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Fracture: The Breaking of the Shaft

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-24 09:32:05
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    Originally Published on November 29th, 2012
  2. 2.
     
  3. 3.
    >Day yesterday night in Equestria
  4. 4.
    >Exhausted from running away from Banana Hush all day, you are now asleep,
  5. 5.
    >Dreaming a little Anon dream where…
  6. 6.
    >You’re fighting against a giant, pink Audrey Jr.
  7. 7.
    >“FEED ME!”
  8. 8.
    I’ve already fed your four times today!
  9. 9.
    >In the real world, a massive tent has been forming in your jammies, and you’re sleepily swatting away the flies that try and land on your junk.
  10. 10.
    >”FEED MEEEE!”
  11. 11.
    >Audrey swats at you with her weird, spider-plant hands
  12. 12.
    > =that tickles.
  13. 13.
    Shut up brain, I’m fighting Audrey!
  14. 14.
    >”QUIT YELLING AND FEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!”
  15. 15.
    >You lunge forward, landing your hands on Audrey’s stem….neck?
  16. 16.
    > =Plant anatomy is weird.
  17. 17.
    >Yup.
  18. 18.
    I agree.
  19. 19.
    >”WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKINGTO?”
  20. 20.
    >Screw Audrey and her plantiness, it’s time to unleash your final attack…
  21. 21.
    >CROCODILE ROLL!
  22. 22.
    > =CROCODILE ROLL!
  23. 23.
    CROCODILE ROLL!
  24. 24.
    >*snap*
  25. 25.
     
  26. 26.
    >Audrey is still alive, but now bent at weird angle and drooping to the floor.
  27. 27.
    >”Why?”
  28. 28.
    > =Hey.
  29. 29.
    >What?
  30. 30.
    > =Isn’t Anon dreaming?
  31. 31.
    >Oh yeah, he is. Why?
  32. 32.
    > = WAKE UP BITCH!
  33. 33.
    >You wake up with and fly out of bed.
  34. 34.
    Dammit brain! I was having a trippy dream!
  35. 35.
    > =Uh-huh, like I care, time for you to go pee dipshit.
  36. 36.
    > [But I already went to the bathroom!
  37. 37.
    > =Not you dipshit; HIM dipshit.
  38. 38.
    > [Oh.
  39. 39.
    >You shuffle towards the bathroom and line up in front of the toilet.
  40. 40.
    >BY THE POWER OF WHITEBOWL! I HAVE TH-
  41. 41.
    > Why is piss hitting my sink?
  42. 42.
     
  43. 43.
     
  44. 44.
    >Turning to your right, you find your sink is absolutely drenched in urine
  45. 45.
    > =Hey dumbass, your peeing on your towels
  46. 46.
    Wha?
  47. 47.
    >Turn right; Yellow towels
  48. 48.
    > =Can you turn right again?
  49. 49.
    >You obey, allowing your brain to control you for once.
  50. 50.
    Weeeeeee
  51. 51.
    >You turn too far right, and now you’re facing the shower.
  52. 52.
    >A mahogany stream shoots from your body into the toilet bowl.
  53. 53.
     
  54. 54.
     
  55. 55.
     
  56. 56.
    >ohshit.exe
  57. 57.
    > =lookdown.rar
  58. 58.
    Well fuck…
  59. 59.
    >Your dick is purple, and bent to the right at a 30 degree angle.
  60. 60.
    > Over the sound of your sex life crashing down around you, you hear a flapping noise from outside the bathroom.
  61. 61.
    >You turn to look…sure enough, it’s Fluttershy.
  62. 62.
    >”I-is home invasion your f-fetish An-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
  63. 63.
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
  64. 64.
    >”WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR DICK?!”
  65. 65.
    GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK!
  66. 66.
    >Ignoring you, Flutterbutt shoots you in the neck with a dart.
  67. 67.
    >You throw your arm up as you fall, hoping to hit her into next Tuesday.
  68. 68.
    >She sidesteps at the last moment, and you hit the floor hard.
  69. 69.
    > =Fuck.
  70. 70.
    >45 degrees.
  71. 71.
     
  72. 72.
     
  73. 73.
    >The very next day…
  74. 74.
    >INITIATING REBBOOT…WOULD YOU LIKE TO START IN SAFE MODE?
  75. 75.
    >STARTING…
  76. 76.
    >Opening your eyes, fuzzy shapes begin to come into view.
  77. 77.
    >T.V., IV Stand, giant cast coming out of your crotch
  78. 78.
    WHAT THE FUCK?!
  79. 79.
    >”Oh look! He’s awake!”
  80. 80.
    THE FUCK ARE YOU?
  81. 81.
    >”I’m Doctor Stable.”
  82. 82.
    >You point towards the plaster tower coming from your genitals.
  83. 83.
    THE FUCK IS THAT?
  84. 84.
    >”That is a cast covering your penis. Contrary to what we thought at first, it wasn’t that…hard…to fix.”
  85. 85.
    >The hospital falls deathly silent from Doc’s bad pun.
  86. 86.
    >Nurse Redheart started to giggle, but stopped when someone hit her in the head with a bedpan.
  87. 87.
    >”Well fuck you too.”
  88. 88.
    > “Anyways, Anon, we’ve done all we can, but we have to transfer you to a facility better equipped to handle your…situation.”
  89. 89.
     
  90. 90.
    >As if on cue, Fluttershy pops her head into the empty doorway.
  91. 91.
    >”R-ready to go Anon?”
  92. 92.
    >Your heart stops, and your bedpan gets heavier.
  93. 93.
    NONONONONONONONO!
  94. 94.
    >You leap out of bed and grab the Doctor, ripping out your IV in the process.
  95. 95.
    >You don’t care, your dicks broken!
  96. 96.
    ALLRIGHT! NOBODY MOVES OR THE DOCTOR GETS IT!
  97. 97.
    >Wait Anon! You don’t even have a weapon!
  98. 98.
    You’re right brain.
  99. 99.
    >”Anon, who are t-talking to?”
  100. 100.
    >You leaned forward, rage building in your eyes.
  101. 101.
    SHUT UP FLUTTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
  102. 102.
    >The jimmies of a million birds were rustled by your girly screams.
  103. 103.
    >As you just found out, broken penises are very sensitive to sudden movement.
  104. 104.
    >You fall to the floor as the Doctor wiggles out of your arms.
  105. 105.
    >As the world begins to fade out, you swear you see Silent Canary slipping Doctor Stable a HUGE bag of bits.
  106. 106.
    Well shit.

c: April Fool

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