Delectable Scrotum


                                            >Dog days of summer in Equestria

                                            >Be Anon, out in the garden tending to your tomatoes

                                            >Truthfully, the whole garden is just tomatoes

                                            >For some reason Twilight thought they'd "help curb your lust for meat"

                                            AND THEY NEVER WILL!

                                            >you yell at Fluttershy

                                            >You think. She hasn't bothered you for the past few days, but you can never be too safe

                                            >You prune back a few of the lower leaves, pluck off any fruits eaten by bugs, tossing them in a wheelbarrow for composting

                                            >Lucky for you, there's about four big, beefy, round orbs of deliciousness ripe for picking

                                            >Which you do, taking them inside for lunch

                                            Let me just set you down here a moment, my big delecta-balls

                                            >You say as you set the tomatoes on the counter, hoping there was no one in earshot to hear how retarded you are

                                            >A hope which was dashed immediately by your front door being broken through

                                            "D-did you say 'delectable scrotum', Anon?""

                                            >And unsurprisingly, by none other than the yellow wonder herself

                                            You know damn well I didn't, horse.

                                            >You watch her as she slowly approach the wall at a snail's pace

                                            >Incredibly, while she had the strength to ram her head through 4 inches of solid mahogany, she lacked the momentum to follow through

                                            >After a moment her snout slowly, lightly, connects with the wall

                                            >"Ouch"

                                            >With a sigh, you go over and help remove her from the door

                                            >"S-so, no d-d-d-electable scrotum?"

                                            "N-not today," you grunt as you pull her free, "and not ever."

                                            >You both stare at each other

                                            You know you're going to pay for the door, right?

                                            >"Yes."

                                            >She kicks a splinter with her hoof

                                            >"C-can I-"

                                            >You sigh, rubbing your temples

                                            You may have one.

                                            >Fluttering her wings giddily, she prances over to the counter and grabs a tomato, and then leaves through the kitchen door

                                            >You close your broken door as best you can, before returning to the kitchen

                                            >You grab a large tomato, slice it, season it, and make a tomato sandwich

                                            >As you eat, you try to ignore the painful bulge in your pants

                                            >It was a "help me step-bro I'm stuck" type of day