Pants in the Relationship pt. 3



                                            >"Thanks again for lettin' me hang around until this storm blew over."

                                            "Applejack, you thanked me seven times already, go home."

                                            >"Alright now. Can Ah expect you to be at Sweet Apple Acres on Saturday at six in the mornin'?"

                                            "Pff, you can't even expect me to be out of bed by noon."

                                            >She rolls eyes, "Welp, worth a shot to ask. You and your little love dove have a good night, now!"

                                            "Ugh, yeah whatever, bye."

                                            >You close the door and walk to the kitchen sink to knock out the dishes used tonight.

                                            >By now, it's a habit.

                                            >No matter how little the number of dishes, wash them because the alternative would be the return of "The Sink of Mysteriousness".

                                            >You shudder at the thought. Neglecting dishes for two weeks is a deadly thing to do. The sink becomes a fucking magical biohazard.

                                            >Turning on the facet in the left sink, you squeeze some liquid dish soap into it while putting three cups and a spoon into the sink.

                                            >As the water accumulates, Ditzy flutters over unnoticed, scaring you half to death.

                                            >It's something about hearing fluttering wings approaching you at this time of night.

                                            >"Need some help?" Ditzy inquires, rubbing your left shoulder.

                                            "Not really, but thanks for asking."

                                            >You grab a dish towel and start busting some suds, and let the hot water blast the inside of the cups while making a swirling motion with them.

                                            >After a couple of short minutes, you already have the cups drip-drying onto a dry dish towel.

                                            >You turn your back to the sink and cross your arms while Ditzy sits on a kitchen island across from you.

                                            "Alright, since that chore is out of the way now, sup?"

                                            >"Figured we can talk for a little while before we get in bed together," she replies, shrugging.

                                            >You had to close your eyes to keep from rolling them.

                                            “Could you not phrase it that way?”

                                            >Having an eyebrow go skyward, she flashes a confused look.

                                            >”What? I was just saying--Ooooh.”

                                            1/19


                                            “Yeah, exactly.”

                                            >"But it's not like -that-, not yet anyway."

                                            >You clear your throat, ignoring that last bit.

                                            "Anyway, what did you want to talk about?"

                                            >”Our deal needs some tweaking.”

                                            “Tweaking?”

                                            >You shift your weight, leaning toward her.

                                            >”Mhm, it has to be two dinner dates now.”

                                            >Glaring at her, you notice a smile forming when studying her face.

                                            “You’re enjoying this way too much.”

                                            >”A little bit, mhm.”

                                            >You lean back, taking a deep breath.

                                            “Okay, so why do I owe you two dinner dates now?”

                                            >”Because of our 'break' from the pants thing.”

                                            “Oh come on, it was raining out there.”

                                            >"I'm not finished; you also didn't share any of that Alfredo, much less offered."

                                            "Alright, granted on that one, it was amazing."

                                            >"I know, I used to work at Bonnet's in my younger years."

                                            >You flash a look of genuine interest. Questions about her past form into your mind.

                                            "As a chef?"

                                            >"As a waitress, but I would always have a plate of it every Friday when I got off from work."

                                            "Nice sounds like comfy times."

                                            >"You know what else is comfy?"

                                            "What?

                                            >”You and me sleeping together.”

                                            “Okay, now you’re just doing that on purpose.”

                                            >”Wait, there’s more,” she starts, fluttering up to you. “On a huge muffin~”

                                            >You’re not even sure how to react; you’ve never had to deal with a mare like this.

                                            >Even though she isn’t exactly the prettiest penny in the jar, she seems like a mare that you wouldn’t get bored with.

                                            >It's almost like you don't even notice her wandering eye.

                                            >Ditzy is what her name suggests, ditzy, but seeing this side of her makes you wonder if she’s actively redefining the word.

                                            >Almost.

                                            2/19


                                            “On a muffin huh? Seems like a waste of a good treat.”

                                            >Ditzy strokes her chin with a hoof, putting on her thinking face for a moment.

                                            >Tilting her head to the left, she giggles, “Yeah, you’re right. Hehehe!”

                                            >God damn that giggle, too cute.

                                            “So, bedtime?”

                                            >"Not -quite- yet,” she replies. “How about that dinner date tomorrow?”

                                            “I’ll get back to you on that,” you answer, walking toward the living room.

                                            >”Mkay, Anon, but it's not like you're doing anything tomorrow."

                                            "I'm broke as a joke right now. I gotta cut back on spending and all that."

                                            >That meal with Rarity and the others really knocked a dent in your wallet.

                                            >Fucking Rarity and her expensive taste.

                                            >Still the Alfredo was worth it.

                                            >"I'll pay."

                                            >You turn around to her just before you start to climb the stairs, your face perfectly conveying befuddlement

                                            >Ditzy stays afloat, aloof as if she's said nothing odd.

                                            "You wot, mare? You're going to pay for the dinner date?"

                                            >"Mhm. What's the big deal?"

                                            "That seems a bit backward."

                                            >"True," she agrees, giving a nod, "but I did ask you out, not the other way around. So it'll be on me. C'mon, it'll be fun."

                                            >You shrug, having a hard time seeing a downside.

                                            "Well, who am I to deny a free meal?"

                                            >"Figured you would go for that, now for the fine print.”

                                            “Aw fuck,” you say, looking up at the ceiling.

                                            >She punches your arm playfully, starting up another giggle storm.

                                            >”It’s nothing bad, hear me out,” she says with a smile. “You and I have to-“

                                            “Ditzy, I’m aware that I’m irresistible, but you gotta keep your urges for me under control.”

                                            >Another playful punch lands on your right arm.

                                            3/19


                                            >”Well I can’t help it! You’re very snuggable! Don’t you even -think- of cutting me off!”

                                            >You cackle as you climb the stairs, but find you’re having trouble trying not to stumble.

                                            >That was both funny and adorable. Where has she been?

                                            >When you walk into your bedroom, you head for the window to close the blinds.

                                            >Crash land on the bed back first, letting out a sigh.

                                            >Only to groan when Ditzy lands on top of you, knocking the wind out of you.

                                            “Ooof! Damn it Ditzy!”

                                            >”I slipped, oops~”

                                            "Bullshit."

                                            >You close your eyes to finally get some sleep.

                                            >”But seriously, there really was fine print.”

                                            >You exhale through your nose.

                                            “And what might that be?” You ask, yawning afterward.

                                            >”You help Applejack on Saturday.”

                                            “Fuck. I think I’ll pass on that free meal.”

                                            >”Oh c’mon, you’ll get paid, not to mention I’ll help and won’t be in your way.”

                                            >You crack your eyes open for a moment to look at her.

                                            "You serious?"

                                            >"Mhm. Promise."

                                            "No pants hanging bullshit?"

                                            >"Not until after you've finished the project."

                                            >Well, that doesn't seem so bad.

                                            "Alright, sure whatever, deal, what time?" you ask with a yawn while you wrap your arms around Ditzy.

                                            >"How's seven in the morning?"

                                            "Great. Fine time."

                                            >Ditzy yawns into a hoof before nuzzling into your chest.

                                            >”Goodnight, Anon."

                                            "G'night."

                                            ---

                                            4/19


                                            >You turn over on your left side facing the window.

                                            >A warm smile on your face from the smell of chocolate chip muffins lingering in your sheets.

                                            >However, your body isn't burning up like it usually would.

                                            >Although you'll admit the snuggling is totally comfy as shit.

                                            >Cracking open your eyes, you take note that Ditzy is out of bed.

                                            >You squint your eyes from the sunlight that leaks through the blinds.

                                            "Fuck, morning already?"

                                            >Shrugging, you go back to getting some shut-eye.

                                            >That was the idea until you hear sounds of pots and pans colliding with the kitchen floor and a distinct "THUNK".

                                            >"Ow! Not cool!"

                                            >Another loud thunk and a series of clangs lead you to believe something is going down in the kitchen.

                                            >You sit up in bed, groaning.

                                            "Ditzy, what the hell..."

                                            >You get out of bed to see what the fuck this clumsy pony is up to.

                                            >You wouldn't want some sort of Final Destination death trap going on.


                                            >Sitting at the kitchen table with Ditzy, you shake your head out of pity.

                                            "How do you do this every day? Seriously?" You ask, handing Ditzy a bag of frozen peas.

                                            >Making a chuckle, she just shrugs while taking it.

                                            >"I just wanted to make coffee," she replies wincing while applying the frozen peas on the top of her head.

                                            "Ditzy, you shouldn't open cabinets. You're way too much of an easy target for Death."

                                            >Apparently, when Ditzy opened one of the cabinets, a pot that wasn't put away correctly was just waiting for the door to open so it can fall out.

                                            >Its target: Ditzy's head.

                                            "You alright?"

                                            >"I'm tougher than I seem!" She shoots back with an upbeat tone, beaming at you.

                                            "Ditzy, you're adurable."

                                            >"Nice one!"

                                            "How about you let me make the coffee, okay? Stay here."

                                            >"Okay!"

                                            5/19


                                            >It only took a few short minutes to prep the coffee.

                                            >While you wait for it to brew, Ditzy seemed to be in her own world, same for you since you aren't officially awake yet.

                                            >Once finished, you and Ditzy gather around the coffee pot, pouring your own cups of the bitter bean.

                                            >Ditzy nudges your arm while she pours her cup.

                                            >"For future reference, how do you like your coffee?"

                                            "Well, I don't know about you, but I like coffee in my cream and sugar."

                                            >She snickers, but found you were dead serious when you didn't stop adding sugar after the fifth tablespoon.

                                            >"What are you going to do with all that energy?"

                                            "I’m going to the basement to set up."

                                            >She tilts her head in curiosity, "huh? Set up for what?"

                                            "Going to have company over, gotta clean up my bar and whatnot."

                                            >"You have a bar downstairs?"

                                            "Yeah, wanna check it out?"

                                            >"Mhm!"


                                            >"Nooo waaaay," Ditzy says with her mouth hanging open.

                                            >Her eyes behold the beauty of your basement, your pride, and joy.

                                            >An L-shaped bar with a nice mahogany finish, and bottles of liquor on the shelf behind it.

                                            >You have the usual stuff that one would expect behind a bar.

                                            >However, you need to stalk up on limes and lemons meaning you'll have to do some shopping today.

                                            >Some barstools, tables, and chairs including a special round table in the corner for some good ol' fashion poker

                                            >It's a shame you don't have any beer on tap. Maybe after another big payday you'll do just that.

                                            >In the meantime, a mini-fridge with packs of beer will do fine.

                                            >You nudge Ditzy's side with an elbow.

                                            "Pretty cool right?"

                                            >She turns to you, nodding. "Coolest thing ever."

                                            "Yeah, anyway, I need to get cleaning."

                                            >"Hey umm, need some help?"

                                            "I'll be alright, thanks though."


                                            6/19


                                            >"Maybe I can mop the floors? Set up the tables and chairs?"

                                            >Just from her asking the question you can already picture the disaster that can happen.

                                            >Not to be a dick, but you'd rather she keep her clumsy self away from the shelves of liquor.

                                            "Ditzy, thanks but, I've got this."

                                            >"Is there anything I can do to help?"

                                            >She can be so upbeat, so quick to offer help without even thinking twice about it.

                                            "Again, thanks for the offer, but I'm used to setting everything up by myself."

                                            >"Oh, okay," you notice her ears drooping.

                                            >Fuck, you didn't think she take that to heart. She's almost frowning now.

                                            >Taking a deep breath, a task comes to mind.

                                            "Actually, there is one thing."

                                            >And just like that, Ditzy's face lights up with a smile.

                                            >"Really? How can I help?"

                                            >You pull out a list from your pants pocket and hand it to her.

                                            "Could you get these items from the store? I'll need them for some drinks I've been craving."

                                            >She doesn't respond right away, just scans the list.

                                            >Looking back up at you, she beams, "what happened to cutting back on spending?"

                                            "It won't cost much."

                                            >"Mkay, but it's gonna cost ya."

                                            "There's always strings attached isn't there?"

                                            >"What? I just wanna learn how to bartend a little."

                                            >Ditzy?

                                            >A bartender?

                                            "You wanna learn how to bartend?"

                                            >"Well, yeah. Why not? I wanna learn from the best."

                                            >God damn her flattering.

                                            >This could be fun and it could help her be a little less clumsy.

                                            >You rub the back of your neck, keeping a humble smile on your face.

                                            "Well, I wouldn't say I'm the -best-, but--"

                                            >"I mean, doesn't having a drink after our dinner date sound fun to you?"

                                            "Sounds like a good way to start a weekend."

                                            >"Exactly! So, deal?"

                                            "Deal, now hurry back with the stuff alright?"

                                            >"Aww, gonna miss me -that- much?"

                                            >You roll your eyes while you making a shooing motion with your hand.

                                            "Just... go. You had too much coffee. The bits are on the kitchen counter."

                                            7/19


                                            >"Hehehe, okay."

                                            >She flutters back upstairs while you walk behind the bar.

                                            >You walk over to the mini-fridge and open it to grab you a beer.

                                            >Twist off the top, take a swig, and then you take in your surroundings, still proud of crossing the main thing off your bucket list.

                                            "Fuckin' sweet," you tell yourself while nodding in approval.

                                            >"Isn't it a bit too early for drinking?" Ditzy asks out of nowhere.

                                            >You look in her direction to find her poking her head into the basement.

                                            "It's five o'clock somewhere in this multiverse," you say, shrugging your shoulders.

                                            >You start cleaning soon after your refreshment, mopping up the floors and sweeping up the corners.

                                            >You have the place smelling like some pony knock-off version of Lemon Pledge.

                                            >Give the bar a quick wipe down.

                                            >Inventory check your liquor shelf.

                                            >Looking at your makeshift bar, you take a deep breath.

                                            >You hear a set of hooves descend down to your basement.

                                            >You laugh in your throat because there are only three ponies that would come into your house without knocking.

                                            >And one of them is running an errand for you, and another is currently working an eight-hour shift at Sugarcube Corner.

                                            >Walking behind the bar, you grab your trusty towel and start to give the bar a polish.

                                            >Once the hoofsteps stopped at the bottom of the stairs, you toss the towel over your shoulder and cross your arms.

                                            "You're here early, Berry."

                                            >She trots up to her usual seat, a barstool that's at the corner of the L-shaped bar.

                                            >Taking a moment to take a gander at her. You smell a welcoming grape aroma.

                                            >Her mane nice and neat, her fur shining.

                                            "What have we here?" You ask, walking over to her.

                                            >Standing in front of her, you only smirk, letting the silence fall for a while.

                                            >She groans, rolling her eyes.

                                            >"Ugh, hurry up with your smartass comment."

                                            8/19


                                            "What? I was just gonna say you look nice," you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

                                            >"That's all I'm getting out of you, isn't it?"

                                            "And not a word more. So, how about a beer?"

                                            >"Too early."

                                            >You raise an eyebrow, moving your head closer to study her face to face.

                                            "Are you okay? Too early? For a beer?"

                                            >"No, for ridiculous questions, yeah I'll have a beer."

                                            "Sweet."

                                            >You walk over to the mini-fridge, grab a bottle of--

                                            >"Actually, you know what? I'll have a glass of Three Wise Mares."

                                            >You turn around, nodding while you break a smile.

                                            "Berry, you made my day, I haven't made that drink in a while."

                                            >You walk to your liqueur shelf to grab some Applejack Daniels, Joan Trotter, and Jamie Sun Beam.

                                            >You slide a Collins glass that has a third of each over to Berry.

                                            >Put the bottles back where they were while Berry enjoys her drink.

                                            >"Mmmmm~"

                                            >Facing her again, you can see her eyes light up.

                                            >"You're the only one in this town that can make this properly. Isn't it sad?"

                                            >You have to laugh. What the hell is so hard about the drink?

                                            "Crazy, I know. So, why are you here so early?"

                                            >Downing the rest of her drink, she puts the glass down and clears her throat.

                                            >"Free drinks? To see your handsome face? Take you upstairs and show you a good time?"

                                            "Nope, ain’t buying it. Talk."

                                            >"Ugh, fine. I need you to do me a favor."

                                            "Fuck."

                                            >You pinch the bridge of your nose, preparing for something that'll probably screw you over.

                                            >Usually when she says, "I need you to do me a favor," the majority of the time it's borderline illegal.

                                            "Fuck, alright, let's hear it."

                                            9/19


                                            >"Well, okay, so, I met this stallion at my new job, and he asked me out, claiming he wants to get to know me over a few drinks."

                                            "He doesn't know what he got himself into, poor bastard."

                                            >She punches your arm in response while you laugh it off.

                                            >"Shut up, I'm not that bad. Anyway, I told him about a nice quiet spot that I visit once every blue moon."

                                            "Okay, what does that have to do with me?"

                                            >She cringes, "I... -may- have told him about your little bar."

                                            "Wait, you just wanted to make sure if it's okay to have him here?"

                                            >"Well, there's more at stake, you see, he's my boss and I want to make a good impression."

                                            "Oh, gotcha."

                                            >"Now, I'm the last one to ever ask this but, can we tone down the rowdiness tonight?"

                                            "That's seriously it?"

                                            >"Mhm."

                                            >Well, that's a relief.

                                            "Sure thing, Berry, I'll let the others know when they get here."

                                            >"Thanks, Anon, you're the best. Now, can I get a Mojito and an Angel's Tit before I go?"

                                            "You can get out."

                                            >She laughs, making a teasing hoof wave.

                                            >"I'm just kiddin'. You don't mind if I keep you company, do you?"

                                            >You shrug your shoulders.

                                            "Eh, I've got some time to kill before my date tonight."

                                            >Berry blinks a few times while tilting her head. Her eyes locked on you waiting for you to give up the info.

                                            >"Since when did you start going on dates?"

                                            "Since tonight. That's all I'm telling you."

                                            >Berry's face scrunches. "You never tell me anything!"

                                            "You've got the biggest mouth in town. If I told you that I'm getting married, Cadance would be sending me a letter of congratulations in the next hour."

                                            >"Oh that's ridiculous!"

                                            "What would be ridiculous is the fact that she'd be the last to know."

                                            >"Oh screw you, I don't blabber -that- much."

                                            "I'm just messin' with you. So, how about another shot of Three Wise Mares?"

                                            >"Make that three."

                                            "Whoa, slow down there, Berry."

                                            >"What? One for me and two for you. You gotta catch up, handsome," she says as she winks.

                                            "Alright, alright point made."

                                            10/19


                                            >For the next twenty minutes, you and Berry chat about the week, catch up for the most part.

                                            >Sadly, not everyone is here yet who hangs out with you on Friday nights.

                                            >By the time Ditzy arrives, you've got a buzz going.

                                            >As she descends the stairs, Berry holds her sides to contain her cackling.

                                            >"Mother of Celestia, that joke had everything! A schoolhouse, a timberwolf, and lube! You are -filthy- Anon! HAHAHA!"

                                            "Would you believe me if I told you Rarity told me that joke?"

                                            >"Pfff, what?! You're full of it!"

                                            "I swear she did. Don't let her fool you."

                                            >"Special delivery for Anonymous."

                                            >You turn to Ditzy and give her the 'sup' nod.

                                            "There she is, brings on ze stuffs."

                                            >"Anon, I think you may have made that last one a little too strong."

                                            "Shuddup Berry."

                                            >Ditzy trots behind the bar and flutters next to you while holding a bag of lemons and lime.

                                            >"Wait a minute," Berry says, shifting her eyes between you and Ditzy. "You two actually know each other?"

                                            >You take the bag from Ditzy while giving her a thankful nod.

                                            "Yeah, she's my date tonight."

                                            >"Ahhh, it all makes sense now."

                                            "What are you on about Berry?"

                                            >"Well, there has been -some- talk about the two of you. But I didn't pay much mind until now. What’s up? You two a couple yet?"

                                            "Ha, funny."

                                            >"I'm working on it. We're already sharing a bed."

                                            >"Awwww," Berry says as she puts a hoof on her heart.

                                            "Ditzy, could you not."

                                            >Ditzy leans against you while rubbing the center of your back.

                                            >"He's a little shy to admit it, as you can see."

                                            "You snatched a beer on the way out when I wasn't looking, didn't you?"

                                            >The mares have a round of cackling.

                                            >"I miss this," Berry says before raising her glass and taking a sip. “Tonight is gonna be a good night."

                                            "Damn straight."

                                            11/19


                                            >"So, what's the game plan? When should my date and I come by?" Berry asks.

                                            "Shit, I didn't even think about that. We gotta be back for you guys."

                                            >"Well, maybe we can catch an early showing of a movie then grab some lunch if we have the time?"

                                            "That doesn't sound like too bad of an idea actually. Won't be too many ponies crowding the place."

                                            >"So... what time should I drop by?"

                                            "Eh, seven-ish, pretty sure we'll be back before then, but just to be safe."

                                            >"It's barely noon, a lunch date, and a movie takes at the latest three and a half hours."

                                            "What are you getting at Berry?"

                                            >"Why the extra alone time?"

                                            >Maybe it’s you, but you swear every mare has that same wry smirk.

                                            "Chilling most likely."

                                            >Ditzy flutters behind you and wraps her forelegs around neck nuzzles her face against yours.

                                            >"Psst, Berry, 'chilling' is code for a snuggling session."

                                            "God damn it Ditzy."

                                            ---


                                            >You have to admit, you should go to movies around this time more often.

                                            >Only a handful of ponies are in the theater.

                                            >Ditzy took the liberty of picking the movie.

                                            >'Dating Chaos' is the title.

                                            >You weren't really all that hyped about it until they established the premise.

                                            >About some stallion trying to put up with Eris as his neighbor.

                                            >Hilarity ensues.

                                            >What's kinda crazy though is that Eris is -actually- in the movie, playing as herself.

                                            >You got to give credit where credit is due, that's pretty cool.

                                            "I can't believe they actually got Eris," you whisper to Ditzy.

                                            >"Mhm, she's actually pretty down to Earth. Funny too, you'd like her."

                                            "What? You've met her?"

                                            12/19


                                            >"I deliver mail in some of the strangest places in Equestria, you'd be surprised who I've met in all the years I've been working just as a mail mare."

                                            >"SHHHHH!" some pony says who's in a row just in front of yours.

                                            >It took all your strength to hold your tongue because the fucker was about to get an earful.

                                            >Ditzy rubs a hoof on your lap did help calm you down though.

                                            >"Popcorn?" Ditzy offers while chewing on a mouthful.

                                            "I'll pass, trying to save room for lunch."

                                            >"SHHHH!"

                                            >You glare at the pony that's getting under your skin.

                                            "Stop listening so hard you Nazi."

                                            >The stallion looks back at you.

                                            >"We gonna have a problem?"

                                            "If you keep shushing us, yeah, it's not like we're shouting. Now eighty-six that shushing shit."

                                            >He turns back around mumbling under his breath while Ditzy mouths 'sorry'.

                                            >You shrug it off then go back to watching the movie.

                                            >Your eyes glued to the screen while you lean back and relax, and admire the fact you're having a good time.

                                            >For a moment, it's like you forgot why you're supposed to reject going out with ponies.

                                            >And for the time being, your buzzed mind is simply saying, "It's fucking Friday, get off your high horse for a day and have fun, God damn."

                                            >That's exactly what you plan to do.

                                            >About an hour into the movie, there was some cheesy, sappy scene that made you roll your eyes.

                                            >Sure it’s sweet and all, but ugh, if you fast forward this, it'd be great.

                                            >Ditzy's hoof started to rub on your thigh, to catch your attention you assume.

                                            "Yeah?" you whisper to her.

                                            >"You sure you don't want any popcorn?"

                                            "I'm sure. Thanks."

                                            >"Mkay."

                                            >She continues to rub your right thigh absent-mindedly as the scene goes on.

                                            >You tug at your collar as the scene was starting to get a bit lewd.

                                            >One moan from Eris caught your boner's attention.

                                            >As it started to get stiff, Ditzy happens to rub her hoof a bit too close.

                                            >She turns her head to look at you, and a trouble-making grin emerged on her face.

                                            >SHIT

                                            ---

                                            13/19


                                            >"Ditz, what the hell was that earlier?"

                                            >You don't answer right away since the waitress was trotting by to give you your orders.

                                            >A stack of pancakes and an apple-cranberry salad lands on the table, you had to roll your eyes while you chuckle under your breath.

                                            >Of course Anon would order pancakes.

                                            >"Alrighty, anything else I can for you two love birds?"

                                            >"This town, I swear to God," he mumbles.

                                            "No, this will be all, thanks."

                                            >She nods then trots off.

                                            >Once she was far enough away, Anon shifts his attention to you.

                                            >"Ditzy, we need to have a talk."

                                            "Sure, what about?"

                                            >"About boundaries."

                                            "Mhm?"

                                            >"Why were you rubbing my lap in the movies?"

                                            "Ooh, that wasn't intentional."

                                            >"Really now?"

                                            "Mhm, was trying to get your attention so I can whisper in your ear if you wanted to come here afterward."

                                            >Anon leans in, his eyes narrowed and locked onto your face.

                                            >"Was that really it?"

                                            "Yup, promise."

                                            >"Oh, cool. I guess that's why you asked me after the movie, but did you need to whisper?"

                                            "That pony in front of us was--"

                                            >He puts his hand up to stop you.

                                            >"That guy was too liberal with the shushing, not to mention old, that might've made his day for all we know."

                                            >You crack a smile.

                                            "Why does that make so much sense?"

                                            >"Old folks love being miserable."

                                            "Hahaha, you think so?"

                                            >"Definitely, now as I was saying about boundaries..."

                                            "Right, anything else?"

                                            >"... There's really no chance you're gonna let go of the pants hanging thing is there?"

                                            "Nope, but enjoy the break while you can. You've got the weekend to look forward to."

                                            >"Oh right, you mean the getting up extra early to help Applejack tomorrow?"

                                            "You're eating pancakes and got to see a movie featuring Eris, my treat."

                                            >He bites his lip and then nods humbly.

                                            >"Fair trade-off now that I think about it. Hell, I'm still mind-blown about Eris actual being in a film. Really gotta meet her one day."

                                            "She's taken."

                                            14/19


                                            >"Whoa, easy there, Ditz," he replies, putting his hands up.

                                            >If it weren't for Anon's reaction, you would've never guessed your eyebrows were furrowed.

                                            >You put a hoof on your chest and swallow while looking down at your salad.

                                            "Sorry, got a bit ummm..."

                                            >"Ditzy? You alright?"

                                            "Yeah, sorry. It's just I'm finally getting to know you, spending time and all y'know?"

                                            >"And you don't want to risk losing me, I get it."

                                            "That. Yes. It's not easy approaching you with mares like Lyra who flirt with all the time."

                                            >"Mares like Lyra? She's just... fuck how do I put this," he shifts his eyes to the ceiling, thinking of a word.

                                            >"Parched."

                                            "Oh... Oooooh."

                                            >"Yeah know what I mean?"

                                            "Just horny?"

                                            >"Most of them are. Personally, if you ask me, the mares here are way too casual about their intentions and no one calls them out on it."

                                            "You always seem to be fine with it though.”

                                            >”That’s because it’s way too much fun turning down Lyra and the others and it’s a nice boost of confidence, sure.”

                                            “So, what do you think about me?”

                                            >”You have a more radical way of catching my attention, up there with Fluttershy, that’s for sure.”

                                            >You feel your cheeks burn.

                                            “How else was I supposed to get your attention? Remember the other day when I talked to you in here? You barely acknowledged me; you just kept eating your pancakes, said I was ‘doing a fine job’.”

                                            >”Ditzy, I was eating these godly pancakes at the time, you could rob me and I would still tell you the same thing. It’s all in the timing.”

                                            >You chuckle at the thought.

                                            “And what about now?”

                                            >”You have my attention.”

                                            15/19


                                            >You lean back in your chair, sighing in relief while looking up to the ceiling.

                                            >An ear-to-ear smile on your face, you look toward the counter to make eye contact with the waitress that gave you the advice.

                                            “Thank you,” you whisper to her.

                                            >She gives you a wink and goes on about her work.

                                            >You turn back to Anon who’s now digging into his pancakes.

                                            ”So, Anon, tell me about what’s happening tonight.”

                                            >”Hmm? Oh yeah yeah. Congrats, you're doing a fine job.”

                                            “Anooon.”

                                            >You give him a gentle kick under the table.

                                            >He looks up at you, putting on a smirk.

                                            “Not funny!”

                                            >”Couldn’t help myself. So anyway about tonight...”

                                            ---

                                            15.5/19

                                            [spoiler] fucking character limit[/spoiler]


                                            “Just no rowdy shit, alright?”

                                            >Dash’s wide eye stare signals that she didn’t comprehend anything.

                                            >Soarin on the other hand just shrugs and takes a swig from his beer.

                                            >”And WHY can’t we be rowdy? I thought that was the whole point of this.”

                                            “Dash, look. I’m all for getting wild and weird on the weekends, but not this time around. We’re doing Berry a favor.”

                                            >”Ugh, great. I don’t think I’ll have any money for bail this time.”

                                            “Hoh, no. Nothing like that, I was actually glad it was nothing illegal this time.”

                                            “So, get this. Berry’s bringing a date here tonight.”

                                            >”Ugh, okay?”

                                            “And she wants to make a good impression.”

                                            >”What? Are you kidding me? Do you remember the crap she pulled when I brought Vanilla Swirl here when I was dating him?”

                                            >You shrug your shoulders.

                                            “Well, Dash, in her defense, what kind of name is Vanilla Swirl for a stallion? Soarin, you wanna weigh in here?”

                                            >”Dash, the fella was pretty effeminate.”

                                            >Dash scoffs, “he was not! He was just raised differently!”

                                            “Okay Dash, I’ll give you a chance to present your case, so what happened to him?”

                                            >”We broke up some time ago,” Dash replies avoiding eye contact.

                                            “Because?”

                                            >”Turns out he was…”

                                            >Dash falls silent, shaking her head while she glares down at the counter.

                                            >”I need a drink.”

                                            “I got just the thing for you.”

                                            16/19


                                            >You grab a tall glass and scoop some ice in it and place it on the bar.

                                            >Turning around, you grab a bottle of Gin, and some Coconut flavored white rum that’s a decent alternative to Malibu Rum.

                                            >Sometimes, ya gotta work with what you got.

                                            >You place them on the counter and turn back around to get a bottle of sweetened lime juice and a shot glass.

                                            >Using the shot glass, you pour an ounce of each into the tall glass with ice.

                                            >You walk to the mini-fridge to get some club soda then pour four ounces of it into the glass.

                                            >After that you slide it over to Dash.

                                            >”What is this?”

                                            “Thank me later.”

                                            >As you put the bottles of liquor back on the shelf, you hear some hooves come down the stairs.

                                            >”Hey Anon, somepony’s at the door,” Ditzy says.

                                            “Alright, I’ll be right there.”

                                            >You walk around and from behind the bar and head for the stairs.

                                            >Ditzy follows you up the stairs, giggling to herself.

                                            >She’s probably checking you out, but whatever, you’ve got company.

                                            >You make it to the front door and answer it, and your eyes behold the rowdiest pony in your group of drinking buddies.

                                            >You thought Berry Punch was bad, but you would’ve never guessed-

                                            “Don’t you have papers to grade?”

                                            >”Finished that a couple of hours ago. Lemme in.”

                                            >You step aside.

                                            “Come on in, don’t break anything.”

                                            17/19


                                            >”What do you mean tone down the rowdiness? This is a joke right?”

                                            “Cheerilee-“

                                            >”Thank you! Somepony agrees with me, why should we have to ‘behave’ for Berry’s date?”

                                            >You have a sip of your beer and calm down for a moment.

                                            >God, why do mares have to be so hard-headed?

                                            “Because, Berry’s date is her boss.”

                                            >”Poor bastard,” Cheerilee says, shaking her head before having a sip of her Crooked Golf Cart.

                                            “That’s what I said. Again, she’s the last person that wants to tone down our usual fun, but let’s keep it tamed alright? This is arguably the most legal favor Berry will ever ask.”

                                            >”I guess, but if he’s effeminate-“

                                            >“Dash, let that go alright? There was enough low-hanging fruit to feed a village for a month when you brought him here.”

                                            >You chuckle and give Soarin a fist bump.

                                            “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

                                            >A series of bumps and thuds tumble down the stairs.

                                            >”Ow, I’m okay.”

                                            “Ah, hey Ditzy.”

                                            >She trots up to a barstool.

                                            “What do you think you’re doing?”

                                            >Before she could take her seat she shifts her wandering eye to the left and right briefly.

                                            >”Having a seat? So I can-“

                                            “Nope, you’re joining me. It’s time you learn a little bit about bartending.”

                                            >Rainbow Dash cracks up, slapping a hoof on the bar.

                                            >”Derpy? A bartender? C'mon Anon, the joke writes itself!”

                                            18/19


                                            >You can see the look on Ditzy’s face that screams, ‘I don’t want to be here.’

                                            >But of course, since it’s your place, and since Dash is pulling her Top Cunt card early, you’ve got a means of giving her a dose of humility.

                                            >Plus, that was over the line. It irks you when folks fling doubts at others who try to improve themselves.

                                            “Hey Dash, what did you think about that drink I served you?”

                                            >She controls her laughing to answer the question.

                                            >”Actually, Anon, this is pretty awesome. What’s the name of it?”

                                            “Well, the name of it reminded me a lot of your love life, Rainbow Dash: A Lost Cause.”

                                            >Dash jaw drops, Soarin and Cheerilee lean against each other while they cackle.

                                            >”Ouch, add one more body to the body toll,” Cheerilee she manages to say between her fits of laughing.

                                            >Even Ditzy had a giggle.

                                            >”Did you literally just serve Rainbow Dash an insult?” Ditzy asks.

                                            “She had it coming. Now get back here,” you nod your head to the left to where she can get behind the bar.

                                            >She steps down from the barstool and trots around as you make eye contact with Rainbow Dash.

                                            “Dash.”

                                            >”What?” She asks through her teeth, doing her best to give you the evil eye.

                                            >Ha, she’s making the exact same face Rarity made when you got her to pay for wine at lunch the other day.

                                            “Don’t let me catch you insulting my bar-back again.”

                                            >”I’m proud of you Anon,” Cheerilee says. “Defending your mare is always admirable! So what’s going on? You two a couple yet?”

                                            >Ditzy opens her mouth to answer, but you raise your hand just in time.

                                            “Don’t answer that.”

                                            >”Mmm, taking charge like that is pretty hot, Anon.”

                                            >Cheerilee sips her drink with a trademark grin.

                                            “This fucking town, I swear to God.”

                                            19/19


                                            End of part 3