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>”Thank you kindly for dropping by, Anon!”, Granny Smith beams at you from the end of the table
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Oh no, the pleasure is mine, Ms. Smith! After all, it’s not often I get…invited, to dinner.
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>You let the word “invited” slide out of your mouth like rotten fruit
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>Big Mac is too busy wrangling Applebloom into her seat to notice your disgust
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>Applejack, or rather your kidnapper for the evening, notices all too well, and hoofs your shin under the table
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OW!
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>”Something the matter, sonny?”
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Oh nothing! Just uh, this cider is a bit stronger than I’m used to. Very good stuff, Ms. Smith!
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>”Oh, pshaw you.” The elder mare blushes and twirls her hair
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>If she had thumbs, you’re pretty sure AJ would be using them for a thumbs-up right now
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>Fuck
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>There’s got to be a way out of this dinner
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>You don’t want to end up forcibly married to APPLEJACK of all ponies
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>Trixie maybe, but not AJ
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>You mull things over quietly, thinking of a way out as the family settles into what sounds like usual Sunday dinner conversation:
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>Big Mac talking about a squirrel he saw on a date with his marefriend that week
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>Applebloom going on and on about some new math they’re being taught in school
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>You feel a light tapping on your shoulder
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Hmm, huh?
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>”Anon,” Big Mac whispers, “Granny Smith asked you something.”
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Oh. Oh! Sorry Granny, I was just busy thinking about this cider, aha. What was your question again?
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>”Oh you’re fine, sonny. I was askin’ AJ, what exactly does your fiancé do for work?” Granny chuckles, “After all, raisin’ a family is easier when everyone can pitch in somehow. So whatcha do, monkey boy?”
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>The thought of marriage sends shivers down your spine
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Well Ms. Smith, if you must know, I’m a stand-up comic.
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>”Yer a funnyman?”
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Yes ma’am. I’ll admit the money could be better, but it keeps the roof from leaking.
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1 / 4
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>”Hrmm.”
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>Granny closes her eyes, her brow furrowed in thought
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>Applejack looks ready to break out in a nervous sweat
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>Under the table, however, she's rubbing her hoof up and down your leg
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>Granny, eyes still closed, finally speaks "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this."
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>AJs hoof smashes into the floor, narrowly missing your toes
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>"But Granny I love him!"
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>"Quiet down, Applejack."
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>Reluctantly, and with a heavy pout, she goes quiet
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>You feel like getting up and leaving right away, but you've also seen enough tv to know you're not quite out of the fire yet
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>Granny resumes, "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this...unless your beau here can make me laugh."
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>AJ smiles harder than you've ever seen her smile before, and you've got a smile on your face as well, because
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As it turns out, I actually have a joke I've been saving for just such an occasion!
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>The Apple Clan, as if on cue, hushes and stares at you with great intensity, and you begin:
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>Okay, so there are two men, a cowboy and an indian. And they're walking across a vast desert with nothing but a train track running through it
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>The sun is high, the air is dry, really parched these two men are, yeah
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>And they're walking by the tracks, they've maybe been walking for a few hours now, when the indian stops the cowboy with his arm and says "wait"
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>The indian man gets down on his hands and knees on the hot desert sand, and he puts his ear to the ground
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>And after a moment he stands back up and says to the cowboy, "train come"
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>The cowboy, bewildered, looks up and down the line and sees not a sight of any train
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>So he shrugs it off and the two men continue walking through the scorching desert
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2 / 4
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>After another hour or so, sure enough, a train rolls on by, and a kind child on board throws them a canteen full of cool, delicious water
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>But the cowboy, he's baffled now, he turns to his companion and says "how did you know about the train?"
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>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds "shaky ear"
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>He was able to feel the distant vibrations, you see
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>Now the two men continue walking through the heat, their thirst satisfied
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>Only now they have a new problem: they've been walking so long, so many hours in fact, that they begin hankering for a meal
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>So the cowboy and indian draw their rifles as they walk, hoping for a sign of maybe a stray deer, or perhaps an unbranded calf that they can shoot for supper
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>And the two men, they walk on and on , for another hour or so
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>And their bellies are rumbling, and they're so hungry
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>When, suddenly, the indian man stops the cowboy with his hand
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"wait"
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>Just like before, the indian man gets down on his hands and knees
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>And he stays there a moment
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>And then he gets back up and says "deer come"
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>The cowboy, incredulous, demands of his companion, "how do you know"
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>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds
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3 / 4
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"sticky ear"
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4 / 4
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums