Pants in the Relationship pt.1


                                            "Ah, this is too good for humans."

                                            >Yet again, you've found yourself at The Horsehoe diner in P0nyville, having your stack of flapjacks.

                                            >You've finished your cup of joe and wait for your refill.

                                            >The sweet taste of the syrup still lingering in your mouth while you look out the window.

                                            >Despite the grey sky, you enjoy observing the ponies go about their day-to-day lives.

                                            >"Refill for your coffee, sugar?"

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >You turn to the waitress who's floating a pot of coffee with her magic.

                                            >"Coffee?" she asks as she beams.

                                            "Yes, thank you."

                                            >She nods and refills your cup then trots off to her other duties.

                                            >You add a few packets of cream and sugar to the coffee.

                                            >Sip in content and get back to staring out the window.

                                            >As soon as your eyes are fixed on the window, you see the Mail Mare at a distance.

                                            >She flutters her way over to the diner's entrance with little Urkel-like conduct.

                                            >After she trots through the door, you get back to finishing your stack of pancakes.

                                            >Taking another blissful bite, you close your eyes and get lost in the taste.

                                            >Chewing slowly you almost lost track of time.

                                            >"Hi Anonymous!" Some random pony shouts out to you.

                                            >You open your eyes and turn your head toward the direction of the voice.

                                            >Derpy walks her way over to your table, just standing beside you while you eat.

                                            >"Hi Anon, how are you doing?"

                                            >You give her a smile.

                                            "I'm doing fine, thanks for asking."

                                            >You go back to enjoying the stack of pancakes.

                                            >"Hey Anon listen umm," Derpy rubs the back of her neck with a hoof. "I-I really like you, and would love to get to know you better wanna go out sometime?"

                                            >You tuned her out at 'listen umm' thanks to the pancakes being so damn good.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            "Hmm? Oh yeah yeah. Congrats, you're doing a fine job."

                                            >"What? No Anon I was-"

                                            >The waitress comes by with your bill.

                                            >She gives you a smile and walks away.

                                            >You look at Derpy.

                                            "Derpy, did you say something?"

                                            >She hangs her head.

                                            >"Nevermind..."

                                            1/14


                                            >It's getting frustrating that Anon isn't noticing you.

                                            >You've tried talking to him in the mornings when he checks his mail.

                                            >The most he's ever given you was a nod and a smile.

                                            >You tried talking to him at Pinkie's parties.

                                            >Won't give you the time from him being occupied by Dash and her friends.

                                            >And once again, you've been ignored at a diner.

                                            >You raise a hoof, ready to say something, but are lost for words, so you trot away, heading to a corner booth.

                                            >You made sure it was far enough so Anon won't hear you sobbing.

                                            >Once you got comfortable, you sigh.

                                            >It's really tough trying to keep a smile and shrug off insults and being ignored.

                                            >You really like Anon, he's such a great guy, but would it kill him to give you the time of day?

                                            >You hear the waitress walk over to you, in an instant your raise your head.

                                            >"What'll be, sugar?"

                                            "Coffee, black, please."

                                            >"Alrighty."

                                            >She jots the order down on her notepad while you stare off into space, trying to figure out what you'll do.

                                            >She trots away, probably has other things to do, that's okay.

                                            >You just lay your head down on the table, depressed, to say the least.

                                            >What will you do?  That's the question that you can't seem to find an answer to.

                                            >Being bold and outright asking him only results in a 'did you say something Derpy?'

                                            >You were embarrassed and annoyed at the same, you're sick of being called 'Derpy', it gets old.

                                            >The waitress comes back, a friendly smile on her face while she floats the hot cup of coffee over to you.

                                            "Thanks."

                                            >"Ya welcome, suga'."

                                            >A gentle hoof lands on your shoulder.

                                            >"Don't let him get you down, honey. You just got to put yourself out there that's all."

                                            >She gives you a hopeful smile.

                                            "What should I do?"

                                            >"Be an inconvenience to him, that'll get his attention."

                                            "Any suggestions?"

                                            >She chuckles then has a seat across from you.

                                            >"Well, I have an idea."

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"But you might want to take about a month off from work..."

                                            2/14


                                            "You really think that'll work?" You ask with a smile, your wings fluttering.

                                            >"It's how I got my husband, heck there isn't a day that goes by without us laughing about it."

                                            >You make a chuckle of your own.

                                            >You look over to where Anon is sitting, you see he's getting ready to leave.

                                            >The waitress simply smiles. "Start tomorrow, trust me on this."

                                            >You down the rest of the coffee then reach for your bits.

                                            >"Oh don't worry about the coffee, it's on the house."

                                            >You make an inaudible squeak.

                                            "Thank you."

                                            >"You're welcome dear, best of luck to you."

                                            >You step down from your seat and head for the door.

                                            >Looking back at the waitress, you smile and mouth a thank you.

                                            >Push open the door and catch up to Anon while calling his name.

                                            "Anon! Hey!"

                                            >No response thanks to Lyra walking up to him and hitting on him as usual.

                                            >You stop a few feet behind, waiting for your turn to speak.

                                            >"Hey there handsome, when ya gonna take me out?" She asks with a smug grin

                                            >Anon gives a laugh.

                                            >"Neverary the second, c'mon Lyra, what about you and Bon Bon? She'll have my head on a pike!"

                                            >Lyra rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed.

                                            >"Why does everyp0ny keep thinking we're a couple? We're just roommates and the best of friends."

                                            >"Mmmmhm, suuure, whatever helps you sleep with your boo Bon Bon at night."

                                            >He gently pokes at Lyra's temple.

                                            >"We don't even share beds," she says with a slight hint of irritation, furrowing her brows

                                            >"Uh-oh, trouble in paradise?"

                                            >You hold in your giggle, Anon's so funny to you. Oh, Celestia what you would give to have him.

                                            >Lyra, clearly frustrated, groans in annoyance.

                                            >It goes without saying that both Lyra and Bon Bon are tired of ponies calling them a couple.

                                            >Lyra leans to the side and notices you, an eyebrow raises on her face.

                                            >"Um, can we help you, Derpy?"

                                            >You cringe at the name and get a sinking feeling in your gut.

                                            >Anon turns around and chuckles nervously.

                                            >"Are we in your way? Sorry about that."

                                            3/14


                                            >He steps aside and gestures to Lyra that does the same.

                                            >You step through, feeling defeated as it is. There's no point trying to talk to him right now.

                                            >Seems like tomorrow will be your chance after all.

                                            ---

                                            >Day of Pants in Equestria.

                                            >Your mind and body seem to go on autopilot in the mornings.

                                            >The first thirty minutes of your day is just a blur, the day really starts when you pour your cup of coffee.

                                            >Yesterday was dreadful after you had your God-like pancakes.

                                            >Twilight was doing some spring cleaning and Spike was sick in bed so guess who took up the vacant position as her assistant for the day?

                                            >Although, Spike was probably pretending he was sick in bed. Spring cleaning with Twilight is an unpleasant experience.

                                            >She turns into a monster.

                                            >"No! You're supposed to put this with that!"

                                            >"Ah-ah-ahhhh, it doesn't go that way!"

                                            >"YOU IDIOT R COMES AFTER Q NOT S!"

                                            >"OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA MOVE! LET ME DO IT!"

                                            >... She's a totally different person during this time.

                                            >No wonder Spike was "sick" in bed.

                                            >Anyways, back to your coffee and bowl of Scootaloops.

                                            >After getting your first sip of coffee of the day, you're officially up.

                                            >And you really admire your mind and body's work.

                                            >You're already dressed, clean-shaven, and smell like Irish Spring or whatever pony pun knock off of it.

                                            >Sadly, the thing on your agenda today is more spring cleaning with Twilight.

                                            >You're getting scared just thinking about it.

                                            >A knock at the door briefly distracts from your worries.

                                            >You shuffle on over to the door and look through the peephole.

                                            >...Which is a pointless thing to do.

                                            >This is "My Little Pony" not "My Big Horse", you don't know why you even bother, you can't see anyone.

                                            >But it's out of habit.

                                            "Who's there?"

                                            >"Special delivery for Anonymous Unknown."

                                            >Ah the Mail Mare, Derpy. Quite a relief, to be honest, it's been a few days since Banana Beta tried anything.

                                            >You open the door with a smile.

                                            4/14


                                            "Hello, Derpy. What's the Special D-"

                                            >You engage Sherlock mode for a moment.

                                            >There's no packaged box, no saddlebag on her back.

                                            >Just her with a smile.

                                            >What's going on?

                                            >You clear your throat before speaking again.

                                            "What's the special delivery?"

                                            >She fidgets around, looking down at the ground drawing a circle with a hoof

                                            >"Wooould you like to go out for dinner sometime?"

                                            "..."

                                            >Oh God, it's happening again. Of all ponies, Derpy has joined the rape party.

                                            >Well, in so many words.

                                            >"Would you like to go out for dinner sometime" is rape for "Hey, I'm going to drug your drink and have my way with you! You can't say no! I'm adorable!"

                                            >But you'll have to, you don't have an interest in Derpy, she has her standard mare cuteness, but nothing more.

                                            >What could you possibly have in common with the Mail Mare?

                                            >You rub the back of your neck while you make a nervous chuckle.

                                            "Yeeeah, Derpy sorry, I'm not interested."

                                            >And BAM! Best excuse. Good Game, check and mate.

                                            >Having a sad face isn't going to help, she can forget about it.

                                            >"Please?" She says with a sudden hopeful smile.

                                            >... Fuck, she's making this harder than it needs to be.

                                            "Sorry, but I don't really date ponies."

                                            >Another best excuse! Should have gone with that in the first place.

                                            >"You sure? Last chaaance~"

                                            >She lets her dazzling smile show and bats her eyelashes.

                                            >... Is... Is this going to turn into rape?

                                            >Is this one of those "ask first, rape later" courtesies?

                                            "I'm sure," you say firmly.

                                            >She rubs her chin in thought.

                                            >"Hmmm... okay!"

                                            >You make a sigh of relief.

                                            >Whew, that was clo-

                                            >Clink!

                                            "What the serious fuck?"

                                            >Looking down, you see Derpy gazing up back at you, her mouth on your belt buckle.

                                            >You try pelvic thrusting her off.

                                            >No luck, her body is limp, heavy, and her mouth pretty much is jaw locked from the looks of it.

                                            "Derpy, what are you doing?"

                                            5/14


                                            >She giggles as she pulls out a muffin from God knows where with a toothpick stabbed into with that has an attached note.

                                            >You take off the small slip of paper and give it a read.

                                            >The note read:

                                            I'll be stuck to your pants until you agree to go out to dinner with me.

                                            That's all I ask, just one dinner date and it's Ditzy by the way, I hate being called Derpy.


                                            "You can't be serious, Derpy."

                                            >She gives you a stern glare.

                                            "I-I mean, Ditzy."

                                            >She beams at you and her wings flutter.

                                            >You decide to step back inside, it's tough trying to walk with Grey Clumsy attached to the front of your pants.

                                            >Make it back to the kitchen table to have the rest of your Scootaloops and coffee.

                                            >Sadly, the coffee's gone cold and the cereal is soggy.

                                            >And there goes your morning.

                                            >You sigh out of depression until Ditzy taps your stomach to get your attention.

                                            >You scoot your chair back.

                                            "This is really happening? You're really going through with this?"

                                            >"Uh-huh."

                                            >She points to the muffin in your hand as if she knew why you were a little depressed, to begin with.

                                            "Oh, duh Anon."

                                            >She makes a sweet giggle, her eyes closed and the corners of her mouth curling.

                                            >Then she goes limp again.

                                            >You take a bite out of the muffin and damn near fall in love.

                                            >Perfect amount of chocolate chips with a moist cake.

                                            "Oooooh muh fuckin' gaaawd."

                                            >You could get used to this.

                                            >But holy fuck this is going to be tough to deal with.

                                            >And to think, you still have Twilight to work with.

                                            >Fuck.

                                            6/14


                                            >The walk to Twilight's place was long and tiring thanks to the added weight at the front of your pants.

                                            >Your stride was awkward, ponies were staring in amusement and mares avoided you like the plague, even Lyra.

                                            >You knock on Twilight's door, swallowing hard and hoping to God Spike is feeling better.

                                            >But of course Spike is going to keep faking it, you wouldn't want to be around Egghead Eggplant during spring cleaning either.

                                            >She opens the door with a smile.

                                            >"Hello Anonymous! Good news for you, I-"

                                            >Her eyes shift down to Derpy.

                                            >"Do I even want to know?"

                                            "I don't feel like explaining."

                                            >"Oh... anyway, I don't need your help for spring cleaning, as it turns out, Spike was pretending he was sick so he wouldn't have to help me!"

                                            >You gasp in shock sarcastically, but you can see Twilight is clearly sincere.

                                            "Whaaaat? Noooo, not Spike!"

                                            >"Right?! But that's okay, I'll be dealing with him accordingly."

                                            >You lean to the side to catch a glimpse in her home and find Spike limping, rubbing an ass cheek and tears leaking from his eyes.

                                            >Twilight looks back at him, "I'm not done with you yet, Spike."

                                            >He nods as he sobs silently.

                                            >"What's that?! I can't hear you!"

                                            >"Yes ma'am," he says tearing up even more.

                                            >Poor guy, but he had it coming, causing YOU to go through all that hell.

                                            >"Is there anything you'd like to check out before we get back to work?"

                                            >Yeah, how to remove a Derpy, but that's stretching it.

                                            "Nope, carry on."

                                            >"Okay, have a great day!"

                                            >She slams the door in your face and you're curious as to what's going to happen.

                                            >You press an ear against the door and barely make out the muffles behind it.

                                            >"How DARE you! Lying to me like that!"

                                            >"Twilight I'm sorry! Really!"

                                            >"How would I know you're /really/ sorry? Hm? You could be lying to me again!"

                                            >"Twilight I'm not lying I swear!"

                                            7/14


                                            >"Get Misses do-right, and assume the position when you get back."

                                            >Spike is practically bawling his eyes out.

                                            >"Please, not again, I'm sorry for crying out loud!"

                                            >"Oh you'll be crying out loud alright. I don't like being lied to, Spike."

                                            >This is getting grimmer by the second.

                                            "I think we better go," you say, looking down at Ditzy.

                                            >She nods in agreement.

                                            >You creep away from the door slowly. Carefully stepping backward.

                                            >Until you booty bump something.

                                            >You panic and whip around to see what it was.

                                            "Sweet fuck what was that?!"

                                            >"Ah never took ya for the nosey type, Anon."

                                            "Oh... hi Applejack, I was just umm..."

                                            >"Ear hustlin'?" She asks with a smirk painted across her face.

                                            "Well, yeah."

                                            >No point in trying to lie to her.

                                            >Applejack steps back then start laughing at the sight of you.

                                            >"What in tarnation do ya got goin' here?! She your little loooove dove?"

                                            "I... rather not talk about," you walk past her. Applejack always has something that needs to be done.

                                            >You really don't want to get roped into one of those Apple Family's country projects.

                                            "By the way, you might want to look out for Spike more often."

                                            >"Ah'll keep that in mind suga,"

                                            >She tilts up her hat and gives you a wry smile

                                            >"Anyways Anon, lookin' to make some money?"

                                            >Oh God she's about to ask for your help.

                                            >RUN!

                                            "Whew, is that the time already?! Gotta go!"

                                            >"Huh? Hey Anon, wait! "

                                            >You act like you didn't hear a damn thing and keep power walking... kind of.

                                            >Ugh, having Ditzy locked to your belt buckle is causing all sorts of inconveniences.

                                            >You look to your left only to find Applejack is keeping up with you, giving you a quizzical look with a hint of enjoyment.

                                            >You'd guess so, she's loving every minute of this way too much.

                                            8/14


                                            >"Do you have any idea how silly you look right now?" she asks holding back some laughter.

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >It was impossible to pick up the pace, Ditzy was getting in your legs' ways and would collide with them awkwardly.

                                            >"So, where ya headed?"

                                            "Home, to sleep."

                                            >You can see the smirk grow on Applejack's face.

                                            >"Well, that's one way of saying 'rollin' in the hay'."

                                            >You stop in your tracks and give Applejack a firm glare.

                                            "No. Just no, goodbye."

                                            >"Wait, got anything on your agenda today?"

                                            "Well, not anymore, and before you ask, no."

                                            >"What? You don't even know what Ah'm about to ask ya."

                                            "No, those country projects are God-awful and too tiring and in case you haven't noticed..."

                                            >You gesture your hands toward the Ditzy on your belt buckle.

                                            "Kiiiinda have something getting in my way."

                                            >She snickers at the thought.

                                            >"Ya got a good point, but it's the cutest thing Ah ever did see. Maybe another time, when you aren't so busy."

                                            "Uh-huh."

                                            >You say nothing else while you walk away, home seems to be the best place to dwell.

                                            >"Wait now hold on Anon."

                                            >You stop in your tracks and turn to her.

                                            "Ugh, what?"

                                            >"Whatcha in such a rush for?"

                                            "Just trying to get back indoors, that's all. By the way, what were you doing at Twilight's?"

                                            >"Just stopping by for a friendly visit, but Ah take it she's busy."

                                            >You cut your eyes to the right.

                                            "Yeah, busy whoopin' Spike's ass," you mutter to yourself.

                                            >Applejack turns an ear to you.

                                            >"What was that? I didn't quite catch that."

                                            "Nothing."

                                            >The minor frown in her face gave you the hint that she knows you're lying, but decides to let it slide.

                                            >"Anyways, seems Ah got some free time too."

                                            "What about that dreaded project?"

                                            >"As nice as it would be to get it done today, it can wait."

                                            "Good for you."

                                            >You swing back around, nearly losing your footing, and get busy walking.

                                            9/14


                                            >When you get home, you decide to get comfy, seeing as how you don't have anything to do today.

                                            >Walking into your bedroom, you reach for your belt buckle, only to get shocked from feeling a pony's mane.

                                            >You glare down at Ditzy unamused.

                                            "Ahem. Changing."

                                            >She simply smiles at you and chuckles. You grab her by her mane and pull in hopes to get her off.

                                            >No luck. Tried pushing against her forehead, but her mouth proves to be an arch-nemesis.

                                            "OH COME ON!"

                                            >You violently shake the belt to get her mouth of it, thankfully she lets go.

                                            >You gather some comfier clothes. A white T-shirt and some shorts.

                                            >Slip out of your pants and shirt and toss them into your laundry bin that's starting to pile up.

                                            >Looks like you're going to have to do laundry soon.

                                            >You'll get to that later.

                                            >Before you get into your pants, you notice Ditzy is just sitting on your bed, staring at you with her crossed eyes.

                                            >You clear your throat loudly for her to get the hint.

                                            >She doesn't budge, only sat in your bed and now smiling at you.

                                            >Sighing to yourself in annoyance, you walk over to your bedroom door and open it, gesturing a 'get the hell out' motion.

                                            "Privacy is needed, Ditzy."

                                            >She shrugs then flutters out of your room and closes it behind her.

                                            >You get in your clothes in a jiffy then walk downstairs to your bookshelf to finish a book you constantly quit on.

                                            >Facing the bookshelf, you pinch your chin in thought while looking for it.

                                            >At the top left corner you spot it, the book titled 'Tragic Magic'.

                                            >Reaching for it and pivot your heels to face the couch.

                                            >You hear the sound of hooves rushing toward you on the hardwood floor.

                                            >Panic like a motherfucker. That is until you see Ditzy coming your way.

                                            >By instinct you back away, making shooing motions with your hands and arms.

                                            "No! Nono-"

                                            >Her mouth clamps down at the front of your shorts.

                                            10/14


                                            >A loud thud occurs and you're trying to figure out where the sudden cool breeze is coming from.

                                            >"Oh, Wow."

                                            >You look down at Ditzy confused why she would make a comment like that.

                                            "What the hell are you-"

                                            >You weren't sure where Ditzy was looking, but her cheeks are red as cherries.

                                            >It hits you like a brick through a window.

                                            >You blush heavily.

                                            >Instantly scramble for your shorts and boxers giving a nervous chuckle while slowly backing away upstairs.

                                            >Slam the door behind, lock it, and decide that unless you feel like getting "Pantsed", you should stick with actual pants and a belt.

                                            >You change into another pair of pants, no point in getting back in the ones you wore earlier, once they hit the laundry pile it's a lost cause.

                                            >Not to mention that the smell emitting from it is becoming more noticeable.

                                            >Well, looks like you've got some laundry to do today.

                                            >You lay back on your bed for a moment, following a fan blade from the rotating ceiling fan to gather your thoughts..

                                            "This can't seriously be happening."

                                            >You close your eyes, letting the warmth of the bed bring the lazy bones out of you.

                                            >Your mind drifts and slowly, you slip into the dream world.

                                            >A couple of hours pass before you wake up.

                                            >When you open your eyes again, you rotate your head toward your nightstand to check the time.

                                            > 4:48 pm was the time it displayed.

                                            >You sit up in bed feeling well-rested, but you couldn't help but notice your legs are burning up with heat.

                                            >Looking down you were shocked to find Ditzy snoozing away with her mouth latched to your belt.

                                            >Look to your left and find your window is open.

                                            "Okay, this is getting ridiculous!"

                                            >Ditzy wakes up with a smile on her face.

                                            >You barely manage to swing your legs on the floor.

                                            >Walk into your bathroom to swab on deodorant.

                                            >Fuck, it just hit you that Ditzy might get carried away with this if you have to pee.

                                            >You just hope it never comes to that.

                                            11/14


                                            >Hmm, then again, an alternative would be walking about P0nyville in the nude.

                                            "HA! Yeah right."

                                            >You would get laid in the worst way possible if you did that.

                                            >"Hm?" Ditzy asks, confused from your sudden outburst.

                                            >Anyway, you've got some clothes to wash.

                                            >If there's one thing you're thankful for, it's that ponies aren't completely stupid.

                                            >Inventions have been coming out of the woodworks lately and one of them is a Washer and Dryer.

                                            >Sadly, actually owing a Washer and Dryer is out of the question, that shit is about eleventeen jillion Bits.

                                            >Fuck that.

                                            >Luckily, there's a such thing as a Laundromat in this town.

                                            >What you find weird is that Fluttershy always seems to know when you're doing laundry and always helps you with it.

                                            >Personally, as long as she gets her fix, you have nothing to worry about.

                                            >All you do is have small talk with her and any other ponies that come by to take care of their clothes as well.

                                            >Still, it's a bit odd that a Laundromat is established in town where everyone prefers to be nude.

                                            >Just sitting on a washing machine that's beside the folding table where Fluttershy is almost finished folding up your clothes and Ditzy is still hanging around... literally...

                                            >Another thing you're thankful for is that this Laundromat is barely busy during the weekdays, only two other ponies are getting clothes washed.

                                            >While Fluttershy folds up your clothes you two talk about your day.

                                            "Now you see why I'm a little worried about the little guy right?"

                                            >"Oh goodness, the poor dragon. Maybe we should do something for Spike? Maybe a par-"

                                            >You reach over and cover her mouth, she makes a panicked squeak as a response as her wings shoot out.

                                            "Sssh! You know saying that word summons you know who in an instant," you whisper.

                                            >She nods slowly in agreement.

                                            "Now, the gesture is nice, but I'm only saying we should keep a closer eye on him and Twilight, okay?"

                                            >She nods again and you lean away, taking your hand from her mouth, she clears her throat.

                                            >"So umm... are you and Derpy-"

                                            "Ditzy," you correct.

                                            12/14


                                            >"Are you and Ditzy a couple?"

                                            "Nah, she's just trying to wear me down."

                                            >"By hanging on the front of your pants? Hm, perhaps there's a method to the madness," a pony with elegance says.

                                            >You know that voice anywhere.

                                            >You and Fluttershy face left to see Rarity walking toward you, floating five laundry bins of clothes and three more bags of dirty laundry.

                                            "Whaddup playa," you say in your best black man voice.

                                            >She rolls her eyes while hiding the smile on her face.

                                            >"Taking care of business is all, hello Anonymous, Fluttershy," she says before her eyes shift toward your pants.

                                            >She makes a double-take, the look on her face is priceless.

                                            >"Anonymous, you are aware that Ditzy is hanging on the front of your pants right?"

                                            "Ugh, for crying out loud, her name is Ditzy, jeez, what's so hard about getting her name right?"

                                            >Rarity raises an eyebrow and gives you a quizzical look.

                                            >"That's what I said, Anon."

                                            "What? Oh, sorry, reflex."

                                            >Ditzy glances up at you with an appreciative smile, you simply give her a wink back.

                                            >Your attention shifts back to Rarity.

                                            "What are doing here, Rarity? I thought you wouldn't be caught dead in a laundry mat."

                                            >"Ha! Do you -really- think I would pay eleventeen jillion Bits for a washer and dryer?"

                                            "I had my reasons to believe so."

                                            >"No dear, nooo, I'd rather come here and spend a fraction of that hefty price."

                                            "Can't argue with that."

                                            >"Besides, hardly anyp0ny comes here during the week, it's the weekends that I dread."

                                            "Amen, damn fillies and colts."

                                            >"And I'm especially ecstatic to see you and Fluttershy here today. Which reminds me..."

                                            "No."

                                            >Rarity lost for words for the moment blinks a few times in disbelief.

                                            >"What do you mean 'no'? You don't even know what I'm going to ask you!"

                                            "Alright, fine, shoot."

                                            >"I have a new assistant!"

                                            "Okay? That's not really a question."

                                            >She raises a hoof to keep you from going further on a potential rant.

                                            13/14


                                            >Despite how you're treating her right now, she's actually a good friend of yours, you just like poking fun at her.

                                            >She also never hesitates to fuck with when given the opportunity, she isn't a complete pushover.

                                            >"Oh shush, she's never been in P0nyviille before and I want to make a good impression."

                                            "If I don't get a question soon, I'm throwing a shoe at you."

                                            >"Anyways, Fluttershy, do you remember Coco Pommel?"

                                            >"Mhm, she's a nice pony," Fluttershy says, beaming.

                                            "Get to the part where I'm part of your grand scheme already."

                                            >"Would you two be so kind as to join me for lunch tomorrow? I wish for her to meet some friends of mine, more specifically, Anonymous."

                                            >Well, don't you feel special?

                                            >"Of course Rarity, classy attire?"

                                            >"Yes, yes of course."

                                            "You want her to meet me?"

                                            >She gives you a warm smile, her eyes widen.

                                            >"Yes, you and I have fun from time to time, I don't see why I wouldn't want her to meet you."

                                            >You feel your cheeks burn.

                                            "Aw, shucks Rarity, thanks."

                                            >Rubbing the back of your neck you feel like a goofy idiot.

                                            >Fucking Rarity, the only pony around here that can make you blush, she's a beauty, you can't deny that.

                                            >Ditzy head butts your stomach hard enough to wipe the stupid look off your face.

                                            "Fuck!"

                                            >You rub your stomach, grunting in pain.

                                            >Rarity gives you a smirk as if she's about to hand you hell in a handbasket.

                                            >"What have we here?  Somep0ny's taken it seems," Rarity replies hiding her laugh behind a hoof.

                                            "Remind me why you hired an assistant?"

                                            >She rolls her eyes again, "It'll only be temporary, at most two months, but business is booming and I could use a helping hoof for the time being."

                                            >You shrug your shoulders.

                                            "When and where?"

                                            >"Tomorrow at Bonnet's Equestrian Cuisine twelve o'clock sharp."

                                            "You paying?"

                                            >Rarity was quick to give you an unforgiving glare.

                                            "Alright, alright fine. I'm there."

                                            >Her gaze softens and she cracks a smile.

                                            >"Thank youuuu~"

                                            "Don't mention it."

                                            >"I trust you'll be punctual?"

                                            "Can't promise you that."

                                            >You point to Ditzy who's taking the whole conversation in.

                                            "I have a case of The Ditzy."

                                            >"Oh that shouldn't matter, might make for a great ice breaker," says Rarity.

                                            "Ha, no kidding."

                                            >Fluttershy taps you on your shoulder.

                                            >"Clothes are folded, mister."

                                            >You get down from the washing machine and promptly thank Fluttershy.

                                            >Pick up your laundry bin and wave goodbye to your friends.

                                            "Until next time, ladies."

                                            >Now for the trek back home...

                                            14/14

                                            End of part 1.