House of Anon, Season 2 Episode 1


                                            Originally Published October 27th, 2018


                                            >Wake up

                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Do the Tri-

                                            Heyhey! Knock first, asshole!

                                            Sorry!

                                            >You shut the door to the master bathroom and head downstairs to use the guest toilet

                                            >As you pass by the kitchen, a voice calls out to you

                                            Hey Anon, I'm making eggs. You want some?

                                            >You shrug

                                            Sure, thanks. I'll set up the coffee when I get off the john.

                                            Thanks! I don't know what you do to it, but something about your coffee is magical.

                                            You know me, it's just what I do.

                                            >You scratch your ass and head into the bathroom

                                            >From upstairs, you hear Anon stomp on the floor

                                            WHY DON'T I GET OFFERED ANY EGGS?!

                                            BECAUSE DR. STABLE SAID YOU'RE A FAT FUCK! YOU CAN EAT YOUR SWEET-A-BIX OR FUCK OFF!

                                            >You chuckle as you hear Anon and Anon argue in the other room

                                            Like an old married couple, those two.

                                            1/


                                            >Having done the Triple-S, you head back into the kitchen

                                            >Anon is reading the paper, grimacing as he gingerly places a spoonful of cereal on his tongue

                                            I don't get it! I shouldn't have to eat this damn goat food.

                                            >Anon brings the pan of eggs to the table and sets it on a potholder

                                            Hey man, maybe next time don't gorge on hayburgers the week before you have to see the doctor.

                                            I told you that was Twilight's fault! Not my fault she only ever eats at Burger Princess.

                                            >You heap grounds into the coffee filter and turn on the pot

                                            Dude, she's a pony. Just pick her up and walk away.

                                            >Anon jams his spoon into the bowl

                                            She's heavier than she looks!

                                            Wasn't that why you started dating her in the first place?

                                            Okay you lo-

                                            >A quick, soft knock comes from the door

                                            >You and Anon stare at each other, then at Anon

                                            Fine! I'll get it. And for your information, I like her for her BRAINS. Not just her sweet curves.

                                            >Anon walks backwards toward the door, miming a coke-bottle shape with his hands as he goes

                                            I don't know what she sees in him.

                                            Me neither.

                                            2/


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Not that Anon

                                            >Before you hit the door, you spin around and grab the handle

                                            And for your information, Anon, Twi loves me for me.

                                            >You turn the handle and swing the door open

                                            >A small yellow pony stands on your porch, carrying saddlebags and smiling warmly

                                            >"G-good morning Anon."

                                            >Fluttershy beams at you in her usual, awkward puppy-dog way

                                            Hey there, Flutters. What's up?

                                            >"O-oh, I was just wondering...are walkies your fetish?"

                                            >She opens a flap on her saddlebag and pulls out leash, dropping it at your feet

                                            >The other end of the leash is attached to a collar on her neck

                                            Yeah no, I think you're looking for Anon. HEY ANON, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND DEAL WITH THIS.

                                            >Anon and Anon are both focused on their eggs, pretending not to hear you

                                            Hey, you want to go hang out with Anon and Anon later?

                                            HEY!

                                            >You feel a rubbing on your leg as Fluttershy nuzzles her snout into your shin

                                            >"I-i'm not hearing a no."

                                            >You back up and slam the door with a THUD and an "Eek!"

                                            Damn crazy mare.

                                            >Today's just gonna be one of those days.

                                            *ROLL CREDITS*


                                            [Making your way in the world today

                                            Takes everything you've got;

                                            'Cause you live with tiny horses

                                            Who find you kind of hot.

                                            And there's five more of you, too.]


                                            [(There is no ticket home!)

                                            And there's nothing you can do!

                                            That Fluttershy, she wants your goo!

                                            And everypony knows your name

                                            And his, and those guys too

                                            You're gonna find existence is a pain.]

                                            https://youtu.be/o7U3lo80YrQ


                                            3/3