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No Student Parking in The Faculty Lot

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-24 10:07:32
Expiry: Never
anonymous/eqg/vice principal lunaleo

  1. Originally Published March 1st, 2018
  2.  
  3. >Monday in Equestria
  4. >You are Vice-Principal Luna
  5. >Second in command to to the staff at Canterlot High School
  6. >And there is a car in your parking space
  7. >A *student's* car, no less; a beat up green civic covered in black trim
  8. Come on! Who comes to school at six in the morning!?
  9. >Normally, you'd give up and park on the street like you normally do, but you can just make out a form reaching from the driver's seat into the back
  10. Yes!
  11. >You put your car in park and step out, approaching the the driver's window
  12. >KNOCK KNOCK
  13. >The figure in the car jumps and turns to face you
  14. >Oh great
  15. >It's Anonymous
  16. >He quickly rolls down the window, and drapes his arm on the door
  17. >"Oh hey VP Luna, fancy seeing you here!
  18. Morning, Anonymous. Do you know where you are?
  19. >"Uhhh, school? Are...are we not in school?"
  20. >You have to restrain the urge to smack him
  21. Yes, you are in fact at school! More specifically, you're in the faculty parking lot!
  22. >Anonymous looks around, glancing at the surrounding vehicles.
  23. >"Ohhhh, that's why all the cars looked so...refined."
  24. >He waggles his eyebrows at you as he says "refined"
  25. >If he were less irritating, you might be inclined to blush
  26. >"I'll go park in the student lot now. See you later, VP."
  27. >He gives you a wink as he pulls out of your parking space
  28. Eugh.
  29. >During the morning announcements you remind everyone that there is no student parking in the faculty lot, as well as giving Anonymous detention
  30.  
  31. >Next Monday in Equestria
  32. >You are Vice-Principal Luna
  33. >Driving to the school today has you filled with joy, since you're certain that you've kept Anonymous out of the faculty lot this time
  34. >As you drive into the lot however, these happy feelings are quickly replaced by irritation
  35. >Your parking space is empty, but another space has been taken up by that damnable car
  36. >After parking your car, you storm across the lot
  37. Anonymous! I'd have thought that detention would ha-huh?
  38. >It's Anonymous's car, but in the driver's seat is Leo, one of the janitors
  39. I'm sorry Leo, I didn't know you had gotten a car. I thought this was Anon-
  40. >As if on cue, Anonymous peeks out from the passenger seat
  41. >"Hiya, VP! I was worried about my allignment being off, so I asked Leo to carpool with me today!"
  42. >Leo nods in agreement
  43. >Drat, he found a loophole
  44. >Well, this is more your fault than his, you suppose
  45. Okay. Anonymous, I'll let this slide for today only.
  46. >"Because you've finally succumbed to my boyish charms?"
  47. >Anonymous leans across Leo to flutter his eyes at you
  48. >Ew.
  49. >You look at Leo, who seems just as weirded out as you
  50. >"Look kid, I'm okay with driving you here, but I'm going to charge you extra for this."
  51. >Thank you Leo
  52. No, because you'll be helping Leo clean the showers in the gymnasium after school.
  53. >As you walk towards your car to grab your thermos, you hear Anonymous whining to Leo, and Leo asking to be paid
  54. >It makes you feel young, again
  55. >During the morning announcements you remind everyone that there is no student parking in the faculty lot, even if they should have carpool with a teacher
  56.  
  57. >Another Monday in Equestria
  58. >You are Vice-Principal Luna
  59. >And you make a darn good cup of breakroom coffee
  60. >You're sitting in the staff lounge, looking out the window towards the faculty lot
  61. >And you're smiling
  62. Finally, I got through a Monday morning without having to give that dumb reminder.
  63. >It's the first time in, well, since whenever Anonymous transferred to your school that he didn't mistake the faculty lot for the student one
  64. >Truly a miraculous day!
  65. Now then, you say as you reach into your bag and pull out a book, where was I?
  66. >It's name is "Love in the Land of Dragons", some dumb, trashy adult romance "novel" you confiscated from a student
  67. >And you can't stop reading it for whatever reason
  68. ...Strongchest sweeped Lady Breathless off her feet, carrying her into his tent...
  69. >Oh my
  70. >You close the book and stick your head out the window, hoping the breeze will cool away your blush
  71. >And see an anchor smack into the pavement three feet behind your car
  72. My baby!
  73. >Following the rope into the sky, you see a blimp floating lazily above the school
  74. >The words "Be Mine, VP Luna!" flash periodically on the sides
  75. Please don't be him.
  76. >But it is. Of course it is.
  77. >Clinging desperately to the mooring line is your favorite green headache
  78. >When he sees you, however, he attempts to strike a manlier pose
  79. >"Hiya, VP!", He almost falls from the rope, but quickly regains his grip
  80. Anonymous!? I believe I've told you NUMEROUS TIMES that there is ABSOLUTELY NO STUDENT PARKING IN THE FACULTY LOT!
  81. >You can almost feel his intelligence-draining stare on you as he responds
  82. >"But, I'm not parked in the lot I'm moored above it!
  83. GET IN MY OFFICE, NOW.
  84. >Anonymous scurries down the mooring line
  85. >"I knew it would work! I'll be right up, dear!"
  86. >You can feel the blood vessels in your eye slowly pop one by one as you try to plan out an appropriate punishment
  87. >On your way to your office, you make an emergency announcement that student vehicles are not to be moored in the faculty lot.
  88.  
  89. >Monday in Equestria
  90. >You are Vice Principal Luna
  91. >And you are at a loss for words
  92. >"Speechless, I know."
  93. >You glare at Anonymous.
  94. >Standing in front of the two of you, taking up numerous parking spaces, is what you believe to be a parade float
  95. >And it looks like a phrase you've delivered all too often over the P.A.
  96. Anonymous?
  97. >"Yes, dearest?"
  98. Why is this...thing in the faculty lot?
  99. >Anonymous beams as he heads over to the float
  100. >"Well you see, a lot of the students have been concerned about the strange announcements you've made lately."
  101. >He lays a hand on the big "G"
  102. >"And one of them told me how you never used to make them before I came here, and that's when I realized something!"
  103. That you'll be suspended for two weeks?
  104. >He shakes his head
  105. >"No, silly, that you've been speaking in code!"
  106. ....excuse me?
  107. >Okay he's dumb, but if he can pilot a blimp he must not be that dumb.
  108. >So maybe he won't say what you're thinking he will say
  109. Explain.
  110. >"Yes, it took me a moment to realize it, but you are "Faculty Lot, and I am "Student Parking"! And so I decorated this float as a physical representation of our love!"
  111. >You stand corrected
  112. >"You've wanted me since day one, and I was too blind to see! I just hope you can forgive me, my dear."
  113. >He closes his eyes and puckers up his lips
  114. >Too blinded by rage to think of anything better to do, you pour the remains of your coffee on his head and make your way back to your office.
  115. >During the morning announcements you inform the students of Anon's interactive art piece, and invite them to remove all traces of "Student Parking" from the faculty lot

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