GREEN   278    726   3.72 KB

Anon, I don't wanna die ALONE

By kqaii
Created: 26th February 2021 09:44:25 AM

  1. An anonymous post this green at
  2. I am not the author.
  3. ~~~~~~~
  4.  
  5. >It's hard, Anon. Watching them die like that.
  6. >I don't know how the others do it.
  7. >They tell me that I've just got to hold my head high.
  8. >That death's just a part of life.
  9. >That 'it gets easier.'
  10. >But I'm scared, because honestly, it hasn't been getting any easier.
  11. >The ponies I treat in the terminal ward are suffering every minute of their lives, and there's nothing that can make it any better.
  12. >So the world has given up on them, and in their eyes, I can see they know it.
  13. >Some of them ask me to just end it. Spare them the trouble of this miserable existence.
  14. >It breaks my heart knowing I can't.
  15. >Sometimes, I'm tempted. Tempted to show them one small mercy that nopony has ever bothered to offer them.
  16. >But I know I'd just lose my job, and what good would that do?
  17. >So I just hold their hoof and tell them to hang on a little longer, knowing full well how empty those words are.
  18. >It doesn't comfort them. They know and I know there's no hope left for them. It's just a matter of running out the clock.
  19. >The other nurses see me after a shift, and they ask me, "Why don't you request a transfer out of that hole?"
  20. >Don't get me wrong. I want to. I really want to.
  21. >I hate it here, Anon. I can't stand it.
  22. >But I can't leave them behind.
  23. >Some of those ponies... they don't have anyone.
  24. >Can you imagine it? Day in, day out, hours upon hours of lying in bed alone, nothing to do but watch yourself slowly waste away?
  25. >If I don't take the time to sit by their side, no one else will.
  26. >The other nurses in the ward sure don't.
  27. >Maybe that's why they can cope. They don't let themselves get attached.
  28. >But is that fair, to let ponies die without a single soul out there to miss them when they're gone?
  29. >I know it's just going to keep eating me away, but I don't want to live in a world like that.
  30. >A world where it's so easy to die unloved.
  31. >Every day, when I wake up, I tell myself to suck it up and put on a brave face.
  32. >Because if I'm not there, they'll notice.
  33. >I guess, in the end, that's why I do it. I became a nurse to help ponies, and they feel better having me around, no matter how small a comfort it is.
  34. >So, yeah, I smile, I crack jokes with the patients, I tell them how handsome they're looking today, and even though they know it's a facade, it really does make them feel better.
  35. >That way it's not totally miserable when they die.
  36. >...
  37. >...not for them, at least.
  38. >I know what you're thinking, Anon. I've heard it all before.
  39. >'No matter how much good you think you're doing, it's only going to hurt you twice as much in the long run.'
  40. >Maybe you and the others are right.
  41. >But I'm not going to stop.
  42. >Because I think, deep down...
  43. >I'm afraid of that being me.
  44. >I—
  45. >I'm scared to die alone, Anon.
  46. >I don't dare let them go without feeling like somepony cared about them, because when I look at those ponies, I see myself.
  47. >Do you know how terrifying it is to see your face in the reflection of death?
  48. >I pray that by not letting them suffer that fate, I can stop it from happening to me.
  49. >And that's nonsense.
  50. >The truth is, there's nothing I can do.
  51. >This job just chews me up and spits me out. It's hard making friends, I can't keep a relationship...
  52. >It's turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy, and every day it gets a little harder.
  53. >I don't know how much longer I can take it.
  54. >So I know it's stupid, and I know it's probably not the best idea, but tonight...
  55. >Would you lie here with me? Hold me, and just tell me everything is going to be okay?
  56. >I know what I just said, about how no one can ever know that for sure.
  57. >But, if it came from you...
  58. >I think...
  59. >I think I might actually believe it.
  60. >...
anon AiE oneshot redheart

Equestria isn't real

by kqaii

Moot x Pone

by kqaii

[extreme]Trixie Shorts by Vhatug

by kqaii

Rag Doll by CYOA_AiE

by kqaii

Shadow Dance by Cerenth

by kqaii