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Put your Weapons in the Air

By BlueForce
Created: 3rd March 2021 08:17:18 PM

  1. >You’re Lyra
  2. >You’re checking your correspondence while Bon Bon prepares lunch
  3. >Bills, bills, a liquid soap sample… a letter from the Anon family?! You haven’t heard of them in a while
  4. >A couple of years ago, two human beings (Anonymous and Enigma) and a pony (Anonfilly) showed up near your home
  5. >They had amnesia and didn’t know where they came from
  6. >You obviously took photos and since then Bon Bon can no longer make fun of your beliefs
  7. >You also took them to Princess Twilight’s castle, and after some investigations (which judging by what they said, mostly involved taking toenail samples
  8. >Thanks to the generosity of Celestia, they were relocated in Appleloosa, sharing a home and eventually dedicating themselves to sell hay burgers
  9. >It seems this letter was written by someone who had yet to learn how to use a pen
  10.  
  11. DEARB LIRA
  12.  
  13. WEL WRITING YOU BECOS WE H--What Anonfilly is trying to say is that our friend Anonymous has caught a strange disease. Doctors couldn’t tell us what is it and we’re afraid he’s about to lose his life. Lyra, Anon himself asked to see you and say goodbye to you, our friend who helped us when we came to this place, in case his end is nigh. Hope you can travel soon.
  14.  
  15. Love,
  16.  
  17. Enigma and Anonfilly.
  18.  
  19. >You start worrying
  20. >You tell Bon Bon you need to go to Appleloosa
  21. >You pack some things and take the last evening train
  22. >You talk a bit with Berry Punch, who is sitting next to you until you finally fall asleep
  23. >You wake up at dawn
  24. >”It seems we’re approaching Appleloosa, I see more and more stands selling dust powder”, she says
  25. >Suddenly the trains stops violently and you barely avoid getting expelled from your seat
  26. >All the passengers get nervous and start speculating on what could have happened
  27. >A couple of ponies and you dare triggering the emergency button to open the door and see a truck in the middle of the rail with its driver looking absolutely drunk
  28. >The machinist gets off the train and starts yelling at the truck driver
  29. >”Are you insane?! You could have killed us all!”
  30. >”Whose wife is this?”
  31. “Oh dear… he's absolutely wasted”
  32. >Berry Punch stares at the incident behind you and comments “And judging by the smell he’s been drinking wine that isn't even one year old… what a pleb”
  33. >You approach the machinist to get an explanation
  34. >”I see you’re not from here… This is basically Flim & Flam doing their thing again”
  35. “What you mean?”
  36. >”Ask the locals, I’m a bit busy over here”, says the machinist while igniting a flame thrower, blowing the drunk pony’s hair in the process
  37. >You decide to complete the route by foot
  38.  
  39. >You eventually find the outer world trio’s home
  40. >You knock on the door and are soon greeted by sad-looking Enigma and Anonfilly
  41. >”Thanks for coming, Lyra, we’re glad you’re here”, says Enigma
  42. >You enter the house and let the owners take you to ANon’s bedroom, where he rests in the dark
  43. “So, you couldn’t you find out what’s Anonymous’s illness?”
  44. >”Oh, poor Anon! He got sick just when he was healthy!”, says Anonfilly
  45. “Can you tell me what his symptoms are?”
  46. >”How could this have happened?! Anonymous was a great person with so much to give to this world!”, says Enigma while sobbing
  47. “I feel terrible too but can you tell me what wrong with him?!”, you say quite annoyed
  48. >”Oh Anonymous, please don’t leave us!”, says cries Enigma
  49. “Okay, that’s it”
  50. >You go to the living room and lift the TV with your magic
  51. >“No, no, no, please not the TV, if you break it we’ll have to talk to each other”, begs Anonfilly
  52. >You hear Anon jumping out of the bed and going to the living room to beg mercy
  53. >”Please, everything but the TV!”
  54. “Explain yourself, Anon!”
  55. >”Okay, okay… the thing is, we lied to make you come here because we need help with something”
  56. >”And frankly, nopony seems to want to help us”, says Enigma
  57. >You decide to leave the Ponysonic-branded TV on its place
  58. “It better be a good reason to make me come here with lies”
  59. >”Well… you know Flim and Flam?”, asks Anonymous
  60. “Of course I do, they would kill their mother for a bit or two”
  61.  >”Well, the thing is… The three of us own a business”
  62. “Oh?”
  63. >”Yes, Hay & Co. And we proudly sell Equestria’s best hay burgers!”, says Enigma with enthusiasm
  64. >”I make the secret mayo on my own!”, Anonfilly claims
  65. >”The problem is that since Flim and Flam have come to Applelooza, they not only established a burger joint to compete with us, they also have been boycotting us in every way imaginable. Let alone the fact they are way more advanced than us”
  66. >”Enigma’s right, they even have a sauce which is half mayo and half mustard. How the hell do they do it?!”, says Anon
  67. “Wait a minute, what you mean with ‘boycotting you’”?
  68. >Suddenly you hear a loud crash taking alll of you by surprise, and even making Anonfilly jumpscare into Enigma’s hands
  69. >”No, qué pasó, qué pasó, vamos ay…”, says Enigma in some unknown dialect
  70. >”It came from the garage!”
  71. >You all run toward the garage while trying to overcome the fear
  72.  
  73. >What you find, however, is quite unnerving: a truck (looking suspiciously similar to the one that caused the train accident) is crashed against the garage’s door
  74. >You see the driver trying to get out of the lorry… and you realize it’s the same guy from the train accident
  75. “Not him again”...
  76. >Anonymous furiously grabs the trucker from his shirt and threatens to punch him
  77. >”What the hell are you doing? You were sent by Flim & Flam, right?!”
  78. “Can you wake me up at 11 and bring me the breakfast to bed?”, says the driver before passing out
  79. >”See, Lyra?! They’re trying to destroy us!”
  80. >”Oh, look who’s here, the Weirdo Family”, says a horse standing next to another who looks the same… and yes, it didn’t take you much time to realize they’re Flim & Flam
  81. >”I don’t think we’ve met before, ma’am. Let me introduce us”, says Flim while grabbing a business card and throwing it to the wind - it mysteriously flies to you, and when you catch it with your hooves you get to read what it says:
  82.  
  83. FLIM & FLAM
  84. BURGERPOL
  85. (BY CELESTIA, WHAT A BURGER!!!!) CO. LTD.
  86.  
  87. >”Customer-directed business cards. I take you don’t have any at your Fail & Co., right friends?”, taunts Flim
  88. >”Now if you excuse us, we’re going to celebrate a business deal we’re about to close with a 20-years old Tardonnay”, says Flam
  89. >”Eh, it’s Chardonnay”, corrects Enigma while Anonfilly notices Anon’s face veins are about to explode
  90. >”You can pronounce it, we can buy it”
  91. >The duo leaves the scene, leaving the family devastated
  92. >”Dear God, what are we gonna do?!”
  93. “Well, you could start by calling  the authorities”
  94. >”As in, Sheriff Silverstar? We tried to ask him to help us, but he told me they’re busy and will work on it when they solve all the crimes and stuff”
  95. >Everyone, including you and the trucker look at Anonymous with hopelessness on their eyes.
  96.  
  97. >Back inside the house, Anonymous tries to chew what has just happened while Anonfilly and you take tea, and Enigma reads the news on a laptop computer
  98. >”If only we could take revenge of those bastards. But of course, we’re all of money thanks to them ruining our business… I wonder what ‘business deal’ they are celebrating”, thinks Anon while taking a sip of tea
  99. ”Maybe they found someone who will pay them to talk out of their arses”, you say, causing Anonfilly to let a horselaugh out at the same time as you
  100. >”According to their website, they plan on expanding to all Equestria before the end of the year”, says Enigma while looking at his laptop
  101. “What? That sound extremely ambitious. Where are they getting so much money anyways? A burger joint can’t possibly be so profitable”
  102. >”Hmm… let me see that…”, says Anon while checking the laptop. “If we could only access their intranet to find more info”
  103. >”Excellent idea”, you say, scaring Anonfilly a bit. “Hand me the phone. Come on, quick, hand me the phone!”
  104. >You check Burgerpol’s phone number on their website and call their customer service
  105. >You dial and clear your throat in the meantime
  106. >”Burgerpol’s customer service, how may I help you?”
  107. “Hi, I’m Flim, can you put someone from technical support through? It’s very important”, says Lyra with an accent sounding identical to Flim’s, shocking everyone in the room
  108. >”Uh, yes, Mr. Flim? How can I help you?”
  109. “I forgot my intranet password, since as you know I’m an idiot who loves talking out of his arse…”
  110. >The Anon gang gives you a thumbs up
  111. “Can you give me a new password?”
  112. >”But Mr. Flim, that’s absolutely unsafe, I couldn’t possible do--”
  113. “Look, kiddo, I’m a very busy horse, give me a password immediately or I’m telling Mr. Two-Minutes-Older-Than-Me than me about how unresponsive our employees are”
  114. >”Okay, okay, Mr. Flim, I beg you pardon. Access your account using your user ‘superawesomeflim’ and write ‘123456’ as your password. The system will ask you to change it log in
  115. >Lyra hangs the phone and shows the Anons a smug face
  116. “Done!”
  117. >Everyone cheers Lyra and then they reload the site
  118. >Lyra write Flim’s credentials and checks the intranet news
  119. “We don’t have much time before the twins realise we hacked them so let’s make this quick”
  120. >”Look at that!”, points Enigma
  121.  
  122. FLIM & FLAM INTERNATIONAL LOGISTIC COMPANY CELEBRATES A NEW WEAPONRY FAIR
  123.  
  124. This Friday, 1st September at 8:00 PM, our company proudly celebrates another weapon selling fair, over our luxury zeppelin overflying the Equestrian skies. We’ll have weaponry auctions and of course, our classic “buy 2 weapons, get two grenades free” special. We appreciate the trust of admirable businessmen of Equestria, like Killemall Cream, Dr. Loaded Hoof and Hard Fixx & His Red Blood Commando who have been with us since the beginning, and we welcome all the newcomers.
  125.  
  126. We’ll wait for you at Lower Applelooza. Don’t miss it!
  127.  
  128. “Dear Celestia, they’re selling weapons! And look to what kind of ponies!!”
  129. >”Who are those?”, asks Anon
  130. “Well, do you know the Dead Sea?”
  131. >”Yes”
  132. “Loaded Hoof killed it”
  133. >The Anons get a bit frightened
  134. >”So essentially, they’re selling weapons to terrorists… My God, those arseholes are much more smart than I thought”
  135. “That’s it, I’ll try to call Celestia”
  136. >”There’s no need to, Lyra, I have a better idea”
  137.  
  138. >On a full moon’s night, the quartet is walking towards the zeppelin dressed in hilarious Mariachi-style costumes, complete with musical instruments (at least you got the lyra… do mariachis even play lyras?)
  139. “You know, I think it’s quite a big coincidence you had a costume of my size”
  140. >”Well, you never know when you’ll have to use a disguise to infiltrate in a zeppelin full of terrorists!”, tries Anon to humour you
  141. >”Look at the bright side, Lyra, at least you got an actual instrument. What the hell is this?”, asks
  142. >”That’s a drum”
  143. >”Oh, aren’t those things what you use to eat Chinese?”
  144. >Anon stares at his pony counterpart for a couple of seconds
  145. >”Keep walking, dear”
  146.  
  147. >The group reaches the place where the guests will get on the zeppelin
  148. >They look get a bit frightened when you see the rude-looking ponies, some even wielding fire guns
  149. >Anonymous takes a deep breath and goes to talk to Flim while Flam is talking on his mobile
  150. >”Well, here we are!”
  151. >”And who are you? And why are you walking on your rear hooves?”
  152. >”I’m… we are the Turbo Stereo Canterlot Quartet. You hired to enlighten your party, of which everything we know comes from perfectly legal means, remember?”
  153. “Smooth”, Lyra adds, making Anonfilly let out a small chuckle
  154. >”Well, you were probably contacted by my brother. He’s the one with the bad taste in music. Go ahead”
  155. >A pony with a red bandana and a black patch arrives to the boarding place
  156. >”Oh, Mr. Hard Fixx, so nice to see you again. Where’s your Commando?”
  157. >”They’re a bit late, thanks to the piece of sinner from the hill of the rent-a-car, do you realize? The car was delivered late and one of them had that small, square piece located in the lower vaginal part of the fistro of the car…”
  158. >”The gas pedal?”
  159. >”That’s the one! Well, I broke the employee’s lower fistro and got to give us a new one for my commando. They’ll probably arrive in a while”
  160. >”Please, Mr. Fixx, get on the zeppelin and make yourself at home”
  161. >Flim looks at Flam and notices he’s still on the phone
  162. >”Flam, what’s with you and that damn phone?”
  163. >”I’m firing the entire IT part of our company, which you personally hired by the way. I cannot believe you aren’t worried about your account being hacked!”
  164. >”Exactly, brother, because you see: I like to have my enemies close. I won’t be surprised if anyone on that zeppelin is related to such intrusion, and I mean anyone, dear brother”
  165. >”Am I being paranoid or are you suspecting of me?”
  166. >”I never said such thing, I’m just saying I’ll have eyes on my back during this evening”, says Flim with an almost mocking tone while boarding the zeppelin
  167. >Flam gets outraged and presses his mobile, almost breaking it
  168.  
  169. >You are Awesome Mint-Coloured Pony, AKA Lyra
  170. >The Anons and you board the zeppelin
  171. >A guard points at the room where the auction will be held
  172. >You, however, walk past it, prompting the guard to point his spear towards you
  173. >”Wait! Where are you going?!”
  174. “We’re going to the bathroom! We can’t play music with our hands dirty!”
  175. >”Oh, okay, but make it quick”
  176. >You quickly enter a public bathroom and use your instruments to lock the door
  177. “Okay, boys, we don’t have much time, let’s review the plan”
  178. >”Enigma and I will take care of the… audience, and you’ll take care of the pilot”, says Anon
  179. >”Man, I can almost taste that pilot’s blood”, points Anonfilly
  180. “No! Nobody will taste nobody’s blood! We’ll just give the pilot a scare to force him to land in Ponyville. These ruffians won’t dare shooting a gun anywhere near the Mane 6
  181. >”Okay, in that case I can almost taste Enigma’s orange juice back at home”
  182. “Good girl”, you tell her while tickling her mane
  183. >You hear a female voice from outside the bathroom”
  184. >”Hey, what’s locking the door?!”
  185.  >”Ah, sorry, ma’am it’s a, it’s a… goat!”, tells Anon to her while the other let out a silent “What?”
  186. “Eh, uh… Baaaa”, you let out sounding incredibly like a goat
  187. >”Please come back later!”
  188. >You hear the female letting out a sigh and then going away
  189. “You know I could recognize that accent anywhere, right?”
  190. >”Oh my God, you too?”, asks Enigma a bit excited
  191. “Wait, who are you thinking of?”
  192. >”Oh please, that Russian accent, which sounded like if that pony had a big ego and everyone had to beg her… It was clearly Vladimir Putin”
  193. >”Don’t you think we’re wasting time?”, asks Anonfilly
  194. “Absolutely! Come on everypony!”
  195. >You take a peek out of the door and see the guard looking at the other side. You quickly grab Anonfilly and head to where down the hall
  196. >In the meantime Anonymous and Enigma head back to the auction room
  197. >”Hey, wait a minute! Where are your friends”
  198. >”Uh, well, they need a minute more in the bathroom…”
  199. >The guard looks unconvinced
  200. >”You know… mare stuff. Let’s be honest, inviting female musicians on the beginning of the month isn’t the wisest idea”
  201. >”Ooh, I see now… Okay, you can go in”
  202. >Anon and Enigma enter the auction room and try to keep their cool when they see several well-known criminals chatting and checking the weapons on sale”
  203. >”Look Enigma, most Equestrian criminals are here… Hoofed’n’Loaded, Captain Gunshoe… look, the bloke who assaulted the bank last month, what was his name?
  204. >“Ariel Rodríguez Palacios”
  205. >”That one!”
  206. >Enigma sees a blue mare checking a 2014 Shadilay Shotgun and can’t help but chuckling
  207. >”And in the second-hand criminal section, we have Trixie!”
  208. >”How dare you calling the Great and Powerful Trixie a ‘second-hand criminal’, you… weird two-legged beings”
  209. >”Oh please, Trixie, you couldn’t kill a fly if you wanted”, tells her Anonymous in between chuckles
  210. >”You better apologize to Trixie about those comments inmediately!”
  211. >Trixie’s horn starts glowing
  212. >Anon fearlessly puts his right hand around the mare’s horn
  213. >”Oh it’s warm”
  214. >”Okay, okay, we apologize for making fun of you… but what are you doing here anyways?”
  215. >”Well, isn’t it quite obvious? I want to find a weapon good enough to show that Twilight Sparkle a lesson”
  216. >”You know, Trixie, there’s no need to use violence against people who disagree with you”
  217. >”That’s a smart thing to say during a weapon’s auction where no police is around, you goons, for the glory of my mother, do you realize-ize-ize?”, says Hard Fixx while passing close to to Anon
  218.  
  219. >You’re Mint Pone AKA Lyra and you’re approaching the pilot’s room with Anonfilly
  220. >You cannot help but thinking how will Anonymous and Enigma ruin the plan, leading you to a certain death
  221. >You regret not having brought a mobile phone to call Bon Bon and ask her for help
  222. >You hear a loud radio blaring from inside the pilot’s cabin
  223. >”This is Top Equestria 105 with the number 3 hit of this week’s ranking…”
  224. >”Isn’t it unsafe to pilot a zeppelin with the radio so loud?”, whispers Anonfilly
  225. “I think this might play to our advantage… Are you ready?”
  226. >”Yes!”
  227. “Okay, now”, you say while holding your lyra up
  228. >Anonfilly opens the door and tries to yell to call the pilot’s attention, but the loud music prevents her to do so
  229. >The pilot makes a sudden maneuver with the flywheel, and the gravity takes you back
  230. “Aaaaahhh!”
  231. >Your partner and you try to grab the walls
  232. >“Lyra, are you alright?”
  233. >”Yes, but I worry the guards might have heard us”
  234.  
  235. >Back in the auction room, Flim and Flam are in front of the screen about to introduce the weapons for sale before they listen a scream
  236. >”What was that?!”, says Flam
  237. >Flim looks at a guard and points towards the direction of the scream
  238. >The guard goes down the hall to see what it was
  239. >”It seems we’re having an exciting evening ahead, don’t you think brother?”
  240. >”No I don’t. I’m not a fan of the mere idea of having intruders on the zeppelin or hackers in our computer network”
  241. >”Look at the bright side, brother: more intruders means more chances of seeing them destroyed in seconds by our distinguished guests”
  242. >Around the centre of the room, Trixie is looking for certain pony, and when she finds it immediately adopts a seductive pose while approaching it
  243. >”Excuse me, is this the table where the pony who brought the last two Shadilay shotguns is sitting?”, she says with a suave attitude not often seen on her
  244. >”Eh yes, that’s me”, says a pony with I <3 GENOCIDE tattooed on the left flank
  245. >”Oh… Enchanté”, tells her Trixie while offering her hoof
  246. >The terrorist pony is not sure of what to do
  247. >Flam approaches the microphone while the lights are being turn off
  248. >”Good evening, friends. We’re happy to announce the first auction of the night is about to start! Our first product is…”
  249. >Flam presses a button under the lectern meant to turn on the room’s screen. It does not, however, turn on despite how many times Flam presses said button
  250. >”Oh, not again”
  251. >”We had the same problem last year”, says an annoyed Flim
  252. >”I’ll go check if everything’s plugged in…”
  253. >Before leaving, Flam speaks at the microphone once more
  254. >”We are having a slight technical issue but we’ll be back in a yiff”
  255. >Flam quickly lives the scene, leaving his brother alone
  256. >”In the meantime, let’s introduce our musical guests: the Turbo Stereo Canterlot Quartet”
  257. >Anonymous and Enigma enter the scene, terrified at seeing guests full of tattoos, war clothing and weapons
  258. >”Wait, half of the band is missing”
  259. >”Yes, they’re still in the bathroom”, says Anon, “but we can play something in the meantime”
  260. >”Whatever, just entertain them while my brother fixes the screen”
  261.  
  262. >Enigma puts the lectern at a side while Anonymous plugs an MP3 player to the room’s amplifier
  263. >”Okay, Enigma, prepare to mimic music like never before”
  264. >Anonymous grabs an electric guitar while Enigma takes a keyboard out of his back
  265. >The amplifier makes a screeching noise which causes Loaded Hoof to spit his martini
  266. >”One cannot buy mass destruction weapons in peace without being assaulted by teen music in this place, it seems”
  267. >Music starts blaring from the speaker and the Anons try to mimic the music with their instruments while singing as loud as they can on the microphone
  268.  
  269. Don't take that dive again!
  270. Push through that band of rain!
  271. Five miles out,
  272. Just hold your heading true
  273. Got to get your finest out
  274. You're Number 1, anticipating you
  275.  
  276. >Back in the pilot’s room, Anonfilly approaches the radio, turning it off and prompting the pilot to get up from his seat and see what has happened
  277. >Lyra attacks him with her instrument but he dodges it, only getting a minor bruise on his left flank
  278. >”Who the hell are you?”, says the pilot while grabbing a knife located next to the zeppelin’s controls
  279. >He tries to attack Lyra but she stops the knife with her instrument
  280. >Anonfilly comes from behind and bites the pilot’s left hoof
  281. >The pilot screams in pain while attacking Anonfilly with his knife
  282. >The weapon reaches the horse’s body, making her release her teeth from the pilot’s hoof
  283. >Lyra hits the pilot with her homonymous instrument as hard she can, leaving him unconscious immediately
  284. >Anonfilly tries to drown a scream of pain with her mouth while releasing a few tears
  285. >The zeppelin starts losing control, once again pushing everypony in the cabin towards the hall
  286.  
  287. What do you do when your falling,
  288. You've got 30 degrees and you're stalling out?
  289. And it's 24 miles to your beacon;
  290. There's a crack in the sky and the warning's out
  291.  
  292. >A guard checks the hall when the sudden change of direction makes it hard for him to stand straight
  293. >He sees, however, three ponies next to the pilot’s cabin… and the pilot unconscious lying on the floor
  294. >”What the hell?!... MISTER FLIM, MISTER FLAM!”, he says while running back to the auction room trying not to lose the equilibrium
  295.  
  296. The traffic controller is calling,
  297. "Victor-Juliet, your identity.
  298. I have you lost in the violent storm!
  299. Communicate or squawk 'Emergency'!"
  300.  
  301. >A sudden shot hurts Anon on the right shoulder, making him release a loud scream, barely drowned by the loud music
  302. >Both Enigma and the guests look at him, confused about what has just happened
  303. >Another shot destroys the speaker, making Anon’s screaming more noticeable while blood starts pouring from the wound
  304. >From the back of the room, Flim emerges wielding a pistol while Flam looks at the Anons with poker face
  305. >”See, brother? This is what I meant when I told you I want to keep my enemies close. Now our distinguished guests will have an extra amenity at their disposal: the pleasure of assassinating the intruders who are trying to sabotage our harmless reunion by calling the authorities”
  306. >The guests stand up from their seats and immediately grab whatever weapon they have at their disposal
  307. >Trixie grabs an empty slingshot
  308. >Enigma grabs Anonymous and pulls him behind the lectern, hugging him and hoping to dodge all the bullets
  309. >”For the love of God, Enigma, leave already!”
  310. >”What?! No way!”
  311. >”I told you to leave!”, says Anon while getting rid of Enigma’s hug
  312. >”I’ll be fine, I swear. Just go find Lyra and Anonfilly”, he tells Enigma with a smile
  313. >“Oh.,. O-Okay”
  314. >”Go… Go, I tell you!”
  315. >Enigma jumps with all his strength towards the exit, miraculously dodging all the bullets
  316. >”This is for calling me a second hand criminal!”, yells Trixie while throwing a grenade against the lectern
  317. >”TRIXIE, NOO!”, yell Flim and Flam
  318. >The grenade causes a giant explosion which destroys the auction room and great part of the zeppelin instantly
  319. >Enigma grabs Lyra, a wounded Anonfilly and a pony-sized parachute he found at the pilot’s cabin and prepares for an emergency landing
  320. >”Girls, take this!”
  321. >He hands Lyra the parachute
  322. >”But what about you?!”
  323. >”Well…”
  324. >Enigma sees that terrorist named Hard Fixx about to jump off the zeppelin with a parachute
  325. >”So long, you pieces of sinners from the hills!”
  326. >”Oh, no you won’t”
  327. >Enigma runs toward the pony and tries to take the parachute from him, but the pony punches him on his face
  328. >”You’re… too bloody strong for being such a small horse!”
  329. >Enigma pushes the pony towards the floor
  330. >Hard Fixx uses his back hooves to hit him in the face, and he tries to block his attacks with his arms, only to get as closer to the horse as possible and bite his flank
  331. >The horse lets out a cream and Enigma uses the confusion to steal his parachute
  332. >”Give back my sexually diodenar of parachute immediately!”
  333. >A sudden move of the zeppelin makes Hard Fixx fall off the zeppelin’s door. The same happens to Enigma not before wearing the parachute
  334. >Soon he sees Lyra falling down while holding Anonfilly next to her chest
  335. >As they approach the ground, they see the once luxurious zeppelin heading to a certain crash
  336.  
  337. >You land in the outskirts of Applelooza almost at the same time as Enigma. You immediately start thinking on what to do with Anonfilly, who seems to be in big pain
  338. >Enigma starts panicking when he sees blood pouring from Anonfilly
  339. >”What the hell?!”, he says while taking the filly from you
  340. “Well, I hope you’re happy! Your brother’s dead and that filly is going on the same direction”
  341. >”Oh Lyra, thanks for your support”, says Anonfilly before letting out a small grunt
  342. >”Dear God… I can’t believe my brother is dead”
  343. >”We don’t know Enigma, maybe he survived!”
  344. >A loud explosion is heard in the distance
  345. >”Nevermind”, says Anonfilly
  346.  
  347. >A few minutes later, you and Enigma sit in the Applelooza hospital’s waiting room
  348. >Enigma can’t stop moving forth and back, and you both hope Anonfilly can be saved
  349. “She’ll be okay, Enigma”
  350. >”She’d better be… I can’t lose two siblings in the same day. And all because of that stupid idea of getting revenge on those stupid horses!”
  351. >Enigma gets up and starts sobbing while a voice is heard faintly from outside the hospital’s doors
  352. >”Help…”
  353. >”Jesus, I can still hear Anon’s voice”
  354. >”Help!”
  355. >”Bloody hell, if only he was here!”
  356. >”I’m right here, you goon!”
  357. >You stand up from your seat and go running towards the door only to find an absolutely filthy and wounded Anon laying on the hospital’s stairs
  358. “Y-You’re alive!”
  359. >”Brother!, says Enigma enthusiastically while grabbing and hugging him a bit too strong
  360. >”Aaagh, easy Enigma!”
  361.  
  362. >A while after, Anon and his filly counterpart lay in hospital beds, almost entirely covered in bandages, while Enigma and you sit close to them
  363. “I-I… just can’t believe it. How the hell did you survived?”
  364. >”I’m sorry to interrupt”, says Anonfilly in a quiet tone, “but I need to use the toilet”
  365. >”Easy: we landed on a pillow factory”
  366. “WE?”
  367. >”Who are we?!”
  368. >”Can someone please take me to the toilet?”, asks Anonfilly again
  369. >”Well… me and that bloke called Hard Fixx”
  370. >Enigma and you jump off your chairs
  371. >”That guy is still alive?!”
  372. >”Yes and ran away promising revenge. You know, your typical terrorist”
  373. >”Hey! I’m peeing myself over here!”
  374. “That’s it!”, you say while grabbing the remains of your lyra
  375. >”Where are you going?!”
  376. “I’m going to your place to call Bon Bon on the phone. She’ll know what to do. And for the love of Celestia, Enigma, take Anonfilly to the toilet”
  377. >”Oops, sorry”, says Enigma while grabbing the filly
  378. >”Ouch! Careful! Don’t you see I have a broken tibia?!”
  379. >”A what?”
  380. >”A broken tibia”
  381. >Enigma and Anon look at each other with confusion in their eyes before the former says “Well, but you didn’t have to say it in Spanish”
  382. >”In Spanish?”
  383. >”Tibia, caliente, fría…”
  384. “Just take your sister to the toilet, for Pete’s sake. And you shut up as well, Anonfilly…”
  385. >”Lyra, I--”
  386. “And you shut up as well Anon, my lyra might be broken but it hits quite hard!”
  387. >You leave the room in anger while the Anons look at you all shocked
  388.  
  389. >You are going to the Anons’ house
  390. >The silence of the night does nothing to calm your nerves
  391. >You want to call Bon Bon, ask her for help and go back home as soon as possible
  392. >You open the house’s door and promptly turn on the light
  393. >What you find, however, is not an empty home but Hard Fixx sitting on the kitchen’s table and two of his minions quickly grabbing and handcuffing you
  394. >”Good evening, Ms. Lyra. I’m afraid you won’t be able to have dinner yet, but don’t worry, you’ll reunite with your sinning friends as soon as my minions take them to my cave”
  395. >He lets out a diabolic laughter
  396. >”Come on, laugh with me, you only live once!”
  397. >After that, you’re injected a narcotic that makes you sleep almost instantly…
  398.  
  399. >When you wake up, you find yourself next to Anon and Enigma, locked inside a cage in a dark cavern
  400. >”Oh Lyra, thanks God you woke up”, Enigma tells you
  401. “Where are we?”
  402. >”Hard Fixx’s minions stormed into the hospital and brought us here. Lyra, I’m really scared”
  403. “So am I, thanks to you and your brother’s crazy ide--”
  404. >You get interrupted by a loud snore coming from Anon
  405. “That narcotic really hit him hard”
  406. >”Nah, he was already asleep when they kidnapped us”
  407. >You poke him with your horn and he wakes up instantly
  408. >”Ouch!... Hey! Where are we?”
  409. >Hard Fixx approaches the cage with a couple of his minions while the others stay in the back, talking and having coffee - they’re earth ponies of all kinds, but with something in common: stallions wear blue bandanas and mares use red ones. Most of them wield weapons
  410. >”Welcome to my house and workplace! Specially you, dear Anon, who will be of great help to our diodenar cause”
  411. >”Uh, well, I’d love to help but Chespirito is starting in 15 minutes and I-- Wait, what, what is that?”
  412. >Hard Fixx brings a trolley with a small metal box and a LED clock inside it
  413. >”This, my dear friend is the bomb you’ll use to kill Princess Celestia”
  414. >Everyone gets shocked and you feel unable to say anything
  415. >”What… the hell”, says Enigma
  416. “B-but… why? Why would you want to kill the Princess?”
  417. >”Why?! She broke my Bronco CD! And it was the only copy autographed by José Guadalupe in existence! I wanna make that bitch pay!”
  418. “But--”
  419. >”Silence! Sea Flower will bring you something to eat in a while and then we’ll discuss the plans with calm, for the glory of my mother”
  420. >A mare with dark green mane and coat and a golden necklace brings a plate with sandwiches
  421. >”Hi”, he says shyly
  422. >You all tell greet her
  423. >”I know this can’t compensate the fact you’re deprived of your freedom but… I made you some sandwiches”
  424. >”Thank you! I’m starving… you know, after all the explosions and all”, says Enigma before grabbing a daisy and lettuce sandwich from the plate
  425. >”Oh, you’re welcome… Aren’t you going to try it…”
  426. >Everyone stays silent for a few seconds
  427. >”See, I was waiting for you to tell me your name”
  428. >”Oh! Hehe, I’m Anon”
  429. >”That’s a peculiar name”
  430. >”Thank you, it means ‘The chicken is in the oven’”
  431. >Sea Flower starts laughing loudly, even scaring her workmates, only to abruptly stop her laughter
  432. >”I haven’t been told a joke in 2 years… Serve yourself, sweetie”
  433. >You grab the last sandwich
  434. >”By the way Anon… I think I did well on leaving a special treat in your sandwich”, says Sea Flower before leaving
  435. >You all looks at each other confused
  436. >Anon goes ahead and tries the sandwich without looking
  437. >The sound of something metallic hitting Anon’s teeth was frightening
  438. >Anon covers his mouth to avoid screaming because of the pain
  439. >”I don’t like Romaine lettuce!”
  440. “Romaine lettuce, my foot!”, you say while grabbing Anon’s sandwich
  441. “A key!”
  442. >”Give it to me! I’ll hide it before Hard Fixx sees it”, says Enigma while putting it in his trousers’ pocket
  443. >”Why would she have given us that?”, asks Anon
  444. >”We don’t know if it might be a trap”
  445. “Enigma, at this point we have nothing to lose if we try”
  446. >”Hey guys”, says Anon, “since we’re talking about traps, don’t you think someone is missing here?”
  447. >Enigma and you think for a second
  448. “ANONFILLY!”
  449. >”Of course, she’s so small, and she was sleeping covered in all those blankets. They probably didn’t see her… I hope she’s alright
  450. >”In the meantime, let’s try to escape before these guys make me wear Afghanistan's latest fashion”
  451. >You check if there’s anyone seeing, but it seems everyone went to other parts of the cavern
  452. >Enigma quietly puts the key in the lock and opens the door, not without fear
  453. >When you’re about to exit, you find Hard Fixx standing in front of the door while pointing you with a gun
  454. >”Leaving so early?”
  455. >You all raise your hands while looking at each other with a gesture of disappointment
  456. >Hard Fixx lets out a malicious laugh while pointing his gun at you
  457. >”Come on, Anon, let’s talk about my plan to end Celestia’s rule”
  458. >”I can’t right now, maybe another day with more time”
  459. >”No! We’ll talk about it right now… although I’d like to first know who was the sinner from the hills who tried to sabotage my plan by giving you a key”
  460. >Hard Fixx looks at his minions who try to avoid staring at him in the eyes
  461. >In the meantime, Sea Flower cleans some dishes over the cavern’s canteen while pretending she’s not listening
  462. >Hard Fixx, however, slowly walk towards her
  463. >”It could have been anyone: a stallion… or a mare, don’t you think Sea Flower?”
  464. >”Nonsense, Hard Fixx. W-Who would want to sabotage your plans? I think y-you’re just a bit too nervous, why don’t you drink a bit of wine?”
  465. >Sea Flower hands his boss a cup of red wine while showing him a fake smile
  466. >Hard Fixx grabs it and gives it a look
  467. >”You know dear, I’m not fond of taking poisoned wine, for the glory of my mother”
  468. >”P-Poisoned wine? Please, Hard Fixx…”
  469. >A stallion comes to the canteen with a worried look on his face
  470. >”But Hard Fixx, why are you implying my girlfriend is trying to poison you? Since I brought her here, she has always been helpful to you”
  471. >”Well, you know the saying: ‘Mares we see, certain death we fear’”
  472. >”You know”, says Anon, “there is a way to find out if the wine is poisoned or not”
  473. >”Oh really?”
  474. >”Yes: you drink the entire cup. And if you die, then it was poisoned”
  475. >”Better yet: why don’t YOU drink it and tell me if it’s poisoned or not?”
  476. >”No, thank you, I’d rather drink some grape soda”
  477. >”I’ll get you some, Anon!”, says Sea Flower
  478. >”Grape soda, my foot! Sit over there!”
  479. >Hard Fixx points his gun towards a table and Anon obligues
  480. >”Here you have your soda, Anon!”
  481. >Sea Flower leaves the cup on the table, next to Anon
  482. >”Give me that!”
  483. >Hard Fixx grabs Anon’s soda and changes it for the wine, leaving the soda for himself
  484. >”Cheers, Anon”
  485. >”Hey, is that Verónica Castro?”
  486. >”Where?!”, say Hard Fixx while turning around
  487. >Anon quickly exchanges the drinks, but the pony hears the noise and turns around
  488. >”Okay, cheers then!”, say Anon
  489. >”Cheers indeed… Hey, be careful, I think one of my minions wants to break your head with a cub”
  490. >”Where?”
  491. >Anon frantically turns around, covering his head, while the horse exchanges the drinks again
  492. >Anon notices and tries to show him a poker face
  493. >”Well, it seems I scared him… Cheers, Hard Fixx”
  494. >”Cheers!”
  495. >”But be careful because I think one of your ex-girlfriends is behind you”
  496. >”Hehe, if you think I’m going to fall for that… Wait, are you talking of Berry Punch?! I thought I had gotten rid of that diodenar of evil mare!”
  497. >When the pony turns around, Anon pretends to exchange the drinks again, but only makes a noise on the table
  498. >Hard Fixx takes the bait and looks at Anon with a fake smile
  499. >”Sorry, it wasn’t Berry Punch, it was just one of your wine barrels”
  500. >”Of course, of course… Cheers, Anon!”
  501. >”Cheers!”
  502. >”But before we take a sip, I think you might want to take a look at the cute mare standing behind you”
  503. >”Right behind me, right?”, asks Anon
  504. >”Yes, indeed”
  505. >Anon turns his head while Hard Fixx changes his drink with Anon’s
  506. >”Oh, it seems she left”, tells him Anon
  507. >”Oh well! Cheers, Anon!”
  508. >”Cheers, Hard Fixx”
  509. >Both of them drink at the same time. Upon finishing, they smile to each other until Hard Fixx passes out and hits his head against the table
  510. >”Dear God, did you actually poison the wine?!”
  511. >”Of course not, I just gave him a narcotic. He’ll be fine but now you must leave!”
  512. >”Hey!”, says Sea Flower’s boyfriend, “What do you think you’re doing?!”
  513. >”Who are you, anyways?”, asks him Anon
  514. >”I’m Hoof’n’Run and I don’t want you playing jokes on my boss!”
  515. >”Hoof, please, this is our chance to go back to Applelooza and have a normal life again!”, begs Sea Flower while stopping his boyfriend from approaching Anonymous
  516. >”Shut up, you traitor!”
  517. >Hoof’n’Run hits Sea Flower on the face, and the strength of the beating sends her to the floor
  518. >”THAT’S IT”
  519. >Lyra uses his magic to create a big hand that hits the pony with great strength, leaving him with a black eye
  520. >”Wrong move”, says Hoof’n’Run while his companions approach the scene
  521.  
  522. >Sea Flower quickly gets up, takes grabs a dunn from the tavern and approaches the Anons
  523. >”Run towards the exit, NOW”
  524. >”But--”, tries to answer Lyra
  525. >”NOW!”, interrupts Sea Flower and then hits his boyfriend on the head with the dunn while yelling at him
  526. >”Bastard!”
  527. >Lyra and the Anons run away from the scene while Hard Fixx’s minions prepare to shoot
  528. >”You’ll pay for this, bitch!”, says Hoof’n’Run while pointing his gun at her
  529. >His companions follow his lead and point at her as well
  530. >Sea Flower quickly run toward the trolley that was left close to the jail and grabs the bomb
  531. >”NOO, DON’T SHOO--”
  532. >Hoof’n’Run’s warning came a bit too late as a shot impacted the bomb, creating a huge explosion and destroying everything in sight
  533. >Lyra and the Anons are about to exit the cavern when the explosion hits them from behind, violently pushing them forward
  534. >They hit the ground and end up deeply stunned by the impact
  535. >Enigma looks behind and sees the cavern on looking like a hell in Earth and tries to get up as fast as he can
  536. >”Guys… we have to leave”
  537. >He helps Anon to stand up, his clothes being blackened by soot, and then helps up Lyra, taking her on his arms
  538.  
  539. >The trio barely manages to get back to the hospital, and they find it completely empty
  540. >”Dear God”, says Anon, “everyone must have ran away when Hard Fixx stormed here”
  541. >”We have to find your sister”, reminds them a pretty weak Lyra
  542. >The trio tries to quickly find the room they were a few hours ago, and after a few minutes they enter it, not without fear of what they’ll encounter
  543. >Anon softly calls her pony counterpart
  544. >”Anon… filly?”
  545. >”FINALLY!”
  546. >The pony comes up from under the bedsheets, scaring the others
  547. >”Oh, thanks God you’re fine!”, says Anon while grabbing and hugging her
  548. >”I was so scared”
  549. >Enigma gently pets her while Lyra looks for something
  550. >”What is that noise?”
  551. >”Oh, it must be my portable TV. I watched Chespirito while I was waiting for you to come back. But don’t worry, it was one of the episodes without background laughter”
  552. >Lyra looks at Anonfilly and gives her a fake “whew!”
  553.  
  554. >A few months later, the Anon trio is working at their burger joint, which is full of patrons chatting and eating
  555. >Lyra enters the place and smiles at the trio
  556. >They warmly welcome her to the premises
  557. >”Lyra, thanks a lot for coming”, says Enigma while holding their tears of happiness
  558. >”We wouldn’t have our business up and running again if it weren’t for you”
  559. >”Aww, thank you guys… I think seeing Enigma cry made risking my life worthwhile”
  560. >They all laugh for a bit and then Anon goes looking for something behind the counter
  561. >”You know Lyra, we want to give you something”
  562. >Anon brings a beautiful oil painting of Lyra playing her instrument, full of pastel colours
  563. >”T-Thank you, so much guys… B-But I want to give you something too”
  564. >”Oh really? What is it?”, asks Anon
  565. >Lyra gives Anon another painting, albeit smaller than theirs
  566. >Anon looks at it and sheds a tear
  567. >”Thanks a lot, Lyra”
  568. >Anon puts the painting on the counter
  569. >It’s a portrait of Sea Flower smiling, with an aureola over her head
  570.  
  571. End.
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