Delectable Scrotum


                                            1.
                                            
                                                >Dog days of summer in Equestria

                                            2.
                                            
                                                >Be Anon, out in the garden tending to your tomatoes

                                            3.
                                            
                                                >Truthfully, the whole garden is just tomatoes

                                            4.
                                            
                                                >For some reason Twilight thought they'd "help curb your lust for meat"

                                            5.
                                            
                                                AND THEY NEVER WILL!

                                            6.
                                            
                                                >you yell at Fluttershy

                                            7.
                                            
                                                >You think. She hasn't bothered you for the past few days, but you can never be too safe

                                            8.
                                            
                                                >You prune back a few of the lower leaves, pluck off any fruits eaten by bugs, tossing them in a wheelbarrow for composting

                                            9.
                                            
                                                >Lucky for you, there's about four big, beefy, round orbs of deliciousness ripe for picking

                                            10.
                                            
                                                >Which you do, taking them inside for lunch

                                            11.
                                            
                                                Let me just set you down here a moment, my big delecta-balls

                                            12.
                                            
                                                >You say as you set the tomatoes on the counter, hoping there was no one in earshot to hear how retarded you are

                                            13.
                                            
                                                >A hope which was dashed immediately by your front door being broken through

                                            14.
                                            
                                                "D-did you say 'delectable scrotum', Anon?""

                                            15.
                                            
                                                >And unsurprisingly, by none other than the yellow wonder herself

                                            16.
                                            
                                                You know damn well I didn't, horse.

                                            17.
                                            
                                                >You watch her as she slowly approach the wall at a snail's pace

                                            18.
                                            
                                                >Incredibly, while she had the strength to ram her head through 4 inches of solid mahogany, she lacked the momentum to follow through

                                            19.
                                            
                                                >After a moment her snout slowly, lightly, connects with the wall

                                            20.
                                            
                                                >"Ouch"

                                            21.
                                            
                                                >With a sigh, you go over and help remove her from the door

                                            22.
                                            
                                                >"S-so, no d-d-d-electable scrotum?"

                                            23.
                                            
                                                "N-not today," you grunt as you pull her free, "and not ever."

                                            24.
                                            
                                                >You both stare at each other

                                            25.
                                            
                                                You know you're going to pay for the door, right?

                                            26.
                                            
                                                >"Yes."

                                            27.
                                            
                                                >She kicks a splinter with her hoof

                                            28.
                                            
                                                >"C-can I-"

                                            29.
                                            
                                                >You sigh, rubbing your temples

                                            30.
                                            
                                                You may have one.

                                            31.
                                            
                                                >Fluttering her wings giddily, she prances over to the counter and grabs a tomato, and then leaves through the kitchen door

                                            32.
                                            
                                                >You close your broken door as best you can, before returning to the kitchen

                                            33.
                                            
                                                >You grab a large tomato, slice it, season it, and make a tomato sandwich

                                            34.
                                            
                                                >As you eat, you try to ignore the painful bulge in your pants

                                            35.
                                            
                                                >It was a "help me step-bro I'm stuck" type of day