is Anonymous, and I'm from the Equestria Tax Services. You, young filly, are in a lot of trouble."

 

"If I remember correctly, you haven't paid your taxes in the last five years."

"..."

"..."

"You made two hundred thousand bits in Las Pegasus over the course of three years. You're doing more than fine."

 

"Anything?" you asked

"In that case, Trixie, I need your help with something."

"It's very simple, my little tax evader. I need you to help me save the world."

 

~_~_~_~_~

 

 

"...What the FUCK did you do with that two hundred thousand bits?"

"..."

 

"...What the FUCK did you do with that two hundred thousand bits?"

"..."

 

"Yes?"

 

"We still got some work to do, but this is a good start, huh?"

"She won't be too hard to find. If I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I'm right, she built herself a little town not too far from Manehatten."

"I'm in no hurry. Besides, we need to adjust your act a bit for her."

"Not yet it's not," you said, leaning back as the mare glared at you. "What we're dealing with is a very powerful unicorn. She might almost be as powerful as one of the princesses. We have to be a bit careful here."

"Pretty sure. Starlight is strong magically, but she isn't the brightest. She's got a lot of the traits and quirks of your usual dictator. What we need to do is outsmart and unbalance her."

 

"Yep, I'm sure. This just needs a stallion's touch."

"First though, we'll need to make a quick stop."

"A place you don't care very much for."

"Ponyville."

"Just for a bit," you promised. "I need to take care of something very important before we go up north."

"Because I'm damn good at my job, that's why. Now put this thing into cruise mode. I don't want to fall off this thing if we hit a pothole."

"Good."