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Originally Published on November 29th, 2012
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>Day yesterday night in Equestria
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>Exhausted from running away from Banana Hush all day, you are now asleep,
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>Dreaming a little Anon dream where…
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>You’re fighting against a giant, pink Audrey Jr.
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>“FEED ME!”
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I’ve already fed your four times today!
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>In the real world, a massive tent has been forming in your jammies, and you’re sleepily swatting away the flies that try and land on your junk.
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>”FEED MEEEE!”
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>Audrey swats at you with her weird, spider-plant hands
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> =that tickles.
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Shut up brain, I’m fighting Audrey!
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>”QUIT YELLING AND FEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!”
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>You lunge forward, landing your hands on Audrey’s stem….neck?
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> =Plant anatomy is weird.
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>Yup.
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I agree.
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>”WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKINGTO?”
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>Screw Audrey and her plantiness, it’s time to unleash your final attack…
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>CROCODILE ROLL!
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> =CROCODILE ROLL!
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CROCODILE ROLL!
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>*snap*
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>Audrey is still alive, but now bent at weird angle and drooping to the floor.
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>”Why?”
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> =Hey.
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>What?
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> =Isn’t Anon dreaming?
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>Oh yeah, he is. Why?
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> = WAKE UP BITCH!
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>You wake up with and fly out of bed.
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Dammit brain! I was having a trippy dream!
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> =Uh-huh, like I care, time for you to go pee dipshit.
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> [But I already went to the bathroom!
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> =Not you dipshit; HIM dipshit.
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> [Oh.
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>You shuffle towards the bathroom and line up in front of the toilet.
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>BY THE POWER OF WHITEBOWL! I HAVE TH-
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> Why is piss hitting my sink?
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>Turning to your right, you find your sink is absolutely drenched in urine
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> =Hey dumbass, your peeing on your towels
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Wha?
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>Turn right; Yellow towels
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> =Can you turn right again?
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>You obey, allowing your brain to control you for once.
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Weeeeeee
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>You turn too far right, and now you’re facing the shower.
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>A mahogany stream shoots from your body into the toilet bowl.
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>ohshit.exe
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> =lookdown.rar
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Well fuck…
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>Your dick is purple, and bent to the right at a 30 degree angle.
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> Over the sound of your sex life crashing down around you, you hear a flapping noise from outside the bathroom.
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>You turn to look…sure enough, it’s Fluttershy.
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>”I-is home invasion your f-fetish An-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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>”WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR DICK?!”
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GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK!
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>Ignoring you, Flutterbutt shoots you in the neck with a dart.
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>You throw your arm up as you fall, hoping to hit her into next Tuesday.
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>She sidesteps at the last moment, and you hit the floor hard.
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> =Fuck.
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>45 degrees.
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>The very next day…
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>INITIATING REBBOOT…WOULD YOU LIKE TO START IN SAFE MODE?
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>STARTING…
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>Opening your eyes, fuzzy shapes begin to come into view.
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>T.V., IV Stand, giant cast coming out of your crotch
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WHAT THE FUCK?!
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>”Oh look! He’s awake!”
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THE FUCK ARE YOU?
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>”I’m Doctor Stable.”
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>You point towards the plaster tower coming from your genitals.
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THE FUCK IS THAT?
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>”That is a cast covering your penis. Contrary to what we thought at first, it wasn’t that…hard…to fix.”
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>The hospital falls deathly silent from Doc’s bad pun.
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>Nurse Redheart started to giggle, but stopped when someone hit her in the head with a bedpan.
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>”Well fuck you too.”
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> “Anyways, Anon, we’ve done all we can, but we have to transfer you to a facility better equipped to handle your…situation.”
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>As if on cue, Fluttershy pops her head into the empty doorway.
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>”R-ready to go Anon?”
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>Your heart stops, and your bedpan gets heavier.
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NONONONONONONONO!
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>You leap out of bed and grab the Doctor, ripping out your IV in the process.
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>You don’t care, your dicks broken!
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ALLRIGHT! NOBODY MOVES OR THE DOCTOR GETS IT!
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>Wait Anon! You don’t even have a weapon!
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You’re right brain.
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>”Anon, who are t-talking to?”
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>You leaned forward, rage building in your eyes.
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SHUT UP FLUTTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
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>The jimmies of a million birds were rustled by your girly screams.
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>As you just found out, broken penises are very sensitive to sudden movement.
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>You fall to the floor as the Doctor wiggles out of your arms.
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>As the world begins to fade out, you swear you see Silent Canary slipping Doctor Stable a HUGE bag of bits.
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Well shit.
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums